May 1, 2025 • 27 mins
The silences that follow our "no" speak volumes. As women, we've mastered saying the word itself, but it's what happens after—that uncomfortable pause—where we often surrender our power.
In this eye-opening conversation, author Amy Wilson discusses her new book "Happy to Help: Adventures of a People Pleaser," revealing how deeply ingrained the people-pleasing tendency becomes in women's lives. When Amy tells us that people-pleasing is "putting other people's wants and needs before your own," she's describing the unspoken assignment given to every mother, every woman. Yet this societal expectation exacts a serious toll, from strained relationships to physical illness.
What makes this discussion particularly powerful is Wilson's ability to distinguish between life's unavoidable challenges and the optional burdens we assume. "When you've got a sick parent and a sick kid at the same time, you're not a people pleaser—you're just somebody with too much on your plate," she notes, helping listeners separate necessary responsibilities from those taken on purely out of obligation or need for external validation.
The conversation explores "socially prescribed perfectionism"—the researched phenomenon where women internalize impossibly high societal standards—and offers refreshing perspectives on female friendships, writing discipline, and self-compassion. Wilson's advice to her younger self resonates deeply: "When hard times come, they're hard because they're hard, not because there's anything wrong with you."
Whether you identify as a people pleaser or simply find yourself perpetually overwhelmed, this episode provides both validation and practical wisdom for reclaiming your boundaries without sacrificing meaningful connections. Listen now for a transformative conversation that might just change how you respond the next time someone asks for "just one more thing."
Connect with Amy Wilson Click here:
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Fearlessly Facing Fifty and Beyond has over 200 episodes with inspiration and stories to age fearlessly and connect confidently to others thriving at midlife and beyond.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Hey, fearless friends , it's Amy Schmidt and back with
another fabulous episode as wefearlessly face another one of
these F-words this could befearlessly facing our future,
our friends, all sorts ofdifferent things we're going to
cover in this episode, but I'mso happy just to be back on the
air doing this and this is mythird interview of today.
(00:28):
Actually, I usually try tobatch about three every time I'm
in the studio and there is somuch great energy today and I
know that this interview withAmy Wilson is not going to
disappoint.
That energy level is going tobe right there.
Amy is an amazing author of abook that was released on
January 7th, so not too long ago.
(00:49):
Happy to Help Adventures of aPeople Pleaser.
Okay, right there, that's likea mic drop People Pleaser, amy.
If you know, you know.
It should say at the bottom Ifyou know, you know.
Oh my gosh, I just think thisis amazing and I've been
watching you and following youand, of course, this is being
published out of Zivi Books andI'm a big fan of Zivi, I know
(01:11):
Zivi and so proud of what shedoes and continues to do and so
happy you're part of that group,me too, me too.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Thanks for having me, amy.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Absolutely.
So let's dig into this becauseyou know, fearlessly, facing 50
and Beyond, I certainly, when Ilaunched this back before I
turned 50, a lot of people havesaid you know, amy, how do you
do it all, how do you continueto do this, how do you keep your
(01:41):
momentum?
I mean, do you feel like youjust have to keep up, like you
have to please everybody?
I get asked that sometimes.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, and I like doing a lot.
I like getting a lot done.
I think I draw a lot ofidentity from that and sometimes
I think, when we use the termpeople pleaser, which I think
tends to be pretty pejorative,we think of somebody who is so
busy wondering if everybody'smad at her, she can't get out of
her own way, she can't get outof the starting blocks at all,
(02:09):
and I think, well, I have a lotto say about it.
But I think that there's a lotof women like you and me and a
lot of us who get a lot done,who are quite capable and yet
who are hampered by thesefeelings like we need to be
doing more, no matter how muchwe do, these feelings like we
need to be doing more, no matterhow much we do.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You know, it's funny that you say that.
I wrote a part in my book yearsago that I talked about.
There was a good friend of minewho was living in Connecticut
at the time and she, you know, Ihad three kids and a husband
that traveled about three orfour nights a week every week,
and I was PTA president.
I was doing all the things,doing all the things like so
many of us do.
And my good friend said to me Idrove a Honda Odyssey at the
(02:48):
time and she said Aime, everytime I go past your house,
you're never home, You're alwaysdoing something, You're always
busy.
And I had a moment when Ireally thought about that,
because that was one of my dearfriends, and I thought you know,
am I just filling this circlewith like endless stuff?
Because if I actually wassilent and still with myself,
(03:10):
would I like myself?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You know it's an interesting transition as you
face 50 and beyond that.
Those things I think you cankeep very busy when your kids
are younger, school-aged withsaying yes to the things that
are asked of you.
Our school systems still run onthe presumption that moms have
tons of time that they willdedicate, for free, to
(03:33):
everything.
That's the way America runs itsschool systems and so we do and
I wanted to.
I loved it.
I was there gluing the beardson at the Christmas pageant.
I was there cheering on thesidelines of the soccer games.
I mean I did it all, I showedup for all those things and it's
not that I didn't enjoy them,but I think in my case I took
those assignments and didn'twork to build the friendships or
(03:58):
the relationships while I wasthere or I wasn't doing sort of
work that would help thosethings keep going.
When your kid doesn't takeballet anymore and you miss
seeing those moms you used tosee at ballet, drop off, it's
work to keep those relationshipsgoing and I realized first
because of the pandemic and thenas my kids left the age of
being an age when they needed mearound that I couldn't depend
(04:20):
on that to have a life that wasfulfilling and full of friends.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
You know there's a part here that when I was
reading a little bit about you,it said you know, being a people
pleaser, and always being apeople pleaser, took a toll on
your health.
Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Well, yeah, I mean, I think being a people pleaser.
The most basic definition of itis putting other people's wants
and needs before your own,which I think is the assignment
for every parent, certainly anymother, Every mother has put
somebody else's wants and needsbefore her own.
I think from a young age, we'retold to do that.
So we're just following theassignment, some of us more
assiduously than others, and itdoes catch up with you because
(04:59):
there's not enough room for you.
So in my case, I still don'tknow if this is because I was a
people pleaser or because I gotan early version of COVID, but I
developed an autoimmune diseaseand the doctor asked me have
you been through anythingstressful?
And this was in 2021, after 18months at home, with everybody
you know, incessant, three mealsa day, Zoom, school.
(05:19):
And I said, yes, yes, I havebeen under something stressful.
And the doctor said, not that, Imean something like a car
accident, something reallystressful.
And I got really angry becauseI thought what does this guy
know?
This counts.
The pandemic was that stressfulfor me.
And then I thought, well, onehe doesn't know.
And two, it wasn't just thepandemic that I had been living
at this high level of stress fora long, long time and so that
(05:47):
autoimmune disease which wasbeing put back on me that you've
caused this by being toostressed all the time to think
like, okay, I have been prettystressed, but when were the
times I had a choice about thatand when were the times I didn't
like 18 months?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
of a pandemic Right?
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Wow, we don't always have a choice.
Being people pleaser is what wewere told to do, and then, when
we're overwhelmed that thatlabel is fed back to us as proof
of our own insufficiency, and Idon't think it's sufficient, I
don't think it's really a fix,and I think chasing what's wrong
with me instead of demandingthe changes in the situations
(06:20):
around us is never going to getus where we need to be, and the
situations around us is nevergoing to get us where we need to
be.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Right, right, you know I talk about it as well.
I mean, a lot of people havesaid this.
This is nothing I made up, buttalk to yourself as you do.
Your best friend, I like to say, you know, treat yourself as a
guest of honor.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
How many?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
times do we welcome guests in our home, we treat
them with kindness, we treatthem with love, patience, all
those things, and we don't do itfor ourselves.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
That's right.
I mean what I want when Iexpress that I need help or I'm
overwhelmed.
I think what I want more thananything is for somebody to say
to me I get it, you're handlinga lot, this is nuts.
I see how much you're doingRight, and then maybe let me
help you, let me take this onething off your plate, but you
want recognition that,objectively, you are handling a
(07:05):
lot, and I think that women we,I think, know to do that for
each other and I would be thatfriend.
You're right, I would offerthat support, have offered that
support to friends who are goingthrough some real tumble dryer
sort of times.
But when it's you yourself, youthink what's wrong with me?
Why am I not doing this better,faster, more happily?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well, you said the four-letter word in there.
It doesn't start with an F, butit started with an H and that
was help.
We are kind of raised as womento not ask for help because we
look weaker or we're not goingto get there as fast, because if
I do it and I'm in control ofit, I'm going to get there
further faster, I'm going totake care of all of it.
(07:48):
So we don't ask for help enough.
Don't you think that's a partof if you're a people pleaser,
you're not asking for help.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yes, when you take on more than your share,
traditionally you do it becausepeople keep telling you you're
so good at it that they don'tknow how you do it, and you
think that their faith in youhas to mean something.
I'm not sure I really can takeon this other task, but
everybody else seems to think so.
Everybody else seems to thinkit can only be me, and so that's
got to be a vote of confidencethat I can't let them down by
(08:16):
not doing it Right.
And so I think then you do gettricked into over delivering
time and again.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Yes, exactly, I love the way you say.
No is a complete sentence.
I love that.
That should be everybodylistening and watching right now
.
Write that down, put itsomewhere, because it's a
complete sentence.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yes, but I'm going to say yes, but to that because no
is a complete sentence, I think, is also kind of incomplete
advice, because I know how tosay no and stop.
I know I know how to do thatpart.
What has stopped me in the pastis that when you set a boundary
, when you haven't done it inthe past, when you say no in
that complete sentence, whenyou've never done that before,
the people that you're with, thegroup that you're in, their
(08:56):
first reaction is going to besilence, is going to be
confusion, not even resistance,necessarily.
Just what?
What did she just say?
Is something new happening?
And the people around you?
There's a hard reboot ofeverybody else's systems.
And the mistake I make is notthat no isn't a complete
sentence, but in the silencethat follows, that no, to not
(09:19):
start talking again, to notstart a new sentence which
includes well, let me just do itfor six more months.
Well, maybe I could be the vicechair.
I guess I can stay until youfind somebody else.
Right, All of those things.
You take back what you justhanded over.
So I think that is what peopleare trying to say when they say
no is a complete sentence.
Stop there, but it's like stopthere and don't pick it back up.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Wow, that's a practice right there.
I think we all couldincorporate.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
That is powerful yeah .
Speaker 1 (09:46):
No, and then pause.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Right, and the pause.
The pause is the point, right.
It's not what goes in thatsentence.
It's that the pause that comesafter the sentence.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yes, totally Well.
You think of standing in lineat Starbucks and you're looking
around and all of a suddensomebody comes up and is like
we're both named Amy here, butI'll use it for both of us.
And all of a sudden somebodycomes up and is like you know,
we're both named Amy here, butI'll use it for both of us.
But Amy, oh, how are you doing?
And your first inclination isoh, I'm good, I'm so busy.
I'm so busy Because we wearthis badge of busyness as like a
(10:15):
badge of honor.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yes, yes, well, I mean, we do work hard, we do do
a lot.
We should be proud of that, weshould get recognition for that.
But again, I think that youtake on everybody thinks I'm so
good at doing so much that thatmust be something I have to keep
doing, I have to keep leaninginto that, instead of saying I
have enough right now and again.
(10:36):
I think it's about teasing outthe differences.
When you've got a sick parentand a sick kid at the same time,
you're not a people.
pleaser, you're just somebodywith too much on your plate,
right, and I think sometimes wetend to apply the same advice to
those times that are optionaland to those times that aren't
optional, and that's when itgets really frustrating to get
(10:57):
back.
You know sort of hallmark card.
You have to believe in youresponses instead of assistance.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Yes, exactly, let's talk about fearlessly facing
another F word here, which isfamily and being a member.
Most of us in our 50s, a lot ofus, are part of that sandwich
generation caring for kids,caring for parents, and that's
tough right.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Caring for kids, caring for parents, and I think
then you just have to giveyourself compassion that you
really are doing your best, thatyou're meeting everything the
best you can.
And some balls are going tofall, some plates are, going to
crash, that's okay.
That's okay.
Nobody's expecting you to do itperfectly, even if it feels
(12:01):
like they are, and sometimes youhave to let some things crash.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Boy, that's so hard and I bet people listening and
watching are going oh, butthat's so hard.
Like did you just say to?
And I usually am a reallyattentive listener.
But I think you said and doinga lot of things and some of them
not well Right.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Right Because you beat yourself up like oh, I
didn't get to.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
I love that.
You said that Right.
That's pure transparency andtruth and honesty, and I'm right
there with you.
Yeah, we're doing a ton ofstuff, but we can't do it all
well.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
You can't do it all well, and then you're beating
yourself up that you're notdoing it all well, right, and
you just get stuck there.
I've just spent a lot of timegrinding my gears in those
moments, I think, beating myselfup for the thing that I'm not
getting right, when nobody couldget it all right, and you just
have to give yourself grace and,like you said before, amy, I
could definitely reflect thatback to a friend of mine that
(12:52):
was going through those samethings.
But it's harder to give it toyourself.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Yeah, yeah, it really is.
Let's talk about friends,because I think these things
change as we get older, for sure.
Right, I mean relationshipschange.
I mean I just had thisdelightful young woman on the
show who's in her 30s and I talka lot about opening your circle
to a horseshoe and allowingother people to come in and they
(13:17):
evolve and change.
But you know, so many of ourgeneration is trying to keep up
with everybody else just tryingto do it all.
How do you see yourrelationships changing as you
age?
Speaker 2 (14:05):
And then I feel dorky about making it a priority Like
, oh my gosh, do you really haveto spreadsheet your friendships
which I don.
Let those female friendships,like I said before, be sort of
carried along on the tides ofwhatever my kid had going on or
my spouse to show up in thoseplaces and talk and make friends
.
But when those times in ourlives, when those ages of our
kids go away, part of being theempty nester, I think, is you
(14:27):
don't go back to the high schoolanymore.
There's no reason for you towalk in, even if you were there
three times a week and buildingahead of time what that is going
to look like, a framework wherefemale friendships are at the
center of my life.
My grandmother had a group offriends.
She played cards with themevery month for like 65 years
until they all died.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Wow, how cool is that .
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Isn't that cool.
And when I was a child watchingit and my grandmother lived
with us, so once in a while I'dbe like grandma's club is here
today.
You have to go say hello.
And they'd be, you know, theircard tables would be set up and
they'd be having cake.
And they just seemed like oldladies playing cards to me.
And when I look back now Irealize no, these were women who
(15:10):
held those friendships at thecenter of their lives.
Those friendships outlastedtheir marriages, everything else
.
And I look back, I treasurethat now.
I honor that in a way that Ididn't when I was younger.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Yeah, it's so true.
I have a thing with my friendsDo you have five minutes?
And when you get a text and itsays do you have five minutes,
it's like pick up the phone,call that person.
They need you.
They need you right now, oh mygosh, I love that yeah.
Yeah, do you have five minutesand everybody knows in my circle
of people when you need that,or I may get a text from
(15:43):
somebody that says hey, I thinkyou need five minutes.
I've got five minutes for you.
Five minutes, all you need.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Wow, and what a gift that is to be that person and to
be seen that way.
Like you, seem like you needsome help from your friend.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yes, yeah, to be seen and show up.
So let's talk about Happy toHelp.
Adventures of a People.
Pleaser, take me to the momentwhen you knew that this was your
next book, that this issomething you had to write.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Well, it's a funny story because the original thing
I was sort of working with ZibiOwens and I talked about ideas
for what this book would be,because I'd written another book
of funny essays and she said,okay, do a second book and maybe
it could be something aboutslack that the times that you
have to pick up the slack forother people, you give other
(16:28):
people slack, you give yourselfslack, you have to pick up the
slack.
Okay, so I was whiteboardingwith those ideas as a starting
place and the one column timeswhen I needed to pick up the
slack because I hadn't workedhard enough or put in enough
effort, I couldn't think ofanything to go in that column,
right.
But there was this other columnin my head.
I was just going to say hmm.
(16:49):
However, there have been 1100times that I have over-delivered
, stayed too long right, triedto make the boy love me or the
boss appreciate me, thanklessenterprises where I went down
with the ship.
That column is full of storiesand then I thought, okay, so
that's what I'm going to writeabout, and that's how the book
(17:10):
sort of came to be.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I love it.
I love it For somebody wantingto write a book or thinking
about writing a book, or noteven writing a writing about
just thinking about startingsomething.
You really have to commit to it, right?
I mean, it's a full time job.
I always say that when I wrotemy book, I had to commit every
day to writing something.
I had to show up.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I find the same thing if you, because if you take two
, three, four days off, thenwhen you sit down to write again
, the OK.
So wait, where was I?
And rereading what you alreadywrote takes the whole time up.
You need to be touching itevery day and to do that, I had
to be ruthless.
I got up, I did it.
I wrote the first draft of thisbook, which is sort of the
hardest part to make somethingout of nothing.
I did that in about 10 monthsand it was every, every day,
(17:57):
except for Thanksgiving andChristmas.
Every single day I got up and Iworked from 6am to 8am, no
matter what, because that wasbefore my family was up and at
them and I could hide, um, and Iwas lucky to have that time.
But I stopped exercising, Istopped having lunch with
friends.
You know, I cut the fat from myown life in order to write this
book and still have time toshow up as as a mother and a
(18:19):
partner and a professionalpartner and all those other
things.
So I really, you know, no bathsfor me for 10 months, no
massages or walks outside, but Igot the book done.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, and so I don't know if it's a good trade-off,
but that's the trade-off I made.
That's the trade-off.
I remember, and I know I'veshared this on other episodes,
but you know, my husbandtraveled about three, four
nights a week and I was in themidst of writing and my son, I
think, might have been a juniorin high school and he, literally
, I would get up too early inthe morning and that's when I do
my best work, to be honest.
(18:52):
So before the sun rises,sipping my coffee, writing, and
then my son leaves for school,and then, I think, he came home
after soccer practice and hadn'tmoved Like I had not moved.
I hadn't moved Like I had notmoved, I hadn't eaten, I hadn't
hydrated enough.
I mean, you know, now we'rehearing I mean, how much water
can we possibly drink in a day?
But, you know, I mean it'shydrating.
I didn't do any of that and andthat was the the no-transcript,
(19:31):
but still commit to it.
But uh, you know it's.
You have to give yourself graceonce in a while.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
It's a weird balance, cause it's putting yourself
first to do this thing that'svery important to you.
In my case, like, okay, I havea contract, I'm going to fulfill
this contract, but in order tolike, put that first, it means
putting the things that bringyou joy at least for me very
much aside for a while.
And then I had catch up to doin my friendships and my
relationship with my spouse andeverything else Like, okay, I
(20:00):
have neglected all of this Ineed a haircut.
I need a haircut, I need a datenight.
I really need to go back to allthose things and I wouldn't
change it, but I just want tounderline that, like it isn't as
easy as like 20 minutes a day.
It was something I had to givea lot of effort to Right.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I want to ask you something and I hope I can
articulate this properly.
But you know there's a wholelot of there's a big spotlight
on women over 50 right now.
There really is.
I mean, I'm, you know, I'm inthe middle of that.
I'm 55, just about 55.
You know, there's a lot of hype, a lot of encouragement, and I
(20:39):
love it and I live for thatstuff because that that's what I
do.
I encourage women just to betheir best self.
At the same time, some women, Ithink and this is my own
opinion are feeling almost likeit's walking the middle school
hallways again and they want towrite a book or they want to
start exercising, they want tostart something, they want to
(21:00):
rekindle friendships or whatever, and they just can't because
they're so intimidated thatthey're not going to do it well
enough.
Yeah, have you heard what I'msaying?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yes, there's something called socially
prescribed perfectionism.
Have you heard of this?
I learned about this.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I have not Say it again, say it again.
I have to close my eyes becauseI have to picture it.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Socially prescribed perfectionism.
So, um, uh, he would.
He would inflate.
They are the um two, the twoforemost sort of psychologists
who talk about perfectionism,and they first started talking
about it in the nineties andthen they really underlined it
in a study in 2022.
So self-oriented is like mybangs aren't perfect and I have
(21:38):
to start over and I'm going tobe late for work.
I mean stereotype, stereotype,but that's what it is.
Others-oriented is you know,sit up straight and you know the
Christmas lights don't lookright.
That's others-oriented.
And then there's sociallyprescribed, which is a belief
that the people and the systemsaround you are holding you to
(22:01):
excessively high expectationsthat you can't meet.
And when they first studied itin the 1990s, they were like,
isn't that sad that some people,usually women, think that
society is holding them toexcessively high standards?
Clearly they're not.
And so these people and Ithought, wait a minute, but it
(22:21):
is.
So there's been a change and now, in 2022, those same
psychologists studied again andsaid this is a thing, this is a.
You know, this is like a publichealth issue that needs to be
studied that socially prescribedperfectionism puts way too much
pressure on people, and thepeople it puts pressure on is
women, that you have to Women.
You can be vital at 55, as longas you look like you're 35,
(22:43):
right, that you have to women.
You can be vital at 55, as longas you look like you're 35.
Right, I mean, it's the.
The expectations are so highand they're not just coming from
inside the house, they areimposed on us and so I think,
sort of recognizing that is abig, a big thing to be like.
Yeah, a lot is expected of meand I'm not imagining it.
So what am I going to acceptand what am I going to reject?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Exactly.
Wow, I just learned somethingnew, see.
That's why I love doing this.
One thing I read about you isthat doing your podcast actually
kind of helped you or informedyou to kind of write this book.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yes, right.
So I've been doing a podcastcalled what Fresh Hell, laughing
in the Face of Motherhood.
It's been around since 2016.
My co-host, margaret Ables, andI we've done 800 episodes, and
400 just us and a couple hundredmore with guests and experts
and we've always pushed back.
We've always tried from thevery beginning that every
(23:38):
episode is funny and a funlisten, but also has useful
takeaways you can actually use.
And that, no matter what, thetakeaway isn't yeah, mom, stop
being like that, mom which Ithink we get a lot in society
right that we both hover overour children incessantly and all
(23:59):
we do is look at our phonesbecause we're selfish parents,
like, well, we can't be both atone time.
Well, according to society, weare both right Two self-involved
and two hovering.
We're both Okay.
So we really try.
We're like that's not useful,that's not anything I can act
upon.
Let's give actionable, usefuladvice.
So I really tried in this book.
I came at it from that point ofview.
It should be a really funny,easy read that also walks you
(24:25):
towards some wow, I neverthought of it that way ideas
that you can actually apply toyour life.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, yeah, isn't it amazing?
Every podcast I do, when I stepaway from the mic I always just
take a moment just to exhaleand just be like, wow, I just
learned something.
I love it I learn so much frommy conversations, from my guests
, from being present, fromactually listening.
Yeah, it's crazy cool.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I was just saying to my co-host yesterday that it
really is.
In a world where we always haveour phone and we're always half
paying attention, recording apodcast is one of the most
concentrated activities that Ido, besides writing, sitting and
having a conversation like this.
It is the most attention I payto almost anything, and I'm glad
(25:08):
I get to do it because Ilearned so much too.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I do.
I learned so much, so I'm goingto link everything your podcast
, your book, all of that and Iknow we're giving away a copy
too, yes, which is so cool.
Thank you for that.
Yeah, I just.
This book is going to resonatewith so many people.
It's like the what to expectwhen you're expecting what to
expect, the toddler years, allthose years, but right now, as
(25:33):
people pleasers, and mainlywomen, they're going to love
this book and I love.
I can't wait for your next book.
Do you have another, one kindof, in the plan?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I have an idea.
Yes, it's on a very low simmer,on a back burner, and as soon
as the sort of as soon as theblitz of publicity that I'm
doing for this is over, I'mgoing to get back in the chair
and start on the next one.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, I love it, I love it.
Writing for me is verytherapeutic.
It is just something I love todo too, and whether it's a book
or whatever and that's why Iencourage anybody I always say
tell your story.
You hold the pen to yourautobiography, write it, edit it
.
It never has to be published,but tell your stories and write
them if you want to.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
It's so true.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
It's so important.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
You learn so much about yourself.
I'm definitely a differentperson for having written this
book.
I learned so much about myself.
Writing this book and beingpublished is gravy.
You're right.
I still would have learned allthose lessons.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Exactly.
So, before we close today, I'mgoing to ask you a question.
I ask everybody, and that isAmy if you were sitting on the
couch and you looked over, andthere you are, at 30, what
advice would you give her?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
When you have hard times in life and they're coming
those times are going to behard because they're hard, not
because there's anything wrongwith you.
So just believe in yourself anddo your best and don't worry
about fixing yourself before youfix the situation.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Oh, I like that.
I wish I had a little mic dropthat I could.
That's a good one.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I wish I could have heard that young me and maybe
also that some things can't befixed and it's time to head out.
I wish I learned that at ayounger age.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Thanks so much, Amy, for your time today.
Everybody go out and buy a copy.
You can buy it anywhere, right?
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Anywhere and books are sold.
You have to search.
Happy to Help.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Happy to Help Adventures of a People.
Pleaser Amy, thanks so much.
Look forward to connectingagain.
Hey, fearless friends , it's Amy Schmidt and back with
another fabulous episode as wefearlessly face another one of
these F-words this could befearlessly facing our future,
our friends, all sorts ofdifferent things we're going to
cover in this episode, but I'mso happy just to be back on the
air doing this and this is mythird interview of today.
(00:28):
Actually, I usually try tobatch about three every time I'm
in the studio and there is somuch great energy today and I
know that this interview withAmy Wilson is not going to
disappoint.
That energy level is going tobe right there.
Amy is an amazing author of abook that was released on
January 7th, so not too long ago.
(00:49):
Happy to Help Adventures of aPeople Pleaser.
Okay, right there, that's likea mic drop People Pleaser, amy.
If you know, you know.
It should say at the bottom Ifyou know, you know.
Oh my gosh, I just think thisis amazing and I've been
watching you and following youand, of course, this is being
published out of Zivi Books andI'm a big fan of Zivi, I know
(01:11):
Zivi and so proud of what shedoes and continues to do and so
happy you're part of that group,me too, me too.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Thanks for having me, amy.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Absolutely.
So let's dig into this becauseyou know, fearlessly, facing 50
and Beyond, I certainly, when Ilaunched this back before I
turned 50, a lot of people havesaid you know, amy, how do you
do it all, how do you continueto do this, how do you keep your
(01:41):
momentum?
I mean, do you feel like youjust have to keep up, like you
have to please everybody?
I get asked that sometimes.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, and I like doing a lot.
I like getting a lot done.
I think I draw a lot ofidentity from that and sometimes
I think, when we use the termpeople pleaser, which I think
tends to be pretty pejorative,we think of somebody who is so
busy wondering if everybody'smad at her, she can't get out of
her own way, she can't get outof the starting blocks at all,
(02:09):
and I think, well, I have a lotto say about it.
But I think that there's a lotof women like you and me and a
lot of us who get a lot done,who are quite capable and yet
who are hampered by thesefeelings like we need to be
doing more, no matter how muchwe do, these feelings like we
need to be doing more, no matterhow much we do.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
You know, it's funny that you say that.
I wrote a part in my book yearsago that I talked about.
There was a good friend of minewho was living in Connecticut
at the time and she, you know, Ihad three kids and a husband
that traveled about three orfour nights a week every week,
and I was PTA president.
I was doing all the things,doing all the things like so
many of us do.
And my good friend said to me Idrove a Honda Odyssey at the
(02:48):
time and she said Aime, everytime I go past your house,
you're never home, You're alwaysdoing something, You're always
busy.
And I had a moment when Ireally thought about that,
because that was one of my dearfriends, and I thought you know,
am I just filling this circlewith like endless stuff?
Because if I actually wassilent and still with myself,
(03:10):
would I like myself?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You know it's an interesting transition as you
face 50 and beyond that.
Those things I think you cankeep very busy when your kids
are younger, school-aged withsaying yes to the things that
are asked of you.
Our school systems still run onthe presumption that moms have
tons of time that they willdedicate, for free, to
(03:33):
everything.
That's the way America runs itsschool systems and so we do and
I wanted to.
I loved it.
I was there gluing the beardson at the Christmas pageant.
I was there cheering on thesidelines of the soccer games.
I mean I did it all, I showedup for all those things and it's
not that I didn't enjoy them,but I think in my case I took
those assignments and didn'twork to build the friendships or
(03:58):
the relationships while I wasthere or I wasn't doing sort of
work that would help thosethings keep going.
When your kid doesn't takeballet anymore and you miss
seeing those moms you used tosee at ballet, drop off, it's
work to keep those relationshipsgoing and I realized first
because of the pandemic and thenas my kids left the age of
being an age when they needed mearound that I couldn't depend
(04:20):
on that to have a life that wasfulfilling and full of friends.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
You know there's a part here that when I was
reading a little bit about you,it said you know, being a people
pleaser, and always being apeople pleaser, took a toll on
your health.
Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Well, yeah, I mean, I think being a people pleaser.
The most basic definition of itis putting other people's wants
and needs before your own,which I think is the assignment
for every parent, certainly anymother, Every mother has put
somebody else's wants and needsbefore her own.
I think from a young age, we'retold to do that.
So we're just following theassignment, some of us more
assiduously than others, and itdoes catch up with you because
(04:59):
there's not enough room for you.
So in my case, I still don'tknow if this is because I was a
people pleaser or because I gotan early version of COVID, but I
developed an autoimmune diseaseand the doctor asked me have
you been through anythingstressful?
And this was in 2021, after 18months at home, with everybody
you know, incessant, three mealsa day, Zoom, school.
(05:19):
And I said, yes, yes, I havebeen under something stressful.
And the doctor said, not that, Imean something like a car
accident, something reallystressful.
And I got really angry becauseI thought what does this guy
know?
This counts.
The pandemic was that stressfulfor me.
And then I thought, well, onehe doesn't know.
And two, it wasn't just thepandemic that I had been living
at this high level of stress fora long, long time and so that
(05:47):
autoimmune disease which wasbeing put back on me that you've
caused this by being toostressed all the time to think
like, okay, I have been prettystressed, but when were the
times I had a choice about thatand when were the times I didn't
like 18 months?
Speaker 1 (05:57):
of a pandemic Right?
Speaker 2 (06:00):
Wow, we don't always have a choice.
Being people pleaser is what wewere told to do, and then, when
we're overwhelmed that thatlabel is fed back to us as proof
of our own insufficiency, and Idon't think it's sufficient, I
don't think it's really a fix,and I think chasing what's wrong
with me instead of demandingthe changes in the situations
(06:20):
around us is never going to getus where we need to be, and the
situations around us is nevergoing to get us where we need to
be.
Speaker 1 (06:24):
Right, right, you know I talk about it as well.
I mean, a lot of people havesaid this.
This is nothing I made up, buttalk to yourself as you do.
Your best friend, I like to say, you know, treat yourself as a
guest of honor.
Speaker 2 (06:35):
How many?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
times do we welcome guests in our home, we treat
them with kindness, we treatthem with love, patience, all
those things, and we don't do itfor ourselves.
That's right.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
That's right.
I mean what I want when Iexpress that I need help or I'm
overwhelmed.
I think what I want more thananything is for somebody to say
to me I get it, you're handlinga lot, this is nuts.
I see how much you're doingRight, and then maybe let me
help you, let me take this onething off your plate, but you
want recognition that,objectively, you are handling a
(07:05):
lot, and I think that women we,I think, know to do that for
each other and I would be thatfriend.
You're right, I would offerthat support, have offered that
support to friends who are goingthrough some real tumble dryer
sort of times.
But when it's you yourself, youthink what's wrong with me?
Why am I not doing this better,faster, more happily?
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Well, you said the four-letter word in there.
It doesn't start with an F, butit started with an H and that
was help.
We are kind of raised as womento not ask for help because we
look weaker or we're not goingto get there as fast, because if
I do it and I'm in control ofit, I'm going to get there
further faster, I'm going totake care of all of it.
(07:48):
So we don't ask for help enough.
Don't you think that's a partof if you're a people pleaser,
you're not asking for help.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Yes, when you take on more than your share,
traditionally you do it becausepeople keep telling you you're
so good at it that they don'tknow how you do it, and you
think that their faith in youhas to mean something.
I'm not sure I really can takeon this other task, but
everybody else seems to think so.
Everybody else seems to thinkit can only be me, and so that's
got to be a vote of confidencethat I can't let them down by
(08:16):
not doing it Right.
And so I think then you do gettricked into over delivering
time and again.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
Yes, exactly, I love the way you say.
No is a complete sentence.
I love that.
That should be everybodylistening and watching right now
.
Write that down, put itsomewhere, because it's a
complete sentence.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Yes, but I'm going to say yes, but to that because no
is a complete sentence, I think, is also kind of incomplete
advice, because I know how tosay no and stop.
I know I know how to do thatpart.
What has stopped me in the pastis that when you set a boundary
, when you haven't done it inthe past, when you say no in
that complete sentence, whenyou've never done that before,
the people that you're with, thegroup that you're in, their
(08:56):
first reaction is going to besilence, is going to be
confusion, not even resistance,necessarily.
Just what?
What did she just say?
Is something new happening?
And the people around you?
There's a hard reboot ofeverybody else's systems.
And the mistake I make is notthat no isn't a complete
sentence, but in the silencethat follows, that no, to not
(09:19):
start talking again, to notstart a new sentence which
includes well, let me just do itfor six more months.
Well, maybe I could be the vicechair.
I guess I can stay until youfind somebody else.
Right, All of those things.
You take back what you justhanded over.
So I think that is what peopleare trying to say when they say
no is a complete sentence.
Stop there, but it's like stopthere and don't pick it back up.
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Wow, that's a practice right there.
I think we all couldincorporate.
Speaker 2 (09:44):
That is powerful yeah .
Speaker 1 (09:46):
No, and then pause.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Right, and the pause.
The pause is the point, right.
It's not what goes in thatsentence.
It's that the pause that comesafter the sentence.
Speaker 1 (09:54):
Yes, totally Well.
You think of standing in lineat Starbucks and you're looking
around and all of a suddensomebody comes up and is like
we're both named Amy here, butI'll use it for both of us.
And all of a sudden somebodycomes up and is like you know,
we're both named Amy here, butI'll use it for both of us.
But Amy, oh, how are you doing?
And your first inclination isoh, I'm good, I'm so busy.
I'm so busy Because we wearthis badge of busyness as like a
(10:15):
badge of honor.
Speaker 2 (10:16):
Yes, yes, well, I mean, we do work hard, we do do
a lot.
We should be proud of that, weshould get recognition for that.
But again, I think that youtake on everybody thinks I'm so
good at doing so much that thatmust be something I have to keep
doing, I have to keep leaninginto that, instead of saying I
have enough right now and again.
(10:36):
I think it's about teasing outthe differences.
When you've got a sick parentand a sick kid at the same time,
you're not a people.
pleaser, you're just somebodywith too much on your plate,
right, and I think sometimes wetend to apply the same advice to
those times that are optionaland to those times that aren't
optional, and that's when itgets really frustrating to get
(10:57):
back.
You know sort of hallmark card.
You have to believe in youresponses instead of assistance.
Speaker 1 (11:05):
Yes, exactly, let's talk about fearlessly facing
another F word here, which isfamily and being a member.
Most of us in our 50s, a lot ofus, are part of that sandwich
generation caring for kids,caring for parents, and that's
tough right.
Speaker 2 (11:40):
Caring for kids, caring for parents, and I think
then you just have to giveyourself compassion that you
really are doing your best, thatyou're meeting everything the
best you can.
And some balls are going tofall, some plates are, going to
crash, that's okay.
That's okay.
Nobody's expecting you to do itperfectly, even if it feels
(12:01):
like they are, and sometimes youhave to let some things crash.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
Boy, that's so hard and I bet people listening and
watching are going oh, butthat's so hard.
Like did you just say to?
And I usually am a reallyattentive listener.
But I think you said and doinga lot of things and some of them
not well Right.
Speaker 2 (12:21):
Right Because you beat yourself up like oh, I
didn't get to.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
I love that.
You said that Right.
That's pure transparency andtruth and honesty, and I'm right
there with you.
Yeah, we're doing a ton ofstuff, but we can't do it all
well.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
You can't do it all well, and then you're beating
yourself up that you're notdoing it all well, right, and
you just get stuck there.
I've just spent a lot of timegrinding my gears in those
moments, I think, beating myselfup for the thing that I'm not
getting right, when nobody couldget it all right, and you just
have to give yourself grace and,like you said before, amy, I
could definitely reflect thatback to a friend of mine that
(12:52):
was going through those samethings.
But it's harder to give it toyourself.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Yeah, yeah, it really is.
Let's talk about friends,because I think these things
change as we get older, for sure.
Right, I mean relationshipschange.
I mean I just had thisdelightful young woman on the
show who's in her 30s and I talka lot about opening your circle
to a horseshoe and allowingother people to come in and they
(13:17):
evolve and change.
But you know, so many of ourgeneration is trying to keep up
with everybody else just tryingto do it all.
How do you see yourrelationships changing as you
age?
Speaker 2 (14:05):
And then I feel dorky about making it a priority Like
, oh my gosh, do you really haveto spreadsheet your friendships
which I don.
Let those female friendships,like I said before, be sort of
carried along on the tides ofwhatever my kid had going on or
my spouse to show up in thoseplaces and talk and make friends
.
But when those times in ourlives, when those ages of our
kids go away, part of being theempty nester, I think, is you
(14:27):
don't go back to the high schoolanymore.
There's no reason for you towalk in, even if you were there
three times a week and buildingahead of time what that is going
to look like, a framework wherefemale friendships are at the
center of my life.
My grandmother had a group offriends.
She played cards with themevery month for like 65 years
until they all died.
Speaker 1 (14:49):
Wow, how cool is that .
Speaker 2 (14:49):
Isn't that cool.
And when I was a child watchingit and my grandmother lived
with us, so once in a while I'dbe like grandma's club is here
today.
You have to go say hello.
And they'd be, you know, theircard tables would be set up and
they'd be having cake.
And they just seemed like oldladies playing cards to me.
And when I look back now Irealize no, these were women who
(15:10):
held those friendships at thecenter of their lives.
Those friendships outlastedtheir marriages, everything else
.
And I look back, I treasurethat now.
I honor that in a way that Ididn't when I was younger.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
Yeah, it's so true.
I have a thing with my friendsDo you have five minutes?
And when you get a text and itsays do you have five minutes,
it's like pick up the phone,call that person.
They need you.
They need you right now, oh mygosh, I love that yeah.
Yeah, do you have five minutesand everybody knows in my circle
of people when you need that,or I may get a text from
(15:43):
somebody that says hey, I thinkyou need five minutes.
I've got five minutes for you.
Five minutes, all you need.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Wow, and what a gift that is to be that person and to
be seen that way.
Like you, seem like you needsome help from your friend.
Speaker 1 (15:55):
Yes, yeah, to be seen and show up.
So let's talk about Happy toHelp.
Adventures of a People.
Pleaser, take me to the momentwhen you knew that this was your
next book, that this issomething you had to write.
Speaker 2 (16:07):
Well, it's a funny story because the original thing
I was sort of working with ZibiOwens and I talked about ideas
for what this book would be,because I'd written another book
of funny essays and she said,okay, do a second book and maybe
it could be something aboutslack that the times that you
have to pick up the slack forother people, you give other
(16:28):
people slack, you give yourselfslack, you have to pick up the
slack.
Okay, so I was whiteboardingwith those ideas as a starting
place and the one column timeswhen I needed to pick up the
slack because I hadn't workedhard enough or put in enough
effort, I couldn't think ofanything to go in that column,
right.
But there was this other columnin my head.
I was just going to say hmm.
(16:49):
However, there have been 1100times that I have over-delivered
, stayed too long right, triedto make the boy love me or the
boss appreciate me, thanklessenterprises where I went down
with the ship.
That column is full of storiesand then I thought, okay, so
that's what I'm going to writeabout, and that's how the book
(17:10):
sort of came to be.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I love it.
I love it For somebody wantingto write a book or thinking
about writing a book, or noteven writing a writing about
just thinking about startingsomething.
You really have to commit to it, right?
I mean, it's a full time job.
I always say that when I wrotemy book, I had to commit every
day to writing something.
I had to show up.
Speaker 2 (17:33):
I find the same thing if you, because if you take two
, three, four days off, thenwhen you sit down to write again
, the OK.
So wait, where was I?
And rereading what you alreadywrote takes the whole time up.
You need to be touching itevery day and to do that, I had
to be ruthless.
I got up, I did it.
I wrote the first draft of thisbook, which is sort of the
hardest part to make somethingout of nothing.
I did that in about 10 monthsand it was every, every day,
(17:57):
except for Thanksgiving andChristmas.
Every single day I got up and Iworked from 6am to 8am, no
matter what, because that wasbefore my family was up and at
them and I could hide, um, and Iwas lucky to have that time.
But I stopped exercising, Istopped having lunch with
friends.
You know, I cut the fat from myown life in order to write this
book and still have time toshow up as as a mother and a
(18:19):
partner and a professionalpartner and all those other
things.
So I really, you know, no bathsfor me for 10 months, no
massages or walks outside, but Igot the book done.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, and so I don't know if it's a good trade-off,
but that's the trade-off I made.
That's the trade-off.
I remember, and I know I'veshared this on other episodes,
but you know, my husbandtraveled about three, four
nights a week and I was in themidst of writing and my son, I
think, might have been a juniorin high school and he, literally
, I would get up too early inthe morning and that's when I do
my best work, to be honest.
(18:52):
So before the sun rises,sipping my coffee, writing, and
then my son leaves for school,and then, I think, he came home
after soccer practice and hadn'tmoved Like I had not moved.
I hadn't moved Like I had notmoved, I hadn't eaten, I hadn't
hydrated enough.
I mean, you know, now we'rehearing I mean, how much water
can we possibly drink in a day?
But, you know, I mean it'shydrating.
I didn't do any of that and andthat was the the no-transcript,
(19:31):
but still commit to it.
But uh, you know it's.
You have to give yourself graceonce in a while.
Speaker 2 (19:37):
It's a weird balance, cause it's putting yourself
first to do this thing that'svery important to you.
In my case, like, okay, I havea contract, I'm going to fulfill
this contract, but in order tolike, put that first, it means
putting the things that bringyou joy at least for me very
much aside for a while.
And then I had catch up to doin my friendships and my
relationship with my spouse andeverything else Like, okay, I
(20:00):
have neglected all of this Ineed a haircut.
I need a haircut, I need a datenight.
I really need to go back to allthose things and I wouldn't
change it, but I just want tounderline that, like it isn't as
easy as like 20 minutes a day.
It was something I had to givea lot of effort to Right.
Speaker 1 (20:16):
I want to ask you something and I hope I can
articulate this properly.
But you know there's a wholelot of there's a big spotlight
on women over 50 right now.
There really is.
I mean, I'm, you know, I'm inthe middle of that.
I'm 55, just about 55.
You know, there's a lot of hype, a lot of encouragement, and I
(20:39):
love it and I live for thatstuff because that that's what I
do.
I encourage women just to betheir best self.
At the same time, some women, Ithink and this is my own
opinion are feeling almost likeit's walking the middle school
hallways again and they want towrite a book or they want to
start exercising, they want tostart something, they want to
(21:00):
rekindle friendships or whatever, and they just can't because
they're so intimidated thatthey're not going to do it well
enough.
Yeah, have you heard what I'msaying?
Speaker 2 (21:09):
Yes, there's something called socially
prescribed perfectionism.
Have you heard of this?
I learned about this.
Speaker 1 (21:14):
I have not Say it again, say it again.
I have to close my eyes becauseI have to picture it.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Socially prescribed perfectionism.
So, um, uh, he would.
He would inflate.
They are the um two, the twoforemost sort of psychologists
who talk about perfectionism,and they first started talking
about it in the nineties andthen they really underlined it
in a study in 2022.
So self-oriented is like mybangs aren't perfect and I have
(21:38):
to start over and I'm going tobe late for work.
I mean stereotype, stereotype,but that's what it is.
Others-oriented is you know,sit up straight and you know the
Christmas lights don't lookright.
That's others-oriented.
And then there's sociallyprescribed, which is a belief
that the people and the systemsaround you are holding you to
(22:01):
excessively high expectationsthat you can't meet.
And when they first studied itin the 1990s, they were like,
isn't that sad that some people,usually women, think that
society is holding them toexcessively high standards?
Clearly they're not.
And so these people and Ithought, wait a minute, but it
(22:21):
is.
So there's been a change and now, in 2022, those same
psychologists studied again andsaid this is a thing, this is a.
You know, this is like a publichealth issue that needs to be
studied that socially prescribedperfectionism puts way too much
pressure on people, and thepeople it puts pressure on is
women, that you have to Women.
You can be vital at 55, as longas you look like you're 35,
(22:43):
right, that you have to women.
You can be vital at 55, as longas you look like you're 35.
Right, I mean, it's the.
The expectations are so highand they're not just coming from
inside the house, they areimposed on us and so I think,
sort of recognizing that is abig, a big thing to be like.
Yeah, a lot is expected of meand I'm not imagining it.
So what am I going to acceptand what am I going to reject?
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Exactly.
Wow, I just learned somethingnew, see.
That's why I love doing this.
One thing I read about you isthat doing your podcast actually
kind of helped you or informedyou to kind of write this book.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yes, right.
So I've been doing a podcastcalled what Fresh Hell, laughing
in the Face of Motherhood.
It's been around since 2016.
My co-host, margaret Ables, andI we've done 800 episodes, and
400 just us and a couple hundredmore with guests and experts
and we've always pushed back.
We've always tried from thevery beginning that every
(23:38):
episode is funny and a funlisten, but also has useful
takeaways you can actually use.
And that, no matter what, thetakeaway isn't yeah, mom, stop
being like that, mom which Ithink we get a lot in society
right that we both hover overour children incessantly and all
(23:59):
we do is look at our phonesbecause we're selfish parents,
like, well, we can't be both atone time.
Well, according to society, weare both right Two self-involved
and two hovering.
We're both Okay.
So we really try.
We're like that's not useful,that's not anything I can act
upon.
Let's give actionable, usefuladvice.
So I really tried in this book.
I came at it from that point ofview.
It should be a really funny,easy read that also walks you
(24:25):
towards some wow, I neverthought of it that way ideas
that you can actually apply toyour life.
Speaker 1 (24:28):
Yeah, yeah, isn't it amazing?
Every podcast I do, when I stepaway from the mic I always just
take a moment just to exhaleand just be like, wow, I just
learned something.
I love it I learn so much frommy conversations, from my guests
, from being present, fromactually listening.
Yeah, it's crazy cool.
Speaker 2 (24:48):
I was just saying to my co-host yesterday that it
really is.
In a world where we always haveour phone and we're always half
paying attention, recording apodcast is one of the most
concentrated activities that Ido, besides writing, sitting and
having a conversation like this.
It is the most attention I payto almost anything, and I'm glad
(25:08):
I get to do it because Ilearned so much too.
Speaker 1 (25:11):
I do.
I learned so much, so I'm goingto link everything your podcast
, your book, all of that and Iknow we're giving away a copy
too, yes, which is so cool.
Thank you for that.
Yeah, I just.
This book is going to resonatewith so many people.
It's like the what to expectwhen you're expecting what to
expect, the toddler years, allthose years, but right now, as
(25:33):
people pleasers, and mainlywomen, they're going to love
this book and I love.
I can't wait for your next book.
Do you have another, one kindof, in the plan?
Speaker 2 (25:42):
I have an idea.
Yes, it's on a very low simmer,on a back burner, and as soon
as the sort of as soon as theblitz of publicity that I'm
doing for this is over, I'mgoing to get back in the chair
and start on the next one.
Speaker 1 (25:54):
Yeah, I love it, I love it.
Writing for me is verytherapeutic.
It is just something I love todo too, and whether it's a book
or whatever and that's why Iencourage anybody I always say
tell your story.
You hold the pen to yourautobiography, write it, edit it
.
It never has to be published,but tell your stories and write
them if you want to.
Speaker 2 (26:13):
It's so true.
Speaker 1 (26:14):
It's so important.
Speaker 2 (26:15):
You learn so much about yourself.
I'm definitely a differentperson for having written this
book.
I learned so much about myself.
Writing this book and beingpublished is gravy.
You're right.
I still would have learned allthose lessons.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Exactly.
So, before we close today, I'mgoing to ask you a question.
I ask everybody, and that isAmy if you were sitting on the
couch and you looked over, andthere you are, at 30, what
advice would you give her?
Speaker 2 (26:41):
When you have hard times in life and they're coming
those times are going to behard because they're hard, not
because there's anything wrongwith you.
So just believe in yourself anddo your best and don't worry
about fixing yourself before youfix the situation.
Speaker 1 (26:59):
Oh, I like that.
I wish I had a little mic dropthat I could.
That's a good one.
Speaker 2 (27:04):
I wish I could have heard that young me and maybe
also that some things can't befixed and it's time to head out.
I wish I learned that at ayounger age.
Speaker 1 (27:14):
Thanks so much, Amy, for your time today.
Everybody go out and buy a copy.
You can buy it anywhere, right?
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Anywhere and books are sold.
You have to search.
Happy to Help.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
Happy to Help Adventures of a People.
Pleaser Amy, thanks so much.
Look forward to connectingagain.
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