November 27, 2024 • 30 mins
You're in for a treat as we kick off the third season of our podcast, where humour and randomness spice up your commute. This time around, we’re all about less waffle and more laughs, with two bite-sized episodes each month.
Our growing international audience has us dreaming big—outer space, anyone? Between chuckles over kids’ jokes and classic planetary jests, we’re bringing back the fan-favourite "Thirsty First" segment to reveal our unconventional beverage choice, setting the tone for an exhilarating season ahead.
Relive the magic of wedding day blunders and heartwarming holiday chaos with us. From the thrill of pre-ceremony antics to the warmth of cherished audio snippets from loved ones, our trip down memory lane is both nostalgic and side-splitting.
As Christmas approaches, we’re your trusty elves with practical tips and amusing critiques on festive adverts—think Asda gnomes and knock-off Coca-Cola trucks.
Whether you're strategising on sneaking gifts past Santa sleuths or simply in need of a good laugh, this season promises to keep the camaraderie and cheer alive.
Buckle up, because we’re not just here to make you smile; we're out to make your day merrier!
Join us at the bottom of the garden for;
- A Thirsty First
- Tips for Dads!
- Preparing for Christmas
- A First Look at;
- Wedding Celebration Guest Photos and Audiobook
- Mice!
- Christmas Adverts
Listening from outer space?....Please write in to firstlookgnomes@outlook.com
Click here via your Mobile Device to send us a message!
Please Subscribe , leave a 5* Review, Follow, Like and Share this Podcast to show your support for more episodes.
Help grow the show !
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:16):
it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for
season three, and we're feelinggood Ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom,
ba-ba-ba-ba-bom.
A new era of gnomage.
A new era.
Welcome back, Mr Oshkiss.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Welcome back, mr Walliams.
Good to be here.
How are you doing?
I am doing as well as anyperson is doing.
I guess that's probably theproblem.
I am absolutely fine in thegrand scheme of things.
Are you feeling good?
I am feeling better.
Now I'm back in front of amicrophone talking with you,
(01:01):
recording our conversations,having a bit of a laugh, happy
to be here.
How?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
about yourself.
How are you?
Yeah, good, good, I'm feelinggood, I'm feeling good.
New format alert you'll begetting two episodes a month,
two episodes a month.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Double nom image.
Yes, there is a slight change,isn't there, to the amount of
first looks we'll be doing?
This is true?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
um so we're just going to do a couple, so one
each per episode and some other,the usual stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
What I was, basically what we've done in a nutshell
shorter and sharper less waffleand instead of having one big
episode, we're going to try.
We had some feedback that a lotof people like to listen to this
podcast on the drive to workand it's usually about half an
hour, so sometimes they don'tget to listen to a whole episode
and we want to try andaccommodate, so we thought we'd
(01:59):
cut them in half but do twice asmany and hopefully that way we
can help your commute be full ofjoy and nonsense but the
important bit is, mr Ostrich, isthe point that is, make sure
you follow, subscribe, listen,visit the website, download,
visit the website and the updatewebsite is it's under
(02:21):
development, still underdevelopment.
the website is still indevelopment, but we did renew
the domain name.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
So you know.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Which I was busy for.
Yeah, we're busy, we're busy,men, it's hard to be able to.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
It's hard to do all these things.
If you do want to go to awebsite, we do have a temporary
website, do we?
Yeah, we do.
Firstlittle littlenamesbuzzsproutcom.
Wow.
Recommend that you download,subscribe, follow, ask your
smart speaker yeah, do it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Listen, Tell people.
Oh no, we hit that one lastyear.
I was going to say tell peoplein Africa.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
We've got African listeners last year.
We're international, across thecontinents, ready for season
three, the big one.
Here we go, better, betterbetter bigger, better bigger
batter.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Oh, got fish and chips offering oh, we're bigger
and better I wonder what weshould say, our ambitions, what?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
are we doing?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
we've we should set our ambitions higher.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
What are?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
we doing Higher?
Well, we've done the continents.
Now I just said better insteadof better.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Well, yeah, that's because you're not drunk, it's
because you're sober, you don'tspeak as well when you're sober.
Yeah, let's set our sightslower, but now let's set them
higher.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
We want this podcast to be heard in outer space, all
right, so we've done.
I don't know if I can recordthat, oh well, you can, but you
can email in.
You can email in.
Where can you mail in if you'reat the space station?
Yeah, yeah, you could email into um first look, gnomes at
outlookcom.
Can you imagine somebody?
I am listening from space.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Brilliant, we'll take it, yeah so that's our new
target of season three.
Is someone from the moon orjust space in general out of
space you?
Is someone from the moon orjust space in general Out of
space you know someone fromanother planet would just be
among which planet?
Any planet.
Yeah, Please write in to this.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
My son would particularly like it if somebody
came from Uranus.
Uh, because that's his favoritething to talk about at the
minute.
Can I tell you about theplanets?
Yes, what do you want to talkabout, uranus?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It is a classic.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
It is a classic, it does make me laugh.
He tells me it's Uranus and hetells me it's a gas giant.
Classic kids jokes.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Anyway, it's generational that one isn't it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It is, it is.
Anyway, welcome back to seasonthree.
Bigger and better, bigger andbetter.
Shall we get to the firstsubject, wiles.
First subject, first to first.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Yay, so I've not quite sorted out my setup.
So the firsty first fridge isin the way of various cables, so
I'm struggling through Biggerand batter.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Ladies and gentlemen, he's knocking his lunch phone
all over the place trying to getto his fridge as always thirsty
fridge.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Here we go, how are we bigger and batter and more
professional this season.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
The amount of background noise and of you
trying to get into the fridge.
All I could hear was clunk,clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk,
clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk,clunk, clunk clunk.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Bigger and better, bigger and better.
I think that's going to be theslogan for season three, isn't
it?
Firsty, first fridge.
What have we?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
got Firsty first.
That's what we've got.
What do you think it's going tobe, mr Archie?
So, knowing you, it's probablygoing to be some kind of
strawberry meringue stout withchocolate notes and honey
drizzle Something ridiculous ora muffin, something to do with
muffins.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Something to do with muffins.
This is called a St Ives Pud.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
A Pud, a Puddle, a cake puddle.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
A little tin, this one A little tin which is good
for a Sunday night Sticky ToffeePudding Stout.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
So I wasn't that far away, you weren't that far.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Strawberry, and this is from St Ives Brewery, it's a
6.5%, which is, I think, quiteQuite reasonable for you, quite
reasonable for you, quitereasonable for me.
Brood, where do you think it'sbrood?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Well, he said it was St Ives, so probably I'm going
to guess.
This is OK, this is a trickquestion.
This is going to be where hegot married.
We went to the.
Now, what was it called?
Why can't I remember this?
Driftwood Spas, st Ives.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
So yeah, St Ives, so it contains barley, wheat, oats,
oats.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I can't speak to that .
Have you already had some ofthese pods?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Dates and mixed spices.
Oh, very nice.
Pops of chinook, mandarina andbavaria suitable for vegans.
There we go.
Good to know there we go.
Should we give it a go?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Give it a go.
Wiles Give it a go.
Wiles, give it a go you deserveit, after you've spent half an
hour trying to get out of thebloody fridge.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yeah, yeah.
I need to change the setup,which will probably take me as
long as the website, I'd imagine.
The shop is on a slant as well,so I need to do something about
it.
It's got subsidence.
It's collapsing, which is aworry because I am above a
mineshaft.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Listeners, we're not even joking.
I'm not joking.
His shop is situated above amineshaft and it's currently
sinking into the ground.
Cheers Wals.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Nice that the smells.
What's that smell like?
What's the it's?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
not a sticky toffee.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It says sticky toffee pudding but the Because it says
it's got mixed spices and datesand oats, it's like a Christmas
pud rather than a sticky toffeepudding.
But the Because it says it'sgot mixed spices and dates and
oats, it's got a Christmas pudrather than a sticky toffee pud.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, so it's got a.
You're getting Christmas notesand a bit of a.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I'm getting a Christmas pudding Christmas.
Nice, I bet you, theyrepackaged that as a Christmas
special.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
So how many gnome fingers are you going to give it
, William?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
How many gnome fingers got?
There's a new bit for the newseason.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
You've got it you.
There's no point in fingers.
You've got to.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
You've got to um what's top marks we're going 10
fingers or five fingers for ahand 10, 10 fingers or is it?
Or as a thumb, so four fingersand a thumb, or what we're doing
just out of 10, I think.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
think Wells Classic.
That's good.
I'll do a little sip.
We don't want to overcomplicatethe marking system.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's a good one.
That's an 8 out of 10.
8 out of 10.
I think, because the time ofyear I think we're getting to,
that Christmassy part 8 out of10.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Okay.
Well, I reckon by the end ofSeason 3, all the thirsty thirst
should be collated and a winnershould be announced to get the
first ever First Look.
Gnomes, beer of the Year Award.
Cheers.
There you go, thirsty firstBeer of the Year Award coming
this time next year, pud getsitself an eight.
(09:23):
What a good start.
Shall we crack on to some firstlooks.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Sure, the first look of the season.
I'll get cracking if you want.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Go ahead, you work away, dude.
Looking forward to it, we'vehad a little break.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
We've had a little break Mainly because I actually
saw Mr Hodgkiss in the flesh.
Not too much flesh.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
I was pretty naked.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
We were celebrating our marriage, our marriage to
the wifey wife, which long-termlisteners will have heard from
before, used to be known asfiancée fiancée and this week we
had our first look at thewedding celebration photos.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Oh, very nice.
Yes, we had a nice.
We received one, Williams wereceived one from you, did you.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
A group shot on a thank you card.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Thank you for sending that it was lovely.
It's currently on our mirror inthe front room.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
You did, and apologies to Rachel's mum if
she's listening, because wenoticed afterwards that because
there was a special patternborder around the edge, it
actually wiped her out, so itdeleted her from it.
Aw, poor Rachel's mum.
But everyone else made it tothe cards.
(10:45):
The night before I had a couple, a few, a few, too many shots,
um and the um can we justclarify?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
the night before the wedding, everyone was a bit
drunk.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Not photo shots as well.
No, no proper shots.
I was being bought.
I was being bought shots byvarious people and pints by
various people Perhaps had a fewtoo many, but obviously long
story.
But I actually was marriedalready, so it was a blessing
and a celebration.
So I think I perhaps would havegot away a bit less if it was
(11:22):
the actual wedding perhaps.
But yeah, on the day of theblessing we're up there looking
at my beautiful wife walks downand you know we're there at the
altar and we're looking intoeach other's eyes, saying, you
know, beautiful words, beautifulwords.
(11:43):
And she looks at my eyes andshe sees my eyes get all teary
and she's like, ah.
And then she goes oh, he's justhammered, isn't?
he true story.
See my eyes go like washingbloodshot.
I just didn't get emotionalthis, this is.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
These tears are 98% sambuca from last night but, um,
you can, because you know.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
so, looking back at the photos, and there's, there's
lots of lovely ones in there,but the, the ones towards the
start of the day.
So me and the, me and the bestman and my dad putting ties on
and things.
There's pictures of Mr Hodgkissand my friend Granto, big
smiles on, and I'm just and the,and the embarrassing thing was
(12:30):
I had a bit of a poorly bellyand um, yes, and when, when you
have a bit of a poorly belly, um, the, uh, the smell was a bit
more, bit more potent.
Um, so, yeah, I had to, I hadto go and, um, use the
facilities, use the facilities.
And then about two minuteslater, bless her, our
optographer, kelly, turns up, sothe windows open, door opens,
(12:58):
oh dear, oh dear.
So she was obviously veryprofessional and didn't mention
anything, but I'm surprised hereyes weren't watering.
But yeah, there's a few shotsthat we've got, some um, but uh,
yeah, there's a few shots thatwe've got.
So we've got some good ones,but there's a few shots from
earlier in the day that um,probably won't make.
So we're making a gonna havelike a wedding wall.
So from february on we're gonnahave, you know, loads of
(13:20):
different pictures, um, but um,yeah, there'll be some that I
don't think will will make it.
I might crop me out and sort ofjust put you and Grant up on
the wall.
You get everyone together thatyou've not seen for ages and
some people we don't see againfor ages, and you know it's an
(13:40):
emotional day.
What we had, as well as well asthe photos, we had a red phone,
an old school dial-a-phonething, because we thought it
would be nice to save down someaudio files, because it's lovely
to look back at photos, butalso to actually hear someone's
voice as well.
(14:02):
That means a lot of love wasshown.
So if I just show a couple ofthe audio files, okay, oh, dear
ones that I'm allowed to share.
So you know, the people left usloads of, you know, really
sweet, sweet words for us tolisten back to in years times I
(14:28):
love boobs, boobs.
Boobs.
So beautiful, beautifulmemories to look back on Of a
lovely day.
So you know when you want tolisten back to some people.
(14:48):
We've got these lovely audioclips of a romantic day Boobs,
boobs.
Let's see if I've got any more.
Have I got any more?
Wifey here, you're drunk toomuch.
Love you, but it's.
(15:11):
Yeah, it was a lovely day.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
The phone was a great addition.
I'm not going to lie.
I'm pretty sure we left yousome more horrendous ones than
that as well.
Some lovely ones, I'm sure.
What else have we got?
What's up, walliams?
All I can hear is you talking,walliams, why are you still
talking?
Shut up, walliams, love you.
All I can hear is you talking,williams.
Why are you still talking?
Shut up, williams, love youyeah lovely.
(15:37):
I mean you put a telephone onand you put loads of booze in
front of it and I thinkpotentially one more as well.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Here we go.
Hello, this is a no to a gnome.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
I popped in for a bit of Potentially one more as well
.
Oh yeah, here we go.
Hello, this is the Know-It-AllGnome.
I popped in for a bit of funfor the wedding, and I just want
to say how proud I am of youboth today.
And here's my advice for theday when you think you've had
enough look at each other in theeye and remember you were here
(16:13):
once.
You'll be here again.
We love each other and marriageis for life, not just for
Christmas.
Respect each other.
We love you, Love theknow-it-all gnome.
We, we, we.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I didn't see him at the wedding.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
He's a tiny guy, zero recollection of him saying that
to you.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
That was a bit of a shock for me.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I remember going boobs he's a tiny little guy.
Bless him he was.
I mean, we didn't have a chairfor him, so actually he's under
the table and we just fed himunder the table, gave him some.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Best way to be really .
Speaker 1 (17:00):
He had some on my main course because I was too
nervous for the speech, so Igave him some bits of it.
Yeah, beautiful day andbeautiful memories.
And if the memory isn't quiteas good as it used to be, when
I'm 80, I've got these lovelyaudio clips.
And that's not just me, it's mywife as well.
(17:21):
So my wife will get to you know.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Listen back to these beautiful I try and um, I'd make
sure you label who they arebecause you may just forget over
time.
Who thinks that From our win?
So we're about to celebrate 12years of marriage and we were
looking back over photos andthere was genuinely people there
.
I'm like, who was that?
Yeah there were people thatwent.
(17:45):
I have no idea who they were,so might be a good idea to label
them while you've still got afresh memory, wells, while these
people are still there like mrhodge hodge hodge something
wasn't it something like thatgreg, greg, greg, hodge, grant,
grant hodgekiss.
Yeah, grant hodgekiss.
Yeah, no, it was.
It was a lovely day, wells, andit was.
It was a lovely day, wals.
(18:06):
And yeah, thank you forinviting us to be there as part
of it.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Oh, an absolute pleasure.
Lovely weekend.
It was Lovely weekend.
Do it all over again?
Well, wouldn't pay for it allover again.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Well, like the old gnome said, it's for life, not
just for Christmas.
So said it's for life, not justfor Christmas.
So you can't just do whateveryou want.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It's true.
And on Christmas, a couplelittle looks which you might
spoil.
Your first look, I don't know,but we had a first look at the
Asda Christmas advert.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Ah the sons of buns.
They are, they must be,listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yeah, I don't know if anyone sounds familiar, but
it's.
It's basically got.
It's got gnomes and bad puns.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
That's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It sounds familiar.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
They've basically listened to our podcast.
I thought, oh, those twoobviously know their Christmas,
we will, we'll just rip them off.
Basically, ripped them off,basically is what they've done.
I think they're probablyclaiming it well to be honest.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yes, look at that.
I mean, if it's just gnomes,maybe, if it's just bad puns,
maybe, but gnomes if they're aknow-it-all gnome.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Is there a know-it-all gnome?
Is there a wise old gnome inthat?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
advert.
I don't know I might need tohim unbelievable.
Yeah, we'll look back at that.
And then also, um, I saw um,which I think is quite clever,
but uh, a little, a little got afreeway cola, um lorry doing
the old truck lorry, whateveryou want to call it doing the
(19:37):
rounds around the country.
Um so, uh, yeah so talkingabout they're just ripping off
coke, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
yeah, a bit like asda with, really so yeah, I mean
that is outrageous, like they'rejust the whole coke van thing
is such a big part of christmasfor that company to then have an
absolute ripoff of it yeah,freeway cola tips for dads tips
(20:07):
for dads tips for dads.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Get your tips for dads we are.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
We're making tips for dad a more regular feature,
right?
Well, every other episode we'regoing to do tips for dad and
the theme this this week isgetting, because we're in
november now.
The christmas adverts are on,the little lorries are out there
, along with the Coca-Colalorries and tips for dads around
preparing for Christmas.
Walliams I've only got a smalltip, hey, and she's still
(20:38):
married him.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
No, but we're mean parents, mr Archicus, oh dear're
mean parents.
Mr Hodgkiss, oh dear Meanparents.
So Logan's first Christmas, wedidn't get him anything.
We did not get him anything forhis first Christmas, ouch.
So my tip for dads is don'tfeel any pressure for the first
(20:59):
Christmas, or any.
Christmas really Well, what'sthe first one?
The first one in particularthey don't really know what's
going on.
They're little, they don't knowwhat's going on, and also
they're going to get a load ofstuff from the grandparents and
various of the members of thefamily anyway.
So don't worry, don't have anypressure for the first Christmas
, don't worry.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Absolutely.
Couldn't agree more.
It's already a reallyridiculously expensive time.
It's already a reallyridiculously expensive time, and
when the child's under one,they, they, you know they can't
crawl or they can't walkgenerally, and you know they
don't really know what's goingon, do they?
So, yeah, save your money andput it towards their college
education.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
If you can, great.
If you don't, don't worryabsolutely I'd agree with that.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
no pressure, um, my one miles is actually based on
something that we've had thisweek, so we are my tip for dad.
It's all about hiding spots.
So we are a family who likeshiding spots, so we all like to.
We we try as much as possibleto get all the presents and all
the nonsense done ahead ofDecember.
(22:00):
So, in December we can focusmore on just actually having a
fun time.
Um, but we are now at the agewhere my son Spoiler alert.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Those with children switch off now.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Spoiler alert those with children that may be
listening also switch off now.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Cover your ears For those, anyone listening with
children who are young and ifthere's any kids listening, turn
off for the next 10 seconds,because our son has found out
the truth about santa claus.
Yes, he asked, he asked and heasked and he asked and he
pressured and he got the answer.
So he knows that the presentscome from mom and dad.
And one of his first questionswas like about I can guess where
(22:47):
you hide them.
And I was like I bet youprobably can.
So this year I'm like, okay,I'm on alert.
Yeah, so it's.
My tip is to get familiar withyour hiding spots now.
Get security cameras, getsecurity cameras.
Think about where you're goingto hide these presents.
(23:09):
Are you going to hide themaround someone's house?
And I would also say use yourphone to write down where you're
hidden stuff, because I canimagine you'd forget where you
put some of these presents onChristmas morning.
The kid's like, oh, I wasreally hoping to have such and
such.
Like, oh crap.
Oh, I was really hoping to havesuch and such.
Like, oh crap, we bought that.
Where is it?
I'm into the loft on christmasmorning and get it down, because
you're behind I don't know,behind a portrait of the queen
(23:32):
or something that you've gotstashed up there.
So yeah, get familiar with yourhiding spots, write them down,
maybe even tell your wife andtry as much as you can to get
stuff done early.
This will be the first year forus without Santa, but um yeah,
we're going to be very much.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
If you don't believe in the magic, then help make the
magic.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh, absolutely.
Well, that's why we want to geteverything done as well.
So in December we've got lotsof fun stuff planned, so it'll
still be magical.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, tips for dance.
Tips for dance.
That's good.
Should it be for the danceFirst look, mr Oshkiss.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
First look.
So yes, my first look issomething I hope many of our
listeners have not encountered,but I'm guessing a few of our
listeners will.
We have had visitors, Visitors.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Visitors, visitors.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
So that sounds Furry, furry, furry visitors very,
very little visitors who like toclimb under you.
Get under your kickboards andget in the walls.
We have had our first experiencemice little boogers door mice,
that thing, or little littlemice in the kitchen coming in
(24:45):
and we found some mousedroppings so we have had to uh
yeah, to sort their mice out.
Um, so we first had aninclination that there was a
mouse in the house.
When the mother-in-law said Isaw a mouse in your kitchen, we
we're like, oh okay, did youOkay?
(25:06):
And we're like she could justbe nuts.
Maybe she just saw somethingout of the corner of her eye.
And then the good wife thoughtshe saw a mouse and then I was
like, oh, maybe she's crazy.
Because she said, oh, actually,no, there's a cat out there in
the window.
I think it might be the cat.
I just saw the cat movingacross the garden.
(25:27):
But then, about two days later,in our little conservatory area
, we came to the kitchen and Iwas like, oh, there, he is, old
as brass in the conservatory, inthe middle of the floor just
chilling out, having the time ofhis life.
And I was like, yep, that's amouse.
And yep, that's a mouse.
And I was like is it a mouse oris it a small rat?
I was like, no, definitely amouse.
(25:48):
So we sprung into action, no punintended, went to B&Q, bought
all the mousetraps you could buy, got all the peanut butter, set
the mousetraps night one.
No more mouse, it was just onemouse.
Was it a family of mice?
Well, so when we saw the mouse,we were like, oh, he's quite,
he's actually fairly dark, helooks quite dark.
(26:08):
Um, and then the mouse wecaught it was about the same
size, it was a fully grown mouse.
Um, was, it looks slightlylighter.
So we're like so we, weactually bought six traps and we
bought some.
So I was like, I did a bit ofreading and I was like okay, I
don't really want to kill themice, what's the best thing to
(26:30):
do?
And they said, if you use thehumane traps, you have to kind
of take them like at least twoor three miles away.
And I thought, if we've got afew, we probably just want to.
Yeah.
Unfortunately we bought the kindof the snap traps.
Yeah, so we, and this is thisis where this is where the
(26:53):
mystery continues.
So we, we set one court, onethe others didn't move.
The next day, one of the trapshad gone off, but there was no
mouse.
Oh, it's a ninja.
What's happened here?
No mouse, oh, it's a ninjamouse.
What's happened here.
I was like is it a ninja mouse?
What's going on?
And then we've set them eversince.
And I was like, okay, we setsix.
(27:14):
Then we did buy some humaneones as well.
We thought, okay, we need totry and get rid of the problem,
but if there are going to bemore, come let's try and get rid
of it.
But since then we haven't hadany.
So we've been rebating thetraps, we've put them around.
There's been no signs of them.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
We've there's been no new droppings or everything so
we actually think we may havejust had the one yeah, but uh,
yeah, it wasn't a niceexperience because you don't
really want to kill.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't want to kill anything.
We caught the first mouse on asunday.
It's like a Craig David songCut the mouse on a Sunday.
Then we had visitors comingover on a Friday, wanted to kill
the mouse before they arrivedbecause can you imagine yeah,
welcome, come and stay in ourlovely home, just mind for the
mouse traps please.
Yeah, when you wake up in themorning, see if there's any dead
(28:02):
mice, would you Check under thekickboards?
So yeah, problem solved,touchwood, but mice Tips for
dads as well, with mice.
So we did again.
You know what's the best thingto use to catch mice?
Is it peanut butter?
Is it bacon?
Is it kibble?
We ended up buying.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
It's sort of like classic cheese.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
No, Apparently, not Apparently most don't like.
Most actually don't like cheese.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
I don't know if they don't like them, but it's not.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I don't, I honestly don't know, but the um, we
bought some.
It was kind of like the companywho sells the mouse traps.
They're all kind of like someof the graphics and stuff they
use.
It's like a mouse with a targetand it's like as if you're
gonna snipe for the mouse orsomething.
Yeah, it is a bit like that.
So we bought this, this, thisbait.
(28:52):
That was, you know, veryexpensive and we're like oh it's
meant to work.
but it did catch a mouse firsttime.
Um, so if there were and thenafter that we tried it didn't
catch any then try peanut butter, try nutella.
And we, we watched somewherethat American stuff called Fluff
it's like marshmallow fluff.
Yeah, we would say, just gowith the stuff you get in the
shop.
(29:12):
It seemed to work.
So yeah, mice, first experienceof mice.
But yeah, if you've had anyexperiences with little mice,
feel free to email us atfirstsatnomesatoutlookcom and
tell us about your experiences.
Dad joke of the week.
Dad joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
So new, don't panic, you will still get your dad
jokes.
I'll keep it short and sweet,this one how does the man on the
moon cut his hair?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I don't know, Dan.
How does the man on the mooncut his hair?
He don't know, Dan.
How does the man on the mooncut his hair?
He clips it.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Oh dear, it's the way you'd tell him and the next
episode we will have a bad joke.
So one episode, you get a badjoke.
The next episode, you get a badjoke.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Walliams, what's the difference between your bad
jokes and your bad jokes?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
The direction of the first letter.
We'll see you in two weeks.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Bye everybody, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Anyway, welcome back to season three.
Welcome back Bigger and better,bigger and better.
it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for
season three, and we're feelinggood Ba-bom, ba-bom, ba-bom,
ba-ba-ba-ba-bom.
A new era of gnomage.
A new era.
Welcome back, Mr Oshkiss.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
Welcome back, mr Walliams.
Good to be here.
How are you doing?
I am doing as well as anyperson is doing.
I guess that's probably theproblem.
I am absolutely fine in thegrand scheme of things.
Are you feeling good?
I am feeling better.
Now I'm back in front of amicrophone talking with you,
(01:01):
recording our conversations,having a bit of a laugh, happy
to be here.
How?
Speaker 1 (01:06):
about yourself.
How are you?
Yeah, good, good, I'm feelinggood, I'm feeling good.
New format alert you'll begetting two episodes a month,
two episodes a month.
Speaker 2 (01:26):
Double nom image.
Yes, there is a slight change,isn't there, to the amount of
first looks we'll be doing?
This is true?
Speaker 1 (01:32):
um so we're just going to do a couple, so one
each per episode and some other,the usual stuff.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
What I was, basically what we've done in a nutshell
shorter and sharper less waffleand instead of having one big
episode, we're going to try.
We had some feedback that a lotof people like to listen to this
podcast on the drive to workand it's usually about half an
hour, so sometimes they don'tget to listen to a whole episode
and we want to try andaccommodate, so we thought we'd
(01:59):
cut them in half but do twice asmany and hopefully that way we
can help your commute be full ofjoy and nonsense but the
important bit is, mr Ostrich, isthe point that is, make sure
you follow, subscribe, listen,visit the website, download,
visit the website and the updatewebsite is it's under
(02:21):
development, still underdevelopment.
the website is still indevelopment, but we did renew
the domain name.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
So you know.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Which I was busy for.
Yeah, we're busy, we're busy,men, it's hard to be able to.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
It's hard to do all these things.
If you do want to go to awebsite, we do have a temporary
website, do we?
Yeah, we do.
Firstlittle littlenamesbuzzsproutcom.
Wow.
Recommend that you download,subscribe, follow, ask your
smart speaker yeah, do it.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Listen, Tell people.
Oh no, we hit that one lastyear.
I was going to say tell peoplein Africa.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
We've got African listeners last year.
We're international, across thecontinents, ready for season
three, the big one.
Here we go, better, betterbetter bigger, better bigger
batter.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
Oh, got fish and chips offering oh, we're bigger
and better I wonder what weshould say, our ambitions, what?
Speaker 1 (03:19):
are we doing?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
we've we should set our ambitions higher.
Speaker 3 (03:22):
What are?
Speaker 2 (03:23):
we doing Higher?
Well, we've done the continents.
Now I just said better insteadof better.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
Well, yeah, that's because you're not drunk, it's
because you're sober, you don'tspeak as well when you're sober.
Yeah, let's set our sightslower, but now let's set them
higher.
Speaker 2 (03:37):
We want this podcast to be heard in outer space, all
right, so we've done.
I don't know if I can recordthat, oh well, you can, but you
can email in.
You can email in.
Where can you mail in if you'reat the space station?
Yeah, yeah, you could email into um first look, gnomes at
outlookcom.
Can you imagine somebody?
I am listening from space.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Brilliant, we'll take it, yeah so that's our new
target of season three.
Is someone from the moon orjust space in general out of
space you?
Is someone from the moon orjust space in general Out of
space you know someone fromanother planet would just be
among which planet?
Any planet.
Yeah, Please write in to this.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
My son would particularly like it if somebody
came from Uranus.
Uh, because that's his favoritething to talk about at the
minute.
Can I tell you about theplanets?
Yes, what do you want to talkabout, uranus?
Speaker 1 (04:24):
It is a classic.
Speaker 2 (04:25):
It is a classic, it does make me laugh.
He tells me it's Uranus and hetells me it's a gas giant.
Classic kids jokes.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Anyway, it's generational that one isn't it.
Speaker 2 (04:38):
It is, it is.
Anyway, welcome back to seasonthree.
Bigger and better, bigger andbetter.
Shall we get to the firstsubject, wiles.
First subject, first to first.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
Yay, so I've not quite sorted out my setup.
So the firsty first fridge isin the way of various cables, so
I'm struggling through Biggerand batter.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Ladies and gentlemen, he's knocking his lunch phone
all over the place trying to getto his fridge as always thirsty
fridge.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
Here we go, how are we bigger and batter and more
professional this season.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
The amount of background noise and of you
trying to get into the fridge.
All I could hear was clunk,clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk,
clunk, clunk, clunk, clunk,clunk, clunk clunk.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
Bigger and better, bigger and better.
I think that's going to be theslogan for season three, isn't
it?
Firsty, first fridge.
What have we?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
got Firsty first.
That's what we've got.
What do you think it's going tobe, mr Archie?
So, knowing you, it's probablygoing to be some kind of
strawberry meringue stout withchocolate notes and honey
drizzle Something ridiculous ora muffin, something to do with
muffins.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Something to do with muffins.
This is called a St Ives Pud.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
A Pud, a Puddle, a cake puddle.
Speaker 1 (06:09):
A little tin, this one A little tin which is good
for a Sunday night Sticky ToffeePudding Stout.
Speaker 2 (06:16):
So I wasn't that far away, you weren't that far.
Speaker 1 (06:19):
Strawberry, and this is from St Ives Brewery, it's a
6.5%, which is, I think, quiteQuite reasonable for you, quite
reasonable for you, quitereasonable for me.
Brood, where do you think it'sbrood?
Speaker 2 (06:31):
Well, he said it was St Ives, so probably I'm going
to guess.
This is OK, this is a trickquestion.
This is going to be where hegot married.
We went to the.
Now, what was it called?
Why can't I remember this?
Driftwood Spas, st Ives.
Speaker 1 (06:46):
So yeah, St Ives, so it contains barley, wheat, oats,
oats.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
I can't speak to that .
Have you already had some ofthese pods?
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Dates and mixed spices.
Oh, very nice.
Pops of chinook, mandarina andbavaria suitable for vegans.
There we go.
Good to know there we go.
Should we give it a go?
Speaker 2 (07:06):
Give it a go.
Wiles Give it a go.
Wiles, give it a go you deserveit, after you've spent half an
hour trying to get out of thebloody fridge.
Speaker 1 (07:14):
Yeah, yeah.
I need to change the setup,which will probably take me as
long as the website, I'd imagine.
The shop is on a slant as well,so I need to do something about
it.
It's got subsidence.
It's collapsing, which is aworry because I am above a
mineshaft.
Speaker 2 (07:37):
Listeners, we're not even joking.
I'm not joking.
His shop is situated above amineshaft and it's currently
sinking into the ground.
Cheers Wals.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Nice that the smells.
What's that smell like?
What's the it's?
Speaker 2 (08:01):
not a sticky toffee.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
It says sticky toffee pudding but the Because it says
it's got mixed spices and datesand oats, it's like a Christmas
pud rather than a sticky toffeepudding.
But the Because it says it'sgot mixed spices and dates and
oats, it's got a Christmas pudrather than a sticky toffee pud.
Speaker 2 (08:14):
Okay, so it's got a.
You're getting Christmas notesand a bit of a.
Speaker 1 (08:19):
I'm getting a Christmas pudding Christmas.
Nice, I bet you, theyrepackaged that as a Christmas
special.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
So how many gnome fingers are you going to give it
, William?
Speaker 1 (08:29):
How many gnome fingers got?
There's a new bit for the newseason.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
You've got it you.
There's no point in fingers.
You've got to.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
You've got to um what's top marks we're going 10
fingers or five fingers for ahand 10, 10 fingers or is it?
Or as a thumb, so four fingersand a thumb, or what we're doing
just out of 10, I think.
Speaker 2 (08:45):
think Wells Classic.
That's good.
I'll do a little sip.
We don't want to overcomplicatethe marking system.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's a good one.
That's an 8 out of 10.
8 out of 10.
I think, because the time ofyear I think we're getting to,
that Christmassy part 8 out of10.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
Okay.
Well, I reckon by the end ofSeason 3, all the thirsty thirst
should be collated and a winnershould be announced to get the
first ever First Look.
Gnomes, beer of the Year Award.
Cheers.
There you go, thirsty firstBeer of the Year Award coming
this time next year, pud getsitself an eight.
(09:23):
What a good start.
Shall we crack on to some firstlooks.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
Sure, the first look of the season.
I'll get cracking if you want.
Speaker 2 (09:33):
Go ahead, you work away, dude.
Looking forward to it, we'vehad a little break.
Speaker 1 (09:37):
We've had a little break Mainly because I actually
saw Mr Hodgkiss in the flesh.
Not too much flesh.
Speaker 2 (09:47):
I was pretty naked.
Speaker 1 (09:51):
We were celebrating our marriage, our marriage to
the wifey wife, which long-termlisteners will have heard from
before, used to be known asfiancée fiancée and this week we
had our first look at thewedding celebration photos.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Oh, very nice.
Yes, we had a nice.
We received one, Williams wereceived one from you, did you.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
A group shot on a thank you card.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Thank you for sending that it was lovely.
It's currently on our mirror inthe front room.
Speaker 1 (10:24):
You did, and apologies to Rachel's mum if
she's listening, because wenoticed afterwards that because
there was a special patternborder around the edge, it
actually wiped her out, so itdeleted her from it.
Aw, poor Rachel's mum.
But everyone else made it tothe cards.
(10:45):
The night before I had a couple, a few, a few, too many shots,
um and the um can we justclarify?
Speaker 2 (10:56):
the night before the wedding, everyone was a bit
drunk.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Not photo shots as well.
No, no proper shots.
I was being bought.
I was being bought shots byvarious people and pints by
various people Perhaps had a fewtoo many, but obviously long
story.
But I actually was marriedalready, so it was a blessing
and a celebration.
So I think I perhaps would havegot away a bit less if it was
(11:22):
the actual wedding perhaps.
But yeah, on the day of theblessing we're up there looking
at my beautiful wife walks downand you know we're there at the
altar and we're looking intoeach other's eyes, saying, you
know, beautiful words, beautifulwords.
(11:43):
And she looks at my eyes andshe sees my eyes get all teary
and she's like, ah.
And then she goes oh, he's justhammered, isn't?
he true story.
See my eyes go like washingbloodshot.
I just didn't get emotionalthis, this is.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
These tears are 98% sambuca from last night but, um,
you can, because you know.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
so, looking back at the photos, and there's, there's
lots of lovely ones in there,but the, the ones towards the
start of the day.
So me and the, me and the bestman and my dad putting ties on
and things.
There's pictures of Mr Hodgkissand my friend Granto, big
smiles on, and I'm just and the,and the embarrassing thing was
(12:30):
I had a bit of a poorly bellyand um, yes, and when, when you
have a bit of a poorly belly, um, the, uh, the smell was a bit
more, bit more potent.
Um, so, yeah, I had to, I hadto go and, um, use the
facilities, use the facilities.
And then about two minuteslater, bless her, our
optographer, kelly, turns up, sothe windows open, door opens,
(12:58):
oh dear, oh dear.
So she was obviously veryprofessional and didn't mention
anything, but I'm surprised hereyes weren't watering.
But yeah, there's a few shotsthat we've got, some um, but uh,
yeah, there's a few shots thatwe've got.
So we've got some good ones,but there's a few shots from
earlier in the day that um,probably won't make.
So we're making a gonna havelike a wedding wall.
So from february on we're gonnahave, you know, loads of
(13:20):
different pictures, um, but um,yeah, there'll be some that I
don't think will will make it.
I might crop me out and sort ofjust put you and Grant up on
the wall.
You get everyone together thatyou've not seen for ages and
some people we don't see againfor ages, and you know it's an
(13:40):
emotional day.
What we had, as well as well asthe photos, we had a red phone,
an old school dial-a-phonething, because we thought it
would be nice to save down someaudio files, because it's lovely
to look back at photos, butalso to actually hear someone's
voice as well.
(14:02):
That means a lot of love wasshown.
So if I just show a couple ofthe audio files, okay, oh, dear
ones that I'm allowed to share.
So you know, the people left usloads of, you know, really
sweet, sweet words for us tolisten back to in years times I
(14:28):
love boobs, boobs.
Boobs.
So beautiful, beautifulmemories to look back on Of a
lovely day.
So you know when you want tolisten back to some people.
(14:48):
We've got these lovely audioclips of a romantic day Boobs,
boobs.
Let's see if I've got any more.
Have I got any more?
Wifey here, you're drunk toomuch.
Love you, but it's.
(15:11):
Yeah, it was a lovely day.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
The phone was a great addition.
I'm not going to lie.
I'm pretty sure we left yousome more horrendous ones than
that as well.
Some lovely ones, I'm sure.
What else have we got?
What's up, walliams?
All I can hear is you talking,walliams, why are you still
talking?
Shut up, walliams, love you.
All I can hear is you talking,williams.
Why are you still talking?
Shut up, williams, love youyeah lovely.
(15:37):
I mean you put a telephone onand you put loads of booze in
front of it and I thinkpotentially one more as well.
Speaker 1 (15:46):
Here we go.
Hello, this is a no to a gnome.
Speaker 3 (15:49):
I popped in for a bit of Potentially one more as well
.
Oh yeah, here we go.
Hello, this is the Know-It-AllGnome.
I popped in for a bit of funfor the wedding, and I just want
to say how proud I am of youboth today.
And here's my advice for theday when you think you've had
enough look at each other in theeye and remember you were here
(16:13):
once.
You'll be here again.
We love each other and marriageis for life, not just for
Christmas.
Respect each other.
We love you, Love theknow-it-all gnome.
We, we, we.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I didn't see him at the wedding.
Speaker 1 (16:34):
He's a tiny guy, zero recollection of him saying that
to you.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
That was a bit of a shock for me.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
I remember going boobs he's a tiny little guy.
Bless him he was.
I mean, we didn't have a chairfor him, so actually he's under
the table and we just fed himunder the table, gave him some.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
Best way to be really .
Speaker 1 (17:00):
He had some on my main course because I was too
nervous for the speech, so Igave him some bits of it.
Yeah, beautiful day andbeautiful memories.
And if the memory isn't quiteas good as it used to be, when
I'm 80, I've got these lovelyaudio clips.
And that's not just me, it's mywife as well.
(17:21):
So my wife will get to you know.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
Listen back to these beautiful I try and um, I'd make
sure you label who they arebecause you may just forget over
time.
Who thinks that From our win?
So we're about to celebrate 12years of marriage and we were
looking back over photos andthere was genuinely people there
.
I'm like, who was that?
Yeah there were people thatwent.
(17:45):
I have no idea who they were,so might be a good idea to label
them while you've still got afresh memory, wells, while these
people are still there like mrhodge hodge hodge something
wasn't it something like thatgreg, greg, greg, hodge, grant,
grant hodgekiss.
Yeah, grant hodgekiss.
Yeah, no, it was.
It was a lovely day, wells, andit was.
It was a lovely day, wals.
(18:06):
And yeah, thank you forinviting us to be there as part
of it.
Speaker 1 (18:10):
Oh, an absolute pleasure.
Lovely weekend.
It was Lovely weekend.
Do it all over again?
Well, wouldn't pay for it allover again.
Speaker 2 (18:18):
Well, like the old gnome said, it's for life, not
just for Christmas.
So said it's for life, not justfor Christmas.
So you can't just do whateveryou want.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
It's true.
And on Christmas, a couplelittle looks which you might
spoil.
Your first look, I don't know,but we had a first look at the
Asda Christmas advert.
Speaker 2 (18:36):
Ah the sons of buns.
They are, they must be,listening to this podcast.
Speaker 1 (18:43):
Yeah, I don't know if anyone sounds familiar, but
it's.
It's basically got.
It's got gnomes and bad puns.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
That's what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:52):
It sounds familiar.
Speaker 2 (18:54):
They've basically listened to our podcast.
I thought, oh, those twoobviously know their Christmas,
we will, we'll just rip them off.
Basically, ripped them off,basically is what they've done.
I think they're probablyclaiming it well to be honest.
Speaker 1 (19:04):
Yes, look at that.
I mean, if it's just gnomes,maybe, if it's just bad puns,
maybe, but gnomes if they're aknow-it-all gnome.
Speaker 2 (19:10):
Is there a know-it-all gnome?
Is there a wise old gnome inthat?
Speaker 1 (19:16):
advert.
I don't know I might need tohim unbelievable.
Yeah, we'll look back at that.
And then also, um, I saw um,which I think is quite clever,
but uh, a little, a little got afreeway cola, um lorry doing
the old truck lorry, whateveryou want to call it doing the
(19:37):
rounds around the country.
Um so, uh, yeah so talkingabout they're just ripping off
coke, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (19:44):
yeah, a bit like asda with, really so yeah, I mean
that is outrageous, like they'rejust the whole coke van thing
is such a big part of christmasfor that company to then have an
absolute ripoff of it yeah,freeway cola tips for dads tips
(20:07):
for dads tips for dads.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
Get your tips for dads we are.
Speaker 2 (20:13):
We're making tips for dad a more regular feature,
right?
Well, every other episode we'regoing to do tips for dad and
the theme this this week isgetting, because we're in
november now.
The christmas adverts are on,the little lorries are out there
, along with the Coca-Colalorries and tips for dads around
preparing for Christmas.
Walliams I've only got a smalltip, hey, and she's still
(20:38):
married him.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
No, but we're mean parents, mr Archicus, oh dear're
mean parents.
Mr Hodgkiss, oh dear Meanparents.
So Logan's first Christmas, wedidn't get him anything.
We did not get him anything forhis first Christmas, ouch.
So my tip for dads is don'tfeel any pressure for the first
(20:59):
Christmas, or any.
Christmas really Well, what'sthe first one?
The first one in particularthey don't really know what's
going on.
They're little, they don't knowwhat's going on, and also
they're going to get a load ofstuff from the grandparents and
various of the members of thefamily anyway.
So don't worry, don't have anypressure for the first Christmas
, don't worry.
Speaker 2 (21:18):
Absolutely.
Couldn't agree more.
It's already a reallyridiculously expensive time.
It's already a reallyridiculously expensive time, and
when the child's under one,they, they, you know they can't
crawl or they can't walkgenerally, and you know they
don't really know what's goingon, do they?
So, yeah, save your money andput it towards their college
education.
Speaker 1 (21:36):
If you can, great.
If you don't, don't worryabsolutely I'd agree with that.
Speaker 2 (21:40):
no pressure, um, my one miles is actually based on
something that we've had thisweek, so we are my tip for dad.
It's all about hiding spots.
So we are a family who likeshiding spots, so we all like to.
We we try as much as possibleto get all the presents and all
the nonsense done ahead ofDecember.
(22:00):
So, in December we can focusmore on just actually having a
fun time.
Um, but we are now at the agewhere my son Spoiler alert.
Speaker 1 (22:12):
Those with children switch off now.
Speaker 3 (22:15):
Spoiler alert those with children that may be
listening also switch off now.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Cover your ears For those, anyone listening with
children who are young and ifthere's any kids listening, turn
off for the next 10 seconds,because our son has found out
the truth about santa claus.
Yes, he asked, he asked and heasked and he asked and he
pressured and he got the answer.
So he knows that the presentscome from mom and dad.
And one of his first questionswas like about I can guess where
(22:47):
you hide them.
And I was like I bet youprobably can.
So this year I'm like, okay,I'm on alert.
Yeah, so it's.
My tip is to get familiar withyour hiding spots now.
Get security cameras, getsecurity cameras.
Think about where you're goingto hide these presents.
(23:09):
Are you going to hide themaround someone's house?
And I would also say use yourphone to write down where you're
hidden stuff, because I canimagine you'd forget where you
put some of these presents onChristmas morning.
The kid's like, oh, I wasreally hoping to have such and
such.
Like, oh crap.
Oh, I was really hoping to havesuch and such.
Like, oh crap, we bought that.
Where is it?
I'm into the loft on christmasmorning and get it down, because
you're behind I don't know,behind a portrait of the queen
(23:32):
or something that you've gotstashed up there.
So yeah, get familiar with yourhiding spots, write them down,
maybe even tell your wife andtry as much as you can to get
stuff done early.
This will be the first year forus without Santa, but um yeah,
we're going to be very much.
Speaker 1 (23:47):
If you don't believe in the magic, then help make the
magic.
Speaker 2 (23:51):
Oh, absolutely.
Well, that's why we want to geteverything done as well.
So in December we've got lotsof fun stuff planned, so it'll
still be magical.
Speaker 1 (23:57):
Yeah, tips for dance.
Tips for dance.
That's good.
Should it be for the danceFirst look, mr Oshkiss.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
First look.
So yes, my first look issomething I hope many of our
listeners have not encountered,but I'm guessing a few of our
listeners will.
We have had visitors, Visitors.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
Visitors, visitors.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
So that sounds Furry, furry, furry visitors very,
very little visitors who like toclimb under you.
Get under your kickboards andget in the walls.
We have had our first experiencemice little boogers door mice,
that thing, or little littlemice in the kitchen coming in
(24:45):
and we found some mousedroppings so we have had to uh
yeah, to sort their mice out.
Um, so we first had aninclination that there was a
mouse in the house.
When the mother-in-law said Isaw a mouse in your kitchen, we
we're like, oh okay, did youOkay?
(25:06):
And we're like she could justbe nuts.
Maybe she just saw somethingout of the corner of her eye.
And then the good wife thoughtshe saw a mouse and then I was
like, oh, maybe she's crazy.
Because she said, oh, actually,no, there's a cat out there in
the window.
I think it might be the cat.
I just saw the cat movingacross the garden.
(25:27):
But then, about two days later,in our little conservatory area
, we came to the kitchen and Iwas like, oh, there, he is, old
as brass in the conservatory, inthe middle of the floor just
chilling out, having the time ofhis life.
And I was like, yep, that's amouse.
And yep, that's a mouse.
And I was like is it a mouse oris it a small rat?
I was like, no, definitely amouse.
(25:48):
So we sprung into action, no punintended, went to B&Q, bought
all the mousetraps you could buy, got all the peanut butter, set
the mousetraps night one.
No more mouse, it was just onemouse.
Was it a family of mice?
Well, so when we saw the mouse,we were like, oh, he's quite,
he's actually fairly dark, helooks quite dark.
(26:08):
Um, and then the mouse wecaught it was about the same
size, it was a fully grown mouse.
Um, was, it looks slightlylighter.
So we're like so we, weactually bought six traps and we
bought some.
So I was like, I did a bit ofreading and I was like okay, I
don't really want to kill themice, what's the best thing to
(26:30):
do?
And they said, if you use thehumane traps, you have to kind
of take them like at least twoor three miles away.
And I thought, if we've got afew, we probably just want to.
Yeah.
Unfortunately we bought the kindof the snap traps.
Yeah, so we, and this is thisis where this is where the
(26:53):
mystery continues.
So we, we set one court, onethe others didn't move.
The next day, one of the trapshad gone off, but there was no
mouse.
Oh, it's a ninja.
What's happened here?
No mouse, oh, it's a ninjamouse.
What's happened here.
I was like is it a ninja mouse?
What's going on?
And then we've set them eversince.
And I was like, okay, we setsix.
(27:14):
Then we did buy some humaneones as well.
We thought, okay, we need totry and get rid of the problem,
but if there are going to bemore, come let's try and get rid
of it.
But since then we haven't hadany.
So we've been rebating thetraps, we've put them around.
There's been no signs of them.
Speaker 3 (27:31):
We've there's been no new droppings or everything so
we actually think we may havejust had the one yeah, but uh,
yeah, it wasn't a niceexperience because you don't
really want to kill.
Speaker 2 (27:39):
I don't want to kill anything.
We caught the first mouse on asunday.
It's like a Craig David songCut the mouse on a Sunday.
Then we had visitors comingover on a Friday, wanted to kill
the mouse before they arrivedbecause can you imagine yeah,
welcome, come and stay in ourlovely home, just mind for the
mouse traps please.
Yeah, when you wake up in themorning, see if there's any dead
(28:02):
mice, would you Check under thekickboards?
So yeah, problem solved,touchwood, but mice Tips for
dads as well, with mice.
So we did again.
You know what's the best thingto use to catch mice?
Is it peanut butter?
Is it bacon?
Is it kibble?
We ended up buying.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
It's sort of like classic cheese.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
No, Apparently, not Apparently most don't like.
Most actually don't like cheese.
Speaker 1 (28:27):
I don't know if they don't like them, but it's not.
Speaker 2 (28:30):
I don't, I honestly don't know, but the um, we
bought some.
It was kind of like the companywho sells the mouse traps.
They're all kind of like someof the graphics and stuff they
use.
It's like a mouse with a targetand it's like as if you're
gonna snipe for the mouse orsomething.
Yeah, it is a bit like that.
So we bought this, this, thisbait.
(28:52):
That was, you know, veryexpensive and we're like oh it's
meant to work.
but it did catch a mouse firsttime.
Um, so if there were and thenafter that we tried it didn't
catch any then try peanut butter, try nutella.
And we, we watched somewherethat American stuff called Fluff
it's like marshmallow fluff.
Yeah, we would say, just gowith the stuff you get in the
shop.
(29:12):
It seemed to work.
So yeah, mice, first experienceof mice.
But yeah, if you've had anyexperiences with little mice,
feel free to email us atfirstsatnomesatoutlookcom and
tell us about your experiences.
Dad joke of the week.
Dad joke of the week.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
So new, don't panic, you will still get your dad
jokes.
I'll keep it short and sweet,this one how does the man on the
moon cut his hair?
Speaker 2 (29:42):
I don't know, Dan.
How does the man on the mooncut his hair?
He don't know, Dan.
How does the man on the mooncut his hair?
He clips it.
Speaker 1 (29:50):
Oh dear, it's the way you'd tell him and the next
episode we will have a bad joke.
So one episode, you get a badjoke.
The next episode, you get a badjoke.
Speaker 2 (30:02):
Walliams, what's the difference between your bad
jokes and your bad jokes?
Speaker 1 (30:05):
The direction of the first letter.
We'll see you in two weeks.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Bye everybody, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
Speaker 2 (30:15):
Anyway, welcome back to season three.
Welcome back Bigger and better,bigger and better.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Special Summer Offer: Exclusively on Apple Podcasts, try our Dateline Premium subscription completely free for one month! With Dateline Premium, you get every episode ad-free plus exclusive bonus content.