January 24, 2024 • 43 mins
On this episode, I am joined by Portia Chambers. In February 2022, Portia launched The WE Experience. A place where women can land softly and fully embrace who they are; the good, the bad and the ugly. Portia turned to healing, meditation and manifested a business where women from all walks of life would be celebrated, come back to themselves, and embrace themselves as they are. Portia’s mission is to bring women together from all walks of life to celebrate one another and to help women feel seen, heard and supported throughout their business and life journey.
We talk about her journey with motherhood as a younger mom and feeling like she had something to prove and growing up with her daughter. We also talk about the experience of finding out she was pregnant unexpectantly
TW: Miscarriage, pregnancy loss
ABOUT — The WE Experience
speaker + podcast host (@chambers_portia) • Instagram photos and videos
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the Filled Up Cuppodcast.
We are a different kind of selfcare resource, one that has
nothing to do with bubble bathsand face masks, and everything
to do with rediscoveringyourself.
We bring you real reviews,honest experiences, and
unfiltered opinions that willmake you laugh, cry, and most
(00:21):
importantly, leave you with afilled up cup.
Ashley (00:31):
I am very excited today.
I have Portia Chambers joiningme.
She is the host of This Is Wepodcast and the founder of This
Is We Experience.
Thank you so much for joining metoday.
Portia (00:41):
Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
I'm really excited.
Ashley (00:44):
Can you tell everybody what the This Is We Experience
is, if they're unfamiliar?
Portia (00:49):
Sure.
So the We Experience if you landon our Instagram page, it's
basically a platform for womento gather and celebrate with one
another.
It's all about women'sempowerment.
Whether you are a businessowner, you have a nine to five
or a mother.
It doesn't really matter, we'reall there kind of on this
personal journey and the WEexperience is all about doing it
(01:13):
together and cheering oneanother on as we move through
different phases of our livesand different versions of who we
are.
We host women's events we have apodcast of course, and then we
also have a blog.
Ashley (01:26):
Oh, that's awesome.
What inspired you to want tostart all of the WE channels
that you have?
Portia (01:33):
It's kind of a long story, but I'll give you the
Coles Notes version of it.
So at the end of 2021, I used tobe a social media agency owner.
I had a small boutique agencyand it started about 2019.
And that really took off andpropelled, and it was absolutely
amazing.
And I learned so much, butthrough all of that, I kind of
(01:54):
lost myself a little bit.
I found myself burning out andjust kind of not really enjoying
life as much as I did prior tothat.
So with that being said, Idecided at the end of 2021, I
believe that I was going to takea step back from that and start
rediscovering who I was and whatfills up my cup and really start
(02:15):
nurturing.
Me I started a meditationpractice at the beginning of
December of 2001.
That ultimately led me to the,we experienced, I started
meditating every single day.
I started with 30 days and grewfrom there.
I wanted to do something sowomen could feel connected
because I was feeling so aloneand isolated.
(02:36):
And shortly before that, Iannounced that I was doing a
women's event because I wasfeeling so alone and isolated.
But I really didn't know what itwas about.
I was just like, I'm doing thisevent.
It's a year from now.
This is the location.
Be right back.
I'm going to go figure this outlater.
In about February of 2022 iswhen I was meditating and the WE
(02:59):
experience basically just kindof downloaded in a sense.
The name was there, the feeling,the vibe, everything that I
wanted to put out into theuniverse in regards to that kind
of all came to me at once.
It really came at a time where Iwas lost feeling not like myself
but knew that Being around otherwomen around other people was
(03:20):
really going to help me get towhere I wanted to be,
Ashley (03:24):
which I think is so needed because there is a big
disconnect, whether it was sortof us being isolated for three
years or whether it really isthat our connection has been
mostly through a cell phone.
It's like we get busy with ourday to day lives and either
don't want to bother people ormaybe just don't have that
strong friendship or familysupport system.
(03:45):
Where it's like, I would reallylike to talk to somebody who
maybe understands what I'm goingthrough or maybe has had a
similar experience.
Not always feeling comfortableto reach out.
So I think it's so great whenthere are connection events that
you can meet people that youmaybe never would have had the
opportunity to meet before.
Portia (04:01):
I 100 percent agree.
Yeah.
And I really like, especiallywith the events and really
anything that I do with the, weexperiences.
I want everybody to kind of,whether they land on our
Instagram account, walk into oneof our events, listen to one of
our podcasts is to really feelat home.
And to feel seen and heard as ifI'm talking right to them.
And so that's a big componentwith the We experience, is to
(04:23):
feel less alone in this world.
Ashley (04:26):
Which is so important.
One thing that you touched on isalso something that a lot of
people maybe experiences thatneeding to discover ourselves.
I don't know whether it's like aseven year itch or something
like that, but it's like wereally shed our skin and we
really do become differentpeople that it's trying to
figure out.
In this new journey, who am I ornow that like, say for me, my
(04:48):
daughter is going to be 17 nextyear.
So it's like, okay, well, nowthat she's not in this little
bubble and I have to be watchingover and protecting her.
And now that I've switched tobasically being a mom taxi and
like a wallet, what does thatlook like for me?
So I think it's really.
And realizing in this newseason, it's okay to be somebody
different.
It's okay to say, Hey, I'm notgoing to do this anymore.
(05:10):
Cause I just don't find joy init and I'm burnt out.
And I really want to experienceX, Y, Z, and trying to figure
out where your joy is.
Portia (05:19):
Yeah, I agree.
My daughter's 16.
So I can relate to the taxi.
But I feel like I'm driving youeverywhere all the time.
But yeah, I agree.
And I think there's a lot of,I'm a Scorpio, so I am always.
shedding a skin and becomingsomebody else.
I feel like I've lived likeshort life, I guess overall, but
have done so many differentthings in this life that I have
(05:40):
lived.
I'm very privileged that I'mable to do that.
But.
I think it's so important tokind of shed the skin and to let
go of some of the I want to likeinsecurity or shame and guilt
around it.
Like, I no longer want to bethis person and everybody around
me expects me to be this person,but I can't do this anymore.
That's kind of how I felt islike, I became this variation of
(06:04):
Portia that I didn't even knowreally existed.
It took a little bit of time forme to be like, okay, this is not
who I want to continue walkingaround as anymore.
I want to go back to who I was,but I want to do it in a way
that feels even better.
I had the conversation with myhusband, like I looked him
straight in the eyes and waslike, I'm happy, but I've been
(06:24):
happier and I'm ready to livehappier.
And that was kind of that momentwhere I was like, I'm done
trying to be what other peoplethink I should be.
Social media is there such aninteresting place?
There's so many opportunities tomeet people and find inspiration
and empowerment.
And there's so many amazingparts of it, but at the same
time, it can be very dark andcrippling and hard to even see
(06:49):
yourself.
in that light.
And so I found this, very weirddynamic with social media before
I was even a social media agencyowner showing up online.
Like, I never did that before.
So I kind of entered this wholenew world that I didn't really
know what to expect, and it kindof beat me up a little bit and
kind of reshaped me in a waythat I just didn't love the
(07:12):
person that I was looking atevery day in the mirror.
Ashley (07:16):
Well, I think, like you said, social media can be great
for building connections, butit's also hard when you're
feeling like you're in a placewhere you're not 100 percent
secure, you're looking forsomething else, and here you're
scanning everybody's highlightreel and thinking, why can't I
have XYZ or why does my lifelook like that?
So I think it's really hard whenyou get into that comparison
(07:37):
game.
Where it really is like if youwere to step inside that room,
like they could have dishespiled up in their sink, they
could have, laundry in thecorner, they could have, you
know, a kid that they don't havea good relationship with that
they're constantly fighting, orlike, they'll talk about the
longer the caption when it comesto marriages where it's like,
The most unhealthy relationshipswill be the ones that are like,
(07:59):
darling, I love you.
And 400 characters later,they're still going.
So I think it's also that, thatit's like, you really have to
tell yourself, even though it'snot just as easy as being like,
okay, it's fake, but reallyhaving that conversation and
looking within yourself to belike, I have to create my
perfect here.
I can't create my perfect basedoff their highlight reel.
Portia (08:19):
Yeah, I agree.
I hundred percent agree.
I think that's what I got caughtup in that a little bit.
Was looking at everybody'shighlight reel.
And when I first went on socialmedia, I was very strict with
myself.
Like I'm not sharing my family.
I'm not sharing different partsof my life.
Not with all these people that Ihave no idea who they are.
I'm such a person, like ifyou're right in front of me, I'd
(08:39):
be more than happy to share allelements of who I am and my life
and everything in between.
But online, I was just like, Ijust.
I don't want to do that and Ijust kind of want to almost
showcase the highlight reel butvery much be very authentic and
who I am like who you are seeingonline showing up in the stories
or in a post is exactly theperson that you're going to see
outside of that as well.
Ashley (09:00):
I think is really important.
I think it's important that weall show our weirdness and show
our ourselves, instead of ithaving to be.
You know, this perfect curatedimage of it I do think that
there is authenticity on theinternet.
I just feel like more often thannot.
And again, being like moms ofteenagers, if our teenagers are
busy, you know, telling us theydon't want to go to school or
(09:21):
that they're going out for theweekend.
We're not necessarily like, Hey,let's discuss what's going on at
that party on a live orhopefully not.
Portia (09:29):
Hopefully not.
Ashley (09:32):
Going back to your events, are they all in person
or are they a combination ofonline and in person?
Portia (09:40):
So right now, all of the events are in person.
We have been doing events forjust over a year.
So our first event was lastOctober in 2022.
And we just had our 3rd eventand so they're all in person.
I think the reason why there'snot a lot online is because I
was really trying to pull awayfrom that, I think, because I
(10:02):
was so much online for, youknow, three years of my life, I
really wanted to go back intothe in person connections and
really meeting people face toface and, and I always say, when
you meet somebody face to face,it's just like this energetic
dance between two people and youcan really, see the person as
they are like zoom is great butthere's nothing can beat an in
(10:25):
person experience ever and oddlyenough no one has requested
Online like I feel like if I getmore people that are interested
and that are like, you know I'dlove to be a part of it.
But you know, is there an onlineoption?
I think I would start leaningmore towards that but Everyone
seems to really enjoy the inperson.
Ultimately my goal is to, stepoutside of my area and start
(10:48):
doing it more in other areas.
I'm in Ontario, Canada.
So ideally, my goal is to, getto some other provinces and to,
having events kind of all overCanada rather than just central
to where I
Ashley (10:59):
am.
Which would be awesome as well.
Sorry not to go back a teensybit more.
When you were talking aboutbeing burnt out and what that
looked like for you.
If there was somebody else thatwas maybe feeling similar.
Can you talk a little bit aboutwhat your symptoms were or how
you really noticed that you justweren't fully yourself?
Portia (11:18):
I think my body told me first, so to take a step back
and like all the things thatI've done I am a yoga teacher,
and I started that in my 20s,and I really learned how to
connect with my body and be veryself aware as to what was
happening within me.
During that course of beingonline, and I was, you know, in
(11:41):
my early 30s at that point Ikind of lost that connection
with myself.
And so what really was my ahamoment was that conversation
that I had mentioned before withmy husband of just not being as
happy as I was before.
I feel like in that moment, alot of things started to kind of
come to the surface.
So I had some actual physicalproblems.
(12:01):
My heart rate was really, reallylow.
So my beats per minute were likeBarely alive.
Like it was bad.
It was really, really low.
It would get really, really lowat night.
I had an Apple Watch at thetime, so it would ping me every
morning.
So that was kind of a little bitconcerning, but I really didn't,
put two and two together.
I was light headed a lot.
(12:21):
I was exhausted.
A big thing that happened to me,I became very angry with my
body.
At that time of burnout, Outsidelooking in, I was doing all of
the right things.
I was working out three to fivedays a week.
I was getting outside everysingle day.
I was eating healthy,nutritious, clean food every
single day.
Minimal sugar, all of the thingsthat should contribute to having
(12:42):
a very healthy body lifestylewas not necessarily working.
I was dealing with a lot ofunresolved grief that was just
harboring in my body.
And so all of the symptomsstarted to kind of pile up.
And once I started to kind ofadmit to myself that something
wasn't right, I felt like it alljust kind of fell on me.
And so those were kind of thephysical symptoms.
(13:04):
Some of the mental symptoms thatI noticed was that I just wasn't
into a lot of things anymore.
I was pulling away.
I was doing a lot of socialmedia at the time.
My creativity was pretty muchgone.
I was very irritable, frustratedvery quickly and couldn't come
out with that.
I could not regulate my emotionsat that point.
I felt like it was.
kind of hindering my family aswell.
(13:26):
And so that was kind of what Ireally started noticing.
But it was difficult becauseit's overwhelming.
I think that was a bigmisconception.
Some people were like, Oh, justgo do this and just read this
book.
It was overwhelming to find aself help book.
I knew exactly the steps that Ineeded to do.
I knew that I needed to dealwith a lot of unresolved grief
(13:46):
and trauma that had happened inmy life.
I knew I needed to go see atherapist, but it was so
overwhelming to open a laptop.
Google it in my town, liketherapists in my town, because
you would have all thisinformation.
You're not feeling great.
You're angry at yourself.
You're like, I can't believe Ihave to do this.
How did I even get myself here?
And so it was very, very hard tocome out of that.
(14:08):
And it took months to actuallystart feeling less like bogged
down, like weighed down fromeverything.
But.
Meditation changed my life.
The first thing I did wasgratitude.
I started a gratitude journaland did gratitude every day and
started to write down how I wasfeeling that day, like
physically and mentally so Icould go back and be like, I did
(14:28):
have some good days last week.
Why am I feeling like I didn'thave any good days at all this
month, type of thing.
So I had something that couldshow, some accountability for
myself.
And then the second thing I didwas meditation.
I started a meditation practiceand that, Truly, truly, truly
changed my life and really gaveme the space mentally,
(14:49):
physically, emotionally to startdoing all of the other things,
seeing a naturopath, seeing atherapist, getting support from
other people that really helpedme significantly.
Ashley (15:01):
Would you mind talking about some of the grief that you
had experienced or sort of whatthat looked like and maybe how
that got bottled up?
Portia (15:08):
Sure.
So, I have to say, I have topreface by saying I never really
experienced grief in my entirelife.
It was such a new emotion forme.
And so at the end of 2019, I hada, how do I describe it?
I was pregnant.
It wasn't a miscarriage.
(15:28):
It was a DNC.
I'm like dancing around theconversation.
my baby wasn't healthy.
There was a lot of underlyingissues.
I probably would never have beenable to carry to full term.
There was a lot of things thatwent around that too.
So we had an assistedmiscarriage and so that was
something that I had neverexperienced before I got
(15:50):
pregnant very early on.
I was pregnant just after Iturned 20 and had my daughter
when I was 20.
And so never really expected tohave any more children in my
life because I was a child witha child.
When we found out that we werepregnant again, and I was 33 at
the time, it was shocking.
It was every emotion to saybrought me back to when I was 20
(16:12):
and felt every emotion then.
But it was a lot of excitementbecause my husband and I were
completely different people andwe were going to be able to
bring this child into this worldas two very different versions
of ourselves.
It was very exciting.
And so when we found out.
About all of our complicationswith our pregnancy or my
pregnancy it was really, reallyhard to bear because it was
(16:35):
something that we never expectedand then we were like, fully
into it and then we had to befully out of it in the matter of
months.
I think when that was happening,I felt like I was very much like
on top of it.
I don't want to carry this formy whole life.
I want to make sure that I getthe support that I need.
And I felt very in control atthe moment.
(16:55):
And then I basically gave myselftwo weeks to heal and then
jumped back into my social mediabusiness and it never came up
again.
We went to some support groupsand I realized that, you know,
like the support groups reallyweren't for me.
I wanted to move forward in mylife and not stay in the same
place.
A lot of the people that were inthe support groups were staying
(17:16):
in the same place and had stayedthere for several years.
And I just could not do that.
Sure enough, I did do that.
But without knowing, so it kindof just bottled up and I think.
It was never addressed.
I think there was a lot of blamebecause the pregnancy was
something that was very shockingand to anybody that is listening
(17:37):
that has had a surprisepregnancy, you know, all of the
emotions, you know, like, how isthis going to affect my life,
the good emotions and the bademotions.
I don't want to say bademotions, just the other end
right the ones that make youfeel guilty for feeling them,
even though that's completelynatural.
It was very interestingexperience to deal with grief
(17:58):
and going through all the stagesof anger and sadness because it
was a lot of sadness.
And at the same time, it wasrelatively a secret.
And I think that was a reallyhard thing.
Some people knew that I waspregnant because we hit the 12
week mark.
We were announcing it to peopleand some people did it.
And so this was all at Christmastime and I had to put on this
front.
I think If it happened at alittle bit of a different time
(18:21):
where I could actually take astep back and sit with myself
and give myself like, whathappened in the middle of the
summer where you don't reallyneed to see anybody, but it's
like at Christmas time, you haveto see everybody and it's like,
you don't show up for the familydinner.
Everyone's like, why aren't youshowing up for the family
dinner?
And they didn't know.
It was easier to kind of put thefront on than it was dealing
with the pain of all of it.
I just thought, if this iseasier, I'm just going to do
(18:42):
this for now.
it caught up to me.
It's wild because I neverthought when I was burning out,
I had a dear friend of mine.
She's super holistic.
And she's like, Portia, yourheart chakra is sad.
Like, your heart chakra is notmoving.
That is what is happening toyour body.
Like, it's not what you think itis.
Like, it's your heart.
And I'm like, no, it's not.
You're ridiculous.
(19:02):
This is so silly.
I'm like knee deep in thatstuff.
And I was like, no, that's notme.
That was exactly what it was.
I was just putting it in,bottling it up.
And felt a lot of shame aroundit and almost alone in it
because it's a hard story totell because it's sad I never
loved when people looked at mewith sad eyes.
(19:23):
I say that all the time, I'mstill the same person I was when
that happened.
There's a little bit differentemotions that I've experienced,
like I never experienced thatbefore and it really allowed me
to relate to a lot of peopleallowed me to relate to my
husband who has experienced alot of grief in his life, I
really didn't even know how Icould support him.
It was interesting how it allkind of came up and how I
(19:45):
thought I was dealing with itand I wasn't and, it wasn't
until I met with a therapist andreally started to talk through
and understand that there was noblame for me, you know, it was a
hard decision.
And because.
There was a decision that had tobe made.
I think that is what was thehardest part about it.
At the end of the day,
Ashley (20:04):
that sliding doors moment where it could be, which
am I going to choose and sort ofthat.
What if I'm really sorry thatyou had to go through that.
And it's 1 of those things that.
Miscarriage or the other side ofit of having to make that choice
when there just isn't thehealthy cells that need to be
(20:24):
there to create like a fullperson.
Unfortunately, it is so common.
So many women would have thesame experience.
So as hard as it is for you toshare, there can be that good of
people knowing that, hey, thisperson shared their story.
Maybe I can share mine becausethere is with any sort of
miscarriage.
There is a lot of shame of like,did I do this?
(20:46):
Especially when you aren'tinitially like stoked to have a
second baby or that you're notlike a planned pregnancy.
I was 21 when I had my daughter,that it's almost that when
situations come up, it almostunmasks other trauma or other
feelings that you maybe didn'tknow is there.
(21:06):
Like almost grief for your 20sor grief for this loss of
control with a child raising achild.
All of those kind of things areso valid and I feel like there's
this societal pressure to feellike just don't talk about it.
Just smile.
Pretend everything is fine.
And I think we did that for solong.
And then we realized, no, we'renot fine.
(21:27):
There's a reason why there's amental health epidemic
especially for women that it'slike, Okay.
It's okay to say, Hey, it kindof sucked, you know, giving up
my twenties are kind of suckedfeeling this loss of control at
this point.
It doesn't mean that we don'tlove our children or that we're
not so happy to be mothers.
It's just two things can be trueat the same time.
Portia (21:47):
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah, it did bring up like, Iremember seeing the test.
I remember thinking to myself,during it, I was like, oh my
gosh, here we go again.
I felt like I was just gettingmy footing again, just starting.
And because when I had mydaughter, I really committed to
being a stay at home mom.
I did that for a long time.
I had a part time job and did myyoga teachings and all these
(22:08):
different things, but reallyworked around my daughter and
helped her.
Being a mother and a stay athome mother was like the first
job.
And I was just like, I don'tknow if I want to go back to
this.
I lost like 10 years and here Iam just starting again.
I'm 33.
I feel like I'm like getting mymomentum again.
It brought up a lot.
I don't know if you felt thesame way having your daughter at
(22:29):
21, but I felt like at 20, I hada lot to prove.
That I was mature enough to carefor this being and I'm just now
realizing this, that there was alot that I had to prove to
everybody around me that Iwasn't just a baby having a
baby.
I just felt like all of that wascoming back up again.
I was like, here we go.
And I have to prove to everybodythat I can do this this time.
(22:51):
I it's very interesting.
When you start to become moreself aware and tap into, what's
harboring in your body, youknow, little traumas, big
traumas different variations ofgrief how it all comes up and is
lived throughout your life.
And I'm really learning that alot right now about myself and
how these different things thatI do go back to being 20 and
(23:15):
having a baby, which I reallydidn't think it affected me at
all, but it clearly did.
Ashley (23:21):
I think so much of that, like stuff that happened in
childhood or in our teens orsomething like going through
such a big experience like that,it is so mind boggling how all
roads lead back to that, theytalk about how trauma isn't
necessarily the incident thathappens.
It's how we perceive theincident or how the thoughts and
feelings that come up after it.
(23:42):
So it's so funny in a not funnyway that when we experience
something later on, itautomatically sucks us back to
that moment.
And somehow like that, Part ofus is still deep inside, and
it's like, here, let me come outand deal with this for you.
And it just throws everythingout of whack.
Portia (24:00):
I think that that was the hardest part about all of it
is, and I was having aconversation with somebody
earlier this week about that, oflike, when it does come up, it's
like, oh no, not now, that wasnot a good time.
Things are going really well,and I really don't want to.
And I think that's what, Washappening to me.
It was like, everything wasgoing so well, my business was
(24:21):
booming, outside looking in, itjust looked like my life was
just radiating light, but reallyit was really dark and scary at
times.
At the same time, I was like,no, not now.
Like, I don't want to kind offace this right now.
It's really, really good.
And I know when I start to facethis, I won't be able to do
everything that I was doingbefore.
I really need to take a stepback and hold space for myself.
(24:44):
Because that's who I am.
Like, I'm not a go go go personand I couldn't be go go go and
work on myself and go totherapy.
That's just not who I am.
Ashley (24:55):
It's also one of those things where it's like, we have
this idea that we're in control.
And that we can just make sureeverything is going the way that
we want.
And so it can be really hardwhen we're like tunnel vision.
This is the control, this iswhat I want.
And then life is like, oh honey.
And then switches it all up onyou.
That it's like really being ableand willing to let go.
(25:18):
And sort of just see whathappens.
And that's so hard for so manypeople.
Portia (25:22):
It was really hard for me.
I think after the miscarriage, Istarted to kind of hold on real
tight.
To everything and I was soregimented with what I ate.
I was so regimented on how Iworked out.
And maybe even almost to a scarypoint in a way.
But I needed that controlbecause that was something that
I was completely out of controlof and it was probably the first
(25:45):
time in a long time other thanhaving my daughter that I
experienced something that wasso out of my control and yet in
my control at the same time.
Like I had to make thesedecisions.
I had to do all of these things,but at the same time you're
making these decisions to me.
I feel like my hands are not onthe wheel.
Like it's on cruise control andI'm just kind of letting it go.
(26:08):
And I really, really had tolearn to let go of the control
and loosen the grip a little biton life.
That's where meditation cameinto play, where it really
allowed me to look at the thingsthat were happening in my life
and understanding, like, is thisfully in my control or is this
completely out of my control andnot worth?
Spending that extra bandwidth onor arguing about it or putting
(26:32):
negative energy or even positiveenergy into it.
I really, really had to learnthat.
And I feel like it took a longtime.
Like it did.
It wasn't something thathappened overnight and it wasn't
something that happened inmonths.
I feel like it took a good yearto, let go a little bit and
understand that not everythingis going to be in my control and
I can only control myself.
(26:53):
And that's okay.
And I feel like my daughter hastaught me a lot.
Like, I don't know, teenagersare funny.
They're a little bit of a rollercoaster ride of doom sometimes.
And it really allowed me to kindof take a step back and being
like, I don't need to controlthat aspect of her life, or I
don't need to do that.
I really noticed that I'mholding tight onto this and she
(27:13):
doesn't even notice that I'mdoing that.
It really allowed me to kind ofrealize where I was still
holding onto control in my life.
And where I wasn't, and I'm farhappier now, but it loosening
the grip.
Ashley (27:26):
It does make a huge difference.
Cause it's like, we do thinkthat we have to do all of the
things that it is kind ofamazing that once you step back
and you're like, Oh, Hey, I didthe good work here.
So now this is operating withme.
Basically not having to doanything with it.
And the teenagers, anybody withyoung kids just know that, like,
(27:47):
I hate to say terrible two's,but like how people define that
time, but that phase comes back.
I want to say it's about 12 to15.
It does get a little bit better,but it's like when you try to be
so tunnel vision and like, holdon so tight to them, they're
like, this is gross.
Like leave me alone.
And even though it's like.
(28:07):
Big toddlers that feel like theycan do all of the things.
It's like you really do kind ofhave to step back and make sure
that the tools that you've putin place to kind of work for
them so that they learn to messup and that they do the stupid
things while they're youngenough that they don't
necessarily have consequence tothem.
But I think it can be reallyhard from that transition to be
(28:30):
like, I have to controleverything.
I have to be on top of this.
I have to know where you'regoing.
I have to know who's going to bethere and all of these things.
To then be like, okay, you canjust do this, text me, and have
that trust in them, I think thatletting go is so hard for so
many parents.
Portia (28:48):
Yeah, it's, yeah, it's really, really difficult.
And my daughter doesn't do alot.
So I'm like always being tested,but I think it's even in other
things.
I think when she first enteredhigh school, it was very
important for me to teach herhow to advocate for herself.
So I'm like, I can't advocatefor you anymore.
You're going into high school.
I don't think they appreciatethe mom calling and being like,
(29:08):
or whatever it may be.
I'm like, you have to learn toadvocate for yourself because.
Once you step out of highschool, it's on you.
Like I can't go in to whereveryou are next and your employer
and say, well, I don't like theway that you're treating my
daughter or anything like youhave to stand up for yourself
and advocate for yourself.
That's so important.
I had to learn to let go of thatcontrol because there were times
(29:30):
where I was like, I really wantto do this.
I really want to write thatemail.
I really want to make that phonecall or whatever it may be and
be like, no, let's just seewhere it goes.
It could get messy.
That's okay.
We're allowed to get messy.
But I know that a lesson will belearned in here for both of us,
whether it's her or me or both.
But yeah, it's very interestingteenagers And everything I have
(29:55):
tons of friends that have youngchildren and they're like, Oh, I
just can't wait till they getolder.
And I was like, it's different,like, it's great.
And they don't rely on you asmuch.
And you don't have to like bathethem in the tub anymore, but
it's a very interesting anddifferent time.
And I feel like that's when itreally started to test me as an
adult, because I was so youngand raising her that the
(30:19):
maturity was we were growingtogether.
And so I really had to, kind of.
Learn a little bit about myselfalong the way and, how I was
doing things and, as everymother, I'm pretty sure we all
have an idea when we have ourchildren that this is the mother
I want to be.
And so it's coming back to thatsometimes and being like, am I
(30:40):
being the person that I wantedto be from the get go?
Am I, turning into somebody elseor whatever it may be?
And so it's, it's coming back.
I really like to nurture andlove and hold.
It was really, really hard to belike, I don't need to fix this.
This is not my responsibility tofix.
And the biggest thing I say tomy daughter, my therapist, is
like, I love this, but when shegets angry, and it's a situation
(31:03):
that's out of her control, hasnothing to do with me, but she's
like lashing it out on me, Ialways look at her and I'm like,
I'm not the enemy in this, I'mhere to support you and help
you, but you can't come at me, Iam not your enemy.
Just remember that, and usuallyit stops.
Ashley (31:19):
Well, it's like, it's so easy for them to freak out on us
because it's like, we're alsothe safe place.
So it's like, I can do all ofthe things because, you're not
going anywhere.
Even though it can be hard whenthey're like that, when they're
like energy vampires and theyjust like suck the air out of
the room.
Portia (31:35):
Yeah, yeah, they are.
Ashley (31:38):
But that being said, there is also Really great
things like I like the fact thatsay, I haven't had to see a
movie with a cartoon in like 10years, so I appreciate the fact
that now we can watch the sameshows, or, if we're in a movie
theater she can go to the potty,all by herself, or things like
that were like, I don't have tobe the one to, take you to the
(32:00):
mall if you want to go shoppingI do have to wire you the cash
but like that independence andthat freedom of, Like we're not
at the place where we're friendsper se yet because she still is
obviously like has rules and allof the other things but it's
like getting to see glimmers ofthat I think is kind of
fantastic and as much as themoods are hit and miss I really
(32:23):
do think that once they're kindof like in the 16, 17, 18 mark
it does get easier or it hasgotten easier in my household
anyways that there is There'spros and cons of every age, but
I do love the phase that we'rein.
Portia (32:38):
Yeah, I agree.
I really like it.
You see them more as...
Individuals.
I know you still see yourchildren as individuals, but
they're still very much likeattached to you.
They're just a part of you in away, but you start to see them
as individuals with their ownlives and sparking their own
conversations with you andbringing up topics that you're
like, Oh, I never even reallythought of that before, or just
(32:59):
different discussions.
I like that.
It makes me think.
I couldn't imagine it.
Having a child, like a lot of myfriends have young children,
they're in their thirties.
And I'm like, I couldn't evenimagine because I like being
this close in age.
I feel like there's a lot ofthings that I can relate to with
her and, just the differentconversations.
I still feel very relevant as aparent because I feel like after
(33:22):
a while you feel like you'renot.
And you're like, oh my gosh,what are they saying?
Like, I don't even know whatthat slang means.
Ashley (33:27):
I have to get her almost to explain her English to me.
Portia (33:30):
Yeah.
I'm like, I don't know.
This is what we said.
It kind of makes you feel likeyou're not hip or current
anymore, but at the same time, Ithink I still feel like.
She still wants to be around meand wants to hang out with me
and we're going on a road trip.
I'm really excited about thatbecause it's a different way to
bond I appreciate this age.
I really love the younger age ofthe exploration and where
(33:54):
everything was new and they'reexperiencing the world for the
first time.
I loved that because I felt likeI was reliving the world through
their eyes at that point.
And then it kind of weird limboperiod.
And then now they emerge asthese beings and it's very cool
as their personality shapes andtheir friendships change and
their wardrobe changes and allof these different things.
(34:16):
I love watching my daughterevolve into who she is slowly
becoming.
Ashley (34:21):
And it's kind of like a pat on the back for us too, of
like, you're actually a coolperson.
Like I raised you to be nice andfunctional and you're not a jerk
to other people just being ableto kind of see that I agree with
you watching the evolution ofthem turning into a real human,
because I just don't think like10 and under, obviously they're
real but they're not they'restill like jello in the sense
(34:43):
that they're being formed thatthey don't really have the
ability to say this is what Istrongly believe in at that age
they get just their braindoesn't exist that way.
Portia (34:54):
Yeah, they start to really understand what their
values are and,, it's nice.
Like we get to haveconversations.
I should be like, this persontexts me and I don't understand
what they mean by it.
Is this sarcasm?
Is this to be hurtful to me?
Is this supposed to be playfulto me?
And I was like, okay, like whatwas the circumstance, like what
was going on?
And reminding them to setboundaries, you don't have to
(35:14):
people please all the time.
It's interesting because.
I really appreciate that,especially my own daughter is
that she just.
is striving to be, the bestperson that she can be.
I wasn't like that when I was16, like she was telling me
about a scenario that washappening in her class.
They had a supply teacher andshe's like, Oh my God, she's
(35:35):
going on about it.
And afterwards, I said to myhusband, I said, well,
unfortunately, like I was theother kid.
I was the kid that was causingthe problem, not the kid that
wanted the problems to stop.
And I said, it's just, it's sointeresting how we're very
different people.
And yet, we're very similar atthe same time.
(35:55):
I just love seeing it.
Ashley (35:57):
I think also with our generation, like I was born in
the 80s, raised in the 90s.
We weren't told to talk aboutmental health.
We weren't really.
Necessarily told about positiveand negative situations in the
same like I feel like themessage was just like be pretty
or even just watching like someold 90 shows like Beverly Hills
90210 is on Paramount right now.
(36:19):
So I'm going back and binging itand the stuff that was on that
show is so cringy like there wasa situation where this girl was
almost date raped and herfriends come in and go.
I told you not to wear that tothe party.
Like I couldn't even imagine,but that, I think is why we were
the way that we were.
And I feel like now theconversations with our kids with
(36:39):
just being more open and havingreal discussions with them,
having mental health be put assuch an importance and talked
about in schools and really bemore accessible than I think it
ever was.
I think that's one of the greatshifts in our kids that they
don't have to be hot messexpresses like we were.
Portia (37:00):
So true.
We watched Legally Blonde overthe weekend and it was kind of
the same thing where there wassome pretty cringy moments where
I was like, Ooh, I can't believeI watched this, but I never
picked up on it though.
Yeah.
Watching it.
But I was like, Oh my gosh,there was another one.
Like bring it on.
I've watched again.
And that was like a veryinteresting, it was nineties.
It was huge.
(37:20):
And I'm like, Oh my God, some ofthe things that they said.
And I'm like, Oh, but I waslike, but once again, like I
didn't really pick up on thosethings when I was watching it,
when I was 15, 16, it was sonormalized.
Yeah.
I was like looking at theirdance moves, like, I don't know.
And their outfits, that's what Iwas paying attention to, but
it's very interesting when I hadmy daughter, it was very
(37:42):
important for me to be open withher and not hide anything from
her and obviously doing it at arating dependent on her age, of
course.
spilling the beans all the time,but being very honest, and
especially when I had the DNC,it was very apparent that I
needed to be honest.
We kept her in the dark theentire time.
She thought I was sick.
(38:03):
She thought I was dying.
And so that was really scary.
And that was only over a monthand a half.
And for her feeling this way,not saying anything to us, and
we said nothing to her becausewe really didn't know what was
going on until, a week and ahalf before.
And at that point, I thinkyou're just trying to wrap your
head around what's happening andyou just don't have the capacity
to explain it to your 12 yearold.
(38:24):
But I remember talking to herabout it after and really.
Having to kind of walk the walkand talk the talk and being
like, okay, I'm going to be openabout my emotions.
So if I'm standing here crying,I'm going to tell you why I'm
crying.
I'm not going to go hide intothe bathroom in shame because I
don't want you to see me in thisway.
I'm like, this is natural.
Something terrible just happenedto us, to all of us.
We were all excited about thisand it's okay to feel sad at
(38:48):
random moments.
Thank you.
There's no right time to feelsad.
I still feel sad.
All the time, but, grief is oneof those things that.
Sometimes it hits you way later.
And there's so many stages of itand it can easily come back up
and you can easily be triggeredby something you see by a
(39:08):
conversation that was had I didan event on the weekend and the
speaker talked about miscarriageand it felt like I was reliving
that whole experience all overagain, but feeling so.
Grateful that she was talkingabout it at the same time,
because I felt seen and heard inthat moment because I'm like,
wow, I can relate to what she'sfeeling right now in this
moment.
(39:29):
But yeah, having the opennesswith my daughter was so
important for me as a mother, Ididn't want to keep her in the
dark.
Ashley (39:36):
Well, that openness can be so hard, but it is really,
really important becauseespecially if we want them.
To come to us for things.
It's like we have to be okay,answering the questions we don't
want to answer, talking abouttopics that we wish that they
weren't asking about, and justreally kind of biting the bullet
and being like, okay, let's diveinto this.
(39:56):
Let's make this something where,you know, if they are Drunk at a
party that they'll call us, orif they've gotten into a
situation with their friends andthere's, texting or bullying
going on that they'll come andtrust that we won't freak out on
them and that it can be thislike conversation versus the
(40:17):
fear of punishment, which Ithink is why a lot of people
will hide things or.
lie about things.
So I think it's reallycommendable that you see that
within your child and want tocreate that relationship where
she is going to be open.
And grief is one of those thingsthat in some way, it's a
blessing that it shows us thatwe loved that person or that
(40:41):
situation so much that we willmourn it for the rest of our
lives.
And then the downside is that itnever ever goes away.
And that it's okay if it's Fiveyears later on some random
Tuesday and you see a commercialand then all of a sudden you're
bawling your eyes out.
It's important to give yourselfgrace that it's okay to feel
whatever you're gonna feel forhowever long you're gonna feel
(41:02):
about it.
Portia (41:03):
Yeah, I hundred percent agree.
I just sit here and I'm likenodding like yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I always say that we hadlike a very hard beginning of
our year.
I have chickens.
And I lost my chickens and I hadto like my pets.
And then our dog just died.
We don't know why she was youngand we had to grieve that.
(41:24):
It was hard.
The whole time I'm grieving allof this and talking to my
therapist and trying to figureout how it feels in my body and
everything.
I just remind myself that griefis the price you pay for love.
I loved.
My chickens wholeheartedly and Ilove my dog wholeheartedly and
that's what I have to do and Iwould never change it for the
world because I got six years ofendless love with my dog and
(41:49):
learned so much about myself anddogs in general and I would
never change that for the worldand a lot of people were like,
would you do it again?
Yeah, I would do it again in aheartbeat.
I'll do it again my entire lifebecause I want to love I want to
love endlessly and with my wholeentire heart and if that's the
price I have to pay, then I willpay that price every single
(42:12):
time,
Ashley (42:13):
which is so beautiful to stay open like that., can you
tell everybody if they'relooking for the WE podcast or
the WE experience where theywould find you online.
Portia (42:25):
Sure.
So you can find us on Instagram,of course.
The.WE.experience and it's quitehappen in place to be there for
our podcast.
You can find it on Spotify andApple and it's under, this is
We, and our second season iscoming soon, so I'm excited for
that.
Ashley (42:44):
Well, thank you so much, Portia, for having this
conversation with me today.
Thank you.
Oh, it was amazing.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday for this episode of the
filled up cup podcast.
Don't forget to hit subscribeand leave a review.
If you like what you hear, youcan also connect with us at
filledupcup.Com.
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll catch you in the next
(43:07):
episode.
Welcome to the Filled Up Cuppodcast.
We are a different kind of selfcare resource, one that has
nothing to do with bubble bathsand face masks, and everything
to do with rediscoveringyourself.
We bring you real reviews,honest experiences, and
unfiltered opinions that willmake you laugh, cry, and most
(00:21):
importantly, leave you with afilled up cup.
Ashley (00:31):
I am very excited today.
I have Portia Chambers joiningme.
She is the host of This Is Wepodcast and the founder of This
Is We Experience.
Thank you so much for joining metoday.
Portia (00:41):
Oh, I'm so happy to be here.
I'm really excited.
Ashley (00:44):
Can you tell everybody what the This Is We Experience
is, if they're unfamiliar?
Portia (00:49):
Sure.
So the We Experience if you landon our Instagram page, it's
basically a platform for womento gather and celebrate with one
another.
It's all about women'sempowerment.
Whether you are a businessowner, you have a nine to five
or a mother.
It doesn't really matter, we'reall there kind of on this
personal journey and the WEexperience is all about doing it
(01:13):
together and cheering oneanother on as we move through
different phases of our livesand different versions of who we
are.
We host women's events we have apodcast of course, and then we
also have a blog.
Ashley (01:26):
Oh, that's awesome.
What inspired you to want tostart all of the WE channels
that you have?
Portia (01:33):
It's kind of a long story, but I'll give you the
Coles Notes version of it.
So at the end of 2021, I used tobe a social media agency owner.
I had a small boutique agencyand it started about 2019.
And that really took off andpropelled, and it was absolutely
amazing.
And I learned so much, butthrough all of that, I kind of
(01:54):
lost myself a little bit.
I found myself burning out andjust kind of not really enjoying
life as much as I did prior tothat.
So with that being said, Idecided at the end of 2021, I
believe that I was going to takea step back from that and start
rediscovering who I was and whatfills up my cup and really start
(02:15):
nurturing.
Me I started a meditationpractice at the beginning of
December of 2001.
That ultimately led me to the,we experienced, I started
meditating every single day.
I started with 30 days and grewfrom there.
I wanted to do something sowomen could feel connected
because I was feeling so aloneand isolated.
(02:36):
And shortly before that, Iannounced that I was doing a
women's event because I wasfeeling so alone and isolated.
But I really didn't know what itwas about.
I was just like, I'm doing thisevent.
It's a year from now.
This is the location.
Be right back.
I'm going to go figure this outlater.
In about February of 2022 iswhen I was meditating and the WE
(02:59):
experience basically just kindof downloaded in a sense.
The name was there, the feeling,the vibe, everything that I
wanted to put out into theuniverse in regards to that kind
of all came to me at once.
It really came at a time where Iwas lost feeling not like myself
but knew that Being around otherwomen around other people was
(03:20):
really going to help me get towhere I wanted to be,
Ashley (03:24):
which I think is so needed because there is a big
disconnect, whether it was sortof us being isolated for three
years or whether it really isthat our connection has been
mostly through a cell phone.
It's like we get busy with ourday to day lives and either
don't want to bother people ormaybe just don't have that
strong friendship or familysupport system.
(03:45):
Where it's like, I would reallylike to talk to somebody who
maybe understands what I'm goingthrough or maybe has had a
similar experience.
Not always feeling comfortableto reach out.
So I think it's so great whenthere are connection events that
you can meet people that youmaybe never would have had the
opportunity to meet before.
Portia (04:01):
I 100 percent agree.
Yeah.
And I really like, especiallywith the events and really
anything that I do with the, weexperiences.
I want everybody to kind of,whether they land on our
Instagram account, walk into oneof our events, listen to one of
our podcasts is to really feelat home.
And to feel seen and heard as ifI'm talking right to them.
And so that's a big componentwith the We experience, is to
(04:23):
feel less alone in this world.
Ashley (04:26):
Which is so important.
One thing that you touched on isalso something that a lot of
people maybe experiences thatneeding to discover ourselves.
I don't know whether it's like aseven year itch or something
like that, but it's like wereally shed our skin and we
really do become differentpeople that it's trying to
figure out.
In this new journey, who am I ornow that like, say for me, my
(04:48):
daughter is going to be 17 nextyear.
So it's like, okay, well, nowthat she's not in this little
bubble and I have to be watchingover and protecting her.
And now that I've switched tobasically being a mom taxi and
like a wallet, what does thatlook like for me?
So I think it's really.
And realizing in this newseason, it's okay to be somebody
different.
It's okay to say, Hey, I'm notgoing to do this anymore.
(05:10):
Cause I just don't find joy init and I'm burnt out.
And I really want to experienceX, Y, Z, and trying to figure
out where your joy is.
Portia (05:19):
Yeah, I agree.
My daughter's 16.
So I can relate to the taxi.
But I feel like I'm driving youeverywhere all the time.
But yeah, I agree.
And I think there's a lot of,I'm a Scorpio, so I am always.
shedding a skin and becomingsomebody else.
I feel like I've lived likeshort life, I guess overall, but
have done so many differentthings in this life that I have
(05:40):
lived.
I'm very privileged that I'mable to do that.
But.
I think it's so important tokind of shed the skin and to let
go of some of the I want to likeinsecurity or shame and guilt
around it.
Like, I no longer want to bethis person and everybody around
me expects me to be this person,but I can't do this anymore.
That's kind of how I felt islike, I became this variation of
(06:04):
Portia that I didn't even knowreally existed.
It took a little bit of time forme to be like, okay, this is not
who I want to continue walkingaround as anymore.
I want to go back to who I was,but I want to do it in a way
that feels even better.
I had the conversation with myhusband, like I looked him
straight in the eyes and waslike, I'm happy, but I've been
(06:24):
happier and I'm ready to livehappier.
And that was kind of that momentwhere I was like, I'm done
trying to be what other peoplethink I should be.
Social media is there such aninteresting place?
There's so many opportunities tomeet people and find inspiration
and empowerment.
And there's so many amazingparts of it, but at the same
time, it can be very dark andcrippling and hard to even see
(06:49):
yourself.
in that light.
And so I found this, very weirddynamic with social media before
I was even a social media agencyowner showing up online.
Like, I never did that before.
So I kind of entered this wholenew world that I didn't really
know what to expect, and it kindof beat me up a little bit and
kind of reshaped me in a waythat I just didn't love the
(07:12):
person that I was looking atevery day in the mirror.
Ashley (07:16):
Well, I think, like you said, social media can be great
for building connections, butit's also hard when you're
feeling like you're in a placewhere you're not 100 percent
secure, you're looking forsomething else, and here you're
scanning everybody's highlightreel and thinking, why can't I
have XYZ or why does my lifelook like that?
So I think it's really hard whenyou get into that comparison
(07:37):
game.
Where it really is like if youwere to step inside that room,
like they could have dishespiled up in their sink, they
could have, laundry in thecorner, they could have, you
know, a kid that they don't havea good relationship with that
they're constantly fighting, orlike, they'll talk about the
longer the caption when it comesto marriages where it's like,
The most unhealthy relationshipswill be the ones that are like,
(07:59):
darling, I love you.
And 400 characters later,they're still going.
So I think it's also that, thatit's like, you really have to
tell yourself, even though it'snot just as easy as being like,
okay, it's fake, but reallyhaving that conversation and
looking within yourself to belike, I have to create my
perfect here.
I can't create my perfect basedoff their highlight reel.
Portia (08:19):
Yeah, I agree.
I hundred percent agree.
I think that's what I got caughtup in that a little bit.
Was looking at everybody'shighlight reel.
And when I first went on socialmedia, I was very strict with
myself.
Like I'm not sharing my family.
I'm not sharing different partsof my life.
Not with all these people that Ihave no idea who they are.
I'm such a person, like ifyou're right in front of me, I'd
(08:39):
be more than happy to share allelements of who I am and my life
and everything in between.
But online, I was just like, Ijust.
I don't want to do that and Ijust kind of want to almost
showcase the highlight reel butvery much be very authentic and
who I am like who you are seeingonline showing up in the stories
or in a post is exactly theperson that you're going to see
outside of that as well.
Ashley (09:00):
I think is really important.
I think it's important that weall show our weirdness and show
our ourselves, instead of ithaving to be.
You know, this perfect curatedimage of it I do think that
there is authenticity on theinternet.
I just feel like more often thannot.
And again, being like moms ofteenagers, if our teenagers are
busy, you know, telling us theydon't want to go to school or
(09:21):
that they're going out for theweekend.
We're not necessarily like, Hey,let's discuss what's going on at
that party on a live orhopefully not.
Portia (09:29):
Hopefully not.
Ashley (09:32):
Going back to your events, are they all in person
or are they a combination ofonline and in person?
Portia (09:40):
So right now, all of the events are in person.
We have been doing events forjust over a year.
So our first event was lastOctober in 2022.
And we just had our 3rd eventand so they're all in person.
I think the reason why there'snot a lot online is because I
was really trying to pull awayfrom that, I think, because I
(10:02):
was so much online for, youknow, three years of my life, I
really wanted to go back intothe in person connections and
really meeting people face toface and, and I always say, when
you meet somebody face to face,it's just like this energetic
dance between two people and youcan really, see the person as
they are like zoom is great butthere's nothing can beat an in
(10:25):
person experience ever and oddlyenough no one has requested
Online like I feel like if I getmore people that are interested
and that are like, you know I'dlove to be a part of it.
But you know, is there an onlineoption?
I think I would start leaningmore towards that but Everyone
seems to really enjoy the inperson.
Ultimately my goal is to, stepoutside of my area and start
(10:48):
doing it more in other areas.
I'm in Ontario, Canada.
So ideally, my goal is to, getto some other provinces and to,
having events kind of all overCanada rather than just central
to where I
Ashley (10:59):
am.
Which would be awesome as well.
Sorry not to go back a teensybit more.
When you were talking aboutbeing burnt out and what that
looked like for you.
If there was somebody else thatwas maybe feeling similar.
Can you talk a little bit aboutwhat your symptoms were or how
you really noticed that you justweren't fully yourself?
Portia (11:18):
I think my body told me first, so to take a step back
and like all the things thatI've done I am a yoga teacher,
and I started that in my 20s,and I really learned how to
connect with my body and be veryself aware as to what was
happening within me.
During that course of beingonline, and I was, you know, in
(11:41):
my early 30s at that point Ikind of lost that connection
with myself.
And so what really was my ahamoment was that conversation
that I had mentioned before withmy husband of just not being as
happy as I was before.
I feel like in that moment, alot of things started to kind of
come to the surface.
So I had some actual physicalproblems.
(12:01):
My heart rate was really, reallylow.
So my beats per minute were likeBarely alive.
Like it was bad.
It was really, really low.
It would get really, really lowat night.
I had an Apple Watch at thetime, so it would ping me every
morning.
So that was kind of a little bitconcerning, but I really didn't,
put two and two together.
I was light headed a lot.
(12:21):
I was exhausted.
A big thing that happened to me,I became very angry with my
body.
At that time of burnout, Outsidelooking in, I was doing all of
the right things.
I was working out three to fivedays a week.
I was getting outside everysingle day.
I was eating healthy,nutritious, clean food every
single day.
Minimal sugar, all of the thingsthat should contribute to having
(12:42):
a very healthy body lifestylewas not necessarily working.
I was dealing with a lot ofunresolved grief that was just
harboring in my body.
And so all of the symptomsstarted to kind of pile up.
And once I started to kind ofadmit to myself that something
wasn't right, I felt like it alljust kind of fell on me.
And so those were kind of thephysical symptoms.
(13:04):
Some of the mental symptoms thatI noticed was that I just wasn't
into a lot of things anymore.
I was pulling away.
I was doing a lot of socialmedia at the time.
My creativity was pretty muchgone.
I was very irritable, frustratedvery quickly and couldn't come
out with that.
I could not regulate my emotionsat that point.
I felt like it was.
kind of hindering my family aswell.
(13:26):
And so that was kind of what Ireally started noticing.
But it was difficult becauseit's overwhelming.
I think that was a bigmisconception.
Some people were like, Oh, justgo do this and just read this
book.
It was overwhelming to find aself help book.
I knew exactly the steps that Ineeded to do.
I knew that I needed to dealwith a lot of unresolved grief
(13:46):
and trauma that had happened inmy life.
I knew I needed to go see atherapist, but it was so
overwhelming to open a laptop.
Google it in my town, liketherapists in my town, because
you would have all thisinformation.
You're not feeling great.
You're angry at yourself.
You're like, I can't believe Ihave to do this.
How did I even get myself here?
And so it was very, very hard tocome out of that.
(14:08):
And it took months to actuallystart feeling less like bogged
down, like weighed down fromeverything.
But.
Meditation changed my life.
The first thing I did wasgratitude.
I started a gratitude journaland did gratitude every day and
started to write down how I wasfeeling that day, like
physically and mentally so Icould go back and be like, I did
(14:28):
have some good days last week.
Why am I feeling like I didn'thave any good days at all this
month, type of thing.
So I had something that couldshow, some accountability for
myself.
And then the second thing I didwas meditation.
I started a meditation practiceand that, Truly, truly, truly
changed my life and really gaveme the space mentally,
(14:49):
physically, emotionally to startdoing all of the other things,
seeing a naturopath, seeing atherapist, getting support from
other people that really helpedme significantly.
Ashley (15:01):
Would you mind talking about some of the grief that you
had experienced or sort of whatthat looked like and maybe how
that got bottled up?
Portia (15:08):
Sure.
So, I have to say, I have topreface by saying I never really
experienced grief in my entirelife.
It was such a new emotion forme.
And so at the end of 2019, I hada, how do I describe it?
I was pregnant.
It wasn't a miscarriage.
(15:28):
It was a DNC.
I'm like dancing around theconversation.
my baby wasn't healthy.
There was a lot of underlyingissues.
I probably would never have beenable to carry to full term.
There was a lot of things thatwent around that too.
So we had an assistedmiscarriage and so that was
something that I had neverexperienced before I got
(15:50):
pregnant very early on.
I was pregnant just after Iturned 20 and had my daughter
when I was 20.
And so never really expected tohave any more children in my
life because I was a child witha child.
When we found out that we werepregnant again, and I was 33 at
the time, it was shocking.
It was every emotion to saybrought me back to when I was 20
(16:12):
and felt every emotion then.
But it was a lot of excitementbecause my husband and I were
completely different people andwe were going to be able to
bring this child into this worldas two very different versions
of ourselves.
It was very exciting.
And so when we found out.
About all of our complicationswith our pregnancy or my
pregnancy it was really, reallyhard to bear because it was
(16:35):
something that we never expectedand then we were like, fully
into it and then we had to befully out of it in the matter of
months.
I think when that was happening,I felt like I was very much like
on top of it.
I don't want to carry this formy whole life.
I want to make sure that I getthe support that I need.
And I felt very in control atthe moment.
(16:55):
And then I basically gave myselftwo weeks to heal and then
jumped back into my social mediabusiness and it never came up
again.
We went to some support groupsand I realized that, you know,
like the support groups reallyweren't for me.
I wanted to move forward in mylife and not stay in the same
place.
A lot of the people that were inthe support groups were staying
(17:16):
in the same place and had stayedthere for several years.
And I just could not do that.
Sure enough, I did do that.
But without knowing, so it kindof just bottled up and I think.
It was never addressed.
I think there was a lot of blamebecause the pregnancy was
something that was very shockingand to anybody that is listening
(17:37):
that has had a surprisepregnancy, you know, all of the
emotions, you know, like, how isthis going to affect my life,
the good emotions and the bademotions.
I don't want to say bademotions, just the other end
right the ones that make youfeel guilty for feeling them,
even though that's completelynatural.
It was very interestingexperience to deal with grief
(17:58):
and going through all the stagesof anger and sadness because it
was a lot of sadness.
And at the same time, it wasrelatively a secret.
And I think that was a reallyhard thing.
Some people knew that I waspregnant because we hit the 12
week mark.
We were announcing it to peopleand some people did it.
And so this was all at Christmastime and I had to put on this
front.
I think If it happened at alittle bit of a different time
(18:21):
where I could actually take astep back and sit with myself
and give myself like, whathappened in the middle of the
summer where you don't reallyneed to see anybody, but it's
like at Christmas time, you haveto see everybody and it's like,
you don't show up for the familydinner.
Everyone's like, why aren't youshowing up for the family
dinner?
And they didn't know.
It was easier to kind of put thefront on than it was dealing
with the pain of all of it.
I just thought, if this iseasier, I'm just going to do
(18:42):
this for now.
it caught up to me.
It's wild because I neverthought when I was burning out,
I had a dear friend of mine.
She's super holistic.
And she's like, Portia, yourheart chakra is sad.
Like, your heart chakra is notmoving.
That is what is happening toyour body.
Like, it's not what you think itis.
Like, it's your heart.
And I'm like, no, it's not.
You're ridiculous.
(19:02):
This is so silly.
I'm like knee deep in thatstuff.
And I was like, no, that's notme.
That was exactly what it was.
I was just putting it in,bottling it up.
And felt a lot of shame aroundit and almost alone in it
because it's a hard story totell because it's sad I never
loved when people looked at mewith sad eyes.
(19:23):
I say that all the time, I'mstill the same person I was when
that happened.
There's a little bit differentemotions that I've experienced,
like I never experienced thatbefore and it really allowed me
to relate to a lot of peopleallowed me to relate to my
husband who has experienced alot of grief in his life, I
really didn't even know how Icould support him.
It was interesting how it allkind of came up and how I
(19:45):
thought I was dealing with itand I wasn't and, it wasn't
until I met with a therapist andreally started to talk through
and understand that there was noblame for me, you know, it was a
hard decision.
And because.
There was a decision that had tobe made.
I think that is what was thehardest part about it.
At the end of the day,
Ashley (20:04):
that sliding doors moment where it could be, which
am I going to choose and sort ofthat.
What if I'm really sorry thatyou had to go through that.
And it's 1 of those things that.
Miscarriage or the other side ofit of having to make that choice
when there just isn't thehealthy cells that need to be
(20:24):
there to create like a fullperson.
Unfortunately, it is so common.
So many women would have thesame experience.
So as hard as it is for you toshare, there can be that good of
people knowing that, hey, thisperson shared their story.
Maybe I can share mine becausethere is with any sort of
miscarriage.
There is a lot of shame of like,did I do this?
(20:46):
Especially when you aren'tinitially like stoked to have a
second baby or that you're notlike a planned pregnancy.
I was 21 when I had my daughter,that it's almost that when
situations come up, it almostunmasks other trauma or other
feelings that you maybe didn'tknow is there.
(21:06):
Like almost grief for your 20sor grief for this loss of
control with a child raising achild.
All of those kind of things areso valid and I feel like there's
this societal pressure to feellike just don't talk about it.
Just smile.
Pretend everything is fine.
And I think we did that for solong.
And then we realized, no, we'renot fine.
(21:27):
There's a reason why there's amental health epidemic
especially for women that it'slike, Okay.
It's okay to say, Hey, it kindof sucked, you know, giving up
my twenties are kind of suckedfeeling this loss of control at
this point.
It doesn't mean that we don'tlove our children or that we're
not so happy to be mothers.
It's just two things can be trueat the same time.
Portia (21:47):
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah, it did bring up like, Iremember seeing the test.
I remember thinking to myself,during it, I was like, oh my
gosh, here we go again.
I felt like I was just gettingmy footing again, just starting.
And because when I had mydaughter, I really committed to
being a stay at home mom.
I did that for a long time.
I had a part time job and did myyoga teachings and all these
(22:08):
different things, but reallyworked around my daughter and
helped her.
Being a mother and a stay athome mother was like the first
job.
And I was just like, I don'tknow if I want to go back to
this.
I lost like 10 years and here Iam just starting again.
I'm 33.
I feel like I'm like getting mymomentum again.
It brought up a lot.
I don't know if you felt thesame way having your daughter at
(22:29):
21, but I felt like at 20, I hada lot to prove.
That I was mature enough to carefor this being and I'm just now
realizing this, that there was alot that I had to prove to
everybody around me that Iwasn't just a baby having a
baby.
I just felt like all of that wascoming back up again.
I was like, here we go.
And I have to prove to everybodythat I can do this this time.
(22:51):
I it's very interesting.
When you start to become moreself aware and tap into, what's
harboring in your body, youknow, little traumas, big
traumas different variations ofgrief how it all comes up and is
lived throughout your life.
And I'm really learning that alot right now about myself and
how these different things thatI do go back to being 20 and
(23:15):
having a baby, which I reallydidn't think it affected me at
all, but it clearly did.
Ashley (23:21):
I think so much of that, like stuff that happened in
childhood or in our teens orsomething like going through
such a big experience like that,it is so mind boggling how all
roads lead back to that, theytalk about how trauma isn't
necessarily the incident thathappens.
It's how we perceive theincident or how the thoughts and
feelings that come up after it.
(23:42):
So it's so funny in a not funnyway that when we experience
something later on, itautomatically sucks us back to
that moment.
And somehow like that, Part ofus is still deep inside, and
it's like, here, let me come outand deal with this for you.
And it just throws everythingout of whack.
Portia (24:00):
I think that that was the hardest part about all of it
is, and I was having aconversation with somebody
earlier this week about that, oflike, when it does come up, it's
like, oh no, not now, that wasnot a good time.
Things are going really well,and I really don't want to.
And I think that's what, Washappening to me.
It was like, everything wasgoing so well, my business was
(24:21):
booming, outside looking in, itjust looked like my life was
just radiating light, but reallyit was really dark and scary at
times.
At the same time, I was like,no, not now.
Like, I don't want to kind offace this right now.
It's really, really good.
And I know when I start to facethis, I won't be able to do
everything that I was doingbefore.
I really need to take a stepback and hold space for myself.
(24:44):
Because that's who I am.
Like, I'm not a go go go personand I couldn't be go go go and
work on myself and go totherapy.
That's just not who I am.
Ashley (24:55):
It's also one of those things where it's like, we have
this idea that we're in control.
And that we can just make sureeverything is going the way that
we want.
And so it can be really hardwhen we're like tunnel vision.
This is the control, this iswhat I want.
And then life is like, oh honey.
And then switches it all up onyou.
That it's like really being ableand willing to let go.
(25:18):
And sort of just see whathappens.
And that's so hard for so manypeople.
Portia (25:22):
It was really hard for me.
I think after the miscarriage, Istarted to kind of hold on real
tight.
To everything and I was soregimented with what I ate.
I was so regimented on how Iworked out.
And maybe even almost to a scarypoint in a way.
But I needed that controlbecause that was something that
I was completely out of controlof and it was probably the first
(25:45):
time in a long time other thanhaving my daughter that I
experienced something that wasso out of my control and yet in
my control at the same time.
Like I had to make thesedecisions.
I had to do all of these things,but at the same time you're
making these decisions to me.
I feel like my hands are not onthe wheel.
Like it's on cruise control andI'm just kind of letting it go.
(26:08):
And I really, really had tolearn to let go of the control
and loosen the grip a little biton life.
That's where meditation cameinto play, where it really
allowed me to look at the thingsthat were happening in my life
and understanding, like, is thisfully in my control or is this
completely out of my control andnot worth?
Spending that extra bandwidth onor arguing about it or putting
(26:32):
negative energy or even positiveenergy into it.
I really, really had to learnthat.
And I feel like it took a longtime.
Like it did.
It wasn't something thathappened overnight and it wasn't
something that happened inmonths.
I feel like it took a good yearto, let go a little bit and
understand that not everythingis going to be in my control and
I can only control myself.
(26:53):
And that's okay.
And I feel like my daughter hastaught me a lot.
Like, I don't know, teenagersare funny.
They're a little bit of a rollercoaster ride of doom sometimes.
And it really allowed me to kindof take a step back and being
like, I don't need to controlthat aspect of her life, or I
don't need to do that.
I really noticed that I'mholding tight onto this and she
(27:13):
doesn't even notice that I'mdoing that.
It really allowed me to kind ofrealize where I was still
holding onto control in my life.
And where I wasn't, and I'm farhappier now, but it loosening
the grip.
Ashley (27:26):
It does make a huge difference.
Cause it's like, we do thinkthat we have to do all of the
things that it is kind ofamazing that once you step back
and you're like, Oh, Hey, I didthe good work here.
So now this is operating withme.
Basically not having to doanything with it.
And the teenagers, anybody withyoung kids just know that, like,
(27:47):
I hate to say terrible two's,but like how people define that
time, but that phase comes back.
I want to say it's about 12 to15.
It does get a little bit better,but it's like when you try to be
so tunnel vision and like, holdon so tight to them, they're
like, this is gross.
Like leave me alone.
And even though it's like.
(28:07):
Big toddlers that feel like theycan do all of the things.
It's like you really do kind ofhave to step back and make sure
that the tools that you've putin place to kind of work for
them so that they learn to messup and that they do the stupid
things while they're youngenough that they don't
necessarily have consequence tothem.
But I think it can be reallyhard from that transition to be
(28:30):
like, I have to controleverything.
I have to be on top of this.
I have to know where you'regoing.
I have to know who's going to bethere and all of these things.
To then be like, okay, you canjust do this, text me, and have
that trust in them, I think thatletting go is so hard for so
many parents.
Portia (28:48):
Yeah, it's, yeah, it's really, really difficult.
And my daughter doesn't do alot.
So I'm like always being tested,but I think it's even in other
things.
I think when she first enteredhigh school, it was very
important for me to teach herhow to advocate for herself.
So I'm like, I can't advocatefor you anymore.
You're going into high school.
I don't think they appreciatethe mom calling and being like,
(29:08):
or whatever it may be.
I'm like, you have to learn toadvocate for yourself because.
Once you step out of highschool, it's on you.
Like I can't go in to whereveryou are next and your employer
and say, well, I don't like theway that you're treating my
daughter or anything like youhave to stand up for yourself
and advocate for yourself.
That's so important.
I had to learn to let go of thatcontrol because there were times
(29:30):
where I was like, I really wantto do this.
I really want to write thatemail.
I really want to make that phonecall or whatever it may be and
be like, no, let's just seewhere it goes.
It could get messy.
That's okay.
We're allowed to get messy.
But I know that a lesson will belearned in here for both of us,
whether it's her or me or both.
But yeah, it's very interestingteenagers And everything I have
(29:55):
tons of friends that have youngchildren and they're like, Oh, I
just can't wait till they getolder.
And I was like, it's different,like, it's great.
And they don't rely on you asmuch.
And you don't have to like bathethem in the tub anymore, but
it's a very interesting anddifferent time.
And I feel like that's when itreally started to test me as an
adult, because I was so youngand raising her that the
(30:19):
maturity was we were growingtogether.
And so I really had to, kind of.
Learn a little bit about myselfalong the way and, how I was
doing things and, as everymother, I'm pretty sure we all
have an idea when we have ourchildren that this is the mother
I want to be.
And so it's coming back to thatsometimes and being like, am I
(30:40):
being the person that I wantedto be from the get go?
Am I, turning into somebody elseor whatever it may be?
And so it's, it's coming back.
I really like to nurture andlove and hold.
It was really, really hard to belike, I don't need to fix this.
This is not my responsibility tofix.
And the biggest thing I say tomy daughter, my therapist, is
like, I love this, but when shegets angry, and it's a situation
(31:03):
that's out of her control, hasnothing to do with me, but she's
like lashing it out on me, Ialways look at her and I'm like,
I'm not the enemy in this, I'mhere to support you and help
you, but you can't come at me, Iam not your enemy.
Just remember that, and usuallyit stops.
Ashley (31:19):
Well, it's like, it's so easy for them to freak out on us
because it's like, we're alsothe safe place.
So it's like, I can do all ofthe things because, you're not
going anywhere.
Even though it can be hard whenthey're like that, when they're
like energy vampires and theyjust like suck the air out of
the room.
Portia (31:35):
Yeah, yeah, they are.
Ashley (31:38):
But that being said, there is also Really great
things like I like the fact thatsay, I haven't had to see a
movie with a cartoon in like 10years, so I appreciate the fact
that now we can watch the sameshows, or, if we're in a movie
theater she can go to the potty,all by herself, or things like
that were like, I don't have tobe the one to, take you to the
(32:00):
mall if you want to go shoppingI do have to wire you the cash
but like that independence andthat freedom of, Like we're not
at the place where we're friendsper se yet because she still is
obviously like has rules and allof the other things but it's
like getting to see glimmers ofthat I think is kind of
fantastic and as much as themoods are hit and miss I really
(32:23):
do think that once they're kindof like in the 16, 17, 18 mark
it does get easier or it hasgotten easier in my household
anyways that there is There'spros and cons of every age, but
I do love the phase that we'rein.
Portia (32:38):
Yeah, I agree.
I really like it.
You see them more as...
Individuals.
I know you still see yourchildren as individuals, but
they're still very much likeattached to you.
They're just a part of you in away, but you start to see them
as individuals with their ownlives and sparking their own
conversations with you andbringing up topics that you're
like, Oh, I never even reallythought of that before, or just
(32:59):
different discussions.
I like that.
It makes me think.
I couldn't imagine it.
Having a child, like a lot of myfriends have young children,
they're in their thirties.
And I'm like, I couldn't evenimagine because I like being
this close in age.
I feel like there's a lot ofthings that I can relate to with
her and, just the differentconversations.
I still feel very relevant as aparent because I feel like after
(33:22):
a while you feel like you'renot.
And you're like, oh my gosh,what are they saying?
Like, I don't even know whatthat slang means.
Ashley (33:27):
I have to get her almost to explain her English to me.
Portia (33:30):
Yeah.
I'm like, I don't know.
This is what we said.
It kind of makes you feel likeyou're not hip or current
anymore, but at the same time, Ithink I still feel like.
She still wants to be around meand wants to hang out with me
and we're going on a road trip.
I'm really excited about thatbecause it's a different way to
bond I appreciate this age.
I really love the younger age ofthe exploration and where
(33:54):
everything was new and they'reexperiencing the world for the
first time.
I loved that because I felt likeI was reliving the world through
their eyes at that point.
And then it kind of weird limboperiod.
And then now they emerge asthese beings and it's very cool
as their personality shapes andtheir friendships change and
their wardrobe changes and allof these different things.
(34:16):
I love watching my daughterevolve into who she is slowly
becoming.
Ashley (34:21):
And it's kind of like a pat on the back for us too, of
like, you're actually a coolperson.
Like I raised you to be nice andfunctional and you're not a jerk
to other people just being ableto kind of see that I agree with
you watching the evolution ofthem turning into a real human,
because I just don't think like10 and under, obviously they're
real but they're not they'restill like jello in the sense
(34:43):
that they're being formed thatthey don't really have the
ability to say this is what Istrongly believe in at that age
they get just their braindoesn't exist that way.
Portia (34:54):
Yeah, they start to really understand what their
values are and,, it's nice.
Like we get to haveconversations.
I should be like, this persontexts me and I don't understand
what they mean by it.
Is this sarcasm?
Is this to be hurtful to me?
Is this supposed to be playfulto me?
And I was like, okay, like whatwas the circumstance, like what
was going on?
And reminding them to setboundaries, you don't have to
(35:14):
people please all the time.
It's interesting because.
I really appreciate that,especially my own daughter is
that she just.
is striving to be, the bestperson that she can be.
I wasn't like that when I was16, like she was telling me
about a scenario that washappening in her class.
They had a supply teacher andshe's like, Oh my God, she's
(35:35):
going on about it.
And afterwards, I said to myhusband, I said, well,
unfortunately, like I was theother kid.
I was the kid that was causingthe problem, not the kid that
wanted the problems to stop.
And I said, it's just, it's sointeresting how we're very
different people.
And yet, we're very similar atthe same time.
(35:55):
I just love seeing it.
Ashley (35:57):
I think also with our generation, like I was born in
the 80s, raised in the 90s.
We weren't told to talk aboutmental health.
We weren't really.
Necessarily told about positiveand negative situations in the
same like I feel like themessage was just like be pretty
or even just watching like someold 90 shows like Beverly Hills
90210 is on Paramount right now.
(36:19):
So I'm going back and binging itand the stuff that was on that
show is so cringy like there wasa situation where this girl was
almost date raped and herfriends come in and go.
I told you not to wear that tothe party.
Like I couldn't even imagine,but that, I think is why we were
the way that we were.
And I feel like now theconversations with our kids with
(36:39):
just being more open and havingreal discussions with them,
having mental health be put assuch an importance and talked
about in schools and really bemore accessible than I think it
ever was.
I think that's one of the greatshifts in our kids that they
don't have to be hot messexpresses like we were.
Portia (37:00):
So true.
We watched Legally Blonde overthe weekend and it was kind of
the same thing where there wassome pretty cringy moments where
I was like, Ooh, I can't believeI watched this, but I never
picked up on it though.
Yeah.
Watching it.
But I was like, Oh my gosh,there was another one.
Like bring it on.
I've watched again.
And that was like a veryinteresting, it was nineties.
It was huge.
(37:20):
And I'm like, Oh my God, some ofthe things that they said.
And I'm like, Oh, but I waslike, but once again, like I
didn't really pick up on thosethings when I was watching it,
when I was 15, 16, it was sonormalized.
Yeah.
I was like looking at theirdance moves, like, I don't know.
And their outfits, that's what Iwas paying attention to, but
it's very interesting when I hadmy daughter, it was very
(37:42):
important for me to be open withher and not hide anything from
her and obviously doing it at arating dependent on her age, of
course.
spilling the beans all the time,but being very honest, and
especially when I had the DNC,it was very apparent that I
needed to be honest.
We kept her in the dark theentire time.
She thought I was sick.
(38:03):
She thought I was dying.
And so that was really scary.
And that was only over a monthand a half.
And for her feeling this way,not saying anything to us, and
we said nothing to her becausewe really didn't know what was
going on until, a week and ahalf before.
And at that point, I thinkyou're just trying to wrap your
head around what's happening andyou just don't have the capacity
to explain it to your 12 yearold.
(38:24):
But I remember talking to herabout it after and really.
Having to kind of walk the walkand talk the talk and being
like, okay, I'm going to be openabout my emotions.
So if I'm standing here crying,I'm going to tell you why I'm
crying.
I'm not going to go hide intothe bathroom in shame because I
don't want you to see me in thisway.
I'm like, this is natural.
Something terrible just happenedto us, to all of us.
We were all excited about thisand it's okay to feel sad at
(38:48):
random moments.
Thank you.
There's no right time to feelsad.
I still feel sad.
All the time, but, grief is oneof those things that.
Sometimes it hits you way later.
And there's so many stages of itand it can easily come back up
and you can easily be triggeredby something you see by a
(39:08):
conversation that was had I didan event on the weekend and the
speaker talked about miscarriageand it felt like I was reliving
that whole experience all overagain, but feeling so.
Grateful that she was talkingabout it at the same time,
because I felt seen and heard inthat moment because I'm like,
wow, I can relate to what she'sfeeling right now in this
moment.
(39:29):
But yeah, having the opennesswith my daughter was so
important for me as a mother, Ididn't want to keep her in the
dark.
Ashley (39:36):
Well, that openness can be so hard, but it is really,
really important becauseespecially if we want them.
To come to us for things.
It's like we have to be okay,answering the questions we don't
want to answer, talking abouttopics that we wish that they
weren't asking about, and justreally kind of biting the bullet
and being like, okay, let's diveinto this.
(39:56):
Let's make this something where,you know, if they are Drunk at a
party that they'll call us, orif they've gotten into a
situation with their friends andthere's, texting or bullying
going on that they'll come andtrust that we won't freak out on
them and that it can be thislike conversation versus the
(40:17):
fear of punishment, which Ithink is why a lot of people
will hide things or.
lie about things.
So I think it's reallycommendable that you see that
within your child and want tocreate that relationship where
she is going to be open.
And grief is one of those thingsthat in some way, it's a
blessing that it shows us thatwe loved that person or that
(40:41):
situation so much that we willmourn it for the rest of our
lives.
And then the downside is that itnever ever goes away.
And that it's okay if it's Fiveyears later on some random
Tuesday and you see a commercialand then all of a sudden you're
bawling your eyes out.
It's important to give yourselfgrace that it's okay to feel
whatever you're gonna feel forhowever long you're gonna feel
(41:02):
about it.
Portia (41:03):
Yeah, I hundred percent agree.
I just sit here and I'm likenodding like yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I always say that we hadlike a very hard beginning of
our year.
I have chickens.
And I lost my chickens and I hadto like my pets.
And then our dog just died.
We don't know why she was youngand we had to grieve that.
(41:24):
It was hard.
The whole time I'm grieving allof this and talking to my
therapist and trying to figureout how it feels in my body and
everything.
I just remind myself that griefis the price you pay for love.
I loved.
My chickens wholeheartedly and Ilove my dog wholeheartedly and
that's what I have to do and Iwould never change it for the
world because I got six years ofendless love with my dog and
(41:49):
learned so much about myself anddogs in general and I would
never change that for the worldand a lot of people were like,
would you do it again?
Yeah, I would do it again in aheartbeat.
I'll do it again my entire lifebecause I want to love I want to
love endlessly and with my wholeentire heart and if that's the
price I have to pay, then I willpay that price every single
(42:12):
time,
Ashley (42:13):
which is so beautiful to stay open like that., can you
tell everybody if they'relooking for the WE podcast or
the WE experience where theywould find you online.
Portia (42:25):
Sure.
So you can find us on Instagram,of course.
The.WE.experience and it's quitehappen in place to be there for
our podcast.
You can find it on Spotify andApple and it's under, this is
We, and our second season iscoming soon, so I'm excited for
that.
Ashley (42:44):
Well, thank you so much, Portia, for having this
conversation with me today.
Thank you.
Oh, it was amazing.
Thank you so much for joining ustoday for this episode of the
filled up cup podcast.
Don't forget to hit subscribeand leave a review.
If you like what you hear, youcan also connect with us at
filledupcup.Com.
Thanks again for tuning in andwe'll catch you in the next
(43:07):
episode.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.