May 6, 2025 • 20 mins
Pornography has invaded countless marriages, shattering trust and distorting God's beautiful design for sexuality. When 64% of Christian men struggle with porn, the ripple effects touch nearly every family and church community—yet we're keeping silent.
In Part 2 of our conversation, Jody Allen continues to share her journey after discovering her husband's pornography addiction. She begins with this powerful declaration: "We do not have to tolerate pornography in our relationships." This isn't about being judgmental or legalistic; it's about honoring God's design for marriage and setting healthy boundaries without apology.
Have you or someone you love been affected by pornography in your relationship? Share this episode with them—breaking the silence is often the first step toward healing.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
we do not have to tolerate pornography in our
relationship.
We do not have to accept thatit's okay, because pornography
is not God's design for marriage.
God's plan is sex in marriagebetween one man and one woman,
and since the pornographyindustry is outside of God's
design, it is absolutely okay,it is appropriate and it is
(00:20):
healthy to set boundaries so,and I think we don't have to
apologize for that.
We don't have to apologize fornot allowing or including
pornography in our relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hi, friend, you're listening to Find Hope here.
I'm your host, teresa Whiting.
Author, speaker, ministryleader, friend and fellow
struggler.
This is a podcast about themessy, complicated, painful
parts of life, but also thebeautiful, joy-filled hope that
(00:56):
Jesus promises.
Each week we dig deep intoGod's Word together and talk
about how His truth impacts oureveryday lives.
I'm not going to ask you to sitwith me and have coffee,
because I seem to have my bestconversations while I'm just
doing life.
So I'd love to hang out withyou as you walk or fold laundry
or drive to work.
(01:16):
You're invited to join me inpursuing the hope God promises,
no matter where you are or whereyou've been.
I pray you always find hopehere.
Let's jump in to today's episode.
Hey friends, welcome back topart two of my conversation with
(01:39):
Jodi Allen.
If you haven't heard part oneyet, you will want to go back
and hear Jodi's story of herdiscovery, of her husband's
struggle with pornography andwhat that did to their marriage.
But we're going to jump rightback in to where we left off.
So I want to circle back towhat I mentioned a couple of
(02:00):
questions ago when we weretalking about the fact that this
series is about sexualwholeness or healthy sexuality.
So for the person who is in asituation where their spouse is
addicted to pornography, how canthat person live a life of
sexual wholeness or healthysexuality, despite what their
(02:24):
spouse may be involved in?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
What I think about healthy sexuality.
To me, it means aligning ourthoughts, aligning our beliefs
and our ideas and our actionswith what God says about
sexuality.
So being healthy, sexually orotherwise, starts with truth,
right?
What does God say about who Iam, about my situation, my
relationship, about sex?
And to fill our minds withGod's truth.
(02:50):
But I think that also meansthat we have to be honest about
where we are and becauseignoring our pain and pretending
like everything is fine it'snot going to heal us or it's not
going to move us forward.
And part of that honesty isnaming our feelings.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Do I feel unworthy.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Do I feel rejected?
Do I feel unimportant For me?
I felt dismissed, like I didn'tmatter, and so it's healthy to
name those feelings, because wecannot heal what we don't know.
I'm a big fan of a feelingswheel and because I think we can
get stuck in thinking that weonly feel these certain emotions
when the feelings will justgives us an array of different
(03:30):
emotions to help us really getto the root of the problem.
So we can be honest withourselves.
Now we don't want feelings todrive the ship.
Feelings are a good indicator,but not necessarily good truth
tellers.
So we definitely want toacknowledge how we feel, and I
do think there are some truthsor some beliefs that we can hang
(03:50):
on to as we pursue healthysexuality while we're living in
a relationship that is affectedby pornography.
And the first one is we do nothave to tolerate pornography in
our relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I really love that.
Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
We do not have to accept that it's okay, because
pornography is not God's designfor marriage.
God's plan is sex in marriagebetween one man and one woman
and since the pornographyindustry is outside of God's
design, it is absolutely okay.
It is appropriate and it ishealthy to set boundaries and we
(04:28):
see from the beginning of timein Genesis that God created
boundaries when he separated thewater from the sky and the land
.
Those were all boundaries and Ithink we don't have to
apologize for that.
We don't have to apologize fornot allowing or including
pornography in our relationship.
I also feel like it might behelpful to redefine, when you're
(04:49):
walking through something likethis, to redefine what intimacy
looks like for this season.
Does it look more like taking awalk?
Because closeness can lookdifferent these days, because
sexuality isn't just about thephysical, it's about the
emotional safety, it's aboutrespect and things of that
nature, and I think it'simportant thing to remember that
(05:11):
as we pursue healthy sexuality,that we can't change other
people, that we are onlyresponsible for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yeah, what what you just said about intimacy.
Um, in my conversation with DrCarol Tanksley, I loved, loved
what she said.
She distinguished between sexand intimacy and she said you
know, you can take your clothesoff with somebody and have no
intimacy with them, or you cankeep your clothes on and
(05:42):
intimacy is taking the coveringsoff of your heart and off of
your soul and like just bearingyour inner self to somebody.
And I thought that is so trueand beautiful.
And what you were just sayingabout redefining intimacy in
this season and maybe it meansyou're going to keep your
clothes on but you're going todo more to bear your soul and to
(06:04):
bear your heart and to show uphonestly and with integrity and
with, you know, vulnerability inthose ways which can bring you
closer to the time when maybethere is going to be sexual
intimacy again.
So I loved, I just love thatyou said what you know determine
what that will look like inthis season.
(06:27):
And also this is just kind of aside note, but I read, I just
recently read a book by Emily PFreeman and I she said this
phrase and it has really helpedme now at the end of a sentence
(06:48):
like this is how it is for now,and I'm like, oh, that's so
freeing to realize, just becausesomething is hard right now,
it's not going to be like thisforever.
It's like this for now, and Ijust you know, when we were
talking about this it made methink of that little phrase like
this is what intimacy lookslike for now.
I think that would help bothparties maybe.
Oh yeah, what are some of thethings that have helped you on
(07:12):
your healing journey?
Because I know you have come along way in healing and I know
your heart is to help otherwomen who are walking this.
What are some things that youwould say are really helpful for
a healing journey?
Speaker 1 (07:26):
I think for me and for all women is really the body
of Christ.
The body of Christ ralliedaround us in such a profound way
.
A friend.
I had a friend that would takeme to lunch and she would help
me sort out my next steps, and Iwould leave with she would make
a list of what are your, thethree things that you need to do
in the next week, and it waswhen you're walking through a
(07:49):
trauma like that and you'reemotionally distraught, it's
really hard to think past today.
So it was very helpful to havesomebody do that for me.
And you know people that changeyour headlight or fix your
garage door, pick up your kidsfrom school or send you care
packages those are justbeautiful people that just make
your life better.
And even the South CarolinaDepartment of Transportation.
As we were going down to thetreatment center to visit my
(08:11):
husband, we had a flat tire, andso thank goodness for the South
Carolina Department ofTransportation.
And during that season weactually connected with two
other families and we just foryears after that we did
Halloween with them, we did NewYear's Eve, we did the Super
Bowl, and so that was just areally neat thing.
(08:33):
That sort of came out adifficult season, and so I know
that being around people can behard, but it can also be healing
, and so I feel like just beinghaving people in your corner is
super important for the healingjourney, but I also think having
great counselors.
I am a big fan of counseling andI had a Christian counselor.
I also had a certified sexaddiction therapist which I
(08:57):
completely loved both.
I mean they both gave mesomething very different.
And my kids, I mean they wentand they did Play-Doh and that
sort of thing, which was veryhelpful for them.
But then also, I will say,staying in the word.
The day the last time that Ifound pornography on our home
computer, I called two peopleand one of those was a pastor at
(09:19):
our church and he gave meadvice that day, and one of
those was stay in the word andtake one day at a time.
And so the stay in the word.
It was so profound, like I justneeded somebody to remind me to
do that.
And when we were separated, Iremember I would go to bed at
(09:40):
night and I would lay my openBible.
It makes me teary thinkingabout it.
I would lay my open Biblebeside me where my husband was
supposed to be, because I don'tknow about spiritual osmosis, I
don't know about any of that,but whatever God wanted to give
me, I wanted to make sure Ididn't miss it, so I slept with
my Bible.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
That is so beautiful.
I love that.
I love that.
I love what you said aboutstaying connected to the body,
because we don't heal inisolation.
We really don't.
It's very rare that somebodywill, you know, just be able to
walk through something like thison their own other family that
(10:27):
you connected with.
But my guess is, if you were tobe vulnerable and talk to you
know somebody in your church orin your community, the
likelihood is you know you'regoing to find people who are in
a similar situation, but they'rejust not talking about it.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Like we said, the statistic before 64% of
Christian men.
Well, that's two thirds.
So that means probably two outof three of your friends are
probably walking this same road.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah, yes, and and somebody needs to be the one to
go first and say, right, this iswhat's happening.
And I, I don't necessarilythink that is gossip.
If you're, if you're looking tosupport one another, that's not
just you know, I need someoneto vent to, or you know, but
really, being a support system,I think there's a difference
there.
So those are some really great,great thoughts.
(11:12):
Were there any specificpassages of scripture or songs
that got you through this?
I know you said stay in theword in general, but, like, was
there a passage that just jumpedout at you that you kind of
held on to through this season?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I remember, right after my husband moved out, I
remember walking around HobbyLobby desperately looking for a
plaque or something that hadJeremiah 29, 11 on it, and a lot
of people take it out ofcontext, but I think it's true,
according to the counsel of thewhole scripture, because God
(11:51):
does know the plans that he hasfor us, plans to prosper us and
not to harm us and to give ushope in the future.
So, while that may be taken outof context, the counsel of his
whole word does say that.
And then Proverbs 3, trust inthe Lord with all your heart and
lean not on understanding,because truthfully, teresa, I
(12:11):
don't understand why pornographyis the most lucrative industry
in the world.
I just don't understand that,why so many lives are wrecked by
pornography, and I'll neverunderstand those things.
So I just really have to put mytrust, have to put my trust in
God.
And you know there was a song bythis group, cutlass.
This was a few years ago whenwe were walking through this, it
(12:33):
was 2013, maybe 2014.
And there was a song cut byCutlass and if I can read a
couple of those lines oh yeah,even if the healing doesn't come
and life falls apart and dreamsare still undone.
You are God.
You are good, forever faithfulone, even if the healing doesn't
(12:57):
come.
Lord, we know your ways are notour ways, so set our faith in
who you are, and even now.
That puts tears in my eyesbecause my life by all accounts
fell apart, but God is stillfaithful.
He is still faithful and I am abig fan of memoirs and
(13:19):
autobiographies and I wasreading while we were separated.
I was reading this book calledJohnny and Ken, which Johnny
Erickson taught him.
She wrote it with her husband,and there was a quote in that
book that really has resonatedwith me for years since then,
and it is this there is nocircumstance, no trouble, no
testing that could ever touch mefirst until, first of all, it
(13:43):
has gone past God, past Christand right through to me.
If it has come that far, it hascome with great purpose, and
that was just a reminder to methat my pain has not in vain,
that God has a purpose, even ifI don't like it, teresa.
But God has a purpose for it,not just in my life but, I think
(14:06):
, in my ex-husband's life and inthe life of my children.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Yes, yes, I love that , jodi.
I love that, just thatperspective that God is allowing
this for a purpose and thatyou're seeing it, you're on the
other side.
You've walked a great distanceon this journey.
You're not right at thebeginning, and so I think it's
(14:30):
so helpful for you, as somebodywho's kind of experienced a
measure of healing, to be ableto say to the, to the person you
know you're, you're going tomake it, you're going to be okay
after this.
What is like, what's just maybeone or two practical steps that
a listener can take today ifthey're wanting to pursue
(14:54):
healthy sexuality or sexualwholeness after this type of
betrayal.
What is something they can dopractically?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Well, I think there's probably an internal step and
maybe an external step.
The internal step is you have achoice to make.
You have a choice to makeChoose to address the issue of
pornography in your relationshipand not to sweep it under the
rug or pretend like it's nothappening.
Because if we keep living insecrecy, the enemy keeps winning
, which means we're not, itmeans we're not.
(15:27):
So I think we have tointernally decide that I'm going
to choose to address this issue.
That is not whole, it's nothealthy sexually.
So choosing to address that.
And I think the external stepafter that is, once we've made
that choice, we have to tell atrusted person and we have to
(15:47):
break free from the shame andtell a trusted person whether
it's a friend or a pastor or acousin, and tell a trusted
person whether it's a friend ora pastor or a cousin.
And it will be hard, for sure,because it's a shameful topic,
there's a lot of humiliation,but it will also be freeing.
And I think something thatwould be helpful even is women
(16:07):
could even just write it downand just read it, because that
is easier, because when you'rereading something it's kind of
like you're removed from it.
So to tell somebody.
We could even write it down andread it to them it just gets.
Gets us out of that shame.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
That's a great idea.
That's really.
That's very practical.
I appreciate that.
As we close up, before we closeup, how can the listeners
connect with you?
I will have links in the shownotes to all the places that you
are, but what's the best wayfor people if they want to
connect with you?
Speaker 1 (16:39):
My website is JodiAllenWritescom and you can
connect with me there.
I'm also on Facebook andInstagram at Jodi Allen Writes.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Okay, good, good, good, all right.
So, as we close up, would yoube willing to speak directly to
the listener who is in thesituation you found yourself in,
where you know you found thatyour husband was struggling with
pornography?
And there's women that arelistening right now and they
(17:07):
know their husbands arestruggling and maybe they've had
conversations or maybe theyhaven't.
I don't know where they are onthe journey, but would you speak
to that person?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I really want women to know is that you do not have
to squeak by, you don't have tojust survive this.
Right now it may seem that way,but you can get to the other
side of this heartache and thispain and flourish.
Pornography does not have towin, and that's because we serve
a God of hope.
When the Israelites finallyleft Egypt, where they were in
(17:40):
captivity for years, they didn'tleave empty-handed.
The Bible says that theyplundered the Egyptians, which
were their captors.
They left with treasures likesilver and gold and clothes, and
the Bible tells us that theIsraelites took with them the
best things of Egypt.
And so we can take the bestthings from our time and
suffering and our encounter withpornography and from our pain.
(18:03):
It may not be cold or silver ormaterial things.
Maybe it's a new perspective ora new friendship or new skills
or just a fresh start.
If we know Jesus, we have thepotential to get through to the
other side of this heartache andbe whole and happy, even if it
doesn't turn out the way wethink it should.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I hope that that brings someencouragement to the listener.
I think it has encouraged mejust just kind of hearing your
story and seeing how far you'vecome and seeing you living a
whole satisfying, you know life.
Not that everything's perfect,no, nobody's living a perfect
(18:46):
life on this side of heaven.
But you are not stuck andyou're not trapped in that
traumatic situation anymore.
You are free.
So thank you, thank you forsharing, jodi.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Thank you for having me, Teresa.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Thanks for hanging out with me today on Find Hope
here.
To find anything we mentionedon the episode, go to
TeresaWhitingcom slash listen,which is where you can find all
the show notes.
Dot com slash listen, which iswhere you can find all the show
notes.
I'm sure that there are many ofyou who can relate to Jodi's
story, and so I want toencourage you to connect with
(19:23):
her, to visit her website JodiAllen Writes and to get a copy
of her book Hidden Heartache.
If you enjoyed today's episode,would you do me a favor?
Leave a five star rating andreview on Apple Podcasts.
That is one way you can helpspread the word about Find Hope
here.
In closing, I want to leave youwith this prayer from Romans
15.13.
(19:44):
May the God of hope fill youwith all joy and peace in
believing, so that, by the powerof the Holy Spirit, you may
abound in hope.
we do not have to tolerate pornography in our
relationship.
We do not have to accept thatit's okay, because pornography
is not God's design for marriage.
God's plan is sex in marriagebetween one man and one woman,
and since the pornographyindustry is outside of God's
design, it is absolutely okay,it is appropriate and it is
(00:20):
healthy to set boundaries so,and I think we don't have to
apologize for that.
We don't have to apologize fornot allowing or including
pornography in our relationship.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
Hi, friend, you're listening to Find Hope here.
I'm your host, teresa Whiting.
Author, speaker, ministryleader, friend and fellow
struggler.
This is a podcast about themessy, complicated, painful
parts of life, but also thebeautiful, joy-filled hope that
(00:56):
Jesus promises.
Each week we dig deep intoGod's Word together and talk
about how His truth impacts oureveryday lives.
I'm not going to ask you to sitwith me and have coffee,
because I seem to have my bestconversations while I'm just
doing life.
So I'd love to hang out withyou as you walk or fold laundry
or drive to work.
(01:16):
You're invited to join me inpursuing the hope God promises,
no matter where you are or whereyou've been.
I pray you always find hopehere.
Let's jump in to today's episode.
Hey friends, welcome back topart two of my conversation with
(01:39):
Jodi Allen.
If you haven't heard part oneyet, you will want to go back
and hear Jodi's story of herdiscovery, of her husband's
struggle with pornography andwhat that did to their marriage.
But we're going to jump rightback in to where we left off.
So I want to circle back towhat I mentioned a couple of
(02:00):
questions ago when we weretalking about the fact that this
series is about sexualwholeness or healthy sexuality.
So for the person who is in asituation where their spouse is
addicted to pornography, how canthat person live a life of
sexual wholeness or healthysexuality, despite what their
(02:24):
spouse may be involved in?
Speaker 1 (02:27):
What I think about healthy sexuality.
To me, it means aligning ourthoughts, aligning our beliefs
and our ideas and our actionswith what God says about
sexuality.
So being healthy, sexually orotherwise, starts with truth,
right?
What does God say about who Iam, about my situation, my
relationship, about sex?
And to fill our minds withGod's truth.
(02:50):
But I think that also meansthat we have to be honest about
where we are and becauseignoring our pain and pretending
like everything is fine it'snot going to heal us or it's not
going to move us forward.
And part of that honesty isnaming our feelings.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
Do I feel unworthy.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Do I feel rejected?
Do I feel unimportant For me?
I felt dismissed, like I didn'tmatter, and so it's healthy to
name those feelings, because wecannot heal what we don't know.
I'm a big fan of a feelingswheel and because I think we can
get stuck in thinking that weonly feel these certain emotions
when the feelings will justgives us an array of different
(03:30):
emotions to help us really getto the root of the problem.
So we can be honest withourselves.
Now we don't want feelings todrive the ship.
Feelings are a good indicator,but not necessarily good truth
tellers.
So we definitely want toacknowledge how we feel, and I
do think there are some truthsor some beliefs that we can hang
(03:50):
on to as we pursue healthysexuality while we're living in
a relationship that is affectedby pornography.
And the first one is we do nothave to tolerate pornography in
our relationship.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
I really love that.
Thank you for saying that.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
We do not have to accept that it's okay, because
pornography is not God's designfor marriage.
God's plan is sex in marriagebetween one man and one woman
and since the pornographyindustry is outside of God's
design, it is absolutely okay.
It is appropriate and it ishealthy to set boundaries and we
(04:28):
see from the beginning of timein Genesis that God created
boundaries when he separated thewater from the sky and the land
.
Those were all boundaries and Ithink we don't have to
apologize for that.
We don't have to apologize fornot allowing or including
pornography in our relationship.
I also feel like it might behelpful to redefine, when you're
(04:49):
walking through something likethis, to redefine what intimacy
looks like for this season.
Does it look more like taking awalk?
Because closeness can lookdifferent these days, because
sexuality isn't just about thephysical, it's about the
emotional safety, it's aboutrespect and things of that
nature, and I think it'simportant thing to remember that
(05:11):
as we pursue healthy sexuality,that we can't change other
people, that we are onlyresponsible for ourselves.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Yeah, what what you just said about intimacy.
Um, in my conversation with DrCarol Tanksley, I loved, loved
what she said.
She distinguished between sexand intimacy and she said you
know, you can take your clothesoff with somebody and have no
intimacy with them, or you cankeep your clothes on and
(05:42):
intimacy is taking the coveringsoff of your heart and off of
your soul and like just bearingyour inner self to somebody.
And I thought that is so trueand beautiful.
And what you were just sayingabout redefining intimacy in
this season and maybe it meansyou're going to keep your
clothes on but you're going todo more to bear your soul and to
(06:04):
bear your heart and to show uphonestly and with integrity and
with, you know, vulnerability inthose ways which can bring you
closer to the time when maybethere is going to be sexual
intimacy again.
So I loved, I just love thatyou said what you know determine
what that will look like inthis season.
(06:27):
And also this is just kind of aside note, but I read, I just
recently read a book by Emily PFreeman and I she said this
phrase and it has really helpedme now at the end of a sentence
(06:48):
like this is how it is for now,and I'm like, oh, that's so
freeing to realize, just becausesomething is hard right now,
it's not going to be like thisforever.
It's like this for now, and Ijust you know, when we were
talking about this it made methink of that little phrase like
this is what intimacy lookslike for now.
I think that would help bothparties maybe.
Oh yeah, what are some of thethings that have helped you on
(07:12):
your healing journey?
Because I know you have come along way in healing and I know
your heart is to help otherwomen who are walking this.
What are some things that youwould say are really helpful for
a healing journey?
Speaker 1 (07:26):
I think for me and for all women is really the body
of Christ.
The body of Christ ralliedaround us in such a profound way
.
A friend.
I had a friend that would takeme to lunch and she would help
me sort out my next steps, and Iwould leave with she would make
a list of what are your, thethree things that you need to do
in the next week, and it waswhen you're walking through a
(07:49):
trauma like that and you'reemotionally distraught, it's
really hard to think past today.
So it was very helpful to havesomebody do that for me.
And you know people that changeyour headlight or fix your
garage door, pick up your kidsfrom school or send you care
packages those are justbeautiful people that just make
your life better.
And even the South CarolinaDepartment of Transportation.
As we were going down to thetreatment center to visit my
(08:11):
husband, we had a flat tire, andso thank goodness for the South
Carolina Department ofTransportation.
And during that season weactually connected with two
other families and we just foryears after that we did
Halloween with them, we did NewYear's Eve, we did the Super
Bowl, and so that was just areally neat thing.
(08:33):
That sort of came out adifficult season, and so I know
that being around people can behard, but it can also be healing
, and so I feel like just beinghaving people in your corner is
super important for the healingjourney, but I also think having
great counselors.
I am a big fan of counseling andI had a Christian counselor.
I also had a certified sexaddiction therapist which I
(08:57):
completely loved both.
I mean they both gave mesomething very different.
And my kids, I mean they wentand they did Play-Doh and that
sort of thing, which was veryhelpful for them.
But then also, I will say,staying in the word.
The day the last time that Ifound pornography on our home
computer, I called two peopleand one of those was a pastor at
(09:19):
our church and he gave meadvice that day, and one of
those was stay in the word andtake one day at a time.
And so the stay in the word.
It was so profound, like I justneeded somebody to remind me to
do that.
And when we were separated, Iremember I would go to bed at
(09:40):
night and I would lay my openBible.
It makes me teary thinkingabout it.
I would lay my open Biblebeside me where my husband was
supposed to be, because I don'tknow about spiritual osmosis, I
don't know about any of that,but whatever God wanted to give
me, I wanted to make sure Ididn't miss it, so I slept with
my Bible.
Speaker 2 (09:57):
That is so beautiful.
I love that.
I love that.
I love what you said aboutstaying connected to the body,
because we don't heal inisolation.
We really don't.
It's very rare that somebodywill, you know, just be able to
walk through something like thison their own other family that
(10:27):
you connected with.
But my guess is, if you were tobe vulnerable and talk to you
know somebody in your church orin your community, the
likelihood is you know you'regoing to find people who are in
a similar situation, but they'rejust not talking about it.
Speaker 1 (10:39):
Like we said, the statistic before 64% of
Christian men.
Well, that's two thirds.
So that means probably two outof three of your friends are
probably walking this same road.
Speaker 2 (10:50):
Yeah, yes, and and somebody needs to be the one to
go first and say, right, this iswhat's happening.
And I, I don't necessarilythink that is gossip.
If you're, if you're looking tosupport one another, that's not
just you know, I need someoneto vent to, or you know, but
really, being a support system,I think there's a difference
there.
So those are some really great,great thoughts.
(11:12):
Were there any specificpassages of scripture or songs
that got you through this?
I know you said stay in theword in general, but, like, was
there a passage that just jumpedout at you that you kind of
held on to through this season?
Speaker 1 (11:30):
I remember, right after my husband moved out, I
remember walking around HobbyLobby desperately looking for a
plaque or something that hadJeremiah 29, 11 on it, and a lot
of people take it out ofcontext, but I think it's true,
according to the counsel of thewhole scripture, because God
(11:51):
does know the plans that he hasfor us, plans to prosper us and
not to harm us and to give ushope in the future.
So, while that may be taken outof context, the counsel of his
whole word does say that.
And then Proverbs 3, trust inthe Lord with all your heart and
lean not on understanding,because truthfully, teresa, I
(12:11):
don't understand why pornographyis the most lucrative industry
in the world.
I just don't understand that,why so many lives are wrecked by
pornography, and I'll neverunderstand those things.
So I just really have to put mytrust, have to put my trust in
God.
And you know there was a song bythis group, cutlass.
This was a few years ago whenwe were walking through this, it
(12:33):
was 2013, maybe 2014.
And there was a song cut byCutlass and if I can read a
couple of those lines oh yeah,even if the healing doesn't come
and life falls apart and dreamsare still undone.
You are God.
You are good, forever faithfulone, even if the healing doesn't
(12:57):
come.
Lord, we know your ways are notour ways, so set our faith in
who you are, and even now.
That puts tears in my eyesbecause my life by all accounts
fell apart, but God is stillfaithful.
He is still faithful and I am abig fan of memoirs and
(13:19):
autobiographies and I wasreading while we were separated.
I was reading this book calledJohnny and Ken, which Johnny
Erickson taught him.
She wrote it with her husband,and there was a quote in that
book that really has resonatedwith me for years since then,
and it is this there is nocircumstance, no trouble, no
testing that could ever touch mefirst until, first of all, it
(13:43):
has gone past God, past Christand right through to me.
If it has come that far, it hascome with great purpose, and
that was just a reminder to methat my pain has not in vain,
that God has a purpose, even ifI don't like it, teresa.
But God has a purpose for it,not just in my life but, I think
(14:06):
, in my ex-husband's life and inthe life of my children.
Speaker 2 (14:09):
Yes, yes, I love that , jodi.
I love that, just thatperspective that God is allowing
this for a purpose and thatyou're seeing it, you're on the
other side.
You've walked a great distanceon this journey.
You're not right at thebeginning, and so I think it's
(14:30):
so helpful for you, as somebodywho's kind of experienced a
measure of healing, to be ableto say to the, to the person you
know you're, you're going tomake it, you're going to be okay
after this.
What is like, what's just maybeone or two practical steps that
a listener can take today ifthey're wanting to pursue
(14:54):
healthy sexuality or sexualwholeness after this type of
betrayal.
What is something they can dopractically?
Speaker 1 (15:03):
Well, I think there's probably an internal step and
maybe an external step.
The internal step is you have achoice to make.
You have a choice to makeChoose to address the issue of
pornography in your relationshipand not to sweep it under the
rug or pretend like it's nothappening.
Because if we keep living insecrecy, the enemy keeps winning
, which means we're not, itmeans we're not.
(15:27):
So I think we have tointernally decide that I'm going
to choose to address this issue.
That is not whole, it's nothealthy sexually.
So choosing to address that.
And I think the external stepafter that is, once we've made
that choice, we have to tell atrusted person and we have to
(15:47):
break free from the shame andtell a trusted person whether
it's a friend or a pastor or acousin, and tell a trusted
person whether it's a friend ora pastor or a cousin.
And it will be hard, for sure,because it's a shameful topic,
there's a lot of humiliation,but it will also be freeing.
And I think something thatwould be helpful even is women
(16:07):
could even just write it downand just read it, because that
is easier, because when you'rereading something it's kind of
like you're removed from it.
So to tell somebody.
We could even write it down andread it to them it just gets.
Gets us out of that shame.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
That's a great idea.
That's really.
That's very practical.
I appreciate that.
As we close up, before we closeup, how can the listeners
connect with you?
I will have links in the shownotes to all the places that you
are, but what's the best wayfor people if they want to
connect with you?
Speaker 1 (16:39):
My website is JodiAllenWritescom and you can
connect with me there.
I'm also on Facebook andInstagram at Jodi Allen Writes.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Okay, good, good, good, all right.
So, as we close up, would yoube willing to speak directly to
the listener who is in thesituation you found yourself in,
where you know you found thatyour husband was struggling with
pornography?
And there's women that arelistening right now and they
(17:07):
know their husbands arestruggling and maybe they've had
conversations or maybe theyhaven't.
I don't know where they are onthe journey, but would you speak
to that person?
Speaker 1 (17:18):
I really want women to know is that you do not have
to squeak by, you don't have tojust survive this.
Right now it may seem that way,but you can get to the other
side of this heartache and thispain and flourish.
Pornography does not have towin, and that's because we serve
a God of hope.
When the Israelites finallyleft Egypt, where they were in
(17:40):
captivity for years, they didn'tleave empty-handed.
The Bible says that theyplundered the Egyptians, which
were their captors.
They left with treasures likesilver and gold and clothes, and
the Bible tells us that theIsraelites took with them the
best things of Egypt.
And so we can take the bestthings from our time and
suffering and our encounter withpornography and from our pain.
(18:03):
It may not be cold or silver ormaterial things.
Maybe it's a new perspective ora new friendship or new skills
or just a fresh start.
If we know Jesus, we have thepotential to get through to the
other side of this heartache andbe whole and happy, even if it
doesn't turn out the way wethink it should.
Speaker 2 (18:24):
Thank you, I appreciate that.
I hope that that brings someencouragement to the listener.
I think it has encouraged mejust just kind of hearing your
story and seeing how far you'vecome and seeing you living a
whole satisfying, you know life.
Not that everything's perfect,no, nobody's living a perfect
(18:46):
life on this side of heaven.
But you are not stuck andyou're not trapped in that
traumatic situation anymore.
You are free.
So thank you, thank you forsharing, jodi.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
Thank you for having me, Teresa.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
Thanks for hanging out with me today on Find Hope
here.
To find anything we mentionedon the episode, go to
TeresaWhitingcom slash listen,which is where you can find all
the show notes.
Dot com slash listen, which iswhere you can find all the show
notes.
I'm sure that there are many ofyou who can relate to Jodi's
story, and so I want toencourage you to connect with
(19:23):
her, to visit her website JodiAllen Writes and to get a copy
of her book Hidden Heartache.
If you enjoyed today's episode,would you do me a favor?
Leave a five star rating andreview on Apple Podcasts.
That is one way you can helpspread the word about Find Hope
here.
In closing, I want to leave youwith this prayer from Romans
15.13.
(19:44):
May the God of hope fill youwith all joy and peace in
believing, so that, by the powerof the Holy Spirit, you may
abound in hope.
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