January 4, 2023 • 50 mins
On this episode I am joined by Scott Simon. Scott is a happiness entrepreneur, SYS founder, and author of Scare Your Soul: 7 Powerful Principles for Harnessing Fear and Living Your Most Courageous Life which was released in December, 2022.
Scott is a sought-after speaker, meditation leader, and high-performance life coach, focusing primarily on creating flourishing lives after major changes such as divorce. Scott earned his BA from Skidmore College, an MA from Case Western Reserve University, and Certificates in Positive Psychology and Coaching from The Wholebeing Institute.
On this episode we discuss how Scott was a very shy and bullied child who really internalized his pain which led to in his youth trying to live an invisible life. He was stepping out of his comfort zone, after college going to teach English to Holocaust survivors, when he had a panic attack on the plane. To calm himself, he took out a spiral notebook and wrote a challenge to himself to do one thing a day that scared him. He acted on that challenge and a year later headed back to the United States a changed person. That year of daily challenges was something he aimed to continue to do and he did starting with publicly singing in front of a popular brunch spot. That challenge led to a viral moment on Facebook.
We talk about how his daily challenges started inspiring others and became the Scare Your Soul movement. His movement is about inspiring others to take the small steps towards facing their fears and creating a community of others who support each other along the way.
His book Scare Your Soul: 7 Powerful Principles for Harnessing Fear and Living Your Most Courageous Life has the tips to start your own journey, as well as a workbook to help you really implement these principles as well as stories from other people who have implemented these challenges into their own lives.
Challenges + Courses - Scare Your Soul
The Book - Scare Your Soul
Scare Your Soul (@scareyoursoul) • Instagram photos and videos
Scare Your Soul | Facebook
Ashley (@filledupcup_) • Instagram photos and videos
Filled Up Cup - Unconventional Self Care for Modern Women
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Filled Up Cuppodcast.
We are a different kind ofself-care resource.
One that has nothing to do withbubble baths and face masks, and
everything to do withrediscovering yourself.
We bring you real reviews,honest experiences, and
unfiltered opinions that willmake you laugh, cry, and most
(00:21):
importantly, leave you with afilled up cup.
Ashley (00:33):
I am very excited today.
I have Scott Simon joining me.
Scott is a happinessentrepreneur and founder of the
Global Scare, your Soul CourageMovement.
His book Scare Your Soul.
Seven powerful principles toharness fear and live your most
courageous life comes out thisDecember.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Scott (00:52):
Thank you so much for having me.
Ashley (00:54):
Can you explain to people that might be unaware
what the Scare Your soulmovement is and kind of what the
background of that is?
Scott (01:01):
Sure.
Scare Your soul really is allabout small acts of courage.
Eleanor Roosevelt originallysaid a very famous phrase, which
was do one thing every day thatscares you.
That is really our mantra.
It started off with one singleexperience that I had singing in
front of a busy restaurant onSunday morning to push myself to
(01:25):
overcome a fear of singing andof singing in public.
And that one experience led to aFacebook post, which was shared
around the world.
And now we have a wholegrassroots, organic courage
movement built around thatexperience.
And really, it's all about in avery human way, encouraging
(01:45):
people just every single day todoing the things in their life
that will push them intosomething great, something
connecting, something importantthat they maybe wouldn't have
done otherwise.
Ashley (01:56):
I love the fact that it starts so small.
I think sometimes when we thinkof a task and we put so much
pressure on it, and it is soscary that it's like the
avoidance can be really real.
But if we do something where itcan be a tiny little change or a
tiny little thing that we'vebeen avoiding for whatever
reason, and just kind of leaninto it, it can be small baby
(02:18):
steps into a real change.
Scott (02:20):
I actually think that that's almost the magic behind
it, that in a way, sometimes allwe need is a little, I call it a
permission slip.
That's really all that we do isgive people a permission slip to
do the things that they maybejust wouldn't do otherwise.
And, that small step is, you'reabsolutely right.
(02:40):
Is such a key.
My background is in positivepsychology and there's this
concept.
Of an upward spiral and adownward spiral.
A downward spiral is when wekind of get stuck when we're not
doing those things in life thatlead to growth and invigoration
and very much like filling ourcup, right?
That can lead to cycles ofanxiety, cycles of depression,
(03:01):
and certainly cycles of apathyand feeling stuck.
And when we take these smallactions, and I know it sounds
simple, but they are so powerfulwhen you do them, when you take
these small actions, it reversesthe spiral into an upward
spiral, which really leads us totaking more time to.
Push our comfort zones to getmore sleep, to connect more
(03:25):
deeply with the people in ourlives, to share ideas, to be
more creative.
All of those things are part ofthat kind of upward spiral and
really, it is as simple manytimes as us.
We put out challenges everysingle week that encourage
people to push their comfortzone.
And then, you know, the otherside of that kind of magical
(03:46):
coin is when you do it incommunity, that you're not just
doing it alone, but you're doingit with people who support you
and care about you.
And, and maybe they're doing ittoo.
Then you're really part ofsomething that's really special
and really powerful.
Ashley (04:01):
I definitely agree with that sense of community because
I feel like whether it's beenthe last couple of years and
we're more divided or whether itreally is sort of the pressure
of perfection via like socialmedia and us wanting to
showcase, you know, only thebest
Scott (04:17):
yes.
Ashley (04:17):
I feel like we tend to.
Be so scared of letting ourauthentic selves show or, you
know, afraid to make a mistakeor be silly or any of these
things that I feel like once wesee other people maybe being
their authentic self or, facingtheir challenges and things like
that, it almost gives uspermission to lean into that
(04:38):
ourselves and be more willing todo it as well.
Scott (04:42):
So I'll give you a quick story that completely
illuminates what you're saying.
When we first started Scare YourSoul, and it was very organic,
very small, and I was justbasically putting out this
concept of what would you do,you know, over the course of a
weekend if you tackled somethingthat scared you, like, what
would that look like for you?
One of our first ambassadors, wenow have 80 ambassadors, but one
(05:05):
of our first ambassadors came tome, if you saw her, she is
strong and tough and she's adancer.
She's just a super powerfulperson.
And she came to me and afterthinking about it, she said,
What I really wanna do, whatreally scares my soul, is to
hold hands with somebody andwalk through a mall.
(05:27):
I kind of thought about it and Isaid to her, Geez, gosh, that
seems like almost like theeasiest thing that I could do.
Like, why is that courageous foryou?
She said that she came from anabusive home.
and she did not want to touchanyone.
She never wanted to hug.
And so for her, walking througha mall holding hands with
(05:49):
somebody was akin to me.
Jumping out of an airplane at14,000 feet with a fear of
heights and that.
Not only was it valid for bothof us, she was fulfilling her
pushing of her comfort zone.
I was fulfilling mine, but thatI could be inspired by her and
she could be inspired by me.
So that is really what kind oflike lit the flame for Scare
(06:14):
Your soul.
It's these small acts andthey're very personal, but when
you do it in an environmentwhere people are supporting you,
It just takes it to the nextlevel.
Ashley (06:24):
I think it's a really great reminder that we never
know, you know, what that bigscary task for people could be
or we forget that what simplefor us really can be this
massive big thing for otherpeople.
So I think it's a really greatreminder just to be kind to
people too, and to.
You know, judge a book by itscover.
Scott (06:43):
I think you're a hundred percent right.
So I was just recording theaudio book for the Scare Your
Soul book, and I spent a lot oftime with both the director and
the engineer.
One day the engineer took measide, a wonderful, wonderful
guy, and said, I'm afraid ofdeep water.
(07:04):
And my girlfriend loves to swim.
I feel like it's just somethingI could never do.
It's just this daunting thing.
But now, you know, having heardme read the Scare Your Soul book
for many, many hours, he said, Idon't have to solve it all in
one day.
Like, I just have to get my feetin the water.
I have to get there and starttaking those small steps.
(07:27):
I know this sounds elementary,and I know it sounds simple,
but.
Part of it is identifying thosethings that are holding us back.
There are all kinds of ways inScare your soul that we look at
fear.
I mean, really it's all abouthow fear is processed in our
brains and in our bodies and howwe view it.
Those fears, certainly there arefears that are very relevant and
(07:48):
important.
It's one of the most importantemotions that human beings can
ever have.
It keeps us safe, but when it'sholding us back, sometimes we
forget that it can be justlittle steps moving forward.
They're just as courageous as,leaping off of a boat into a
body of water.
Actually getting yourself thereand putting your feet in that
(08:09):
first step is just ascourageous.
And really, that's my passion inlife is, reminding people of
that
Ashley (08:15):
what a great passion to have.
What made you initially decidethat you wanted to face your
fear of singing in public?
Scott (08:24):
So, I grew up extremely shy, and I was bullied for many
years when I was young andbasically led almost like an
invisible life, a life that Iwanted to fade into the woodwork
and never be noticed because tome, being noticed meant getting
beaten up.
So there were, there were many,many years where I couldn't
(08:48):
speak in front of two or threepeople, much less a class of, of
other people.
And in fourth grade, you know,we all have these experiences in
our past that when it happened,It's just a moment, but they
stick with us.
So when I was in fourth grade, Iwas in my choir class and we
were preparing for the for theholiday choir concert that we
(09:10):
would do in front of ourfamilies.
And there was a substitute choirteacher who was really angry
with me.
I didn't have a good voice.
I still to this day, have aterrible singing voice.
But he lost his temper.
When basically I couldn't getthe note right for the song that
we were singing, he basicallylike charged up to me in front
of my entire grade and said thatI should just mouth the words
(09:33):
that I should basically neversing.
And for 35 years, I didn't, Thatone comment changed my whole
self-conception, and it kept meeven more silent than I was
before.
I had over the course of anumber of years, I had some
things that changed my life.
Happy to talk about it.
I had an epiphany on an airplanethat basically changed my whole
(09:55):
view of myself and about fear.
But it was, that whole conceptof this is a demon that has kind
of like been sticking with meever since fourth grade.
And here I am, I think I was 42when I, when I actually pulled
out a guitar, walked to a busyrestaurant on a Sunday morning
(10:15):
when the brunch crowd waswaiting out in front of the
restaurant and started to sing.
I did it very intentionally toboth scare myself, but also to
cure myself, to heal myself.
That one, I mean, maybe it was10 minutes, but the feeling I
had after those 10 minutes wasone of.
(10:37):
Joy and freedom, and that's thefeeling that I lust after,
because that's when the bestthings in life happen because
we're outside of that comfortbubble that we try so hard to
build around us.
And so, Coming from thischildhood of being shy and then
taking this step to courageouslysing in front of this group of
(10:58):
people.
That kind of was the precursorto what Scare Your Soul is Now,
which is a huge community ofthousands of people who are just
humans.
We're across the globe.
Different genders and races andbackgrounds and we're all doing
this together because overcomingfear is a uniquely human
experience.
And so for me those years ofbeing shy and bullied those are
(11:22):
in my past now and they stilllive within me as fuel, but it
fuels the fire of courage.
Ashley (11:29):
it really is funny in a not funny way of how much things
like that in our childhood dokind of stick with us.
And if we don't revisit it andkind of reframe it like you had
the opportunity to do, then it,it really does become this black
cloud that haunts us and makesus convinced.
The things that we thought backthen are true today, I think as
(11:53):
grownups we stopped searchingfor the joy or that like
childlike wonder about thingsthat it's like we do get trapped
sort of in that comfort zonelike you were talking about.
There's so much more magic andthere's so much more opportunity
and passion that I think that weforget about if we do try new
things.
Obviously, like there'sdifferent caveats to this, but
(12:15):
you know, what's the worstthat's gonna happen if we do
step outside of our comfortzone?
You know, we're not gonna burstinto flames.
It's really that, you know, youjust don't know.
And I.
Leaning into that fear of thatunknown or the what if is such a
magical possibility, and I lovethe fact that your movement
really started from a Facebookpost and then just really took
(12:37):
off.
Scott (12:39):
you're key in on such important concepts.
This whole sense of discomfortaround the unknown.
Let's leave aside social mediain all the sense that we have to
lead perfect lives and Godforbid we fail in front of
others, which seems like a cursebeyond death sometimes to people
in our society.
But this whole sense of feelingthat we need to be in control.
(13:02):
And feeling that we need to knowthe outcome of whatever we do.
This pervades all aspects of ourlife.
Just think about people'sworkplaces.
We have this conceptionsometimes in work that if we do
X, Y, and Z, that it's going tolead to.
A promotion and a new job and anew title, or a different office
(13:22):
or, upward mobility or a salaryincrease.
All the things that we think aregonna make us happier and more
fulfilled and fill our cup.
When in reality it's actuallyembracing the discomfort around
the unknown, not pretending thatwe know, we're trying to know,
but actually embracing theunknown that leads to the
(13:43):
greatest ideas, the greatestcreativity connections with
people that we never thought wecould have.
think about those people in yourlife that intimidate you or that
you're afraid of connectingwith.
And then think of actually,Making a call or sending an
email, and you're absolutelyright.
You almost have to ask yourself,What is the worst that could
(14:04):
happen?
We're not gonna burst intoflames.
That person most likely is notgoing to berate us most likely
they're going to respond andsay, Sure, let's get together
for coffee.
And then what that coffee canlead to is unimaginable.
We just don't know.
When we do that consistently inour relationships, in our work,
(14:26):
with a sense of gratitude, witha sense of awe in our spiritual
life.
The book actually explores kindof seven areas of life where you
can push your comfort zone.
Because sometimes people say Idon't know where to start.
I don't even know what my fearsare.
I'm just leading a life that Iknow how to lead.
So the book, you know, takespeople through what fear is in
(14:48):
our bodies, you know how torecognize it.
The fact that we are all afraidof failing.
The fact that we all suffer fromimposter syndrome, that we feel
like we're frauds at at certaintimes in our lives, and that
that's okay.
And then if we can just push incertain areas of our lives, it
is going to unlock, untoldrichness in life.
(15:11):
Who doesn't wanna lead thatlife.
You know, it's the kind of lifethat we're hoping to lead, and
it's right there in front of us.
All we have to do is push insmall ways,
Ashley (15:21):
which I really love that, and I love that your book
also will have the differentexplanations for them of sort of
where to start.
But there's also challenges inyour book too, is that correct?
Scott (15:31):
Yeah, so the book has a very workbook kind of feel to
it.
I started to write it and I veryquickly.
Decided to do something verydifferent, and that is to invite
the writer to actuallyexperience all of these
challenges and all of thesepushing of comfort zones with
me.
Now, how do you do that when oneperson is the author and one
(15:54):
person is the reader or thelistener?
So for each of the challengesand writing prompts and areas
where I ask the reader to pushthemselves, I do the same thing.
And I explain to the reader orthe listener Exactly.
You know, my ownvulnerabilities.
You know what happened when Idid this or when there's
something in the book called anAudacious Courage Manifesto,
(16:15):
which is where we focus on fearsand excitement and values.
And I share so many storiesabout myself.
They're very vulnerable andthey're very real to me, and
hopefully will be meaningful tothe reader.
But I really want the reader orlistener to feel like I am there
with them.
And in so many ways I am,because I put myself out there
(16:39):
just as much as I'm asking themto do the same.
So, yes, there are writingprompts.
There are all kinds of,opportunities for reflection
about work and about gratitudeand about awe and about
forgiveness.
And then there are realchallenges.
I ask the reader or thelistener, to launch themselves
into an act of forgiveness, tomove into a moment of our
(17:01):
transcendence, to be curious andto have a, tougher, a probing
conversation to buy coffee for astranger.
These are the kind of challengesthat I hope will, really start
to unlock.
The readers experience in theirown lives and they're small and
they're designed to be that wayso that we can begin to build
confidence.
And then that leads to,self-efficacy and, and
(17:23):
connection and all those goodthings that lead to that filled
up cup life.
Ashley (17:27):
I like the fact that there is so many chances for
them to experience it.
I think sometimes when you'rereading a book that can be
considered self-help, I feel.
If it doesn't reflect sort ofthe different stages of things
that you could go through or howyou could actually make it fit
into your life or really getinto it, I feel like sometimes
you just read it and thendisregard and there's no change
(17:49):
made.
Whereas when you really have tothink about it from different
perspectives and actually, youknow, jump into challenges, I
think that's been real growth ismade.
Scott (17:59):
Absolutely.
So Scare Your Soul has this kindof interesting ecosystem of, you
know, I'm kind of behind thescenes creating challenges for
people and urging them on andputting out, content and sharing
aspects of my life that are veryvulnerable and very real as I'm
out there leading life andtrying to be courageous in my
own way.
(18:20):
Ambassadors are in variouscommunities that are doing our
challenges and sharing them onsocial media and sharing them
with their friends.
And then there's this wholesense of a larger community of
people that.
Follow us on social media thatsubscribe to our newsletter, who
will buy the book, who are justas important to the process as
(18:43):
anybody.
Because when we're doing this,and I know this is a little new
agey so bear with me, but Ireally believe that if we start
making changes in our own lives,that it doesn't just benefit us.
That when we get more courageousand we get happier and we get
more fufilled our loved onesfeel it, it impacts them, and
(19:06):
then that makes them morecourageous and happier.
And then you're really creatingripples of things that are
countering the kind of fear.
And polarization that exists inthe world right now.
We all know kind of coming offof a pandemic and in a charged
political environment thatthings feel fearful, they feel
(19:28):
unknown, they feel chaotic, andI really believe that we almost
have magic in a bottle with.
Taking actions that lead togoodness, that lead to
connection, that lead to honestyand, authenticity.
That ripples outwards because itreally touches other people's
lives and they get inspired.
And that means we're reallycreating worldwide change.
Ashley (19:51):
I think that positivity just is healing, and I think
when we go and revisit thethings that we thought meant
something about us, it's likenot only does it heal
generationally within our ownfamily, but it's like if you've
ever walked into even theoffice, say at work and
somebody's having a bad day,like you can feel that sometimes
(20:12):
without anybody even sayinganything.
I do think that the opposite istrue as well, that if you are
having a fantastic day or youare spreading kindness or
positivity or however you wannaphrase it, I feel like people
realize that too.
And when they can see that thatbehavior is consistent, then
they're like, What is thatperson doing that I'm not doing?
And it kind of gives thempermission to wanna take that
(20:34):
chance as well.
Scott (20:36):
Absolutely.
I got a phone call at one pointfrom one of our ambassadors who
said something that just blew meaway.
She called me and said that shehad a Scare your soul baby.
Now I have in that moment, I wasshocked.
I didn't know what that meant.
I was curious and intrigued, youknow, what could that possibly
(20:57):
mean?
I have a Scare Your soul baby.
So she told me that one of ourchallenges a number of years ago
was to have a toughconversation.
I'm a big fan of the concept ofhaving a tough conversation
because.
We all know that we have themand we need to have more of
them.
There are people in our livesthat we're not sharing some
(21:19):
truth with and those kind oftough conversations, are classic
for people to kind of shoveunder the rug and it leads to
things just.
Being stifled and there beconfusion and complexity in
relationships.
So I put out a challenge forpeople to have one tough
conversation over the course ofa week.
Well, our ambassador, who livesin California just thought about
(21:41):
it and decided to have a toughconversation with her then
husband.
They had been in marital therapytogether, and it just wasn't
working.
She was afraid to tell'em, but.
She got up the courage and said,Listen, I want to talk to you
about this and, this just isn'tworking.
He said to her, I agree.
(22:02):
You've read my mind.
It just isn't working.
They parted ways and it wasn'teasy.
It was hard.
And to get some solace and somesupport, she reconnected with
some old friends.
One of them was her oldboyfriend from high school who
had just moved back to LongBeach where she lives.
They rekindled their romance,they got married and now they
(22:26):
have a baby.
That experience you.
Is a direct result of having atough conversation.
These things sometimes seemsimple and we think, Oh yeah, I
can have a tough conversation.
And we don't realize sometimeswhat the outcome of those things
can be.
I'm just one of the luckiestpeople on the earth that I get
to help develop these, put themout into the world and have
(22:50):
people all around the worldparticipate and hopefully lead
better lives and more fulfillinglives because of it.
Ashley (22:57):
I just get chills thinking about that cuz it's
like we really do get stuck inthe avoidance or we kind of
almost gaslight ourselves intothinking that we should just
stay in our comfort zone andsometimes really that magic and
that life changing can be afterjust having a tough conversation
or making a choice or facingyour fears, that it must be
amazing to be able to have theopportunity to just be able to
(23:18):
hear everybody's.
Other side of fear stories thatI think what a fantastic.
Life to be able to have that allthe time.
Scott (23:28):
It's honestly the most unintended benefit of singing in
front of a busy restaurant on aSunday morning.
I mean, who would've thoughtthat a silly action that made
people laugh.
And there was a young kid whokept on throwing dollar bills
into my guitar case.
I mean, that one experience ledto.
(23:50):
A life where I get to hear frompeople around the world that are
doing things big and small thatare changing.
So I get this beautiful, kind ofoverview of this kind of
goodness that is happeningaround the world.
I chose the book to ask 13people to basically tell their
(24:12):
own story in their own words.
So in addition to all of thewriting prompts and the
challenges and the stories andthere's some science around how
fear, works in our bodies andour brains, there are these
other stories.
That are told very beautifullyby 13 people in their own words
that kind of light up the book.
(24:33):
They're so inspiring and I thinkthe reason that they're so
inspiring isn't that thesearen't people who, quit their
jobs and moved across the world.
These are people who did smallacts that basically changed the
course of their lives.
I'm so proud of them and I'm soproud that those stories are in
(24:54):
the book.
I hope that they just encouragepeople on to, you know, to take
those small actions and to dothe kind of things in life that
are just beyond that bubble thatwe create around ourselves to
keep ourselves safe and keepourselves, in check and keep
ourselves in control.
(25:15):
and if we can just loosen thatand embrace a sense of the
unknown, as you said earlier, asense of possibility, A sense
of, I call it healthy anxiety,like I want to live my life with
butterflies in my stomach.
I really do, because if I havebutterflies in my stomach, I'm
at my edge.
I'm pushing in all of the waysthat are gonna open things up
(25:39):
for me..
I have to say, it doesn't alwayswork out.
You know, there are times thatwe fail and there are times that
that things don't go well.
And we try things and they don'twork and I think, there's a
whole chapter in my book that'scalled Screwing Up Is Sexy.
It's really embracing thereality that the more we push
(25:59):
and the more we grow, the morewe're going to fail.
It's just part of the process.
But if we can kind of adopt thatas a success mantra, that that
screwing up and failing and nothitting a mark is actually a
great thing, then we're reallygonna be out there and pushing
ourselves in all kinds of waysthat are gonna lead towards
(26:21):
growth and connection..
Ashley (26:23):
I think a lot of the times people have the wrong idea
about failure.
It's sort of a failure as a endall be all, but sometimes it's a
pivot and sometimes it's a, Itried it, it didn't work, but
now I'm gonna try somethingelse.
Or it kind of eliminates thewhat if of the situation.
And I think sometimes the regretof not trying can be bigger than
(26:44):
the failure of trying.
Scott (26:46):
I think that's absolutely right.
And by the way, sometimes themost courageous thing we can do
is are the things where we kindof say no to something.
I would never counsel thateverything that scares your soul
about is taking action and doingsomething because sometimes the
most courageous thing isactually stepping back.
It's focusing on self care.
(27:08):
It's focusing on.
Taking care of those that areclosest to us instead of, you
know, the masses.
It's getting sleep.
It's leaving a relationshipthat's toxic or not serving us,
versus launching ourselvesdeeper into it.
So, you know, courage is afascinating topic and it's one
that I work in it obviouslyevery single day, and I hear
(27:30):
about it and I coach on it.
It is something that isdifferent in every person's
life.
It is not cookie cutter.
We talk about this, in the bookand certainly in Scare Your
Soul, that there are momentswhere we can take a step back.
I have a, something in the book,which I call the latter, which
is this multi-step way ofreally, labeling a fear,
(27:53):
actually writing it down,accepting that it's real.
Taking the energy out of it bykind of asking ourselves, do I
need this in my life?
Is this a fear that's really,protecting us?
Then, there's this sense of kindof determination.
Is this something that I canactually do it?
Could this have a possibly goodoutcome?
Then, you know, the e is takingeffort, actually actually taking
(28:16):
action.
Then almost the most importantstep after we do it is what I
call rewriting and rewiring.
So when we tackle something thatwe're afraid of, whether it was
a past trauma in our lives, orit's something you know, that
we're really pushing ourselvesno matter what the outcome is,
to be able to step back and say,I did this.
(28:40):
I took action in my own life.
And this is what happened.
I'm really, really proud ofmyself regardless of the
outcome.
And that sense of rewriting andrewiring actually, changes the
neuro pathways in our brain.
There's so much, information outnow on neuroplasticity and the
malleability of our brains, and,there's a real opportunity here
(29:02):
to tackle things in our lives.
Pay attention to them.
Do them and then sit with themand really be brave and really
be honest with ourselves andreally be proud of ourselves
that we did it.
And so all of this is a reallyexciting way to lead our lives
and who wouldn't wanna leadtheir lives with more excitement
(29:23):
and more adventure and morecourage.
Ashley (29:25):
Absolutely.
One thing that you had kind oftouched on before too was
sometimes people aren't aware oftheir fears or they don't know
where maybe the first step oftheir journey should be.
How would you recommend peopleget started in that sense?
Scott (29:43):
Sure.
So.
Firstly I don't mean to plug ourwebsite, at scareyoursoul.com we
have challenges that are alreadyon the website that are easy to
do, they're actionable and theyfall into the seven areas that
we've identified are kind oflike the critical areas.
One is gratitude, one isadventure.
(30:05):
There's energy.
Curiosity, awe, forgiveness, andwork.
So one can easily go and forfree, check out one of those
challenges.
We actually have a quiz on thewebsite which allows you to
answer seven questions, and atthe end of it, it'll give you
one area of courage where youcan basically launch yourself.
(30:30):
So that's one suggestion that Iwould have.
But there are also really smallkind of actionable things.
I think our classic Scare Yoursoul challenge is the next time
you're at a coffee shop is tojust look to the person behind
you and say, Can I buy you a cupof coffee And you'd be shocked
(30:53):
at how hard it is for both meand for many, many other people
to actually do that.
You're putting yourself in aposition where you just don't
know what's going to happen.
9.9 times out of 10.
it is a wonderful experiencewhere you push your comfort
zone, you put yourself into alittle bit of positive anxiety,
(31:15):
healthy anxiety, and you meetsomebody and have a conversation
with somebody that you neverwould've met before.
So there are real smallactionable steps that people can
take.
I guess the other part is toreally start to slow down.
To slow down and to listen toyour body.
Listen to your mind and whatyour mind is telling you, and as
(31:39):
you're spending your day to seewhere the resistance is, to see
where you feel like you arepulling back.
and at the beginning, notnecessarily to do anything about
it, but just to pay attention toit and then to sit with it and
say, Is this pulling back, thisfeeling that I have, that I'm
editing my life in some way?
(32:01):
Is this an area where I canactually take a step forward?
That's that first step.
I guarantee you, I've seen thishappen in hundreds of lives now.
It is that first step to use themetaphor of the engineer who
wants to learn how to swim, youknow, dipping that toe in the
water that first time, thatgives you the sense of, you know
what I can do.
(32:23):
I can do this.
This is my thing and I did it.
And that really changes yourself-conception over time from
somebody who is doing courageousthings to actually being a
courageous person, just leadinglife like that pivot, that shift
from somebody who is choosingthese courageous acts to someone
(32:44):
who is just courageously leadingtheir life to me is where.
We all need to be.
that's where we really start tosee gains in innovation and
creativity and relationships.
I tell a wonderful story in thebook about an experience I had.
With a stranger asking them 36questions.
(33:06):
Arthur Aaron's 36 questions andreally getting deep with someone
that I didn't know well.
Those kind of steps that we takereally, really create the
wonderful, wonderfulrelationships and, opportunities
in our lives.
Ashley (33:19):
There's so much reward or there's so much really hidden
treasures.
Between the stories of peoplethat, again, we kind of get busy
or we get into this shyness, orwe just don't wanna put
ourselves out there that it'slike a lot of the times I feel
like we miss the opportunity totalk to somebody that we
normally wouldn't or think tostart that conversation standing
(33:43):
in a line at a coffee shop or.
in whoever's listening in yourindividual life.
But I just feel like there issuch magic in that human
connection.
And there is so many rewards ofmeeting new people.
Scott (33:58):
That's right.
The pandemic is part of thisequation.
This sense that we don't knowwhat's gonna happen when we
connect with somebody or we trysomething new, trying a new
exercise class, I have a wholesection in the book.
One of our ambassadors is a coldshower expert.
Yes, there actually is a personwho is a cold shower expert and
(34:19):
he has written a book on coldshowers.
That's how much of an expert heis.
You know, you don't know whatthat experience is gonna feel
like until you actually do it.
There's this sense, what I loveabout that particular challenge,
and I think it's so emblematicof the work that we do, is the
worst part about it is theactual thinking of it
beforehand, the worrying aboutit.
The projecting, the sense of, Ohmy God, I have to do that today.
(34:42):
I promised myself, or I promisedmy accountability partner that I
was going to, take a cold showertoday.
The reality is that when weactually do it, is there a jolt
to the system?
Yes, of course there is.
Is there a feeling like youwanna, jump out of your skin and
jump outta your shower?
Of course there is.
But the truth is, after 10seconds and you turn off the
(35:04):
water, you feel so great.
You feel energized, you feelproud of yourself.
It's so emblematic of the workthat we do because so much of
what we don't do is that worry,that projection about what could
happen, and it limits us fromactually just taking action and
participating in.
(35:24):
The beautiful impossibility inthat moment.
So much of the work that we do,again, on the surface, very
simple, very small, veryactionable.
But when you start stringingthese things together, And you
do it with people in your lifethat care about you or you do it
within a community like scareyour soul.
(35:45):
You start to really crave, I usethe term fear chaser in the book
as the way of finding things inour lives that push us and
actually, you know, being almostlike magnetized towards them.
That really is kind of, again, Ithink the magic of what we do.
Ashley (36:05):
I really love the idea of fear chasing cuz I think too
many times we do try to do theopposite and I do love the idea
of looking for those thingsthat, give us butterflies and
give us positive anxiety to makethose changes.
Cuz I think too many times too,we don't look for something to
be exciting.
We kind of get so used to beingin like the dull comfort zone of
(36:27):
things that it's like, we don'tthink of, Hey, what would give
me butterflies?
I really do love all of thoseteeny tiny, small changes that
really do become a overhaul ofyourself once you've kind of
gotten to the other side of that
Scott (36:43):
The next step, which I think is almost equally
beautiful, is you startinspiring other people that not
only are you, benefiting fromthis new life, this all of the
benefits that come from this newlife that you're creating for
yourself, but just think aboutthose people in your life that
(37:04):
you feel like push themselves,They don't lead a life of no
fear, but they embrace it.
They're inspiring.
The more that we do that, and Italk in the book about
parenting, we talk about allkinds of things where we, get
out of that comfort zone wherewe're worried about failure,
worried about what people aregonna think of us, we're worried
(37:25):
about rejection.
All of those things become partof a process where we say, you
know, I'm not gonna listen toyou right now.
I'm not gonna listen to thatfear.
I'm going to push through it,and then whether you know it or
not, and I feel this way verymuch as a parent, your children
are watching, that's abeautiful, beautiful thing that
(37:48):
when your kids, or your niecesand nephews or, your
grandchildren, if you havegrandchildren, that they're
watching and learning when youstand up for truth.
They're learning.
When you are courageouslyputting yourself in a situation
where you're standing up forsomebody, when you are confident
and authentic and have toughconversations, they know that
(38:09):
they can too.
And in my mind, what a beautifulway to parent or grandparent or
be an an aunt or an uncle.
It's not about telling, it'sabout leading your life in a way
that inspires others to do thesame.
And that to me is really the,beautiful benefit of leading a
(38:30):
courageous life.
Ashley (38:31):
It is so true because especially like I have a 15 year
old daughter, you can tell yourkids whatever you like, but it
really is your actions that theylearn from.
It is something that you have tomirror the behavior that you
wanna see or that you wannainspire them to be like.
Scott (38:49):
I think again, one of the real beauties of this work is
it's not cookie cutter.
Your parenting of your 15 yearold is so unique.
So courage to you may be verydifferent as a parent than it is
to me.
But the beautiful thing is I canbe inspired by yours and you can
be inspired by mine.
(39:11):
It's not exclusive, it'sadditive.
What we want to teach ourchildren are the exact qualities
that courage exemplifies if youthink about it, right?
Courage leads us to honesty.
It leads us to integrity.
It leads us to leading a lifewhere we are upstanding up for
somebody else, right?
We're taking care of otherpeople.
(39:33):
All of those things are lessonsthat we want to teach those
around us in our lives.
And what better way to do itthan just to live it and to live
it fully and to live ithonestly, and to live it in full
bloom.
Ashley (39:47):
I definitely agree with what you're saying.
You had mentioned that you hadsort of an epiphany on a plane.
Can you tell us sort of whatyour epiphany was and how that
happened?
Scott (40:00):
Sure.
So as I mentioned, and, I'm suremany of your listeners will
identify with this, I did growup very shy.
High school to me was a lonely.
Challenging, sad experience.
I had to change high schools.
I had for many times in my lifeI had no friends and I remember
(40:21):
eating alone at cafeteriatables.
I had that childhood.
It is part of me.
I graduated from college.
I did not have a job.
I had an English degree and Ireally was at my wits end
somebody out of the incrediblegrace offered me a job overseas
(40:42):
teaching English to Holocaustsurvivors, and I accepted it.
It was non-paying and I had tomove to a new country where I
didn't know the language.
Everything about it seemed scaryand I accepted it really because
I felt like I had no choice.
I had nothing else in my life.
So I took the opportunity and Ipacked up a bag and got on an
(41:08):
airplane and I sat in my seat Ibasically had a panic attack.
All of my.
Fears seemed like they weretaking over.
I couldn't imagine how I wasgoing to do this to go to
another country and to speak tonew people and to lead a new
life that I couldn't imagine.
The plane took off and the panicgot worse, and I was sweating
(41:31):
and my stomach was in knots.
I had bought a little spiralnotebook at JFK as I was waiting
for my plane to leave.
I literally pulled out thespiral notebook and put it on
the tray table in front of me.
I pulled out a pen, and almostunconsciously, I don't know
where it came from, I wrote downone phrase and the phrase was,
(41:56):
Do one thing every day thatscares you.
I sat and I looked at this eightwords, and I.
Realized that for the next year,that's what I had to do, that I
couldn't lead this life anymore.
I couldn't lead in invisiblelife anymore.
I couldn't lead a life feelingfearful and anxious.
(42:20):
I couldn't do it anymore.
And my way of dealing with thatin that moment was to commit to
myself that every day for thenext year.
I would do one thing that scaredme, one thing that pushed my
comfort zone in some way, andthat's exactly what I did.
Every time I did something, Irecorded it in my spiral
(42:40):
notebook and that year changedmy life and I came back to the
states on fire.
I have been a fear chaser eversince.
I have given a TEDx talk infront.
700 people and the internetforever.
I have created a happinessincubator with a good friend
where I married a couple in themiddle of a bar and we ran
(43:03):
parades through officebuildings.
I've done some of the craziest,most outlandish things that
pushed my comfort zone andsinging, of course, in front of
a restaurant being the mostcritical one to me because it
unlocked so much for me.
But that epiphany on theairplane was really about taking
power back in my life.
That I wasn't going to be silentanymore.
(43:25):
For me, doing one thing everyday that scared me, unlocked
everything.
It was the key that has led nowto the second half of my life.
Ashley (43:36):
I love that a moment like that really can have almost
like such a big wave that Ilove.
You know that calming voice inyou was kind of like, it has to
be this and that.
All of the positive things endedup changing afterwards, and that
you don't feel like you're theexact same person that was then
(43:56):
the person that, you know, youfelt like your voice wasn't
valuable or you felt like youhad to be quiet or all of these
different things that I reallylove that you had that epiphany.
I actually follow somebody onInstagram.
Her name is Alicia McCarvell shehad sort of a similar epiphany
and it made me think of itbecause of the spiral notebook,
(44:18):
so she.
Is a plus size person and herhusband is very stereotypically
attractive and a lot of peoplewill hate on them because she's
in the body type that she is andhe's in the body type that he
is.
She grabbed a spiral notebookand started writing down things
that she loved about herselfthat had nothing to do with the
body.
(44:38):
And when she got to the end ofher notebook, She had a
completely different outlook.
So I just love the fact that itcan be so simple as writing in a
notebook and it can change yourwhole life.
Scott (44:49):
It, it's really true.
So many of us look for thesebig, grand things and we wait
for them.
So many times we put our liveson hold.
because, well, I can't do thatuntil I get that promotion, or I
can't do that until, I'm in anew relationship or in a
relationship or out of thisrelationship, or I'll start
(45:09):
training for a marathon when Ihave time.
It's really about those smallsteps I happen to think, so I
have a gratitude practice everynight I share five gratitudes.
With somebody.
We've been doing it for sevenyears now, every single night
for seven years, and I firmlybelieve in the power of small
actions every single day.
(45:30):
I look for things to be gratefulfor.
It's not like I have a huge loadof gratitude one day a year.
It's not like on Thanksgiving Iget my years full of gratitude
and then I'm done.
It is small actions.
It's every night writing downfive things that I'm gonna send
to Carly, my gratitude partner.
That's where the power is.
(45:51):
So if we can do that withcourage in our lives, just think
about the possibilities.
Just think about the new ideas,the new relationships, the new
knowledge that will gain.
And yes, there will be missteps.
Yes, there will be stumbles, butwho doesn't wanna lead a life
where?
(46:11):
You go flat out and you, and youput yourself out in every
possible way that you can, thatwill lead to, at the end of the
day when you look back and say,Gosh, I didn't leave anything
out there.
You know, I tried it all and itdidn't always work, but, I tried
it and I pushed through thatfear that told me to stay safe
(46:34):
and stay comfortable and stay ina rut and stay acceptable to
everyone around me and toeveryone on Instagram.
Forget that this isn't aboutbeing acceptable.
This is about living your lifein every possible way that you
can.
And in my view, it's about smallacts of courage that lead to
(46:54):
those big changes.
Ashley (46:56):
Well, it really, it sounds cliche, but the small
things really do become the bigthings when you look back on
them.
So I do love the fact that yourmovement really encourages
people to look at.
That way.
Now, I know that it started kindof a small thing on social
media.
It's grown.
Like you said, you've done TedTalks, you have the book coming
(47:16):
out.
What is next for you,
Scott (47:21):
Honestly, I just want to continue doing this more and
more.
This is the most fulfilling workthat I can do, helping other
people.
Not that I have the knowledge orthat I have the playbook and
they don't have it.
They actually do have theplaybook.
I'm just there to help maybemotivate and inspire to help
(47:42):
create a community that willsupport them as they do their
work and as they lead theirlife.
I talk to groups, I talk toteenagers, I talk to
corporations.
I did a wonderful talk at a,luxury hotel where everyone on
staff was meeting with me fromall aspects of the hotel.
I think the most powerful momentwas somebody from the room,
(48:04):
service staff who shared that hewas an artist.
His work did not define him and.
His greatest kind of fear wasaround sharing his art with
others.
I encouraged him in front ofeverybody cuz it was a very
supportive environment to make acouple calls.
(48:25):
And the next time I saw him, hehad his art hanging in the front
of a local gallery.
Ashley (48:32):
Oh, I love that.
Scott (48:34):
You know, this is the best work that one can get.
My view is if I can just behelpful to others I do have you
know, personal coaching clientsand I love working with
individuals and I love workingthrough Scare Your Soul.
On our social media, we have aweekly newsletter where we
share.
I share my stories and I share aweekly challenge with people.
(48:55):
So all of it for me is exactlywhere I want to be.
And, frankly, it challenges meevery day.
I'm not in my comfort bubble.
I'm outside of my comfort zoneasking others to come join me,
and that's exactly where I wannabe.
Ashley (49:11):
Which is fantastic.
I love that you are buildingthis community and this movement
that will just continue tospread.
If people are looking for youonline, where can they find you?
Scott (49:22):
Sure.
So very easily atscareyoursoul.com.
There's information, as Imentioned, there's a, great
quiz.
There are all kinds of freeresources.
They can learn about the bookwhich is, I think going to
really hopefully be somethingthat's really meaningful to
people.
And then on Instagram, they canfind us at@ScareYourSoul.
So I encourage people to followus, to sign up for the
(49:43):
newsletter.
And just be part of ourcommunity and to, begin taking
those small steps that willilluminate their path.
Ashley (49:51):
I really appreciate you having this conversation today
with me, Scott.
Scott (49:56):
Thank you so much.
It's been such a pleasure.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday for this episode of The
Filled Up Cup podcast.
Don't forget to hit subscribeand leave a review.
If you like what you hear.
You can also connect withus@buildupcup.com.
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll catch you in the next
(50:17):
episode.
Welcome to the Filled Up Cuppodcast.
We are a different kind ofself-care resource.
One that has nothing to do withbubble baths and face masks, and
everything to do withrediscovering yourself.
We bring you real reviews,honest experiences, and
unfiltered opinions that willmake you laugh, cry, and most
(00:21):
importantly, leave you with afilled up cup.
Ashley (00:33):
I am very excited today.
I have Scott Simon joining me.
Scott is a happinessentrepreneur and founder of the
Global Scare, your Soul CourageMovement.
His book Scare Your Soul.
Seven powerful principles toharness fear and live your most
courageous life comes out thisDecember.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
Scott (00:52):
Thank you so much for having me.
Ashley (00:54):
Can you explain to people that might be unaware
what the Scare Your soulmovement is and kind of what the
background of that is?
Scott (01:01):
Sure.
Scare Your soul really is allabout small acts of courage.
Eleanor Roosevelt originallysaid a very famous phrase, which
was do one thing every day thatscares you.
That is really our mantra.
It started off with one singleexperience that I had singing in
front of a busy restaurant onSunday morning to push myself to
(01:25):
overcome a fear of singing andof singing in public.
And that one experience led to aFacebook post, which was shared
around the world.
And now we have a wholegrassroots, organic courage
movement built around thatexperience.
And really, it's all about in avery human way, encouraging
(01:45):
people just every single day todoing the things in their life
that will push them intosomething great, something
connecting, something importantthat they maybe wouldn't have
done otherwise.
Ashley (01:56):
I love the fact that it starts so small.
I think sometimes when we thinkof a task and we put so much
pressure on it, and it is soscary that it's like the
avoidance can be really real.
But if we do something where itcan be a tiny little change or a
tiny little thing that we'vebeen avoiding for whatever
reason, and just kind of leaninto it, it can be small baby
(02:18):
steps into a real change.
Scott (02:20):
I actually think that that's almost the magic behind
it, that in a way, sometimes allwe need is a little, I call it a
permission slip.
That's really all that we do isgive people a permission slip to
do the things that they maybejust wouldn't do otherwise.
And, that small step is, you'reabsolutely right.
(02:40):
Is such a key.
My background is in positivepsychology and there's this
concept.
Of an upward spiral and adownward spiral.
A downward spiral is when wekind of get stuck when we're not
doing those things in life thatlead to growth and invigoration
and very much like filling ourcup, right?
That can lead to cycles ofanxiety, cycles of depression,
(03:01):
and certainly cycles of apathyand feeling stuck.
And when we take these smallactions, and I know it sounds
simple, but they are so powerfulwhen you do them, when you take
these small actions, it reversesthe spiral into an upward
spiral, which really leads us totaking more time to.
Push our comfort zones to getmore sleep, to connect more
(03:25):
deeply with the people in ourlives, to share ideas, to be
more creative.
All of those things are part ofthat kind of upward spiral and
really, it is as simple manytimes as us.
We put out challenges everysingle week that encourage
people to push their comfortzone.
And then, you know, the otherside of that kind of magical
(03:46):
coin is when you do it incommunity, that you're not just
doing it alone, but you're doingit with people who support you
and care about you.
And, and maybe they're doing ittoo.
Then you're really part ofsomething that's really special
and really powerful.
Ashley (04:01):
I definitely agree with that sense of community because
I feel like whether it's beenthe last couple of years and
we're more divided or whether itreally is sort of the pressure
of perfection via like socialmedia and us wanting to
showcase, you know, only thebest
Scott (04:17):
yes.
Ashley (04:17):
I feel like we tend to.
Be so scared of letting ourauthentic selves show or, you
know, afraid to make a mistakeor be silly or any of these
things that I feel like once wesee other people maybe being
their authentic self or, facingtheir challenges and things like
that, it almost gives uspermission to lean into that
(04:38):
ourselves and be more willing todo it as well.
Scott (04:42):
So I'll give you a quick story that completely
illuminates what you're saying.
When we first started Scare YourSoul, and it was very organic,
very small, and I was justbasically putting out this
concept of what would you do,you know, over the course of a
weekend if you tackled somethingthat scared you, like, what
would that look like for you?
One of our first ambassadors, wenow have 80 ambassadors, but one
(05:05):
of our first ambassadors came tome, if you saw her, she is
strong and tough and she's adancer.
She's just a super powerfulperson.
And she came to me and afterthinking about it, she said,
What I really wanna do, whatreally scares my soul, is to
hold hands with somebody andwalk through a mall.
(05:27):
I kind of thought about it and Isaid to her, Geez, gosh, that
seems like almost like theeasiest thing that I could do.
Like, why is that courageous foryou?
She said that she came from anabusive home.
and she did not want to touchanyone.
She never wanted to hug.
And so for her, walking througha mall holding hands with
(05:49):
somebody was akin to me.
Jumping out of an airplane at14,000 feet with a fear of
heights and that.
Not only was it valid for bothof us, she was fulfilling her
pushing of her comfort zone.
I was fulfilling mine, but thatI could be inspired by her and
she could be inspired by me.
So that is really what kind oflike lit the flame for Scare
(06:14):
Your soul.
It's these small acts andthey're very personal, but when
you do it in an environmentwhere people are supporting you,
It just takes it to the nextlevel.
Ashley (06:24):
I think it's a really great reminder that we never
know, you know, what that bigscary task for people could be
or we forget that what simplefor us really can be this
massive big thing for otherpeople.
So I think it's a really greatreminder just to be kind to
people too, and to.
You know, judge a book by itscover.
Scott (06:43):
I think you're a hundred percent right.
So I was just recording theaudio book for the Scare Your
Soul book, and I spent a lot oftime with both the director and
the engineer.
One day the engineer took measide, a wonderful, wonderful
guy, and said, I'm afraid ofdeep water.
(07:04):
And my girlfriend loves to swim.
I feel like it's just somethingI could never do.
It's just this daunting thing.
But now, you know, having heardme read the Scare Your Soul book
for many, many hours, he said, Idon't have to solve it all in
one day.
Like, I just have to get my feetin the water.
I have to get there and starttaking those small steps.
(07:27):
I know this sounds elementary,and I know it sounds simple,
but.
Part of it is identifying thosethings that are holding us back.
There are all kinds of ways inScare your soul that we look at
fear.
I mean, really it's all abouthow fear is processed in our
brains and in our bodies and howwe view it.
Those fears, certainly there arefears that are very relevant and
(07:48):
important.
It's one of the most importantemotions that human beings can
ever have.
It keeps us safe, but when it'sholding us back, sometimes we
forget that it can be justlittle steps moving forward.
They're just as courageous as,leaping off of a boat into a
body of water.
Actually getting yourself thereand putting your feet in that
(08:09):
first step is just ascourageous.
And really, that's my passion inlife is, reminding people of
that
Ashley (08:15):
what a great passion to have.
What made you initially decidethat you wanted to face your
fear of singing in public?
Scott (08:24):
So, I grew up extremely shy, and I was bullied for many
years when I was young andbasically led almost like an
invisible life, a life that Iwanted to fade into the woodwork
and never be noticed because tome, being noticed meant getting
beaten up.
So there were, there were many,many years where I couldn't
(08:48):
speak in front of two or threepeople, much less a class of, of
other people.
And in fourth grade, you know,we all have these experiences in
our past that when it happened,It's just a moment, but they
stick with us.
So when I was in fourth grade, Iwas in my choir class and we
were preparing for the for theholiday choir concert that we
(09:10):
would do in front of ourfamilies.
And there was a substitute choirteacher who was really angry
with me.
I didn't have a good voice.
I still to this day, have aterrible singing voice.
But he lost his temper.
When basically I couldn't getthe note right for the song that
we were singing, he basicallylike charged up to me in front
of my entire grade and said thatI should just mouth the words
(09:33):
that I should basically neversing.
And for 35 years, I didn't, Thatone comment changed my whole
self-conception, and it kept meeven more silent than I was
before.
I had over the course of anumber of years, I had some
things that changed my life.
Happy to talk about it.
I had an epiphany on an airplanethat basically changed my whole
(09:55):
view of myself and about fear.
But it was, that whole conceptof this is a demon that has kind
of like been sticking with meever since fourth grade.
And here I am, I think I was 42when I, when I actually pulled
out a guitar, walked to a busyrestaurant on a Sunday morning
(10:15):
when the brunch crowd waswaiting out in front of the
restaurant and started to sing.
I did it very intentionally toboth scare myself, but also to
cure myself, to heal myself.
That one, I mean, maybe it was10 minutes, but the feeling I
had after those 10 minutes wasone of.
(10:37):
Joy and freedom, and that's thefeeling that I lust after,
because that's when the bestthings in life happen because
we're outside of that comfortbubble that we try so hard to
build around us.
And so, Coming from thischildhood of being shy and then
taking this step to courageouslysing in front of this group of
(10:58):
people.
That kind of was the precursorto what Scare Your Soul is Now,
which is a huge community ofthousands of people who are just
humans.
We're across the globe.
Different genders and races andbackgrounds and we're all doing
this together because overcomingfear is a uniquely human
experience.
And so for me those years ofbeing shy and bullied those are
(11:22):
in my past now and they stilllive within me as fuel, but it
fuels the fire of courage.
Ashley (11:29):
it really is funny in a not funny way of how much things
like that in our childhood dokind of stick with us.
And if we don't revisit it andkind of reframe it like you had
the opportunity to do, then it,it really does become this black
cloud that haunts us and makesus convinced.
The things that we thought backthen are true today, I think as
(11:53):
grownups we stopped searchingfor the joy or that like
childlike wonder about thingsthat it's like we do get trapped
sort of in that comfort zonelike you were talking about.
There's so much more magic andthere's so much more opportunity
and passion that I think that weforget about if we do try new
things.
Obviously, like there'sdifferent caveats to this, but
(12:15):
you know, what's the worstthat's gonna happen if we do
step outside of our comfortzone?
You know, we're not gonna burstinto flames.
It's really that, you know, youjust don't know.
And I.
Leaning into that fear of thatunknown or the what if is such a
magical possibility, and I lovethe fact that your movement
really started from a Facebookpost and then just really took
(12:37):
off.
Scott (12:39):
you're key in on such important concepts.
This whole sense of discomfortaround the unknown.
Let's leave aside social mediain all the sense that we have to
lead perfect lives and Godforbid we fail in front of
others, which seems like a cursebeyond death sometimes to people
in our society.
But this whole sense of feelingthat we need to be in control.
(13:02):
And feeling that we need to knowthe outcome of whatever we do.
This pervades all aspects of ourlife.
Just think about people'sworkplaces.
We have this conceptionsometimes in work that if we do
X, Y, and Z, that it's going tolead to.
A promotion and a new job and anew title, or a different office
(13:22):
or, upward mobility or a salaryincrease.
All the things that we think aregonna make us happier and more
fulfilled and fill our cup.
When in reality it's actuallyembracing the discomfort around
the unknown, not pretending thatwe know, we're trying to know,
but actually embracing theunknown that leads to the
(13:43):
greatest ideas, the greatestcreativity connections with
people that we never thought wecould have.
think about those people in yourlife that intimidate you or that
you're afraid of connectingwith.
And then think of actually,Making a call or sending an
email, and you're absolutelyright.
You almost have to ask yourself,What is the worst that could
(14:04):
happen?
We're not gonna burst intoflames.
That person most likely is notgoing to berate us most likely
they're going to respond andsay, Sure, let's get together
for coffee.
And then what that coffee canlead to is unimaginable.
We just don't know.
When we do that consistently inour relationships, in our work,
(14:26):
with a sense of gratitude, witha sense of awe in our spiritual
life.
The book actually explores kindof seven areas of life where you
can push your comfort zone.
Because sometimes people say Idon't know where to start.
I don't even know what my fearsare.
I'm just leading a life that Iknow how to lead.
So the book, you know, takespeople through what fear is in
(14:48):
our bodies, you know how torecognize it.
The fact that we are all afraidof failing.
The fact that we all suffer fromimposter syndrome, that we feel
like we're frauds at at certaintimes in our lives, and that
that's okay.
And then if we can just push incertain areas of our lives, it
is going to unlock, untoldrichness in life.
(15:11):
Who doesn't wanna lead thatlife.
You know, it's the kind of lifethat we're hoping to lead, and
it's right there in front of us.
All we have to do is push insmall ways,
Ashley (15:21):
which I really love that, and I love that your book
also will have the differentexplanations for them of sort of
where to start.
But there's also challenges inyour book too, is that correct?
Scott (15:31):
Yeah, so the book has a very workbook kind of feel to
it.
I started to write it and I veryquickly.
Decided to do something verydifferent, and that is to invite
the writer to actuallyexperience all of these
challenges and all of thesepushing of comfort zones with
me.
Now, how do you do that when oneperson is the author and one
(15:54):
person is the reader or thelistener?
So for each of the challengesand writing prompts and areas
where I ask the reader to pushthemselves, I do the same thing.
And I explain to the reader orthe listener Exactly.
You know, my ownvulnerabilities.
You know what happened when Idid this or when there's
something in the book called anAudacious Courage Manifesto,
(16:15):
which is where we focus on fearsand excitement and values.
And I share so many storiesabout myself.
They're very vulnerable andthey're very real to me, and
hopefully will be meaningful tothe reader.
But I really want the reader orlistener to feel like I am there
with them.
And in so many ways I am,because I put myself out there
(16:39):
just as much as I'm asking themto do the same.
So, yes, there are writingprompts.
There are all kinds of,opportunities for reflection
about work and about gratitudeand about awe and about
forgiveness.
And then there are realchallenges.
I ask the reader or thelistener, to launch themselves
into an act of forgiveness, tomove into a moment of our
(17:01):
transcendence, to be curious andto have a, tougher, a probing
conversation to buy coffee for astranger.
These are the kind of challengesthat I hope will, really start
to unlock.
The readers experience in theirown lives and they're small and
they're designed to be that wayso that we can begin to build
confidence.
And then that leads to,self-efficacy and, and
(17:23):
connection and all those goodthings that lead to that filled
up cup life.
Ashley (17:27):
I like the fact that there is so many chances for
them to experience it.
I think sometimes when you'rereading a book that can be
considered self-help, I feel.
If it doesn't reflect sort ofthe different stages of things
that you could go through or howyou could actually make it fit
into your life or really getinto it, I feel like sometimes
you just read it and thendisregard and there's no change
(17:49):
made.
Whereas when you really have tothink about it from different
perspectives and actually, youknow, jump into challenges, I
think that's been real growth ismade.
Scott (17:59):
Absolutely.
So Scare Your Soul has this kindof interesting ecosystem of, you
know, I'm kind of behind thescenes creating challenges for
people and urging them on andputting out, content and sharing
aspects of my life that are veryvulnerable and very real as I'm
out there leading life andtrying to be courageous in my
own way.
(18:20):
Ambassadors are in variouscommunities that are doing our
challenges and sharing them onsocial media and sharing them
with their friends.
And then there's this wholesense of a larger community of
people that.
Follow us on social media thatsubscribe to our newsletter, who
will buy the book, who are justas important to the process as
(18:43):
anybody.
Because when we're doing this,and I know this is a little new
agey so bear with me, but Ireally believe that if we start
making changes in our own lives,that it doesn't just benefit us.
That when we get more courageousand we get happier and we get
more fufilled our loved onesfeel it, it impacts them, and
(19:06):
then that makes them morecourageous and happier.
And then you're really creatingripples of things that are
countering the kind of fear.
And polarization that exists inthe world right now.
We all know kind of coming offof a pandemic and in a charged
political environment thatthings feel fearful, they feel
(19:28):
unknown, they feel chaotic, andI really believe that we almost
have magic in a bottle with.
Taking actions that lead togoodness, that lead to
connection, that lead to honestyand, authenticity.
That ripples outwards because itreally touches other people's
lives and they get inspired.
And that means we're reallycreating worldwide change.
Ashley (19:51):
I think that positivity just is healing, and I think
when we go and revisit thethings that we thought meant
something about us, it's likenot only does it heal
generationally within our ownfamily, but it's like if you've
ever walked into even theoffice, say at work and
somebody's having a bad day,like you can feel that sometimes
(20:12):
without anybody even sayinganything.
I do think that the opposite istrue as well, that if you are
having a fantastic day or youare spreading kindness or
positivity or however you wannaphrase it, I feel like people
realize that too.
And when they can see that thatbehavior is consistent, then
they're like, What is thatperson doing that I'm not doing?
And it kind of gives thempermission to wanna take that
(20:34):
chance as well.
Scott (20:36):
Absolutely.
I got a phone call at one pointfrom one of our ambassadors who
said something that just blew meaway.
She called me and said that shehad a Scare your soul baby.
Now I have in that moment, I wasshocked.
I didn't know what that meant.
I was curious and intrigued, youknow, what could that possibly
(20:57):
mean?
I have a Scare Your soul baby.
So she told me that one of ourchallenges a number of years ago
was to have a toughconversation.
I'm a big fan of the concept ofhaving a tough conversation
because.
We all know that we have themand we need to have more of
them.
There are people in our livesthat we're not sharing some
(21:19):
truth with and those kind oftough conversations, are classic
for people to kind of shoveunder the rug and it leads to
things just.
Being stifled and there beconfusion and complexity in
relationships.
So I put out a challenge forpeople to have one tough
conversation over the course ofa week.
Well, our ambassador, who livesin California just thought about
(21:41):
it and decided to have a toughconversation with her then
husband.
They had been in marital therapytogether, and it just wasn't
working.
She was afraid to tell'em, but.
She got up the courage and said,Listen, I want to talk to you
about this and, this just isn'tworking.
He said to her, I agree.
(22:02):
You've read my mind.
It just isn't working.
They parted ways and it wasn'teasy.
It was hard.
And to get some solace and somesupport, she reconnected with
some old friends.
One of them was her oldboyfriend from high school who
had just moved back to LongBeach where she lives.
They rekindled their romance,they got married and now they
(22:26):
have a baby.
That experience you.
Is a direct result of having atough conversation.
These things sometimes seemsimple and we think, Oh yeah, I
can have a tough conversation.
And we don't realize sometimeswhat the outcome of those things
can be.
I'm just one of the luckiestpeople on the earth that I get
to help develop these, put themout into the world and have
(22:50):
people all around the worldparticipate and hopefully lead
better lives and more fulfillinglives because of it.
Ashley (22:57):
I just get chills thinking about that cuz it's
like we really do get stuck inthe avoidance or we kind of
almost gaslight ourselves intothinking that we should just
stay in our comfort zone andsometimes really that magic and
that life changing can be afterjust having a tough conversation
or making a choice or facingyour fears, that it must be
amazing to be able to have theopportunity to just be able to
(23:18):
hear everybody's.
Other side of fear stories thatI think what a fantastic.
Life to be able to have that allthe time.
Scott (23:28):
It's honestly the most unintended benefit of singing in
front of a busy restaurant on aSunday morning.
I mean, who would've thoughtthat a silly action that made
people laugh.
And there was a young kid whokept on throwing dollar bills
into my guitar case.
I mean, that one experience ledto.
(23:50):
A life where I get to hear frompeople around the world that are
doing things big and small thatare changing.
So I get this beautiful, kind ofoverview of this kind of
goodness that is happeningaround the world.
I chose the book to ask 13people to basically tell their
(24:12):
own story in their own words.
So in addition to all of thewriting prompts and the
challenges and the stories andthere's some science around how
fear, works in our bodies andour brains, there are these
other stories.
That are told very beautifullyby 13 people in their own words
that kind of light up the book.
(24:33):
They're so inspiring and I thinkthe reason that they're so
inspiring isn't that thesearen't people who, quit their
jobs and moved across the world.
These are people who did smallacts that basically changed the
course of their lives.
I'm so proud of them and I'm soproud that those stories are in
(24:54):
the book.
I hope that they just encouragepeople on to, you know, to take
those small actions and to dothe kind of things in life that
are just beyond that bubble thatwe create around ourselves to
keep ourselves safe and keepourselves, in check and keep
ourselves in control.
(25:15):
and if we can just loosen thatand embrace a sense of the
unknown, as you said earlier, asense of possibility, A sense
of, I call it healthy anxiety,like I want to live my life with
butterflies in my stomach.
I really do, because if I havebutterflies in my stomach, I'm
at my edge.
I'm pushing in all of the waysthat are gonna open things up
(25:39):
for me..
I have to say, it doesn't alwayswork out.
You know, there are times thatwe fail and there are times that
that things don't go well.
And we try things and they don'twork and I think, there's a
whole chapter in my book that'scalled Screwing Up Is Sexy.
It's really embracing thereality that the more we push
(25:59):
and the more we grow, the morewe're going to fail.
It's just part of the process.
But if we can kind of adopt thatas a success mantra, that that
screwing up and failing and nothitting a mark is actually a
great thing, then we're reallygonna be out there and pushing
ourselves in all kinds of waysthat are gonna lead towards
(26:21):
growth and connection..
Ashley (26:23):
I think a lot of the times people have the wrong idea
about failure.
It's sort of a failure as a endall be all, but sometimes it's a
pivot and sometimes it's a, Itried it, it didn't work, but
now I'm gonna try somethingelse.
Or it kind of eliminates thewhat if of the situation.
And I think sometimes the regretof not trying can be bigger than
(26:44):
the failure of trying.
Scott (26:46):
I think that's absolutely right.
And by the way, sometimes themost courageous thing we can do
is are the things where we kindof say no to something.
I would never counsel thateverything that scares your soul
about is taking action and doingsomething because sometimes the
most courageous thing isactually stepping back.
It's focusing on self care.
(27:08):
It's focusing on.
Taking care of those that areclosest to us instead of, you
know, the masses.
It's getting sleep.
It's leaving a relationshipthat's toxic or not serving us,
versus launching ourselvesdeeper into it.
So, you know, courage is afascinating topic and it's one
that I work in it obviouslyevery single day, and I hear
(27:30):
about it and I coach on it.
It is something that isdifferent in every person's
life.
It is not cookie cutter.
We talk about this, in the bookand certainly in Scare Your
Soul, that there are momentswhere we can take a step back.
I have a, something in the book,which I call the latter, which
is this multi-step way ofreally, labeling a fear,
(27:53):
actually writing it down,accepting that it's real.
Taking the energy out of it bykind of asking ourselves, do I
need this in my life?
Is this a fear that's really,protecting us?
Then, there's this sense of kindof determination.
Is this something that I canactually do it?
Could this have a possibly goodoutcome?
Then, you know, the e is takingeffort, actually actually taking
(28:16):
action.
Then almost the most importantstep after we do it is what I
call rewriting and rewiring.
So when we tackle something thatwe're afraid of, whether it was
a past trauma in our lives, orit's something you know, that
we're really pushing ourselvesno matter what the outcome is,
to be able to step back and say,I did this.
(28:40):
I took action in my own life.
And this is what happened.
I'm really, really proud ofmyself regardless of the
outcome.
And that sense of rewriting andrewiring actually, changes the
neuro pathways in our brain.
There's so much, information outnow on neuroplasticity and the
malleability of our brains, and,there's a real opportunity here
(29:02):
to tackle things in our lives.
Pay attention to them.
Do them and then sit with themand really be brave and really
be honest with ourselves andreally be proud of ourselves
that we did it.
And so all of this is a reallyexciting way to lead our lives
and who wouldn't wanna leadtheir lives with more excitement
(29:23):
and more adventure and morecourage.
Ashley (29:25):
Absolutely.
One thing that you had kind oftouched on before too was
sometimes people aren't aware oftheir fears or they don't know
where maybe the first step oftheir journey should be.
How would you recommend peopleget started in that sense?
Scott (29:43):
Sure.
So.
Firstly I don't mean to plug ourwebsite, at scareyoursoul.com we
have challenges that are alreadyon the website that are easy to
do, they're actionable and theyfall into the seven areas that
we've identified are kind oflike the critical areas.
One is gratitude, one isadventure.
(30:05):
There's energy.
Curiosity, awe, forgiveness, andwork.
So one can easily go and forfree, check out one of those
challenges.
We actually have a quiz on thewebsite which allows you to
answer seven questions, and atthe end of it, it'll give you
one area of courage where youcan basically launch yourself.
(30:30):
So that's one suggestion that Iwould have.
But there are also really smallkind of actionable things.
I think our classic Scare Yoursoul challenge is the next time
you're at a coffee shop is tojust look to the person behind
you and say, Can I buy you a cupof coffee And you'd be shocked
(30:53):
at how hard it is for both meand for many, many other people
to actually do that.
You're putting yourself in aposition where you just don't
know what's going to happen.
9.9 times out of 10.
it is a wonderful experiencewhere you push your comfort
zone, you put yourself into alittle bit of positive anxiety,
(31:15):
healthy anxiety, and you meetsomebody and have a conversation
with somebody that you neverwould've met before.
So there are real smallactionable steps that people can
take.
I guess the other part is toreally start to slow down.
To slow down and to listen toyour body.
Listen to your mind and whatyour mind is telling you, and as
(31:39):
you're spending your day to seewhere the resistance is, to see
where you feel like you arepulling back.
and at the beginning, notnecessarily to do anything about
it, but just to pay attention toit and then to sit with it and
say, Is this pulling back, thisfeeling that I have, that I'm
editing my life in some way?
(32:01):
Is this an area where I canactually take a step forward?
That's that first step.
I guarantee you, I've seen thishappen in hundreds of lives now.
It is that first step to use themetaphor of the engineer who
wants to learn how to swim, youknow, dipping that toe in the
water that first time, thatgives you the sense of, you know
what I can do.
(32:23):
I can do this.
This is my thing and I did it.
And that really changes yourself-conception over time from
somebody who is doing courageousthings to actually being a
courageous person, just leadinglife like that pivot, that shift
from somebody who is choosingthese courageous acts to someone
(32:44):
who is just courageously leadingtheir life to me is where.
We all need to be.
that's where we really start tosee gains in innovation and
creativity and relationships.
I tell a wonderful story in thebook about an experience I had.
With a stranger asking them 36questions.
(33:06):
Arthur Aaron's 36 questions andreally getting deep with someone
that I didn't know well.
Those kind of steps that we takereally, really create the
wonderful, wonderfulrelationships and, opportunities
in our lives.
Ashley (33:19):
There's so much reward or there's so much really hidden
treasures.
Between the stories of peoplethat, again, we kind of get busy
or we get into this shyness, orwe just don't wanna put
ourselves out there that it'slike a lot of the times I feel
like we miss the opportunity totalk to somebody that we
normally wouldn't or think tostart that conversation standing
(33:43):
in a line at a coffee shop or.
in whoever's listening in yourindividual life.
But I just feel like there issuch magic in that human
connection.
And there is so many rewards ofmeeting new people.
Scott (33:58):
That's right.
The pandemic is part of thisequation.
This sense that we don't knowwhat's gonna happen when we
connect with somebody or we trysomething new, trying a new
exercise class, I have a wholesection in the book.
One of our ambassadors is a coldshower expert.
Yes, there actually is a personwho is a cold shower expert and
(34:19):
he has written a book on coldshowers.
That's how much of an expert heis.
You know, you don't know whatthat experience is gonna feel
like until you actually do it.
There's this sense, what I loveabout that particular challenge,
and I think it's so emblematicof the work that we do, is the
worst part about it is theactual thinking of it
beforehand, the worrying aboutit.
The projecting, the sense of, Ohmy God, I have to do that today.
(34:42):
I promised myself, or I promisedmy accountability partner that I
was going to, take a cold showertoday.
The reality is that when weactually do it, is there a jolt
to the system?
Yes, of course there is.
Is there a feeling like youwanna, jump out of your skin and
jump outta your shower?
Of course there is.
But the truth is, after 10seconds and you turn off the
(35:04):
water, you feel so great.
You feel energized, you feelproud of yourself.
It's so emblematic of the workthat we do because so much of
what we don't do is that worry,that projection about what could
happen, and it limits us fromactually just taking action and
participating in.
(35:24):
The beautiful impossibility inthat moment.
So much of the work that we do,again, on the surface, very
simple, very small, veryactionable.
But when you start stringingthese things together, And you
do it with people in your lifethat care about you or you do it
within a community like scareyour soul.
(35:45):
You start to really crave, I usethe term fear chaser in the book
as the way of finding things inour lives that push us and
actually, you know, being almostlike magnetized towards them.
That really is kind of, again, Ithink the magic of what we do.
Ashley (36:05):
I really love the idea of fear chasing cuz I think too
many times we do try to do theopposite and I do love the idea
of looking for those thingsthat, give us butterflies and
give us positive anxiety to makethose changes.
Cuz I think too many times too,we don't look for something to
be exciting.
We kind of get so used to beingin like the dull comfort zone of
(36:27):
things that it's like, we don'tthink of, Hey, what would give
me butterflies?
I really do love all of thoseteeny tiny, small changes that
really do become a overhaul ofyourself once you've kind of
gotten to the other side of that
Scott (36:43):
The next step, which I think is almost equally
beautiful, is you startinspiring other people that not
only are you, benefiting fromthis new life, this all of the
benefits that come from this newlife that you're creating for
yourself, but just think aboutthose people in your life that
(37:04):
you feel like push themselves,They don't lead a life of no
fear, but they embrace it.
They're inspiring.
The more that we do that, and Italk in the book about
parenting, we talk about allkinds of things where we, get
out of that comfort zone wherewe're worried about failure,
worried about what people aregonna think of us, we're worried
(37:25):
about rejection.
All of those things become partof a process where we say, you
know, I'm not gonna listen toyou right now.
I'm not gonna listen to thatfear.
I'm going to push through it,and then whether you know it or
not, and I feel this way verymuch as a parent, your children
are watching, that's abeautiful, beautiful thing that
(37:48):
when your kids, or your niecesand nephews or, your
grandchildren, if you havegrandchildren, that they're
watching and learning when youstand up for truth.
They're learning.
When you are courageouslyputting yourself in a situation
where you're standing up forsomebody, when you are confident
and authentic and have toughconversations, they know that
(38:09):
they can too.
And in my mind, what a beautifulway to parent or grandparent or
be an an aunt or an uncle.
It's not about telling, it'sabout leading your life in a way
that inspires others to do thesame.
And that to me is really the,beautiful benefit of leading a
(38:30):
courageous life.
Ashley (38:31):
It is so true because especially like I have a 15 year
old daughter, you can tell yourkids whatever you like, but it
really is your actions that theylearn from.
It is something that you have tomirror the behavior that you
wanna see or that you wannainspire them to be like.
Scott (38:49):
I think again, one of the real beauties of this work is
it's not cookie cutter.
Your parenting of your 15 yearold is so unique.
So courage to you may be verydifferent as a parent than it is
to me.
But the beautiful thing is I canbe inspired by yours and you can
be inspired by mine.
(39:11):
It's not exclusive, it'sadditive.
What we want to teach ourchildren are the exact qualities
that courage exemplifies if youthink about it, right?
Courage leads us to honesty.
It leads us to integrity.
It leads us to leading a lifewhere we are upstanding up for
somebody else, right?
We're taking care of otherpeople.
(39:33):
All of those things are lessonsthat we want to teach those
around us in our lives.
And what better way to do itthan just to live it and to live
it fully and to live ithonestly, and to live it in full
bloom.
Ashley (39:47):
I definitely agree with what you're saying.
You had mentioned that you hadsort of an epiphany on a plane.
Can you tell us sort of whatyour epiphany was and how that
happened?
Scott (40:00):
Sure.
So as I mentioned, and, I'm suremany of your listeners will
identify with this, I did growup very shy.
High school to me was a lonely.
Challenging, sad experience.
I had to change high schools.
I had for many times in my lifeI had no friends and I remember
(40:21):
eating alone at cafeteriatables.
I had that childhood.
It is part of me.
I graduated from college.
I did not have a job.
I had an English degree and Ireally was at my wits end
somebody out of the incrediblegrace offered me a job overseas
(40:42):
teaching English to Holocaustsurvivors, and I accepted it.
It was non-paying and I had tomove to a new country where I
didn't know the language.
Everything about it seemed scaryand I accepted it really because
I felt like I had no choice.
I had nothing else in my life.
So I took the opportunity and Ipacked up a bag and got on an
(41:08):
airplane and I sat in my seat Ibasically had a panic attack.
All of my.
Fears seemed like they weretaking over.
I couldn't imagine how I wasgoing to do this to go to
another country and to speak tonew people and to lead a new
life that I couldn't imagine.
The plane took off and the panicgot worse, and I was sweating
(41:31):
and my stomach was in knots.
I had bought a little spiralnotebook at JFK as I was waiting
for my plane to leave.
I literally pulled out thespiral notebook and put it on
the tray table in front of me.
I pulled out a pen, and almostunconsciously, I don't know
where it came from, I wrote downone phrase and the phrase was,
(41:56):
Do one thing every day thatscares you.
I sat and I looked at this eightwords, and I.
Realized that for the next year,that's what I had to do, that I
couldn't lead this life anymore.
I couldn't lead in invisiblelife anymore.
I couldn't lead a life feelingfearful and anxious.
(42:20):
I couldn't do it anymore.
And my way of dealing with thatin that moment was to commit to
myself that every day for thenext year.
I would do one thing that scaredme, one thing that pushed my
comfort zone in some way, andthat's exactly what I did.
Every time I did something, Irecorded it in my spiral
(42:40):
notebook and that year changedmy life and I came back to the
states on fire.
I have been a fear chaser eversince.
I have given a TEDx talk infront.
700 people and the internetforever.
I have created a happinessincubator with a good friend
where I married a couple in themiddle of a bar and we ran
(43:03):
parades through officebuildings.
I've done some of the craziest,most outlandish things that
pushed my comfort zone andsinging, of course, in front of
a restaurant being the mostcritical one to me because it
unlocked so much for me.
But that epiphany on theairplane was really about taking
power back in my life.
That I wasn't going to be silentanymore.
(43:25):
For me, doing one thing everyday that scared me, unlocked
everything.
It was the key that has led nowto the second half of my life.
Ashley (43:36):
I love that a moment like that really can have almost
like such a big wave that Ilove.
You know that calming voice inyou was kind of like, it has to
be this and that.
All of the positive things endedup changing afterwards, and that
you don't feel like you're theexact same person that was then
(43:56):
the person that, you know, youfelt like your voice wasn't
valuable or you felt like youhad to be quiet or all of these
different things that I reallylove that you had that epiphany.
I actually follow somebody onInstagram.
Her name is Alicia McCarvell shehad sort of a similar epiphany
and it made me think of itbecause of the spiral notebook,
(44:18):
so she.
Is a plus size person and herhusband is very stereotypically
attractive and a lot of peoplewill hate on them because she's
in the body type that she is andhe's in the body type that he
is.
She grabbed a spiral notebookand started writing down things
that she loved about herselfthat had nothing to do with the
body.
(44:38):
And when she got to the end ofher notebook, She had a
completely different outlook.
So I just love the fact that itcan be so simple as writing in a
notebook and it can change yourwhole life.
Scott (44:49):
It, it's really true.
So many of us look for thesebig, grand things and we wait
for them.
So many times we put our liveson hold.
because, well, I can't do thatuntil I get that promotion, or I
can't do that until, I'm in anew relationship or in a
relationship or out of thisrelationship, or I'll start
(45:09):
training for a marathon when Ihave time.
It's really about those smallsteps I happen to think, so I
have a gratitude practice everynight I share five gratitudes.
With somebody.
We've been doing it for sevenyears now, every single night
for seven years, and I firmlybelieve in the power of small
actions every single day.
(45:30):
I look for things to be gratefulfor.
It's not like I have a huge loadof gratitude one day a year.
It's not like on Thanksgiving Iget my years full of gratitude
and then I'm done.
It is small actions.
It's every night writing downfive things that I'm gonna send
to Carly, my gratitude partner.
That's where the power is.
(45:51):
So if we can do that withcourage in our lives, just think
about the possibilities.
Just think about the new ideas,the new relationships, the new
knowledge that will gain.
And yes, there will be missteps.
Yes, there will be stumbles, butwho doesn't wanna lead a life
where?
(46:11):
You go flat out and you, and youput yourself out in every
possible way that you can, thatwill lead to, at the end of the
day when you look back and say,Gosh, I didn't leave anything
out there.
You know, I tried it all and itdidn't always work, but, I tried
it and I pushed through thatfear that told me to stay safe
(46:34):
and stay comfortable and stay ina rut and stay acceptable to
everyone around me and toeveryone on Instagram.
Forget that this isn't aboutbeing acceptable.
This is about living your lifein every possible way that you
can.
And in my view, it's about smallacts of courage that lead to
(46:54):
those big changes.
Ashley (46:56):
Well, it really, it sounds cliche, but the small
things really do become the bigthings when you look back on
them.
So I do love the fact that yourmovement really encourages
people to look at.
That way.
Now, I know that it started kindof a small thing on social
media.
It's grown.
Like you said, you've done TedTalks, you have the book coming
(47:16):
out.
What is next for you,
Scott (47:21):
Honestly, I just want to continue doing this more and
more.
This is the most fulfilling workthat I can do, helping other
people.
Not that I have the knowledge orthat I have the playbook and
they don't have it.
They actually do have theplaybook.
I'm just there to help maybemotivate and inspire to help
(47:42):
create a community that willsupport them as they do their
work and as they lead theirlife.
I talk to groups, I talk toteenagers, I talk to
corporations.
I did a wonderful talk at a,luxury hotel where everyone on
staff was meeting with me fromall aspects of the hotel.
I think the most powerful momentwas somebody from the room,
(48:04):
service staff who shared that hewas an artist.
His work did not define him and.
His greatest kind of fear wasaround sharing his art with
others.
I encouraged him in front ofeverybody cuz it was a very
supportive environment to make acouple calls.
(48:25):
And the next time I saw him, hehad his art hanging in the front
of a local gallery.
Ashley (48:32):
Oh, I love that.
Scott (48:34):
You know, this is the best work that one can get.
My view is if I can just behelpful to others I do have you
know, personal coaching clientsand I love working with
individuals and I love workingthrough Scare Your Soul.
On our social media, we have aweekly newsletter where we
share.
I share my stories and I share aweekly challenge with people.
(48:55):
So all of it for me is exactlywhere I want to be.
And, frankly, it challenges meevery day.
I'm not in my comfort bubble.
I'm outside of my comfort zoneasking others to come join me,
and that's exactly where I wannabe.
Ashley (49:11):
Which is fantastic.
I love that you are buildingthis community and this movement
that will just continue tospread.
If people are looking for youonline, where can they find you?
Scott (49:22):
Sure.
So very easily atscareyoursoul.com.
There's information, as Imentioned, there's a, great
quiz.
There are all kinds of freeresources.
They can learn about the bookwhich is, I think going to
really hopefully be somethingthat's really meaningful to
people.
And then on Instagram, they canfind us at@ScareYourSoul.
So I encourage people to followus, to sign up for the
(49:43):
newsletter.
And just be part of ourcommunity and to, begin taking
those small steps that willilluminate their path.
Ashley (49:51):
I really appreciate you having this conversation today
with me, Scott.
Scott (49:56):
Thank you so much.
It's been such a pleasure.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday for this episode of The
Filled Up Cup podcast.
Don't forget to hit subscribeand leave a review.
If you like what you hear.
You can also connect withus@buildupcup.com.
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll catch you in the next
(50:17):
episode.
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