March 5, 2025 • 36 mins
Join us as we navigate through both calamity and comedy in this lively episode!
We recount our personal experiences dealing with Storm Eowyn and the cascading chaos it brought to our lives. From roofs torn off to power outages.
In the spirit of every diligent dad, we compile a must-have toolkit featuring everything from the essential torch for night adventures to trusty duct tape for quick fixes. Each item has a story, and we discuss how these tools can help navigate both daily challenges and unexpected emergencies.
We even weave in our classic segment of dad jokes, promising to keep laughter alive, even in dark times. As we share our silly stories, we invite listeners to partake as well! What’s your most outrageous dad moment? What tools do you consider irreplaceable?
Tune in for a memorable mix of insight, humour, and relatable dad experiences. Don’t forget to respond with your own stories or laughs; it isn’t just our journey; it’s all of ours!
Be sure to subscribe, tune in, and let’s keep this dad community thriving!
Join us for a first look at;
- Storm Eowyn
- Lemon Trees
A thirsty first of
And Tips for Dads!
Click here via your Mobile Device to send us a message!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to First Look Gnomes, the podcast where two
dads do silly things.
The Gnome answers all of yourburning questions.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
We discuss our first looks, and don't miss our tips
for dads.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Because who wouldn't have any tips from?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
us Enjoy a good laugh with our collection of bad
jokes and dad jokes that willmake you groan or maybe even
giggle.
And don't forget to share yourthoughts in the first round of
feedback where we read andrespond to listener comments, if
you simply email in tofirstlooknomes at outlookcom are
(00:39):
we uploading?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
we're uploading.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Ok, 99% uploaded nice yeah, I've got good internet.
Oh, I'm gone.
Do any wee we're uploading.
Okay, 99% uploaded.
Nice, yeah, I've got goodinternet.
Oh, hang on, I've got some.
Do you need?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
a wee, I'm alright.
Do you need a wee?
I can't hold it.
No, it's fine.
Do you need a wee?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
get a wee no, the pressure it's fine, I'll be good
.
I'll be good for the first 15minutes until we get to tips for
dads, and then we'll see bigfine, be fine your hosts for
episode seven, volumes and mrhodge kids.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Oh, seven is a place on earth.
They say a seven, love comesfirst.
We'll make seven a place onearth.
They say a seven, love comesfirst.
We'll make seven a place onearth.
Oh, episode seven is a place onearth.
Oh, episode seven is a place onearth.
Yay, voice of an angel.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I particularly liked the the commitment you gave to
that, walliams, so I can seeWalliams singing this and the
uncomfortableness if that's evena word when he does the intro
it's the instant regret as therecord starts and I'm like what
(02:03):
am I doing with my life?
We're making it.
We're trying to make peoplelaugh as the record starts.
What am I doing with my life?
We're trying to make peoplelaugh and enjoy life in these
dark and crazy times that welive in.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Welcome to episode 7, everybody, welcome to episode 7
.
How are you, mr Hodgkiss?
I am okay, you obviously had abit of a gap.
You've been away.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
We did.
We had a lovely time.
We've had a nice gap.
We have had a bit of a break, arefresh.
We are all good this end of thepond.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Mr Williams, how are you?
I won't ask you too manyquestions because I imagine it
might be a little first lookmaybe.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, I mean, the whole point of this podcast is
to have a first look at thingsthat are happening in the world,
things that we may have seen,things that we may have enjoyed.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
So yes, in our break.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Don't ask me too many questions because I may not
talk about things that havehappened since we last got
together drank beer and recordedWell the last time you didn't
drink beer was episode six.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yes, episode six.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Was that a sober episode?
Was it?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
You weren't feeling very well, so you had a.
You're on the zeros.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Oh yes.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I got probably a bit too drunk.
Listen back to episode six.
But the next day you text mesaying you've got norovirus.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I had been norovirus, so you've actually been
recording with norovirus.
I remember actually.
Yeah, I told you I felt likecrap, but you struggled for it,
and then all the crap left meOver the course of the next
three days.
Yeah, that wasn't a fun one.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I forgot about that.
I'm going to do somethingsacrilegious now, because it's
time for the thirsty firstfridge.
But I haven't got a clean glass.
I'm going to pour it into aslightly Guinnessed pint glass.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
You go ahead.
Is it a Guinness that you'repouring into it, or is it
something else?
No, it's a thirsty.
First, let's give it a go,shall we Th?
Or?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
is it something?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
else.
No, it's the Thirsty First.
Let's give it a go, shall we?
Thirsty First?
What have we got Wild?
What's in the fridge today?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Let's open the Thirsty First fridge, the hot
foundry, sustainably brewed withsurplus Aldi Tiger Bread Toast
brewing.
This one's cool, i's what it'scalled.
I think I've had this Anotherround, brewed in partnership
(04:30):
with Toast Brewing, alcoholpercentage at 3.4%.
So the wife of my wife has beenlistening to these podcasts and
has obviously doesn't approvemy 8% plus drinking.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
You do not need to be drinking 8%.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I mean in theory it's brewed with surplus Aldi Tiger
Bread.
I like Tiger Bread, I like beer.
They're crafted by toastbrewing with Aldi surplus bakery
bread.
English Harlequin Ernest Hoppsgive a citrusy burst with notes
of peach and passion fruit.
So that's where you're goingwrong.
There are you adding a bit ofpeach with bread yeah, you don't
(05:12):
want peach bread do you, wouldyou add?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
peach in your toast.
No peanut butter maybe, but notpeach.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
So when it says surplus, it means leftover.
Yeah, it's a stale bread.
Yeah, leftover stale bread, butit sounds better than surplus
and peaches.
And peaches, let's give it a goshall we?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Let's give it a go, Wiles.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
I mean, I like tiger bread.
Who doesn't so?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
3.4% as well is like the perfect kind of alcohol
level for me.
Let's pour it into the we weretalking earlier about the joys
of things like John Smith's,because you can have like three
or four and not get two Woo,whereas when you drink 8% beers,
two cans and you do lally.
(05:58):
Well, I am, my name is not somuch.
He's tapping the bottom, ladiesand gentlemen.
He's tapping the bottom I mean.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
This content for the listeners is it's gold, it's
absolute gold, it's alright.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
It's a very light bit .
I've noticed that Valiums, outof all the pictures that could
have been cut, you've neverwanted to give up the Percy
first.
You're like should we give upPercy?
No, that could have been cut.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
you've never wanted to give up the person first.
You know, like, should we givehim first?
Nope, yeah, I'm pretty sure wehad feedback at some point
saying drop it.
But we begin it's like the sameas no or no.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
But yeah, he's still standing as well the no or no,
though apparently, according tosome of the feedback, he's been
growing in reputation, so he'sbeen growing.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
He's now.
He's now two foot.
Hey, smells nice, smells peachy.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Excuse me, a minute, isn't it?
Can you smell the bread?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
No, just peaches.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Does it smell like toast?
He's not sure.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Nice, but not what I expected.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
In what way?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I expected more toast than peach.
Is expected more toast thanpeach is it more peach than
toast?
Yeah, it's alright.
I suppose it's hard to come.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It's alright, it's hard to really kind of put the
flavour of toast in a drink.
I would imagine.
Well, think, think about it aswell.
Toast do you eat toast with?
With what's?
Why is toast so good?
Is it because of your tastebuds or is it because of your
sense of smell?
It's like toast always.
You smell toast, don't you?
That's deep as much as youtaste toast so like.
(07:32):
If the beer doesn't taste liketoast or smell like toast, it
smells like peaches.
You're not going to get thetaste of peaches.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Are you basically saying your wife is?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
That is a deep question.
Philosophical gnomes.
Sorry, he doesn't look veryhappy though, so I'm guessing
he's going to blame his wife.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Are you saying I'm going to try not to smell it?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Try not to smell it, to taste it.
Okay, he's holding his nose.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
ladies and gentlemen, Tastes better, actually Tastes
better.
Okay, when you can't smell it,it tastes better.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
So are you saying you're ungrateful in your wife,
that your wife bought you a beer?
Is that what you're saying?
No, I love my wife and it's anice beer.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I was just hoping for a bit more toast.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I can't believe you've been talking to me, to
your wife, that she's gone andbought you a beer.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I think the surplus Tiger Bread is just the
sustainable brewing element.
Yeah, doesn't really add to theflavour.
It's the peaches, that's theflavour.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Is it a gimmick, William?
Do you think it's just agimmick Perhaps?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
But also sustainable brewing, which we should all do.
Well, once we get someinvestments from sponsors,
please write in tofirstsuitnamesatoutlookcom.
We will.
We will not try a littlebrewery firstlooknamesbrewery.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Well, we could.
But I mean, I just want to saywhy would we need to do our own
brewery and how could we evercompete with the wonderful
brewery that is the WhitewaterBrewing Co, who make such fine
beers as the Belfast Lager andMagga's Leap Vermittable IPA?
I mean, there's no pointsigning for Brewing Wells
because they've alreadyperfected it, just saying the
(09:12):
Whitewater Brewing Co.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
A little first look.
So this is a bit of a flashbackto Season 1, I believe it was.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Season 1?
I can't remember what happenedyesterday, never mind season one
.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
You might remember it where I spoke about algorithms
on Facebook and how it tends toput adverts and things in front
of you based on what it thinksyour interests are.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I don't remember this , but I'm interested to see
where it goes you do, you do andit came up up.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
If you remember, it came up with the empire strips
back because of wookiee erotica?
Yeah, well, because you like tolook at that came up when you
went on the website.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
You're on the website and there's wookiee erotica and
all sorts of stuff I beg yourpardon yeah, it didn't come up
because of Wookiee Erotica Ithought you'd just been looking
at sexy blue ladies or something.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
That's a good one, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Sexy blue ladies with three heads and long limbs.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
But this week, this week Mr Hotchkiss came up the
Empire Strips Back London cameup the Empire Strips Back London
.
It's coming over from Las Vegasto London.
I've put us on the waiting list.
If we get tickets, we're going.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Get your lightsabers ready.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Get your lightsaber ready.
We're going to seeStormtroopers.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Sexy Stormtroopers and Blue Ladies.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Jabba the.
Slut, can't ban Very good.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
That'll be interesting, then I mean there
must have some.
You hear about OnlyFans, dondon't you?
And all these weird people likeloads of like was it, kate nash
?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean, you made a fortune from your feet, haven't
you?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I haven't.
Well, it's because of my seventoes.
Yeah, um, people just like that.
Yeah, no, let's not go there.
The uh kate nash, though.
Like the singer she said, tofund her tour, she was
effectively posting pictures ofher arse on OnlyFans, and Lily
Allen is making a fortune fromselling pictures of her feet and
stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Really.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And you think, okay, there's clearly some weird
people out there who are willingto pay for some weird fetish
stuff.
The fact that Star Wars or StarWars, what's it called Star
Wars, the Empire Strips.
Back the Empire Strips, backthe Empire.
That's a great name, the EmpireStrips back has clearly got
(11:55):
enough fandom that it can cometo London from Las Vegas and
actually like take this on tourblows my little mind.
I mean, as my good wife wouldsay, it's just another fabric
out of a thread, out of thefabric of society.
All I can say is hello.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
But yeah, well, I look forward to going there with
you, alce lovely, I'll updateyou no more to go in there with
you, else lovely I'll update youand I know more.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Um okay, so mine, mine's a fairly well kind of
serious in many ways, one thatlike gosh we shouldn't make
light of, but at the same time,like holy moly, um.
So my first look, walliams, um.
For listeners, for long-termlisteners you'll know that I am
based in Belfast, in NorthernIreland.
For anyone who didn't or hasnever listened to this before,
(12:52):
we apologise, and I am fromNorthern.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Ireland and to those that won't listen to us again.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
They may never.
But since our last recording,walliams, we got battered, and I
mean battered, by Storm owen.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
oh, storm owen was it storm.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, owen spelt e-o-w-y-n um.
Yeah, we got battered by stormowen so uh, we've had storms
before.
We faced storms, but not likethis.
We knew this was bad when or wewere in for it when they they
cancelled school and all theshops were like we will not be
(13:31):
open, we are putting up boardsand closing shops and everything
.
So we're like, okay, cool, okay, this is gonna be bad.
So then we we got told on thewe knew was coming on a th night
.
We're like, okay, here comesthe storm.
We got told our kids school wasclosing and we got told all the
(13:51):
local shops were closing and tomake sure you've got enough
things in.
So on Thursday night I went tomake sure we had some coal for
the fire in case we lost power,batteries for the torches, all
that kind of stuff.
Um, yeah, we go to bed.
It's all nice and calm.
Five o'clock in the morning weare woken up with the sound of
crashing and glass smashing.
(14:12):
Oh gosh.
And because we are in a corner,all you could hear around the
house was, and it was like whatthe hell was that?
It was the wind whipping aroundthe building.
I hate wind.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I have wind, anxiety it was the wind whipping around
the building.
I hate, I hate, wind it wasanxiety, oh, you would have you
would have pooped your pants.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Um so brayden wakes up.
We wake up and we look out thewindow and it's pitch black, but
you can.
There's just enough light fromone of the street lamps where
you can see the trees.
Do you remember?
Do you know like in americathey have those car garages with
those kind of inflatable peoplethat fly around?
The trees were moving like thatI'm like what the heck is that?
(14:58):
and they were going from side toside.
I'm like, what's that crashingnoise?
So I I decided to get up.
I thought, right, I need to goand investigate what's broken,
what's been smashed, but thewind, the storm's still going on
.
I was, I was in my pants,luckily, um, but I went out, I
put on my um, my pajamas and Iwent outside.
I opened the door to go outsideand it was.
(15:19):
It was like the apocalypse.
You're like, okay, I'm in thehouse, it's nice and quiet.
You open the door.
It was like in the movies and Itried to walk outside.
It was one of those things likeif the music of John Williams
from the end of Indiana Jonesand the Temple of Doom had been
playing as I tried so valiantlyto just walk out of my front
(15:42):
door, it would have beenbrilliant anyway.
So I go outside and everything,everything's going.
I'm like, ah, that's what'smaking the noise.
We've our shed roof has blown upoh no so our shed roof was made
of corrugated steel sheets.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Was it your shed or yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
like yeah, that side yeah, the office like the the
garden pod thing.
So it's not even like just akind of a 500-inch it's like a
proper purpose-built garden podyeah, four 3.5-metre-long
corrugated sheets had beenripped off.
I'm telling you, the screws areabout the screws that were
(16:25):
holding it down.
It's crazy, the power isn't, itwere down crazy, the power like
three, insane power, like threeinches deep and thick as well,
like all, like you know, 10 milthree inch screws just ripped
off.
So these corrugated steel sheets, which are massive and heavy
and I've got screw sticking outof them are blown around in my
pajamas on my and my vest tryingto wrestle these sheets, but
(16:49):
they're still half kind ofattached.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
They're still left in there, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Well, yeah, I thought , but my concern was they're
going to blow into the road andthen they're going to cause some
real damage, so I was likeright.
I need to somehow get these outof the way and out of danger
Now.
So the thing is at the side ofour house, the shed and the
sheet, but the wind's stillgoing.
So then the roof styles startfalling off the top of the house
(17:13):
, the actual roof, oh no.
Just where I'm stood.
So you've got this concretestuff on the floor.
I'm like, yeah, this isn't safe.
No, what are we going to do?
So I did.
I was like right, kind of putthem just down the side, wedged
them so they can't really blowanywhere.
Get back in the house.
Got back in the house.
So then all you could hear waslike this outside the house, and
(17:38):
you're like, oh hey.
And they're like, and all that,and you're like, oh okay.
So we stood in the house, wewaited there for a few hours.
It gets to like 8 o'clock.
My wife's a nurse.
She's like I've got to try andget into the hospital today,
because people still needtreatment for things and
whatever.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
More so probably, with the storm going on.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, more so.
So I'm like, okay, what are wegoing to do here?
So all the shops are shut.
So I'm like, okay, we have noroof, it's raining.
I'm like, what are we going todo?
Because I need to try and savenow the pot.
So I was like, okay.
So luckily, thank the good Lordin heaven, screwfix decided to
(18:21):
open.
At half past two in theafternoon Lesley got to work,
okay.
So I was like I said, right,keep me in the loop when you get
to work.
Et.
I was like I said, right, keepme in the loop when you get to
work, etc.
Etc.
Only only about um a third ofthe staff were able to get in
yeah thankfully she got wordthis week that the hospitals are
paying the staff who couldn'tmake it in anyway for the day
off, so they're not kind ofpersecuting them for the fact
(18:42):
that they couldn't get into work.
So I was like, good on you, nhs, that's a good move, um, and
she got in okay, and she gothome okay, um.
So I was meant to be workingthat day.
Obviously had to tell all myamerican compatriots, sorry.
I took some videos, which Ithink I did.
I send you a video of this umand some of the damage and I
mean we were quite lucky really.
So we we lost some roof tiles,we lost some concrete, we lost
(19:05):
the roof.
But like some of that, some ofthe property damage was
mind-blowing.
There were like trees thatfallen, like through houses and
all sorts going on.
So it was a proper, proper mess.
But by about three o'clock inthe afternoon it really settled
down and screw fix god bless youpeople of screw fix um opened
up, uh, half past two.
(19:26):
So if anybody needed stuff tokind of do any repairs they
could.
So we were able then to go andget some tarpaulin and the
things we needed and able tokind of put a temporary roof on
over the shed.
Now, by this point, a lot ofwater got in and through, so,
like, okay, but it was onlywater damage, nothing too
serious, so we were quite lucky.
But, um, lesion got to work,brain had his day off school, so
(19:48):
he was happy, um, and yeah,basically it was just and I've
never experienced a storm likeit.
So, yes, I first look at one ofthese like it was a
record-breaking store in storm.
There's like a quarter of amillion people lost power, so we
were really lucky.
So our whole, our whole villagelost power, apart from our
(20:11):
little part of our street so thewhole of the whole of where we
live was completely knocked out,but our little quadrant just at
the edge of the village keptpower on, so it was like, oh,
that's lucky, um, and the restof the rest of the power to
places out for like three days.
So we were lucky there.
(20:32):
But, yeah, I've neverexperienced anything like it all
my days.
My mom and dad's house gotdamaged.
My father was house got damaged.
So, yeah, storms, tips fordad's, tips for dads.
Well, yeah, tips for dads tipsfor dads, get your tips out for
(20:59):
um, right?
Well, tips for dads.
This week I thought, afterdealing with a storm, um, and
having to be all madly and getup on a roof and put some tarp
down and got to buy some newstuff, yeah, so, honest to
goodness, like no joke aside,lesley-anne got home from work.
It got darker like quarter tofour and we should go home, so
(21:25):
it was a two-person job.
Because this thing's like it's14 foot wide by like 10 foot and
I was like it was still windyenough, so like you're trying to
get a tarpaulin sheet over thetop of it and all it does is
blow back in your face.
So I was like this is atwo-person job and we had to do
all these things, but I thought,because of this, we were very
(21:46):
lucky that we had the right tool.
So my tips for dads I decidedto compile a list of five tools
that you need in your shed as adad, and I've kind of got a
number one.
So I'm going to go 5, 4, 3, 2,1.
And I gave a bit of explanationas to why, as a dad, you need
(22:07):
this.
So in number five, william.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
That's what Countdown is.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Da-da-da-da-da.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Da-da-da-da-da.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
In number five, a really good torch,
da-da-da-da-da.
A really good torch.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
I wish you knew where your torch is as well.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Well, absolutely, I decided to invest in a good
torch, one of these ones thatcomes in a box, um, and we've
loved using it because, likeit's insanely powerful, so we I
can be in the kitchen or kind ofjust inside and I can look
right at the end of the gardenwith, like it's insanely
powerful spot.
It's one of these ones whereit's so powerful you hold it up
(22:45):
and it looks like a lightsaber,but it's a lightsaber that goes
to the moon Do you pretend it'sa lightsaber.
We have.
You've both pretended thatwe've had the lightsaber, but
it's essential for fixing crapin the dark, and I've also found
another good use for it, sowhen your kid wants you to look
under the bed you just blindthem.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
What's?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
your rule.
Just blind your kid as you lookunder the bed with the torch.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
It's quite funny.
Blind your kid In number four.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do dodo do, do, do.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Tarp or tarpaulin, because you never know when your
fucking shed roof is going toblow off.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
So good piece of tarp .
Number three, do, do do, do, dodo do Number three, a crowbar,
because no matter how sh**ty DIYa crowbar makes you look like a
badass If you're a man, even ifyou're useless with tools, when
you have a crowbar in your armsyou look cool.
(23:47):
There's no way.
There's no way your wife can'tbe like oh, take me now when
you've got a crowbar in yourhands.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
So yeah, crowbar for nothing else than looking cool I
really thought about it.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Well, this, this one I need to make.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I need to make a torch more powerful, I think,
but apart from that, I've gotthese items.
Get a good torch.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I can give you some tips on that this one because of
our arrangement, a good fold upcamping chair, because as a dad
, I haven't got one of those oh,trust me right, with Logie Bear
, you're going to be going outall the time, all the time to
places.
And occasionally you just needto whip out the camping chair,
because it's just who doesn'tlike to sit down.
(24:32):
Sitting on the floor is rubbish,so a good folding camping chair
one that's really good andsturdy and quite comfortable to
sit in, especially one that'sgot cup holders and stuff Good
camping chair.
So that's number two.
But number one Williams doo doo,doo doo do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do.
Really good, proper, badassduct tape, the good stuff, like
(24:54):
the gorilla duct tape, so like,and I'll tell you for why
Because there's nothing it can'tdo, because we couldn't get the
tarpaulin.
We only had one ladder so weweren't tall enough to get up
there and get the tarpaulin overthe shed.
So we're like you know what weneed to do?
We need to kind of attachsomething and throw like a lasso
over, like a rope, and throw itover and put it over.
(25:16):
But we didn't have a rope.
We had a rock, we had a hole inthe top.
We had to make a rope out.
I was like, what can we use?
Like, let's just use the ducttape, made a rope out of duct
tape, lassoed this, this rock,over the hatch, threw it over to
leslie and she called it.
She pulled the rope.
It was attached to the rope.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
She pulled it.
We pulled the duct tape.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
We got the tarpaulin over the roof and it was all
thanks to the duct tape.
So it was um, I was like, andthen what else?
We held it.
We used then duct tape to kindof temporarily hold corners down
while we added staples anddrilled bits in, and I was like
duct tape and like really good,proper, good duct tape.
I was like, yeah, can't gowrong with it.
(25:58):
You know, if your kid's toy'sbroken duct tape, something
broken, a bit of plastic brokenon a washing machine, duct tape,
it's just good stuff.
So those are my tips for dadsFive things you need.
I mean, I know there's bettertools out there, but just make
sure you've got those five andyou can probably achieve
anything.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Bye, then I've got a little tip.
Oh, you've got a little tip aswell.
Yeah, I was trying to think ofa little tip, a little tip.
Oh, you've got a little tip aswell.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, I was trying to think of a little tip.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
A little tip, just the With toddlers.
This is more for toddlers,especially two-year-olds as we
have Don't say goodbye, don'tsay goodbye to them.
So when you've got, a goodfriend of ours was around
babysitting.
We were going out for theevening.
Oh, don't say goodbye to them,don't say goodbye, they won't
(26:53):
know you're gone.
What you should do is just go,just go, just go.
If you say goodbye, they'relike well, I'm a character, I'm
not.
I said goodbye, they're goingto find it, bye-bye, they're
waving away.
But then, when the mum saidgoodbye as well, you can see the
cog sticking.
It's like hang on.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
The person who looks after me is going.
What's going to happen to me?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
You're both going I'm not and then tears and
screaming.
And then you leave the housewith a screaming child in the
background oh no, which is quitedifficult, but to leave the
house with a screaming child inthe background, which is quite
difficult.
But yeah, if you don't wavegoodbye and just go when they're
having fun doing what they'redoing, they won't mind.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
They don't know the change of circumstance.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
So don't say goodbye.
Don't say goodbye.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
That's a really good tip actually Thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, that's a very sensible tip, I mean unless
you're going away for two weeksor leaving them for good.
Maybe say goodbye, yeah.
So I went to the, I walked tothe shop office and, you know,
started my day.
I opened the door, looked tothe right and it was the size.
It was the size of a bird.
(28:08):
It was the size of a bird, itwas the size of a bird and it
had eight legs and in the cornerthis massive, massive spider.
All right, huge, huge.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
What did I do, Mr Hotchkiss?
Um, I'm hoping you did whatmost sensible people would do,
which is get a glass.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You're funny.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Get a glass cover it, get some paper underneath and
chuck it in the garden.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
That is one scenario.
I did not do that.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Are you scared of spiders?
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Try scenario B.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Oh, I need to know, though Are you scared of them?
You not scared?
Are you scared of spiders?
Try snow b.
Oh I need to know, though, areyou?
Are you because, like?
Are you scared of them or notscared of them?
Speaker 1 (28:53):
oh no, I mean this though.
So this one was big, so youcouldn't do much of it.
You couldn't really kill itwithout making a mess.
Bones literally had bones.
It was that big, okay, so what?
Speaker 2 (29:07):
did you, are you probably, and you could leave it
, it wouldn't fit in.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
It wouldn't fit in a glass not a pint glass.
Oh, just, maybe just in a pintglass.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah just okay.
So if that's, did you squeal,did you go?
No?
Speaker 1 (29:24):
no, no, no.
So there was a couple dayswhere I just lived with it in
the office.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah, did you get one of them?
Like, really, you know thosethings, you can get the spider
grabbers, that kind of trap itLike you can get like the like
um.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Again.
Quite a sensible idea, no, no.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Did you try and flick it with a towel or something
stupid Try?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
try to try to enter my brain okay, your brain would
be all right.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I like oh, you need a pasty.
There's a spider here, or kellybrook post, kelly brook
calendar, spider pasty spat.
You did, you did you get yourkelly brook calendar and try and
flick it off the wall whilsteating a pasty and singing a
song by the Wurzels?
Speaker 1 (30:09):
No, that's still quite a sensible answer.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Compared to what you did.
Oh, okay, I'm interested.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
I'll give you a clue I'm an Amazon panic buyer.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Okay, did you get a fish tank for it?
Something stupid Not far off.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Go on then.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Keep the suspense.
What did you do?
I bought a lemon tree A lemontree To try and deter it.
Did you Google what thespider's not like and you're
like oh, they don't like thescent of lemon, I'll get a lemon
tree.
You numbskull, so now.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I'm a proud owner of a lemon tree.
I've never had a lemon treebefore, so I've got a little
lemon tree in the office calledSnicket Lemony Snicket.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Will it survive in the office?
No, probably not.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
No, this is meant to have lots of sunlight.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Because they're not native to Cornwall, but it's
still surviving at the momentand what happened to the spider
you need to get lots of water,lots of sunlight.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
The spider's gone somewhere, so maybe it worked
actually maybe it worked.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Unbelievable science science works.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Tips for dads get a lemon tree for big spiders
brilliant.
So now I'm a for dads get alemon tree for big spiders
brilliant.
Yes, and I'm a proud owner of alemon tree very good.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
And was it a lemon tree with fruit already on it?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
yeah, it was actually yeah, so we've very good the
wife of the wife has already hada few gin and tonics of the
fresh lemons nice and so, yeah,so I'm looking forward to
actually looking at it now.
I think there might besomething getting ready to
sprout the right word ready toyeah into a little lemon.
(32:01):
What's a baby lemon called alittle?
A limon a limon, a little limlemon.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
So yeah, I'll keep it updated if you like make sure
it gets that sunlight, thoughwows like heat, heat in the
sunlight like yeah, so I cankeep the shop.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
It's fairly warm.
It's about a window, but theblinds usually closed.
Um but um, yeah, I might let itout in the spring now spring
has sprung might take it asidefor a bit.
We start getting the sunshine.
It's too cold at the moment,but yeah, my first look at a
lemon tree.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
That's lovely.
What a nice thing to get.
My wife bought me a rowan treefor Christmas.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Okay, yeah, what's one of those.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
So it's a tree.
When it grows it gets redberries and we've got because
we've got a bit of we now havelike a front garden and a back
garden- and anyone who I mayhave said this on the podcast
before.
I am into my garden and I wantto grow some trees and stuff.
So he's bought me a rowan treeonly a little baby one.
(33:08):
It should grow over the next 10years.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
It should, god willing if you know it really
nicely and nurture it well.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
So that was fun.
I got to.
I got to pop that out in earlythis year and we I'll tell you
something else while you're likethis one.
I forgot this, I went to uh Ibought some um, just on the
subject of growing and things, Ibought some onion sets.
I don't know if you know whatonion sets are.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
They're onions like seeds, right, so you can grow
onions from seeds.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
So I have grown onions from seeds.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
A fantastically easy thing to grow, wonderful thing
to grow.
You get such good value out ofgrowing onion seeds, Onion sets.
They've already grown, so theycome about a centimeter and it's
basically a one centimeter babyonion.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
And you just set them into compost and let them go.
So you plant them now and byNovember Cute little baby onions
.
Cute little baby onions.
So you get 150 for like a quid.
That's 150 onions for one pound, so it's like less than a penny
.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Obviously, you won't be able to harvest them until
probably about November.
Yeah, but you know it's good.
So I bought some the other dayand they were from Lidl.
I was like that's fantastic,I'll get those.
I took them to the counter andgod bless the woman on the couch
.
She's like I've never seenonions that small.
What are you going to do withthem?
(34:36):
How do you cook them?
And I was like.
I was like they were there.
I said oh no, you don't thinkthese onion sets, you grow them
on it was very funny.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I suppose you wouldn't know.
I suppose you wouldn't knowunless you went to it.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
You wouldn't know, would you?
Yeah, it was funny because shewas like oh, oh.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Imagine you having little baby onions.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Yeah, you could see the complex Frying little baby
onions.
Yeah, do you eat these with theskin on they?
Yeah, do you eat these with theskin on?
Like they're so small yousurely can't peel these.
I'm like, no, no, you don'tpeel them.
But it was very funny.
It made me giggle.
So yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Lemon trees, rowan trees, onions.
A lot of listeners are nowworried how cultured we are.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Are we too cultured?
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Well, maybe we dabble in culture, don't we Williams?
Speaker 2 (35:30):
we'll just end on Dad Joke of the Month, shall we?
Dad Joke of the Month, hit me,walliams, hit me hit you.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
So I've had a little career change, mr Hitchkiss.
I'm now dedicating my wholelife to finding a cure for
insomnia.
I won't sleep until I find it.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Until next time, listeners, we'll see you on
episode 8 bye, everybody byeeverybody what we're going to do
, because I need to try and savenow the pot um.
All I can say is
Welcome to First Look Gnomes, the podcast where two
dads do silly things.
The Gnome answers all of yourburning questions.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
We discuss our first looks, and don't miss our tips
for dads.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Because who wouldn't have any tips from?
Speaker 2 (00:17):
us Enjoy a good laugh with our collection of bad
jokes and dad jokes that willmake you groan or maybe even
giggle.
And don't forget to share yourthoughts in the first round of
feedback where we read andrespond to listener comments, if
you simply email in tofirstlooknomes at outlookcom are
(00:39):
we uploading?
Speaker 1 (00:40):
we're uploading.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Ok, 99% uploaded nice yeah, I've got good internet.
Oh, I'm gone.
Do any wee we're uploading.
Okay, 99% uploaded.
Nice, yeah, I've got goodinternet.
Oh, hang on, I've got some.
Do you need?
Speaker 1 (00:48):
a wee, I'm alright.
Do you need a wee?
I can't hold it.
No, it's fine.
Do you need a wee?
Speaker 2 (00:53):
get a wee no, the pressure it's fine, I'll be good
.
I'll be good for the first 15minutes until we get to tips for
dads, and then we'll see bigfine, be fine your hosts for
episode seven, volumes and mrhodge kids.
Speaker 1 (01:18):
Oh, seven is a place on earth.
They say a seven, love comesfirst.
We'll make seven a place onearth.
They say a seven, love comesfirst.
We'll make seven a place onearth.
Oh, episode seven is a place onearth.
Oh, episode seven is a place onearth.
Yay, voice of an angel.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
I particularly liked the the commitment you gave to
that, walliams, so I can seeWalliams singing this and the
uncomfortableness if that's evena word when he does the intro
it's the instant regret as therecord starts and I'm like what
(02:03):
am I doing with my life?
We're making it.
We're trying to make peoplelaugh as the record starts.
What am I doing with my life?
We're trying to make peoplelaugh and enjoy life in these
dark and crazy times that welive in.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Welcome to episode 7, everybody, welcome to episode 7
.
How are you, mr Hodgkiss?
I am okay, you obviously had abit of a gap.
You've been away.
Speaker 2 (02:28):
We did.
We had a lovely time.
We've had a nice gap.
We have had a bit of a break, arefresh.
We are all good this end of thepond.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
Mr Williams, how are you?
I won't ask you too manyquestions because I imagine it
might be a little first lookmaybe.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Well, I mean, the whole point of this podcast is
to have a first look at thingsthat are happening in the world,
things that we may have seen,things that we may have enjoyed.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
So yes, in our break.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Don't ask me too many questions because I may not
talk about things that havehappened since we last got
together drank beer and recordedWell the last time you didn't
drink beer was episode six.
Speaker 1 (03:07):
Yes, episode six.
Speaker 2 (03:08):
Was that a sober episode?
Was it?
Speaker 1 (03:09):
You weren't feeling very well, so you had a.
You're on the zeros.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Oh yes.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
I got probably a bit too drunk.
Listen back to episode six.
But the next day you text mesaying you've got norovirus.
Speaker 2 (03:24):
I had been norovirus, so you've actually been
recording with norovirus.
I remember actually.
Yeah, I told you I felt likecrap, but you struggled for it,
and then all the crap left meOver the course of the next
three days.
Yeah, that wasn't a fun one.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
I forgot about that.
I'm going to do somethingsacrilegious now, because it's
time for the thirsty firstfridge.
But I haven't got a clean glass.
I'm going to pour it into aslightly Guinnessed pint glass.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
You go ahead.
Is it a Guinness that you'repouring into it, or is it
something else?
No, it's a thirsty.
First, let's give it a go,shall we Th?
Or?
Speaker 1 (04:03):
is it something?
Speaker 2 (04:04):
else.
No, it's the Thirsty First.
Let's give it a go, shall we?
Thirsty First?
What have we got Wild?
What's in the fridge today?
Speaker 1 (04:07):
Let's open the Thirsty First fridge, the hot
foundry, sustainably brewed withsurplus Aldi Tiger Bread Toast
brewing.
This one's cool, i's what it'scalled.
I think I've had this Anotherround, brewed in partnership
(04:30):
with Toast Brewing, alcoholpercentage at 3.4%.
So the wife of my wife has beenlistening to these podcasts and
has obviously doesn't approvemy 8% plus drinking.
Speaker 2 (04:47):
You do not need to be drinking 8%.
Speaker 1 (04:48):
I mean in theory it's brewed with surplus Aldi Tiger
Bread.
I like Tiger Bread, I like beer.
They're crafted by toastbrewing with Aldi surplus bakery
bread.
English Harlequin Ernest Hoppsgive a citrusy burst with notes
of peach and passion fruit.
So that's where you're goingwrong.
There are you adding a bit ofpeach with bread yeah, you don't
(05:12):
want peach bread do you, wouldyou add?
Speaker 2 (05:13):
peach in your toast.
No peanut butter maybe, but notpeach.
Speaker 1 (05:19):
So when it says surplus, it means leftover.
Yeah, it's a stale bread.
Yeah, leftover stale bread, butit sounds better than surplus
and peaches.
And peaches, let's give it a goshall we?
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Let's give it a go, Wiles.
Speaker 1 (05:33):
I mean, I like tiger bread.
Who doesn't so?
Speaker 2 (05:38):
3.4% as well is like the perfect kind of alcohol
level for me.
Let's pour it into the we weretalking earlier about the joys
of things like John Smith's,because you can have like three
or four and not get two Woo,whereas when you drink 8% beers,
two cans and you do lally.
(05:58):
Well, I am, my name is not somuch.
He's tapping the bottom, ladiesand gentlemen.
He's tapping the bottom I mean.
Speaker 1 (06:08):
This content for the listeners is it's gold, it's
absolute gold, it's alright.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
It's a very light bit .
I've noticed that Valiums, outof all the pictures that could
have been cut, you've neverwanted to give up the Percy
first.
You're like should we give upPercy?
No, that could have been cut.
Speaker 1 (06:25):
you've never wanted to give up the person first.
You know, like, should we givehim first?
Nope, yeah, I'm pretty sure wehad feedback at some point
saying drop it.
But we begin it's like the sameas no or no.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
But yeah, he's still standing as well the no or no,
though apparently, according tosome of the feedback, he's been
growing in reputation, so he'sbeen growing.
Speaker 1 (06:39):
He's now.
He's now two foot.
Hey, smells nice, smells peachy.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Excuse me, a minute, isn't it?
Can you smell the bread?
Speaker 1 (06:49):
No, just peaches.
Speaker 2 (06:50):
Does it smell like toast?
He's not sure.
Speaker 1 (06:57):
Nice, but not what I expected.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
In what way?
Speaker 1 (07:03):
I expected more toast than peach.
Is expected more toast thanpeach is it more peach than
toast?
Yeah, it's alright.
I suppose it's hard to come.
Speaker 2 (07:11):
It's alright, it's hard to really kind of put the
flavour of toast in a drink.
I would imagine.
Well, think, think about it aswell.
Toast do you eat toast with?
With what's?
Why is toast so good?
Is it because of your tastebuds or is it because of your
sense of smell?
It's like toast always.
You smell toast, don't you?
That's deep as much as youtaste toast so like.
(07:32):
If the beer doesn't taste liketoast or smell like toast, it
smells like peaches.
You're not going to get thetaste of peaches.
Speaker 1 (07:39):
Are you basically saying your wife is?
Speaker 2 (07:42):
That is a deep question.
Philosophical gnomes.
Sorry, he doesn't look veryhappy though, so I'm guessing
he's going to blame his wife.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Are you saying I'm going to try not to smell it?
Speaker 2 (07:54):
Try not to smell it, to taste it.
Okay, he's holding his nose.
Speaker 1 (07:57):
ladies and gentlemen, Tastes better, actually Tastes
better.
Okay, when you can't smell it,it tastes better.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
So are you saying you're ungrateful in your wife,
that your wife bought you a beer?
Is that what you're saying?
No, I love my wife and it's anice beer.
Speaker 1 (08:13):
I was just hoping for a bit more toast.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
I can't believe you've been talking to me, to
your wife, that she's gone andbought you a beer.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
I think the surplus Tiger Bread is just the
sustainable brewing element.
Yeah, doesn't really add to theflavour.
It's the peaches, that's theflavour.
Speaker 2 (08:33):
Is it a gimmick, William?
Do you think it's just agimmick Perhaps?
Speaker 1 (08:36):
But also sustainable brewing, which we should all do.
Well, once we get someinvestments from sponsors,
please write in tofirstsuitnamesatoutlookcom.
We will.
We will not try a littlebrewery firstlooknamesbrewery.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Well, we could.
But I mean, I just want to saywhy would we need to do our own
brewery and how could we evercompete with the wonderful
brewery that is the WhitewaterBrewing Co, who make such fine
beers as the Belfast Lager andMagga's Leap Vermittable IPA?
I mean, there's no pointsigning for Brewing Wells
because they've alreadyperfected it, just saying the
(09:12):
Whitewater Brewing Co.
Speaker 1 (09:15):
A little first look.
So this is a bit of a flashbackto Season 1, I believe it was.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Season 1?
I can't remember what happenedyesterday, never mind season one
.
Speaker 1 (09:26):
You might remember it where I spoke about algorithms
on Facebook and how it tends toput adverts and things in front
of you based on what it thinksyour interests are.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I don't remember this , but I'm interested to see
where it goes you do, you do andit came up up.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
If you remember, it came up with the empire strips
back because of wookiee erotica?
Yeah, well, because you like tolook at that came up when you
went on the website.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
You're on the website and there's wookiee erotica and
all sorts of stuff I beg yourpardon yeah, it didn't come up
because of Wookiee Erotica Ithought you'd just been looking
at sexy blue ladies or something.
Speaker 1 (10:10):
That's a good one, isn't it?
Speaker 2 (10:12):
Sexy blue ladies with three heads and long limbs.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
But this week, this week Mr Hotchkiss came up the
Empire Strips Back London cameup the Empire Strips Back London
.
It's coming over from Las Vegasto London.
I've put us on the waiting list.
If we get tickets, we're going.
Speaker 2 (10:39):
Get your lightsabers ready.
Speaker 1 (10:41):
Get your lightsaber ready.
We're going to seeStormtroopers.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
Sexy Stormtroopers and Blue Ladies.
Speaker 1 (10:50):
Jabba the.
Slut, can't ban Very good.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
That'll be interesting, then I mean there
must have some.
You hear about OnlyFans, dondon't you?
And all these weird people likeloads of like was it, kate nash
?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I mean, you made a fortune from your feet, haven't
you?
Speaker 2 (11:13):
I haven't.
Well, it's because of my seventoes.
Yeah, um, people just like that.
Yeah, no, let's not go there.
The uh kate nash, though.
Like the singer she said, tofund her tour, she was
effectively posting pictures ofher arse on OnlyFans, and Lily
Allen is making a fortune fromselling pictures of her feet and
stuff.
Speaker 1 (11:33):
Really.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
And you think, okay, there's clearly some weird
people out there who are willingto pay for some weird fetish
stuff.
The fact that Star Wars or StarWars, what's it called Star
Wars, the Empire Strips.
Back the Empire Strips, backthe Empire.
That's a great name, the EmpireStrips back has clearly got
(11:55):
enough fandom that it can cometo London from Las Vegas and
actually like take this on tourblows my little mind.
I mean, as my good wife wouldsay, it's just another fabric
out of a thread, out of thefabric of society.
All I can say is hello.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
But yeah, well, I look forward to going there with
you, alce lovely, I'll updateyou no more to go in there with
you, else lovely I'll update youand I know more.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
Um okay, so mine, mine's a fairly well kind of
serious in many ways, one thatlike gosh we shouldn't make
light of, but at the same time,like holy moly, um.
So my first look, walliams, um.
For listeners, for long-termlisteners you'll know that I am
based in Belfast, in NorthernIreland.
For anyone who didn't or hasnever listened to this before,
(12:52):
we apologise, and I am fromNorthern.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Ireland and to those that won't listen to us again.
Speaker 2 (12:57):
They may never.
But since our last recording,walliams, we got battered, and I
mean battered, by Storm owen.
Speaker 1 (13:07):
oh, storm owen was it storm.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah, owen spelt e-o-w-y-n um.
Yeah, we got battered by stormowen so uh, we've had storms
before.
We faced storms, but not likethis.
We knew this was bad when or wewere in for it when they they
cancelled school and all theshops were like we will not be
(13:31):
open, we are putting up boardsand closing shops and everything
.
So we're like, okay, cool, okay, this is gonna be bad.
So then we we got told on thewe knew was coming on a th night
.
We're like, okay, here comesthe storm.
We got told our kids school wasclosing and we got told all the
(13:51):
local shops were closing and tomake sure you've got enough
things in.
So on Thursday night I went tomake sure we had some coal for
the fire in case we lost power,batteries for the torches, all
that kind of stuff.
Um, yeah, we go to bed.
It's all nice and calm.
Five o'clock in the morning weare woken up with the sound of
crashing and glass smashing.
(14:12):
Oh gosh.
And because we are in a corner,all you could hear around the
house was, and it was like whatthe hell was that?
It was the wind whipping aroundthe building.
I hate wind.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
I have wind, anxiety it was the wind whipping around
the building.
I hate, I hate, wind it wasanxiety, oh, you would have you
would have pooped your pants.
Speaker 2 (14:35):
Um so brayden wakes up.
We wake up and we look out thewindow and it's pitch black, but
you can.
There's just enough light fromone of the street lamps where
you can see the trees.
Do you remember?
Do you know like in americathey have those car garages with
those kind of inflatable peoplethat fly around?
The trees were moving like thatI'm like what the heck is that?
(14:58):
and they were going from side toside.
I'm like, what's that crashingnoise?
So I I decided to get up.
I thought, right, I need to goand investigate what's broken,
what's been smashed, but thewind, the storm's still going on
.
I was, I was in my pants,luckily, um, but I went out, I
put on my um, my pajamas and Iwent outside.
I opened the door to go outsideand it was.
(15:19):
It was like the apocalypse.
You're like, okay, I'm in thehouse, it's nice and quiet.
You open the door.
It was like in the movies and Itried to walk outside.
It was one of those things likeif the music of John Williams
from the end of Indiana Jonesand the Temple of Doom had been
playing as I tried so valiantlyto just walk out of my front
(15:42):
door, it would have beenbrilliant anyway.
So I go outside and everything,everything's going.
I'm like, ah, that's what'smaking the noise.
We've our shed roof has blown upoh no so our shed roof was made
of corrugated steel sheets.
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Was it your shed or yeah?
Speaker 2 (16:03):
like yeah, that side yeah, the office like the the
garden pod thing.
So it's not even like just akind of a 500-inch it's like a
proper purpose-built garden podyeah, four 3.5-metre-long
corrugated sheets had beenripped off.
I'm telling you, the screws areabout the screws that were
(16:25):
holding it down.
It's crazy, the power isn't, itwere down crazy, the power like
three, insane power, like threeinches deep and thick as well,
like all, like you know, 10 milthree inch screws just ripped
off.
So these corrugated steel sheets, which are massive and heavy
and I've got screw sticking outof them are blown around in my
pajamas on my and my vest tryingto wrestle these sheets, but
(16:49):
they're still half kind ofattached.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
They're still left in there, aren't they?
Speaker 2 (16:52):
Well, yeah, I thought , but my concern was they're
going to blow into the road andthen they're going to cause some
real damage, so I was likeright.
I need to somehow get these outof the way and out of danger
Now.
So the thing is at the side ofour house, the shed and the
sheet, but the wind's stillgoing.
So then the roof styles startfalling off the top of the house
(17:13):
, the actual roof, oh no.
Just where I'm stood.
So you've got this concretestuff on the floor.
I'm like, yeah, this isn't safe.
No, what are we going to do?
So I did.
I was like right, kind of putthem just down the side, wedged
them so they can't really blowanywhere.
Get back in the house.
Got back in the house.
So then all you could hear waslike this outside the house, and
(17:38):
you're like, oh hey.
And they're like, and all that,and you're like, oh okay.
So we stood in the house, wewaited there for a few hours.
It gets to like 8 o'clock.
My wife's a nurse.
She's like I've got to try andget into the hospital today,
because people still needtreatment for things and
whatever.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
More so probably, with the storm going on.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, more so.
So I'm like, okay, what are wegoing to do here?
So all the shops are shut.
So I'm like, okay, we have noroof, it's raining.
I'm like, what are we going todo?
Because I need to try and savenow the pot.
So I was like, okay.
So luckily, thank the good Lordin heaven, screwfix decided to
(18:21):
open.
At half past two in theafternoon Lesley got to work,
okay.
So I was like I said, right,keep me in the loop when you get
to work.
Et.
I was like I said, right, keepme in the loop when you get to
work, etc.
Etc.
Only only about um a third ofthe staff were able to get in
yeah thankfully she got wordthis week that the hospitals are
paying the staff who couldn'tmake it in anyway for the day
off, so they're not kind ofpersecuting them for the fact
(18:42):
that they couldn't get into work.
So I was like, good on you, nhs, that's a good move, um, and
she got in okay, and she gothome okay, um.
So I was meant to be workingthat day.
Obviously had to tell all myamerican compatriots, sorry.
I took some videos, which Ithink I did.
I send you a video of this umand some of the damage and I
mean we were quite lucky really.
So we we lost some roof tiles,we lost some concrete, we lost
(19:05):
the roof.
But like some of that, some ofthe property damage was
mind-blowing.
There were like trees thatfallen, like through houses and
all sorts going on.
So it was a proper, proper mess.
But by about three o'clock inthe afternoon it really settled
down and screw fix god bless youpeople of screw fix um opened
up, uh, half past two.
(19:26):
So if anybody needed stuff tokind of do any repairs they
could.
So we were able then to go andget some tarpaulin and the
things we needed and able tokind of put a temporary roof on
over the shed.
Now, by this point, a lot ofwater got in and through, so,
like, okay, but it was onlywater damage, nothing too
serious, so we were quite lucky.
But, um, lesion got to work,brain had his day off school, so
(19:48):
he was happy, um, and yeah,basically it was just and I've
never experienced a storm likeit.
So, yes, I first look at one ofthese like it was a
record-breaking store in storm.
There's like a quarter of amillion people lost power, so we
were really lucky.
So our whole, our whole villagelost power, apart from our
(20:11):
little part of our street so thewhole of the whole of where we
live was completely knocked out,but our little quadrant just at
the edge of the village keptpower on, so it was like, oh,
that's lucky, um, and the restof the rest of the power to
places out for like three days.
So we were lucky there.
(20:32):
But, yeah, I've neverexperienced anything like it all
my days.
My mom and dad's house gotdamaged.
My father was house got damaged.
So, yeah, storms, tips fordad's, tips for dads.
Well, yeah, tips for dads tipsfor dads, get your tips out for
(20:59):
um, right?
Well, tips for dads.
This week I thought, afterdealing with a storm, um, and
having to be all madly and getup on a roof and put some tarp
down and got to buy some newstuff, yeah, so, honest to
goodness, like no joke aside,lesley-anne got home from work.
It got darker like quarter tofour and we should go home, so
(21:25):
it was a two-person job.
Because this thing's like it's14 foot wide by like 10 foot and
I was like it was still windyenough, so like you're trying to
get a tarpaulin sheet over thetop of it and all it does is
blow back in your face.
So I was like this is atwo-person job and we had to do
all these things, but I thought,because of this, we were very
(21:46):
lucky that we had the right tool.
So my tips for dads I decidedto compile a list of five tools
that you need in your shed as adad, and I've kind of got a
number one.
So I'm going to go 5, 4, 3, 2,1.
And I gave a bit of explanationas to why, as a dad, you need
(22:07):
this.
So in number five, william.
Speaker 1 (22:09):
That's what Countdown is.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
Da-da-da-da-da.
Speaker 1 (22:13):
Da-da-da-da-da.
Speaker 2 (22:15):
In number five, a really good torch,
da-da-da-da-da.
A really good torch.
Speaker 1 (22:22):
I wish you knew where your torch is as well.
Speaker 2 (22:24):
Well, absolutely, I decided to invest in a good
torch, one of these ones thatcomes in a box, um, and we've
loved using it because, likeit's insanely powerful, so we I
can be in the kitchen or kind ofjust inside and I can look
right at the end of the gardenwith, like it's insanely
powerful spot.
It's one of these ones whereit's so powerful you hold it up
(22:45):
and it looks like a lightsaber,but it's a lightsaber that goes
to the moon Do you pretend it'sa lightsaber.
We have.
You've both pretended thatwe've had the lightsaber, but
it's essential for fixing crapin the dark, and I've also found
another good use for it, sowhen your kid wants you to look
under the bed you just blindthem.
Speaker 1 (23:04):
What's?
Speaker 2 (23:04):
your rule.
Just blind your kid as you lookunder the bed with the torch.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
It's quite funny.
Blind your kid In number four.
Do, do, do, do, do, do, do dodo do, do, do.
Speaker 2 (23:19):
Tarp or tarpaulin, because you never know when your
fucking shed roof is going toblow off.
Speaker 1 (23:23):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (23:24):
So good piece of tarp .
Number three, do, do do, do, dodo do Number three, a crowbar,
because no matter how sh**ty DIYa crowbar makes you look like a
badass If you're a man, even ifyou're useless with tools, when
you have a crowbar in your armsyou look cool.
(23:47):
There's no way.
There's no way your wife can'tbe like oh, take me now when
you've got a crowbar in yourhands.
Speaker 1 (23:53):
So yeah, crowbar for nothing else than looking cool I
really thought about it.
Speaker 2 (24:04):
Well, this, this one I need to make.
Speaker 1 (24:06):
I need to make a torch more powerful, I think,
but apart from that, I've gotthese items.
Get a good torch.
Speaker 2 (24:10):
I can give you some tips on that this one because of
our arrangement, a good fold upcamping chair, because as a dad
, I haven't got one of those oh,trust me right, with Logie Bear
, you're going to be going outall the time, all the time to
places.
And occasionally you just needto whip out the camping chair,
because it's just who doesn'tlike to sit down.
(24:32):
Sitting on the floor is rubbish,so a good folding camping chair
one that's really good andsturdy and quite comfortable to
sit in, especially one that'sgot cup holders and stuff Good
camping chair.
So that's number two.
But number one Williams doo doo,doo doo do, do, do, do, do, do,
do, do, do, do.
Really good, proper, badassduct tape, the good stuff, like
(24:54):
the gorilla duct tape, so like,and I'll tell you for why
Because there's nothing it can'tdo, because we couldn't get the
tarpaulin.
We only had one ladder so weweren't tall enough to get up
there and get the tarpaulin overthe shed.
So we're like you know what weneed to do?
We need to kind of attachsomething and throw like a lasso
over, like a rope, and throw itover and put it over.
(25:16):
But we didn't have a rope.
We had a rock, we had a hole inthe top.
We had to make a rope out.
I was like, what can we use?
Like, let's just use the ducttape, made a rope out of duct
tape, lassoed this, this rock,over the hatch, threw it over to
leslie and she called it.
She pulled the rope.
It was attached to the rope.
Speaker 1 (25:33):
She pulled it.
We pulled the duct tape.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
We got the tarpaulin over the roof and it was all
thanks to the duct tape.
So it was um, I was like, andthen what else?
We held it.
We used then duct tape to kindof temporarily hold corners down
while we added staples anddrilled bits in, and I was like
duct tape and like really good,proper, good duct tape.
I was like, yeah, can't gowrong with it.
(25:58):
You know, if your kid's toy'sbroken duct tape, something
broken, a bit of plastic brokenon a washing machine, duct tape,
it's just good stuff.
So those are my tips for dadsFive things you need.
I mean, I know there's bettertools out there, but just make
sure you've got those five andyou can probably achieve
anything.
Thank you.
Speaker 1 (26:20):
Bye, then I've got a little tip.
Oh, you've got a little tip aswell.
Yeah, I was trying to think ofa little tip, a little tip.
Oh, you've got a little tip aswell.
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah, I was trying to think of a little tip.
Speaker 1 (26:29):
A little tip, just the With toddlers.
This is more for toddlers,especially two-year-olds as we
have Don't say goodbye, don'tsay goodbye to them.
So when you've got, a goodfriend of ours was around
babysitting.
We were going out for theevening.
Oh, don't say goodbye to them,don't say goodbye, they won't
(26:53):
know you're gone.
What you should do is just go,just go, just go.
If you say goodbye, they'relike well, I'm a character, I'm
not.
I said goodbye, they're goingto find it, bye-bye, they're
waving away.
But then, when the mum saidgoodbye as well, you can see the
cog sticking.
It's like hang on.
Speaker 2 (27:15):
The person who looks after me is going.
What's going to happen to me?
Speaker 1 (27:19):
You're both going I'm not and then tears and
screaming.
And then you leave the housewith a screaming child in the
background oh no, which is quitedifficult, but to leave the
house with a screaming child inthe background, which is quite
difficult.
But yeah, if you don't wavegoodbye and just go when they're
having fun doing what they'redoing, they won't mind.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
They don't know the change of circumstance.
Speaker 1 (27:40):
So don't say goodbye.
Don't say goodbye.
Speaker 2 (27:43):
That's a really good tip actually Thank you.
Speaker 1 (27:47):
Yeah, that's a very sensible tip, I mean unless
you're going away for two weeksor leaving them for good.
Maybe say goodbye, yeah.
So I went to the, I walked tothe shop office and, you know,
started my day.
I opened the door, looked tothe right and it was the size.
It was the size of a bird.
(28:08):
It was the size of a bird, itwas the size of a bird and it
had eight legs and in the cornerthis massive, massive spider.
All right, huge, huge.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
What did I do, Mr Hotchkiss?
Um, I'm hoping you did whatmost sensible people would do,
which is get a glass.
Speaker 1 (28:34):
You're funny.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
Get a glass cover it, get some paper underneath and
chuck it in the garden.
Speaker 1 (28:40):
That is one scenario.
I did not do that.
Speaker 2 (28:45):
Are you scared of spiders?
Speaker 1 (28:46):
Try scenario B.
Speaker 2 (28:48):
Oh, I need to know, though Are you scared of them?
You not scared?
Are you scared of spiders?
Try snow b.
Oh I need to know, though, areyou?
Are you because, like?
Are you scared of them or notscared of them?
Speaker 1 (28:53):
oh no, I mean this though.
So this one was big, so youcouldn't do much of it.
You couldn't really kill itwithout making a mess.
Bones literally had bones.
It was that big, okay, so what?
Speaker 2 (29:07):
did you, are you probably, and you could leave it
, it wouldn't fit in.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
It wouldn't fit in a glass not a pint glass.
Oh, just, maybe just in a pintglass.
Speaker 2 (29:17):
Yeah just okay.
So if that's, did you squeal,did you go?
No?
Speaker 1 (29:24):
no, no, no.
So there was a couple dayswhere I just lived with it in
the office.
Speaker 2 (29:29):
Yeah, did you get one of them?
Like, really, you know thosethings, you can get the spider
grabbers, that kind of trap itLike you can get like the like
um.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Again.
Quite a sensible idea, no, no.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Did you try and flick it with a towel or something
stupid Try?
Speaker 1 (29:44):
try to try to enter my brain okay, your brain would
be all right.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
I like oh, you need a pasty.
There's a spider here, or kellybrook post, kelly brook
calendar, spider pasty spat.
You did, you did you get yourkelly brook calendar and try and
flick it off the wall whilsteating a pasty and singing a
song by the Wurzels?
Speaker 1 (30:09):
No, that's still quite a sensible answer.
Speaker 2 (30:11):
Compared to what you did.
Oh, okay, I'm interested.
Speaker 1 (30:14):
I'll give you a clue I'm an Amazon panic buyer.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
Okay, did you get a fish tank for it?
Something stupid Not far off.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Go on then.
Speaker 2 (30:29):
Keep the suspense.
What did you do?
I bought a lemon tree A lemontree To try and deter it.
Did you Google what thespider's not like and you're
like oh, they don't like thescent of lemon, I'll get a lemon
tree.
You numbskull, so now.
Speaker 1 (30:52):
I'm a proud owner of a lemon tree.
I've never had a lemon treebefore, so I've got a little
lemon tree in the office calledSnicket Lemony Snicket.
Speaker 2 (30:59):
Will it survive in the office?
No, probably not.
Speaker 1 (31:02):
No, this is meant to have lots of sunlight.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
Because they're not native to Cornwall, but it's
still surviving at the momentand what happened to the spider
you need to get lots of water,lots of sunlight.
Speaker 1 (31:17):
The spider's gone somewhere, so maybe it worked
actually maybe it worked.
Speaker 2 (31:21):
Unbelievable science science works.
Speaker 1 (31:24):
Tips for dads get a lemon tree for big spiders
brilliant.
So now I'm a for dads get alemon tree for big spiders
brilliant.
Yes, and I'm a proud owner of alemon tree very good.
Speaker 2 (31:34):
And was it a lemon tree with fruit already on it?
Speaker 1 (31:37):
yeah, it was actually yeah, so we've very good the
wife of the wife has already hada few gin and tonics of the
fresh lemons nice and so, yeah,so I'm looking forward to
actually looking at it now.
I think there might besomething getting ready to
sprout the right word ready toyeah into a little lemon.
(32:01):
What's a baby lemon called alittle?
A limon a limon, a little limlemon.
Speaker 2 (32:09):
So yeah, I'll keep it updated if you like make sure
it gets that sunlight, thoughwows like heat, heat in the
sunlight like yeah, so I cankeep the shop.
Speaker 1 (32:17):
It's fairly warm.
It's about a window, but theblinds usually closed.
Um but um, yeah, I might let itout in the spring now spring
has sprung might take it asidefor a bit.
We start getting the sunshine.
It's too cold at the moment,but yeah, my first look at a
lemon tree.
Speaker 2 (32:37):
That's lovely.
What a nice thing to get.
My wife bought me a rowan treefor Christmas.
Speaker 1 (32:42):
Okay, yeah, what's one of those.
Speaker 2 (32:46):
So it's a tree.
When it grows it gets redberries and we've got because
we've got a bit of we now havelike a front garden and a back
garden- and anyone who I mayhave said this on the podcast
before.
I am into my garden and I wantto grow some trees and stuff.
So he's bought me a rowan treeonly a little baby one.
(33:08):
It should grow over the next 10years.
Speaker 1 (33:11):
It should, god willing if you know it really
nicely and nurture it well.
Speaker 2 (33:14):
So that was fun.
I got to.
I got to pop that out in earlythis year and we I'll tell you
something else while you're likethis one.
I forgot this, I went to uh Ibought some um, just on the
subject of growing and things, Ibought some onion sets.
I don't know if you know whatonion sets are.
Speaker 1 (33:34):
They're onions like seeds, right, so you can grow
onions from seeds.
Speaker 2 (33:39):
So I have grown onions from seeds.
Speaker 1 (33:41):
Right, yeah.
Speaker 2 (33:42):
A fantastically easy thing to grow, wonderful thing
to grow.
You get such good value out ofgrowing onion seeds, Onion sets.
They've already grown, so theycome about a centimeter and it's
basically a one centimeter babyonion.
Speaker 1 (33:59):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (33:59):
And you just set them into compost and let them go.
So you plant them now and byNovember Cute little baby onions
.
Cute little baby onions.
So you get 150 for like a quid.
That's 150 onions for one pound, so it's like less than a penny
.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (34:16):
Obviously, you won't be able to harvest them until
probably about November.
Yeah, but you know it's good.
So I bought some the other dayand they were from Lidl.
I was like that's fantastic,I'll get those.
I took them to the counter andgod bless the woman on the couch
.
She's like I've never seenonions that small.
What are you going to do withthem?
(34:36):
How do you cook them?
And I was like.
I was like they were there.
I said oh no, you don't thinkthese onion sets, you grow them
on it was very funny.
Speaker 1 (34:49):
I suppose you wouldn't know.
I suppose you wouldn't knowunless you went to it.
Speaker 2 (34:52):
You wouldn't know, would you?
Yeah, it was funny because shewas like oh, oh.
Speaker 1 (34:57):
Imagine you having little baby onions.
Speaker 2 (34:59):
Yeah, you could see the complex Frying little baby
onions.
Yeah, do you eat these with theskin on they?
Yeah, do you eat these with theskin on?
Like they're so small yousurely can't peel these.
I'm like, no, no, you don'tpeel them.
But it was very funny.
It made me giggle.
So yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:14):
Lemon trees, rowan trees, onions.
A lot of listeners are nowworried how cultured we are.
Speaker 2 (35:18):
Are we too cultured?
Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Well, maybe we dabble in culture, don't we Williams?
Speaker 2 (35:30):
we'll just end on Dad Joke of the Month, shall we?
Dad Joke of the Month, hit me,walliams, hit me hit you.
Speaker 1 (35:38):
So I've had a little career change, mr Hitchkiss.
I'm now dedicating my wholelife to finding a cure for
insomnia.
I won't sleep until I find it.
Speaker 2 (35:57):
Until next time, listeners, we'll see you on
episode 8 bye, everybody byeeverybody what we're going to do
, because I need to try and savenow the pot um.
All I can say is
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