February 26, 2025 • 47 mins
Join me in this heartfelt episode as we unravel the intricacies of female friendships and explore the emotional nuances of reconnecting in social settings. From the challenges of anxiety when meeting new friends to the evolving dynamics of established relationships, there are so many layers to unpack.
• Sharing stories about the ups and downs of re-engaging socially post-pandemic
• Addressing feelings of social anxiety and their impact on friendships
• Exploring the dynamics of female friendships and individual growth
• Discussing the importance of communication and understanding boundaries
• Reflecting on friendship seasons and how they fit into our lives
• Key learnings focused on conflict resolution and personal accountability
• Nurturing resilience and vulnerability in social settings
Join the discussion as we explore whether friendships can endure our transitions, how misunderstandings can lead to growth, and the true essence of support. Ready to embrace the power of female friendship? Tune in, reflect with me, and let’s celebrate the beautiful bonds that shape our lives! Don’t forget to share your experiences and thoughts!
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- Grace
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey cuties, welcome back to 5 Years Time Podcast
with your host, grace.
I'm so excited that you'vejoined us this week and I am so
excited to be back here.
I just spent like 10 minutestrying to figure out my
comfortable position and now, assoon as I started talking, I'm
like maybe I'm not ascomfortable as I thought I was.
Excuse, my phone running intomy water bottle.
(00:22):
Maybe I'm not as comfortable asI thought I was.
I need to get like a littlepoof or something to put my legs
up.
I actually have a addition tothis couch.
I'm not sure if this couch isstaying here.
I just stuck it here becausethis is where it used to live
before I decided this is where Iwas podcasting, but I have a
chair that I might use.
That's upstairs, but I haven'tdecided yet.
(00:43):
Anyways, all that to be said isthis couch has a ability.
It has like a long cushion soyou can make it into a sectional
.
Maybe I'll do that, but Iwonder it would go under the
table, but I think I would still.
My legs would still fit.
Yeah, I feel like that would becomfy.
I'm just trying to figure outthe vibe because it's really
like come here, sit down, chill,talk to the cuties and be comfy
(01:06):
, cozy.
Also, I'm wearing these Deltaheadphones that Trevor had from
a flight as my headphones.
Last week I was wearing theover ear ones, which was good.
This, I'm wearing these ones.
I feel like the quality is notas good and every time I hit
this wire it's like so we'll seehow that goes.
(01:29):
I might turn them down a bitand I forgot that I wanted to
try recording on a differentcamera and then when I sat down
I was like I'm not even going to.
I'm not even going to this time, we're just going to use this
camera.
So that's where we're at.
Also, another new thing lots oflots housekeeping.
Today is Trevor's just on ourmain floor.
I kicked him out.
I said you got to get up thereand work up there, and I think
(01:50):
he's making lunch right now.
I can hear everythingbing-banging around the kitchen.
We don't have a door betweenour basement and our main floor,
so it's kind of just like anopen vessel, but I don't think
the mic's going to pick it up.
But we'll see, we'll see.
We're just trying out newthings, cuties, just trying out
new things.
Anyways, welcome back to 5Years Time Podcast.
I am so excited about today'sepisode.
(02:11):
I feel like I have had this onmy heart literally since I left
off.
I feel like as soon as we leftoff I kind of went on this
journey of friendship, meetingpeople and reconnecting with
people and being in a lot ofsocial settings that I haven't
been in in a long time and justlike experiencing myself as a
(02:33):
very social being anddiscovering what type of habits
or like maybe little bits ofanxiety I've picked up since
kind of working from home,obviously through COVID and
stuff like that, becoming a mom,all of those things and then
like reentering a environment oflike go, go, go around people
(02:55):
all the time.
There were some bumps in theroad, and so this week I really
want to talk about friendshipand I think mainly my nose is so
itchy I think mainly femalefriendship, which is so near and
dear to my heart.
So I'm really excited to talkabout that.
But before we jump into that,let's do our weekly recap.
This past week was sointeresting.
(03:17):
Literally, when I was talking toyou last week at the end of the
podcast, I had so many messageson my phone and it was my mom
messaging me because she was ona little staycation with her
girlfriends and one of themended up getting really sick.
So she needed me to come pickher up and it was like a gastro
virus and I was like, oh no, inmy mind I was like, okay, if I
(03:39):
pick up my mom, most likelywhatever it is, if it's super
contagious I will get.
So I kind of put myself in thatmindset and then I picked up my
mom whatever drove home.
So it was such a busy day and Iwas like committed to myself I
want to get the podcast up todaybecause I recorded on Wednesday
.
So I literally drove all theway to Toronto, drove all the
way home.
Trevor had picked up Ro, thenstepped right into mom mode,
(04:00):
made dinner, got everything allset, and then I put on a movie
for Ro and had her stay up alittle bit late and I just sat
here and I was like I startedexporting, put her to bed and
got everything in order.
So I got it up.
I think I got it up at like 9pmor 10pm, but I got it up on
(04:20):
Wednesday.
So I'm someone who like, when Isay something or like set a
goal in my mind, I really haveto achieve it.
I just really do.
So I'm happy that I did that.
But anyways, I then was likeI'll follow up with my mom and
see how she feels.
She ended up feeling fine thenext day, and then the next day
it hit her, and then all weekendI was so panicked that I was
(04:41):
going to get sick.
If you watch this week's vlog,basically it's a journey of
figuring out if I'm going to getsick or not and being like so
paranoid.
I hate gastro.
Like I've had true, true gastroone time that I remember in my
life and it was when I wasworking in.
Oh hello, a little friend cameto visit us.
Hello, astro, we're talkingabout gastro, not the tail in
(05:08):
the mouth.
Come on, I'm learning cat lifeor cat owner life, which is a
lot of like tail and butt inyour face.
I don't quite understand, butthank you, thank you very much.
Anyways, I was working at a or Iwas doing my placement when I
was in my early childhoodeducation program.
I was doing my placement at ainfant program and there were
(05:30):
actually four of us educators,like adults, in a room with the
infants.
I'll always know who the mic is.
Yeah, so I think they're.
I'm trying to think what is the?
What is the?
What do you call it?
I'm trying to think what theratio for infants is.
I am so far removed fromchildcare, like I don't even
(05:53):
remember, but I feel like it'slike 10 to two, or maybe it's
five to one, which is 10 to two,I don't remember, but anyways,
there were four of us.
There were three educators andme, a student, and we that I
remember it was a Friday and wehad two blowout, like major
blowouts with kids, and Iremember tidying up one of them
(06:15):
and I didn't even think anythingof it.
I was like whatever, like Idon't know much about infants
and their bowel movements, likeperhaps this is just normal.
And then we all went home forthe weekend and I remember I was
going to the mall with myfriend after school and we went
shopping and then we were goingto have some dinner and then, as
soon as we got to the foodcourt, all of a sudden my body,
(06:37):
just like I don't know it, feltlike I like blacked out,
standing up, like everything,everything just like went numb
and like I just had this ringingin my ears and like I feel like
my vision kind of like blurredand went somewhere, and so I sat
down.
I was like I don't not knowwhat's happening right now.
And then we sat for a minute.
I think we got some water, andthen I was like maybe I should
(06:58):
just go home.
So she was like, okay, let's gohome.
And so she made sure like shewalked me home, like we took the
bus, and then she like came tomy home.
I feel like Trevor just saidsomething to me.
I don't know If you hear a lotof in and out.
Trevor has decided to take thishour to go in and out of her
house like 12,000 times.
Okay, anyways, so I she got meup to my apartment and I
(07:21):
literally was like in theelevator and I was like oh no.
And then we got to my floor andI like ran to my door as fast
as possible, unlocked it andlike just began the throwing up
and other things and it was justthe worst weekend ever.
She like made sure that I wasokay and got me a few things and
then headed home.
Obviously, but it was the worstweekend ever and I think also
(07:44):
because I was alone, like I hada roommate at the time and they
worked most weekends, like theyworked in the restaurant
industry.
So I was really truly alone andI just felt so horrible and I
didn't have my mom with me andit was like the worst thing ever
.
And then we all I went back towork on Monday and then I just
remember, one of us said we werelike all sitting around with
(08:06):
the kids and then one of us waslike, hey, like did you get
really sick this weekend?
And we were all like, oh mygosh, it was the worst weekend
ever.
So that was my one experiencewith gastro and I learned how
contagious it was then and Ilearned how much I did not enjoy
it.
And so this weekend I was justfreaking out.
I was so paranoid all weekend.
But, flash forward, I did notget sick.
(08:27):
My mom had gone, like she wasstaying in a hotel with one of
her friends, but they'd all goneout to dinner with like a bunch
of friends the night before thesickness begun and only the two
people staying together endedup getting sick.
So I guess you really had to bein the nitty gritty of it all,
sharing a bathroom, probably.
But I am so glad I did not getsick.
I was so panicked.
I was like I need to getthrough two nights, 48 hours,
(08:49):
and then I will be at peace.
And that's exactly.
Basically it was 48 hours of mebeing like paranoid and then I
was at peace.
So I'm happy I did not get sick, but that was a big part of my
last week, rowe and I.
Because of that, rowe and I didget to go to our Taylor Swift
dance party, which we had somuch fun.
Rowe had the best time ever.
(09:10):
Most of the kids that werethere were older kids and they
were like so Taylor Swift outlike sparkles, glitter,
friendship bracelet, makingeverything.
And Rowe was obsessed, like sheloves to be around that, like
older girl energy and like girlyenergy, and it was like so fun.
And it was all women.
It was nice to have herparticipate in like one of my
dance classes and get to knowwhat it's like, because I feel
(09:31):
like she's always so excitedabout it.
I always record them for herbecause she wants to see what
the final dance is.
So very cute for her to get tobe part of it and it was very
fun time.
I'm trying to think what else.
I had a really productiveweekend with like chores and
laundry and stuff like that,which is awesome.
I feel a really up to date orher up to date.
I feel really yeah, I feelreally like on top of laundry at
(09:53):
the moment, which is amazing.
I set a goal for myself maybe amonth ago, saying that I would
do like a load of laundry everyday.
I feel like I used to be ableto just do it.
I have so much cat hair on myface on one day a week, like
Sundays, when it was just me andTrevor, but ever since we had
Ro, it's like, oh my gosh,there's so much.
And then there's the bedding,there's the towels, there's the
kitchen towels, bathroom towels,all the little extra things.
(10:17):
So I'm now trying to do oneload a day of like those little
things and I feel like I'mfinally because I spent this
weekend catching up on all ofthe laundry, I feel like I'm
finally getting on top of it.
So we'll see how I go.
That was a month ago.
I said I would do that and Idid not do it Like I tried and
then I just kept falling behind,falling behind, filing behind,
and I still.
I tried the whole not sorting,but I still like sorting.
(10:39):
I find that I actually like endup ruining my clothes faster
when I don't sort it, whichalways makes me frustrated.
So I am now trying.
Today I put in a towel loadlike a bathroom towel load, and
that feels really good.
Yesterday I did sheets load,today I did a bathroom towel
load and tomorrow I'll probablytry and throw in like a darks or
(10:59):
a color load and I just feelreally proud of myself and if I
get into a good rhythm then Iwon't fall behind and I'll just
feel good moving forward.
So that feels nice.
It feels like a weight off myshoulders.
I just came back from boogieclass.
It was Whitney week so we didall Whitney Houston dancing.
It was very on your toes.
I really love Tuesdays for thatpurpose.
But anyways, let's jump intothis week I learned.
I'm so excited to talk about itand I also just feel like kind
(11:22):
of overstimulated right nowbecause a lot of stuff was going
on in the house for this wholefirst section of the podcast and
I just feel like I lost mytrain of thought.
So let's jump into this week.
I learned um, am I the problem?
We're talking about friendshipand we're talking about female
friendship and I have so manynotes here.
(11:44):
This has been a really bighighlight and speaking point
talking about female friendshipand I have so many notes here.
This has been a really bighighlight and speaking point of
this past year and I feel likeI've, every time something has
happened or there's been like amoment where I need to be
reflective, I'm like, oh my gosh, I need to talk to the cuties
about this, like we need to havea podcast about this, and then
obviously I haven't beenpodcasting and so I'm really
excited about this episode.
I knew it needed to be thesecond one after our catch up,
(12:05):
because I just have so much tosay and I feel like for so long
I was working through mythoughts but I kind of have come
to some sort of conclusion.
But you know, I'll always endup working through my thoughts
during the what have I?
Oh gosh, the cat just took myears, took my earbuds and now is
chewing on them Thank you,kitty cat.
(12:31):
And then I always feel likewhen I talk through it on the
podcast, I even come to moreunderstanding or a different
point of view that I haven'texperienced yet.
So I'm really excited for thisbecause I'm surprised slash.
I'm surprised that it's stillkind of relevant in my life now,
because I remember when I firstwas thinking about female
friendships and friendships andall this stuff was literally
like a year ago when I was inthe Bahamas.
That was like my first.
Really.
It was a girl's trip.
We were there for abachelorette with some people I
(12:54):
knew, some people I didn't know,so it just felt like this
really social event that Ihadn't experienced in a while,
and so that was like what Ithought was the height of it.
But no, it continued and I feellike it's still relevant and
it's still obviously a part ofmy life now, because navigating
(13:15):
friend groups can be a reallydifficult thing.
Let's get into it.
My history with femalefriendship has always been
amazing.
I always thrive in a femaleenvironment.
I love the girlies.
I was a girl guide growing up,which is like an all girls club
Club is that the all girlsorganization where weekly you
have meetings and you go campingand like you're with your girls
(13:37):
, and I always felt like thatwas like my favorite part of the
week where I could just be withgirls and express myself as I
am.
I grew up going to a camp thatwas separated in girls and boys,
and so I grew up in an allgirls environment for the
summertime and I always justfelt like I could really blossom
and be my truest self duringthat and in that type of
(13:58):
environment I would go fromschool where, especially
entering girl guide age, I didsparks and stuff when I was
younger but I feel like I wasless aware.
But like from middle schoolonwards, when I was at school, I
always kind of felt like Ididn't know.
Especially middle school I waslike I don't know.
I felt like a lot.
There were girls who like hitpuberty and were all about boys
(14:23):
and makeup and bras and all ofthis stuff.
And then there was me who waslike a later bloomer and I kind
of was trying to navigate wheremy friendships laid.
And then there were like theboys who just became like butt
faces and it was just like hardto like.
I don't know express yourselfor feel confident and
comfortable in that setting,because I felt like everybody
(14:45):
was always on edge and likejudging and whatever.
It's a hard time.
Middle school is a hard time.
So Girl Guides was like one timea week where I could just go
and let loose and be silly andlaugh and have so much fun and
just be with the girls.
It was a safe space and so thengoing into my summers where I
was spending a month at a timein an all girls environment, it
(15:05):
was the same thing.
It was like, oh, this feels sowonderful.
And it's actually where Ireally learned that I like
attention.
I always thought like I willalways like kind of had this
shyer side.
I like to read a room and kindof figure out who people are and
what the what the setting is,before I like let myself be free
to really be myself.
(15:27):
I want to feel safe and I feellike being in those girl
environments was where I learnedlike I like to shine, I like to
make people laugh and I like tohave I'm just going to hang
this up here in hopes that thecat doesn't get stuck in it but
I like to be the center ofsocialization and like bringing
(15:49):
people together and alsoparticipating and all of that
stuff.
So I really learned that ingirl environments.
And it's funny, when I got tohigh school and started and
continued going to this camp,you could tell like there was
like the division of the coolgirls and like the girls who
were just there to have a funtime and I always feel like I
(16:09):
was always the girl that wasthere to just have a fun time
and, funny story is one of mybest friends to this day who we
always go visit out in BC.
We actually met prior to LIT,which is like the leader in
training program and at girlscamp, and she was like part of
the like cooler group of girlsand I was like more of the like
fun goofing around just therefor a good time.
(16:31):
And she didn't like herselfnecessarily, but those cooler
girls like they love to make youfeel like you weren't included.
And I'm not saying that wasnecessarily her we joke about
this all the time but becauseshe, like, was gravitating
towards that, I was always sohesitant to want to be their
friend.
And then fast forward a year wemet at LIT in a totally
(16:55):
different environment withoutthose people, and I was like, oh
my gosh, we get along so sowell.
So it's always funny.
Also the people you surroundyourself with.
Like sometimes you don't meanto be a certain way, but
sometimes that's the people yousurround yourself with and then
that's like the vibe you get offor it's also you like kind of
take on a bit of what they do orsay and then you're giving off
(17:19):
that energy to other people, andso it's always interesting,
like how group dynamics work.
That is my history with girlgroups and all girl environments
.
And then after high school, Iobviously went to a program ECE
which is all girls, and so Ialways just feel like I always
gravitated towards all girlenvironments.
I always felt safe in an allgirl environment.
I remember I would go to classand be like, okay, this feels
(17:39):
good.
And then I would go back to resand I'd be like, oh my gosh,
there's mixed genders and Idon't know how to.
I just feel like for somereason I don't know what it is,
I don't know what changes, butonce there's a mixed gender,
sometimes it can feeloverwhelming.
But all this to be said, one ofmy best friends, still to this
day, is a boy.
So I'm not against the boys,but today I'm really talking
about the girls environment.
(18:01):
Now let's talk about me andfriendships this past year.
Okay, so basically throughoutmy twenties, I've gone through
lots of different friend groups.
I feel like every time you areat a new job or you're in a new
school or a new program, a newclass, whatever, you always like
friend, befriend the peoplethat you're working with and
like I love that's one of myfavorite things about work is
the people that you're with.
But I always feel like thosefriendships are kind of like for
(18:22):
a season and a reason and aseason and every time I've like
moved from one thing to the nextand every time I've like moved
from one thing to the next, theyobviously they haven't been.
They're not friendships thatcarry you throughout your entire
life.
Of course, if you saw themagain, you would talk to them or
you keep up on social media,but they're not like a daily
fixated person in your life.
(18:42):
Whereas I have a handful offriends that I've just been like
my ride or dies from basicallyhigh school to now and I love
them forever and I feel likewe've gone through all these
phases of life and ourfriendships have expanded and
continue to grow and just becomethis like fountain of beauty,
(19:06):
because we've gone through somuch together but also gone
through time and change anddistance and family dynamics and
all these things and it's likewe've still managed to stay
together and it just feels likea solid group.
I'm so grateful for thosefriends.
Those are my favorite people tobe around and I can just really
be authentically a hundredpercent myself.
(19:27):
I can just laugh and joke andwe can rag on each other, which
I love doing, and I love beingsarcastic and dry and just like
having a good laugh.
I think that's fun.
That's something that's fun tome and I know that's not fun to
everyone.
That's something in my lifethat people have always told me
You're too funny and neverserous, and it's like I just
(19:50):
want to have a good time and Iused to.
I remember I used to think likewhen people tell me that, but
the thing is I do, I don't thinkI.
I don't think having a laughand enjoying life and being
positive and bubbly doesn't meanyou can't be serious.
I just think that it meansyou're light on your feet and
you bring this lightness to theworld and life.
(20:10):
When things feel heavy all thetime, like I don't want to feel
heavy all the time, I just wantto have a good time, anyway.
So then this past year I wentdown to my friend's bachelorette
trip, which was so fun and Iwasn't nervous at all.
There was going to be somepeople I knew, some people I
didn't know and I was ready tomeet people.
It was going to be an all-girlssetting.
I always feel like I thrive inan all-girls setting and I
(20:31):
remember that was my first timebeing in like a girl group or
even on a group trip, and I justrealized the dynamic, like I'm
learning.
There were a few times where itwas like you would walk in on a
conversation and other peoplewould be talking about other
people.
Or some people will be talkingabout some people in the group,
(20:51):
or some people will be talkingabout the other people in the
group and other people will betalking to other people in the
group, and especially me as afloat.
I feel like my whole life I'vebeen a float, um.
I'm very much like even in highschool I kind of just like
floated from group to group.
I didn't really have like agroup of my own, um, and so I
always feel like I'm very awareof like when people are talking
about other people and I'malways like, oh, it's so.
(21:15):
It makes me feel really unsafeto be myself because I'm like
okay, as soon as I leave,someone's gonna talk about me,
and I feel like this whole yearis me just learning that even in
our adulthood that is what wedo, is we just talk about other
people when they're not in theroom and it's like, I guess, as
we're interested to break itdown and, like I don't know,
find purpose or reason foreverything, but at the same time
(21:37):
, there has to be a line andalso we just have to realize
that like people can just be whothey are and there's no reason,
and we can just love them forwho they are and, honestly, like
most of the time when peopleare doing things, that has
nothing to do with you, so justlike, let them do whatever
they're doing.
But anyways, I just rememberthis one night I was sitting at
(21:58):
the table and I was like soanxious I was also drinking,
which doesn't help anxiety but Iwas sitting at a dinner table
and I had my roommate next to me, who I just met this trip, but
she was amazing, awesome, great.
But and I there were a fewgirls that were across the table
that I just met, but I feellike we had good vibes and I
(22:18):
remember like I had saidsomething and then they said
something back and it felt likea little cold and I got so deep
into my head and I was like, ohmy gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,
they're mad at me Like I don'tknow what I did.
And then I remember I turned tomy roommate and I was like, hey
, like, is it just me?
And she was like you're good,you're good.
Like she was like you're fine,you're fine, don't worry about
it.
And I could not get out of myhead, like.
(22:39):
And then I get in my head andI'm like, oh, my gosh, I get.
And so, like I excused myselfto go to the bathroom and like,
collect it myself.
And this has nothing to do withthat person necessarily across
the table.
It was just like this littleinteraction where all of a
sudden I realized like, oh, thismay not be like the safest
space, like not saying that it'snot a safe space, but like
(23:00):
there's something between these.
These are new people, newpeople to me, and like we don't
all know each other fully.
And so I just remember havingthat moment and then it was fine
, everything was fine.
And I later on brought it upwith the person and they were
like oh, no, no, likeeverything's fine.
And I was like, okay,everything's fine, everything's
fine.
But I all of a sudden was justlike, okay, wait, I'm in a new
environment with new people andI can't just always I'm such an
(23:22):
open book, like if I meet newpeople I usually will tell you
anything.
Like I'm such an open book andI try to be myself as much as I
can, especially now that I'molder.
Like I used to be very reservedand now I try to like break
past that right away.
Sometimes I can't, I get in myhead and I feel like anxious or
like socially awkward, but likeI try to.
(23:44):
I go in being like, okay, justbe outgoing, and then, once I
can break past it, I feel fine.
So I was trying to do that andthen all of a sudden I just felt
like, oh wait, maybe this isn'tmy like safe environment.
Maybe, like I don't actuallyknow these people that well,
like, uh, I don't know.
Like I kind of got paranoid.
I think that happens because afew years ago I did a podcast
(24:07):
about this, about I think it'scalled I lost my job.
Is that what that podcastepisode is called?
I don't know, but I did apodcast all about this.
Oh no, that was a differentpodcast.
Maybe this one was I Quit myJob.
I've been through a lot of jobswith the cuties.
I think this one was I Quit myJob but my first job back, my
first in-person job after COVIDin the new city that we're
living in.
I had a really interestingexperience with the team I was
(24:31):
working with, what happened tobe all female and it ended up
being like not the most positiveexperience, and I think that
plays into now how I enterfemale groups which, like I hate
that.
That that's how it is.
But also, at the same time, Ithink there is rhyme and reason
to the need to feel protectiveover myself, because let's
(24:51):
continue on the femaleadventures of this year.
That was that experience and itreally wasn't even there was no
conflict or anything.
It was more of me just gettingin my head and all of a sudden
feeling like wait, this isn'tlike a safe space that I really
know everybody and feel like Ican be myself.
And then fast forward.
My other friend's bachelorettewas wonderful.
I was reuniting with a bunch ofpeople that I used to spend
(25:12):
more time with and hadn't beenas much anymore, and then also
meeting a bunch of new people.
It felt really fun and good andeasy and breezy and I felt I
could be myself and I feltreally authentic.
But I also had two of my bestiegirls there and it's's like I
feel like.
Then you feel like you're likein a really safe unit.
(25:34):
If you got two girls, you'relike okay, I'm good.
I always have people to turn toif I don't feel good.
But I always felt good.
I met great, I met new people,I felt really wonderful about it
and it was such a funexperience.
And then that kind of was likeoh my gosh, like it is okay,
it's I'm, I'm okay person, I'mnot going to offend people, and
people will understand that I'mnot trying to hurt their
(25:55):
feelings or offend them and Iknow that might sound wild that
I'm saying that because I thinkthat I think that the cuties
really do understand me and getme.
But like something in my reallife I tend to offend people
very easily is somethingrecently that I'm learning, or
since that experience with thatone job.
And then I don't know, I justlike get stressed because I
(26:19):
accidentally had really offendedsomebody and hurt their
feelings and I felt like Iwasn't being understood when I
was trying to explain that thatwasn't what I was trying to do
and then it was just a badexperience after that and so
really I get really nervousabout that.
But then after this experiencethis other bachelorette, I was
(26:40):
like, oh my gosh, no, I lovebeing with the girls.
It's so fun, we can all justjoke and rag on each other and
have a good time and and laughand love each other and dance
and it's all good, likeeverything's okay and I can be
an open book and I can tellpeople I can talk about whatever
and I try to.
I feel like I I want to besomeone who makes people feel
(27:01):
warm and cared for and that theycan speak their speak about
whatever they want to speakabout and be welcomed and
unjudged Like that's what I gointo a social setting, feeling
like I want to do, and I feellike now, more often than not, I
leave new social settings withwomen hurting their feelings and
it's hard to explain and I alsodon't want to get into like
(27:23):
super details or expose anybodyor anything like that.
That's not what I'm here for.
It's just me processing all ofthis.
That being said, there were twomain events this year where I
really felt like I got into.
I somehow was being, I somehowwas being brought into different
settings with two new peoplethat I met this year and had a
very similar experience, and Iaccidentally offended both of
(27:48):
them.
I accidentally offended both ofthem and both times I tried to
take accountability for it andmove on.
And I feel like with the firsttime it happened, I was like
overwhelmed, so overwhelmed, bywhat was going on.
I was like, oh my gosh, like Idid not mean at all to offend
you or make you feel bad oranything like that, I don't know
.
I just felt bad about it for along, long time, even after I
apologized and everything Like Ijust held that in me.
(28:10):
And then the second time ithappened, it was so very I was
very unexpected and I was justlike I've been equipped, I've
practiced, I know what to do nowand so I'm learning that all
these social experiences areactually like, and bumps in the
road and discomfort are actuallyteaching me something.
And so the second time ithappened, with a different
person and with for a differentreason, I knew right away to
(28:34):
apologize and I actually like Ivalue those two women who had
conflict with me because theytaught me two really important
things.
One, I've always been afraid ofconflict.
Two, I avoid it, like becauseI've been afraid of it, I avoid
it and I always try to likepeople, please, in that sense
Like, if I feel a certain wayand I always try to like people,
please, in that sense, like ifI feel a certain way, I'll try
to take the polite way out andjust like keep it to myself.
(28:54):
And if it continues to happen,then it's like okay, I'm just
not going to hang out with thatperson, which, honestly, I think
there is value added in doingthat way, especially when it's
like a social setting with otherpeople's friends, like you're
not necessarily going to hangout with this person ever again,
unless it's in like a birthdayor whatever.
So to me it's like okay, it'snot worth saying anything, I can
(29:14):
just turn around and talk toother people that I know or
whatever.
These two people who hadconflict with me helped me to
realize that like okay, peoplecan.
You can do what you want to doand try to protect the energy in
the space and give off a vibeof accepting and welcoming and
whatever.
And people may read thatcompletely wrong and come at you
(29:35):
and enlist a boundary or beaggressive or whatever it is,
and you can just apologize andsay I'm sorry that I made you
feel that way and move on andtry to do better, which is what
I've learned that I can, I havethe ability to do that, and then
I don't need to linger on andthink, okay, I'm the worst
person ever.
(29:55):
Oh my gosh, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
It's like that is them tellingyou what they need and you
apologize, and it's easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl.
I'm learning that like on myend.
I I'm learning that like on myend.
I am really good at that nowI'm really good.
I'm not really good at it, butlike I now feel really good
about doing that and just liketaking ownership.
It feels really good to takeownership, even if it's over
(30:17):
something that you don't feelyou did or that you were the
problem or anything like that.
The thing is, everyone has adifferent lived experience and
if someone's coming to you andtelling you how they feel you've
made them feel, it feels morefreeing to say I'm sorry that I
did that and I didn't ever meanto make you feel that way, and
(30:40):
then to yourself, make thepromise like I'm going to do
better in the future and justmove on, and it feels so light,
light as a feather, and I thinkthat for me, it's because a lot
of these issues that have arisedor conflicts that I've faced
this past year really don't have, don't really don't hold much
weight.
And I'm not trying to say thatto dismiss any of these people
(31:02):
and how they feel, but just inthe sense that like it's like
they're not, it's not withpeople who are like my, my core.
If it was my core circle, it'slike I want to be in the
trenches with you making sure.
But I also don't think thepeople in my core circle would
ever feel that way, because theyget me, they understand me and
we have a vibe and a friendship.
But like other people, yeah,it's just funny, it's.
(31:24):
It's like this, it's like thisrunning joke in my head now,
that I'm just like a person whocauses conflict when I really
don't think I am, but I guess Iam because it is happening.
Okay, this podcast kind ofprobably makes sense, anyway.
So that's a little bit about myexperience with female
friendship this past year,especially in group settings,
(31:46):
female group settings andespecially in mixed group female
settings, where it's likefriend groups meeting friend
groups or you're coming in aslike the odd one out in a new
friend group and just likeclashing and and figuring out a
mesh and maybe not meshing andclashing and all of this stuff.
It's like really I'm justshocked every time it happens
(32:08):
and that a conflict arises, andthen how I can sometimes be at
the center of it and it's like,oh my gosh, like I never want to
make anyone feel bad and Idon't know.
I don't know specifically whatit is that I'm doing.
I think sometimes I can bereally, I can say things from.
I think.
A lot of the times I say thingsfrom like a version of my lived
(32:30):
experience or something, and itcomes off in a way that maybe
sounds belittling to somebody.
But I'm not saying it at all.
I'll be saying it in a waywhere it's like I felt that too,
but they don't know that I feltthat.
So then I have to like I don'tknow, it's a lot, but anyways,
all this to be said is I'm justlearning that navigating friend
groups can still be hard in your30s and that's just like one of
(32:55):
those things where I'm like wow, that's why I love that I just
have my small group of friendsand that I can just be 100%
myself with them.
It just feels easy, breezy,beautiful cover girl.
And the thing is, we worked forthat.
We worked over years to buildthis friendship and it's like I
have to remember that thosepeople who are in my life now,
(33:17):
who I consider my like ride ordies, like we've worked years
and years and years to have thisamazing, beautiful friendship.
And so for the new people thatI'm meeting, it's like they're
new, they don't know me, theydon't know, they don't know,
they're just.
They're perceiving me off ofwhatever I'm coming into, and I
don't know what that is Like.
I don't know how they perceiveme.
Obviously because I'm me, Ican't perceive myself from an
(33:38):
outwardly view or whatever.
I'm someone who, like, if I talkto you once and it's like a
good, it's a good conversation,like if I talk to you once and
it's a good back and forth, likeI'm like, oh yeah, they're my
friend.
Like I refer to people asfriends who probably don't refer
to me as friends, and I referto people as good friends who
probably don't refer to me asgood friends.
(33:58):
Like does that make sense?
I just feel like I always am soquick to befriend somebody and
like act like we've known eachother and like that we have now
created a friendship, even aftermeeting one time, and I'm
learning that that's not, that'snot how it works.
But I also don't take it tooseriously.
Like if someone walks into mylife I'll be like, oh yeah, my
friend, and that they never talkto me again or we're never in a
social setting again.
I don't hold that against themor anything.
(34:19):
And like if I was to bring itup with somebody else or someone
else brought them up to me, I'dbe like, oh yeah, my friend.
Like I'd be like, oh yeah, myfriend.
Like I just feel, like I havethis very is it nonchalant, I
don't know Like I just want tomake people feel welcomed and
accept it.
But then I also have to realizethat when someone meets me,
(34:41):
they are perceiving me in a waythat might not be the way that I
feel.
Like I'm being perceived, which, like that's confusing.
It's very confusing.
I need other people tounderstand.
Also, I'm not sure if any ofthis made sense, because I'm
trying not to.
I'm trying to be like generalbut also specific, if that makes
sense.
I have learned over this pastyear that navigating friend
groups can be a really toughsituation because everyone is so
(35:03):
different and if you're used toa communication style of one
way, I'm learning that likeeveryone really does have a
different communication styleand some people are just really
upfront and it can come off likeI don't think the word is
intimidating, but like a littlebit overwhelming, and you can
just clash.
(35:23):
You can really just clash withsomeone for not necessarily one
specific reason or becausethere's like this huge conflict.
It's like you just don't meshand meld and it's like I haven't
experienced that either in along time or just like in my
adult life, where you reallyjust don't like mesh and meld
with someone.
Like I feel like you couldalways just be like nice at ease
or if I don't really vibe withwhat you're saying, like so much
(35:46):
so that it's offending me, likeI'll just leave the
conversation like in a groupsetting, like, especially if
it's like a party or something,it's like okay, I'll just go
talk to somebody else.
People have all different typesof conflict strategies and
conflict resolution and that Ialso just need to not be so
offended not me offended, butoffended at how somebody like
finds me offensive.
I just need to like not holdpeople's words with such heavy
(36:09):
weight like I feel likesometimes I'll give.
I feel like I'll give peoplewho are brand new in my life the
same capacity or hurt like ifI've hurt them, like feel this,
like oh pain about it, eventhough I literally just met them
and I don't plan to be theirfriend like in any other setting
than this setting or like otherneutral settings to this.
(36:31):
So it's like, why am I lettingit like run my life?
I've learned over this pastyear that if you don't vibe with
someone and and or someonedoesn't vibe with you and they
let you know, you can just sayyou can just take ownership for
that and remove yourself fromthe situation.
And it is the most freeingexperience literally ever,
(36:52):
because truly I love that sayingthat always goes around.
I feel like on TikTok whenpeople say, like you don't,
other people's opinions of youare none of your business, and I
really do feel that, especiallyin this type of setting I'm
talking specifically about likeI don't know if the right word
is surface level friends, butlike social people that you
(37:13):
socialize with, people that yousocialize with in other settings
but like not necessarily inyour friend group.
It's just there's so much powerin taking ownership,
apologizing if you need to andjust removing yourself from the
situation.
Like it is the most freeingthing ever, because I've had
three experiences this past yearwhere I feel like, in the
moment I feel the weight of theworld.
(37:34):
I'm like, oh my gosh.
And then I like in two of those, I like really got in my head
about it, and then by the thirdone, it was like I have
experienced this before and I'mlearning.
All these uncomfortablesituations have brought me to
this moment where I now feellike I am equipped with the
tools to.
Situations have brought me tothis moment where I now feel
like I am equipped with thetools to take ownership, to know
to take ownership, to apologizeand move past and just let go.
(37:55):
Let go and live, and that feelsreally freeing, and so I just
really want to share thatmessage with you.
Another big lesson I've learnedout of all of this is really
just that I respect people whoare able to stand up for
themselves and put theirboundaries out there, even if to
me it feels like, oh, I feltlike that was uncalled for, but
to them it feels like somethinglike that's me learning, like,
(38:17):
okay, I respect that they can dothat, because that's not
something I'm very good at doingat all, and so I just feel like
I always try to think of itfrom another person's
perspective and then that allowsme to like, move forwards and
let go of it.
It's like, okay, I see it fromtheir perspective.
Now I can move forwards and letgo.
I'm really working on theletting go, especially when it
comes now to these differentsocial settings and things.
(38:38):
It can be hard, but I think I'mgetting a lot better at it.
This week I learned I might bethe problem, but also I'm not
the problem because I'm takingaccountability for my actions
and I'm letting go and I'mlearning that everyone is
different truly, and that reallyin life you sometimes you just
clash with people, you do notmeld, and that you're just not
(39:01):
meant to be friends and that'sokay, it's not a big deal, it
really isn't.
And I still really do lovefemale friendships and I think
it's so empowering.
And I still really do lovefemale friendships and I think
it's so empowering.
And I think one thing aboutbeing a female and participating
in female friendships is that alot of us have been conditioned
to have this sense ofcompetition against each other.
And even if you're not havingcompetition, it's like in the
(39:21):
back of your head it's notsomething that, like, you might
be thinking about in that moment, but in your mind it might be
there and it just feels likesomething that, like you might
be thinking about in that moment.
But in your mind it might bethere and it just feels like
something that we, as females,have to push past and always be
fighting for each other anduplifting each other and caring
and making sure that we supporteach other and love each other,
(39:42):
because, at the end of the day,there's the most beautiful bond
between females.
I do believe that, like I, Ireally do feel like I have
learned to be my best, mostauthentic self in female led
groups, and it's a wonderfulplace to be.
So I'm still grateful and I'mgrateful for everything I've
learned this year and I'mgrateful for every bump in the
(40:02):
road, because it really hastaught me how to be a more
resilient person, and I feellike that's something I'm always
trying to lean into is myresilience, because I'm very
quick to quiet down and bepolite or avoid conflict, and so
, even though in the moment Ihate that, I'm like struck with
(40:24):
some sort of conflict, I alwayslove it because it helps me to
learn how to be more, moreresilient, and I think that's a
really important thing to be.
Let's get into our roses, budsand thorns.
I'm now leaning so much closerto my camera because the
lighting is being weird, butlet's see if this fixes it.
Okay, let's get into our rosesbuds and thorns.
(40:47):
But let's see if this fixes it.
Okay, let's get into our roses,buds and thorns.
My rose this week was I lovetaking Ro to our Taylor Swift
dance party and then just beingon top of laundry.
Those are my two really bigthings.
Like I just am feeling reallycontent with laundry right now,
which like if you've beenlistening to this podcast for
years, you know that has neverbeen ever a feeling.
I've been feeling and it'staken a long time, and you know
(41:10):
what Hard things do take a longtime, but I feel like I'm really
finding my stride, so that'sreally great.
And then I just had such a funtime with Ro at the Taylor Swift
dance party.
My thorn I don't even think mythorn was necessarily being so
paranoid over getting sick thisweekend, because that actually
(41:31):
made me super productive,because I was like, okay, if I'm
going to be really sick, I wantto make sure the house is in
order.
I want to make sure everythingis put together nicely.
So it didn't.
It wasn't so negative.
What is my thorn?
This one might be hard cute.
It's been a good week.
It is only Tuesday.
Okay, I'm really stretching forthis one.
But last night I fell asleep soearly with Rosie and then I was
(41:52):
up at like 12 and then did thewhole like I couldn't fall back
asleep.
But I did.
I didn't go on my phone and Ijust put on a podcast, so I was
proud of myself.
So that was a little good moveforward.
But I find like in the winter Ido go to bed by like eight or
nine.
Like I'm in bed probably byeight, 30 and then asleep by
like nine, nine, 30.
And I'm happy with that.
(42:12):
But like the seven is too early, it's like then I will not
sleep well and then it messes upmy sleep schedule and my bud.
I have so much to look forwardto.
I'm actually so excited aboutthis week.
It's going to be full of somuch fun friend time, some
really good one-on-one friendtime, so I'm so excited for that
.
And then also I'm getting myhaircut later today, which I'm
so excited about, because it isjust like so heavy, my hair gets
(42:35):
really, really thick and then Iknow I need a new haircut and I
, when I was coming home fromDisney world, I we were
literally in line on the lastday at one of the star Wars
rides and I I was like I need tobook a haircut and I thought
I'd be able to get in in like aweek or two, but I couldn't get
until the end of February.
So I'm so excited to get myhaircut.
I just need.
It's like, at that point, youknow where it's just like the
(42:56):
clip doesn't clip as well, itdoesn't dry the way you want it
to dry and it just feels thatlike heaviness or, if you like,
wear it up.
It's like my gosh, it feelslike too much.
So I'm really looking forwardto that.
But yeah, that's my roses, budsand thorns.
Let's get into entertainmentrecap.
Entertainment recap.
Entertainment recap.
If you are watching YouTube, Idon't know why my video just
(43:17):
keeps going out between, likethis doll it's almost like black
and white coloring to the othercoloring.
It just keeps like turning out.
That's why I'm leaning so closeto the camera, because I'm like
, okay, is that helping?
I don't know.
Anyways, I just had to say thatthis week I watched oh, me and
bro watched such a good movielast night.
She'd already seen it.
She said, um, but I hadn't.
(43:39):
I loved it.
It was on Netflix.
It was called was it calledMitchell's save the world?
Is that what it's called?
Oh, the mitchell's verse themachines.
It's on netflix.
It was so good.
I really, really loved it.
Great for the family.
I just thought it was such afun movie.
So if you haven't watched thatyet, the mitchell's save or the
(44:01):
mitchell's verse the machines,such a good animated movie.
I really enjoyed it.
I did watch the SAG Awards,which I don't know if I've ever
watched the SAG Awards, and whenI say I watched it, I only
watched.
I think it was like over twohours.
So I only watched an hour and ahalf of it because then I had
to go pick up Ro.
But it was entertaining.
I really enjoyed it and I wishthat they did more live
(44:24):
streaming of those things Like Iwould love to watch the Oscars,
but we don't have TV and stufflike that.
So, yeah, I wish they did more.
I'm glad that Netflix streamedit.
So that was fun.
Summer House and Below Deckloving it.
Oh, I started.
Love is Blind.
I'm all caught up.
I didn't know if I was going towatch it or not.
People are saying they don'tlove this season as much as they
loved the last, but you know,I'm actually enjoying it.
(44:45):
I haven't not not been enjoyingit.
I'm looking forward to the nextepisodes dropping.
I feel like when I normallywatch it, all of them are out.
So I'm like, oh no, I didn't.
I started too early because nowI have to wait till Friday, but
so I've started.
Love is blind oh, I'm having asleepover this weekend with my
girlfriend.
I wonder if she's watching loveis blind, because then we could
watch the other episodes onFriday.
(45:05):
I feel feel like she's probablynot, but if she was, that would
be fun.
I'm enjoying it.
It's not like super dramafuland some of the couples are kind
of boring, but other ones it'slike I don't quite understand.
I feel like this one I reallycan't read the people that well,
like I'm like I'm trying to seefrom the perspective of the
boy's side and the girl's sideand I don't know, like I'm kind
of getting lost.
So I'm just like excited to seehow it plays out.
(45:26):
Like I feel like that's whereI'm at and I think that's all
I'm watching.
As for listening, nothing new onmy radar this week, um, and no,
no highlighting.
Yeah, nothing reallyhighlighted or new on the radar.
I feel like I just got down andI watched a lot.
I feel like I spent the weekendwatching Love is Blind and
(45:48):
folding laundry.
But yeah, so that's everythingin my entertainment recap.
Okay, cutes, thank you so muchfor being here.
I feel like this week's episodeI was so excited to talk about
and then I feel like I gotreally overstimulated at the
beginning.
I'm still figuring out myperfect recording situation.
I'm so happy that we're back.
We're back in this environment.
I'm getting back to beingcomfortable here.
Not that I'm not comfortable,but I'm just like figuring out
(46:09):
what my real comfort is and likehow I can thrive my best to
just show up at the mic and bemy best version of myself, my
best podcasting version ofmyself.
You know what I mean.
I appreciate all the supportwith the return of the podcast.
It means so much.
I'm so excited that so manycuties are so happy about being
back and I can't wait to talkagain next week.
Also, I think I'm going to bedoing a fun new monthly episode,
(46:32):
which I guess would be nextweek's episode.
I have a new concept idea thatI want to start implementing, I
think once a month, and itinvolves a little bit of a Q&A
section.
So follow me over on Instagramor comment down below on YouTube
, but I'm going to be asking forQ&A questions, so if you have
any, feel free to ask them, oryou can DM me.
(46:54):
But I'll also like put a littlebox up on Instagram later this
week so that I can get them allcollected.
But I look forward to meetingyou next week and I wish you all
some sunshine, some and a lotof laughs along the way.
See you next week, cutes, Bye,love ya.
Hey cuties, welcome back to 5 Years Time Podcast
with your host, grace.
I'm so excited that you'vejoined us this week and I am so
excited to be back here.
I just spent like 10 minutestrying to figure out my
comfortable position and now, assoon as I started talking, I'm
like maybe I'm not ascomfortable as I thought I was.
Excuse, my phone running intomy water bottle.
(00:22):
Maybe I'm not as comfortable asI thought I was.
I need to get like a littlepoof or something to put my legs
up.
I actually have a addition tothis couch.
I'm not sure if this couch isstaying here.
I just stuck it here becausethis is where it used to live
before I decided this is where Iwas podcasting, but I have a
chair that I might use.
That's upstairs, but I haven'tdecided yet.
(00:43):
Anyways, all that to be said isthis couch has a ability.
It has like a long cushion soyou can make it into a sectional
.
Maybe I'll do that, but Iwonder it would go under the
table, but I think I would still.
My legs would still fit.
Yeah, I feel like that would becomfy.
I'm just trying to figure outthe vibe because it's really
like come here, sit down, chill,talk to the cuties and be comfy
(01:06):
, cozy.
Also, I'm wearing these Deltaheadphones that Trevor had from
a flight as my headphones.
Last week I was wearing theover ear ones, which was good.
This, I'm wearing these ones.
I feel like the quality is notas good and every time I hit
this wire it's like so we'll seehow that goes.
(01:29):
I might turn them down a bitand I forgot that I wanted to
try recording on a differentcamera and then when I sat down
I was like I'm not even going to.
I'm not even going to this time, we're just going to use this
camera.
So that's where we're at.
Also, another new thing lots oflots housekeeping.
Today is Trevor's just on ourmain floor.
I kicked him out.
I said you got to get up thereand work up there, and I think
(01:50):
he's making lunch right now.
I can hear everythingbing-banging around the kitchen.
We don't have a door betweenour basement and our main floor,
so it's kind of just like anopen vessel, but I don't think
the mic's going to pick it up.
But we'll see, we'll see.
We're just trying out newthings, cuties, just trying out
new things.
Anyways, welcome back to 5Years Time Podcast.
I am so excited about today'sepisode.
(02:11):
I feel like I have had this onmy heart literally since I left
off.
I feel like as soon as we leftoff I kind of went on this
journey of friendship, meetingpeople and reconnecting with
people and being in a lot ofsocial settings that I haven't
been in in a long time and justlike experiencing myself as a
(02:33):
very social being anddiscovering what type of habits
or like maybe little bits ofanxiety I've picked up since
kind of working from home,obviously through COVID and
stuff like that, becoming a mom,all of those things and then
like reentering a environment oflike go, go, go around people
(02:55):
all the time.
There were some bumps in theroad, and so this week I really
want to talk about friendshipand I think mainly my nose is so
itchy I think mainly femalefriendship, which is so near and
dear to my heart.
So I'm really excited to talkabout that.
But before we jump into that,let's do our weekly recap.
This past week was sointeresting.
(03:17):
Literally, when I was talking toyou last week at the end of the
podcast, I had so many messageson my phone and it was my mom
messaging me because she was ona little staycation with her
girlfriends and one of themended up getting really sick.
So she needed me to come pickher up and it was like a gastro
virus and I was like, oh no, inmy mind I was like, okay, if I
(03:39):
pick up my mom, most likelywhatever it is, if it's super
contagious I will get.
So I kind of put myself in thatmindset and then I picked up my
mom whatever drove home.
So it was such a busy day and Iwas like committed to myself I
want to get the podcast up todaybecause I recorded on Wednesday
.
So I literally drove all theway to Toronto, drove all the
way home.
Trevor had picked up Ro, thenstepped right into mom mode,
(04:00):
made dinner, got everything allset, and then I put on a movie
for Ro and had her stay up alittle bit late and I just sat
here and I was like I startedexporting, put her to bed and
got everything in order.
So I got it up.
I think I got it up at like 9pmor 10pm, but I got it up on
(04:20):
Wednesday.
So I'm someone who like, when Isay something or like set a
goal in my mind, I really haveto achieve it.
I just really do.
So I'm happy that I did that.
But anyways, I then was likeI'll follow up with my mom and
see how she feels.
She ended up feeling fine thenext day, and then the next day
it hit her, and then all weekendI was so panicked that I was
(04:41):
going to get sick.
If you watch this week's vlog,basically it's a journey of
figuring out if I'm going to getsick or not and being like so
paranoid.
I hate gastro.
Like I've had true, true gastroone time that I remember in my
life and it was when I wasworking in.
Oh hello, a little friend cameto visit us.
Hello, astro, we're talkingabout gastro, not the tail in
(05:08):
the mouth.
Come on, I'm learning cat lifeor cat owner life, which is a
lot of like tail and butt inyour face.
I don't quite understand, butthank you, thank you very much.
Anyways, I was working at a or Iwas doing my placement when I
was in my early childhoodeducation program.
I was doing my placement at ainfant program and there were
(05:30):
actually four of us educators,like adults, in a room with the
infants.
I'll always know who the mic is.
Yeah, so I think they're.
I'm trying to think what is the?
What is the?
What do you call it?
I'm trying to think what theratio for infants is.
I am so far removed fromchildcare, like I don't even
(05:53):
remember, but I feel like it'slike 10 to two, or maybe it's
five to one, which is 10 to two,I don't remember, but anyways,
there were four of us.
There were three educators andme, a student, and we that I
remember it was a Friday and wehad two blowout, like major
blowouts with kids, and Iremember tidying up one of them
(06:15):
and I didn't even think anythingof it.
I was like whatever, like Idon't know much about infants
and their bowel movements, likeperhaps this is just normal.
And then we all went home forthe weekend and I remember I was
going to the mall with myfriend after school and we went
shopping and then we were goingto have some dinner and then, as
soon as we got to the foodcourt, all of a sudden my body,
(06:37):
just like I don't know it, feltlike I like blacked out,
standing up, like everything,everything just like went numb
and like I just had this ringingin my ears and like I feel like
my vision kind of like blurredand went somewhere, and so I sat
down.
I was like I don't not knowwhat's happening right now.
And then we sat for a minute.
I think we got some water, andthen I was like maybe I should
(06:58):
just go home.
So she was like, okay, let's gohome.
And so she made sure like shewalked me home, like we took the
bus, and then she like came tomy home.
I feel like Trevor just saidsomething to me.
I don't know If you hear a lotof in and out.
Trevor has decided to take thishour to go in and out of her
house like 12,000 times.
Okay, anyways, so I she got meup to my apartment and I
(07:21):
literally was like in theelevator and I was like oh no.
And then we got to my floor andI like ran to my door as fast
as possible, unlocked it andlike just began the throwing up
and other things and it was justthe worst weekend ever.
She like made sure that I wasokay and got me a few things and
then headed home.
Obviously, but it was the worstweekend ever and I think also
(07:44):
because I was alone, like I hada roommate at the time and they
worked most weekends, like theyworked in the restaurant
industry.
So I was really truly alone andI just felt so horrible and I
didn't have my mom with me andit was like the worst thing ever
.
And then we all I went back towork on Monday and then I just
remember, one of us said we werelike all sitting around with
(08:06):
the kids and then one of us waslike, hey, like did you get
really sick this weekend?
And we were all like, oh mygosh, it was the worst weekend
ever.
So that was my one experiencewith gastro and I learned how
contagious it was then and Ilearned how much I did not enjoy
it.
And so this weekend I was justfreaking out.
I was so paranoid all weekend.
But, flash forward, I did notget sick.
(08:27):
My mom had gone, like she wasstaying in a hotel with one of
her friends, but they'd all goneout to dinner with like a bunch
of friends the night before thesickness begun and only the two
people staying together endedup getting sick.
So I guess you really had to bein the nitty gritty of it all,
sharing a bathroom, probably.
But I am so glad I did not getsick.
I was so panicked.
I was like I need to getthrough two nights, 48 hours,
(08:49):
and then I will be at peace.
And that's exactly.
Basically it was 48 hours of mebeing like paranoid and then I
was at peace.
So I'm happy I did not get sick, but that was a big part of my
last week, rowe and I.
Because of that, rowe and I didget to go to our Taylor Swift
dance party, which we had somuch fun.
Rowe had the best time ever.
(09:10):
Most of the kids that werethere were older kids and they
were like so Taylor Swift outlike sparkles, glitter,
friendship bracelet, makingeverything.
And Rowe was obsessed, like sheloves to be around that, like
older girl energy and like girlyenergy, and it was like so fun.
And it was all women.
It was nice to have herparticipate in like one of my
dance classes and get to knowwhat it's like, because I feel
(09:31):
like she's always so excitedabout it.
I always record them for herbecause she wants to see what
the final dance is.
So very cute for her to get tobe part of it and it was very
fun time.
I'm trying to think what else.
I had a really productiveweekend with like chores and
laundry and stuff like that,which is awesome.
I feel a really up to date orher up to date.
I feel really yeah, I feelreally like on top of laundry at
(09:53):
the moment, which is amazing.
I set a goal for myself maybe amonth ago, saying that I would
do like a load of laundry everyday.
I feel like I used to be ableto just do it.
I have so much cat hair on myface on one day a week, like
Sundays, when it was just me andTrevor, but ever since we had
Ro, it's like, oh my gosh,there's so much.
And then there's the bedding,there's the towels, there's the
kitchen towels, bathroom towels,all the little extra things.
(10:17):
So I'm now trying to do oneload a day of like those little
things and I feel like I'mfinally because I spent this
weekend catching up on all ofthe laundry, I feel like I'm
finally getting on top of it.
So we'll see how I go.
That was a month ago.
I said I would do that and Idid not do it Like I tried and
then I just kept falling behind,falling behind, filing behind,
and I still.
I tried the whole not sorting,but I still like sorting.
(10:39):
I find that I actually like endup ruining my clothes faster
when I don't sort it, whichalways makes me frustrated.
So I am now trying.
Today I put in a towel loadlike a bathroom towel load, and
that feels really good.
Yesterday I did sheets load,today I did a bathroom towel
load and tomorrow I'll probablytry and throw in like a darks or
(10:59):
a color load and I just feelreally proud of myself and if I
get into a good rhythm then Iwon't fall behind and I'll just
feel good moving forward.
So that feels nice.
It feels like a weight off myshoulders.
I just came back from boogieclass.
It was Whitney week so we didall Whitney Houston dancing.
It was very on your toes.
I really love Tuesdays for thatpurpose.
But anyways, let's jump intothis week I learned.
I'm so excited to talk about itand I also just feel like kind
(11:22):
of overstimulated right nowbecause a lot of stuff was going
on in the house for this wholefirst section of the podcast and
I just feel like I lost mytrain of thought.
So let's jump into this week.
I learned um, am I the problem?
We're talking about friendshipand we're talking about female
friendship and I have so manynotes here.
(11:44):
This has been a really bighighlight and speaking point
talking about female friendshipand I have so many notes here.
This has been a really bighighlight and speaking point of
this past year and I feel likeI've, every time something has
happened or there's been like amoment where I need to be
reflective, I'm like, oh my gosh, I need to talk to the cuties
about this, like we need to havea podcast about this, and then
obviously I haven't beenpodcasting and so I'm really
excited about this episode.
I knew it needed to be thesecond one after our catch up,
(12:05):
because I just have so much tosay and I feel like for so long
I was working through mythoughts but I kind of have come
to some sort of conclusion.
But you know, I'll always endup working through my thoughts
during the what have I?
Oh gosh, the cat just took myears, took my earbuds and now is
chewing on them Thank you,kitty cat.
(12:31):
And then I always feel likewhen I talk through it on the
podcast, I even come to moreunderstanding or a different
point of view that I haven'texperienced yet.
So I'm really excited for thisbecause I'm surprised slash.
I'm surprised that it's stillkind of relevant in my life now,
because I remember when I firstwas thinking about female
friendships and friendships andall this stuff was literally
like a year ago when I was inthe Bahamas.
That was like my first.
Really.
It was a girl's trip.
We were there for abachelorette with some people I
(12:54):
knew, some people I didn't know,so it just felt like this
really social event that Ihadn't experienced in a while,
and so that was like what Ithought was the height of it.
But no, it continued and I feellike it's still relevant and
it's still obviously a part ofmy life now, because navigating
(13:15):
friend groups can be a reallydifficult thing.
Let's get into it.
My history with femalefriendship has always been
amazing.
I always thrive in a femaleenvironment.
I love the girlies.
I was a girl guide growing up,which is like an all girls club
Club is that the all girlsorganization where weekly you
have meetings and you go campingand like you're with your girls
(13:37):
, and I always felt like thatwas like my favorite part of the
week where I could just be withgirls and express myself as I
am.
I grew up going to a camp thatwas separated in girls and boys,
and so I grew up in an allgirls environment for the
summertime and I always justfelt like I could really blossom
and be my truest self duringthat and in that type of
(13:58):
environment I would go fromschool where, especially
entering girl guide age, I didsparks and stuff when I was
younger but I feel like I wasless aware.
But like from middle schoolonwards, when I was at school, I
always kind of felt like Ididn't know.
Especially middle school I waslike I don't know.
I felt like a lot.
There were girls who like hitpuberty and were all about boys
(14:23):
and makeup and bras and all ofthis stuff.
And then there was me who waslike a later bloomer and I kind
of was trying to navigate wheremy friendships laid.
And then there were like theboys who just became like butt
faces and it was just like hardto like.
I don't know express yourselfor feel confident and
comfortable in that setting,because I felt like everybody
(14:45):
was always on edge and likejudging and whatever.
It's a hard time.
Middle school is a hard time.
So Girl Guides was like one timea week where I could just go
and let loose and be silly andlaugh and have so much fun and
just be with the girls.
It was a safe space and so thengoing into my summers where I
was spending a month at a timein an all girls environment, it
(15:05):
was the same thing.
It was like, oh, this feels sowonderful.
And it's actually where Ireally learned that I like
attention.
I always thought like I willalways like kind of had this
shyer side.
I like to read a room and kindof figure out who people are and
what the what the setting is,before I like let myself be free
to really be myself.
(15:27):
I want to feel safe and I feellike being in those girl
environments was where I learnedlike I like to shine, I like to
make people laugh and I like tohave I'm just going to hang
this up here in hopes that thecat doesn't get stuck in it but
I like to be the center ofsocialization and like bringing
(15:49):
people together and alsoparticipating and all of that
stuff.
So I really learned that ingirl environments.
And it's funny, when I got tohigh school and started and
continued going to this camp,you could tell like there was
like the division of the coolgirls and like the girls who
were just there to have a funtime and I always feel like I
(16:09):
was always the girl that wasthere to just have a fun time
and, funny story is one of mybest friends to this day who we
always go visit out in BC.
We actually met prior to LIT,which is like the leader in
training program and at girlscamp, and she was like part of
the like cooler group of girlsand I was like more of the like
fun goofing around just therefor a good time.
(16:31):
And she didn't like herselfnecessarily, but those cooler
girls like they love to make youfeel like you weren't included.
And I'm not saying that wasnecessarily her we joke about
this all the time but becauseshe, like, was gravitating
towards that, I was always sohesitant to want to be their
friend.
And then fast forward a year wemet at LIT in a totally
(16:55):
different environment withoutthose people, and I was like, oh
my gosh, we get along so sowell.
So it's always funny.
Also the people you surroundyourself with.
Like sometimes you don't meanto be a certain way, but
sometimes that's the people yousurround yourself with and then
that's like the vibe you get offor it's also you like kind of
take on a bit of what they do orsay and then you're giving off
(17:19):
that energy to other people, andso it's always interesting,
like how group dynamics work.
That is my history with girlgroups and all girl environments
.
And then after high school, Iobviously went to a program ECE
which is all girls, and so Ialways just feel like I always
gravitated towards all girlenvironments.
I always felt safe in an allgirl environment.
I remember I would go to classand be like, okay, this feels
(17:39):
good.
And then I would go back to resand I'd be like, oh my gosh,
there's mixed genders and Idon't know how to.
I just feel like for somereason I don't know what it is,
I don't know what changes, butonce there's a mixed gender,
sometimes it can feeloverwhelming.
But all this to be said, one ofmy best friends, still to this
day, is a boy.
So I'm not against the boys,but today I'm really talking
about the girls environment.
(18:01):
Now let's talk about me andfriendships this past year.
Okay, so basically throughoutmy twenties, I've gone through
lots of different friend groups.
I feel like every time you areat a new job or you're in a new
school or a new program, a newclass, whatever, you always like
friend, befriend the peoplethat you're working with and
like I love that's one of myfavorite things about work is
the people that you're with.
But I always feel like thosefriendships are kind of like for
(18:22):
a season and a reason and aseason and every time I've like
moved from one thing to the nextand every time I've like moved
from one thing to the next, theyobviously they haven't been.
They're not friendships thatcarry you throughout your entire
life.
Of course, if you saw themagain, you would talk to them or
you keep up on social media,but they're not like a daily
fixated person in your life.
(18:42):
Whereas I have a handful offriends that I've just been like
my ride or dies from basicallyhigh school to now and I love
them forever and I feel likewe've gone through all these
phases of life and ourfriendships have expanded and
continue to grow and just becomethis like fountain of beauty,
(19:06):
because we've gone through somuch together but also gone
through time and change anddistance and family dynamics and
all these things and it's likewe've still managed to stay
together and it just feels likea solid group.
I'm so grateful for thosefriends.
Those are my favorite people tobe around and I can just really
be authentically a hundredpercent myself.
(19:27):
I can just laugh and joke andwe can rag on each other, which
I love doing, and I love beingsarcastic and dry and just like
having a good laugh.
I think that's fun.
That's something that's fun tome and I know that's not fun to
everyone.
That's something in my lifethat people have always told me
You're too funny and neverserous, and it's like I just
(19:50):
want to have a good time and Iused to.
I remember I used to think likewhen people tell me that, but
the thing is I do, I don't thinkI.
I don't think having a laughand enjoying life and being
positive and bubbly doesn't meanyou can't be serious.
I just think that it meansyou're light on your feet and
you bring this lightness to theworld and life.
(20:10):
When things feel heavy all thetime, like I don't want to feel
heavy all the time, I just wantto have a good time, anyway.
So then this past year I wentdown to my friend's bachelorette
trip, which was so fun and Iwasn't nervous at all.
There was going to be somepeople I knew, some people I
didn't know and I was ready tomeet people.
It was going to be an all-girlssetting.
I always feel like I thrive inan all-girls setting and I
(20:31):
remember that was my first timebeing in like a girl group or
even on a group trip, and I justrealized the dynamic, like I'm
learning.
There were a few times where itwas like you would walk in on a
conversation and other peoplewould be talking about other
people.
Or some people will be talkingabout some people in the group,
(20:51):
or some people will be talkingabout the other people in the
group and other people will betalking to other people in the
group, and especially me as afloat.
I feel like my whole life I'vebeen a float, um.
I'm very much like even in highschool I kind of just like
floated from group to group.
I didn't really have like agroup of my own, um, and so I
always feel like I'm very awareof like when people are talking
about other people and I'malways like, oh, it's so.
(21:15):
It makes me feel really unsafeto be myself because I'm like
okay, as soon as I leave,someone's gonna talk about me,
and I feel like this whole yearis me just learning that even in
our adulthood that is what wedo, is we just talk about other
people when they're not in theroom and it's like, I guess, as
we're interested to break itdown and, like I don't know,
find purpose or reason foreverything, but at the same time
(21:37):
, there has to be a line andalso we just have to realize
that like people can just be whothey are and there's no reason,
and we can just love them forwho they are and, honestly, like
most of the time when peopleare doing things, that has
nothing to do with you, so justlike, let them do whatever
they're doing.
But anyways, I just rememberthis one night I was sitting at
(21:58):
the table and I was like soanxious I was also drinking,
which doesn't help anxiety but Iwas sitting at a dinner table
and I had my roommate next to me, who I just met this trip, but
she was amazing, awesome, great.
But and I there were a fewgirls that were across the table
that I just met, but I feellike we had good vibes and I
(22:18):
remember like I had saidsomething and then they said
something back and it felt likea little cold and I got so deep
into my head and I was like, ohmy gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,
they're mad at me Like I don'tknow what I did.
And then I remember I turned tomy roommate and I was like, hey
, like, is it just me?
And she was like you're good,you're good.
Like she was like you're fine,you're fine, don't worry about
it.
And I could not get out of myhead, like.
(22:39):
And then I get in my head andI'm like, oh, my gosh, I get.
And so, like I excused myselfto go to the bathroom and like,
collect it myself.
And this has nothing to do withthat person necessarily across
the table.
It was just like this littleinteraction where all of a
sudden I realized like, oh, thismay not be like the safest
space, like not saying that it'snot a safe space, but like
(23:00):
there's something between these.
These are new people, newpeople to me, and like we don't
all know each other fully.
And so I just remember havingthat moment and then it was fine
, everything was fine.
And I later on brought it upwith the person and they were
like oh, no, no, likeeverything's fine.
And I was like, okay,everything's fine, everything's
fine.
But I all of a sudden was justlike, okay, wait, I'm in a new
environment with new people andI can't just always I'm such an
(23:22):
open book, like if I meet newpeople I usually will tell you
anything.
Like I'm such an open book andI try to be myself as much as I
can, especially now that I'molder.
Like I used to be very reservedand now I try to like break
past that right away.
Sometimes I can't, I get in myhead and I feel like anxious or
like socially awkward, but likeI try to.
(23:44):
I go in being like, okay, justbe outgoing, and then, once I
can break past it, I feel fine.
So I was trying to do that andthen all of a sudden I just felt
like, oh wait, maybe this isn'tmy like safe environment.
Maybe, like I don't actuallyknow these people that well,
like, uh, I don't know.
Like I kind of got paranoid.
I think that happens because afew years ago I did a podcast
(24:07):
about this, about I think it'scalled I lost my job.
Is that what that podcastepisode is called?
I don't know, but I did apodcast all about this.
Oh no, that was a differentpodcast.
Maybe this one was I Quit myJob.
I've been through a lot of jobswith the cuties.
I think this one was I Quit myJob but my first job back, my
first in-person job after COVIDin the new city that we're
living in.
I had a really interestingexperience with the team I was
(24:31):
working with, what happened tobe all female and it ended up
being like not the most positiveexperience, and I think that
plays into now how I enterfemale groups which, like I hate
that.
That that's how it is.
But also, at the same time, Ithink there is rhyme and reason
to the need to feel protectiveover myself, because let's
(24:51):
continue on the femaleadventures of this year.
That was that experience and itreally wasn't even there was no
conflict or anything.
It was more of me just gettingin my head and all of a sudden
feeling like wait, this isn'tlike a safe space that I really
know everybody and feel like Ican be myself.
And then fast forward.
My other friend's bachelorettewas wonderful.
I was reuniting with a bunch ofpeople that I used to spend
(25:12):
more time with and hadn't beenas much anymore, and then also
meeting a bunch of new people.
It felt really fun and good andeasy and breezy and I felt I
could be myself and I feltreally authentic.
But I also had two of my bestiegirls there and it's's like I
feel like.
Then you feel like you're likein a really safe unit.
(25:34):
If you got two girls, you'relike okay, I'm good.
I always have people to turn toif I don't feel good.
But I always felt good.
I met great, I met new people,I felt really wonderful about it
and it was such a funexperience.
And then that kind of was likeoh my gosh, like it is okay,
it's I'm, I'm okay person, I'mnot going to offend people, and
people will understand that I'mnot trying to hurt their
(25:55):
feelings or offend them and Iknow that might sound wild that
I'm saying that because I thinkthat I think that the cuties
really do understand me and getme.
But like something in my reallife I tend to offend people
very easily is somethingrecently that I'm learning, or
since that experience with thatone job.
And then I don't know, I justlike get stressed because I
(26:19):
accidentally had really offendedsomebody and hurt their
feelings and I felt like Iwasn't being understood when I
was trying to explain that thatwasn't what I was trying to do
and then it was just a badexperience after that and so
really I get really nervousabout that.
But then after this experiencethis other bachelorette, I was
(26:40):
like, oh my gosh, no, I lovebeing with the girls.
It's so fun, we can all justjoke and rag on each other and
have a good time and and laughand love each other and dance
and it's all good, likeeverything's okay and I can be
an open book and I can tellpeople I can talk about whatever
and I try to.
I feel like I I want to besomeone who makes people feel
(27:01):
warm and cared for and that theycan speak their speak about
whatever they want to speakabout and be welcomed and
unjudged Like that's what I gointo a social setting, feeling
like I want to do, and I feellike now, more often than not, I
leave new social settings withwomen hurting their feelings and
it's hard to explain and I alsodon't want to get into like
(27:23):
super details or expose anybodyor anything like that.
That's not what I'm here for.
It's just me processing all ofthis.
That being said, there were twomain events this year where I
really felt like I got into.
I somehow was being, I somehowwas being brought into different
settings with two new peoplethat I met this year and had a
very similar experience, and Iaccidentally offended both of
(27:48):
them.
I accidentally offended both ofthem and both times I tried to
take accountability for it andmove on.
And I feel like with the firsttime it happened, I was like
overwhelmed, so overwhelmed, bywhat was going on.
I was like, oh my gosh, like Idid not mean at all to offend
you or make you feel bad oranything like that, I don't know
.
I just felt bad about it for along, long time, even after I
apologized and everything Like Ijust held that in me.
(28:10):
And then the second time ithappened, it was so very I was
very unexpected and I was justlike I've been equipped, I've
practiced, I know what to do nowand so I'm learning that all
these social experiences areactually like, and bumps in the
road and discomfort are actuallyteaching me something.
And so the second time ithappened, with a different
person and with for a differentreason, I knew right away to
(28:34):
apologize and I actually like Ivalue those two women who had
conflict with me because theytaught me two really important
things.
One, I've always been afraid ofconflict.
Two, I avoid it, like becauseI've been afraid of it, I avoid
it and I always try to likepeople, please, in that sense
Like, if I feel a certain wayand I always try to like people,
please, in that sense, like ifI feel a certain way, I'll try
to take the polite way out andjust like keep it to myself.
(28:54):
And if it continues to happen,then it's like okay, I'm just
not going to hang out with thatperson, which, honestly, I think
there is value added in doingthat way, especially when it's
like a social setting with otherpeople's friends, like you're
not necessarily going to hangout with this person ever again,
unless it's in like a birthdayor whatever.
So to me it's like okay, it'snot worth saying anything, I can
(29:14):
just turn around and talk toother people that I know or
whatever.
These two people who hadconflict with me helped me to
realize that like okay, peoplecan.
You can do what you want to doand try to protect the energy in
the space and give off a vibeof accepting and welcoming and
whatever.
And people may read thatcompletely wrong and come at you
(29:35):
and enlist a boundary or beaggressive or whatever it is,
and you can just apologize andsay I'm sorry that I made you
feel that way and move on andtry to do better, which is what
I've learned that I can, I havethe ability to do that, and then
I don't need to linger on andthink, okay, I'm the worst
person ever.
(29:55):
Oh my gosh, blah, blah, blah,blah, blah.
It's like that is them tellingyou what they need and you
apologize, and it's easy, breezy, beautiful cover girl.
I'm learning that like on myend.
I I'm learning that like on myend.
I am really good at that nowI'm really good.
I'm not really good at it, butlike I now feel really good
about doing that and just liketaking ownership.
It feels really good to takeownership, even if it's over
(30:17):
something that you don't feelyou did or that you were the
problem or anything like that.
The thing is, everyone has adifferent lived experience and
if someone's coming to you andtelling you how they feel you've
made them feel, it feels morefreeing to say I'm sorry that I
did that and I didn't ever meanto make you feel that way, and
(30:40):
then to yourself, make thepromise like I'm going to do
better in the future and justmove on, and it feels so light,
light as a feather, and I thinkthat for me, it's because a lot
of these issues that have arisedor conflicts that I've faced
this past year really don't have, don't really don't hold much
weight.
And I'm not trying to say thatto dismiss any of these people
(31:02):
and how they feel, but just inthe sense that like it's like
they're not, it's not withpeople who are like my, my core.
If it was my core circle, it'slike I want to be in the
trenches with you making sure.
But I also don't think thepeople in my core circle would
ever feel that way, because theyget me, they understand me and
we have a vibe and a friendship.
But like other people, yeah,it's just funny, it's.
(31:24):
It's like this, it's like thisrunning joke in my head now,
that I'm just like a person whocauses conflict when I really
don't think I am, but I guess Iam because it is happening.
Okay, this podcast kind ofprobably makes sense, anyway.
So that's a little bit about myexperience with female
friendship this past year,especially in group settings,
(31:46):
female group settings andespecially in mixed group female
settings, where it's likefriend groups meeting friend
groups or you're coming in aslike the odd one out in a new
friend group and just likeclashing and and figuring out a
mesh and maybe not meshing andclashing and all of this stuff.
It's like really I'm justshocked every time it happens
(32:08):
and that a conflict arises, andthen how I can sometimes be at
the center of it and it's like,oh my gosh, like I never want to
make anyone feel bad and Idon't know.
I don't know specifically whatit is that I'm doing.
I think sometimes I can bereally, I can say things from.
I think.
A lot of the times I say thingsfrom like a version of my lived
(32:30):
experience or something, and itcomes off in a way that maybe
sounds belittling to somebody.
But I'm not saying it at all.
I'll be saying it in a waywhere it's like I felt that too,
but they don't know that I feltthat.
So then I have to like I don'tknow, it's a lot, but anyways,
all this to be said is I'm justlearning that navigating friend
groups can still be hard in your30s and that's just like one of
(32:55):
those things where I'm like wow, that's why I love that I just
have my small group of friendsand that I can just be 100%
myself with them.
It just feels easy, breezy,beautiful cover girl.
And the thing is, we worked forthat.
We worked over years to buildthis friendship and it's like I
have to remember that thosepeople who are in my life now,
(33:17):
who I consider my like ride ordies, like we've worked years
and years and years to have thisamazing, beautiful friendship.
And so for the new people thatI'm meeting, it's like they're
new, they don't know me, theydon't know, they don't know,
they're just.
They're perceiving me off ofwhatever I'm coming into, and I
don't know what that is Like.
I don't know how they perceiveme.
Obviously because I'm me, Ican't perceive myself from an
(33:38):
outwardly view or whatever.
I'm someone who, like, if I talkto you once and it's like a
good, it's a good conversation,like if I talk to you once and
it's a good back and forth, likeI'm like, oh yeah, they're my
friend.
Like I refer to people asfriends who probably don't refer
to me as friends, and I referto people as good friends who
probably don't refer to me asgood friends.
(33:58):
Like does that make sense?
I just feel like I always am soquick to befriend somebody and
like act like we've known eachother and like that we have now
created a friendship, even aftermeeting one time, and I'm
learning that that's not, that'snot how it works.
But I also don't take it tooseriously.
Like if someone walks into mylife I'll be like, oh yeah, my
friend, and that they never talkto me again or we're never in a
social setting again.
I don't hold that against themor anything.
(34:19):
And like if I was to bring itup with somebody else or someone
else brought them up to me, I'dbe like, oh yeah, my friend.
Like I'd be like, oh yeah, myfriend.
Like I just feel, like I havethis very is it nonchalant, I
don't know Like I just want tomake people feel welcomed and
accept it.
But then I also have to realizethat when someone meets me,
(34:41):
they are perceiving me in a waythat might not be the way that I
feel.
Like I'm being perceived, which, like that's confusing.
It's very confusing.
I need other people tounderstand.
Also, I'm not sure if any ofthis made sense, because I'm
trying not to.
I'm trying to be like generalbut also specific, if that makes
sense.
I have learned over this pastyear that navigating friend
groups can be a really toughsituation because everyone is so
(35:03):
different and if you're used toa communication style of one
way, I'm learning that likeeveryone really does have a
different communication styleand some people are just really
upfront and it can come off likeI don't think the word is
intimidating, but like a littlebit overwhelming, and you can
just clash.
(35:23):
You can really just clash withsomeone for not necessarily one
specific reason or becausethere's like this huge conflict.
It's like you just don't meshand meld and it's like I haven't
experienced that either in along time or just like in my
adult life, where you reallyjust don't like mesh and meld
with someone.
Like I feel like you couldalways just be like nice at ease
or if I don't really vibe withwhat you're saying, like so much
(35:46):
so that it's offending me, likeI'll just leave the
conversation like in a groupsetting, like, especially if
it's like a party or something,it's like okay, I'll just go
talk to somebody else.
People have all different typesof conflict strategies and
conflict resolution and that Ialso just need to not be so
offended not me offended, butoffended at how somebody like
finds me offensive.
I just need to like not holdpeople's words with such heavy
(36:09):
weight like I feel likesometimes I'll give.
I feel like I'll give peoplewho are brand new in my life the
same capacity or hurt like ifI've hurt them, like feel this,
like oh pain about it, eventhough I literally just met them
and I don't plan to be theirfriend like in any other setting
than this setting or like otherneutral settings to this.
(36:31):
So it's like, why am I lettingit like run my life?
I've learned over this pastyear that if you don't vibe with
someone and and or someonedoesn't vibe with you and they
let you know, you can just sayyou can just take ownership for
that and remove yourself fromthe situation.
And it is the most freeingexperience literally ever,
(36:52):
because truly I love that sayingthat always goes around.
I feel like on TikTok whenpeople say, like you don't,
other people's opinions of youare none of your business, and I
really do feel that, especiallyin this type of setting I'm
talking specifically about likeI don't know if the right word
is surface level friends, butlike social people that you
(37:13):
socialize with, people that yousocialize with in other settings
but like not necessarily inyour friend group.
It's just there's so much powerin taking ownership,
apologizing if you need to andjust removing yourself from the
situation.
Like it is the most freeingthing ever, because I've had
three experiences this past yearwhere I feel like, in the
moment I feel the weight of theworld.
(37:34):
I'm like, oh my gosh.
And then I like in two of those, I like really got in my head
about it, and then by the thirdone, it was like I have
experienced this before and I'mlearning.
All these uncomfortablesituations have brought me to
this moment where I now feellike I am equipped with the
tools to.
Situations have brought me tothis moment where I now feel
like I am equipped with thetools to take ownership, to know
to take ownership, to apologizeand move past and just let go.
(37:55):
Let go and live, and that feelsreally freeing, and so I just
really want to share thatmessage with you.
Another big lesson I've learnedout of all of this is really
just that I respect people whoare able to stand up for
themselves and put theirboundaries out there, even if to
me it feels like, oh, I feltlike that was uncalled for, but
to them it feels like somethinglike that's me learning, like,
(38:17):
okay, I respect that they can dothat, because that's not
something I'm very good at doingat all, and so I just feel like
I always try to think of itfrom another person's
perspective and then that allowsme to like, move forwards and
let go of it.
It's like, okay, I see it fromtheir perspective.
Now I can move forwards and letgo.
I'm really working on theletting go, especially when it
comes now to these differentsocial settings and things.
(38:38):
It can be hard, but I think I'mgetting a lot better at it.
This week I learned I might bethe problem, but also I'm not
the problem because I'm takingaccountability for my actions
and I'm letting go and I'mlearning that everyone is
different truly, and that reallyin life you sometimes you just
clash with people, you do notmeld, and that you're just not
(39:01):
meant to be friends and that'sokay, it's not a big deal, it
really isn't.
And I still really do lovefemale friendships and I think
it's so empowering.
And I still really do lovefemale friendships and I think
it's so empowering.
And I think one thing aboutbeing a female and participating
in female friendships is that alot of us have been conditioned
to have this sense ofcompetition against each other.
And even if you're not havingcompetition, it's like in the
(39:21):
back of your head it's notsomething that, like, you might
be thinking about in that moment, but in your mind it might be
there and it just feels likesomething that, like you might
be thinking about in that moment.
But in your mind it might bethere and it just feels like
something that we, as females,have to push past and always be
fighting for each other anduplifting each other and caring
and making sure that we supporteach other and love each other,
(39:42):
because, at the end of the day,there's the most beautiful bond
between females.
I do believe that, like I, Ireally do feel like I have
learned to be my best, mostauthentic self in female led
groups, and it's a wonderfulplace to be.
So I'm still grateful and I'mgrateful for everything I've
learned this year and I'mgrateful for every bump in the
(40:02):
road, because it really hastaught me how to be a more
resilient person, and I feellike that's something I'm always
trying to lean into is myresilience, because I'm very
quick to quiet down and bepolite or avoid conflict, and so
, even though in the moment Ihate that, I'm like struck with
(40:24):
some sort of conflict, I alwayslove it because it helps me to
learn how to be more, moreresilient, and I think that's a
really important thing to be.
Let's get into our roses, budsand thorns.
I'm now leaning so much closerto my camera because the
lighting is being weird, butlet's see if this fixes it.
Okay, let's get into our rosesbuds and thorns.
(40:47):
But let's see if this fixes it.
Okay, let's get into our roses,buds and thorns.
My rose this week was I lovetaking Ro to our Taylor Swift
dance party and then just beingon top of laundry.
Those are my two really bigthings.
Like I just am feeling reallycontent with laundry right now,
which like if you've beenlistening to this podcast for
years, you know that has neverbeen ever a feeling.
I've been feeling and it'staken a long time, and you know
(41:10):
what Hard things do take a longtime, but I feel like I'm really
finding my stride, so that'sreally great.
And then I just had such a funtime with Ro at the Taylor Swift
dance party.
My thorn I don't even think mythorn was necessarily being so
paranoid over getting sick thisweekend, because that actually
(41:31):
made me super productive,because I was like, okay, if I'm
going to be really sick, I wantto make sure the house is in
order.
I want to make sure everythingis put together nicely.
So it didn't.
It wasn't so negative.
What is my thorn?
This one might be hard cute.
It's been a good week.
It is only Tuesday.
Okay, I'm really stretching forthis one.
But last night I fell asleep soearly with Rosie and then I was
(41:52):
up at like 12 and then did thewhole like I couldn't fall back
asleep.
But I did.
I didn't go on my phone and Ijust put on a podcast, so I was
proud of myself.
So that was a little good moveforward.
But I find like in the winter Ido go to bed by like eight or
nine.
Like I'm in bed probably byeight, 30 and then asleep by
like nine, nine, 30.
And I'm happy with that.
(42:12):
But like the seven is too early, it's like then I will not
sleep well and then it messes upmy sleep schedule and my bud.
I have so much to look forwardto.
I'm actually so excited aboutthis week.
It's going to be full of somuch fun friend time, some
really good one-on-one friendtime, so I'm so excited for that
.
And then also I'm getting myhaircut later today, which I'm
so excited about, because it isjust like so heavy, my hair gets
(42:35):
really, really thick and then Iknow I need a new haircut and I
, when I was coming home fromDisney world, I we were
literally in line on the lastday at one of the star Wars
rides and I I was like I need tobook a haircut and I thought
I'd be able to get in in like aweek or two, but I couldn't get
until the end of February.
So I'm so excited to get myhaircut.
I just need.
It's like, at that point, youknow where it's just like the
(42:56):
clip doesn't clip as well, itdoesn't dry the way you want it
to dry and it just feels thatlike heaviness or, if you like,
wear it up.
It's like my gosh, it feelslike too much.
So I'm really looking forwardto that.
But yeah, that's my roses, budsand thorns.
Let's get into entertainmentrecap.
Entertainment recap.
Entertainment recap.
If you are watching YouTube, Idon't know why my video just
(43:17):
keeps going out between, likethis doll it's almost like black
and white coloring to the othercoloring.
It just keeps like turning out.
That's why I'm leaning so closeto the camera, because I'm like
, okay, is that helping?
I don't know.
Anyways, I just had to say thatthis week I watched oh, me and
bro watched such a good movielast night.
She'd already seen it.
She said, um, but I hadn't.
(43:39):
I loved it.
It was on Netflix.
It was called was it calledMitchell's save the world?
Is that what it's called?
Oh, the mitchell's verse themachines.
It's on netflix.
It was so good.
I really, really loved it.
Great for the family.
I just thought it was such afun movie.
So if you haven't watched thatyet, the mitchell's save or the
(44:01):
mitchell's verse the machines,such a good animated movie.
I really enjoyed it.
I did watch the SAG Awards,which I don't know if I've ever
watched the SAG Awards, and whenI say I watched it, I only
watched.
I think it was like over twohours.
So I only watched an hour and ahalf of it because then I had
to go pick up Ro.
But it was entertaining.
I really enjoyed it and I wishthat they did more live
(44:24):
streaming of those things Like Iwould love to watch the Oscars,
but we don't have TV and stufflike that.
So, yeah, I wish they did more.
I'm glad that Netflix streamedit.
So that was fun.
Summer House and Below Deckloving it.
Oh, I started.
Love is Blind.
I'm all caught up.
I didn't know if I was going towatch it or not.
People are saying they don'tlove this season as much as they
loved the last, but you know,I'm actually enjoying it.
(44:45):
I haven't not not been enjoyingit.
I'm looking forward to the nextepisodes dropping.
I feel like when I normallywatch it, all of them are out.
So I'm like, oh no, I didn't.
I started too early because nowI have to wait till Friday, but
so I've started.
Love is blind oh, I'm having asleepover this weekend with my
girlfriend.
I wonder if she's watching loveis blind, because then we could
watch the other episodes onFriday.
(45:05):
I feel feel like she's probablynot, but if she was, that would
be fun.
I'm enjoying it.
It's not like super dramafuland some of the couples are kind
of boring, but other ones it'slike I don't quite understand.
I feel like this one I reallycan't read the people that well,
like I'm like I'm trying to seefrom the perspective of the
boy's side and the girl's sideand I don't know, like I'm kind
of getting lost.
So I'm just like excited to seehow it plays out.
(45:26):
Like I feel like that's whereI'm at and I think that's all
I'm watching.
As for listening, nothing new onmy radar this week, um, and no,
no highlighting.
Yeah, nothing reallyhighlighted or new on the radar.
I feel like I just got down andI watched a lot.
I feel like I spent the weekendwatching Love is Blind and
(45:48):
folding laundry.
But yeah, so that's everythingin my entertainment recap.
Okay, cutes, thank you so muchfor being here.
I feel like this week's episodeI was so excited to talk about
and then I feel like I gotreally overstimulated at the
beginning.
I'm still figuring out myperfect recording situation.
I'm so happy that we're back.
We're back in this environment.
I'm getting back to beingcomfortable here.
Not that I'm not comfortable,but I'm just like figuring out
(46:09):
what my real comfort is and likehow I can thrive my best to
just show up at the mic and bemy best version of myself, my
best podcasting version ofmyself.
You know what I mean.
I appreciate all the supportwith the return of the podcast.
It means so much.
I'm so excited that so manycuties are so happy about being
back and I can't wait to talkagain next week.
Also, I think I'm going to bedoing a fun new monthly episode,
(46:32):
which I guess would be nextweek's episode.
I have a new concept idea thatI want to start implementing, I
think once a month, and itinvolves a little bit of a Q&A
section.
So follow me over on Instagramor comment down below on YouTube
, but I'm going to be asking forQ&A questions, so if you have
any, feel free to ask them, oryou can DM me.
(46:54):
But I'll also like put a littlebox up on Instagram later this
week so that I can get them allcollected.
But I look forward to meetingyou next week and I wish you all
some sunshine, some and a lotof laughs along the way.
See you next week, cutes, Bye,love ya.
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