August 22, 2025 • 43 mins
We're in studio with Dr Andrea Anthony author of Guarded Wings Promise: The Journey of Protection Begins Before Birth. Dr. Anthony is an essential guide for expecting and new parents, equipping them with the knowledge and tools needed to safeguard their children from sexual predators from the very beginning of life. During this episode we discuss parenting, importance of children's voices, and precautionary measures.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
We have a very special guest in studio. I'm so
happy to have her here. She is an author, obviously
author of Guarded Wings Promise The Journey of Protection Begins
before Birth. Doctor Andrea A.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Anthony, Welcome, Thank you, happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah, well, tell me about this journey to get to
this piece, because I mean, it's it's just obviously something
everyone would want to do, but it's kind of intense.
It's kind of a heavy thing to take on, right,
So there is there a personal journey.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
To that, Yes, definitely.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
I myself am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse from
the age of about three until I graduated from high school,
like not you know, the whole time, but multiple times,
and just something that you know, I had to deal
with that as a child and not being able to
(01:09):
tell anyone because I was silenced through different I guess
I would call it like threats and just you know,
stifling my voice when it comes to speaking up on
what was happening, and also just being around a lot
(01:30):
of adults who really just didn't recognize the signs of
a child being.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Abused or sexually abused. And so.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Just as as you know, my journey went on after
high school and just continue to educate myself.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
At some point I knew that, you know, I had
to be a voice.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
And then once I found out I was going to
become a mother, then it was all hands on deck.
Kind of knew at that point that I wanted to
make sure that she was protected. So that's when I
start pulling out all the stops having the conversations that
would need to be more vocal. But I had been
(02:14):
doing things up to that point, but it became a
mission at that time.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I had. You know, I'm sure you've had this conversation
a million times yourself. But we got into a pretty
heated discussion around here last week with a rap artist
called Jay French, because he was saying that if you
don't report something right when it happens, it's hard for
people to believe you, and you know, and that you
(02:40):
lose credibility. And you know, I'm also a survivor of
sexual assault, and I just I've just so adamantly disagree
with that because I know there's shame and there's all
these other things, and you mentioned being threatened. Lots of
peopleeople are threatened. But I think I did a terrible
(03:03):
job of explaining why that is just a dumb theory
that I hear over and over every time there's one
of these cases in the news about women coming forward.
And I said to Jay at the time, you know,
you need to talk to some of these experts, because
I knew I was doing a terrible job. So since
(03:25):
we have one of these experts in the studio, maybe
you can fill in all the part that I didn't
get well.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
First of all, I just think that people who say
that have not experienced what survirus have experienced, so they're
only speaking from a speaking from a perspective of not
having to deal with that, live with it, and carrying
(03:53):
that with you as you grow older. There's so many
ways in which people are silenced. Like I said, they're threatening,
you said, shame, And when you're surrounded by people who
don't give you an opportunity to speak or make you
(04:14):
feel safe about speaking.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Then you just hold things in.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
And that's just like if you know, if you got
if you were outside playing and you got injured, or
you're in an area where you shouldn't have been, you're
not gonna come inside and tell your parents I was,
I was where I wasn't supposed to be. So that's
why that's how I got a lot of.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
And a lot of survivors. They blame themselves for reasons
which may which a lot of times aren't even legit.
But then you think about a family dynamic, especially if
you're a child, you're gonna upset an apple cart, and
you know that you tell on your daddy or your
stepdaddy or your uncle. It's a whole problem. Yes, so
a series of problems, yes, for sure.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And as as a person who's dealing with being sexually abuse,
you take on that obligation of not saying anything because
you don't want to cause a rift in the family.
Because because you listen to the adults around you talk
about how they feel or praise this individual who you
(05:17):
know that's harming you. So you don't want to be
that person to tear the family up. And unfortunately, you
see families take up and take up, take up for
the abusers or.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Make excuses for them.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Yep, knowing that this has been a person that has
generation after generation has abused and harm children. And that's
one of the reasons why I'm taking on this mission
so that I can educate families and help them understand
how important it is to protect children, and one of
(05:56):
the ways is to start before they're even born.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Start before they're even born. What does that look like.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
It looks like having a conversation, Start the conversation within
the family. I believe in families coming together and exposing
that one individual that they know is a perpetrator. And
I just strongly believe that when a perpetrator knows that
the family is talking about how they're going to protect
(06:25):
the children, they'll take a second thought and probably step
back from harming children because they know that the adults
in the family are coming together.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
But it's having a conversation.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I know for sure that it's at least one or
two people in a family that are dealing with being
a survivor. But also they're talking to one another. So
those two people get together and start talking to other
family members and start putting systems in place to protect
the children. And I think that's important.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, we can talk more about what those what those
systems look like. And when you say taking up for
the abuser, it sounds really far fetched, but it's not.
I mean, I've read about this, I've had folks on
my shows talking about it. And I've seen it with
my own eyes. There it's almost like it's not logical,
(07:24):
it's it's like a it's almost like a denial thing, right,
it's some kind of survival mechanism for the family or something.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yes, for sure, because unfortunately families want to protect their
legacy or to protect who.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
They are in the community.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
So you know, we don't want that to get out,
so let's keep let's sweep that under the rug.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Even imagine how many times that I've heard people say,
you know, I wanted to say something but I didn't,
or I says something and I wasn't believed.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Whoever I told.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Got angry with me for saying that, And don't ever
repeat that again.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, people in the family, people not believing kids or
young people, and that was the other part of the conversation,
or blaming them, Yes, and that has happened. That happens
pretty frequently with families, but also sometimes with authorities. I mean,
the blaming of children, especially young teenagers, well what did
(08:33):
you have on and all that stuff is actually very
very common.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yes, for sure, And that just angers me when we
put the blame on a young innocent child who's probably
just wearing the latest fashion, have no idea that they're
considered fast or you ask for it, you shouldn't have
worn that, And unfortunately, that's the society that we live in, right.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
And the thing about it is you as an adult
should never be so out of control that something that
a child wears what's so called make you yeah, do anything.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
But unfortunately, I consider people who are perpetrators who sexually
abuse children, they have a sickness, that's a sickness, so
they're not thinking logically, they're not thinking that, you know,
this is a child. Because of their sickness, it does
not matter the age of the child. And so that's
(09:35):
one of the things that's unfortunate is that we have
this sickness and it's running rapid in our families and
our communities. And statistics tell us that ninety three percent
of the people who abuse children are trusted family and
friends ninety three percent.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
So it's not stranger danger. That's that's a myth.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Stranger danger when it comes to sexual abuse is happening
in the homes, is happening in schools with trusted adults,
in our church community, is happening. These are people that
families entrust their children too, and our children are being harmed.
So I'm going to talk about what some of those
(10:25):
tools are and how we can implement them, and some
of the attitudes and habits that we as families need
to look at changing, shaping, reshaping, on creating new traditions.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Doctor Andrea A. Anthony is with me and you're listening
to KBLA Talk fifteen eighty. Doctor Andrea A. Anthony is
in the studio with me. She has a nonprofit organization,
Guarded Wings Promise. Talk to me about that. What do
y'all do?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
So the primary omission of God to guard Wing's promise
is on the preventative side. There's a lot of organizations
out there that really focus on survivors and getting them
help and resources that they need.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
My main focus is on preventing.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Childhood sexual abuse, and that looks like talking to families
and educating families and giving them the resources that they
need to speak about it, and they need to know
the statistics around childhood sexual abuse and how it affects
the families and communities and also the mental health of
(11:41):
people as they continue to grow. So basically, we want
to educate families, communities, faith based organizations to help them
ensure that the children that around them are safe.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
So it's about prevention, it's about stopping it before it starts,
which is it's true. Mostly organizations are helping people handle
it after it's already happened. So when I said changing
habits and thought patterns for families, I was also thinking
about church. But one of the things that has come
(12:18):
up a lot is this, you know, go hug your
auntie or go hug uncle Bubba or whatever, and the
child doesn't want to, and then we yell at them
and shame them and say insists that they.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Do it correct.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
And that's one of the things that we train our
parents and our families to really consider. Stop forcing children
to hug people that they don't want to hug. And
if a child shows any resistance on hugging a certain person,
that right there is a warning sign that should be
(12:52):
a trigger. Why doesn't this child want to hug this person?
We should never force children to hug anyone. One of
the things that we want to teach family is that
even the adults should ask for permission to hug a child,
not force a child to hug. Not get over here
and hug me, you better come give me a hug,
(13:12):
because we know that's how families talk, especially when they
get together. But at this point, we're trying to teach
families the proper way of safeguarding children, and that's for
children to be able to say no, I don't want
to hug that person, and then teach them other ways
that they can greet an adult, shake their hand. But
(13:34):
we should never force children to hug.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And is that because we're trying to teach them boundaries
or because we don't want to put them within the
possibility of being groped by an adult, or like, what's
the thinking behind that.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
I would say it's both teaching them boundaries, teaching them,
you know, that they can protect their space when they
feel like they need to, but also keeping them safe
and not putting them in harm's way of an adult
taking advantage of them. Because if we continue to force
(14:10):
our children to hug adults or say they're an authority,
so you know, if they say hug me, hug me,
if they say come with me, come with me, then
we're teaching them to trust everybody. And we want to
make sure that our children know how to set boundaries
for themselves. And when they feel uncomfortable, they need to
(14:34):
speak about being uncomfortable, and we shouldn't force them.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
I also feel like some kind of way, we're teaching
children not to listen to their own gut instincts. When
we say go on and hug so and so and
they don't want to, we're overriding their gut instincts, which
could save them in another situation.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Exactly, exactly, that's right on point. That is right on point,
and based on what you just said, that's something that
we want to be able to teach them and empower
them to be comfortable with. So when they become adults,
they'll know how to trust their own good. But when
we take that from them as a child, then we
(15:15):
open them up to other things that can happen as
they grow and mature.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
I hate to say it, but I think a lot
of the reason we do that is because we want
to look good. We want to look like we have
these compliant, obedient children so we won't be judged. But
I think it's more important to keep them safe.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Yeah, I truly believe that.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
But I think you know, as adults, as parents, and
as families, we need to shift that narrative, and we
need to stop thinking about how we're going to look
and what's going to make us feel better. But most importantly,
the children are what's our primary focus, and that's who
(15:55):
we should be protecting, and that's who we should be
making look good. Think is anything wrong with a child
being outspoken and speak up about how they feel.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'm laughing because you will not believe how many times
I've had people lecture me about my parenting but what
they witness and I you know, Okay, maybe I'm wrong,
but it's my kids. So guess what? Uh zip it exactly.
I don't tell you how to beat your children, so
don't tell me how to not beat mine exactly. But
(16:30):
what are some of the other behaviors, habits, thought processes
that we, as parents, and particularly black parents, because we
have our own ways, need to look at.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Say that again, rephrase it.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Well, what are some of the other things we need
to be looking at in terms of the way we
normally quote unquote normally do things as black families that
we might want to rethink in order to protect our kids.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
The first thing that comes to my mind is families
being transparent, being open, being honest about what's really going
on in the family, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
The older adults.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
And I'm saying this because this is something that I
did with my family when I decided I was going
to go on this journey. I called my family, my
immediate family, my aunts and cousins, my mother, brought us
all together and I wanted to explain to them this
journey that I'm getting ready to take, and this is
the reason why I'm taking it, and this is what
(17:35):
happened to me, and this is who did it. And
so that way they understood where I was going, and
also letting them know that I'm going to do whatever
I need to do to protect my child. So I
needed everyone to be on board with understanding where I
was coming from. So we have to be transparent, and
(17:57):
we have to stop hiding and protecting.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Family members.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
We have to be serious about protecting our children. One
of the things that we definitely need to change is
when we get together as a family, stop sending the
children to one place.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And the adults are in another place.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Because when you have a pedophile that's in the midst
they know that all the adults are in one place
and the children in are in another.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
We're putting our children in harm's way.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Mm So I think that's you know, we all know
growing up family gatherings, all the children go to another
room play with one another. And another thing that we
need to understand is that adults are not the only
ones who are perpetrating sexual abuse. Older siblings, teenagers, older
(18:52):
children are also sexually abusing younger children. So we we
have to be mindful of where our children are, who
they are around, and we have to be present.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
The younger child older child dynamic. Is that usually going
to be an older child that's been a victim of
abuse themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I can't really quote.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Statistically what that is, but I believe that that is
true that an older child sexually abuses a younger child
because it's something that happened to them, So they're experimenting
on a younger child, right.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
But it still has to be factored in in terms
of keeping your kids safe.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
La One of our Republicans that's in the chat says,
it's okay to take advice from other parents, especially if
they are older or better parents than you, that's more
successful than you. I'll read a book, I'll be open
to having a private conversation but older does not necessarily
mean better. I feel, and I always say that, you
know that. I always say this, doctor Anthony. If we
(20:04):
would upgrade and update our parenting skills as often as
we update our phones, we would be in a much
better position as a society.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
That's key. I totally totally agree with that.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
And one of the things I always say is that
when we become a parent, when our child is born,
they don't give us a manual to tell us these
are the steps that you need to take. But I
think a conscious parent who wants to make sure that
their child is safe and also to make sure that
we're parenting in an effective way, that we should educate
(20:38):
ourselves along the way and not raise our children the
way somebody else raised their children or the way we
were raised.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
I know for sure as a.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Parent, I made some conscious decisions to raise my daughter differently.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Say I don't hit, I don't do corporal punishment. You know, oh,
your child's going to be a criminal. Okay, Well the
scientists don't agree. All right, So that's your way, and
I'm not going to judge you. But in the in
her book A Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, a doctor Joy
Degreu makes a really strong case for how, particularly with
(21:14):
black parents, we have a lot of remnants of enslavement
in our parenting and if we don't consciously root it out,
then we're not serving ourselves.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yes, I totally agree with that. I did the same
thing with my child. I knew that I was. We
weren't going to be getting a beaten and to beat
down every time something happened. And you know, they used
to laugh at me and say, what do you mean,
you know, go sit down and have a seat. You know,
I didn't necessarily stay time out because that is an
(21:47):
effective way, you know, to give children an opportunity to
sit down and think about something. But I was not
going to beat my child every time she didn't react
or respond the way I wanted or too, because I
know that was that wasn't effective for me, right, it
was not effective for me.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Well, yeah, we got news traffic in sports right here,
and then we will continue our conversation with doctor Andrea A.
Anthony on KBLA Talk fifteen eighty. We're talking with doctor
Andrea A. Anthony. Guarded Wings Promise is her nonprofit. You
can find them on Instagram, you can find them online
(22:26):
and you can find her book which is really going
much more in depth about how to prevent you know,
preventative measures. The book is Guarded Wings Promise. The Journey
of Protection begins before birth. And you were we were
talking during news, Traffic and sports about these trainings that
(22:50):
you do. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Well, one training in particular is called the Guarden Wings Ambassador,
and that training is for one or two family members,
two who are bold enough to want to take on
the role of being that safety net for children.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
They take the training.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
This training gives them the tools, the strategies, the statistics,
conversation starters that they need to take back to their
own family, and then they bring the family together, either
in a group setting or they just do it one
by one, but they start training and giving the family
(23:34):
this information and knowledge that they need, and then the
family takes a pledge that they're going to take these strategies,
these tools and put them into action and protect the
children in the family. And I just believe that's one
of the ways to end childhood's sexual abuse. And so
that's the focus is to end it. Well I see
(23:56):
that in my lifetime. I don't think so, but my
is to begin the work and to start educating families,
and then that spreads into the community as well.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
So it's almost like you're deputized, deputizing family members to
do this work within their own circles. Yes, and you
say that establishing protective measures. You talked about having conversations
with the family before the kid is even born about
this process of educating folks so they can spread that education.
(24:29):
What are some of the other kinds of protective measures
that you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Well, before a child starts school, parents start considering what
school they want a child to go to, whether it
be preschool or local elementary school. I think it's important
for parents and families to take a look at this
educational institution before the child ever walks through the doors,
(24:56):
see if they have protective measures in place. What are
the mandated reporting policies are the Are there background checks
on every employee? And that's public information, so they can't
deny you from having that information. When it comes to
childcare and preschool, you can go online and find that information.
(25:20):
You can look up a preschool and find out what
the staff ratio is like, if they have been trained,
are they mandated reporter?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
All that information is available.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
So that's one of the things that I encouraged families
and parents to do.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Do your own research.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
You can visit facilities, you can visit preschools and schools before.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
You ever take your child there.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Don't put your child in an environment because your neighbor
said that's a good place for them to go. But
do your own homework and get the information that's needed.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, I don't think I didn't leave my kid with anybody.
I mean, if there's like maybe two or three people
and I'm related to them, so except for one that
I'm not related to, it's like even when my child
got old enough to talk to me. I don't want
babysitters that like kids. I want babysitters that can't stand
kids and do it because they need the money or
(26:20):
they have no choice. You know. That was my way
of looking out for better visum. Babysitter kids get on
my nerves, Okay, I'll watch them for you. That's the
babysitter I'm looking for. So you know, what are some
(26:42):
of the misconceptions that we have.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
That every family member is a safe family member.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
That's a misconception.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
That just like you just said, just because someone you know,
they say they love children, they're just trying to find
ways to get close to run.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
It's always the boys Scout leader or girls Scout leader
that loves kids so much.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
You know, think about coaches. The good ones can't stand
the players. They might be trying to mentor them, but
they're not like trying to hang out with them.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Right exactly.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
And that's you know, that's another area where you have
to make sure that you watch your children is extracurricular activities. Coaches,
after school programs, they those are places where children are
being sexually abused. Park and recreation. You drop your child off,
(27:42):
you know, for practice, and you're not there. I encourage
parents to be present. If you can just be there,
be there, be present.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, people got jobs, and I mean it's hard, but
it's hard to watch your child twenty four to seven.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
But if you can do yes and when when I
say be present, I mean for me, my child was
at school. I knew I couldn't be there all the time,
but I showed up. I just show up if I can,
you know, during the day, I didn't have to stay long,
just do a walk through so that they would know
who I am. And who's my child show up for
(28:20):
every event if you can, if not, pick a representative
in the family, someone that you trust. I think that's important.
But adults and people who care for our children need
to know that there is an adult that cares, that
there is an adult that's going to be present, because
(28:41):
that's where children are being abused when they think no
one's watching.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
People might not understand why I say this, but I
think that we as black people, tend to be kind
of prudish, you know, even though we have this dumb
stereotype that we're wild. People don't want to don't want
to talk about sex, they don't want to talk about
body parts. But that's part of it, isn't it. We
have to be able to talk about.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
That, Yes, exactly, And that's why I am encouraging through
my mission through this book for us to get out
of that, because we have to be vigilant about protecting
our children, and you know, being prudish and not want
to talk about certain things. We gotta get past that
(29:34):
because my children need us and they need us to
be intentional about safeguarding them.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Which means they have to know right they have to
know what their body parts are called, and exactly what
ones aren't meant to be touched by anyone who and
call the body part the body part the accurate name,
not the TT, you know, the PP.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Don't call it that, Call it that actual name, so
that they are aware of what that body part really
means and what is for.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
We have to have those kinds of conversations.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Why is it important to call it what it's really called.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Because children need to know that that's a valuable part
and it's used for something other than being abused, if
that makes any sense. So it's important not to give
other names because that causes confusion. And so when a
(30:34):
child is in a situation where other language is people
to you know, saying other things. If they're calling it
a vagina, but there's you know, it's a T T,
then that causes confusion if I'm making anythink.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah, I can see that. It also sort of makes
it seem like te like, oh, even my mom won't
talk about this or my dad won't talk about it
straight ahead, So maybe I shouldn't, yeah, you know, and
be a model accuracy and communication right exactly. You know,
(31:10):
I know that a lot of these things are hard
for people because maybe we've had our own abuse experiences
or our own shame experiences. But to me, when we
put in a context of what would you do to
protect your child, it can help us break through that.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
And those are those are questions that need to be
asked within families or within our friends circle, like what
would you do to protect your child? And what do
you think you know? And what do you think you
don't know? Or what do you need help with? And
like I think you somebody posted online about you know,
(31:50):
listening to older adults. It's okay to seek information from
other people. It's okay to ask questions from other people
people so that you can get a better understanding.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Right, But then if an older adult tells you something
that sounds crazy or that you instinctively reject, I feel
like you got to get a second or third opinion.
You know, That's all I'm saying. Yes, Morris says, that's right.
Everybody knew who my kid's daddy was me and he's
of course responding to your point about dropping in unannounced.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Yes, it's important, And like I said, if you know,
I understand that parents work, they have jobs that they're
all day. But like I said, choose a representative, a friend,
you trust, a family member, you trust a grandparent to
just show up just because. And then that way the
(32:47):
adults around know that somebody's watching his child.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Yep, somebody pays attention, and that somebody can be a
whole pain in your neck. Doctor Andrea Anthony is with me.
I'm Dominique de Premola Talk fifteen eighty. Doctor Andrea A.
Anthony is with us this morning, and we're talking about
how to protect our kids. And I know that you're
(33:11):
your nonprofit you mostly focus on prevention, but you also
have some stuff in your book about how how to
spot abuse that's already started. Right. What are some of
the signs that a child maybe has been abusing sexually
(33:32):
or is in a situation that is undermining them. Do
you want to share a little bit of that?
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Yes, if you, if you have a child at one
point was outgoing and just becomes quiet, don't assume that
I don't want to say, don't assume assume that something
(34:00):
is wrong, and start asking questions, start looking at where
they are and who they've been around.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
If a child starts wedding the.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Bed, they weren't a bed wetther and they start wedding
the bed you want to, you know, take them to
pediatrician and start asking questions. Don't wait too long or
don't think that you know it. You know it's gonna
go away. I encourage a parent immediately start figuring out
(34:33):
why is this happening? You also want to If a
child is in the room and an adult walks in
and the child cringes or walks closer to a parent
or another adult, that's a sign that something is wrong,
like the energy has shifted when this person walked in
(34:55):
the room.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Don't ignore that.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
And a lot of times that is ignored because it's like, oh,
that's that's uncle so and so or you know, we
don't want to leave out women because women also sexually
abused children. If an adult walks in the room and
the and the child's whole demeanor changes, we need to
be concerned about that.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah, and stop making excuses. We would love to make
excuses for our eccentric family members, which is fine for
them in their lives, but not around our kids.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Exactly. I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
So do you think? I mean? I have a very
outspoken child, surprise, surprise, Apple meat tree. But he always
says you know kids have no rights.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
That's what your sent is.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yes, that's that's who I raise. Kids have no rights.
And part of the problem is that because kids have
no rights, they're not protected. So, I mean, the reason
I bring it up is not because I think kids
should be running everything, but because I think that's part
of our mindset. Do as I say, not as I do.
(36:07):
Kids should be seen and not heard. This is you know,
you're a kid almost Like La said something interesting in
the chat, like we own them. No, we don't own them.
I'm not saying that we don't have authority, but I
think this idea that kids don't have rights plays into
them being unprotected in some ways.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
I can agree with that.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I can agree with that, but I think it's important
that we shift the narrative. We change our mindsets. We
need to get away from children should be seen and
not heard. That's old school and it doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
So we need to just.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Get rid of that saying because it's not true, like
we want to know what our children are feeling, what
they're thinking. I think that and I always say that
if you're around a quiet child, you need to be concerned,
because when a quiet child is holding a lot in
(37:11):
and you really don't know where they are.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
But when you're around a child that's outspoken and.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Very communicative, then you don't have to guess with that child,
because that child will let you know. I want to
be around and I want to help empower children who
are communicative and who are very vocal, But I also
want to help nurture and monitor children who are quiet,
(37:38):
because I believe those children need us the most because
they have a lot to say but are not saying it.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Yeah. I think that's right, and it can be you said,
do it right away. It can be a big regret
if you don't do it right away. Is that the
thinking behind that?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
You mean, when if you feel that something might.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Be wrong, something's going on with the child, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
I think we should stop putting things off and take
action right away. It's better to know that nothing is
wrong than to find out later that something is.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah. But kids, I mean also will downplay stuff, especially
teenagers or oh no, nothing, it's nothing.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Oh yeah, they do, and that's why you have to
continue to just be watchful, continue to be watchful because
although they're not saying anything, they're saying a lot by
their actions, by their conversations that they have with their
friends or just in the environment of other adults. And
(38:47):
that's I think adults need to be more watchful. We
need to pay attention to the children that are around us.
We need to be villaged, diligent about it, and intentional
and stop just shrugging things off, because our children.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Really need us. I'm an educator.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
I've taught in public school private schools, and I've been
an administrator. I've worked with children and parents for a
very long time, and children really want to be seen.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
And really want to be heard.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
But it's the adults that have to take the time
out to really learn how to communicate with them and
to give them time and space to be expressive when
something is wrong. My daughter's twenty seven and and when
I ask her, you know what's wrong, she still says, ah, nothing,
Oh it's okay. But I'm her mother, so I know
(39:44):
something is wrong. So I just I'm watchful and I
give her time. But i'm'a circle back around again in
a different way, and then eventually I'll find out what
I need to know.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
And now, as an educator, it's your experience that the
kids whose parents show up and speak out get treated
differently than the ones who don't.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yes, Unfortunately, parents who show up and speak out in
a lot of situations, I'm not going to say in
every situation those parents are annoying. I never felt that
way as an administrator. As a principal, I truly admire
parents who stand up and speak up for their children.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Pay attention right.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
Yes, exactly and yes, so those parents, you know, depending
on how they react and respond, you know, can call
some havoc the quiet parents. Those are the ones that
you want to pay attention to also because you want
to empower them to be more vocal and to be
more present in their children's lives.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Tell us how to find the book, how to if
people want to get the you know, ambassador training, how
to connect with that. How can we be part of
your movement to protect our babies?
Speaker 3 (41:09):
So the book can be found on Amazon, and my
instagram is I am doctor Andrea and I can be
found on Facebook and LinkedIn under doctor Andrea Anthony and
follow me on Instagram and you'll be able to get
(41:33):
more information. I have some trainings that are coming up.
I'm putting those in place. A lot of people have
come forward who want to partner who want to help,
you know, in this movement, and so there's a lot
of things that are coming up and I'm really excited
about it.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Yeah, well it's important work. Just got about forty seconds,
so a little under a minute here, what would you
like to leave us with this morning.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
I just want to encourage every listener, whether you're a
parent or not, to take action, to be vigilant and
understand that our children really need us to protect them.
And we need to start having conversations within our families,
and we need to become empowered and know that our
(42:19):
voices matter and that our children need us to speak
of for them. And so action is what needs to
take place. And our tagline is one child, one family,
and one community at a time.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Well, thank you for the work you're doing. It's really
important and definitely much needed.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Thank you so much. It was a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
It is great to have you in. And remember, you know,
tomorrow's Friedman Friday, so you're going to want to tap
in for that too. Right now, it's the best of
Tavis Smiley, and boy does he have some great highlights
to share with you. You don't want to miss that.
Remember the commerce station continues always on social media, before after,
and sometimes during the show. At KBLA fifteen eighty, I'm
(43:07):
at Duprima Radio dp R I M A and then radio.
Like my mama, the Great Diana Prima used to say,
history is now, like I always say, we're making it together.
Until tomorrow, Be safe, be mindful, one love
We have a very special guest in studio. I'm so
happy to have her here. She is an author, obviously
author of Guarded Wings Promise The Journey of Protection Begins
before Birth. Doctor Andrea A.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Anthony, Welcome, Thank you, happy to be here.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Yeah, well, tell me about this journey to get to
this piece, because I mean, it's it's just obviously something
everyone would want to do, but it's kind of intense.
It's kind of a heavy thing to take on, right,
So there is there a personal journey.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
To that, Yes, definitely.
Speaker 3 (00:48):
I myself am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse from
the age of about three until I graduated from high school,
like not you know, the whole time, but multiple times,
and just something that you know, I had to deal
with that as a child and not being able to
(01:09):
tell anyone because I was silenced through different I guess
I would call it like threats and just you know,
stifling my voice when it comes to speaking up on
what was happening, and also just being around a lot
(01:30):
of adults who really just didn't recognize the signs of
a child being.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
Abused or sexually abused. And so.
Speaker 3 (01:41):
Just as as you know, my journey went on after
high school and just continue to educate myself.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
At some point I knew that, you know, I had
to be a voice.
Speaker 3 (01:52):
And then once I found out I was going to
become a mother, then it was all hands on deck.
Kind of knew at that point that I wanted to
make sure that she was protected. So that's when I
start pulling out all the stops having the conversations that
would need to be more vocal. But I had been
(02:14):
doing things up to that point, but it became a
mission at that time.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
I had. You know, I'm sure you've had this conversation
a million times yourself. But we got into a pretty
heated discussion around here last week with a rap artist
called Jay French, because he was saying that if you
don't report something right when it happens, it's hard for
people to believe you, and you know, and that you
(02:40):
lose credibility. And you know, I'm also a survivor of
sexual assault, and I just I've just so adamantly disagree
with that because I know there's shame and there's all
these other things, and you mentioned being threatened. Lots of
peopleeople are threatened. But I think I did a terrible
(03:03):
job of explaining why that is just a dumb theory
that I hear over and over every time there's one
of these cases in the news about women coming forward.
And I said to Jay at the time, you know,
you need to talk to some of these experts, because
I knew I was doing a terrible job. So since
(03:25):
we have one of these experts in the studio, maybe
you can fill in all the part that I didn't
get well.
Speaker 3 (03:31):
First of all, I just think that people who say
that have not experienced what survirus have experienced, so they're
only speaking from a speaking from a perspective of not
having to deal with that, live with it, and carrying
(03:53):
that with you as you grow older. There's so many
ways in which people are silenced. Like I said, they're threatening,
you said, shame, And when you're surrounded by people who
don't give you an opportunity to speak or make you
(04:14):
feel safe about speaking.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Then you just hold things in.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
And that's just like if you know, if you got
if you were outside playing and you got injured, or
you're in an area where you shouldn't have been, you're
not gonna come inside and tell your parents I was,
I was where I wasn't supposed to be. So that's
why that's how I got a lot of.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
And a lot of survivors. They blame themselves for reasons
which may which a lot of times aren't even legit.
But then you think about a family dynamic, especially if
you're a child, you're gonna upset an apple cart, and
you know that you tell on your daddy or your
stepdaddy or your uncle. It's a whole problem. Yes, so
a series of problems, yes, for sure.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
And as as a person who's dealing with being sexually abuse,
you take on that obligation of not saying anything because
you don't want to cause a rift in the family.
Because because you listen to the adults around you talk
about how they feel or praise this individual who you
(05:17):
know that's harming you. So you don't want to be
that person to tear the family up. And unfortunately, you
see families take up and take up, take up for
the abusers or.
Speaker 2 (05:34):
Make excuses for them.
Speaker 3 (05:35):
Yep, knowing that this has been a person that has
generation after generation has abused and harm children. And that's
one of the reasons why I'm taking on this mission
so that I can educate families and help them understand
how important it is to protect children, and one of
(05:56):
the ways is to start before they're even born.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Start before they're even born. What does that look like.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
It looks like having a conversation, Start the conversation within
the family. I believe in families coming together and exposing
that one individual that they know is a perpetrator. And
I just strongly believe that when a perpetrator knows that
the family is talking about how they're going to protect
(06:25):
the children, they'll take a second thought and probably step
back from harming children because they know that the adults
in the family are coming together.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
But it's having a conversation.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
I know for sure that it's at least one or
two people in a family that are dealing with being
a survivor. But also they're talking to one another. So
those two people get together and start talking to other
family members and start putting systems in place to protect
the children. And I think that's important.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, we can talk more about what those what those
systems look like. And when you say taking up for
the abuser, it sounds really far fetched, but it's not.
I mean, I've read about this, I've had folks on
my shows talking about it. And I've seen it with
my own eyes. There it's almost like it's not logical,
(07:24):
it's it's like a it's almost like a denial thing, right,
it's some kind of survival mechanism for the family or something.
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Yes, for sure, because unfortunately families want to protect their
legacy or to protect who.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
They are in the community.
Speaker 3 (07:42):
So you know, we don't want that to get out,
so let's keep let's sweep that under the rug.
Speaker 2 (07:49):
I can't.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
Even imagine how many times that I've heard people say,
you know, I wanted to say something but I didn't,
or I says something and I wasn't believed.
Speaker 2 (08:03):
Whoever I told.
Speaker 3 (08:04):
Got angry with me for saying that, And don't ever
repeat that again.
Speaker 1 (08:09):
Yeah, people in the family, people not believing kids or
young people, and that was the other part of the conversation,
or blaming them, Yes, and that has happened. That happens
pretty frequently with families, but also sometimes with authorities. I mean,
the blaming of children, especially young teenagers, well what did
(08:33):
you have on and all that stuff is actually very
very common.
Speaker 3 (08:38):
Yes, for sure, And that just angers me when we
put the blame on a young innocent child who's probably
just wearing the latest fashion, have no idea that they're
considered fast or you ask for it, you shouldn't have
worn that, And unfortunately, that's the society that we live in, right.
Speaker 1 (09:01):
And the thing about it is you as an adult
should never be so out of control that something that
a child wears what's so called make you yeah, do anything.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
But unfortunately, I consider people who are perpetrators who sexually
abuse children, they have a sickness, that's a sickness, so
they're not thinking logically, they're not thinking that, you know,
this is a child. Because of their sickness, it does
not matter the age of the child. And so that's
(09:35):
one of the things that's unfortunate is that we have
this sickness and it's running rapid in our families and
our communities. And statistics tell us that ninety three percent
of the people who abuse children are trusted family and
friends ninety three percent.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
So it's not stranger danger. That's that's a myth.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
Stranger danger when it comes to sexual abuse is happening
in the homes, is happening in schools with trusted adults,
in our church community, is happening. These are people that
families entrust their children too, and our children are being harmed.
So I'm going to talk about what some of those
(10:25):
tools are and how we can implement them, and some
of the attitudes and habits that we as families need
to look at changing, shaping, reshaping, on creating new traditions.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
Doctor Andrea A. Anthony is with me and you're listening
to KBLA Talk fifteen eighty. Doctor Andrea A. Anthony is
in the studio with me. She has a nonprofit organization,
Guarded Wings Promise. Talk to me about that. What do
y'all do?
Speaker 3 (10:55):
So the primary omission of God to guard Wing's promise
is on the preventative side. There's a lot of organizations
out there that really focus on survivors and getting them
help and resources that they need.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
My main focus is on preventing.
Speaker 3 (11:17):
Childhood sexual abuse, and that looks like talking to families
and educating families and giving them the resources that they
need to speak about it, and they need to know
the statistics around childhood sexual abuse and how it affects
the families and communities and also the mental health of
(11:41):
people as they continue to grow. So basically, we want
to educate families, communities, faith based organizations to help them
ensure that the children that around them are safe.
Speaker 1 (11:53):
So it's about prevention, it's about stopping it before it starts,
which is it's true. Mostly organizations are helping people handle
it after it's already happened. So when I said changing
habits and thought patterns for families, I was also thinking
about church. But one of the things that has come
(12:18):
up a lot is this, you know, go hug your
auntie or go hug uncle Bubba or whatever, and the
child doesn't want to, and then we yell at them
and shame them and say insists that they.
Speaker 2 (12:28):
Do it correct.
Speaker 3 (12:30):
And that's one of the things that we train our
parents and our families to really consider. Stop forcing children
to hug people that they don't want to hug. And
if a child shows any resistance on hugging a certain person,
that right there is a warning sign that should be
(12:52):
a trigger. Why doesn't this child want to hug this person?
We should never force children to hug anyone. One of
the things that we want to teach family is that
even the adults should ask for permission to hug a child,
not force a child to hug. Not get over here
and hug me, you better come give me a hug,
(13:12):
because we know that's how families talk, especially when they
get together. But at this point, we're trying to teach
families the proper way of safeguarding children, and that's for
children to be able to say no, I don't want
to hug that person, and then teach them other ways
that they can greet an adult, shake their hand. But
(13:34):
we should never force children to hug.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And is that because we're trying to teach them boundaries
or because we don't want to put them within the
possibility of being groped by an adult, or like, what's
the thinking behind that.
Speaker 3 (13:48):
I would say it's both teaching them boundaries, teaching them,
you know, that they can protect their space when they
feel like they need to, but also keeping them safe
and not putting them in harm's way of an adult
taking advantage of them. Because if we continue to force
(14:10):
our children to hug adults or say they're an authority,
so you know, if they say hug me, hug me,
if they say come with me, come with me, then
we're teaching them to trust everybody. And we want to
make sure that our children know how to set boundaries
for themselves. And when they feel uncomfortable, they need to
(14:34):
speak about being uncomfortable, and we shouldn't force them.
Speaker 1 (14:37):
I also feel like some kind of way, we're teaching
children not to listen to their own gut instincts. When
we say go on and hug so and so and
they don't want to, we're overriding their gut instincts, which
could save them in another situation.
Speaker 3 (14:55):
Exactly, exactly, that's right on point. That is right on point,
and based on what you just said, that's something that
we want to be able to teach them and empower
them to be comfortable with. So when they become adults,
they'll know how to trust their own good. But when
we take that from them as a child, then we
(15:15):
open them up to other things that can happen as
they grow and mature.
Speaker 1 (15:19):
I hate to say it, but I think a lot
of the reason we do that is because we want
to look good. We want to look like we have
these compliant, obedient children so we won't be judged. But
I think it's more important to keep them safe.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Yeah, I truly believe that.
Speaker 3 (15:34):
But I think you know, as adults, as parents, and
as families, we need to shift that narrative, and we
need to stop thinking about how we're going to look
and what's going to make us feel better. But most importantly,
the children are what's our primary focus, and that's who
(15:55):
we should be protecting, and that's who we should be
making look good. Think is anything wrong with a child
being outspoken and speak up about how they feel.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'm laughing because you will not believe how many times
I've had people lecture me about my parenting but what
they witness and I you know, Okay, maybe I'm wrong,
but it's my kids. So guess what? Uh zip it exactly.
I don't tell you how to beat your children, so
don't tell me how to not beat mine exactly. But
(16:30):
what are some of the other behaviors, habits, thought processes
that we, as parents, and particularly black parents, because we
have our own ways, need to look at.
Speaker 2 (16:43):
Say that again, rephrase it.
Speaker 1 (16:44):
Well, what are some of the other things we need
to be looking at in terms of the way we
normally quote unquote normally do things as black families that
we might want to rethink in order to protect our kids.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
The first thing that comes to my mind is families
being transparent, being open, being honest about what's really going
on in the family, I think.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
The older adults.
Speaker 3 (17:14):
And I'm saying this because this is something that I
did with my family when I decided I was going
to go on this journey. I called my family, my
immediate family, my aunts and cousins, my mother, brought us
all together and I wanted to explain to them this
journey that I'm getting ready to take, and this is
the reason why I'm taking it, and this is what
(17:35):
happened to me, and this is who did it. And
so that way they understood where I was going, and
also letting them know that I'm going to do whatever
I need to do to protect my child. So I
needed everyone to be on board with understanding where I
was coming from. So we have to be transparent, and
(17:57):
we have to stop hiding and protecting.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
Family members.
Speaker 3 (18:03):
We have to be serious about protecting our children. One
of the things that we definitely need to change is
when we get together as a family, stop sending the
children to one place.
Speaker 2 (18:14):
And the adults are in another place.
Speaker 3 (18:17):
Because when you have a pedophile that's in the midst
they know that all the adults are in one place
and the children in are in another.
Speaker 2 (18:25):
We're putting our children in harm's way.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
Mm So I think that's you know, we all know
growing up family gatherings, all the children go to another
room play with one another. And another thing that we
need to understand is that adults are not the only
ones who are perpetrating sexual abuse. Older siblings, teenagers, older
(18:52):
children are also sexually abusing younger children. So we we
have to be mindful of where our children are, who
they are around, and we have to be present.
Speaker 1 (19:05):
The younger child older child dynamic. Is that usually going
to be an older child that's been a victim of
abuse themselves.
Speaker 2 (19:14):
I can't really quote.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
Statistically what that is, but I believe that that is
true that an older child sexually abuses a younger child
because it's something that happened to them, So they're experimenting
on a younger child, right.
Speaker 1 (19:36):
But it still has to be factored in in terms
of keeping your kids safe.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
Exactly.
Speaker 1 (19:42):
La One of our Republicans that's in the chat says,
it's okay to take advice from other parents, especially if
they are older or better parents than you, that's more
successful than you. I'll read a book, I'll be open
to having a private conversation but older does not necessarily
mean better. I feel, and I always say that, you
know that. I always say this, doctor Anthony. If we
(20:04):
would upgrade and update our parenting skills as often as
we update our phones, we would be in a much
better position as a society.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
That's key. I totally totally agree with that.
Speaker 3 (20:17):
And one of the things I always say is that
when we become a parent, when our child is born,
they don't give us a manual to tell us these
are the steps that you need to take. But I
think a conscious parent who wants to make sure that
their child is safe and also to make sure that
we're parenting in an effective way, that we should educate
(20:38):
ourselves along the way and not raise our children the
way somebody else raised their children or the way we
were raised.
Speaker 2 (20:47):
I know for sure as a.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Parent, I made some conscious decisions to raise my daughter differently.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
Say I don't hit, I don't do corporal punishment. You know, oh,
your child's going to be a criminal. Okay, Well the
scientists don't agree. All right, So that's your way, and
I'm not going to judge you. But in the in
her book A Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome, a doctor Joy
Degreu makes a really strong case for how, particularly with
(21:14):
black parents, we have a lot of remnants of enslavement
in our parenting and if we don't consciously root it out,
then we're not serving ourselves.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
Yes, I totally agree with that. I did the same
thing with my child. I knew that I was. We
weren't going to be getting a beaten and to beat
down every time something happened. And you know, they used
to laugh at me and say, what do you mean,
you know, go sit down and have a seat. You know,
I didn't necessarily stay time out because that is an
(21:47):
effective way, you know, to give children an opportunity to
sit down and think about something. But I was not
going to beat my child every time she didn't react
or respond the way I wanted or too, because I
know that was that wasn't effective for me, right, it
was not effective for me.
Speaker 1 (22:05):
Well, yeah, we got news traffic in sports right here,
and then we will continue our conversation with doctor Andrea A.
Anthony on KBLA Talk fifteen eighty. We're talking with doctor
Andrea A. Anthony. Guarded Wings Promise is her nonprofit. You
can find them on Instagram, you can find them online
(22:26):
and you can find her book which is really going
much more in depth about how to prevent you know,
preventative measures. The book is Guarded Wings Promise. The Journey
of Protection begins before birth. And you were we were
talking during news, Traffic and sports about these trainings that
(22:50):
you do. Talk to me about that.
Speaker 3 (22:53):
Well, one training in particular is called the Guarden Wings Ambassador,
and that training is for one or two family members,
two who are bold enough to want to take on
the role of being that safety net for children.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
They take the training.
Speaker 3 (23:11):
This training gives them the tools, the strategies, the statistics,
conversation starters that they need to take back to their
own family, and then they bring the family together, either
in a group setting or they just do it one
by one, but they start training and giving the family
(23:34):
this information and knowledge that they need, and then the
family takes a pledge that they're going to take these strategies,
these tools and put them into action and protect the
children in the family. And I just believe that's one
of the ways to end childhood's sexual abuse. And so
that's the focus is to end it. Well I see
(23:56):
that in my lifetime. I don't think so, but my
is to begin the work and to start educating families,
and then that spreads into the community as well.
Speaker 1 (24:08):
So it's almost like you're deputized, deputizing family members to
do this work within their own circles. Yes, and you
say that establishing protective measures. You talked about having conversations
with the family before the kid is even born about
this process of educating folks so they can spread that education.
(24:29):
What are some of the other kinds of protective measures
that you're talking about.
Speaker 3 (24:34):
Well, before a child starts school, parents start considering what
school they want a child to go to, whether it
be preschool or local elementary school. I think it's important
for parents and families to take a look at this
educational institution before the child ever walks through the doors,
(24:56):
see if they have protective measures in place. What are
the mandated reporting policies are the Are there background checks
on every employee? And that's public information, so they can't
deny you from having that information. When it comes to
childcare and preschool, you can go online and find that information.
(25:20):
You can look up a preschool and find out what
the staff ratio is like, if they have been trained,
are they mandated reporter?
Speaker 2 (25:31):
All that information is available.
Speaker 3 (25:33):
So that's one of the things that I encouraged families
and parents to do.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Do your own research.
Speaker 3 (25:40):
You can visit facilities, you can visit preschools and schools before.
Speaker 2 (25:45):
You ever take your child there.
Speaker 3 (25:46):
Don't put your child in an environment because your neighbor
said that's a good place for them to go. But
do your own homework and get the information that's needed.
Speaker 1 (25:57):
Yeah, I don't think I didn't leave my kid with anybody.
I mean, if there's like maybe two or three people
and I'm related to them, so except for one that
I'm not related to, it's like even when my child
got old enough to talk to me. I don't want
babysitters that like kids. I want babysitters that can't stand
kids and do it because they need the money or
(26:20):
they have no choice. You know. That was my way
of looking out for better visum. Babysitter kids get on
my nerves, Okay, I'll watch them for you. That's the
babysitter I'm looking for. So you know, what are some
(26:42):
of the misconceptions that we have.
Speaker 2 (26:46):
That every family member is a safe family member.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
That's a misconception.
Speaker 3 (26:56):
That just like you just said, just because someone you know,
they say they love children, they're just trying to find
ways to get close to run.
Speaker 1 (27:06):
It's always the boys Scout leader or girls Scout leader
that loves kids so much.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
Yes, exactly.
Speaker 1 (27:12):
You know, think about coaches. The good ones can't stand
the players. They might be trying to mentor them, but
they're not like trying to hang out with them.
Speaker 2 (27:21):
Right exactly.
Speaker 3 (27:22):
And that's you know, that's another area where you have
to make sure that you watch your children is extracurricular activities. Coaches,
after school programs, they those are places where children are
being sexually abused. Park and recreation. You drop your child off,
(27:42):
you know, for practice, and you're not there. I encourage
parents to be present. If you can just be there,
be there, be present.
Speaker 1 (27:52):
Yeah, people got jobs, and I mean it's hard, but
it's hard to watch your child twenty four to seven.
Speaker 3 (27:57):
But if you can do yes and when when I
say be present, I mean for me, my child was
at school. I knew I couldn't be there all the time,
but I showed up. I just show up if I can,
you know, during the day, I didn't have to stay long,
just do a walk through so that they would know
who I am. And who's my child show up for
(28:20):
every event if you can, if not, pick a representative
in the family, someone that you trust. I think that's important.
But adults and people who care for our children need
to know that there is an adult that cares, that
there is an adult that's going to be present, because
(28:41):
that's where children are being abused when they think no
one's watching.
Speaker 1 (28:47):
People might not understand why I say this, but I
think that we as black people, tend to be kind
of prudish, you know, even though we have this dumb
stereotype that we're wild. People don't want to don't want
to talk about sex, they don't want to talk about
body parts. But that's part of it, isn't it. We
have to be able to talk about.
Speaker 3 (29:08):
That, Yes, exactly, And that's why I am encouraging through
my mission through this book for us to get out
of that, because we have to be vigilant about protecting
our children, and you know, being prudish and not want
to talk about certain things. We gotta get past that
(29:34):
because my children need us and they need us to
be intentional about safeguarding them.
Speaker 1 (29:42):
Which means they have to know right they have to
know what their body parts are called, and exactly what
ones aren't meant to be touched by anyone who and
call the body part the body part the accurate name,
not the TT, you know, the PP.
Speaker 3 (29:56):
Don't call it that, Call it that actual name, so
that they are aware of what that body part really
means and what is for.
Speaker 2 (30:06):
We have to have those kinds of conversations.
Speaker 1 (30:07):
Why is it important to call it what it's really called.
Speaker 3 (30:11):
Because children need to know that that's a valuable part
and it's used for something other than being abused, if
that makes any sense. So it's important not to give
other names because that causes confusion. And so when a
(30:34):
child is in a situation where other language is people
to you know, saying other things. If they're calling it
a vagina, but there's you know, it's a T T,
then that causes confusion if I'm making anythink.
Speaker 1 (30:49):
Yeah, I can see that. It also sort of makes
it seem like te like, oh, even my mom won't
talk about this or my dad won't talk about it
straight ahead, So maybe I shouldn't, yeah, you know, and
be a model accuracy and communication right exactly. You know,
(31:10):
I know that a lot of these things are hard
for people because maybe we've had our own abuse experiences
or our own shame experiences. But to me, when we
put in a context of what would you do to
protect your child, it can help us break through that.
Speaker 2 (31:29):
Exactly.
Speaker 3 (31:29):
And those are those are questions that need to be
asked within families or within our friends circle, like what
would you do to protect your child? And what do
you think you know? And what do you think you
don't know? Or what do you need help with? And
like I think you somebody posted online about you know,
(31:50):
listening to older adults. It's okay to seek information from
other people. It's okay to ask questions from other people
people so that you can get a better understanding.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
Right, But then if an older adult tells you something
that sounds crazy or that you instinctively reject, I feel
like you got to get a second or third opinion.
You know, That's all I'm saying. Yes, Morris says, that's right.
Everybody knew who my kid's daddy was me and he's
of course responding to your point about dropping in unannounced.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Yes, it's important, And like I said, if you know,
I understand that parents work, they have jobs that they're
all day. But like I said, choose a representative, a friend,
you trust, a family member, you trust a grandparent to
just show up just because. And then that way the
(32:47):
adults around know that somebody's watching his child.
Speaker 1 (32:51):
Yep, somebody pays attention, and that somebody can be a
whole pain in your neck. Doctor Andrea Anthony is with me.
I'm Dominique de Premola Talk fifteen eighty. Doctor Andrea A.
Anthony is with us this morning, and we're talking about
how to protect our kids. And I know that you're
(33:11):
your nonprofit you mostly focus on prevention, but you also
have some stuff in your book about how how to
spot abuse that's already started. Right. What are some of
the signs that a child maybe has been abusing sexually
(33:32):
or is in a situation that is undermining them. Do
you want to share a little bit of that?
Speaker 3 (33:39):
Yes, if you, if you have a child at one
point was outgoing and just becomes quiet, don't assume that
I don't want to say, don't assume assume that something
(34:00):
is wrong, and start asking questions, start looking at where
they are and who they've been around.
Speaker 2 (34:09):
If a child starts wedding the.
Speaker 3 (34:11):
Bed, they weren't a bed wetther and they start wedding
the bed you want to, you know, take them to
pediatrician and start asking questions. Don't wait too long or
don't think that you know it. You know it's gonna
go away. I encourage a parent immediately start figuring out
(34:33):
why is this happening? You also want to If a
child is in the room and an adult walks in
and the child cringes or walks closer to a parent
or another adult, that's a sign that something is wrong,
like the energy has shifted when this person walked in
(34:55):
the room.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Don't ignore that.
Speaker 3 (34:58):
And a lot of times that is ignored because it's like, oh,
that's that's uncle so and so or you know, we
don't want to leave out women because women also sexually
abused children. If an adult walks in the room and
the and the child's whole demeanor changes, we need to
be concerned about that.
Speaker 1 (35:20):
Yeah, and stop making excuses. We would love to make
excuses for our eccentric family members, which is fine for
them in their lives, but not around our kids.
Speaker 2 (35:29):
Exactly. I totally agree.
Speaker 1 (35:31):
So do you think? I mean? I have a very
outspoken child, surprise, surprise, Apple meat tree. But he always
says you know kids have no rights.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
That's what your sent is.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Yes, that's that's who I raise. Kids have no rights.
And part of the problem is that because kids have
no rights, they're not protected. So, I mean, the reason
I bring it up is not because I think kids
should be running everything, but because I think that's part
of our mindset. Do as I say, not as I do.
(36:07):
Kids should be seen and not heard. This is you know,
you're a kid almost Like La said something interesting in
the chat, like we own them. No, we don't own them.
I'm not saying that we don't have authority, but I
think this idea that kids don't have rights plays into
them being unprotected in some ways.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
I can agree with that.
Speaker 3 (36:31):
I can agree with that, but I think it's important
that we shift the narrative. We change our mindsets. We
need to get away from children should be seen and
not heard. That's old school and it doesn't work.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
So we need to just.
Speaker 3 (36:50):
Get rid of that saying because it's not true, like
we want to know what our children are feeling, what
they're thinking. I think that and I always say that
if you're around a quiet child, you need to be concerned,
because when a quiet child is holding a lot in
(37:11):
and you really don't know where they are.
Speaker 2 (37:13):
But when you're around a child that's outspoken and.
Speaker 3 (37:17):
Very communicative, then you don't have to guess with that child,
because that child will let you know. I want to
be around and I want to help empower children who
are communicative and who are very vocal, But I also
want to help nurture and monitor children who are quiet,
(37:38):
because I believe those children need us the most because
they have a lot to say but are not saying it.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Yeah. I think that's right, and it can be you said,
do it right away. It can be a big regret
if you don't do it right away. Is that the
thinking behind that?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
You mean, when if you feel that something might.
Speaker 1 (38:02):
Be wrong, something's going on with the child, Yeah.
Speaker 3 (38:05):
I think we should stop putting things off and take
action right away. It's better to know that nothing is
wrong than to find out later that something is.
Speaker 1 (38:18):
Yeah. But kids, I mean also will downplay stuff, especially
teenagers or oh no, nothing, it's nothing.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
Oh yeah, they do, and that's why you have to
continue to just be watchful, continue to be watchful because
although they're not saying anything, they're saying a lot by
their actions, by their conversations that they have with their
friends or just in the environment of other adults. And
(38:47):
that's I think adults need to be more watchful. We
need to pay attention to the children that are around us.
We need to be villaged, diligent about it, and intentional
and stop just shrugging things off, because our children.
Speaker 2 (39:05):
Really need us. I'm an educator.
Speaker 3 (39:09):
I've taught in public school private schools, and I've been
an administrator. I've worked with children and parents for a
very long time, and children really want to be seen.
Speaker 2 (39:21):
And really want to be heard.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
But it's the adults that have to take the time
out to really learn how to communicate with them and
to give them time and space to be expressive when
something is wrong. My daughter's twenty seven and and when
I ask her, you know what's wrong, she still says, ah, nothing,
Oh it's okay. But I'm her mother, so I know
(39:44):
something is wrong. So I just I'm watchful and I
give her time. But i'm'a circle back around again in
a different way, and then eventually I'll find out what
I need to know.
Speaker 1 (39:57):
And now, as an educator, it's your experience that the
kids whose parents show up and speak out get treated
differently than the ones who don't.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
Yes.
Speaker 3 (40:10):
Yes, Unfortunately, parents who show up and speak out in
a lot of situations, I'm not going to say in
every situation those parents are annoying. I never felt that
way as an administrator. As a principal, I truly admire
parents who stand up and speak up for their children.
Speaker 1 (40:34):
Pay attention right.
Speaker 3 (40:36):
Yes, exactly and yes, so those parents, you know, depending
on how they react and respond, you know, can call
some havoc the quiet parents. Those are the ones that
you want to pay attention to also because you want
to empower them to be more vocal and to be
more present in their children's lives.
Speaker 1 (40:57):
Tell us how to find the book, how to if
people want to get the you know, ambassador training, how
to connect with that. How can we be part of
your movement to protect our babies?
Speaker 3 (41:09):
So the book can be found on Amazon, and my
instagram is I am doctor Andrea and I can be
found on Facebook and LinkedIn under doctor Andrea Anthony and
follow me on Instagram and you'll be able to get
(41:33):
more information. I have some trainings that are coming up.
I'm putting those in place. A lot of people have
come forward who want to partner who want to help,
you know, in this movement, and so there's a lot
of things that are coming up and I'm really excited
about it.
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Yeah, well it's important work. Just got about forty seconds,
so a little under a minute here, what would you
like to leave us with this morning.
Speaker 3 (41:57):
I just want to encourage every listener, whether you're a
parent or not, to take action, to be vigilant and
understand that our children really need us to protect them.
And we need to start having conversations within our families,
and we need to become empowered and know that our
(42:19):
voices matter and that our children need us to speak
of for them. And so action is what needs to
take place. And our tagline is one child, one family,
and one community at a time.
Speaker 1 (42:35):
Well, thank you for the work you're doing. It's really
important and definitely much needed.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Thank you so much. It was a pleasure to be here.
Speaker 1 (42:44):
It is great to have you in. And remember, you know,
tomorrow's Friedman Friday, so you're going to want to tap
in for that too. Right now, it's the best of
Tavis Smiley, and boy does he have some great highlights
to share with you. You don't want to miss that.
Remember the commerce station continues always on social media, before after,
and sometimes during the show. At KBLA fifteen eighty, I'm
(43:07):
at Duprima Radio dp R I M A and then radio.
Like my mama, the Great Diana Prima used to say,
history is now, like I always say, we're making it together.
Until tomorrow, Be safe, be mindful, one love
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