November 8, 2023 • 28 mins
In this episode, Nancy I got into how fast time flies as you get older. Seems like just yesterday we were kids, now the holidays are already here again. The years go by quicker when you're stuck in repetition instead of learning and experiencing new things. I need to start doing more exciting stuff if I want to slow down Father Time.
That led into how we get aggravated at people not meeting our expectations. But our expectations are just something we made up in our heads. People are not going to understand where we're coming from if we don't take the time to understand them. We're all going through our own sh*t every minute of the day. I can't expect someone to just automatically know what I want them to do. Gotta be more specific in my communication if I want different results.
My perspective and experiences aren’t universal. If I keep treating people based on my expectations instead of who they really are, I'm just going to end up pissed off and pushing them away. Time to rethink this egocentric nonsense.
One example is how I thought I was raising my son to be happy and healthy, the opposite of my childhood. But then we were told he's traumatized and I couldn't understand it. Had to realize he's his own person who went through things I'm not aware of. My expectations of being a good dad didn't match up with his reality. That was a tough pill to swallow but it helped me become more open-minded.
Overall, we got to stop assuming everyone should inherently understand us and do things our way. They’re on their own path. Best thing is to share, listen and try to understand each other's perspectives. Easier said than done when you been through real shit and had to figure life out on your own. But staying closed off with expectations, assumptions and ego will just lead to more pain. Time to peel back the layers and connect as human beings.
Timeline Summary:
[00:50] How time passes quicker when you get older.
[02:22] Backing cars into each other shows being on autopilot.
[04:02] Our expectations have alienated people.
[07:13] Getting aggravated at people not meeting expectations at work.
[13:19] Building walls to avoid dealing with emotions.
[15:37] Expectations lead to disappointment.
[18:58] Can't expect people to inherently understand us.
[20:24] Didn't see my strictness as expectations.
[22:33] Really noticing these patterns now.
[27:08] Importance of human connection.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nick (00:07):
It's time to get fucking authentic. Okay, we're on.
Nancy (00:13):
Okay, let's go nach.
Nick (00:16):
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the fucking
authentic podcast.
Nancy (00:21):
Hey guys.
Nick (00:23):
It's like I just want to try and be an announcer one
time. I don't know, maybe it'llwork. But no be in front of 20
million people just like talkingsome shit and everyone's new oh
man,
Nancy (00:40):
let's just start with this first.
Nick (00:41):
Yeah. Anyway, yeah, so hey, what's going on guys? We
are actually sitting herecontemplating the freakin
holidays that are coming up.
Nancy (00:50):
I know it's crazy, dude.
Nick (00:52):
It's like, I know if we sound real fucking all but it's
like, oh my god the time flies.
Tonya, right? She was sayingsomething about like, what did
she say?
Nancy (01:01):
You have no idea. You get old. The reason we notice why
we're getting old is because asa child, you're doing new things
all the time. But as you getolder, it's stuff that's like
repetitions. You're doing it allthe time. There's nothing. So
her recommendation was?
Nick (01:20):
Wait, did she hear this from somebody or something? Oh,
she heard it. We're doing it.
We're doing an episode. You needto stop playing games on your
phone. Turn it off. Put it down.
Wow. See how that goes. People.
See, even we're sitting here totaping we're not taping we're
recording an episode. She's onher phone playing games, because
she expects to this is why shenever talks. That's yeah, you
(01:41):
guys are really starting to getto know real essence.
Nancy (01:48):
conversation at hand. So anyways,
Nick (01:50):
so she said that there was a study done in the study was
that as we get older, we'redoing the same things repeatedly
over and over again, the sameYeah. And as a child, we're
constantly doing differentthings. So our life isn't
passing us by as quickly.
Because we're constantlylearning new things. And we're
constantly experiencing newthings. And I thought that was
(02:12):
interesting. And I feel likefuck, now I need to really start
experiencing new things. Andmaybe that'll slow down my life.
Nancy (02:22):
I mean, you said it even with the cars over the weekend,
Nick (02:27):
when you factor in? Oh, yeah, we let's not even talk
about that. Now that you broughtit up, I backed into I used her
vehicle to back into my vehiclein the garage. So now we have
two vehicles that are smashed atonce. And I was doing a good
clip too, wasn't it?
Nancy (02:44):
Oh, yeah. Got it all on camera was kind of funny. I
couldn't hide it if I fuckingwant to fucking stop. Just stop
when I hit the car. So that wasone of the things you had said.
Because you do that all thetime. When you come. It's
repetitive, right?
Nick (02:57):
Like there's no current, there's no truck in the garage.
So when I was backing up,literally, I think just from
habit and from just themechanics and the robotics of
everyday life. You just I'm justbacking into the garage and bam,
and You
Nancy (03:11):
sure did. Holy funniest part was when you back then it
was like,
Nick (03:17):
Oh, when I pulled out?
Yeah, it was. I think you guyslike ripping off from the other.
You got out of
Nancy (03:22):
the car and you were just like,
Nick (03:24):
Oh, dude, I was laughing.
I just really wasn't laughingwhen I got a car. No, you
weren't when I watched thevideo. That was hilarious. I was
like, sitting there rubbing myhead going. Really? How the fuck
did this happened? It happened.
Man, I'll tell you the thingsthat we experienced as human
beings, the emotions and thefucking feelings and the shit
(03:45):
that afterwards, you know, theysay Hindsight is 2020 I thought
of all the things I should haveor could have done instead of
backing into the vehicle. But ofcourse, I was in a hurry, and I
was doing something for someoneelse. Hey, go. Yep, instead of
myself. Oh my god.
Nancy (04:02):
So anyway, that's one of the things that we want to talk
about is
Nick (04:06):
we have talked about a few things concerning like, lessons
that we've learned in the pastcouple of years. And it's funny,
because we've been through allkinds of shit in our lives.
Everybody goes through shit intheir lives, like every day,
right? And I think that, forwhatever reason, I feel that
everything that we've everlearned, or why we've learned
(04:29):
that, and the culmination of thepast two years, has just like,
fucking exploded. You don't Imean, like raisins, like,
Nancy (04:39):
sized or what is the word I won that size but more.
Nick (04:43):
I know everybody uses the different words the awakening or
whatever the case is, but I feelthat because we are so in tune
with our emotions and ourfeelings right now that our mind
has completely opened up to thereality of a lot Have things and
it's not just the past twoyears, I could speak for myself,
(05:04):
it's please do for a combinationof all the years of all these
emotions and shit that I've everfelt and why I think I'm feeling
that way. And the coolest partof it for me, we're together,
we're learning this. But evenindividually, we're learning
this on our own. Because we'vereally been forced to be honest
(05:26):
with ourselves.
Nancy (05:28):
I think we're paying more attention to ourselves, I think
we have more time to just reallyfocus on us, if that makes
sense. So I don't know, ifthat's what's happened for me, I
feel,
Nick (05:38):
ya know, I think it's definitely that we're paying
more attention to ourselves andthat we were forced into this,
right. But it is true, I thinkpeople should, without having to
be forced to feel the pain ofwhat we're feeling, should learn
from this. And I think that'sthe point of this whole thing is
that you can, I mean, we'll justget right into it. I mean, you
(06:01):
can have all kinds ofexpectations, preconceived
notions, you can feel thatpeople are going to understand
where you're coming from, peopleare going to listen to what you
have to say, we could sit herefor another 50 fucking years and
talk about life experiences,what we've learned what we
(06:22):
haven't learned, that's why wesaid from the very beginning of
the show, of this whole podcastis that we're not here to give
advice necessarily, we're justhere to share our experiences,
because we could talk to we'reblue in the fucking face. And if
someone is not open in theirlife, to receiving specific
instructions, or their ownepiphanies, or aha moment, or
(06:48):
whatever you want to call it, ifthey're not open to receiving
that, then no matter what youdo, no matter what book they
read, no matter what mode ofmotivational speaker, they
listen to, no matterinspirational conversations,
whatever the case is, it'll justlike literally go right over
their fucking head. Because ifyou're not open to receiving
what it is not just receivingit, but then having to put it in
(07:11):
action, then you'll never getit.
Nancy (07:13):
That's what we were talking about. That's where
like, a moment it happened whenwe're at work, right. And you
get so aggravated sometimes atwork when things happen, right?
And it's like, our expectationsof things and the way they
should go and the way peopleshould do things are so
Nick (07:30):
yeah, yeah, for sure. I think what really hit us, and
I'll speak to me, and I know, wespoke about this. So I know it's
hit us, but you can speak to iton your own. What hit me was
that, I felt that raising ourson, that my expectation, what I
was doing, was being acceptedand perceived and understood, as
(07:53):
good that everything that I wasdoing was specifically the
opposite of how I was raised,right. And so that's how I've
been living my whole life,almost to a fault of like,
however I was raised, I'm goingto live my life different. And
(08:16):
the reality is, it is different,but we're still human beings. So
a lot of what happens is justlike maybe a watered down or
watered down version of actuallyhow I was raised, because here's
the thing, just because you eat,let's say, healthy. If you don't
(08:37):
change your mindset about ahealthier lifestyle, it's not
necessarily going to be good,right? Just because you change a
circumstance doesn't mean thatyour mind changes. You could try
and change whatever you want,what I where we bring this into
work is I can sit there all daylong. And I can tell someone,
(08:57):
you need to do this, you need todo this, you need to do that.
But if I don't understand theindividual as well, or if they
don't understand what I'mtelling them, like specifically,
it's not going to fuckingmatter. I mean, you could talk
to your blue in the face aboutsomething. And you could tell
someone, hey, you got to dothis. And first of all, there's
a thing like, you got to dothis. And this is what we learn.
(09:20):
And this is where some of ourseries is gonna go on about
actually living life like, likeactually a business, right? Like
running a family, like abusiness almost right, like so
you tell someone, okay, you canyou do this? And they're like,
Yeah, I'll do that and you walkaway. And then you go back, and
they did it completely the wrongway. And they could say, well,
you didn't tell me how to do it.
But your expectation, when youtold them to do that thing was
(09:42):
that they just automaticallyassumed because there was some
sort of a contractual agreement,right? Like, can you do this?
Yes, I can do that. So then youjust assume that they knew what
they needed to do. But then theydid it a different way. So they
did it the way that they thoughtit needed to be done right. and
you're like, No, I needed todone this way. And so then I
think that your expectation ofthem doing that, or my
(10:06):
expectation or anyone'sexpectation of someone doing
something, then we say toourselves, okay, maybe I should
have been more specific. And Ishould have said, whatever. So
then, the next time you sayyou're like, okay, hey, I need
you to do this. But I'd like youto do it this way. And I think
this is the whole big confusing.
(10:27):
We're all human beings. And whatwe have to realize is that every
single minute of every day,we're all going through our own
thing. Even if you tell someoneto do something, or ask someone
to do something, and you givespecific instructions, they
could be going through some shitduring the day at that point,
that they still don't may noteven understand what you're
(10:48):
talking about. Like I don't sayunderstand, like, they're dumb,
right? I'm just saying that theymay be perceiving in a different
way. I've learned that just fromwhat we went through with our
son. What I thought was that Iwas being an excellent dad, or
you thought you were being agreat mom, or sometimes you were
there. And sometimes youweren't. And sometimes, you were
(11:10):
just doing your thing, and youthought that you were doing the
right thing. And I thought I wasdoing the right thing. We've not
been told that Well, you guyswere terrible fucking parents,
you fucked up, blah, blah, blah.
But their actions are speakingdifferent to us. Right. And this
is the same way of like, like inthe workplace, especially with
those being in management roles.
(11:32):
There's such a different waythat people look at management.
And we don't even realize thatwe're just doing our job. And
we're in our role, and we'retelling or asking people to do
things. And, and they have thispreconceived notion of us
already. And we have thispreconceived notion of them. And
everyone's going through life,just not really taking time to
(11:54):
really understand what it takesto be an actual human being. And
that's where for me, I've, Igrew up with all these different
emotions, right? fear, anger,being ashamed. Like, I didn't
even think about it. Like I justgrew up with those emotions. I
never thought about it, I was anangry person or I was a fearful
(12:17):
person. Or I thought the reasonwhy I was fearful is because I
fell six storeys off the side ofa building on a fucking crane.
The reason why I'm angry isbecause that's just who I am.
That's me, and that's my makeupor whatever. And then the reason
why I'm ashamed all the time isbecause when I was growing up, I
was embarrassed because we wereliving on food stamps or
(12:40):
whatever. Trivia base, actually,yeah. But what I've really
realized is that all of thoseemotions are part of like, the
human experience. All of thosefeelings are the feelings that I
felt based off of how I wasraised. Like, in me acting out
(13:01):
in the emotional aspect of like,let's say anger, was because I'm
pissed because people are notunderstanding what I'm saying.
I'm so angry, because how canyou be so dumb and not
understand what the fuck I'msaying? Yeah, that's a major
thing. And then, um, fury
Nancy (13:19):
eight that, that anxiety for yourself, too. I think you
know what I mean? What, it'ssomething
Nick (13:24):
I made up, like, It's me as a kid. No one understanding
me or listening to what I haveto say. So the only way that I
could get my point across, is tojust fucking go off the rail,
right? or fear. Fear is inbecause I dropped six stories on
the side of a building. Fear isthat every minute of the day, I
(13:46):
was looking over my shoulderthinking I was gonna get my ass
beat. So that was something thathappened a long time ago, right.
And I never took care of that,because I never thought that was
the problem. I never thoughtthat was a thing and then being
ashamed. I mean, yeah, ofcourse, I was ashamed. I was
(14:06):
fucking embarrassed. I was theonly kid growing up that had no
TV or their parents were walkingaround with fucking dresses on
and baptizing in front of peopleand praying. Like, that was like
embarrassing to me. Because itwas different. I was a child, I
didn't understand salvation, orany of that. So I didn't have
(14:30):
anything to be saved from as akid. So there was nothing for me
to be thankful about for beingsaved. So I was just fucking
straight up embarrassed. So ofcourse, I was then ashamed of my
family, and I was ashamed ofthat. Right. I think this is the
thing that we have to understandthat our emotions and our
(14:51):
feelings, although we have them,they can be very strong. We have
to realize that came fromsomewhere and that those
emotions begin to manifestthemselves bigger and bigger as
you get older. And then sooneror later, it becomes this
massive ball of our lives arejust this massive ball of
(15:14):
fucking emotions and feelings.
And all of them are basicallynegative and just eating us up
inside. We start to do all kindsof things to fill, or to, like,
kill those emotions or fill itwith somebody. And then people
are like, you're you're allyou're doing is building a wall.
And then people start to blameyou for about that.
Nancy (15:37):
All these walls that I have that I just didn't want to
deal with them. So all I did wasjust keep putting it was it
bricks, you just keep puttingbrick, brick, brick and mortar.
Yeah, exactly. And then all of asudden, you just,
Nick (15:51):
you're hiding behind this collide?
Nancy (15:52):
You know what I mean?
Because it all comes downtumbling. But
Nick (15:56):
it's hard. Yeah. No, go ahead.
Nancy (16:00):
I'm trying to think as I'm talking. Yeah,
Nick (16:01):
it's not easy. And I think that this is where understanding
human beings and understandingthat we are all human beings and
understanding that
Nancy (16:10):
I think it's understanding that you're a
human being.
Nick (16:14):
I thought that everybody should listen to exactly what
the fuck I'm saying, right? Inever thought of changing my
outlook. I never thought aboutchanging the way that I looked
at things because I felt thatwhat I had gone through or what
I'm going through on a dailybasis was way more important.
(16:37):
And way more productive. It was,it meant something it meant so
much, that you should listen toexactly everything I'm saying.
So then that goes intoeverything that goes into the
way that you drive on the road.
If someone's not driving thesame way you are whatever, then
Nancy (16:58):
pissed off at you, right?
Like driver in front of you weresure he could have some kind of
something going on in his lifeor her life. And here you are
beeping the horn and
Nick (17:11):
the fact that you go on fast or something like road
rage. I don't know what thatmeans. But yeah, you know,
really talking? Yeah, when youwere younger, but man, the older
you get, you're like a grumpyold woman. Grumpy Old Men ship.
Yeah, we're on the road of hotsometimes. Oh, my God. Sometimes
drivers do get me aggravated.
I'm not gonna lie. I thinkthat's for everybody. Right?
(17:32):
Everybody talked to them? Yes.
Yeah. Like they can hear youhear me? No, let's
Nancy (17:39):
see there. Again, those are my expectations. I want them
to listen to me dammit,
Nick (17:44):
see, but that's true, right? The expectations that
they should already know thatthey should be doing something
different. And that's for us.
And this is the hard part aboutus is that our expectations have
actually alienated a lot ofpeople. So I've been told yes,
we're still getting throughthis. And this is part of the
(18:07):
stuff that we're learning. But Ican understand it only because
when I was younger, and I hadall these people ahead of above
me or whatever, that we had tolisten to all the time,
everybody was your boss, when Iwas growing up. And I rebelled
against that big time, whetheryou were right or wrong, it
didn't matter, you had to listento what they had to say. But
(18:27):
when you have that constantpounding of whatever it is in
your face, you begin toconsistently Rebel, and you
begin to say, Fuck you, like I'mtired of listening to you. And I
think, for us, what we'relearning is that over time, if
you treat people based off ofwhat your expectations are, then
(18:51):
that's very frustrating. Andthat's where we get mad. And
that's what we understand.
Because they're
Nancy (18:58):
always gonna let you down because they're never gonna
meet, they're
Nick (19:01):
gonna let you down or any expectation that you have is
some preconceived notion of afalse feeling or emotions
anyway, right? And so thesepeople are going to consistently
let you down. And again, when Isay let you down doesn't mean
that it's a bad thing. It'sletting us down. That doesn't
mean that they're letting go.
They're not doing anythingwrong, right? They're just not
(19:21):
meeting our expectation, whichwe feel is letting us down. But
that's just such a bullshitnarrative. I don't know. I mean,
this, this could be a reallylong conversation. These are
like, the conversations thatNancy and I have sitting
together and just talking aboutsome of the things that we're
learning and wow, I learned thistoday. And I thought about this
(19:43):
and one of the things that I wastalking with her about today was
specifically about us and ourexpectations of other people and
how I feel that I know for me atleast, that my expectation has
been so high for other people.
And I've expected people tounderstand that and to be that
(20:05):
way. And because they don't, I'malways taking every Mr. We was
always getting so aggravated andpissed off. And I allowed that.
aggravation in those thoughts ona constant basis. Literally get
to the point, I believe that wasliterally ruining my life.
Nancy (20:24):
And I think for me, I don't think I ever had
expectations and people. That'swhat it's called. But in my
head, I wasn't seeing it thatway. I don't know if that makes
sense. No, to me, it was more orless. This way, you got to do
it. Like this, right? No, I getthat's what I'm saying. But I
didn't see it as an expectation.
It was just like, just do it theway you I don't know, whatever.
(20:45):
This is the way you do your bed.
This is the way you do thedishes. This is the way you do
whatever it is. And if youdon't, it's like what is going
on. But in my head. I wasn'tthinking that was an
expectation. So I could see. NowI can see why people would what
the fuck this bitch always wantsthis or always wants, you know
what I mean, but I wasn'tthinking it like, in my head. It
(21:08):
was just the right way. But itwas my it was just the
Nick (21:12):
way exactly part of that problem. Part of that thought
process is that we assume thateverybody knows exactly what
we're talking about. Totally,because you feel or we feel that
this is so simple. How do younot know totally, yes. So it's
more of an assumption. Maybethen an expectation in your
(21:33):
mind, which is even dumber?
Like, I mean, I'm just beingstraight up. That's not a good.
Yeah. I mean, you're welcome.
But what what's anotherepiphany, that's the thing, when
you work so hard, and you'vebeen through what we've been
through, and you have to you,and I, individually, and
(21:53):
together had to crawl ourfucking way through life doing
what we were doing. Nobody wasthere to tell us. It was trial
and error. Mistakes weremistakes. choices were choices,
good or bad, black or white? Itdidn't fucking matter. Right? So
when we do something, and itworks for us, we just assumed
(22:15):
that it should work foreverybody else. Number one, or
we just assumed that theyalready knew and had already
been through the same thing inlife. Right? And right, that's,
that's totally that's ultimatelywhat assumed? Yeah. So then
we're just like, Oh, isn't thislooking symbol? What the fuck is
your problem? Don't buck?
Nancy (22:33):
Alright, now that we're kind of like, I don't know. I
don't know if it's taking careof ourselves, or like, pay more
attention to ourselves, orwhatever it is. It's like you
kind of like really notice someof these things. You know what I
mean? Like, I'm really noticingstuff. That's crazy.
Nick (22:50):
I mean, I guess in here, people, this is why we're
different. Right? For me, I'lltell you right now that I 100%
with every fucking fiber in myfucking body thought that we
were raising our son to behappy, healthy, kind, right, a
(23:13):
productive citizen, all thesethings that that I don't feel I
was raised or you feel you wereraised. And when we were told
that he's traumatized, Icouldn't understand that. I
still have a problemunderstanding some of it. Yes,
(23:35):
some of it, probably. But Irealized, again, is exactly what
we've just been talking about.
Yeah. He's a human being. And weweren't in his I'm not there. I
don't know. What he went throughthat caused so much trauma.
First of all, I didn't want toadmit it, because obviously, I'm
like, What the fuck, but thenI'm like, Okay, if I did, and
(23:56):
I'm fucking, first of all, wewent through the emotion of
being pissed off and angry. Andthen it's almost like traumatize
yourself. There was so much painbecause there's all that
involved with it, because we'renot really have the same
relationship we did. And then tofeel that we caused our son that
trauma is devastating. So yes,this is where it started for me.
(24:20):
And my mind started to becomepliable, my mind started to
become looser, like playdoughand then turn jelly. You know,
it gets softer and softer toaccept the fact that number one,
I don't know everything. Numbertwo, it doesn't matter what my
(24:41):
expectations are. They're notalways going to be met. Number
three, doesn't matter what myperspective is on things. People
aren't going to have the sameperspective or even receive or
reciprocate. What you feel wasthe necessary or right thing
you're doing at the time. All ofthose things, along with all
(25:04):
those fucked up emotions andfeelings. Yeah, dude, that's a
big fucking blow to your fuckingego, it's a big blow to your
mind, it's a big blow to ourlives, what did we hear the
other day, it's like, you'rejust cut off. It's like you're a
car do a 95 miles an hour, andyou literally hit a fucking
(25:27):
brick wall. Every thing for thepast 54 years that I thought I
was working towards, done. Now,in reality, it's not, because
all the real things, thegoodness and everything, we just
kept compressing and compressingit, putting it to the bottom,
(25:50):
all those real things. Now onceyou get rid of a lot of these
emotions, and a lot of thesefeelings and a lot of the
fucking just the thoughts andthe fucking negativity and all
that shit, once that stuffstarts to literally vaporize out
of your body and out of yourmind, then the good shit starts
to make its way up to the topagain, start to grow. And I
(26:14):
think that's what's happening.
And I really hope if there ishope for all of us, that we
begin to realize that man, weare all different, but yet the
(26:35):
same. And that no matter whathappens, just because people
don't understand what we'resaying or trying to convey or
trying to teach or whatever atthe time. It's not about
necessarily being a teacher allthe time. It's not about having
all the answers all the time.
It's about sharing, and it'sabout listening. You don't have
(26:56):
to have all the answers justhaving it just sometimes be
there sometimes. We talked abouthugging, we've been hugging more
every day.
Nancy (27:08):
Because now
Nick (27:11):
I'm just saying like just that kind of touch and that kind
of feeling. And that kind ofjust understanding, I think goes
a long way. Yeah, anyway, thisis what we do. We have
conversations and part of ourpodcasts, being authentic and
really just bringing out thebest of us and the worst of us
(27:32):
and just sharing it with youguys and fucking, we have three
or four guests that we havecoming up on the podcast that
have different stories that Ithink you guys will find it
inspiring and interesting. And Ihope you guys tune in for that.
Give us a like and a heads upand a thumbs up and whatever all
the shit that you do for thesefucking things. Hope you guys
(27:54):
get something out of theselittle conversations. We
appreciate you
Nancy (27:57):
guys listening. Thanks.
Nick (28:00):
Thanks and we'll talk to you soon. Buh bye.
It's time to get fucking authentic. Okay, we're on.
Nancy (00:13):
Okay, let's go nach.
Nick (00:16):
Hello, and welcome to another episode of the fucking
authentic podcast.
Nancy (00:21):
Hey guys.
Nick (00:23):
It's like I just want to try and be an announcer one
time. I don't know, maybe it'llwork. But no be in front of 20
million people just like talkingsome shit and everyone's new oh
man,
Nancy (00:40):
let's just start with this first.
Nick (00:41):
Yeah. Anyway, yeah, so hey, what's going on guys? We
are actually sitting herecontemplating the freakin
holidays that are coming up.
Nancy (00:50):
I know it's crazy, dude.
Nick (00:52):
It's like, I know if we sound real fucking all but it's
like, oh my god the time flies.
Tonya, right? She was sayingsomething about like, what did
she say?
Nancy (01:01):
You have no idea. You get old. The reason we notice why
we're getting old is because asa child, you're doing new things
all the time. But as you getolder, it's stuff that's like
repetitions. You're doing it allthe time. There's nothing. So
her recommendation was?
Nick (01:20):
Wait, did she hear this from somebody or something? Oh,
she heard it. We're doing it.
We're doing an episode. You needto stop playing games on your
phone. Turn it off. Put it down.
Wow. See how that goes. People.
See, even we're sitting here totaping we're not taping we're
recording an episode. She's onher phone playing games, because
she expects to this is why shenever talks. That's yeah, you
(01:41):
guys are really starting to getto know real essence.
Nancy (01:48):
conversation at hand. So anyways,
Nick (01:50):
so she said that there was a study done in the study was
that as we get older, we'redoing the same things repeatedly
over and over again, the sameYeah. And as a child, we're
constantly doing differentthings. So our life isn't
passing us by as quickly.
Because we're constantlylearning new things. And we're
constantly experiencing newthings. And I thought that was
(02:12):
interesting. And I feel likefuck, now I need to really start
experiencing new things. Andmaybe that'll slow down my life.
Nancy (02:22):
I mean, you said it even with the cars over the weekend,
Nick (02:27):
when you factor in? Oh, yeah, we let's not even talk
about that. Now that you broughtit up, I backed into I used her
vehicle to back into my vehiclein the garage. So now we have
two vehicles that are smashed atonce. And I was doing a good
clip too, wasn't it?
Nancy (02:44):
Oh, yeah. Got it all on camera was kind of funny. I
couldn't hide it if I fuckingwant to fucking stop. Just stop
when I hit the car. So that wasone of the things you had said.
Because you do that all thetime. When you come. It's
repetitive, right?
Nick (02:57):
Like there's no current, there's no truck in the garage.
So when I was backing up,literally, I think just from
habit and from just themechanics and the robotics of
everyday life. You just I'm justbacking into the garage and bam,
and You
Nancy (03:11):
sure did. Holy funniest part was when you back then it
was like,
Nick (03:17):
Oh, when I pulled out?
Yeah, it was. I think you guyslike ripping off from the other.
You got out of
Nancy (03:22):
the car and you were just like,
Nick (03:24):
Oh, dude, I was laughing.
I just really wasn't laughingwhen I got a car. No, you
weren't when I watched thevideo. That was hilarious. I was
like, sitting there rubbing myhead going. Really? How the fuck
did this happened? It happened.
Man, I'll tell you the thingsthat we experienced as human
beings, the emotions and thefucking feelings and the shit
(03:45):
that afterwards, you know, theysay Hindsight is 2020 I thought
of all the things I should haveor could have done instead of
backing into the vehicle. But ofcourse, I was in a hurry, and I
was doing something for someoneelse. Hey, go. Yep, instead of
myself. Oh my god.
Nancy (04:02):
So anyway, that's one of the things that we want to talk
about is
Nick (04:06):
we have talked about a few things concerning like, lessons
that we've learned in the pastcouple of years. And it's funny,
because we've been through allkinds of shit in our lives.
Everybody goes through shit intheir lives, like every day,
right? And I think that, forwhatever reason, I feel that
everything that we've everlearned, or why we've learned
(04:29):
that, and the culmination of thepast two years, has just like,
fucking exploded. You don't Imean, like raisins, like,
Nancy (04:39):
sized or what is the word I won that size but more.
Nick (04:43):
I know everybody uses the different words the awakening or
whatever the case is, but I feelthat because we are so in tune
with our emotions and ourfeelings right now that our mind
has completely opened up to thereality of a lot Have things and
it's not just the past twoyears, I could speak for myself,
(05:04):
it's please do for a combinationof all the years of all these
emotions and shit that I've everfelt and why I think I'm feeling
that way. And the coolest partof it for me, we're together,
we're learning this. But evenindividually, we're learning
this on our own. Because we'vereally been forced to be honest
(05:26):
with ourselves.
Nancy (05:28):
I think we're paying more attention to ourselves, I think
we have more time to just reallyfocus on us, if that makes
sense. So I don't know, ifthat's what's happened for me, I
feel,
Nick (05:38):
ya know, I think it's definitely that we're paying
more attention to ourselves andthat we were forced into this,
right. But it is true, I thinkpeople should, without having to
be forced to feel the pain ofwhat we're feeling, should learn
from this. And I think that'sthe point of this whole thing is
that you can, I mean, we'll justget right into it. I mean, you
(06:01):
can have all kinds ofexpectations, preconceived
notions, you can feel thatpeople are going to understand
where you're coming from, peopleare going to listen to what you
have to say, we could sit herefor another 50 fucking years and
talk about life experiences,what we've learned what we
(06:22):
haven't learned, that's why wesaid from the very beginning of
the show, of this whole podcastis that we're not here to give
advice necessarily, we're justhere to share our experiences,
because we could talk to we'reblue in the fucking face. And if
someone is not open in theirlife, to receiving specific
instructions, or their ownepiphanies, or aha moment, or
(06:48):
whatever you want to call it, ifthey're not open to receiving
that, then no matter what youdo, no matter what book they
read, no matter what mode ofmotivational speaker, they
listen to, no matterinspirational conversations,
whatever the case is, it'll justlike literally go right over
their fucking head. Because ifyou're not open to receiving
what it is not just receivingit, but then having to put it in
(07:11):
action, then you'll never getit.
Nancy (07:13):
That's what we were talking about. That's where
like, a moment it happened whenwe're at work, right. And you
get so aggravated sometimes atwork when things happen, right?
And it's like, our expectationsof things and the way they
should go and the way peopleshould do things are so
Nick (07:30):
yeah, yeah, for sure. I think what really hit us, and
I'll speak to me, and I know, wespoke about this. So I know it's
hit us, but you can speak to iton your own. What hit me was
that, I felt that raising ourson, that my expectation, what I
was doing, was being acceptedand perceived and understood, as
(07:53):
good that everything that I wasdoing was specifically the
opposite of how I was raised,right. And so that's how I've
been living my whole life,almost to a fault of like,
however I was raised, I'm goingto live my life different. And
(08:16):
the reality is, it is different,but we're still human beings. So
a lot of what happens is justlike maybe a watered down or
watered down version of actuallyhow I was raised, because here's
the thing, just because you eat,let's say, healthy. If you don't
(08:37):
change your mindset about ahealthier lifestyle, it's not
necessarily going to be good,right? Just because you change a
circumstance doesn't mean thatyour mind changes. You could try
and change whatever you want,what I where we bring this into
work is I can sit there all daylong. And I can tell someone,
(08:57):
you need to do this, you need todo this, you need to do that.
But if I don't understand theindividual as well, or if they
don't understand what I'mtelling them, like specifically,
it's not going to fuckingmatter. I mean, you could talk
to your blue in the face aboutsomething. And you could tell
someone, hey, you got to dothis. And first of all, there's
a thing like, you got to dothis. And this is what we learn.
(09:20):
And this is where some of ourseries is gonna go on about
actually living life like, likeactually a business, right? Like
running a family, like abusiness almost right, like so
you tell someone, okay, you canyou do this? And they're like,
Yeah, I'll do that and you walkaway. And then you go back, and
they did it completely the wrongway. And they could say, well,
you didn't tell me how to do it.
But your expectation, when youtold them to do that thing was
(09:42):
that they just automaticallyassumed because there was some
sort of a contractual agreement,right? Like, can you do this?
Yes, I can do that. So then youjust assume that they knew what
they needed to do. But then theydid it a different way. So they
did it the way that they thoughtit needed to be done right. and
you're like, No, I needed todone this way. And so then I
think that your expectation ofthem doing that, or my
(10:06):
expectation or anyone'sexpectation of someone doing
something, then we say toourselves, okay, maybe I should
have been more specific. And Ishould have said, whatever. So
then, the next time you sayyou're like, okay, hey, I need
you to do this. But I'd like youto do it this way. And I think
this is the whole big confusing.
(10:27):
We're all human beings. And whatwe have to realize is that every
single minute of every day,we're all going through our own
thing. Even if you tell someoneto do something, or ask someone
to do something, and you givespecific instructions, they
could be going through some shitduring the day at that point,
that they still don't may noteven understand what you're
(10:48):
talking about. Like I don't sayunderstand, like, they're dumb,
right? I'm just saying that theymay be perceiving in a different
way. I've learned that just fromwhat we went through with our
son. What I thought was that Iwas being an excellent dad, or
you thought you were being agreat mom, or sometimes you were
there. And sometimes youweren't. And sometimes, you were
(11:10):
just doing your thing, and youthought that you were doing the
right thing. And I thought I wasdoing the right thing. We've not
been told that Well, you guyswere terrible fucking parents,
you fucked up, blah, blah, blah.
But their actions are speakingdifferent to us. Right. And this
is the same way of like, like inthe workplace, especially with
those being in management roles.
(11:32):
There's such a different waythat people look at management.
And we don't even realize thatwe're just doing our job. And
we're in our role, and we'retelling or asking people to do
things. And, and they have thispreconceived notion of us
already. And we have thispreconceived notion of them. And
everyone's going through life,just not really taking time to
(11:54):
really understand what it takesto be an actual human being. And
that's where for me, I've, Igrew up with all these different
emotions, right? fear, anger,being ashamed. Like, I didn't
even think about it. Like I justgrew up with those emotions. I
never thought about it, I was anangry person or I was a fearful
(12:17):
person. Or I thought the reasonwhy I was fearful is because I
fell six storeys off the side ofa building on a fucking crane.
The reason why I'm angry isbecause that's just who I am.
That's me, and that's my makeupor whatever. And then the reason
why I'm ashamed all the time isbecause when I was growing up, I
was embarrassed because we wereliving on food stamps or
(12:40):
whatever. Trivia base, actually,yeah. But what I've really
realized is that all of thoseemotions are part of like, the
human experience. All of thosefeelings are the feelings that I
felt based off of how I wasraised. Like, in me acting out
(13:01):
in the emotional aspect of like,let's say anger, was because I'm
pissed because people are notunderstanding what I'm saying.
I'm so angry, because how canyou be so dumb and not
understand what the fuck I'msaying? Yeah, that's a major
thing. And then, um, fury
Nancy (13:19):
eight that, that anxiety for yourself, too. I think you
know what I mean? What, it'ssomething
Nick (13:24):
I made up, like, It's me as a kid. No one understanding
me or listening to what I haveto say. So the only way that I
could get my point across, is tojust fucking go off the rail,
right? or fear. Fear is inbecause I dropped six stories on
the side of a building. Fear isthat every minute of the day, I
(13:46):
was looking over my shoulderthinking I was gonna get my ass
beat. So that was something thathappened a long time ago, right.
And I never took care of that,because I never thought that was
the problem. I never thoughtthat was a thing and then being
ashamed. I mean, yeah, ofcourse, I was ashamed. I was
(14:06):
fucking embarrassed. I was theonly kid growing up that had no
TV or their parents were walkingaround with fucking dresses on
and baptizing in front of peopleand praying. Like, that was like
embarrassing to me. Because itwas different. I was a child, I
didn't understand salvation, orany of that. So I didn't have
(14:30):
anything to be saved from as akid. So there was nothing for me
to be thankful about for beingsaved. So I was just fucking
straight up embarrassed. So ofcourse, I was then ashamed of my
family, and I was ashamed ofthat. Right. I think this is the
thing that we have to understandthat our emotions and our
(14:51):
feelings, although we have them,they can be very strong. We have
to realize that came fromsomewhere and that those
emotions begin to manifestthemselves bigger and bigger as
you get older. And then sooneror later, it becomes this
massive ball of our lives arejust this massive ball of
(15:14):
fucking emotions and feelings.
And all of them are basicallynegative and just eating us up
inside. We start to do all kindsof things to fill, or to, like,
kill those emotions or fill itwith somebody. And then people
are like, you're you're allyou're doing is building a wall.
And then people start to blameyou for about that.
Nancy (15:37):
All these walls that I have that I just didn't want to
deal with them. So all I did wasjust keep putting it was it
bricks, you just keep puttingbrick, brick, brick and mortar.
Yeah, exactly. And then all of asudden, you just,
Nick (15:51):
you're hiding behind this collide?
Nancy (15:52):
You know what I mean?
Because it all comes downtumbling. But
Nick (15:56):
it's hard. Yeah. No, go ahead.
Nancy (16:00):
I'm trying to think as I'm talking. Yeah,
Nick (16:01):
it's not easy. And I think that this is where understanding
human beings and understandingthat we are all human beings and
understanding that
Nancy (16:10):
I think it's understanding that you're a
human being.
Nick (16:14):
I thought that everybody should listen to exactly what
the fuck I'm saying, right? Inever thought of changing my
outlook. I never thought aboutchanging the way that I looked
at things because I felt thatwhat I had gone through or what
I'm going through on a dailybasis was way more important.
(16:37):
And way more productive. It was,it meant something it meant so
much, that you should listen toexactly everything I'm saying.
So then that goes intoeverything that goes into the
way that you drive on the road.
If someone's not driving thesame way you are whatever, then
Nancy (16:58):
pissed off at you, right?
Like driver in front of you weresure he could have some kind of
something going on in his lifeor her life. And here you are
beeping the horn and
Nick (17:11):
the fact that you go on fast or something like road
rage. I don't know what thatmeans. But yeah, you know,
really talking? Yeah, when youwere younger, but man, the older
you get, you're like a grumpyold woman. Grumpy Old Men ship.
Yeah, we're on the road of hotsometimes. Oh, my God. Sometimes
drivers do get me aggravated.
I'm not gonna lie. I thinkthat's for everybody. Right?
(17:32):
Everybody talked to them? Yes.
Yeah. Like they can hear youhear me? No, let's
Nancy (17:39):
see there. Again, those are my expectations. I want them
to listen to me dammit,
Nick (17:44):
see, but that's true, right? The expectations that
they should already know thatthey should be doing something
different. And that's for us.
And this is the hard part aboutus is that our expectations have
actually alienated a lot ofpeople. So I've been told yes,
we're still getting throughthis. And this is part of the
(18:07):
stuff that we're learning. But Ican understand it only because
when I was younger, and I hadall these people ahead of above
me or whatever, that we had tolisten to all the time,
everybody was your boss, when Iwas growing up. And I rebelled
against that big time, whetheryou were right or wrong, it
didn't matter, you had to listento what they had to say. But
(18:27):
when you have that constantpounding of whatever it is in
your face, you begin toconsistently Rebel, and you
begin to say, Fuck you, like I'mtired of listening to you. And I
think, for us, what we'relearning is that over time, if
you treat people based off ofwhat your expectations are, then
(18:51):
that's very frustrating. Andthat's where we get mad. And
that's what we understand.
Because they're
Nancy (18:58):
always gonna let you down because they're never gonna
meet, they're
Nick (19:01):
gonna let you down or any expectation that you have is
some preconceived notion of afalse feeling or emotions
anyway, right? And so thesepeople are going to consistently
let you down. And again, when Isay let you down doesn't mean
that it's a bad thing. It'sletting us down. That doesn't
mean that they're letting go.
They're not doing anythingwrong, right? They're just not
(19:21):
meeting our expectation, whichwe feel is letting us down. But
that's just such a bullshitnarrative. I don't know. I mean,
this, this could be a reallylong conversation. These are
like, the conversations thatNancy and I have sitting
together and just talking aboutsome of the things that we're
learning and wow, I learned thistoday. And I thought about this
(19:43):
and one of the things that I wastalking with her about today was
specifically about us and ourexpectations of other people and
how I feel that I know for me atleast, that my expectation has
been so high for other people.
And I've expected people tounderstand that and to be that
(20:05):
way. And because they don't, I'malways taking every Mr. We was
always getting so aggravated andpissed off. And I allowed that.
aggravation in those thoughts ona constant basis. Literally get
to the point, I believe that wasliterally ruining my life.
Nancy (20:24):
And I think for me, I don't think I ever had
expectations and people. That'swhat it's called. But in my
head, I wasn't seeing it thatway. I don't know if that makes
sense. No, to me, it was more orless. This way, you got to do
it. Like this, right? No, I getthat's what I'm saying. But I
didn't see it as an expectation.
It was just like, just do it theway you I don't know, whatever.
(20:45):
This is the way you do your bed.
This is the way you do thedishes. This is the way you do
whatever it is. And if youdon't, it's like what is going
on. But in my head. I wasn'tthinking that was an
expectation. So I could see. NowI can see why people would what
the fuck this bitch always wantsthis or always wants, you know
what I mean, but I wasn'tthinking it like, in my head. It
(21:08):
was just the right way. But itwas my it was just the
Nick (21:12):
way exactly part of that problem. Part of that thought
process is that we assume thateverybody knows exactly what
we're talking about. Totally,because you feel or we feel that
this is so simple. How do younot know totally, yes. So it's
more of an assumption. Maybethen an expectation in your
(21:33):
mind, which is even dumber?
Like, I mean, I'm just beingstraight up. That's not a good.
Yeah. I mean, you're welcome.
But what what's anotherepiphany, that's the thing, when
you work so hard, and you'vebeen through what we've been
through, and you have to you,and I, individually, and
(21:53):
together had to crawl ourfucking way through life doing
what we were doing. Nobody wasthere to tell us. It was trial
and error. Mistakes weremistakes. choices were choices,
good or bad, black or white? Itdidn't fucking matter. Right? So
when we do something, and itworks for us, we just assumed
(22:15):
that it should work foreverybody else. Number one, or
we just assumed that theyalready knew and had already
been through the same thing inlife. Right? And right, that's,
that's totally that's ultimatelywhat assumed? Yeah. So then
we're just like, Oh, isn't thislooking symbol? What the fuck is
your problem? Don't buck?
Nancy (22:33):
Alright, now that we're kind of like, I don't know. I
don't know if it's taking careof ourselves, or like, pay more
attention to ourselves, orwhatever it is. It's like you
kind of like really notice someof these things. You know what I
mean? Like, I'm really noticingstuff. That's crazy.
Nick (22:50):
I mean, I guess in here, people, this is why we're
different. Right? For me, I'lltell you right now that I 100%
with every fucking fiber in myfucking body thought that we
were raising our son to behappy, healthy, kind, right, a
(23:13):
productive citizen, all thesethings that that I don't feel I
was raised or you feel you wereraised. And when we were told
that he's traumatized, Icouldn't understand that. I
still have a problemunderstanding some of it. Yes,
(23:35):
some of it, probably. But Irealized, again, is exactly what
we've just been talking about.
Yeah. He's a human being. And weweren't in his I'm not there. I
don't know. What he went throughthat caused so much trauma.
First of all, I didn't want toadmit it, because obviously, I'm
like, What the fuck, but thenI'm like, Okay, if I did, and
(23:56):
I'm fucking, first of all, wewent through the emotion of
being pissed off and angry. Andthen it's almost like traumatize
yourself. There was so much painbecause there's all that
involved with it, because we'renot really have the same
relationship we did. And then tofeel that we caused our son that
trauma is devastating. So yes,this is where it started for me.
(24:20):
And my mind started to becomepliable, my mind started to
become looser, like playdoughand then turn jelly. You know,
it gets softer and softer toaccept the fact that number one,
I don't know everything. Numbertwo, it doesn't matter what my
(24:41):
expectations are. They're notalways going to be met. Number
three, doesn't matter what myperspective is on things. People
aren't going to have the sameperspective or even receive or
reciprocate. What you feel wasthe necessary or right thing
you're doing at the time. All ofthose things, along with all
(25:04):
those fucked up emotions andfeelings. Yeah, dude, that's a
big fucking blow to your fuckingego, it's a big blow to your
mind, it's a big blow to ourlives, what did we hear the
other day, it's like, you'rejust cut off. It's like you're a
car do a 95 miles an hour, andyou literally hit a fucking
(25:27):
brick wall. Every thing for thepast 54 years that I thought I
was working towards, done. Now,in reality, it's not, because
all the real things, thegoodness and everything, we just
kept compressing and compressingit, putting it to the bottom,
(25:50):
all those real things. Now onceyou get rid of a lot of these
emotions, and a lot of thesefeelings and a lot of the
fucking just the thoughts andthe fucking negativity and all
that shit, once that stuffstarts to literally vaporize out
of your body and out of yourmind, then the good shit starts
to make its way up to the topagain, start to grow. And I
(26:14):
think that's what's happening.
And I really hope if there ishope for all of us, that we
begin to realize that man, weare all different, but yet the
(26:35):
same. And that no matter whathappens, just because people
don't understand what we'resaying or trying to convey or
trying to teach or whatever atthe time. It's not about
necessarily being a teacher allthe time. It's not about having
all the answers all the time.
It's about sharing, and it'sabout listening. You don't have
(26:56):
to have all the answers justhaving it just sometimes be
there sometimes. We talked abouthugging, we've been hugging more
every day.
Nancy (27:08):
Because now
Nick (27:11):
I'm just saying like just that kind of touch and that kind
of feeling. And that kind ofjust understanding, I think goes
a long way. Yeah, anyway, thisis what we do. We have
conversations and part of ourpodcasts, being authentic and
really just bringing out thebest of us and the worst of us
(27:32):
and just sharing it with youguys and fucking, we have three
or four guests that we havecoming up on the podcast that
have different stories that Ithink you guys will find it
inspiring and interesting. And Ihope you guys tune in for that.
Give us a like and a heads upand a thumbs up and whatever all
the shit that you do for thesefucking things. Hope you guys
(27:54):
get something out of theselittle conversations. We
appreciate you
Nancy (27:57):
guys listening. Thanks.
Nick (28:00):
Thanks and we'll talk to you soon. Buh bye.
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