Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hi and welcome to
Finding your Way Through Therapy
.
A proud member of thePsychCraft Network, the goal of
this podcast is to demystifytherapy, what can happen in
therapy and the wide array ofconversations you can have in
and about therapy Throughpersonal experiences.
Guests will talk about therapy,their experiences with it and
(00:24):
how psychology and therapy arepresent in many places in their
lives, with lots of authenticityand a touch of humor.
Here is your host, steve Bisson.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Alors, joyeuses
Feiertunen.
Happy holidays to everyone.
Welcome to episode 180.
If you haven't listened toepisode 179, go back to listen
to it.
Erica Curry was on.
We talked about motivation, dbt, we talked about coaching
individuals and all the goodstuff.
So please go back and listen tothat.
But episode 180 was supposed tobe with two guests that
(00:58):
unfortunately are not able tomake it, so I'm going to be
talking about sobriety andrecovery.
I'm more than happy to give youmy points of view on that.
So I'm going to be talkingabout sobriety and recovery.
I'm more than happy to give youmy points of view on that.
So I think that that would beparticularly into holidays.
I think it's very important todiscuss that.
So please come back after thismessage from freeai and we're
going to talk about it.
(01:23):
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So getfreeai code Steve50 tosave $50 on your first month.
Well, welcome back.
And one of the things that Iwould say to you guys is that in
the holidays in particular canbe very difficult for people who
are either newly sober or evenpeople who have been sober for a
(03:34):
long period of time.
What usually happens in theholidays is what do we people do
?
They get together, theysocialize.
And what do we socialize inwesternized cultures?
Alcohol, sometimes smoking,sometimes more stuff and other
drugs.
And when you're newly inrecovery or you've struggled
with recovery or what have you,it can be very difficult.
(03:55):
So let's talk about that alittle bit, because you know
there's a distinction forsobriety versus recovery, and
for me it's pretty easy.
Sobriety is you're not usingany substances and you decide
that you need to stop.
You don't have any supports,you haven't set up anything,
you're just stopped.
That's good, but it's alsosometimes led to there's an
expression, and I'm sure there'sa more technical term, but
(04:17):
obviously you've listened tothis podcast long enough that
you've heard it.
You heard me talk in real termsand what they call that a dry
drunk.
And what a dry drunk is issomeone who is very angry,
bitter, because they can't drinkand so therefore, they take it
out on other people, and that'ssobriety.
You don't have any support, youdon't have any ways to work on
it, think differently and for me, the difference between
(04:38):
sobriety and recovery recoveryis you have an active process
where you're working with.
Most people think it's justself-help, particularly AA or NA
.
Well, alcoholics Anonymous andNarcotics Anonymous is a great
process and it's a 12-step.
You know, I think that there'sother ones, but let's talk about
(05:00):
those particular ones.
For the step programs, peopleask me why do they work?
Well, they work because it's acommunity of people who've been
there, done that and have a fewt-shirts, and what I mean by
that is they've struggled withtheir sobriety, probably in the
past, and they're trying to giveyou a group of people who have
(05:20):
struggled and can work togetherin order to maintain your
sobriety and recovery, and a lotof them can have a higher power
.
A has come a long way, doesn'talways talk about a higher power
, but something you know.
You do it for, basically, andthen go through the steps.
The 12 steps are so importantand I I like this 12 steps
because there's a lot of content.
You know doing a to me and Iyou've heard me say this on
other podcasts but really doingthe.
(05:44):
You know step four and goingthrough an, a fearless inventory
of what you've done and thengoing and actually talking to
people.
I think that's step eight.
I'm not too familiar and if youcorrect me, please do direct
message me.
More than happy to get that.
I was wrong.
However, you know we need tohave some sort of like community
, we have a structure, and Ithink that that's what works
(06:07):
really well in sobriety andrecovery, I should say, and what
I think people really enjoy.
We talked about the AA and NApeople.
Let's talk about other stuffthat also exists.
Well, one of the things thatpeople do also there's smart
recovery, which smart recoveryis based on cognitive,
behavioral stuff.
(06:27):
It looks at your behavior rightnow and what you need to change
, where AA tends to look at thepast, what you've done, and
asking for forgiveness and doingfearless inventories and stuff
like that.
There's a lot of that wheresmart recovery is more in the
here and now.
What can you do now to staysober?
They don't particularly countit the same way, and that's okay
.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Everyone can count the way theywant.
(06:48):
But from my perspective, Ithink that smart recovery is
also a good process, and I againsupport AA fully.
I know a lot of people who havebenefited from AA, so
definitely want to make surethat I mentioned that too.
There's Celebrate Recovery andthere's a lot of them that I
don't even know about.
But having a community I knowthat there's apps now that are
really helpful, for they alsogive you resources, so you can
(07:10):
use that as a recovery community, and I know there's Facebook
groups, reddit groups and stufflike that.
So use that for your recoveryprocess, and that's very
important to me.
I think that once you realizethat sobriety is very difficult,
having a community is going tobe very beneficial.
Now, why the holidays?
Well, I've never been to aholiday gathering where someone
(07:33):
didn't have alcohol there, andif that's your poison, as I call
it, it can be very difficult tosay no.
So how do you say no?
I tell people, tell the truth,and some people say to me well,
I don't want to tell the truth,I don't want to be seen as that
guy or that woman and I say,okay, well, that's a choice
you're making.
So what are you going to do?
What's your other options?
Oh, I'm going for a walk.
(07:53):
Oh, I'm watching my weight Nottoday, I had a rough night last
night or other situations.
So set up what you're going tosay to say no, because I think
what happens a whole lot oftimes is that people don't know
how to say no and they don't setit up in advance.
So being able in advance isvery important.
If you decide to talk about it,I think that people will respect
that a lot more.
(08:14):
I know that some individualswho I've worked with they've had
family members who gave them ahard time for stopping.
You know, just pick it up inJanuary, or what have you?
Well, no, you make your choicesand I think that having a
strong sense of self, you knownew recovery and new sobriety.
Sometimes it's hard to havethat good sense of self and I
(08:34):
think it's important to startthinking about it that way so
that you can send those likeit's good, it's not good for me
to drink smoke, shoot, snort,whatever way you consume your
substances.
But setting those limits,setting those boundaries for you
, not for other people, andtrying to please others is so
important, which brings me topeople pleasing.
I think a lot of people willdrink because, oh, you know,
(08:56):
that's the social thing to do.
They expect me to drink.
Well, doing the nice thing forother people means you're doing
the wrong thing to yourself.
So, having a good, strong self,a sense of self, and knowing
what's best for you, with thepressure of come on, it's just
one or what have you.
Well, you know that's how chipsstart, right?
Who eats a singular chip orcrisps, if you're listening to
(09:17):
me, in Europe?
No one.
People have one, two, three andthey lose control and they have
a whole back, not all the time,but you get the point.
And it's the same thing withthe drinks, right?
And some people have suggestedto me that that's something that
you know is really hard to sayno, particularly with families
that have a high level ofalcohol use.
Well, there's another optionDon't show up, and I know that
(09:39):
feels isolating and all that.
But if you have a community wetalked about the support systems
, we talked about Facebook, wetalked about Reddit and maybe
your support system can help you.
And there's apps.
I always forget about the apps,but the apps are there.
So, yeah, use those resourcesif you feel isolated from your
family and you don't feel strongenough or what have you?
And maybe you even, like I, hada client of mine who didn't
(10:00):
know how to say no to theirfamily, so they have to travel
to go see their family.
So they said, oh, you know what, we got someone coming over, we
got to fix some stuff.
If I can make it, I can make it.
They knew they wouldn't make it, so they would just cancel it
and then say they couldn't flyin, but find something that's.
I don't like excuses, I don'tlike lies, because then you got
to remember lies, but for meit's being truthful is very
(10:21):
important, and being able to doso is conversation that you
would have for yourself.
And if you don't feelcomfortable, start journaling
about it.
Why is it so hard for me tostop blank and then write?
What can I say in order to stop?
I like the journaling idea.
I like writing down your ideas,because what happens is, when
you keep it in your head, wetend to forget.
We're human beings, right?
(10:41):
We forget.
So from my perspective, it'simportant to remember what you
need to do for yourself, andwriting it down is so important.
I journal I think I've saidthis on this podcast before.
I've been journaling on and offsince 1992.
And right now, as we are inDecember, I'm almost done with
my five-year journal, which isonly a few lines, but I've done
(11:03):
that.
But learning how to journalwriting down, particularly when
you know you're going to be in astressful situation, is very
important.
The other thing that some peoplehave said well, what about
control drinking?
Well, control drinking is verychallenging, and what I mean by
that is this I do controldrinking.
Well, control drinking is verychallenging, and what I mean by
that is this I do controldrinking.
I've mentioned here before thatI've had some problems with
substances.
My grandfathers did too, andyou know it's inherited.
(11:27):
So I really want to make surethat I set my limits and
boundaries in regards to that.
So you know, I get myself tohave one drink a month, and it's
not two, it's not three, it'snot four, it's one, and maybe
for the holidays maybe I'll havea second one, but not on the
same day.
But those are my numbers for me, and what I mean by that is
this I know for me that I can'tgo any further.
(11:49):
I can't have two drinks in arow.
It's just not possible andthat's why, like if I ever am in
a temptation situation, I havea few people in my life that
know about my problems withdrinking in the past and are
willing to kick my ass literally, physically and emotionally, if
I go and reach for somethingelse.
And that's a good reminder.
And I know people like, oh,physical violence, I'm like no,
but that works for me.
That doesn't mean it works foryou.
(12:10):
What I think works with mostindividual is sticking to a
number and knowing you can dothat.
Now, if you're new to sobriety,that's going to be extremely
hard and in recovery, becausemost support systems will
support groups will not say thatyou can drink at all.
I can't think of any that sayyou can or use substances right.
So you got to figure out whatyour number is and stick it to
(12:32):
it, not because of any otheroutside pressures but yourself.
I also like to think aboutsobriety being at least a year
old before a recovery, alsobefore you can actually set
those limits and boundaries withother people.
So from my perspective, I thinkthat there's a lot of stuff
that you can do and also bring afriend I mean, you know it
could be a sober friend or afriend that's willing to be
(12:53):
supportive of you.
Have a signal.
I think that what I've alsomentioned to people is that
they're bothered to be about adrink, and if you go to YouTube,
I'm touching my nose and if youhave a friend who understands
what that means, maybe they comeover and they change a subject
or they work on something orwhat have you.
But having allies is soimportant.
That's why, to me, recoveryworks much better than sobriety.
(13:15):
While sobriety can work, I'm abig fan of recovery and having
that and obviously process it.
If you have a therapist,process it there, process it in
support groups, but make sureyou use all your resources in
order to set those limits andboundaries, not because everyone
expects it, but rather youexpect it from yourself, and if
you're not doing it for yourself, you're highly likely not going
to remain sober or in recovery.
(13:36):
So that's my ideas for today.
Let me know what you think,send me a note and all that.
And episode 181 will be withDaniel Gospardek.
If I pronounce it wrong, he'sgoing to tell me on the podcast,
but he's the next guest onepisode 181.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
And I hope you join
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(14:16):
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