April 2, 2025 • 36 mins
Ever wondered what happens when two dads combine their love of gardening, sports, and beer with the daily adventures of parenthood? Our latest episode takes you on a journey from a hilariously disastrous beer opening to ambitious Japanese garden designs and the quiet triumph of growing your first cucumber.
Williams shares his adventures at Plymouth Hoe and Britain's largest aquarium, where his two-year-old son's wide-eyed "hiya" greetings to fish remind us all how children transform ordinary experiences into magical discoveries. Meanwhile, our other host reveals plans for an elaborate Japanese garden complete with Acer trees and koi ponds—a project reflecting the patience and long-term thinking that parenthood often inspires.
The episode delivers surprisingly practical wisdom for fellow dads: gardening isn't just about plants, it's about finding rare moments of uninterrupted solitude. "If I'm outside gardening, I can get three to four hours without seeing any of them," one host confesses, while explaining how children need nothing more elaborate than pebbles or bits of food to fuel their boundless imagination.
Perhaps most touching is the moment when a lifelong dream comes true—Newcastle United finally winning a trophy after 30 years of waiting—only to be immediately overshadowed by a toddler's encounter with a table corner. This perfect encapsulation of parenthood's priority-shifting power reminds us that the greatest victories are sometimes the smallest ones.
Join us for laughter, insights, and the kind of authentic dad conversations that make you feel less alone in your parenting journey. Whether you're designing gardens, visiting aquariums, or just trying to open a stubborn beer can, we're right there with you.
Join us for a first look at
- - The Hoe, Plymouth
- - National Maritime Aquarium
- - New Series of Gardener's World 2025
- - Newcastle United win the Carabao Cup
And your usual
Thirsty First
- Seven Brothers - Marshmallow Stout
& Tips for Dads!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:00):
Welcome to First Look Gnomes your go-to podcast for
dads doing silly things.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Join us as we dive into the whimsical world of the
know-it-all gnome share tips fordads explore thirsty firsts and
of course, the dad jokes andthe bad jokes, but, most
importantly, we're here to shareour first looks.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Don't forget to send in your feedback to our fish
bond of feedback share our firstlooks.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Don't forget to send in your feedback to our fish
bond of feedback and share yourthoughts, questions and own
first looks with us.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
At first look gnomes at outlookcom five, four, three
two episode nine love balloons,Episode 9 Love Balloons Episode
(01:00):
9 Love Balloons Go by.
Episode 9.
Episode nine love balloons goby.
Episode nine.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Why did you emphasize the word?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
dick so much.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
It just sounded like you said a lot of.
There was an awful lot of dickin that one, william, like a fur
dick.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Lied for dick.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Lied for dick.
What's that that mean?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I don't know in english what's the translation
super so fluent I don't knowwhat it means like lied for dick
not lied for dick.
Are you sure it wasn't lied fordick?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
it means I'll write a song for you.
Are you sure it wasn't lied for, Dick?
It means I'll write a song foryou.
I think Ah, beautiful.
Have you ever seen that videoof the different languages of
Europe?
And they're basically takingthe mickey out of Germany, so
(02:03):
they say certain words and yousay them in English and French
and Italian and then they saythem in German.
So it's like it's a.
It's a very funny video.
I would recommend anybodygoogles or goes on youtube to
find the languages of you, ofeurope butterfly video.
It's very funny.
It's that time he's beenwaiting for this.
(02:26):
Ladies and gentlemen, we'vebeen talking for.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
It's the Thursday first.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
It's the Thursday first, we, we.
We spend a little bit of timebefore the podcast talking, and
all Walliams wanted to do wasstart recording, so he had an
excuse to open a beer.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Here we go do was start recording, so we had an
excuse to open a beer.
Here we go.
I don't think um, I don't thinkfans actually like this segment
, but it's for you.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Let's be honest.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
It's because you just and just a reminder that this,
the these were bought um by mywife, so throw her under the bus
.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
She is to blame.
Throw her under the bus early4.5 percent sensible sensible
okay the hot.
It's a lovely looking can thehot, the hot foundry.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It's a nice black can with some marshmallow number
sevens um and it's a stoutbrewed in partnership with seven
brothers, so that's why it'sgot some Marshmallow no 7s on
the front and it's MarshmallowFlavor.
(03:31):
That's 4.5%.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
You know my feelings on these kind of hybrid beers
where they try and putmarshmallows and fruit into it.
I'm interested to see what it'slike.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
This isn't fruit, though, is it?
This isn't fruit, this ismarshmallows.
This beer will have you sayinggive me a s'more, A smooth
mellow stout infused inmagnificent marshmallow flavour.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
So marshmallows.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
The perfect companion for when the nights are drawing
in.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
So aren't marshmallows just?
Basically like sugar.
It's like sugar and beer.
I mean, I know you need sugarto activate the yeast, but you
don't want a sweet beer?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Oh no, ladies and gentlemen, we've got a
malfunction.
What's happened?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Oh no, I think I've broken it, the ring pull's, come
off.
But we're opening the can.
Oh no, absolute disaster.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Absolute disaster, ladies and gentlemen, are you
going to be able to?
Oh, he's managed to push itthrough.
Nope, he hasn't.
I'll tell a lie.
Oh, no, Now think about thisWiles Physics in action right.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Oh no, have you got a little?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Have you got a little ?
I haven't got anything.
Have you got a pen, even?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
This is absolute desire, dear.
Should I just stab it with apen?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Well, no, no, turn it round to the round end.
So don't do it with a pointyend.
Turn it round to the other end,right, and just gently push,
gently push and work your wayaround the edge of it.
You just need to get the littleseal.
Hee-hee, nope, he's juststabbing it.
(05:09):
I've never seen him look sodistraught.
Ladies and gentlemen, no, doyou have another can in the
fridge.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh, we have a breakthrough oh, absolute
disaster, and then oh no.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I tell you what you see blood spurting everywhere.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
We have a breakthrough, oh, absolute
disaster, and then, oh no, Itell you what you see blood
spurting everywhere, those sevenbrothers are not going to get a
good review here.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
They haven't even built a robust hand-pulling
system.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
You've got my wife's number, haven't you, in case?
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Don't hurt yourself, Wiles.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Well, no, now I'm putting the sharp thing into the
drink.
That should do it, as long asthat doesn't fall into my pint
glass, oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
There is a hole, ladies and gentlemen.
He has a hole.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
We're in, we're in.
It's a stout, so it obviouslywasn't fizzy.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
He likes his sound effects Cheers, cheers, sound
effects Cheers.
Cheers Wals, lovely, lovely.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Lovely.
A nice drop that Worth theeffort.
A nice drop, it's, yeah lovely.
I'm glad everyone waited forthat.
I like that.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
That's nice.
It's got to be more than a sixor a seven then.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I would say 8.7.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Can you actually taste the marshmallow?
No, no, so it's just.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
It's just a stout really no, I mean, I would say a
hint, a very hint are yougetting?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
are you getting hints of cinema and fairgrounds?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
a hint of.
Imagine eating a load of marsh,eating a load of marshmallow,
all right, washing it down witha coke, yeah.
An hour later, that taste youstill got your mouth okay,
that's.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
You sold it to me.
That's the marketing languageright there, if you want that
feeling in your mouth ofmarshmallows and coke.
So you just want your teeth tofeel a bit furry drink that an
hour later but if you havemarshmallows and coke, your
teeth are going to feel furry,there's no doubt even an hour
(07:23):
later.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Yeah, okay, two hours , like two hours later, and
there we go.
That's another exciting segmentof thirsty.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
First, it went very smooth.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
That's what I that's what I write in.
Please write in to first.
Uh sorry, first look firstnames outlookcom.
Um, if you wish to hear morethirsty firsts, outlookcom.
If you wish to hear moreThirsty Firsts.
If you don't write it, wepresume you do First look Should
.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I go first.
You go first, wally, you gofirst.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
So not quite technically, a first Part of it
is a first look.
The other part of it is it'sbeen a while, but a first look
as an adult.
So the other weekend I had afirst look at the hoe.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
At the hoe.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
At the hoe.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I'm assuming this is the garden tall, or it's a pub.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
No, it's the Hoe in Plymouth.
Standing on the lusciousgreen-lawned expanse of the Hoe
is the iconic Smeaton's Towerlighthouse.
You'll see the glorious TinsideLido, open to the public for
bathing during the summer months.
It is here where Sir FrancisDrake, intrepid explorer and
local hero, is immortalised in astatue situated just a few
metres from the green where hefinished his game of bowls
(08:47):
before heading out to defeatSpanish Armada in 1588.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
It's more famous down here, I suppose, but the
typical red and white stripedlighthouse.
Oh yes, Paul and bill style yeah, so, it was yeah so, and uh, we
stayed there because my, uh, mydad was hosting a conference.
Um, for all the, all the gooddeeds and charity work um that
(09:14):
he does.
Uh, logan logan raised over 200pounds for his, uh, his secret
marathon amazing.
Um, so, yeah, raise attentionfor the afghan sports trust.
So, um, yes, the the hoe area.
Um, I had a first look at thehome amazing, and how was it?
(09:35):
uh, and it's a nice part, a nicepart of plymouth, um, and we
also went and had a first lookat the national aquarium, uh,
which is the largest aquarium inbritain oh, that was good and
it was really really good.
And uh, logan's, he's um, he'sreally into like tiddler, but
I've said before, um, he's intohis fish and you know, on his
(09:59):
birthday he went to a gardencenter so he could look at the
fish tanks in the aquariumsection.
Um, he just goes, he waves andgoes hiya, hiya, hiya, whereas
you know the aquarium, I think,um, I think it was a bit sort of
over.
He was knackered afterwards.
I think, um, it's just like,just so much for a little, you
know, a little two-year-oldbrain yeah it's a lot, but, um,
(10:21):
yeah, all sorts of weird lookingfish and sharks and, you know,
turtles and and all that sort ofstuff, that's class.
Um, yeah, really, yeah, reallygood, really good, recommend it
he takes the biggest one in theuk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a massive, yeah, massive tank, um, huge.
Um, my niece actually is going.
(10:42):
I went there to sleep thesharks.
They would all sleep the sharksa bit.
So you can sort of this is likea curved section of the tank
and you just all the kids gettheir sleeping bags and just sit
there and look into the tankWow, sharks swimming around and
stuff.
Yeah, very good, that's class.
And there's the lower end of thetank.
So you're talking a massive,you you know that cinema screen
(11:07):
type thing with obviously allyour different types of fish
swimming around.
But then on the left there's acomputer screen with a and some
pads, um, so you can design yourown fish or turtle or whatever.
Um, and logan loved that so youcan basically color in, you can
color in the different fish andthen you, um, uh, you can name
it and then it basicallyreleases it into the digital
(11:30):
tank, okay, and then you can seethe whatever you created
swimming around in this digitaltank, which was quite cool, um.
But it's just funny how he wasreally excited about that and
loved watching the digital thing, whereas you just turn your
head just the right and you'vegot this massive real life
cinema screen, uh, aquarium, butuh yeah, really good, um yeah,
(11:54):
and well worth the well worth it.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I'm very jealous, williams, that's like.
That does sound like a lot offun there's a nice.
There's a guy I work with.
I work for an American company.
There's this guy.
He's our lead developer.
One day a week he works in abig aquarium in Philadelphia.
What he has to do, he has toget in the tank and they do a
(12:17):
show.
They do two shows a day.
There's a camera inside thehelmet that is obviously
submerged under the water.
He talks and talks around thefish and feeds the fish and it's
a bit like a sea life center.
So everyone sits outside of thetank.
He gets into the tank, um, anddoes the kind of talk on the
fish and stuff like whilst doingit.
(12:39):
I'm like, so four days a weekyou help us with coding and then
one day a week you go andpresent a sea life show.
It's so odd, but he said like Iwas talking to him.
He said like if you ever comeover to philadelphia, they have
access like above the tank.
There's like it's a bit like astage.
They've got rafters above thetank, so you can actually go
(13:01):
above it and see in down.
He said that's where you get thebest views and stuff.
Um, and we've just we justbought.
So for brain's birthday lastseptember he wanted a fish tank
so we got him.
He wanted we took him verysimilar to logan love his idea.
So we took him to the um, thegarden center, took at the fish
and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, and he wanted a fish tankfor his birthday so we got him
(13:23):
all set up.
But he wanted we said like,should we just get goldfish,
cold water fish?
And he's like, of course, no,that's far too plain and simple.
He wanted a warm tank like aheated tank gosh, yeah, he
wanted some tetras and an angelfish and all this.
So we got him this tank, got itall set up, but it took such a
long time for it to becomeestablished.
So again, it was all kind offoreign to me really.
(13:44):
You have to get the water setup, then you have to, kind of,
you have to get the filter setup ph levels and get the
biological.
We had a biological bloom, soI'll tell you about this.
It went.
It went really like it feltlike a cloudy water.
We put the water in october andwe only got the first fish about
seven weeks ago.
Now I'm loving life.
We've got the first fish aboutseven weeks ago.
(14:04):
Now I love in life.
We've got the test, you knowevery Saturday morning for brain
to earn his pocket money.
One of his first chore out ofhis threes, he has to test the
water and the fish tank fish.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah, he has to get.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
He has to do the drops and all that kind of stuff
and shake the bowls to makesure the levels are right.
And we do a.
We do a First look, Mr Archie.
Well, I mean, this is going tosurprise you, Williams.
(14:34):
I'm rock and roll through andthrough.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
You are.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I bleed hardcore sex, drugs rock and roll.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
You talk AC, DC, DC, everything I know.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Pretty much.
Yeah.
If there was ever anybody whosaid who lives that rock and
roll lifestyle, people wouldprobably point to me and say
first one in the club, last oneout of the club Dripping with
just women around drinking theCristal.
So I mean, when I talk about myfirst look today, it won't be
(15:08):
any surprise to you really,williams.
It's a very cool subject, butwe've just entered spring, the
spring out.
Who else?
we have and you know, you knowabout me well, you know the
things I like to do.
You know the life I lead therock and roll so, um, it
(15:28):
thrilled me that just two weeksago to this very night, a new
series of Gardener's World wasback on TV.
Monty Dunn, monty's back.
Guess who's back?
Monty's back.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Guess who's back.
Guess who's back.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
I do jest, I do jest, but Gardener's World, come on.
So we are keen gardeners inthis house.
We had an allotment and we nolonger have the allotment
because of proximity to our home.
But we have recently moved homeand we now have a much larger
plot of our own of which we arestarting to grow.
(16:06):
So, gardener's World, it's thestarting pistol for you.
Better make sure you're gettingon with it.
Um, so this this week is kindof the first look at.
I've talked about gardeningbefore.
I've talked about growingthings before, but for the first
time baby onions.
Last episode baby onions lastepisode, yes, and now we've been
.
We've been sowing the kale andthe sprouts and we'll get into
(16:29):
this later.
While I'm, we'll get into somemore of this.
See, kale from the shop.
It's just, it can't compare tolike your own grown cow.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, williams, I'm getting ahead of
myself, because we may talkabout that later.
However, I wanted to talk aboutbecause I don't want to just
continue going about the samethings and garden.
But this year we have startedfor the first time to actually
(16:54):
design a garden of a superiorstandard, should we say a
superior standard yeah so likewe've designed we've designed
gardens in the past and we'vebuilt gardens, now being small,
but now we have a our garden.
We're very lucky in our newplace.
It's a south facing garden andit's a sloped garden and I've
(17:16):
got a.
I'm fascinated with japanesegardens, um, because I love asa.
So I've been growing asa forthe last six years because
they're very expensive to buybig, so I brought a couple of
small ones that have been grownthem and I just love the style
of japanese gardens.
And when we were looking atthis house in the garden I I
said to my wife I said we needto buy this house because that's
going to make the best Japanesegarden.
(17:37):
And so we've started toactually design it, because we
want to start building it.
So we're designing a Japanesegreenhouse that we want to make.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And we've got quite a few Japanese listeners.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
We do now as well.
Yeah, so it ties in nicely andbecause of, obviously, the
natural incline, it runs down ahill.
We want to build a stream likea babbling brook and a koi and
obviously we're talking aboutfish we want to get a koi carp,
we want to get some koi carp andbuild a big pond.
So we started to design thisthing because we're like, right,
I reckon this is going to takeus three to five years just to
(18:11):
landscape and build, and thenobviously, the length of time it
takes to mature.
But our ambitions, I mean, godwilling again, if I'm not in
church, I'm in the garden.
God willing, we'll be, you know, here for a long time and
enjoying this garden.
So we might as well make thestart now, because it's going to
take such a long time.
(18:32):
As I say, these aces that'vebeen growing, they grow so
slowly, they are really slowgrowing trees, um.
But we've also been growing alot of rhododendrons, um, and
aces and stuff which are, um,very japanese in their style and
their shape.
So we have a lot of plants nowready to be planted out from
(18:53):
their big like 30 inch pots, 14inch pots, and we just want to
get started.
So we've been mounted on waswas kind of it was always great
because I love gardeners world.
But it was also kind of goodthis year because, like right,
we're taking on, we're going,we're leveling up our gardening
game volumes.
We're going from allotmentpeople to right, we're actually
(19:14):
designing a garden and it's alot of rock and roll rock and
there are a lot of rocks andthere is a potential that they
will roll down the hill if wedon't do it properly and dig
proper fountains, use the rightmaterials.
But yeah, it's um, it's goingto be exciting.
I mean, goodness knows we'reall finished.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Do you know the best garden tool for your aces?
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Protect them from the wind.
Best garden tool Very sharpSecateurs, spades, spades.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Aces and spades, aces spades, aces spades.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
It was I thinking you were being serious there,
giving me a really good tip fordad.
No, you were actually doing avery, very, very amusing um dad
joke.
But no, the first look atdesigning a garden, a garden as
well, being back on is great.
Uh, I know most people haveprobably skipped forward at this
point, but if you, if you'reinto, if you, if you know, you
(20:15):
know walliams, if you're intoyour gardens, then you know.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
But that was, that was my we've got, we got, we got
, we got an aces tree two yearsago um and they said on it uh,
keep it um in a sheltered,sheltered spot they don't like
the wind, walliams, they don'tlike the wind they don't like
the wind.
We live in the windiest gardenever.
So it's not really it's notreally done anything yet, but uh
(20:41):
, the last couple weeks it'sit's still showing a bit.
It's like I'm still alive andit's it's doing something.
So we'll, uh, we'll see.
Have you settled itself?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
have you got any dead wood on it?
Because you have to, you haveto remove any dead wood no so
you'll see with like an acertree if it has oh, on the tree,
it's on the tree itself, on thebranches, yeah, yeah so you see,
if it's like a re oh my god, Icould geek out williams we
should talk about this offline,really not when we're recording
a podcast welcome to anothergarden episode, although, to be
(21:10):
fair to be fair to be fair ofour audience apart from it seems
we're not mums.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I imagine people searching gnomes are probably
gardeners.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Probably, probably.
I mean it's a mix, some of ourcontent's a mixed bag, because
we talk about.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
It is a mixed bag.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
We talk about a lot of geek stuff and like look here
, like some of the first lookswe've done include star trek and
got.
This can't be the first timeI've talked about garden.
You just reminded me that wetalked about the bloody mini
onion sets last week and Iforgot about that.
So I must have, I must havementioned the allotment and
garden in the past.
Yeah, it's very niche.
(21:52):
Niche, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
it's very niche very niche, very niche did you know
americans?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
they say niche.
I think I might have mentionedthis before as well.
Like I keep working with theseamericans, we keep talking about
audiences and they keep talkingabout niche audiences.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I'm like niche and then I mean niche and our mums
that like listening to nonsense.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
That's our audience there's a lot of moms out there
who were just looking for a bitof insight into the male psyche.
Every week and we give them a.
You know the amount of thebreadth of randomness that we
talk about and I don't thinkthey're surprised either
probably not I think it justconfirms what they already know
men are stupid, throw rocks atthem, but yeah, we love monty
(22:30):
don, I would I, if anybodyhasn't heard he talks about
mounted on audiobooks andslowing them down, so he sounds
drunk still one of my favoritethings to do, but uh, there's um
, so ahead of the, they're doingthe.
Obviously there's a chelseaflower show every year.
So another one of the things Ilike listening to the Joe Wiley
show on radio too.
(22:51):
For those who don't, she does ashow from seven to nine.
Um, and I never used to likeJoe Wiley on radio once.
She used to annoy me.
Now, on radio too, I reallylike her.
She's a keen gardener as well,so she's is.
Her and Monty Don are designinga dog garden this year, so it's
all to do with dogs, music,monty Don.
I'm like I'm all over that,absolutely.
(23:12):
I've hit middle age, williams,and I'm not ashamed of it.
We grow.
We grow our own potatoes.
What can I say?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
another, another, another keen gardener, kelly
Brook, she, she does love a bitof gardening yeah, it's true,
yeah there you go.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
I forgot about that yeah trust you to remember.
Tips for dads.
Tips for dads.
Tips for dads tips for dadsright then.
So as I've been talking aboutgardening, my tips today are
about gardening, so I have threetips.
(23:48):
Tip number one that's a lucky.
It's a lucky segue it is a luckysegue.
It's almost like it was plannedagain to give you, the audience
, a peek behind the curtain.
Walliams texted me at half pastseven tonight and said it was
still on.
I said I haven't done my prepyet, should be done in half an
hour.
So I mean the prep.
We spoke a good 30 minutesworth of prep into, which is
(24:10):
more than we do most weeks.
I'd say, williams, how longdoes it take you to come up with
your song ideas?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
My song ideas, Surprisingly not that long.
Surprisingly, it tends to be aquick I don't know.
I kind of think of a word thatrhymes with a number, and then I
Google it put the word song andsee what comes up.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Well, it works, very well.
It's it's simple but effective.
Um, so garden, yeah, gardentips.
So tip number one it's for dadswho don't garden and I want to
encourage you to start gardening.
So I and I'll tell you for awhile.
You might be like garden, likewhy would I grow vegetables?
It's cheaper, just to buy them.
True, but here's the rub Ifound, and you may be the same
(25:01):
here, walliams if I'm outside,the wife and the child they
won't really venture out to comeand ask me to do things.
If I'm in the house doingsomething, I will be interrupted
to be asked to do other things,not when I'm outside gardening.
They never bother to comeoutside.
So if I'm gardening, I can getlike three, four hours in
without seeing either any, anyof them, and sometimes you just
(25:25):
need that.
If I try and do somethinginside for three, four hours, I
will get disturbed every half anhour.
Dad, can you help me do this?
Craig, can you help me do this?
Craig, can you help me do this?
Dad, can you help me do this?
Craig, did you do that?
Why haven't you done it yet?
Can you do it now?
I need your help All the time.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Does your wife not call you, mr Hodgkiss?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
She calls me many things, but she doesn't actually
call me Mr Hodgkiss.
She calls me by my actual name,but if I'm outside she doesn't
call me at all, because it'soutside and she can't be
bothered to put her shoes on tocome outside and see me.
She's not going to shout outthe window, so I'm free.
So, dads, get outside, get yourcoat on, potter around, hide in
(26:07):
the corner.
Whatever you want to do, do it.
Do it outside, you won't bedisturbed.
So I'm saying like genuinepeace and quiet comes from
gardening.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And the sun's coming out and Scooby will have to get
a bit of vitamin.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
D it is, it is.
So that was my next tip.
Well, it was tip number two Getoutside, get some vitamin D and
grow some vegetables.
Some vitamin T.
Some vitamin T Kaplunk vitaminT, so we get some vitamin D.
(26:40):
I beg your pardon and startgrowing some vegetables.
We've been doing it for manyyears now and it's one of it's a
weird thing, but it's a strangesatisfaction growing vegetables
.
So like we talked about kaleearlier and onions a bit of
curly.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I remember once, like a couple of years ago, talked
about kale earlier and onions Abit of curly curly.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
I remember once, like a couple of years ago, we tried
to grow cucumbers for the firsttime and it's a weird like I
can't even explain the sensationwhen you see a cucumber
starting to grow.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
We've lost him, people, we've lost him.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
It was like a genuine , like sense of wonder.
So, like we saw, we were likegrowing this plant.
We're like, oh, it's not gonna,it's not gonna get any fruit.
And then all of a sudden, oneday, brain comes going dad, dad,
what is it, son, I think, acucumber starting to come and
it's like okay, and you go andlook at it and you're like it is
yeah, it actually is yeah.
And then like we sat and wewatched that cucumber grow for
(27:36):
the next few weeks and it was,it was a weird.
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (27:38):
you just sat there you got out of your little, your
little fold up chair just satthere watching it you check up
on it every day.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
How fast do they grow a cucumber?
So you go from like a tinylittle snub to a proper cucumber
.
Um, it may have been longerthan that, but, like, because it
depends when you pick it aswell, you can probably pick it
earlier than you should, butwatching it grow on on the
(28:06):
windowsill was so weird andstrange, but really quite
satisfying.
Um, so, and the kids love it.
So, like, yeah, if you don'tgarden start, if you don't know
where to start start with plants.
And then thirdly, if you like,oh, go on.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Sorry, I beg your pardon have you yet entered into
one of those village fates ofyou know biggest cucumber?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
no, we're not.
One day, maybe once we've gotthe Japanese garden sorted, we
can try and grow some largemarrows, shall we say
Award-winning, award-winning,large cucumbers.
So yeah, get outside and gardenIf you don't know where to
start start growing.
If you just think that soundstoo poncy, then get a power
(28:51):
washer.
That's my third tip.
Get a a power washer.
That's my third tip.
Get a massive power washer,because I didn't realize how
good these things were to useand how much fun they were until
I yeah until I told, tell thelisteners um a video that you
sent massage kiss well, I'll getto that one as I get to that.
So we again, we moved into thisold house.
We've got this big old gardenwhich hasn't been had much
(29:14):
attention, so I borrowed a powerwasher and I spent nearly seven
hours power washing and it wasone of the most satisfying seven
hours ever.
Again, no one came outside tobook me, and the satisfaction of
getting all the crap and themoss off of old stone and seeing
the color of it underneath wasjust brilliant.
(29:34):
And also, you can, when it'sthat old and manky, you can.
You can draw things in the mock, draw pictures.
You can draw pictures in themock.
So, um, yes, ladies andgentlemen, I did.
I did draw something in themock and filmed it and sent it
to the lads group and, uh, Idon't think you need to tell us
what it is.
I think people, I think thelisteners can guess I got a
(29:56):
response from a friend saying Idid that recently I wrote my
kids names and I was like, yeah,I could have written, I could
have written my kids names.
But you know, it's much morefunny to draw cucumbers and
tomatoes.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
And tomatoes, yeah, cucumber tomatoes.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
And yeah as middle-aged as.
I am talking about this.
I'm still a child, so yeah,that was my first little culture
.
Tips for dads Get outside andgarden.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Talking to children, I had just a mini tips for dads.
Basically, don't stress withkids and their toys.
With Logan, he'll play withkids and their toys.
With Logan, I've seen he'llplay with anything Like little
bits of sausage, little bits ofsausage with dinner.
Suddenly they're cars.
They're racing cars, or planesor helicopters, or pebbles.
They're not pebbles, Again,they're racing cars or whatever.
(30:52):
Don't worry, if you can't getyour kid a toy, give them some
pebbles or get them to play thefood, it's all good.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
It's all good.
They don't need fancy expensivestuff, do they?
They've got imagination, Everysingle thing they touch is a
wonder.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
His imagination at the moment is just on fire.
It's quite it's fun to watch Atdinner time at the moment.
We finish before him, but wesit with him because we know he
will finish the food and he'sthere and you'll have a little
break and then you'll, you know,play whatever and then you'll
(31:23):
kind of like torture the food.
But in his own little way itlooks like I'm going to eat you
up.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
He's presenting to life.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
He doesn't say that.
But yeah, don't stress, kidswill play with anything.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Of course they will.
Of course they will.
That's what they always say.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Don't they.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
You know Carpet boxes , the thing the kids Want the
most.
It's very true.
Let a kid go wild With hisimagination.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Good tips, mr Autocast.
Good tips.
I couldn't get away with notdoing a an additional,
additional little first looklet's have it for the first I've
had a first look I've had, soit's been, it's uh, it's been in
my mind for about almost 30years.
(32:12):
Wow, almost 30 years this hasbeen in my mind are we talking
about Kelly Brook again?
Building up 70 years.
It's been 70 years, mrHodgeskiss.
I had a first look at NewcastleUnited winning a trophy away
the lads, away the lads away thelads?
(32:34):
yes, I've ever since I was a kid, just before Euro 96.
I didn't really get intofootball until fairly late, but
Euro 96 was my tournament andthat converted me into football
and I was like, oh, who are myfavourite players?
There's quite a few on thatteam.
(32:55):
There's quite a few on thatteam.
Oh, should I support Arsenal?
Should I support Newcastle?
Oh, should I support man United?
I'll support Newcastle.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Because they were good at the time.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Arsenal go on to being the invincibles.
Man United win every trophyunder the sun, newcastle nothing
the finish second some goodseconds, some good seconds.
We came um.
It came second in the premierleague and we came runners up
many of time in the fa cup,charity shields league cup.
(33:29):
And then we had a huge, justnothing.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
You had Mike Ashley for a while.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
We had yes, yes and then yes this year.
Since I was a kid, I don't knowI always imagine myself at
Wembley with my Newcastle gear,stripping off, waving my shirt
around, getting my bellytattooed with NUFC on it,
(34:00):
getting my belly tattooed withnufc on it, um and uh, going
crazy with the, the victory ofnewcastle united finally winning
a cup.
But, um, no, I was at home.
They won.
Uh, I was about to celebrateand then logan ran into the
corner of the table.
Oh no, oh dear.
So yeah, he was my firstconcern.
(34:22):
It kind of took a bit of theedge off it.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
It was all right, no pun intended.
It took the edge off.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
He was.
Yeah, yes, he took the edge offthe table, but yeah, it was one
of those things where you knowall your life.
You're like Newcastle winningthe trophy is a major thing, but
actually the health of yourtwo-year-old son is actually
more important.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
You're far too nice.
I'm just thinking Logan, youselfish little boy you did that
on purpose.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
You took your dad's moment.
Oh, that's alright, I'm justwaiting another 70 years.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
That's all there is.
I've got a little secret, firstone, but I think I'll keep that
for the next one.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I'll tease people, so we'll finish with a dad joke.
I think I've done one already,but we'll do a dad joke.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
There's always room for more.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I don't know why some people hate lazy people.
I mean, they didn't do anythingvery good anyways, people see
you in a couple weeks forepisode 10.
We'll see you in a couple ofweeks.
We embarrass ourselves again.
Well, just in case, just foryou know, see you in a couple of
weeks.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
We embarrass ourselves again.
Well, just in case, just foryou know, back up, bring a can
opener, in case you can't getinto your, your beer again.
Alright, make sure you stock up, pull up volumes, pull up see
you then.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
I mean, who?
Who doesn't want to listen tothis?
I mean, if people Google,that's how people are finding us
.
In Japan, they're searching forCool Brits, cool Britannia, you
know.
Spirit of 96.
Gnomes.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I don't know what gnomes means in Japan.
Welcome to First Look Gnomes your go-to podcast for
dads doing silly things.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
Join us as we dive into the whimsical world of the
know-it-all gnome share tips fordads explore thirsty firsts and
of course, the dad jokes andthe bad jokes, but, most
importantly, we're here to shareour first looks.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Don't forget to send in your feedback to our fish
bond of feedback share our firstlooks.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Don't forget to send in your feedback to our fish
bond of feedback and share yourthoughts, questions and own
first looks with us.
Speaker 2 (00:29):
At first look gnomes at outlookcom five, four, three
two episode nine love balloons,Episode 9 Love Balloons Episode
(01:00):
9 Love Balloons Go by.
Episode 9.
Episode nine love balloons goby.
Episode nine.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
Why did you emphasize the word?
Speaker 3 (01:11):
dick so much.
Speaker 1 (01:14):
It just sounded like you said a lot of.
There was an awful lot of dickin that one, william, like a fur
dick.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
Lied for dick.
Speaker 1 (01:24):
Lied for dick.
What's that that mean?
Speaker 2 (01:26):
I don't know in english what's the translation
super so fluent I don't knowwhat it means like lied for dick
not lied for dick.
Are you sure it wasn't lied fordick?
Speaker 1 (01:38):
it means I'll write a song for you.
Are you sure it wasn't lied for, Dick?
It means I'll write a song foryou.
I think Ah, beautiful.
Have you ever seen that videoof the different languages of
Europe?
And they're basically takingthe mickey out of Germany, so
(02:03):
they say certain words and yousay them in English and French
and Italian and then they saythem in German.
So it's like it's a.
It's a very funny video.
I would recommend anybodygoogles or goes on youtube to
find the languages of you, ofeurope butterfly video.
It's very funny.
It's that time he's beenwaiting for this.
(02:26):
Ladies and gentlemen, we'vebeen talking for.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
It's the Thursday first.
Speaker 1 (02:29):
It's the Thursday first, we, we.
We spend a little bit of timebefore the podcast talking, and
all Walliams wanted to do wasstart recording, so he had an
excuse to open a beer.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Here we go do was start recording, so we had an
excuse to open a beer.
Here we go.
I don't think um, I don't thinkfans actually like this segment
, but it's for you.
Speaker 1 (02:51):
Let's be honest.
Speaker 2 (02:52):
It's because you just and just a reminder that this,
the these were bought um by mywife, so throw her under the bus
.
Speaker 1 (02:58):
She is to blame.
Throw her under the bus early4.5 percent sensible sensible
okay the hot.
It's a lovely looking can thehot, the hot foundry.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
It's a nice black can with some marshmallow number
sevens um and it's a stoutbrewed in partnership with seven
brothers, so that's why it'sgot some Marshmallow no 7s on
the front and it's MarshmallowFlavor.
(03:31):
That's 4.5%.
Speaker 1 (03:35):
You know my feelings on these kind of hybrid beers
where they try and putmarshmallows and fruit into it.
I'm interested to see what it'slike.
Speaker 2 (03:43):
This isn't fruit, though, is it?
This isn't fruit, this ismarshmallows.
This beer will have you sayinggive me a s'more, A smooth
mellow stout infused inmagnificent marshmallow flavour.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
So marshmallows.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
The perfect companion for when the nights are drawing
in.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
So aren't marshmallows just?
Basically like sugar.
It's like sugar and beer.
I mean, I know you need sugarto activate the yeast, but you
don't want a sweet beer?
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Oh no.
Speaker 1 (04:11):
Oh no, ladies and gentlemen, we've got a
malfunction.
What's happened?
Speaker 2 (04:14):
Oh no, I think I've broken it, the ring pull's, come
off.
But we're opening the can.
Oh no, absolute disaster.
Speaker 1 (04:22):
Absolute disaster, ladies and gentlemen, are you
going to be able to?
Oh, he's managed to push itthrough.
Nope, he hasn't.
I'll tell a lie.
Oh, no, Now think about thisWiles Physics in action right.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
Oh no, have you got a little?
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Have you got a little ?
I haven't got anything.
Have you got a pen, even?
Speaker 2 (04:40):
This is absolute desire, dear.
Should I just stab it with apen?
Speaker 1 (04:44):
Well, no, no, turn it round to the round end.
So don't do it with a pointyend.
Turn it round to the other end,right, and just gently push,
gently push and work your wayaround the edge of it.
You just need to get the littleseal.
Hee-hee, nope, he's juststabbing it.
(05:09):
I've never seen him look sodistraught.
Ladies and gentlemen, no, doyou have another can in the
fridge.
Speaker 2 (05:19):
Oh, we have a breakthrough oh, absolute
disaster, and then oh no.
Speaker 1 (05:27):
I tell you what you see blood spurting everywhere.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
We have a breakthrough, oh, absolute
disaster, and then, oh no, Itell you what you see blood
spurting everywhere, those sevenbrothers are not going to get a
good review here.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
They haven't even built a robust hand-pulling
system.
Speaker 2 (05:37):
You've got my wife's number, haven't you, in case?
Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (05:41):
Don't hurt yourself, Wiles.
Speaker 2 (05:43):
Well, no, now I'm putting the sharp thing into the
drink.
That should do it, as long asthat doesn't fall into my pint
glass, oh my goodness.
Speaker 1 (05:52):
There is a hole, ladies and gentlemen.
He has a hole.
Speaker 2 (05:56):
We're in, we're in.
It's a stout, so it obviouslywasn't fizzy.
Speaker 1 (06:04):
He likes his sound effects Cheers, cheers, sound
effects Cheers.
Cheers Wals, lovely, lovely.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Lovely.
A nice drop that Worth theeffort.
A nice drop, it's, yeah lovely.
I'm glad everyone waited forthat.
I like that.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
That's nice.
It's got to be more than a sixor a seven then.
Speaker 2 (06:27):
I would say 8.7.
Speaker 1 (06:29):
Can you actually taste the marshmallow?
No, no, so it's just.
Speaker 2 (06:34):
It's just a stout really no, I mean, I would say a
hint, a very hint are yougetting?
Speaker 1 (06:42):
are you getting hints of cinema and fairgrounds?
Speaker 2 (06:46):
a hint of.
Imagine eating a load of marsh,eating a load of marshmallow,
all right, washing it down witha coke, yeah.
An hour later, that taste youstill got your mouth okay,
that's.
Speaker 1 (07:02):
You sold it to me.
That's the marketing languageright there, if you want that
feeling in your mouth ofmarshmallows and coke.
So you just want your teeth tofeel a bit furry drink that an
hour later but if you havemarshmallows and coke, your
teeth are going to feel furry,there's no doubt even an hour
(07:23):
later.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Yeah, okay, two hours , like two hours later, and
there we go.
That's another exciting segmentof thirsty.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
First, it went very smooth.
Speaker 2 (07:33):
That's what I that's what I write in.
Please write in to first.
Uh sorry, first look firstnames outlookcom.
Um, if you wish to hear morethirsty firsts, outlookcom.
If you wish to hear moreThirsty Firsts.
If you don't write it, wepresume you do First look Should
.
Speaker 1 (07:53):
I go first.
You go first, wally, you gofirst.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
So not quite technically, a first Part of it
is a first look.
The other part of it is it'sbeen a while, but a first look
as an adult.
So the other weekend I had afirst look at the hoe.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
At the hoe.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
At the hoe.
Speaker 1 (08:16):
I'm assuming this is the garden tall, or it's a pub.
Speaker 3 (08:27):
No, it's the Hoe in Plymouth.
Standing on the lusciousgreen-lawned expanse of the Hoe
is the iconic Smeaton's Towerlighthouse.
You'll see the glorious TinsideLido, open to the public for
bathing during the summer months.
It is here where Sir FrancisDrake, intrepid explorer and
local hero, is immortalised in astatue situated just a few
metres from the green where hefinished his game of bowls
(08:47):
before heading out to defeatSpanish Armada in 1588.
Speaker 2 (08:54):
It's more famous down here, I suppose, but the
typical red and white stripedlighthouse.
Oh yes, Paul and bill style yeah, so, it was yeah so, and uh, we
stayed there because my, uh, mydad was hosting a conference.
Um, for all the, all the gooddeeds and charity work um that
(09:14):
he does.
Uh, logan logan raised over 200pounds for his, uh, his secret
marathon amazing.
Um, so, yeah, raise attentionfor the afghan sports trust.
So, um, yes, the the hoe area.
Um, I had a first look at thehome amazing, and how was it?
(09:35):
uh, and it's a nice part, a nicepart of plymouth, um, and we
also went and had a first lookat the national aquarium, uh,
which is the largest aquarium inbritain oh, that was good and
it was really really good.
And uh, logan's, he's um, he'sreally into like tiddler, but
I've said before, um, he's intohis fish and you know, on his
(09:59):
birthday he went to a gardencenter so he could look at the
fish tanks in the aquariumsection.
Um, he just goes, he waves andgoes hiya, hiya, hiya, whereas
you know the aquarium, I think,um, I think it was a bit sort of
over.
He was knackered afterwards.
I think, um, it's just like,just so much for a little, you
know, a little two-year-oldbrain yeah it's a lot, but, um,
(10:21):
yeah, all sorts of weird lookingfish and sharks and, you know,
turtles and and all that sort ofstuff, that's class.
Um, yeah, really, yeah, reallygood, really good, recommend it
he takes the biggest one in theuk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a massive, yeah, massive tank, um, huge.
Um, my niece actually is going.
(10:42):
I went there to sleep thesharks.
They would all sleep the sharksa bit.
So you can sort of this is likea curved section of the tank
and you just all the kids gettheir sleeping bags and just sit
there and look into the tankWow, sharks swimming around and
stuff.
Yeah, very good, that's class.
And there's the lower end of thetank.
So you're talking a massive,you you know that cinema screen
(11:07):
type thing with obviously allyour different types of fish
swimming around.
But then on the left there's acomputer screen with a and some
pads, um, so you can design yourown fish or turtle or whatever.
Um, and logan loved that so youcan basically color in, you can
color in the different fish andthen you, um, uh, you can name
it and then it basicallyreleases it into the digital
(11:30):
tank, okay, and then you can seethe whatever you created
swimming around in this digitaltank, which was quite cool, um.
But it's just funny how he wasreally excited about that and
loved watching the digital thing, whereas you just turn your
head just the right and you'vegot this massive real life
cinema screen, uh, aquarium, butuh yeah, really good, um yeah,
(11:54):
and well worth the well worth it.
Speaker 1 (11:56):
I'm very jealous, williams, that's like.
That does sound like a lot offun there's a nice.
There's a guy I work with.
I work for an American company.
There's this guy.
He's our lead developer.
One day a week he works in abig aquarium in Philadelphia.
What he has to do, he has toget in the tank and they do a
(12:17):
show.
They do two shows a day.
There's a camera inside thehelmet that is obviously
submerged under the water.
He talks and talks around thefish and feeds the fish and it's
a bit like a sea life center.
So everyone sits outside of thetank.
He gets into the tank, um, anddoes the kind of talk on the
fish and stuff like whilst doingit.
(12:39):
I'm like, so four days a weekyou help us with coding and then
one day a week you go andpresent a sea life show.
It's so odd, but he said like Iwas talking to him.
He said like if you ever comeover to philadelphia, they have
access like above the tank.
There's like it's a bit like astage.
They've got rafters above thetank, so you can actually go
(13:01):
above it and see in down.
He said that's where you get thebest views and stuff.
Um, and we've just we justbought.
So for brain's birthday lastseptember he wanted a fish tank
so we got him.
He wanted we took him verysimilar to logan love his idea.
So we took him to the um, thegarden center, took at the fish
and all that kind of stuff.
Yeah, and he wanted a fish tankfor his birthday so we got him
(13:23):
all set up.
But he wanted we said like,should we just get goldfish,
cold water fish?
And he's like, of course, no,that's far too plain and simple.
He wanted a warm tank like aheated tank gosh, yeah, he
wanted some tetras and an angelfish and all this.
So we got him this tank, got itall set up, but it took such a
long time for it to becomeestablished.
So again, it was all kind offoreign to me really.
(13:44):
You have to get the water setup, then you have to, kind of,
you have to get the filter setup ph levels and get the
biological.
We had a biological bloom, soI'll tell you about this.
It went.
It went really like it feltlike a cloudy water.
We put the water in october andwe only got the first fish about
seven weeks ago.
Now I'm loving life.
We've got the first fish aboutseven weeks ago.
(14:04):
Now I love in life.
We've got the test, you knowevery Saturday morning for brain
to earn his pocket money.
One of his first chore out ofhis threes, he has to test the
water and the fish tank fish.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
Yeah, he has to get.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
He has to do the drops and all that kind of stuff
and shake the bowls to makesure the levels are right.
And we do a.
We do a First look, Mr Archie.
Well, I mean, this is going tosurprise you, Williams.
(14:34):
I'm rock and roll through andthrough.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
You are.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I bleed hardcore sex, drugs rock and roll.
Speaker 2 (14:43):
You talk AC, DC, DC, everything I know.
Speaker 1 (14:46):
Pretty much.
Yeah.
If there was ever anybody whosaid who lives that rock and
roll lifestyle, people wouldprobably point to me and say
first one in the club, last oneout of the club Dripping with
just women around drinking theCristal.
So I mean, when I talk about myfirst look today, it won't be
(15:08):
any surprise to you really,williams.
It's a very cool subject, butwe've just entered spring, the
spring out.
Who else?
we have and you know, you knowabout me well, you know the
things I like to do.
You know the life I lead therock and roll so, um, it
(15:28):
thrilled me that just two weeksago to this very night, a new
series of Gardener's World wasback on TV.
Monty Dunn, monty's back.
Guess who's back?
Monty's back.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Guess who's back.
Guess who's back.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
I do jest, I do jest, but Gardener's World, come on.
So we are keen gardeners inthis house.
We had an allotment and we nolonger have the allotment
because of proximity to our home.
But we have recently moved homeand we now have a much larger
plot of our own of which we arestarting to grow.
(16:06):
So, gardener's World, it's thestarting pistol for you.
Better make sure you're gettingon with it.
Um, so this this week is kindof the first look at.
I've talked about gardeningbefore.
I've talked about growingthings before, but for the first
time baby onions.
Last episode baby onions lastepisode, yes, and now we've been
.
We've been sowing the kale andthe sprouts and we'll get into
(16:29):
this later.
While I'm, we'll get into somemore of this.
See, kale from the shop.
It's just, it can't compare tolike your own grown cow.
But I'm getting ahead of myself, williams, I'm getting ahead of
myself, because we may talkabout that later.
However, I wanted to talk aboutbecause I don't want to just
continue going about the samethings and garden.
But this year we have startedfor the first time to actually
(16:54):
design a garden of a superiorstandard, should we say a
superior standard yeah so likewe've designed we've designed
gardens in the past and we'vebuilt gardens, now being small,
but now we have a our garden.
We're very lucky in our newplace.
It's a south facing garden andit's a sloped garden and I've
(17:16):
got a.
I'm fascinated with japanesegardens, um, because I love asa.
So I've been growing asa forthe last six years because
they're very expensive to buybig, so I brought a couple of
small ones that have been grownthem and I just love the style
of japanese gardens.
And when we were looking atthis house in the garden I I
said to my wife I said we needto buy this house because that's
going to make the best Japanesegarden.
(17:37):
And so we've started toactually design it, because we
want to start building it.
So we're designing a Japanesegreenhouse that we want to make.
Speaker 2 (17:47):
And we've got quite a few Japanese listeners.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
We do now as well.
Yeah, so it ties in nicely andbecause of, obviously, the
natural incline, it runs down ahill.
We want to build a stream likea babbling brook and a koi and
obviously we're talking aboutfish we want to get a koi carp,
we want to get some koi carp andbuild a big pond.
So we started to design thisthing because we're like, right,
I reckon this is going to takeus three to five years just to
(18:11):
landscape and build, and thenobviously, the length of time it
takes to mature.
But our ambitions, I mean, godwilling again, if I'm not in
church, I'm in the garden.
God willing, we'll be, you know, here for a long time and
enjoying this garden.
So we might as well make thestart now, because it's going to
take such a long time.
(18:32):
As I say, these aces that'vebeen growing, they grow so
slowly, they are really slowgrowing trees, um.
But we've also been growing alot of rhododendrons, um, and
aces and stuff which are, um,very japanese in their style and
their shape.
So we have a lot of plants nowready to be planted out from
(18:53):
their big like 30 inch pots, 14inch pots, and we just want to
get started.
So we've been mounted on waswas kind of it was always great
because I love gardeners world.
But it was also kind of goodthis year because, like right,
we're taking on, we're going,we're leveling up our gardening
game volumes.
We're going from allotmentpeople to right, we're actually
(19:14):
designing a garden and it's alot of rock and roll rock and
there are a lot of rocks andthere is a potential that they
will roll down the hill if wedon't do it properly and dig
proper fountains, use the rightmaterials.
But yeah, it's um, it's goingto be exciting.
I mean, goodness knows we'reall finished.
Speaker 2 (19:35):
Do you know the best garden tool for your aces?
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Protect them from the wind.
Best garden tool Very sharpSecateurs, spades, spades.
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Aces and spades, aces spades, aces spades.
Speaker 1 (19:53):
It was I thinking you were being serious there,
giving me a really good tip fordad.
No, you were actually doing avery, very, very amusing um dad
joke.
But no, the first look atdesigning a garden, a garden as
well, being back on is great.
Uh, I know most people haveprobably skipped forward at this
point, but if you, if you'reinto, if you, if you know, you
(20:15):
know walliams, if you're intoyour gardens, then you know.
Speaker 2 (20:18):
But that was, that was my we've got, we got, we got
, we got an aces tree two yearsago um and they said on it uh,
keep it um in a sheltered,sheltered spot they don't like
the wind, walliams, they don'tlike the wind they don't like
the wind.
We live in the windiest gardenever.
So it's not really it's notreally done anything yet, but uh
(20:41):
, the last couple weeks it'sit's still showing a bit.
It's like I'm still alive andit's it's doing something.
So we'll, uh, we'll see.
Have you settled itself?
Speaker 1 (20:50):
have you got any dead wood on it?
Because you have to, you haveto remove any dead wood no so
you'll see with like an acertree if it has oh, on the tree,
it's on the tree itself, on thebranches, yeah, yeah so you see,
if it's like a re oh my god, Icould geek out williams we
should talk about this offline,really not when we're recording
a podcast welcome to anothergarden episode, although, to be
(21:10):
fair to be fair to be fair ofour audience apart from it seems
we're not mums.
Speaker 2 (21:19):
I imagine people searching gnomes are probably
gardeners.
Speaker 1 (21:24):
Probably, probably.
I mean it's a mix, some of ourcontent's a mixed bag, because
we talk about.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
It is a mixed bag.
Speaker 1 (21:31):
We talk about a lot of geek stuff and like look here
, like some of the first lookswe've done include star trek and
got.
This can't be the first timeI've talked about garden.
You just reminded me that wetalked about the bloody mini
onion sets last week and Iforgot about that.
So I must have, I must havementioned the allotment and
garden in the past.
Yeah, it's very niche.
(21:52):
Niche, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (21:53):
it's very niche very niche, very niche did you know
americans?
Speaker 1 (21:57):
they say niche.
I think I might have mentionedthis before as well.
Like I keep working with theseamericans, we keep talking about
audiences and they keep talkingabout niche audiences.
Speaker 2 (22:04):
I'm like niche and then I mean niche and our mums
that like listening to nonsense.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
That's our audience there's a lot of moms out there
who were just looking for a bitof insight into the male psyche.
Every week and we give them a.
You know the amount of thebreadth of randomness that we
talk about and I don't thinkthey're surprised either
probably not I think it justconfirms what they already know
men are stupid, throw rocks atthem, but yeah, we love monty
(22:30):
don, I would I, if anybodyhasn't heard he talks about
mounted on audiobooks andslowing them down, so he sounds
drunk still one of my favoritethings to do, but uh, there's um
, so ahead of the, they're doingthe.
Obviously there's a chelseaflower show every year.
So another one of the things Ilike listening to the Joe Wiley
show on radio too.
(22:51):
For those who don't, she does ashow from seven to nine.
Um, and I never used to likeJoe Wiley on radio once.
She used to annoy me.
Now, on radio too, I reallylike her.
She's a keen gardener as well,so she's is.
Her and Monty Don are designinga dog garden this year, so it's
all to do with dogs, music,monty Don.
I'm like I'm all over that,absolutely.
(23:12):
I've hit middle age, williams,and I'm not ashamed of it.
We grow.
We grow our own potatoes.
What can I say?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
another, another, another keen gardener, kelly
Brook, she, she does love a bitof gardening yeah, it's true,
yeah there you go.
Speaker 1 (23:28):
I forgot about that yeah trust you to remember.
Tips for dads.
Tips for dads.
Tips for dads tips for dadsright then.
So as I've been talking aboutgardening, my tips today are
about gardening, so I have threetips.
(23:48):
Tip number one that's a lucky.
It's a lucky segue it is a luckysegue.
It's almost like it was plannedagain to give you, the audience
, a peek behind the curtain.
Walliams texted me at half pastseven tonight and said it was
still on.
I said I haven't done my prepyet, should be done in half an
hour.
So I mean the prep.
We spoke a good 30 minutesworth of prep into, which is
(24:10):
more than we do most weeks.
I'd say, williams, how longdoes it take you to come up with
your song ideas?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
My song ideas, Surprisingly not that long.
Surprisingly, it tends to be aquick I don't know.
I kind of think of a word thatrhymes with a number, and then I
Google it put the word song andsee what comes up.
Speaker 1 (24:37):
Well, it works, very well.
It's it's simple but effective.
Um, so garden, yeah, gardentips.
So tip number one it's for dadswho don't garden and I want to
encourage you to start gardening.
So I and I'll tell you for awhile.
You might be like garden, likewhy would I grow vegetables?
It's cheaper, just to buy them.
True, but here's the rub Ifound, and you may be the same
(25:01):
here, walliams if I'm outside,the wife and the child they
won't really venture out to comeand ask me to do things.
If I'm in the house doingsomething, I will be interrupted
to be asked to do other things,not when I'm outside gardening.
They never bother to comeoutside.
So if I'm gardening, I can getlike three, four hours in
without seeing either any, anyof them, and sometimes you just
(25:25):
need that.
If I try and do somethinginside for three, four hours, I
will get disturbed every half anhour.
Dad, can you help me do this?
Craig, can you help me do this?
Craig, can you help me do this?
Dad, can you help me do this?
Craig, did you do that?
Why haven't you done it yet?
Can you do it now?
I need your help All the time.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Does your wife not call you, mr Hodgkiss?
Speaker 1 (25:45):
She calls me many things, but she doesn't actually
call me Mr Hodgkiss.
She calls me by my actual name,but if I'm outside she doesn't
call me at all, because it'soutside and she can't be
bothered to put her shoes on tocome outside and see me.
She's not going to shout outthe window, so I'm free.
So, dads, get outside, get yourcoat on, potter around, hide in
(26:07):
the corner.
Whatever you want to do, do it.
Do it outside, you won't bedisturbed.
So I'm saying like genuinepeace and quiet comes from
gardening.
Speaker 2 (26:16):
And the sun's coming out and Scooby will have to get
a bit of vitamin.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
D it is, it is.
So that was my next tip.
Well, it was tip number two Getoutside, get some vitamin D and
grow some vegetables.
Some vitamin T.
Some vitamin T Kaplunk vitaminT, so we get some vitamin D.
(26:40):
I beg your pardon and startgrowing some vegetables.
We've been doing it for manyyears now and it's one of it's a
weird thing, but it's a strangesatisfaction growing vegetables
.
So like we talked about kaleearlier and onions a bit of
curly.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
I remember once, like a couple of years ago, talked
about kale earlier and onions Abit of curly curly.
Speaker 1 (26:56):
I remember once, like a couple of years ago, we tried
to grow cucumbers for the firsttime and it's a weird like I
can't even explain the sensationwhen you see a cucumber
starting to grow.
Speaker 2 (27:12):
We've lost him, people, we've lost him.
Speaker 1 (27:15):
It was like a genuine , like sense of wonder.
So, like we saw, we were likegrowing this plant.
We're like, oh, it's not gonna,it's not gonna get any fruit.
And then all of a sudden, oneday, brain comes going dad, dad,
what is it, son, I think, acucumber starting to come and
it's like okay, and you go andlook at it and you're like it is
yeah, it actually is yeah.
And then like we sat and wewatched that cucumber grow for
(27:36):
the next few weeks and it was,it was a weird.
What do you mean?
Speaker 2 (27:38):
you just sat there you got out of your little, your
little fold up chair just satthere watching it you check up
on it every day.
Speaker 1 (27:46):
How fast do they grow a cucumber?
So you go from like a tinylittle snub to a proper cucumber
.
Um, it may have been longerthan that, but, like, because it
depends when you pick it aswell, you can probably pick it
earlier than you should, butwatching it grow on on the
(28:06):
windowsill was so weird andstrange, but really quite
satisfying.
Um, so, and the kids love it.
So, like, yeah, if you don'tgarden start, if you don't know
where to start start with plants.
And then thirdly, if you like,oh, go on.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Sorry, I beg your pardon have you yet entered into
one of those village fates ofyou know biggest cucumber?
Speaker 1 (28:29):
no, we're not.
One day, maybe once we've gotthe Japanese garden sorted, we
can try and grow some largemarrows, shall we say
Award-winning, award-winning,large cucumbers.
So yeah, get outside and gardenIf you don't know where to
start start growing.
If you just think that soundstoo poncy, then get a power
(28:51):
washer.
That's my third tip.
Get a a power washer.
That's my third tip.
Get a massive power washer,because I didn't realize how
good these things were to useand how much fun they were until
I yeah until I told, tell thelisteners um a video that you
sent massage kiss well, I'll getto that one as I get to that.
So we again, we moved into thisold house.
We've got this big old gardenwhich hasn't been had much
(29:14):
attention, so I borrowed a powerwasher and I spent nearly seven
hours power washing and it wasone of the most satisfying seven
hours ever.
Again, no one came outside tobook me, and the satisfaction of
getting all the crap and themoss off of old stone and seeing
the color of it underneath wasjust brilliant.
(29:34):
And also, you can, when it'sthat old and manky, you can.
You can draw things in the mock, draw pictures.
You can draw pictures in themock.
So, um, yes, ladies andgentlemen, I did.
I did draw something in themock and filmed it and sent it
to the lads group and, uh, Idon't think you need to tell us
what it is.
I think people, I think thelisteners can guess I got a
(29:56):
response from a friend saying Idid that recently I wrote my
kids names and I was like, yeah,I could have written, I could
have written my kids names.
But you know, it's much morefunny to draw cucumbers and
tomatoes.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
And tomatoes, yeah, cucumber tomatoes.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
And yeah as middle-aged as.
I am talking about this.
I'm still a child, so yeah,that was my first little culture
.
Tips for dads Get outside andgarden.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
Talking to children, I had just a mini tips for dads.
Basically, don't stress withkids and their toys.
With Logan, he'll play withkids and their toys.
With Logan, I've seen he'llplay with anything Like little
bits of sausage, little bits ofsausage with dinner.
Suddenly they're cars.
They're racing cars, or planesor helicopters, or pebbles.
They're not pebbles, Again,they're racing cars or whatever.
(30:52):
Don't worry, if you can't getyour kid a toy, give them some
pebbles or get them to play thefood, it's all good.
Speaker 1 (30:57):
It's all good.
They don't need fancy expensivestuff, do they?
They've got imagination, Everysingle thing they touch is a
wonder.
Speaker 2 (31:03):
His imagination at the moment is just on fire.
It's quite it's fun to watch Atdinner time at the moment.
We finish before him, but wesit with him because we know he
will finish the food and he'sthere and you'll have a little
break and then you'll, you know,play whatever and then you'll
(31:23):
kind of like torture the food.
But in his own little way itlooks like I'm going to eat you
up.
Speaker 1 (31:32):
He's presenting to life.
Speaker 2 (31:33):
He doesn't say that.
But yeah, don't stress, kidswill play with anything.
Speaker 1 (31:38):
Of course they will.
Of course they will.
That's what they always say.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
Don't they.
Speaker 1 (31:42):
You know Carpet boxes , the thing the kids Want the
most.
It's very true.
Let a kid go wild With hisimagination.
Speaker 2 (31:50):
Good tips, mr Autocast.
Good tips.
I couldn't get away with notdoing a an additional,
additional little first looklet's have it for the first I've
had a first look I've had, soit's been, it's uh, it's been in
my mind for about almost 30years.
(32:12):
Wow, almost 30 years this hasbeen in my mind are we talking
about Kelly Brook again?
Building up 70 years.
It's been 70 years, mrHodgeskiss.
I had a first look at NewcastleUnited winning a trophy away
the lads, away the lads away thelads?
(32:34):
yes, I've ever since I was a kid, just before Euro 96.
I didn't really get intofootball until fairly late, but
Euro 96 was my tournament andthat converted me into football
and I was like, oh, who are myfavourite players?
There's quite a few on thatteam.
(32:55):
There's quite a few on thatteam.
Oh, should I support Arsenal?
Should I support Newcastle?
Oh, should I support man United?
I'll support Newcastle.
Speaker 1 (33:07):
Because they were good at the time.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
Arsenal go on to being the invincibles.
Man United win every trophyunder the sun, newcastle nothing
the finish second some goodseconds, some good seconds.
We came um.
It came second in the premierleague and we came runners up
many of time in the fa cup,charity shields league cup.
(33:29):
And then we had a huge, justnothing.
Speaker 1 (33:33):
You had Mike Ashley for a while.
Speaker 2 (33:37):
We had yes, yes and then yes this year.
Since I was a kid, I don't knowI always imagine myself at
Wembley with my Newcastle gear,stripping off, waving my shirt
around, getting my bellytattooed with NUFC on it,
(34:00):
getting my belly tattooed withnufc on it, um and uh, going
crazy with the, the victory ofnewcastle united finally winning
a cup.
But, um, no, I was at home.
They won.
Uh, I was about to celebrateand then logan ran into the
corner of the table.
Oh no, oh dear.
So yeah, he was my firstconcern.
(34:22):
It kind of took a bit of theedge off it.
Speaker 1 (34:25):
It was all right, no pun intended.
It took the edge off.
Speaker 2 (34:29):
He was.
Yeah, yes, he took the edge offthe table, but yeah, it was one
of those things where you knowall your life.
You're like Newcastle winningthe trophy is a major thing, but
actually the health of yourtwo-year-old son is actually
more important.
Speaker 1 (34:46):
You're far too nice.
I'm just thinking Logan, youselfish little boy you did that
on purpose.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
You took your dad's moment.
Oh, that's alright, I'm justwaiting another 70 years.
Speaker 1 (35:00):
That's all there is.
I've got a little secret, firstone, but I think I'll keep that
for the next one.
Speaker 2 (35:05):
I'll tease people, so we'll finish with a dad joke.
I think I've done one already,but we'll do a dad joke.
Speaker 1 (35:13):
There's always room for more.
Speaker 2 (35:15):
I don't know why some people hate lazy people.
I mean, they didn't do anythingvery good anyways, people see
you in a couple weeks forepisode 10.
We'll see you in a couple ofweeks.
We embarrass ourselves again.
Well, just in case, just foryou know, see you in a couple of
weeks.
Speaker 1 (35:34):
We embarrass ourselves again.
Well, just in case, just foryou know, back up, bring a can
opener, in case you can't getinto your, your beer again.
Alright, make sure you stock up, pull up volumes, pull up see
you then.
Speaker 2 (35:48):
Bye.
Speaker 1 (35:53):
I mean, who?
Who doesn't want to listen tothis?
I mean, if people Google,that's how people are finding us
.
In Japan, they're searching forCool Brits, cool Britannia, you
know.
Spirit of 96.
Gnomes.
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I don't know what gnomes means in Japan.
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