January 16, 2025 • 50 mins
Ever wondered how your past could be shaping your present and holding you back from future success? Join us in a compelling conversation with licensed therapist Jason VanRuler, the insightful mind behind "Get Past Your Past," as we uncover the hidden barriers of self-limiting beliefs and past traumas. Jason passionately discusses the intricacies of building healthier relationships not just with people, but with everyday elements like food and finances.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
CJ Wehrkamp (00:00):
What if we could get past our past, break
self-limiting beliefs, embraceour uniqueness and finally
achieve the goals, the desiresand the dreams that we have?
Well, friend, the truth is thatyou can, and in today's episode
I sit down with a good friendof mine.
Jason Van Ruler, who is alicensed therapist, wrote the
(00:23):
book Get Past your Past, and heis helping us understand how you
can do exactly that.
Let's dive in to today'sepisode.
Well, jason, welcome to theshow my friend.
Jason Van Ruler (00:58):
This has been so good.
I've been looking forward tothis conversation, so thanks for
having me on.
CJ Wehrkamp (01:02):
Yeah, that's good.
I feel like just certaincircumstances have aligned where
it's allowed us to reallyconnect in a way where this is
going to be more impactful thanif it just been.
Hey, I've seen Jason do amazingwork.
I'd love to get him on my show,but I feel like we've been able
to have some conversationsleading up to this where we're
going to really be able to helpa lot of people, because what
(01:25):
I've learned about you is yourheart is gold, you want to do it
for the right reasons and youtruly want to make an impact so
that people can live just abetter, more meaningful life,
and so I really appreciate thatabout you.
Jason Van Ruler (01:38):
Oh well, thank you so much, and I feel the same
way about you.
I mean, getting to know youbetter has just shown me you're
passionate about people and yourvision, and not only that, but
about relationships, which issomething I'm passionate about.
CJ Wehrkamp (01:51):
So it's been a good connection.
Yeah, absolutely Real quick.
I guess, jason, for maybeanyone that doesn't know, you go
ahead and just give us a quickone to two minute overview what
do you do and why do you do it?
Jason Van Ruler (02:02):
if you would, yeah, well, that's a great
question and some days it's hardto answer.
The short answer is I'm atherapist, but I also speak and
I've written a book and love towrite and do social media, and
so I do a lot of differentthings, but at the end of the
day, I think the thing I try todo most is just help people have
healthier relationships.
Yeah, and that's something I'vebeen passionate about my whole
(02:25):
entire life.
Yeah, ever since being a littlekid, I just felt like boy, if I
could help people have betterrelationships, that'd be great
and then have them on my own.
Yeah, so I was the kid inmiddle school where everyone's
like I don't know what to tellthis girl, jason what am I
supposed to say?
CJ Wehrkamp (02:43):
And I'm like write this in the note.
Jason Van Ruler (02:45):
You know, I don't know, but that's just been
something on my heart for along time, and so, whatever I do
, I think I do it around thisidea that healthier
relationships could change theworld, and so that drives my
activity.
CJ Wehrkamp (02:56):
Yeah, I love that and I I've said this multiple
times and it kind of ends upbeing something that I say more
than I probably even realize.
But I feel that life is meantto be a team sport.
I feel that you need amazingpeople in your life to help you
through life, because life canbe challenging, right, and I'm
(03:17):
sure in the work you do, youhear the gamut of it, you hear
all the different things thatpeople are going through, and so
it's navigating thoserelationships, obviously, yes,
with humans, but then ourrelationship with all the things
, our relationship with food,our relationship with finances,
our relationship with you nameit and relationships I feel are
(03:38):
so much more controlling in ourlives, or can be, than we even
realize Totally, yeah, I meanour whole life is relationship?
Jason Van Ruler (03:46):
Yeah, and it's.
I think we don't know how to dothat well, or we haven't had a
good role model.
We just replicate where we comefrom.
And if you want to talk aboutwhat is hard to do, it is hard
to be different if you don'thave people that support you.
Yeah, right, I mean, especiallyaround fitness.
If you're surrounded by peoplewho don't care about fitness,
good luck, right, because you'reswimming upstream and that's
(04:07):
really hard to do when peoplearen't helping you.
And so, whether it's fitness orit's emotional health or
wellness or relationships, Ithink at the end of the day,
like what's always said and it'scliche, but it's true is we
become the people we spend timewith, and I think sometimes, if
we're not careful, we forgetthat.
CJ Wehrkamp (04:22):
Yeah, absolutely.
Your surrounding is soimportant and, speaking of that,
one thing I really wanted todive into with you today is
something about past traumas.
Your book Get Past your Past ishelping people understand that
your past doesn't have to beyour future and that you really
(04:42):
are in control of writing yourstory, doesn't have to be your
future and that you really arein control of writing your story
.
And I feel, though and I'm notthe expert in this area, but
even for me is my belief of whoI am has had to change so many
times for me to become who I amtoday, and I have had imposter
syndrome, and I have had thesedifferent limiting beliefs that
(05:03):
I've dealt with.
But in the field that you workwith past traumas past anything
I guess that people go throughthat kind of helped that set the
tone for their life.
What have you been able to find, as do people really have these
past traumas that then evenmake it hard for them to
(05:25):
navigate health and fitness.
Jason Van Ruler (05:27):
Yeah, definitely, definitely, because
I think it becomes who we areand it becomes the thing that
guides us, whether weacknowledge that or not.
Right, if you can imagine ifyou broke your leg as a kid but
you never had it set, you neverfixed it, you never had a cast,
how would that impact you as anadult?
Yeah Right, well, running wouldbe really hard, right, you'd
probably be in constant pain,you'd have all these issues
(05:48):
because you never really dealtwith it.
And trauma and wounding as akid is a lot the same.
Right, it's sort of like theseare the broken bones.
But I think when it comes to,like, our emotional health, we
tend to say just just walk itoff.
Yeah Right, you're like my legis broken, hey, just walk it off
.
And so we get so used towalking it off that it becomes a
part of who we are, yeah, andthen we don't even realize it's
broken, yeah Right.
(06:09):
And so we get into these placeswhere we struggle because the
life we're leading isn't the onewe're called to, sure, but it's
the only one we can live if wedon't deal with our stuff.
CJ Wehrkamp (06:19):
Yeah, where do you think the get past your past,
your whole book, the wholeeverything that you wrote about?
Why was that what you were?
Because you told me you gotsome more books coming that
you're working on, but why wasthat kind of what you wrote
about first?
Jason Van Ruler (06:38):
Yeah, because I think that's the origin of all
of it, right?
So often I would work withpeople and they would tell me a
story about their childhood, orthey'd tell me a story about
past hurt and they'd never dealtwith it.
And then, wouldn't you know it,they'd tell me a story about
today and it would be the exactsame thing, right?
CJ Wehrkamp (06:50):
They'd say like I don't know.
Jason Van Ruler (06:51):
It's the weirdest thing.
I grew up in a broken home andnow I'm in a broken relationship
.
Yeah, like I wonder where thatcame from.
And so part of the reason Iwanted to talk about that is
because if we don't change that,it just impacts and influences
everything else.
Right, I can teach you all thecommunication skills and
conflict skills, but if what'sunderpinning that is broken,
you're going to go back to itand really, kind of selfishly,
(07:14):
this was all the result of myown work too, because I lived it
right.
So not only professionally am Ipassionate about it, but I had
my own brokenness, and so Ilooked at what's made the
biggest impact for me, and it'sbeen dealing with the things
that made an impact on me when Iwas younger.
CJ Wehrkamp (07:29):
Sure, you know.
I think that that's superimpactful to just recognize.
We have to recognize when thereare past issues that we need to
deal with.
But how does a person do thatif they don't?
Because if we knew what weneeded to fix, you would assume
that we'd fix it.
So I'm somewhat led to believethat so many of us, we get into
(07:53):
these cycles of life where wekeep seeing the same behaviors
and the same patterns, butsomehow we're not seeing it.
So how can we start torecognize?
When do we realize when?
Oh hey, there's something Ishould probably dig into how can
you recognize?
Jason Van Ruler (08:09):
that.
Yeah, that's a really goodquestion and I mean, I think
people want to change.
They just don't know how.
Yeah, but I think the firstplace we look is where am I
stuck?
Okay.
And then to really just ask adeeper question of why do I
think I'm stuck?
Yeah, so many people haveproblem awareness.
They question of why do I thinkI'm stuck?
Yeah, so many people haveproblem awareness.
Like, this is the problem andI'm sticking with the problem.
But my question is alwayswhat's underneath that?
(08:29):
Sure, right, so look under thatand say, like, what do I think
that's really about?
And you can talk to a friend ora trusted mentor or therapist
or anybody, but it's starting.
To ask a different question isusually the first step.
Yeah, right, just acknowledgingthe problem doesn't fix
anything, right?
If you say hey, my leg's broken.
Like that doesn't heal your leg, it just tells us you have an
issue, right, and so I think, atthe end of the day, like asking
(08:52):
asking better questions, askingquestions about where it comes
from is really the start of thatprocess.
CJ Wehrkamp (08:58):
Yeah, asking questions can be difficult, yeah
, right, especially thequestions to someone that can
help you.
And you know, I feel like for awhile, and maybe even still to
this day, there is somethinglike a negative kind of weight
that goes along with, likeseeing a mental health therapist
(09:18):
.
Like there's this negative kindof feeling of like oh, you are
seeing a mental health therapist, like you must be messed up.
But I of like, oh, you areseeing a mental health therapist
, like you must be messed up.
But I feel like that's totallynot the truth and, if I'm being
honest, I think all of us, youknow, should have somebody that
we're going to that's helping usnavigate through the issues.
So how do we help?
(09:40):
How do we help someone realizeit's okay to ask questions and
get the help.
Jason Van Ruler (09:46):
Yeah, and that's tough because, again, it
kind of depends on where we grewup and what we've been taught
you know as a midwesterner mywhole life.
You know we don't ask for help.
That's sort of against therules.
You just do it yourself, and soit can feel like you're doing
the wrong thing.
To tell someone you'restruggling, yeah, but here's
what I know just in my work andwork with lots of different
people, is people connect onstruggles.
(10:07):
Yeah, I wish it were different.
Right, but people don't reallyconnect on success, they connect
on struggles.
If you think about people inyour life in moments where you
felt most deeply connected.
It was probably over a struggle, yeah, right.
And what we do instead is wesay, well, I'll only tell the
success.
Yeah, and it makes it hard toget close to people and so I
don't think you have to walkaround telling everybody your
(10:28):
problems.
Right, that's not my suggestion,but, but I think you have to
tell people who care, who couldhelp you about what's really
going on.
Yeah, and sometimes it's aneasy fix.
You know, the thing that Iwould say is like, yes, I am
kind of the dentist of themental health world.
Right, nobody's excited to seeme.
They're not like, oh, I can'twait to see Jason.
It's more like I got a cavity Igot to work on and I get it.
(10:50):
But here's the question I'd askIf you dealt with the cavity
and it saved your marriage,would it be worth it?
Yeah, yeah, if you dealt withthe cavity and you achieve your
goal, would it be worth it?
And so I think at the end ofthe day, like, if you're trying
a bunch of stuff that hasn'tworked, why not try something
new?
CJ Wehrkamp (11:08):
Yeah, I think to that point.
I would love to drive home thefacts for people, everybody
watching or listening I can'tsay everybody, I don't want to
talk in absolutes but so manypeople have tried something for
their health and their fitnessand they've tried this program
or they've tried that programand holy smokes, jason.
You know as well as I do you.
You go on the internet and youcan find a different diet for
(11:31):
any different way to live.
You can find a differentexercise.
You can stand on a shakingplate and lose weight.
You can do.
Jason Van Ruler (11:38):
That Doesn't work.
That works.
It works for somebody.
It had to work.
It works for somebody somewhere, yeah.
CJ Wehrkamp (11:43):
And so if somebody's tried a one of these
other things and it hasn'tworked to your point, what you
just said is try something else,right, right, and so I don't
know if fit body is going to bethe solution, I don't know if
yoga, if whatever, but we needto be willing to try new things.
How do you encourage someonethat is so against, like I've
(12:05):
tried all the things and andthey haven't, I'm done trying.
How do you encourage someone toreset that mindset?
Jason Van Ruler (12:13):
Yeah, I mean, I think the decision at that
point is just change or acceptthe circumstance.
CJ Wehrkamp (12:18):
Yeah Right, so I just say like hey, that's no
problem.
Jason Van Ruler (12:20):
Does that mean we're accepting where you're at?
Yeah, right, well, yes, I amOkay.
Well, then I mean it's not awhole lot to talk about, right.
But if they say, well, I'vetried everything and I refuse to
accept it, all we can really dois try one more thing, try
something else, and I think, atthe end of the day, that's
actually the beauty of life istrying new things.
That's where you meet newpeople, you have new
relationships.
But a lot of people are afraidof that.
(12:41):
And so when someone says to me,well, I've tried everything, my
knee-jerk response is usuallywell, show me the list.
Yeah, is usually well, show methe list, yeah.
Okay, show me the list.
How many things are there?
And I gotta tell you, not manypeople ever have a list Right.
They have one thing or twothings and I just like, maybe
those are great efforts, but nowlet's try another thing, yeah,
and you never know.
CJ Wehrkamp (12:59):
also, too, the different circumstances in life.
You may finally try one of thesame things you've already tried
, but just the differentcircumstances and where you're
at in life play out different.
And this time it might work.
Yeah Right, because sometimesI'm sure you've even in your
business, have talked withsomebody and they just weren't
(13:20):
ready to to make that change.
And then life, and they comeback and maybe now it's like wow
, here we are, a couple of yearslater and you are just doing
amazing and and it was becausethe circumstances and they
weren't ready to make thatchange.
And so how do we get ready tomake a change?
How do we know when we're ready?
Jason Van Ruler (13:40):
Well, that's a good question.
You're tired of living howyou've been living, yeah, yeah,
that's the start, and I think Ilove what you brought up,
because not many people talkabout that is, we're not always
going to get the result we want.
Yeah, sometimes it's just notgoing to be for us at that time.
But to your point, sometimespeople come back and they say,
jason, you know, we spoke, Iwasn't ready, I'm ready now and
everything's different.
(14:00):
Yep, and I go.
I'm still the same guy, like myjokes are still the same.
I think we all have that.
You know, I've been that personwhere I've gone.
Man, I hear it, it's true, Ijust not really willing to
listen to it yet, and so I thinkjust the willingness to keep
(14:21):
trying is really the core thing,and then openness and being
willing to be curious is reallyhelpful too.
CJ Wehrkamp (14:28):
Yeah, absolutely, and I think that's such good
advice to people is, as long asyou're willing to keep trying,
you will eventually get there.
Yep, you know, when I wastalking with Nate I don't know
if you know Nate Welch, I meanyou know him, but I don't know
how well you know him he was atthe ResGen men's retreat that we
got to be on a few months backnow men's retreat that we got to
(14:53):
be on a few months back now.
But we were talking about somany times.
We all see the success ofeverything, because that's what
life is anymore.
Like you just said, everybodyhighlights their success.
We don't see what it took forthat person to get there, and so
if you're not at the successthat you want to be at, then
guess what?
You're somewhere in thatjourney that no one's sharing,
and so you keep going andeventually you're going to be
(15:14):
able to tell that story of howyou finally reached the
relationship that you're afterreached the weight loss that
you're after reached that insertany goal, and you'll get to
share that as long as you don'tgive up.
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (15:27):
Right, yeah, most people talk about the
beginning or the end.
Yeah, they don't talk about themessy middle.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, most people talk aboutthe beginning or the end.
Yeah, they don't talk about themessy middle.
Yeah, and the messy middle is solonely because you're seemingly
in there all on your own right.
It's like I'm in the placewhere I'm doing the pushups and
I'm not losing weight or I'meating better, but it's not
changing a whole lot.
People don't talk about thatbecause the best time to talk
about a problem is when you'vesolved it already.
(15:49):
Yeah, hey, here's a problemI've got.
I solved it like a year ago,but I want to tell you that's
kind of what we do, yeah, or wejust talk about the problem,
yeah, not.
A lot of people say I've got aproblem, I'm like halfway
through working through it andman, it's kind of messy right
now.
It's not my favorite.
That conversation doesn'thappen, but if it did, we'd get
the encouragement we needed.
CJ Wehrkamp (16:08):
Absolutely, and when you surround yourself by
people that want to see the bestin you, they want to like be
like encouraging you that youknow what it's messy right now,
yeah, but you're keeping yourhead up, you're keeping on going
, and that is what's needed, andso that's why it's really good
to talk about that stuff whenyou're in the middle of it.
Jason Van Ruler (16:25):
Yeah, definitely.
CJ Wehrkamp (16:30):
And I feel like, for you, probably more than most
, you get to talk about themessy middle, because people
come to you to talk about thatright, and so you're able to
help see all the mess thatpeople go through, and then
you're also able to see wherethey come out on the other side.
You know, one thing I'd love totalk about, jason, is you talk
about relationships and how.
It's always, since you wereyoung, something that led you in
(16:54):
a positive direction that youreally wanted to focus more on.
When did you decide that youwanted to go into the field that
you're in now?
Jason Van Ruler (17:03):
Wow.
Well, I decided I want to be atherapist when I was eight.
For real.
For real.
I have a journal because Ijournaled at eight, which should
have been my first clue I'mprobably going to be a therapist
, but I literally journaled.
I want to be a therapist, Iwant to help people.
I journaled about what I wantmy office to look like.
I want to write a book Like I.
I really did it and I alwaysjoke with people.
(17:23):
It's cause I dress like atherapist already, so I was
already in the field and I wasan overthinker.
So I was like, if I could getpaid to do what I do, naturally
this is, oh, this is gonna besuch a good fit, but I think I
always want to do that.
I had a business for a whileand so I pursued a different
path, but I just felt called,and I think it was really when I
just surrendered to the life Iwas called to that it led me
(17:44):
back to therapy.
Therapy has been reallyimpactful in my own life and so
you know, a thing is, when youwork through a hard thing, you
want to help other people workthrough it.
Yeah, there's something reallyredeeming about you.
Know I I'm a guy.
I've I've gained a lot ofweight.
I've lost a lot of weight.
I love to see people lose weight, you probably do too Right
Cause I know what it feels like,yeah, and so I think therapy
(18:05):
was like that for me where I go.
Oh, it could be easier, and letme help.
CJ Wehrkamp (18:09):
Yeah, absolutely.
So you kind of like felt thatcalling when you were eight.
Yeah, you said you led on tohaving a different business.
It sounds like, yeah, can I askwhat was that business?
Jason Van Ruler (18:20):
Yeah, yeah, I was in recruiting, so I was
connecting people with jobs, soit was still relational it was
just a little bit different.
So I love that and that wasgreat.
But for me I just thought, likeI'm a big origin guy.
So I go what is the origin ofthis and how do I get to the
heart of the matter?
And so recruiting was great,but it wasn't really the heart
of the matter, sure, and so Ithink I became kind of a
(18:42):
therapeutic recruiter where I gowell, tell me about why you
want the new job, and we'd havethese really deep conversations
and I just felt like that'sactually what I want.
Yeah, I don't care about thejob part so much, I just want to
help you get better.
And so that led me back to it.
CJ Wehrkamp (18:56):
Yeah, that's awesome.
So when did you go intobusiness for yourself?
Jason Van Ruler (19:02):
Yeah, so that was in my twenties.
And then I got married.
And shortly after gettingmarried I went to my wife and I
just said, hey, wouldn't it beso cool if I became a therapist?
And I made like half of what Imake now.
And I remember she's loved meso much and she's like, oh yeah,
that sounds really cool.
And I was like, but what if Ispend a lot of money on college
(19:23):
tuition first?
And she's like, this is you'rereally selling me on this?
And so at that time it justseemed like a big dream.
But I went to school, Ifinished my bachelor's, I got my
master's, I got anothermaster's.
Like I just kept taking thenext step.
Yeah, and here I am today.
Yeah, but I can't say I knewI'd be here today.
Yeah Right, I might havevisualized being a therapist and
(19:43):
fitness journey, because to me,what that sounds like is like
you want to lose a hundredpounds.
CJ Wehrkamp (20:00):
You don't know that you'll actually be there, but
you visualized it.
So you visualized that youwanted to be a mental health
therapist or a therapist, andthen you just kept taking the
next step.
So how do you, how could wehelp somebody watching or
listening that wants to make abig change in their health or
fitness?
How can we help them understandthat that big goal needs to
happen?
But that can't be the onlything we fixate on.
(20:22):
What would be your advice onthat?
Jason Van Ruler (20:24):
That's a really good question, cause I think,
especially around weight loss,we get so focused on a number,
right, it's I want to lose Xamount of pounds and I'm unhappy
until I get there.
And I think for a lot of us,maybe you lose 110, maybe you
lose 90, maybe you know, I don'tknow what is success, right?
So I think it's good to havethe larger goal, but then just
to say, like, life is actuallythe process.
(20:46):
Yeah, the goal is great, lifeis the process.
And so if you're looking to dosomething big, the challenge is
you don't know what you don'tknow.
Yep, so I have encounteredproblems and obstacles to get
here today.
I never could have expected,yeah, I just not like I could
not have planned on having them,but I just had them and I
worked through them.
Yeah.
So I think what I tell a lot ofpeople whether it's fitness or
(21:06):
whatever it is, you just takethe next right step.
Yeah, if fitness or whatever itis, you just take the next
right step.
And if you don't know what itis, ask.
And you ask somebody who'slikely to know, right?
So if I were, you know, wantingto lose a hundred pounds and I
didn't know what to do.
I'd call you and I'd say, hey,what's the next step I should
take?
And then I do it.
And so I tell a lot of peopleI'm actually a pretty simple guy
.
I feel like, how'd you do allthis thing?
(21:26):
And I had people to tell mewhat to do along the way.
Yeah, yeah, and that's, that'sreally it.
It's that simple if you want itto be.
CJ Wehrkamp (21:33):
Yeah, just keep on taking one step, asking for help
.
You know, when I think aboutkind of where I'm at with Fit
Body and and where we've beenable to to grow to, I think that
I've been able to get therebecause I just ask for help,
like I don't know, I don't knowwhat to do, and I'm okay with
that, but I'm going to findsomeone that'll help me and I'll
(21:54):
just ask, and I almost thinkthat my uh, unknowledge, if
that's a word it is now.
Jason Van Ruler (22:00):
Okay, it is now market my unknowledge.
CJ Wehrkamp (22:03):
So me not knowing what to do, has actually been a
superpower to me.
It's like I don't know what todo, so I'm going to ask anybody,
and when that person tells mesomething, does it feel right,
I'll try it.
And if it doesn't work, I don'tmean stop, I go find someone
else like, hey, what would youdo?
And.
And we just keep on asking thatquestion.
So I love that and I think that, like you said, you wanted to
(22:26):
be where you're at today.
Wanted to be where you're attoday years ago.
If it happened, sweet, awesome.
If it didn't happen, hey, lifeis the process and I can enjoy
the journey.
Can you help speak to, though?
Jason Van Ruler (22:47):
how can we enjoy the journey when the
journey isn't?
CJ Wehrkamp (22:48):
enjoyable.
Why isn't enjoyable?
What is what is not enjoyableabout it?
We're hitting walls, we'regetting setbacks, we feel that
we're trying what people aretelling us and it isn't clicking
.
I'm not happy with eating thefood that my coach is telling me
to eat.
It just feels like we'rehitting all these roadblocks
because people get into slums,right yeah.
(23:10):
So how do we help them enjoythat when, in their mind, it's
not enjoyable?
Jason Van Ruler (23:16):
Yeah, I think you have to redefine that.
So I think we tell ourselveswhat to think about what we're
doing and so if you go, I'mgoing to hate this you probably
will.
I'm going to be miserable.
Okay, you probably will.
I think the other thing that'sreally been a life changer for
me is I see new things,especially hard things, as just
data.
Yeah, so I go, I'm justcollecting data, I'm going to
(23:37):
try this thing.
I have no idea if it's going towork, probably it's not going
to be my favorite, but it's datato see if it worked or not.
Yeah, so I'm going to go dothis thing, I'm going to eat
this thing and I'm going to seewhat happens.
Yeah.
And so what I tell myself is,instead of I have to do this to
get a specific outcome, I saywhat I'm actually doing is
research.
Yeah, so it's just research tosee what works, trying and some
(23:59):
things will work and some thingswon't work, but it's all just
good data.
No-transcript.
(24:19):
I only, I can only be happy,yep, and if something doesn't
make me happy, I can't do it.
Yeah, all right.
Well, that's not going to lastlong, right.
We're soon going to be reallyuncomfortable and unhappy, and
so what I'll say to people isthere are places where your
emotions should drive right.
There are places where youshould say, like how I feel
about something matters the mostYep, then there are places
(24:40):
where how you feel about thingsshouldn't matter the most, okay.
Okay, how I feel about eatingice cream is I love it, totally
want to do it.
CJ Wehrkamp (24:47):
Yeah, I love that too.
Jason Van Ruler (24:48):
But if I want to lose weight, how I feel
doesn't matter, right, okay,cause what matters more is it's
not going to help me do that,yeah, yeah.
And so what happens issometimes we have to say it's
okay to have a feeling I don'tact on, yeah, right, sometimes,
how I feel doesn't matter.
If you think about, like, whenyou go to the doctor and you're
going to have surgery, do youcare how your surgeon feels?
CJ Wehrkamp (25:08):
Nope, no, nobody's going like hey how are you doing
?
Jason Van Ruler (25:10):
I want to talk about your feelings.
Right, you just go.
Hey, can you do your job or not?
Right, right.
And so some things in our lifeare just can you do your job or
not?
Yeah, if this is the plan and Ineed to run or I need to lift,
can you do it?
Yeah.
And the feeling part.
I mean, it's not that yourfeelings don't matter, but they
don't need to guide us here,absolutely.
CJ Wehrkamp (25:28):
Where did that come from?
Where did the fact that weallow our feelings to dictate
our level of happiness, like,where do you think that comes
from?
Because I do think that it isway more apparent in everybody's
life than we even realize,because I do it in my own life.
If I'm going through adifficult period with my wife,
(25:49):
man, now we're just arguing andwe're not happy and it's like
well, why, we just havedifference of opinions.
It doesn't mean that we need toargue, it doesn't mean we need
to not be happy.
So where is this logic comingfrom?
Where we think we need to letour feelings dictate our level
of happiness?
Jason Van Ruler (26:06):
Yeah, I mean, I think it comes from being
comfortable.
You know a lot of us in thesegenerations now we've had it, so
that we have some sense ofcomfort and stability.
Yeah, and so when you have somesense of comfort and stability
and I know story's different foreverybody Some people would say
, well, I have it, jason, butjust generally speaking, when
you have that, you can start tothink about feelings.
Yeah, right, if you think about, like in the world wars, no one
(26:28):
was asking how you felt, yeah,they're just trying to get by,
right, Nobody was like hey, doyou feel good about this, or how
do you feel Didn't matter,right?
So we get to this place now,where we go, hey, our feelings
matter, and we did the thing wealways do, which is we go a
little too far and we say, nowour feelings are everything.
Yeah, and the problem with that?
(26:55):
Is what we recognize is likethe opposite of one extreme is
another, and so now we findourself in a place where we go
man, if I just only makedecisions based off my feelings.
CJ Wehrkamp (26:59):
I'm unhappy with that too, and so really the gold
is learning how to discern whento switch.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
It's understanding how tonavigate that, because it's not
always bad, no, but it's notalways good.
Jason Van Ruler (27:07):
And and can you , can you feel uncomfortable and
do it anyway?
Yeah, so that's always thequestion I'm asking myself.
So I'm like, oh, I don't wantto do this, I don't like it, I'm
uncomfortable.
And the question is am Iallowed to feel uncomfortable
and do it anyway, because I knowit's right?
CJ Wehrkamp (27:20):
Yeah, and who allows you?
Right, you said am I allowed to?
Who's that person?
That's me, that's you, yeah,that's me.
It's so important to understandthat.
Um, you know, I, I, I feel thatfeelings are huge.
Um, how does a person start toaccept who they are?
(27:41):
Because the world we live in,social media oh my goodness, man
, like everything, is you needto be this way or that way, or
dress this way or dress that way.
So how can a person becomeconfident in who they are to
then be able to truly achievetheir goals?
Because I feel like one thingand it isn't talked about a ton,
but I feel like we're so manyof us are trying to achieve
(28:04):
somebody else's success.
Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, right,yeah.
How do we learn that we need todefine our own success and that
that's what needs to be whatwe're after?
Yeah, how can we learn?
Jason Van Ruler (28:18):
Yeah, well, it's the difference between
looking at it as a, as a map, ora blueprint, right?
A blueprint tells us exactlywhat to do to build something.
A lot of people find somebodyelse's blueprint and they try to
build what they built.
We're looking just for a map.
We're just saying how do I getto that general area and I'll
figure out what that looks like.
So I think for a lot of people,confidence is just keeping your
word to yourself.
The easiest way to buildconfidence is to just keep your
(28:41):
word with yourself.
If you say you're going to doit, do it, stick to it or don't
say it.
And as we do that, we getconfident who we are.
I think the other thing is justrecognizing.
One of the beautiful thingsabout who we are is we're not
for everybody, and so trying tobe everybody is always going to
fail because we're unique, yep.
And so you just say who am Ireally and what do I actually
want to do?
That fits me, yeah, becausethere's nothing worse than
(29:04):
building somebody else's goaland even getting it and then
being lonely.
Yeah, I talked to so manypeople who go.
I did all the things somebodytold me to do and now I've got
everything and I hate it becauseit's not me, yeah.
And so you have to recognize,like, even if you pull it off,
which is unlikely probablyyou're not going to love it
because it's not you.
It's not you, yeah.
And so it's okay to want it tobe different, but to use other
(29:25):
people's ideas to help you getthere but get in the general
area.
CJ Wehrkamp (29:31):
Yeah, absolutely, I love that.
I absolutely love that and Imean I feel like we could keep
talking, you know?
I mean how long we've beentalking for I don't know 25, 30
minutes, or so.
I'd love to be able to talk tosomeone with you, someone
listening.
All right, I've decided I wantto make a change.
I've decided I'm going to takethe next steps.
(29:52):
Now, what, what, what do I do?
Like I've decided I want tomake a change.
I've decided I'm going to takethe next steps.
Now, what, what do I do?
Like you said, are you going toaccept the circumstances or are
you going to make a change?
That's kind of when you said,like that's where that feeling
comes from and that's where youthen decide it's time to do
something.
Let's help them lay out ablueprint that can be adapted to
them.
So, really, like you said, ablueprint or a map.
(30:13):
It is a map, but it's going tobe a blueprint that you can then
tailor to yourself.
So let's talk through that.
You've decided you're ready tochange.
Now, what, what?
Jason Van Ruler (30:23):
does the person do?
Now?
The first step should be stupid, easy to do.
It should be so easy.
You're like, of course, right.
So if you let's say, you wantto lose weight, you want to get
in, do, okay, it should be soeasy.
You're like, of course, right.
So if you let's say, you want tolose weight, you want to get in
shape, okay, how easy is it tosubmit a form online?
Yeah, well, I don't know, I'lltake about 20 seconds.
Okay, can you do that?
That's your one task today.
Yeah, and you go.
Yeah, I can do that.
Okay, well, great, you did it.
(30:43):
Yep, that's it.
Can you do the smallest thing?
So what I'm always challengingpeople to do that want to change
is to make the easiest smallestchange over and over again, so
we get more confidence.
Yeah, right, because what a lotof people do is they aim too
high or too far out and thenthey miss it right off the bat.
Sure, confidence is just blownup.
Yeah, and so I'd say what'sjust the next very, very easy
(31:07):
thing you can do, which is aneasy yes?
Yeah.
If it's not an easy yes, don'tstart there.
Sure, because the easy yes willlead to the harder yes, which
will lead to the difficult yes,and then that'll lead to change.
CJ Wehrkamp (31:18):
Okay, yeah, okay, I love that.
So we're, we're building theconfidence by just doing the
easiest thing, and I love thatbecause you're right, so many
people are like they need tochange everything.
So let's start with the smallchange.
What about the you've decidedyou're going to change?
And we've already talked aboutit and people know you are like
who you surround yourself with,so it's like oh man, let's just
(31:40):
obviously health and fitnesspodcast.
Yeah, I own the gyms.
Let's talk about that.
Let's keep that as our, as ourNorth star.
Yeah, all right, I want to makea change.
None of them do.
What do I do?
What do I do there?
How do I make that change?
Change all your friends,obviously.
Right now, today.
Is that too much to ask?
(32:01):
Group text.
Jason Van Ruler (32:03):
We're done.
No, I mean, I think it's.
Who can I surround myself with?
That's going to make it easyfor me to do this, and if it's
not my present friend group,that's fine.
Maybe that'll change down theroad.
But where do I go to find thepeople who will?
Yeah, and so you would go to afitness gym or to a community of
people who are like-minded andyou just say I've kind of got
this big goal dream and you wantto find people who go.
(32:24):
That's awesome, I want to helpyou with that, let's go.
If you're saying that and thepeople around you are like
that's stupid, don't do it.
Yeah, probably not your.
And it's okay to have more thanone friend?
Yeah, right.
So it's okay to have somefriends who go.
I don't really get it and thenhave a lot of other friends who
go.
I love this about you, like wecan live in both places.
Yeah, I've got some goodfriends who run ultra marathons
(32:45):
and I mean I would like to do it, but I don't really get it.
Yeah, Right.
I was like that's go, they'rereally helpful.
So I think it's just sort offind the people who make it easy
for you to be that person.
Yeah, yeah, cause anyresistance when we want to make
change is going to slow us down.
CJ Wehrkamp (33:02):
Yeah, can you help dive into?
I've heard this statement andI've I've been able to do it
well, uh, I think.
But how can you edit oreliminate relationships and do
you have any good advice on that?
Because, let's say, the friendgroup that you have, like that's
all you've had and that's likewhat you really feel, like is
where you're your most self at,but you know that's not the
(33:25):
group that's going to get you towhere you want to go.
And maybe some of those peopleare friends, that maybe they're
family, maybe maybe you livewith them or you see them often.
So what advice do you have withthat?
You're talking about changingyour friend group and you can
have both, but what are somegood advice you have on how you
could edit and or eliminaterelationships to move you closer
to the direction that you wantto go?
Jason Van Ruler (33:46):
Yeah, it's just basically will they tolerate
you being different?
Okay, Right.
So if I say suddenly I'm reallyinterested in fitness and I
want to lose weight and gethealthy, and my friend group
goes okay that's cool for you.
CJ Wehrkamp (33:56):
We don't we?
Jason Van Ruler (33:56):
don't really care, but that's great for you.
Yep, fine, that works.
If they say we hate that aboutyou and you're not allowed, yep,
yeah, that's difficult, right?
I think at that point it justbecomes a question of is this
what our relationship's about?
Yeah, right, is my gettinghealthy a threat to you?
And if it is, what do we dowith that?
I think, a lot of times, though, people will tolerate it.
You know they might say, oh,are you going to talk about the
(34:18):
thing again?
Oh, you can talk about wheyprotein today.
Yeah, I guess.
But.
But I think, really, it's justlooking to the people in our
life and saying can theytolerate me being different?
Can they respect that it'simportant to me, and can I have
boundaries?
And then, if the answer to thatis no, then my question is so
these are your friends, right?
CJ Wehrkamp (34:35):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (34:35):
Yeah, okay, these are your friends.
It doesn't sound like it.
CJ Wehrkamp (34:38):
So what do we do with that?
Yeah, absolutely so.
You're editing, you'reeliminating the relationships
and, more likely than not,you're keeping them.
You're keeping them, you'rejust.
They're not the ones that aregoing to be your go-to when you
have the questions about thatgoal Correct Right, that goal
Correct Right.
(34:58):
And so maybe you're not able togo out with them as often, Okay
, so now, how about this, though?
Let's talk about that personthat has made a change and now,
all of a sudden, they have founda new group that's accepting of
them, that helps them, thatdoes motivate and push them, but
now they're actually gettinglike a lot of kind of grief from
the other group because theyfeel like, now what, we're not
good enough for you.
How do you navigate that?
Jason Van Ruler (35:20):
Yeah, so good, good question, very good
question.
My answer to that is alwaysinvite people along.
Okay.
So I would just say, cj, I'vegotten a lot healthier, and that
is probably weird for you ifthat's not important to you, but
why don't you come to the gymwith me, sure?
So what I do is I just alwayssay like I want you along for
the ride, do you not want to go?
Yeah, and then I let thatperson decide.
CJ Wehrkamp (35:42):
So they go.
Jason Van Ruler (35:42):
Yeah, you've really changed and I don't want
to go with you to the new place,so I quit.
Well, that's your decision, notmine, but I'm inviting you
there, yeah, and so I think thatreally helps us identify, kind
of, who our friends are.
Is we just say, yeah, I want tospend time with you too?
It just looks like this now,and I mean, you've got good
friends, real friends.
Most of them would come withright, they might say this is
(36:05):
kind of weird, I don't reallyget it, but I really love them.
So I'm going to go, I'll try itout or I'll see, or so I think
it's just kind of discerning,like are you willing to come
along, like, are you willing tohelp them too?
CJ Wehrkamp (36:22):
Yeah, I love that.
So, yeah, taking them along,okay.
So we've kind of navigated thata little bit.
So now we've made the decision,we're taking the easy yeses.
We've talked a little bit abouthow we can navigate the friend
groups.
What do we do to?
Then you said, celebrate thesmall wins.
What does that look like?
How do you celebrate small winsto make sure that you keep on
(36:43):
doing it?
Like, what are some of yourbest practices for ways to
celebrate that are verypractical, that anybody can do?
Jason Van Ruler (36:48):
Yeah, I think it's different for everybody and
it's different depending on thething you're doing.
Right?
If you go, I'm trying to lose alot of weight and I want to
celebrate with an ice cream cake.
Yes, okay, maybe it's a littlecounter to our goal.
So I think it's what?
What way can I celebrate?
That actually empowers me tofeel better about myself.
Yeah, and some of it sometimesis just telling somebody who
(37:09):
cares and and asking them foraffirmation.
Yeah, Just saying like, hey, Ihit a weight loss goal and this
is really important.
I want to tell you about it.
Yeah, and you go cool.
I see that you guys do a reallycool thing where you celebrate
the sessions.
I always love that you celebratesessions or sometimes I think
weight loss or things like that,but find people who go hey, I
(37:30):
see you, yeah.
Yeah, I mean I thinkcelebration, you can do all the
party favors and all.
It doesn't have to be thatcomplicated.
A lot of times it's just do yousee me trying?
And then how do people see that?
And then I think for you, whatmatters, what matters to you, to
celebrate this.
CJ Wehrkamp (37:47):
Yeah, absolutely Okay.
And again, it goes back todifferent for you than it is for
me, and it doesn't have to bethe same, but so many times we
do think like, oh well, they'recelebrating this way.
Well, I am not financially ableto do that or I'm not in a
position to do that my favoritecelebration is a private jet to
Mexico, yeah, so okay.
Jason Van Ruler (38:07):
Well, I don't get to celebrate very often
right, it's like every decademaybe.
But you know.
So it's kind of like is itaccessible?
CJ Wehrkamp (38:12):
Right yeah accessible.
Jason Van Ruler (38:13):
Yeah, is it for me.
CJ Wehrkamp (38:14):
You know how does that work.
Yeah, I love that.
I think that that's great, justgreat advice.
You know, I really do feel thatyou've given some awesome,
practical, you know tips tohelping people understand that
they're on their own journey.
They don't have to let theirfeelings dictate what they do.
You know what else.
What else would you say is, aswe've been talking, is there any
(38:34):
other area that's popped up inyour mind of like you know?
I just really want someone toknow this.
Is there anything popped up inyour mind right now?
Jason Van Ruler (38:41):
Yeah, I mean, I think the thing we don't talk
about a lot is just you havepermission to reach your
potential, and some people neverhear that.
They just they're held down orthey've got these limiting
beliefs, and so what I just sayis like, if you're hearing this
and you go well, I don't know ifthat's me you have permission.
Yeah, yeah, it's a weird jobthat I have, but I spend a lot
of time just giving peoplepermission to be better.
CJ Wehrkamp (39:03):
They come in and they go like.
Jason Van Ruler (39:04):
I don't know.
I've had these experiences, Idon't know if I deserve it and I
just go.
I think you do.
CJ Wehrkamp (39:18):
Yeah thing.
I love that, you know.
That actually leads me to onemore thing I want to touch on,
and we were talking about itbefore we hit the record button,
which is, honestly, when mostof the magic happens.
But we were talking about you.
You said that these kind ofself-limiting beliefs happen so
much when we're a child and youjust happen to use we were just
talking and you just happen touse the one like what if
(39:39):
somebody says you're a fat kidand next thing you know that
narrative is playing in yourhead?
Well, now you actually end upgrowing up and you start acting
like that.
So how how can we identifyself-limiting, self-limiting
beliefs?
So, number one, let's startthere.
How can we identifyself-limiting beliefs?
So, number one, let's startthere.
How can we identifyself-limiting beliefs?
And then how can we overcomethem?
Jason Van Ruler (40:02):
Yeah, yeah.
So the question is is what I'mtelling myself helpful, okay?
And if the answer is no, thenwe got to look at it a little
bit.
So it's kind of like, well, I'mthe fat kid, okay, is that
helpful to me?
Not really, right, that's nothelpful, okay.
So then my question to peopleusually is where did that come
from?
If you always go, what are youtalking about?
I'm like, well, who told youthat?
First, was that a thing youdecided?
(40:23):
Was it something somebody saidto you?
Was it an experience you had?
But kind of go back to theorigin and then, is it true,
yeah, right.
And a lot of times what happensis there was maybe some truth
in the moment and maybe not.
But is there was maybe sometruth in the moment and maybe
not?
but sometimes we just take awayfrom that experience that we are
that person, because what kidsdo is everything's about them.
If you have kids and there's aproblem, they assume it's to do
(40:47):
with them.
One of my favorite things tosay like, hey, there's this
issue and all my kids are like,well, I didn't do it.
Why did they say that?
Because they just imagine ifthere's an issue, they must be
responsible.
CJ Wehrkamp (40:56):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (40:56):
So what we do as kids is, when we hear a
problem, we just believe it mustbe us.
CJ Wehrkamp (41:01):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (41:01):
And so if the problem is, you know, I'm the
fat kid, we go well, I'm the fatkid, right?
We don't think, well, maybethat person's just mean, or
maybe that person's got aproblem with their own weight,
or we don't ask those questions,we just assume it's us Sure,
and so it's really helpful tojust say, like is it helpful, is
it true, whose voice is that,and do I want it to be the same
(41:22):
going forward?
Yeah, so if I don't like thisabout myself, what is a more
helpful thing to say, right?
Well, it's, maybe I'vestruggled my way in the past,
but I don't have to.
Maybe that's the more helpfulthing thing.
CJ Wehrkamp (41:39):
Or I'm changing that, or we have to just look at
like what we tell ourselfbecomes true because we make it
true.
So do you have any awesomeninja therapist tricks that help
a person redefine theirself-belief?
What?
What helps a person?
Okay?
Okay, cool, I've now recognizedthat what I'm telling myself
isn't helping me.
I've now recognized that Ishould probably change that
narrative, but I'm juststruggling.
(42:00):
I still.
I tell myself you know, yeah, Idon't need to be the fat kid.
I've always felt like I was andI've allowed that to be a
belief of mine.
I heard Jason say I don't needthat to be, but I'm just
struggling to believe that I'manything else.
Jason Van Ruler (42:14):
Yeah, what's a ninja therapist trick?
Oh, I don't know if it's ninja,but I'll tell you this what
evidence do you have to provethat wrong?
Okay, so sometimes thechallenge we have is it's hard
to change a limiting belief ifwe're not doing anything to
change it.
Okay, so, if you go, I'vealways felt like I'm out of
shape and I go okay, well,when's the last time you worked
out?
You're like well, I don't workout.
(42:35):
Okay, I might be kind ofaccurate then.
So part of it is we need tocounter that belief with fact,
and that's the easiest way tofix it.
Yeah, is you go?
Well, I'm not that person,because here's five things that
I'm doing to try to work throughit.
The other thing is a friend ofmine, john Acuff, wrote a book
called Soundtracks and it talksa lot about this.
(42:55):
So reading that book couldreally help you.
But I think it's justrecognizing like you have the
ability to set what's true aboutyourself as an adult.
You didn't as a kid, you justhad to believe it.
But as an adult, you get tochoose.
You're the architect, and soyou get to choose that.
And what do you choose it to be?
And I think too, if you're afaith person, you might say what
(43:16):
is God telling you about this,you know, is that a message from
God that I'm this bad thing?
Probably not right.
So then that's probably nothelpful to me.
CJ Wehrkamp (43:24):
Yeah, I love that, you know.
Just tying it back to what doesGod say this?
It was a while back and I wasstanding over and we kind of
showed you the little conferencearea that I have in this
building.
But I was standing over thereand I had this thought of man,
you know, I actually didn'tchoose to be born.
My parents wanted to have ababy and they ended up having me
(43:48):
.
And obviously, if you have faithand if you're a believer in
Christ, you know that God is ourheavenly father.
And so then I had this thoughtof, like man, my kids also did
not choose to be born.
I wanted to have children andmy wife and I we had these kids
and me as their father.
Like I want the best for them,like I want the absolute best
(44:12):
for my children.
So then I almost had this likeoverwhelming feeling of like,
wow, if I'm a father and I wantthat for my kids, how much
amazing greatness does God, myheavenly father, want for me?
Right, and I'm like whoa, allright, I'm going to, I'm going
to go try to.
Like, what else can I do?
(44:33):
Yeah, like what?
What he's made me so unique?
And Holy smokes, I amabsolutely unique and that's
okay.
Yeah, kind of weird I don'tthink you're that weird.
Jason Van Ruler (44:43):
I mean, you're a little weird, but not that
weird, but I mean I think it's.
I think it's just that, uh,your love, no matter what, yeah,
and and some of us miss that wehave childhoods or experiences
that definitely don'tcommunicate that, but it's still
true.
We're always loved, no matterwhat, and so if we know that,
what can we do?
It's kind of that classiccoaching question of like, if
you knew you couldn't fail, whatwould you do?
(45:05):
And people go well, but it'sstill kind of true you can't
fail if you just show up asyourself.
Failure really occurs when wepretend to be somebody else and
we don't nail it because we'renot going to being yourself,
living your own life likethere's no real failure there.
CJ Wehrkamp (45:19):
You'll just end where you end.
Jason Van Ruler (45:20):
Yeah Right, this life of mine has been
better than I could have plannedit, and I'm really happy with
that.
Yeah, I'm sure there'll be hardseasons and there have been but
at the same time, it's justgreat, Jason.
CJ Wehrkamp (45:38):
I just appreciate you taking the time.
It's been just absolutely fungetting to know you.
It's been a couple of years now, you know.
Originally, I think and correctme if I'm wrong, but originally
I think you somehow stumbledupon FitBody and you, you, you
came in as a client and then westarted like attending a couple
of the same sessions.
So we were kind of like workingout together and it started off
as like a lobby conversation atthe gym.
(45:59):
We just had a lobbyconversation and next thing, you
know, that led to us grabbinglunch and then led to us kind of
staying connected through thesocials and the next thing, you
know, here we are.
And so it's just crazy to methat you never know where your
next relationship is going tocome from.
You never know when you're goingto get connected with that next
person.
That's truly going to help youand honestly, man, I don't know
(46:22):
that I've ever told you this,but your quick little relational
advices that you put on the IG,on Instagram, they've helped me
through some difficult times,even with my own relationships,
like with my wife or with myfriend, my family, and so you
know, in case you need to hearthis, which maybe you do, maybe
you don't, but keep doing whatyou're doing because your work
(46:50):
is helping so many people.
I think it's an honor to beable to say hey, not only do I
know Jason, I get to call Jasona friend and I just look forward
to connecting more.
And, man, I tell you what I'dlove to.
What I'm going to do is I'mgoing to go ahead and get some
copies of your book, because I'dlove to be able to give some of
those away, but I'd also lovefor our viewers to find your
(47:10):
book.
So I'll drop a link.
Jason Van Ruler (47:14):
But where can people find your book yeah,
anywhere books are sold, so it'syeah, it's available most every
place.
Really, yeah, but just tocomment on what you said, it
does mean a lot, um and, and Ithink, uh, when I joined your
gym, I didn't know what toexpect.
Yeah, uh, I know what I'dexperienced, but I didn't know
what to expect and it was a gamechanger for me and it was a
(47:35):
game changer for me.
Yeah, but a lot of that has todo with the community that you
have and the culture you have,and so you should just know that
forever.
How much I'm doing to changethe world, you're doing it too.
Appreciate that, and I thinkthat's what connects us well is
we both have a heart for helpingpeople be better.
Yeah, and I just saw that fromyou early on, and so I think if
people are listening to this,they're like not familiar with
you.
They should be.
Yeah, because you've been a gamechanger in my life, um, and in
(47:58):
the same way, maybe the reelshelp you.
Um, sometimes, when you'rescreaming at me to do pushups,
that was the thing I needed.
I'm serious, yeah, uh, but Ileft those and I go someone
cares, and they're pushing, yep,and sometimes that's what we
need, yeah, so, so I think toyour point.
It's like we don't know wherewe find that, but the common
theme for both of us is we justshowed up.
Yeah, I didn't know what toexpect.
(48:20):
You didn't know, we didn't knowwe'd sit here today, but we
just showed up.
CJ Wehrkamp (48:23):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (48:24):
And I think that's the start.
CJ Wehrkamp (48:25):
Yeah, and I think that's the biggest thing too and
we talked about that, youtouched on that earlier is like
I could have never known thatwhen you walked through the
doors of Fit Body, that we wouldhave gotten connected.
Many clients walk through thedoor and some relationships
happen, and sometimes I nevermeet them, right.
But we got connected and thenlife has brought us together in
(48:46):
some different circumstances,and that is the theme.
We showed up.
Yeah, you just showed up.
We showed up and we're enjoyingevery day that we've been given
, yep, and doing the best we can, not even knowing exactly what
that is to do.
But I'm going to show up todayand so if you're watching,
listening, I don't know whatyou're going through, I don't
(49:07):
know anything that's going on inyour life, but I do know that
you have the ability today toshow up and do the best you can.
Jason Van Ruler (49:15):
That's all we've given.
That's all you got, and I thinkif you know someone that knows
what they're doing and they tellyou what to do, just do it.
Yep yeah, it's not thatcomplicated, just do it and see
what happens.
CJ Wehrkamp (49:25):
Yeah, let the guard down a little bit.
Yeah, let the guard down.
Jason Van Ruler (49:27):
Try it out.
Yeah, people like that person.
CJ Wehrkamp (49:29):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (49:30):
Yeah, we're all bad actors.
Everyone's like hey, I'm notperfect.
They're always like I know, Iknow I've known you Right, and
so we have to recognize likewe're not good actors anyway.
So just let people love you.
Yeah, People see you.
CJ Wehrkamp (49:40):
Yeah, and show up the way you can and love the way
that you can love, because,however you might show up for
that person might be the waythat they need you to show up,
and you didn't even know it.
Totally, I love that.
Well, hey, this has beenawesome.
Um, I appreciate it.
I do want to drop the link downbelow for your book and then
I'd love I'm going to I want tograb five copies of your book,
cause I want to be able to dosome fun giveaways at the gym
forum.
(50:00):
And I just tell you what youguys do us a huge favor.
Go ahead like, comment andshare this episode, because that
helps Jason and myself be ableto just keep on doing what we're
doing and get exposed to morepeople, just to help more people
.
And so thank you, guys fortaking the time to spend with
Jason and I and Jason have anamazing day and all of you
(50:23):
watching, listening, viewing youguys have an amazing day as
well.
What if we could get past our past, break
self-limiting beliefs, embraceour uniqueness and finally
achieve the goals, the desiresand the dreams that we have?
Well, friend, the truth is thatyou can, and in today's episode
I sit down with a good friendof mine.
Jason Van Ruler, who is alicensed therapist, wrote the
(00:23):
book Get Past your Past, and heis helping us understand how you
can do exactly that.
Let's dive in to today'sepisode.
Well, jason, welcome to theshow my friend.
Jason Van Ruler (00:58):
This has been so good.
I've been looking forward tothis conversation, so thanks for
having me on.
CJ Wehrkamp (01:02):
Yeah, that's good.
I feel like just certaincircumstances have aligned where
it's allowed us to reallyconnect in a way where this is
going to be more impactful thanif it just been.
Hey, I've seen Jason do amazingwork.
I'd love to get him on my show,but I feel like we've been able
to have some conversationsleading up to this where we're
going to really be able to helpa lot of people, because what
(01:25):
I've learned about you is yourheart is gold, you want to do it
for the right reasons and youtruly want to make an impact so
that people can live just abetter, more meaningful life,
and so I really appreciate thatabout you.
Jason Van Ruler (01:38):
Oh well, thank you so much, and I feel the same
way about you.
I mean, getting to know youbetter has just shown me you're
passionate about people and yourvision, and not only that, but
about relationships, which issomething I'm passionate about.
CJ Wehrkamp (01:51):
So it's been a good connection.
Yeah, absolutely Real quick.
I guess, jason, for maybeanyone that doesn't know, you go
ahead and just give us a quickone to two minute overview what
do you do and why do you do it?
Jason Van Ruler (02:02):
if you would, yeah, well, that's a great
question and some days it's hardto answer.
The short answer is I'm atherapist, but I also speak and
I've written a book and love towrite and do social media, and
so I do a lot of differentthings, but at the end of the
day, I think the thing I try todo most is just help people have
healthier relationships.
Yeah, and that's something I'vebeen passionate about my whole
(02:25):
entire life.
Yeah, ever since being a littlekid, I just felt like boy, if I
could help people have betterrelationships, that'd be great
and then have them on my own.
Yeah, so I was the kid inmiddle school where everyone's
like I don't know what to tellthis girl, jason what am I
supposed to say?
CJ Wehrkamp (02:43):
And I'm like write this in the note.
Jason Van Ruler (02:45):
You know, I don't know, but that's just been
something on my heart for along time, and so, whatever I do
, I think I do it around thisidea that healthier
relationships could change theworld, and so that drives my
activity.
CJ Wehrkamp (02:56):
Yeah, I love that and I I've said this multiple
times and it kind of ends upbeing something that I say more
than I probably even realize.
But I feel that life is meantto be a team sport.
I feel that you need amazingpeople in your life to help you
through life, because life canbe challenging, right, and I'm
(03:17):
sure in the work you do, youhear the gamut of it, you hear
all the different things thatpeople are going through, and so
it's navigating thoserelationships, obviously, yes,
with humans, but then ourrelationship with all the things
, our relationship with food,our relationship with finances,
our relationship with you nameit and relationships I feel are
(03:38):
so much more controlling in ourlives, or can be, than we even
realize Totally, yeah, I meanour whole life is relationship?
Jason Van Ruler (03:46):
Yeah, and it's.
I think we don't know how to dothat well, or we haven't had a
good role model.
We just replicate where we comefrom.
And if you want to talk aboutwhat is hard to do, it is hard
to be different if you don'thave people that support you.
Yeah, right, I mean, especiallyaround fitness.
If you're surrounded by peoplewho don't care about fitness,
good luck, right, because you'reswimming upstream and that's
(04:07):
really hard to do when peoplearen't helping you.
And so, whether it's fitness orit's emotional health or
wellness or relationships, Ithink at the end of the day,
like what's always said and it'scliche, but it's true is we
become the people we spend timewith, and I think sometimes, if
we're not careful, we forgetthat.
CJ Wehrkamp (04:22):
Yeah, absolutely.
Your surrounding is soimportant and, speaking of that,
one thing I really wanted todive into with you today is
something about past traumas.
Your book Get Past your Past ishelping people understand that
your past doesn't have to beyour future and that you really
(04:42):
are in control of writing yourstory, doesn't have to be your
future and that you really arein control of writing your story
.
And I feel, though and I'm notthe expert in this area, but
even for me is my belief of whoI am has had to change so many
times for me to become who I amtoday, and I have had imposter
syndrome, and I have had thesedifferent limiting beliefs that
(05:03):
I've dealt with.
But in the field that you workwith past traumas past anything
I guess that people go throughthat kind of helped that set the
tone for their life.
What have you been able to find, as do people really have these
past traumas that then evenmake it hard for them to
(05:25):
navigate health and fitness.
Jason Van Ruler (05:27):
Yeah, definitely, definitely, because
I think it becomes who we areand it becomes the thing that
guides us, whether weacknowledge that or not.
Right, if you can imagine ifyou broke your leg as a kid but
you never had it set, you neverfixed it, you never had a cast,
how would that impact you as anadult?
Yeah Right, well, running wouldbe really hard, right, you'd
probably be in constant pain,you'd have all these issues
(05:48):
because you never really dealtwith it.
And trauma and wounding as akid is a lot the same.
Right, it's sort of like theseare the broken bones.
But I think when it comes to,like, our emotional health, we
tend to say just just walk itoff.
Yeah Right, you're like my legis broken, hey, just walk it off
.
And so we get so used towalking it off that it becomes a
part of who we are, yeah, andthen we don't even realize it's
broken, yeah Right.
(06:09):
And so we get into these placeswhere we struggle because the
life we're leading isn't the onewe're called to, sure, but it's
the only one we can live if wedon't deal with our stuff.
CJ Wehrkamp (06:19):
Yeah, where do you think the get past your past,
your whole book, the wholeeverything that you wrote about?
Why was that what you were?
Because you told me you gotsome more books coming that
you're working on, but why wasthat kind of what you wrote
about first?
Jason Van Ruler (06:38):
Yeah, because I think that's the origin of all
of it, right?
So often I would work withpeople and they would tell me a
story about their childhood, orthey'd tell me a story about
past hurt and they'd never dealtwith it.
And then, wouldn't you know it,they'd tell me a story about
today and it would be the exactsame thing, right?
CJ Wehrkamp (06:50):
They'd say like I don't know.
Jason Van Ruler (06:51):
It's the weirdest thing.
I grew up in a broken home andnow I'm in a broken relationship
.
Yeah, like I wonder where thatcame from.
And so part of the reason Iwanted to talk about that is
because if we don't change that,it just impacts and influences
everything else.
Right, I can teach you all thecommunication skills and
conflict skills, but if what'sunderpinning that is broken,
you're going to go back to itand really, kind of selfishly,
(07:14):
this was all the result of myown work too, because I lived it
right.
So not only professionally am Ipassionate about it, but I had
my own brokenness, and so Ilooked at what's made the
biggest impact for me, and it'sbeen dealing with the things
that made an impact on me when Iwas younger.
CJ Wehrkamp (07:29):
Sure, you know.
I think that that's superimpactful to just recognize.
We have to recognize when thereare past issues that we need to
deal with.
But how does a person do thatif they don't?
Because if we knew what weneeded to fix, you would assume
that we'd fix it.
So I'm somewhat led to believethat so many of us, we get into
(07:53):
these cycles of life where wekeep seeing the same behaviors
and the same patterns, butsomehow we're not seeing it.
So how can we start torecognize?
When do we realize when?
Oh hey, there's something Ishould probably dig into how can
you recognize?
Jason Van Ruler (08:09):
that.
Yeah, that's a really goodquestion and I mean, I think
people want to change.
They just don't know how.
Yeah, but I think the firstplace we look is where am I
stuck?
Okay.
And then to really just ask adeeper question of why do I
think I'm stuck?
Yeah, so many people haveproblem awareness.
They question of why do I thinkI'm stuck?
Yeah, so many people haveproblem awareness.
Like, this is the problem andI'm sticking with the problem.
But my question is alwayswhat's underneath that?
(08:29):
Sure, right, so look under thatand say, like, what do I think
that's really about?
And you can talk to a friend ora trusted mentor or therapist
or anybody, but it's starting.
To ask a different question isusually the first step.
Yeah, right, just acknowledgingthe problem doesn't fix
anything, right?
If you say hey, my leg's broken.
Like that doesn't heal your leg, it just tells us you have an
issue, right, and so I think, atthe end of the day, like asking
(08:52):
asking better questions, askingquestions about where it comes
from is really the start of thatprocess.
CJ Wehrkamp (08:58):
Yeah, asking questions can be difficult, yeah
, right, especially thequestions to someone that can
help you.
And you know, I feel like for awhile, and maybe even still to
this day, there is somethinglike a negative kind of weight
that goes along with, likeseeing a mental health therapist
(09:18):
.
Like there's this negative kindof feeling of like oh, you are
seeing a mental health therapist, like you must be messed up.
But I of like, oh, you areseeing a mental health therapist
, like you must be messed up.
But I feel like that's totallynot the truth and, if I'm being
honest, I think all of us, youknow, should have somebody that
we're going to that's helping usnavigate through the issues.
So how do we help?
(09:40):
How do we help someone realizeit's okay to ask questions and
get the help.
Jason Van Ruler (09:46):
Yeah, and that's tough because, again, it
kind of depends on where we grewup and what we've been taught
you know as a midwesterner mywhole life.
You know we don't ask for help.
That's sort of against therules.
You just do it yourself, and soit can feel like you're doing
the wrong thing.
To tell someone you'restruggling, yeah, but here's
what I know just in my work andwork with lots of different
people, is people connect onstruggles.
(10:07):
Yeah, I wish it were different.
Right, but people don't reallyconnect on success, they connect
on struggles.
If you think about people inyour life in moments where you
felt most deeply connected.
It was probably over a struggle, yeah, right.
And what we do instead is wesay, well, I'll only tell the
success.
Yeah, and it makes it hard toget close to people and so I
don't think you have to walkaround telling everybody your
(10:28):
problems.
Right, that's not my suggestion,but, but I think you have to
tell people who care, who couldhelp you about what's really
going on.
Yeah, and sometimes it's aneasy fix.
You know, the thing that Iwould say is like, yes, I am
kind of the dentist of themental health world.
Right, nobody's excited to seeme.
They're not like, oh, I can'twait to see Jason.
It's more like I got a cavity Igot to work on and I get it.
(10:50):
But here's the question I'd askIf you dealt with the cavity
and it saved your marriage,would it be worth it?
Yeah, yeah, if you dealt withthe cavity and you achieve your
goal, would it be worth it?
And so I think at the end ofthe day, like, if you're trying
a bunch of stuff that hasn'tworked, why not try something
new?
CJ Wehrkamp (11:08):
Yeah, I think to that point.
I would love to drive home thefacts for people, everybody
watching or listening I can'tsay everybody, I don't want to
talk in absolutes but so manypeople have tried something for
their health and their fitnessand they've tried this program
or they've tried that programand holy smokes, jason.
You know as well as I do you.
You go on the internet and youcan find a different diet for
(11:31):
any different way to live.
You can find a differentexercise.
You can stand on a shakingplate and lose weight.
You can do.
Jason Van Ruler (11:38):
That Doesn't work.
That works.
It works for somebody.
It had to work.
It works for somebody somewhere, yeah.
CJ Wehrkamp (11:43):
And so if somebody's tried a one of these
other things and it hasn'tworked to your point, what you
just said is try something else,right, right, and so I don't
know if fit body is going to bethe solution, I don't know if
yoga, if whatever, but we needto be willing to try new things.
How do you encourage someonethat is so against, like I've
(12:05):
tried all the things and andthey haven't, I'm done trying.
How do you encourage someone toreset that mindset?
Jason Van Ruler (12:13):
Yeah, I mean, I think the decision at that
point is just change or acceptthe circumstance.
CJ Wehrkamp (12:18):
Yeah Right, so I just say like hey, that's no
problem.
Jason Van Ruler (12:20):
Does that mean we're accepting where you're at?
Yeah, right, well, yes, I amOkay.
Well, then I mean it's not awhole lot to talk about, right.
But if they say, well, I'vetried everything and I refuse to
accept it, all we can really dois try one more thing, try
something else, and I think, atthe end of the day, that's
actually the beauty of life istrying new things.
That's where you meet newpeople, you have new
relationships.
But a lot of people are afraidof that.
(12:41):
And so when someone says to me,well, I've tried everything, my
knee-jerk response is usuallywell, show me the list.
Yeah, is usually well, show methe list, yeah.
Okay, show me the list.
How many things are there?
And I gotta tell you, not manypeople ever have a list Right.
They have one thing or twothings and I just like, maybe
those are great efforts, but nowlet's try another thing, yeah,
and you never know.
CJ Wehrkamp (12:59):
also, too, the different circumstances in life.
You may finally try one of thesame things you've already tried
, but just the differentcircumstances and where you're
at in life play out different.
And this time it might work.
Yeah Right, because sometimesI'm sure you've even in your
business, have talked withsomebody and they just weren't
(13:20):
ready to to make that change.
And then life, and they comeback and maybe now it's like wow
, here we are, a couple of yearslater and you are just doing
amazing and and it was becausethe circumstances and they
weren't ready to make thatchange.
And so how do we get ready tomake a change?
How do we know when we're ready?
Jason Van Ruler (13:40):
Well, that's a good question.
You're tired of living howyou've been living, yeah, yeah,
that's the start, and I think Ilove what you brought up,
because not many people talkabout that is, we're not always
going to get the result we want.
Yeah, sometimes it's just notgoing to be for us at that time.
But to your point, sometimespeople come back and they say,
jason, you know, we spoke, Iwasn't ready, I'm ready now and
everything's different.
(14:00):
Yep, and I go.
I'm still the same guy, like myjokes are still the same.
I think we all have that.
You know, I've been that personwhere I've gone.
Man, I hear it, it's true, Ijust not really willing to
listen to it yet, and so I thinkjust the willingness to keep
(14:21):
trying is really the core thing,and then openness and being
willing to be curious is reallyhelpful too.
CJ Wehrkamp (14:28):
Yeah, absolutely, and I think that's such good
advice to people is, as long asyou're willing to keep trying,
you will eventually get there.
Yep, you know, when I wastalking with Nate I don't know
if you know Nate Welch, I meanyou know him, but I don't know
how well you know him he was atthe ResGen men's retreat that we
got to be on a few months backnow men's retreat that we got to
(14:53):
be on a few months back now.
But we were talking about somany times.
We all see the success ofeverything, because that's what
life is anymore.
Like you just said, everybodyhighlights their success.
We don't see what it took forthat person to get there, and so
if you're not at the successthat you want to be at, then
guess what?
You're somewhere in thatjourney that no one's sharing,
and so you keep going andeventually you're going to be
(15:14):
able to tell that story of howyou finally reached the
relationship that you're afterreached the weight loss that
you're after reached that insertany goal, and you'll get to
share that as long as you don'tgive up.
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (15:27):
Right, yeah, most people talk about the
beginning or the end.
Yeah, they don't talk about themessy middle.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, most people talk aboutthe beginning or the end.
Yeah, they don't talk about themessy middle.
Yeah, and the messy middle is solonely because you're seemingly
in there all on your own right.
It's like I'm in the placewhere I'm doing the pushups and
I'm not losing weight or I'meating better, but it's not
changing a whole lot.
People don't talk about thatbecause the best time to talk
about a problem is when you'vesolved it already.
(15:49):
Yeah, hey, here's a problemI've got.
I solved it like a year ago,but I want to tell you that's
kind of what we do, yeah, or wejust talk about the problem,
yeah, not.
A lot of people say I've got aproblem, I'm like halfway
through working through it andman, it's kind of messy right
now.
It's not my favorite.
That conversation doesn'thappen, but if it did, we'd get
the encouragement we needed.
CJ Wehrkamp (16:08):
Absolutely, and when you surround yourself by
people that want to see the bestin you, they want to like be
like encouraging you that youknow what it's messy right now,
yeah, but you're keeping yourhead up, you're keeping on going
, and that is what's needed, andso that's why it's really good
to talk about that stuff whenyou're in the middle of it.
Jason Van Ruler (16:25):
Yeah, definitely.
CJ Wehrkamp (16:30):
And I feel like, for you, probably more than most
, you get to talk about themessy middle, because people
come to you to talk about thatright, and so you're able to
help see all the mess thatpeople go through, and then
you're also able to see wherethey come out on the other side.
You know, one thing I'd love totalk about, jason, is you talk
about relationships and how.
It's always, since you wereyoung, something that led you in
(16:54):
a positive direction that youreally wanted to focus more on.
When did you decide that youwanted to go into the field that
you're in now?
Jason Van Ruler (17:03):
Wow.
Well, I decided I want to be atherapist when I was eight.
For real.
For real.
I have a journal because Ijournaled at eight, which should
have been my first clue I'mprobably going to be a therapist
, but I literally journaled.
I want to be a therapist, Iwant to help people.
I journaled about what I wantmy office to look like.
I want to write a book Like I.
I really did it and I alwaysjoke with people.
(17:23):
It's cause I dress like atherapist already, so I was
already in the field and I wasan overthinker.
So I was like, if I could getpaid to do what I do, naturally
this is, oh, this is gonna besuch a good fit, but I think I
always want to do that.
I had a business for a whileand so I pursued a different
path, but I just felt called,and I think it was really when I
just surrendered to the life Iwas called to that it led me
(17:44):
back to therapy.
Therapy has been reallyimpactful in my own life and so
you know, a thing is, when youwork through a hard thing, you
want to help other people workthrough it.
Yeah, there's something reallyredeeming about you.
Know I I'm a guy.
I've I've gained a lot ofweight.
I've lost a lot of weight.
I love to see people lose weight, you probably do too Right
Cause I know what it feels like,yeah, and so I think therapy
(18:05):
was like that for me where I go.
Oh, it could be easier, and letme help.
CJ Wehrkamp (18:09):
Yeah, absolutely.
So you kind of like felt thatcalling when you were eight.
Yeah, you said you led on tohaving a different business.
It sounds like, yeah, can I askwhat was that business?
Jason Van Ruler (18:20):
Yeah, yeah, I was in recruiting, so I was
connecting people with jobs, soit was still relational it was
just a little bit different.
So I love that and that wasgreat.
But for me I just thought, likeI'm a big origin guy.
So I go what is the origin ofthis and how do I get to the
heart of the matter?
And so recruiting was great,but it wasn't really the heart
of the matter, sure, and so Ithink I became kind of a
(18:42):
therapeutic recruiter where I gowell, tell me about why you
want the new job, and we'd havethese really deep conversations
and I just felt like that'sactually what I want.
Yeah, I don't care about thejob part so much, I just want to
help you get better.
And so that led me back to it.
CJ Wehrkamp (18:56):
Yeah, that's awesome.
So when did you go intobusiness for yourself?
Jason Van Ruler (19:02):
Yeah, so that was in my twenties.
And then I got married.
And shortly after gettingmarried I went to my wife and I
just said, hey, wouldn't it beso cool if I became a therapist?
And I made like half of what Imake now.
And I remember she's loved meso much and she's like, oh yeah,
that sounds really cool.
And I was like, but what if Ispend a lot of money on college
(19:23):
tuition first?
And she's like, this is you'rereally selling me on this?
And so at that time it justseemed like a big dream.
But I went to school, Ifinished my bachelor's, I got my
master's, I got anothermaster's.
Like I just kept taking thenext step.
Yeah, and here I am today.
Yeah, but I can't say I knewI'd be here today.
Yeah Right, I might havevisualized being a therapist and
(19:43):
fitness journey, because to me,what that sounds like is like
you want to lose a hundredpounds.
CJ Wehrkamp (20:00):
You don't know that you'll actually be there, but
you visualized it.
So you visualized that youwanted to be a mental health
therapist or a therapist, andthen you just kept taking the
next step.
So how do you, how could wehelp somebody watching or
listening that wants to make abig change in their health or
fitness?
How can we help them understandthat that big goal needs to
happen?
But that can't be the onlything we fixate on.
(20:22):
What would be your advice onthat?
Jason Van Ruler (20:24):
That's a really good question, cause I think,
especially around weight loss,we get so focused on a number,
right, it's I want to lose Xamount of pounds and I'm unhappy
until I get there.
And I think for a lot of us,maybe you lose 110, maybe you
lose 90, maybe you know, I don'tknow what is success, right?
So I think it's good to havethe larger goal, but then just
to say, like, life is actuallythe process.
(20:46):
Yeah, the goal is great, lifeis the process.
And so if you're looking to dosomething big, the challenge is
you don't know what you don'tknow.
Yep, so I have encounteredproblems and obstacles to get
here today.
I never could have expected,yeah, I just not like I could
not have planned on having them,but I just had them and I
worked through them.
Yeah.
So I think what I tell a lot ofpeople whether it's fitness or
(21:06):
whatever it is, you just takethe next right step.
Yeah, if fitness or whatever itis, you just take the next
right step.
And if you don't know what itis, ask.
And you ask somebody who'slikely to know, right?
So if I were, you know, wantingto lose a hundred pounds and I
didn't know what to do.
I'd call you and I'd say, hey,what's the next step I should
take?
And then I do it.
And so I tell a lot of peopleI'm actually a pretty simple guy
.
I feel like, how'd you do allthis thing?
(21:26):
And I had people to tell mewhat to do along the way.
Yeah, yeah, and that's, that'sreally it.
It's that simple if you want itto be.
CJ Wehrkamp (21:33):
Yeah, just keep on taking one step, asking for help
.
You know, when I think aboutkind of where I'm at with Fit
Body and and where we've beenable to to grow to, I think that
I've been able to get therebecause I just ask for help,
like I don't know, I don't knowwhat to do, and I'm okay with
that, but I'm going to findsomeone that'll help me and I'll
(21:54):
just ask, and I almost thinkthat my uh, unknowledge, if
that's a word it is now.
Jason Van Ruler (22:00):
Okay, it is now market my unknowledge.
CJ Wehrkamp (22:03):
So me not knowing what to do, has actually been a
superpower to me.
It's like I don't know what todo, so I'm going to ask anybody,
and when that person tells mesomething, does it feel right,
I'll try it.
And if it doesn't work, I don'tmean stop, I go find someone
else like, hey, what would youdo?
And.
And we just keep on asking thatquestion.
So I love that and I think that, like you said, you wanted to
(22:26):
be where you're at today.
Wanted to be where you're attoday years ago.
If it happened, sweet, awesome.
If it didn't happen, hey, lifeis the process and I can enjoy
the journey.
Can you help speak to, though?
Jason Van Ruler (22:47):
how can we enjoy the journey when the
journey isn't?
CJ Wehrkamp (22:48):
enjoyable.
Why isn't enjoyable?
What is what is not enjoyableabout it?
We're hitting walls, we'regetting setbacks, we feel that
we're trying what people aretelling us and it isn't clicking
.
I'm not happy with eating thefood that my coach is telling me
to eat.
It just feels like we'rehitting all these roadblocks
because people get into slums,right yeah.
(23:10):
So how do we help them enjoythat when, in their mind, it's
not enjoyable?
Jason Van Ruler (23:16):
Yeah, I think you have to redefine that.
So I think we tell ourselveswhat to think about what we're
doing and so if you go, I'mgoing to hate this you probably
will.
I'm going to be miserable.
Okay, you probably will.
I think the other thing that'sreally been a life changer for
me is I see new things,especially hard things, as just
data.
Yeah, so I go, I'm justcollecting data, I'm going to
(23:37):
try this thing.
I have no idea if it's going towork, probably it's not going
to be my favorite, but it's datato see if it worked or not.
Yeah, so I'm going to go dothis thing, I'm going to eat
this thing and I'm going to seewhat happens.
Yeah.
And so what I tell myself is,instead of I have to do this to
get a specific outcome, I saywhat I'm actually doing is
research.
Yeah, so it's just research tosee what works, trying and some
(23:59):
things will work and some thingswon't work, but it's all just
good data.
No-transcript.
(24:19):
I only, I can only be happy,yep, and if something doesn't
make me happy, I can't do it.
Yeah, all right.
Well, that's not going to lastlong, right.
We're soon going to be reallyuncomfortable and unhappy, and
so what I'll say to people isthere are places where your
emotions should drive right.
There are places where youshould say, like how I feel
about something matters the mostYep, then there are places
(24:40):
where how you feel about thingsshouldn't matter the most, okay.
Okay, how I feel about eatingice cream is I love it, totally
want to do it.
CJ Wehrkamp (24:47):
Yeah, I love that too.
Jason Van Ruler (24:48):
But if I want to lose weight, how I feel
doesn't matter, right, okay,cause what matters more is it's
not going to help me do that,yeah, yeah.
And so what happens issometimes we have to say it's
okay to have a feeling I don'tact on, yeah, right, sometimes,
how I feel doesn't matter.
If you think about, like, whenyou go to the doctor and you're
going to have surgery, do youcare how your surgeon feels?
CJ Wehrkamp (25:08):
Nope, no, nobody's going like hey how are you doing
?
Jason Van Ruler (25:10):
I want to talk about your feelings.
Right, you just go.
Hey, can you do your job or not?
Right, right.
And so some things in our lifeare just can you do your job or
not?
Yeah, if this is the plan and Ineed to run or I need to lift,
can you do it?
Yeah.
And the feeling part.
I mean, it's not that yourfeelings don't matter, but they
don't need to guide us here,absolutely.
CJ Wehrkamp (25:28):
Where did that come from?
Where did the fact that weallow our feelings to dictate
our level of happiness, like,where do you think that comes
from?
Because I do think that it isway more apparent in everybody's
life than we even realize,because I do it in my own life.
If I'm going through adifficult period with my wife,
(25:49):
man, now we're just arguing andwe're not happy and it's like
well, why, we just havedifference of opinions.
It doesn't mean that we need toargue, it doesn't mean we need
to not be happy.
So where is this logic comingfrom?
Where we think we need to letour feelings dictate our level
of happiness?
Jason Van Ruler (26:06):
Yeah, I mean, I think it comes from being
comfortable.
You know a lot of us in thesegenerations now we've had it, so
that we have some sense ofcomfort and stability.
Yeah, and so when you have somesense of comfort and stability
and I know story's different foreverybody Some people would say
, well, I have it, jason, butjust generally speaking, when
you have that, you can start tothink about feelings.
Yeah, right, if you think about, like in the world wars, no one
(26:28):
was asking how you felt, yeah,they're just trying to get by,
right, Nobody was like hey, doyou feel good about this, or how
do you feel Didn't matter,right?
So we get to this place now,where we go, hey, our feelings
matter, and we did the thing wealways do, which is we go a
little too far and we say, nowour feelings are everything.
Yeah, and the problem with that?
(26:55):
Is what we recognize is likethe opposite of one extreme is
another, and so now we findourself in a place where we go
man, if I just only makedecisions based off my feelings.
CJ Wehrkamp (26:59):
I'm unhappy with that too, and so really the gold
is learning how to discern whento switch.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely.
It's understanding how tonavigate that, because it's not
always bad, no, but it's notalways good.
Jason Van Ruler (27:07):
And and can you , can you feel uncomfortable and
do it anyway?
Yeah, so that's always thequestion I'm asking myself.
So I'm like, oh, I don't wantto do this, I don't like it, I'm
uncomfortable.
And the question is am Iallowed to feel uncomfortable
and do it anyway, because I knowit's right?
CJ Wehrkamp (27:20):
Yeah, and who allows you?
Right, you said am I allowed to?
Who's that person?
That's me, that's you, yeah,that's me.
It's so important to understandthat.
Um, you know, I, I, I feel thatfeelings are huge.
Um, how does a person start toaccept who they are?
(27:41):
Because the world we live in,social media oh my goodness, man
, like everything, is you needto be this way or that way, or
dress this way or dress that way.
So how can a person becomeconfident in who they are to
then be able to truly achievetheir goals?
Because I feel like one thingand it isn't talked about a ton,
but I feel like we're so manyof us are trying to achieve
(28:04):
somebody else's success.
Yeah, right, yeah, yeah, right,yeah.
How do we learn that we need todefine our own success and that
that's what needs to be whatwe're after?
Yeah, how can we learn?
Jason Van Ruler (28:18):
Yeah, well, it's the difference between
looking at it as a, as a map, ora blueprint, right?
A blueprint tells us exactlywhat to do to build something.
A lot of people find somebodyelse's blueprint and they try to
build what they built.
We're looking just for a map.
We're just saying how do I getto that general area and I'll
figure out what that looks like.
So I think for a lot of people,confidence is just keeping your
word to yourself.
The easiest way to buildconfidence is to just keep your
(28:41):
word with yourself.
If you say you're going to doit, do it, stick to it or don't
say it.
And as we do that, we getconfident who we are.
I think the other thing is justrecognizing.
One of the beautiful thingsabout who we are is we're not
for everybody, and so trying tobe everybody is always going to
fail because we're unique, yep.
And so you just say who am Ireally and what do I actually
want to do?
That fits me, yeah, becausethere's nothing worse than
(29:04):
building somebody else's goaland even getting it and then
being lonely.
Yeah, I talked to so manypeople who go.
I did all the things somebodytold me to do and now I've got
everything and I hate it becauseit's not me, yeah.
And so you have to recognize,like, even if you pull it off,
which is unlikely probablyyou're not going to love it
because it's not you.
It's not you, yeah.
And so it's okay to want it tobe different, but to use other
(29:25):
people's ideas to help you getthere but get in the general
area.
CJ Wehrkamp (29:31):
Yeah, absolutely, I love that.
I absolutely love that and Imean I feel like we could keep
talking, you know?
I mean how long we've beentalking for I don't know 25, 30
minutes, or so.
I'd love to be able to talk tosomeone with you, someone
listening.
All right, I've decided I wantto make a change.
I've decided I'm going to takethe next steps.
(29:52):
Now, what, what, what do I do?
Like I've decided I want tomake a change.
I've decided I'm going to takethe next steps.
Now, what, what do I do?
Like you said, are you going toaccept the circumstances or are
you going to make a change?
That's kind of when you said,like that's where that feeling
comes from and that's where youthen decide it's time to do
something.
Let's help them lay out ablueprint that can be adapted to
them.
So, really, like you said, ablueprint or a map.
(30:13):
It is a map, but it's going tobe a blueprint that you can then
tailor to yourself.
So let's talk through that.
You've decided you're ready tochange.
Now, what, what?
Jason Van Ruler (30:23):
does the person do?
Now?
The first step should be stupid, easy to do.
It should be so easy.
You're like, of course, right.
So if you let's say, you wantto lose weight, you want to get
in, do, okay, it should be soeasy.
You're like, of course, right.
So if you let's say, you want tolose weight, you want to get in
shape, okay, how easy is it tosubmit a form online?
Yeah, well, I don't know, I'lltake about 20 seconds.
Okay, can you do that?
That's your one task today.
Yeah, and you go.
Yeah, I can do that.
Okay, well, great, you did it.
(30:43):
Yep, that's it.
Can you do the smallest thing?
So what I'm always challengingpeople to do that want to change
is to make the easiest smallestchange over and over again, so
we get more confidence.
Yeah, right, because what a lotof people do is they aim too
high or too far out and thenthey miss it right off the bat.
Sure, confidence is just blownup.
Yeah, and so I'd say what'sjust the next very, very easy
(31:07):
thing you can do, which is aneasy yes?
Yeah.
If it's not an easy yes, don'tstart there.
Sure, because the easy yes willlead to the harder yes, which
will lead to the difficult yes,and then that'll lead to change.
CJ Wehrkamp (31:18):
Okay, yeah, okay, I love that.
So we're, we're building theconfidence by just doing the
easiest thing, and I love thatbecause you're right, so many
people are like they need tochange everything.
So let's start with the smallchange.
What about the you've decidedyou're going to change?
And we've already talked aboutit and people know you are like
who you surround yourself with,so it's like oh man, let's just
(31:40):
obviously health and fitnesspodcast.
Yeah, I own the gyms.
Let's talk about that.
Let's keep that as our, as ourNorth star.
Yeah, all right, I want to makea change.
None of them do.
What do I do?
What do I do there?
How do I make that change?
Change all your friends,obviously.
Right now, today.
Is that too much to ask?
(32:01):
Group text.
Jason Van Ruler (32:03):
We're done.
No, I mean, I think it's.
Who can I surround myself with?
That's going to make it easyfor me to do this, and if it's
not my present friend group,that's fine.
Maybe that'll change down theroad.
But where do I go to find thepeople who will?
Yeah, and so you would go to afitness gym or to a community of
people who are like-minded andyou just say I've kind of got
this big goal dream and you wantto find people who go.
(32:24):
That's awesome, I want to helpyou with that, let's go.
If you're saying that and thepeople around you are like
that's stupid, don't do it.
Yeah, probably not your.
And it's okay to have more thanone friend?
Yeah, right.
So it's okay to have somefriends who go.
I don't really get it and thenhave a lot of other friends who
go.
I love this about you, like wecan live in both places.
Yeah, I've got some goodfriends who run ultra marathons
(32:45):
and I mean I would like to do it, but I don't really get it.
Yeah, Right.
I was like that's go, they'rereally helpful.
So I think it's just sort offind the people who make it easy
for you to be that person.
Yeah, yeah, cause anyresistance when we want to make
change is going to slow us down.
CJ Wehrkamp (33:02):
Yeah, can you help dive into?
I've heard this statement andI've I've been able to do it
well, uh, I think.
But how can you edit oreliminate relationships and do
you have any good advice on that?
Because, let's say, the friendgroup that you have, like that's
all you've had and that's likewhat you really feel, like is
where you're your most self at,but you know that's not the
(33:25):
group that's going to get you towhere you want to go.
And maybe some of those peopleare friends, that maybe they're
family, maybe maybe you livewith them or you see them often.
So what advice do you have withthat?
You're talking about changingyour friend group and you can
have both, but what are somegood advice you have on how you
could edit and or eliminaterelationships to move you closer
to the direction that you wantto go?
Jason Van Ruler (33:46):
Yeah, it's just basically will they tolerate
you being different?
Okay, Right.
So if I say suddenly I'm reallyinterested in fitness and I
want to lose weight and gethealthy, and my friend group
goes okay that's cool for you.
CJ Wehrkamp (33:56):
We don't we?
Jason Van Ruler (33:56):
don't really care, but that's great for you.
Yep, fine, that works.
If they say we hate that aboutyou and you're not allowed, yep,
yeah, that's difficult, right?
I think at that point it justbecomes a question of is this
what our relationship's about?
Yeah, right, is my gettinghealthy a threat to you?
And if it is, what do we dowith that?
I think, a lot of times, though, people will tolerate it.
You know they might say, oh,are you going to talk about the
(34:18):
thing again?
Oh, you can talk about wheyprotein today.
Yeah, I guess.
But.
But I think, really, it's justlooking to the people in our
life and saying can theytolerate me being different?
Can they respect that it'simportant to me, and can I have
boundaries?
And then, if the answer to thatis no, then my question is so
these are your friends, right?
CJ Wehrkamp (34:35):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (34:35):
Yeah, okay, these are your friends.
It doesn't sound like it.
CJ Wehrkamp (34:38):
So what do we do with that?
Yeah, absolutely so.
You're editing, you'reeliminating the relationships
and, more likely than not,you're keeping them.
You're keeping them, you'rejust.
They're not the ones that aregoing to be your go-to when you
have the questions about thatgoal Correct Right, that goal
Correct Right.
(34:58):
And so maybe you're not able togo out with them as often, Okay
, so now, how about this, though?
Let's talk about that personthat has made a change and now,
all of a sudden, they have founda new group that's accepting of
them, that helps them, thatdoes motivate and push them, but
now they're actually gettinglike a lot of kind of grief from
the other group because theyfeel like, now what, we're not
good enough for you.
How do you navigate that?
Jason Van Ruler (35:20):
Yeah, so good, good question, very good
question.
My answer to that is alwaysinvite people along.
Okay.
So I would just say, cj, I'vegotten a lot healthier, and that
is probably weird for you ifthat's not important to you, but
why don't you come to the gymwith me, sure?
So what I do is I just alwayssay like I want you along for
the ride, do you not want to go?
Yeah, and then I let thatperson decide.
CJ Wehrkamp (35:42):
So they go.
Jason Van Ruler (35:42):
Yeah, you've really changed and I don't want
to go with you to the new place,so I quit.
Well, that's your decision, notmine, but I'm inviting you
there, yeah, and so I think thatreally helps us identify, kind
of, who our friends are.
Is we just say, yeah, I want tospend time with you too?
It just looks like this now,and I mean, you've got good
friends, real friends.
Most of them would come withright, they might say this is
(36:05):
kind of weird, I don't reallyget it, but I really love them.
So I'm going to go, I'll try itout or I'll see, or so I think
it's just kind of discerning,like are you willing to come
along, like, are you willing tohelp them too?
CJ Wehrkamp (36:22):
Yeah, I love that.
So, yeah, taking them along,okay.
So we've kind of navigated thata little bit.
So now we've made the decision,we're taking the easy yeses.
We've talked a little bit abouthow we can navigate the friend
groups.
What do we do to?
Then you said, celebrate thesmall wins.
What does that look like?
How do you celebrate small winsto make sure that you keep on
(36:43):
doing it?
Like, what are some of yourbest practices for ways to
celebrate that are verypractical, that anybody can do?
Jason Van Ruler (36:48):
Yeah, I think it's different for everybody and
it's different depending on thething you're doing.
Right?
If you go, I'm trying to lose alot of weight and I want to
celebrate with an ice cream cake.
Yes, okay, maybe it's a littlecounter to our goal.
So I think it's what?
What way can I celebrate?
That actually empowers me tofeel better about myself.
Yeah, and some of it sometimesis just telling somebody who
(37:09):
cares and and asking them foraffirmation.
Yeah, Just saying like, hey, Ihit a weight loss goal and this
is really important.
I want to tell you about it.
Yeah, and you go cool.
I see that you guys do a reallycool thing where you celebrate
the sessions.
I always love that you celebratesessions or sometimes I think
weight loss or things like that,but find people who go hey, I
(37:30):
see you, yeah.
Yeah, I mean I thinkcelebration, you can do all the
party favors and all.
It doesn't have to be thatcomplicated.
A lot of times it's just do yousee me trying?
And then how do people see that?
And then I think for you, whatmatters, what matters to you, to
celebrate this.
CJ Wehrkamp (37:47):
Yeah, absolutely Okay.
And again, it goes back todifferent for you than it is for
me, and it doesn't have to bethe same, but so many times we
do think like, oh well, they'recelebrating this way.
Well, I am not financially ableto do that or I'm not in a
position to do that my favoritecelebration is a private jet to
Mexico, yeah, so okay.
Jason Van Ruler (38:07):
Well, I don't get to celebrate very often
right, it's like every decademaybe.
But you know.
So it's kind of like is itaccessible?
CJ Wehrkamp (38:12):
Right yeah accessible.
Jason Van Ruler (38:13):
Yeah, is it for me.
CJ Wehrkamp (38:14):
You know how does that work.
Yeah, I love that.
I think that that's great, justgreat advice.
You know, I really do feel thatyou've given some awesome,
practical, you know tips tohelping people understand that
they're on their own journey.
They don't have to let theirfeelings dictate what they do.
You know what else.
What else would you say is, aswe've been talking, is there any
(38:34):
other area that's popped up inyour mind of like you know?
I just really want someone toknow this.
Is there anything popped up inyour mind right now?
Jason Van Ruler (38:41):
Yeah, I mean, I think the thing we don't talk
about a lot is just you havepermission to reach your
potential, and some people neverhear that.
They just they're held down orthey've got these limiting
beliefs, and so what I just sayis like, if you're hearing this
and you go well, I don't know ifthat's me you have permission.
Yeah, yeah, it's a weird jobthat I have, but I spend a lot
of time just giving peoplepermission to be better.
CJ Wehrkamp (39:03):
They come in and they go like.
Jason Van Ruler (39:04):
I don't know.
I've had these experiences, Idon't know if I deserve it and I
just go.
I think you do.
CJ Wehrkamp (39:18):
Yeah thing.
I love that, you know.
That actually leads me to onemore thing I want to touch on,
and we were talking about itbefore we hit the record button,
which is, honestly, when mostof the magic happens.
But we were talking about you.
You said that these kind ofself-limiting beliefs happen so
much when we're a child and youjust happen to use we were just
talking and you just happen touse the one like what if
(39:39):
somebody says you're a fat kidand next thing you know that
narrative is playing in yourhead?
Well, now you actually end upgrowing up and you start acting
like that.
So how how can we identifyself-limiting, self-limiting
beliefs?
So, number one, let's startthere.
How can we identifyself-limiting beliefs?
So, number one, let's startthere.
How can we identifyself-limiting beliefs?
And then how can we overcomethem?
Jason Van Ruler (40:02):
Yeah, yeah.
So the question is is what I'mtelling myself helpful, okay?
And if the answer is no, thenwe got to look at it a little
bit.
So it's kind of like, well, I'mthe fat kid, okay, is that
helpful to me?
Not really, right, that's nothelpful, okay.
So then my question to peopleusually is where did that come
from?
If you always go, what are youtalking about?
I'm like, well, who told youthat?
First, was that a thing youdecided?
(40:23):
Was it something somebody saidto you?
Was it an experience you had?
But kind of go back to theorigin and then, is it true,
yeah, right.
And a lot of times what happensis there was maybe some truth
in the moment and maybe not.
But is there was maybe sometruth in the moment and maybe
not?
but sometimes we just take awayfrom that experience that we are
that person, because what kidsdo is everything's about them.
If you have kids and there's aproblem, they assume it's to do
(40:47):
with them.
One of my favorite things tosay like, hey, there's this
issue and all my kids are like,well, I didn't do it.
Why did they say that?
Because they just imagine ifthere's an issue, they must be
responsible.
CJ Wehrkamp (40:56):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (40:56):
So what we do as kids is, when we hear a
problem, we just believe it mustbe us.
CJ Wehrkamp (41:01):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (41:01):
And so if the problem is, you know, I'm the
fat kid, we go well, I'm the fatkid, right?
We don't think, well, maybethat person's just mean, or
maybe that person's got aproblem with their own weight,
or we don't ask those questions,we just assume it's us Sure,
and so it's really helpful tojust say, like is it helpful, is
it true, whose voice is that,and do I want it to be the same
(41:22):
going forward?
Yeah, so if I don't like thisabout myself, what is a more
helpful thing to say, right?
Well, it's, maybe I'vestruggled my way in the past,
but I don't have to.
Maybe that's the more helpfulthing thing.
CJ Wehrkamp (41:39):
Or I'm changing that, or we have to just look at
like what we tell ourselfbecomes true because we make it
true.
So do you have any awesomeninja therapist tricks that help
a person redefine theirself-belief?
What?
What helps a person?
Okay?
Okay, cool, I've now recognizedthat what I'm telling myself
isn't helping me.
I've now recognized that Ishould probably change that
narrative, but I'm juststruggling.
(42:00):
I still.
I tell myself you know, yeah, Idon't need to be the fat kid.
I've always felt like I was andI've allowed that to be a
belief of mine.
I heard Jason say I don't needthat to be, but I'm just
struggling to believe that I'manything else.
Jason Van Ruler (42:14):
Yeah, what's a ninja therapist trick?
Oh, I don't know if it's ninja,but I'll tell you this what
evidence do you have to provethat wrong?
Okay, so sometimes thechallenge we have is it's hard
to change a limiting belief ifwe're not doing anything to
change it.
Okay, so, if you go, I'vealways felt like I'm out of
shape and I go okay, well,when's the last time you worked
out?
You're like well, I don't workout.
(42:35):
Okay, I might be kind ofaccurate then.
So part of it is we need tocounter that belief with fact,
and that's the easiest way tofix it.
Yeah, is you go?
Well, I'm not that person,because here's five things that
I'm doing to try to work throughit.
The other thing is a friend ofmine, john Acuff, wrote a book
called Soundtracks and it talksa lot about this.
(42:55):
So reading that book couldreally help you.
But I think it's justrecognizing like you have the
ability to set what's true aboutyourself as an adult.
You didn't as a kid, you justhad to believe it.
But as an adult, you get tochoose.
You're the architect, and soyou get to choose that.
And what do you choose it to be?
And I think too, if you're afaith person, you might say what
(43:16):
is God telling you about this,you know, is that a message from
God that I'm this bad thing?
Probably not right.
So then that's probably nothelpful to me.
CJ Wehrkamp (43:24):
Yeah, I love that, you know.
Just tying it back to what doesGod say this?
It was a while back and I wasstanding over and we kind of
showed you the little conferencearea that I have in this
building.
But I was standing over thereand I had this thought of man,
you know, I actually didn'tchoose to be born.
My parents wanted to have ababy and they ended up having me
(43:48):
.
And obviously, if you have faithand if you're a believer in
Christ, you know that God is ourheavenly father.
And so then I had this thoughtof, like man, my kids also did
not choose to be born.
I wanted to have children andmy wife and I we had these kids
and me as their father.
Like I want the best for them,like I want the absolute best
(44:12):
for my children.
So then I almost had this likeoverwhelming feeling of like,
wow, if I'm a father and I wantthat for my kids, how much
amazing greatness does God, myheavenly father, want for me?
Right, and I'm like whoa, allright, I'm going to, I'm going
to go try to.
Like, what else can I do?
(44:33):
Yeah, like what?
What he's made me so unique?
And Holy smokes, I amabsolutely unique and that's
okay.
Yeah, kind of weird I don'tthink you're that weird.
Jason Van Ruler (44:43):
I mean, you're a little weird, but not that
weird, but I mean I think it's.
I think it's just that, uh,your love, no matter what, yeah,
and and some of us miss that wehave childhoods or experiences
that definitely don'tcommunicate that, but it's still
true.
We're always loved, no matterwhat, and so if we know that,
what can we do?
It's kind of that classiccoaching question of like, if
you knew you couldn't fail, whatwould you do?
(45:05):
And people go well, but it'sstill kind of true you can't
fail if you just show up asyourself.
Failure really occurs when wepretend to be somebody else and
we don't nail it because we'renot going to being yourself,
living your own life likethere's no real failure there.
CJ Wehrkamp (45:19):
You'll just end where you end.
Jason Van Ruler (45:20):
Yeah Right, this life of mine has been
better than I could have plannedit, and I'm really happy with
that.
Yeah, I'm sure there'll be hardseasons and there have been but
at the same time, it's justgreat, Jason.
CJ Wehrkamp (45:38):
I just appreciate you taking the time.
It's been just absolutely fungetting to know you.
It's been a couple of years now, you know.
Originally, I think and correctme if I'm wrong, but originally
I think you somehow stumbledupon FitBody and you, you, you
came in as a client and then westarted like attending a couple
of the same sessions.
So we were kind of like workingout together and it started off
as like a lobby conversation atthe gym.
(45:59):
We just had a lobbyconversation and next thing, you
know, that led to us grabbinglunch and then led to us kind of
staying connected through thesocials and the next thing, you
know, here we are.
And so it's just crazy to methat you never know where your
next relationship is going tocome from.
You never know when you're goingto get connected with that next
person.
That's truly going to help youand honestly, man, I don't know
(46:22):
that I've ever told you this,but your quick little relational
advices that you put on the IG,on Instagram, they've helped me
through some difficult times,even with my own relationships,
like with my wife or with myfriend, my family, and so you
know, in case you need to hearthis, which maybe you do, maybe
you don't, but keep doing whatyou're doing because your work
(46:50):
is helping so many people.
I think it's an honor to beable to say hey, not only do I
know Jason, I get to call Jasona friend and I just look forward
to connecting more.
And, man, I tell you what I'dlove to.
What I'm going to do is I'mgoing to go ahead and get some
copies of your book, because I'dlove to be able to give some of
those away, but I'd also lovefor our viewers to find your
(47:10):
book.
So I'll drop a link.
Jason Van Ruler (47:14):
But where can people find your book yeah,
anywhere books are sold, so it'syeah, it's available most every
place.
Really, yeah, but just tocomment on what you said, it
does mean a lot, um and, and Ithink, uh, when I joined your
gym, I didn't know what toexpect.
Yeah, uh, I know what I'dexperienced, but I didn't know
what to expect and it was a gamechanger for me and it was a
(47:35):
game changer for me.
Yeah, but a lot of that has todo with the community that you
have and the culture you have,and so you should just know that
forever.
How much I'm doing to changethe world, you're doing it too.
Appreciate that, and I thinkthat's what connects us well is
we both have a heart for helpingpeople be better.
Yeah, and I just saw that fromyou early on, and so I think if
people are listening to this,they're like not familiar with
you.
They should be.
Yeah, because you've been a gamechanger in my life, um, and in
(47:58):
the same way, maybe the reelshelp you.
Um, sometimes, when you'rescreaming at me to do pushups,
that was the thing I needed.
I'm serious, yeah, uh, but Ileft those and I go someone
cares, and they're pushing, yep,and sometimes that's what we
need, yeah, so, so I think toyour point.
It's like we don't know wherewe find that, but the common
theme for both of us is we justshowed up.
Yeah, I didn't know what toexpect.
(48:20):
You didn't know, we didn't knowwe'd sit here today, but we
just showed up.
CJ Wehrkamp (48:23):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (48:24):
And I think that's the start.
CJ Wehrkamp (48:25):
Yeah, and I think that's the biggest thing too and
we talked about that, youtouched on that earlier is like
I could have never known thatwhen you walked through the
doors of Fit Body, that we wouldhave gotten connected.
Many clients walk through thedoor and some relationships
happen, and sometimes I nevermeet them, right.
But we got connected and thenlife has brought us together in
(48:46):
some different circumstances,and that is the theme.
We showed up.
Yeah, you just showed up.
We showed up and we're enjoyingevery day that we've been given
, yep, and doing the best we can, not even knowing exactly what
that is to do.
But I'm going to show up todayand so if you're watching,
listening, I don't know whatyou're going through, I don't
(49:07):
know anything that's going on inyour life, but I do know that
you have the ability today toshow up and do the best you can.
Jason Van Ruler (49:15):
That's all we've given.
That's all you got, and I thinkif you know someone that knows
what they're doing and they tellyou what to do, just do it.
Yep yeah, it's not thatcomplicated, just do it and see
what happens.
CJ Wehrkamp (49:25):
Yeah, let the guard down a little bit.
Yeah, let the guard down.
Jason Van Ruler (49:27):
Try it out.
Yeah, people like that person.
CJ Wehrkamp (49:29):
Yeah.
Jason Van Ruler (49:30):
Yeah, we're all bad actors.
Everyone's like hey, I'm notperfect.
They're always like I know, Iknow I've known you Right, and
so we have to recognize likewe're not good actors anyway.
So just let people love you.
Yeah, People see you.
CJ Wehrkamp (49:40):
Yeah, and show up the way you can and love the way
that you can love, because,however you might show up for
that person might be the waythat they need you to show up,
and you didn't even know it.
Totally, I love that.
Well, hey, this has beenawesome.
Um, I appreciate it.
I do want to drop the link downbelow for your book and then
I'd love I'm going to I want tograb five copies of your book,
cause I want to be able to dosome fun giveaways at the gym
forum.
(50:00):
And I just tell you what youguys do us a huge favor.
Go ahead like, comment andshare this episode, because that
helps Jason and myself be ableto just keep on doing what we're
doing and get exposed to morepeople, just to help more people
.
And so thank you, guys fortaking the time to spend with
Jason and I and Jason have anamazing day and all of you
(50:23):
watching, listening, viewing youguys have an amazing day as
well.
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