December 6, 2023 • 56 mins
Sick days, Christmas gatherings, and morning walks - does this sound like November to you? Through the lens of my personal experiences and reflections, I, Grace, invite you to join my journey of this last month on hiatus. My often joyful and lively household, now subdued by a recent bout of sickness, has offered me a fresh perspective toward the holiday season.
As we navigate this festive season, I'll take you on a trip down memory lane, reminiscing about our beloved Christmas traditions, from the annual Santa Claus parade to early decoration rituals. Amid the twinkling lights and festive cheer, we'll also touch upon the sometimes overwhelming desire for connection and community. From joining a running club to finding solace in the quiet morning walks - we'll explore it all. But, not just the highs, we'll brave the lows together, unraveling the complex feelings of online entitlement and the struggle for control in our lives.
And it's not all serious - there's room for a few laughs along the way. Have you ever wondered about my morning coffee routine on TikTok, or my “secret” love for potato chips? Or perhaps you're all in for some TV show and movie recommendations to cozy up with in the winter chill. From discussing my recent favourite shows to sharing nostalgic childhood dessert memories, we'll journey through it all. As always, you're not just listeners, but an integral part of our Five Years Time community. So let's celebrate this season of reflection and connection together.
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- Grace
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone, you're listening to 5 Years Time with
your host, grace Black.
Hey cuties, grace here, welcomeback to 5 Years Time podcast.
(00:27):
Happy December.
It really feels like a Decemberin here.
I'm surprised I didn't put myblanket on.
I am having a debate, but it'sgoing to be tricky to do it
because it's under me and I'm ontop of it and I can't really
get to it without my moik micfalling over.
(00:49):
Anyways, that's okay, we arewhere we are.
I'll get nice and snugly withmy words.
Welcome back to another episode.
Cutes, I've missed you.
Thank you for allowing me thispause, this hiatus in the middle
.
We ended up all being just ahouse full of sickies.
It was one of us was sick, thenpassing it to the other one and
(01:10):
the other one and the other one.
I think the last episode Irecorded was very much an
accurate representation of theseason that I was just about to
go in.
There I think I talked abouthow maybe Ro was sick at the
time, I'm not sure, but anyways,how I didn't think I was
getting sick or not feeling well, but I was feeling all these
down emotions and whatever.
(01:32):
Anyways, yes, I was gettingsick and yes, it was going to be
a long process to recover,because as soon as each of us
started feeling better, the nextone would start feeling down.
Thankfully, there was alwaysone of us to feel good, and me
and Trevor were not everoverlapping in our sickness,
which is good.
When there's a parent who canalways be on the ball and not
(01:55):
feeling like a potato, that isthe best situation.
Anyways, it is now December, weare on the ups.
I still have a nasally voice.
I feel like that always happens.
After you get sick is when yousound.
The worst is afterwards.
What can you do about that?
I am so glad to have had thattime where we were just feeling
(02:21):
low energy and down.
I mean, when you do feel sick,that's not the fun part, but I
was glad that we were able tojust slow down together.
I think it kind of shifted myperspective.
Going into this holiday season,we're actually going to be
taking it very low key.
Typically we host something foreveryone, usually New Year's,
(02:44):
and I was actually lookingforward to doing that this year,
but someone else jumped the gunor not jump the gun, but
someone else put their name intothe ring before we had the
opportunity to.
At first I was like, oh man.
Then I was like you know whatI'm actually looking forward to?
Maybe hosting a little bit moreintimately this year and just
(03:04):
spending more of that qualitytime with people on individual
levels, as opposed to when youhost a group of people, like a
large group of people are.
All are bringing all differentpeople from different walks of
your lives together.
A lot of the time is notgetting to spend that one-on-one
good quality time.
It's still so fun and wonderfuland I love doing it, but
(03:27):
there's positives and negativesto everything, right, anyways,
yeah, so, kicking off December,which is truly our holiday time,
I am so excited to be back onthe pod.
I've been having a lot ofdiscourse in my mind on if I was
going to just take a break forthe rest of the year and come
(03:47):
back in January, but I reallywanted to come and close off the
year together.
I feel like there's so muchgoodness that's happened this
year and reflection and low andhighs and all of the good stuff
that we come here to talk abouton five years time.
I would have been sad not tospend this time with the cuties.
(04:11):
I have some very excitingthings coming up in the next
week or so.
So get ready for that.
I don't want to hint too muchat it, but just know that we're
really going to end the yearwith a celebration and I am so
excited to share this gift withyou.
(04:31):
But, yeah, I'm not going to saymuch more than that, but I've
been working hard on somethingspecial for all my cuties out
there.
As you know, this podcast iswhere my true heart is.
It is where I really bear.
Oh no, my recording stopped.
I'm trying to record on, I'mtrying to record on something
(04:55):
different.
I don't think it's going towork.
Anyways, I was going to try andrecord on my other camera for
the video component, but youknow what?
Let's just not even do videotoday.
I'm not even going to stressabout it, because we have
something exciting coming upthat's going to be filled with
lots of fun and good video.
Today is just about voiced earand the true old podcasting way
(05:23):
that it is.
Another update on that note isthat, while I was on that little
hiatus of November, theplatform that I typically use to
record by podcast which I havea whole episode all about how to
start a podcast and everythingthat I use, and I talk more in
depth about that platform, butthey've changed their what is it
(05:46):
called subscription model andit's now not a free service,
which they did that a while agoand there was other options or
whatever.
But anyways, it was aphenomenal service and I'm not
against it at all.
I love it.
I need to look into what myoptions are moving forward, but
that's a big thing.
So now I'm recording just likeright onto my computer and
(06:10):
that's totally fine for now, butit takes away my accessibility
to doing video recording soeffortlessly.
I used to do video recordingthis way, where I record audio
on my computer and then I woulddo video separate and then I
would have to combine the twoand like sync up the recording,
(06:31):
and it's totally doable.
It just takes a lot, a lot oftime, which is why I had stopped
sharing the videos on YouTube,for I think that was during
season two, and I've done prettygood for season three with this
new interface that I use, butunfortunately it's just like
changed and I need to actuallyhave a moment to sit down and
(06:52):
figure out what I'm going to domoving forward.
So that's why this episode willbe podcast only.
I was going to attempt to do it, but I have a different camera
now and it does not work thesame way that my old camera used
to work, which I just learned.
So that is the learning processof trial and error, but I am so
excited to be here.
We have a really exciting monthahead of us, so get strapped in.
(07:14):
Today we're going to becatching up a lot on this past
month and also just talkingabout being a sponge.
I feel like I'm in this time ofmy life, this phase right now,
where I'm very much absorbingeverything around me.
I think we always are but I'mvery much I don't know sensitive
to the energies andenvironments that I'm in at the
(07:37):
moment, and it's feeling alittle overwhelming at times.
But before we get into that,let's do a weekly recap or I
guess more like a monthly recap.
I think I left off saying that Iwas craving more in-person
connection, which is funnybecause a month later, I now
feel like I'm kind of feelingoverwhelmed by my connections
(08:00):
with people.
It's funny how things can go upand down.
But, that being said, I justthink right now, in this moment,
I am feeling that I don't knowthat need.
I'm not sure if it's a need forprivacy.
I don't think that's what it is, but maybe just like a need for
(08:26):
I'm trying to think of what itis A need for more positive
energy in my life.
Maybe that's what it is, butanyways.
So I actually ended up well,I've only gone once because I'm
getting all sick and I'm notsure if it's something you join
or just like attend, but I endedup attending a public club that
(08:49):
it's a running club that doeswalking as well, and I'm not
sure if I talked about this ornot on the podcast, but I had
three signs from the universe.
I saw someone in the communitywearing their swag.
I'd heard about them before andI was like, oh yeah, I should
go to that.
I totally forgot about it.
Then I went and followed themon Instagram because they popped
(09:10):
up on my Instagram and I waslike, oh, I should follow them
so I keep remembering, or sothat at least they consistently
can remind me, like through thatsocial media platform.
And then one of you guys thecuties had messaged me being
like hey, just so you know, likeI recently moved close to the
area and I started going to thisclub, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
And I was like, oh my gosh,okay, three things in one week,
(09:31):
I have to go, and so I did endup going that Saturday and I had
an amazing time and it was sofun and it was at a great venue
and basically I walked becauseI'm not a runner it's too harsh
on my knees, but they're superaccepting to everybody in every
pace.
And so me and Rao went and wewalked and I actually got to
hang out with the cutie and itwas so wonderful and I met I met
(09:53):
a few other cuties who actuallygo to this club as well, and so
it was just amazing, and so itwas a really truly like one of
those things where it was likewow, like how have I not been
part of this community?
Because it's been a club thatI've known about since pretty
much.
We moved here, which was likethree years ago, and I also
(10:14):
ended up walking and getting toI, someone else was walking, and
they just came and walked withme and got to spend time getting
to know them and it was sowonderful and it just felt like
a really warm environment.
And, that being said, I need tostart going again because we're
all feeling so much better.
But now, you know, it's the timeof the season where our
weekends are very.
They do do very.
They do do midweek things, butthat's always a little harder
(10:37):
with me and having a kid andwhatever flexible schedules.
But the weekend one Is good andit's like really early in the
morning, not really, but theweekend when, I think, starts at
like 8, 30 in the morning, soit's like first thing in the
morning.
You don't usually have a planthat early, so yeah, I should, I
should look into what's goingon this weekend.
So that's update number one.
(10:58):
That was great.
I need to start going again.
Number two I guess we had ourkickoff to Christmas, which is
our annual, officially annual,because we this is our second
year doing it.
So now it is a tradition whenwe go to the Santa Claus parade
up north in Miss Goka with myfamily and it's so fun, my
(11:19):
extended family, so my cousins,their kids, my aunt's mom goes
all that stuff and Ro loves itbecause she gets to spend time
with we call them cousins Iguess they technically are her
second cousins, but the cousinsand it's just a lovely weekend
away.
It's nice to be up north.
It always feels so festive upthere and we see, watch the
Santa Claus parade, we spendtime with family and eating good
(11:42):
food and hanging out andgetting to know you, getting to
know each other, getting to hearabout each other's lives and
updates and all of that stuff.
And Ro is so cute.
After the Santa Claus paradeshe turns to me, my mom, me and
my mom and is like I just lovewhen we kick off the Christmas
season.
I was like you are the cutest.
So, yeah, that was a reallywonderful weekend away.
(12:02):
We get to enjoy Webber's, whichis a delicious burger joint
that's on the way up To MissGoka and it's just so good and
it is such a childhood staple.
So always feels nostalgicgetting it and enjoying sharing
it with Ro.
Last year it was like pouringrain, so I remember we got it to
go, but this year we went andwe ate in the train and
(12:23):
everything.
And that's always the goodmemory, because they have, like
these Trains that are no longerin service that they use as like
the restaurant to sit in andenjoy your food.
I'm trying to think.
I feel like there's so muchstuff that's happened so it's
very hard to remember everylittle thing, but I'm really
giving you the highlights here.
(12:43):
I Feel like In our house.
I am so glad I spoke about this, how I was like a November 1st
cutie putting up my Christmaslights and like I am so glad I
did that because it's just, Itold you last year we ended up
getting sick around this timeand I hadn't done anything.
And then I felt like the weekbefore Christmas.
(13:03):
It wasn't even a scramble, itwas like a convincing like oh,
should I put up stuff?
Obviously I should put up stuff, but I just like was not in the
mood.
I felt like such a littlescrooge last year and so this
year I'm so glad that I did itearly, because it really has
been just wonderful Getting outa little bit of stuff here and
there.
We haven't done our tree yet,but we are doing that this
(13:26):
upcoming week and I'm so excited.
I told you we're cutting down atree this year.
I can't wait.
It's just gonna be the beesknees To take row for her first
tree cutting down Situation.
Apparently, christmas trees arelike hard to come by.
This year it's been on the news.
Everyone's like saying all thisstuff, they're gonna run out.
And I'm like, of course, theyear that I choose to cut down a
(13:48):
tree, but we did find a farmthat I guess their way to combat
Like losing of trees too earlyor not losing, but running out
of trees too early in the season, is that they're doing like
scheduled, very much like COVIDprotocol.
They're doing like schedules,so everyone has to like choose a
time slot and you could onlyget one tree and like per family
or like per your time slot, andthat's how they're guaranteeing
(14:12):
that they'll have enough treesCloser to the Christmas season,
which I guess you want to dowith Christmas trees, because a
lot of people don't want to getthem till closer because they
they aren't there is, there aresomething they are, oh my gosh,
something you have to keep aliveand Fresh and you want it to be
most fabulous I'm assuming theweek of Christmas.
(14:33):
So, yeah, I didn't think we'dgo this early.
I thought we would be going alittle bit closer, because as a
kid, I feel like we always wentlike two weeks before, maybe
even only one week beforeChristmas and so, but we want to
make sure we get a tree.
So we got our time slot in.
We're booked and busy, but yeah, so I'm really looking forward
to that.
(14:54):
I've just been really enjoyingSpending time in the home, like
I've made our living room socozy recently and I actually
just made our basement ourBasements where our TV is in our
rec room and I've put in acarpet and Repurposed a carpet.
I took the carpet out of ourroom which, as Trevor says, we
(15:15):
need a carpet in our room.
Actually, kind of like itwithout the carpet, but we will
get a carpet.
I just that carpet I didn'tlove so much for our bedroom.
I felt like it was too big andI thought it would be better for
that rec room and it makes itUltimately so cozy and I've been
spending so much time downthere, which has been so nice.
I love when I can utilize otherareas of our house and so
that's just been so nice andit's so cute row.
(15:37):
One morning we usually hang outin the living room, but one
morning, after I Refreshed therec room, she was like, oh,
let's go down there.
And then we were sitting therewatching a show and she was all
of a sudden.
She was like whoa, mom, it'slike this is another living room
.
And I was like, yeah, becauseour upstairs living room was
quite cozy it doesn't have a TVin there though and she's like,
wow, we have two living rooms.
(15:59):
And I was like kind of, I saidI said honestly we have like
lots of living space.
Like a living room was just aplace where you sit and hang out
, but this is.
I guess you could call this arec room, to not be confused.
I think other people call itlike rumpus rooms.
What do you call your TV or TVrooms?
Like what do you call your notand I was gonna say formal
(16:21):
living room?
But like our living room, to besaying that it's not even a
formal living room?
Like I know some people haveliving rooms to living rooms or
a sitting room.
Oh, it's so confusing.
But I know some people do havea formal living room which they
really don't use unlesscompanies over and they kind of
keep it like clean and pristineat all times and if someone
drops by Then you can have teaor whatever in there.
But it's not like a place wherethe kids and the family you
(16:44):
just like hang out and dowhatever and but like our living
room on our main floor reallyis like a the heart, one of the
hearts of the home, because I'dsay our kitchen is probably the
biggest heart, but like we dospend probably the most time
chilling in that space as afamily all together, but anyways
(17:04):
.
So I've just been really takingtime to cozy our house.
I'm still on my declutter kickand I will continue that forever
and always probably.
But yeah, I just really I needto do our closets.
I feel like every year I comeon this podcast and I talk about
how much our closets bring mestress and it is that time of
(17:24):
year like I never switched overour friend Hall closet this past
spring To our summer springcloset, so it always had the
winter coats and boots in thereand then I just put our summer
spring coats in there and nowwe're back to winter.
So I never did it because ourwinter coats already in there,
but it is literally busting atthe seams because it has
everything.
It has all the boots, all theshoes, all the sandals, all
(17:45):
everything and all of the coatsand it has all of like row has
because she's just like growing.
All the time I'm always buyingnew shoe sizes, new coats, new
this or not necessarily new, new, new, but like you know what I
mean, like having to get newsizes, and so I feel like I just
need to go through and Donateso much of that, get rid of
(18:06):
what's not good anymore and alsojust put away the summer stuff,
like we don't need our flipflops right now and we don't
need our light jackets.
So yeah, I need to do that, but,and honestly, it's not even
that big of a task.
I actually enjoy doing it.
It's just one of those thingsthat's so easy to put off
because you just close the doorand it's like it doesn't exist.
(18:27):
But then those days when you goin to get a coat, you're like,
ah, you're like so upset, you'relike, oh my gosh, it's like
sending you into a spiral.
Yeah, so it's not worth it.
For those moments I need to justdo it.
Maybe I'll do it after schooltoday.
Maybe I can tell row, row keepsme so accountable, I can always
tell her, remind me to do this,and she will always remind me.
So maybe I can say, like todaywe need to clean out the closet.
(18:49):
Let's put on some music, have afun clean up the closet time
and enjoy after school snack.
That's, that's the plan.
We'll see, we'll see.
It also involves bringing uplike a bin from downstairs to
put all that stuff in, and thenyou know, the bin lives in the
kitchen for too long because bythe time I'm done, I'm too tired
to take it downstairs.
And then it's just like, wow,we all know how the decluttering
(19:12):
and cleaning game goes like.
Sometimes it's so hard to justlike start and finish totally
the whole task complete, yeah.
But anyways, I've just beenreally, really focusing on
creating cozy mornings, enjoyingreally good morning routines
(19:32):
and Just spending that, thatmeaningful time even though it's
dark now, just spending thatmeaningful time, like being very
present While I'm experiencingthose hours of darkness.
But like, that being said, mymornings are doing good, but my
(19:53):
evenings, oh my gosh, I can'tstop falling asleep.
At eight o'clock even like lastnight, me and Trevor watched a
show Downstairs in our newsecond living room, in the rec
room, which is so nice to spendtime down there and watch a show
, but it's like I can't not fallasleep.
I wanted to watch her, so I wasinto the show eight o'clock,
snoring, and then, like you know, you do the thing where you
(20:14):
like wake up and you're like,hopefully the person didn't
notice I fell asleep and thenTrevor was like shaking me and I
was like what?
I'm awake?
He's like no, you were notawake, you were snoring so much.
I was like I don't know whatyou're talking about, but yeah,
anyways, then I just like wantto get upstairs to my bed as
quickly as possible, and there'sno like, once I fall asleep on
(20:34):
the couch, there's no comingback from that like, put me in
bed and Good night.
That being said, I didn't wakeup in the middle of the night,
which is good, because a lot ofthe times, if I'm fall asleep
early, I'll wake up in themiddle of the night.
But I didn't, so I was happyabout that, and that's all I can
ask for.
Like, honestly, I'm fine tofall asleep early, whatever, as
long as I'm not waking up in themiddle of the night, as long as
(20:56):
I'm having a good, full rest,I'm happy.
But yeah, another thing I'vebeen doing and adding into my
morning routines has been goingfor morning walks.
Every day, after I drop off row, I'll just go for a walk, and
if it can't be right away, thenI'll make sure to get in, and
that's another point it's really.
But like in the first the, if Ican do it right before I have
(21:19):
to like go back to the house, itmakes such a difference.
It just puts me in a goodmindset.
It helps me, let go.
It helps me just like feelenergized and Give myself like
um time to work through what myhopes and dreams for the day are
, what my to-do list is, becausesometimes if I just like drop
(21:41):
off real and come home, it'slike I feel like a slug and a
snail and I find it really hardto get started and concentrate
and focus on projects that Iwant to complete or work on or
whatever.
So that's been a really bigthing.
But that's pretty much whatthis past month has consisted of
rest and then all of that andit's been a really good mix of
everything that I love.
(22:03):
But recently, aka probably thepast couple days, like maybe the
past four days or so I've justfelt this absorption of energies
around me and people's people,other things like things that I
feel like have nothing to dowith me or maybe I don't know
(22:25):
like I just feel like I'm I'mfestering and taking in other
people's stuff and it's likemaking me feel like I want to be
disconnected and I know that'snot what I want.
I've been talking about how Iwant to find connection and all
of these things Recently.
It's just been feeling reallyoverwhelming and it makes me
feel like I just want to, youknow, go away and like just go
(22:50):
somewhere where nobody isobviously Trevor and Ro come
with me but like just gosomewhere where nobody knows me
and has no expectations of Idon't know anything, and just be
on my own and just not startover with, just like feel
freedom.
But that being said, I knowthat like it's going to be okay
(23:14):
and this is just the moment I'min right now, but I think I'm
just like trying to figure outhow I can support myself through
this time.
So let's get into this week Ilearned.
This week I learned I learnedthat I am not always in control
(23:39):
of how I feel, which is toocited, right, because ultimately
I am in control, but it takestime to find that sometimes and
you get what you're doingsometimes and you get lost in
other people's thoughts andother people's processes and
other people's expectations andother people's stuff that has
(24:00):
nothing to do with you, likethey're just sharing it with you
and you're like absorbing theinformation and it's like too
much, like you just like.
It's like you're not even toomuch in the moment they're doing
it, but afterwards you're like,oh wait, I think this is
affecting me, it's affecting mysleep, it's affecting my dreams,
it's affecting the way that Iprocess, how I live in my life,
it's affecting how I'm thinking,how other people are perceiving
it's just like a lot, and Idon't normally feel like that,
(24:27):
like I normally can separatethose two things, and I maybe I
am on my period, so maybe I'm inthat point in my life or in my
cycle where I am more sensitiveto my surroundings.
I also am feeling like I am.
I'm kind of in a vulnerablestate in my working life at the
(24:52):
moment because I've beenspending, I really, to slow down
the second half of this yearand was sorting out what my
boundaries are and all of thisstuff for sharing online, but
then, and also like just haven'tbeen as much as I'm just a
(25:14):
stickler on myself for having tomeet other people's
expectations, which is what Iwant.
Like I want that.
I'm happy for that, but I knowthat that puts me in a
vulnerable place in an onlinespace and that other people may
believe that that's I don't know.
They can have their ownperceptions and feelings over
like what I've been sharing ornot been sharing or all of this
stuff, and I'm fine with that.
(25:34):
Like, literally, that'sprobably the lowest on the totem
pole of what's affecting me,but, like because I already am
feeling that in my life rightnow, it's just adding on to it I
shared on my Instagramyesterday like this person had
commented.
I haven't been really active inmy comments over the past week
or so, just because I've been inthis, this mental mind place,
(25:56):
and I don't want to.
I don't want to like, I justknow it's not good for me to be
in the comments right now.
I know myself right now andthat's just not where I want to
be, not because I'm gonna dosomething bad, but because it's
gonna affect me and how Iinternalize things.
And like, even though 90%, 99%of the people actually are so
fabulous the QT's are amazing, Ilove them so much, they have so
(26:17):
many good things to say andwhen I do see the comments, they
make me feels a good way.
But every so often, this onewill come in and that's why I'm
trying to avoid the comments.
And then, all of a sudden, Ijust like logged on to tick tock
and someone had said somethingso absurd.
Like it was along the lines oflike I can't watch your videos
anymore because you went toItaly and didn't share your
(26:38):
itinerary.
Like that was so disappointing.
I was like you're what?
I just like I had to commentback to that person because I
was like, do you even realizewhat you're saying?
I usually never comment back topeople who just like are
negative or saying whatever.
But I just said to them likeplease unfollow.
Like you, I, first of all, Idid post my itinerary and maybe
(27:00):
it's not the itinerary, you wantit, but I also vlog to
literally every single day.
I was in Italy and I didn'thave to do that and maybe I
shouldn't do that moving forward, if this is what people think.
But, like I was so happy for thevlogs.
I love them, I look back onthem all the time and maybe it's
something I just need to do formyself, but like this person's
entitlement over my life justmade me feel so icky.
(27:22):
It was such a strange thing andlike I and and so I clicked on
them because I was like okay,hopefully they're not following
me, at least I just popped up intheir FIP like if I'm so
devastating to them, and thenthey were following me and I was
like why?
Like normally I would justblock someone like that, but I
was like I want to give themsome food for thought.
I was like, please justunfollow me, like I'm, if my, if
(27:44):
my content is disappointing toyou, like, why are you here?
And it's just one of thosethings where it honestly didn't
make me feel like negative orsad or upset or like, oh, I've
let this person down.
I didn't feel that at all.
I just felt like kind of grossby the, by the idea of someone
having this expectation of me to, to, to give them whatever they
(28:08):
want at a, at a whim.
You know what I mean.
Like and like.
I'm not.
Like, if anything, the in, likeI'm not a travel influence.
I was not paid to go on thattrip.
I paid for it and we did thatas a family trip.
It was not something that I hadto share on.
Social media was not part of myjob.
It was none of that stuff.
(28:28):
It was something that I choseto share and I worked really
hard on and had so much funbooking it.
As you know, I've talked aboutit here, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, whatever.
But it's just one of thosethings where it's like, why?
Why do people out there feel soentitled?
Like?
I have not that kind of viewer.
I do not feel that way, likewhen someone shares something,
I'm grateful that I got toexperience it and maybe I have
(28:51):
questions or maybe I thinksomething about.
I'm like, oh, it'd be amazingif they could share this, and if
they don't, I literallyprobably never think about it
again.
Or it's just like I understand,like they don't have to share,
like it's okay.
Um, yeah, it's just.
It was one of those things thatjust kind of like Whatever
anyways, I shared it on myInstagram story because, like, I
(29:11):
feel like my Instagramfollowers like Currently TikTok
I've talked about this is justlike I have no idea what's going
on over there, whatever, butlike my videos don't get pushed
out to, like they get pushed outto random people or every so
often I feel like everyone I getpushed out to it's like oh, I
haven't seen you in so long, soit's just not people who've been
upkeeping with me For so long.
So I just feel like it's not asmuch of a community over there.
(29:35):
We're like TikTok or whereInstagram.
I feel like you really havethat community.
You have your stories you canshare on the DMs.
I feel like your content ispushed out to the people who
follow you and choose to bethere and it's just like I know
that's like a safe space for meto go and talk.
So, yeah, I just shared that andlike put out a little
disclaimer that like I'mgrateful, I'm so grateful for
(29:57):
this opportunity to likepublicly share my life and have
people support me in a way thatallows me to create income and
Support my family and support mydreams and my ambitions and all
of these things.
Like I'm so grateful for thattruly.
But, on that note, like my lifeis my life and like no one has
(30:19):
the ability to To purchase itfrom me, like really truly, like
I am not giving.
Well, I guess that, that beingsaid, I am giving away, like
what I want for free, but like Iam not, I choose property.
Like I'm not someone's property, I choose what I want to share.
I choose what makes me feelcomfortable and like someone
(30:41):
coming and asking for somethinglike that, like was that even
asking?
It's not even.
Like you could have just saidlike hey, like I Never saw your
itinerary, did you share it?
I would have literally beenlike yeah, like here it is.
I would have tagged you in thevideo.
I'd have been like here's thevideo at blah blah blah, but
like it's just one of thosethings where I just was like I
just need to be more vocal and Ialways feel better when I put
(31:03):
out into the universe like whatmy Expectations are and my
boundaries and all of that,especially because I've been
working so hard on them thisyear to Decide what they are and
also know that I'm flexiblewith them.
Like I'm not flexible, like ifI set a boundary, it's boundary,
but also that like it doesn'thave to be forever.
I can always come back and sayhey, whatever, but like we're
forever changing anyway.
(31:25):
So that's one thing, but thatfell on top of me just feeling
like I'm absorbing Everybody'senergies around me in this
moment and like there's so manyother things that have been
going on where I just feel likeI Feel like other people in my
life or not even in my life.
Necessarily you could just liveclose to me and I don't really
even know you, but I just feellike I'm Taking on a lot of
(31:48):
different feelings right now andit's not that I don't want to
say it's weighing me down, Ijust think it's clouding me,
like it's clouding.
It's clouding who I am and it'sclouding like how I feel and
it's like making me work extrahard through a bunch of like
Swamp water in my mind to get towhat I want to do, which is why
these morning walks that I'vebeen doing have been helping so
(32:11):
so much, because it's just atime where I can like Throw in a
podcast or just listen to thewaves of water.
If I go walk down by the waterand just like re-center myself
and kind of like Swim throughthe muckiness and get to like a
bit more clarity, because I justfeel like I'm in this time
right now when I'm reallyabsorbing and I I've never I'm
(32:32):
sure there's times in my lifewhere I felt like this, but I've
never really been like anabsorber.
I definitely know people in mylife who, like I feel, absorb
other people and it it's.
It can be such a beautifulthing because you can be truly
like you have, you can reallyfeel empathy for people and have
this beautiful connection.
(32:52):
But also it can really be likethis negative that just like
pulls you down where you mighteven be taking in things that
aren't even real.
It's just how you perceivewhatever the situation is, or
how you then process someoneelse's situation in your mind.
It can just be veryoverwhelming, and I'm sure so
many of you have felt like thisbefore.
But this is just where I amright now and you know, when I
(33:12):
come to the podcast and I talkabout it, I'll always feel so
much better after.
So I was like cute, so we gotto sit down and talk about this.
But honestly, I'm just in thistime of my In my life where I
just want to.
I don't know like.
I just want it to be simple.
I want I know that life isn'talways cupcakes and rainbows.
(33:36):
I really truly know that, but Ido want it to be more.
I'm trying really hard,especially with this morning
routine and just making thingsreally simple and enjoying the
small moments.
I'm always trying to live forthat and so that's what I'm
trying to do.
And it just feels like sometimesI don't know like a kick, a
kick down, a kick when you'redown I'm not even down like it
(33:57):
just feels like, oh, like I feellike I was working so good at
feeling good and making surethat I Was having a clear mind
and like trying not to haveother people affect me and all
this stuff, and then, like thiscomes out of nowhere and it's
kind of like oh, this isn'tsomething I'm used to
experiencing, but that is thebeauty of life, isn't it?
(34:17):
This is teaching me something,and we all can't just run away
and be on our own and live on anisland and not have to Talk to
anyone, because that also hasits downside, everything has its
downside and everything has itsupside.
But, yeah, I'm just like inthis absorption mode and I'm
really trying to I don't know ifit's that I I Think I don't.
(34:40):
I don't know what it is, Idon't know if it's that I don't
want to absorb or I don't knowlike I just feel I Feel too much
responsibility for things thatI shouldn't even feel
responsibility for.
I think that's, I think that'sthe issue, and so I'm just
trying to, yeah, re-centermyself and really let go and
really just like not care.
(35:00):
I feel like there's like thisquote, that's like it's not your
what I'm not even know what itis, but it's something like why
are you thinking about whatother people are thinking about?
Like it's none of your business, like other people's opinions
of you or another business, likeother people's opinions of you
or another business I thinkthat's it.
But like it's not even aboutpeople's opinions of me
necessarily, but like otherpeople's opinions in general,
(35:21):
like it's, like, it's none of mybusiness, like Just don't think
about it.
No, no, don't carry it.
Okay, don't carry it.
But yeah, that's where I'm atthis week and I'm working
through it, so let's get intoour.
We never did snack and drink ofthe week, sorry, cute, it's
been a while.
I'm a little thrown off, solet's do our snack and drink of
(35:42):
the week.
Today I have water.
I'd love to tell you that's mydrink of the week, but it's not.
But it is what I have.
I Am living.
If you've been following me ontiktok, I've been doing morning
coffee every day, which I usedto do all the time, and, yeah,
it's been something nice tobring back.
(36:03):
It's just been feeling reallycozy and I feel like the people
who come to those videos, likeI'm learning slowly the
different energies that I getfor videos and I feel like the
people who come to the morningvideos are really truly the
cuties that Bring warmth andlove into my life and I love
that.
But my favorite thing at themoment is a double shot of
(36:24):
espresso over ice in my cutelittle mug with a dash of cream.
I'm just loving it, like it isso delicious I can't stop.
And then my snook this is hard.
I really feel like it's potatochips.
I am like obsessing over potatochips right now.
I love potato chips.
(36:44):
It's my favorite favorite thing, like probably my favorite type
of like snack food is probablya potato chip, but like just a
classic.
I like the wavy bass, but Rowant it to get like, you know,
lay's original, like the thinones, which also equally
delicious, and so I've just beenreally enjoying that.
I also got sun chips, which Ihaven't had sun chips in so long
(37:06):
.
Who remembers when sun chips hadthose really noisy bags Like,
is that, was that real?
I do remembers that they Ithink they were supposed to be
like plantable, like fullyorganic or not organic organic
bags, fully disposable what isthat called Compostable?
(37:27):
But they were so noisy, like sonoisy.
I feel like that was a pipedream.
Was that real?
Anyways, I've been having, Ihave been having sun chips and
Ro asked for some the other dayand it was the cutest thing ever
.
She was like mommy, can I havesome sunflower chips?
They're really delicious.
I just love that she calledthem sunflower chips.
That's so cute.
(37:49):
So, yeah, those are my snacksof the week.
I'm a drink, okay.
So now that we've got a littlebackwards forwards with that,
let's get into our roses, budsand thorns.
Hmm, my rose, rose, rose, rose.
(38:11):
I'm trying to think.
I feel like there's probably afew, so I really want to choose
a good one.
We haven't had one for a while,so it needs to be something so
special.
Hmm, okay, I know what it is.
Yesterday, me and Rowe went forice cream and there's something
about ice cream in thewintertime that just hits Like.
(38:33):
Personally, I do not likemelted ice cream, so I feel like
, naturally, like wintertime icecream is my favorite kind.
But we went to Marble Slab,which I love.
Marble Slab, like there are somany Marble Slabs now.
I don't know if it's just likewhere I live, but like growing
up I did not have any MarbleSlabs.
I think the closest I justremember the closest one being
like a couple cities over.
(38:54):
Anyways, I love Marble Slab andI can think of two that I can
go to that are close.
So it's like what.
There are so many Marble Slabsnow, but and now they do
unlimited toppings.
At one point you used to haveto pay for the mixins, but now
you get unlimited.
This is the first time I everbrought Rowe to Marble Slab as
like a guess child who choosesher own things.
(39:15):
Like I'm pretty sure we've beenthere before, but maybe just
when she was like a little babymaybe one, one and a half and so
she was obsessed.
And then all of a sudden I wasliterally filled with overjoyed.
Like I first of all love MarbleSlab, it's my favorite.
I always get like a prettysimple flavor of ice cream.
(39:37):
Sweet cream is usually myfavorite and I always get
raspberries mixed in, becausethen it's like a sweet cream
raspberry situation.
And then I like nerds.
I like gummy bears.
Yes, I do like when gummy bearsget hardened ice cream.
I know some people don't likethat, but I have always liked
that since I was a child goingto basket and robins.
I would always get my gummybear mixins.
But anyways, I get the nerdsbecause I love the tartness.
(40:00):
I think it goes well with theraspberries.
I get the gummy bears, I get theM&Ms.
I'm trying to think.
I feel like there's one otherthing I get, but I can't think
of what it is.
And then, if I'm in the mood, Iget sprinkles.
I gotta tell you, sprinkles isone of those things where you
think like, oh, it's justsprinkles, like it doesn't add
any value other than being cuteand colorful.
But there's something aboutsprinkles, like if you go to an
(40:22):
ice cream truck, when you getsprinkles it elevates, like it
makes it better, like it reallydoes even taste better, like
it's so good.
So, anyways, I didn't getsprinkles, but sometimes I do.
Anyways, ro was so excited.
First of all I felt like wewere in Italy with the amount of
flavors there were, becausethat's how it is with the gelato
there's like so much.
So I read through everythingand she I knew she was going to
(40:45):
get the mixed one because shelike loves the.
You know how Laura Seacort haslike the super what is it called
Super hero ice cream orwhatever, which just looks so
unappealing but, like to a kid,the best thing ever.
So they have their own.
They call it unicorn somethingand it's I think it was banana,
I don't know, it was threeflavors mixed together, but
anyways she chose that one,which was the very first one I
(41:06):
read when I read through all ofthem and then, when it came to
toppings, they have them likeall out, so you can like see
them.
Oh, she was just in heaven.
She was so, so, so excited andso she got all her toppings Like
I swear, every topping.
This girl was like I'm lovingthe mix and I'm going to get a
little bit of mix.
(41:27):
And then we sat and we enjoyedand it was so nice and we
actually had dessert first.
Well, like, we went to Marbleslab after school I actually had
to go to my mom's and help herwith something and then we went
to Marble slab, but so we wentbefore dinner, which just threw
me back to me and my bestie T,when we were in our like 20s.
I had just moved back fromOttawa and she was just
(41:52):
finishing up school or had goneinto another program.
Anyways, we were both, I wantto say, single ladies, but we
weren't.
I was dating Trevor at the time, but she was a single lady at
this moment and, like, honestly,like me, dating Trevor was like
the same concept because helived a few cities over.
So, like you know, we weren'twith each other every single day
, and so we would just go out,like I swear, all the time,
multiple times a week, and wewould always get dessert and
(42:14):
then go for dinner, and that waslike our thing.
We always did that, and so Iwas all of a sudden just like
thrown back to that.
I was like, oh my gosh, Ihaven't done this in so long,
where we like intentionally gofor dessert and then we didn't
go out for dinner Like me and Ro, we just went home and made
dinner.
But it was so fun and now Iwant to do it more often and I
(42:34):
also had to like be like Tiana.
I did that today.
Ah, we used to go, me and myfriend Tiana used to go this
place in Toronto which doesn'texist anymore.
It was called Sweet Flower, itwas in High Park and they made,
made, made, make to order ororder to made to order I think
that's moving made to ordercookies.
So it was a cookie bar placewhere basically behind the
(42:55):
window they had toppings andthen they had cookie dough.
So there was like a plaincookie dough, an oatmeal cookie
dough, a peanut butter cookiedough, maybe a chocolate cookie
dough, I'm not sure.
I would always get peanutbutter, and then you would scoop
your cookie dough and then youwould choose your toppings, and
so I always got like pretzelsand a chocolate of some sort, so
score or whatever there was,and I always love to salty sweet
(43:19):
.
There was like chips.
There was all differentchocolates.
It was everything.
You could get anything you want.
So then they would mix yourcookie dough and then they would
bake it fresh right there andthen I would top it with a
chocolate icing so they haddifferent icings.
You could do as well I've got achocolate icing and then you
would sit.
It was like a cafe that made,made to order cookies and you
(43:39):
would sit and enjoy your cookiethat you just customized.
It was literally the best placeever.
I think I took everyone there,like me and Tiana went there at
least once a week and thenanytime anyone was like, hey, do
you want to do something?
I was like, let's go to sweetflour.
It was the best bakery ever.
I literally am so disappointedthat it doesn't exist anymore.
I think it actually exists in atotally different concept.
(44:01):
Like I think they went fullyinto doing what is it called
like corporate cookie orders andstuff like that.
Like they don't do the fresh to.
They don't have that conceptanymore where you can do the
make.
Go into the cafe.
But it was such a good placeand everyone was there.
Everyone loved it, likeeveryone who had music lessons
or whatever going on in highpark.
(44:21):
I know they would go there.
You could see them with theirinstruments.
I think there must have been amusic lesson place, like
upstairs or right by it.
And that just reminds me.
Sorry, this is like long butmeaningful, because I'm telling
you about my childhood.
Well, that was my earlyadulthood, but that just reminds
me of when I used to take musiclessons with my brother, and it
was above this restaurant in aTobacco called Lenny's, which
(44:43):
still does exist, and it isamazing.
Lenny's is 10 out of 10.
Fantastic.
They always have the best takehome lasagna deal, if you're
ever looking.
Their salad is so good, all oftheir pasta is so good.
But anyways, our music lessonswere above that, and so my mom
would sit in the restaurant andmeet my brother, because
sometimes had different timingsor whatever and so I would have
(45:07):
some food, he would do hislesson, he would have some food,
I would do my lesson, and wewould just like go back and
forth and it was so wonderful.
That just reminds me of mychildhood.
So, anyways, yes, this placecalled Sweet Flower that did
these customizable cookies freshto go right there.
Oh, it was the best.
But yeah.
So me and Ro, I'm still on myrose, I totally, I'm totally
(45:28):
dragging.
I told you it was going to be agood rose, but yeah.
So me and Ro went for ice cream, and it's nice.
I think we should do that moreoften, because there is always a
week, a week, a day, or two aweek where Trevor works late and
so there's no rush to get homeand get dinner on the table or
anything.
So why not go out for a girlsdessert first moment, and so,
(45:48):
yeah, that was wonderful.
Okay, then my thorn.
Hmm, I guess I've just beenfeeling pretty much everything I
said in this week I learned, Ithink, just that I'm feeling
very much like I guess it'soverwhelmed with nothing really
(46:10):
in particular.
Like that's the most annoyingwhen you feel overwhelmed about
nothing in particular.
Like I really just want to beliving my lovely, best, simple
living life, but like my brainis choosing to feel overwhelmed
about literally nothing thatshould have anything to do with
me.
So it's just like stop, stopthinking about it.
Need to do a meditation today,my bud.
(46:35):
What am I looking forward to?
Oh well, I told you we're goingto cut down our Christmas tree,
so I'm looking forward to thatwhole experience.
I really hope it snows.
I don't think it is going to.
I haven't looked at theforecast but today's Tuesday and
it just looks like it's goingto be like a rainy, cloudy week.
But I hope it snows.
That would literally be thebest thing ever.
Oh my gosh, I would be sograteful.
Yeah, so I think I'm reallyjust looking forward to ducking
(47:00):
the halls.
I need to figure out wheretrees going to go this year,
because our living room is likein a little bit of a different
makeup, like there's somethingwhere the tree normally would be
.
But I have an idea of where Ido want it to go, but I'm not
sure if it'll be awkward.
I'm not also sure what sizetrees are at this farm or all of
these things, so it'll beinteresting to see how we get it
on the car.
(47:20):
We've never done this, like meand Trevor have never done this
with this car.
I think we did it with ourfiesta ones, which, like, if you
know about the Ford Vs, is likethis tiny little car.
I loved it so much.
It also like was always had badtransmission and it was like
for everyone, like it was like arecall that that never got
recalled or fixed, but anyways,I just love the fiesta and it
had.
It had lights that you couldchange like it was so ahead of
(47:42):
its time.
But I sold that car, sold it.
I don't think anyone wanted topurchase it.
I feel like we probably gotlike a couple thousand dollars
when we did a trade in for ourour current car, and I just
remember being like so sad, butI love our car now.
Anyways, that was my first car.
It was great love, but we diddo the tree chopping down with
(48:05):
that.
So I will be fine because wehave like a SUV now.
It'll be fun.
I'm just excited to see how itall goes.
But yeah, so I'm just lookingforward to see me know, good
family fun.
Yeah, so I guess that's myrosebud and thorn.
Let's get into entertainmentrecap.
Oh my gosh.
First entertainment recap.
Entertainment recap Okay, Ihave watched everything under
(48:29):
the sun.
I should have written this downbecause I was just like when I
was, when I personally was sick,sick and row was fine and going
to school and whatever, and Ijust like had endless time to
just like Watch things.
I watch literally everything,but when I was like truly sick,
sick I actually can't watchanything when I like really am
in the depths of it.
(48:50):
Like you know, those 24 hours,48 hours where you just are like
I Absolutely feel horrible.
I have no ability to doanything.
I have no concentration towatch a show.
What I watch is cleaningticktocks, not cleaning
ticktocks, restocking ticktocks.
I never watch restockingticktocks like on a day-to-day.
It's not really.
They don't really come on myFYI P but I go hunting for them
(49:12):
when I'm in that state and Ijust watch them.
Like something about them is solow, low focus and like
soothing.
I just Love them when I'mfeeling like absolute poop.
So yeah, but anyways, movingpast that, I've watched
everything to the point where Iliterally have nothing to watch
(49:32):
anymore.
But I started the Buccaneers onApple TV.
So good, cuties, you have towatch it like.
Oh my gosh, I'm obsessed andI'm literally obsessed.
I know some people don't likeit because it's like not an
accurate representation, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
I don't care, I love the waythat they are portraying it.
I think they do a good job atshowing how like Different it is
(49:54):
to be like the Americans andthe British.
Like I think that and I justlove it.
Like I am so obsessed.
It's a week-to-week.
It's not done yet, it's stillplaying.
It's so good.
I Finished lessons in chemistry.
I loved it, as you know.
I I, so I thoroughly enjoyedthe book.
I like the show too.
I thought the show was likemaybe a little slower, like I
(50:14):
did, like it.
I think when you read the bookand watch the show back-to-back
it makes it a little lessenjoyable, but I think they did
a good job on the show.
I just think it's like a bitdifferent, but like I liked both
.
So if you're gonna read thebook, read the book.
If you're gonna watch show,watch show.
And if you're gonna read thebook and watch the show, then do
it with time in between so youforget, um, what else.
(50:35):
I feel like there was anotherthing on Apple TV I was watching
, but no, okay, I've beenwatching Winter House.
Obviously love Winter House, oh.
That being said, I oh no, it'stoday's Tuesday, so it's only
gonna be Below deck.
I was like I am so craving asnack plate and a show over
lunch today, so I think that'swhat I'm gonna do.
But yeah, so been watchingWinter House, thoroughly
enjoying it, been watching belowdeck Mediterranean, as you know
(50:59):
, I'm so enjoying it becauseit's like taking part in what do
you call it?
Italy, on the Mediterranean,exactly where we were.
So it's just fun to relive andsee where they go.
I always love all the belowdecks.
I Watched the first part of thecrown, not even thinking about
the fact that they aren't reallyseeing the second part until so
long.
Like I feel like I've been likea month since I watched that,
(51:21):
but it was really good.
I remember last season of thecrown, like it really took me
like Time to get through it,like I was like, okay, it's kind
of dragging on, but I, I was, Iwas captivated.
I think I watched the firsthalf in the in one day.
I really enjoyed it and I lookforward to the second half.
And I didn't realize this wasthe last season of the crown, so
I thought they did a great joband I felt like I I want to say
(51:45):
I felt like I learned a lot, butI know that it's also
dramatized, so Give and take, um, I feel like I watched other
things.
There was so much stuff Iwatched, ah, but yeah, anyways,
I'm like I'm trying to thinklike there must have been
something on Disney, me andTrevor watching the show.
It's called the cult.
I have no idea what it's about.
Hi, I'm literally every weekI'm that's the show.
(52:07):
I fell asleep during last night.
I didn't fall asleep during itwith because it's boring, but it
like just because I was tired.
But, like every week, I feellike we get no closer to
realizing what this show isabout.
I feel like the whole thing isgonna be like that and like
there's points where you're justlike kind of so annoyed because
the couple is like, oh, beingso, I don't know, like icky.
And then there's other pointswhere you're just like, I Don't
(52:30):
know, you feel awkward.
It just makes you feel awkward.
It's a good show.
Though I'm enjoying it, I think,like we, we still watch it
every week.
It's another week to week.
I feel like there was anotherone that I streamed, but I can't
remember.
I've been watching to grassy,because I literally have run Out
of everything, but to grassyfeels good for a few episodes
and then I'm like okay, I'm kindof over it.
So every week I watch a fewepisodes.
(52:51):
I haven't been like consistentlywatching it.
I'm I'm still in the part where, like the majority of them are
like in middle school.
I love when they like Iremember I started watching it I
feel like when they were inhigh school, like Emma and all
them, and then onwards.
So I'm really looking forwardto that, but I don't want to
skip ahead because I want tojust like understand the whole
thing, like that's how I want todo it.
(53:11):
So, yeah, I am enjoying that,and then I'm trying to think if
there's there's definitely morethings I watched.
But another thing is oh my gosh, what is it called?
I don't remember this.
Like there's too much, but yeah, so I have.
(53:33):
Really, I just have nothingelse to stream, like there's
nothing currently to stream.
I haven't.
I tried to watch one holidaymovie and I think I got like 10
minutes through it, like a newone.
Maybe it was on Netflix, Idon't know, but it was not good.
I did not enjoy it, like Icould not get into it.
Me and Trevor, or me and Trevor, me and Ro watched Ice Age this
weekend, which isn't a holidaymovie, but it's a winter movie,
(53:53):
and we loved it.
I forgot like it's kind of sad,but it's cute, and like, oh my
gosh, it's wild to see thedifference in animation.
I mean, there's so many iceages now.
It's so different, but, likethe first original one, it's
like oh, wow, but yeah.
So, oh, we went on to talktrolls.
We want to talk trolls intheater, which was so good it
(54:13):
was.
I always love trolls.
They have the best sound track.
It's always so fun.
Yeah, I was a good movie.
It was really fun.
And there's a few other moviesI'm wanting to see in theater,
but I have to look them up, Inever remember them until I see
them.
But yeah, so I have watched alot of content and I have run
out of things.
So, if you have any good things, oh, I restarted 90210, not the
(54:33):
original one, I have seen theoriginal one and then I have
also seen, like, the reboot.
That happened in whatever 2018,I don't remember.
So I'm watching the rebootright now just because, like,
I've been watching Degrassi andthen there's that kind of
crossover between, like, themain character from Degrassi
which, like, she's not even inthe show, and where I am in
Degrassi, but it all just likereminded me.
So I started watching 90210.
(54:54):
I'm not fully devoted to itbecause the quality is not as
good of the one I'm watching,but it's one of those things
where it's like it's still okayto throw it in the background.
But yeah, that's everything I'mwatching and I am kind of in
the I'm either looking for abook right now or looking for,
like a show that I can reallyget into and binge.
(55:16):
So if anyone has any bookrecommendations or shows right
now, I would love that.
Because, you know, it's thedark season.
We need these things to help usand to help me, just like you
know, turn off my brain and Soakinto something else.
But I am so happy that you'reall here.
I'm grateful for every singleone of you.
You are truly the OG cuties,the.
(55:39):
My heart goes out to all of youand thank you for being here.
Get so excited because nextweek oh, I gave you specific
time, but whatever becausethere's some big, exciting
things coming up and I can'twait to celebrate this holiday
season together.
Love, love, love you.
You're the best.
Bye, thank you you.
Hey everyone, you're listening to 5 Years Time with
your host, grace Black.
Hey cuties, grace here, welcomeback to 5 Years Time podcast.
(00:27):
Happy December.
It really feels like a Decemberin here.
I'm surprised I didn't put myblanket on.
I am having a debate, but it'sgoing to be tricky to do it
because it's under me and I'm ontop of it and I can't really
get to it without my moik micfalling over.
(00:49):
Anyways, that's okay, we arewhere we are.
I'll get nice and snugly withmy words.
Welcome back to another episode.
Cutes, I've missed you.
Thank you for allowing me thispause, this hiatus in the middle
.
We ended up all being just ahouse full of sickies.
It was one of us was sick, thenpassing it to the other one and
(01:10):
the other one and the other one.
I think the last episode Irecorded was very much an
accurate representation of theseason that I was just about to
go in.
There I think I talked abouthow maybe Ro was sick at the
time, I'm not sure, but anyways,how I didn't think I was
getting sick or not feeling well, but I was feeling all these
down emotions and whatever.
(01:32):
Anyways, yes, I was gettingsick and yes, it was going to be
a long process to recover,because as soon as each of us
started feeling better, the nextone would start feeling down.
Thankfully, there was alwaysone of us to feel good, and me
and Trevor were not everoverlapping in our sickness,
which is good.
When there's a parent who canalways be on the ball and not
(01:55):
feeling like a potato, that isthe best situation.
Anyways, it is now December, weare on the ups.
I still have a nasally voice.
I feel like that always happens.
After you get sick is when yousound.
The worst is afterwards.
What can you do about that?
I am so glad to have had thattime where we were just feeling
(02:21):
low energy and down.
I mean, when you do feel sick,that's not the fun part, but I
was glad that we were able tojust slow down together.
I think it kind of shifted myperspective.
Going into this holiday season,we're actually going to be
taking it very low key.
Typically we host something foreveryone, usually New Year's,
(02:44):
and I was actually lookingforward to doing that this year,
but someone else jumped the gunor not jump the gun, but
someone else put their name intothe ring before we had the
opportunity to.
At first I was like, oh man.
Then I was like you know whatI'm actually looking forward to?
Maybe hosting a little bit moreintimately this year and just
(03:04):
spending more of that qualitytime with people on individual
levels, as opposed to when youhost a group of people, like a
large group of people are.
All are bringing all differentpeople from different walks of
your lives together.
A lot of the time is notgetting to spend that one-on-one
good quality time.
It's still so fun and wonderfuland I love doing it, but
(03:27):
there's positives and negativesto everything, right, anyways,
yeah, so, kicking off December,which is truly our holiday time,
I am so excited to be back onthe pod.
I've been having a lot ofdiscourse in my mind on if I was
going to just take a break forthe rest of the year and come
(03:47):
back in January, but I reallywanted to come and close off the
year together.
I feel like there's so muchgoodness that's happened this
year and reflection and low andhighs and all of the good stuff
that we come here to talk abouton five years time.
I would have been sad not tospend this time with the cuties.
(04:11):
I have some very excitingthings coming up in the next
week or so.
So get ready for that.
I don't want to hint too muchat it, but just know that we're
really going to end the yearwith a celebration and I am so
excited to share this gift withyou.
(04:31):
But, yeah, I'm not going to saymuch more than that, but I've
been working hard on somethingspecial for all my cuties out
there.
As you know, this podcast iswhere my true heart is.
It is where I really bear.
Oh no, my recording stopped.
I'm trying to record on, I'mtrying to record on something
(04:55):
different.
I don't think it's going towork.
Anyways, I was going to try andrecord on my other camera for
the video component, but youknow what?
Let's just not even do videotoday.
I'm not even going to stressabout it, because we have
something exciting coming upthat's going to be filled with
lots of fun and good video.
Today is just about voiced earand the true old podcasting way
(05:23):
that it is.
Another update on that note isthat, while I was on that little
hiatus of November, theplatform that I typically use to
record by podcast which I havea whole episode all about how to
start a podcast and everythingthat I use, and I talk more in
depth about that platform, butthey've changed their what is it
(05:46):
called subscription model andit's now not a free service,
which they did that a while agoand there was other options or
whatever.
But anyways, it was aphenomenal service and I'm not
against it at all.
I love it.
I need to look into what myoptions are moving forward, but
that's a big thing.
So now I'm recording just likeright onto my computer and
(06:10):
that's totally fine for now, butit takes away my accessibility
to doing video recording soeffortlessly.
I used to do video recordingthis way, where I record audio
on my computer and then I woulddo video separate and then I
would have to combine the twoand like sync up the recording,
(06:31):
and it's totally doable.
It just takes a lot, a lot oftime, which is why I had stopped
sharing the videos on YouTube,for I think that was during
season two, and I've done prettygood for season three with this
new interface that I use, butunfortunately it's just like
changed and I need to actuallyhave a moment to sit down and
(06:52):
figure out what I'm going to domoving forward.
So that's why this episode willbe podcast only.
I was going to attempt to do it, but I have a different camera
now and it does not work thesame way that my old camera used
to work, which I just learned.
So that is the learning processof trial and error, but I am so
excited to be here.
We have a really exciting monthahead of us, so get strapped in.
(07:14):
Today we're going to becatching up a lot on this past
month and also just talkingabout being a sponge.
I feel like I'm in this time ofmy life, this phase right now,
where I'm very much absorbingeverything around me.
I think we always are but I'mvery much I don't know sensitive
to the energies andenvironments that I'm in at the
(07:37):
moment, and it's feeling alittle overwhelming at times.
But before we get into that,let's do a weekly recap or I
guess more like a monthly recap.
I think I left off saying that Iwas craving more in-person
connection, which is funnybecause a month later, I now
feel like I'm kind of feelingoverwhelmed by my connections
(08:00):
with people.
It's funny how things can go upand down.
But, that being said, I justthink right now, in this moment,
I am feeling that I don't knowthat need.
I'm not sure if it's a need forprivacy.
I don't think that's what it is, but maybe just like a need for
(08:26):
I'm trying to think of what itis A need for more positive
energy in my life.
Maybe that's what it is, butanyways.
So I actually ended up well,I've only gone once because I'm
getting all sick and I'm notsure if it's something you join
or just like attend, but I endedup attending a public club that
(08:49):
it's a running club that doeswalking as well, and I'm not
sure if I talked about this ornot on the podcast, but I had
three signs from the universe.
I saw someone in the communitywearing their swag.
I'd heard about them before andI was like, oh yeah, I should
go to that.
I totally forgot about it.
Then I went and followed themon Instagram because they popped
(09:10):
up on my Instagram and I waslike, oh, I should follow them
so I keep remembering, or sothat at least they consistently
can remind me, like through thatsocial media platform.
And then one of you guys thecuties had messaged me being
like hey, just so you know, likeI recently moved close to the
area and I started going to thisclub, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
And I was like, oh my gosh,okay, three things in one week,
(09:31):
I have to go, and so I did endup going that Saturday and I had
an amazing time and it was sofun and it was at a great venue
and basically I walked becauseI'm not a runner it's too harsh
on my knees, but they're superaccepting to everybody in every
pace.
And so me and Rao went and wewalked and I actually got to
hang out with the cutie and itwas so wonderful and I met I met
(09:53):
a few other cuties who actuallygo to this club as well, and so
it was just amazing, and so itwas a really truly like one of
those things where it was likewow, like how have I not been
part of this community?
Because it's been a club thatI've known about since pretty
much.
We moved here, which was likethree years ago, and I also
(10:14):
ended up walking and getting toI, someone else was walking, and
they just came and walked withme and got to spend time getting
to know them and it was sowonderful and it just felt like
a really warm environment.
And, that being said, I need tostart going again because we're
all feeling so much better.
But now, you know, it's the timeof the season where our
weekends are very.
They do do very.
They do do midweek things, butthat's always a little harder
(10:37):
with me and having a kid andwhatever flexible schedules.
But the weekend one Is good andit's like really early in the
morning, not really, but theweekend when, I think, starts at
like 8, 30 in the morning, soit's like first thing in the
morning.
You don't usually have a planthat early, so yeah, I should, I
should look into what's goingon this weekend.
So that's update number one.
(10:58):
That was great.
I need to start going again.
Number two I guess we had ourkickoff to Christmas, which is
our annual, officially annual,because we this is our second
year doing it.
So now it is a tradition whenwe go to the Santa Claus parade
up north in Miss Goka with myfamily and it's so fun, my
(11:19):
extended family, so my cousins,their kids, my aunt's mom goes
all that stuff and Ro loves itbecause she gets to spend time
with we call them cousins Iguess they technically are her
second cousins, but the cousinsand it's just a lovely weekend
away.
It's nice to be up north.
It always feels so festive upthere and we see, watch the
Santa Claus parade, we spendtime with family and eating good
(11:42):
food and hanging out andgetting to know you, getting to
know each other, getting to hearabout each other's lives and
updates and all of that stuff.
And Ro is so cute.
After the Santa Claus paradeshe turns to me, my mom, me and
my mom and is like I just lovewhen we kick off the Christmas
season.
I was like you are the cutest.
So, yeah, that was a reallywonderful weekend away.
(12:02):
We get to enjoy Webber's, whichis a delicious burger joint
that's on the way up To MissGoka and it's just so good and
it is such a childhood staple.
So always feels nostalgicgetting it and enjoying sharing
it with Ro.
Last year it was like pouringrain, so I remember we got it to
go, but this year we went andwe ate in the train and
(12:23):
everything.
And that's always the goodmemory, because they have, like
these Trains that are no longerin service that they use as like
the restaurant to sit in andenjoy your food.
I'm trying to think.
I feel like there's so muchstuff that's happened so it's
very hard to remember everylittle thing, but I'm really
giving you the highlights here.
(12:43):
I Feel like In our house.
I am so glad I spoke about this, how I was like a November 1st
cutie putting up my Christmaslights and like I am so glad I
did that because it's just, Itold you last year we ended up
getting sick around this timeand I hadn't done anything.
And then I felt like the weekbefore Christmas.
(13:03):
It wasn't even a scramble, itwas like a convincing like oh,
should I put up stuff?
Obviously I should put up stuff, but I just like was not in the
mood.
I felt like such a littlescrooge last year and so this
year I'm so glad that I did itearly, because it really has
been just wonderful Getting outa little bit of stuff here and
there.
We haven't done our tree yet,but we are doing that this
(13:26):
upcoming week and I'm so excited.
I told you we're cutting down atree this year.
I can't wait.
It's just gonna be the beesknees To take row for her first
tree cutting down Situation.
Apparently, christmas trees arelike hard to come by.
This year it's been on the news.
Everyone's like saying all thisstuff, they're gonna run out.
And I'm like, of course, theyear that I choose to cut down a
(13:48):
tree, but we did find a farmthat I guess their way to combat
Like losing of trees too earlyor not losing, but running out
of trees too early in the season, is that they're doing like
scheduled, very much like COVIDprotocol.
They're doing like schedules,so everyone has to like choose a
time slot and you could onlyget one tree and like per family
or like per your time slot, andthat's how they're guaranteeing
(14:12):
that they'll have enough treesCloser to the Christmas season,
which I guess you want to dowith Christmas trees, because a
lot of people don't want to getthem till closer because they
they aren't there is, there aresomething they are, oh my gosh,
something you have to keep aliveand Fresh and you want it to be
most fabulous I'm assuming theweek of Christmas.
(14:33):
So, yeah, I didn't think we'dgo this early.
I thought we would be going alittle bit closer, because as a
kid, I feel like we always wentlike two weeks before, maybe
even only one week beforeChristmas and so, but we want to
make sure we get a tree.
So we got our time slot in.
We're booked and busy, but yeah, so I'm really looking forward
to that.
(14:54):
I've just been really enjoyingSpending time in the home, like
I've made our living room socozy recently and I actually
just made our basement ourBasements where our TV is in our
rec room and I've put in acarpet and Repurposed a carpet.
I took the carpet out of ourroom which, as Trevor says, we
(15:15):
need a carpet in our room.
Actually, kind of like itwithout the carpet, but we will
get a carpet.
I just that carpet I didn'tlove so much for our bedroom.
I felt like it was too big andI thought it would be better for
that rec room and it makes itUltimately so cozy and I've been
spending so much time downthere, which has been so nice.
I love when I can utilize otherareas of our house and so
that's just been so nice andit's so cute row.
(15:37):
One morning we usually hang outin the living room, but one
morning, after I Refreshed therec room, she was like, oh,
let's go down there.
And then we were sitting therewatching a show and she was all
of a sudden.
She was like whoa, mom, it'slike this is another living room
.
And I was like, yeah, becauseour upstairs living room was
quite cozy it doesn't have a TVin there though and she's like,
wow, we have two living rooms.
(15:59):
And I was like kind of, I saidI said honestly we have like
lots of living space.
Like a living room was just aplace where you sit and hang out
, but this is.
I guess you could call this arec room, to not be confused.
I think other people call itlike rumpus rooms.
What do you call your TV or TVrooms?
Like what do you call your notand I was gonna say formal
(16:21):
living room?
But like our living room, to besaying that it's not even a
formal living room?
Like I know some people haveliving rooms to living rooms or
a sitting room.
Oh, it's so confusing.
But I know some people do havea formal living room which they
really don't use unlesscompanies over and they kind of
keep it like clean and pristineat all times and if someone
drops by Then you can have teaor whatever in there.
But it's not like a place wherethe kids and the family you
(16:44):
just like hang out and dowhatever and but like our living
room on our main floor reallyis like a the heart, one of the
hearts of the home, because I'dsay our kitchen is probably the
biggest heart, but like we dospend probably the most time
chilling in that space as afamily all together, but anyways
(17:04):
.
So I've just been really takingtime to cozy our house.
I'm still on my declutter kickand I will continue that forever
and always probably.
But yeah, I just really I needto do our closets.
I feel like every year I comeon this podcast and I talk about
how much our closets bring mestress and it is that time of
(17:24):
year like I never switched overour friend Hall closet this past
spring To our summer springcloset, so it always had the
winter coats and boots in thereand then I just put our summer
spring coats in there and nowwe're back to winter.
So I never did it because ourwinter coats already in there,
but it is literally busting atthe seams because it has
everything.
It has all the boots, all theshoes, all the sandals, all
(17:45):
everything and all of the coatsand it has all of like row has
because she's just like growing.
All the time I'm always buyingnew shoe sizes, new coats, new
this or not necessarily new, new, new, but like you know what I
mean, like having to get newsizes, and so I feel like I just
need to go through and Donateso much of that, get rid of
(18:06):
what's not good anymore and alsojust put away the summer stuff,
like we don't need our flipflops right now and we don't
need our light jackets.
So yeah, I need to do that, but,and honestly, it's not even
that big of a task.
I actually enjoy doing it.
It's just one of those thingsthat's so easy to put off
because you just close the doorand it's like it doesn't exist.
(18:27):
But then those days when you goin to get a coat, you're like,
ah, you're like so upset, you'relike, oh my gosh, it's like
sending you into a spiral.
Yeah, so it's not worth it.
For those moments I need to justdo it.
Maybe I'll do it after schooltoday.
Maybe I can tell row, row keepsme so accountable, I can always
tell her, remind me to do this,and she will always remind me.
So maybe I can say, like todaywe need to clean out the closet.
(18:49):
Let's put on some music, have afun clean up the closet time
and enjoy after school snack.
That's, that's the plan.
We'll see, we'll see.
It also involves bringing uplike a bin from downstairs to
put all that stuff in, and thenyou know, the bin lives in the
kitchen for too long because bythe time I'm done, I'm too tired
to take it downstairs.
And then it's just like, wow,we all know how the decluttering
(19:12):
and cleaning game goes like.
Sometimes it's so hard to justlike start and finish totally
the whole task complete, yeah.
But anyways, I've just beenreally, really focusing on
creating cozy mornings, enjoyingreally good morning routines
(19:32):
and Just spending that, thatmeaningful time even though it's
dark now, just spending thatmeaningful time, like being very
present While I'm experiencingthose hours of darkness.
But like, that being said, mymornings are doing good, but my
(19:53):
evenings, oh my gosh, I can'tstop falling asleep.
At eight o'clock even like lastnight, me and Trevor watched a
show Downstairs in our newsecond living room, in the rec
room, which is so nice to spendtime down there and watch a show
, but it's like I can't not fallasleep.
I wanted to watch her, so I wasinto the show eight o'clock,
snoring, and then, like you know, you do the thing where you
(20:14):
like wake up and you're like,hopefully the person didn't
notice I fell asleep and thenTrevor was like shaking me and I
was like what?
I'm awake?
He's like no, you were notawake, you were snoring so much.
I was like I don't know whatyou're talking about, but yeah,
anyways, then I just like wantto get upstairs to my bed as
quickly as possible, and there'sno like, once I fall asleep on
(20:34):
the couch, there's no comingback from that like, put me in
bed and Good night.
That being said, I didn't wakeup in the middle of the night,
which is good, because a lot ofthe times, if I'm fall asleep
early, I'll wake up in themiddle of the night.
But I didn't, so I was happyabout that, and that's all I can
ask for.
Like, honestly, I'm fine tofall asleep early, whatever, as
long as I'm not waking up in themiddle of the night, as long as
(20:56):
I'm having a good, full rest,I'm happy.
But yeah, another thing I'vebeen doing and adding into my
morning routines has been goingfor morning walks.
Every day, after I drop off row, I'll just go for a walk, and
if it can't be right away, thenI'll make sure to get in, and
that's another point it's really.
But like in the first the, if Ican do it right before I have
(21:19):
to like go back to the house, itmakes such a difference.
It just puts me in a goodmindset.
It helps me, let go.
It helps me just like feelenergized and Give myself like
um time to work through what myhopes and dreams for the day are
, what my to-do list is, becausesometimes if I just like drop
(21:41):
off real and come home, it'slike I feel like a slug and a
snail and I find it really hardto get started and concentrate
and focus on projects that Iwant to complete or work on or
whatever.
So that's been a really bigthing.
But that's pretty much whatthis past month has consisted of
rest and then all of that andit's been a really good mix of
everything that I love.
(22:03):
But recently, aka probably thepast couple days, like maybe the
past four days or so I've justfelt this absorption of energies
around me and people's people,other things like things that I
feel like have nothing to dowith me or maybe I don't know
(22:25):
like I just feel like I'm I'mfestering and taking in other
people's stuff and it's likemaking me feel like I want to be
disconnected and I know that'snot what I want.
I've been talking about how Iwant to find connection and all
of these things Recently.
It's just been feeling reallyoverwhelming and it makes me
feel like I just want to, youknow, go away and like just go
(22:50):
somewhere where nobody isobviously Trevor and Ro come
with me but like just gosomewhere where nobody knows me
and has no expectations of Idon't know anything, and just be
on my own and just not startover with, just like feel
freedom.
But that being said, I knowthat like it's going to be okay
(23:14):
and this is just the moment I'min right now, but I think I'm
just like trying to figure outhow I can support myself through
this time.
So let's get into this week Ilearned.
This week I learned I learnedthat I am not always in control
(23:39):
of how I feel, which is toocited, right, because ultimately
I am in control, but it takestime to find that sometimes and
you get what you're doingsometimes and you get lost in
other people's thoughts andother people's processes and
other people's expectations andother people's stuff that has
(24:00):
nothing to do with you, likethey're just sharing it with you
and you're like absorbing theinformation and it's like too
much, like you just like.
It's like you're not even toomuch in the moment they're doing
it, but afterwards you're like,oh wait, I think this is
affecting me, it's affecting mysleep, it's affecting my dreams,
it's affecting the way that Iprocess, how I live in my life,
it's affecting how I'm thinking,how other people are perceiving
it's just like a lot, and Idon't normally feel like that,
(24:27):
like I normally can separatethose two things, and I maybe I
am on my period, so maybe I'm inthat point in my life or in my
cycle where I am more sensitiveto my surroundings.
I also am feeling like I am.
I'm kind of in a vulnerablestate in my working life at the
(24:52):
moment because I've beenspending, I really, to slow down
the second half of this yearand was sorting out what my
boundaries are and all of thisstuff for sharing online, but
then, and also like just haven'tbeen as much as I'm just a
(25:14):
stickler on myself for having tomeet other people's
expectations, which is what Iwant.
Like I want that.
I'm happy for that, but I knowthat that puts me in a
vulnerable place in an onlinespace and that other people may
believe that that's I don't know.
They can have their ownperceptions and feelings over
like what I've been sharing ornot been sharing or all of this
stuff, and I'm fine with that.
(25:34):
Like, literally, that'sprobably the lowest on the totem
pole of what's affecting me,but, like because I already am
feeling that in my life rightnow, it's just adding on to it I
shared on my Instagramyesterday like this person had
commented.
I haven't been really active inmy comments over the past week
or so, just because I've been inthis, this mental mind place,
(25:56):
and I don't want to.
I don't want to like, I justknow it's not good for me to be
in the comments right now.
I know myself right now andthat's just not where I want to
be, not because I'm gonna dosomething bad, but because it's
gonna affect me and how Iinternalize things.
And like, even though 90%, 99%of the people actually are so
fabulous the QT's are amazing, Ilove them so much, they have so
(26:17):
many good things to say andwhen I do see the comments, they
make me feels a good way.
But every so often, this onewill come in and that's why I'm
trying to avoid the comments.
And then, all of a sudden, Ijust like logged on to tick tock
and someone had said somethingso absurd.
Like it was along the lines oflike I can't watch your videos
anymore because you went toItaly and didn't share your
(26:38):
itinerary.
Like that was so disappointing.
I was like you're what?
I just like I had to commentback to that person because I
was like, do you even realizewhat you're saying?
I usually never comment back topeople who just like are
negative or saying whatever.
But I just said to them likeplease unfollow.
Like you, I, first of all, Idid post my itinerary and maybe
(27:00):
it's not the itinerary, you wantit, but I also vlog to
literally every single day.
I was in Italy and I didn'thave to do that and maybe I
shouldn't do that moving forward, if this is what people think.
But, like I was so happy for thevlogs.
I love them, I look back onthem all the time and maybe it's
something I just need to do formyself, but like this person's
entitlement over my life justmade me feel so icky.
(27:22):
It was such a strange thing andlike I and and so I clicked on
them because I was like okay,hopefully they're not following
me, at least I just popped up intheir FIP like if I'm so
devastating to them, and thenthey were following me and I was
like why?
Like normally I would justblock someone like that, but I
was like I want to give themsome food for thought.
I was like, please justunfollow me, like I'm, if my, if
(27:44):
my content is disappointing toyou, like, why are you here?
And it's just one of thosethings where it honestly didn't
make me feel like negative orsad or upset or like, oh, I've
let this person down.
I didn't feel that at all.
I just felt like kind of grossby the, by the idea of someone
having this expectation of me to, to, to give them whatever they
(28:08):
want at a, at a whim.
You know what I mean.
Like and like.
I'm not.
Like, if anything, the in, likeI'm not a travel influence.
I was not paid to go on thattrip.
I paid for it and we did thatas a family trip.
It was not something that I hadto share on.
Social media was not part of myjob.
It was none of that stuff.
(28:28):
It was something that I choseto share and I worked really
hard on and had so much funbooking it.
As you know, I've talked aboutit here, blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, whatever.
But it's just one of thosethings where it's like, why?
Why do people out there feel soentitled?
Like?
I have not that kind of viewer.
I do not feel that way, likewhen someone shares something,
I'm grateful that I got toexperience it and maybe I have
(28:51):
questions or maybe I thinksomething about.
I'm like, oh, it'd be amazingif they could share this, and if
they don't, I literallyprobably never think about it
again.
Or it's just like I understand,like they don't have to share,
like it's okay.
Um, yeah, it's just.
It was one of those things thatjust kind of like Whatever
anyways, I shared it on myInstagram story because, like, I
(29:11):
feel like my Instagramfollowers like Currently TikTok
I've talked about this is justlike I have no idea what's going
on over there, whatever, butlike my videos don't get pushed
out to, like they get pushed outto random people or every so
often I feel like everyone I getpushed out to it's like oh, I
haven't seen you in so long, soit's just not people who've been
upkeeping with me For so long.
So I just feel like it's not asmuch of a community over there.
(29:35):
We're like TikTok or whereInstagram.
I feel like you really havethat community.
You have your stories you canshare on the DMs.
I feel like your content ispushed out to the people who
follow you and choose to bethere and it's just like I know
that's like a safe space for meto go and talk.
So, yeah, I just shared that andlike put out a little
disclaimer that like I'mgrateful, I'm so grateful for
(29:57):
this opportunity to likepublicly share my life and have
people support me in a way thatallows me to create income and
Support my family and support mydreams and my ambitions and all
of these things.
Like I'm so grateful for thattruly.
But, on that note, like my lifeis my life and like no one has
(30:19):
the ability to To purchase itfrom me, like really truly, like
I am not giving.
Well, I guess that, that beingsaid, I am giving away, like
what I want for free, but like Iam not, I choose property.
Like I'm not someone's property, I choose what I want to share.
I choose what makes me feelcomfortable and like someone
(30:41):
coming and asking for somethinglike that, like was that even
asking?
It's not even.
Like you could have just saidlike hey, like I Never saw your
itinerary, did you share it?
I would have literally beenlike yeah, like here it is.
I would have tagged you in thevideo.
I'd have been like here's thevideo at blah blah blah, but
like it's just one of thosethings where I just was like I
just need to be more vocal and Ialways feel better when I put
(31:03):
out into the universe like whatmy Expectations are and my
boundaries and all of that,especially because I've been
working so hard on them thisyear to Decide what they are and
also know that I'm flexiblewith them.
Like I'm not flexible, like ifI set a boundary, it's boundary,
but also that like it doesn'thave to be forever.
I can always come back and sayhey, whatever, but like we're
forever changing anyway.
(31:25):
So that's one thing, but thatfell on top of me just feeling
like I'm absorbing Everybody'senergies around me in this
moment and like there's so manyother things that have been
going on where I just feel likeI Feel like other people in my
life or not even in my life.
Necessarily you could just liveclose to me and I don't really
even know you, but I just feellike I'm Taking on a lot of
(31:48):
different feelings right now andit's not that I don't want to
say it's weighing me down, Ijust think it's clouding me,
like it's clouding.
It's clouding who I am and it'sclouding like how I feel and
it's like making me work extrahard through a bunch of like
Swamp water in my mind to get towhat I want to do, which is why
these morning walks that I'vebeen doing have been helping so
(32:11):
so much, because it's just atime where I can like Throw in a
podcast or just listen to thewaves of water.
If I go walk down by the waterand just like re-center myself
and kind of like Swim throughthe muckiness and get to like a
bit more clarity, because I justfeel like I'm in this time
right now when I'm reallyabsorbing and I I've never I'm
(32:32):
sure there's times in my lifewhere I felt like this, but I've
never really been like anabsorber.
I definitely know people in mylife who, like I feel, absorb
other people and it it's.
It can be such a beautifulthing because you can be truly
like you have, you can reallyfeel empathy for people and have
this beautiful connection.
(32:52):
But also it can really be likethis negative that just like
pulls you down where you mighteven be taking in things that
aren't even real.
It's just how you perceivewhatever the situation is, or
how you then process someoneelse's situation in your mind.
It can just be veryoverwhelming, and I'm sure so
many of you have felt like thisbefore.
But this is just where I amright now and you know, when I
(33:12):
come to the podcast and I talkabout it, I'll always feel so
much better after.
So I was like cute, so we gotto sit down and talk about this.
But honestly, I'm just in thistime of my In my life where I
just want to.
I don't know like.
I just want it to be simple.
I want I know that life isn'talways cupcakes and rainbows.
(33:36):
I really truly know that, but Ido want it to be more.
I'm trying really hard,especially with this morning
routine and just making thingsreally simple and enjoying the
small moments.
I'm always trying to live forthat and so that's what I'm
trying to do.
And it just feels like sometimesI don't know like a kick, a
kick down, a kick when you'redown I'm not even down like it
(33:57):
just feels like, oh, like I feellike I was working so good at
feeling good and making surethat I Was having a clear mind
and like trying not to haveother people affect me and all
this stuff, and then, like thiscomes out of nowhere and it's
kind of like oh, this isn'tsomething I'm used to
experiencing, but that is thebeauty of life, isn't it?
(34:17):
This is teaching me something,and we all can't just run away
and be on our own and live on anisland and not have to Talk to
anyone, because that also hasits downside, everything has its
downside and everything has itsupside.
But, yeah, I'm just like inthis absorption mode and I'm
really trying to I don't know ifit's that I I Think I don't.
(34:40):
I don't know what it is, Idon't know if it's that I don't
want to absorb or I don't knowlike I just feel I Feel too much
responsibility for things thatI shouldn't even feel
responsibility for.
I think that's, I think that'sthe issue, and so I'm just
trying to, yeah, re-centermyself and really let go and
really just like not care.
(35:00):
I feel like there's like thisquote, that's like it's not your
what I'm not even know what itis, but it's something like why
are you thinking about whatother people are thinking about?
Like it's none of your business, like other people's opinions
of you or another business, likeother people's opinions of you
or another business I thinkthat's it.
But like it's not even aboutpeople's opinions of me
necessarily, but like otherpeople's opinions in general,
(35:21):
like it's, like, it's none of mybusiness, like Just don't think
about it.
No, no, don't carry it.
Okay, don't carry it.
But yeah, that's where I'm atthis week and I'm working
through it, so let's get intoour.
We never did snack and drink ofthe week, sorry, cute, it's
been a while.
I'm a little thrown off, solet's do our snack and drink of
(35:42):
the week.
Today I have water.
I'd love to tell you that's mydrink of the week, but it's not.
But it is what I have.
I Am living.
If you've been following me ontiktok, I've been doing morning
coffee every day, which I usedto do all the time, and, yeah,
it's been something nice tobring back.
(36:03):
It's just been feeling reallycozy and I feel like the people
who come to those videos, likeI'm learning slowly the
different energies that I getfor videos and I feel like the
people who come to the morningvideos are really truly the
cuties that Bring warmth andlove into my life and I love
that.
But my favorite thing at themoment is a double shot of
(36:24):
espresso over ice in my cutelittle mug with a dash of cream.
I'm just loving it, like it isso delicious I can't stop.
And then my snook this is hard.
I really feel like it's potatochips.
I am like obsessing over potatochips right now.
I love potato chips.
(36:44):
It's my favorite favorite thing, like probably my favorite type
of like snack food is probablya potato chip, but like just a
classic.
I like the wavy bass, but Rowant it to get like, you know,
lay's original, like the thinones, which also equally
delicious, and so I've just beenreally enjoying that.
I also got sun chips, which Ihaven't had sun chips in so long
(37:06):
.
Who remembers when sun chips hadthose really noisy bags Like,
is that, was that real?
I do remembers that they Ithink they were supposed to be
like plantable, like fullyorganic or not organic organic
bags, fully disposable what isthat called Compostable?
(37:27):
But they were so noisy, like sonoisy.
I feel like that was a pipedream.
Was that real?
Anyways, I've been having, Ihave been having sun chips and
Ro asked for some the other dayand it was the cutest thing ever
.
She was like mommy, can I havesome sunflower chips?
They're really delicious.
I just love that she calledthem sunflower chips.
That's so cute.
(37:49):
So, yeah, those are my snacksof the week.
I'm a drink, okay.
So now that we've got a littlebackwards forwards with that,
let's get into our roses, budsand thorns.
Hmm, my rose, rose, rose, rose.
(38:11):
I'm trying to think.
I feel like there's probably afew, so I really want to choose
a good one.
We haven't had one for a while,so it needs to be something so
special.
Hmm, okay, I know what it is.
Yesterday, me and Rowe went forice cream and there's something
about ice cream in thewintertime that just hits Like.
(38:33):
Personally, I do not likemelted ice cream, so I feel like
, naturally, like wintertime icecream is my favorite kind.
But we went to Marble Slab,which I love.
Marble Slab, like there are somany Marble Slabs now.
I don't know if it's just likewhere I live, but like growing
up I did not have any MarbleSlabs.
I think the closest I justremember the closest one being
like a couple cities over.
(38:54):
Anyways, I love Marble Slab andI can think of two that I can
go to that are close.
So it's like what.
There are so many Marble Slabsnow, but and now they do
unlimited toppings.
At one point you used to haveto pay for the mixins, but now
you get unlimited.
This is the first time I everbrought Rowe to Marble Slab as
like a guess child who choosesher own things.
(39:15):
Like I'm pretty sure we've beenthere before, but maybe just
when she was like a little babymaybe one, one and a half and so
she was obsessed.
And then all of a sudden I wasliterally filled with overjoyed.
Like I first of all love MarbleSlab, it's my favorite.
I always get like a prettysimple flavor of ice cream.
(39:37):
Sweet cream is usually myfavorite and I always get
raspberries mixed in, becausethen it's like a sweet cream
raspberry situation.
And then I like nerds.
I like gummy bears.
Yes, I do like when gummy bearsget hardened ice cream.
I know some people don't likethat, but I have always liked
that since I was a child goingto basket and robins.
I would always get my gummybear mixins.
But anyways, I get the nerdsbecause I love the tartness.
(40:00):
I think it goes well with theraspberries.
I get the gummy bears, I get theM&Ms.
I'm trying to think.
I feel like there's one otherthing I get, but I can't think
of what it is.
And then, if I'm in the mood, Iget sprinkles.
I gotta tell you, sprinkles isone of those things where you
think like, oh, it's justsprinkles, like it doesn't add
any value other than being cuteand colorful.
But there's something aboutsprinkles, like if you go to an
(40:22):
ice cream truck, when you getsprinkles it elevates, like it
makes it better, like it reallydoes even taste better, like
it's so good.
So, anyways, I didn't getsprinkles, but sometimes I do.
Anyways, ro was so excited.
First of all I felt like wewere in Italy with the amount of
flavors there were, becausethat's how it is with the gelato
there's like so much.
So I read through everythingand she I knew she was going to
(40:45):
get the mixed one because shelike loves the.
You know how Laura Seacort haslike the super what is it called
Super hero ice cream orwhatever, which just looks so
unappealing but, like to a kid,the best thing ever.
So they have their own.
They call it unicorn somethingand it's I think it was banana,
I don't know, it was threeflavors mixed together, but
anyways she chose that one,which was the very first one I
(41:06):
read when I read through all ofthem and then, when it came to
toppings, they have them likeall out, so you can like see
them.
Oh, she was just in heaven.
She was so, so, so excited andso she got all her toppings Like
I swear, every topping.
This girl was like I'm lovingthe mix and I'm going to get a
little bit of mix.
(41:27):
And then we sat and we enjoyedand it was so nice and we
actually had dessert first.
Well, like, we went to Marbleslab after school I actually had
to go to my mom's and help herwith something and then we went
to Marble slab, but so we wentbefore dinner, which just threw
me back to me and my bestie T,when we were in our like 20s.
I had just moved back fromOttawa and she was just
(41:52):
finishing up school or had goneinto another program.
Anyways, we were both, I wantto say, single ladies, but we
weren't.
I was dating Trevor at the time, but she was a single lady at
this moment and, like, honestly,like me, dating Trevor was like
the same concept because helived a few cities over.
So, like you know, we weren'twith each other every single day
, and so we would just go out,like I swear, all the time,
multiple times a week, and wewould always get dessert and
(42:14):
then go for dinner, and that waslike our thing.
We always did that, and so Iwas all of a sudden just like
thrown back to that.
I was like, oh my gosh, Ihaven't done this in so long,
where we like intentionally gofor dessert and then we didn't
go out for dinner Like me and Ro, we just went home and made
dinner.
But it was so fun and now Iwant to do it more often and I
(42:34):
also had to like be like Tiana.
I did that today.
Ah, we used to go, me and myfriend Tiana used to go this
place in Toronto which doesn'texist anymore.
It was called Sweet Flower, itwas in High Park and they made,
made, made, make to order ororder to made to order I think
that's moving made to ordercookies.
So it was a cookie bar placewhere basically behind the
(42:55):
window they had toppings andthen they had cookie dough.
So there was like a plaincookie dough, an oatmeal cookie
dough, a peanut butter cookiedough, maybe a chocolate cookie
dough, I'm not sure.
I would always get peanutbutter, and then you would scoop
your cookie dough and then youwould choose your toppings, and
so I always got like pretzelsand a chocolate of some sort, so
score or whatever there was,and I always love to salty sweet
(43:19):
.
There was like chips.
There was all differentchocolates.
It was everything.
You could get anything you want.
So then they would mix yourcookie dough and then they would
bake it fresh right there andthen I would top it with a
chocolate icing so they haddifferent icings.
You could do as well I've got achocolate icing and then you
would sit.
It was like a cafe that made,made to order cookies and you
(43:39):
would sit and enjoy your cookiethat you just customized.
It was literally the best placeever.
I think I took everyone there,like me and Tiana went there at
least once a week and thenanytime anyone was like, hey, do
you want to do something?
I was like, let's go to sweetflour.
It was the best bakery ever.
I literally am so disappointedthat it doesn't exist anymore.
I think it actually exists in atotally different concept.
(44:01):
Like I think they went fullyinto doing what is it called
like corporate cookie orders andstuff like that.
Like they don't do the fresh to.
They don't have that conceptanymore where you can do the
make.
Go into the cafe.
But it was such a good placeand everyone was there.
Everyone loved it, likeeveryone who had music lessons
or whatever going on in highpark.
(44:21):
I know they would go there.
You could see them with theirinstruments.
I think there must have been amusic lesson place, like
upstairs or right by it.
And that just reminds me.
Sorry, this is like long butmeaningful, because I'm telling
you about my childhood.
Well, that was my earlyadulthood, but that just reminds
me of when I used to take musiclessons with my brother, and it
was above this restaurant in aTobacco called Lenny's, which
(44:43):
still does exist, and it isamazing.
Lenny's is 10 out of 10.
Fantastic.
They always have the best takehome lasagna deal, if you're
ever looking.
Their salad is so good, all oftheir pasta is so good.
But anyways, our music lessonswere above that, and so my mom
would sit in the restaurant andmeet my brother, because
sometimes had different timingsor whatever and so I would have
(45:07):
some food, he would do hislesson, he would have some food,
I would do my lesson, and wewould just like go back and
forth and it was so wonderful.
That just reminds me of mychildhood.
So, anyways, yes, this placecalled Sweet Flower that did
these customizable cookies freshto go right there.
Oh, it was the best.
But yeah.
So me and Ro, I'm still on myrose, I totally, I'm totally
(45:28):
dragging.
I told you it was going to be agood rose, but yeah.
So me and Ro went for ice cream, and it's nice.
I think we should do that moreoften, because there is always a
week, a week, a day, or two aweek where Trevor works late and
so there's no rush to get homeand get dinner on the table or
anything.
So why not go out for a girlsdessert first moment, and so,
(45:48):
yeah, that was wonderful.
Okay, then my thorn.
Hmm, I guess I've just beenfeeling pretty much everything I
said in this week I learned, Ithink, just that I'm feeling
very much like I guess it'soverwhelmed with nothing really
(46:10):
in particular.
Like that's the most annoyingwhen you feel overwhelmed about
nothing in particular.
Like I really just want to beliving my lovely, best, simple
living life, but like my brainis choosing to feel overwhelmed
about literally nothing thatshould have anything to do with
me.
So it's just like stop, stopthinking about it.
Need to do a meditation today,my bud.
(46:35):
What am I looking forward to?
Oh well, I told you we're goingto cut down our Christmas tree,
so I'm looking forward to thatwhole experience.
I really hope it snows.
I don't think it is going to.
I haven't looked at theforecast but today's Tuesday and
it just looks like it's goingto be like a rainy, cloudy week.
But I hope it snows.
That would literally be thebest thing ever.
Oh my gosh, I would be sograteful.
Yeah, so I think I'm reallyjust looking forward to ducking
(47:00):
the halls.
I need to figure out wheretrees going to go this year,
because our living room is likein a little bit of a different
makeup, like there's somethingwhere the tree normally would be
.
But I have an idea of where Ido want it to go, but I'm not
sure if it'll be awkward.
I'm not also sure what sizetrees are at this farm or all of
these things, so it'll beinteresting to see how we get it
on the car.
(47:20):
We've never done this, like meand Trevor have never done this
with this car.
I think we did it with ourfiesta ones, which, like, if you
know about the Ford Vs, is likethis tiny little car.
I loved it so much.
It also like was always had badtransmission and it was like
for everyone, like it was like arecall that that never got
recalled or fixed, but anyways,I just love the fiesta and it
had.
It had lights that you couldchange like it was so ahead of
(47:42):
its time.
But I sold that car, sold it.
I don't think anyone wanted topurchase it.
I feel like we probably gotlike a couple thousand dollars
when we did a trade in for ourour current car, and I just
remember being like so sad, butI love our car now.
Anyways, that was my first car.
It was great love, but we diddo the tree chopping down with
(48:05):
that.
So I will be fine because wehave like a SUV now.
It'll be fun.
I'm just excited to see how itall goes.
But yeah, so I'm just lookingforward to see me know, good
family fun.
Yeah, so I guess that's myrosebud and thorn.
Let's get into entertainmentrecap.
Oh my gosh.
First entertainment recap.
Entertainment recap Okay, Ihave watched everything under
(48:29):
the sun.
I should have written this downbecause I was just like when I
was, when I personally was sick,sick and row was fine and going
to school and whatever, and Ijust like had endless time to
just like Watch things.
I watch literally everything,but when I was like truly sick,
sick I actually can't watchanything when I like really am
in the depths of it.
(48:50):
Like you know, those 24 hours,48 hours where you just are like
I Absolutely feel horrible.
I have no ability to doanything.
I have no concentration towatch a show.
What I watch is cleaningticktocks, not cleaning
ticktocks, restocking ticktocks.
I never watch restockingticktocks like on a day-to-day.
It's not really.
They don't really come on myFYI P but I go hunting for them
(49:12):
when I'm in that state and Ijust watch them.
Like something about them is solow, low focus and like
soothing.
I just Love them when I'mfeeling like absolute poop.
So yeah, but anyways, movingpast that, I've watched
everything to the point where Iliterally have nothing to watch
(49:32):
anymore.
But I started the Buccaneers onApple TV.
So good, cuties, you have towatch it like.
Oh my gosh, I'm obsessed andI'm literally obsessed.
I know some people don't likeit because it's like not an
accurate representation, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah.
I don't care, I love the waythat they are portraying it.
I think they do a good job atshowing how like Different it is
(49:54):
to be like the Americans andthe British.
Like I think that and I justlove it.
Like I am so obsessed.
It's a week-to-week.
It's not done yet, it's stillplaying.
It's so good.
I Finished lessons in chemistry.
I loved it, as you know.
I I, so I thoroughly enjoyedthe book.
I like the show too.
I thought the show was likemaybe a little slower, like I
(50:14):
did, like it.
I think when you read the bookand watch the show back-to-back
it makes it a little lessenjoyable, but I think they did
a good job on the show.
I just think it's like a bitdifferent, but like I liked both
.
So if you're gonna read thebook, read the book.
If you're gonna watch show,watch show.
And if you're gonna read thebook and watch the show, then do
it with time in between so youforget, um, what else.
(50:35):
I feel like there was anotherthing on Apple TV I was watching
, but no, okay, I've beenwatching Winter House.
Obviously love Winter House, oh.
That being said, I oh no, it'stoday's Tuesday, so it's only
gonna be Below deck.
I was like I am so craving asnack plate and a show over
lunch today, so I think that'swhat I'm gonna do.
But yeah, so been watchingWinter House, thoroughly
enjoying it, been watching belowdeck Mediterranean, as you know
(50:59):
, I'm so enjoying it becauseit's like taking part in what do
you call it?
Italy, on the Mediterranean,exactly where we were.
So it's just fun to relive andsee where they go.
I always love all the belowdecks.
I Watched the first part of thecrown, not even thinking about
the fact that they aren't reallyseeing the second part until so
long.
Like I feel like I've been likea month since I watched that,
(51:21):
but it was really good.
I remember last season of thecrown, like it really took me
like Time to get through it,like I was like, okay, it's kind
of dragging on, but I, I was, Iwas captivated.
I think I watched the firsthalf in the in one day.
I really enjoyed it and I lookforward to the second half.
And I didn't realize this wasthe last season of the crown, so
I thought they did a great joband I felt like I I want to say
(51:45):
I felt like I learned a lot, butI know that it's also
dramatized, so Give and take, um, I feel like I watched other
things.
There was so much stuff Iwatched, ah, but yeah, anyways,
I'm like I'm trying to thinklike there must have been
something on Disney, me andTrevor watching the show.
It's called the cult.
I have no idea what it's about.
Hi, I'm literally every weekI'm that's the show.
(52:07):
I fell asleep during last night.
I didn't fall asleep during itwith because it's boring, but it
like just because I was tired.
But, like every week, I feellike we get no closer to
realizing what this show isabout.
I feel like the whole thing isgonna be like that and like
there's points where you're justlike kind of so annoyed because
the couple is like, oh, beingso, I don't know, like icky.
And then there's other pointswhere you're just like, I Don't
(52:30):
know, you feel awkward.
It just makes you feel awkward.
It's a good show.
Though I'm enjoying it, I think,like we, we still watch it
every week.
It's another week to week.
I feel like there was anotherone that I streamed, but I can't
remember.
I've been watching to grassy,because I literally have run Out
of everything, but to grassyfeels good for a few episodes
and then I'm like okay, I'm kindof over it.
So every week I watch a fewepisodes.
(52:51):
I haven't been like consistentlywatching it.
I'm I'm still in the part where, like the majority of them are
like in middle school.
I love when they like Iremember I started watching it I
feel like when they were inhigh school, like Emma and all
them, and then onwards.
So I'm really looking forwardto that, but I don't want to
skip ahead because I want tojust like understand the whole
thing, like that's how I want todo it.
(53:11):
So, yeah, I am enjoying that,and then I'm trying to think if
there's there's definitely morethings I watched.
But another thing is oh my gosh, what is it called?
I don't remember this.
Like there's too much, but yeah, so I have.
(53:33):
Really, I just have nothingelse to stream, like there's
nothing currently to stream.
I haven't.
I tried to watch one holidaymovie and I think I got like 10
minutes through it, like a newone.
Maybe it was on Netflix, Idon't know, but it was not good.
I did not enjoy it, like Icould not get into it.
Me and Trevor, or me and Trevor, me and Ro watched Ice Age this
weekend, which isn't a holidaymovie, but it's a winter movie,
(53:53):
and we loved it.
I forgot like it's kind of sad,but it's cute, and like, oh my
gosh, it's wild to see thedifference in animation.
I mean, there's so many iceages now.
It's so different, but, likethe first original one, it's
like oh, wow, but yeah.
So, oh, we went on to talktrolls.
We want to talk trolls intheater, which was so good it
(54:13):
was.
I always love trolls.
They have the best sound track.
It's always so fun.
Yeah, I was a good movie.
It was really fun.
And there's a few other moviesI'm wanting to see in theater,
but I have to look them up, Inever remember them until I see
them.
But yeah, so I have watched alot of content and I have run
out of things.
So, if you have any good things, oh, I restarted 90210, not the
(54:33):
original one, I have seen theoriginal one and then I have
also seen, like, the reboot.
That happened in whatever 2018,I don't remember.
So I'm watching the rebootright now just because, like,
I've been watching Degrassi andthen there's that kind of
crossover between, like, themain character from Degrassi
which, like, she's not even inthe show, and where I am in
Degrassi, but it all just likereminded me.
So I started watching 90210.
(54:54):
I'm not fully devoted to itbecause the quality is not as
good of the one I'm watching,but it's one of those things
where it's like it's still okayto throw it in the background.
But yeah, that's everything I'mwatching and I am kind of in
the I'm either looking for abook right now or looking for,
like a show that I can reallyget into and binge.
(55:16):
So if anyone has any bookrecommendations or shows right
now, I would love that.
Because, you know, it's thedark season.
We need these things to help usand to help me, just like you
know, turn off my brain and Soakinto something else.
But I am so happy that you'reall here.
I'm grateful for every singleone of you.
You are truly the OG cuties,the.
(55:39):
My heart goes out to all of youand thank you for being here.
Get so excited because nextweek oh, I gave you specific
time, but whatever becausethere's some big, exciting
things coming up and I can'twait to celebrate this holiday
season together.
Love, love, love you.
You're the best.
Bye, thank you you.
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