March 19, 2025 • 47 mins
A mix of hilarious dad jokes, parenting tips, and tales of adventure await. We tackle listener feedback and the art of finding balance in family life, punctuated by laughter and reflections.
• Welcome to First Look Gnomes: The absurdity of parenting
• Tips for parents from our latest experiences
• Bad dad jokes that make you groan or laugh
• Engagement with listeners in our Fish Pond of Feedback
• Discussing the ‘temperature war’ in relationships
• Exploring new beers and what makes them unique
Stay connected with us, share your stories, and embrace the joy of parenting!
Join us for a First Look at;
- Thirsty Thirst The Misfits
- Winter Sun Holidays
- Colourblocks
- The Sopranos
& the Gno-it-all gnome answers your questions!
Write in to firstlookgnomes@outlook.com with your questions, feedback or first looks.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to First Look Gnomes, the podcast where two
dads do silly things, and thegnome answers all of your
burning questions.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
We discuss our first looks, and don't miss our tips
for dads, because who wouldn'thave any tips from us?
Enjoy a good laugh with ourcollection of bad jokes and dad
jokes that will make you groanor maybe even giggle.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
And don't forget to share your thoughts in the fish
pond of feedback where we readand respond to listener comments
.
If you simply email, here we gothat's right my moment of shame
(01:03):
and guilt and doubt I love, Ilove that here we go what am I
doing my life?
Episode eight.
So much right now.
Ain't you so much right now, ah, episode eight.
So much right now.
Episode eight.
You so much right now.
Episode 8.
(01:24):
You so much right now.
8.
You so much right now.
Episode 8.
You right now, episode 8.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I guarantee this Williams.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
How do you spend your Saturday evenings with Toshkos?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I guarantee you this Kelis has never once thought.
I wonder how people are usingmy art and my music.
I wonder if there's a guy inCornwall who has rhymed the word
eight with hate and use it asan introduction to a podcast
where two dads talk nonsense forhalf an hour Brilliant.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Bravo, walliams.
Thank you very much, that wasexcellent.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I think the fact that you just sung episode eight you
so much right now, justifieswhat I just said to my wife
which was.
You should actually listen tothe podcast.
Walliams is actually reallywell.
Walliams doesn't know it, buthe's really quite funny.
Like I said that, I literallysaid that to my wife like three
minutes ago and you justvalidated everything I said to
(02:38):
her with episode eight.
You right now oh dear somepeople probably don't think
we're funny but I thought thatwas genius.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Well done mate.
Well done mate.
That's what our Saturdays areabout, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
you've cheered me up nowhere in there.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
That was fantastic yeah so with the season planning
, we said, right, that episode'sgoing to have the firsty first,
that episode's going to havethe fishpond of feedback.
But I like a beer, missArchkiss, so I'm going to also
have another thirsty first, whey.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
So I'm just going to go into the thirsty fridge which
is the one section Still stuckbehind, the one part of the
podcast that Walliams will notlet go of Before we get to the
fishpond of feedback, when theyone part of the podcast that
Walliams will not let go ofBefore we get to the first one
of feedback, when they sayplease stop with the thirsty.
First, man needs his beer.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
This one's called the Misfits.
Again, this is from the WifeyWife.
You're not going to like thisone, Mr Oshkiss.
You're not going to like it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Is it fruity?
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Describe the picture.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Oh, what the bloody hell is that Strawberries?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Grapes this is called the Misfits Brewed in
partnership with Freedom Brewery.
I mean, describe that pictureof the strawberry that she's
holding.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
It looks like a strawberry booby, or is it a
willy?
I can't quite work it out.
Is it a booby or a willy?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
So the last episode sustainable brewing with
basically leftover tiger breador algae.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Oh, odd shaped fruit, is it?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Brew using wonky fruit to avoid food.
So this one, as the last one,was brewed with leftover bread
and this one's um fruit wastagebasically.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Well, I mean, I'm all for using wonky fruit, but not
in a beer four point and beer 44.5%.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Beer brewed with fruit, and I've had a beer or
two.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Put your teeth in.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Beer brewed with fruit and fruit puree.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Fruit and I'm not enjoying this one already Wiles
Sweet forest fruits of a sourtouch from cherry Sessionable
Light.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
From cherry Sessionable Light, easy drinking
, mmm Sessionable.
So what define?
What's sessionable mean, mrArchie?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So to me, sessionable means if you want to go out and
have, you want a session, yeah.
So I like to go out personally,subjectively speaking, I don't
go out to get drunk.
I go out to spend time withfriends and I like to spend as
much time with those friends aspossible, as coherent as
possible, while still beingdrunk.
To find balance, I tend to find, personally, when you veer into
(05:38):
the kind of 5% beers, by thetime it gets to 10pm over the
evening you're all doolally andyou're all talking nonsense and
you can't really string asentence together, whereas with
a session beer which to meperfect 3.4% you can be at 10
o'clock.
You've had 4 beers, so you'rewell oiled, but not so oiled
(06:00):
that you don't know what time ofthe day it is.
A session beer for me issomething you can drink over
several hours without gettingtotally pished but still have
the nice kind of lip-loosenercharacteristics that alcohol
brings.
So yeah, I like a Session Alfor that reason.
(06:21):
It looks lovely In the glass.
That looks really nice, butfruit.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Not too sour actually .
It says If you are not entirelysatisfied with this product,
please return it to the storewhere it was purchased and we'll
please replace or refund it.
How am I meant to return this?
I put it back in with the tinopen.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
You're not unsatisfied with it.
You gave it six out of ten.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
That's not unsatisfied, is it not?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
That's just.
I don't like it as much asother stuff.
I wish I'd had a Guinnessinstead.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Yeah.
Do you think they'd give me aGuinness instead if I returned?
Speaker 2 (06:57):
it.
You could try, but I think theproblem is sweet and she's
listening.
So I do like it and she'slistening, so I do like it.
Thank you very much, muchappreciated.
Thank you, it's georgie.
If you're listening, stopbuying beer with fruit in it or
with blueberries in it, or fruitor beers that are like
raspberry ripple ice cream butit's a 4.5 percent, it's very
sensible oh, yes, keep keep thesensible, sensible strength 100.
(07:21):
But I think I mean well, I thinkyou've got to, you've got to
kind of, you've got to put thefoot down there and say you know
, there's certain ingredientsthat need to go in beer.
Fruit is not one of them.
Would you?
Would you agree or disagree?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
um, I have.
I have had a nice fruity beerin my time um give me an example
well, can't, but it wouldn't.
It's not my go to, but I have,I'm sure.
I have on one of these podcasts, I'm sure, but it's not my go
(07:54):
to, mr Hodgkiss, mr Hodgkiss yes, yes, mr Williams you need to
get something out, don't you?
Yes get it out my okay't you.
Yes, get it out, okay, hang onno your rod, Get your rod out.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Oh, I beg your pardon .
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Sorry, sorry, sorry Didn't mean to do that.
Get your fishing rod out.
Mr Hodgkiss.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I'll put those away.
It's time I didn't get my rodout.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It's time for the fishponder feedback.
Fishponder feedback.
First bit of feedback per usual, from the wifey wife.
She would like me to say if yougo back to episode 5, fatherly
follies and retro revelations, Ithink it was called the wife
(08:39):
wanted me to clarify that when Isaid shake him out of the, I'm
not going to sleep, I didn'tliterally check the baby.
Okay, apparently, these daysyou have to clarify these things
.
So, I just wanted to say when Isaid shake him out of it, I
didn't literally mean shake himout of it.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
What were you talking about?
Because I can't remember thatone.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So this was just at the start of the episode.
We had, uh, we had sometechnical delays and then we're
about to start and then, um,logan won't go to sleep, so I
ended up going in and helped himout and the change yeah shook
him out of it brilliant but theway I said it it sounded like I
(09:23):
shook him out of it.
I did not amazing all right so,just for legal reasons and and
the truth to confirm, I did notshake any babies don't shake the
babies uh, emails.
Have we had any emails?
We have had an email.
(09:44):
We've had an email for it.
Um, and we were talking aboutthis in the last episode I think
can I just stay?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
by the way, I'm still baffled.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
The fact that people actually email.
Well, maybe less so when youhear about this email, but um we
were talking about.
How good would it be to getsome investment?
Oh yes so we got an email from.
This is asia gaddafi.
Dear friend, I came across youremail contact prior to a
(10:17):
private search while in need ofyour assistance.
Oh dear, I am, as am AishaGaddafi, the only biological
daughter of former presidentMuammar Gaddafi.
I am a single mother and awidow with three children.
I have investment funds worth$27,500,000 United States
(10:44):
dollars.
That is a lot, lot.
I need a trusted partnerbecause of my refugee current
refugee status status.
However, I am interested in youfor investment project
assistance in your country.
Best regards, mrs asia laddafi.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
We've got an investor $27,500,000 United States
dollars.
Oh, mate, we are going to.
If we had $27.5 million to putinto this podcast, can you
imagine the quality of thecontent?
It would go up at least 3%.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So should I reply and get things going.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh, mate we need, because imagine right, instead
of us having to use at leastthree.
So should I reply and getthings going?
Oh mate we need, we could get,because imagine right, instead
of us having to use um kind ofpretend snoop dog, we could
actually get real snoop dog onthe podcast you remember like we
did that episode two kind ofactual snoop dog yes, and the
previous episode we had actualmichael van gerwen oh, michael
van gerwen is legit like hecomes along.
(11:44):
he's not in it for the money,he's in it for the fame and the
glory.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Imagine the guests we could get right 27 and a half
million Our good friends over atMini Messmakers.
They've written in.
I think you sent in somethingsimilar yourself, Mr Archkiss.
They basically sent insomething similar yourself, Mr
Archkiss, but they basicallysent in a little video about
(12:10):
real dad joke survivors, which Ithink you sent us which is
quite funny but I'm not sure whyit's relevant to our jokes,
though I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Our jokes are pure class.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's basically a video documentary of kids
talking about their parents andhow it's basically ruined their
lives which you know, it couldbe one of our sons one day.
But said that once and said tohis dad said, hey, I'm hungry
(12:45):
and the dad goes hi, hey, I'mhungry and the dad goes hi,
hungry, I'm dead.
And then, like sad, music playsand then, uh, another girl
talks about how she spilt somepeas and the dad goes oh, he
peed on the floor.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
It's the way it's filmed, though.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Yeah, it's the way it's filmed though.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, it's like a proper it's filmed like you know
, like um live aid and likewater aid and those kind of like
appeal videos.
It's one of those like forsurvivors of dad jokes.
Um it's a great P, is it?
It's a really funny video.
Can you post it on ourInstagram?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I can, I can yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
What is our Instagram address, if anybody wants to
follow us on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I'm a search for Firstlitnames.
Very good Email in is alwayspreferred Good, old-fashioned
email to Firstlitnames at.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Outlookcom.
Well, thank you for Leanne forsending me the content.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
There's another bit that says, I think to Holly he
says, hey Dad, content.
There's.
There's another bit.
This is uh, I think.
Uh to holly says, uh, hey dad,can you make me a sandwich?
And the dad says, abracadabra,you are a sandwich and that's
what it fades out.
Holly now has an identitycrisis.
Yeah, we do, we appreciate.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Can you make me a sandwich?
A bric-a-dare or a sandwich.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
I think our quality jokes are a bit higher though.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
You say our quality jokes, your quality of jokes.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You're the dad joke expert, new listeners, people
listening.
God love you all, which is uh,which is a worry.
Um, there's been, which is aworry quite a leap.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I've had a spike a spike in um.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Well, asia, I'll get to it shortly, but yeah, very
much as Um a big spike.
So I don't know what promptedthat from our previous episodes,
but we've got um, so we've gota new listener from Pleiku gear
lay province in Vietnam.
I apologize for all thepronunciations of these.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So again, let's just clarify this these are people
who have actually genuinelydownloaded the podcast.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Vietnam, yep, so I don't know, oh, hang on there
Wiles Some sort of search forsomething we spoke about or
whatever, the last episode.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Has led people to it yeah.
So can I legitimately do theRobin Williams line yeah?
Good morning Vietnam.
We can actually say that on ourpodcast now.
That's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I don't think we've had one from Vietnam before.
It's quite possibly the firstone from Vietnam, which is cool.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Welcome to the team Vietnam.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
We've had some from South Korea before.
We've got a new listener inSouth Korea, sion Nam Si Gnogigi
.
I apologize, nice, a newlistener from Newburgh Missouri.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Nice, we were talking about moving to Missouri this
week at home randomly.
Oh, that's random.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
There we go, Taiwan.
Another one Taiwan Taichungcity hello taiwan kiosung city,
um, and then mr hodgkiss, Idon't know why close to town
japan, japan.
Things are kicking off in japannow.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Are we big in Japan?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Well, five listeners, five new listeners in Japan.
It's kicking off.
It's blowing up.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
We've gone viral.
We've gone viral in Japan.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah, five new listeners in Japan.
So we've got a new listener inagain.
I'm really really sorry.
Again, I'm really really sorry.
I'm presuming these people areexpats in Japan or learning
English in Japan, I don't know.
But a new listener inNishinomiya Hyaga in Japan.
Wow, sapporo Hokado, japan.
(16:59):
Higashi Murayama in Tokyo.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Hanamutsu shizuka, japan.
I'm really sorry I'mpronouncing these as best as
possible.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Basically, I should just should just go on japan um
this one.
Mr hodgkins, I need your helpwith the pronunciation, please.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I've got a new listener.
Shall I spell it out for you.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
F U K.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
U Fukushima, yeah, s-h-i-m-a, o-h-i-m-a okay, a
fuck you okay japan.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yes, I got new listeners from japan, so that's
kicked off, so I don't rememberwho had.
I think we have had a listenerfrom japan, but we're not
definitely not in that thatquantity.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
But well, it's interesting, fuck you.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Okay, pardon.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Fuck you Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I would have gone with Fukuoka.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh, okay, well, I'll go with that one.
We'll go with that one.
That sounds better, but we so?
This isn't a first look, it'snot an official first look, but
we watched that um boy band.
I don't know if you've seen it,so in the?
Uh, in the 90s and thenoughties in the united kingdom
boy bands ruled the roost andthe?
Uh bbc have created adocumentary about these boy
(18:40):
bands.
The Wifey Wife and I I can'tsay the Wifey Wife, that's you,
my wife and I watched it and itwas bands like Five and Take
that.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Five are back together.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Well, they are probably because of this show.
This show has probably broughtthe attention back to them.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
But there was a band called 9-1-1.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
The United Kingdom, the first look names not our
show, no, the boy band show.
Um, the boy band 9-1-1 wereprobably not that big, and well,
we'll know, probably about it.
They were not that big in theunited kingdom.
They had like one number oneand a load of kind of top 10
hits, which is still pretty big,but not compared to the likes
of take that, however.
(19:21):
So, yeah, 9-1-1, they weren'tthat big in the uk, I mean, they
were big, but they weren'tmassive.
But they went viral in asia.
So they were huge in southeastasia, so they were massive in
malaysia, thailand, indonesia,the philippines, um, so maybe
that's what's happening.
Maybe, maybe you and I we'renot going to be that big in the
(19:44):
UK but in Southeast Asia, so wecould be under the radar.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
In the UK People would think we're just normal,
you know, wouldn't recognize usin the street, yeah, whereas in
South Asia boom massive.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You land in.
If Mr Cornish Walliams lands inTokyo, basically the city stops
because there are screaminggirls.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Beatlemania type thing.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Beatlemania, it's first look.
No mania, but only in SoutheastAsia.
Maybe, that could be what'shappening.
I don't think you're right.
We can come back for a nice bitof peace and quiet.
Maybe that could be what'shappening.
I don't know if you're right,because we can come back for a
nice bit of peace and quiet yeah, agoto, agoto, japan.
Agoto gozaimasu Magoto, niagoto gozaimasu Okioka.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Lovely.
Also a new listener from andthis is our third new listener
from Africa, so we've got a newlistener from.
This is our third new listenerfrom Africa.
So we've got a new listenerfrom Iran, algeria, which our
last season's target was to geta listener in Africa, and we've
now got three.
Still no one from the moon orouter space oh, come on now.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Even with, like Bezos and Kate Perry, the last season
wasn't until the very last,still no one from the moon or
outer space.
Oh, come on now.
Even we'd like to bang his ass.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
The last season wasn't until the very last
episode that we got a listenerfrom africa, so who knows?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
well, now katie perry is actually going into space.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Katie perry's going to space for me.
What would you mean?
Speaker 2 (21:15):
no, you know katie perry, she's going to space
Right.
So the singer, a load of otherwomen they're doing like the
first all female space thing on,like trip on Bezos, one of
(21:38):
Bezos' space shuttles I thinkit's Bezos, it's one of them,
it's Bezos' space shuttles.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
I think it's Bezos.
It's one of them.
It's Bezos.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Musk yeah, she's going to space.
What we need to do, here's thetarget, Wiles.
We need to get Katy Perry tobecome a fan of our podcast, do
a little download.
Do a little download whileshe's up in space, and then we
can say we have somebody GPScoordinated from space.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
It also happens to be Katie Perry.
Does GPS work up there?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You become.
Yeah, you are the satellite upthere, right.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I don't know.
I don't know about these things.
All I know is Katie Perry's afan.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
She's going to space.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
She's going to be very close to the moon, so we
could make it.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
We could make it Katie Perry.
If it keeps saying Katie Perry,then it might come up on the
searches Katie Perry, KatiePerry, Katie.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Perry.
I'll tell you what.
Katie Perry's not very good atMaking tickets affordable.
She's coming to Belfast in thesummer.
We had a look at tickets andthe cheapest we'd get was like
190 quid or something?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Wasn't there some sort of rumour that she's a
robot because her eyelidswouldn't close and she
malfunctioned, or something?
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Katy Perry's a robot because her eyelids wouldn't
close.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, but wasn't there a thing where her eyelids
wouldn't close.
Well, they closed and they gotstuck and they didn't reopen wow
, she probably was knackered.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Yeah, google it, have you seen how skinny she is.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Google katy perry eyelid video, or something I
will have a look at that.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I I'm a big katy perry fan she malfunctioned as a
robot, apparently, so okay,well, there you go, katy perry
bot would you like to do yourfirst look?
I can do.
Yes, so my first look, walliams.
We did something we've neverdone before, something that I
(23:32):
have wanted to do all my well,all my adult life, and
circumstances have never allowedus to do it, but recently we
were able to do it.
It was go somewhere warm in thewinter.
We've never done it before andI'm gonna say this we would
(23:52):
absolutely do it again, eventhough it absolutely played with
my mind.
So, um, I'm not a big fan ofwinter in the United Kingdom is
usually cold wet as well as wetcold.
Yeah, it's wet, it's cold and itlasts forever.
Like I remember as a kid, weused to have three seasons.
Winter started at Christmas andwas done by March, and then
(24:14):
March the spring would come inand it would be nice.
Now I don't just live inIreland, which is obviously a
lot further north thanWolverhampton, but winter seems
to start in September anddoesn't finish till June.
It's cold and wet for ninemonths of the year.
So it's got.
My kind of seasonal affectivedisorder has got worse and I've
(24:38):
always said for years now like,ah, the christmas holiday is
such a waste of time becauseyou've got like a lot of places
and my places I've worked havelike forced you to take a week
off work but you can't goanywhere because to try and go
abroad or something is like 3000 quid and, um, most of the
time people are sick and you'vegot responsibilities to family
(25:00):
etc.
So I'm like it's, it's annualleave, but it's not like
productive annual leave.
Um, but this year for the firsttime and not at christmas but
at half term we were able to goabroad to the canary islands.
Just because the stars aligned.
We my wife was able to getannual leave, brain was off
school and we got ourselves alittle trip abroad.
(25:23):
Um, and because the thenorthern irish holidays and the
english holidays, don't have noepisode last uh yeah, that's it
we were.
We were away, um, and northernirish holidays don't clash with
the english holiday, so it's'snot stupidly expensive and we're
like we saw a deal.
I'm like that sounds too goodto be true, but we took it and
(25:46):
it was all legit.
So we went away and it was thefreakiest thing ever, because
when we left it was two degreesand when we four hours later it
was 22 degrees four hours.
(26:06):
It was 22 degrees four hours,20 degrees warmer.
That freaked me out, because wetook off in the cold and then
got off the plane and was likethis is warm and there's no
grass anywhere, it's dry, um,and there seems there's
volcanoes.
And we went for a sunshineholiday in february we didn't
(26:28):
see a cloud for a week it was sobizarre, um, you know, like a
summer holiday.
Yeah, it was a summer holidayit's february, I don't get it.
I couldn't compute it in myhead.
I was like this is a weirdthing to say and I apologize.
I don't apologize, it's justwhat I observed.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Am I guessing you've not been to the Canary Islands
before?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
No, I have been.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
I have been.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
You go for your summer holiday and it's summer
and you go somewhere and it'slike summer.
I've not been to the sun in thewinter, are they?
Speaker 1 (27:02):
saying that I suppose yeah 13, 14.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
When I think about this, what are you in 2021?
12 years ago, we went to dubaiand you know what freaked me out
there?
The moon was upside down.
So in the united kingdom youhave a crescent moon and the
crescent moon is a guy on theleft and on the right, but when
you're in dubai, becauseobviously of the the way the
(27:29):
planet, is the crescent moon isupside down so it's like a smile
.
So the moon is like a smilerather than a kind of an ear um,
it was the same kind of effecthere, just being in the sunshine
in february, like what, why amI?
I'm doing?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
the macarena in february.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
No one does the macarena in february.
If I was to say to you williamto the macarena, you'd say no,
not until july, july, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Sunshine is associated with england in the
euros until July.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
July is when you do the Macarena July.
You know sunshine is associatedwith England in the Euros, like
music festivals and theMacarena February is.
Where's the Macarena?
Everyone's got COVID, Becausethat's what people do on holiday
, isn't it?
You go on holiday, Is it?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yeah, you do like Saturday.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
You do like Cha Cha Slide the Macarena.
Saturday night all those kindof songs you know, all the kids
are up and there's the holidayreps going.
Come on everybody.
All the kids come on.
Kids get up on the stage.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Do the dancing a little mini first look.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Logan's learnt how to do the Macarena has he learnt
how to do the Macarena and doeshe love it?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Macarena and does he love it?
Does it in his own little way,but but does he love it?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
yeah, that's cute little legend yeah, sorry, I
digress um, but no, just that,that was it.
That was my first look goingabroad to the sun in february
was amazing, but really kind ofmesses with your head was.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Uh, like I told you, I went there as a kid and used
to call it a fart adventure.
Anyways, any reason why?
Well, it looks like it lookslike a fart adventure, doesn't
it?
If we're to ventura, to it.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Oh yeah, it looks like a fart adventure well, fart
adventure is a lot easier tosay than futventura.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So yeah, there you go um first looks for me.
I've got a couple couple firstlooks tv related um so I've got
had a first look at color blocks, color blocks, color blocks oh
no, it's what a show do yougreat show?
Um, so Logan's really into hiscolours at the moment, so and a
(29:43):
first look at that show.
Three seasons now.
As you can guess, it's aboutcolours.
Purple is his favourite.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Same as me he thinks he's purple.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
He thinks I'm red, apparently.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
He'd fill out the 8% beers.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Yeah, and his mum is pink Um, but it's um, yeah, it's
a, really yeah.
First look at color blocks Uh,and today, fresh off the press,
he's for the first time said theword red and the word white,
which I think is really quitedifficult word to say for a two
year old white Um, and the wordwhite, which I think is really
quite difficult word to say fora two-year-old white um, and boo
(30:25):
not quite a blue yet, but boo.
So that's uh, that's cute.
Um, and then other, as, aslisteners of the first at home
series know that are, and peoplethat have started to listen, um
, first at gnomes is, you know,it's hot off the press.
First looks at stuff that noone else has ever looked at, um,
(30:51):
such as google mic search andthings like that.
I've had a first look at thesopranos oh, great theme tune by
the way.
One, uh, one season two, a firstlook at the sopranos.
Um, you definitely need the.
(31:13):
You need to get through becauseI knew it was ranked as like top
five tv series yeah, it'sproper top draw all the time, um
, and it was actually releasedin 1999, ranked as like top five
TV series of all time, and itwas actually released in 1999.
So I'm a little bit behind thetimes, but only on season two,
(31:33):
but you do need to.
I was like I watched the firstepisode, second episode.
It took me four or fiveepisodes to go.
Actually, this is worthwatching, yeah, but yeah, the
Sopranos enjoying it so far onseason two lots of boobs, lots
(31:53):
of gangsters, lots of justgangsters pretty much how you
live your life, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
boobs and gangsters.
That's a difficult day in yourlife, good core family values in
there as well I thought youwere gonna say good, proper,
good boobs like them, the goodboobs, not the bad boobs, the
good boobs and, uh yeah, a sortof insight into american life um
in the early 2000s nice, but umyeah, so I first looked at the
(32:21):
Sopranos and I first looked atColoured Blocks.
Are there any other shows onyour radar from the past that
you would like to watch?
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Yeah, so the Sopranos was one of those ones that when
I said I've not watched it,there's a shock reaction.
What do you mean?
You've not watched the Sopranos, so probably the Band of
Brothers Okay, I've reactionwhich I mean you don't watch the
surprise.
Um so probably the band ofbrothers.
Okay, uh, I've not seen that,so I probably need to watch that
what about the the wire?
not watch that.
No, so that's you know.
I mean, that's meant to be verygood, yeah, so there's, uh,
(32:53):
yeah, but I'm getting moretowards that and the way tv's
going these days, I think waituntil there's been a few series
it's been confirmed as reallygood and then it's binge watch
because there's so many thingscoming up now and they're just
like cancel after season one orseason two.
Yeah, it's like it doesn't endproperly yeah, it's like so
(33:14):
annoying, but um, yeah, theSopranos.
Um, hopefully it ends all right.
Um, I don't know, I wantedseason two, but um, yeah, I've
got that's what I'm saying 40 ornot, you know the wife's
watching yellowstone at theminute.
Yeah, that's meant to be good,yeah yeah, kevin costner's great
(33:35):
looking.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Still she's watching that.
We watched.
I watched cobra, kai the theend of that recently have you
seen it?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
not the.
I've not finished it, yeah, butyeah it's good.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
It's so bad.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
It's good and we've been watching it.
I loved Karate Kid when I was akid.
Who doesn't?
Speaker 2 (33:53):
It's incredible.
And the Traitors we've beenwatching the Traitors US.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I couldn't get into the US one.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
I've got into it actually.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
I don't mind it.
I might give it another go, butyeah, the British one I liked.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Yeah, it's harder with Americans.
It's a different.
It's a different, differentmentality, yeah, but yeah, okay.
So Sopranos worth a watch.
Have you not watched it?
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I know, I know what happens at the end oh, you can't
watch it if you know whathappens at the end.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I remember it was massive, though when it happened
I don't remember, so stoptalking.
I don't know okay it was, itwas, yeah, it was big news.
I don't know was it?
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I don't know yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
And obviously the main guy is no, no, no, no, stop
talking, let's start no like inreal life.
I'm not talking about the show,but like the actor died, didn't
he the guy who?
Speaker 1 (34:39):
played Tony Soprano.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah, he died like I don't know five years ago.
Gene Hackman died this week aswell.
Yes, that was a big one, but hewas he's like 95, I think.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, but like he's died, his wife's died and the
dog's died.
That's strange at the same time.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Yeah, they've all been found dead.
His wife was 30.
He's younger than him he waslike 90, his wife's 61 and the
dog was found dead in a cupboardso there's something going on
there well, they said like thecircumstances are worthy of an
investigation.
I'm like I is worthy of aninvestigation, like I should
think so, like if he just passed, if he just passed away from
old age or fallen over, had astroke or something fine, but
(35:19):
like his wife's, 30 yearsyounger than him and dog in a
cupboard, that's, yeah, viciousyeah just a dog in a cupboard
yeah, it is.
Yeah, yeah, why is there a deaddog in a cupboard?
Yeah, but hopefully it's justlike.
I mean, what a terrible thingto say.
Hopefully it's just somethinglike a carbon monoxide accident
(35:41):
or something, rather thansomething like actually sinister
um, hopefully it's just atragedy rather than a.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I hope so okay, someone's kind of doolally and
done something that shouldn'thappen um Someone's gone
doolally and done something theyshouldn't have Doolally.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Can we talk to our good friend the know-it-all?
Speaker 1 (36:03):
gnome yeah, oh, he's around.
He survived the storm.
Yeah, I've heard he's had acouple of beers, though, so he
might be a bit.
I don't think he's drinking.
He's not drinking.
He's sober as a judge, is he?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
He doesn't drink doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
He's in a little, isn't he?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
he's wise.
He knows that alcohol doesn'treally make things better, even
though we think it does he'swise it's a false economy one,
he knows it all yeah, I'll go in, I'll go and find where he is
hang on, I'll go and find him,I'll send him in.
Right, I'm stepping out, I'llspeak to Hello.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Hello, my voice changed.
How's it going, daniel?
It's going well.
Thank you, I don't know if I'mgoing well.
Where's Mr Archery gone?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
He came and got me and he said he's going to go and
make sure that his wife is okayand not admiring Kevin Costner
too closely while she watchesYellowstone.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
We've got I don't know where you want to start.
I know you've got your ownlittle advice segment that you
like to give.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Yes, I received a letter that I'm going to talk
about.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
We've also had some fresh questions come in.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Okay, let's hear what people want to know.
Shall we start with that Pleasedo.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
The first one is should I travel to Northern
Ireland in 2025 or 2026?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
There's not much context to go on there, so it's
rather hard to answer thatquestion.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
It's a bit of an odd question, isn't it?
Bit of an odd question.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
It is, however, I, so it's rather hard to answer.
It's a bit of an odd question,isn't it it is.
However, I would suggest thatif you have a passion for a
place and you've decided thatyou want to visit there, then do
it as soon as you possibly can,but without getting yourself
into financial trouble someoneelse has written in.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I don't quite understand the question, to be
honest.
Would you rather wear a gnomehat forever with no bell, or
gnome shoes with bells on forpart of the day every day?
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Well, you see, that's a rather philosophical question
.
Do you go for a small bit oftorture and obstruction versus a
long period of discomfort?
It's like being between a rockand a hard place and quite
frankly I'd rather be neither.
But if I had to choose betweena hat all day with no bell or
(38:31):
shoes with bells for part of theday, I would say shoes with
bells for part of the day.
I would say shoes with bellsfor part of the day, because at
least then you get to have thatsweet sense of freedom which
cannot be overlooked.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
You do know it all.
And a final one from ourlistener that's really gone for
that.
You know it all.
So ask the tough questions,please do.
What sound does a giraffe make?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
That is an age-old question what sound does a
giraffe make?
It's one of those philosophicalquestions along the lines of if
a tree falls and no one's thereto hear it, does it actually
make a?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
sound.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
But when it comes to the humble giraffe, there are
many answers.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Your voice is slow down like you're googling it or
something.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Well, I mean.
A lot of the time people thinkgiraffes are silent.
But I've seen giraffes, I'veheard them move.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
I know they make sounds.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
But giraffes do make sounds.
But it's weird.
Sometimes a giraffe will make ahum, especially at night,
possibly to communicate withother giraffes humming sound it
sounds like a deep low frequencyvibration, like okay, sometimes
giraffes complete bleep, likecalves bleep to call their moms
(39:56):
similar to a soft, high-pitchedmess, and they go meh, meh, meh
if you start.
Did you know that if youstartle or annoy a giraffe?
They can let out a short snortlike a sneeze, like.
I did not know okay and adultscan even grunt or even moo in
deep tone, especially if theyare in social interactions.
(40:18):
So if you ever hear a giraffehumming to itself at night,
don't worry, it's not haunted orbeing weird, it's just having a
chat but there you go.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
the no or name knows it all more than Google.
Might be a bit slower thanGoogle, but no knows it all More
than Google.
Might be a bit slower thanGoogle, but he knows it all.
I didn't Google anything, no,I'm just saying that you're
better than Google.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I have a way of clarifying things.
Yes, very good, we had a letter, I had a direct email this week
.
I did Welcome to another dose ofthe undeniable wisdom from your
favourite pocket-sized, it'sundeniable wisdom from your
favourite pocket-sized purveyorof truth, yours truly the
(41:04):
know-it-all-know.
So this week, mr Williams, Ireceived a letter from a
listener called Janet.
Janet, she's from Arbroath inBonny, scotland.
She wrote to me and she saidDear Node or Gnome, I'm sick of
being cold.
It's been a long winter.
But to make matters worse, mypartner is always warm.
When I try and turn up thetemperature in our apartment, he
(41:25):
flips a lid, he moans when Iput the winter duvet on the bed.
And I don't know what to dowhen I need some wisdom.
Yours, horroringly, janet.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Janet should go to the Canary Islands.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yeah, she appears to be cold, and this is a very,
very interesting letter she sent.
So I'm going to reply to Janetand I'm going to say well, Janet
, janet, today we shall discussa battle older than time itself.
No, not good versus evil, noteven tea versus itself.
No, not good versus evil, noteven tea versus coffee.
No, my dear friends, today weaddress the temperature war.
(41:59):
Janice is not alone, facing theongoing domestic duel where one
half of the couple insiststhey're absolutely freezing,
while the other is apparentlyboiling alive.
I can see Mr Williams nodding.
Are you the warm one or thecold one?
It varies.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
When I'm warm, she's cold.
When she's cold, I'm warm.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
No, so you can relate to the temperature war.
Yes, I find that in everyrelationship there exists the
thermostat controller.
The person sees themselves as abenevolent ruler, adjusting the
temperature with the wisdom ofan ancient sage.
And then, of course, there isthe usurper, the one who waits
for their partners to leave theroom before immediately changing
(42:40):
it back.
Which one are you?
Well, in my house, it was MrsGnome who ruled the thermostat
with an iron fist.
If I ever tried to nudge itover 20 degrees, she'd hit me on
my bottom.
So, as you can imagine, I didthis as much as humanly possible
.
Spanking aside, though, whattruly is the solution to this
(43:03):
eternal struggle?
Traditional wisdom, mr Walliamssuggests compromise.
But let's be honest.
Compromise in this case usuallymeans one of you is still
uncomfortable.
So what can be done?
Well, I'm going to speak fromexperience here and tell you
about what me and Mrs Nome usedto do.
(43:23):
We agreed to what was called asnuggle agreement, and this is
what I suggest to you, janet.
You set up a snuggle agreementwith your partner.
If you're fed up of being coldand your partner won't let you
turn up the thermostat, get themto agree to a legally binding
agreement where you, as thecolder partner, are allowed,
even entitled, to absorb theheat of your beloved.
(43:46):
After all, sharing is caring.
This agreement can include, butis not limited to, putting your
cold hons on their warm back,the cold hons on their warm back
, the cold hons, the cold hons,the cold hons On their warm back
the cold hons, the cold hons,or maybe put your ice feet
(44:07):
wedge them under their leg or mypersonal favourite, which I
used to do with Mrs Noam all thetime, the 2am full-body leech
press.
The hot partner may protest,but this is not a request, it's
the natural order of things.
And if that doesn't work, janet, then you'll be left with the
only truly British option Sufferin silence while passively,
aggressively adjusting thethermostat window.
(44:28):
But I hope this works.
The snuggle agreement and youknow, spanking this works the
snuggle agreement, spankingaside the snuggle agreement did
work very well for us.
So, dear listeners, I hope thisworks for you, janet.
I'd like to hear how it gets onwith your partner.
And, dear listeners, until nexttime, stay wise, stay warm and
(44:49):
remember true love is allowingyour partner to turn your home
into either an igloo or saunaand only occasionally
complaining about it.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Thank you very much.
I don't know, that's some wisewords there.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Wise words have you enjoyed a spanking Walliams.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
No, sorry, but that's some really good advice there.
Thank you very much, andespecially with the giraffe, I
didn't know.
I did not know what sound agiraffe made, so that was
helpful for me.
I like the way you tried tocatch me out with that question.
It wasn't me, I didn't imaginewho wrote the letter.
(45:32):
Dare I ask?
The draft that was from a TamBam 5000.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Oh yes, well, I'm glad to be able to help Tam Bam
5000.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
Bam 5000.
Lovely, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
You're very welcome.
I will see you next time withmore wisdom.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
Until next time to episode 10.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Goodbye, goodbye, miss.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Toshka, see you back.
I am next time to episode 10.
Goodbye, goodbye, miss Lodge.
Can I see you back?
I am, he's up.
I listened, I listened to thedoor.
We need to do something.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
He's he's out of control.
He's out of control.
He's since his wife died.
He's just, he's just become abit of an.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
You can see he's getting he's getting a bit
spicier, isn't it?
Yeah, he's getting a bit too uhhot under the collar and uh,
yeah.
But if, um, if any of ourlisteners notice a uh
alternative, uh, every otherepisode quality difference, uh,
that may be because, uh, thesecond one in the evening, um,
(46:32):
because we record two at thesame time.
Bad joke, bad joke.
Why was the computer tired whenthey got home from work?
Speaker 2 (46:48):
I don't know why was the computer tired when they got
home from work?
Speaker 1 (46:51):
because they had a hard drive.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
So when he got home from work Because they had a
hard drive.
Oh, so you can see why Leanne'svideo that she sent in at the
start of the episode was funny.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Yes, that would be Logan in a few years' time, if
you told that to Logan, or Itold that to Bray there would
definitely be a frown.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Yes, I liked it.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
Anyways, we're getting sleepy and tired.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
We should probably wrap it up.
Shumper Wells yes.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Yeah, Night-night everybody.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
He's such an idiot.
Yeah, meh, meh Meh.
Good morning Vietnam.
Meh, meh Meh.
Welcome to First Look Gnomes, the podcast where two
dads do silly things, and thegnome answers all of your
burning questions.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
We discuss our first looks, and don't miss our tips
for dads, because who wouldn'thave any tips from us?
Enjoy a good laugh with ourcollection of bad jokes and dad
jokes that will make you groanor maybe even giggle.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
And don't forget to share your thoughts in the fish
pond of feedback where we readand respond to listener comments
.
If you simply email, here we gothat's right my moment of shame
(01:03):
and guilt and doubt I love, Ilove that here we go what am I
doing my life?
Episode eight.
So much right now.
Ain't you so much right now, ah, episode eight.
So much right now.
Episode eight.
You so much right now.
Episode 8.
(01:24):
You so much right now.
8.
You so much right now.
Episode 8.
You right now, episode 8.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
I guarantee this Williams.
Speaker 1 (01:45):
How do you spend your Saturday evenings with Toshkos?
Speaker 2 (01:49):
I guarantee you this Kelis has never once thought.
I wonder how people are usingmy art and my music.
I wonder if there's a guy inCornwall who has rhymed the word
eight with hate and use it asan introduction to a podcast
where two dads talk nonsense forhalf an hour Brilliant.
Speaker 1 (02:11):
Bravo, walliams.
Thank you very much, that wasexcellent.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
I think the fact that you just sung episode eight you
so much right now, justifieswhat I just said to my wife
which was.
You should actually listen tothe podcast.
Walliams is actually reallywell.
Walliams doesn't know it, buthe's really quite funny.
Like I said that, I literallysaid that to my wife like three
minutes ago and you justvalidated everything I said to
(02:38):
her with episode eight.
You right now oh dear somepeople probably don't think
we're funny but I thought thatwas genius.
Speaker 1 (02:48):
Well done mate.
Well done mate.
That's what our Saturdays areabout, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (02:53):
you've cheered me up nowhere in there.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
That was fantastic yeah so with the season planning
, we said, right, that episode'sgoing to have the firsty first,
that episode's going to havethe fishpond of feedback.
But I like a beer, missArchkiss, so I'm going to also
have another thirsty first, whey.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
So I'm just going to go into the thirsty fridge which
is the one section Still stuckbehind, the one part of the
podcast that Walliams will notlet go of Before we get to the
fishpond of feedback, when theyone part of the podcast that
Walliams will not let go ofBefore we get to the first one
of feedback, when they sayplease stop with the thirsty.
First, man needs his beer.
Speaker 1 (03:32):
This one's called the Misfits.
Again, this is from the WifeyWife.
You're not going to like thisone, Mr Oshkiss.
You're not going to like it.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
Is it fruity?
Speaker 1 (03:43):
Describe the picture.
Speaker 2 (03:48):
Oh, what the bloody hell is that Strawberries?
Speaker 1 (03:51):
Grapes this is called the Misfits Brewed in
partnership with Freedom Brewery.
I mean, describe that pictureof the strawberry that she's
holding.
Speaker 2 (04:04):
It looks like a strawberry booby, or is it a
willy?
I can't quite work it out.
Is it a booby or a willy?
Speaker 1 (04:14):
So the last episode sustainable brewing with
basically leftover tiger breador algae.
Speaker 2 (04:21):
Oh, odd shaped fruit, is it?
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Brew using wonky fruit to avoid food.
So this one, as the last one,was brewed with leftover bread
and this one's um fruit wastagebasically.
Speaker 2 (04:36):
Well, I mean, I'm all for using wonky fruit, but not
in a beer four point and beer 44.5%.
Speaker 1 (04:46):
Beer brewed with fruit, and I've had a beer or
two.
Speaker 2 (04:51):
Put your teeth in.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
Beer brewed with fruit and fruit puree.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Fruit and I'm not enjoying this one already Wiles
Sweet forest fruits of a sourtouch from cherry Sessionable
Light.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
From cherry Sessionable Light, easy drinking
, mmm Sessionable.
So what define?
What's sessionable mean, mrArchie?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
So to me, sessionable means if you want to go out and
have, you want a session, yeah.
So I like to go out personally,subjectively speaking, I don't
go out to get drunk.
I go out to spend time withfriends and I like to spend as
much time with those friends aspossible, as coherent as
possible, while still beingdrunk.
To find balance, I tend to find, personally, when you veer into
(05:38):
the kind of 5% beers, by thetime it gets to 10pm over the
evening you're all doolally andyou're all talking nonsense and
you can't really string asentence together, whereas with
a session beer which to meperfect 3.4% you can be at 10
o'clock.
You've had 4 beers, so you'rewell oiled, but not so oiled
(06:00):
that you don't know what time ofthe day it is.
A session beer for me issomething you can drink over
several hours without gettingtotally pished but still have
the nice kind of lip-loosenercharacteristics that alcohol
brings.
So yeah, I like a Session Alfor that reason.
(06:21):
It looks lovely In the glass.
That looks really nice, butfruit.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
Not too sour actually .
It says If you are not entirelysatisfied with this product,
please return it to the storewhere it was purchased and we'll
please replace or refund it.
How am I meant to return this?
I put it back in with the tinopen.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
You're not unsatisfied with it.
You gave it six out of ten.
Speaker 1 (06:47):
That's not unsatisfied, is it not?
Speaker 2 (06:49):
That's just.
I don't like it as much asother stuff.
I wish I'd had a Guinnessinstead.
Speaker 1 (06:54):
Yeah.
Do you think they'd give me aGuinness instead if I returned?
Speaker 2 (06:57):
it.
You could try, but I think theproblem is sweet and she's
listening.
So I do like it and she'slistening, so I do like it.
Thank you very much, muchappreciated.
Thank you, it's georgie.
If you're listening, stopbuying beer with fruit in it or
with blueberries in it, or fruitor beers that are like
raspberry ripple ice cream butit's a 4.5 percent, it's very
sensible oh, yes, keep keep thesensible, sensible strength 100.
(07:21):
But I think I mean well, I thinkyou've got to, you've got to
kind of, you've got to put thefoot down there and say you know
, there's certain ingredientsthat need to go in beer.
Fruit is not one of them.
Would you?
Would you agree or disagree?
Speaker 1 (07:34):
um, I have.
I have had a nice fruity beerin my time um give me an example
well, can't, but it wouldn't.
It's not my go to, but I have,I'm sure.
I have on one of these podcasts, I'm sure, but it's not my go
(07:54):
to, mr Hodgkiss, mr Hodgkiss yes, yes, mr Williams you need to
get something out, don't you?
Yes get it out my okay't you.
Yes, get it out, okay, hang onno your rod, Get your rod out.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
Oh, I beg your pardon .
Speaker 1 (08:11):
Sorry, sorry, sorry Didn't mean to do that.
Get your fishing rod out.
Mr Hodgkiss.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
I'll put those away.
It's time I didn't get my rodout.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
It's time for the fishponder feedback.
Fishponder feedback.
First bit of feedback per usual, from the wifey wife.
She would like me to say if yougo back to episode 5, fatherly
follies and retro revelations, Ithink it was called the wife
(08:39):
wanted me to clarify that when Isaid shake him out of the, I'm
not going to sleep, I didn'tliterally check the baby.
Okay, apparently, these daysyou have to clarify these things
.
So, I just wanted to say when Isaid shake him out of it, I
didn't literally mean shake himout of it.
Speaker 2 (09:01):
What were you talking about?
Because I can't remember thatone.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So this was just at the start of the episode.
We had, uh, we had sometechnical delays and then we're
about to start and then, um,logan won't go to sleep, so I
ended up going in and helped himout and the change yeah shook
him out of it brilliant but theway I said it it sounded like I
(09:23):
shook him out of it.
I did not amazing all right so,just for legal reasons and and
the truth to confirm, I did notshake any babies don't shake the
babies uh, emails.
Have we had any emails?
We have had an email.
(09:44):
We've had an email for it.
Um, and we were talking aboutthis in the last episode I think
can I just stay?
Speaker 2 (09:51):
by the way, I'm still baffled.
Speaker 1 (09:53):
The fact that people actually email.
Well, maybe less so when youhear about this email, but um we
were talking about.
How good would it be to getsome investment?
Oh yes so we got an email from.
This is asia gaddafi.
Dear friend, I came across youremail contact prior to a
(10:17):
private search while in need ofyour assistance.
Oh dear, I am, as am AishaGaddafi, the only biological
daughter of former presidentMuammar Gaddafi.
I am a single mother and awidow with three children.
I have investment funds worth$27,500,000 United States
(10:44):
dollars.
That is a lot, lot.
I need a trusted partnerbecause of my refugee current
refugee status status.
However, I am interested in youfor investment project
assistance in your country.
Best regards, mrs asia laddafi.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (11:03):
We've got an investor $27,500,000 United States
dollars.
Oh, mate, we are going to.
If we had $27.5 million to putinto this podcast, can you
imagine the quality of thecontent?
It would go up at least 3%.
Speaker 1 (11:20):
So should I reply and get things going.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
Oh, mate we need, because imagine right, instead
of us having to use at leastthree.
So should I reply and getthings going?
Oh mate we need, we could get,because imagine right, instead
of us having to use um kind ofpretend snoop dog, we could
actually get real snoop dog onthe podcast you remember like we
did that episode two kind ofactual snoop dog yes, and the
previous episode we had actualmichael van gerwen oh, michael
van gerwen is legit like hecomes along.
(11:44):
he's not in it for the money,he's in it for the fame and the
glory.
Speaker 1 (11:49):
Imagine the guests we could get right 27 and a half
million Our good friends over atMini Messmakers.
They've written in.
I think you sent in somethingsimilar yourself, Mr Archkiss.
They basically sent insomething similar yourself, Mr
Archkiss, but they basicallysent in a little video about
(12:10):
real dad joke survivors, which Ithink you sent us which is
quite funny but I'm not sure whyit's relevant to our jokes,
though I don't know.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
Our jokes are pure class.
Speaker 1 (12:24):
It's basically a video documentary of kids
talking about their parents andhow it's basically ruined their
lives which you know, it couldbe one of our sons one day.
But said that once and said tohis dad said, hey, I'm hungry
(12:45):
and the dad goes hi, hey, I'mhungry and the dad goes hi,
hungry, I'm dead.
And then, like sad, music playsand then, uh, another girl
talks about how she spilt somepeas and the dad goes oh, he
peed on the floor.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
It's the way it's filmed, though.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
Yeah, it's the way it's filmed though.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
Yeah, it's like a proper it's filmed like you know
, like um live aid and likewater aid and those kind of like
appeal videos.
It's one of those like forsurvivors of dad jokes.
Um it's a great P, is it?
It's a really funny video.
Can you post it on ourInstagram?
Speaker 1 (13:23):
I can, I can yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:24):
What is our Instagram address, if anybody wants to
follow us on Instagram.
Speaker 1 (13:28):
I'm a search for Firstlitnames.
Very good Email in is alwayspreferred Good, old-fashioned
email to Firstlitnames at.
Speaker 2 (13:36):
Outlookcom.
Well, thank you for Leanne forsending me the content.
Speaker 1 (13:40):
There's another bit that says, I think to Holly he
says, hey Dad, content.
There's.
There's another bit.
This is uh, I think.
Uh to holly says, uh, hey dad,can you make me a sandwich?
And the dad says, abracadabra,you are a sandwich and that's
what it fades out.
Holly now has an identitycrisis.
Yeah, we do, we appreciate.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
Can you make me a sandwich?
A bric-a-dare or a sandwich.
Speaker 1 (14:09):
I think our quality jokes are a bit higher though.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
You say our quality jokes, your quality of jokes.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You're the dad joke expert, new listeners, people
listening.
God love you all, which is uh,which is a worry.
Um, there's been, which is aworry quite a leap.
Speaker 2 (14:34):
I've had a spike a spike in um.
Speaker 1 (14:38):
Well, asia, I'll get to it shortly, but yeah, very
much as Um a big spike.
So I don't know what promptedthat from our previous episodes,
but we've got um, so we've gota new listener from Pleiku gear
lay province in Vietnam.
I apologize for all thepronunciations of these.
Speaker 2 (15:00):
So again, let's just clarify this these are people
who have actually genuinelydownloaded the podcast.
Speaker 1 (15:06):
Vietnam, yep, so I don't know, oh, hang on there
Wiles Some sort of search forsomething we spoke about or
whatever, the last episode.
Speaker 2 (15:16):
Has led people to it yeah.
So can I legitimately do theRobin Williams line yeah?
Good morning Vietnam.
We can actually say that on ourpodcast now.
That's unbelievable.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I don't think we've had one from Vietnam before.
It's quite possibly the firstone from Vietnam, which is cool.
Speaker 2 (15:35):
Welcome to the team Vietnam.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
We've had some from South Korea before.
We've got a new listener inSouth Korea, sion Nam Si Gnogigi
.
I apologize, nice, a newlistener from Newburgh Missouri.
Speaker 2 (15:50):
Nice, we were talking about moving to Missouri this
week at home randomly.
Oh, that's random.
Speaker 1 (15:57):
There we go, Taiwan.
Another one Taiwan Taichungcity hello taiwan kiosung city,
um, and then mr hodgkiss, Idon't know why close to town
japan, japan.
Things are kicking off in japannow.
Speaker 2 (16:19):
Are we big in Japan?
Speaker 1 (16:21):
Well, five listeners, five new listeners in Japan.
It's kicking off.
It's blowing up.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
We've gone viral.
We've gone viral in Japan.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Yeah, five new listeners in Japan.
So we've got a new listener inagain.
I'm really really sorry.
Again, I'm really really sorry.
I'm presuming these people areexpats in Japan or learning
English in Japan, I don't know.
But a new listener inNishinomiya Hyaga in Japan.
Wow, sapporo Hokado, japan.
(16:59):
Higashi Murayama in Tokyo.
Okay.
Speaker 2 (17:08):
Hanamutsu shizuka, japan.
I'm really sorry I'mpronouncing these as best as
possible.
Speaker 1 (17:11):
Basically, I should just should just go on japan um
this one.
Mr hodgkins, I need your helpwith the pronunciation, please.
Speaker 2 (17:20):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (17:21):
I've got a new listener.
Shall I spell it out for you.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
F U K.
Speaker 2 (17:35):
U Fukushima, yeah, s-h-i-m-a, o-h-i-m-a okay, a
fuck you okay japan.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
Yes, I got new listeners from japan, so that's
kicked off, so I don't rememberwho had.
I think we have had a listenerfrom japan, but we're not
definitely not in that thatquantity.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
But well, it's interesting, fuck you.
Speaker 1 (18:07):
Okay, pardon.
Speaker 2 (18:09):
Fuck you Okay.
Speaker 1 (18:15):
I would have gone with Fukuoka.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Oh, okay, well, I'll go with that one.
We'll go with that one.
That sounds better, but we so?
This isn't a first look, it'snot an official first look, but
we watched that um boy band.
I don't know if you've seen it,so in the?
Uh, in the 90s and thenoughties in the united kingdom
boy bands ruled the roost andthe?
Uh bbc have created adocumentary about these boy
(18:40):
bands.
The Wifey Wife and I I can'tsay the Wifey Wife, that's you,
my wife and I watched it and itwas bands like Five and Take
that.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
Five are back together.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
Well, they are probably because of this show.
This show has probably broughtthe attention back to them.
Speaker 1 (18:59):
But there was a band called 9-1-1.
Speaker 2 (19:00):
The United Kingdom, the first look names not our
show, no, the boy band show.
Um, the boy band 9-1-1 wereprobably not that big, and well,
we'll know, probably about it.
They were not that big in theunited kingdom.
They had like one number oneand a load of kind of top 10
hits, which is still pretty big,but not compared to the likes
of take that, however.
(19:21):
So, yeah, 9-1-1, they weren'tthat big in the uk, I mean, they
were big, but they weren'tmassive.
But they went viral in asia.
So they were huge in southeastasia, so they were massive in
malaysia, thailand, indonesia,the philippines, um, so maybe
that's what's happening.
Maybe, maybe you and I we'renot going to be that big in the
(19:44):
UK but in Southeast Asia, so wecould be under the radar.
Speaker 1 (19:49):
In the UK People would think we're just normal,
you know, wouldn't recognize usin the street, yeah, whereas in
South Asia boom massive.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
You land in.
If Mr Cornish Walliams lands inTokyo, basically the city stops
because there are screaminggirls.
Speaker 1 (20:09):
Beatlemania type thing.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Beatlemania, it's first look.
No mania, but only in SoutheastAsia.
Maybe, that could be what'shappening.
I don't think you're right.
We can come back for a nice bitof peace and quiet.
Maybe that could be what'shappening.
I don't know if you're right,because we can come back for a
nice bit of peace and quiet yeah, agoto, agoto, japan.
Agoto gozaimasu Magoto, niagoto gozaimasu Okioka.
Speaker 1 (20:37):
Lovely.
Also a new listener from andthis is our third new listener
from Africa, so we've got a newlistener from.
This is our third new listenerfrom Africa.
So we've got a new listenerfrom Iran, algeria, which our
last season's target was to geta listener in Africa, and we've
now got three.
Still no one from the moon orouter space oh, come on now.
Speaker 2 (21:01):
Even with, like Bezos and Kate Perry, the last season
wasn't until the very last,still no one from the moon or
outer space.
Oh, come on now.
Even we'd like to bang his ass.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
The last season wasn't until the very last
episode that we got a listenerfrom africa, so who knows?
Speaker 2 (21:08):
well, now katie perry is actually going into space.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
Katie perry's going to space for me.
What would you mean?
Speaker 2 (21:15):
no, you know katie perry, she's going to space
Right.
So the singer, a load of otherwomen they're doing like the
first all female space thing on,like trip on Bezos, one of
(21:38):
Bezos' space shuttles I thinkit's Bezos, it's one of them,
it's Bezos' space shuttles.
Speaker 1 (21:44):
I think it's Bezos.
It's one of them.
It's Bezos.
Speaker 2 (21:47):
Musk yeah, she's going to space.
What we need to do, here's thetarget, Wiles.
We need to get Katy Perry tobecome a fan of our podcast, do
a little download.
Do a little download whileshe's up in space, and then we
can say we have somebody GPScoordinated from space.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
It also happens to be Katie Perry.
Does GPS work up there?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
You become.
Yeah, you are the satellite upthere, right.
Speaker 1 (22:15):
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (22:16):
I don't know.
I don't know about these things.
All I know is Katie Perry's afan.
Speaker 1 (22:23):
She's going to space.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
She's going to be very close to the moon, so we
could make it.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
We could make it Katie Perry.
If it keeps saying Katie Perry,then it might come up on the
searches Katie Perry, KatiePerry, Katie.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
Perry.
I'll tell you what.
Katie Perry's not very good atMaking tickets affordable.
She's coming to Belfast in thesummer.
We had a look at tickets andthe cheapest we'd get was like
190 quid or something?
Speaker 1 (22:46):
Wasn't there some sort of rumour that she's a
robot because her eyelidswouldn't close and she
malfunctioned, or something?
Speaker 2 (22:53):
Katy Perry's a robot because her eyelids wouldn't
close.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, but wasn't there a thing where her eyelids
wouldn't close.
Well, they closed and they gotstuck and they didn't reopen wow
, she probably was knackered.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Yeah, google it, have you seen how skinny she is.
Speaker 1 (23:05):
Google katy perry eyelid video, or something I
will have a look at that.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I I'm a big katy perry fan she malfunctioned as a
robot, apparently, so okay,well, there you go, katy perry
bot would you like to do yourfirst look?
I can do.
Yes, so my first look, walliams.
We did something we've neverdone before, something that I
(23:32):
have wanted to do all my well,all my adult life, and
circumstances have never allowedus to do it, but recently we
were able to do it.
It was go somewhere warm in thewinter.
We've never done it before andI'm gonna say this we would
(23:52):
absolutely do it again, eventhough it absolutely played with
my mind.
So, um, I'm not a big fan ofwinter in the United Kingdom is
usually cold wet as well as wetcold.
Yeah, it's wet, it's cold and itlasts forever.
Like I remember as a kid, weused to have three seasons.
Winter started at Christmas andwas done by March, and then
(24:14):
March the spring would come inand it would be nice.
Now I don't just live inIreland, which is obviously a
lot further north thanWolverhampton, but winter seems
to start in September anddoesn't finish till June.
It's cold and wet for ninemonths of the year.
So it's got.
My kind of seasonal affectivedisorder has got worse and I've
(24:38):
always said for years now like,ah, the christmas holiday is
such a waste of time becauseyou've got like a lot of places
and my places I've worked havelike forced you to take a week
off work but you can't goanywhere because to try and go
abroad or something is like 3000 quid and, um, most of the
time people are sick and you'vegot responsibilities to family
(25:00):
etc.
So I'm like it's, it's annualleave, but it's not like
productive annual leave.
Um, but this year for the firsttime and not at christmas but
at half term we were able to goabroad to the canary islands.
Just because the stars aligned.
We my wife was able to getannual leave, brain was off
school and we got ourselves alittle trip abroad.
(25:23):
Um, and because the thenorthern irish holidays and the
english holidays, don't have noepisode last uh yeah, that's it
we were.
We were away, um, and northernirish holidays don't clash with
the english holiday, so it's'snot stupidly expensive and we're
like we saw a deal.
I'm like that sounds too goodto be true, but we took it and
(25:46):
it was all legit.
So we went away and it was thefreakiest thing ever, because
when we left it was two degreesand when we four hours later it
was 22 degrees four hours.
(26:06):
It was 22 degrees four hours,20 degrees warmer.
That freaked me out, because wetook off in the cold and then
got off the plane and was likethis is warm and there's no
grass anywhere, it's dry, um,and there seems there's
volcanoes.
And we went for a sunshineholiday in february we didn't
(26:28):
see a cloud for a week it was sobizarre, um, you know, like a
summer holiday.
Yeah, it was a summer holidayit's february, I don't get it.
I couldn't compute it in myhead.
I was like this is a weirdthing to say and I apologize.
I don't apologize, it's justwhat I observed.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
Am I guessing you've not been to the Canary Islands
before?
Speaker 2 (26:52):
No, I have been.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
I have been.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
You go for your summer holiday and it's summer
and you go somewhere and it'slike summer.
I've not been to the sun in thewinter, are they?
Speaker 1 (27:02):
saying that I suppose yeah 13, 14.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
When I think about this, what are you in 2021?
12 years ago, we went to dubaiand you know what freaked me out
there?
The moon was upside down.
So in the united kingdom youhave a crescent moon and the
crescent moon is a guy on theleft and on the right, but when
you're in dubai, becauseobviously of the the way the
(27:29):
planet, is the crescent moon isupside down so it's like a smile
.
So the moon is like a smilerather than a kind of an ear um,
it was the same kind of effecthere, just being in the sunshine
in february, like what, why amI?
I'm doing?
Speaker 1 (27:44):
the macarena in february.
Speaker 2 (27:47):
No one does the macarena in february.
If I was to say to you williamto the macarena, you'd say no,
not until july, july, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
Sunshine is associated with england in the
euros until July.
Speaker 2 (27:58):
July is when you do the Macarena July.
You know sunshine is associatedwith England in the Euros, like
music festivals and theMacarena February is.
Where's the Macarena?
Everyone's got COVID, Becausethat's what people do on holiday
, isn't it?
You go on holiday, Is it?
Speaker 1 (28:17):
Yeah, you do like Saturday.
Speaker 2 (28:19):
You do like Cha Cha Slide the Macarena.
Saturday night all those kindof songs you know, all the kids
are up and there's the holidayreps going.
Come on everybody.
All the kids come on.
Kids get up on the stage.
Speaker 1 (28:30):
Do the dancing a little mini first look.
Speaker 2 (28:32):
Logan's learnt how to do the Macarena has he learnt
how to do the Macarena and doeshe love it?
Speaker 1 (28:37):
Macarena and does he love it?
Does it in his own little way,but but does he love it?
Speaker 2 (28:42):
yeah, that's cute little legend yeah, sorry, I
digress um, but no, just that,that was it.
That was my first look goingabroad to the sun in february
was amazing, but really kind ofmesses with your head was.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
Uh, like I told you, I went there as a kid and used
to call it a fart adventure.
Anyways, any reason why?
Well, it looks like it lookslike a fart adventure, doesn't
it?
If we're to ventura, to it.
Speaker 2 (29:13):
Oh yeah, it looks like a fart adventure well, fart
adventure is a lot easier tosay than futventura.
Speaker 1 (29:19):
So yeah, there you go um first looks for me.
I've got a couple couple firstlooks tv related um so I've got
had a first look at color blocks, color blocks, color blocks oh
no, it's what a show do yougreat show?
Um, so Logan's really into hiscolours at the moment, so and a
(29:43):
first look at that show.
Three seasons now.
As you can guess, it's aboutcolours.
Purple is his favourite.
Speaker 2 (29:53):
Same as me he thinks he's purple.
Speaker 1 (29:56):
He thinks I'm red, apparently.
Speaker 2 (30:00):
He'd fill out the 8% beers.
Speaker 1 (30:01):
Yeah, and his mum is pink Um, but it's um, yeah, it's
a, really yeah.
First look at color blocks Uh,and today, fresh off the press,
he's for the first time said theword red and the word white,
which I think is really quitedifficult word to say for a two
year old white Um, and the wordwhite, which I think is really
quite difficult word to say fora two-year-old white um, and boo
(30:25):
not quite a blue yet, but boo.
So that's uh, that's cute.
Um, and then other, as, aslisteners of the first at home
series know that are, and peoplethat have started to listen, um
, first at gnomes is, you know,it's hot off the press.
First looks at stuff that noone else has ever looked at, um,
(30:51):
such as google mic search andthings like that.
I've had a first look at thesopranos oh, great theme tune by
the way.
One, uh, one season two, a firstlook at the sopranos.
Um, you definitely need the.
(31:13):
You need to get through becauseI knew it was ranked as like top
five tv series yeah, it'sproper top draw all the time, um
, and it was actually releasedin 1999, ranked as like top five
TV series of all time, and itwas actually released in 1999.
So I'm a little bit behind thetimes, but only on season two,
(31:33):
but you do need to.
I was like I watched the firstepisode, second episode.
It took me four or fiveepisodes to go.
Actually, this is worthwatching, yeah, but yeah, the
Sopranos enjoying it so far onseason two lots of boobs, lots
(31:53):
of gangsters, lots of justgangsters pretty much how you
live your life, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (31:58):
boobs and gangsters.
That's a difficult day in yourlife, good core family values in
there as well I thought youwere gonna say good, proper,
good boobs like them, the goodboobs, not the bad boobs, the
good boobs and, uh yeah, a sortof insight into american life um
in the early 2000s nice, but umyeah, so I first looked at the
(32:21):
Sopranos and I first looked atColoured Blocks.
Are there any other shows onyour radar from the past that
you would like to watch?
Speaker 1 (32:30):
Yeah, so the Sopranos was one of those ones that when
I said I've not watched it,there's a shock reaction.
What do you mean?
You've not watched the Sopranos, so probably the Band of
Brothers Okay, I've reactionwhich I mean you don't watch the
surprise.
Um so probably the band ofbrothers.
Okay, uh, I've not seen that,so I probably need to watch that
what about the the wire?
not watch that.
No, so that's you know.
I mean, that's meant to be verygood, yeah, so there's, uh,
(32:53):
yeah, but I'm getting moretowards that and the way tv's
going these days, I think waituntil there's been a few series
it's been confirmed as reallygood and then it's binge watch
because there's so many thingscoming up now and they're just
like cancel after season one orseason two.
Yeah, it's like it doesn't endproperly yeah, it's like so
(33:14):
annoying, but um, yeah, theSopranos.
Um, hopefully it ends all right.
Um, I don't know, I wantedseason two, but um, yeah, I've
got that's what I'm saying 40 ornot, you know the wife's
watching yellowstone at theminute.
Yeah, that's meant to be good,yeah yeah, kevin costner's great
(33:35):
looking.
Speaker 2 (33:36):
Still she's watching that.
We watched.
I watched cobra, kai the theend of that recently have you
seen it?
Speaker 1 (33:42):
not the.
I've not finished it, yeah, butyeah it's good.
Speaker 2 (33:46):
It's so bad.
Speaker 1 (33:47):
It's good and we've been watching it.
I loved Karate Kid when I was akid.
Who doesn't?
Speaker 2 (33:53):
It's incredible.
And the Traitors we've beenwatching the Traitors US.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
I couldn't get into the US one.
Speaker 2 (34:00):
I've got into it actually.
Speaker 1 (34:01):
I don't mind it.
I might give it another go, butyeah, the British one I liked.
Speaker 2 (34:05):
Yeah, it's harder with Americans.
It's a different.
It's a different, differentmentality, yeah, but yeah, okay.
So Sopranos worth a watch.
Have you not watched it?
Speaker 1 (34:16):
I know, I know what happens at the end oh, you can't
watch it if you know whathappens at the end.
Speaker 2 (34:21):
I remember it was massive, though when it happened
I don't remember, so stoptalking.
I don't know okay it was, itwas, yeah, it was big news.
I don't know was it?
Speaker 1 (34:29):
I don't know yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:31):
And obviously the main guy is no, no, no, no, stop
talking, let's start no like inreal life.
I'm not talking about the show,but like the actor died, didn't
he the guy who?
Speaker 1 (34:39):
played Tony Soprano.
Speaker 2 (34:41):
Yeah, he died like I don't know five years ago.
Gene Hackman died this week aswell.
Yes, that was a big one, but hewas he's like 95, I think.
Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, but like he's died, his wife's died and the
dog's died.
That's strange at the same time.
Speaker 2 (34:58):
Yeah, they've all been found dead.
His wife was 30.
He's younger than him he waslike 90, his wife's 61 and the
dog was found dead in a cupboardso there's something going on
there well, they said like thecircumstances are worthy of an
investigation.
I'm like I is worthy of aninvestigation, like I should
think so, like if he just passed, if he just passed away from
old age or fallen over, had astroke or something fine, but
(35:19):
like his wife's, 30 yearsyounger than him and dog in a
cupboard, that's, yeah, viciousyeah just a dog in a cupboard
yeah, it is.
Yeah, yeah, why is there a deaddog in a cupboard?
Yeah, but hopefully it's justlike.
I mean, what a terrible thingto say.
Hopefully it's just somethinglike a carbon monoxide accident
(35:41):
or something, rather thansomething like actually sinister
um, hopefully it's just atragedy rather than a.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
I hope so okay, someone's kind of doolally and
done something that shouldn'thappen um Someone's gone
doolally and done something theyshouldn't have Doolally.
Speaker 2 (36:00):
Can we talk to our good friend the know-it-all?
Speaker 1 (36:03):
gnome yeah, oh, he's around.
He survived the storm.
Yeah, I've heard he's had acouple of beers, though, so he
might be a bit.
I don't think he's drinking.
He's not drinking.
He's sober as a judge, is he?
Speaker 2 (36:10):
He doesn't drink doesn't know.
Speaker 1 (36:11):
He's in a little, isn't he?
Speaker 2 (36:12):
he's wise.
He knows that alcohol doesn'treally make things better, even
though we think it does he'swise it's a false economy one,
he knows it all yeah, I'll go in, I'll go and find where he is
hang on, I'll go and find him,I'll send him in.
Right, I'm stepping out, I'llspeak to Hello.
Speaker 1 (36:31):
Hello, my voice changed.
How's it going, daniel?
It's going well.
Thank you, I don't know if I'mgoing well.
Where's Mr Archery gone?
Speaker 2 (36:46):
He came and got me and he said he's going to go and
make sure that his wife is okayand not admiring Kevin Costner
too closely while she watchesYellowstone.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
We've got I don't know where you want to start.
I know you've got your ownlittle advice segment that you
like to give.
Speaker 2 (37:05):
Yes, I received a letter that I'm going to talk
about.
Speaker 1 (37:08):
We've also had some fresh questions come in.
Speaker 2 (37:12):
Okay, let's hear what people want to know.
Shall we start with that Pleasedo.
Speaker 1 (37:15):
The first one is should I travel to Northern
Ireland in 2025 or 2026?
Speaker 2 (37:26):
There's not much context to go on there, so it's
rather hard to answer thatquestion.
Speaker 1 (37:31):
It's a bit of an odd question, isn't it?
Bit of an odd question.
Speaker 2 (37:34):
It is, however, I, so it's rather hard to answer.
It's a bit of an odd question,isn't it it is.
However, I would suggest thatif you have a passion for a
place and you've decided thatyou want to visit there, then do
it as soon as you possibly can,but without getting yourself
into financial trouble someoneelse has written in.
Speaker 1 (37:51):
I don't quite understand the question, to be
honest.
Would you rather wear a gnomehat forever with no bell, or
gnome shoes with bells on forpart of the day every day?
Speaker 2 (38:08):
Well, you see, that's a rather philosophical question
.
Do you go for a small bit oftorture and obstruction versus a
long period of discomfort?
It's like being between a rockand a hard place and quite
frankly I'd rather be neither.
But if I had to choose betweena hat all day with no bell or
(38:31):
shoes with bells for part of theday, I would say shoes with
bells for part of the day.
I would say shoes with bellsfor part of the day, because at
least then you get to have thatsweet sense of freedom which
cannot be overlooked.
Speaker 1 (38:45):
You do know it all.
And a final one from ourlistener that's really gone for
that.
You know it all.
So ask the tough questions,please do.
What sound does a giraffe make?
Speaker 2 (39:03):
That is an age-old question what sound does a
giraffe make?
It's one of those philosophicalquestions along the lines of if
a tree falls and no one's thereto hear it, does it actually
make a?
Speaker 1 (39:14):
sound.
Speaker 2 (39:15):
But when it comes to the humble giraffe, there are
many answers.
Speaker 1 (39:21):
Your voice is slow down like you're googling it or
something.
Speaker 2 (39:26):
Well, I mean.
A lot of the time people thinkgiraffes are silent.
But I've seen giraffes, I'veheard them move.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
I know they make sounds.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
But giraffes do make sounds.
But it's weird.
Sometimes a giraffe will make ahum, especially at night,
possibly to communicate withother giraffes humming sound it
sounds like a deep low frequencyvibration, like okay, sometimes
giraffes complete bleep, likecalves bleep to call their moms
(39:56):
similar to a soft, high-pitchedmess, and they go meh, meh, meh
if you start.
Did you know that if youstartle or annoy a giraffe?
They can let out a short snortlike a sneeze, like.
I did not know okay and adultscan even grunt or even moo in
deep tone, especially if theyare in social interactions.
(40:18):
So if you ever hear a giraffehumming to itself at night,
don't worry, it's not haunted orbeing weird, it's just having a
chat but there you go.
Speaker 1 (40:31):
the no or name knows it all more than Google.
Might be a bit slower thanGoogle, but no knows it all More
than Google.
Might be a bit slower thanGoogle, but he knows it all.
I didn't Google anything, no,I'm just saying that you're
better than Google.
Speaker 2 (40:44):
I have a way of clarifying things.
Yes, very good, we had a letter, I had a direct email this week
.
I did Welcome to another dose ofthe undeniable wisdom from your
favourite pocket-sized, it'sundeniable wisdom from your
favourite pocket-sized purveyorof truth, yours truly the
(41:04):
know-it-all-know.
So this week, mr Williams, Ireceived a letter from a
listener called Janet.
Janet, she's from Arbroath inBonny, scotland.
She wrote to me and she saidDear Node or Gnome, I'm sick of
being cold.
It's been a long winter.
But to make matters worse, mypartner is always warm.
When I try and turn up thetemperature in our apartment, he
(41:25):
flips a lid, he moans when Iput the winter duvet on the bed.
And I don't know what to dowhen I need some wisdom.
Yours, horroringly, janet.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Janet should go to the Canary Islands.
Speaker 2 (41:38):
Yeah, she appears to be cold, and this is a very,
very interesting letter she sent.
So I'm going to reply to Janetand I'm going to say well, Janet
, janet, today we shall discussa battle older than time itself.
No, not good versus evil, noteven tea versus itself.
No, not good versus evil, noteven tea versus coffee.
No, my dear friends, today weaddress the temperature war.
(41:59):
Janice is not alone, facing theongoing domestic duel where one
half of the couple insiststhey're absolutely freezing,
while the other is apparentlyboiling alive.
I can see Mr Williams nodding.
Are you the warm one or thecold one?
It varies.
Speaker 1 (42:13):
When I'm warm, she's cold.
When she's cold, I'm warm.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
No, so you can relate to the temperature war.
Yes, I find that in everyrelationship there exists the
thermostat controller.
The person sees themselves as abenevolent ruler, adjusting the
temperature with the wisdom ofan ancient sage.
And then, of course, there isthe usurper, the one who waits
for their partners to leave theroom before immediately changing
(42:40):
it back.
Which one are you?
Well, in my house, it was MrsGnome who ruled the thermostat
with an iron fist.
If I ever tried to nudge itover 20 degrees, she'd hit me on
my bottom.
So, as you can imagine, I didthis as much as humanly possible
.
Spanking aside, though, whattruly is the solution to this
(43:03):
eternal struggle?
Traditional wisdom, mr Walliamssuggests compromise.
But let's be honest.
Compromise in this case usuallymeans one of you is still
uncomfortable.
So what can be done?
Well, I'm going to speak fromexperience here and tell you
about what me and Mrs Nome usedto do.
(43:23):
We agreed to what was called asnuggle agreement, and this is
what I suggest to you, janet.
You set up a snuggle agreementwith your partner.
If you're fed up of being coldand your partner won't let you
turn up the thermostat, get themto agree to a legally binding
agreement where you, as thecolder partner, are allowed,
even entitled, to absorb theheat of your beloved.
(43:46):
After all, sharing is caring.
This agreement can include, butis not limited to, putting your
cold hons on their warm back,the cold hons on their warm back
, the cold hons, the cold hons,the cold hons On their warm back
the cold hons, the cold hons,or maybe put your ice feet
(44:07):
wedge them under their leg or mypersonal favourite, which I
used to do with Mrs Noam all thetime, the 2am full-body leech
press.
The hot partner may protest,but this is not a request, it's
the natural order of things.
And if that doesn't work, janet, then you'll be left with the
only truly British option Sufferin silence while passively,
aggressively adjusting thethermostat window.
(44:28):
But I hope this works.
The snuggle agreement and youknow, spanking this works the
snuggle agreement, spankingaside the snuggle agreement did
work very well for us.
So, dear listeners, I hope thisworks for you, janet.
I'd like to hear how it gets onwith your partner.
And, dear listeners, until nexttime, stay wise, stay warm and
(44:49):
remember true love is allowingyour partner to turn your home
into either an igloo or saunaand only occasionally
complaining about it.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
Thank you very much.
I don't know, that's some wisewords there.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
Wise words have you enjoyed a spanking Walliams.
Speaker 1 (45:12):
No, sorry, but that's some really good advice there.
Thank you very much, andespecially with the giraffe, I
didn't know.
I did not know what sound agiraffe made, so that was
helpful for me.
I like the way you tried tocatch me out with that question.
It wasn't me, I didn't imaginewho wrote the letter.
(45:32):
Dare I ask?
The draft that was from a TamBam 5000.
Speaker 2 (45:36):
Oh yes, well, I'm glad to be able to help Tam Bam
5000.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
Bam 5000.
Lovely, thank you very much.
Speaker 2 (45:45):
You're very welcome.
I will see you next time withmore wisdom.
Speaker 1 (45:49):
Until next time to episode 10.
Speaker 2 (45:51):
Goodbye, goodbye, miss.
Speaker 1 (45:55):
Toshka, see you back.
I am next time to episode 10.
Goodbye, goodbye, miss Lodge.
Can I see you back?
I am, he's up.
I listened, I listened to thedoor.
We need to do something.
Speaker 2 (46:01):
He's he's out of control.
He's out of control.
He's since his wife died.
He's just, he's just become abit of an.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
You can see he's getting he's getting a bit
spicier, isn't it?
Yeah, he's getting a bit too uhhot under the collar and uh,
yeah.
But if, um, if any of ourlisteners notice a uh
alternative, uh, every otherepisode quality difference, uh,
that may be because, uh, thesecond one in the evening, um,
(46:32):
because we record two at thesame time.
Bad joke, bad joke.
Why was the computer tired whenthey got home from work?
Speaker 2 (46:48):
I don't know why was the computer tired when they got
home from work?
Speaker 1 (46:51):
because they had a hard drive.
Speaker 2 (46:53):
So when he got home from work Because they had a
hard drive.
Oh, so you can see why Leanne'svideo that she sent in at the
start of the episode was funny.
Speaker 1 (47:06):
Yes, that would be Logan in a few years' time, if
you told that to Logan, or Itold that to Bray there would
definitely be a frown.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Yes, I liked it.
Speaker 1 (47:18):
Anyways, we're getting sleepy and tired.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
We should probably wrap it up.
Shumper Wells yes.
Speaker 1 (47:26):
Yeah, Night-night everybody.
Speaker 2 (47:30):
He's such an idiot.
Yeah, meh, meh Meh.
Good morning Vietnam.
Meh, meh Meh.
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