June 10, 2025 • 47 mins
What if the biggest obstacles to your success aren't external challenges but the stories you tell yourself? In this revealing conversation with attorney, success architect, and podcast host Amber Fuhriman, we unpack the limiting beliefs that keep entrepreneurs trapped in cycles of frustration and self-doubt.
Amber shatters the common myth that successful entrepreneurs have some secret knowledge or inherent advantage. "Nobody knows what they're doing," she explains. "We act with uncertainty, evaluate our decisions, figure out what worked, and figure out what didn't." This refreshing honesty cuts through the carefully curated social media personas of success, particularly what Amber calls the "Lambo, plane, and Rolex watch" images that trigger more skepticism than inspiration among seasoned entrepreneurs.
The conversation takes a surprising turn when discussing high-stress environments. Rather than pushing harder, Amber advocates for intentionally slowing down—scheduling "breathe time" throughout the day and working in focused 45-60 minute blocks. This counterintuitive approach has transformed her productivity and mental clarity, especially after discovering the power of breathwork when traditional meditation failed her.
We explore the fascinating connection between childhood experiences and entrepreneurial drive, with Amber explaining how our earliest programming shapes our definition of success. "Money equaled success, success equaled happiness," she shares about her own journey, "and that meant all the pain I felt in my life was going to disappear." The revelation came when success didn't deliver the promised emotional fulfillment, leading to anxiety attacks and a profound reexamination of her goals.
Perhaps most valuable is Amber's advice for entrepreneurs feeling stuck: "The antidote to feeling stuck is taking a step, whether you think it's in the correct direction or not." She challenges listeners to examine whether they have data supporting their perceived plateau or if they're simply justifying inaction, noting that "the distance between deciding and action will decide who makes the most money."
Whether you're just starting your entrepreneurial journey or looking to break through to your next level of success, this conversation provides the mindset tools to recognize and overcome the internal barriers holding you back. Connect with Amber at successdevelopmentsolutions.com or amber@amberfurman.com to continue your journey toward authentic success.
How to connect with Amber?
Email: Amber@amberfuhriman.com
Website: https://fuhrimanlaw.com/
Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/break-your-bullsh-t-box/id1475272089
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@amberfuhriman668
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/2320358498239185
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amberraefuhriman/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fuhrimanlaw/
Twitter: https://x.com/FuhrimanLaw
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome everyone to the Firing the man podcast, a
show for anyone who wants to betheir own boss.
If you sit in a cubicle everyday and know you are capable of
more, then join us.
This show will help you build abusiness and grow your passive
income streams in just a fewshort hours per day.
And now your hosts, serialentrepreneurs David Shomer and
(00:22):
Ken Wilson.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome back to the Firing the man podcast, the show
where we explore the journeysof entrepreneurs who have taken
control of their destinies bybuilding their own businesses.
Today, we're excited to welcomeAmber Furman, an accomplished
attorney, success architect andhost of Break your Bullshit
podcast.
Amber is the founder of FurmanLaw, a Las Vegas-based firm
(00:47):
specializing in immigration andcriminal defense.
Her unique expertise in bothareas has made her a
sought-after advocate forclients navigating complex legal
issues.
Beyond her legal career, amberis passionate about her personal
development and empoweringothers to overcome self-limiting
beliefs.
As the creator and host of theBreak your Bullshit podcast, she
(01:13):
engages in candid conversationsaimed at helping individuals
break free from self-imposedbarriers and achieve their true
potential.
In this episode, we'll delveinto Amber's entrepreneurial
journey, her insights onbalancing a demanding legal
career with personal growthinitiatives, and her strategies
for breaking through mentalbarriers that often hold us back
from success.
Whether you're an entrepreneur,business owner or someone
(01:35):
seeking inspiration to take thenext step in your personal or
professional life, amber's storyand insights are sure to
resonate.
Amber, we're really excited tohave you on the show.
Welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm looking forward to thisconversation.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Absolutely so.
To start things off, you talk alot about the stories that we
tell ourselves.
What are some of the mostcommon limiting beliefs you see
entrepreneurs make, and how canthey begin to break through
those?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yeah.
So I think that the stories wetell ourselves are so individual
and unique that everybody's isgoing to be a little bit
different.
However, just like every actionor Hallmark movie you've ever
seen, they have themes thatunderline them right.
You feel like if you've seenone, you've seen them all, even
if the characters are different.
The biggest thing I see withentrepreneurs, especially new
(02:31):
ones, is they make the mistakeof believing that the people
that are the most successfulthat they're looking up to and
they're modeling their journeyafter that, they just knew what
to do, that they had it figuredout all along, and that the
reason that they were successfulis because they had some leg up
and there's something differentabout them, and so that's one
of the biggest things that Ilike to dispel right off the bat
(02:54):
is that I have no idea what thehell I'm doing.
Nobody knows right.
We just act with thisuncertainty and then we evaluate
our decisions and we figure outwhat worked and we figure out
what didn't work.
So this preconception, or thisnotion that the reason people
are successful is because theyhad some additional like
(03:14):
foresight and knew what to do,is the biggest lie in the story
I see entrepreneurs tellthemselves.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Absolutely, and that's something that I think
with social media, it's worse,because you're in your free time
flipping through Instagram orFacebook or whatever your
platform is, and I can tell you,in particular in e-commerce,
there's a group of influencerswe like to call them Lambros,
and they're guys that stay nextto their Lamborghinis.
(03:41):
They talk about buildingpassive income.
Guys are standing next to theirLamborghinis, they talk about
building passive income, and Ido think that that sets a really
, really bad expectation, orunrealistic expectation, for
people that are just gettingstarted.
And so what?
Any thoughts on that, likenavigating this world or
overcoming this in the socialmedia time?
Speaker 3 (04:03):
So many thoughts, so many thoughts.
So I mean, first of all, Ilaugh because it's so relevant
the Lambo, the plane, the Rolexwatch, like it's to the point
now where, if I see somebodywith those things, I go straight
to skepticism instead ofadmiration.
(04:23):
And there was a period of mylife where I was like man, I
want that.
I want to be able to stand nextto the car, I want to be able
to wear the you know $10,000watch.
I want to be able to do all ofthose things.
And now, because I know howeasy it is to go rent a Lambo or
like charter a private planefor an hour or take a picture
(04:45):
when you're trying on the$10,000 watch and share that out
in social media, my immediatesales mind goes to this is a
marketing ploy.
This is a marketing campaign,and I think it's gotten even
worse with AI because you cannow go into an AI platform and
I'm a huge believer of AI, so Iwant to put that out there first
(05:07):
.
I use it in my business all thetime, however, just like
anything else.
I mean, I'm a certified trainerof NLP.
I get told all the time NLP ismanipulation.
No, it's influence, but it'sintention.
That makes the differencebetween influence and
manipulation.
It's the same thing with AI.
You can go on to AI right nowand you can say take this
picture of me and have me standnext to a red Lambo and it'll
(05:30):
pop it out as if it's real.
So you don't even have to gorent the Lambo anymore.
So the biggest thing I have ishang out with people in person.
Hang out with people in reallife and even if that real life
is virtual real life, get on theZoom call, reach out to them,
have the conversations, figureout who they are in real life,
because I have hung around withpeople who have ridiculous
(05:51):
amounts of money and I've neverbeen in a Lambo.
I've hung out with people whohave ridiculous amounts of money
and I've never been on aprivate plane.
The people who I mean what'sthe old dating advice Like?
If somebody tells you thatthey're a good guy, they don't
have to tell you.
Or if somebody is a good guy,they don't have to tell you
they're a good guy, right?
The people that have thesethings are not out there posting
(06:12):
pictures of themselves withthese things.
They're out there mentoringother people.
If it's organic, it's real, butif somebody's just standing
next to this fancy thing talkingabout how cool it is to stand
next to the fancy thing, mybrain immediately goes to you're
full of shit, same yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
And that filter has developed over time and it
hasn't always been that way.
At one point I wanted aLamborghini, but now I want time
with my wife and children andthat's rich to me, and so, uh,
no, I think that's really goodperspective.
And so one of the things I wantto talk about is is uh, you've
(06:51):
been a business owner, you'vebeen an attorney uh, both very
high stress environments and sohow do you, how have you
navigated those high stressenvironments while maintaining a
long-term vision and mentalclarity?
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Well, once I realized alcohol wasn't the answer, I
went to really slowing down andI know that sounds
counterproductive, right when Iwork with business owners and
entrepreneurs that are in a highstress environments which,
let's be real, every businessowner and every entrepreneur is
in a high stress environment.
There's no way around it.
We think that speed is theanswer.
We think that doing everythingas quickly as we can and on our
(07:34):
own is the answer.
And so when I talk to themabout, like, what kind of
self-care did you have today?
How did you spend your downtimetoday, their answer is I don't
have time for downtime and wehave to.
So I know what it feels like tobe this type A hard charging,
get the hell out of my way,attorney, and that lifestyle
only serves me for so long.
(07:55):
The first time somebodymentioned meditation to me was
like I don't have time to slowdown and breathe Like I.
This is stupid.
It serves no purpose for meJust taking 30 seconds, 60
seconds, to start, and, like Ischedule in my calendar now
breathe time Like I'll, I'll put, um, I'll put.
(08:17):
So let me go back when I look atmy schedule in the morning,
especially because I in the lawfirm, I had an assistant that
made sure I was in all of myappointments all of the time.
When I went into coaching Ididn't have that anymore, so I
had to figure out how I wasgoing to manage my own schedule.
So I created this system formyself where, when I wake up in
the morning, I set alarms formyself throughout the day before
(08:38):
important appointments.
And then I realized that I wassetting alarms for important
appointments for other people,but I wasn't setting alarms for
important appointments formyself.
So then I started settingbreathe alarms throughout the
day, like have you gone for amental health walk?
Have you gone outside today?
Have you taken time just toshut everything off and go let
(08:59):
the sun hit your face?
Those things are morerecharging than we know, and if
you feel like you're ending yourday incredibly stressed,
incredibly overwhelmed, you'regoing to bed with already
tomorrow's problems racingthrough your day.
The counterintuitive answer tothat is to take some time and
slow down.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
I like it.
I like it.
What have you found to be thesweet spot for downtime?
If you look at a eight or ninehour day out of like, if you're
planning out an optimal day, howmany breaks are you taking?
How long are those what's thatlook like?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I really like to work in 45 to 60 minute increments.
I like to make sure that I'mstanding up every 45 to 60
minutes, that I'm so for every45 to 60 minutes that I work.
I like to take between,depending on my day and how busy
I am or productive I want to be.
(09:59):
I like to take between like a90 second breather where I just
like intentionally calm mybreathing down for a little bit,
up to a 10 to 15 minute walk.
So ideally for me the ratiowould be 45 minutes work to a 15
minute walk.
Sometimes, as business ownersand entrepreneurs, that's not.
(10:21):
That's not feasible.
So at a minimum I'll do like a60 to 90 second breathing
session and breathwork session.
And let me be clear that thisbreathwork conversation was an
accidental find for me because Iwas so stuck in.
I can't meditate, I don't slowdown.
Meditation's hard for me.
And I went to this retreat thatwas a sales retreat and a
(10:46):
customer journey retreat fromsomebody that I looked at as my
kind of people super type, asuper, get shit done and at the
end of every day he did abreathwork session and he said
this isn't mandatory, but youguys don't have to be here.
I encourage you, if you'venever done breathwork before, to
stay and try something new.
(11:07):
And so I did, and it was likemeditation didn't work for me,
but breathwork.
I'll lay down and do abreathwork session.
It's so enjoyable for me.
So that would be.
My piece of advice is, ifyou're saying, if you're, if
you're the former version of me,and you're listening to this
saying I don't meditate, I don'tbreathe, I don't do that shit,
it doesn't serve me.
Try something new and findsomebody that you trust in an
(11:31):
environment that's different foryou, and just give it a shot,
because breathwork is somethingthat opened the door for me.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
That's really good feedback.
That's really good feedback,and I would say that I have
heard similar things aboutbreathwork.
However, I am probably whereyou were prior to trying it,
where it was like I don't havetime in my schedule or how do I
do this, and I had heard asaying one time if you feel like
(12:00):
you don't have 15 minutes tomeditate, then you need to
meditate for an hour, and when Ifirst heard that, it seemed
kind of counterintuitive, but Ido think that there's definitely
some truth there, and so one ofthe things that you've
mentioned early on in youranswer was alcohol, alcohol not
being the answer, and oneobservation I have is and I
interact with a lot ofentrepreneurs- and business
owners is that and this isanecdotal, but I bet it's backed
(12:24):
up by data substance abusetends to be higher with business
owners and entrepreneurs.
Why do you think that is, and doyou have any tips on managing
that in a healthy way?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah.
So I think there's a fewdifferent reasons for it.
It's cultural.
I think that when you startyour business, what's the first
thing they tell you to do?
Get out there and network.
Well, where are most networkingevents held?
They're held at mixers.
They're held in bars.
Right, I am really optimistic atthis sober lifestyle that so
(13:02):
many people are starting Like.
If you really look around, youcan see people who are choosing
to be sober.
That's not me.
I do drink.
I want to make that clear.
With that being said, though,my answer for how to handle it
responsibly is going to be thesame thing that I would tell you
with anything else and it'sintention.
So many times, people don't evenrealize that they're grabbing a
(13:27):
drink just for the purposes offeeling like they have something
in their hand, and this was forme.
I quit drinking for about sevenmonths.
It was supposed to be only forlike two or three weeks.
I just I felt like I'm a hugesports fan, and I felt like
every time I would go to asporting event, the first
question I was asking myself iswhat am I going to get to drink?
(13:47):
And, as I realized, that wasthe first thing going through my
head.
I didn't like it.
I, in college, after my daddied, I went through a really
unhealthy relationship withalcohol.
I was I don't know if I'd callmyself an alcoholic, but I would
definitely have called myselfsomebody with an alcohol abuse
problem.
But I would definitely havecalled myself somebody with an
alcohol abuse problem.
And so for me, I'm supersensitive when I feel like my
(14:10):
first question, my first thought, is what am I going to put in
my hand?
So I wanted to show myself Icould quit drinking, and it was
supposed to be for two or threeweeks.
And then I liked the way I feltand I was like I'm just going
to go till my birthday and endedup going about seven months.
And what that taught me wasthat if you're not intentional
about what you're doing, what'sthe phrase?
(14:30):
I heard a quote the other daythat said if you don't set your
goals, if you don't set yourintentions, somebody else will
wrap you into theirs.
Right?
And so I think it's just thiswhether it's your schedule,
whether it's stress management,whether it's what you're going
to choose to eat or drink or putin your body, every behavior
(14:51):
has an intention, and we get toidentify what that's going to be
.
And I want to expand on thatjust a little bit, because it's
not just alcohol and it's notjust negative things, right?
One of my favorite podcastinterviews I ever did was with a
really good friend of mine who,if you stripped away our
identities and you just lookedat some of the major points on
our timelines, we were identicalpeople.
(15:14):
We both had a history ofsuicide in our family.
We both lost our dad at a youngage.
We both had siblings thatlooked up to us.
We were both the first businessowners in our family.
Like so much was identical.
Yet I went to law school and hebecame a drug addict, an
alcoholic, and went to jail.
Now he runs really cool events.
(15:35):
He's an extremely successfulbusiness owner and entrepreneur.
But people look at me and theysay you went to law school,
you're so accomplished, and theylook at him and they say you
went to jail, you're a fuck up,when in reality we were numbing
the same pain.
My drug of choice was academics.
So I see people all the timesay I don't drink, but I'm going
(15:58):
to go on a 19 mile run thismorning.
Don't fall into the mistake ofthinking that because your drug
of choice is healthy andsocietally acceptable that
you're not numbing somethingthat you need to be dealing with
in order to be successful as abusiness owner or entrepreneur.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I think that's a really good point and oftentimes
, yeah, alcohol or drugs are thego-to, but yeah, there's
certainly addictions that arehealthy.
Academia is one, and you hadtalked, you had mentioned this
new kind of sober lifestyle.
I listened to a podcast withAndrew Huberman on alcohol.
(16:40):
I don't know, it is probablyone of the most downloaded
podcasts of 2024.
And all he did was just spokeabout like, when you drink
alcohol, what are the effects?
What effects does it have onyour body?
All data-driven he's ascientist, outstanding podcast
and that one alone changed myrelationship with alcohol.
(17:02):
And I think your point onintention is really good.
There's a lot of times you kindof go on autopilot and you
don't stop and ask what is myintention for this, and so I
think that's that's really goodadvice.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Well, if you, if you stop drinking for a while and
then you go out and you have anight out with friends, you feel
the effects differently.
And that was one of the firstthings that I noticed when I
quit drinking for that sevenmonths and then I decided to
have my first drink after thatand it was a choice was I had
(17:35):
two beers and I woke up the nextmorning feeling so groggy and I
was like I haven't felt thisway in a really long time.
I don't like waking up feelinglike this.
And then the other thing in thereframe that really helped me
is I never realized this until Iheard it on a podcast that
alcohol is the only drug that wehave to justify not using.
(17:58):
Right Like if you go out andsomebody offered like I'm in
Vegas, so this is probably amore common occurrence for me.
But if you go out andsomebody's like, hey, you want
to go to the bathroom and dosome coke, you're like no, that
sounds like a horrible idea.
And they're like OK, maybe youmake good life choices.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
But if you say, do you want to go to the bar and
get a drink and you're like no,I don't drink.
They're like what the hell iswrong with you?
There's a big movement going onand I'm not sure what's driving
(18:35):
that.
I'm sure it's a whole bunch ofthings, but I do think it's a
net positive, for society asmuch as our accessibility for
the landscape is changing.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I think with social media has kind of two sides to
it.
It has the side we talked aboutbefore, which is where all the
people that I will publicly calldouchebags live, the people
that want you to believe thatthey're more successful than
they are.
And then we have this otherside of social media that, over
the last four or five years, hasstarted to take over, which is
(19:11):
let me tell you about mystruggles so that you can learn
from them, and if you can makeit on that side of social media,
you will find the people whoare talking to you about sober
lifestyles, that are talking toyou about depression and anxiety
and about coping techniques andabout breathwork, and I don't
know that those people are morethat.
That lifestyle is bigger thanit used to be.
(19:32):
I think it's more accessible,which is allowing other people
to feel like it's okay to talkabout, and so it's growing, but
it's growing because people arefinally saying I'm tired of
living in this world where nottalking about this isn't
acceptable.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Tired of living in this world where not talking
about this isn't acceptable.
Yeah, yeah, no, I absolutelyagree with that.
So, as I was prepping for thisinterview, I was listening to a
couple of your podcasts, and oneof the things I heard you talk
about was redefining success.
And so how do you guideentrepreneurs to align their
business goals with whatactually fulfills them?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah.
So this goes back to your firstquestion that you asked of the
lies that we tell ourselves.
So I'm going to get superscientific for you for about two
and a half seconds and thenwe'll go back.
So, sociologically, there's asociologist by the name of
Morris Massey that came up withthese sociological guideposts of
where we develop individuallyand also as a society, and he
(20:33):
theorized that the ages of zeroto seven is when we're imprinted
, where all of our values arelearned, where all of our
beliefs are learned.
If I have somebody that comes tome that says I want to
communicate better, my firstquestion to them is let's go
back to the age of zero andseven.
What was communication like inyour household?
Did your parents show you whatit was like to have open
(20:56):
communication?
And then, from the ages ofabout eight to 14, we take
everything that we learned inthat imprint period and we start
to model the people around us.
Model the people around us.
For those of you listening, Iknow that you can relate to
walking into a room, seeing alittle human and being able to
identify who their parents arejust by the way that they stand,
dress and show up.
They're modeling the peoplethat are close to us, and
(21:19):
there's also a thing calledreverse modeling.
So we either model people andwe say I want to be like you, or
, if we have a negativeexperience, we reverse model
people and we say I don't wannabe like you, there's no way in
hell I would ever show up likeyou.
And then we try to become theopposite of that and then we
enter our socialization periodfrom about the ages of 14 to 21.
(21:40):
This is known as middle school,high school and the beginning
of college.
We're figuring out where wefall on the social ladder.
So I feel like this isimportant to answer your
question, because people'sdefinition of success is often
driven by their beliefs of whatsuccess is going to bring them
for those values and that modelof the world that's created
(22:01):
between the ages of zero andseven and then modeled between
eight and 14.
For me, using my experiences, Igrew up in a super, super, super
small town and I looked aroundand I reverse modeled that small
town.
I wasn't.
I never wanted kids.
I grew up in a very religiouscommunity where I was told that
my job as a woman is to havechildren and if God wants me to
(22:24):
have some sort of a career.
He will create the path forthat after I procreate enough.
I was the oldest child and so Ifeel like I had this path of I
don't know what I want, but Iknow what it's not.
And it's not living in afarming community, raising kids
and staying here.
So for me, I saw money assuccess.
(22:47):
And being born in the 80s andraised in the 90s doctors,
lawyers, pharmacists, cpas thosewere the people that made money
.
I hated science.
So for me, the long path afterall the trauma was go to law
school.
For me, if I went to law school, for me, if I went to law
(23:08):
school, I could make $100,000.
Money equaled success, successequaled happiness, and that
meant that all the pain that Ifelt in my life was going to
disappear.
I started having panic attacksand anxiety attacks when money
didn't equal happiness.
So, to answer your question,when it comes to redefining
(23:29):
success, the first thing we haveto understand is this thing you
say you want, whether it's thecareer, whether it's the money,
whether it's the relationship,whether it's the family,
whatever you're defining successas deep down inside in your
programming, what is it that youthink that's going to do for
you?
What do you think it's going tocreate, because I promise it
(23:49):
won't.
If you don't feel happy,fulfilled, loved and valuable
without those things, you arenever going to feel that with it
.
So I feel like what most peopledo is they say I'm going to put
my head down, work really hardbecause if I reach this level of
the external success, then Iwill feel valuable, loved and
(24:10):
worthy of living my life the waythat I want to.
What we get to do is understandwhere that comes from, so we
can create a business and a lifethat aligns with what you want
to have, instead of you chasingthings that you think are going
to fix the problems that youdon't want to solve.
That money and society has toldyou success is going to make
(24:31):
better.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
I really like that answer, and I think money is an
obvious one, that it seems likeyou almost have to go through it
to realize that.
Are there any other areas oflife where you think people
often think it's somethingthat's going to fulfill them but
ultimately does not?
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Yeah, all of them.
The reality is all of them.
I see it a lot in relationships.
If I could just find theperfect partner, everything else
would fall into place.
I saw a quote once.
I've been single for a longtime because my last, my last
relationship I realized that Ineeded to do some work.
I realized that I had I hadsome, some shit I needed to
(25:17):
solve internally and then Iwasn't ready to date.
So I have just put myself backout into the dating pool and I
haven't.
I haven't dated in like eightyears.
I haven't dated in like eightyears and I needed that because
I was looking for somebody whowas going to complete me.
And I saw a meme the other daythat said I don't need you to be
my happiness, I need you tofind yours so you don't ruin
(25:39):
mine.
And I feel like that is thebest way to sum up a
relationship and spirituality,religion.
I see it with that health.
If I could just have theperfect body, then everything
else would fall into place.
If I could just lose the weight, everything else would fall
into place.
I'm going to share.
(25:59):
I saw another podcast recentlywhere a husband and wife were
talking and he asked the wife.
He said has there ever beenparts of our relationship where
you lost attraction for me?
And she said yeah, there has.
And he asked the wife.
He said has there ever beenparts of our relationship where
you lost attraction for me?
And she said, yeah, there has.
And he goes it was in my fatarea era, wasn't it?
And she goes yes, but not forthe reason that you think and
(26:20):
she went through all of thesereasons that he changed the way
that he dressed and he changedthe way that he showed up and he
changed.
And she went through all thesethings and she says I never
wanted you to change the way youlooked.
I wanted you to change the waythat you felt about how you
looked.
And I think that that is what'sso powerful.
No matter whether you're in acareer relationship, whether
(26:42):
we're talking about money,whether we're talking about
spirituality, whether we'retalking about keeping your house
clean, it doesn't matter.
There is a reason you're notdoing it now, and that reason
has to do with somethinginternal.
And bringing the organizer into clean your house isn't going
to make you feel better aboutyourself.
Getting the perfect partnerisn't going to make you feel
better about yourself.
(27:03):
We have to do the internal work, to figure out why we think
that these external things aregoing to solve a problem for us,
before we will ever feelsuccessful.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Well, money's the obvious one.
But then you went and listedoff six or seven of other ones
that I think are definitelyrelevant.
And so one thing I want to go alittle deeper on, and you had
(27:47):
brought it why this is, and I'dbe interested if you have any
ideas.
But they oftentimes did nothave a rosy childhood.
They've had something badhappen to them, they've had some
period of intense struggle, andyou just see that that is an
observation that I have.
You just see that that is anobservation that I have.
(28:09):
And it seems like in the deepwork community there's kind of
two schools of thought.
There's one that's you know,address that trauma head on, and
then the other opinion ischildhood trauma should have a
statute of limitations, and atsome point you need to and I
(28:32):
want to mention this is not myopinion, uh, but you need to
pick your, pick yourself up byyour bootstraps and take
accountability for your own life.
And, and so I'm curious, likeit is a two-part question why do
you think those are some commontraits of entrepreneurs and the
second piece of it is commontraits of entrepreneurs, and the
(28:52):
second piece of it is wheredoes dealing with childhood shit
deal, like play intoself-development?
Speaker 3 (28:56):
So I'm going to answer them backwards.
I'm going to answer your secondquestion first.
I believe in both schools ofthought.
I believe that pulling up yourputting on your big boy or your
big girl britches and dealingwith your childhood trauma means
doing the deep work.
Taking responsibility for yourlife is doing the deep work.
(29:16):
If you and I I very rarely callpeople out and say if you
disagree with this, you're wrong, and I am going to do it now.
If you disagree with this, youare wrong.
If you disagree with this, youare wrong, and I will stand by
that.
Because what happens is peoplesay I don't need to deal with
this, all I need to do is workharder so that it doesn't bother
(29:40):
me anymore.
All I need to do is stop caringabout it.
You can't.
So let me break it downscientifically in two seconds,
the best way I have ever heard.
So if you're not NLP familiar,we have a conscious mind.
We have an unconscious mind.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
What is it?
What is NLP?
Speaker 3 (29:57):
NLP stands for neuro linguistics programming and the
short answer is it was createdby two therapists in the 70s
that were tired of talk therapynot working and they started
coming up with modalities toactually heal and communicate
better instead of reactivelytalk about things.
And that doesn't mean I don'tthink there's a place for
therapy there is.
I've been in therapy for a longtime.
(30:18):
I also think that NLP isanother tool in the toolbox that
helps us be bettercommunicators and better
business owners.
So if you're not familiar withthat, we have a conscious mind,
we have an unconscious mind.
So picture that iceberg thateverybody's used in marketing
material since the beginning oftime.
Your conscious mind is that 10%that you can see of that
(30:40):
iceberg.
Your unconscious mind is theother 90%, where all your values
are held, where all yourbeliefs are, where all your
communications are.
Your values are held where allyour beliefs are, where all your
communications are.
And one of the prime directivesof your unconscious mind is to
keep unresolved negativeemotions and memories until
you're ready to deal with them.
(31:00):
So it will constantly show youlessons out in the world to see
whether you're ready to leaninto dealing with your childhood
trauma yet.
And if you push that away, itsays OK, not yet.
I'm going to keep this storeddown here for a minute and then
you might have, like the the.
The way we believe it in NLP isthat you constantly attract
your lessons until you're readyto learn them.
(31:22):
That you know if you have thatperson, that's always in shitty
relationships and they alwayshave shitty business partners
like they're going to continueto attract that until they learn
the lessons that they're meantto learn.
That's going to allow them tovalue themselves enough to set
boundaries to attract goodpartners and good business
relationships.
Right?
So the best way I've ever heardthis put is in a book called
(31:43):
You're Invited by John Levy andhe compares the conscious mind
and the unconscious mind to anelephant and a rider, a human
rider.
So if you can imagine for justa minute a 150 pound man on a
two ton elephant, that 150 poundman has trained that elephant.
He has beaten that elephantdown until he will listen to his
(32:07):
commands.
He gets on that elephant and hesays we're going to go from
point A to point B and it worksas long as the elephant's on
board.
If the elephant's instincts getkicked in, do we have any
misconceptions about who'scontrolling the direction that
that's going.
There is no way that a 150pound man is going to be able to
(32:30):
stop a two ton elephant if thattwo ton elephants fight, flight
or freeze.
Instincts kick in.
Your unconscious mind is thesame way.
So what happens is we makedecisions with our unconscious
mind and then, so we can feellike we are in control, we
justify them with our consciousmind.
I want to lose weight, so I'mgoing to set this plan, I'm
(32:52):
going to hire this nutritionist.
I'm going to hire I'm going toget all the experts.
We then start to lose weightand we start to get out of our
comfort zone and we start to getinto this new place that we
don't necessarily live in.
And then we deserve the tacoTuesday.
I've worked really hard and ifI let myself have the margarita,
then I'll work harder the restof the week.
(33:14):
I need my cheat day.
A cheat day is going to help mefocus harder later.
This is the negotiation processwe play with ourselves between
our conscious mind and ourunconscious mind.
So I say this to say that ifyou think that you can pick your
, you can put on your big girlpants, you can take
(33:35):
responsibility for your life andyou can just forget all the
shit that's happened to you.
You are the 150 pound man ontop of an elephant that thinks
you're in control.
We have to work with theelephant.
We have to, and that's the deeptrauma work.
So that's the first answer toyour question.
The second, the answer to yoursecond question, I think, goes a
(33:58):
little bit deeper and it'sindividual for each person.
If I was to pick some piecesout that I think run through
every person that I've met, it'sthat by going through those
shitty things that we've gonethrough, it's that by going
through those shitty things thatwe've gone through, we've
learned to think outside of thebox.
We don't, and some of us get tothe point where we realize it's
(34:22):
not thinking outside of the box, it's acknowledging there isn't
one, that there's not a rightor wrong way to do things.
Um, so let me decide if I wantto go this deep.
Um, we have I mentioned valuesthat we get programmed with from
(34:43):
the ages of zero and seven.
But society also getsprogrammed with values, and one
of the societal values that weknow is values.
Level four in NLP is religion,military and nine to five jobs.
There's rules, there's rightand wrong ways to do things,
there's SOPs, there's steps thatwe follow.
(35:05):
If you do this, then thisoccurs and entrepreneurs cannot
exist in that environment.
The next values level is whatwe know as a values level five.
That's where thinking outsidethe box first starts to peek its
head up.
So I think that what hashappened is those of us who have
decided to jump intoentrepreneurship or business
(35:26):
ownership have been pushed outof the values level that
believes that if I do everythingright, then I'll be able to
retire with a 401k that'shealthy and the government's
going to take care of me torealizing that we have to be
self-reliant, because we'veneeded to be self-reliant our
entire life.
And in order for us to beself-reliant, we have to
(35:47):
acknowledge that we are incontrol of whether we make money
or whether we don't make money.
We're in control of where welive, and this freedom no longer
becomes working nine to fiveand going home and not having to
think about work anymore.
It becomes the stress ofknowing that I'm in control of
what I do with my business, thatI have location freedom, and
(36:10):
both of those are a double edgedsword.
You hear the phrase all thetime that an entrepreneur will
work 150 hours a week forthemselves, so they don't have
to work 40 hours a week forsomebody else.
Right, but we will, because thepayoff is the freedom that we
want, instead of being told whatwe're going to do by somebody
else.
And I think that comes with thetrauma and the experiences that
(36:33):
you're talking about as a kid.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I have asked that question about why is it that
entrepreneurs tend to have not arosy childhood?
I've probably asked that to 10different people and that's the
best answer that I've gotten, orthat seems to make the most
sense to me, and you hit it froma lot of different angles.
And one of the things I want toback up is and I think this is
(36:58):
worth listening to to again islike addressing the childhood
trauma is taking control andpicking yourself up by the
bootstraps.
It's not a this or that.
It is their complimentaryactions which, on the surface,
may not seem that way, and so,okay, I do.
(37:19):
You are a wealth of knowledgeabout business and this has been
an awesome conversation.
I wanna turn the corner alittle bit and talk about some
of these lessons as it relatesto business, and one of the
things that I've experienced Iknow a lot of listeners in the
show have experienced is feelingstuck.
You're doing all the rightthings, you're showing up to
(37:40):
work on time, you're workingSaturdays and you feel stuck.
You've plateaued Any advice forpeople going through that?
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yeah, I think the first thing is do you have the
data that allows you to actuallyunderstand if you've plateaued
or not, or are you lying toyourself?
So a lot of times, what willhappen is we will convince
ourselves that we've plateauedto justify slowing down.
(38:13):
Because so every person, everysingle person, has an income
ceiling.
It's an amount of money thatyou have never made more of
before.
And if you think of yourcomfort zone as this place, one
of my favorite quotes is don'tgive up your peace because chaos
is comfortable.
So our unconscious mind learnshow to protect us, how to
(38:34):
operate, how to exist inside ofour comfort zone.
And when we start to becomemore successful than our comfort
zone is used to, ourunconscious mind starts to panic
a little bit because it doesn'tknow how to protect us in this
new set of circumstances.
Yet we have to sit through thediscomfort of figuring out how
(38:58):
to exist in this new realitywhich is making money, before
our unconscious mind can say ohwait, a second, I do know how to
do this here.
It just looks a little bitdifferent than what I'm used to.
If we're not willing toacknowledge what's going on from
a programming standpoint and anunconscious mind standpoint,
then we can start to fall victimto the behaviors that pull us
(39:21):
back into that comfort zone,which is spending excess money,
convincing ourselves that we'veplateaued, convincing ourselves
that the networking is notworking, and then we, our
behaviors, follow this beliefthat it's not working.
So I'm just going to give up.
To bring this back into ahealth conversation.
I haven't lost 40 pounds in thelast week that I've been at the
gym, so the gym doesn't work,so I'm going to stop going.
(39:43):
Right, we expect these massiveresults.
So my first question is what doyou define as a plateau?
How are you measuring thesemetrics?
Do you have your?
Do you know what your keyperformance indicators are for
your business?
If you're going networking?
I'm going to go back tointention.
If you're going networking, doyou know how many people you
(40:07):
want to meet at that networkingevent?
Do you know how many people youwant to follow up with?
Do you know how many networkingevents you need to go to in
order to get a specific client?
Do you know, if you get thatclient, how much you're going to
earn on an investment?
You know who your good referralpartners are?
Most people can't answer thesequestions.
So then, what they do is theytake this idea of a plateau and
(40:28):
they say this isn't working.
I'm stuck, I don't know whereto go from here.
So the short answer is I heardsomebody say once that the
difference between Fortune 500CEOs and the average business
owner is that Fortune 500 CEOswould rather make a wrong
decision than no decision at all.
(40:48):
So if you're feeling stuck,just make a decision.
Forget right and wrong.
Take an action, because stucklike you can't be stuck and take
action at the same time.
So I would rather make a wrongdecision or a decision that I
don't like the word wrong.
I'd rather make a decision thatdoesn't work out and be able to
(41:09):
evaluate that choice than makeno decision at all and be stuck.
The other thing I heard and thisand then I'll stop talking is I
heard a podcast actually thismorning where somebody said they
were talking to their mentorwho was a billionaire and she
said what is your biggestsuccess metric?
(41:33):
And he says the amount of timeit takes people to make a
decision.
So she said this changed mylife.
Where he said the distancebetween deciding an action will
decide who makes the most moneyand who doesn't.
So when she's on a call withher team and her team says I
don't know the answer to that,I'll get it to you next week.
She says can you have it to meby tomorrow?
(41:54):
And the people who can have itby tomorrow will make more money
than the people who can have itnext week.
So if you feel stuck, theantidote to feeling stuck is
taking a step, whether you thinkit's in the correct direction
or not, just do something.
Just do something.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
That is a really good point and I had asked this
question as perhaps somethingfor the listeners that would
benefit.
But I also am personallyfeeling stuck in one particular
business that I run and as yougo through that, that feeling
(42:34):
stuck, you had mentioned likelook at your KPIs.
You had mentioned like look atyour KPIs, and that's something
I haven't done.
It's more of just a feeling,and one of the results of that
is inaction, is I'm not surewhat the next step I should take
, and I haven't taken one, andso no, I think that's a really
(42:56):
good, really really good answer.
So, amber, I think we couldprobably podcast for two or
three more hours, but I do wantto be respectful of your time.
If, before we get to the fireround, if anyone's interested in
working with you or having youspeak at one of their
engagements, what's the best wayto get in touch with you?
Speaker 3 (43:18):
Yeah, my website at successdevelopmentsolutionscom
is a good spot.
We're about to go underconstruction, so I'm also just
going to throw out my email,which is amber at amberfermancom
.
It's amber at my namecom.
You can email me there or findme on any social media, so
there's a multitude of ways toreach out to me no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
All of that in the show notes.
Now, amber, before we wrap upthe episode, there's four
questions that we ask everyguest at the end of the show.
We call it the fire round.
Are you ready?
I am always ready.
Yes, all right, what is yourfavorite book?
Speaker 3 (44:16):
I have two that I recommend for people in business
ownership.
The first one is the Subtle Artof Not Giving a Fuck by Mark
Manson.
The second is I Hope I Screwthis Up by Kyle.
Cease those two, and then Iwould be a really horrible
author if I didn't put mine inthere as well.
So Break your Bullshit Box.
By me.
There we go, there we go, Ilike it.
(44:38):
What are your hobbies?
By me.
There we go.
There we go, I like it.
What are your hobbies?
I love dancing.
So country dancing, linedancing, anything my dog popped
on before we were recording, soanything I can do with my dog,
taking her out hiking.
I've also recently gotten intolike wine and paints or like
painting things, which is reallycool, because I failed sixth
(45:00):
grade art and I convinced myselffor a really long time I wasn't
creative, and so to find myselfgoing back into that creative
space is really cool.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Awesome, Awesome.
Number three what is one thingthat you do not miss about
working for the man?
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Answering to somebody other than me.
Answering to somebody otherthan me like not being able to
pick my clients, not being ableto fire clients, getting the
shit into the stick because aboss is happy they hired
somebody that they get to like.
The shit rolls downhill to, so,yeah, being in control, which
is again a double edged sword.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Absolutely, Absolutely.
I agree with that.
And final question what do youthink sets apart successful
entrepreneurs from those whogive up, fail or never get
started?
The willingness to beuncomfortable and the
willingness to fail in public.
Very good Mic drop.
(45:55):
Let's end it there, Amber.
Thank you so much for being aguest on the Firing the man
podcast and looking forward tostaying in touch.
Speaker 3 (45:59):
I enjoyed it.
Thank you so much.
Welcome everyone to the Firing the man podcast, a
show for anyone who wants to betheir own boss.
If you sit in a cubicle everyday and know you are capable of
more, then join us.
This show will help you build abusiness and grow your passive
income streams in just a fewshort hours per day.
And now your hosts, serialentrepreneurs David Shomer and
(00:22):
Ken Wilson.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Welcome back to the Firing the man podcast, the show
where we explore the journeysof entrepreneurs who have taken
control of their destinies bybuilding their own businesses.
Today, we're excited to welcomeAmber Furman, an accomplished
attorney, success architect andhost of Break your Bullshit
podcast.
Amber is the founder of FurmanLaw, a Las Vegas-based firm
(00:47):
specializing in immigration andcriminal defense.
Her unique expertise in bothareas has made her a
sought-after advocate forclients navigating complex legal
issues.
Beyond her legal career, amberis passionate about her personal
development and empoweringothers to overcome self-limiting
beliefs.
As the creator and host of theBreak your Bullshit podcast, she
(01:13):
engages in candid conversationsaimed at helping individuals
break free from self-imposedbarriers and achieve their true
potential.
In this episode, we'll delveinto Amber's entrepreneurial
journey, her insights onbalancing a demanding legal
career with personal growthinitiatives, and her strategies
for breaking through mentalbarriers that often hold us back
from success.
Whether you're an entrepreneur,business owner or someone
(01:35):
seeking inspiration to take thenext step in your personal or
professional life, amber's storyand insights are sure to
resonate.
Amber, we're really excited tohave you on the show.
Welcome.
Speaker 3 (01:47):
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm looking forward to thisconversation.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Absolutely so.
To start things off, you talk alot about the stories that we
tell ourselves.
What are some of the mostcommon limiting beliefs you see
entrepreneurs make, and how canthey begin to break through
those?
Speaker 3 (02:08):
Yeah.
So I think that the stories wetell ourselves are so individual
and unique that everybody's isgoing to be a little bit
different.
However, just like every actionor Hallmark movie you've ever
seen, they have themes thatunderline them right.
You feel like if you've seenone, you've seen them all, even
if the characters are different.
The biggest thing I see withentrepreneurs, especially new
(02:31):
ones, is they make the mistakeof believing that the people
that are the most successfulthat they're looking up to and
they're modeling their journeyafter that, they just knew what
to do, that they had it figuredout all along, and that the
reason that they were successfulis because they had some leg up
and there's something differentabout them, and so that's one
of the biggest things that Ilike to dispel right off the bat
(02:54):
is that I have no idea what thehell I'm doing.
Nobody knows right.
We just act with thisuncertainty and then we evaluate
our decisions and we figure outwhat worked and we figure out
what didn't work.
So this preconception, or thisnotion that the reason people
are successful is because theyhad some additional like
(03:14):
foresight and knew what to do,is the biggest lie in the story
I see entrepreneurs tellthemselves.
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Absolutely, and that's something that I think
with social media, it's worse,because you're in your free time
flipping through Instagram orFacebook or whatever your
platform is, and I can tell you,in particular in e-commerce,
there's a group of influencerswe like to call them Lambros,
and they're guys that stay nextto their Lamborghinis.
(03:41):
They talk about buildingpassive income.
Guys are standing next to theirLamborghinis, they talk about
building passive income, and Ido think that that sets a really
, really bad expectation, orunrealistic expectation, for
people that are just gettingstarted.
And so what?
Any thoughts on that, likenavigating this world or
overcoming this in the socialmedia time?
Speaker 3 (04:03):
So many thoughts, so many thoughts.
So I mean, first of all, Ilaugh because it's so relevant
the Lambo, the plane, the Rolexwatch, like it's to the point
now where, if I see somebodywith those things, I go straight
to skepticism instead ofadmiration.
(04:23):
And there was a period of mylife where I was like man, I
want that.
I want to be able to stand nextto the car, I want to be able
to wear the you know $10,000watch.
I want to be able to do all ofthose things.
And now, because I know howeasy it is to go rent a Lambo or
like charter a private planefor an hour or take a picture
(04:45):
when you're trying on the$10,000 watch and share that out
in social media, my immediatesales mind goes to this is a
marketing ploy.
This is a marketing campaign,and I think it's gotten even
worse with AI because you cannow go into an AI platform and
I'm a huge believer of AI, so Iwant to put that out there first
(05:07):
.
I use it in my business all thetime, however, just like
anything else.
I mean, I'm a certified trainerof NLP.
I get told all the time NLP ismanipulation.
No, it's influence, but it'sintention.
That makes the differencebetween influence and
manipulation.
It's the same thing with AI.
You can go on to AI right nowand you can say take this
picture of me and have me standnext to a red Lambo and it'll
(05:30):
pop it out as if it's real.
So you don't even have to gorent the Lambo anymore.
So the biggest thing I have ishang out with people in person.
Hang out with people in reallife and even if that real life
is virtual real life, get on theZoom call, reach out to them,
have the conversations, figureout who they are in real life,
because I have hung around withpeople who have ridiculous
(05:51):
amounts of money and I've neverbeen in a Lambo.
I've hung out with people whohave ridiculous amounts of money
and I've never been on aprivate plane.
The people who I mean what'sthe old dating advice Like?
If somebody tells you thatthey're a good guy, they don't
have to tell you.
Or if somebody is a good guy,they don't have to tell you
they're a good guy, right?
The people that have thesethings are not out there posting
(06:12):
pictures of themselves withthese things.
They're out there mentoringother people.
If it's organic, it's real, butif somebody's just standing
next to this fancy thing talkingabout how cool it is to stand
next to the fancy thing, mybrain immediately goes to you're
full of shit, same yeah.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
And that filter has developed over time and it
hasn't always been that way.
At one point I wanted aLamborghini, but now I want time
with my wife and children andthat's rich to me, and so, uh,
no, I think that's really goodperspective.
And so one of the things I wantto talk about is is uh, you've
(06:51):
been a business owner, you'vebeen an attorney uh, both very
high stress environments and sohow do you, how have you
navigated those high stressenvironments while maintaining a
long-term vision and mentalclarity?
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Well, once I realized alcohol wasn't the answer, I
went to really slowing down andI know that sounds
counterproductive, right when Iwork with business owners and
entrepreneurs that are in a highstress environments which,
let's be real, every businessowner and every entrepreneur is
in a high stress environment.
There's no way around it.
We think that speed is theanswer.
We think that doing everythingas quickly as we can and on our
(07:34):
own is the answer.
And so when I talk to themabout, like, what kind of
self-care did you have today?
How did you spend your downtimetoday, their answer is I don't
have time for downtime and wehave to.
So I know what it feels like tobe this type A hard charging,
get the hell out of my way,attorney, and that lifestyle
only serves me for so long.
(07:55):
The first time somebodymentioned meditation to me was
like I don't have time to slowdown and breathe Like I.
This is stupid.
It serves no purpose for meJust taking 30 seconds, 60
seconds, to start, and, like Ischedule in my calendar now
breathe time Like I'll, I'll put, um, I'll put.
(08:17):
So let me go back when I look atmy schedule in the morning,
especially because I in the lawfirm, I had an assistant that
made sure I was in all of myappointments all of the time.
When I went into coaching Ididn't have that anymore, so I
had to figure out how I wasgoing to manage my own schedule.
So I created this system formyself where, when I wake up in
the morning, I set alarms formyself throughout the day before
(08:38):
important appointments.
And then I realized that I wassetting alarms for important
appointments for other people,but I wasn't setting alarms for
important appointments formyself.
So then I started settingbreathe alarms throughout the
day, like have you gone for amental health walk?
Have you gone outside today?
Have you taken time just toshut everything off and go let
(08:59):
the sun hit your face?
Those things are morerecharging than we know, and if
you feel like you're ending yourday incredibly stressed,
incredibly overwhelmed, you'regoing to bed with already
tomorrow's problems racingthrough your day.
The counterintuitive answer tothat is to take some time and
slow down.
Speaker 2 (09:20):
I like it.
I like it.
What have you found to be thesweet spot for downtime?
If you look at a eight or ninehour day out of like, if you're
planning out an optimal day, howmany breaks are you taking?
How long are those what's thatlook like?
Speaker 3 (09:38):
I really like to work in 45 to 60 minute increments.
I like to make sure that I'mstanding up every 45 to 60
minutes, that I'm so for every45 to 60 minutes that I work.
I like to take between,depending on my day and how busy
I am or productive I want to be.
(09:59):
I like to take between like a90 second breather where I just
like intentionally calm mybreathing down for a little bit,
up to a 10 to 15 minute walk.
So ideally for me the ratiowould be 45 minutes work to a 15
minute walk.
Sometimes, as business ownersand entrepreneurs, that's not.
(10:21):
That's not feasible.
So at a minimum I'll do like a60 to 90 second breathing
session and breathwork session.
And let me be clear that thisbreathwork conversation was an
accidental find for me because Iwas so stuck in.
I can't meditate, I don't slowdown.
Meditation's hard for me.
And I went to this retreat thatwas a sales retreat and a
(10:46):
customer journey retreat fromsomebody that I looked at as my
kind of people super type, asuper, get shit done and at the
end of every day he did abreathwork session and he said
this isn't mandatory, but youguys don't have to be here.
I encourage you, if you'venever done breathwork before, to
stay and try something new.
(11:07):
And so I did, and it was likemeditation didn't work for me,
but breathwork.
I'll lay down and do abreathwork session.
It's so enjoyable for me.
So that would be.
My piece of advice is, ifyou're saying, if you're, if
you're the former version of me,and you're listening to this
saying I don't meditate, I don'tbreathe, I don't do that shit,
it doesn't serve me.
Try something new and findsomebody that you trust in an
(11:31):
environment that's different foryou, and just give it a shot,
because breathwork is somethingthat opened the door for me.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
That's really good feedback.
That's really good feedback,and I would say that I have
heard similar things aboutbreathwork.
However, I am probably whereyou were prior to trying it,
where it was like I don't havetime in my schedule or how do I
do this, and I had heard asaying one time if you feel like
(12:00):
you don't have 15 minutes tomeditate, then you need to
meditate for an hour, and when Ifirst heard that, it seemed
kind of counterintuitive, but Ido think that there's definitely
some truth there, and so one ofthe things that you've
mentioned early on in youranswer was alcohol, alcohol not
being the answer, and oneobservation I have is and I
interact with a lot ofentrepreneurs- and business
owners is that and this isanecdotal, but I bet it's backed
(12:24):
up by data substance abusetends to be higher with business
owners and entrepreneurs.
Why do you think that is, and doyou have any tips on managing
that in a healthy way?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah.
So I think there's a fewdifferent reasons for it.
It's cultural.
I think that when you startyour business, what's the first
thing they tell you to do?
Get out there and network.
Well, where are most networkingevents held?
They're held at mixers.
They're held in bars.
Right, I am really optimistic atthis sober lifestyle that so
(13:02):
many people are starting Like.
If you really look around, youcan see people who are choosing
to be sober.
That's not me.
I do drink.
I want to make that clear.
With that being said, though,my answer for how to handle it
responsibly is going to be thesame thing that I would tell you
with anything else and it'sintention.
So many times, people don't evenrealize that they're grabbing a
(13:27):
drink just for the purposes offeeling like they have something
in their hand, and this was forme.
I quit drinking for about sevenmonths.
It was supposed to be only forlike two or three weeks.
I just I felt like I'm a hugesports fan, and I felt like
every time I would go to asporting event, the first
question I was asking myself iswhat am I going to get to drink?
(13:47):
And, as I realized, that wasthe first thing going through my
head.
I didn't like it.
I, in college, after my daddied, I went through a really
unhealthy relationship withalcohol.
I was I don't know if I'd callmyself an alcoholic, but I would
definitely have called myselfsomebody with an alcohol abuse
problem.
But I would definitely havecalled myself somebody with an
alcohol abuse problem.
And so for me, I'm supersensitive when I feel like my
(14:10):
first question, my first thought, is what am I going to put in
my hand?
So I wanted to show myself Icould quit drinking, and it was
supposed to be for two or threeweeks.
And then I liked the way I feltand I was like I'm just going
to go till my birthday and endedup going about seven months.
And what that taught me wasthat if you're not intentional
about what you're doing, what'sthe phrase?
(14:30):
I heard a quote the other daythat said if you don't set your
goals, if you don't set yourintentions, somebody else will
wrap you into theirs.
Right?
And so I think it's just thiswhether it's your schedule,
whether it's stress management,whether it's what you're going
to choose to eat or drink or putin your body, every behavior
(14:51):
has an intention, and we get toidentify what that's going to be
.
And I want to expand on thatjust a little bit, because it's
not just alcohol and it's notjust negative things, right?
One of my favorite podcastinterviews I ever did was with a
really good friend of mine who,if you stripped away our
identities and you just lookedat some of the major points on
our timelines, we were identicalpeople.
(15:14):
We both had a history ofsuicide in our family.
We both lost our dad at a youngage.
We both had siblings thatlooked up to us.
We were both the first businessowners in our family.
Like so much was identical.
Yet I went to law school and hebecame a drug addict, an
alcoholic, and went to jail.
Now he runs really cool events.
(15:35):
He's an extremely successfulbusiness owner and entrepreneur.
But people look at me and theysay you went to law school,
you're so accomplished, and theylook at him and they say you
went to jail, you're a fuck up,when in reality we were numbing
the same pain.
My drug of choice was academics.
So I see people all the timesay I don't drink, but I'm going
(15:58):
to go on a 19 mile run thismorning.
Don't fall into the mistake ofthinking that because your drug
of choice is healthy andsocietally acceptable that
you're not numbing somethingthat you need to be dealing with
in order to be successful as abusiness owner or entrepreneur.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I think that's a really good point and oftentimes
, yeah, alcohol or drugs are thego-to, but yeah, there's
certainly addictions that arehealthy.
Academia is one, and you hadtalked, you had mentioned this
new kind of sober lifestyle.
I listened to a podcast withAndrew Huberman on alcohol.
(16:40):
I don't know, it is probablyone of the most downloaded
podcasts of 2024.
And all he did was just spokeabout like, when you drink
alcohol, what are the effects?
What effects does it have onyour body?
All data-driven he's ascientist, outstanding podcast
and that one alone changed myrelationship with alcohol.
(17:02):
And I think your point onintention is really good.
There's a lot of times you kindof go on autopilot and you
don't stop and ask what is myintention for this, and so I
think that's that's really goodadvice.
Speaker 3 (17:15):
Well, if you, if you stop drinking for a while and
then you go out and you have anight out with friends, you feel
the effects differently.
And that was one of the firstthings that I noticed when I
quit drinking for that sevenmonths and then I decided to
have my first drink after thatand it was a choice was I had
(17:35):
two beers and I woke up the nextmorning feeling so groggy and I
was like I haven't felt thisway in a really long time.
I don't like waking up feelinglike this.
And then the other thing in thereframe that really helped me
is I never realized this until Iheard it on a podcast that
alcohol is the only drug that wehave to justify not using.
(17:58):
Right Like if you go out andsomebody offered like I'm in
Vegas, so this is probably amore common occurrence for me.
But if you go out andsomebody's like, hey, you want
to go to the bathroom and dosome coke, you're like no, that
sounds like a horrible idea.
And they're like OK, maybe youmake good life choices.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
But if you say, do you want to go to the bar and
get a drink and you're like no,I don't drink.
They're like what the hell iswrong with you?
There's a big movement going onand I'm not sure what's driving
(18:35):
that.
I'm sure it's a whole bunch ofthings, but I do think it's a
net positive, for society asmuch as our accessibility for
the landscape is changing.
Speaker 3 (18:50):
I think with social media has kind of two sides to
it.
It has the side we talked aboutbefore, which is where all the
people that I will publicly calldouchebags live, the people
that want you to believe thatthey're more successful than
they are.
And then we have this otherside of social media that, over
the last four or five years, hasstarted to take over, which is
(19:11):
let me tell you about mystruggles so that you can learn
from them, and if you can makeit on that side of social media,
you will find the people whoare talking to you about sober
lifestyles, that are talking toyou about depression and anxiety
and about coping techniques andabout breathwork, and I don't
know that those people are morethat.
That lifestyle is bigger thanit used to be.
(19:32):
I think it's more accessible,which is allowing other people
to feel like it's okay to talkabout, and so it's growing, but
it's growing because people arefinally saying I'm tired of
living in this world where nottalking about this isn't
acceptable.
Speaker 2 (19:47):
Tired of living in this world where not talking
about this isn't acceptable.
Yeah, yeah, no, I absolutelyagree with that.
So, as I was prepping for thisinterview, I was listening to a
couple of your podcasts, and oneof the things I heard you talk
about was redefining success.
And so how do you guideentrepreneurs to align their
business goals with whatactually fulfills them?
Speaker 3 (20:09):
Yeah.
So this goes back to your firstquestion that you asked of the
lies that we tell ourselves.
So I'm going to get superscientific for you for about two
and a half seconds and thenwe'll go back.
So, sociologically, there's asociologist by the name of
Morris Massey that came up withthese sociological guideposts of
where we develop individuallyand also as a society, and he
(20:33):
theorized that the ages of zeroto seven is when we're imprinted
, where all of our values arelearned, where all of our
beliefs are learned.
If I have somebody that comes tome that says I want to
communicate better, my firstquestion to them is let's go
back to the age of zero andseven.
What was communication like inyour household?
Did your parents show you whatit was like to have open
(20:56):
communication?
And then, from the ages ofabout eight to 14, we take
everything that we learned inthat imprint period and we start
to model the people around us.
Model the people around us.
For those of you listening, Iknow that you can relate to
walking into a room, seeing alittle human and being able to
identify who their parents arejust by the way that they stand,
dress and show up.
They're modeling the peoplethat are close to us, and
(21:19):
there's also a thing calledreverse modeling.
So we either model people andwe say I want to be like you, or
, if we have a negativeexperience, we reverse model
people and we say I don't wannabe like you, there's no way in
hell I would ever show up likeyou.
And then we try to become theopposite of that and then we
enter our socialization periodfrom about the ages of 14 to 21.
(21:40):
This is known as middle school,high school and the beginning
of college.
We're figuring out where wefall on the social ladder.
So I feel like this isimportant to answer your
question, because people'sdefinition of success is often
driven by their beliefs of whatsuccess is going to bring them
for those values and that modelof the world that's created
(22:01):
between the ages of zero andseven and then modeled between
eight and 14.
For me, using my experiences, Igrew up in a super, super, super
small town and I looked aroundand I reverse modeled that small
town.
I wasn't.
I never wanted kids.
I grew up in a very religiouscommunity where I was told that
my job as a woman is to havechildren and if God wants me to
(22:24):
have some sort of a career.
He will create the path forthat after I procreate enough.
I was the oldest child and so Ifeel like I had this path of I
don't know what I want, but Iknow what it's not.
And it's not living in afarming community, raising kids
and staying here.
So for me, I saw money assuccess.
(22:47):
And being born in the 80s andraised in the 90s doctors,
lawyers, pharmacists, cpas thosewere the people that made money
.
I hated science.
So for me, the long path afterall the trauma was go to law
school.
For me, if I went to law school, for me, if I went to law
(23:08):
school, I could make $100,000.
Money equaled success, successequaled happiness, and that
meant that all the pain that Ifelt in my life was going to
disappear.
I started having panic attacksand anxiety attacks when money
didn't equal happiness.
So, to answer your question,when it comes to redefining
(23:29):
success, the first thing we haveto understand is this thing you
say you want, whether it's thecareer, whether it's the money,
whether it's the relationship,whether it's the family,
whatever you're defining successas deep down inside in your
programming, what is it that youthink that's going to do for
you?
What do you think it's going tocreate, because I promise it
(23:49):
won't.
If you don't feel happy,fulfilled, loved and valuable
without those things, you arenever going to feel that with it
.
So I feel like what most peopledo is they say I'm going to put
my head down, work really hardbecause if I reach this level of
the external success, then Iwill feel valuable, loved and
(24:10):
worthy of living my life the waythat I want to.
What we get to do is understandwhere that comes from, so we
can create a business and a lifethat aligns with what you want
to have, instead of you chasingthings that you think are going
to fix the problems that youdon't want to solve.
That money and society has toldyou success is going to make
(24:31):
better.
Speaker 2 (24:34):
I really like that answer, and I think money is an
obvious one, that it seems likeyou almost have to go through it
to realize that.
Are there any other areas oflife where you think people
often think it's somethingthat's going to fulfill them but
ultimately does not?
Speaker 3 (24:54):
Yeah, all of them.
The reality is all of them.
I see it a lot in relationships.
If I could just find theperfect partner, everything else
would fall into place.
I saw a quote once.
I've been single for a longtime because my last, my last
relationship I realized that Ineeded to do some work.
I realized that I had I hadsome, some shit I needed to
(25:17):
solve internally and then Iwasn't ready to date.
So I have just put myself backout into the dating pool and I
haven't.
I haven't dated in like eightyears.
I haven't dated in like eightyears and I needed that because
I was looking for somebody whowas going to complete me.
And I saw a meme the other daythat said I don't need you to be
my happiness, I need you tofind yours so you don't ruin
(25:39):
mine.
And I feel like that is thebest way to sum up a
relationship and spirituality,religion.
I see it with that health.
If I could just have theperfect body, then everything
else would fall into place.
If I could just lose the weight, everything else would fall
into place.
I'm going to share.
(25:59):
I saw another podcast recentlywhere a husband and wife were
talking and he asked the wife.
He said has there ever beenparts of our relationship where
you lost attraction for me?
And she said yeah, there has.
And he asked the wife.
He said has there ever beenparts of our relationship where
you lost attraction for me?
And she said, yeah, there has.
And he goes it was in my fatarea era, wasn't it?
And she goes yes, but not forthe reason that you think and
(26:20):
she went through all of thesereasons that he changed the way
that he dressed and he changedthe way that he showed up and he
changed.
And she went through all thesethings and she says I never
wanted you to change the way youlooked.
I wanted you to change the waythat you felt about how you
looked.
And I think that that is what'sso powerful.
No matter whether you're in acareer relationship, whether
(26:42):
we're talking about money,whether we're talking about
spirituality, whether we'retalking about keeping your house
clean, it doesn't matter.
There is a reason you're notdoing it now, and that reason
has to do with somethinginternal.
And bringing the organizer into clean your house isn't going
to make you feel better aboutyourself.
Getting the perfect partnerisn't going to make you feel
better about yourself.
(27:03):
We have to do the internal work, to figure out why we think
that these external things aregoing to solve a problem for us,
before we will ever feelsuccessful.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
Well, money's the obvious one.
But then you went and listedoff six or seven of other ones
that I think are definitelyrelevant.
And so one thing I want to go alittle deeper on, and you had
(27:47):
brought it why this is, and I'dbe interested if you have any
ideas.
But they oftentimes did nothave a rosy childhood.
They've had something badhappen to them, they've had some
period of intense struggle, andyou just see that that is an
observation that I have.
You just see that that is anobservation that I have.
(28:09):
And it seems like in the deepwork community there's kind of
two schools of thought.
There's one that's you know,address that trauma head on, and
then the other opinion ischildhood trauma should have a
statute of limitations, and atsome point you need to and I
(28:32):
want to mention this is not myopinion, uh, but you need to
pick your, pick yourself up byyour bootstraps and take
accountability for your own life.
And, and so I'm curious, likeit is a two-part question why do
you think those are some commontraits of entrepreneurs and the
second piece of it is commontraits of entrepreneurs, and the
(28:52):
second piece of it is wheredoes dealing with childhood shit
deal, like play intoself-development?
Speaker 3 (28:56):
So I'm going to answer them backwards.
I'm going to answer your secondquestion first.
I believe in both schools ofthought.
I believe that pulling up yourputting on your big boy or your
big girl britches and dealingwith your childhood trauma means
doing the deep work.
Taking responsibility for yourlife is doing the deep work.
(29:16):
If you and I I very rarely callpeople out and say if you
disagree with this, you're wrong, and I am going to do it now.
If you disagree with this, youare wrong.
If you disagree with this, youare wrong, and I will stand by
that.
Because what happens is peoplesay I don't need to deal with
this, all I need to do is workharder so that it doesn't bother
(29:40):
me anymore.
All I need to do is stop caringabout it.
You can't.
So let me break it downscientifically in two seconds,
the best way I have ever heard.
So if you're not NLP familiar,we have a conscious mind.
We have an unconscious mind.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
What is it?
What is NLP?
Speaker 3 (29:57):
NLP stands for neuro linguistics programming and the
short answer is it was createdby two therapists in the 70s
that were tired of talk therapynot working and they started
coming up with modalities toactually heal and communicate
better instead of reactivelytalk about things.
And that doesn't mean I don'tthink there's a place for
therapy there is.
I've been in therapy for a longtime.
(30:18):
I also think that NLP isanother tool in the toolbox that
helps us be bettercommunicators and better
business owners.
So if you're not familiar withthat, we have a conscious mind,
we have an unconscious mind.
So picture that iceberg thateverybody's used in marketing
material since the beginning oftime.
Your conscious mind is that 10%that you can see of that
(30:40):
iceberg.
Your unconscious mind is theother 90%, where all your values
are held, where all yourbeliefs are, where all your
communications are.
Your values are held where allyour beliefs are, where all your
communications are.
And one of the prime directivesof your unconscious mind is to
keep unresolved negativeemotions and memories until
you're ready to deal with them.
(31:00):
So it will constantly show youlessons out in the world to see
whether you're ready to leaninto dealing with your childhood
trauma yet.
And if you push that away, itsays OK, not yet.
I'm going to keep this storeddown here for a minute and then
you might have, like the the.
The way we believe it in NLP isthat you constantly attract
your lessons until you're readyto learn them.
(31:22):
That you know if you have thatperson, that's always in shitty
relationships and they alwayshave shitty business partners
like they're going to continueto attract that until they learn
the lessons that they're meantto learn.
That's going to allow them tovalue themselves enough to set
boundaries to attract goodpartners and good business
relationships.
Right?
So the best way I've ever heardthis put is in a book called
(31:43):
You're Invited by John Levy andhe compares the conscious mind
and the unconscious mind to anelephant and a rider, a human
rider.
So if you can imagine for justa minute a 150 pound man on a
two ton elephant, that 150 poundman has trained that elephant.
He has beaten that elephantdown until he will listen to his
(32:07):
commands.
He gets on that elephant and hesays we're going to go from
point A to point B and it worksas long as the elephant's on
board.
If the elephant's instincts getkicked in, do we have any
misconceptions about who'scontrolling the direction that
that's going.
There is no way that a 150pound man is going to be able to
(32:30):
stop a two ton elephant if thattwo ton elephants fight, flight
or freeze.
Instincts kick in.
Your unconscious mind is thesame way.
So what happens is we makedecisions with our unconscious
mind and then, so we can feellike we are in control, we
justify them with our consciousmind.
I want to lose weight, so I'mgoing to set this plan, I'm
(32:52):
going to hire this nutritionist.
I'm going to hire I'm going toget all the experts.
We then start to lose weightand we start to get out of our
comfort zone and we start to getinto this new place that we
don't necessarily live in.
And then we deserve the tacoTuesday.
I've worked really hard and ifI let myself have the margarita,
then I'll work harder the restof the week.
(33:14):
I need my cheat day.
A cheat day is going to help mefocus harder later.
This is the negotiation processwe play with ourselves between
our conscious mind and ourunconscious mind.
So I say this to say that ifyou think that you can pick your
, you can put on your big girlpants, you can take
(33:35):
responsibility for your life andyou can just forget all the
shit that's happened to you.
You are the 150 pound man ontop of an elephant that thinks
you're in control.
We have to work with theelephant.
We have to, and that's the deeptrauma work.
So that's the first answer toyour question.
The second, the answer to yoursecond question, I think, goes a
(33:58):
little bit deeper and it'sindividual for each person.
If I was to pick some piecesout that I think run through
every person that I've met, it'sthat by going through those
shitty things that we've gonethrough, it's that by going
through those shitty things thatwe've gone through, we've
learned to think outside of thebox.
We don't, and some of us get tothe point where we realize it's
(34:22):
not thinking outside of the box, it's acknowledging there isn't
one, that there's not a rightor wrong way to do things.
Um, so let me decide if I wantto go this deep.
Um, we have I mentioned valuesthat we get programmed with from
(34:43):
the ages of zero and seven.
But society also getsprogrammed with values, and one
of the societal values that weknow is values.
Level four in NLP is religion,military and nine to five jobs.
There's rules, there's rightand wrong ways to do things,
there's SOPs, there's steps thatwe follow.
(35:05):
If you do this, then thisoccurs and entrepreneurs cannot
exist in that environment.
The next values level is whatwe know as a values level five.
That's where thinking outsidethe box first starts to peek its
head up.
So I think that what hashappened is those of us who have
decided to jump intoentrepreneurship or business
(35:26):
ownership have been pushed outof the values level that
believes that if I do everythingright, then I'll be able to
retire with a 401k that'shealthy and the government's
going to take care of me torealizing that we have to be
self-reliant, because we'veneeded to be self-reliant our
entire life.
And in order for us to beself-reliant, we have to
(35:47):
acknowledge that we are incontrol of whether we make money
or whether we don't make money.
We're in control of where welive, and this freedom no longer
becomes working nine to fiveand going home and not having to
think about work anymore.
It becomes the stress ofknowing that I'm in control of
what I do with my business, thatI have location freedom, and
(36:10):
both of those are a double edgedsword.
You hear the phrase all thetime that an entrepreneur will
work 150 hours a week forthemselves, so they don't have
to work 40 hours a week forsomebody else.
Right, but we will, because thepayoff is the freedom that we
want, instead of being told whatwe're going to do by somebody
else.
And I think that comes with thetrauma and the experiences that
(36:33):
you're talking about as a kid.
Speaker 2 (36:36):
I have asked that question about why is it that
entrepreneurs tend to have not arosy childhood?
I've probably asked that to 10different people and that's the
best answer that I've gotten, orthat seems to make the most
sense to me, and you hit it froma lot of different angles.
And one of the things I want toback up is and I think this is
(36:58):
worth listening to to again islike addressing the childhood
trauma is taking control andpicking yourself up by the
bootstraps.
It's not a this or that.
It is their complimentaryactions which, on the surface,
may not seem that way, and so,okay, I do.
(37:19):
You are a wealth of knowledgeabout business and this has been
an awesome conversation.
I wanna turn the corner alittle bit and talk about some
of these lessons as it relatesto business, and one of the
things that I've experienced Iknow a lot of listeners in the
show have experienced is feelingstuck.
You're doing all the rightthings, you're showing up to
(37:40):
work on time, you're workingSaturdays and you feel stuck.
You've plateaued Any advice forpeople going through that?
Speaker 3 (37:50):
Yeah, I think the first thing is do you have the
data that allows you to actuallyunderstand if you've plateaued
or not, or are you lying toyourself?
So a lot of times, what willhappen is we will convince
ourselves that we've plateauedto justify slowing down.
(38:13):
Because so every person, everysingle person, has an income
ceiling.
It's an amount of money thatyou have never made more of
before.
And if you think of yourcomfort zone as this place, one
of my favorite quotes is don'tgive up your peace because chaos
is comfortable.
So our unconscious mind learnshow to protect us, how to
(38:34):
operate, how to exist inside ofour comfort zone.
And when we start to becomemore successful than our comfort
zone is used to, ourunconscious mind starts to panic
a little bit because it doesn'tknow how to protect us in this
new set of circumstances.
Yet we have to sit through thediscomfort of figuring out how
(38:58):
to exist in this new realitywhich is making money, before
our unconscious mind can say ohwait, a second, I do know how to
do this here.
It just looks a little bitdifferent than what I'm used to.
If we're not willing toacknowledge what's going on from
a programming standpoint and anunconscious mind standpoint,
then we can start to fall victimto the behaviors that pull us
(39:21):
back into that comfort zone,which is spending excess money,
convincing ourselves that we'veplateaued, convincing ourselves
that the networking is notworking, and then we, our
behaviors, follow this beliefthat it's not working.
So I'm just going to give up.
To bring this back into ahealth conversation.
I haven't lost 40 pounds in thelast week that I've been at the
gym, so the gym doesn't work,so I'm going to stop going.
(39:43):
Right, we expect these massiveresults.
So my first question is what doyou define as a plateau?
How are you measuring thesemetrics?
Do you have your?
Do you know what your keyperformance indicators are for
your business?
If you're going networking?
I'm going to go back tointention.
If you're going networking, doyou know how many people you
(40:07):
want to meet at that networkingevent?
Do you know how many people youwant to follow up with?
Do you know how many networkingevents you need to go to in
order to get a specific client?
Do you know, if you get thatclient, how much you're going to
earn on an investment?
You know who your good referralpartners are?
Most people can't answer thesequestions.
So then, what they do is theytake this idea of a plateau and
(40:28):
they say this isn't working.
I'm stuck, I don't know whereto go from here.
So the short answer is I heardsomebody say once that the
difference between Fortune 500CEOs and the average business
owner is that Fortune 500 CEOswould rather make a wrong
decision than no decision at all.
(40:48):
So if you're feeling stuck,just make a decision.
Forget right and wrong.
Take an action, because stucklike you can't be stuck and take
action at the same time.
So I would rather make a wrongdecision or a decision that I
don't like the word wrong.
I'd rather make a decision thatdoesn't work out and be able to
(41:09):
evaluate that choice than makeno decision at all and be stuck.
The other thing I heard and thisand then I'll stop talking is I
heard a podcast actually thismorning where somebody said they
were talking to their mentorwho was a billionaire and she
said what is your biggestsuccess metric?
(41:33):
And he says the amount of timeit takes people to make a
decision.
So she said this changed mylife.
Where he said the distancebetween deciding an action will
decide who makes the most moneyand who doesn't.
So when she's on a call withher team and her team says I
don't know the answer to that,I'll get it to you next week.
She says can you have it to meby tomorrow?
(41:54):
And the people who can have itby tomorrow will make more money
than the people who can have itnext week.
So if you feel stuck, theantidote to feeling stuck is
taking a step, whether you thinkit's in the correct direction
or not, just do something.
Just do something.
Speaker 2 (42:14):
That is a really good point and I had asked this
question as perhaps somethingfor the listeners that would
benefit.
But I also am personallyfeeling stuck in one particular
business that I run and as yougo through that, that feeling
(42:34):
stuck, you had mentioned likelook at your KPIs.
You had mentioned like look atyour KPIs, and that's something
I haven't done.
It's more of just a feeling,and one of the results of that
is inaction, is I'm not surewhat the next step I should take
, and I haven't taken one, andso no, I think that's a really
(42:56):
good, really really good answer.
So, amber, I think we couldprobably podcast for two or
three more hours, but I do wantto be respectful of your time.
If, before we get to the fireround, if anyone's interested in
working with you or having youspeak at one of their
engagements, what's the best wayto get in touch with you?
Speaker 3 (43:18):
Yeah, my website at successdevelopmentsolutionscom
is a good spot.
We're about to go underconstruction, so I'm also just
going to throw out my email,which is amber at amberfermancom
.
It's amber at my namecom.
You can email me there or findme on any social media, so
there's a multitude of ways toreach out to me no-transcript.
Speaker 2 (44:02):
All of that in the show notes.
Now, amber, before we wrap upthe episode, there's four
questions that we ask everyguest at the end of the show.
We call it the fire round.
Are you ready?
I am always ready.
Yes, all right, what is yourfavorite book?
Speaker 3 (44:16):
I have two that I recommend for people in business
ownership.
The first one is the Subtle Artof Not Giving a Fuck by Mark
Manson.
The second is I Hope I Screwthis Up by Kyle.
Cease those two, and then Iwould be a really horrible
author if I didn't put mine inthere as well.
So Break your Bullshit Box.
By me.
There we go, there we go, Ilike it.
(44:38):
What are your hobbies?
By me.
There we go.
There we go, I like it.
What are your hobbies?
I love dancing.
So country dancing, linedancing, anything my dog popped
on before we were recording, soanything I can do with my dog,
taking her out hiking.
I've also recently gotten intolike wine and paints or like
painting things, which is reallycool, because I failed sixth
(45:00):
grade art and I convinced myselffor a really long time I wasn't
creative, and so to find myselfgoing back into that creative
space is really cool.
Speaker 2 (45:08):
Awesome, Awesome.
Number three what is one thingthat you do not miss about
working for the man?
Speaker 3 (45:15):
Answering to somebody other than me.
Answering to somebody otherthan me like not being able to
pick my clients, not being ableto fire clients, getting the
shit into the stick because aboss is happy they hired
somebody that they get to like.
The shit rolls downhill to, so,yeah, being in control, which
is again a double edged sword.
Speaker 2 (45:34):
Absolutely, Absolutely.
I agree with that.
And final question what do youthink sets apart successful
entrepreneurs from those whogive up, fail or never get
started?
The willingness to beuncomfortable and the
willingness to fail in public.
Very good Mic drop.
(45:55):
Let's end it there, Amber.
Thank you so much for being aguest on the Firing the man
podcast and looking forward tostaying in touch.
Speaker 3 (45:59):
I enjoyed it.
Thank you so much.
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