January 2, 2025 • 61 mins
After meeting Tom Henderson from ResGen back in 2016, I had no idea how much his insights would impact my marriage, faith, and friendships. Tom shares his wisdom on enhancing connections through intentional actions and meaningful communication, revealing how these practices can transform the quality of our relationships with partners, friends, and even ourselves.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Fit and Healthy Sioux Falls show,
and today's episode is not abouthealth or fitness in any aspect
that you would think of, but itis about having a fit and
healthy relationship and beingable to dive into ways that you
can make the relationships inyour life more meaningful.
(00:21):
I get the awesome pleasure ofsitting down with my good friend
, Tom Henderson from ResGen, andhe is just going to help us be
able to unpack some amazingwisdom on how we can make our
relationships more meaningfuland have a more fit and healthy
relationship in our life.
So let's dive in to today'sepisode.
(00:43):
Well, Tom, welcome to the show.
(01:07):
My friend, this has been a longtime coming and I just tell you
what I'm so grateful to haveyou on the show.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Bro, I'm good Listen anytime I get to spend a few
moments with you and especiallylike in an extended period of
time, like this.
I'm the better man for it, so Ilove this time that we're going
to spend together.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Yeah, no, this is great.
I feel that it's crazy to thinkthat our relationship started
like back in I think it was 2016.
I was listening to you at aluncheon that I got invited to
at Plains Commerce Bank and itjust so happened that there was
(01:46):
a speaker, and the speaker'sname at this luncheon was Tom
Henderson, and man, I was likenot even a year, just in my
first year of business, andthat's where our relationship
started.
So, 2016,.
Where does that put you in yourrealm of things?
2016.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, I mean so in 2016,.
That was probably about thehalfway point of ResGen, because
we no, yeah, yeah, abouthalfway through when we started,
you know, because we started in2010.
Yeah, so you know, we're nowalmost 15 years old, so we were
just coming up, you know, tothat halfway point.
And that was that wasinteresting, because back then I
(02:27):
wasn't even doing corporateevents.
Yeah, that was just ChrisVinson had asked me to come in
and said hey, I just want you tocome and speak to my team.
And I'm like, bro, I I'm notsure what.
I would even say yeah, what doyou want me to say?
And he's like I just want youto come in and just talk about
relationships and being ahealthy human being and just,
you know, focusing not just onyour work but on just what does
(02:50):
that look like for your marriage, your relationship, your kids,
your friendships, just your ownpersonal health, all those kinds
of things.
And so he actually did that acouple of times for planes and
it was awesome.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, it was.
It definitely left an impact onme enough to hey, I'm going to
stick around Luncheon's over, Iwant to meet this guy.
So I remember meeting you thatday and then I think from there
it just was a casual connection.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Yeah Well, and it usually translates to having
some bagels at Bagel Boy, whichI know that that's what that
transitioned into it did.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
And a lot of magic happens there, yes, yes.
So, hey, before we get like realinto it and diving in, I just
kind of want to let our audienceknow, man, one of the main
reasons I mean this is the Fitand Healthy Sioux Falls show,
and why do I want to have Tom onthe show?
And, man, I just want to let youknow that when I think fit and
healthy, I definitely don't justthink health and fitness, I
(03:47):
don't think food and working out, I think how can you have a fit
and healthy life, from yourmarriage to your relationships,
to your finances, to yournutrition and your fitness?
But when I think of fit andhealth, tom Henderson, what
comes to mind for me it isrelationship.
I feel like my relationships inmy life, by getting to know you
(04:12):
better, have gotten better.
My relationship with myself, tobe honest, has gotten better.
My relationship with my faithin Christ has gotten better.
My relationship with my wifehas gotten better and it has
made me more intentional aboutseeking out relationships with
like-minded men that are willingto be brutal, honest in the
(04:35):
face of whatever I might begoing through and help keep me
on the right path.
And so I just wanted to makesure that our audience was able
to really understand like hey,health and fitness, fit and
Healthy Sioux Falls like TomHenderson, resgen, men's Summit,
the main event.
Where does that fall into Fitand Healthy?
And it falls into relationships, and so I want to dive into
(04:56):
that.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Well, first of all, and we're going to- and I'm so
excited about that.
It's an honor to be invited tocome and share time and share
with your listeners and viewersand so forth, but you know, uh,
that that uh was.
That was so encouraging to me,so so thank you, you know, and.
I just my whole path, my just mypassion is is pouring my life
(05:19):
out into the, to the lives ofothers so that they can do that
for other people.
And you know, and I see you dothat day in and day out, um, not
just with clients here at FitBody Bootcamp, but I mean
obviously through the podcast,but then just in general, you
know and and you can't, youcan't teach that One of my, uh,
one of my best mentors in mylife he's my first boss ever CJ
(05:40):
yeah, um, you know he, Iremember when he hired me at the
age of 23 years old to be ayouth pastor in Portland, oregon
, and and after we went throughall the paperwork and you know I
actually share this a littlebit in a couple of talks but I
just asked him.
I said hey, chris, this is myfirst day.
I said, chris, can I just askyou a question?
He's like yeah, of course.
And I said what, what made, whatmade you hire me?
(06:06):
I mean like, why did you chooseme?
And he said, you know that's areally good question, because
here's the deal you don't knowhow to teach, you don't know how
to preach, you don't know howto manage a budget, you don't
know how to work with students,parents or really a staff, and
so immediately, I'm regrettingasking this question because I
wasn't feeling very encouraged.
But he said but here's the deal,I can teach you all that.
(06:27):
What I can't teach you is heart, and that's what you do have.
And so that's that was.
I did not realize that thatwould be such a formative
statement in my life, and sothat's been.
My life is just, is just pourmy heart into the others.
And so there's just certainpeople that I feel like that's
what they have.
When you look at them, they'relike man, they are all heart,
(06:48):
and that's who you are, that'swho I try to surround myself
with, because when you are withlike-minded, like-hearted people
, that's how things change, bothpersonally as well as
collectively, as a community, asa business, in your homes, all
that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, I love that and I had the pleasure and the
honor of having you come talkwith our team not too long ago
and it was so cool.
And that's actually just in theroom right over the other way
and there's a box and it stillsits there today because I won
that box.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
A box of life cereal and really the key takeaway from
your talk with the team was youfind life-giving success by
giving life to others.
That's right, and I tell youwhat.
Right now, you and I, we'regetting just as much out of this
as anybody watching orlistening later.
(07:41):
This gives me life speakingwith other like-minded
individuals.
But we don't know where ourviewers are at, we don't know
what's going on in their life.
We don't know what strugglethey may be dealing with, what
adversity might be showing up intheir day, and right now we
have the opportunity to have acasual conversation that our
(08:04):
viewers, our listeners, could goaway and be like.
You know what?
Whatever the nugget was that Itook away from that talk is
going to help me move forward inmy day, and it all starts with
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah, you know, yeah, and here's the reality.
You know this as well as I do,cj, like everybody, ourselves
included.
Right, we're all fightingbattles that no one knows
anything about.
And so it's every single personthat we come in contact with.
And what's interesting is thatwhen you begin to just show
interest in other people, whenwe take the focus off of
ourselves and place it on otherpeople, it's amazing what kind
(08:43):
of conversations and I mean itmay just it may seem like
something that's not a big dealto you, but it could absolutely
mean the world to someone else.
And if that's what, if that'swhat our day was about that
makes us feel successful ishaving conversations with other
people, then that's how I feellike we should define success,
because at the end of the day,when we lay our head on the
(09:06):
pillow, is it nice to have moneyin the bank account?
Of course.
Is it nice to have a vehiclethat you know is going to get
you from point A to point B?
Of course, you know, is it niceto know that we've got a house?
And I mean yes.
But at the end of the day, whatmakes us feel successful is the
impact that we've had on otherpeople and, hopefully, through
the way we've lived our lives,through the way that we've used
(09:26):
our words, the temperature thatwe set in whatever room we're in
, we talk a lot about that.
You had a lot of greatconversations about that.
It's like what temperature arewe setting?
Yeah, if that has had apositive impact on people, then
that's what I feel like allowsus to sleep well at night.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, that's so true because, to that point, your
good day could be just whatsomeone needs when they're going
through a bad day.
And so if you're having thatgood day and you're being
intentional about seeking outgreat conversations, about just
learning about other people andabout being able to show up for
(10:08):
them in a way that maybe no oneelse has ever showed up for them
for, you never know what thatwill lead to.
You know, I asked someone likewhen's the last time you made a
friend?
When's the last time you havemade a new friend?
And for so many people it's anew friend and for so many
people it's a long time.
We don't do it as kids, though,like man, every other day I'm
(10:30):
picking up my son.
He's like Dad, I made a newfriend.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I'm like awesome, like I've never jumped in the
car with my wife and then herand I are talking like, hey, I
made another new friend Right,Like we're not even saying how
many people we friended onFacebook that day.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
No, no, no, no, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
No, guess what?
I gained 13 new friends today.
Yeah, that's right.
How many do you know?
Not too many.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah, and so I just think that the friendship that
you and I have been able tobuild when we talk about being
healthy in our relationships,you know, we we not too long ago
, a couple months ago now, wewere able to go on a very
awesome retreat out to CultureCove.
With what was there?
20 other guys.
Yeah, 17 of us total.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah 17.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And just connect and I tell you I don't think I've
shared with you, but and I knowthat you knew this but Nate
Welch and I, we ended up onDancing with the Stars together.
So we randomly met that way,and then we show up at Culture
Cove and it just so happenedthat not only are we competing
in Dancing with the Stars, we'realso now roommates for the
(11:38):
night, and so we made the funnyyou know hey you better sleep
with your eyes open, because I'mgoing to bust your leg because
I'm trying to beat you.
But that relationship thatsparked out of honestly, totally
random meetup at Dancing withthe Stars, then meeting him
there A couple weeks ago, himand I were in my office just
(12:00):
talking.
He's actually going to jump onthe show and be on the podcast.
Oh, cool, cool.
It's just awesome to create,though, but I feel like you're
very intentional about seekingpositive relationships.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, I just I think I think that's a great word is
the intentionality.
And listen, nobody does itperfect, right?
But one of the things that I tryto enter each day with, in all
honesty and I just got donebeing at two different events,
one in Atlanta and then one inAustin and one of my prayers
each day is just God, put me infront of people that you'd like
(12:37):
me to have a meaningfulconversation with.
Yeah, because I think that whenwe have meaningful conversations
, it's obviously right there inthe word.
Like it is, they mean a lot,and they mean a lot to the
person, to the people that arepart of it, both to the, to the
person that's the, maybe theinitiator, to the person that is
just like you know, that'sbrought into it or whatever.
(13:00):
So, um, and as if we enter withthat kind of mindset each day,
yeah, and again, that's that'spart of being healthy too,
having a healthy mindset.
Yeah, when we answer in andsaying like, listen, I'm going
to go and I'm going to bringlight into every room that I
enter, I'm going to warm upevery room, the whole thermostat
idea, and I'm going to givelife to all I encounter, yeah,
(13:23):
that mindset will compel us tobe intentional.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
And seek that out.
Correct, you're going to seekthat out and you're
preconditioning your mind toknow that.
Okay, I told myself when I wokeup that this is what I'm going
to do.
So now, when I'm entering thisroom, I told myself I'm going to
warm it up.
I told myself I'm going to belight.
I'm going to warm it up.
I told myself I'm going to belight, I'm going to bring my
(13:47):
positivity and my energy.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
So now you enter that room already preconditioned to
know that I have a mission, andit isn't just to exist in this
room, it's to contribute to thisroom, yeah, and I think that
that really translates CJ to soI mean, all of our spaces right,
obviously, as we, as we enterour workplaces during the day.
And, and for me, one of thethings that really changed the
(14:13):
game in my home life was when Ibegan to begin thinking that way
as I was on my drive home froma busy day at work whether it
was a challenging day or a verysuccessful day, however you
would define that, or whateverbut thinking about okay, how am
I going to reenter my home spaceso that I can be fully present
for my wife and my two boys?
Now, my boys now are ages 20and 23, so they're older and
(14:35):
they're out of the house and allthat kind of thing.
But even though they're out ofthe house, I still have to think
about okay, how am I going togo and give my best to laura
when I arrive home?
yeah, um so one of thecommitments I made years ago was
it was that I was not going toenter the, enter my home on the
phone.
Yeah, because basically whatthat does is it tells the people
(14:56):
that I'm going home to that I,you know that the person on the
phone was more important thanwho was standing in front of me,
and so I remember many timeshaving to park, you know, at the
end of the block.
Yep, um, not when my kids werelittle, not even in the in the
garage, because they would hearthe garage door open and they
want to come out and I'd be like, oh sorry, buds, I can't talk
(15:17):
right now, but parking at theend of the block and finishing
that conversation, doingwhatever I needed to do to
prepare myself to to be, youknow, fully dad, when I got home
Is it possible all the time?
No, not possible all the times.
I mean the way that our lifebleeds together.
Sometimes we do need to bringwork home, do different things
that need to be done.
Time sensitive, wise, but asbest we can, can we fully show
(15:40):
up?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
You know, and to that point I heard you talk about
that a while ago and it doesn'thappen at all if you're not
first intentional about it,because I didn't even realize.
I actually I knew that I wouldenter the home quite often on my
phone talking to whoever.
But then when you, when youshared that, I remember, kind of
doing a self-check like man, Iwonder two things.
(16:04):
Kind of doing a self-check likeman, I wonder two things.
I wonder number one do I dothat and how often do I do it?
Yeah, and number two, like what, what does that do to my family
?
Like how do they feel?
And so I remember, when youshared that with me, originally
thinking that and first is likeI'm going to change it, I'm
going to stop and change this,but this habits happen and they
(16:24):
continue to happen without, youknow, real intentionality.
You'll continue on the samehabit.
And so I just continued goinghome and I'm on the phone, but I
already pulled up, I'm justgoing in, you know I.
You said like yeah, garage isopen, they know I'm home, uh, so
I'm going in, but realizing andputting more intentionality on
it, I have tried to get betterand I have gotten better, but to
(16:49):
that point, before you eventalked on that, I wasn't even
like aware of how often I wasdoing it.
That man, could this be a waythat I could intentionally show
up at home for that relationshipwith my wife, my family, my
kids, in a more positive lightand absolutely?
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I think that's one of the most important things we
can do, like for a relationship,cj for sure is just this whole
idea of what does it mean to befully present.
Yeah, because it's so easy tojust be in it in the same space
but be so distracted that we'renot even we're sharing space but
we're not sharing experience,we're not sharing just ourself,
(17:34):
yeah.
And so there are certain things, like I remember a buddy of
mine.
He got a new Apple watch.
Yeah, and I have this.
I just I have it's a normalwatch, it's just digital.
It just just tells me at thetime it's weird.
Yeah, this would say fossil.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
but at any rate, but the.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
But I remember he asked me.
He said, hey, would you?
I got a new Apple watch, do youwant my old one?
And I'm like man, a free Applewatch, yeah, that sounds amazing
and whatever Right.
But I said you know I don'twant it.
And he's like what, whywouldn't you want this Apple
Watch?
And I said, well, becausehere's the deal.
I don't need one more thingbuzzing, vibrating, doing
(18:17):
whatever that's taking myattention away from the people
I'm with.
Because how many of us likebeing in a meeting or in a
conversation with someone andthen they're constantly looking
at their phone or they'relooking at their wrist, or
they're looking around the roomwondering is there anybody else
here?
That's maybe a little bit moreimportant, that would maybe do a
little bit more for mepersonally in my career or
whatever.
None of us like that.
There's not one person thatwould say man, sign me up for
(18:38):
that conversation.
So why am I going to, knowingwho I am?
Now, I'm easily distractible.
Okay, I can be distracted withthe best of them.
I'm not saying I'm Doug in thewhole up cartoon movie, but I am
easily distractible.
And so I'm like why do I wantto put something on my wrist.
That's going to cause me totake my attention off the person
(19:01):
that I'm with.
Okay, do I make mistakes?
Do I look at my phone?
Do I?
Yes, I, I do, but as best I can.
It's, it's on silent, it's overhere, it's in my bag, it's on
the it's, you know, turnedupside down yeah, at meetings,
because I don't need it.
Lighting up, yeah, and the samething as as as a watch.
So it's those kind ofintentional pieces it also makes
(19:22):
me free, because that's.
That's the other thing, bro.
Like we're just.
We're just like chained tostuff all the time.
Yeah, you know, yeah.
So how do we just simplify ourlife a little?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
bit more.
We were talking before we hitthe record button and you had a
great point.
So many times when you'reshooting a podcast, the gold
tends to always happen pre orpost show.
Right, we do our best to makesure some of it makes the show,
but so much of it is pre andpost, and so we almost have to
always have the record going sowe can put the gold in there and
(19:57):
all the B-roll the comedicthings.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I know Some of that stuff was comedic gold bro.
I don't know, I know.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
We'll have to see if somewhere you have this AI
around us, or I don't know maybethe meta got it, I don't know,
but we were talking about somany times the things that we do
.
They literally are done whetherknowingly or not, but done in a
way of like, how is this goingto have me show up?
(20:24):
Like, what are other peoplegoing to think when I show up
driving X or wearing X orlooking like like so much of it
is we we put so much heavyemphasis on how are others going
to see me if I, you know, haveX, y or Z?
And then you were saying thatyou know, we do these things to
(20:44):
impress other people, whetherknowingly or unknowingly, and
then we're chained to them, weget stuck and it's like, well,
now, what we were actuallytalking about?
That?
Just about, like, thesepodcasts and stuff.
We didn't know how the heck tostart a podcast.
When you first started theResGen podcast, did you know how
to do it?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
No, ResGen podcast.
Did you know how to do it?
No, no, didn't have a clue.
Me either.
When I started ResGen, I didn'tknow how to do it.
To be clear, I still don't knowhow to do it.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
No, 100%, 100%, and we don't even know if it's
working, but we're here, we'rehere.
But to that point, like man, Iget these things that go on the
wall and it's like I get thesethings and these headsets and
it's like, well, now it's justhow I do it.
So I mean, there's like I can'tgo back right like but the
truth is like we could if wedecided that we wanted to switch
(21:31):
it up and and change and notwear these things yeah, and it's
, it's and it is.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
It is something that can be simpler than we think it
needs to be.
Yeah, I remember when we firstcanceled our well, number one, I
remember I think first it wasmaybe cable, okay, and just the
thought of, well, how how can Ideal without cable?
Yeah, you know.
And then it's like, well, okay,we'll get.
You know, we'll get Netflix,yeah.
(21:58):
And then all of a sudden, nowwe have, you know, seven
streaming services, yeah, and,and I'm like I don't even watch
that television that much, butwe have all these streaming
services.
And then it's like you knowwhat, we're going to let these
things expire or we're going tocounsel them or whatever.
And the crazy thing is is thatoftentimes, when we do, we don't
miss them.
No, I remember cutting our homephone, the landline, and going
(22:21):
just to cell phones.
That's how old I am.
Hey, wait, what is a landline?
And going just to cell phones.
That's how old I am.
Wait, what is a landline?
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Yeah, that's how old I am, I mean I'm, I'm 49 now bro
.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
So, like I'm, you're doing great, fit and healthy.
That's right.
So, but the thing is is like Iremember just cutting that,
cutting the cord and and havingthis feeling of, well, what
happens if, if somebody callsour landline and they can't get
ahold of us, or you know, now wecan't leave our?
What happens if you go into, ifyou leave your phone at home on
(22:52):
your way to work?
Yeah, we panic.
What happens if we go into thebathroom without our phone?
Yeah, we panic.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Yeah, absolutely, I can't sit here without my phone
and, yeah, it's wild.
But we struggle letting go, andI think that there's that quote
out there I don't know who saidit but you have to let go of
being good to get to great, andso many times, these things that
are holding us back they'regood, they're good, we feel good
(23:22):
about them, and so letting themgo can be so difficult.
A real personal one that hitshome for me.
We had just a hard financialperiod in 2024.
It was a rough yearbusiness-wise, but you know, I
look back at it and even goingthrough it now I look at it and
it's like it was okay.
(23:42):
It was definitely okay, but wehad to make some changes.
I remember, ever since the FordRaptor came out, you know it,
originally this truck came outas a just a two-door, didn't
even have a four-door, but Idon't even know what it was,
just this cool truck that hadmore power than you ever needed,
and I wanted one.
I wanted one and I kind of hadmy mind set of like one day I'm
(24:06):
going to get one.
Well, we finally got to a spotwhere I felt, you know, that I
could afford it, and I looked atthe numbers and I could I could
you know afford to to purchasethis thing, or so I thought,
right, predicting that thefuture doesn't change in a
negative way, we should be ableto afford this.
So I had purchased a FordRaptor, felt great.
(24:28):
And, man, when we hit thatfinancial hiccup having to make
the decision to let that go,financial hiccup, having to make
the decision to let that go oneof the first things was what
are people going to think?
Like that was literally one ofthe first things is what are
people going to think?
And why is there so much weighton that?
(24:51):
Does what I drive?
Does what I drive change who Iam?
Like I could still show up theway I wanted to, the way that I
always have, and unless you'veseen what I pulled up in and got
out of, you would have neverknown what I actually arrived in
(25:13):
, right, but so letting that goand one of the biggest of the
the the biggest things was likeoh my goodness, what are people
going to think?
And it was very hard.
From that aspect, it wasactually an easy I just I did my
best to just like hey, I'm justgoing to go do this.
I just went and did it and gotrid of it, and it was actually a
lot harder of a situation to gothrough than I think I realized
(25:34):
it would be, because then itbrought on this feeling of
failure.
It brought on this feeling ofI'm not good enough.
It brought on this feeling ofmaybe I'm not worthy, maybe I'm
not deserving, maybe I reallydon't have what it takes to be
able to hold it together enoughto afford that, and really all
it was was a bunch of negativeself-talk that I just had to
(25:59):
silence and realize that none ofit was true.
But it does pop up.
It absolutely pops up.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Yeah, and so often it's about stuff that at the end
of the day, doesn't reallymatter.
And for you it was a Raptor,yeah, right, which became a
symbol of success at some.
You know, figment of yourimagination when you got like
this is this is something that Ifeel good about, yeah, but then
, when that wasn't somethingthat you could no longer afford
(26:27):
and it wasn't wise to keep, yeah, then it became a symbol of
your failure.
Yeah, and I think that for somany of us, myself included we
all have raptors.
So the question is like what'sour raptor?
Yeah, what's the raptor?
What if you know, what, ifsomething was taken from you?
(26:47):
Yeah, what has become somethingthat you have maybe cleaved
onto so much that it has becomea piece of your identity?
Yeah, when, at the end of theday, it's not who you are, no,
it's just what you drive, yep.
That's why one of the biggestthings that I try to communicate
in my newest corporate talkthat I'm really excited about
(27:09):
sharing actually out in Houstonwith the Fit Body crew yeah, me
too In February is you know,what you do matters, because
what you do does matter, yeah,but how you do it matters more.
But who you are matters most,yeah, and who you are is just
again, it's about your heart,yep, and so who are you?
And so then, I think what wereally need to ask ourselves,
(27:31):
the question is what?
What fills our heart?
What kind of motivations, whatkind of emotions, what kind of
messages are written on ourhearts?
Because, at the end of the day,cj, what fills our heart rules
our life.
And so the question is what arewe filling our heart with?
And so, when you think aboutthe power of relationships for
(27:53):
me, I mean at the end of the day, I mean, like I changed the way
that I introduced myself, Imean you know this because I say
listen.
My name is Tom Henderson.
I'm a follower of Jesus, I'm ahusband to Laura, I'm a dad to
Isaiah and Chase and I'm thefounder of ResGen.
So the reality is is the firstthree things that I mentioned.
Those things will never change.
(28:14):
Yeah, I'm always going to be afollower of Jesus, I'm always
going to be a husband to Lauraand I'm going to always be a dad
to Isaiah and Chase.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Someday res gen, you know, hopefully not for a very,
very long time.
Yeah, but it may cease to bearound.
Yeah, but if it ceases to bearound tomorrow, I'm still Tom
Henderson.
I'm still Tom Henderson, I'mstill a follower of Jesus.
I'm a husband to Laura and I'ma dad to Isaiah and Chase.
And so when we understand thatour identity is in those kinds
of things and not in the thingsof the world.
(28:44):
That's why 1 Samuel 16, 7 talksabout like do not look at the
things that you know.
The world judges by a certainstandard.
The Lord doesn't look at thethings that the world looks at.
The Lord looks at the heart.
And so for each of us to be ableto put our heart under the
microscope and say you know whatis my motivation for that?
And obviously we can fine toothcomb that and we can and it's
okay to say, hey, I just want itbecause it's fun, that's okay,
(29:05):
that's totally okay.
If you can afford it, you cando.
I mean, whatever it is, itdoesn't have to be some big old
truck, it's just, it's anything,yeah.
But if it's, if it's simply toimpress, if it's simply to just
put on this, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I've got to look successful.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
So, I feel successful , I get all of it, but at the
end of the day, it's not goingto make us be more us.
Yep.
So how?
How do we help ourselves bemore of our authentic self,
which I think begins withobviously our own, obviously our
our own, you know, personality.
But then surrounding ourselveswith people that that will
(29:41):
encourage us, that speak thetruth to us, uh, that will tell
us the things that we don't wantto hear.
Um, because those kinds show meyour friends, I'll show you
your future, kind of a vibe.
We become the average of thetop five people we spend, we
spend time with.
Those are all great tweets,those are all great little
sayings, but there's truth tothem.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, there is.
I was actually just reading, ohno, I was listening to a
podcast, another podcast, and itsaid those little sayings that
become cliche.
There's more truth in thecliches than you can ever
realize because they getrepeated so often and become
cliche because they're so true,like, because they're so true,
right, and?
And to that point I was justthinking, like you don't have to
(30:27):
have anything different tostart doing something different.
So many times it's like, well,man, if my relationship was just
better, then I would love thisperson more.
Like, if our wait a minute,what if you just started loving
this person more, yourrelationship would probably get
(30:49):
better.
But it's like we always put thecarriage in front of the horse
and it's just backwards, right,I don't have to for me, holy
moly, and I think I probablystill struggle this more with
this, more than I really reallywilling to even admit.
But it's like fit body, like Iput my identity in fit body Like
(31:11):
.
Like to your point, if fit bodychanges, goes away, becomes
something different, does whathappens to CJ?
Well, the truth is CJ stilldoes CJ.
Cj still shows up, lovingpeople, motivating others and
bringing the energy into everyroom that I go into, because
that's me and I can still dothat, no matter what change,
(31:37):
without a raptor.
I can do it without a raptor.
And so what things are you and I, and our viewers and listeners,
what things are we waiting todo because something else needs
to happen first?
And what if we just decided,you know what, no, today I'm
(31:59):
going to start making time forthis certain relationship.
Or today I'm going to turn myphone off when I go into my
house and be intentional abouthow I show up for my marriage.
Right, because we all wantbetter things.
Yeah, relationships, family,friendships.
We want those things to bebetter.
(32:19):
But it's like, are we willingto do what it's going to take to
get there?
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Yeah, are we willing to?
Are we willing to have it startwith us?
One of my favorite questions.
That really was a game changerfor really my my relationship
with my boys first, and then itbegan to transfer into my
relationship with Laura, thenrelationship with in just the
business world and withfriendships, and it was a
(32:47):
question that I just beganasking them when, specifically
when we'd be talking or they'retelling me about issues or
something, this is what happenedto me and blah, blah, blah.
My temptation, like, I think, alot of guys or whatever, but my
temptation is to say, well,here's what you should have done
, yeah, or here's what, orhere's how, or I'm going to fix
(33:09):
it.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
I'm going to step in.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I'm going to take care of this problem, whatever
it is.
But one of the questions Istarted asking them that has
since bled into every otherrelationship is you know?
So what do you need from meright now?
Yeah, because what I've foundis that what most people don't
(33:30):
need is they don't need anothermotivational talk, they don't
need another.
You know, hey, here's, you know, steps one, two, three to you
know, overcome your problem.
This is how I would have doneit.
They don't need anything likethat.
What they really need is theyjust need someone to listen and
to seek to understand.
Yeah, and if that is our againour mindset, if that is the
posture in which we enterconversations with that type of
(33:56):
servant-hearted andservant-minded attitude, will do
nothing but help ourrelationships, because it places
the focus more on them than itdoes ourselves.
But the problem is, is thatbecause we're selfish human
beings that's who we are and soour temptation is to just put
the focus on ourself.
(34:17):
And if I fix this problem, thenI just, really just that makes
me feel good because I did thatproblem If I tell you hey, this
is what I would have done.
Well, that makes me feelsmarter.
Yep, just come in and just, youknow, just tell you that, that
you know you made a big mistakeand you shouldn't have done it,
(34:40):
well then that makes me feelmore powerful, or whatever.
But if we come in and say, youknow what would be what's the
most helpful to you right now,yeah, and then listen and
respond in that way, nowthere'll be times when, when,
when, maybe they'll ask to havesome things fixed, which, by the
way, happens so much more afterthey realize that, man, you
(35:02):
really do just care enough thatyou just want to meet me where
I'm at.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yep, but then they're open to receiving it because
you asked them what is it thatyou need from me right now?
Because you asked them what isit that you need from me right
now?
And if your sons are just likeDad, I don't know what I need
right now, but what would you do?
Well, now they invited.
They invited you to let themknow what you would do, and now
(35:31):
they're all ears because theywanted your input.
But if they tell you somethingand then you're like well, son,
here's what I would do, they'relike now the exact same advice,
but you got to it through theirpermission.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Now they're willing to receive and of course, uh,
the opposite can be true too,where, if they, if, if they
don't want the advice at thatmoment, you got to be okay with
that too.
You have to, yeah, right.
And so I mean, that's probablyone of my favorite questions to
ask, because it's such a greatrelationship building question
(36:10):
and skill.
But then the other is just toask the question of well, how
much have you prayed about that?
Yeah, and what do you think theLord's?
Well, how much have you prayedabout that?
Yeah, and what do you think theLord's trying to teach or share
with you?
Because then it calls them tothink about what's ultimately
important as well is you knowGod's leading in their life.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
And so that maybe works a little better with your
kids than maybe your wifeSometimes.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
like well honey you know what does the Lord say
about the purchase.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Yeah, better with your kids than maybe your wife
sometimes like well, honey, youknow what is?
What does the lord say aboutyeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that
doesn't always go over.
Yeah, I'm teasing, but butthose, those types of I've,
that's what I think, um, for somany of our relationships, if we
become better question askers,yeah, instead of uh, sermon gi,
yeah, or whatever you want tocall them.
They're not service messagegivers or whatever Our
relationships usually benefit.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Yeah, you know something that actually, before
you even just said what you justsaid was going through my mind
was you know, every year at theResGen Men's Summit, we then get
invited, or it's actually theday before, usually.
This year it's different, butwe get invited to the date night
comedy.
And you know, just, the awfulstatistics of the fact of the
(37:28):
matter is that most couplesdon't date and then when they do
, maybe have the opportunity togo on date night, like they
don't even know what questionsto ask, and so I've always
appreciated how, at the event,you know, hey, and we've given
you a list of 20 questions, 35,actually 35.
We're writing more right now.
Perfect Of questions that youcan ask, and what's so crazy is
(37:51):
that we should be able.
It feels like we should be ableto just know what to ask, or
questions that could spark greatconversation, but the truth of
the matter is like we're not,because we're so ingrained in
the busyness of life that wedon't even know like what to ask
.
My kids and I, we were atPerkins the other night.
(38:12):
I had the opportunity.
Mel was at a Little Wings teamnight, so they had a team
meeting and they went out fordinner and so I had the
opportunity to take my oldestand youngest.
My middle child was with hermom.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Well, and let me change one word there you took
the opportunity.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because wehave opportunities all the time,
but we have to take them.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
We have to take them.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
So you were intentional and you took the
opportunity.
So, first of all, kudos for youfor taking the opportunity to
take your kids perkins.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Hopefully you got them some pie, but anyway
continue.
Yeah, unfortunately sorry toburst that bubble no pie, but
pancakes, pancakes, okay, whichare great breakfast for dinner.
I love it, yes um, and so whenwe were sitting there and, uh,
the kids and I were talking fora little while and it's like, oh
, what do you guys want to talkabout?
And, honestly, like they shareda couple things, I shared a
couple things, then we kind oflike we reached a stalemate.
We were sitting there and we'relike man, what are we talking
(39:05):
about?
Covered it all?
No, so we we actually go on, uhto, to the app store and we
looked up like questions, uh forfamilies, kids questions and we
found some dumb little appthing that I downloaded.
But my goodness it was.
You just click this littlebutton and a new card would flip
over on your phone.
But we had so much fun becausewe didn't know what the question
(39:27):
was going to be.
And then it was like it waslike who in your family is most
likely to get in trouble forbreaking something and not
telling that they did it.
And, on the count of three,point at them One, two, three,
and we point at whoever wethought it was.
But man, just the questionwithout the question.
We reached the stalemate.
(39:47):
But then, when we had thequestion and entered in this
conversation based on questions,it brought new life to our
dinner and finally we got to apoint where we kind of like
we're sitting there and we lookat you like mom's probably home
by now Like we should go home.
We're just sitting there andwe're laughing, we're having fun
and just talking, and, man, wedon't get those opportunities
(40:10):
and we don't make the time forenough.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's one of the reasonswhy we even put those on cards,
because, again, you can.
There's apps, there's, you know, Pinterest things, I mean all
the you know this is not earthshattering type stuff that we do
, but it's.
But the goal is is that ifwe're giving you a card and,
like, all the questions are onthose cards, then we're not on
our phones.
No, leave the phone away Becausethe reality is is that with the
(40:34):
notifications and I justencourage like I don't have any
notifications on my phone, yeah,I text and email and that's it
and then, and my phone's onsilent when I go home and then,
and then I choose to to you knowwhen I want to go and grab that
and yeah, and even things likeestablishing no phone zones for
our house.
Yeah, you know, there was whenyou take the time to have dinner
(40:58):
together by the dinner table.
I'm just, I am just adamantabout it.
I just feel like that needs tobe a no phone zone, because
that's the family time.
We had once a week game nightsin our home where we would.
We would just put the phonesaway and say you know, and that
is a big deal, especially toteenagers, because they want to
be connected all the time.
(41:19):
Yeah, and so you know thatdidn't always go over really
well, but the actually becamesomething that they looked
forward to and, to be honest, Idid too, because I'm not I'm not
exempt from the cell phoneaddiction camp.
Yeah, so I want to.
I want to share that Like.
I'm not exempt from that.
(41:40):
I'm tied to my phone, tetheredto my phone, just like, so I
have to.
But, knowing me, same thingwith the watch.
I have to be intentional aboutthat so that I'm not just
tooling around checking Twitterlike, oh, what's on sale at
Amazon?
What's doing all so?
All that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
It just it really takes discipline to do it and
you know, I always I like to say, when we're talking about this
type of stuff, if maybe someoneis similar to both of us and
struggles with being tied totheir phone, it's not like you
heard this.
And now it's going to be alight switch where you bing, you
hit that light switch and it'slike, oh man, I've got no phone
(42:21):
zones established.
I never walk in my house on thephone talking to whoever.
Like I'm just great, it's goingto be a dimmer switch.
Right, you're going to slowlymove that thing.
And, man, like I remember whenyou first told me about the
whole showing up at home withoutyour phone, like I struggled
right away, like getting into aroutine of not.
And then I do remember for atime I was like really doing
(42:42):
well, like I was making sure Iwas going home without it.
But to be honest, tom, like wehadn't talked about that for a
while and you just brought thatup again to me, but it actually
like made a couple like flagspop up in my mind.
Like man, I need to get betterat that Because, thinking back
just to this last monthspecifically, actually last
night, man, I was allowing myphone to hijack my relationship
(43:06):
and when we think about it thatway, it's like we're allowing
this electronic device to hijackour relationship.
And I was talking to Mel, mywife.
I'm like you know.
We actually just started doingthis devotional.
A guy in our men's group got itfor us.
It's written off of DuckCommander or Duck Dynasty.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
I'm not a hunter.
I'm not a hunter.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
But him and his wife wrote a devotional and one of
the guys in our men's group saidit's been such a powerful
devotional.
He was so kind enough he boughtall of us guys one of these
devotionals and my wife and I wejust started it together and so
we had some intentional timebeing together and I was like
you know, I just love that, mel,you and I like we get to pick
(43:49):
whoever like.
We have the ability to pickwhoever we want to to be our
partner in life.
Like that is a choice that weget to make and I'm just
thankful that we chose eachother and we get to have this
relationship.
But then you know, and that'svery like, especially when
you're, you know, just gettingmarried and then honeymoon stage
, like that's real stuff rightthere, and you feel that heavily
(44:11):
and you just feel like this is,there's nothing that could pull
us apart.
And now here we are, almost 10years later from when we got
married.
And you know, if you go backand listen to the podcast that
you and I shot on your podcast Italk about how Mel and I almost
didn't make it, you know, andto realize like, or to think
(44:33):
that that could possibly even bea thing Like I would have never
thought and you get through it.
And then now that you realize,like man, I'm allowing this
digital device to hijack themost precious person, like the
most human being, she's who Idecided I want to do life with.
Yeah, she's my human and, andso I don't want to let this
(44:55):
digital device get between us.
Yeah, and there's a lot and,and so I don't want to let this
digital device get between us.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yeah, and there's a lot of great things about phones
and all this stuff, andobviously when we even started
this convo we didn't even knowwhere it was going to go.
We just let it go.
But here's the deal, like oneof the most freeing statements
that was said to me, um, thatmaybe this will set some people
free on just connection to thephone and feeling like they're
always maybe letting people down.
But I'm a, I'm a people pleaserby nature.
(45:20):
It's just kind of who I am.
And so one of the statementsthat I used to make all the time
whether it be via email, textmessages, phone call returns,
whatever was especially ontexting was when I would say hey
, sorry for the late reply.
Yeah, and I remembered sayingthat, excuse me, saying that one
time to a guy on the phone heyman, I'm really sorry about it,
(45:43):
it took me so long to get getyour call back and he said why I
said I don't know Cause.
I just it seemed like a lot oftime went by and he said, tom,
here's the deal your phone isthere for your convenience, not
mine.
Yeah, and that statement set mefree from so much bondage and
feeling like I'm at everybodyelse's beck and call.
(46:04):
Now, do I still love people100%?
Do I still want to get back topeople in a timely fashion?
Yes, be professional 100%.
But the reality is, is that I'mdoing the best I can, and how
do we make sure that we keep ourlife as best we can, in balance
, to where it's?
We're not necessarily servingall these other people and
(46:28):
leaving those that are the mostimportant people in our life
being our families.
You know, I call them my casketcarriers.
You know people that, that, um,they're the ones that are going
to be carrying my casket down.
Um, how do I make sure that I'mI'm not shirking
responsibilities and not caringfor other people, but how do I
make sure that I'm giving mybest and not giving everybody
(46:51):
else my leftovers?
Yeah, um, you know, like, andthere was a lot of years siege
where, like, um, I mean lauraand I, we just hit 29 years of
marriage.
Congrats on that and there,thanks, man.
There's that, and oh, congratsto her.
She's the one stuck with thiswow, he's up with you but.
But there was a lot of uh yearswhere, like I, I just I was so
(47:12):
focused on, on you know theaudience.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
And I don't mean that as, like you know where I
usually am on a stage speakingto people, but I'm just talking
about just the audience ofwhoever was there and giving my
family, specifically myleftovers.
And so, being mindful of how doI make sure that when I come
home, when we're, when we'rewith each other, um, you know,
(47:38):
utilizing the phones for, forcheck-ins, and Laura and I will
check in throughout the day.
Um, I'll check in with the boyshow they're doing now again,
they're young adults now, soit's different.
But but, um, with Lauraspecifically, um, it wasn't
always positive when I would gohome and we hadn't connected all
day long, because now, all of asudden, she wants to unload a
(48:00):
bunch of stuff, I need to unloada bunch of stuff, whatever, and
there's just stress.
So there's times where we'lltext her in the day and or I'll
say, hey, listen, I'm going togo.
So I did this this morning.
I said, hey, just so you knowI've got a lunch meeting, Then
(48:21):
I'm going to be recording apodcast with CJ and won't be
able to connect with you untilfour o'clock.
So is there anything you needfrom me right now?
Just putting that out there atthe front end.
So that way, if she does needsomething, I've provided that
opportunity for her.
And then vice versa, I couldsay hey, you know what?
Actually, if you could, I meanI'd love to just text her and
say can you just be praying forme in this?
Speaker 1 (48:35):
way.
Yeah, as I go into this orwhatever, that's a, that's a 29
years of marriage pro tip, likeyou weren't.
You weren't doing that year oneMarriage hack.
Like you know what I mean.
You know, like that you developthese communication hacks and
these things that really trulywork into your point.
Like I'm sure you're not alwaysperfect at it, you know, like
(49:01):
there's there's so many timeswhere it and and I did a podcast
on this, just it was a soloepisode a while back like we
have to get rid of that all ornothing mindset.
Like you're not gonna always doit perfect, but can you do it a
little better than than you'vebeen doing?
Speaker 2 (49:09):
well, and you touched on that.
You know like saying, okay, I'mgonna do this with the phone,
no phone zones, you know, notgonna to.
So it's it's what's?
What's one step.
The case is, what's one step?
It's the same thing Like ifyou're going to work out, it's
like okay, I'm going to get inthere, I'm going to be, you know
, every day, one hour a day.
I'm killing it.
But one of my favoritestatements, one of my favorite
statements and I love sayingthis because I think it's so
(49:30):
applicable in pretty much everyarea of our life is that
long-term consistency beatsshort-term intensity.
Yeah, and I mean that's obviousin a workout situation.
Um, but it but it's it's somuch in as we're trying to
develop disciplines, as we'retrying to just take steps and
being, you know, healthier asindividuals in our relationships
(49:52):
.
Um, even in, even in our faith,man, I mean it's just like okay
that's it.
I'm going to read nothing butthe Bible for 24 hours a day.
Okay, that's good.
What if you read a little bitevery day in increments?
Because then that's going to besustainable.
So how are we creatingsustainable change Because, at
the end of the day, that'swhat's going to make the
long-term difference and that'swhat we want.
(50:13):
That's what we want.
Yeah, that's what we want.
Yeah, by no means is ourmarriage perfect there's no such
thing as a perfect marriage butit's a marriage with 29 years
of experiences, both good andbad things that we've had to
travel through.
You know, when we started thewhole conversation, I'm like
texting, texting in the day.
(50:34):
Sorry, I'm going to talk withmy hands, it was.
She came out because she's likeI feel disconnected with you in
the day.
Sorry, I talk with my hands.
It came out because she's likeI feel disconnected with you
throughout the day becauseyou're out there killing it,
you're doing your thing, all ofthis, and then you come home and
then you unload it all and Ihaven't been able to even just
talk to you about what's goingon in my life or with the kids,
or whatever.
And I realized, man, I got todo a better job of staying
(50:57):
connected, because the realityis is relationships grow through
continuous connection.
And so how do I do a better?
Speaker 1 (51:06):
again, it starts with intentionality of staying
connected, because connection,continued connection, is what's
going to cause growth, depth,ongoing understanding of who the
person is all of that kind ofstuff, and we are both you and
Laura, me and Mel we're allgoing through our own journey,
(51:28):
right, and so what ourconnection was yesterday, and
then life happens.
So now we need to connect againand, and that's the thing so
many times like we almost, wealmost put it as like a checkbox
.
So, yep, connected this month,yeah, and and it's like no daily
daily.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
Yeah, ted cunningham, who's a great friend of mine.
He'll be a speaker at the men'ssummit this year.
He's coming back for date nightcomedy.
He he says that one of hismentors and I've taken this and
put it into, implemented it intomy life.
Yeah, I love sharing it withothers.
Is he talks about the dailydelay?
Yeah, so it's that 15 to 20minutes of no technology, just
connection time that you cancall it.
(52:09):
I mean, call it a littlebusiness meeting, whatever you
want, but it's just thatunderstanding that we need to
communicate daily.
And but it's just thatunderstanding that we need to
communicate daily.
Yep, and let's just say thatyou're not married.
Okay, and let's just say thatyou're a single parent, well,
you're doing those things.
You're connecting with yourkids daily.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
So that there's that ongoing communication and
relationship building.
Same thing with friendships,Yep.
Same things with our employeesat work.
Yeah, how are we connecting onan ongoing basis?
Second thing weekly withdrawal.
So that's the once a week datenight, because then if we're
only doing it once a month, thenthe problem is is that it's
just so?
Speaker 1 (52:42):
much time.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
But but also understanding that finances
don't and there's seasons oflife.
But if finances don't allow,that doesn't mean it's gotta be
some big Wahoo deal.
It doesn't mean that you gottago out for you know all night
long, you know whatever.
But but there's a reality ofsaying how do we take a couple
hours each week?
So when our kids were little,we would just tell the boys when
(53:05):
they were old enough to youknow not, not get themselves in
too much trouble.
I'd say hey, mom and dad aregoing to go downstairs for a
couple hours and, unless yourhair is on fire or something, we
just need mom and dad to bedown there.
And the reason is is because wewant to model for our kids the
importance of our marriage.
Yeah, because the secondhighest rate of divorce is in
(53:27):
that 20-year marker and it'swhen kids begin to get older
they start leaving the home.
And then the husbands and thewives, they look at each other
and say who are you?
Speaker 1 (53:36):
What are we doing?
Speaker 2 (53:37):
Yeah, because we haven't had that time to connect
, yeah.
And then the last thing wouldbe the annual abandon, where you
say, okay, I'm going to take aweekend, you're going to take a
week, whatever you can to getaway for an extended period of
time together, to kind ofrekindle just a lot of those
unplug and rekindle, and that'salmost like a formula right
there to just better yourcommunication.
Speaker 1 (54:00):
And again like maybe you can't do all of them right
now, but what can you?
What can you do?
I want to.
I want to get rid of alwaysdiving into like, well, this
won't work because we couldalways do that.
We could always do that, buthow can we make it work and what
steps can we take?
And you said that was from Tedat the Men's Summit and Date
(54:22):
Night Comedy.
Let's dive into that as we kindof come to a close.
Tom, we could talk All day andthis happened you know, last
time we were shooting mine.
Man, there's just there isn'tenough time.
Yeah, which, by the way.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
I don't know what episode number that was, but you
know, for any listeners outthere, viewers, you could go and
you could check out.
This is not a plug just for theResGen Giving Life podcast, but
it is a plug for you.
Yeah, yeah, because it reallywas a great conversation, a lot
of transparency and, yeah and uh, it was a meaningful
conversation and a very helpfulconversation from a lot of
(54:54):
listeners, from what they sharedwith me, but if you want a
little bit more of uh, it likein in, uh, in-depth look into
the life of cj.
You can go and listen to that,um and uh.
So, anyway, but, uh, yeah.
So the res gen men's summit,bro, so excited, uh, the, uh.
It's the ninth year of doingthis.
We've seen guys just grow thisthing, uh, from 123 dudes the
(55:16):
first year to now.
You know, last year we had over1150 men sold, you know, sold
out here in sioux falls, 19simulcast sites.
Uh, this year we're expecting,you know, obviously the same
sellout crowd here in siouxfalls and uh, and then, um,
adding even more simulcast sitesthis year.
So we're very, very excitedabout just bringing guys
together again.
Ages, really 17.
(55:37):
Last year our oldest guy was 84.
And it's a level, it's just alevel playing field.
It's just a field where guysfrom all different walks of life
, all different types of jobs,styles of dudes, come we say how
do we be better men, how do welove God, love our wives, love
our kids and live out our lightin the workplace?
And so it's been so fun and I'mso grateful that I mean you
(56:00):
always come and you always bringdudes with you.
Speaker 1 (56:02):
And then I love it.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
And so that's February 1, saturday, february 1
coming up and just I don't knowabout three weeks from now.
So so very excited about that.
I would highly recommend that,if you're a dude out there
listening, that you grab thatticket sooner rather than later,
because it was sold out over aweek in advance last year.
If you're a gal out therelistening, if you have a husband
, if you have an uncle, if youhave a son, if you have a
(56:24):
coworker, this would besomething that we make it super
inexpensive.
40 bucks for half a Saturday.
Give me 8 am to 1 pm and Ipromise you you will not be
bummed out with the way that youinvested those five hours and
you know tickets are resgenorgR-E-S-G-E-Norg.
Speaker 1 (56:41):
Yeah, I'll make sure I drop that link in the
description down below as well.
But, man, I'm just lookingforward to that.
You know I, like you said, Ialways bring some buddies and we
go together and it's just suchan awesome.
And I love too that it's alwayslike the beginning of the year
because it does just really setthe stage, get your mind right,
get set Like man, I want to justshow up this year a little
(57:04):
better than I did last year.
I want to show up just in a way, a little more meaningful, and
you always have awesome speakerslined up, so I'm excited about
that as well.
And then, and then the greatlittle workbook you can take
your notes and be able to thento.
It's encouraged to then evenget together with those guys and
talk later about that.
(57:25):
And I've had relationships fromthat, you know, that have
sparked and are still going from.
You know, I think I've beengoing to it for four years and
it's just awesome.
So, absolutely.
And then, so that's coming up.
Yeah, in about three weekswe'll drop the link for that.
Speaker 2 (57:41):
And then you can hit that same link, because that's
then February 27 and 28 is datenight comedy, and that's that's
such a great time of justbringing couples together, cou,
couples that are engaged,married for a lot of years, just
getting going on the datingscene, whatever, but we just
bring couples together to laugh.
One of the things that we don'tdo enough in our culture today,
(58:04):
in our busy schedules, is laugh,yeah, and so we just want to
bring couples together to laugh,have a good time, and then, of
course, we want to help themjust grow in their relationship
as well.
So we we throw out some ofthose relational tips and tools
and hacks and different thingslike that to help you continue
to grow your marriage and, andyou know, build that foundation
and your marriage and faith andand so yeah, that that's great
(58:26):
too, and I feel like too.
Speaker 1 (58:27):
The ResGen Men's Summit is just such an awesome
place.
You know for for any ladieslistening, you know for any
ladies listening, you know youmight hear ResGen Men's.
When you hear Men's Summit, youturn your ears off.
But to your point, like yousaid, man, if you've got any guy
in your life, send them.
Send them, because this thing Ididn't even realize what it
would spark into and you know,obviously you know you too, like
(58:50):
you say, back in in the day youdidn't even know if this was
going to be something that wouldtake off and become what it is,
but it has turned into to aconnection ground for me to
really find some meaningfulrelationships in my life.
That's awesome for for me tofind mentors in my life to.
Then I'm having coffee withthese guys I met through resgen
and and they're just helping me,uh.
(59:11):
And so, yeah, I just I'm soappreciative, tom, of the work
that you do.
I'm so looking forward to uhhanging out with you in houston
yeah um, and then and thencatching that flight back.
So that we can get to the, tothe date night, um, but hey,
thank you for your time.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
Yeah, dude, so many knowledge, nuggets knowledge
nuggets, maybe a couple, butyeah, and I would just tell you
like so a lot of the stuff thatthat like the relationships,
like at resgenorg, there'sawhole resources section that you
can download for free.
A lot of your conversationstarters for your next date
(59:45):
night.
Here's a bunch of ideas for funideas for your next date night,
conversation starters with yourteenagers, scriptures that can
help you in difficult times inyour life.
All those different kinds ofthings are all there at
resgenorg, in addition to youknow grabbing and hopefully that
you can come out and be a partof the date night and the men's
summit and all of that so anyway, bro, I I'm appreciative of you
(01:00:08):
, your friendship, yeah, uh,allow me to jump on here with
you.
yeah and uh, these sharpen youand I, like you mentioned
earlier, and hopefully it was alittle bit beneficial for others
too.
Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
Absolutely.
I mean, I know that I got somestuff that just kind of
re-sparked in my life.
I'm going to be able to leavetoday and implement with my wife
and my kids and my family, so Iappreciate that.
Tom man, you guys thank you somuch for spending time with tom
and I.
Uh, we just about hit that hourmark, which is just awesome.
I love it.
You guys have so many thingsyou could be doing, but you
(01:00:39):
decided to spend time with us.
My hope is that your life is isable to get more fit and more
healthy in the relationshipareas after what we talked about
today.
Go out, be great today.
Do us a huge favor like,subscribe and share this episode
, and I'll put the links in thecomments below.
But you guys, go out and begreat today, tom.
Thank you, buddy, thank you,brother, everyone else.
(01:01:00):
Have an awesome day.
Bye, you guys.
Welcome to the Fit and Healthy Sioux Falls show,
and today's episode is not abouthealth or fitness in any aspect
that you would think of, but itis about having a fit and
healthy relationship and beingable to dive into ways that you
can make the relationships inyour life more meaningful.
(00:21):
I get the awesome pleasure ofsitting down with my good friend
, Tom Henderson from ResGen, andhe is just going to help us be
able to unpack some amazingwisdom on how we can make our
relationships more meaningfuland have a more fit and healthy
relationship in our life.
So let's dive in to today'sepisode.
(00:43):
Well, Tom, welcome to the show.
(01:07):
My friend, this has been a longtime coming and I just tell you
what I'm so grateful to haveyou on the show.
How are you doing today?
Speaker 2 (01:14):
Bro, I'm good Listen anytime I get to spend a few
moments with you and especiallylike in an extended period of
time, like this.
I'm the better man for it, so Ilove this time that we're going
to spend together.
Speaker 1 (01:26):
Yeah, no, this is great.
I feel that it's crazy to thinkthat our relationship started
like back in I think it was 2016.
I was listening to you at aluncheon that I got invited to
at Plains Commerce Bank and itjust so happened that there was
(01:46):
a speaker, and the speaker'sname at this luncheon was Tom
Henderson, and man, I was likenot even a year, just in my
first year of business, andthat's where our relationship
started.
So, 2016,.
Where does that put you in yourrealm of things?
2016.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Well, I mean so in 2016,.
That was probably about thehalfway point of ResGen, because
we no, yeah, yeah, abouthalfway through when we started,
you know, because we started in2010.
Yeah, so you know, we're nowalmost 15 years old, so we were
just coming up, you know, tothat halfway point.
And that was that wasinteresting, because back then I
(02:27):
wasn't even doing corporateevents.
Yeah, that was just ChrisVinson had asked me to come in
and said hey, I just want you tocome and speak to my team.
And I'm like, bro, I I'm notsure what.
I would even say yeah, what doyou want me to say?
And he's like I just want youto come in and just talk about
relationships and being ahealthy human being and just,
you know, focusing not just onyour work but on just what does
(02:50):
that look like for your marriage, your relationship, your kids,
your friendships, just your ownpersonal health, all those kinds
of things.
And so he actually did that acouple of times for planes and
it was awesome.
Speaker 1 (03:00):
Yeah, it was.
It definitely left an impact onme enough to hey, I'm going to
stick around Luncheon's over, Iwant to meet this guy.
So I remember meeting you thatday and then I think from there
it just was a casual connection.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
Yeah Well, and it usually translates to having
some bagels at Bagel Boy, whichI know that that's what that
transitioned into it did.
Speaker 1 (03:22):
And a lot of magic happens there, yes, yes.
So, hey, before we get like realinto it and diving in, I just
kind of want to let our audienceknow, man, one of the main
reasons I mean this is the Fitand Healthy Sioux Falls show,
and why do I want to have Tom onthe show?
And, man, I just want to let youknow that when I think fit and
healthy, I definitely don't justthink health and fitness, I
(03:47):
don't think food and working out, I think how can you have a fit
and healthy life, from yourmarriage to your relationships,
to your finances, to yournutrition and your fitness?
But when I think of fit andhealth, tom Henderson, what
comes to mind for me it isrelationship.
I feel like my relationships inmy life, by getting to know you
(04:12):
better, have gotten better.
My relationship with myself, tobe honest, has gotten better.
My relationship with my faithin Christ has gotten better.
My relationship with my wifehas gotten better and it has
made me more intentional aboutseeking out relationships with
like-minded men that are willingto be brutal, honest in the
(04:35):
face of whatever I might begoing through and help keep me
on the right path.
And so I just wanted to makesure that our audience was able
to really understand like hey,health and fitness, fit and
Healthy Sioux Falls like TomHenderson, resgen, men's Summit,
the main event.
Where does that fall into Fitand Healthy?
And it falls into relationships, and so I want to dive into
(04:56):
that.
Speaker 2 (04:56):
Well, first of all, and we're going to- and I'm so
excited about that.
It's an honor to be invited tocome and share time and share
with your listeners and viewersand so forth, but you know, uh,
that that uh was.
That was so encouraging to me,so so thank you, you know, and.
I just my whole path, my just mypassion is is pouring my life
(05:19):
out into the, to the lives ofothers so that they can do that
for other people.
And you know, and I see you dothat day in and day out, um, not
just with clients here at FitBody Bootcamp, but I mean
obviously through the podcast,but then just in general, you
know and and you can't, youcan't teach that One of my, uh,
one of my best mentors in mylife he's my first boss ever CJ
(05:40):
yeah, um, you know he, Iremember when he hired me at the
age of 23 years old to be ayouth pastor in Portland, oregon
, and and after we went throughall the paperwork and you know I
actually share this a littlebit in a couple of talks but I
just asked him.
I said hey, chris, this is myfirst day.
I said, chris, can I just askyou a question?
He's like yeah, of course.
And I said what, what made, whatmade you hire me?
(06:06):
I mean like, why did you chooseme?
And he said, you know that's areally good question, because
here's the deal you don't knowhow to teach, you don't know how
to preach, you don't know howto manage a budget, you don't
know how to work with students,parents or really a staff, and
so immediately, I'm regrettingasking this question because I
wasn't feeling very encouraged.
But he said but here's the deal,I can teach you all that.
(06:27):
What I can't teach you is heart, and that's what you do have.
And so that's that was.
I did not realize that thatwould be such a formative
statement in my life, and sothat's been.
My life is just, is just pourmy heart into the others.
And so there's just certainpeople that I feel like that's
what they have.
When you look at them, they'relike man, they are all heart,
(06:48):
and that's who you are, that'swho I try to surround myself
with, because when you are withlike-minded, like-hearted people
, that's how things change, bothpersonally as well as
collectively, as a community, asa business, in your homes, all
that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (07:03):
Yeah, I love that and I had the pleasure and the
honor of having you come talkwith our team not too long ago
and it was so cool.
And that's actually just in theroom right over the other way
and there's a box and it stillsits there today because I won
that box.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
A box of life cereal and really the key takeaway from
your talk with the team was youfind life-giving success by
giving life to others.
That's right, and I tell youwhat.
Right now, you and I, we'regetting just as much out of this
as anybody watching orlistening later.
(07:41):
This gives me life speakingwith other like-minded
individuals.
But we don't know where ourviewers are at, we don't know
what's going on in their life.
We don't know what strugglethey may be dealing with, what
adversity might be showing up intheir day, and right now we
have the opportunity to have acasual conversation that our
(08:04):
viewers, our listeners, could goaway and be like.
You know what?
Whatever the nugget was that Itook away from that talk is
going to help me move forward inmy day, and it all starts with
the conversation.
Speaker 2 (08:21):
Yeah, you know, yeah, and here's the reality.
You know this as well as I do,cj, like everybody, ourselves
included.
Right, we're all fightingbattles that no one knows
anything about.
And so it's every single personthat we come in contact with.
And what's interesting is thatwhen you begin to just show
interest in other people, whenwe take the focus off of
ourselves and place it on otherpeople, it's amazing what kind
(08:43):
of conversations and I mean itmay just it may seem like
something that's not a big dealto you, but it could absolutely
mean the world to someone else.
And if that's what, if that'swhat our day was about that
makes us feel successful ishaving conversations with other
people, then that's how I feellike we should define success,
because at the end of the day,when we lay our head on the
(09:06):
pillow, is it nice to have moneyin the bank account?
Of course.
Is it nice to have a vehiclethat you know is going to get
you from point A to point B?
Of course, you know, is it niceto know that we've got a house?
And I mean yes.
But at the end of the day, whatmakes us feel successful is the
impact that we've had on otherpeople and, hopefully, through
the way we've lived our lives,through the way that we've used
(09:26):
our words, the temperature thatwe set in whatever room we're in
, we talk a lot about that.
You had a lot of greatconversations about that.
It's like what temperature arewe setting?
Yeah, if that has had apositive impact on people, then
that's what I feel like allowsus to sleep well at night.
Speaker 1 (09:45):
Yeah, that's so true because, to that point, your
good day could be just whatsomeone needs when they're going
through a bad day.
And so if you're having thatgood day and you're being
intentional about seeking outgreat conversations, about just
learning about other people andabout being able to show up for
(10:08):
them in a way that maybe no oneelse has ever showed up for them
for, you never know what thatwill lead to.
You know, I asked someone likewhen's the last time you made a
friend?
When's the last time you havemade a new friend?
And for so many people it's anew friend and for so many
people it's a long time.
We don't do it as kids, though,like man, every other day I'm
(10:30):
picking up my son.
He's like Dad, I made a newfriend.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
I'm like awesome, like I've never jumped in the
car with my wife and then herand I are talking like, hey, I
made another new friend Right,Like we're not even saying how
many people we friended onFacebook that day.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
No, no, no, no, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:46):
No, guess what?
I gained 13 new friends today.
Yeah, that's right.
How many do you know?
Not too many.
Speaker 1 (10:53):
Yeah, and so I just think that the friendship that
you and I have been able tobuild when we talk about being
healthy in our relationships,you know, we we not too long ago
, a couple months ago now, wewere able to go on a very
awesome retreat out to CultureCove.
With what was there?
20 other guys.
Yeah, 17 of us total.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
Yeah 17.
Speaker 1 (11:16):
And just connect and I tell you I don't think I've
shared with you, but and I knowthat you knew this but Nate
Welch and I, we ended up onDancing with the Stars together.
So we randomly met that way,and then we show up at Culture
Cove and it just so happenedthat not only are we competing
in Dancing with the Stars, we'realso now roommates for the
(11:38):
night, and so we made the funnyyou know hey you better sleep
with your eyes open, because I'mgoing to bust your leg because
I'm trying to beat you.
But that relationship thatsparked out of honestly, totally
random meetup at Dancing withthe Stars, then meeting him
there A couple weeks ago, himand I were in my office just
(12:00):
talking.
He's actually going to jump onthe show and be on the podcast.
Oh, cool, cool.
It's just awesome to create,though, but I feel like you're
very intentional about seekingpositive relationships.
Speaker 2 (12:16):
Yeah, I just I think I think that's a great word is
the intentionality.
And listen, nobody does itperfect, right?
But one of the things that I tryto enter each day with, in all
honesty and I just got donebeing at two different events,
one in Atlanta and then one inAustin and one of my prayers
each day is just God, put me infront of people that you'd like
(12:37):
me to have a meaningfulconversation with.
Yeah, because I think that whenwe have meaningful conversations
, it's obviously right there inthe word.
Like it is, they mean a lot,and they mean a lot to the
person, to the people that arepart of it, both to the, to the
person that's the, maybe theinitiator, to the person that is
just like you know, that'sbrought into it or whatever.
(13:00):
So, um, and as if we enter withthat kind of mindset each day,
yeah, and again, that's that'spart of being healthy too,
having a healthy mindset.
Yeah, when we answer in andsaying like, listen, I'm going
to go and I'm going to bringlight into every room that I
enter, I'm going to warm upevery room, the whole thermostat
idea, and I'm going to givelife to all I encounter, yeah,
(13:23):
that mindset will compel us tobe intentional.
Speaker 1 (13:27):
And seek that out.
Correct, you're going to seekthat out and you're
preconditioning your mind toknow that.
Okay, I told myself when I wokeup that this is what I'm going
to do.
So now, when I'm entering thisroom, I told myself I'm going to
warm it up.
I told myself I'm going to belight.
I'm going to warm it up.
I told myself I'm going to belight, I'm going to bring my
(13:47):
positivity and my energy.
Speaker 2 (13:49):
So now you enter that room already preconditioned to
know that I have a mission, andit isn't just to exist in this
room, it's to contribute to thisroom, yeah, and I think that
that really translates CJ to soI mean, all of our spaces right,
obviously, as we, as we enterour workplaces during the day.
And, and for me, one of thethings that really changed the
(14:13):
game in my home life was when Ibegan to begin thinking that way
as I was on my drive home froma busy day at work whether it
was a challenging day or a verysuccessful day, however you
would define that, or whateverbut thinking about okay, how am
I going to reenter my home spaceso that I can be fully present
for my wife and my two boys?
Now, my boys now are ages 20and 23, so they're older and
(14:35):
they're out of the house and allthat kind of thing.
But even though they're out ofthe house, I still have to think
about okay, how am I going togo and give my best to laura
when I arrive home?
yeah, um so one of thecommitments I made years ago was
it was that I was not going toenter the, enter my home on the
phone.
Yeah, because basically whatthat does is it tells the people
(14:56):
that I'm going home to that I,you know that the person on the
phone was more important thanwho was standing in front of me,
and so I remember many timeshaving to park, you know, at the
end of the block.
Yep, um, not when my kids werelittle, not even in the in the
garage, because they would hearthe garage door open and they
want to come out and I'd be like, oh sorry, buds, I can't talk
(15:17):
right now, but parking at theend of the block and finishing
that conversation, doingwhatever I needed to do to
prepare myself to to be, youknow, fully dad, when I got home
Is it possible all the time?
No, not possible all the times.
I mean the way that our lifebleeds together.
Sometimes we do need to bringwork home, do different things
that need to be done.
Time sensitive, wise, but asbest we can, can we fully show
(15:40):
up?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
You know, and to that point I heard you talk about
that a while ago and it doesn'thappen at all if you're not
first intentional about it,because I didn't even realize.
I actually I knew that I wouldenter the home quite often on my
phone talking to whoever.
But then when you, when youshared that, I remember, kind of
doing a self-check like man, Iwonder two things.
(16:04):
Kind of doing a self-check likeman, I wonder two things.
I wonder number one do I dothat and how often do I do it?
Yeah, and number two, like what, what does that do to my family
?
Like how do they feel?
And so I remember, when youshared that with me, originally
thinking that and first is likeI'm going to change it, I'm
going to stop and change this,but this habits happen and they
(16:24):
continue to happen without, youknow, real intentionality.
You'll continue on the samehabit.
And so I just continued goinghome and I'm on the phone, but I
already pulled up, I'm justgoing in, you know I.
You said like yeah, garage isopen, they know I'm home, uh, so
I'm going in, but realizing andputting more intentionality on
it, I have tried to get betterand I have gotten better, but to
(16:49):
that point, before you eventalked on that, I wasn't even
like aware of how often I wasdoing it.
That man, could this be a waythat I could intentionally show
up at home for that relationshipwith my wife, my family, my
kids, in a more positive lightand absolutely?
Speaker 2 (17:12):
I think that's one of the most important things we
can do, like for a relationship,cj for sure is just this whole
idea of what does it mean to befully present.
Yeah, because it's so easy tojust be in it in the same space
but be so distracted that we'renot even we're sharing space but
we're not sharing experience,we're not sharing just ourself,
(17:34):
yeah.
And so there are certain things, like I remember a buddy of
mine.
He got a new Apple watch.
Yeah, and I have this.
I just I have it's a normalwatch, it's just digital.
It just just tells me at thetime it's weird.
Yeah, this would say fossil.
Speaker 1 (17:48):
but at any rate, but the.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
But I remember he asked me.
He said, hey, would you?
I got a new Apple watch, do youwant my old one?
And I'm like man, a free Applewatch, yeah, that sounds amazing
and whatever Right.
But I said you know I don'twant it.
And he's like what, whywouldn't you want this Apple
Watch?
And I said, well, becausehere's the deal.
I don't need one more thingbuzzing, vibrating, doing
(18:17):
whatever that's taking myattention away from the people
I'm with.
Because how many of us likebeing in a meeting or in a
conversation with someone andthen they're constantly looking
at their phone or they'relooking at their wrist, or
they're looking around the roomwondering is there anybody else
here?
That's maybe a little bit moreimportant, that would maybe do a
little bit more for mepersonally in my career or
whatever.
None of us like that.
There's not one person thatwould say man, sign me up for
(18:38):
that conversation.
So why am I going to, knowingwho I am?
Now, I'm easily distractible.
Okay, I can be distracted withthe best of them.
I'm not saying I'm Doug in thewhole up cartoon movie, but I am
easily distractible.
And so I'm like why do I wantto put something on my wrist.
That's going to cause me totake my attention off the person
(19:01):
that I'm with.
Okay, do I make mistakes?
Do I look at my phone?
Do I?
Yes, I, I do, but as best I can.
It's, it's on silent, it's overhere, it's in my bag, it's on
the it's, you know, turnedupside down yeah, at meetings,
because I don't need it.
Lighting up, yeah, and the samething as as as a watch.
So it's those kind ofintentional pieces it also makes
(19:22):
me free, because that's.
That's the other thing, bro.
Like we're just.
We're just like chained tostuff all the time.
Yeah, you know, yeah.
So how do we just simplify ourlife a little?
Speaker 1 (19:34):
bit more.
We were talking before we hitthe record button and you had a
great point.
So many times when you'reshooting a podcast, the gold
tends to always happen pre orpost show.
Right, we do our best to makesure some of it makes the show,
but so much of it is pre andpost, and so we almost have to
always have the record going sowe can put the gold in there and
(19:57):
all the B-roll the comedicthings.
Speaker 2 (19:59):
I know Some of that stuff was comedic gold bro.
I don't know, I know.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
We'll have to see if somewhere you have this AI
around us, or I don't know maybethe meta got it, I don't know,
but we were talking about somany times the things that we do
.
They literally are done whetherknowingly or not, but done in a
way of like, how is this goingto have me show up?
(20:24):
Like, what are other peoplegoing to think when I show up
driving X or wearing X orlooking like like so much of it
is we we put so much heavyemphasis on how are others going
to see me if I, you know, haveX, y or Z?
And then you were saying thatyou know, we do these things to
(20:44):
impress other people, whetherknowingly or unknowingly, and
then we're chained to them, weget stuck and it's like, well,
now, what we were actuallytalking about?
That?
Just about, like, thesepodcasts and stuff.
We didn't know how the heck tostart a podcast.
When you first started theResGen podcast, did you know how
to do it?
Speaker 2 (21:02):
No, ResGen podcast.
Did you know how to do it?
No, no, didn't have a clue.
Me either.
When I started ResGen, I didn'tknow how to do it.
To be clear, I still don't knowhow to do it.
Speaker 1 (21:10):
No, 100%, 100%, and we don't even know if it's
working, but we're here, we'rehere.
But to that point, like man, Iget these things that go on the
wall and it's like I get thesethings and these headsets and
it's like, well, now it's justhow I do it.
So I mean, there's like I can'tgo back right like but the
truth is like we could if wedecided that we wanted to switch
(21:31):
it up and and change and notwear these things yeah, and it's
, it's and it is.
Speaker 2 (21:37):
It is something that can be simpler than we think it
needs to be.
Yeah, I remember when we firstcanceled our well, number one, I
remember I think first it wasmaybe cable, okay, and just the
thought of, well, how how can Ideal without cable?
Yeah, you know.
And then it's like, well, okay,we'll get.
You know, we'll get Netflix,yeah.
(21:58):
And then all of a sudden, nowwe have, you know, seven
streaming services, yeah, and,and I'm like I don't even watch
that television that much, butwe have all these streaming
services.
And then it's like you knowwhat, we're going to let these
things expire or we're going tocounsel them or whatever.
And the crazy thing is is thatoftentimes, when we do, we don't
miss them.
No, I remember cutting our homephone, the landline, and going
(22:21):
just to cell phones.
That's how old I am.
Hey, wait, what is a landline?
And going just to cell phones.
That's how old I am.
Wait, what is a landline?
Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1 (22:28):
Yeah, that's how old I am, I mean I'm, I'm 49 now bro
.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
So, like I'm, you're doing great, fit and healthy.
That's right.
So, but the thing is is like Iremember just cutting that,
cutting the cord and and havingthis feeling of, well, what
happens if, if somebody callsour landline and they can't get
ahold of us, or you know, now wecan't leave our?
What happens if you go into, ifyou leave your phone at home on
(22:52):
your way to work?
Yeah, we panic.
What happens if we go into thebathroom without our phone?
Yeah, we panic.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Yeah, absolutely, I can't sit here without my phone
and, yeah, it's wild.
But we struggle letting go, andI think that there's that quote
out there I don't know who saidit but you have to let go of
being good to get to great, andso many times, these things that
are holding us back they'regood, they're good, we feel good
(23:22):
about them, and so letting themgo can be so difficult.
A real personal one that hitshome for me.
We had just a hard financialperiod in 2024.
It was a rough yearbusiness-wise, but you know, I
look back at it and even goingthrough it now I look at it and
it's like it was okay.
(23:42):
It was definitely okay, but wehad to make some changes.
I remember, ever since the FordRaptor came out, you know it,
originally this truck came outas a just a two-door, didn't
even have a four-door, but Idon't even know what it was,
just this cool truck that hadmore power than you ever needed,
and I wanted one.
I wanted one and I kind of hadmy mind set of like one day I'm
(24:06):
going to get one.
Well, we finally got to a spotwhere I felt, you know, that I
could afford it, and I looked atthe numbers and I could I could
you know afford to to purchasethis thing, or so I thought,
right, predicting that thefuture doesn't change in a
negative way, we should be ableto afford this.
So I had purchased a FordRaptor, felt great.
(24:28):
And, man, when we hit thatfinancial hiccup having to make
the decision to let that go,financial hiccup, having to make
the decision to let that go oneof the first things was what
are people going to think?
Like that was literally one ofthe first things is what are
people going to think?
And why is there so much weighton that?
(24:51):
Does what I drive?
Does what I drive change who Iam?
Like I could still show up theway I wanted to, the way that I
always have, and unless you'veseen what I pulled up in and got
out of, you would have neverknown what I actually arrived in
(25:13):
, right, but so letting that goand one of the biggest of the
the the biggest things was likeoh my goodness, what are people
going to think?
And it was very hard.
From that aspect, it wasactually an easy I just I did my
best to just like hey, I'm justgoing to go do this.
I just went and did it and gotrid of it, and it was actually a
lot harder of a situation to gothrough than I think I realized
(25:34):
it would be, because then itbrought on this feeling of
failure.
It brought on this feeling ofI'm not good enough.
It brought on this feeling ofmaybe I'm not worthy, maybe I'm
not deserving, maybe I reallydon't have what it takes to be
able to hold it together enoughto afford that, and really all
it was was a bunch of negativeself-talk that I just had to
(25:59):
silence and realize that none ofit was true.
But it does pop up.
It absolutely pops up.
Speaker 2 (26:05):
Yeah, and so often it's about stuff that at the end
of the day, doesn't reallymatter.
And for you it was a Raptor,yeah, right, which became a
symbol of success at some.
You know, figment of yourimagination when you got like
this is this is something that Ifeel good about, yeah, but then
, when that wasn't somethingthat you could no longer afford
(26:27):
and it wasn't wise to keep, yeah, then it became a symbol of
your failure.
Yeah, and I think that for somany of us, myself included we
all have raptors.
So the question is like what'sour raptor?
Yeah, what's the raptor?
What if you know, what, ifsomething was taken from you?
(26:47):
Yeah, what has become somethingthat you have maybe cleaved
onto so much that it has becomea piece of your identity?
Yeah, when, at the end of theday, it's not who you are, no,
it's just what you drive, yep.
That's why one of the biggestthings that I try to communicate
in my newest corporate talkthat I'm really excited about
(27:09):
sharing actually out in Houstonwith the Fit Body crew yeah, me
too In February is you know,what you do matters, because
what you do does matter, yeah,but how you do it matters more.
But who you are matters most,yeah, and who you are is just
again, it's about your heart,yep, and so who are you?
And so then, I think what wereally need to ask ourselves,
(27:31):
the question is what?
What fills our heart?
What kind of motivations, whatkind of emotions, what kind of
messages are written on ourhearts?
Because, at the end of the day,cj, what fills our heart rules
our life.
And so the question is what arewe filling our heart with?
And so, when you think aboutthe power of relationships for
(27:53):
me, I mean at the end of the day, I mean, like I changed the way
that I introduced myself, Imean you know this because I say
listen.
My name is Tom Henderson.
I'm a follower of Jesus, I'm ahusband to Laura, I'm a dad to
Isaiah and Chase and I'm thefounder of ResGen.
So the reality is is the firstthree things that I mentioned.
Those things will never change.
(28:14):
Yeah, I'm always going to be afollower of Jesus, I'm always
going to be a husband to Lauraand I'm going to always be a dad
to Isaiah and Chase.
Speaker 1 (28:21):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (28:22):
Someday res gen, you know, hopefully not for a very,
very long time.
Yeah, but it may cease to bearound.
Yeah, but if it ceases to bearound tomorrow, I'm still Tom
Henderson.
I'm still Tom Henderson, I'mstill a follower of Jesus.
I'm a husband to Laura and I'ma dad to Isaiah and Chase.
And so when we understand thatour identity is in those kinds
of things and not in the thingsof the world.
(28:44):
That's why 1 Samuel 16, 7 talksabout like do not look at the
things that you know.
The world judges by a certainstandard.
The Lord doesn't look at thethings that the world looks at.
The Lord looks at the heart.
And so for each of us to be ableto put our heart under the
microscope and say you know whatis my motivation for that?
And obviously we can fine toothcomb that and we can and it's
okay to say, hey, I just want itbecause it's fun, that's okay,
(29:05):
that's totally okay.
If you can afford it, you cando.
I mean, whatever it is, itdoesn't have to be some big old
truck, it's just, it's anything,yeah.
But if it's, if it's simply toimpress, if it's simply to just
put on this, you know.
Speaker 1 (29:18):
I've got to look successful.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
So, I feel successful , I get all of it, but at the
end of the day, it's not goingto make us be more us.
Yep.
So how?
How do we help ourselves bemore of our authentic self,
which I think begins withobviously our own, obviously our
our own, you know, personality.
But then surrounding ourselveswith people that that will
(29:41):
encourage us, that speak thetruth to us, uh, that will tell
us the things that we don't wantto hear.
Um, because those kinds show meyour friends, I'll show you
your future, kind of a vibe.
We become the average of thetop five people we spend, we
spend time with.
Those are all great tweets,those are all great little
sayings, but there's truth tothem.
Speaker 1 (30:02):
Yeah, there is.
I was actually just reading, ohno, I was listening to a
podcast, another podcast, and itsaid those little sayings that
become cliche.
There's more truth in thecliches than you can ever
realize because they getrepeated so often and become
cliche because they're so true,like, because they're so true,
right, and?
And to that point I was justthinking, like you don't have to
(30:27):
have anything different tostart doing something different.
So many times it's like, well,man, if my relationship was just
better, then I would love thisperson more.
Like, if our wait a minute,what if you just started loving
this person more, yourrelationship would probably get
(30:49):
better.
But it's like we always put thecarriage in front of the horse
and it's just backwards, right,I don't have to for me, holy
moly, and I think I probablystill struggle this more with
this, more than I really reallywilling to even admit.
But it's like fit body, like Iput my identity in fit body Like
(31:11):
.
Like to your point, if fit bodychanges, goes away, becomes
something different, does whathappens to CJ?
Well, the truth is CJ stilldoes CJ.
Cj still shows up, lovingpeople, motivating others and
bringing the energy into everyroom that I go into, because
that's me and I can still dothat, no matter what change,
(31:37):
without a raptor.
I can do it without a raptor.
And so what things are you and I, and our viewers and listeners,
what things are we waiting todo because something else needs
to happen first?
And what if we just decided,you know what, no, today I'm
(31:59):
going to start making time forthis certain relationship.
Or today I'm going to turn myphone off when I go into my
house and be intentional abouthow I show up for my marriage.
Right, because we all wantbetter things.
Yeah, relationships, family,friendships.
We want those things to bebetter.
(32:19):
But it's like, are we willingto do what it's going to take to
get there?
Speaker 2 (32:25):
Yeah, are we willing to?
Are we willing to have it startwith us?
One of my favorite questions.
That really was a game changerfor really my my relationship
with my boys first, and then itbegan to transfer into my
relationship with Laura, thenrelationship with in just the
business world and withfriendships, and it was a
(32:47):
question that I just beganasking them when, specifically
when we'd be talking or they'retelling me about issues or
something, this is what happenedto me and blah, blah, blah.
My temptation, like, I think, alot of guys or whatever, but my
temptation is to say, well,here's what you should have done
, yeah, or here's what, orhere's how, or I'm going to fix
(33:09):
it.
Speaker 1 (33:09):
I'm going to step in.
Speaker 2 (33:10):
I'm going to take care of this problem, whatever
it is.
But one of the questions Istarted asking them that has
since bled into every otherrelationship is you know?
So what do you need from meright now?
Yeah, because what I've foundis that what most people don't
(33:30):
need is they don't need anothermotivational talk, they don't
need another.
You know, hey, here's, you know, steps one, two, three to you
know, overcome your problem.
This is how I would have doneit.
They don't need anything likethat.
What they really need is theyjust need someone to listen and
to seek to understand.
Yeah, and if that is our againour mindset, if that is the
posture in which we enterconversations with that type of
(33:56):
servant-hearted andservant-minded attitude, will do
nothing but help ourrelationships, because it places
the focus more on them than itdoes ourselves.
But the problem is, is thatbecause we're selfish human
beings that's who we are and soour temptation is to just put
the focus on ourself.
(34:17):
And if I fix this problem, thenI just, really just that makes
me feel good because I did thatproblem If I tell you hey, this
is what I would have done.
Well, that makes me feelsmarter.
Yep, just come in and just, youknow, just tell you that, that
you know you made a big mistakeand you shouldn't have done it,
(34:40):
well then that makes me feelmore powerful, or whatever.
But if we come in and say, youknow what would be what's the
most helpful to you right now,yeah, and then listen and
respond in that way, nowthere'll be times when, when,
when, maybe they'll ask to havesome things fixed, which, by the
way, happens so much more afterthey realize that, man, you
(35:02):
really do just care enough thatyou just want to meet me where
I'm at.
Speaker 1 (35:07):
Yep, but then they're open to receiving it because
you asked them what is it thatyou need from me right now?
Because you asked them what isit that you need from me right
now?
And if your sons are just likeDad, I don't know what I need
right now, but what would you do?
Well, now they invited.
They invited you to let themknow what you would do, and now
(35:31):
they're all ears because theywanted your input.
But if they tell you somethingand then you're like well, son,
here's what I would do, they'relike now the exact same advice,
but you got to it through theirpermission.
Speaker 2 (35:49):
Now they're willing to receive and of course, uh,
the opposite can be true too,where, if they, if, if they
don't want the advice at thatmoment, you got to be okay with
that too.
You have to, yeah, right.
And so I mean, that's probablyone of my favorite questions to
ask, because it's such a greatrelationship building question
(36:10):
and skill.
But then the other is just toask the question of well, how
much have you prayed about that?
Yeah, and what do you think theLord's?
Well, how much have you prayedabout that?
Yeah, and what do you think theLord's trying to teach or share
with you?
Because then it calls them tothink about what's ultimately
important as well is you knowGod's leading in their life.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:28):
And so that maybe works a little better with your
kids than maybe your wifeSometimes.
Speaker 1 (36:33):
like well honey you know what does the Lord say
about the purchase.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (36:43):
Yeah, better with your kids than maybe your wife
sometimes like well, honey, youknow what is?
What does the lord say aboutyeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that
doesn't always go over.
Yeah, I'm teasing, but butthose, those types of I've,
that's what I think, um, for somany of our relationships, if we
become better question askers,yeah, instead of uh, sermon gi,
yeah, or whatever you want tocall them.
They're not service messagegivers or whatever Our
relationships usually benefit.
Speaker 1 (37:04):
Yeah, you know something that actually, before
you even just said what you justsaid was going through my mind
was you know, every year at theResGen Men's Summit, we then get
invited, or it's actually theday before, usually.
This year it's different, butwe get invited to the date night
comedy.
And you know, just, the awfulstatistics of the fact of the
(37:28):
matter is that most couplesdon't date and then when they do
, maybe have the opportunity togo on date night, like they
don't even know what questionsto ask, and so I've always
appreciated how, at the event,you know, hey, and we've given
you a list of 20 questions, 35,actually 35.
We're writing more right now.
Perfect Of questions that youcan ask, and what's so crazy is
(37:51):
that we should be able.
It feels like we should be ableto just know what to ask, or
questions that could spark greatconversation, but the truth of
the matter is like we're not,because we're so ingrained in
the busyness of life that wedon't even know like what to ask
.
My kids and I, we were atPerkins the other night.
(38:12):
I had the opportunity.
Mel was at a Little Wings teamnight, so they had a team
meeting and they went out fordinner and so I had the
opportunity to take my oldestand youngest.
My middle child was with hermom.
Speaker 2 (38:26):
Well, and let me change one word there you took
the opportunity.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, because wehave opportunities all the time,
but we have to take them.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
We have to take them.
Speaker 2 (38:38):
So you were intentional and you took the
opportunity.
So, first of all, kudos for youfor taking the opportunity to
take your kids perkins.
Speaker 1 (38:42):
Hopefully you got them some pie, but anyway
continue.
Yeah, unfortunately sorry toburst that bubble no pie, but
pancakes, pancakes, okay, whichare great breakfast for dinner.
I love it, yes um, and so whenwe were sitting there and, uh,
the kids and I were talking fora little while and it's like, oh
, what do you guys want to talkabout?
And, honestly, like they shareda couple things, I shared a
couple things, then we kind oflike we reached a stalemate.
We were sitting there and we'relike man, what are we talking
(39:05):
about?
Covered it all?
No, so we we actually go on, uhto, to the app store and we
looked up like questions, uh forfamilies, kids questions and we
found some dumb little appthing that I downloaded.
But my goodness it was.
You just click this littlebutton and a new card would flip
over on your phone.
But we had so much fun becausewe didn't know what the question
(39:27):
was going to be.
And then it was like it waslike who in your family is most
likely to get in trouble forbreaking something and not
telling that they did it.
And, on the count of three,point at them One, two, three,
and we point at whoever wethought it was.
But man, just the questionwithout the question.
We reached the stalemate.
(39:47):
But then, when we had thequestion and entered in this
conversation based on questions,it brought new life to our
dinner and finally we got to apoint where we kind of like
we're sitting there and we lookat you like mom's probably home
by now Like we should go home.
We're just sitting there andwe're laughing, we're having fun
and just talking, and, man, wedon't get those opportunities
(40:10):
and we don't make the time forenough.
Speaker 2 (40:13):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, that's one of the reasonswhy we even put those on cards,
because, again, you can.
There's apps, there's, you know, Pinterest things, I mean all
the you know this is not earthshattering type stuff that we do
, but it's.
But the goal is is that ifwe're giving you a card and,
like, all the questions are onthose cards, then we're not on
our phones.
No, leave the phone away Becausethe reality is is that with the
(40:34):
notifications and I justencourage like I don't have any
notifications on my phone, yeah,I text and email and that's it
and then, and my phone's onsilent when I go home and then,
and then I choose to to you knowwhen I want to go and grab that
and yeah, and even things likeestablishing no phone zones for
our house.
Yeah, you know, there was whenyou take the time to have dinner
(40:58):
together by the dinner table.
I'm just, I am just adamantabout it.
I just feel like that needs tobe a no phone zone, because
that's the family time.
We had once a week game nightsin our home where we would.
We would just put the phonesaway and say you know, and that
is a big deal, especially toteenagers, because they want to
be connected all the time.
(41:19):
Yeah, and so you know thatdidn't always go over really
well, but the actually becamesomething that they looked
forward to and, to be honest, Idid too, because I'm not I'm not
exempt from the cell phoneaddiction camp.
Yeah, so I want to.
I want to share that Like.
I'm not exempt from that.
(41:40):
I'm tied to my phone, tetheredto my phone, just like, so I
have to.
But, knowing me, same thingwith the watch.
I have to be intentional aboutthat so that I'm not just
tooling around checking Twitterlike, oh, what's on sale at
Amazon?
What's doing all so?
All that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1 (42:00):
It just it really takes discipline to do it and
you know, I always I like to say, when we're talking about this
type of stuff, if maybe someoneis similar to both of us and
struggles with being tied totheir phone, it's not like you
heard this.
And now it's going to be alight switch where you bing, you
hit that light switch and it'slike, oh man, I've got no phone
(42:21):
zones established.
I never walk in my house on thephone talking to whoever.
Like I'm just great, it's goingto be a dimmer switch.
Right, you're going to slowlymove that thing.
And, man, like I remember whenyou first told me about the
whole showing up at home withoutyour phone, like I struggled
right away, like getting into aroutine of not.
And then I do remember for atime I was like really doing
(42:42):
well, like I was making sure Iwas going home without it.
But to be honest, tom, like wehadn't talked about that for a
while and you just brought thatup again to me, but it actually
like made a couple like flagspop up in my mind.
Like man, I need to get betterat that Because, thinking back
just to this last monthspecifically, actually last
night, man, I was allowing myphone to hijack my relationship
(43:06):
and when we think about it thatway, it's like we're allowing
this electronic device to hijackour relationship.
And I was talking to Mel, mywife.
I'm like you know.
We actually just started doingthis devotional.
A guy in our men's group got itfor us.
It's written off of DuckCommander or Duck Dynasty.
Speaker 2 (43:25):
I'm not a hunter.
I'm not a hunter.
Speaker 1 (43:27):
But him and his wife wrote a devotional and one of
the guys in our men's group saidit's been such a powerful
devotional.
He was so kind enough he boughtall of us guys one of these
devotionals and my wife and I wejust started it together and so
we had some intentional timebeing together and I was like
you know, I just love that, mel,you and I like we get to pick
(43:49):
whoever like.
We have the ability to pickwhoever we want to to be our
partner in life.
Like that is a choice that weget to make and I'm just
thankful that we chose eachother and we get to have this
relationship.
But then you know, and that'svery like, especially when
you're, you know, just gettingmarried and then honeymoon stage
, like that's real stuff rightthere, and you feel that heavily
(44:11):
and you just feel like this is,there's nothing that could pull
us apart.
And now here we are, almost 10years later from when we got
married.
And you know, if you go backand listen to the podcast that
you and I shot on your podcast Italk about how Mel and I almost
didn't make it, you know, andto realize like, or to think
(44:33):
that that could possibly even bea thing Like I would have never
thought and you get through it.
And then now that you realize,like man, I'm allowing this
digital device to hijack themost precious person, like the
most human being, she's who Idecided I want to do life with.
Yeah, she's my human and, andso I don't want to let this
(44:55):
digital device get between us.
Yeah, and there's a lot and,and so I don't want to let this
digital device get between us.
Speaker 2 (44:58):
Yeah, and there's a lot of great things about phones
and all this stuff, andobviously when we even started
this convo we didn't even knowwhere it was going to go.
We just let it go.
But here's the deal, like oneof the most freeing statements
that was said to me, um, thatmaybe this will set some people
free on just connection to thephone and feeling like they're
always maybe letting people down.
But I'm a, I'm a people pleaserby nature.
(45:20):
It's just kind of who I am.
And so one of the statementsthat I used to make all the time
whether it be via email, textmessages, phone call returns,
whatever was especially ontexting was when I would say hey
, sorry for the late reply.
Yeah, and I remembered sayingthat, excuse me, saying that one
time to a guy on the phone heyman, I'm really sorry about it,
(45:43):
it took me so long to get getyour call back and he said why I
said I don't know Cause.
I just it seemed like a lot oftime went by and he said, tom,
here's the deal your phone isthere for your convenience, not
mine.
Yeah, and that statement set mefree from so much bondage and
feeling like I'm at everybodyelse's beck and call.
(46:04):
Now, do I still love people100%?
Do I still want to get back topeople in a timely fashion?
Yes, be professional 100%.
But the reality is, is that I'mdoing the best I can, and how
do we make sure that we keep ourlife as best we can, in balance
, to where it's?
We're not necessarily servingall these other people and
(46:28):
leaving those that are the mostimportant people in our life
being our families.
You know, I call them my casketcarriers.
You know people that, that, um,they're the ones that are going
to be carrying my casket down.
Um, how do I make sure that I'mI'm not shirking
responsibilities and not caringfor other people, but how do I
make sure that I'm giving mybest and not giving everybody
(46:51):
else my leftovers?
Yeah, um, you know, like, andthere was a lot of years siege
where, like, um, I mean lauraand I, we just hit 29 years of
marriage.
Congrats on that and there,thanks, man.
There's that, and oh, congratsto her.
She's the one stuck with thiswow, he's up with you but.
But there was a lot of uh yearswhere, like I, I just I was so
(47:12):
focused on, on you know theaudience.
Speaker 1 (47:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (47:16):
And I don't mean that as, like you know where I
usually am on a stage speakingto people, but I'm just talking
about just the audience ofwhoever was there and giving my
family, specifically myleftovers.
And so, being mindful of how doI make sure that when I come
home, when we're, when we'rewith each other, um, you know,
(47:38):
utilizing the phones for, forcheck-ins, and Laura and I will
check in throughout the day.
Um, I'll check in with the boyshow they're doing now again,
they're young adults now, soit's different.
But but, um, with Lauraspecifically, um, it wasn't
always positive when I would gohome and we hadn't connected all
day long, because now, all of asudden, she wants to unload a
(48:00):
bunch of stuff, I need to unloada bunch of stuff, whatever, and
there's just stress.
So there's times where we'lltext her in the day and or I'll
say, hey, listen, I'm going togo.
So I did this this morning.
I said, hey, just so you knowI've got a lunch meeting, Then
(48:21):
I'm going to be recording apodcast with CJ and won't be
able to connect with you untilfour o'clock.
So is there anything you needfrom me right now?
Just putting that out there atthe front end.
So that way, if she does needsomething, I've provided that
opportunity for her.
And then vice versa, I couldsay hey, you know what?
Actually, if you could, I meanI'd love to just text her and
say can you just be praying forme in this?
Speaker 1 (48:35):
way.
Yeah, as I go into this orwhatever, that's a, that's a 29
years of marriage pro tip, likeyou weren't.
You weren't doing that year oneMarriage hack.
Like you know what I mean.
You know, like that you developthese communication hacks and
these things that really trulywork into your point.
Like I'm sure you're not alwaysperfect at it, you know, like
(49:01):
there's there's so many timeswhere it and and I did a podcast
on this, just it was a soloepisode a while back like we
have to get rid of that all ornothing mindset.
Like you're not gonna always doit perfect, but can you do it a
little better than than you'vebeen doing?
Speaker 2 (49:09):
well, and you touched on that.
You know like saying, okay, I'mgonna do this with the phone,
no phone zones, you know, notgonna to.
So it's it's what's?
What's one step.
The case is, what's one step?
It's the same thing Like ifyou're going to work out, it's
like okay, I'm going to get inthere, I'm going to be, you know
, every day, one hour a day.
I'm killing it.
But one of my favoritestatements, one of my favorite
statements and I love sayingthis because I think it's so
(49:30):
applicable in pretty much everyarea of our life is that
long-term consistency beatsshort-term intensity.
Yeah, and I mean that's obviousin a workout situation.
Um, but it but it's it's somuch in as we're trying to
develop disciplines, as we'retrying to just take steps and
being, you know, healthier asindividuals in our relationships
(49:52):
.
Um, even in, even in our faith,man, I mean it's just like okay
that's it.
I'm going to read nothing butthe Bible for 24 hours a day.
Okay, that's good.
What if you read a little bitevery day in increments?
Because then that's going to besustainable.
So how are we creatingsustainable change Because, at
the end of the day, that'swhat's going to make the
long-term difference and that'swhat we want.
(50:13):
That's what we want.
Yeah, that's what we want.
Yeah, by no means is ourmarriage perfect there's no such
thing as a perfect marriage butit's a marriage with 29 years
of experiences, both good andbad things that we've had to
travel through.
You know, when we started thewhole conversation, I'm like
texting, texting in the day.
(50:34):
Sorry, I'm going to talk withmy hands, it was.
She came out because she's likeI feel disconnected with you in
the day.
Sorry, I talk with my hands.
It came out because she's likeI feel disconnected with you
throughout the day becauseyou're out there killing it,
you're doing your thing, all ofthis, and then you come home and
then you unload it all and Ihaven't been able to even just
talk to you about what's goingon in my life or with the kids,
or whatever.
And I realized, man, I got todo a better job of staying
(50:57):
connected, because the realityis is relationships grow through
continuous connection.
And so how do I do a better?
Speaker 1 (51:06):
again, it starts with intentionality of staying
connected, because connection,continued connection, is what's
going to cause growth, depth,ongoing understanding of who the
person is all of that kind ofstuff, and we are both you and
Laura, me and Mel we're allgoing through our own journey,
(51:28):
right, and so what ourconnection was yesterday, and
then life happens.
So now we need to connect againand, and that's the thing so
many times like we almost, wealmost put it as like a checkbox
.
So, yep, connected this month,yeah, and and it's like no daily
daily.
Speaker 2 (51:47):
Yeah, ted cunningham, who's a great friend of mine.
He'll be a speaker at the men'ssummit this year.
He's coming back for date nightcomedy.
He he says that one of hismentors and I've taken this and
put it into, implemented it intomy life.
Yeah, I love sharing it withothers.
Is he talks about the dailydelay?
Yeah, so it's that 15 to 20minutes of no technology, just
connection time that you cancall it.
(52:09):
I mean, call it a littlebusiness meeting, whatever you
want, but it's just thatunderstanding that we need to
communicate daily.
And but it's just thatunderstanding that we need to
communicate daily.
Yep, and let's just say thatyou're not married.
Okay, and let's just say thatyou're a single parent, well,
you're doing those things.
You're connecting with yourkids daily.
Speaker 1 (52:23):
Yep.
Speaker 2 (52:23):
So that there's that ongoing communication and
relationship building.
Same thing with friendships,Yep.
Same things with our employeesat work.
Yeah, how are we connecting onan ongoing basis?
Second thing weekly withdrawal.
So that's the once a week datenight, because then if we're
only doing it once a month, thenthe problem is is that it's
just so?
Speaker 1 (52:42):
much time.
Speaker 2 (52:43):
But but also understanding that finances
don't and there's seasons oflife.
But if finances don't allow,that doesn't mean it's gotta be
some big Wahoo deal.
It doesn't mean that you gottago out for you know all night
long, you know whatever.
But but there's a reality ofsaying how do we take a couple
hours each week?
So when our kids were little,we would just tell the boys when
(53:05):
they were old enough to youknow not, not get themselves in
too much trouble.
I'd say hey, mom and dad aregoing to go downstairs for a
couple hours and, unless yourhair is on fire or something, we
just need mom and dad to bedown there.
And the reason is is because wewant to model for our kids the
importance of our marriage.
Yeah, because the secondhighest rate of divorce is in
(53:27):
that 20-year marker and it'swhen kids begin to get older
they start leaving the home.
And then the husbands and thewives, they look at each other
and say who are you?
Speaker 1 (53:36):
What are we doing?
Speaker 2 (53:37):
Yeah, because we haven't had that time to connect
, yeah.
And then the last thing wouldbe the annual abandon, where you
say, okay, I'm going to take aweekend, you're going to take a
week, whatever you can to getaway for an extended period of
time together, to kind ofrekindle just a lot of those
unplug and rekindle, and that'salmost like a formula right
there to just better yourcommunication.
Speaker 1 (54:00):
And again like maybe you can't do all of them right
now, but what can you?
What can you do?
I want to.
I want to get rid of alwaysdiving into like, well, this
won't work because we couldalways do that.
We could always do that, buthow can we make it work and what
steps can we take?
And you said that was from Tedat the Men's Summit and Date
(54:22):
Night Comedy.
Let's dive into that as we kindof come to a close.
Tom, we could talk All day andthis happened you know, last
time we were shooting mine.
Man, there's just there isn'tenough time.
Yeah, which, by the way.
Speaker 2 (54:34):
I don't know what episode number that was, but you
know, for any listeners outthere, viewers, you could go and
you could check out.
This is not a plug just for theResGen Giving Life podcast, but
it is a plug for you.
Yeah, yeah, because it reallywas a great conversation, a lot
of transparency and, yeah and uh, it was a meaningful
conversation and a very helpfulconversation from a lot of
(54:54):
listeners, from what they sharedwith me, but if you want a
little bit more of uh, it likein in, uh, in-depth look into
the life of cj.
You can go and listen to that,um and uh.
So, anyway, but, uh, yeah.
So the res gen men's summit,bro, so excited, uh, the, uh.
It's the ninth year of doingthis.
We've seen guys just grow thisthing, uh, from 123 dudes the
(55:16):
first year to now.
You know, last year we had over1150 men sold, you know, sold
out here in sioux falls, 19simulcast sites.
Uh, this year we're expecting,you know, obviously the same
sellout crowd here in siouxfalls and uh, and then, um,
adding even more simulcast sitesthis year.
So we're very, very excitedabout just bringing guys
together again.
Ages, really 17.
(55:37):
Last year our oldest guy was 84.
And it's a level, it's just alevel playing field.
It's just a field where guysfrom all different walks of life
, all different types of jobs,styles of dudes, come we say how
do we be better men, how do welove God, love our wives, love
our kids and live out our lightin the workplace?
And so it's been so fun and I'mso grateful that I mean you
(56:00):
always come and you always bringdudes with you.
Speaker 1 (56:02):
And then I love it.
Speaker 2 (56:03):
And so that's February 1, saturday, february 1
coming up and just I don't knowabout three weeks from now.
So so very excited about that.
I would highly recommend that,if you're a dude out there
listening, that you grab thatticket sooner rather than later,
because it was sold out over aweek in advance last year.
If you're a gal out therelistening, if you have a husband
, if you have an uncle, if youhave a son, if you have a
(56:24):
coworker, this would besomething that we make it super
inexpensive.
40 bucks for half a Saturday.
Give me 8 am to 1 pm and Ipromise you you will not be
bummed out with the way that youinvested those five hours and
you know tickets are resgenorgR-E-S-G-E-Norg.
Speaker 1 (56:41):
Yeah, I'll make sure I drop that link in the
description down below as well.
But, man, I'm just lookingforward to that.
You know I, like you said, Ialways bring some buddies and we
go together and it's just suchan awesome.
And I love too that it's alwayslike the beginning of the year
because it does just really setthe stage, get your mind right,
get set Like man, I want to justshow up this year a little
(57:04):
better than I did last year.
I want to show up just in a way, a little more meaningful, and
you always have awesome speakerslined up, so I'm excited about
that as well.
And then, and then the greatlittle workbook you can take
your notes and be able to thento.
It's encouraged to then evenget together with those guys and
talk later about that.
(57:25):
And I've had relationships fromthat, you know, that have
sparked and are still going from.
You know, I think I've beengoing to it for four years and
it's just awesome.
So, absolutely.
And then, so that's coming up.
Yeah, in about three weekswe'll drop the link for that.
Speaker 2 (57:41):
And then you can hit that same link, because that's
then February 27 and 28 is datenight comedy, and that's that's
such a great time of justbringing couples together, cou,
couples that are engaged,married for a lot of years, just
getting going on the datingscene, whatever, but we just
bring couples together to laugh.
One of the things that we don'tdo enough in our culture today,
(58:04):
in our busy schedules, is laugh,yeah, and so we just want to
bring couples together to laugh,have a good time, and then, of
course, we want to help themjust grow in their relationship
as well.
So we we throw out some ofthose relational tips and tools
and hacks and different thingslike that to help you continue
to grow your marriage and, andyou know, build that foundation
and your marriage and faith andand so yeah, that that's great
(58:26):
too, and I feel like too.
Speaker 1 (58:27):
The ResGen Men's Summit is just such an awesome
place.
You know for for any ladieslistening, you know for any
ladies listening, you know youmight hear ResGen Men's.
When you hear Men's Summit, youturn your ears off.
But to your point, like yousaid, man, if you've got any guy
in your life, send them.
Send them, because this thing Ididn't even realize what it
would spark into and you know,obviously you know you too, like
(58:50):
you say, back in in the day youdidn't even know if this was
going to be something that wouldtake off and become what it is,
but it has turned into to aconnection ground for me to
really find some meaningfulrelationships in my life.
That's awesome for for me tofind mentors in my life to.
Then I'm having coffee withthese guys I met through resgen
and and they're just helping me,uh.
(59:11):
And so, yeah, I just I'm soappreciative, tom, of the work
that you do.
I'm so looking forward to uhhanging out with you in houston
yeah um, and then and thencatching that flight back.
So that we can get to the, tothe date night, um, but hey,
thank you for your time.
Speaker 2 (59:25):
Yeah, dude, so many knowledge, nuggets knowledge
nuggets, maybe a couple, butyeah, and I would just tell you
like so a lot of the stuff thatthat like the relationships,
like at resgenorg, there'sawhole resources section that you
can download for free.
A lot of your conversationstarters for your next date
(59:45):
night.
Here's a bunch of ideas for funideas for your next date night,
conversation starters with yourteenagers, scriptures that can
help you in difficult times inyour life.
All those different kinds ofthings are all there at
resgenorg, in addition to youknow grabbing and hopefully that
you can come out and be a partof the date night and the men's
summit and all of that so anyway, bro, I I'm appreciative of you
(01:00:08):
, your friendship, yeah, uh,allow me to jump on here with
you.
yeah and uh, these sharpen youand I, like you mentioned
earlier, and hopefully it was alittle bit beneficial for others
too.
Speaker 1 (01:00:18):
Absolutely.
I mean, I know that I got somestuff that just kind of
re-sparked in my life.
I'm going to be able to leavetoday and implement with my wife
and my kids and my family, so Iappreciate that.
Tom man, you guys thank you somuch for spending time with tom
and I.
Uh, we just about hit that hourmark, which is just awesome.
I love it.
You guys have so many thingsyou could be doing, but you
(01:00:39):
decided to spend time with us.
My hope is that your life is isable to get more fit and more
healthy in the relationshipareas after what we talked about
today.
Go out, be great today.
Do us a huge favor like,subscribe and share this episode
, and I'll put the links in thecomments below.
But you guys, go out and begreat today, tom.
Thank you, buddy, thank you,brother, everyone else.
(01:01:00):
Have an awesome day.
Bye, you guys.
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