Made for Community // Genesis 2:15-19

Join us as we begin our new series on Relationships!

Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:31):
Well, uh lately my wife, Christine, has been really
into the Golden Bachelor.
Has anybody heard of The GoldenBachelor?
Uh so it's like The Bachelor,but for old people.
Uh so it is about as interestingas it sounds, which her watching
it means I watch it.
Uh the finale is tonight, by theway.
Don't ask me why or how I knowthat.
But uh it's a show, right?

(00:53):
And and I will say it it getspretty gross from time to time.
Like just watching like Mama andPapa Mac on each other is just
not I guess it's not my idea ofentertaining TV.
But you know what?
Uh the interesting thing, uh, inall seriousness is that you
actually get to hear thesepeople's stories because unlike
the normal bachelor orbachelorette, which again, as
your youth pastor, do notrecommend you to go to watch,

(01:15):
but uh these are older peoplefurther along in life.
Most of them have had marriages,most of them have had kids, and
so you start to hear theirstories.
And so what draws peopletogether on this show more than
just like physical attraction orhobbies, uh, is much more about
other people.
It's about this, there's thisdepth to the connection that

(01:36):
they're looking for on thisshow.
And what you see is you start towatch the show, and what I
really picked up on, is that allof these people have been
profoundly shaped by otherpeople.
And really the truth is thatmost of our pivotal moments in
life come from or inrelationships with others.

(01:58):
If you think about all thebiggest moments in your life,
you're very rarely ever alonefor those moments.
And most of the time it comesbecause of a relationship with
someone else.
The true uh this is true for me.
My lowest moments in life havecome because of other people.
Uh walking through my parentsgetting divorced when I was
younger, being in middle schooland running with the wrong crowd
who drew me further away fromthe Lord.

(02:19):
And then some of my best momentshave been because of people.
Mary and Christine, having twobeautiful children, getting to
be y'all's youth pastor, and thetimes we've seen God show up
again and again and again, mycommunity that's both been at
college and here.
The truth is your life will beshaped by your relationships.
And the reason I'm telling youthat tonight is because we're

(02:41):
starting a new series this weekon that very thing:
relationships.
Because if our life is shaped byrelationships with other people,
it's probably a really importantthing to make sure that we get
right.
And so we're gonna walk throughwhat the Bible has to say about
relationships.
And yes, we're gonna get todating, we're gonna talk about
singleness, but we're actuallybacking up.

(03:02):
And tonight we we are simplystarting with friendship.
Uh, something that feels kind oflike a lost art in our world.
Most of you probably feel that,right?
I mean, think about how the uhthe high school and the middle
school reacted to the phone ban.
It's like, you mean we gottatalk to each other at lunch?
Like, I barely like thesepeople, and now I have to talk
to them for 45 minutes, right?
It's like we've forgotten how tobe friends.

(03:24):
And so um, the idea heretonight, what we're gonna see is
that God designed us for realcommunity, and not just any
community, but gospel-centeredcommunity.
And gospel-centered community isbuilt on vulnerability, honesty,
and invitation.
And we're gonna unpack thatbecause I know that's super
dense.
But if you have your Bible, goahead and flip open to Genesis
1, 15 through 18.

(03:45):
We are no longer in Exodus 34.
Uh, so it will be up on thescreen uh if you um if you don't
have your Bible with you.
But if you do have your Bible,Genesis, sorry, I lied, 2, 15
through 18.
I saw that earlier and said Iwas gonna change it on my notes,
but clearly didn't.
So, Genesis chapter 2, verse 15says this The Lord God took the

(04:05):
man and put him in the garden ofEden to work it and take care of
it.
And the Lord God commanded theman, you are free to eat from
any tree in the garden, but youmust not eat from the tree of
the knowledge of good and evil.
For when you eat from it, youwill certainly die.
And then the Lord God said inverse 18, It is not good for the
man to be alone.
I will make a helper suitablefor him.

(04:25):
Would you pray with me?
Father, we thank you for yourword tonight.
God, I pray that even now youwould be opening our minds and
our hearts to your word tonight.
God, God, the truth ofScripture, that we would be
shaped, we would be formed, wewould submit to it, and Lord,
even tonight that we'd see themiracle of salvation as you call
us to yourself through yourword.
We love you and we praise you,and we praise things in Jesus'

(04:47):
name.
And everybody said, Amen.
So, who remembers earlier thissemester when we went through
creation, right?
Eden, uh, ver chapters onethrough eleven.
We walked through all of that.
We talked about how God uhcreated the world with order.
There's like a logic and areason to how the world works.
There's different laws andprinciples.
For example, you plant crops ata certain time and then they get

(05:09):
rain and they get sunlight andthen they grow.
The sun rises and sets.
We breathe air and we exhalecarbon dioxide, and plants do
the opposite.
Gravity holds us down.
But it's not just laws ofphysics and things that you'd
learn in science class.
There's things that we know tobe true about us in our lives.
If you eat good food, you know,stay active, your body gets

(05:31):
stronger, you get healthy.
Uh, if you try to live off ofpizza rolls and bloom, you're
gonna feel like hot garbage.
Anybody have found that to betrue?
Anyone at all?
A lot of you are lying becauseI've watched you walk in with
the blooms, right?
Maybe it's not pizza rolls, butit's something.
You eat trash, you're gonna feellike trash.
Or if you get eight to ten hoursof sleep, you're gonna feel
rested, you're gonna feelenergized.
Uh, but if you try to get threehours and 300 milligrams of

(05:53):
caffeine, you're gonna feel likeyour last two brain cells are
having a fist fight.
Uh and that's I feel that.
I have experienced that.
But the point is there's anorder that God has woven into
creation.
And when we live in that order,things typically go well, but
when we live outside of it,things typically don't go well.

(06:14):
And on that topic, there's aline in the verses that we just
read that we usually like kindof just nod our heads at and
then move on.
But I want to zoom in on it alittle bit tonight.
And it's it's that verse we justread that God created the
heavens and the earth, hecreated everything in them, and
after each day of creation, Godsays, it is good.
But then in Genesis 2, it zoomsin a little bit.
And God creates Adam, and he hesays something that is supposed

(06:37):
to be like the scratch of arecord, right?
Like the music stops, everythingcomes to a halt.
It's this weird justinterruption in the narrative.
He creates Adam and he says, Itis not good for the man to be
alone.
I will make a helper suitablefor him.
Think about how huge that littleline is.
A lot of times we think, well,as long as I have God, I'm good.
And yes, at a level that's true,but here Adam is living in

(07:01):
perfect relationship with God,and there's something wrong.
He says it's not good for him tobe alone.
And that doesn't mean that Godwasn't sufficient or enough for
Adam, but it means that Godhardwired Adam for relationships
with other people.
Because we're made in God'simage, right?
That means we're supposed to bea visible representation of the
invisible God.
We look like him.

(07:22):
His kids look like him.
And he is relational.
Uh, God exists in what we wouldcall the Trinity.
Uh, it's one God and threedistinct persons, and it's
really, really difficult to wrapyour head around.
But just understand this thatthe Father, the Son, and the
Holy Spirit have been inrelationship for eternity.
And so when God made us in hisimage, we were created for

(07:44):
relationship.
We need other people.
And here's the thing, if youreally think about it, we know
this to be true.
Uh, and I've said this before,but has anybody in here ever
watched the show alone on theHistory Channel?
A few of you, right?
So this is like the hardcoresurvival show.
They basically give people 10things in a backpack, drop them
off in the absolute middle ofnowhere, and say, hey, don't get

(08:04):
eaten by a bear.
Good luck, right?
Don't die.
And so they don't have DoorDash,they don't have a camera crew,
like it's just them, a knife,and their spiraling mental
health.
Like that, that is them.
And then they give them a cameraand say, hey, film yourself.
And it always starts out likereally positive because if you
make it till the end, you winhalf a million dollars.
You can tap out whenever youwant, but if you make it to the

(08:24):
end, you win all that money.
And so at first, everybody'sconfident, right?
They're building huts, they'relike catching fish, the weather
hasn't taken a turn yet, andthey're feeling great.
But then, like two weeks later,they're like talking to
squirrels, uh, like crying oversticks that they lost and like
naming rocks.
Like they they go downhillquick.
But there's this one reallyinteresting contestant in season
three, and her name was Callie,and she was crushing it.

(08:47):
And she was this kind of likeweird, new agey spiritual hippie
vibes, but she was killing it.
Like you can tell she wascrunchy as crunchy gets, like
she makes her own bread, likeshe was squared away.
Like she was catching fish, shebuilt herself a house, uh, she
got bored and she decided tobuild herself like a sauna.
Uh, she built herself somemusical instruments, like
everybody thought, hey, thisgirl is obviously gonna win this

(09:09):
competition.
But then out of the blue, sheactually just decides to tap
out.
And as afterwards, she taps outand they do these kind of like
interviews after the fact, andthey asked her why.
And she says, Hey, as time wenton, I started to realize
something deeper in me.
Like I was so focused on winninguh that I could just go and go
and go.

(09:30):
But but then the winning ideastarted to fade away, and I
realized I'm not starving, I'mnot sick, I'm just alone.
I'm totally and completelyisolated, and that's what broke
her down.
And she said, once I stoppedtrying to win, I realized that
what I really missed was people,real connection, real love, and
real presence.
And this is coming from someonewho's not a Christian, right?

(09:50):
Who probably has the worldviewthat we are all just, you know,
biological organisms on a rockthat's floating throughout
space.
And even she realized, I needpeople because she was made for
relationship.
And in the same way, we needmeaningful community and
relationships in our lives.
You can't go it alone.
In Ecclesiastes 4 19 through 12,it says, Two are better than one

(10:13):
because they have a good returnfor their labor.
If either of them falls down,one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls andhas no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together,they will keep warm, but how can
one keep warm alone?
Though they may be overpowered,two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is notquickly broken.
And look, hopefully, uh you'renever gonna get dropped off in

(10:34):
the woods by yourself.
Uh, that wouldn't be great.
But the reality is you'reprobably gonna go through hard
things in life.
Like it says in Ecclesiastes, ifthey fall down, you don't have
someone who's gonna pick you up.
There's a good chance you mightgo through the loss of a loved
one or an illness that won't goaway.
A failure.
Life doesn't turn out how youhoped.
Um Christine and I realized thisfirsthand.

(10:58):
Uh we she's posted about it.
We haven't talked about it awhole lot, but back in
September, uh, we found out thatChristine was pregnant uh with
our third child.
Uh and then on September 24th,uh, see you at the poll, uh, we
learned that she miscarried,that our baby had passed away.
And we found hope in the gospel,um, being able to know that

(11:19):
we'll see that baby again, thatall that she or he will ever
know is heaven.
But the reason I tell you thatstory is not not for pity or
anything else, but when we foundout, we had friends who watched
our kids so we could go to thedoctor.
We had people bring us food.
People in this room were rightthere in probably the hardest
moment of our marriage.

(11:40):
And that is what I mean when Isay you need relationships.
Look, you might not go throughthat someday.
I pray that you don't, but youwill go through hard things in
life.
And in that moment, you can't doit on your own.
You're not made to do it on yourown.
You need people to comealongside you to encourage you,
to lift your eyes up from thesituation that you're in and to

(12:00):
point you to something greater.
And that something greater isJesus.
And so I say that, and here'sthe thing: most of you probably
agree with everything I'vealready said so far.
Uh, your struggle is not tryingto do life completely on your
own.
You need community, you justcan't seem to find it.
Or you can't seem to find theright kind.
Right?
There's lots of people who wantto be friends, but some of them

(12:21):
are absolutely horribleinfluences on me.
And we realize not all communityis good community.
Scripture says bad companycorrupts good morals.
What we're looking for isChristian community.
People who are gonna push you tobe more like Jesus.

And even that begs the question: well, what does Christian (12:35):
undefined
community look like?
What do real godly friendshipslook like?
And that's what we're gonnaspend the rest of our time
tonight trying to unpack.
And we're gonna talk about threethings that are essential for
the right kind of community.
Uh, I recently read a book by aguy named Justin Early who
talked all about godlyfriendships.
And so we're borrowing some ofthose points from him tonight.

(12:56):
Uh, and these are just threethings that that really I think
would resonate with you guys asmiddle schoolers and high
schoolers.
Um, but this is just thebeginning.
There's so much more that can besaid about what Christian
friendship looks like, but theseare the three that I think apply
to us most tonight.
And the first one isvulnerability.
And Early calls vulnerabilitythe art of living without
secrets.

(13:17):
So, in a relationship, beingvulnerable means that other
person knows everything aboutyou.
And I mean friendship, right?
Not romantic relationship, butin a friendship, that person
knows everything about you good,bad, and ugly.
And this is so important becauseas part of our sinful nature, we
are bent towards hiding.
It's Adam and Eve's very firstresponse after the sin in the

(13:38):
garden.
They hide from God, they run theother way.
All they've ever known isrelationship with God.
And they sin once and now theyhide.
And we read that story and wethink it's silly.
It's like you think you're gonnahide from God, but we do the
same thing.
Maybe you hide the pornographyaddiction that you've convinced
yourself isn't that big of adeal.
Or maybe you hide that you hatethe way that you look.

(13:59):
Or you hide the crossing ofboundaries in your relationship
that you know shouldn't becrossed.
You hide the way you try to copewith alcohol, nicotine, Netflix,
you hide the anger, thejealousy, the anxiety.
And if we're honest about why wehide so much, it's because
you're afraid that if anyoneknew the real you, they'd run in
the opposite direction as fastas they could.
And so you hide because youthink it keeps you safe, safe

(14:19):
from exposure, safe fromrejection.
But the truth is that's a liefrom Satan.
Because all hiding really doesis keep you from being loved.
It's just this cycle ofpretending, constantly managing
this fake version of yourselfthat you show to the world, and
ultimately it locks you inside aprison cell of isolation.

(14:41):
Early says that the loneliestway to live is living with sin
and hiding it.
Because God put this deepestdesire in each and every single
one of us to be fully known andfully loved.
And if you never let yourself befully known, you cannot be fully
loved.
Your whole life is just going tobe pretending.
And the only way to be fullyknown and then to experience the

(15:04):
joy of being fully loved is tostep into the light.
To expose yourself, to havesomeone who's a believer who
knows everything about you,every secret, every struggle,
every tendency, and regularlyconfess sin to them.
James 5 16 says, Thereforeconfess your sins to one another
and pray for each other that youmay be healed.

(15:24):
Or in Proverbs 28.13 it says,Whoever conceals their sins does
not prosper, but the one whoconfesses and renounces them
finds mercy.
Mercy and healing come directlyfrom confession.
And now when I say confession, Idon't mean just like sharing
vague details.
Right?
Confession is telling the wholetruth.
It's letting somebody into thedeepest parts of your life.

(15:47):
Instead of, hey, I've been kindof anxious lately, it's saying,
hey, I've been having panicattacks before school and I
don't know how to tell myparents.
Or instead of, hey, I've beenstruggling with lust, it's, hey,
I can't stop looking atpornography and crossing
physical boundaries with myboyfriend.
Or hey, I've been strugglingwith friends.
It's saying, hey, I've beengossiping about my best friend
because I'm jealous that she'shanging out with other people.

(16:08):
Or hey, instead of I've madesome mistakes, it's saying, hey,
I've been lying to my parentsabout where I've been and what
I've been doing.
Step into the light.
I could keep giving theexamples, but the point is tell
the whole truth because that isthe only place where true
freedom is found.
And I know that sounds like atall task.

(16:29):
I know that sounds scary, butI'm not telling you anything
that I don't do myself.
I've realized, y'all have heardmy testimony and the struggles
that I've had growing up and allsorts of things, and I've
realized I can't live theChristian life without having
that type of community.
In college and even now, I meetwith a group of guys every
single week, and we answer threequestions.
How have you fed your spirit?
How have you fed others?
And then the hardest one is howhave you fed your flesh?

(16:51):
And that question is anopportunity each week for us to
step into the light, to say,hey, this week I've sinned by
doing this, by doing this, hey,I got angry at the kids and I
spoke with a harsh tone and thatwasn't godly, or hey, I um
didn't serve Christine.
I was selfish and I did thingsmy way, or I fed these thoughts,
or I fed this negative attitude.

(17:11):
And the hardest part is havingto own up to those sins and
mistakes.
But the best part, and don'tmiss this, is having my best
friends look me in the eyes andsay, hey, you know what?
You're forgiven.
And I'm gonna pray for you, andI love you, and I'm here for
you.
I mean, just think about thatright now, in your mind's eye.
And I don't want you to shareanything.

(17:32):
In fact, close your eyes realquick.
Let's let's practice this,right?
Think of your deepest, darkestsecret.
The thing that you hope you cantake to your grave, the thing
nobody knows, the thing thatkeeps you up at night, the
source of all that guilt andshame that you maybe have felt
for a long time.

(17:52):
And now just imagine tellingthat to someone, and for them to
say, Hey, you're forgiven.
I'm gonna pray for you.
I don't view you anydifferently.
I still love you, I care aboutyou, I'm here for you, and we're
gonna walk through thistogether.
You're gonna open your eyes now,the practice is over.
My hope is that even justimagining that scenario, you can

(18:14):
picture in your mind the amountof freedom that that would
bring.
Because that's the gospel.
The gospel is not that Jesusdied for the cleaned up,
polished version of you that youput out to the world.
Jesus died for you when you werea rebel, when you were a sinner,
when you were an enemy of God,and he didn't sweep your sin
under the rug.
He knew more about it than youdo.
And he looked at it in his faceand he said, Hey, look, this is

(18:36):
sin, this is wrong, but guesswhat?
I'm going to pay for it.
And I'm going to make a way foryou to be forgiven and become my
child once again.
And so every time you practicethat with a brother or a sister
in Christ, you get to remindyourself that that's what God
has done for us.
The foundation of Christianfriendship is vulnerability.

(18:56):
Vulnerable b vulnerability?
Yeah, that's that word.
But that's just one part of thepuzzle, right?
Confession is important.
We all struggle in sin, butconfession alone can turn into
just venting, right?
Let me tell someone about allthe things I did wrong and then
just move on with my day and nottry to make any lasting change.
It's meant to be a doorway intoa changed life.
Hey, I'm going to share mystruggles with someone, and

(19:17):
they're going to help me processthrough it and hopefully walk
out of it.
And so the second point here,uh, that's why it's so
important, it's honesty.
And I know you might hearhonesty, it's like, how is
honesty any different from beingvulnerable?

But Early puts it this way (19:29):
if vulnerability means having the
courage to speak the truth aboutyourself, then honesty means
having the courage to speak thetruth about someone else.
Which, just like vulnerability,this is not our natural
response.
Right?
We tend to avoid honesty becauseit feels uncomfortable.
We we don't want to hurtsomeone's feelings or make

(19:50):
things awkward.
So we might see, hey, this guy'sheaded down the wrong direction.
Like I need to tell them theyneed to stop this or they need
to change this, but I'm afraidof what they might think about
me, and so I'm just gonna kindof keep the peace.
Or even worse, instead oftalking to that person, we talk
about them.
And sometimes we even convinceourselves that me just saying
nothing is gonna be loving.
Like the loving, most lovingthing I can do is just nod my

(20:11):
head and give them a pat on theback, even though I know they're
they're taking their life to thedump.
And that's the opposite of whatscripture says.
Proverbs 27, 6 says, Faithfulare the wounds of a friend, but
deceitful are the kisses of anenemy.
And so Solomon here is nottalking about literal wounding
and kissing.
That'd be weird.
But what he is saying is that toknow that someone needs to hear

(20:32):
something, that they're in thewrong, that they need this
correction, they need thishonest hate, let me check you on
what's going on in your liferight now.
To know that, but to say nothingis to act like an enemy.
Yet to have a friend and see,hey, they're going down the
wrong path, they're making baddecisions.
This is not going to lead themto the place they want to go.
And to speak into that is to actlike a true friend.

(20:54):
That you should be willing tosay the hard thing for the good
of someone else.
And I've gotten to see this inmy life too.
I was blessed with greatcommunity in college.
Um, I've talked about, and we'lltalk more about this as we walk
through relationships and stuff.
Uh, my relationship life frommiddle school to pre-college was
absolute dumpster fire, right?
Uh, every single relationshipended completely horribly.

(21:17):
Uh, and I liked to play the bitvictim, right?
Like, oh, poor, poor pitiful me,like nobody loves me.
And then I kind of hit rockbottom as I go to college, and
I'm in this program calledStonehouse, and so we have these
discipleship groups.
Uh, and I had this one mentor,his name was Andrew Gillary, and
we're talking about things,we're unpacking life, and I'm
sitting here whining to himabout all my relationship
issues.
And uh he goes, Garrett, youknow, it sounds like a lot of

(21:40):
your relationships have kind ofgone the same way.
I was like, Yeah, you know what,Andrew, that's right.
Man, that stinks.
He's like, Well, you know,there's one common denominator
in all of your relationships,right, Garrett?
What do you mean?
He's like, it's you.
Like, brother, if this has gonethe wrong way every single time,
like you are the problem.
And in that moment, do you thinkI wanted to hear that?

(22:01):
Yeah.
But that was exactly what Ineeded to hear.
And it would have been mucheasier for Andrew to just kind
of sweep it on the rug andignore it, but he loved me
enough to tell me what I neededto hear.
And that actually started ajourney where the Lord really
got a hold of me and shaped alot of different things in my
life to where I eventually metChristine and was a much better
place.
Uh and then Andrew pops back upagain in that story.
So Christine and I start dating,and uh he asked me one day, he's

(22:23):
like, Hey, so are y'all gonnahave like a conversation about
boundaries, right?
Like emotional boundaries,physical boundaries in your
relationship.
Like you should do that upfront.
I was like, No, we haven't hadthat yet, but I mean we'll get
around to it.
That'll be good.
And he's like, Okay, cool.
So you're going to Houston tomeet her family, right?
I was like, yeah.
He's like, so you're gonna be inthe car for like three and a
half, four hours.
I was like, yeah.
It's like, okay, cool.
Well, you're gonna have thatrelationship then, or when you

(22:45):
get back, me, you, and her canall have it together.
And so we have that relationshipin the car on the way to
Houston, that that conversation,because that was not something I
wanted to have with my mentor.
But again, he cared enough aboutme to have that conversation,
even though it might not havebeen what I wanted to hear, it's
what I needed to hear.
And in the same way, that shouldbe a regular practice in all of
our friendships.

(23:05):
Right?
For example, if you see yourfriend drifting away from
church, it's saying, Hey, I missyou, man.
Like, like, where have you been?
Has everything been good?
Like, like, come on back, likecome hang out with us, come play
volleyball afterwards, go eatafterwards, whatever.
Like, I want you to be here.
Are you okay?
Like, what's going on?
Like, check in on them.
Right?
If you see them getting involvedwith people who are bad news,
like, hey man, like I care toomuch about you to let you run

(23:26):
with the wrong crowd.
Those people are pulling youfurther away from God.
And here's why I can see it.
Or if you see somebody uh whojust keeps going to parties
where you know they're gonna betempted to drink or to
compromise, say, hey, hey, Ilove you too much to let you
keep putting yourself in thosepositions where you're gonna
make mistakes.
You're better than that.

But here's the thing (23:44):
honesty is not just pointing out flaws.
Uh, honest rebuke is important.
You want friends who are gonnacheck you on stuff, but you also
want honest encouragement topoint out the good that you see
in someone, to say, hey, uh,man, I really love how you love
people.
Like you make people feelincluded, you care about people,
like I love that in you.
Or, hey, you know, you really,you know, inspire me, like you

(24:07):
carry your faith to the footballfield, right?
Like you don't cuss, you don'ttreat people poorly, or man, you
really just make me love Jesusmore by how you show up prepared
to small group, whatever it is,right?
Give someone it's really justthe practice of giving someone a
compliment, which is kind of sadhow weird that feels, because
that's where we are as a world,right?
You turn on Instagram or X andit just feels like everybody's
tearing each other apart.

(24:27):
But what would it look like foryou to just honestly like look
at your friends' lives and say,hey, like, I'm proud of you for
this.
You're doing a great job inthis.
Randomly, unprompted, justcompliment them, encourage them.
And so, to recap, vulnerabilityis the foundation that leads to
living uh with the freedom to behonest.
And so these two things alonecan completely change the kind

(24:48):
of relationships that you canhave, right?
That vulnerability allows you tobe honest with one another and
to check each other and to holdeach other accountable.
But here's the thing the goal ofall of this is not just to give
yourself one or two good friendsand then like close yourself off
to the rest of the world.
The goal is to learn how to haveChrist-centered friendships and
then invite people in.
It's actually gonna be one ofthe most powerful ways that you

(25:09):
can share your faith becauseeverybody desperately wants
friendships.
Like everybody desperately wantsa relationship that's healthy
and not toxic and horrible and asource of constant anxiety and
fear and shame.
Like people want that.
And we as Christians are the onegroup of people on the face of
the planet who can actuallyoffer that.
And so when we invite others in,we show them more about who the

(25:29):
God we serve.
And so that third point isinvitation.
And what I mean by this isopening up your circle to
others.
And it's so, again, differentfrom what we normally see
because we live in a worldthat's full of clicks and closed
circles, right?
It's it's the branch group chatthat's separate from the main
one, right?
And the branch group chat iswhere all the real conversation
goes on, especially theconversation about the people

(25:50):
who aren't in the separate groupchat but are in the first one,
all right?
The event that gets posted oneverybody's story that all of
your friends are at that youdidn't realize happened until
after it happened.
Uh, or or the lunch table thatfeels like it's kind of invite
only, like you can sit there,but they're just gonna stare at
you and stop talking, right?
How it feels like everybody atyour school kind of already has
their person and is not reallyconcerned with letting anybody

(26:11):
else in or spending time withyou.
The friend group that's like,oh, we just like to keep it
small, but what they really meanis we don't really just want
anybody new.
Like we're kind of good.
Like you can go hang out withthem.
Like that's the world we livein.
And here's the thing clicks andclosed circles are some of the
greatest evils.
And I know you're like, Garrett,that sounds really dramatic, but
here's the thing it is acomplete inversion of the

(26:32):
gospel.
The gospel is that when we hadnothing to offer God whatsoever,
he welcomes us into his family.
He makes the way by dying forour sins, his blood pays for the
forgiveness of our sins, and weget to be a part of the family
of God, even though we havenothing to offer him.
A click or a closed circle says,Hey, no matter what you have to
offer, I don't care.

(26:53):
Uh, we don't want you in herebecause you're not one of us.
It's the complete opposite.
It's a perversion of the gospel.
You flip it on your head.
And so when we as a church dothat, um, it can be really,
really dangerous as Christians.
And I learned this lesson when Iwas in youth.
We had a solid tight-knit group,and uh, if we were accused of

(27:13):
anything, it would be that wewere clicky, right?
We'd hang out, we we'd do ourstuff after church, we would go
play board games, game night,whatever.
Uh, but usually the same sevento ten people got invited.
And there were other people whowanted to be involved, but you
know, we we can't inviteeveryone, is what we would say.
And so we wouldn't evangelizethat much, we wouldn't really,
you know, try to reach out topeople at school.

(27:34):
We just kind of do our things.
We were comfortable with ourchurch friends.
And you see, that group ended upturning out pretty well.
Happy marriages, families,ministries, but there were so
many of those other people thatI knew but never brought um into
our circle that have made a messof their lives.
I mean, I I have two guys that Iplayed football with that both,
unfortunately, took their ownlife not too long ago, like

(27:55):
young guys.
And I and I always have thatthought in the back of my head
of like, what if I just tried toinvite them in?
What if I tried to bring theminto our circle?
What if I just stopped being inthis holy huddle and welcomed
people into this Christiancommunity that I had been
blessed with?
Because the work that God hasdone in us is not meant to stay
with us.
We have to open the circle.
And so practically, when you seesomebody new, greet them.

unknown (28:18):
Right?

SPEAKER_00 (28:18):
Ask them questions.
When they show up to church, Idid of all the places, guys,
where we need to get this right,this is the place.
Right?
Like I've said time and it'sbeen a while since I've said
this, but of all the things,guys, that that as your youth
pastor, a hill that I will dieon, we cannot be a clicky youth
group.
That is not the gospel, that isnot the message of Jesus, right?

(28:39):
This should be the mostwelcoming place that any sixth
through twelfth grader in thistown steps foot through that
door, they feel loved and heardand known.
And look, I can train leaders todo that, I can do that.
We're adults, they're notlooking for that.
But what will change the gamewhen someone walks in here
desperate for hope and forhealing and needing change in
their life, when they see one ofyou guys, especially older,

(29:01):
older students in here, man,there's a middle schooler who
walks in here and a high schoolsenior takes an interest in
them, that's game changing.
Right?
Because they look up to you andit's different from everything
they experience.
Think about what it feels likewhen you walk into the cafeteria
at Champion, at Bernie, at northor south, right?
When you walk up to the studentsection, just this anxiety.
Look, dude, when I as a youthpastor, a 26-year-old man with

(29:22):
two kids go to the lunchroom, Istill get anxious.
I feel like a high schooler.
I hate it.
I go there because I love y'all,but it's not fun.
It is fun, but you get thepoint, right?
And so, guys, if if whensomebody steps foot through
those doors, they feel loved andhurt, right?
You ask them questions, you takean interest in them, right?
If we're playing volleyball andyou see somebody new that
doesn't have a spot on a team,man, give them yours.

(29:44):
Like actively be looking for howcan I make everybody in this
place feel welcomed andincluded.
And to you, it might not seemlike that big of a deal, but to
them, it will change everything.
And so I'm gonna close withthis.
To recap everything I've justsaid, God designed us for
community.
And it's not just any community,it's Christian, gospel-centered

(30:06):
community, real gospel-centeredfriendship is really what we're
talking about tonight.
And that's built onvulnerability, opening your life
up, not living with secrets,letting yourself be fully known
so that you can be fully loved.
It's being honest, honestlykeeping your friends in check.
Say, hey, hey, I'm gonna rebukeyou here.

(30:26):
Like, this is something you needto watch out for, this is
something you should be carefulwith, and honestly encouraging.
Hey, I'm really proud of this.
You're doing a great job here.
And then finally, invitation.
That we're not about clicks andclosed circles, but that we're
welcoming.
That we're we're hospithospitable?
Our hospitality?
Yeah, you get the point.

(30:47):
But here's what I want to leaveyou with.
Tonight's talk is not about howto get more friends in 30 days.
That's not the point.
If that's what you took from thesermon, my bad, meet me
afterwards, right?
It's more about how to be a goodfriend than to get friends, but
even that doesn't really capturethe point of tonight's message.
I'm not asking you to bevulnerable or honest or inviting

(31:09):
just for the sake of having abetter social life.
In fact, you can do all thosethings and still not have a ton
of community.
It's hard.
No, the reason we do thesethings, the reason we're honest,
the reason we're vulnerable, thereason we're inviting is because
Jesus did it first.
That he was vulnerable, that hedidn't hide his pain or his
humanity.

(31:29):
He was not sinful in any way,shape, or form, but he wept.
He got hungry.
And he didn't try to hide behindany walls.
He shared that with hisfollowers.
He stepped into our brokennessand he bore our brokenness for
all to see.
So that we could be fully knownand fully loved.
And Jesus was honest, that hespoke truth even when it cost,

(31:50):
even when it was hard.

unknown (31:51):
Right?

SPEAKER_00 (31:51):
Ultimately, him speaking truth is what got him
hung on the cross.
He told the woman who was caughtin sin, Neither do I condemn
you, now go and sin no more.
Truth and grace, same place.
He encouraged her and he pointedher in the right direction.
And Jesus was inviting.
He constantly opened his circle.
Tax collectors, fishermen,outcasts, sinners, the bottom

(32:14):
rung of society.
He looked people in the eyes andhe said, Come follow me.
And that is the gospel.
That God saw each and everysingle one of us hiding,
running, pretending, thatinstead of walking away, he
stepped towards us.

(32:35):
That Jesus marched intoJerusalem, not to end up on a
physical earthly throne, but toend up executed in one of the
most painful ways possible.
Mocked, beat, spit on, rejectedby all of his friends, all of
his followers.
That wasn't on accident.
Wasn't because he got in withthe wrong crowd.

(32:57):
That was for you, and that wasfor me.
That we were the joy that wasset before him, that got him to
the other side of the cross.
That on that cross he became oursin.
And though we deservedpunishment for us breaking God's
law, for us trying to become Godourselves, for doing it our own
way, we chose to run the otherway.
But God chased after.
He sent his son.
And because Jesus has paid thepenalty for our sin, we don't

(33:19):
have to.
We can receive his reward.
And scripture says that God isfaithful and just.
If we confess our sins to him,or sorry, rather, if we believe
in our house, our heart thatJesus is Lord and confess with
our mouth that God raised himfrom the dead, that we will be
saved and that we'll become hischildren.
That even though we were runningand hiding and pretending, that

(33:40):
he invites us into his family.
And so tonight, maybe you'rehere and you've been living
alone in the dark.
You've been living a lie, you'veput on a mask, not just to your
friends, your coaches, or yourteam, but to your family, to
your mom, to your dad, to youryouth pastor, to your adult
leaders.
My invitation to you tonight isnot just to have better friends.

(34:02):
In fact, none of that can happenwithout getting this right
first.
The invitation tonight is tobecome a friend of God by
placing your faith in the onewho laid down his life for you,
the one who knows everythingabout you and still calls you
his own.
And if you need to make thatdecision tonight, we're gonna

(34:23):
have a time of response, and Ijust encourage you to go find a
leader.
We're always around the room aswe have this time of response.
Maybe that's not the time foryou.
Grab someone on the way over tosmall groups, but don't just sit
in that.
This is literally your firstopportunity, maybe, to practice
honesty and vulnerability forthe first time in your life.
Welcome.
It's a sweet thing.
And so I'm gonna pray, thenwe're gonna spawn through

(34:44):
worship.