August 2, 2023 • 37 mins
On this episode, I am joined by Kristen MacDonald, a former educational assistant from Port Coquitlam, whose pursuit of a side hustle to provide for herself and her family led to an unexpected and transformative journey.
As we follow Kristen's journey, we'll explore the impact of modern-day social media on personal expression and privacy. The clash between her online presence and her role as an educational assistant led to unforeseen consequences, as her employer learned about her OnlyFans account and decided to terminate her position. We'll delve into the complexities of personal freedom versus professional responsibilities, sparking important conversations about how we define our identities in the digital age.
We discuss the existing stigmas surrounding sex work and discuss the importance of supporting individuals' autonomy and self-expression, regardless of their chosen profession.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Filled Up Cuppodcast.
We are a different kind ofself-care resource.
One that has nothing to do withbubble baths and face masks, and
everything to do withrediscovering yourself.
We bring you real reviews,honest experiences, and
unfiltered opinions that willmake you laugh, cry, and most
(00:21):
importantly, leave you with afilled up cup.
Ashley (00:32):
I am really excited today.
I have Kristen McDonald joiningme.
Kristen worked as an ea, aneducational assistant at a
secondary school here in bc.
They found out that she had anonly fans account and then
terminated her position.
Thank you so much for joining metoday.
Kristin (00:49):
Thank you for having me.
Ashley (00:51):
I know that there is a lawsuit or legal matters kind of
in play here, so please let meknow if there i s anything that
I bring up that can't be talkedabout today but can you give us
a little bit of background aboutthis situation and kind of how
we got here?
Kristin (01:08):
Yeah, most definitely.
So basically I've been onmedical leave due to a back
issue.
Well, I was on medical leave,pardon me.
For a back issue that's beenongoing.
So I actually had a second backsurgery April 24th, and I was
recovering from that.
(01:29):
And on April 28th I received aceast and desist.
Email basically telling me thatI needed to shut down all my Ava
James social media accounts andthat I was to wait for further
instruction from the district asfar as you know, when the
(01:52):
investigation meeting would takeplace in regards to my off-duty
conduct.
Ashley (01:58):
Which must have been like an out of the blue kinda
email to get to.
That must have been reallystressful.
Kristin (02:04):
It was very out of the blue.
Like I said, I was you know, Iwas recovering from back surgery
and it was stressful.
I woke up to a text messagesaying that I needed to call my
union rep and all this kind ofthing.
And actually initially there wasanother union president that was
(02:26):
I guess in charge.
So they were in the process ofswitching over to the president
that we have now.
But she had one more day andbasically I spoke to her first
and she was like, well, you knowyou could just resign.
And go and work somewhere else.
Ashley (02:45):
Which is a really unfortunate thing to tell
somebody.
It's like, oh, you could justquit this job that you had
worked for because there iseducation and costs involved
with becoming an EA.
It's not something where youwould have no skill-set and just
be able to apply.
Kristin (03:00):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I mean, I'm paying off a studentloan from.
The education that it takes tobecome an education assistant.
I'm sure everybody's heard thepainfully low wage that we get
as an EA.
Ashley (03:15):
For anybody who might be unaware, what was your actual
take home after taxes?
Say biweekly?
Kristin (03:23):
Yeah, so biweekly.
It was anywhere from.
I would say on a very, high end,which didn't happen very often,
like 1200 and then sometimes,$800, it would kind of stagger.
We would get one higherpaycheck, which would be like
anywhere from a thousand to,like I said, 1200, maybe 1300.
(03:46):
And then the other one would belower because our benefits would
be deducted.
Ashley (03:51):
Which for anybody who isn't in the lower mainland or
the BC area that's listening tothis, on average, if you aren't
a homeowner and you're renting.
If you're lucky, your rent isunder$3,000 per month.
I live in a household with threepeople.
We spend about 600 bucks a monthon groceries.
I think gas was like 1 67 thisweekend.
(04:14):
Yep.
It's just the cost of livinghere is so ridiculous.
Our car insurance is basicallyone company, so I know my car is
16 years old.
I pay more than I do in my rentpayment for my car insurance.
When you add up and looking at$1,200 isn't really that much.
The cost of living here reallyexceeds a lot of these 20,$30 an
(04:37):
hour jobs, especially whenminimum wage starts at$16.
You can't just have one jobanymore and be able to pay all
of your bills successfully likethat.
That idea of living just doesn'texist here.
Kristin (04:50):
No, it's true.
I mean, I do believe that, theeducation system when you look
at, you know, teachers, theymake at least a livable wage.
Some might argue me on that, butI think that education
assistants do need to make moreof
Ashley (05:09):
Absolutely.
Kristin (05:11):
Especially because they are in such need too.
Right?
Ashley (05:13):
There's a major shortage.
How long had you been an ea?
Kristin (05:18):
I was coming up on eight years.
My younger brother's autistic,so I grew up, kind of.
Watching over him and helpinghim out.
And just always felt comfortablein the position of helping
people with special needs.
So it was something I was verypassionate about and was close
(05:39):
to my heart.
So that's kind of what got meinto it from the get go.
Ashley (05:44):
Eight years of doing something, like, I think a lot
of people don't understand that,depending on the situation or
depending on the student, it canbe a very physically demanding
job.
It can be a very stressful, itcan be a very high pressure.
Kristin (05:57):
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Ashley (05:58):
To be able to, dedicate eight years of service
especially in an industry whereif we were to let one person go,
there's not like we have anotherperson to hire them right away,
like, Yeah, no, definitely thatit's, really noble career to go
into and to be able to dedicateto that.
So I think that that's somethingthat, a lot of people really
(06:20):
need to pause and really thinkabout that.
Could they do what you do?
Cuz I don't know that a lot ofpeople would have the patience
for it.
Kristin (06:27):
A lot of people don't realize, you know, we do
diabetic testing, we dotoileting.
A lot of the students I'veworked with are violent or they
run away, and those are allthings that we have to dodge and
we have to build relationshipswith our students so we can have
more important dialogue withthem and have that trust built.
So it certainly, it goes farbeyond the classroom.
(06:51):
It can be quite complicated andquite a challenging job.
But it can also be veryrewarding at the same time.
Ashley (06:58):
Were you at the same school the whole eight years or
were you in different schools?
Kristin (07:03):
No, because my daughter was young like I started and
then I worked for a couple yearsand then I went on mat leave and
when I came back I actually, Istayed as a casual for a bit
because I wanted a little moreflexibility with my daughter
Ashley (07:17):
for sure.
I know for a lot of parents,especially with neuro divergent
children, that.
an EA is really that realconnection to their kids during
the day.
And having somebody who canprovide like consistency or for
the ones that are in elementaryschool, like the ones that are
able to go from primary tointermediate until completion
(07:37):
with them, or same withinsecondary school.
Cuz more times than not, correctme if I'm wrong, you are with
the same students for a longerduration if you are permanent in
the school.
Kristin (07:48):
Yeah, I mean, you definitely see the same students
throughout your day I was in ahigh school, so we would kind of
be split up based on blocks.
So usually we'd have a differentstudent for each block.
But then again, would see thatstudent every day,
Ashley (08:05):
Which I guess would be another hard part about having
to step away from it.
Now, when you were thinkingabout the fact that you were
only making a certain amounteach month and you were thinking
of side things that you coulddo, what made you decide to do
only fans?
Kristin (08:22):
For me, one of the biggest draws to only fans was
the ability to do it for my homeand still be able to be with my
daughter, you know, not havingto get outside childcare or
leave my family home in order tomake money.
A lot of people don't realize,like the only fans platform
(08:44):
itself, it's like, you can kindof do the work whenever upload
it to the the platform and thenkind of leave it alone.
You don't necessarily have to bethere 24 7 to make profits.
So for me that was one of thebiggest.
Draws to doing it,
Ashley (09:05):
which, fair enough.
I think that it is one of thosethings that we do wanna make.
You know, not easy money becausethere is still a lot of work in
any kind of content creation,but it's like for sure to be
able to have that, you know,whether I'm dedicating eight
hours and I'm shooting all mycontent for a month, or I'm, you
know, pre-planning what it'sgonna be.
(09:25):
It's not having to do, you know,like you had talked about that
labor of being away from ourfamilies or having to, rent an
office space or having to buy akit and sell goods, like some of
the MLMs or something.
It is something where you cankind of do and not necessarily
have to have it take up a lot ofyour time.
Kristin (09:44):
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, I'm not gonna lieeither.
Like, I enjoy only fans.
I do it's fun.
I enjoy taking the saucy photos.
I'm not gonna deny that aspectof it either.
Ashley (09:59):
no, I don't think that you should, and I don't think
that there's anything wrong orshameful.
I think that, the idea of, nakedphotos or sex work or whatever
we wanna call it, I think it'sso stigmatized, unfairly and
unnecessarily that it's like,I'm happy that you're enjoying
what you're doing.
Like if you are gonna do anysort of side job, it's like you
(10:20):
wanna do something that you likeand that is successful and
something that you know you'regood at and is profitable.
You don't wanna have to do in ajob that you know is stressful
and hard during the day and thenhave to do something else that
you don't really enjoy.
Just for the fact that you wannamake money in the evening.
Kristin (10:37):
I think that's very true and I think, what you said
about it being, highlystigmatized and, shameful I
really kinda, I really dove intothat and thought about, well,
why is it so stigmatized andshameful?
And, and I'd love to hear yourthoughts on it, but like, what I
came up with was basically, I.
(10:59):
You know, back in the day,Playboy, penthouse, all those
big name magazines women werebeing exploited and the man was
profiting.
I think that, was kind of thenarrative was women were being
demeaned and they were beingused so, Here we are now.
(11:24):
And I give a lot of props toonly fans in the platform itself
for kind of, you know, theevolution of sex work.
So we're in a position now wherewomen are in the forefront.
We're in control of the contentwe put out.
And we are the ones profitingoff of, What we want to do, I
always say, you have yourboundaries and you stick within
(11:46):
them.
I think that only fans is reallybrought, like I said, the
evolution of sex work forward ina positive direction.
I think that if people actually.
Understood the facts, understoodthe platform that the actual,
like shamefulness of it a lot ofit could be washed away.
Ashley (12:07):
I definitely agree with that.
I think that there is anoutdated idea, like you had
touched on of that it's theseabused, uneducated girls that
are forced into having to doporn or having to take pictures.
Yes.
And there's this creepyphotographer and then basically
like a network, whether it'sPornHub or whether it is like
(12:28):
Hustler or Playboy that arereally profiting off of it.
And then the girls are stuckwith.
Bare minimum.
Mm-hmm.
Where for anybody who doesn'tknow, only fans is essentially
like Instagram, but it'ssubscription based.
So you could search differentpeople.
And can you search like via likeniche or is it more just
usernames?
Kristin (12:47):
You know what, that's a good question.
I'm not too sure about that.
Ashley (12:51):
No worries.
The idea though, that you'researching these individuals, and
I'm sure that there's companieson there as well, but for the
most part it's like person toperson.
Then you can basically subscribeto their content.
They can DM and ask for moreniche or individual things, and
you can kind of create abusiness transaction that's more
of like a personal, I guess,than.
(13:13):
Going on some generic website,but you are, it's more, it's
small.
A personal connection.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's essentially like the,it's like the Etsy version of
porn, essentially because you'rereally supporting a small
business or you're supporting afamily, it's not necessarily
that you're supporting, thisbillionaire that really isn't
gonna pay its workers fairly.
It does give absolutely theright to say, Hey, I'll take
(13:35):
this picture, or I'll performthis act.
But I'm not gonna do that.
I think so many women,especially during the pandemic,
had to take on double, like themental, capacity of having to do
a household, having to work ajob, having to homeschool,
having to do all of thesethings.
And I think only fans gave themthe opportunity.
(13:56):
Kind of like what you had talkedabout where maybe I'm not.
Able to work this nine to fivejob or maybe for whatever
reason, you know, a situation'schanged.
There was one lady, I can'tremember where she was, but she
was essentially just taking likebaking videos and she was baking
half naked.
I think she ended up makingsomething like a hundred
thousand dollars pretty much amonth during the pandemic that
(14:20):
it's like for a lot of people,You're never gonna make that
much money in a differentindustry.
Like you're just not, unless youwere to get a PhD and, you know,
pay for all of this education,which the cost of education is
so unattainable rather for somany people that it, it really
gives women the power to be ableto make additional money while
they're doing what they wannado.
Kristin (14:43):
I think one of the things I'd like to add to what
you said, I think it's verypoignant, but only fans is a
consent based platform.
Love that.
they are very much about youknow, as a content creator, if I
have anybody else in a video ora picture, they need to give
consent.
I think, if you look at theother.
(15:04):
Porn sites, only fans isactually the ethical way to view
porn, in my opinion.
So I think that's a really, areally crucial point.
Another thing that you touchedon was, The stigma behind, the,
let's say, porn stars of onlyfans is yeah, that we're broken,
(15:25):
uneducated we have some deep,deep need for validation or
whatever, like we're exploitingour own body.
I think that's.
Something that needs to be putto rests as well.
I think I've been pretty vocalabout, saying out loud like, I
love my body.
I'm really happy with it.
(15:45):
I think that the female body ingeneral is amazing.
We make humans, you know?
Right.
I think that.
The more I kind of get involvedin the industry of only fans,
the more I'm impressed by thewomen behind the camera.
There are lots of highlyeducated women that are super
(16:08):
well spoken and they have theseamazing lives because of being a
content creator for only fans.
They travel and they.
Go on yoga retreats and thefreedom is crazy.
It's wonderful.
And I just, yeah, I think partof my reasons for speaking out
(16:30):
was to hopefully shine a lighton the fact that there are women
out there that are well spokenand educated and also.
Do sex work and enjoy it and arenot ashamed,
Ashley (16:46):
which I think is really important because I think the
old outdated model has to go andpeople are.
One, either just need to mindtheir business.
If they don't like it, don'tlook at it.
But for everybody else to beless judgmental.
And the one thing that I wouldsay to about only fans compared
to traditional porn sites isthat on traditional porn sites,
(17:06):
you get this.
Almost unrealistic version ofbody types.
Thank you.
Yeah.
What people actually look like,and I know for say younger
people, teenagers, like I knowthat they're not supposed to
look at porn, but with a devicein their hand.
I think coming from like a momof a teenager yeah, I think it
is highly unlikely that they'renot.
(17:28):
So for sure, I think that youngmen and women both get this idea
that, you know, that's what myvagina's supposed to look like,
or if my penis isn't this size,like I can't, whatever.
Absolutely.
Or like, how about act ingeneral?
Yes, absolutely.
Like, you know, like so manypeople can orgasm three minutes
in.
Like it just doesn't necessarilywork and look like that.
Kristin (17:48):
Oh, totally.
Totally.
I mean, and yeah, men arelasting for like 45 minutes and
like, yes.
It's totally unrealistic.
I agree.
And certainly in interviews thatI've had, people are like, oh,
do you produce porn?
And I'm like, well, no, it's notlike PornHub because it's just
not like, yeah.
They're not highly producedvideos.
(18:11):
I'm not being told like, oh,you're gonna have sex with this
person and then you know,they're gonna cum on your face.
There's no script.
I'm not being told that that'swhat I need to do.
It's like I, again, I'm incontrol.
I'm having sex if that's what'shappening.
Like, I'm having sex withsomebody that I wanna have sex
with and it's consensual andthere's no script behind it.
(18:33):
And yeah, I mean, that's whereit's like sex in real life is
not scripted.
Ashley (18:40):
Yeah, the authenticity of it gets lost in the mix.
So it is kind of nice thatpeople can see, you know, real
sex and real people and realbodies.
Kristin (18:51):
Yeah, definitely.
I think it goes to show you too,like you know, porn is free but
only fans is, I believe it justbecame a multi-billion dollar
company.
I will have to fact check that.
I think the reason being isbecause it gives people an
opportunity to have connection.
It's not just about sex, it'sabout the actual communication
(19:15):
that happens with the personbehind the camera as well,
Ashley (19:19):
I think a lot of people are looking for like that
personalized and thatconnection.
I think a lot of the times withsome, the traditional sites,
We'd kind of touched on consent.
You don't really know.
Sometimes, you know, are theyreally the age that they're
supposed to be?
Is this really Well, yeah, likea real thing.
It can almost feel a little bitdirty.
(19:41):
Dirty, but kind of dirty.
Like, should I actually bewatching this?
At least you know, with onlyfans, you know that there's More
steps to actually get on thewebsite.
There has to be conversationsabout consent.
Like I just feel like you'realso supporting a small
business.
You're supporting a personyou're not supporting, you know,
maybe sex trafficking from acompany that really isn't on the
(20:02):
up and up or exactly likedifferent things like you know
where your money is going indifferent sense.
Kristin (20:08):
I completely agree.
I mean, the fact that PornHub, Ibelieve is the one that has the
category barely legal, likeYeah.
It's kinda sickening as a, as aparent.
Yes.
You know?
I think, a lot of people kind ofhave looked at me and I've
certainly been the one, yellingfrom the rooftops with what's
been happening.
(20:28):
And I think they question me asa parent, like, well, how are
you gonna approach yourdaughter, you know, or what kind
of conversations are gonna behad?
I think it's really importantthat we have more conversations
with our children around sex.
I think it's really importantthat we don't shame sexuality.
(20:49):
I think we need to embrace itand teach our kids that, it's
part of life.
It's part of living a, reallyhealthy, wonderful, happy life,
you know, as being in touch withyour sexuality.
I think still in our society wekind of, shame female sexuality
a lot.
Ashley (21:06):
And that's totally it.
It's like if the shoe was on theother foot and it was a guy
doing only fans there would belike high fives and cheers.
And when women do it, it's stillthat like, oh, you're a slut.
It's like, why?
Yeah.
In this day and age, is it sorapidly different?
And why isn't it the same?
Treatment for, like, eitherwe're both sluts or it's like
(21:28):
we're both great for doing whatwe were doing.
Kristin (21:30):
Well, it's really interesting and I'm happy you
brought this up.
So in my investigation meetingswith the district prior to being
terminated they, I don't know ifyou heard, but they actually
subscribed to my only fans theyuse taxpayers.
Dollars too.
But anyways my question to thedistrict, I said, so, you know,
(21:52):
if you're gonna terminate me forbeing a content creator on only
fans, are you going to terminatemy male colleagues for having a
subscriber only fans account?
Ashley (22:03):
Which is a really fair point.
Kristin (22:05):
And their response was, well, don't you think it's
different to watch the videosthan to be in them?
I thought about that and Ireally, I understand, but then
again, it's just like, this isexactly where the shame comes
(22:29):
from is the fact that we justexpect that men watch porn.
We almost congratulate them forbeing.
So manly that they need to, andthen the woman or the person
making the content that there'sa massive market for, by the
(22:51):
way, because we wouldn't do itif there wasn't a market for it.
She is being shamed, or in mycase, terminated.
I have a real problem with that.
It just seems so unfair.
Ashley (23:09):
How long were you making content before the school or the
district caught wind of it?
Kristin (23:16):
So I started in July July of last year, and I was
outed in April.
Ashley (23:24):
So that's a pretty long time for it to not affect
anybody I don't think that itwould change your ability to do
your job at all.
I feel like whatever you do inyour spare time is your spare
time.
It's not like you were filmingsomething in the, you know,
front lobby of the school thatwould bring attention to it.
Kristin (23:41):
I agree.
Ashley (23:42):
I almost think sex scandals or whatever in schools.
I think that there is also sucha double standard when it comes
to men and women, and it reallyis because of how our sexuality
is judged.
But I know absolutely.
Like years ago my daughter wentto elementary school and her
principal was caught on creepcatchers.
Do you remember thatorganization at all?
Kristin (24:03):
Oh my god.
Really?
Yes, I do.
Ashley (24:06):
Yes.
So he was caught meeting up with15 year old girls at the mall.
Now granted, he, oh, God, hadnever actually got charged, but
I know when the video wentviral, the district was pissed.
And as a PAC parent the vibethat we had gotten from them was
that they were trying to buryit.
Like they were pissed that itwas being shared and that it had
(24:28):
become such a big story.
But I think had that not gottenviral, I don't think that he
would have been terminated.
I feel like they would've gottenessentially like a slap on the
wrist and tried to bury itbecause it would've been bad
press for them.
Where I feel like men tend toget that pass and try like,
yeah.
Or even just thinking ofabsolutely.
(24:49):
Teachers that I've had in thepast, like the fact that they
didn't get terminated foractually physically being creepy
to somebody.
But I think that it's a littlebit.
Of a double standard bullshit,quite frankly, that women are
terminated for something thatmen seem to get a pass for.
Kristin (25:06):
Yeah.
The reality is that's disgustingand actually one of the reasons.
I felt so strongly aboutspeaking out time and time again
was every time I spoke to themedia, I would get a writeup.
So by the end, when I was ininvestigation meetings, I I
think I got up to like 33writeups,
Ashley (25:31):
which is also just so ridiculous.
Kristin (25:34):
When I received termination papers, one of the
reasons in there was my lack ofconfidentiality that I broke
confidentiality to you with theemployer, but absolutely, I felt
like I was being muzzled.
Ashley (25:48):
Oh, for sure, sure.
Kristin (25:48):
Like over and over and over and over again.
It was horrendous.
The first day of investigationmeetings with the district, it
was, I think a three hourmeeting.
In that meeting they read over40 comments from my fellow
employees that were sodiscriminatory, so opinion based
(26:13):
and like all about the stigmathat we're talking about.
I can remember a one of them waslike, based on her appearance
she shouldn't be working in aschool with children.
She's a danger to children.
You know, she's setting aterrible example and like, just
(26:34):
things that.
are just ridiculous,
Ashley (26:37):
I'm sorry, that must have been really hard for you to
have to sit there andessentially, get shamed by all
of your coworkers.
It literally gives me the vibesof like, I don't know if you've
ever watched Game of Thrones,but they had like this one lady
like walk naked through like thevillage.
Well, they threw like tomatoesat her.
Like it's basically the samething.
Kristin (26:55):
It was absolutely that.
It was absolutely that.
And what really got me is theydid all of that
Ashley (27:05):
but yet still subscribed to your service.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They subscribed.
But then I came back the nextday and they said, well, you
know, we're just trying to get afull picture of what's
happening.
Like we're not judging and we'rejust trying to figure out.
What's going on and this is anon-biased investigation
Kristin (27:26):
with a straight face.
Ashley (27:27):
With a straight face.
And that was after my unionactually wrote a letter to them
after the first day ofinvestigation because it was so
appalling the things they weresaying.
The irony, like as grownups, alot of us are sexually active,
but it, it kind of also fallsinto like kink shaming.
It's like, I don't mm-hmm.
(27:48):
You know, go home and ask youwhat you do in your bedroom.
I, don't make assumptions aboutyou, like, just because you can
maybe visually see what I'mdoing.
Don't make assumptions about meeither.
Kristin (27:59):
I absolutely agree.
I am of the belief, especiallyas a woman, if you feel good
about yourself, like that's awin.
Like how many?
Yeah, for sure.
Women generally we're so hard onourselves and don't get me
wrong, I certainly have mymoments, but you know, like, I
think hell, if you feel good,then get it.
(28:19):
I think far too often we're justlike, you know, told we're too
much.
We're too skinny, too fat, toobeautiful, too plain, you know,
list goes on and I don'tunderstand why.
That should even be relevant.
Ashley (28:33):
Yeah.
We shouldn't have to fit intoother people's boxes to be
accepted.
It really should be that we'reallowed to just exist however we
choose to be.
Kristin (28:42):
Well, and that's it.
Right.
Ashley (28:45):
Confidence is beautiful.
Kristin (28:47):
It is.
It really is.
I agree.
Ashley (28:50):
Has the scandal been good for only fans business?
Have you noticed increasedtraffic?
Kristin (28:57):
I mean, it certainly hasn't been bad, but it's like
anything, it takes work, right?
I'm lucky that I've been able topay my bills thus far, and I'm
hoping that continues.
Ashley (29:09):
How have friends and family taken this situation nd
the backlash?
Has it leaked over into yourpersonal life?
Kristin (29:17):
Well, I think that the people that I expected to
support me, supported me and arestill doing, so I feel like I
have a very strong group ofpeople that.
are just there and areunwavering.
So my family my mom and dad,they already knew what I was
(29:38):
doing.
They've been very supportive.
They've actually said like,we're proud of you for standing
up for yourself.
So, that's been cool.
I come from a very open, lovingfamily and that was never a
concern of mine that, I'd beshunned or whatever.
They've been nothing butsupportive.
Ashley (29:58):
That's awesome.
Kristin (29:59):
I think what I've had to manage is basically, the
comments online, I just don'tspend any time Looking or
reading them.
When this initially came out, Ithink the first article, the
Daily Hives I would be like, oh,who, what?
Somebody said something, whatdid they say?
And then I'd be like, oh no, anddid you see, you know, and spend
(30:19):
time like thinking about it, andit would, and I realized it's
just not healthy.
I have commented back on a fewthreads on Instagram and stuff,
but when it comes to articlesand reading comments, Of that
sort.
I try and stay out of it.
Ashley (30:35):
You're not gonna change their mind anyways, so I
definitely agree that it'sprobably better to just stay
outta the comment sections.
Kristin (30:41):
I think you could possibly relate is like, there's
always gonna be haters,especially online people are
keyboard warriors, right.
I find there are so few that arelike, Following me on Instagram
and like make a point ofposting, they will comment on a
post or something like that andit's like, I just laugh at it
(31:02):
now because it's like you'resaying you're a hater, but
you're kind of just.
I know
Ashley (31:09):
my biggest fan.
Kristin (31:10):
I know you're almost like, a fan because you follow
all my stuff so
Ashley (31:16):
well and what those people don't realize or what
they don't think of.
I think sometimes it's so easyto say something dumb online or
have your inside thoughts comeout, but it's like you are
talking to a real person.
Yeah.
And also, you know, hate allover my stuff cuz you're also
helping more people see itbecause the algorithm can pick
it up with more people thatinteract it.
(31:37):
Exactly.
So it's like, you might behating me, but like, thank you.
You're also actually helping me.
Kristin (31:42):
The great thing about this experience and being like,
At the forefront of the media isit's really allowed me to kinda
take a step back and get rid ofthat like, people pleaser
mentality that I feel like I hada lot of, all through my
twenties.
I really feel like I had to kindof put that away through all of
(32:03):
this, and just have thatattitude of like, you know, if
you don't like it, like.
Fuck off.
I'm sorry.
Like, yeah, fuck off.
I didn't know if I was allowedto say that.
No, it's totally fine.
Like, like if you don't like it,fuck off.
I'm good.
I don't need you.
Ashley (32:18):
Which I think is a really empowering thing because
I think especially as women, wedo try to, you know, fit into
those boxes and we're told to benice and we're told all of these
other things where it's like atthe end of the day, it's like,
not everybody's gonna like me.
I'm not for everybody.
If I'm not for you, like I'm notworried about impressing you or
being there for you.
It's like you're just a humanexisting.
(32:40):
I'm not gonna be mean to you.
I'm not gonna spread hate, butit's like have a nice life.
I just don't understand theenergy of spending time.
Hating or thinking about orworrying about, people that
aren't beneficial to you and notthat it has to be like
beneficial and that you gainsomething but like beneficial
and like that they're a familymember who you love, or there's
(33:02):
somebody who you know you canvent to or something.
If they're not somebody that youhave their phone number in your
phone then it's like, I justcan't worry about you
Kristin (33:10):
100%.
Yeah, I agree.
I think as women we do kind of,I don't know if it's, we learn
it or whatever, but I think thatwe really do at least I know for
myself, you know, teenage yearsare all about kind of being
accepted.
And then in my twenties I thinkI was still there as like,
(33:31):
really, you know, wanting peopleto like me.
And now, you know, I don't know.
I think as you.
Know yourself more and you'reconfident in what you have.
I think that's when you gain themost power, right?
Ashley (33:47):
I think it gets much easier when you get older.
I know in my twenties it was thesame thing.
I was worried about all of thisstuff that now I'm like, That's
so dumb it didn't even matter.
And 100%, I'm almost in myforties, so it's like in my
thirties it got much better bythe time I hit 40.
Like I'm just not gonna give ashit anymore.
Like it just will be like noholes barred.
Kristin (34:08):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I agree.
Ashley (34:11):
Can you give us any update on like the state of the
grievance or what the lawsuit iskind of about or like where you
go from here?
Kristin (34:22):
So basically the grievance has been filed I
believe there was an initialmeeting that basically the union
met with the district and theyjust finalized the grievance.
So that's happened.
As far as the lawsuit, it's ahuman rights tribunal.
Case and I mean, it sounds likeit could take a while, all these
(34:45):
things take time, so Yeah,absolutely.
At this point, honestly just,it's a waiting game.
Ashley (34:51):
Now, in a perfect world, if all the legal stuff gets
sorted if you were given theopportunity, would you wanna go
back to being an ea?
Kristin (35:00):
I mean, I would like the ability to go back at some
point, maybe down the road.
I probably need a third backsurgery, so physically, I don't
even think I could go back if Iwanted to.
Yeah.
I mean, I hope that only fansand the opportunities that have
(35:21):
come up continue to happen.
I'm an optimist and I thinkother things will come up
Ashley (35:27):
and that's the thing about situations like this.
Like sometimes even, and not tosay that this would've felt like
your lowest moment, but it'slike sometimes when we feel
that, Something so shocking or,at the time it might feel bad or
like a low moment.
Sometimes the best things comefrom that.
So it's like when we have topivot or life kind of throws us
those curve balls, like ascheesy as that kind of sounds
(35:49):
like great things can come fromthat.
it is kind of exciting to seewhat it could be.
And it doesn't have to be, youknow, what you thought it was
gonna be.
Kristin (35:59):
I definitely agree with what you're saying I certainly
got the safety net pulled outfrom underneath me.
But sometimes that's the bestthing that can happen.
Ashley (36:10):
Now, if anybody wanted to follow you or find you on
only fans, how do they do that?
Kristin (36:17):
I would suggest start by following me on Instagram.
The handle's a little confusing.
It's a underscore v underscore aunderscore, James 88.
I'm in the process of launchinga website which will have all my
links, including only fans.
But in the meantime you cancheck out the link in my bio.
Ashley (36:41):
I really appreciate you having this conversation with me
today.
Kristin (36:45):
Yeah, no problem.
I really enjoyed it.
I think we covered a lot ofgreat topics.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday for this episode of The
Filled Up Cup podcast.
Don't forget to hit subscribeand leave a review.
If you like what you hear.
You can also connect withus@filledupcup.com.
(37:06):
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll catch you in the next
episode.
Welcome to the Filled Up Cuppodcast.
We are a different kind ofself-care resource.
One that has nothing to do withbubble baths and face masks, and
everything to do withrediscovering yourself.
We bring you real reviews,honest experiences, and
unfiltered opinions that willmake you laugh, cry, and most
(00:21):
importantly, leave you with afilled up cup.
Ashley (00:32):
I am really excited today.
I have Kristen McDonald joiningme.
Kristen worked as an ea, aneducational assistant at a
secondary school here in bc.
They found out that she had anonly fans account and then
terminated her position.
Thank you so much for joining metoday.
Kristin (00:49):
Thank you for having me.
Ashley (00:51):
I know that there is a lawsuit or legal matters kind of
in play here, so please let meknow if there i s anything that
I bring up that can't be talkedabout today but can you give us
a little bit of background aboutthis situation and kind of how
we got here?
Kristin (01:08):
Yeah, most definitely.
So basically I've been onmedical leave due to a back
issue.
Well, I was on medical leave,pardon me.
For a back issue that's beenongoing.
So I actually had a second backsurgery April 24th, and I was
recovering from that.
(01:29):
And on April 28th I received aceast and desist.
Email basically telling me thatI needed to shut down all my Ava
James social media accounts andthat I was to wait for further
instruction from the district asfar as you know, when the
(01:52):
investigation meeting would takeplace in regards to my off-duty
conduct.
Ashley (01:58):
Which must have been like an out of the blue kinda
email to get to.
That must have been reallystressful.
Kristin (02:04):
It was very out of the blue.
Like I said, I was you know, Iwas recovering from back surgery
and it was stressful.
I woke up to a text messagesaying that I needed to call my
union rep and all this kind ofthing.
And actually initially there wasanother union president that was
(02:26):
I guess in charge.
So they were in the process ofswitching over to the president
that we have now.
But she had one more day andbasically I spoke to her first
and she was like, well, you knowyou could just resign.
And go and work somewhere else.
Ashley (02:45):
Which is a really unfortunate thing to tell
somebody.
It's like, oh, you could justquit this job that you had
worked for because there iseducation and costs involved
with becoming an EA.
It's not something where youwould have no skill-set and just
be able to apply.
Kristin (03:00):
Yeah, no, absolutely.
I mean, I'm paying off a studentloan from.
The education that it takes tobecome an education assistant.
I'm sure everybody's heard thepainfully low wage that we get
as an EA.
Ashley (03:15):
For anybody who might be unaware, what was your actual
take home after taxes?
Say biweekly?
Kristin (03:23):
Yeah, so biweekly.
It was anywhere from.
I would say on a very, high end,which didn't happen very often,
like 1200 and then sometimes,$800, it would kind of stagger.
We would get one higherpaycheck, which would be like
anywhere from a thousand to,like I said, 1200, maybe 1300.
(03:46):
And then the other one would belower because our benefits would
be deducted.
Ashley (03:51):
Which for anybody who isn't in the lower mainland or
the BC area that's listening tothis, on average, if you aren't
a homeowner and you're renting.
If you're lucky, your rent isunder$3,000 per month.
I live in a household with threepeople.
We spend about 600 bucks a monthon groceries.
I think gas was like 1 67 thisweekend.
(04:14):
Yep.
It's just the cost of livinghere is so ridiculous.
Our car insurance is basicallyone company, so I know my car is
16 years old.
I pay more than I do in my rentpayment for my car insurance.
When you add up and looking at$1,200 isn't really that much.
The cost of living here reallyexceeds a lot of these 20,$30 an
(04:37):
hour jobs, especially whenminimum wage starts at$16.
You can't just have one jobanymore and be able to pay all
of your bills successfully likethat.
That idea of living just doesn'texist here.
Kristin (04:50):
No, it's true.
I mean, I do believe that, theeducation system when you look
at, you know, teachers, theymake at least a livable wage.
Some might argue me on that, butI think that education
assistants do need to make moreof
Ashley (05:09):
Absolutely.
Kristin (05:11):
Especially because they are in such need too.
Right?
Ashley (05:13):
There's a major shortage.
How long had you been an ea?
Kristin (05:18):
I was coming up on eight years.
My younger brother's autistic,so I grew up, kind of.
Watching over him and helpinghim out.
And just always felt comfortablein the position of helping
people with special needs.
So it was something I was verypassionate about and was close
(05:39):
to my heart.
So that's kind of what got meinto it from the get go.
Ashley (05:44):
Eight years of doing something, like, I think a lot
of people don't understand that,depending on the situation or
depending on the student, it canbe a very physically demanding
job.
It can be a very stressful, itcan be a very high pressure.
Kristin (05:57):
Oh, absolutely.
Absolutely.
Ashley (05:58):
To be able to, dedicate eight years of service
especially in an industry whereif we were to let one person go,
there's not like we have anotherperson to hire them right away,
like, Yeah, no, definitely thatit's, really noble career to go
into and to be able to dedicateto that.
So I think that that's somethingthat, a lot of people really
(06:20):
need to pause and really thinkabout that.
Could they do what you do?
Cuz I don't know that a lot ofpeople would have the patience
for it.
Kristin (06:27):
A lot of people don't realize, you know, we do
diabetic testing, we dotoileting.
A lot of the students I'veworked with are violent or they
run away, and those are allthings that we have to dodge and
we have to build relationshipswith our students so we can have
more important dialogue withthem and have that trust built.
So it certainly, it goes farbeyond the classroom.
(06:51):
It can be quite complicated andquite a challenging job.
But it can also be veryrewarding at the same time.
Ashley (06:58):
Were you at the same school the whole eight years or
were you in different schools?
Kristin (07:03):
No, because my daughter was young like I started and
then I worked for a couple yearsand then I went on mat leave and
when I came back I actually, Istayed as a casual for a bit
because I wanted a little moreflexibility with my daughter
Ashley (07:17):
for sure.
I know for a lot of parents,especially with neuro divergent
children, that.
an EA is really that realconnection to their kids during
the day.
And having somebody who canprovide like consistency or for
the ones that are in elementaryschool, like the ones that are
able to go from primary tointermediate until completion
(07:37):
with them, or same withinsecondary school.
Cuz more times than not, correctme if I'm wrong, you are with
the same students for a longerduration if you are permanent in
the school.
Kristin (07:48):
Yeah, I mean, you definitely see the same students
throughout your day I was in ahigh school, so we would kind of
be split up based on blocks.
So usually we'd have a differentstudent for each block.
But then again, would see thatstudent every day,
Ashley (08:05):
Which I guess would be another hard part about having
to step away from it.
Now, when you were thinkingabout the fact that you were
only making a certain amounteach month and you were thinking
of side things that you coulddo, what made you decide to do
only fans?
Kristin (08:22):
For me, one of the biggest draws to only fans was
the ability to do it for my homeand still be able to be with my
daughter, you know, not havingto get outside childcare or
leave my family home in order tomake money.
A lot of people don't realize,like the only fans platform
(08:44):
itself, it's like, you can kindof do the work whenever upload
it to the the platform and thenkind of leave it alone.
You don't necessarily have to bethere 24 7 to make profits.
So for me that was one of thebiggest.
Draws to doing it,
Ashley (09:05):
which, fair enough.
I think that it is one of thosethings that we do wanna make.
You know, not easy money becausethere is still a lot of work in
any kind of content creation,but it's like for sure to be
able to have that, you know,whether I'm dedicating eight
hours and I'm shooting all mycontent for a month, or I'm, you
know, pre-planning what it'sgonna be.
(09:25):
It's not having to do, you know,like you had talked about that
labor of being away from ourfamilies or having to, rent an
office space or having to buy akit and sell goods, like some of
the MLMs or something.
It is something where you cankind of do and not necessarily
have to have it take up a lot ofyour time.
Kristin (09:44):
Yeah, definitely.
I mean, I'm not gonna lieeither.
Like, I enjoy only fans.
I do it's fun.
I enjoy taking the saucy photos.
I'm not gonna deny that aspectof it either.
Ashley (09:59):
no, I don't think that you should, and I don't think
that there's anything wrong orshameful.
I think that, the idea of, nakedphotos or sex work or whatever
we wanna call it, I think it'sso stigmatized, unfairly and
unnecessarily that it's like,I'm happy that you're enjoying
what you're doing.
Like if you are gonna do anysort of side job, it's like you
(10:20):
wanna do something that you likeand that is successful and
something that you know you'regood at and is profitable.
You don't wanna have to do in ajob that you know is stressful
and hard during the day and thenhave to do something else that
you don't really enjoy.
Just for the fact that you wannamake money in the evening.
Kristin (10:37):
I think that's very true and I think, what you said
about it being, highlystigmatized and, shameful I
really kinda, I really dove intothat and thought about, well,
why is it so stigmatized andshameful?
And, and I'd love to hear yourthoughts on it, but like, what I
came up with was basically, I.
(10:59):
You know, back in the day,Playboy, penthouse, all those
big name magazines women werebeing exploited and the man was
profiting.
I think that, was kind of thenarrative was women were being
demeaned and they were beingused so, Here we are now.
(11:24):
And I give a lot of props toonly fans in the platform itself
for kind of, you know, theevolution of sex work.
So we're in a position now wherewomen are in the forefront.
We're in control of the contentwe put out.
And we are the ones profitingoff of, What we want to do, I
always say, you have yourboundaries and you stick within
(11:46):
them.
I think that only fans is reallybrought, like I said, the
evolution of sex work forward ina positive direction.
I think that if people actually.
Understood the facts, understoodthe platform that the actual,
like shamefulness of it a lot ofit could be washed away.
Ashley (12:07):
I definitely agree with that.
I think that there is anoutdated idea, like you had
touched on of that it's theseabused, uneducated girls that
are forced into having to doporn or having to take pictures.
Yes.
And there's this creepyphotographer and then basically
like a network, whether it'sPornHub or whether it is like
(12:28):
Hustler or Playboy that arereally profiting off of it.
And then the girls are stuckwith.
Bare minimum.
Mm-hmm.
Where for anybody who doesn'tknow, only fans is essentially
like Instagram, but it'ssubscription based.
So you could search differentpeople.
And can you search like via likeniche or is it more just
usernames?
Kristin (12:47):
You know what, that's a good question.
I'm not too sure about that.
Ashley (12:51):
No worries.
The idea though, that you'researching these individuals, and
I'm sure that there's companieson there as well, but for the
most part it's like person toperson.
Then you can basically subscribeto their content.
They can DM and ask for moreniche or individual things, and
you can kind of create abusiness transaction that's more
of like a personal, I guess,than.
(13:13):
Going on some generic website,but you are, it's more, it's
small.
A personal connection.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But it's essentially like the,it's like the Etsy version of
porn, essentially because you'rereally supporting a small
business or you're supporting afamily, it's not necessarily
that you're supporting, thisbillionaire that really isn't
gonna pay its workers fairly.
It does give absolutely theright to say, Hey, I'll take
(13:35):
this picture, or I'll performthis act.
But I'm not gonna do that.
I think so many women,especially during the pandemic,
had to take on double, like themental, capacity of having to do
a household, having to work ajob, having to homeschool,
having to do all of thesethings.
And I think only fans gave themthe opportunity.
(13:56):
Kind of like what you had talkedabout where maybe I'm not.
Able to work this nine to fivejob or maybe for whatever
reason, you know, a situation'schanged.
There was one lady, I can'tremember where she was, but she
was essentially just taking likebaking videos and she was baking
half naked.
I think she ended up makingsomething like a hundred
thousand dollars pretty much amonth during the pandemic that
(14:20):
it's like for a lot of people,You're never gonna make that
much money in a differentindustry.
Like you're just not, unless youwere to get a PhD and, you know,
pay for all of this education,which the cost of education is
so unattainable rather for somany people that it, it really
gives women the power to be ableto make additional money while
they're doing what they wannado.
Kristin (14:43):
I think one of the things I'd like to add to what
you said, I think it's verypoignant, but only fans is a
consent based platform.
Love that.
they are very much about youknow, as a content creator, if I
have anybody else in a video ora picture, they need to give
consent.
I think, if you look at theother.
(15:04):
Porn sites, only fans isactually the ethical way to view
porn, in my opinion.
So I think that's a really, areally crucial point.
Another thing that you touchedon was, The stigma behind, the,
let's say, porn stars of onlyfans is yeah, that we're broken,
(15:25):
uneducated we have some deep,deep need for validation or
whatever, like we're exploitingour own body.
I think that's.
Something that needs to be putto rests as well.
I think I've been pretty vocalabout, saying out loud like, I
love my body.
I'm really happy with it.
(15:45):
I think that the female body ingeneral is amazing.
We make humans, you know?
Right.
I think that.
The more I kind of get involvedin the industry of only fans,
the more I'm impressed by thewomen behind the camera.
There are lots of highlyeducated women that are super
(16:08):
well spoken and they have theseamazing lives because of being a
content creator for only fans.
They travel and they.
Go on yoga retreats and thefreedom is crazy.
It's wonderful.
And I just, yeah, I think partof my reasons for speaking out
(16:30):
was to hopefully shine a lighton the fact that there are women
out there that are well spokenand educated and also.
Do sex work and enjoy it and arenot ashamed,
Ashley (16:46):
which I think is really important because I think the
old outdated model has to go andpeople are.
One, either just need to mindtheir business.
If they don't like it, don'tlook at it.
But for everybody else to beless judgmental.
And the one thing that I wouldsay to about only fans compared
to traditional porn sites isthat on traditional porn sites,
(17:06):
you get this.
Almost unrealistic version ofbody types.
Thank you.
Yeah.
What people actually look like,and I know for say younger
people, teenagers, like I knowthat they're not supposed to
look at porn, but with a devicein their hand.
I think coming from like a momof a teenager yeah, I think it
is highly unlikely that they'renot.
(17:28):
So for sure, I think that youngmen and women both get this idea
that, you know, that's what myvagina's supposed to look like,
or if my penis isn't this size,like I can't, whatever.
Absolutely.
Or like, how about act ingeneral?
Yes, absolutely.
Like, you know, like so manypeople can orgasm three minutes
in.
Like it just doesn't necessarilywork and look like that.
Kristin (17:48):
Oh, totally.
Totally.
I mean, and yeah, men arelasting for like 45 minutes and
like, yes.
It's totally unrealistic.
I agree.
And certainly in interviews thatI've had, people are like, oh,
do you produce porn?
And I'm like, well, no, it's notlike PornHub because it's just
not like, yeah.
They're not highly producedvideos.
(18:11):
I'm not being told like, oh,you're gonna have sex with this
person and then you know,they're gonna cum on your face.
There's no script.
I'm not being told that that'swhat I need to do.
It's like I, again, I'm incontrol.
I'm having sex if that's what'shappening.
Like, I'm having sex withsomebody that I wanna have sex
with and it's consensual andthere's no script behind it.
(18:33):
And yeah, I mean, that's whereit's like sex in real life is
not scripted.
Ashley (18:40):
Yeah, the authenticity of it gets lost in the mix.
So it is kind of nice thatpeople can see, you know, real
sex and real people and realbodies.
Kristin (18:51):
Yeah, definitely.
I think it goes to show you too,like you know, porn is free but
only fans is, I believe it justbecame a multi-billion dollar
company.
I will have to fact check that.
I think the reason being isbecause it gives people an
opportunity to have connection.
It's not just about sex, it'sabout the actual communication
(19:15):
that happens with the personbehind the camera as well,
Ashley (19:19):
I think a lot of people are looking for like that
personalized and thatconnection.
I think a lot of the times withsome, the traditional sites,
We'd kind of touched on consent.
You don't really know.
Sometimes, you know, are theyreally the age that they're
supposed to be?
Is this really Well, yeah, likea real thing.
It can almost feel a little bitdirty.
(19:41):
Dirty, but kind of dirty.
Like, should I actually bewatching this?
At least you know, with onlyfans, you know that there's More
steps to actually get on thewebsite.
There has to be conversationsabout consent.
Like I just feel like you'realso supporting a small
business.
You're supporting a personyou're not supporting, you know,
maybe sex trafficking from acompany that really isn't on the
(20:02):
up and up or exactly likedifferent things like you know
where your money is going indifferent sense.
Kristin (20:08):
I completely agree.
I mean, the fact that PornHub, Ibelieve is the one that has the
category barely legal, likeYeah.
It's kinda sickening as a, as aparent.
Yes.
You know?
I think, a lot of people kind ofhave looked at me and I've
certainly been the one, yellingfrom the rooftops with what's
been happening.
(20:28):
And I think they question me asa parent, like, well, how are
you gonna approach yourdaughter, you know, or what kind
of conversations are gonna behad?
I think it's really importantthat we have more conversations
with our children around sex.
I think it's really importantthat we don't shame sexuality.
(20:49):
I think we need to embrace itand teach our kids that, it's
part of life.
It's part of living a, reallyhealthy, wonderful, happy life,
you know, as being in touch withyour sexuality.
I think still in our society wekind of, shame female sexuality
a lot.
Ashley (21:06):
And that's totally it.
It's like if the shoe was on theother foot and it was a guy
doing only fans there would belike high fives and cheers.
And when women do it, it's stillthat like, oh, you're a slut.
It's like, why?
Yeah.
In this day and age, is it sorapidly different?
And why isn't it the same?
Treatment for, like, eitherwe're both sluts or it's like
(21:28):
we're both great for doing whatwe were doing.
Kristin (21:30):
Well, it's really interesting and I'm happy you
brought this up.
So in my investigation meetingswith the district prior to being
terminated they, I don't know ifyou heard, but they actually
subscribed to my only fans theyuse taxpayers.
Dollars too.
But anyways my question to thedistrict, I said, so, you know,
(21:52):
if you're gonna terminate me forbeing a content creator on only
fans, are you going to terminatemy male colleagues for having a
subscriber only fans account?
Ashley (22:03):
Which is a really fair point.
Kristin (22:05):
And their response was, well, don't you think it's
different to watch the videosthan to be in them?
I thought about that and Ireally, I understand, but then
again, it's just like, this isexactly where the shame comes
(22:29):
from is the fact that we justexpect that men watch porn.
We almost congratulate them forbeing.
So manly that they need to, andthen the woman or the person
making the content that there'sa massive market for, by the
(22:51):
way, because we wouldn't do itif there wasn't a market for it.
She is being shamed, or in mycase, terminated.
I have a real problem with that.
It just seems so unfair.
Ashley (23:09):
How long were you making content before the school or the
district caught wind of it?
Kristin (23:16):
So I started in July July of last year, and I was
outed in April.
Ashley (23:24):
So that's a pretty long time for it to not affect
anybody I don't think that itwould change your ability to do
your job at all.
I feel like whatever you do inyour spare time is your spare
time.
It's not like you were filmingsomething in the, you know,
front lobby of the school thatwould bring attention to it.
Kristin (23:41):
I agree.
Ashley (23:42):
I almost think sex scandals or whatever in schools.
I think that there is also sucha double standard when it comes
to men and women, and it reallyis because of how our sexuality
is judged.
But I know absolutely.
Like years ago my daughter wentto elementary school and her
principal was caught on creepcatchers.
Do you remember thatorganization at all?
Kristin (24:03):
Oh my god.
Really?
Yes, I do.
Ashley (24:06):
Yes.
So he was caught meeting up with15 year old girls at the mall.
Now granted, he, oh, God, hadnever actually got charged, but
I know when the video wentviral, the district was pissed.
And as a PAC parent the vibethat we had gotten from them was
that they were trying to buryit.
Like they were pissed that itwas being shared and that it had
(24:28):
become such a big story.
But I think had that not gottenviral, I don't think that he
would have been terminated.
I feel like they would've gottenessentially like a slap on the
wrist and tried to bury itbecause it would've been bad
press for them.
Where I feel like men tend toget that pass and try like,
yeah.
Or even just thinking ofabsolutely.
(24:49):
Teachers that I've had in thepast, like the fact that they
didn't get terminated foractually physically being creepy
to somebody.
But I think that it's a littlebit.
Of a double standard bullshit,quite frankly, that women are
terminated for something thatmen seem to get a pass for.
Kristin (25:06):
Yeah.
The reality is that's disgustingand actually one of the reasons.
I felt so strongly aboutspeaking out time and time again
was every time I spoke to themedia, I would get a writeup.
So by the end, when I was ininvestigation meetings, I I
think I got up to like 33writeups,
Ashley (25:31):
which is also just so ridiculous.
Kristin (25:34):
When I received termination papers, one of the
reasons in there was my lack ofconfidentiality that I broke
confidentiality to you with theemployer, but absolutely, I felt
like I was being muzzled.
Ashley (25:48):
Oh, for sure, sure.
Kristin (25:48):
Like over and over and over and over again.
It was horrendous.
The first day of investigationmeetings with the district, it
was, I think a three hourmeeting.
In that meeting they read over40 comments from my fellow
employees that were sodiscriminatory, so opinion based
(26:13):
and like all about the stigmathat we're talking about.
I can remember a one of them waslike, based on her appearance
she shouldn't be working in aschool with children.
She's a danger to children.
You know, she's setting aterrible example and like, just
(26:34):
things that.
are just ridiculous,
Ashley (26:37):
I'm sorry, that must have been really hard for you to
have to sit there andessentially, get shamed by all
of your coworkers.
It literally gives me the vibesof like, I don't know if you've
ever watched Game of Thrones,but they had like this one lady
like walk naked through like thevillage.
Well, they threw like tomatoesat her.
Like it's basically the samething.
Kristin (26:55):
It was absolutely that.
It was absolutely that.
And what really got me is theydid all of that
Ashley (27:05):
but yet still subscribed to your service.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They subscribed.
But then I came back the nextday and they said, well, you
know, we're just trying to get afull picture of what's
happening.
Like we're not judging and we'rejust trying to figure out.
What's going on and this is anon-biased investigation
Kristin (27:26):
with a straight face.
Ashley (27:27):
With a straight face.
And that was after my unionactually wrote a letter to them
after the first day ofinvestigation because it was so
appalling the things they weresaying.
The irony, like as grownups, alot of us are sexually active,
but it, it kind of also fallsinto like kink shaming.
It's like, I don't mm-hmm.
(27:48):
You know, go home and ask youwhat you do in your bedroom.
I, don't make assumptions aboutyou, like, just because you can
maybe visually see what I'mdoing.
Don't make assumptions about meeither.
Kristin (27:59):
I absolutely agree.
I am of the belief, especiallyas a woman, if you feel good
about yourself, like that's awin.
Like how many?
Yeah, for sure.
Women generally we're so hard onourselves and don't get me
wrong, I certainly have mymoments, but you know, like, I
think hell, if you feel good,then get it.
(28:19):
I think far too often we're justlike, you know, told we're too
much.
We're too skinny, too fat, toobeautiful, too plain, you know,
list goes on and I don'tunderstand why.
That should even be relevant.
Ashley (28:33):
Yeah.
We shouldn't have to fit intoother people's boxes to be
accepted.
It really should be that we'reallowed to just exist however we
choose to be.
Kristin (28:42):
Well, and that's it.
Right.
Ashley (28:45):
Confidence is beautiful.
Kristin (28:47):
It is.
It really is.
I agree.
Ashley (28:50):
Has the scandal been good for only fans business?
Have you noticed increasedtraffic?
Kristin (28:57):
I mean, it certainly hasn't been bad, but it's like
anything, it takes work, right?
I'm lucky that I've been able topay my bills thus far, and I'm
hoping that continues.
Ashley (29:09):
How have friends and family taken this situation nd
the backlash?
Has it leaked over into yourpersonal life?
Kristin (29:17):
Well, I think that the people that I expected to
support me, supported me and arestill doing, so I feel like I
have a very strong group ofpeople that.
are just there and areunwavering.
So my family my mom and dad,they already knew what I was
(29:38):
doing.
They've been very supportive.
They've actually said like,we're proud of you for standing
up for yourself.
So, that's been cool.
I come from a very open, lovingfamily and that was never a
concern of mine that, I'd beshunned or whatever.
They've been nothing butsupportive.
Ashley (29:58):
That's awesome.
Kristin (29:59):
I think what I've had to manage is basically, the
comments online, I just don'tspend any time Looking or
reading them.
When this initially came out, Ithink the first article, the
Daily Hives I would be like, oh,who, what?
Somebody said something, whatdid they say?
And then I'd be like, oh no, anddid you see, you know, and spend
(30:19):
time like thinking about it, andit would, and I realized it's
just not healthy.
I have commented back on a fewthreads on Instagram and stuff,
but when it comes to articlesand reading comments, Of that
sort.
I try and stay out of it.
Ashley (30:35):
You're not gonna change their mind anyways, so I
definitely agree that it'sprobably better to just stay
outta the comment sections.
Kristin (30:41):
I think you could possibly relate is like, there's
always gonna be haters,especially online people are
keyboard warriors, right.
I find there are so few that arelike, Following me on Instagram
and like make a point ofposting, they will comment on a
post or something like that andit's like, I just laugh at it
(31:02):
now because it's like you'resaying you're a hater, but
you're kind of just.
I know
Ashley (31:09):
my biggest fan.
Kristin (31:10):
I know you're almost like, a fan because you follow
all my stuff so
Ashley (31:16):
well and what those people don't realize or what
they don't think of.
I think sometimes it's so easyto say something dumb online or
have your inside thoughts comeout, but it's like you are
talking to a real person.
Yeah.
And also, you know, hate allover my stuff cuz you're also
helping more people see itbecause the algorithm can pick
it up with more people thatinteract it.
(31:37):
Exactly.
So it's like, you might behating me, but like, thank you.
You're also actually helping me.
Kristin (31:42):
The great thing about this experience and being like,
At the forefront of the media isit's really allowed me to kinda
take a step back and get rid ofthat like, people pleaser
mentality that I feel like I hada lot of, all through my
twenties.
I really feel like I had to kindof put that away through all of
(32:03):
this, and just have thatattitude of like, you know, if
you don't like it, like.
Fuck off.
I'm sorry.
Like, yeah, fuck off.
I didn't know if I was allowedto say that.
No, it's totally fine.
Like, like if you don't like it,fuck off.
I'm good.
I don't need you.
Ashley (32:18):
Which I think is a really empowering thing because
I think especially as women, wedo try to, you know, fit into
those boxes and we're told to benice and we're told all of these
other things where it's like atthe end of the day, it's like,
not everybody's gonna like me.
I'm not for everybody.
If I'm not for you, like I'm notworried about impressing you or
being there for you.
It's like you're just a humanexisting.
(32:40):
I'm not gonna be mean to you.
I'm not gonna spread hate, butit's like have a nice life.
I just don't understand theenergy of spending time.
Hating or thinking about orworrying about, people that
aren't beneficial to you and notthat it has to be like
beneficial and that you gainsomething but like beneficial
and like that they're a familymember who you love, or there's
(33:02):
somebody who you know you canvent to or something.
If they're not somebody that youhave their phone number in your
phone then it's like, I justcan't worry about you
Kristin (33:10):
100%.
Yeah, I agree.
I think as women we do kind of,I don't know if it's, we learn
it or whatever, but I think thatwe really do at least I know for
myself, you know, teenage yearsare all about kind of being
accepted.
And then in my twenties I thinkI was still there as like,
(33:31):
really, you know, wanting peopleto like me.
And now, you know, I don't know.
I think as you.
Know yourself more and you'reconfident in what you have.
I think that's when you gain themost power, right?
Ashley (33:47):
I think it gets much easier when you get older.
I know in my twenties it was thesame thing.
I was worried about all of thisstuff that now I'm like, That's
so dumb it didn't even matter.
And 100%, I'm almost in myforties, so it's like in my
thirties it got much better bythe time I hit 40.
Like I'm just not gonna give ashit anymore.
Like it just will be like noholes barred.
Kristin (34:08):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
I agree.
Ashley (34:11):
Can you give us any update on like the state of the
grievance or what the lawsuit iskind of about or like where you
go from here?
Kristin (34:22):
So basically the grievance has been filed I
believe there was an initialmeeting that basically the union
met with the district and theyjust finalized the grievance.
So that's happened.
As far as the lawsuit, it's ahuman rights tribunal.
Case and I mean, it sounds likeit could take a while, all these
(34:45):
things take time, so Yeah,absolutely.
At this point, honestly just,it's a waiting game.
Ashley (34:51):
Now, in a perfect world, if all the legal stuff gets
sorted if you were given theopportunity, would you wanna go
back to being an ea?
Kristin (35:00):
I mean, I would like the ability to go back at some
point, maybe down the road.
I probably need a third backsurgery, so physically, I don't
even think I could go back if Iwanted to.
Yeah.
I mean, I hope that only fansand the opportunities that have
(35:21):
come up continue to happen.
I'm an optimist and I thinkother things will come up
Ashley (35:27):
and that's the thing about situations like this.
Like sometimes even, and not tosay that this would've felt like
your lowest moment, but it'slike sometimes when we feel
that, Something so shocking or,at the time it might feel bad or
like a low moment.
Sometimes the best things comefrom that.
So it's like when we have topivot or life kind of throws us
those curve balls, like ascheesy as that kind of sounds
(35:49):
like great things can come fromthat.
it is kind of exciting to seewhat it could be.
And it doesn't have to be, youknow, what you thought it was
gonna be.
Kristin (35:59):
I definitely agree with what you're saying I certainly
got the safety net pulled outfrom underneath me.
But sometimes that's the bestthing that can happen.
Ashley (36:10):
Now, if anybody wanted to follow you or find you on
only fans, how do they do that?
Kristin (36:17):
I would suggest start by following me on Instagram.
The handle's a little confusing.
It's a underscore v underscore aunderscore, James 88.
I'm in the process of launchinga website which will have all my
links, including only fans.
But in the meantime you cancheck out the link in my bio.
Ashley (36:41):
I really appreciate you having this conversation with me
today.
Kristin (36:45):
Yeah, no problem.
I really enjoyed it.
I think we covered a lot ofgreat topics.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday for this episode of The
Filled Up Cup podcast.
Don't forget to hit subscribeand leave a review.
If you like what you hear.
You can also connect withus@filledupcup.com.
(37:06):
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll catch you in the next
episode.
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