March 16, 2025 • 43 mins
Andrea Bendewald aka Dre
What a warm and kind human Dre is. She’s an actor, podcaster, mumabear and leads women’s circles. The main themes of this chat are acting and spirituality. Dre talks about how both acting and learning circles have shaped the person she is today.
We start off by unpacking her stellar sitcom career, she was in Suddenly Susan for 2 years, but also guest stared on Seinfeld and Friends. We talked about the golden years of sitcoms and the energy of working with great people.
Dre also did a film with Jeff Bridges called Stick it! She talked about how connected and open he was as an actor and artist.
I couldn’t interview Dre without learning more about circling and what lead her to this practice. I think part of Dre’s purpose and dharma is to empower women.
You can listen to Dre’s pod “Circle This” here: listen here
You can follow her on insta here: https://www.instagram.com/andreabendewald/
Big love!
Lola
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Get a. I'm Laala Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter,
and professional oversharer. This podcast is all about celebrating failure
because I believe it's a chance for us to learn,
grow and face our blind spots. Each week, I'll interview
a different guest about their highs as well as their lows,
(00:26):
all in a bid to inspire us to fearlessly fail. Hello,
and welcome to the pod. You are in for a
treat today. Andrea Benderwald aka Dre is such a warm,
kind and open human. She's an actor, a podcaster, a
(00:49):
mama bear, and leads women's circles. So in this chat
we talk a lot about acting and her incredible acting career.
She has been lucky enough to be in sitcoms, which
is of my ultimate dreams, and we talk about circling,
what it is, what led her to leading these circles
and what it means for her today and how it's
(01:10):
also now led to her incredible pod circle. This which
I will have links for all the things in the
show notes down below, not down it not down below,
but in the show notes, So please check Drey out.
She's absolutely been wonderful. She's a great human being and
She's just so warm. So I hope that this episode
(01:32):
for you feels like a warm cup of cocoa, because Drey,
you are flipping unreal.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Thank you friend, Let's go.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Do you know what? I feel like we could have
recorded twenty minutes ago because you and I adjust natural
chatterboxers at natural talkers. I'm gonna call you Drey do
that feels You're such an open, friendly soul. But Andrea
Benderwald is your beautiful It's such.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
A beautiful name.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Okay, So I want to talk to you about circling.
I want to talk to you about your beautiful podcast,
which I've deep dive every Tuesday when a new drops
and I love the format, by the way, When at
the very end M comes in as well, and you
guys do a little like, oh well, what did you
(02:25):
think about this? What would you love about this? And
I literally, and I said this to you before we
heat record. I feel like I'm eavesdropping in on two
buttos just having a coffee talking about stuff they love.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, and I told you why that was the greatest
compliment ever is because I want everybody to feel like
they are welcomed in, and these conversations literally are for them. Yeah,
the only reason I'm doing this podcast is because I
want to share these incredible women. Primarily I will be
(02:58):
having men on the pod, but I'm like, it brings
me so much joy to share these incredible women. Lee
Hilton Smith is someone we share in common. She was
my first guest, one of my best friends. We need
more of them. We need her voice everywhere. We need
(03:18):
her magic, her fairy dust, her gifts her talent. Because
they've fed my life so much. And anybody who who
meets them, they're like, or here's them. You know you
have a podcast. I have podcasts. You get great feedback
where where these conversations really have a ripple effect. So
I'm so happy that you said that because I want
(03:39):
people to feel included.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Wow, mate, keep doing it forever and ever. It's called
Circle This and it drops every Tuesday. And I'm going
to put links to listen in the show notes, so
you the listener, after you listen to this episode, please
go back and Deep Dive Drays pod. So many goodies
on there. Ah, bring a notebook, especially for Brooks.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Oh oh my goodness. I was reck can I send
that to four friends? And I was like, take notes yeah,
this one, you know quickly before. I mean, my brain
is a pinball machine. But has there been anything because
I know the pod is not newer, but like I
know that it's like you started recording it at the
end of last year, right, even though we were in the
(04:21):
works for a while.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
We started recording in October of twenty twenty four. No, sorry, yeah,
September we did September.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, we did it.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Very fast thanks to Tercy, our producer, who was like, yeah, no,
let's launch it October twentieth. And we were like, oh,
we just recorded, we just recorded, but she did it.
She turned it around, she did an amazing edit and
we launched in October.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
And has there been any moment where because Podland is amazing,
but it's a bit of a beast as well, like
a lot to it and the work that goes into
each pod. Has there been a little like moment where
you're like, oh, my goodness, Like you know when you're
interviewing someone and you'll like just.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
With them every episode really every episode. I'm not exaggerating,
And it's how I feel about leading circles. So you're
an open book. I'm an open book when you go
into a scenario like we're doing right now, or I'm
(05:26):
doing on my podcast or in a circle with the
intention of I'm entering this with curiosity and with the
goal to learn something and to receive something. Not that
I intended, it's not my agenda, but I'm here to
serve whatever that is, the collective, this person the moment
(05:50):
I get out of the way. But I also have
a lot that I'm aiming for, you know.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I'm conduit.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, absolutely so. And the way I designed this first
season of the podcast was to invite my closest circle
of women that either from the past have been part
of this circle journey or the present who I have
(06:18):
a deep connection with. And that's that's just been the
first the first season, and and the best part is
I'm learning something in real time in every episode with
these incredible women. So it's that's the exciting.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Isn't it the best? That I get emotional in so
many episodes because I'm just like podcasting is bigger than us,
Like where just where does he? I think we're here
for a really cool ride, and like how lucky that
we get to sit with another human being and essentially
like basking their.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Essence for a window of time, and we really are
conduits in the sense that we don't know what this conversation,
who it's going to serve, and when. What's going to
come through this conversation has nothing to do with us.
I'm going to be inspired to share some story or
some anecdote because you're here on a you know, Tuesday,
(07:17):
sitting on my couch on a new moon. I think
today's the new moon by the way.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, and Pisces, and you'll Piscey, what's up, Bubba Pisces.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's Pisce season. I'm so excited. So somebody's a guest recently.
Her episode hasn't come out yet, and she said, you know,
I'm not sure about our episode and if you want
to re record it, and I was like, oh, I
don't know, let me see, but we could either do
another one or but let me see. And I said
to her, Yeah, whatever happened during that that episode was
(07:51):
meant to happen. Those stories were meant to be shared.
And we have no idea but that the story you
shared about your experience, you failed famously or whatever it was,
that story is going to have a ripple effect and
change somebody's life and who are reader second guest that
that's the story that wanted to be told. So I'm
(08:14):
blown and wet, not blown away. I am moved inspired.
I get chills every episode. I'm tired of my own
voice saying that, oh my god, I got full body chills.
But it's true that something happens in every episode. So
(08:36):
and a lot of these people I know really.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Well, yeah, yeah, you'll be blown away though. Like sometimes
I remember I interviewed and an amazing author in Australia.
We'd never met before, but I'd read his work and
it was just so I heard that episode Trent Dalton,
his name is Yeah, and he'd sent me a book
and we hadn't met, and I think i'd done a
story or something on Insta and he said, Lola, never
(09:02):
let your light dull, like, always keep shining. And it
was just a day where I got a rejection audition
here in LA and I just remember starting to cry
because I felt seen when I just felt like I
was a people and someone to do here, you know
what I mean. And I told him that story and
we were both to sit across from each other cry
like but we never met before, like and so beautiful,
(09:24):
I can't wait to see where your pod goes. I
look forward to every Tuesday, and please keep doing it
forever and ever and ever. Okay, okay, okay done. Can
I talk to you about being an actor because I
have to say you were a dream to deep dive.
I have gone back and watched you. Suddenly Susan my friend,
(09:47):
and oh, like like for me, that sitcom world just
from the outside, and I got a taping sometimes as well,
just seems like such a fun It's a very specific
like genre as well. But to be part of a
sitcom family like that. When I said family, you know,
I like it.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, Well a show that goes longer than one season, yeah,
you get to really get to know.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
How was that?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
It was amazing And it was the nineties in network television,
and it was this really special time. Suddenly Susan shot
on the Warner Brothers stage and there were so many
incredible shows over there at the time, from Friends to
Er to Drew Carrey to and endless other ones and
(10:36):
we all, and I say we all, it was like
just a romantic time to be acting and to be
in la and to be on sitcoms, and so it
was really special. It was really special and it was
a beautiful cast. I was only on it for two years.
(10:57):
The show was on for four years, so I was
on the middle two years, and yeah, we had a
lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. And
you're right, it's a different it's a different genre and
just funnily enough. I talk to actors all the time
about you know, I fancied myself Lola, a very dramatic
(11:20):
actress when I graduated from theater school, and I thought
I was going to come out here and play these dramatic,
almost like character roles. You know, you come out of
school and you think, like I can play anything, and
then you get into the business of show and you
get hired in what in what you a little bit of,
(11:46):
like who you are, gets hired totally right like you.
It's like your essence gets hired more than your acting resume.
Let's say, so finding that lane or that lane found
me where all of a sudden I was getting jobs
(12:07):
doing pilots and then sitcom So I did a lot
of pilots before I did Suddenly Susan like things that
aren't on the resume. I did like endless pilots for NBC.
I would do like two or three a year pilots
back to back, playing like the girl in the sitcom
with the stand up comic who couldn't act, but they
(12:29):
would hire these people around them and then those wouldn't go.
Those wouldn't go. So by the time I got Suddenly Susan,
I'd also guested on a bunch of NBC shows.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I think by the time I got Suddenly Susan.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Oh yeah, your I didn't IMDBA Price Talk. Oh yeah,
your resume is amazing of like that kind of like
genre of sitcoms. Is there any moment from that, like
and like you said that kind of like nineties era
of that like stands out because I imagine, like, especially if
(13:04):
you've been on a show for two years as well,
Like there are those moments where you're on set and
my teacher in Australia always says to me, doesn't matter
if you're doing a play, TV film every now and
then and you being so connected to yourself and so
self aware, he said, an angel walks across the stage
and he said, it's kind of it's kind of like
(13:24):
something's bigger than you and you're just again a conduit
in active form. Does any of from any of your
acting because you're in you were in Stickett as well,
that awesome Cheerleader. I love that movie.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Yes, with Jeff Bridges, I meant to do a scene
with him that was that would have Jamie. I was
gonna say, yeah, so what's the question like an angel
or an angel walks across the stage like someone, like
an interaction with somebody that was like.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Or like a moment acting wise where you're like, oh, yeah,
that was the day where I was like, yeah, that's
the ship, that's the stuff I love.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
You know, yeah, I would say, well, I have so
many memories. Oh it was. It really was a dream
come true and romantic. Like I remember walking the walking
onto a studio lot the first time and having a
having a job. Honest I think I remember the first
time walking on and having an audition and thought I
(14:19):
had arrived. I was like I've arrived, like they had
my name at the gate we drove in, and then
having the first job and having a dressing room and
then you know, I had I had many like I
did an episode of Seinfeldt working with like the Greats.
It was like maybe their tenth season, and I remember
(14:44):
so I was. You know, I was very often a
guest and a guest spot. A guest star just works
that week. You know, you work five days and then
you're gone. And I remember, I'm a real keen observer,
you know, It's it's part of one of my skill
sets that I observe everything. So if you ever want
details about anything, just ask me and I can tell
(15:05):
you everything. But I observed this incredible cast and they
they were so professional, and they treated everybody so well,
and they were the they were the first ones on stage,
the last ones off stage, meaning we weren't waiting for anybody.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, with a.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Big ego, I guess you know. They were so professional
and kind and generous and and I'll never I'll never
forget that job. That was when the craft service was
the most incredible craft It was like endless. It was
like everybody for who doesn't know what craft services. It's
(15:50):
the behind the scenes on stage for the cast and crew. Food,
gorgeous food station. And it was like it was like
the mac Daddy of service.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Isn't it insane? We barely have it in Australia, Just
so you know, And I used to do a show
here called Home and Family on Universal Lot and I
the first time I went to the crafty there, I
was I think that's the buzzy word for I was like,
oh my god, is this for us? And I was like,
and I think I took snacks for later because I
(16:21):
was so blown away.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Snacks for letter of course.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah, I was like, this is wild.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Actors who were usually always malnourished. Well, like you'll see
them putting granola bars and their bad and string cheese
and things like that. By the way, I'm referring to
that craft service at Seinfeld. This was back in the
nineties when I was still like, I mean, I've worked
on many shows that have incredible craft service. I just
remember that one at the time. Yeah, because it was
(16:52):
Seinfeld and it was there, you know, they were at
the Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
That's a memory that popped up for you. I do
I have to ask, because both Lee and you have
shared this incredible story about working with Jeff Bridges.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Oh, yes, can you share that? Well? I read his
book much later because of Lee's class, which is the
Dude and the zen Master. Yeah, and I understood the
story of what happened to me with with mister Bridges
after reading his book. So I had one. I think
(17:29):
I was only there a day and I had one
scene and it was with him. I don't I literally
I don't remember if I had another scene in the
movie or forgot cut out, but I do remember this
one scene with him, and I was in the makeup
trailer beforehand. And just a backup a second, I think
I worked a lot in the time that I worked
(17:51):
a lot, and it was because I had really good
I had a really good work ethic.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah. So you're like a type person.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, so I would like you never had to worry
about me if I was on your set. I knew
my lines. I wasn't my maintenance. I really was. I
just kind of like served the project Da da da so,
and part of that was, you know, not taking up
too much air. And I at that time that I
was working on Sticket, I had seen people get fired
(18:20):
for being either assholes or too high maintenance or you know,
just like not reading the room. Yeah right, So I
was probably too much of a good girl in the
sense that I never rocked the boat. Yeah. So, just
to paint the picture. So I'm in the makeup trailer,
(18:42):
mister Bridges walks in and I'm like, I don't talk
to him. I'm not going to you know, I'm I'm
a guest, I'm there in my hair and makeup, I'm in,
I'm out. And he starts talking to me and starts
asking me who I am and where I live and
and I'm so enamored and shocked, and also I'm a
(19:06):
good conversationalist, so I know answer and we have a
good chat. And he's like that with everybody. So he's
like that with the hair and makeup women and men,
and he's like that with the first and second nd,
and he's like that with the extras. And he continues
to be that way with me on set. I think
we sat together and had lunch together with a couple
(19:28):
of the other players. And what I didn't understand, and
by the end of the day I clearly thought we
were best friends and wanted to be best friends with
him because he's such a legend. But what I experienced
and what I then learned in his book is that
he was doing that with such intention and that was
(19:50):
and I'm paraphrasing badly, but you should read the book.
This is just my memory and takeaway is that he's
in the business of connection and humanity and storytelling. So
why wouldn't he connect and treat his co workers with
humanity and want to get to know them so that
(20:11):
when we're on camera together playing connected people, that we
wouldn't have an organic, genuine connection on camera like he
had developed off camera, like he was developing with everyone
on set. Is that the story to tell? That's my memory.
(20:36):
And it wasn't until I read that book that I went,
that's what he was doing. That was amazing, and you know,
add to Kart, let me, let me put some of
that in my daily life, in my daily life, in
my and not just like, oh, I'm going to connect
(20:57):
with you now because we're having a conversation on a podcast,
or I'm going to connect with you now because I'm
holding space in a circle. But and how can I
connect with people that I want to be connected with
all people?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
And it sounds like he did it in such a genuine,
seamless way, like it's just core of ease. And I
think if we can live from a space of just
genuine truth and connection, it's really gonna let you down.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Like it's a pretty cool yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Biromao, it's a pretty cool, Like set of values and.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
It's like the anti ego approach. Yeh, so he was,
you know, I think I understand the ego or what
I've studied about it, which is the ego wants to
put us above or below whoever we're around. I'm better
than you or I'm less than you. And often in
(21:55):
this society that we are currently in, everybody knows their
place based on like a social structure or they still
play into it. And especially in Hollywood. Come on, there's
number one on the call sheet, there's the star, there's
the person that's making all this money. They're the one
that's financing the project. You know, there is a hierarchy
(22:17):
of who is let's say above, who is below. Literally
there's a line, there's a saying below the line. Are
you working below the line?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Or really?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah? Oh, below the line means people that are working
in the crew. Above the line means you know, they're
working in more of the higher up production. Wow. Yeah.
So he was deleting all the lines and deleting all
the hierarchy of social structure, and he was this is
(22:53):
my takeaway, my definition, he was bringing us all in together.
Let's use the circle metaphor is we're all equal in
the circle, so we're all in this together, and we're
all connected, so why not let's get connected now rather
than wait for someone to yell action and then we're
(23:15):
supposed to act connected and everybody has their different watch
McCall it methods, acting methods. That was mister Bridges's method,
and I'll never forget it.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
No, I love thank you for sharing that. It's I
think as well, like as an actor that loves to
work really hard and for so long, it was really
important to me to show people how hard i'd worked,
and you and I have talked about this over Brecky before,
and to flip that all on its head and just
be like, you know you're going to do the work.
(23:51):
You know you're going to do the preparation, trust that,
and then just focus on being connected and being in
present with another human being. I know you love the
word dama. I also love the word dama, which to
me means to live one's purpose or be connected to
that purpose. Big load A question for you, what is
(24:12):
your dama in this lifetime?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Wow, that's a good question. I love the word alignment lately,
and so to me, dharma is it's living your purpose.
And how do you know you're living your purpose is
because everything aligns. So I also know that I love
(24:46):
leading circles. That is part of my darma because I
would do it for free for the rest of my life.
That's part of it. And I feel hundred percent aligned
when I'm leading a circle. And because circling has been
(25:11):
my main spiritual practice and I have healed lifetimes sitting
in circles, it is of absolute urgency that I share
this with other women especially, but also men, so that
they can have a similar experience that I have had,
which is a healing experience and feeling love and connection
(25:40):
and wholeness in the way that I have through these
many years of circling.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Oh, I love it. This, this is something I've heard
you speak about before. But self care, I think, especially
in the act, in the act world, all the creativity world,
we get so caught up in being in class, which
is amazing, but working on the script, and then there's
(26:07):
working on the scenes, working being in scenes study, there's
doing the auditionet being there for the callback, you know,
like constantly honing your craft, working with a dialect code,
or there's that piece of the puzzle. But then and
it's that hard work ethic that we spoke to earlier,
but then without the self care aspect. And it's kind
of easy to skip that because it feels gentler and
(26:30):
softer and more potentially yin than yang and go getter.
You know, how do we find that and cultivate that
balance of self care to be a better artist, to
be a better mum, to be a better creative?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Yeah, well, I have learned and am still learning that
when I practice self care, I can do everything else
so much better. So if I'm running on an empty tank,
I can run on adrenaline for a while, but I
will burn out. Yeah, I will crash. I will be
(27:07):
taken down. And sometimes that's how I have to learn
the lesson the flip side, the more mature side. I'm
going to be fifty five March fourth and never been
more excited. Is I've learned through doing it the other way,
depleting myself that I don't have to. I don't have to,
(27:27):
I can. It's actually badass and sexy and everything else
to practice self care first first and then hit the
pavement or grind or whatever. And I don't even like
to look at it that way. Here comes my tap
dancing dog walking into the room. Is I don't even
(27:51):
like to look at it as like go out and grind,
but I love this word a line. Is Is it
an a alignment with with me?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
So if you want to go and do all those
things to get the job, is it aligned? And for
a lot of us it is. It's like Nope, I
have my eye on the prize. I know what I
want and I'm going to go get it. We were
talking about producing podcasts earlier, and I knew what I
wanted to do with this podcast and I just stayed
(28:27):
in alignment with that vision and when something didn't work,
I let it not work. I didn't force it. And
how do I practice self care? I do a lot
of checking in with myself, like like how am I doing?
Am I running this through my heart or through my ego?
(28:49):
Am I meditating? Am I balanced? Am I do I
know what I need right now? Or am I trying
to force it from the outside to get what I
think I need to make me feel better on the inside.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Totally, that takes a very good sense of self as well,
and also like comfortable being very honest with yourself, right,
you know, And sometimes that's sun comfy too.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
And sometimes actors are not very honest with themselves.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Yeah yeah, yeah they're They.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Think like, yeah, but if I just I'll speak for myself.
This is what I used to do. I used to
think instead. I wish I knew this word alignment. Back
in my twenties and thirties. I used to think, like, no,
it's up to me to make it happen right totally.
And then if it wasn't happening, I thought it was
(29:48):
all my fault. So that's the ego. You take too
much credit and too much blame, and really it has
to do with a million, trillion billion other things that
have to be in alignment. I just teacher. Her name's Nanielle.
I quote her all the time. And when I was
still acting at like a you know, at a more
(30:08):
consistent that was my main career, she would say, your
job is to show up and serve the process. Oh wow,
not get the job, but serve the process. And that
helped a lot. It wasn't just about getting the job,
(30:33):
which is part of it, because you're wanting to get
the job to pay the rent. But when I practiced that,
it freed me up. I was serving a bigger process.
I was serving the project because I go into audition
for the part, and maybe I'm right for it, maybe
I'm wrong for it. Not up to me. But it's
information for the people sitting behind the desk. Yeah, yeah,
(30:56):
it's information for me. Maybe I'm supposed to meet somebody
in the waiting room hmm. I got very popular in
waiting rooms because I would chat up everybody in the
waiting rooms of auditions.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
That's so much fun. I'm a chatterbox as well. You
can see some people can't stand it though. Some people
have to be in like yeah, it's like pre fight
or something, you know, like they go into battle. That's right,
but it's like they're probably gonna you're probably gonna walk
in there, They're gonna hand you a whole new script anyway.
Half the time.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Well, and I might have been tapping into when I
really learned that was like the Jeff Bridges way of life,
which is, don't disconnect in the waiting room and then
think you're going to go in there and be brilliant
in the room room. Of course, everybody has their own process,
but I got into like, oh my gosh, there's Lola,
let's chat how are you seed in so long, get
(31:48):
the juices flowing, get connected and then go into the
audition room and stay connected.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, what a beautiful It's a very simple but a
huge change to mate. What is something you now my
pissy's queen, it's bad to have a birthday. What's something
you're really excited about.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I'm excited about the podcast. I'm excited about this word
alignment that has been my north star since October and
it's changing my life to not look at anything as
right or wrong, good or bad, but it's either out
(32:32):
of alignment or seeking alignment. So not forcing anything, not
judging anything. And when I'm saying anything, I mean in
my own personal life as I'm going on about my day.
Like case in point, the first episode of the podcast
I recorded with Emily and I wish you were here
(32:53):
because I could make fun of her is. We tried
to record an episode, she and I and it was terrible.
It was awful. It was just like bad. I believe
that there was no no, it was terrible. She was nervous.
We hadn't really figured out what we were going to do,
and it was like an app and I could see
it in her eyes that she was panicked and I
wasn't panicked. I was like, all right, well that didn't work,
(33:17):
so we just got to find out what works like
onto the next, Onto the next. I could have panicked.
I had a lot of I had a lot set
up on that first episode, a lot of like you know, yeah,
the pressure was on, and I just went like, no,
we'll find it. It's it's this is trying to find
(33:38):
its aligned version and not being aligned is part of
finding alignment.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah, I love that. I also think as well, when
something doesn't go and I wanted to air quotes, it
doesn't go right, if you can stay open and calm it,
usually something even bitter or will come from it.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
It's as valuable as when things are going right. Right.
It's just information, Yeah, it's just information. And not to
judge the information. Not to not to get so hung
up on I'll use these words, but I don't even
like them anymore. Not to get hung up on positive
or negative, good or bad, up or down. What I'm
(34:26):
making a hand gesture, I like talking to someone that
needs to podcast, is I'm making a gesture of like
of my hand waving in flow, like flowing down the river.
So that's what I'm looking forward to, me staying in flow,
staying aligned, being of service, staying in my dharma, leading circles,
doing the podcast, leading retreats, having amazing conversations with other
(34:51):
people about this type of consciousness.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Can I add two more things for you in there?
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Just having research and deep dived you and I've feel
like I'm getting a real sense of who you are.
A book and a set of oracle cards.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Oh yes, so the book is in the work right
speaking to an author who's who's published a couple of books,
the book is in the work, So thank you for
saying that. And yes I did. I did a set
of cards once and they were prompt cards for circles.
(35:26):
So now that that thanks for saying that, because that'll
be like another another machination of that will happen.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
And also to go with the book as well, well,
we can talk business stuff.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
My business coach.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
I love it. One of my favorite things in I think.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
That's your dharma, by the way, isn't it? People you
can't not coach goodness. I lot of people.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
I love discovering someone's passion and then being like, how
do we how do we turn this into It's I
think that's why this pot exists, because I get to
sit with someone's passion for an hour and just be like,
oh my god, more and more do we turn this into?
You know? And so I feel very lucky to have
sat down with you today. The last thing that I
just want to ask you is so many creatives and
(36:12):
a lot of females, but a lot of women, but
a lot of actors listen to this and creatives, and
I think that self doubt is something that a lot
of younger actors can grapple with or face. And I
always ask this because it's something that creeps in for
me every now and then. It's not every day thing,
but it'll it'll, it'll, it'll creep in and tap my
(36:35):
shoulder every now and then. What is your advice for combat?
And I ask a lot of I asked Lee this
as well. What is your advice for combat combating self
doubt as a creative?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Okay, great question and this just happened. Okay, So.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Here's the.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Here's the headline. When fear shows up, ask it what
it's trying to show you. Yeah, don't try to don't
say like, oh, I want to get rid of all
my fear. When fear shows up, invited to the table
and say, what are you trying to show me? So
I'll tell you My example was I was leading a
(37:21):
retreat in Mexico. Day two, fear showed up and was like,
you're a fucking fraud. Who do you think you are?
Blah blah, love, yeah, just like whatever, all the shadow stuff.
And I said, and I've worked with this long enough
that I said, all right, well, and I knew why
(37:41):
it was showing up because we were conjuring up so
much love that the opposite showed up. It's the opposite
of love, fear. So we were in the midst of
this incredibly loving retreat that I was co facilitating all
this love, so of course all the fear showed up
and it was the same old usual stuff. And I said, okay,
(38:02):
what do you what do you?
Speaker 1 (38:03):
What do you?
Speaker 2 (38:04):
What are you trying to show me?
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Like?
Speaker 2 (38:05):
What are you here for? And the answer was, well,
I show up because I'm trying to keep you safe.
And I said, okay, you're trying to keep me safe. Thanks,
And then I focused on being safe. So then I
brought in faith and I just did a quick little
(38:27):
check in and I said, I'm safe in my body.
I'm safe in this moment. Everything's okay. I am safe.
But the fear, the fear because maybe I was expanding.
I was like in a in another you know, in
another stage of whatever. So the fear was it was
just there to kind of like like keep me back
(38:51):
from expanding. But I didn't try to resist it. And
so now I say, faith, love fear. So when fear
shows up, it's asking me to have more faith. Oh,
but I need to know why it's showing up. So
(39:15):
when self doubt shows up, why why now? What are
you here to show me? Or Oh it's the little
girl who didn't feel safe when she was being seen.
That's my story, the little girl when she was like
shining bright, it was dangerous. Oh I get it. So
now I'm shining really really bright. Fear is showing up
(39:39):
to keep me safe. I turn to it and I say,
thank you for showing up. I get you're trying to
keep me safe. Let me bring in a little faith
right now and check in with myself and say I'm okay,
I am safe. All is well. Thank you fear.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Ah love it. What do I to end the pod
my friend. Thank you Fia.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yeah, thank you fear for showing up, because because you're
trying to tell me something. And the last note for
actors is we're in the business of being vulnerable. We're
in the business of being seen. We're in the business
of being rejected. We're in the business of nobody's saying
(40:27):
it's a guarantee that this is going to work out
in your favor. So fear shows up, I think, or
self doubt shows up to ask you the question who
are you? And what do you want? And what are you?
What do you want to create? What is your to
use your word, like, what is your dharma? And sometimes
(40:50):
for me, the self doubt showed up because I wasn't
living my dharma. Acting it was something I could do,
but it wasn't my dharma. And so I think that
self doubt showed up for me as an actor was
a good thing. I think it was a really good thing.
It showed up enough that and I finally said, like, yeah,
(41:11):
I don't have enough faith right now to keep going.
Now I have more faith. I have faith in everything.
I can't I can't you know, I have faith for everybody.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
So cool, so cool. I'm so glad we talked about fear.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
It just happened at the retreat.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Ah, I'm so happy we did, because fear is something
that can feel icky and uncomfortable for people, and I
really appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
We're not and we're not taught to look at it
in a loving way. We're taught to be afraid of fear. Like,
oh my god, I'm nervous now. I embrace it everything
I do. I'm nervous by the way, every circle I lead,
I'm nervous. But I know to embrace it and to
keep going.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
And often it's nerves can be caring and excited and
like all these awesome things as well, you know.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
And it can be energy, yeah, and we mistake it,
or it can be intuition and we mislabel it as
fear or anxiety.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Totallyre You're flipping wonderful. Thank you for.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Jumping on this, Thanks for having Ah.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Ten ten points. Griffindor loved it. Thank you friend. You're
cross paths again.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Thanks for my gifts, my celestial compass from Natasha Weber
and freaking out.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
You're gonna love you got it. You're gonna want to
chat to her. I just know what I'm connecting you
to Okay, we'd love it. That's a wrap on another
episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always, thank you to our guests,
and let's continue the conversation on Instagram. I'm at Yamo
(43:01):
Lollaberry This potty my work for podcast is available on
all streaming platforms. I'd love it if you could subscribe,
rape and comment, and of course spread the love.
Get a. I'm Laala Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter,
and professional oversharer. This podcast is all about celebrating failure
because I believe it's a chance for us to learn,
grow and face our blind spots. Each week, I'll interview
a different guest about their highs as well as their lows,
(00:26):
all in a bid to inspire us to fearlessly fail. Hello,
and welcome to the pod. You are in for a
treat today. Andrea Benderwald aka Dre is such a warm,
kind and open human. She's an actor, a podcaster, a
(00:49):
mama bear, and leads women's circles. So in this chat
we talk a lot about acting and her incredible acting career.
She has been lucky enough to be in sitcoms, which
is of my ultimate dreams, and we talk about circling,
what it is, what led her to leading these circles
and what it means for her today and how it's
(01:10):
also now led to her incredible pod circle. This which
I will have links for all the things in the
show notes down below, not down it not down below,
but in the show notes, So please check Drey out.
She's absolutely been wonderful. She's a great human being and
She's just so warm. So I hope that this episode
(01:32):
for you feels like a warm cup of cocoa, because Drey,
you are flipping unreal.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
Thank you friend, Let's go.
Speaker 1 (01:44):
Do you know what? I feel like we could have
recorded twenty minutes ago because you and I adjust natural
chatterboxers at natural talkers. I'm gonna call you Drey do
that feels You're such an open, friendly soul. But Andrea
Benderwald is your beautiful It's such.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
A beautiful name.
Speaker 1 (02:05):
Okay, So I want to talk to you about circling.
I want to talk to you about your beautiful podcast,
which I've deep dive every Tuesday when a new drops
and I love the format, by the way, When at
the very end M comes in as well, and you
guys do a little like, oh well, what did you
(02:25):
think about this? What would you love about this? And
I literally, and I said this to you before we
heat record. I feel like I'm eavesdropping in on two
buttos just having a coffee talking about stuff they love.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, and I told you why that was the greatest
compliment ever is because I want everybody to feel like
they are welcomed in, and these conversations literally are for them. Yeah,
the only reason I'm doing this podcast is because I
want to share these incredible women. Primarily I will be
(02:58):
having men on the pod, but I'm like, it brings
me so much joy to share these incredible women. Lee
Hilton Smith is someone we share in common. She was
my first guest, one of my best friends. We need
more of them. We need her voice everywhere. We need
(03:18):
her magic, her fairy dust, her gifts her talent. Because
they've fed my life so much. And anybody who who
meets them, they're like, or here's them. You know you
have a podcast. I have podcasts. You get great feedback
where where these conversations really have a ripple effect. So
I'm so happy that you said that because I want
(03:39):
people to feel included.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Wow, mate, keep doing it forever and ever. It's called
Circle This and it drops every Tuesday. And I'm going
to put links to listen in the show notes, so
you the listener, after you listen to this episode, please
go back and Deep Dive Drays pod. So many goodies
on there. Ah, bring a notebook, especially for Brooks.
Speaker 2 (04:00):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Oh oh my goodness. I was reck can I send
that to four friends? And I was like, take notes yeah,
this one, you know quickly before. I mean, my brain
is a pinball machine. But has there been anything because
I know the pod is not newer, but like I
know that it's like you started recording it at the
end of last year, right, even though we were in the
(04:21):
works for a while.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
We started recording in October of twenty twenty four. No, sorry, yeah,
September we did September.
Speaker 1 (04:29):
Yeah, we did it.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Very fast thanks to Tercy, our producer, who was like, yeah, no,
let's launch it October twentieth. And we were like, oh,
we just recorded, we just recorded, but she did it.
She turned it around, she did an amazing edit and
we launched in October.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
And has there been any moment where because Podland is amazing,
but it's a bit of a beast as well, like
a lot to it and the work that goes into
each pod. Has there been a little like moment where
you're like, oh, my goodness, Like you know when you're
interviewing someone and you'll like just.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
With them every episode really every episode. I'm not exaggerating,
And it's how I feel about leading circles. So you're
an open book. I'm an open book when you go
into a scenario like we're doing right now, or I'm
(05:26):
doing on my podcast or in a circle with the
intention of I'm entering this with curiosity and with the
goal to learn something and to receive something. Not that
I intended, it's not my agenda, but I'm here to
serve whatever that is, the collective, this person the moment
(05:50):
I get out of the way. But I also have
a lot that I'm aiming for, you know.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
I'm conduit.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, absolutely so. And the way I designed this first
season of the podcast was to invite my closest circle
of women that either from the past have been part
of this circle journey or the present who I have
(06:18):
a deep connection with. And that's that's just been the
first the first season, and and the best part is
I'm learning something in real time in every episode with
these incredible women. So it's that's the exciting.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
Isn't it the best? That I get emotional in so
many episodes because I'm just like podcasting is bigger than us,
Like where just where does he? I think we're here
for a really cool ride, and like how lucky that
we get to sit with another human being and essentially
like basking their.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Essence for a window of time, and we really are
conduits in the sense that we don't know what this conversation,
who it's going to serve, and when. What's going to
come through this conversation has nothing to do with us.
I'm going to be inspired to share some story or
some anecdote because you're here on a you know, Tuesday,
(07:17):
sitting on my couch on a new moon. I think
today's the new moon by the way.
Speaker 1 (07:22):
Yeah, and Pisces, and you'll Piscey, what's up, Bubba Pisces.
Speaker 2 (07:26):
It's Pisce season. I'm so excited. So somebody's a guest recently.
Her episode hasn't come out yet, and she said, you know,
I'm not sure about our episode and if you want
to re record it, and I was like, oh, I
don't know, let me see, but we could either do
another one or but let me see. And I said
to her, Yeah, whatever happened during that that episode was
(07:51):
meant to happen. Those stories were meant to be shared.
And we have no idea but that the story you
shared about your experience, you failed famously or whatever it was,
that story is going to have a ripple effect and
change somebody's life and who are reader second guest that
that's the story that wanted to be told. So I'm
(08:14):
blown and wet, not blown away. I am moved inspired.
I get chills every episode. I'm tired of my own
voice saying that, oh my god, I got full body chills.
But it's true that something happens in every episode. So
(08:36):
and a lot of these people I know really.
Speaker 1 (08:38):
Well, yeah, yeah, you'll be blown away though. Like sometimes
I remember I interviewed and an amazing author in Australia.
We'd never met before, but I'd read his work and
it was just so I heard that episode Trent Dalton,
his name is Yeah, and he'd sent me a book
and we hadn't met, and I think i'd done a
story or something on Insta and he said, Lola, never
(09:02):
let your light dull, like, always keep shining. And it
was just a day where I got a rejection audition
here in LA and I just remember starting to cry
because I felt seen when I just felt like I
was a people and someone to do here, you know
what I mean. And I told him that story and
we were both to sit across from each other cry
like but we never met before, like and so beautiful,
(09:24):
I can't wait to see where your pod goes. I
look forward to every Tuesday, and please keep doing it
forever and ever and ever. Okay, okay, okay done. Can
I talk to you about being an actor because I
have to say you were a dream to deep dive.
I have gone back and watched you. Suddenly Susan my friend,
(09:47):
and oh, like like for me, that sitcom world just
from the outside, and I got a taping sometimes as well,
just seems like such a fun It's a very specific
like genre as well. But to be part of a
sitcom family like that. When I said family, you know,
I like it.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
Yeah, Well a show that goes longer than one season, yeah,
you get to really get to know.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
How was that?
Speaker 2 (10:13):
It was amazing And it was the nineties in network television,
and it was this really special time. Suddenly Susan shot
on the Warner Brothers stage and there were so many
incredible shows over there at the time, from Friends to
Er to Drew Carrey to and endless other ones and
(10:36):
we all, and I say we all, it was like
just a romantic time to be acting and to be
in la and to be on sitcoms, and so it
was really special. It was really special and it was
a beautiful cast. I was only on it for two years.
(10:57):
The show was on for four years, so I was
on the middle two years, and yeah, we had a
lot of fun. We had a lot of fun. And
you're right, it's a different it's a different genre and
just funnily enough. I talk to actors all the time
about you know, I fancied myself Lola, a very dramatic
(11:20):
actress when I graduated from theater school, and I thought
I was going to come out here and play these dramatic,
almost like character roles. You know, you come out of
school and you think, like I can play anything, and
then you get into the business of show and you
get hired in what in what you a little bit of,
(11:46):
like who you are, gets hired totally right like you.
It's like your essence gets hired more than your acting resume.
Let's say, so finding that lane or that lane found
me where all of a sudden I was getting jobs
(12:07):
doing pilots and then sitcom So I did a lot
of pilots before I did Suddenly Susan like things that
aren't on the resume. I did like endless pilots for NBC.
I would do like two or three a year pilots
back to back, playing like the girl in the sitcom
with the stand up comic who couldn't act, but they
(12:29):
would hire these people around them and then those wouldn't go.
Those wouldn't go. So by the time I got Suddenly Susan,
I'd also guested on a bunch of NBC shows.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:39):
I think by the time I got Suddenly Susan.
Speaker 1 (12:41):
Oh yeah, your I didn't IMDBA Price Talk. Oh yeah,
your resume is amazing of like that kind of like
genre of sitcoms. Is there any moment from that, like
and like you said that kind of like nineties era
of that like stands out because I imagine, like, especially if
(13:04):
you've been on a show for two years as well,
Like there are those moments where you're on set and
my teacher in Australia always says to me, doesn't matter
if you're doing a play, TV film every now and
then and you being so connected to yourself and so
self aware, he said, an angel walks across the stage
and he said, it's kind of it's kind of like
(13:24):
something's bigger than you and you're just again a conduit
in active form. Does any of from any of your
acting because you're in you were in Stickett as well,
that awesome Cheerleader. I love that movie.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Yes, with Jeff Bridges, I meant to do a scene
with him that was that would have Jamie. I was
gonna say, yeah, so what's the question like an angel
or an angel walks across the stage like someone, like
an interaction with somebody that was like.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
Or like a moment acting wise where you're like, oh, yeah,
that was the day where I was like, yeah, that's
the ship, that's the stuff I love.
Speaker 2 (13:58):
You know, yeah, I would say, well, I have so
many memories. Oh it was. It really was a dream
come true and romantic. Like I remember walking the walking
onto a studio lot the first time and having a
having a job. Honest I think I remember the first
time walking on and having an audition and thought I
(14:19):
had arrived. I was like I've arrived, like they had
my name at the gate we drove in, and then
having the first job and having a dressing room and
then you know, I had I had many like I
did an episode of Seinfeldt working with like the Greats.
It was like maybe their tenth season, and I remember
(14:44):
so I was. You know, I was very often a
guest and a guest spot. A guest star just works
that week. You know, you work five days and then
you're gone. And I remember, I'm a real keen observer,
you know, It's it's part of one of my skill
sets that I observe everything. So if you ever want
details about anything, just ask me and I can tell
(15:05):
you everything. But I observed this incredible cast and they
they were so professional, and they treated everybody so well,
and they were the they were the first ones on stage,
the last ones off stage, meaning we weren't waiting for anybody.
Speaker 1 (15:27):
Yeah, with a.
Speaker 2 (15:29):
Big ego, I guess you know. They were so professional
and kind and generous and and I'll never I'll never
forget that job. That was when the craft service was
the most incredible craft It was like endless. It was
like everybody for who doesn't know what craft services. It's
(15:50):
the behind the scenes on stage for the cast and crew. Food,
gorgeous food station. And it was like it was like
the mac Daddy of service.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Isn't it insane? We barely have it in Australia, Just
so you know, And I used to do a show
here called Home and Family on Universal Lot and I
the first time I went to the crafty there, I
was I think that's the buzzy word for I was like,
oh my god, is this for us? And I was like,
and I think I took snacks for later because I
(16:21):
was so blown away.
Speaker 2 (16:23):
Snacks for letter of course.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
Yeah, I was like, this is wild.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
Actors who were usually always malnourished. Well, like you'll see
them putting granola bars and their bad and string cheese
and things like that. By the way, I'm referring to
that craft service at Seinfeld. This was back in the
nineties when I was still like, I mean, I've worked
on many shows that have incredible craft service. I just
remember that one at the time. Yeah, because it was
(16:52):
Seinfeld and it was there, you know, they were at
the Yeah. I love that.
Speaker 1 (16:57):
That's a memory that popped up for you. I do
I have to ask, because both Lee and you have
shared this incredible story about working with Jeff Bridges.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
Oh, yes, can you share that? Well? I read his
book much later because of Lee's class, which is the
Dude and the zen Master. Yeah, and I understood the
story of what happened to me with with mister Bridges
after reading his book. So I had one. I think
(17:29):
I was only there a day and I had one
scene and it was with him. I don't I literally
I don't remember if I had another scene in the
movie or forgot cut out, but I do remember this
one scene with him, and I was in the makeup
trailer beforehand. And just a backup a second, I think
I worked a lot in the time that I worked
(17:51):
a lot, and it was because I had really good
I had a really good work ethic.
Speaker 1 (17:55):
Yeah. So you're like a type person.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, so I would like you never had to worry
about me if I was on your set. I knew
my lines. I wasn't my maintenance. I really was. I
just kind of like served the project Da da da so,
and part of that was, you know, not taking up
too much air. And I at that time that I
was working on Sticket, I had seen people get fired
(18:20):
for being either assholes or too high maintenance or you know,
just like not reading the room. Yeah right, So I
was probably too much of a good girl in the
sense that I never rocked the boat. Yeah. So, just
to paint the picture. So I'm in the makeup trailer,
(18:42):
mister Bridges walks in and I'm like, I don't talk
to him. I'm not going to you know, I'm I'm
a guest, I'm there in my hair and makeup, I'm in,
I'm out. And he starts talking to me and starts
asking me who I am and where I live and
and I'm so enamored and shocked, and also I'm a
(19:06):
good conversationalist, so I know answer and we have a
good chat. And he's like that with everybody. So he's
like that with the hair and makeup women and men,
and he's like that with the first and second nd,
and he's like that with the extras. And he continues
to be that way with me on set. I think
we sat together and had lunch together with a couple
(19:28):
of the other players. And what I didn't understand, and
by the end of the day I clearly thought we
were best friends and wanted to be best friends with
him because he's such a legend. But what I experienced
and what I then learned in his book is that
he was doing that with such intention and that was
(19:50):
and I'm paraphrasing badly, but you should read the book.
This is just my memory and takeaway is that he's
in the business of connection and humanity and storytelling. So
why wouldn't he connect and treat his co workers with
humanity and want to get to know them so that
(20:11):
when we're on camera together playing connected people, that we
wouldn't have an organic, genuine connection on camera like he
had developed off camera, like he was developing with everyone
on set. Is that the story to tell? That's my memory.
(20:36):
And it wasn't until I read that book that I went,
that's what he was doing. That was amazing, and you know,
add to Kart, let me, let me put some of
that in my daily life, in my daily life, in
my and not just like, oh, I'm going to connect
(20:57):
with you now because we're having a conversation on a podcast,
or I'm going to connect with you now because I'm
holding space in a circle. But and how can I
connect with people that I want to be connected with
all people?
Speaker 1 (21:14):
And it sounds like he did it in such a genuine,
seamless way, like it's just core of ease. And I
think if we can live from a space of just
genuine truth and connection, it's really gonna let you down.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Like it's a pretty cool yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:29):
Biromao, it's a pretty cool, Like set of values and.
Speaker 2 (21:34):
It's like the anti ego approach. Yeh, so he was,
you know, I think I understand the ego or what
I've studied about it, which is the ego wants to
put us above or below whoever we're around. I'm better
than you or I'm less than you. And often in
(21:55):
this society that we are currently in, everybody knows their
place based on like a social structure or they still
play into it. And especially in Hollywood. Come on, there's
number one on the call sheet, there's the star, there's
the person that's making all this money. They're the one
that's financing the project. You know, there is a hierarchy
(22:17):
of who is let's say above, who is below. Literally
there's a line, there's a saying below the line. Are
you working below the line?
Speaker 1 (22:27):
Or really?
Speaker 2 (22:28):
Yeah? Oh, below the line means people that are working
in the crew. Above the line means you know, they're
working in more of the higher up production. Wow. Yeah.
So he was deleting all the lines and deleting all
the hierarchy of social structure, and he was this is
(22:53):
my takeaway, my definition, he was bringing us all in together.
Let's use the circle metaphor is we're all equal in
the circle, so we're all in this together, and we're
all connected, so why not let's get connected now rather
than wait for someone to yell action and then we're
(23:15):
supposed to act connected and everybody has their different watch
McCall it methods, acting methods. That was mister Bridges's method,
and I'll never forget it.
Speaker 1 (23:30):
No, I love thank you for sharing that. It's I
think as well, like as an actor that loves to
work really hard and for so long, it was really
important to me to show people how hard i'd worked,
and you and I have talked about this over Brecky before,
and to flip that all on its head and just
be like, you know you're going to do the work.
(23:51):
You know you're going to do the preparation, trust that,
and then just focus on being connected and being in
present with another human being. I know you love the
word dama. I also love the word dama, which to
me means to live one's purpose or be connected to
that purpose. Big load A question for you, what is
(24:12):
your dama in this lifetime?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
Wow, that's a good question. I love the word alignment lately,
and so to me, dharma is it's living your purpose.
And how do you know you're living your purpose is
because everything aligns. So I also know that I love
(24:46):
leading circles. That is part of my darma because I
would do it for free for the rest of my life.
That's part of it. And I feel hundred percent aligned
when I'm leading a circle. And because circling has been
(25:11):
my main spiritual practice and I have healed lifetimes sitting
in circles, it is of absolute urgency that I share
this with other women especially, but also men, so that
they can have a similar experience that I have had,
which is a healing experience and feeling love and connection
(25:40):
and wholeness in the way that I have through these
many years of circling.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
Oh, I love it. This, this is something I've heard
you speak about before. But self care, I think, especially
in the act, in the act world, all the creativity world,
we get so caught up in being in class, which
is amazing, but working on the script, and then there's
(26:07):
working on the scenes, working being in scenes study, there's
doing the auditionet being there for the callback, you know,
like constantly honing your craft, working with a dialect code,
or there's that piece of the puzzle. But then and
it's that hard work ethic that we spoke to earlier,
but then without the self care aspect. And it's kind
of easy to skip that because it feels gentler and
(26:30):
softer and more potentially yin than yang and go getter.
You know, how do we find that and cultivate that
balance of self care to be a better artist, to
be a better mum, to be a better creative?
Speaker 2 (26:45):
Yeah, well, I have learned and am still learning that
when I practice self care, I can do everything else
so much better. So if I'm running on an empty tank,
I can run on adrenaline for a while, but I
will burn out. Yeah, I will crash. I will be
(27:07):
taken down. And sometimes that's how I have to learn
the lesson the flip side, the more mature side. I'm
going to be fifty five March fourth and never been
more excited. Is I've learned through doing it the other way,
depleting myself that I don't have to. I don't have to,
(27:27):
I can. It's actually badass and sexy and everything else
to practice self care first first and then hit the
pavement or grind or whatever. And I don't even like
to look at it that way. Here comes my tap
dancing dog walking into the room. Is I don't even
(27:51):
like to look at it as like go out and grind,
but I love this word a line. Is Is it
an a alignment with with me?
Speaker 1 (28:06):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (28:06):
So if you want to go and do all those
things to get the job, is it aligned? And for
a lot of us it is. It's like Nope, I
have my eye on the prize. I know what I
want and I'm going to go get it. We were
talking about producing podcasts earlier, and I knew what I
wanted to do with this podcast and I just stayed
(28:27):
in alignment with that vision and when something didn't work,
I let it not work. I didn't force it. And
how do I practice self care? I do a lot
of checking in with myself, like like how am I doing?
Am I running this through my heart or through my ego?
(28:49):
Am I meditating? Am I balanced? Am I do I
know what I need right now? Or am I trying
to force it from the outside to get what I
think I need to make me feel better on the inside.
Speaker 1 (29:07):
Totally, that takes a very good sense of self as well,
and also like comfortable being very honest with yourself, right,
you know, And sometimes that's sun comfy too.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
And sometimes actors are not very honest with themselves.
Speaker 1 (29:22):
Yeah yeah, yeah they're They.
Speaker 2 (29:26):
Think like, yeah, but if I just I'll speak for myself.
This is what I used to do. I used to
think instead. I wish I knew this word alignment. Back
in my twenties and thirties. I used to think, like, no,
it's up to me to make it happen right totally.
And then if it wasn't happening, I thought it was
(29:48):
all my fault. So that's the ego. You take too
much credit and too much blame, and really it has
to do with a million, trillion billion other things that
have to be in alignment. I just teacher. Her name's Nanielle.
I quote her all the time. And when I was
still acting at like a you know, at a more
(30:08):
consistent that was my main career, she would say, your
job is to show up and serve the process. Oh wow,
not get the job, but serve the process. And that
helped a lot. It wasn't just about getting the job,
(30:33):
which is part of it, because you're wanting to get
the job to pay the rent. But when I practiced that,
it freed me up. I was serving a bigger process.
I was serving the project because I go into audition
for the part, and maybe I'm right for it, maybe
I'm wrong for it. Not up to me. But it's
information for the people sitting behind the desk. Yeah, yeah,
(30:56):
it's information for me. Maybe I'm supposed to meet somebody
in the waiting room hmm. I got very popular in
waiting rooms because I would chat up everybody in the
waiting rooms of auditions.
Speaker 1 (31:08):
That's so much fun. I'm a chatterbox as well. You
can see some people can't stand it though. Some people
have to be in like yeah, it's like pre fight
or something, you know, like they go into battle. That's right,
but it's like they're probably gonna you're probably gonna walk
in there, They're gonna hand you a whole new script anyway.
Half the time.
Speaker 2 (31:26):
Well, and I might have been tapping into when I
really learned that was like the Jeff Bridges way of life,
which is, don't disconnect in the waiting room and then
think you're going to go in there and be brilliant
in the room room. Of course, everybody has their own process,
but I got into like, oh my gosh, there's Lola,
let's chat how are you seed in so long, get
(31:48):
the juices flowing, get connected and then go into the
audition room and stay connected.
Speaker 1 (31:51):
Yeah, what a beautiful It's a very simple but a
huge change to mate. What is something you now my
pissy's queen, it's bad to have a birthday. What's something
you're really excited about.
Speaker 2 (32:12):
I'm excited about the podcast. I'm excited about this word
alignment that has been my north star since October and
it's changing my life to not look at anything as
right or wrong, good or bad, but it's either out
(32:32):
of alignment or seeking alignment. So not forcing anything, not
judging anything. And when I'm saying anything, I mean in
my own personal life as I'm going on about my day.
Like case in point, the first episode of the podcast
I recorded with Emily and I wish you were here
(32:53):
because I could make fun of her is. We tried
to record an episode, she and I and it was terrible.
It was awful. It was just like bad. I believe
that there was no no, it was terrible. She was nervous.
We hadn't really figured out what we were going to do,
and it was like an app and I could see
it in her eyes that she was panicked and I
wasn't panicked. I was like, all right, well that didn't work,
(33:17):
so we just got to find out what works like
onto the next, Onto the next. I could have panicked.
I had a lot of I had a lot set
up on that first episode, a lot of like you know, yeah,
the pressure was on, and I just went like, no,
we'll find it. It's it's this is trying to find
(33:38):
its aligned version and not being aligned is part of
finding alignment.
Speaker 1 (33:45):
Totally.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
That's it.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
Yeah, I love that. I also think as well, when
something doesn't go and I wanted to air quotes, it
doesn't go right, if you can stay open and calm it,
usually something even bitter or will come from it.
Speaker 2 (34:01):
It's as valuable as when things are going right. Right.
It's just information, Yeah, it's just information. And not to
judge the information. Not to not to get so hung
up on I'll use these words, but I don't even
like them anymore. Not to get hung up on positive
or negative, good or bad, up or down. What I'm
(34:26):
making a hand gesture, I like talking to someone that
needs to podcast, is I'm making a gesture of like
of my hand waving in flow, like flowing down the river.
So that's what I'm looking forward to, me staying in flow,
staying aligned, being of service, staying in my dharma, leading circles,
doing the podcast, leading retreats, having amazing conversations with other
(34:51):
people about this type of consciousness.
Speaker 1 (34:54):
Can I add two more things for you in there?
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Sure?
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Just having research and deep dived you and I've feel
like I'm getting a real sense of who you are.
A book and a set of oracle cards.
Speaker 2 (35:04):
Oh yes, so the book is in the work right
speaking to an author who's who's published a couple of books,
the book is in the work, So thank you for
saying that. And yes I did. I did a set
of cards once and they were prompt cards for circles.
(35:26):
So now that that thanks for saying that, because that'll
be like another another machination of that will happen.
Speaker 1 (35:33):
And also to go with the book as well, well,
we can talk business stuff.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
My business coach.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
I love it. One of my favorite things in I think.
Speaker 2 (35:42):
That's your dharma, by the way, isn't it? People you
can't not coach goodness. I lot of people.
Speaker 1 (35:49):
I love discovering someone's passion and then being like, how
do we how do we turn this into It's I
think that's why this pot exists, because I get to
sit with someone's passion for an hour and just be like,
oh my god, more and more do we turn this into?
You know? And so I feel very lucky to have
sat down with you today. The last thing that I
just want to ask you is so many creatives and
(36:12):
a lot of females, but a lot of women, but
a lot of actors listen to this and creatives, and
I think that self doubt is something that a lot
of younger actors can grapple with or face. And I
always ask this because it's something that creeps in for
me every now and then. It's not every day thing,
but it'll it'll, it'll, it'll creep in and tap my
(36:35):
shoulder every now and then. What is your advice for combat?
And I ask a lot of I asked Lee this
as well. What is your advice for combat combating self
doubt as a creative?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
Okay, great question and this just happened. Okay, So.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Here's the.
Speaker 2 (36:59):
Here's the headline. When fear shows up, ask it what
it's trying to show you. Yeah, don't try to don't
say like, oh, I want to get rid of all
my fear. When fear shows up, invited to the table
and say, what are you trying to show me? So
I'll tell you My example was I was leading a
(37:21):
retreat in Mexico. Day two, fear showed up and was like,
you're a fucking fraud. Who do you think you are?
Blah blah, love, yeah, just like whatever, all the shadow stuff.
And I said, and I've worked with this long enough
that I said, all right, well, and I knew why
(37:41):
it was showing up because we were conjuring up so
much love that the opposite showed up. It's the opposite
of love, fear. So we were in the midst of
this incredibly loving retreat that I was co facilitating all
this love, so of course all the fear showed up
and it was the same old usual stuff. And I said, okay,
(38:02):
what do you what do you?
Speaker 1 (38:03):
What do you?
Speaker 2 (38:04):
What are you trying to show me?
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Like?
Speaker 2 (38:05):
What are you here for? And the answer was, well,
I show up because I'm trying to keep you safe.
And I said, okay, you're trying to keep me safe. Thanks,
And then I focused on being safe. So then I
brought in faith and I just did a quick little
(38:27):
check in and I said, I'm safe in my body.
I'm safe in this moment. Everything's okay. I am safe.
But the fear, the fear because maybe I was expanding.
I was like in a in another you know, in
another stage of whatever. So the fear was it was
just there to kind of like like keep me back
(38:51):
from expanding. But I didn't try to resist it. And
so now I say, faith, love fear. So when fear
shows up, it's asking me to have more faith. Oh,
but I need to know why it's showing up. So
(39:15):
when self doubt shows up, why why now? What are
you here to show me? Or Oh it's the little
girl who didn't feel safe when she was being seen.
That's my story, the little girl when she was like
shining bright, it was dangerous. Oh I get it. So
now I'm shining really really bright. Fear is showing up
(39:39):
to keep me safe. I turn to it and I say,
thank you for showing up. I get you're trying to
keep me safe. Let me bring in a little faith
right now and check in with myself and say I'm okay,
I am safe. All is well. Thank you fear.
Speaker 1 (40:00):
Ah love it. What do I to end the pod
my friend. Thank you Fia.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yeah, thank you fear for showing up, because because you're
trying to tell me something. And the last note for
actors is we're in the business of being vulnerable. We're
in the business of being seen. We're in the business
of being rejected. We're in the business of nobody's saying
(40:27):
it's a guarantee that this is going to work out
in your favor. So fear shows up, I think, or
self doubt shows up to ask you the question who
are you? And what do you want? And what are you?
What do you want to create? What is your to
use your word, like, what is your dharma? And sometimes
(40:50):
for me, the self doubt showed up because I wasn't
living my dharma. Acting it was something I could do,
but it wasn't my dharma. And so I think that
self doubt showed up for me as an actor was
a good thing. I think it was a really good thing.
It showed up enough that and I finally said, like, yeah,
(41:11):
I don't have enough faith right now to keep going.
Now I have more faith. I have faith in everything.
I can't I can't you know, I have faith for everybody.
Speaker 1 (41:24):
So cool, so cool. I'm so glad we talked about fear.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
It just happened at the retreat.
Speaker 1 (41:31):
Ah, I'm so happy we did, because fear is something
that can feel icky and uncomfortable for people, and I
really appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (41:42):
We're not and we're not taught to look at it
in a loving way. We're taught to be afraid of fear. Like,
oh my god, I'm nervous now. I embrace it everything
I do. I'm nervous by the way, every circle I lead,
I'm nervous. But I know to embrace it and to
keep going.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
And often it's nerves can be caring and excited and
like all these awesome things as well, you know.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
And it can be energy, yeah, and we mistake it,
or it can be intuition and we mislabel it as
fear or anxiety.
Speaker 1 (42:19):
Totallyre You're flipping wonderful. Thank you for.
Speaker 2 (42:23):
Jumping on this, Thanks for having Ah.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Ten ten points. Griffindor loved it. Thank you friend. You're
cross paths again.
Speaker 2 (42:35):
Thanks for my gifts, my celestial compass from Natasha Weber
and freaking out.
Speaker 1 (42:41):
You're gonna love you got it. You're gonna want to
chat to her. I just know what I'm connecting you
to Okay, we'd love it. That's a wrap on another
episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always, thank you to our guests,
and let's continue the conversation on Instagram. I'm at Yamo
(43:01):
Lollaberry This potty my work for podcast is available on
all streaming platforms. I'd love it if you could subscribe,
rape and comment, and of course spread the love.
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