September 27, 2023 • 19 mins
In this raw and authentic episode, Nancy and I have an honest conversation during an evening walk about the pain of feeling estranged from our son and granddaughters. We open up about the lessons we’ve learned through this difficult experience, like living more in the present moment, realizing we were good parents because we raised a strong leader, and finding the positives that came from the negative. Even when family relationships get complicated, focusing on personal growth can help you move forward.
Timeline Summary:
[00:20] Taking an evening walk to have an authentic, deep talk.
[01:14] Recalling the quality time spent with our granddaughters before the rift.
[02:25] The pain of estrangement comes in many forms.
[03:01] Our situation is different, but pain is pain.
[04:53] Cherishing every moment now in case it’s the last time we see them.
[06:06] Being present in each moment is a big lesson learned.
[07:43] Having more meaningful conversations by being authentic.
[09:45] We’re focused on being truthful now.
[10:31] Living in the moment encompasses it all.
[10:47] Realizing we were good parents despite our flaws.
[11:33] Our son had to make some tough decisions.
[13:09] As parents you want your kids to tell you anything.
[13:36] He told us off and that takes balls.
[14:48] Our son is finding himself.
[15:59] This gave us momentum to move our lives forward.
[16:33] Forgiveness comes in all kinds of forms.
If you're digging our stories and loving the ride, do us a solid - rate us, follow the podcast, and share it with your crew. Your reviews mean the world to us and keep us bringing you more f*ck'n authentic stories. Until next time, folks, stay f*ck'n authentic!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Nick (00:07):
It's time to get fucking authentic so we are on a walk
tonight and she's looking at melike did you really just start
the fucking like? I just said, Ijust
Nancy (00:20):
wait until the stop sign here
Nick (00:22):
I start the fucking oh man, you
Nancy (00:24):
gotta love it.
Nick (00:25):
We decided to walk take you on a walk with us in nature
is where we have some of thedeepest conversations as the
planes are flying ahead aheadahead on top of us. We really go
back all the time, don't we?
Because it's always on our mind.
Right? Our family is always onour mind. Yes, I don't think
(00:48):
that the let's just say astrange man. We're going to,
we're going to talk about thatin a second about the word
estrangement. But I don't thinkthat that ever leaves our minds
of being able to see our kids,our granddaughters, as much as
we'd like to. We're used toseeing them. It was 1520 hours a
(01:11):
week, let's say. Right? Well,
Nancy (01:14):
we were able to babysit, we were able to I mean, though,
yeah, we slept
Nick (01:17):
we shared in a lot with them. Yes, everything pretty
much, basically. And now it'sdown to say, you know, four or
five hours every two weeks to amonth. And it's still tough.
It's not any easier. Justbecause time goes by time does
heal things. But it's stillhard. Yes, it is, you know, so
(01:41):
we wanted to bring you alongwith some of the conversations
we have, and some of the lessonsthat we have learned that are
actually positive from this.
Because believe me, there issome positive from it. Nancy had
talked about one thing that wassort of on her mind, where we
wanted to talk a little bitabout a stranger. And we
realized that a strange man hasdifferent meanings to different
(02:03):
people. Yes, we in thebeginning, I obviously thought
that all was lost. Obviously,when your son tells you that
it'd be easier if we were dead.
I think we've talked that wedon't, we don't think that he
necessarily meant he wanted usdead. Just the fact that it
would be easier if we were dead,which it probably would be
because well, in a sense of
Nancy (02:25):
exactly. You don't have to see the person you don't have
to. You don't have
Nick (02:29):
to worry about dealing with that person. If I really
don't want to see them to
Nancy (02:33):
become making an appointment. You know, we can
see our grandchildren.
Nick (02:37):
Yes, yeah. But at that time, obviously, there's a lot
of emotions going through ourmind. Right? A lot of feelings a
lot of fucking hurt.
Nancy (02:45):
Yeah, some people get totally separated from whatever
the individual is, and never getto see them. Use rangement Yes,
for years, or whatever the caseis, ours is a little different.
Or a lot different, I guess, youknow, then well, ours
Nick (03:01):
is different in the sense that we still are able to spend
time with our granddaughters andour family. Right? But the only
minus our daughter, but,
Nancy (03:14):
but the pain and what we went through Pain is pain. Pain
is pain, no matter how
Nick (03:23):
goo, it's how you're experiencing it. So pain is that
moment, the definition of painis the same. We could feel
estranged from our family,seeing them for hours a week and
call that estrangement. And thatcan be as painful for us as it
is, as opposed to someone whodoesn't get to see their
grandkids at all. And don't evenknow where their kids are right?
(03:46):
Or granddaughters or grandkids.
And so although I say that,well, I wonder if that would
cause me more pain than how itis now. It's not necessarily
true. Because now we get to seeour granddaughters every four
weeks. Every one ever Yeah. Andit's Well, every four weeks,
four hours every four weeks orevery two weeks now. And yet,
when they leave, I miss them.
(04:09):
fucking terrible. It's like aroller coaster. It's like, it's
like that wound is constantlybeing open today. And so how do
you deal with that pain? Soagain, estrangement comes in
various forms. Sometimes peoplesay well, with the grieving
process, I wish. Maybe that'swhy our son said, it'd be easier
if we were dead. Yes, it'salmost like if you didn't see
(04:31):
him at all, would that pain goaway quicker? Or would you
suppress it? You know, quicker,right? I don't want to know what
it is. But I'm not trying to dothat either. Right. I mean, I
think one thing that it's taughtus getting right into that is
that we talk about moments inthe fucking moments that I spend
with my family now, I think isquite special for me. Anyway, I
(04:55):
agree. I pay way more attentionto the camera. sation into
what's being said, and to themannerisms and to the way that
we interact, right. And I loveit. And every minute that I
spend with them is special. AndI appreciate that.
Nancy (05:13):
I totally agree with what you're saying, I take it a step
further. Because I feel like andI know, it's just me, because
you know how I am a member, justleave me here.
Unknown (05:24):
Just go just leave and die here. But I always roll.
Yeah. You know,
Nancy (05:30):
what is this the last day that I'm going to see? My
family? Right? You know what Imean? Like, it's something going
to change, whether it be youknow, something happens to one
of them, or they decide tochange your mind now, and you
know, what, I don't know, heardsomething from somebody or
whatever the case is, and all ofa sudden, was who our
(05:53):
granddaughter who was our son,and grant, you know, you know,
so I think for me, that's why I,I do cherish those moments I do,
you know, indulge in it? Righttime,
Nick (06:06):
right? Well, and I think again, that's one of the lessons
we've learned. And that's notjust with, this extends beyond
our family, it truly does. Yes,being in the moment is one of
the lessons and that's withourselves, that's with just
everything we do. Now, we havethe thing that that is up on our
wall that's been there for overa year now. And you're like, Oh
(06:28):
my God, I don't want to thinkabout that. Because it sounds
morbid, blah, blah, blah, whichis, some of you may know it,
some of you don't as mementomori, which is, we all have
about a lifespan of about 80years. And this is a countdown
calendar for 80 years, everyweek, you mark off a box. So
(06:49):
every year, it's 52 weeks, andthe line goes down till you're
80 years old. And that the ideais that every week, you fill in
that box, and it shows you thattime is passing, and that you
should be thankful. And youshould live for every moment.
(07:10):
Because life just keeps going.
And it just keeps passing youby. And the idea is that you
live for the moment, and thatyou cherish everything for the
moment, because we never knowwhen we're going to die. We
never know when the last timeand for most people that does
sound morbid. Oh my god, you'recounting down your death, but
you're actually not. What you'redoing is you're counting down
(07:30):
your life. And you're countingdown every moment that you're
taking. And I think that that'sawesome. That again, is about
the moment. That's the lessonthat we learned about living in
the moment.
Nancy (07:42):
And it is true. I mean, I do feel even when I have a
conversation with anybody, Imean, even a total stranger, I
do feel that I give or listenundivided. You know what I mean,
by the detention? Oh, totally.
Like, I just like, it's such adifference. You know what I
mean? So that is one huge thingthat we will I have taken away
(08:03):
from this?
Nick (08:06):
Well, I remember you used to tell me even when we were
with the girls, when before thishad happened. And we would be
babysitting or whatever, and I'dbe on my phone or. And you'd be
like, Man, you need to be in themoment more need to pay
attention more to what's goingon. And it's almost like you
take for granted, the times thatyou do have. And you take for
granted those little things, thelittle things that matter, the
(08:30):
little conversations, the littlenuances of seeing them and then
their little attitude or, or youor whatever, right. And those
are the things that we miss,just by not being in the moment.
And those are the little thingsthat actually do matter the most
definitely. So I think that'sone of the biggest lessons that
(08:52):
we have learned. And I think wepay attention more to each other
because of that as well. Oh,yeah. And our conversations are
meaningful. Well, meaning less,yeah, it's
Nancy (09:03):
not even conversations, but it'll be like, I think we
notice even you're doingsomething and you'll see my
face, you know that I just gavea look or whatever. Okay, what
was that all about? Or what'swhat's going on with that? You
know, and how many times do youdo that to anyone? Right? You
know, when it's like, instead ofhaving that conversation with
(09:24):
that person, well look, the wayyou did this just kind of Sure,
pissed me off, or just put me inthis mood or whatever the case
is. And I think that is a hugething that it's done for us.
Yeah. Yeah. To get back to justbeing truthful. Yeah. to just
say, what's on your mind and not
Nick (09:45):
what's authentic, right.
The whole thing about what we'retalking about,
Unknown (09:48):
I mean, that was about this
Nick (09:49):
podcast
Nancy (09:50):
part of this whole thing how this all began. It's like,
it was all fake. You know what Imean? It was like, there was no
substance, substance youcouldn't tell See what was wrong
or what you seen or whatever.
And so you chose to do it oneway or whatever the case is. I
think that happens in lifeperiod. You know what I mean?
(10:10):
I'm tired, I'm this or whatever,right? And you just don't want
to talk about it and you shutdown or you, you know, yeah,
give the face or the look
Nick (10:19):
tired, or you just don't feel that your words mean
anything anymore. Your value isdiminished or whatever. Yeah,
no, I get it. I. So I
Nancy (10:27):
think that's, that's a huge it all encompasses in the
moment?
Nick (10:31):
Well, there's so many strings attached to that,
really, we really, you know, atsome point, will probably wind
up going through all that shit.
Maybe when we write a book, youknow, I don't know.
Nancy (10:41):
Because I'm such a writer. Well, yeah.
Nick (10:45):
I think another thing that we've learned is, we never
realized that going through orgoing through, it really brings
up the definition or the actual,what this has done for me. And I
know we've had a conversation,and I think it's done for you as
well, is it's made us realizeone thing, and that we really
(11:08):
were, and really are goodparents. Right. And what I mean
by that is that we neverrealize, as parents the effect
that you have on your kids bothgood and bad. Definitely. And I
think that although there mayhave been some less than
(11:30):
desirable traits that our sonwants to overcome, that he might
have learned from us. I think I
Nancy (11:38):
do think that's one of the things we we didn't
Unknown (11:41):
realize,
Nick (11:42):
but that's us being us.
Yes. But one thing I do realizeis that there are a lot of
things that he is stuck, beinglike us, whether he likes it or
not, you know, through word andthrough example, there was a few
things that we taught our sonthat we didn't even realize, one
of them was be a leader. Iremember I used to talk to your
(12:06):
stomach when he you werepregnant, I would tell you about
be a leader. Don't let anybodytake advantage. You don't let
anybody walk all over you. Youset the standard, right? You do
that. And it's funny. Becausesometimes when you are a leader,
and sometimes when you're thetrendsetter, or the person who's
moving forward, or trying toactually reinvent themselves, or
(12:29):
make themselves better, you haveto make some tough fucking
decisions. And that's with any,let's say, CEO of any company or
whatever, you have to make toughdecisions for the people around
you. Yeah, I'll tell you. Onething that I've learned in
particular, and I know we'vetalked about this, that we've
learned as well is that he madea decision to fucking tell us
(12:52):
the fuck off. Yeah. And, dude,if you think about it, that's a
tough fucking decision. He saidit he said in the conversation
that I remember specifically,that I can't believe that I'm
actually telling you guys this.
Yeah.
Nancy (13:09):
And in my, you know, my mind, I'm like, What do you
mean, your parents, you can tellus anything.
Nick (13:15):
But the bottom line is, what he meant specifically, was,
I'm telling my parents, thepeople who I love the people who
raised me to be who I am. I'mtelling them basically that I
wish it'd be easier if you guyswere dead. Almost like, fuck
you.
Nancy (13:33):
Right? I'm gonna do what I got to do.
Nick (13:36):
It takes some fucking balls. Yeah, sure. If we, if, if
we think that our son is somepushover or can handle his shit,
or can handle his life, thatshame on us, because the bottom
line is he is a fucking man. Thebottom line is, he told us to
fuck off. And that's first ofall, they became personal in the
(13:59):
beginning. But Who the fuck areyou? First of all, these are
some who the fuck are you totell me that? Number one. Number
two. Wow, who the fuck are youthat? You got some balls? Boy?
Well,
Nancy (14:09):
maybe you took it that way again. Today, he could have
said this a long time ago.
Nick (14:16):
Right? And I think but I think that he may come to that
conclusion. He may say, Man, Icould have told you that a long
time ago. We didn't have to gothrough any of this. Right? But
again, he said that I again, goback to everybody, this this is
the human element of it all,whether it's our son or not.
Whether it's caused us pain ornot, whether we miss our family
(14:38):
or not, whether we'd love to seeour granddaughters every fucking
day or not. We're all human. Andwe're going to take it the way
we take it. He also like I'vesaid before, and like a few of
our friends have told us thiskid is doing what he's got to
do. As a matter of fact, one ofthe podcasts depending on when
this one actually plays that I Ihad a conversation and the
(15:01):
conversation was, your son istrying to find himself. He needs
to do this on his own, to findhimself to find out what kind of
man he is, without us beingthere and without us without him
having to rely on us, right. Andso, you know, the second lesson
(15:21):
would be is, man, be careful,because if you raise your kids
to be independent thinkers andto think for themselves and to
stick up for themselves,someday, they may tell you to
fuck off. Like bite you in theass and I again, but no go back
to its business in the ass. Butman, that chunk that he fucking
(15:43):
bit out of my ass has made merealize a lot of things. And
like we've said, it has given usthe momentum to move forward
with our own lives as well.
Right with a lot of things,
Nancy (16:00):
no, definitely was doing a lot more. So many avenues.
Were going in so many
Nick (16:06):
different stories, a lot of other things to do
Nancy (16:08):
that we probably wouldn't have done, you know, we became
complacent,
Nick (16:12):
being fucking authentic and taking off our mask. We've
allowed ourselves we did allowourselves to be caught up in the
everyday life and to becomerobots, and to have the masks.
So we have a good walk. Hope youguys sort of enjoyed this. It's
a few things we wanted to sharewith you about some lessons
we've learned. And one of thebiggest things is that after
(16:36):
feeling that, that this was apersonal thing. You know,
Forgiveness comes in all kindsof forms. And I don't think this
is something that willnecessarily forget. Because
every day I think about them.
But because I feel that I washurt. We feel still that's that
(16:58):
this was unnecessary. And rightnow that's the way we feel it
right. It's just this couldchange. So in this moment, I
still say that
Nancy (17:09):
changed. You know what I mean? I think that's the biggest
thing.
Nick (17:13):
Forgiveness is huge. And if there is forgiveness to be
made here, then we do forgiveour son for I say that, it will
be easier if we were dead or forbeing such a spoiled fucking
punk. Got whatever the fuck hewants. Again, in the bottom line
(17:34):
is, don't let the ship fester.
See the good and see thepossibilities? Through the pain
and keep going. Yeah, right. Imean,
Nancy (17:45):
you have to forget. But you can forgive?
Nick (17:49):
Well, and you have to see what good it's doing. It's
opening up, open your eyes, openyour heart, open your mind, to
the possibilities of what someof the most painful things that
we experience, create the bestfucking outcomes, ya know? And
that, I don't know what more tosay about that. We're living it
(18:12):
right now. And I know that we'redoing better and every time we
see our granddaughters, it'sfucking awesome. Yeah. And every
time we see our son, it'sbecoming a beautiful thing. And
it is what it is. And I thinkthat we need to do that. So we
just wanted to share this withyou guys. We hope it can just
(18:32):
strike up a conversation andmaybe talk about it. Or if
you're feeling lonely, or youknow, feeling pain of strange
men or in any kind ofrelationship. I wasn't saying
any kids, maybe you're estrangedfrom your parents, maybe your
parents are treating you likewhatever the case is. We just
hope that this helps out. Do usa favor though. Don't forget to
(18:54):
subscribe and like the podcastif this is helping you guys out
at all or you just love whatyou're hearing, write a review.
It really gives us theopportunity to be able to
continue sharing this witheverybody and to keep pushing
out the episodes as much as wecan. So if you guys would do
that for us, and we'd appreciateit. Talk to you soon. Talk to
(19:15):
you soon.
It's time to get fucking authentic so we are on a walk
tonight and she's looking at melike did you really just start
the fucking like? I just said, Ijust
Nancy (00:20):
wait until the stop sign here
Nick (00:22):
I start the fucking oh man, you
Nancy (00:24):
gotta love it.
Nick (00:25):
We decided to walk take you on a walk with us in nature
is where we have some of thedeepest conversations as the
planes are flying ahead aheadahead on top of us. We really go
back all the time, don't we?
Because it's always on our mind.
Right? Our family is always onour mind. Yes, I don't think
(00:48):
that the let's just say astrange man. We're going to,
we're going to talk about thatin a second about the word
estrangement. But I don't thinkthat that ever leaves our minds
of being able to see our kids,our granddaughters, as much as
we'd like to. We're used toseeing them. It was 1520 hours a
(01:11):
week, let's say. Right? Well,
Nancy (01:14):
we were able to babysit, we were able to I mean, though,
yeah, we slept
Nick (01:17):
we shared in a lot with them. Yes, everything pretty
much, basically. And now it'sdown to say, you know, four or
five hours every two weeks to amonth. And it's still tough.
It's not any easier. Justbecause time goes by time does
heal things. But it's stillhard. Yes, it is, you know, so
(01:41):
we wanted to bring you alongwith some of the conversations
we have, and some of the lessonsthat we have learned that are
actually positive from this.
Because believe me, there issome positive from it. Nancy had
talked about one thing that wassort of on her mind, where we
wanted to talk a little bitabout a stranger. And we
realized that a strange man hasdifferent meanings to different
(02:03):
people. Yes, we in thebeginning, I obviously thought
that all was lost. Obviously,when your son tells you that
it'd be easier if we were dead.
I think we've talked that wedon't, we don't think that he
necessarily meant he wanted usdead. Just the fact that it
would be easier if we were dead,which it probably would be
because well, in a sense of
Nancy (02:25):
exactly. You don't have to see the person you don't have
to. You don't have
Nick (02:29):
to worry about dealing with that person. If I really
don't want to see them to
Nancy (02:33):
become making an appointment. You know, we can
see our grandchildren.
Nick (02:37):
Yes, yeah. But at that time, obviously, there's a lot
of emotions going through ourmind. Right? A lot of feelings a
lot of fucking hurt.
Nancy (02:45):
Yeah, some people get totally separated from whatever
the individual is, and never getto see them. Use rangement Yes,
for years, or whatever the caseis, ours is a little different.
Or a lot different, I guess, youknow, then well, ours
Nick (03:01):
is different in the sense that we still are able to spend
time with our granddaughters andour family. Right? But the only
minus our daughter, but,
Nancy (03:14):
but the pain and what we went through Pain is pain. Pain
is pain, no matter how
Nick (03:23):
goo, it's how you're experiencing it. So pain is that
moment, the definition of painis the same. We could feel
estranged from our family,seeing them for hours a week and
call that estrangement. And thatcan be as painful for us as it
is, as opposed to someone whodoesn't get to see their
grandkids at all. And don't evenknow where their kids are right?
(03:46):
Or granddaughters or grandkids.
And so although I say that,well, I wonder if that would
cause me more pain than how itis now. It's not necessarily
true. Because now we get to seeour granddaughters every four
weeks. Every one ever Yeah. Andit's Well, every four weeks,
four hours every four weeks orevery two weeks now. And yet,
when they leave, I miss them.
(04:09):
fucking terrible. It's like aroller coaster. It's like, it's
like that wound is constantlybeing open today. And so how do
you deal with that pain? Soagain, estrangement comes in
various forms. Sometimes peoplesay well, with the grieving
process, I wish. Maybe that'swhy our son said, it'd be easier
if we were dead. Yes, it'salmost like if you didn't see
(04:31):
him at all, would that pain goaway quicker? Or would you
suppress it? You know, quicker,right? I don't want to know what
it is. But I'm not trying to dothat either. Right. I mean, I
think one thing that it's taughtus getting right into that is
that we talk about moments inthe fucking moments that I spend
with my family now, I think isquite special for me. Anyway, I
(04:55):
agree. I pay way more attentionto the camera. sation into
what's being said, and to themannerisms and to the way that
we interact, right. And I loveit. And every minute that I
spend with them is special. AndI appreciate that.
Nancy (05:13):
I totally agree with what you're saying, I take it a step
further. Because I feel like andI know, it's just me, because
you know how I am a member, justleave me here.
Unknown (05:24):
Just go just leave and die here. But I always roll.
Yeah. You know,
Nancy (05:30):
what is this the last day that I'm going to see? My
family? Right? You know what Imean? Like, it's something going
to change, whether it be youknow, something happens to one
of them, or they decide tochange your mind now, and you
know, what, I don't know, heardsomething from somebody or
whatever the case is, and all ofa sudden, was who our
(05:53):
granddaughter who was our son,and grant, you know, you know,
so I think for me, that's why I,I do cherish those moments I do,
you know, indulge in it? Righttime,
Nick (06:06):
right? Well, and I think again, that's one of the lessons
we've learned. And that's notjust with, this extends beyond
our family, it truly does. Yes,being in the moment is one of
the lessons and that's withourselves, that's with just
everything we do. Now, we havethe thing that that is up on our
wall that's been there for overa year now. And you're like, Oh
(06:28):
my God, I don't want to thinkabout that. Because it sounds
morbid, blah, blah, blah, whichis, some of you may know it,
some of you don't as mementomori, which is, we all have
about a lifespan of about 80years. And this is a countdown
calendar for 80 years, everyweek, you mark off a box. So
(06:49):
every year, it's 52 weeks, andthe line goes down till you're
80 years old. And that the ideais that every week, you fill in
that box, and it shows you thattime is passing, and that you
should be thankful. And youshould live for every moment.
(07:10):
Because life just keeps going.
And it just keeps passing youby. And the idea is that you
live for the moment, and thatyou cherish everything for the
moment, because we never knowwhen we're going to die. We
never know when the last timeand for most people that does
sound morbid. Oh my god, you'recounting down your death, but
you're actually not. What you'redoing is you're counting down
(07:30):
your life. And you're countingdown every moment that you're
taking. And I think that that'sawesome. That again, is about
the moment. That's the lessonthat we learned about living in
the moment.
Nancy (07:42):
And it is true. I mean, I do feel even when I have a
conversation with anybody, Imean, even a total stranger, I
do feel that I give or listenundivided. You know what I mean,
by the detention? Oh, totally.
Like, I just like, it's such adifference. You know what I
mean? So that is one huge thingthat we will I have taken away
(08:03):
from this?
Nick (08:06):
Well, I remember you used to tell me even when we were
with the girls, when before thishad happened. And we would be
babysitting or whatever, and I'dbe on my phone or. And you'd be
like, Man, you need to be in themoment more need to pay
attention more to what's goingon. And it's almost like you
take for granted, the times thatyou do have. And you take for
granted those little things, thelittle things that matter, the
(08:30):
little conversations, the littlenuances of seeing them and then
their little attitude or, or youor whatever, right. And those
are the things that we miss,just by not being in the moment.
And those are the little thingsthat actually do matter the most
definitely. So I think that'sone of the biggest lessons that
(08:52):
we have learned. And I think wepay attention more to each other
because of that as well. Oh,yeah. And our conversations are
meaningful. Well, meaning less,yeah, it's
Nancy (09:03):
not even conversations, but it'll be like, I think we
notice even you're doingsomething and you'll see my
face, you know that I just gavea look or whatever. Okay, what
was that all about? Or what'swhat's going on with that? You
know, and how many times do youdo that to anyone? Right? You
know, when it's like, instead ofhaving that conversation with
(09:24):
that person, well look, the wayyou did this just kind of Sure,
pissed me off, or just put me inthis mood or whatever the case
is. And I think that is a hugething that it's done for us.
Yeah. Yeah. To get back to justbeing truthful. Yeah. to just
say, what's on your mind and not
Nick (09:45):
what's authentic, right.
The whole thing about what we'retalking about,
Unknown (09:48):
I mean, that was about this
Nick (09:49):
podcast
Nancy (09:50):
part of this whole thing how this all began. It's like,
it was all fake. You know what Imean? It was like, there was no
substance, substance youcouldn't tell See what was wrong
or what you seen or whatever.
And so you chose to do it oneway or whatever the case is. I
think that happens in lifeperiod. You know what I mean?
(10:10):
I'm tired, I'm this or whatever,right? And you just don't want
to talk about it and you shutdown or you, you know, yeah,
give the face or the look
Nick (10:19):
tired, or you just don't feel that your words mean
anything anymore. Your value isdiminished or whatever. Yeah,
no, I get it. I. So I
Nancy (10:27):
think that's, that's a huge it all encompasses in the
moment?
Nick (10:31):
Well, there's so many strings attached to that,
really, we really, you know, atsome point, will probably wind
up going through all that shit.
Maybe when we write a book, youknow, I don't know.
Nancy (10:41):
Because I'm such a writer. Well, yeah.
Nick (10:45):
I think another thing that we've learned is, we never
realized that going through orgoing through, it really brings
up the definition or the actual,what this has done for me. And I
know we've had a conversation,and I think it's done for you as
well, is it's made us realizeone thing, and that we really
(11:08):
were, and really are goodparents. Right. And what I mean
by that is that we neverrealize, as parents the effect
that you have on your kids bothgood and bad. Definitely. And I
think that although there mayhave been some less than
(11:30):
desirable traits that our sonwants to overcome, that he might
have learned from us. I think I
Nancy (11:38):
do think that's one of the things we we didn't
Unknown (11:41):
realize,
Nick (11:42):
but that's us being us.
Yes. But one thing I do realizeis that there are a lot of
things that he is stuck, beinglike us, whether he likes it or
not, you know, through word andthrough example, there was a few
things that we taught our sonthat we didn't even realize, one
of them was be a leader. Iremember I used to talk to your
(12:06):
stomach when he you werepregnant, I would tell you about
be a leader. Don't let anybodytake advantage. You don't let
anybody walk all over you. Youset the standard, right? You do
that. And it's funny. Becausesometimes when you are a leader,
and sometimes when you're thetrendsetter, or the person who's
moving forward, or trying toactually reinvent themselves, or
(12:29):
make themselves better, you haveto make some tough fucking
decisions. And that's with any,let's say, CEO of any company or
whatever, you have to make toughdecisions for the people around
you. Yeah, I'll tell you. Onething that I've learned in
particular, and I know we'vetalked about this, that we've
learned as well is that he madea decision to fucking tell us
(12:52):
the fuck off. Yeah. And, dude,if you think about it, that's a
tough fucking decision. He saidit he said in the conversation
that I remember specifically,that I can't believe that I'm
actually telling you guys this.
Yeah.
Nancy (13:09):
And in my, you know, my mind, I'm like, What do you
mean, your parents, you can tellus anything.
Nick (13:15):
But the bottom line is, what he meant specifically, was,
I'm telling my parents, thepeople who I love the people who
raised me to be who I am. I'mtelling them basically that I
wish it'd be easier if you guyswere dead. Almost like, fuck
you.
Nancy (13:33):
Right? I'm gonna do what I got to do.
Nick (13:36):
It takes some fucking balls. Yeah, sure. If we, if, if
we think that our son is somepushover or can handle his shit,
or can handle his life, thatshame on us, because the bottom
line is he is a fucking man. Thebottom line is, he told us to
fuck off. And that's first ofall, they became personal in the
(13:59):
beginning. But Who the fuck areyou? First of all, these are
some who the fuck are you totell me that? Number one. Number
two. Wow, who the fuck are youthat? You got some balls? Boy?
Well,
Nancy (14:09):
maybe you took it that way again. Today, he could have
said this a long time ago.
Nick (14:16):
Right? And I think but I think that he may come to that
conclusion. He may say, Man, Icould have told you that a long
time ago. We didn't have to gothrough any of this. Right? But
again, he said that I again, goback to everybody, this this is
the human element of it all,whether it's our son or not.
Whether it's caused us pain ornot, whether we miss our family
(14:38):
or not, whether we'd love to seeour granddaughters every fucking
day or not. We're all human. Andwe're going to take it the way
we take it. He also like I'vesaid before, and like a few of
our friends have told us thiskid is doing what he's got to
do. As a matter of fact, one ofthe podcasts depending on when
this one actually plays that I Ihad a conversation and the
(15:01):
conversation was, your son istrying to find himself. He needs
to do this on his own, to findhimself to find out what kind of
man he is, without us beingthere and without us without him
having to rely on us, right. Andso, you know, the second lesson
(15:21):
would be is, man, be careful,because if you raise your kids
to be independent thinkers andto think for themselves and to
stick up for themselves,someday, they may tell you to
fuck off. Like bite you in theass and I again, but no go back
to its business in the ass. Butman, that chunk that he fucking
(15:43):
bit out of my ass has made merealize a lot of things. And
like we've said, it has given usthe momentum to move forward
with our own lives as well.
Right with a lot of things,
Nancy (16:00):
no, definitely was doing a lot more. So many avenues.
Were going in so many
Nick (16:06):
different stories, a lot of other things to do
Nancy (16:08):
that we probably wouldn't have done, you know, we became
complacent,
Nick (16:12):
being fucking authentic and taking off our mask. We've
allowed ourselves we did allowourselves to be caught up in the
everyday life and to becomerobots, and to have the masks.
So we have a good walk. Hope youguys sort of enjoyed this. It's
a few things we wanted to sharewith you about some lessons
we've learned. And one of thebiggest things is that after
(16:36):
feeling that, that this was apersonal thing. You know,
Forgiveness comes in all kindsof forms. And I don't think this
is something that willnecessarily forget. Because
every day I think about them.
But because I feel that I washurt. We feel still that's that
(16:58):
this was unnecessary. And rightnow that's the way we feel it
right. It's just this couldchange. So in this moment, I
still say that
Nancy (17:09):
changed. You know what I mean? I think that's the biggest
thing.
Nick (17:13):
Forgiveness is huge. And if there is forgiveness to be
made here, then we do forgiveour son for I say that, it will
be easier if we were dead or forbeing such a spoiled fucking
punk. Got whatever the fuck hewants. Again, in the bottom line
(17:34):
is, don't let the ship fester.
See the good and see thepossibilities? Through the pain
and keep going. Yeah, right. Imean,
Nancy (17:45):
you have to forget. But you can forgive?
Nick (17:49):
Well, and you have to see what good it's doing. It's
opening up, open your eyes, openyour heart, open your mind, to
the possibilities of what someof the most painful things that
we experience, create the bestfucking outcomes, ya know? And
that, I don't know what more tosay about that. We're living it
(18:12):
right now. And I know that we'redoing better and every time we
see our granddaughters, it'sfucking awesome. Yeah. And every
time we see our son, it'sbecoming a beautiful thing. And
it is what it is. And I thinkthat we need to do that. So we
just wanted to share this withyou guys. We hope it can just
(18:32):
strike up a conversation andmaybe talk about it. Or if
you're feeling lonely, or youknow, feeling pain of strange
men or in any kind ofrelationship. I wasn't saying
any kids, maybe you're estrangedfrom your parents, maybe your
parents are treating you likewhatever the case is. We just
hope that this helps out. Do usa favor though. Don't forget to
(18:54):
subscribe and like the podcastif this is helping you guys out
at all or you just love whatyou're hearing, write a review.
It really gives us theopportunity to be able to
continue sharing this witheverybody and to keep pushing
out the episodes as much as wecan. So if you guys would do
that for us, and we'd appreciateit. Talk to you soon. Talk to
(19:15):
you soon.
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