Learn how to handle book reviews without letting them crush your confidence or derail your writing dreams.
Receiving your first book review can be both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Whether it's a glowing five-star love letter or a brutal one-star takedown, reader reviews can send even the most confident authors into an emotional tailspin.
I recently sat down with book coaches Emily Golden and Rachel May of Golden May Editing to discuss the challenge of negative reviews. Between their own publishing experiences and years of guiding clients through review season, they know exactly what separates thriving authors from those who let negative feedback derail their dreams.
Tune in to hear us talk about things like:
[03:45] Why book reviews feel so much more intense than beta reader feedback (and the one key difference that changes everything).
[08:25] How to separate your novel from your identity so criticism doesn't feel like a personal attack on your self-worth.
[11:05] Why trying to "toughen up" actually makes book reviews hurt worse (and what to do instead when they sting).
[35:35] The simple boundary you can set with ARC readers to avoid getting ambushed by negative reviews.
[40:25] Why we obsess over one-star reviews but barely notice five-star ones (and how to flip this script).
[41:45] Whether you should let reviews influence your future writing decisions, and a brilliant way to use feedback as data, not direction.
Whether you're approaching your first book launch or struggling with review anxiety, this episode offers practical strategies to navigate both praise and criticism.
⭐ Follow & Review
If you loved this episode, please take a moment to follow the show and leave a review on Apple Podcasts! Your review will help other writers find this podcast and get the insights they need to finish their books. Thanks for tuning in to The Fiction Writing Made Easy Podcast! See you next week!
🔗 Links mentioned in this episode:
👉 Looking for a transcript? If you’re listening on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, scroll down below the episode player until you see the transcript.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
For reviews.
It's not honestly about you.
The reviews are for otherreaders, they're not for you,
and so when somebody is writinga review about your book, it
actually isn't personal, it hasnothing to do with you.
Like we put our hearts andsouls into these projects.
But I think it's reallyimportant to remember that those
(00:28):
aren't for you and they're notabout you, because that boundary
can really help you set someguidelines and boundaries for
yourself around how you take inthose reviews and like what
purpose it's serving, becausetheir purpose is not for you.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Welcome to the Fiction Writing Made Easy
podcast.
My name is Savannah Gilbo andI'm here to help you write a
story that works.
I want to prove to you thatwriting a novel doesn't have to
be overwhelming, so each week,I'll bring you a brand new
episode with simple, actionableand step-by-step strategies that
you can implement in yourwriting right away.
So whether you're brand new towriting or more of a seasoned
author looking to improve yourcraft, this podcast is for you.
(01:10):
So pick up a pen and let's getstarted.
I think it's probably true formost writers that getting your
first book review can be boththrilling and terrifying all at
once, and whether it's a glowingfive-star love letter or a
brutal one-star takedown reader,reviews can send even the most
confident authors into anemotional tailspin.
(01:30):
But here's what I've learnedafter working with hundreds of
writers your relationship withreviews does not have to be a
source of constant anxiety.
In fact, with the right mindsetand practical strategies,
reviews can become a valuablepart of your author journey
rather than something you dread.
I recently sat down with bookcoaches Emily Golden and Rachel
(01:51):
May of Golden May Editing toexplore this exact challenge.
Between their own publishingexperiences and years of guiding
clients through getting reviews, they've witnessed the full
spectrum of reactions, fromauthors who expected to handle
criticism well but then crumbledall the way, to writers who
feared the worst but discoveredunexpected resilience.
(02:11):
And in this episode, you'regoing to learn why reviews feel
so much more intense than anyother kind of feedback you'll
get.
You'll learn five essentialmindset shifts that build
emotional resilience, and you'llwalk away with some practical
strategies for both leveragingpositive reviews and recovering
from negative ones.
So I won't make you wait anylonger, let's dive right into my
(02:32):
conversation with Emily Goldenand Rachel May of Golden May
Editing.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
We often will see writers start to worry about
reviews before they even havetheir first draft of their first
book done right.
Reviews are one of those thingswhere it's like, if you want to
put your book in the world,it's something that you know is
coming down the road, and Ithink a lot of writers are
fearful of that and scared ofhow that might affect them, and
(02:56):
I think it can be a helpfulthing to think about reviews and
how to approach them beforeyou're actually at the point
where the reviews are coming in.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, so that's what we're going to help with today,
and it's interesting because wecould even zoom out and say like
we feel this way about gettingfeedback in general sometimes,
whether it's from beta readers,coaches, editors or the review
after a book is published.
So there's kind of a lot thatgoes into the topic, and what I
have found on my side is thatsome writers think that they're
going to handle it really welland then, surprise, they don't,
or they think this is going tokill me.
(03:28):
And then they're like totallyfine, do you guys see that as
well?
Yeah, so it's almost like younever really know how you're
going to handle it until ithappens, which is hard.
But also like, even if you'reworried about it doesn't mean
it's you're going to handle itpoorly because you might
surprise yourself.
So to handle it poorly becauseyou might surprise yourself, so
let's talk about that.
Let's talk about, like, how dowe go about preparing ourselves
for this emotional journey ofreviews?
(03:50):
And maybe we can even talkabout like why is it different
getting feedback from betareaders versus a reviewer?
And like when that happens?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Yeah, I think the the emotion that you feel is
similar, but it's a completelydifferent situation.
So in either way you get thesame sort of physiological
response.
Usually it's one of the fearfight, you know, fought, like
one of the fear responses.
I forget what they're called,but it's one of fear, fight,
fought, and there's another onenow Freeze.
(04:19):
Yes, so you get triggered kindof in both scenarios, but they
are really different.
Feedback in a partnershipscenario, in a writer to writer
relationship, can feel reallydefensive.
So again we're getting thatsame feeling come out.
But that's when you're likelooking for feedback to
implement and you're looking forhow can I make this book
(04:42):
stronger or what do you likeabout this book?
Because positive feedback isstill really really valuable and
that is in the headspace oflike I want to change this book
for better, like for a reason,and that could be through
positive feedback or throughnegative feedback.
That is feedback.
But reviews are like the book'sdone, I can't change it, I'm not
(05:03):
going to change it, butsomeone's commenting on it and
it is wildly outside of mycontrol, like I don't know that
person, I don't trust thatperson.
They can say whatever they want, not to my face, and that gives
, like a lot of reviewers, somekind of permission to say things
that can sometimes hurt.
I mean to be real, but that'snot feedback, that's commentary,
(05:25):
and usually like we have thesame kind of response that we
should be able to do somethingabout it, that we should be able
to like, react to it and like,oh, I need to explain myself or,
or I need to change something,or I need to do something, and
in a feedback relationshipthat's built on trust and
respect, there is action you cantake.
In a review situation there'snot.
(05:46):
The book is done, and so itoften can leave us feeling like
even a little more helpless, alittle more defenseless, because
there's not much we can doabout it.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah, I also think it's really important to note
that the purpose in the audiencefor, let's say, beta feedback
and a review are very, verydifferent.
Right, when you're sending yourmanuscript out to folks for
feedback so that you can changeyour book, like the relationship
, the communication is betweenyou and them, they are giving
you feedback.
For reviews, it's not honestlyabout you.
(06:18):
The reviews are for otherreaders, they're not for you.
And so when somebody is writinga review about your book, it
actually isn't personal, it hasnothing to do with you.
It's them sharing their opinionwith other readers so that
those aren't for you and they'renot about you.
Because that boundary canreally help you set some
(06:50):
guidelines and boundaries foryourself around how you take in
those reviews and like whatpurpose it's serving, because
their purpose is not for you.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, and I think that's super important, that
distinction of when you're inthe beta feedback phase and
you're getting the feedback.
It serves a totally differentpurpose.
Like you said, it's to make thestory better.
Usually you, you know at leastkind of know the people you're
getting feedback from.
You know that they might havesimilar goals.
If you're doing like critiquepartner swaps or things like
that and also you can ask themquestions, you can say, like
(07:22):
what did you mean by thispotentially, whereas a review
it's none of that, right, it'snone of that.
So you can't ask them forclarification.
It's not even really meant,like you said, as a critique on
you.
It's just about your story.
Is this going to get in thehands of readers?
So I wanted to echo thatbecause I think that's really
helpful for listeners to hearthat they have two different
(07:44):
purposes.
It's not just about differenttimes or different people.
There are two differentpurposes.
So, given that let's pretendthat we've gone through the beta
feedback and we're publishingour book, how do we prepare to
get potentially some negativereviews?
Or actually, how do we prepareto even get reviews, positive or
negatively, because getting anykind of review is scary, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I think there's a big challenge in being like
perceived so just like thatpsychological oh my gosh, people
are going to consume somethingthat I've written.
It really is nerve wrackingeither way, positive or negative
wise, yeah, but I think what Ihave found personally helpful
for my own reviews and then withworking with clients is a
couple things.
I think it's really importantto work on just your mindset in
(08:27):
general as far as, like,separating the work from
identity.
Like this book is not you as aperson.
So when there are critiquesabout this book, or if there's
positive praise about this book,it is.
It does not relate back to,like how much you love yourself,
right, Like the worth that youcarry about yourself.
It's not a critique about youas an author with your identity.
(08:49):
So I think there's work to bedone there to prepare yourself,
but also to really dive into whois your ideal reader, who is
this book for?
Because to me, like those arethe reviews that quite frankly
matter and, like reviews comingfrom people who are not my ideal
reader, they don't matter thatI didn't write this book for
them.
So, knowing those working onboth sides of that equation of
(09:12):
like I'm writing this for aspecific person.
I know exactly who that is.
Those reviews I'm going to lookat those or I'm going to put
you know care into those reviews.
But also, my identity is nottied up into this project, this
book.
I am still like a valuable,worthy, loved human being,
regardless of what anybody saysabout this book.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah, and on that note, I have a funny real life
story where, you know, becausewe can use services like
NetGalley and things that justopen up our book to so many
different people and we can puttropes or genres or whatever we
want on those labels and peopleignore them.
So in real life, one of thewriters I work with she put her
sci-fi book out there andsomeone who doesn't read sci-fi,
(09:54):
doesn't like sci-fi, was like Ididn't like this book.
And it's like well, yeah, nokidding, you didn't like this
book, right?
So her mindset, luckily, waswell protected by the things you
said.
She knew exactly who her bookwas for.
She would have neveranticipated pleasing this person
in a million years and shedidn't.
And it was like cool, you'renot my reader.
So I think you're totally spoton.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Yeah, I had kind of a similar experience.
My book was selected for theAmazon First Reads thing, which
is fantastic and was great.
But First Reads has a verybroad audience.
It's both like broad and alsospecific.
Like these are people who reada lot of books, the people who
like to get free books, right,they're in the Amazon prime
sphere.
A lot of their books aregenerally commercial.
(10:36):
So there's like a certain kindof person.
So my book was out there in thisbroad swath of people that it
wasn't necessarily written for.
So I ended up getting a lot ofreviews where I had to kind of
look and be like okay, thiswasn't.
You know, this person doesn'tread historical, they don't read
fantasy or they don't likespice, you know, like, so the
book wasn't for them and it'sgreat that the book reached so
many people, right.
But, like then I had to kind offilter that through my reviews
(10:57):
and be like okay, you know,that's going to bring thrilled
with what I wrote, and that'sokay because I didn't write it
for them.
And I think the other thingthat I would add, like in terms
of preparation, I think a lot oftimes when people are like oh,
I want to prepare.
Right, I want to prepare.
I want to be prepared for myreviews.
What they're really thinking is, like I want to have a suit of
armor right, like, where's mysuit of armor?
(11:29):
How do I build my suit of?
The biggest things that you cando for yourself is just like
acknowledge that it's going tohurt and like let that be okay.
Because I think sometimes wecan compound it by thinking, oh,
I have to be okay, right, likeI have to find a way to be okay
with, be strong, be okay withthis, have a thick skin, right.
And if I don't, then I'm like aweak, pathetic person who like
(11:49):
fell for what I knew was coming.
Right, and that's just not true.
Like it's very human to feelkind of sad when someone doesn't
love a thing that you put yourheart and soul into.
And I do think that, as much aswe can try to use all the
blockers and like preventourselves from seeing reviews
like it's eventually going tohappen and just acknowledging
that, like it might hurt andthat's okay, and like you're
going to get through it and it'snot a reflection of you as a
person, the fact that theydidn't like it or the fact that
you got sad about it right, likethat's just.
(12:09):
You're just a human being.
And so I think, instead of beinglike how can I protect myself
from the hurt, instead be likeokay, what methods do I have in
place to move through the hurt?
Right, like, what do you knowworks for you to settle your
nervous system?
Like who can you turn to forcomfort?
Who are your cheerleaders wholove your book?
Who you can be like?
Tell me all the reasons youlove my book again.
(12:30):
Like like, have those tools inplace so that, instead of like
surrounding yourself with a suitof armor that's not going to
work, instead you have what youneed to like move through those
emotional times, cause it's Imean, it's just hard.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, and something we talk about in my group and my
courses a lot is look at thefacts, not the feelings, and
like we're allowed to havewhatever feelings we want, your
readers are allowed to havewhatever feelings they want, but
what can actually be proven ina court of law?
And I don't know if this is mebeing like a Libra and I'm all
about justice and whatever, butI always think like can this be
proven in a court of law?
So this person didn't like yourbook and you felt sad about it.
(13:05):
Does that mean that you're weakor like a bad writer or
anything?
No, it could not be proven incourt, right?
So it's like let us feel thethings.
Like you said, we're human andas long as you kind of can't
prove it in court, it's like OK,then what can I take from this?
A, it's an experience that weall go through.
B, is there any nugget of truthI could take from it, or
anything that is constructivethat maybe I want to do
(13:28):
something with and if not, moveon, you know.
But I have to ask you guys.
I wasn't planning to ask you,but I'm sure listeners are like
ooh, you guys said you writebooks.
Have you dealt with a negativereview experience.
Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Both of us have.
Yeah, yeah, both of us have,yeah.
So I write why Choose MafiaRomance, which, for anyone who
doesn't know, it's one girl withmultiple romantic partners in
like a polyamory situation.
And then mafia romance isusually like violent, and so
these books tend to be highoctane, high spice.
You know, like there's lots ofaction, there's usually lots of
(14:01):
spice, yeah, and there are acouple negative reviews that
I've gotten that have reallystuck with me.
But the one that always likecomes to my mind is someone who
left a poor review and thenspecifically commented on like
the content of the book.
That was clearly in the contentwarnings, being like I can't
believe this book was so spicy,I can't believe this book was so
violent, and it's like veryclearly in the content warnings
(14:24):
of what the book is.
And so that one is like Iunderstand why this content
upset you.
You also chose to read it, likeknowing that the content
warning was there and that, tome, is like that's not my ideal
reader.
So that one actually did hurtwhen I got it, and that hurt
because it was to me it feltlike so clearly, clearly, like
why would you leave a negativereview for a book that you knew
(14:46):
you wouldn't like when youstarted reading it.
Yeah, and then like they readit too.
They read the whole thing andthen commented on like how many
bad things were in it and I waslike all of that was in the
works.
But anyway, like yeah, that'sgonna happen, it's going to
happen.
That one really threw me for aloop because I was definitely
like why did you keep reading it?
(15:07):
But I like screenshotted it andthen immediately sent it to
like Emily and a couple of myfriends and I was like you got
to help me with this one,because I just can't wrap my
brain around it.
But I need someone to like talkme off a ledge that I'm not a
bad person for writing bookslike this, because that was kind
of like the content was like,yeah, how dare someone write
something so spicy or somethingthat had so many bad words in it
(15:29):
?
Yeah, it was a little personal.
So, anyway, like I reallyleaned on my friends and I
really leaned on like this isnot my adult reader, but I still
need to talk this out Becauseit doesn't need to like affect
me as a person.
Like I'm a good person, I helplots of people.
This content is just a book.
You know, it just is a book, wecan move on.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, and it's so funny.
I bet there were so many otherpositive reviews on top of that
negative one too.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Absolutely, and it just feels like you.
You latch on to like thenegative ones but, there's
absolutely been, and thosepositive ones still give you so
many warm fuzzies, you know like.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, mine isn't like a specific one, I think mine
was.
So, like I was saying, it wentout.
My book went out through firstrelease was just like this they
gave it out for free to peoplein like the month before it
released and I don't actuallyknow how many people got it,
because I never actually gotthat data.
But, point being, a bunch ofpeople got it.
I didn't know how many peoplegot it.
And then, like a few weekslater, there was just this like
(16:32):
wave of reviews, right, andbecause it had been pushed out
to this audience that wasn'tnecessarily my audience, right,
all of this, and then I hadpeople.
So my book is not standardcommercial in a couple of ways.
First of all, my main characteris not very likable.
She's not a great person, butthere's a reason for that.
Like that's the point.
(16:52):
And then, second, is it's dualtimeline and so that you know
some people don't like thatbecause it's confusing, because
you're flipping back and forthin time, and it had like a fair
amount of politics.
And so there were just like Ijust got this like wave of
reviews that were like thiswoman is terrible, this book is
confusing, I'm so bored.
(17:13):
And it was just like one afterthe other for like a few days
and I was like I'm going to losemy mind and so I just blocked
everything.
I was like this isn't because Iwas trying to work on the
sequel, and that's like one ofthe hard things nobody talks
about is you're getting allthese reviews while you're
trying to write the next bookand you're like, am I going to
live up to people's positivecomments?
Right, can I give them whatthey want for the next one?
(17:35):
And like, is it even worth itbecause of all these negative
reviews?
Right, so you have these likehighs and lows.
So I had to just blockeverything for a while and then
I would ask some friends to sendme screenshots of the positive
comments.
And the positive comments werelike I love this main character,
I love how human she is.
I love this main character, Ilove how human she is, I love
how you know like the twists andthe complexity you know.
And so those reviews were likeI get it, I get the story.
(17:57):
It just was like the nature ofhow it got sent out, who it got
sent out to, and like the timingof everything was just like
this big wave of negativereviews all at once and it was,
it was really intense.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
But yeah, I just blocked it.
It's so funny I wanted to askyou that because I know
listeners are like these arebook coaches and editors and
they work with so many writersand like, look, they still got
negative reviews and they stillhad a hard time.
But also it's funny hearing youboth talk about the reviews
because what some readers reallyliked, though negative ones
didn't like, and it goes back toyour thing about writing for
(18:29):
the right target audience andknowing who those people are.
But also it's funny because Ihad a writer I worked with who
had a similar experience to you,emily, where she was like I
cannot look anymore, can youjust send me the ones you think
I need to see?
And so I remember I was likehaving fun going through and
screenshotting all the positives, but you know, those are great
ways of coping with the flood.
(18:49):
And speaking of the flood, thesame writer she used an
influencer tour and I feel likethe reviews that came from that
were a lot more I don't want tosay harsh or critical, but it
was like they had a differentsort of rating, like they were
less likely to give out four andfive stars unless it was like
the most perfect book that youknow.
So that was really hard for hertoo.
(19:10):
So I think sometimes it'sinteresting going into these
different things whether it'sNetGalley or Amazon, first Reads
or influencers or whatever andit's like you have to kind of
scope out the field a little bitand know that, yes, it's going
to be a mixed bag.
Also, we kind of know maybe theinfluencers and book reviewers
are a little bit more judicialor like stingy.
(19:30):
Is that what I want to say withthe five stars?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Have you seen that too?
Yes, have.
I think the point you're makingis that there's no like
consistency to the rating system.
Yes, you know.
So it's really hard when youget like a three-star review and
then someone is like I lovethis book, right, like, why'd
you give it three stars?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
you know I saw one today for a book that I just
read.
This book this morning.
It destroyed me, broke me intwo and I was looking at the, I
was looking at the reviews forit and everyone was like this
book broke me in two and likefive stars, five stars, five
stars.
And this woman was like fourstars.
She was like I need the movieright now but I was like why
four stars?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
yeah, like it has nothing to do with the book
quality like why?
Speaker 3 (20:10):
so I think that's something to be aware of when
you go into it is that you'regoing to have people who are
like really, really seriousabout how they rate their books.
And there are some people whohave like a rubric and you're
going to encounter those peoplethat have a rubric and there are
some people who are like fivestars means that I will buy five
copies of this book and nevershut up about it.
(20:31):
Four stars means that I lovedit.
Yay, three stars it was good.
And then you're like, wait asecond, my rating system for me
personally, rachel, is like if Ilike the book, five stars right
, you know, I'm only ever giving, I never read it.
If it's not five stars, I'm notgoing to read it.
(20:54):
So I had to do like somecalibrating with my own
expectations of like what eachof the stars mean.
Yeah, because number one it'snot consistent.
So how can you ever calibrateLike you really can't.
But number two like I went intoit thinking that people who
really loved my book would giveit five stars.
And there are some people whoreally loved my book and like my
series and give it three andfour stars and that's like still
(21:14):
is okay.
So, yeah, I just feel like youhave to be aware that people
don't have consistency acrossthese ratings, but that doesn't
mean that like a four star isany less valuable.
You know I had to do like workfor me that like a four stars
still a really, really goodreview.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Really good.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yeah, yeah, and so is the three star.
Like, three is great, you know,it's a reminder that it's for
them, right?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
It's for the reader, it's for them to remember how
they liked a book, and so theirrating system is for them, and
the reviews that they put outare for the other readers out
there, and that's so frustratingbecause it's not something that
we can control.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Yeah.
What is something that we canuse, though, is like take away
the stars.
You can still use that reallygreat review and like look at it
and say, hey, this person lovedthis, this and this, and you
know, put it on your socialmedia, do whatever you want with
it, and you don't need to usethe three stars if you don't
want to.
So I think there's a lot ofways to work around it, but I
think the key word I've heardboth of you say is just be aware
(22:11):
, aware that this could happen,because, for the writer I was
talking about, I don't think shewas aware, and how could she be
?
It was her first published book, right?
But okay, so let's keep goingon positive reviews, because,
like you said, they don't getenough of our attention, they
don't get enough weight.
It's all about like, oh, we gotthis negative review and it
hurts, but, like, we get amazingreviews too, every writer is
(22:33):
going to get someone that lovestheir book, and what can we do
with that?
Oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
The first thing I would say is try to give it its
weight.
We don't do that enough right?
You read a great review andyou're like, okay, great, right.
And then you read a terriblereview and you're like I'm
devastated on the floor in apuddle Like somebody come mop me
up, right, and like thereactions are not, they're not
equal.
So for me, like I have toremember sometimes to to go and
(23:00):
if people don't know this, likeyou can actually sort your
reviews like by star.
So sometimes I'll just like goto Goodreads and just click on
the five stars and I'll likeread those reviews and that way
you're not seeing any of theother ones.
Obviously, you can still clickon the other stars if you don't
have it blocked, but that'ssomething that I'll do and I try
to like reread them right, likemultiple times, and try to like
actually believe that what theperson is saying is true, cause
(23:23):
I think our brains put thisblocker up, like we're afraid to
accept that that feedback mightbe true or real, especially
from our friends and family,right, so like really sitting
with it, really, really hearingwhat they're saying and not
letting it just like glaze by, Ithink is the first step,
because we give too much weightto the negative and so try to
pull that back yeah, I justtalked to someone yesterday who
(23:45):
got like it wasn't Kirkus review, but it was a similar thing and
they were like I don't know ifif they really read it or if
they, you know, and they weredownplaying, downplaying the
review, and I'm like hold on,this is something you paid for.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
That someone literally read your book and
like they're telling you theyliked it and they're calling out
specifics.
How would they do that if itwas fake?
You know, yeah, we totallydownplay it and we totally
discredit, but then the badreviews mean the world.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yes, like we need to be rating the five stars like
just as heavy, just as valuable,because they are.
I mean, I feel like we are notconditioned to take the praise
and feel really good about it.
We're conditioned to downplaythe praise and like highlight
the criticisms and overthink it.
Yeah, think it worry about it.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
This is tangential, but I also think it's important
to remember that human naturedrives us to share when we are
unhappy versus when we are happy.
So, like, more people will ratesomething because they don't
like it and will comment on itbecause they don't like it than
the people who do.
So there's actually, like, Ithink if you were to, you know,
(24:52):
somehow gather all the data ofall the people who read a book,
right, like, there's going to bea lot of people who really
liked it, who never even made itto the computer to rate it in
the first place, and that'sgoing to be outweighed.
That's not really on the topicof positive reviews, but that
has helped me in the past to belike, okay, I know there's
people, right, there's peoplewho read it on first reads that
I don't know exist, that neverrated it right, like, and so,
(25:16):
yeah, yeah, you just want toremember that I think a lot of
times like no news is good news.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
I mean, I feel like I'm experiencing something very
similar to what you're saying,emily, right now, because I have
a TikTok doing really, reallywell and so, like I can see how
many people are reading it nowcompared to like two weeks ago,
and it is like incredibly morepeople that I know are reading
it now compared to like twoweeks ago, and it is like
incredibly more people that Iknow are reading it now compared
to like two weeks ago.
And my reviews have only gone uplike like a tiny little bit and
(25:40):
I'm like you know what, if theyhated it, I would see that,
because people are just going totell me they're just going to
leave the comments, but because,like, I can see that people
continue to read it in like myanalytics Great, we're doing
great, you know, and I thinklike knowing that I'm still
reaching people, even though I'mnot seeing that reflected in my
(26:02):
reviews, still is reallyvaluable to me.
I like still makes me feel good, because you don't always see a
correlation, like you don'talways see that because people
are reading it, they arereviewing it, but that still
means that you're touchingpeople.
You know you're still gettingit out there.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And the opposite is kind of true too.
Just because you don't see thereviews doesn't mean it's not
reaching more and more people.
Right, your mouth is a thing.
So, yeah, I think that's allgreat to keep in mind.
And something that I have foundto be helpful is like keeping a
like a folder on your desktopwith your screenshots, or on
your phone or whatever, and youknow when you're having a bad
day or you get that one badreview, go back and just browse
(26:37):
through your positive reviews.
Or sometimes it's helpful, too,to like tell someone that's not
in the book world, like, readthem your positive review.
Like my partner, nathan,sometimes I'll read things out
loud and he'll be like, oh myGod, I can't believe.
That's so nice, you know, andit helps you feel it, because
when we read it or we share itwith someone else in our world,
sometimes it's like, oh cool,great, you know, but someone
(27:00):
totally outside will have agreat reaction to it, and then
you're like, oh okay, I feelpretty good.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah, I think that's really special because, in this
exact same vein, I don't thinkthat we tend to highlight, like
the successes or the milestonesand my husband's always so good
about doing that Like I will say, oh, I reached this milestone
in page reads or whatever, or inorders or whatever.
And then, like he'll buy me acake, yeah, and I'll just like
(27:26):
walk out into the kitchen andlike there's a cake and it's
like congrats and I'm like, ohmy gosh, like, but I don't think
we're vocal about it, like it'sto me.
I almost feel sometimes that ifI'm vocal about it, I'm going
to jinx it.
It's bad cart, like knock onwood.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't want to talk about it.
But like no, like you canabsolutely share it with your
friends and family and like letthem support you, support you in
like the positive pieces, yeah,and that goes back to having
(27:59):
that network, like you said, ofwhether it's for a good review
or a bad review, or just puttingyourself out there.
In general, it's important tohave other people who go through
it with you, so super important, okay.
So let's kind of just changegears a little bit.
Let's say that we're like wethink we've got our mindset
right.
The books out in the world,reviews are coming in.
(28:20):
They're both positive andnegative.
I'm sure we need to practiceself-care at this point, right,
what do you suggest for this?
How do we take care ofourselves as writers with our
books out there that are gettingreviews?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Oh, I feel like this is such a personal, like it's
going to be such a personalanswer, because I think for a
lot of people it's different.
I've had clients who've justcompletely blocked Goodreads the
week of launch because it wasjust too much, just too raw
right For me.
I tried to do that when itfirst came out, but I was too
excited, like I wanted to seehow people were reacting to the
book, and so, you know, itwasn't until a month or two
(28:55):
later, when that wave of reviewscame in.
I was, you know, kind of awayfrom debut day that I that I was
able to block it.
So for me I kind of had to belike, okay, I'm going to expose
myself to this.
So what that means is I'mprobably not going to get a
whole lot of other stuff done,yeah, and so, like clearing
space to allow myself to go onthat emotional journey because I
(29:16):
chose to write understandingthat I didn't have to.
I could have blocked it, but Iwanted to go on that journey and
so not expecting too much ofmyself in other areas during
that time was really helpful.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
And then, like you know, I've got all my like
nervous system calming methods,yoga, walking, talking to
friends like the things thatwork for me journaling and I
know everybody has a differentset of those things and so
having those on hand, yeah, andyou know, I think you just said
something important to is a lotof people assume that, like
(29:46):
launch week is going to be theirbusiest week, the week their
book gets published.
And I always advise people theopposite.
I'm like plan to do nothingexcept like the bare minimum
that you have to do or any bookrelated tasks you have to do,
because you're going to be burntout and tired and overwhelmed.
Do you guys agree?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Yeah, I think like it's an emotional drain for sure
, and when I feel like emotionalpressure I tend to get really
scattered.
So I completely agree, it'sreally hard for me to focus on
anything.
I keep on picking up my phone,I keep like half starting.
Like Emily and I talked aboutthis, it kind of feels like your
(30:29):
wedding day where, like youspend all this time prepping
like any milestone, like for meit was our wedding day, but any
day you like plan ahead for,like graduation, you know
whatever you plan for this, youlike get ready for it, you prep
for it, and then it's here andit's over.
Yeah, you're like, ok, I'mmarried now.
You know.
Like, okay, the book's out.
(30:50):
So that was a little weird forme to be like, oh, it was just a
day, like it was a very specialday.
I was really tired, they hadhighs and lows, but then you
just move on and you just keepliving.
And I say that not to likede-specialize it, but to like
normalize a little bit of.
You can have whatever reactionto that day you want to have.
Because my one of my writingpartners hates release day and
(31:13):
hates the whole week coming toit and hates the whole week
after it.
It is just like soanxiety-ridden and so pressure
for her and like she reallystruggles around release day.
It's not a fun time for her,but like that's what she's got
to experience, like that's whatshe feels, so she experience,
like that's what she feels, soshe knows it's coming.
She will clear her schedule orshe'll recognize like maybe I
(31:35):
need to hang out with somefriends this week so we can just
have a distraction.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, so I don't have to think about it and on that
note, I'm curious, because youguys are both writers what is
your relationship like togetting feedback, like through
the writing process?
And then, because I'm hearingyou both talk about what it's
like getting the reviews Is thatthe same or different than
getting other kinds of feedback?
Speaker 3 (31:56):
I think it makes me feel similarly, but it's totally
different.
Yeah, that's that's why I thinkeverybody needs space to
process.
It's like you got to feelwhatever it is that you're
feeling, but I only ask forfeedback from people that I
trust and like I don't trust mynon-ideal reader reviews, like I
don't trust my non-idealreaders I don't, and like I'm so
(32:16):
grateful for all my readers,but some of them are not my
people, that's okay.
But like the people that Ishare my work with are my people
and I deeply trust them.
I still have like realreactions, you know, but I know
myself pretty well and I alsoknow when, like what phase I'm
in in the writing process,whether what kind of feedback
that I want.
(32:37):
So, for example, right now I'mwriting my third book and I'm
not loving it.
I'm not loving all parts of it.
So when I'm asking for feedback, I'm only asking for positive
feedback, because I need tons ofencouragement right now.
I don't need a critical eye, Idon't need like to know what the
problems are.
It's riddled with problems.
Yeah, all I want is like tellme how much you love it and like
(32:59):
how wonderful I am and that'sreally good to the end, yes, I
can get to the end, so I can getto the end.
So, like with the phase I'm at,I know that getting like
critical feedback right nowwould cause a lot of emotions
inside of me, and so I'm onlyasking for feedback that's going
to motivate me right now andthat's incredibly helpful, and
then when I get to the spotwhere I'm ready for other kinds
(33:20):
of feedback, then I will ask forother kinds of feedback and it
still will make me feel acertain way.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Yeah, what about you, emily?
Yeah, it's pretty simple, Ithink.
So in all of our sort ofcoaching programs in our
community, our online community,we do a feedback training for
folks, for them to be eligiblefor our feedback partnerships,
and that's one of the biggestthings that we emphasize is like
asking for the feedback thatyou want, and it's actually a
skill, I think, to figure outwhat feedback you actually want,
(33:46):
because oftentimes weself-sabotage and we're like I
want to know all of it, I needall of it.
I need all of it Because if Idon't have all of it, then
something's going to, you know,I'm going to miss something or
everything's going to fall apart.
And so, you know, reallyemphasizing that, really
thinking through, like, what isthe feedback that I actually
want and need right now?
What is the feedback that'sactually going to help me move
forward versus get stuck is, youknow, it's a feedback
(34:09):
partnership, so it's a two waycommunication street in my head
versus you know, reviews is atotally different situation.
So when feedback partnershipsfor me, when I'm having trouble
with the feedback that I'mgetting if I thought it was what
I wanted, but it's actually not, because it's starting to stall
me, you know, I'll ask, I'llsay please stop doing that.
Yeah, I know it's not like it'swhat I asked for, but now I
need you to not do it and likebeing able to have that trust in
(34:32):
that relationship with thepeople.
Giving me feedback is veryimportant to me because if I
don't trust that I can tell themthat and they won't get like
upset about it, then you knowthat's not a good feedback
relationship for for me.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
So yeah, that's so interesting.
So the reason I'm asking isbecause I hear that, like you
kind of compartmentalize alittle in a good way that
getting feedback from my writing.
I know myself what I need inthe moment and also I know the
people and it's meant to beconstructive and helpful.
And then over here it's likeI'm getting reviews and they're
going to be a mixed bag.
I'm still going to feel thethings I felt.
(35:05):
Maybe it's still scary to putyourself out there and get it,
whether it's reviews or feedback.
So I'm reiterating for thewriters who are like oh, maybe
it'll be easier one way or theother and it's like maybe maybe
not, but there's tools andthere's lenses you can look at
things through that make theprocess easier, and you are both
a great example of that.
So super interesting.
(35:25):
One thing that came up as youwere talking is this idea of
like working with, because yousaid sometimes you'll have to be
like hey, stop, I don't needthis kind of feedback right now.
Sometimes I've seen people whoare working with like arc
readers, advanced readers, andthey are afraid to say that
where they're like you know,afraid to say something like
don't tag me on social media.
(35:45):
If it's not super positive.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah, okay.
So arc reading and all of that.
To me at that point the book islike finished, outside of typos
.
So I will usually ask my arcreaders if you notice any typos,
tell me and I can fix it.
But I'm not interested inanything else.
So I set those boundaries upfront and then I do ask, like if
you have a negative review,don't tag me, but post it.
(36:12):
I mean, I think that's reallythe biggest guideline is that we
can't, we don't want to, weshouldn't censor our readers, we
shouldn't tell like, putstipulations around the review
that they give you, but you areabsolutely allowed to say I
don't want to see it, I don'tneed to see it, please don't tag
me in it.
And I also think that most ofthe book community understands
that that is an unspoken rule.
(36:34):
Yeah, it's like etiquette.
I think that's pretty fairetiquette.
There are people who do it andlike that's not fun, it's not,
don't do that.
Yes, don't do that.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Don't tag authors in bad reviews.
It's there's no reason to dothat.
It's not, doesn't help anybody,but I do think it's important
to note that it does happenRight, and so that's why when I
was like it doesn't matter howthick your suit of armor is,
right, like it's still, you'regoing to get smacked in the face
with a tag and a bad reviewthat you didn't want, didn't
expect and don't think thatperson should have tagged you in
(37:06):
and and don't think that personshould have tagged you in and
yet they did.
And so, like having the toolsto walk through that emotion are
really important, because youcan't control that.
You cannot control other people.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
As much as we wish we could yes.
And I think the other key wordyou said is boundaries and
communicating.
You know, telling someone whatyou want, a lot of people will
not, and then they're surprisedand it's like, well, it is a
two-way street, no matter howyou look at it yeah, I think.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
I think authors are allowed to have that boundary.
It doesn't matter, like, howmuch someone sings your praises.
If they're gonna put outsomething that like affects you
in a certain way, you block them, that's okay.
If that's what you want, youcan always, like take some time
to process, unblock them.
But I think if you're gonna tagsomeone in something not
positive or they're gonna see,see it, you don't have to see it
(37:50):
.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
And I think that's where that boundary of reviews
are not for you, like they arenot about you.
They are not for you, they'renot for you to engage with,
positive or negative, in myopinion, because that's the
reader space, right, and wedon't want them in our space and
so we should stay out of theirspace.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah, and I think something on that note that's
helpful to think about and allof the listeners can do this
little mindset exercises, justlike think about yourself when
you're leaving a review, likewhat is your intention?
Is it to speak directly to theauthor or is it to speak to
other readers?
Most of the time, it's probablygoing to be like I love this
book or I felt this way, youshould read it.
(38:28):
If you like or don't like this,you know.
Sometimes I think if we get outof our own heads, it can help
change the relationship we haveto reviews and feedback.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
Yeah, and I think it's totally OK to engage in the
positive Like.
If someone tags me in apositive review, I believe that
they want me to see it.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah, I'm going to be like yes, that's totally right,
like thank you, I'm not goingto comment on Goodreads, right,
exactly.
I am not more what I mean, I'mnot going to go in that space.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
Yeah, yes, absolutely .
But I want people to know, likeI think I do.
Sometimes authors get reallyworried about how they can
interact in the review space andlike it's not your job to try
to correct anybody.
It's not your job to engage ina negative review it's not.
But again, they're not aboutyou.
But if you're engaging with areader who loves your book,
that's incredible, that'swonderful.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah, that's why we're here.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
That's why we're here .
I love the relation.
My favorite thing about theauthor journey is the
relationships that I've builtwith readers, with other writers
, and so I love connecting withlike people who love to read my
books.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
That's always okay, yeah, and I mean usually that's
who your book was meant for.
So talk about a win, win.
Win for everybody, right?
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, that's so cool, so all right.
So we've talked about kind ofmentally and emotionally
preparing yourself and knowingthat it's going to feel how it
feels, no matter what you do andhow thick you think your skin
is, and having that self-careand grace and compassion as you
go through it.
We've talked about somepractical things you can do when
you get positive and negativereviews.
Is there anything else you twowould like to add on this topic?
Speaker 1 (39:59):
The only thing that's kind of been itching the back
of my mind is I'm sure thisisn't everybody, but for me I
have a tendency to self-sabotage, like I did notice when I was
having trouble drafting mysequel that I would be like in
the middle of a scene and belike struggling to write a scene
right, and I'd be like thisscene sucks.
And then I would go look at mynegative videos for book one and
(40:22):
it was like.
It was like you know how yourfingers just do the little
twitch thing.
Like, instead of going toinstagram, all of a sudden, I
was in my one star reviews onGoodreads.
Don't do that and first of all,like, like, look for the ways
in which cause I've noticed thatthere are other people in my
life who do this when they're ina bad, negative space, they go
look for confirmation that theyshould be in that bad negative
(40:43):
space, and we do itsubconsciously, and so I guess
my my tip would be to like, lookfor any places where you're
doing that and I think we do itwith feedback too, right, like,
for instance.
Let's say, a writer is workingon a project.
It's their zero draft, they'revery excited about it, but they
feel nervous about it and theysend it to people and they like,
don't specify what feedbackthey want, because they're
hoping that that person will belike oh, this is amazing and
(41:06):
perfect, that's just asking tobe taken, you know, like it's
just, it's self-sabotage, in myopinion, to do things like that,
because you're like waiting forthe other shoe to drop, you
know, for that excitement to die, or for somebody to tell you
that you're on their own track,or or anything like that.
So I think that feedback andreviews can be used in that way
a lot of times, often, like Isaid, subconsciously.
So just a tip to be aware ofthat.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, that's so interesting Because I can do
that too.
I feel like I have thatinstinct almost, and maybe most
of us do.
But I feel like when I heardyou say that, I'm like if I were
your coach, I'd be like, okay,you can do that, but then for
every negative, look at apositive, you know, at least
balance it out if you're goingto go there.
Yeah, I just blocked it.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Yeah, okay, so helping me get my draft done.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
One speaking of drafting.
Last question for you guys Doyou use what's in the reviews to
inform drafts?
Is there anything you wouldadvise in that realm?
Or is it just like we want tobe hands off?
Speaker 3 (42:03):
That's tricky, I think, for me.
I tried not to do that fornegative reviews, but I tried to
do that for positive reviews.
So the criticisms that I wouldsee about that book, I would try
really hard to not let thatinfluence my decisions about the
second book because, like, Ireally wanted to learn how to
like, I wanted to trust in myown decisions.
(42:24):
But when people are like, oh, Ireally loved the tension
between these two characters, Iloved you, you know their
relationship Then I'd be like metoo More.
You know, like that's what Iwould take.
I would take, like the goodstuff.
Let me do more of that, thegood stuff that people loved,
like, how could I capitalize onthat If they really wanted?
You know they can't wait to seethese two characters again.
(42:45):
Let me give them what thepeople are asking for.
Like that, give the people whatthey want.
Give the people what they want,but not necessarily to be like
oh, they complained about thisthing, let me change it.
Yeah, because that's oneperson's opinion.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Yes, yes, yeah I know better.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
I'm gonna be for real .
I think the author knows betterthan like whatever negative
reviews.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
That totally so I try not to let that influence the
important story pieces, you know, yeah so I feel like there's
maybe a difference between myapproach to the sequel and then
my approach to a new series,because I think for a sequel,
right, if I looked at all thosenegative reviews that were like
oh, it's too confusing and likeI don't like the timelines and
(43:25):
this person is terrible and Ihad like written you know,
because of those I had changedmy book.
It would have been a totallydifferent book, yeah, and that's
like not the positive reviews.
Yeah, 100%, because those peoplewere there for the complexity
and the morally grayness and allof that.
So I don't think that it reallyimpacted how I wrote the sequel
.
But I will say it's beeninteresting thinking about what
(43:47):
I wanted to publish next andlike what project I wanted to
work on next and how I wanted totake what I had learned from
the first two.
And I think that those, thereviews, kind of factored into
that.
And so just to kind of explainwhat I mean by that for the
positive reviews, it was reallyinteresting to look at like
where they all intersected,right.
Like what do they like aboutwhat I do, right?
What do they like about thebooks that I write and my style
(44:10):
and the way that I approachstorytelling, and so looking
through those actually helped mefigure out like what is my
brand.
Yeah, you know what I mean,because it's like hard to look
at yourself and like see what alot of people are liking about
your books, and so when you cankind of cross-reference those
things, I think that can behelpful.
And then from the negative sideyou know some of that too it's
(44:32):
like okay, well, if a lot ofpeople found this complex, it
was too complex to follow.
You know, like, how could Imaybe simplify the world of my
next book, or how could I maybetake some of that?
But it wasn't like a oh no, mybook is terrible because it was
too complex.
Now I must do the mostsimplistic thing in the world,
right?
It's more of just like a.
What direction do I want totake?
Like, I have readers now, right, I've got readers who love my
work and readers who don't lovemy work, and where do I want to?
(44:53):
How do I want to take that intoconsideration when I'm kind of
continuing my writer journey onthe next stories that I write?
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Yeah, sounds like your brain's looking at it
almost like data and you can dowhatever you want with that data
, so that's really cool.
I like hearing about how you'relooking at it for the series
that the first book's in, aswell as what you're going to do
next, and I think you said a keyword, which is patterns you
want to see.
It's not just about oneperson's review, although I'll
say it can be about one person'spositive review.
(45:20):
We can take that all we want,but it's about what are the
things that multiple peoplefound, and then what do you want
to do with them?
You don't have to do anything,but what do you want to do?
So I think that's going to besuper helpful for people to hear
about.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
I think the last thing I would say is that we've
touched on community and we've,like, touched on having other
people that you trust, butreviews are a uniquely author
thing.
Like no one's going to get itmore than like another writer.
So when I leaned really heavilyon that and like you process a
lot when you get positive andnegative reviews, and some of it
is like really challenging toprocess, you know the fact of
(45:56):
like oh my God, how could theysay this?
But also like there aresometimes people who comment on
your books that don't knowanything about what they're
commenting on, you know, andthey're like trying to leave a
really smart review and you'relike wait a second, am I crazy?
So I just think that likehaving like a support system you
can trust, that like you cantalk to, is invaluable for all
(46:17):
parts of the author journey.
But authors get it and likethis is not something I would
necessarily talk in depth withor process in depth with with
like a reader, even thoughthey're a really close friend or
I've made a lot of really closefriends they don't understand
what it's like to be an author.
So I do think sometimes you'llhave to even draw boundaries and
like who do you process thiswith?
Because they're people who aregoing to get it and they're
(46:39):
people who don't have a sharedexperience and so they don't,
they don't fully understand.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
Yeah, and especially if you're someone who's a little
sensitive to the idea ofgetting feedback, like as you
were saying that.
I'm thinking of all the freegroups on Facebook and it's like
, yes, they might be full ofauthors or writers, but that's
still a dangerous zone becausenot all of them have published
and some might be jealous ofwhat you've done and that might
color the feedback.
So you do have to be reallyspecific and careful about who
(47:06):
you're including in that circleof trust.
Yeah, yeah, we know you have agreat community, so I will link
to that in the show notes, aswell as all the places we can
find you around the internet.
But thank you both so much forbeing here today and we will
definitely have to have you backin the future.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
Thank you so much.
It's always such a pleasure tochat with you.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
All right.
So that's it for this episodeof the Fiction Writing Made Easy
podcast.
Head over to savannahgilbocomforward slash podcast for the
complete show notes, includingthe resources I mentioned today,
as well as bonus materials tohelp you implement what you've
learned.
And if you're ready to get morepersonalized guidance for your
specific writing stage whetheryou're just starting out, stuck
(47:44):
somewhere in the middle of adraft, drowning in revisions, or
getting ready to publish, takemy free 30-second quiz at
savannahgilbocom forward slashquiz.
You'll get a customized podcastplaylist that'll meet you right
where you're at and help youget to your next big milestone.
Last but not least, make sureto follow this podcast in your
podcast player of choice,because I'll be back next week
(48:04):
with another episode full ofactionable tips, tools and
strategies to help you become abetter writer.
Until then, happy writing.
For reviews.
It's not honestly about you.
The reviews are for otherreaders, they're not for you,
and so when somebody is writinga review about your book, it
actually isn't personal, it hasnothing to do with you.
Like we put our hearts andsouls into these projects.
But I think it's reallyimportant to remember that those
(00:28):
aren't for you and they're notabout you, because that boundary
can really help you set someguidelines and boundaries for
yourself around how you take inthose reviews and like what
purpose it's serving, becausetheir purpose is not for you.
Speaker 2 (00:47):
Welcome to the Fiction Writing Made Easy
podcast.
My name is Savannah Gilbo andI'm here to help you write a
story that works.
I want to prove to you thatwriting a novel doesn't have to
be overwhelming, so each week,I'll bring you a brand new
episode with simple, actionableand step-by-step strategies that
you can implement in yourwriting right away.
So whether you're brand new towriting or more of a seasoned
author looking to improve yourcraft, this podcast is for you.
(01:10):
So pick up a pen and let's getstarted.
I think it's probably true formost writers that getting your
first book review can be boththrilling and terrifying all at
once, and whether it's a glowingfive-star love letter or a
brutal one-star takedown reader,reviews can send even the most
confident authors into anemotional tailspin.
(01:30):
But here's what I've learnedafter working with hundreds of
writers your relationship withreviews does not have to be a
source of constant anxiety.
In fact, with the right mindsetand practical strategies,
reviews can become a valuablepart of your author journey
rather than something you dread.
I recently sat down with bookcoaches Emily Golden and Rachel
(01:51):
May of Golden May Editing toexplore this exact challenge.
Between their own publishingexperiences and years of guiding
clients through getting reviews, they've witnessed the full
spectrum of reactions, fromauthors who expected to handle
criticism well but then crumbledall the way, to writers who
feared the worst but discoveredunexpected resilience.
(02:11):
And in this episode, you'regoing to learn why reviews feel
so much more intense than anyother kind of feedback you'll
get.
You'll learn five essentialmindset shifts that build
emotional resilience, and you'llwalk away with some practical
strategies for both leveragingpositive reviews and recovering
from negative ones.
So I won't make you wait anylonger, let's dive right into my
(02:32):
conversation with Emily Goldenand Rachel May of Golden May
Editing.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
We often will see writers start to worry about
reviews before they even havetheir first draft of their first
book done right.
Reviews are one of those thingswhere it's like, if you want to
put your book in the world,it's something that you know is
coming down the road, and Ithink a lot of writers are
fearful of that and scared ofhow that might affect them, and
(02:56):
I think it can be a helpfulthing to think about reviews and
how to approach them beforeyou're actually at the point
where the reviews are coming in.
Speaker 2 (03:07):
Yeah, so that's what we're going to help with today,
and it's interesting because wecould even zoom out and say like
we feel this way about gettingfeedback in general sometimes,
whether it's from beta readers,coaches, editors or the review
after a book is published.
So there's kind of a lot thatgoes into the topic, and what I
have found on my side is thatsome writers think that they're
going to handle it really welland then, surprise, they don't,
or they think this is going tokill me.
(03:28):
And then they're like totallyfine, do you guys see that as
well?
Yeah, so it's almost like younever really know how you're
going to handle it until ithappens, which is hard.
But also like, even if you'reworried about it doesn't mean
it's you're going to handle itpoorly because you might
surprise yourself.
So to handle it poorly becauseyou might surprise yourself, so
let's talk about that.
Let's talk about, like, how dowe go about preparing ourselves
for this emotional journey ofreviews?
(03:50):
And maybe we can even talkabout like why is it different
getting feedback from betareaders versus a reviewer?
And like when that happens?
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Yeah, I think the the emotion that you feel is
similar, but it's a completelydifferent situation.
So in either way you get thesame sort of physiological
response.
Usually it's one of the fearfight, you know, fought, like
one of the fear responses.
I forget what they're called,but it's one of fear, fight,
fought, and there's another onenow Freeze.
(04:19):
Yes, so you get triggered kindof in both scenarios, but they
are really different.
Feedback in a partnershipscenario, in a writer to writer
relationship, can feel reallydefensive.
So again we're getting thatsame feeling come out.
But that's when you're likelooking for feedback to
implement and you're looking forhow can I make this book
(04:42):
stronger or what do you likeabout this book?
Because positive feedback isstill really really valuable and
that is in the headspace oflike I want to change this book
for better, like for a reason,and that could be through
positive feedback or throughnegative feedback.
That is feedback.
But reviews are like the book'sdone, I can't change it, I'm not
(05:03):
going to change it, butsomeone's commenting on it and
it is wildly outside of mycontrol, like I don't know that
person, I don't trust thatperson.
They can say whatever they want, not to my face, and that gives
, like a lot of reviewers, somekind of permission to say things
that can sometimes hurt.
I mean to be real, but that'snot feedback, that's commentary,
(05:25):
and usually like we have thesame kind of response that we
should be able to do somethingabout it, that we should be able
to like, react to it and like,oh, I need to explain myself or,
or I need to change something,or I need to do something, and
in a feedback relationshipthat's built on trust and
respect, there is action you cantake.
In a review situation there'snot.
(05:46):
The book is done, and so itoften can leave us feeling like
even a little more helpless, alittle more defenseless, because
there's not much we can doabout it.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Yeah, I also think it's really important to note
that the purpose in the audiencefor, let's say, beta feedback
and a review are very, verydifferent.
Right, when you're sending yourmanuscript out to folks for
feedback so that you can changeyour book, like the relationship
, the communication is betweenyou and them, they are giving
you feedback.
For reviews, it's not honestlyabout you.
(06:18):
The reviews are for otherreaders, they're not for you.
And so when somebody is writinga review about your book, it
actually isn't personal, it hasnothing to do with you.
It's them sharing their opinionwith other readers so that
those aren't for you and they'renot about you.
Because that boundary canreally help you set some
(06:50):
guidelines and boundaries foryourself around how you take in
those reviews and like whatpurpose it's serving, because
their purpose is not for you.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Yeah, and I think that's super important, that
distinction of when you're inthe beta feedback phase and
you're getting the feedback.
It serves a totally differentpurpose.
Like you said, it's to make thestory better.
Usually you, you know at leastkind of know the people you're
getting feedback from.
You know that they might havesimilar goals.
If you're doing like critiquepartner swaps or things like
that and also you can ask themquestions, you can say, like
(07:22):
what did you mean by thispotentially, whereas a review
it's none of that, right, it'snone of that.
So you can't ask them forclarification.
It's not even really meant,like you said, as a critique on
you.
It's just about your story.
Is this going to get in thehands of readers?
So I wanted to echo thatbecause I think that's really
helpful for listeners to hearthat they have two different
(07:44):
purposes.
It's not just about differenttimes or different people.
There are two differentpurposes.
So, given that let's pretendthat we've gone through the beta
feedback and we're publishingour book, how do we prepare to
get potentially some negativereviews?
Or actually, how do we prepareto even get reviews, positive or
negatively, because getting anykind of review is scary, yeah.
Speaker 3 (08:05):
I think there's a big challenge in being like
perceived so just like thatpsychological oh my gosh, people
are going to consume somethingthat I've written.
It really is nerve wrackingeither way, positive or negative
wise, yeah, but I think what Ihave found personally helpful
for my own reviews and then withworking with clients is a
couple things.
I think it's really importantto work on just your mindset in
(08:27):
general as far as, like,separating the work from
identity.
Like this book is not you as aperson.
So when there are critiquesabout this book, or if there's
positive praise about this book,it is.
It does not relate back to,like how much you love yourself,
right, Like the worth that youcarry about yourself.
It's not a critique about youas an author with your identity.
(08:49):
So I think there's work to bedone there to prepare yourself,
but also to really dive into whois your ideal reader, who is
this book for?
Because to me, like those arethe reviews that quite frankly
matter and, like reviews comingfrom people who are not my ideal
reader, they don't matter thatI didn't write this book for
them.
So, knowing those working onboth sides of that equation of
(09:12):
like I'm writing this for aspecific person.
I know exactly who that is.
Those reviews I'm going to lookat those or I'm going to put
you know care into those reviews.
But also, my identity is nottied up into this project, this
book.
I am still like a valuable,worthy, loved human being,
regardless of what anybody saysabout this book.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
Yeah, and on that note, I have a funny real life
story where, you know, becausewe can use services like
NetGalley and things that justopen up our book to so many
different people and we can puttropes or genres or whatever we
want on those labels and peopleignore them.
So in real life, one of thewriters I work with she put her
sci-fi book out there andsomeone who doesn't read sci-fi,
(09:54):
doesn't like sci-fi, was like Ididn't like this book.
And it's like well, yeah, nokidding, you didn't like this
book, right?
So her mindset, luckily, waswell protected by the things you
said.
She knew exactly who her bookwas for.
She would have neveranticipated pleasing this person
in a million years and shedidn't.
And it was like cool, you'renot my reader.
So I think you're totally spoton.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
Yeah, I had kind of a similar experience.
My book was selected for theAmazon First Reads thing, which
is fantastic and was great.
But First Reads has a verybroad audience.
It's both like broad and alsospecific.
Like these are people who reada lot of books, the people who
like to get free books, right,they're in the Amazon prime
sphere.
A lot of their books aregenerally commercial.
(10:36):
So there's like a certain kindof person.
So my book was out there in thisbroad swath of people that it
wasn't necessarily written for.
So I ended up getting a lot ofreviews where I had to kind of
look and be like okay, thiswasn't.
You know, this person doesn'tread historical, they don't read
fantasy or they don't likespice, you know, like, so the
book wasn't for them and it'sgreat that the book reached so
many people, right.
But, like then I had to kind offilter that through my reviews
(10:57):
and be like okay, you know,that's going to bring thrilled
with what I wrote, and that'sokay because I didn't write it
for them.
And I think the other thingthat I would add, like in terms
of preparation, I think a lot oftimes when people are like oh,
I want to prepare.
Right, I want to prepare.
I want to be prepared for myreviews.
What they're really thinking is, like I want to have a suit of
armor right, like, where's mysuit of armor?
(11:29):
How do I build my suit of?
The biggest things that you cando for yourself is just like
acknowledge that it's going tohurt and like let that be okay.
Because I think sometimes wecan compound it by thinking, oh,
I have to be okay, right, likeI have to find a way to be okay
with, be strong, be okay withthis, have a thick skin, right.
And if I don't, then I'm like aweak, pathetic person who like
(11:49):
fell for what I knew was coming.
Right, and that's just not true.
Like it's very human to feelkind of sad when someone doesn't
love a thing that you put yourheart and soul into.
And I do think that, as much aswe can try to use all the
blockers and like preventourselves from seeing reviews
like it's eventually going tohappen and just acknowledging
that, like it might hurt andthat's okay, and like you're
going to get through it and it'snot a reflection of you as a
person, the fact that theydidn't like it or the fact that
you got sad about it right, likethat's just.
(12:09):
You're just a human being.
And so I think, instead of beinglike how can I protect myself
from the hurt, instead be likeokay, what methods do I have in
place to move through the hurt?
Right, like, what do you knowworks for you to settle your
nervous system?
Like who can you turn to forcomfort?
Who are your cheerleaders wholove your book?
Who you can be like?
Tell me all the reasons youlove my book again.
(12:30):
Like like, have those tools inplace so that, instead of like
surrounding yourself with a suitof armor that's not going to
work, instead you have what youneed to like move through those
emotional times, cause it's Imean, it's just hard.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
Yeah, and something we talk about in my group and my
courses a lot is look at thefacts, not the feelings, and
like we're allowed to havewhatever feelings we want, your
readers are allowed to havewhatever feelings they want, but
what can actually be proven ina court of law?
And I don't know if this is mebeing like a Libra and I'm all
about justice and whatever, butI always think like can this be
proven in a court of law?
So this person didn't like yourbook and you felt sad about it.
(13:05):
Does that mean that you're weakor like a bad writer or
anything?
No, it could not be proven incourt, right?
So it's like let us feel thethings.
Like you said, we're human andas long as you kind of can't
prove it in court, it's like OK,then what can I take from this?
A, it's an experience that weall go through.
B, is there any nugget of truthI could take from it, or
anything that is constructivethat maybe I want to do
(13:28):
something with and if not, moveon, you know.
But I have to ask you guys.
I wasn't planning to ask you,but I'm sure listeners are like
ooh, you guys said you writebooks.
Have you dealt with a negativereview experience.
Oh yeah, yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
Both of us have.
Yeah, yeah, both of us have,yeah.
So I write why Choose MafiaRomance, which, for anyone who
doesn't know, it's one girl withmultiple romantic partners in
like a polyamory situation.
And then mafia romance isusually like violent, and so
these books tend to be highoctane, high spice.
You know, like there's lots ofaction, there's usually lots of
(14:01):
spice, yeah, and there are acouple negative reviews that
I've gotten that have reallystuck with me.
But the one that always likecomes to my mind is someone who
left a poor review and thenspecifically commented on like
the content of the book.
That was clearly in the contentwarnings, being like I can't
believe this book was so spicy,I can't believe this book was so
violent, and it's like veryclearly in the content warnings
(14:24):
of what the book is.
And so that one is like Iunderstand why this content
upset you.
You also chose to read it, likeknowing that the content
warning was there and that, tome, is like that's not my ideal
reader.
So that one actually did hurtwhen I got it, and that hurt
because it was to me it feltlike so clearly, clearly, like
why would you leave a negativereview for a book that you knew
(14:46):
you wouldn't like when youstarted reading it.
Yeah, and then like they readit too.
They read the whole thing andthen commented on like how many
bad things were in it and I waslike all of that was in the
works.
But anyway, like yeah, that'sgonna happen, it's going to
happen.
That one really threw me for aloop because I was definitely
like why did you keep reading it?
(15:07):
But I like screenshotted it andthen immediately sent it to
like Emily and a couple of myfriends and I was like you got
to help me with this one,because I just can't wrap my
brain around it.
But I need someone to like talkme off a ledge that I'm not a
bad person for writing bookslike this, because that was kind
of like the content was like,yeah, how dare someone write
something so spicy or somethingthat had so many bad words in it
(15:29):
?
Yeah, it was a little personal.
So, anyway, like I reallyleaned on my friends and I
really leaned on like this isnot my adult reader, but I still
need to talk this out Becauseit doesn't need to like affect
me as a person.
Like I'm a good person, I helplots of people.
This content is just a book.
You know, it just is a book, wecan move on.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Yeah, and it's so funny.
I bet there were so many otherpositive reviews on top of that
negative one too.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Absolutely, and it just feels like you.
You latch on to like thenegative ones but, there's
absolutely been, and thosepositive ones still give you so
many warm fuzzies, you know like.
Speaker 1 (16:09):
Yeah, mine isn't like a specific one, I think mine
was.
So, like I was saying, it wentout.
My book went out through firstrelease was just like this they
gave it out for free to peoplein like the month before it
released and I don't actuallyknow how many people got it,
because I never actually gotthat data.
But, point being, a bunch ofpeople got it.
I didn't know how many peoplegot it.
And then, like a few weekslater, there was just this like
(16:32):
wave of reviews, right, andbecause it had been pushed out
to this audience that wasn'tnecessarily my audience, right,
all of this, and then I hadpeople.
So my book is not standardcommercial in a couple of ways.
First of all, my main characteris not very likable.
She's not a great person, butthere's a reason for that.
Like that's the point.
(16:52):
And then, second, is it's dualtimeline and so that you know
some people don't like thatbecause it's confusing, because
you're flipping back and forthin time, and it had like a fair
amount of politics.
And so there were just like Ijust got this like wave of
reviews that were like thiswoman is terrible, this book is
confusing, I'm so bored.
(17:13):
And it was just like one afterthe other for like a few days
and I was like I'm going to losemy mind and so I just blocked
everything.
I was like this isn't because Iwas trying to work on the
sequel, and that's like one ofthe hard things nobody talks
about is you're getting allthese reviews while you're
trying to write the next bookand you're like, am I going to
live up to people's positivecomments?
Right, can I give them whatthey want for the next one?
(17:35):
And like, is it even worth itbecause of all these negative
reviews?
Right, so you have these likehighs and lows.
So I had to just blockeverything for a while and then
I would ask some friends to sendme screenshots of the positive
comments.
And the positive comments werelike I love this main character,
I love how human she is.
I love this main character, Ilove how human she is, I love
how you know like the twists andthe complexity you know.
And so those reviews were likeI get it, I get the story.
(17:57):
It just was like the nature ofhow it got sent out, who it got
sent out to, and like the timingof everything was just like
this big wave of negativereviews all at once and it was,
it was really intense.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
But yeah, I just blocked it.
It's so funny I wanted to askyou that because I know
listeners are like these arebook coaches and editors and
they work with so many writersand like, look, they still got
negative reviews and they stillhad a hard time.
But also it's funny hearing youboth talk about the reviews
because what some readers reallyliked, though negative ones
didn't like, and it goes back toyour thing about writing for
(18:29):
the right target audience andknowing who those people are.
But also it's funny because Ihad a writer I worked with who
had a similar experience to you,emily, where she was like I
cannot look anymore, can youjust send me the ones you think
I need to see?
And so I remember I was likehaving fun going through and
screenshotting all the positives, but you know, those are great
ways of coping with the flood.
(18:49):
And speaking of the flood, thesame writer she used an
influencer tour and I feel likethe reviews that came from that
were a lot more I don't want tosay harsh or critical, but it
was like they had a differentsort of rating, like they were
less likely to give out four andfive stars unless it was like
the most perfect book that youknow.
So that was really hard for hertoo.
(19:10):
So I think sometimes it'sinteresting going into these
different things whether it'sNetGalley or Amazon, first Reads
or influencers or whatever andit's like you have to kind of
scope out the field a little bitand know that, yes, it's going
to be a mixed bag.
Also, we kind of know maybe theinfluencers and book reviewers
are a little bit more judicialor like stingy.
(19:30):
Is that what I want to say withthe five stars?
Speaker 3 (19:39):
Have you seen that too?
Yes, have.
I think the point you're makingis that there's no like
consistency to the rating system.
Yes, you know.
So it's really hard when youget like a three-star review and
then someone is like I lovethis book, right, like, why'd
you give it three stars?
Speaker 1 (19:49):
you know I saw one today for a book that I just
read.
This book this morning.
It destroyed me, broke me intwo and I was looking at the, I
was looking at the reviews forit and everyone was like this
book broke me in two and likefive stars, five stars, five
stars.
And this woman was like fourstars.
She was like I need the movieright now but I was like why
four stars?
Speaker 2 (20:06):
yeah, like it has nothing to do with the book
quality like why?
Speaker 3 (20:10):
so I think that's something to be aware of when
you go into it is that you'regoing to have people who are
like really, really seriousabout how they rate their books.
And there are some people whohave like a rubric and you're
going to encounter those peoplethat have a rubric and there are
some people who are like fivestars means that I will buy five
copies of this book and nevershut up about it.
(20:31):
Four stars means that I lovedit.
Yay, three stars it was good.
And then you're like, wait asecond, my rating system for me
personally, rachel, is like if Ilike the book, five stars right
, you know, I'm only ever giving, I never read it.
If it's not five stars, I'm notgoing to read it.
(20:54):
So I had to do like somecalibrating with my own
expectations of like what eachof the stars mean.
Yeah, because number one it'snot consistent.
So how can you ever calibrateLike you really can't.
But number two like I went intoit thinking that people who
really loved my book would giveit five stars.
And there are some people whoreally loved my book and like my
series and give it three andfour stars and that's like still
(21:14):
is okay.
So, yeah, I just feel like youhave to be aware that people
don't have consistency acrossthese ratings, but that doesn't
mean that like a four star isany less valuable.
You know I had to do like workfor me that like a four stars
still a really, really goodreview.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Really good.
Speaker 3 (21:31):
Yeah, yeah, and so is the three star.
Like, three is great, you know,it's a reminder that it's for
them, right?
Speaker 1 (21:37):
It's for the reader, it's for them to remember how
they liked a book, and so theirrating system is for them, and
the reviews that they put outare for the other readers out
there, and that's so frustratingbecause it's not something that
we can control.
Speaker 2 (21:49):
Yeah.
What is something that we canuse, though, is like take away
the stars.
You can still use that reallygreat review and like look at it
and say, hey, this person lovedthis, this and this, and you
know, put it on your socialmedia, do whatever you want with
it, and you don't need to usethe three stars if you don't
want to.
So I think there's a lot ofways to work around it, but I
think the key word I've heardboth of you say is just be aware
(22:11):
, aware that this could happen,because, for the writer I was
talking about, I don't think shewas aware, and how could she be
?
It was her first published book, right?
But okay, so let's keep goingon positive reviews, because,
like you said, they don't getenough of our attention, they
don't get enough weight.
It's all about like, oh, we gotthis negative review and it
hurts, but, like, we get amazingreviews too, every writer is
(22:33):
going to get someone that lovestheir book, and what can we do
with that?
Oh gosh.
Speaker 1 (22:38):
The first thing I would say is try to give it its
weight.
We don't do that enough right?
You read a great review andyou're like, okay, great, right.
And then you read a terriblereview and you're like I'm
devastated on the floor in apuddle Like somebody come mop me
up, right, and like thereactions are not, they're not
equal.
So for me, like I have toremember sometimes to to go and
(23:00):
if people don't know this, likeyou can actually sort your
reviews like by star.
So sometimes I'll just like goto Goodreads and just click on
the five stars and I'll likeread those reviews and that way
you're not seeing any of theother ones.
Obviously, you can still clickon the other stars if you don't
have it blocked, but that'ssomething that I'll do and I try
to like reread them right, likemultiple times, and try to like
actually believe that what theperson is saying is true, cause
(23:23):
I think our brains put thisblocker up, like we're afraid to
accept that that feedback mightbe true or real, especially
from our friends and family,right, so like really sitting
with it, really, really hearingwhat they're saying and not
letting it just like glaze by, Ithink is the first step,
because we give too much weightto the negative and so try to
pull that back yeah, I justtalked to someone yesterday who
(23:45):
got like it wasn't Kirkus review, but it was a similar thing and
they were like I don't know ifif they really read it or if
they, you know, and they weredownplaying, downplaying the
review, and I'm like hold on,this is something you paid for.
Speaker 2 (23:56):
That someone literally read your book and
like they're telling you theyliked it and they're calling out
specifics.
How would they do that if itwas fake?
You know, yeah, we totallydownplay it and we totally
discredit, but then the badreviews mean the world.
Speaker 3 (24:10):
Yes, like we need to be rating the five stars like
just as heavy, just as valuable,because they are.
I mean, I feel like we are notconditioned to take the praise
and feel really good about it.
We're conditioned to downplaythe praise and like highlight
the criticisms and overthink it.
Yeah, think it worry about it.
Speaker 1 (24:30):
This is tangential, but I also think it's important
to remember that human naturedrives us to share when we are
unhappy versus when we are happy.
So, like, more people will ratesomething because they don't
like it and will comment on itbecause they don't like it than
the people who do.
So there's actually, like, Ithink if you were to, you know,
(24:52):
somehow gather all the data ofall the people who read a book,
right, like, there's going to bea lot of people who really
liked it, who never even made itto the computer to rate it in
the first place, and that'sgoing to be outweighed.
That's not really on the topicof positive reviews, but that
has helped me in the past to belike, okay, I know there's
people, right, there's peoplewho read it on first reads that
I don't know exist, that neverrated it right, like, and so,
(25:16):
yeah, yeah, you just want toremember that I think a lot of
times like no news is good news.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
I mean, I feel like I'm experiencing something very
similar to what you're saying,emily, right now, because I have
a TikTok doing really, reallywell and so, like I can see how
many people are reading it nowcompared to like two weeks ago,
and it is like incredibly morepeople that I know are reading
it now compared to like twoweeks ago, and it is like
incredibly more people that Iknow are reading it now compared
to like two weeks ago.
And my reviews have only gone uplike like a tiny little bit and
(25:40):
I'm like you know what, if theyhated it, I would see that,
because people are just going totell me they're just going to
leave the comments, but because,like, I can see that people
continue to read it in like myanalytics Great, we're doing
great, you know, and I thinklike knowing that I'm still
reaching people, even though I'mnot seeing that reflected in my
(26:02):
reviews, still is reallyvaluable to me.
I like still makes me feel good, because you don't always see a
correlation, like you don'talways see that because people
are reading it, they arereviewing it, but that still
means that you're touchingpeople.
You know you're still gettingit out there.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
And the opposite is kind of true too.
Just because you don't see thereviews doesn't mean it's not
reaching more and more people.
Right, your mouth is a thing.
So, yeah, I think that's allgreat to keep in mind.
And something that I have foundto be helpful is like keeping a
like a folder on your desktopwith your screenshots, or on
your phone or whatever, and youknow when you're having a bad
day or you get that one badreview, go back and just browse
(26:37):
through your positive reviews.
Or sometimes it's helpful, too,to like tell someone that's not
in the book world, like, readthem your positive review.
Like my partner, nathan,sometimes I'll read things out
loud and he'll be like, oh myGod, I can't believe.
That's so nice, you know, andit helps you feel it, because
when we read it or we share itwith someone else in our world,
sometimes it's like, oh cool,great, you know, but someone
(27:00):
totally outside will have agreat reaction to it, and then
you're like, oh okay, I feelpretty good.
Speaker 3 (27:05):
Yeah, I think that's really special because, in this
exact same vein, I don't thinkthat we tend to highlight, like
the successes or the milestonesand my husband's always so good
about doing that Like I will say, oh, I reached this milestone
in page reads or whatever, or inorders or whatever.
And then, like he'll buy me acake, yeah, and I'll just like
(27:26):
walk out into the kitchen andlike there's a cake and it's
like congrats and I'm like, ohmy gosh, like, but I don't think
we're vocal about it, like it'sto me.
I almost feel sometimes that ifI'm vocal about it, I'm going
to jinx it.
It's bad cart, like knock onwood.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't want to talk about it.
But like no, like you canabsolutely share it with your
friends and family and like letthem support you, support you in
like the positive pieces, yeah,and that goes back to having
(27:59):
that network, like you said, ofwhether it's for a good review
or a bad review, or just puttingyourself out there.
In general, it's important tohave other people who go through
it with you, so super important, okay.
So let's kind of just changegears a little bit.
Let's say that we're like wethink we've got our mindset
right.
The books out in the world,reviews are coming in.
(28:20):
They're both positive andnegative.
I'm sure we need to practiceself-care at this point, right,
what do you suggest for this?
How do we take care ofourselves as writers with our
books out there that are gettingreviews?
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Oh, I feel like this is such a personal, like it's
going to be such a personalanswer, because I think for a
lot of people it's different.
I've had clients who've justcompletely blocked Goodreads the
week of launch because it wasjust too much, just too raw
right For me.
I tried to do that when itfirst came out, but I was too
excited, like I wanted to seehow people were reacting to the
book, and so, you know, itwasn't until a month or two
(28:55):
later, when that wave of reviewscame in.
I was, you know, kind of awayfrom debut day that I that I was
able to block it.
So for me I kind of had to belike, okay, I'm going to expose
myself to this.
So what that means is I'mprobably not going to get a
whole lot of other stuff done,yeah, and so, like clearing
space to allow myself to go onthat emotional journey because I
(29:16):
chose to write understandingthat I didn't have to.
I could have blocked it, but Iwanted to go on that journey and
so not expecting too much ofmyself in other areas during
that time was really helpful.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
And then, like you know, I've got all my like
nervous system calming methods,yoga, walking, talking to
friends like the things thatwork for me journaling and I
know everybody has a differentset of those things and so
having those on hand, yeah, andyou know, I think you just said
something important to is a lotof people assume that, like
(29:46):
launch week is going to be theirbusiest week, the week their
book gets published.
And I always advise people theopposite.
I'm like plan to do nothingexcept like the bare minimum
that you have to do or any bookrelated tasks you have to do,
because you're going to be burntout and tired and overwhelmed.
Do you guys agree?
Speaker 3 (30:02):
Yeah, I think like it's an emotional drain for sure
, and when I feel like emotionalpressure I tend to get really
scattered.
So I completely agree, it'sreally hard for me to focus on
anything.
I keep on picking up my phone,I keep like half starting.
Like Emily and I talked aboutthis, it kind of feels like your
(30:29):
wedding day where, like youspend all this time prepping
like any milestone, like for meit was our wedding day, but any
day you like plan ahead for,like graduation, you know
whatever you plan for this, youlike get ready for it, you prep
for it, and then it's here andit's over.
Yeah, you're like, ok, I'mmarried now.
You know.
Like, okay, the book's out.
(30:50):
So that was a little weird forme to be like, oh, it was just a
day, like it was a very specialday.
I was really tired, they hadhighs and lows, but then you
just move on and you just keepliving.
And I say that not to likede-specialize it, but to like
normalize a little bit of.
You can have whatever reactionto that day you want to have.
Because my one of my writingpartners hates release day and
(31:13):
hates the whole week coming toit and hates the whole week
after it.
It is just like soanxiety-ridden and so pressure
for her and like she reallystruggles around release day.
It's not a fun time for her,but like that's what she's got
to experience, like that's whatshe feels, so she experience,
like that's what she feels, soshe knows it's coming.
She will clear her schedule orshe'll recognize like maybe I
(31:35):
need to hang out with somefriends this week so we can just
have a distraction.
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Yeah, so I don't have to think about it and on that
note, I'm curious, because youguys are both writers what is
your relationship like togetting feedback, like through
the writing process?
And then, because I'm hearingyou both talk about what it's
like getting the reviews Is thatthe same or different than
getting other kinds of feedback?
Speaker 3 (31:56):
I think it makes me feel similarly, but it's totally
different.
Yeah, that's that's why I thinkeverybody needs space to
process.
It's like you got to feelwhatever it is that you're
feeling, but I only ask forfeedback from people that I
trust and like I don't trust mynon-ideal reader reviews, like I
don't trust my non-idealreaders I don't, and like I'm so
(32:16):
grateful for all my readers,but some of them are not my
people, that's okay.
But like the people that Ishare my work with are my people
and I deeply trust them.
I still have like realreactions, you know, but I know
myself pretty well and I alsoknow when, like what phase I'm
in in the writing process,whether what kind of feedback
that I want.
(32:37):
So, for example, right now I'mwriting my third book and I'm
not loving it.
I'm not loving all parts of it.
So when I'm asking for feedback, I'm only asking for positive
feedback, because I need tons ofencouragement right now.
I don't need a critical eye, Idon't need like to know what the
problems are.
It's riddled with problems.
Yeah, all I want is like tellme how much you love it and like
(32:59):
how wonderful I am and that'sreally good to the end, yes, I
can get to the end, so I can getto the end.
So, like with the phase I'm at,I know that getting like
critical feedback right nowwould cause a lot of emotions
inside of me, and so I'm onlyasking for feedback that's going
to motivate me right now andthat's incredibly helpful, and
then when I get to the spotwhere I'm ready for other kinds
(33:20):
of feedback, then I will ask forother kinds of feedback and it
still will make me feel acertain way.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Yeah, what about you, emily?
Yeah, it's pretty simple, Ithink.
So in all of our sort ofcoaching programs in our
community, our online community,we do a feedback training for
folks, for them to be eligiblefor our feedback partnerships,
and that's one of the biggestthings that we emphasize is like
asking for the feedback thatyou want, and it's actually a
skill, I think, to figure outwhat feedback you actually want,
(33:46):
because oftentimes weself-sabotage and we're like I
want to know all of it, I needall of it.
I need all of it Because if Idon't have all of it, then
something's going to, you know,I'm going to miss something or
everything's going to fall apart.
And so, you know, reallyemphasizing that, really
thinking through, like, what isthe feedback that I actually
want and need right now?
What is the feedback that'sactually going to help me move
forward versus get stuck is, youknow, it's a feedback
(34:09):
partnership, so it's a two waycommunication street in my head
versus you know, reviews is atotally different situation.
So when feedback partnershipsfor me, when I'm having trouble
with the feedback that I'mgetting if I thought it was what
I wanted, but it's actually not, because it's starting to stall
me, you know, I'll ask, I'llsay please stop doing that.
Yeah, I know it's not like it'swhat I asked for, but now I
need you to not do it and likebeing able to have that trust in
(34:32):
that relationship with thepeople.
Giving me feedback is veryimportant to me because if I
don't trust that I can tell themthat and they won't get like
upset about it, then you knowthat's not a good feedback
relationship for for me.
Speaker 2 (34:43):
So yeah, that's so interesting.
So the reason I'm asking isbecause I hear that, like you
kind of compartmentalize alittle in a good way that
getting feedback from my writing.
I know myself what I need inthe moment and also I know the
people and it's meant to beconstructive and helpful.
And then over here it's likeI'm getting reviews and they're
going to be a mixed bag.
I'm still going to feel thethings I felt.
(35:05):
Maybe it's still scary to putyourself out there and get it,
whether it's reviews or feedback.
So I'm reiterating for thewriters who are like oh, maybe
it'll be easier one way or theother and it's like maybe maybe
not, but there's tools andthere's lenses you can look at
things through that make theprocess easier, and you are both
a great example of that.
So super interesting.
(35:25):
One thing that came up as youwere talking is this idea of
like working with, because yousaid sometimes you'll have to be
like hey, stop, I don't needthis kind of feedback right now.
Sometimes I've seen people whoare working with like arc
readers, advanced readers, andthey are afraid to say that
where they're like you know,afraid to say something like
don't tag me on social media.
(35:45):
If it's not super positive.
What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 3 (35:49):
Yeah, okay.
So arc reading and all of that.
To me at that point the book islike finished, outside of typos
.
So I will usually ask my arcreaders if you notice any typos,
tell me and I can fix it.
But I'm not interested inanything else.
So I set those boundaries upfront and then I do ask, like if
you have a negative review,don't tag me, but post it.
(36:12):
I mean, I think that's reallythe biggest guideline is that we
can't, we don't want to, weshouldn't censor our readers, we
shouldn't tell like, putstipulations around the review
that they give you, but you areabsolutely allowed to say I
don't want to see it, I don'tneed to see it, please don't tag
me in it.
And I also think that most ofthe book community understands
that that is an unspoken rule.
(36:34):
Yeah, it's like etiquette.
I think that's pretty fairetiquette.
There are people who do it andlike that's not fun, it's not,
don't do that.
Yes, don't do that.
Speaker 1 (36:46):
Don't tag authors in bad reviews.
It's there's no reason to dothat.
It's not, doesn't help anybody,but I do think it's important
to note that it does happenRight, and so that's why when I
was like it doesn't matter howthick your suit of armor is,
right, like it's still, you'regoing to get smacked in the face
with a tag and a bad reviewthat you didn't want, didn't
expect and don't think thatperson should have tagged you in
(37:06):
and and don't think that personshould have tagged you in and
yet they did.
And so, like having the toolsto walk through that emotion are
really important, because youcan't control that.
You cannot control other people.
Speaker 2 (37:14):
As much as we wish we could yes.
And I think the other key wordyou said is boundaries and
communicating.
You know, telling someone whatyou want, a lot of people will
not, and then they're surprisedand it's like, well, it is a
two-way street, no matter howyou look at it yeah, I think.
Speaker 3 (37:28):
I think authors are allowed to have that boundary.
It doesn't matter, like, howmuch someone sings your praises.
If they're gonna put outsomething that like affects you
in a certain way, you block them, that's okay.
If that's what you want, youcan always, like take some time
to process, unblock them.
But I think if you're gonna tagsomeone in something not
positive or they're gonna see,see it, you don't have to see it
(37:50):
.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
And I think that's where that boundary of reviews
are not for you, like they arenot about you.
They are not for you, they'renot for you to engage with,
positive or negative, in myopinion, because that's the
reader space, right, and wedon't want them in our space and
so we should stay out of theirspace.
Speaker 2 (38:07):
Yeah, and I think something on that note that's
helpful to think about and allof the listeners can do this
little mindset exercises, justlike think about yourself when
you're leaving a review, likewhat is your intention?
Is it to speak directly to theauthor or is it to speak to
other readers?
Most of the time, it's probablygoing to be like I love this
book or I felt this way, youshould read it.
(38:28):
If you like or don't like this,you know.
Sometimes I think if we get outof our own heads, it can help
change the relationship we haveto reviews and feedback.
Speaker 3 (38:37):
Yeah, and I think it's totally OK to engage in the
positive Like.
If someone tags me in apositive review, I believe that
they want me to see it.
Speaker 1 (38:44):
Yeah, I'm going to be like yes, that's totally right,
like thank you, I'm not goingto comment on Goodreads, right,
exactly.
I am not more what I mean, I'mnot going to go in that space.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
Yeah, yes, absolutely .
But I want people to know, likeI think I do.
Sometimes authors get reallyworried about how they can
interact in the review space andlike it's not your job to try
to correct anybody.
It's not your job to engage ina negative review it's not.
But again, they're not aboutyou.
But if you're engaging with areader who loves your book,
that's incredible, that'swonderful.
Speaker 1 (39:15):
Yeah, that's why we're here.
Speaker 3 (39:16):
That's why we're here .
I love the relation.
My favorite thing about theauthor journey is the
relationships that I've builtwith readers, with other writers
, and so I love connecting withlike people who love to read my
books.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
That's always okay, yeah, and I mean usually that's
who your book was meant for.
So talk about a win, win.
Win for everybody, right?
Speaker 3 (39:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:40):
Yeah, that's so cool, so all right.
So we've talked about kind ofmentally and emotionally
preparing yourself and knowingthat it's going to feel how it
feels, no matter what you do andhow thick you think your skin
is, and having that self-careand grace and compassion as you
go through it.
We've talked about somepractical things you can do when
you get positive and negativereviews.
Is there anything else you twowould like to add on this topic?
Speaker 1 (39:59):
The only thing that's kind of been itching the back
of my mind is I'm sure thisisn't everybody, but for me I
have a tendency to self-sabotage, like I did notice when I was
having trouble drafting mysequel that I would be like in
the middle of a scene and belike struggling to write a scene
right, and I'd be like thisscene sucks.
And then I would go look at mynegative videos for book one and
(40:22):
it was like.
It was like you know how yourfingers just do the little
twitch thing.
Like, instead of going toinstagram, all of a sudden, I
was in my one star reviews onGoodreads.
Don't do that and first of all,like, like, look for the ways
in which cause I've noticed thatthere are other people in my
life who do this when they're ina bad, negative space, they go
look for confirmation that theyshould be in that bad negative
(40:43):
space, and we do itsubconsciously, and so I guess
my my tip would be to like, lookfor any places where you're
doing that and I think we do itwith feedback too, right, like,
for instance.
Let's say, a writer is workingon a project.
It's their zero draft, they'revery excited about it, but they
feel nervous about it and theysend it to people and they like,
don't specify what feedbackthey want, because they're
hoping that that person will belike oh, this is amazing and
(41:06):
perfect, that's just asking tobe taken, you know, like it's
just, it's self-sabotage, in myopinion, to do things like that,
because you're like waiting forthe other shoe to drop, you
know, for that excitement to die, or for somebody to tell you
that you're on their own track,or or anything like that.
So I think that feedback andreviews can be used in that way
a lot of times, often, like Isaid, subconsciously.
So just a tip to be aware ofthat.
Speaker 2 (41:28):
Yeah, that's so interesting Because I can do
that too.
I feel like I have thatinstinct almost, and maybe most
of us do.
But I feel like when I heardyou say that, I'm like if I were
your coach, I'd be like, okay,you can do that, but then for
every negative, look at apositive, you know, at least
balance it out if you're goingto go there.
Yeah, I just blocked it.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Yeah, okay, so helping me get my draft done.
Speaker 2 (41:50):
One speaking of drafting.
Last question for you guys Doyou use what's in the reviews to
inform drafts?
Is there anything you wouldadvise in that realm?
Or is it just like we want tobe hands off?
Speaker 3 (42:03):
That's tricky, I think, for me.
I tried not to do that fornegative reviews, but I tried to
do that for positive reviews.
So the criticisms that I wouldsee about that book, I would try
really hard to not let thatinfluence my decisions about the
second book because, like, Ireally wanted to learn how to
like, I wanted to trust in myown decisions.
(42:24):
But when people are like, oh, Ireally loved the tension
between these two characters, Iloved you, you know their
relationship Then I'd be like metoo More.
You know, like that's what Iwould take.
I would take, like the goodstuff.
Let me do more of that, thegood stuff that people loved,
like, how could I capitalize onthat If they really wanted?
You know they can't wait to seethese two characters again.
(42:45):
Let me give them what thepeople are asking for.
Like that, give the people whatthey want.
Give the people what they want,but not necessarily to be like
oh, they complained about thisthing, let me change it.
Yeah, because that's oneperson's opinion.
Speaker 1 (42:58):
Yes, yes, yeah I know better.
Speaker 3 (42:59):
I'm gonna be for real .
I think the author knows betterthan like whatever negative
reviews.
Speaker 1 (43:05):
That totally so I try not to let that influence the
important story pieces, you know, yeah so I feel like there's
maybe a difference between myapproach to the sequel and then
my approach to a new series,because I think for a sequel,
right, if I looked at all thosenegative reviews that were like
oh, it's too confusing and likeI don't like the timelines and
(43:25):
this person is terrible and Ihad like written you know,
because of those I had changedmy book.
It would have been a totallydifferent book, yeah, and that's
like not the positive reviews.
Yeah, 100%, because those peoplewere there for the complexity
and the morally grayness and allof that.
So I don't think that it reallyimpacted how I wrote the sequel
.
But I will say it's beeninteresting thinking about what
(43:47):
I wanted to publish next andlike what project I wanted to
work on next and how I wanted totake what I had learned from
the first two.
And I think that those, thereviews, kind of factored into
that.
And so just to kind of explainwhat I mean by that for the
positive reviews, it was reallyinteresting to look at like
where they all intersected,right.
Like what do they like aboutwhat I do, right?
What do they like about thebooks that I write and my style
(44:10):
and the way that I approachstorytelling, and so looking
through those actually helped mefigure out like what is my
brand.
Yeah, you know what I mean,because it's like hard to look
at yourself and like see what alot of people are liking about
your books, and so when you cankind of cross-reference those
things, I think that can behelpful.
And then from the negative sideyou know some of that too it's
(44:32):
like okay, well, if a lot ofpeople found this complex, it
was too complex to follow.
You know, like, how could Imaybe simplify the world of my
next book, or how could I maybetake some of that?
But it wasn't like a oh no, mybook is terrible because it was
too complex.
Now I must do the mostsimplistic thing in the world,
right?
It's more of just like a.
What direction do I want totake?
Like, I have readers now, right, I've got readers who love my
work and readers who don't lovemy work, and where do I want to?
(44:53):
How do I want to take that intoconsideration when I'm kind of
continuing my writer journey onthe next stories that I write?
Speaker 2 (44:59):
Yeah, sounds like your brain's looking at it
almost like data and you can dowhatever you want with that data
, so that's really cool.
I like hearing about how you'relooking at it for the series
that the first book's in, aswell as what you're going to do
next, and I think you said a keyword, which is patterns you
want to see.
It's not just about oneperson's review, although I'll
say it can be about one person'spositive review.
(45:20):
We can take that all we want,but it's about what are the
things that multiple peoplefound, and then what do you want
to do with them?
You don't have to do anything,but what do you want to do?
So I think that's going to besuper helpful for people to hear
about.
Speaker 3 (45:34):
I think the last thing I would say is that we've
touched on community and we've,like, touched on having other
people that you trust, butreviews are a uniquely author
thing.
Like no one's going to get itmore than like another writer.
So when I leaned really heavilyon that and like you process a
lot when you get positive andnegative reviews, and some of it
is like really challenging toprocess, you know the fact of
(45:56):
like oh my God, how could theysay this?
But also like there aresometimes people who comment on
your books that don't knowanything about what they're
commenting on, you know, andthey're like trying to leave a
really smart review and you'relike wait a second, am I crazy?
So I just think that likehaving like a support system you
can trust, that like you cantalk to, is invaluable for all
(46:17):
parts of the author journey.
But authors get it and likethis is not something I would
necessarily talk in depth withor process in depth with with
like a reader, even thoughthey're a really close friend or
I've made a lot of really closefriends they don't understand
what it's like to be an author.
So I do think sometimes you'llhave to even draw boundaries and
like who do you process thiswith?
Because they're people who aregoing to get it and they're
(46:39):
people who don't have a sharedexperience and so they don't,
they don't fully understand.
Speaker 2 (46:43):
Yeah, and especially if you're someone who's a little
sensitive to the idea ofgetting feedback, like as you
were saying that.
I'm thinking of all the freegroups on Facebook and it's like
, yes, they might be full ofauthors or writers, but that's
still a dangerous zone becausenot all of them have published
and some might be jealous ofwhat you've done and that might
color the feedback.
So you do have to be reallyspecific and careful about who
(47:06):
you're including in that circleof trust.
Yeah, yeah, we know you have agreat community, so I will link
to that in the show notes, aswell as all the places we can
find you around the internet.
But thank you both so much forbeing here today and we will
definitely have to have you backin the future.
Speaker 1 (47:19):
Thank you so much.
It's always such a pleasure tochat with you.
Speaker 2 (47:23):
All right.
So that's it for this episodeof the Fiction Writing Made Easy
podcast.
Head over to savannahgilbocomforward slash podcast for the
complete show notes, includingthe resources I mentioned today,
as well as bonus materials tohelp you implement what you've
learned.
And if you're ready to get morepersonalized guidance for your
specific writing stage whetheryou're just starting out, stuck
(47:44):
somewhere in the middle of adraft, drowning in revisions, or
getting ready to publish, takemy free 30-second quiz at
savannahgilbocom forward slashquiz.
You'll get a customized podcastplaylist that'll meet you right
where you're at and help youget to your next big milestone.
Last but not least, make sureto follow this podcast in your
podcast player of choice,because I'll be back next week
(48:04):
with another episode full ofactionable tips, tools and
strategies to help you become abetter writer.
Until then, happy writing.
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