March 19, 2025 • 54 mins
Have you ever realized that the life you've been waiting and planning for is actually happening right now? This week's episode takes you on a deeply personal journey about the transformative power of presence in a world designed to keep us distracted.
After taking a couple weeks away from recording, I share how stepping back from social media and constant content creation allowed me to reconnect with what truly matters. The revelation hit me during March break while redesigning my daughter's bedroom - I'm currently living in the dream life I've always imagined, but I was missing it because I was too busy planning what's next or comparing myself to others online.
Through simple daily rituals like morning walks in the ravine, afternoon tea time with homemade cookies, and even folding laundry one load at a time, I've discovered a profound sense of gratitude and joy that was hiding in plain sight. These aren't just mundane tasks but opportunities to ground ourselves in the present moment where real happiness lives. As I explain why I'm deleting TikTok from my phone (again!) and establishing healthier boundaries with technology, there's an invitation for you to consider where distraction might be robbing you of your own present-moment joy.
This episode isn't about perfection or having it all figured out - it's about giving ourselves permission to be enough exactly as we are, creating from a place of authenticity rather than obligation. If you've been feeling caught in the hamster wheel of "more, more, more," this conversation might be exactly what you need to hear. Join me for some tea, laughs, and maybe even a few unexpected tears as we explore what it truly means to live in the now.
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- Grace
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey cuties, I just want to share this before we get
into the podcast so you canappreciate the irony that I did
not even record through thismicrophone for the entirety of
that podcast.
Also, if you can hear mylaundry, I put it on.
It's very loud.
I heated up my leftoverorecchiette, spicy Italian
sausage, rapini for lunch andI'm staying high vibes and
(00:21):
positive because things happen.
High vibes and positive becausethings happen.
So apologize for the audio.
It's not horrific, but it's notthe best it could ever be.
Hey, cuties, welcome back tofive years time podcast with me,
your host grace.
I was gonna take a sip of waterbefore I started and then I
forgot, so we'll have that waterbreak moment together.
(00:44):
I have my proper headphones onthis time.
Thanks TK for letting me borrowthem, because last weeks or
whatever, I think I haven'trecorded for a couple of weeks
the last episode I was just soirritated by the in bed ones.
I like the over the ear betterand I think I can't decide if I
like hearing myself or don'tlike hearing myself, but I think
(01:06):
I do, because then I can tellif I'm like blowing up the
speaker with a ha, ha, ha, ha orgetting too loud or anything
like that, since no one else islistening as I'm recording
self-produced made queen me.
I said that I'm not puttogether in any way shape form
and I wish not to do this everagain.
But I do love the podcast, butthe setting up of the equipment
(01:30):
and everything just like reallyboils my blood every single time
I have to do it.
I just don't know how toexplain it other than that I
just wish I could sit down andit'd be perfecto.
It never is, it never is, itnever is.
But I'm back.
Cute, I took a couple weeks offbecause one uh, the first week
that I didn't post, everyone gotsick in the house.
(01:52):
Well, it went and it startedthrowing up and I was stressed.
I was like, oh my gosh, it'sgonna be the gastro.
But then it wasn't.
Well, maybe it was, but itwasn't a bad version of it.
Um, ro started us off but onlythrew up once, and then me and
Trevor both got upset stomachs alittle bit later, but like
nothing other than that.
But that week was a bit of asickness ridden house and then
(02:17):
also I was just feeling like, sodown on top of that, I feel,
and I just like was.
I can't record the podcast.
Why is the cat meowing andrunning down the stairs so
intense?
What is that?
I don't think I've ever seenyou do that before.
Also, if you're watching on thevideo, we have my pink chair
(02:38):
back here, which I used to usemany, many moons ago.
Um, I got rid of our browncouch.
Oh no, I didn't, I didn't getrid of it.
It's upstairs.
I know, guys, I'm movingeverything everywhere all the
time, but we oh, cat on me.
I think I'm also learning howto record with a cat, which is
very overstimulating for me.
(02:59):
But they got, uh, we redid rosepodcast gosh, and now the
lighting's all different.
Sorry about that, cute.
I just needed to get the catgone somewhere else because,
honestly, I was about to have amental beat.
(03:19):
Um, it is 1130 AM.
I usually eat my lunch aroundthis time, or even a little bit
earlier than this, and I havenot, because I just want to get
this done, because it took me solong to figure out how to set
some stuff up.
I don't want to talk about thisevery week.
I really don't.
I'm trying to work past this,but anyways, my point being is
that I took a week off becausethe house was sick and then I
(03:40):
took off last week because itwas March break and I just want
it to be in full mom mode withRo.
And now I'm back.
And also with that note, I wantto say that I'm taking
everything in my life,everything, every element of my
life, in a more laissez-faire isthat the right word, I don't
know just like a more relaxedapproach, and I know that might
(04:00):
suck for the cuties who want tohold or that I want to hold
myself accountable to, but youwant to have a, um, a reliable
source of entertainment, um then, and know that every week I'm
going to be here and all of thisstuff, or every day I'm going
to be on TikTok or whatever itis.
But I cannot keep to thatschedule.
(04:23):
It is not good for my mentalhealth, it is not good in
general.
I don't think anyone shouldhave to and I think that social
this is a whole nother conceptlike topic, but I think that
social media has really broughtout this more, more, more, more,
more, more, more, more, morehamster wheel type of thing.
But it's like, even when you'redoing the most, you're never
doing the most.
(04:43):
There's more you can be postingon, there's more places you can
be and then, once you feelconfident in one place, they're
going to take away that app andthen you're going to move to
another one and it's just likeso much is actually too much.
I don't think I realized howmuch it was until recently, and
now it's like I'm actually onlyaccountable to myself.
I want to create amazing andwonderful, uplifting, positive,
(05:06):
joy-filled content for my cuties, but I can't do that if I am
not coming from a place of joy.
Literally, I can't do that.
It's not going to happen.
I'm going to resent it.
I have been there, I have donethat and I don't want that to
happen again.
So I'm trying to take a morerelaxed approach and if there's
a week that I just can't fit ininto my schedule or I'm not in
(05:27):
the place to record, then I'mnot going to force myself to do
that.
I'm doing the same with TikTok.
I'm doing the same withInstagram.
I'm doing the same witheverything YouTube, everything
I'm going to upload when I wantto upload and that is that, and
you know what you do end upleaving things on the table,
like some people might notappreciate that they don't want
to be here, and that's okay.
This space is not the place foryou, and that's fine.
(05:49):
And if you feel you are drawnto this space and what I am able
to provide to you, then I'mgrateful for you being here,
because I love all you cuties somuch.
And yes, it doesn't make yougrow necessarily in your career
or whatever, but you know whatgrow necessarily in your career
or whatever, but you know what?
I can only create goodness whenI am good and I am not good.
(06:10):
When I'm pushing myself orfalling into a trap of I am not
good enough and when I am stuckin a cycle of feeling I am not
good enough.
How can I, how can I tell youguys how amazing you are and
create joy in your life?
I can't.
My cup's got to be a little bitmore full.
So this wasn't a rant.
I'm not mad at anybody, but Ijust like.
I'm also trying to remindmyself like grace, hold strong.
(06:33):
You do not need to be anybodyother than yourself.
You are good and you creategood things, and the only way
you can do that is when you'recoming from a place of peace and
joy.
And the only way I can do thatis by staying true to myself and
not feeling like I have toendlessly be putting everything
out into the world at all times,and it just doesn't work that
(06:55):
way.
I can't push myself like that.
So, anyways, that being said,I'm excited to be here this week
and as I get back into theroutine of recording and feeling
confident and comfortable onthe microphone, it becomes more
and more warm and welcoming forme not from you, like, but for
me just being here.
I'm like, okay, I'm in my placeof Zen, because with all the
(07:18):
little bits of things that gointo this, all the I'm looking
at all the wires and cameras andstuff it can feel overwhelming
sometimes.
Just to get my point, it's likeI even brought out the iPad and
I jotted down all my notes.
You can't see it, it's going tobe blown out, but I jotted down
all my notes how I used to andI felt really good about that.
And then it's like, yes, let'srecord.
(07:39):
And then I sit down and it'slike, okay, I got to get through
all the frustrating stuff, butnow I'm feeling comfortable and
I'm happy to be here.
But let's get into our weeklyrecap cutes.
I feel like we have so much totalk about because it was March
break and we got up to literallynothing, but everything at the
same time.
We had no plans.
This is our first March break.
Rosie has never had a Marchbreak before, like with her
(08:01):
preschool.
So, um, I kind of forgot aboutMarch break until all of a
sudden it was like, oh, shedoesn't have school next week.
Okay, it's March break.
Like, what are we going to do?
And we had been talking aboutswitching up Rose bedroom for a
while.
She doesn't really, she didn'treally like her old one.
She was scared of it.
It's a little bit bigger.
We have two.
We have our bedroom and then wehave two other bedrooms.
(08:22):
That one is our guest bed andone was hers.
And I gave her the biggerbedroom because I thought like
that's what she would want.
But then now she's like I wanta smaller room and I feel a
little nervous and she reallywanted a bunk bed.
So we switched the room.
So now we have like our chillzone she calls it our chill room
which is our guest room, butI've moved the brown couch up
there and put our tv.
(08:42):
We had an extra tv that was inour guest room, so I put that in
there.
So there's like a little chillzone and then there's the bed,
but it's kind of more Danish andit's a new hangout spot.
And then we turned our guestroom into her bedroom, which I
love.
Our guest bedroom it's probablymy favorite bedroom in the
house.
Lighting wise, it has the bestlight, it just gets the best
natural light and it feels so Idon't know fresh and lovely and
(09:12):
it overlooks the backyard.
I just love it so much.
Um, astro stop please.
And so I decided that, uh, wewould do that, and she was so
excited about it so we got inour plan.
She really wanted to paint and Iwas like, oh, painting.
If you know anything about me,cuties, I absolutely detest
painting.
I really really, really, really, really, really don't like it.
It is so much work for me, like, I'm sure there's people who
(09:33):
are amazing at it, but I justfind it the most labor-intensive
, like not fun thing.
I really just don't like it.
And then you have to do it onceand you got to do another coat
and honestly, we probably couldhave done a third coat.
But I said we're calling ittwos.
Where we're at, it's goodenough.
It's, it's a good enough, um.
But we painted this reallybeautiful pinky color with like
(09:53):
a bit of an orange undertone.
It was called pinky swear, it'sso sweet.
And we got a little loft bed andI ordered a Joey couch, which
is like one of those like kidfoam couches that can be built
into a lot of forts and stuff toput under the loft bed and then
she can play with it, obviouslyoutside of it.
But instead of doing like twomattresses, two beds and it just
(10:16):
came yesterday and she has beenhaving the best time with it
ever.
It is so awesome and it's niceto have a little sitting spot
too while we're in there.
And then, honestly, I justwanted to keep it as clear as
possible.
I got a carpet for the ground,so it's really warm and cozy,
some lovely curtains for thewindow.
We switch your closet over and Ido have a, not a wardrobe, what
(10:36):
is it called?
A chest of drawers in ourgarage that a family friend had
given to us before she moved,specifically for Rose Room.
A family friend had given to usbefore she moved, specifically
for Rose room, and it's like, oh, now's the perfect time, but I
feel like right now we're stillon floor play and everything
fits in our closet, so I amgoing to leave off not putting
it in her room just for now, um,but we'll see.
Uh, I want to live with how wehave the space right now.
(10:57):
There's one other thing Iordered, which was a new light
fixture for the top Cause.
Right now it's just like,really like whatever came with
the house and it's like not notnice light.
I never turn that light on, butwe really love sleeping with
fans on, and so me and Trevorhave a ceiling fan and I know Ro
loves a ceiling fan, so I got alight with a ceiling fan in it
(11:19):
and that's coming at some pointand we'll have fun installing
that, me and Trevor.
I feel like every time we haveto install electrical it is a
test on our communication skillsand teamwork effort, but we're
pretty good at it now.
But I remember when we first gotmarried and started installing
lights in our condo, that wasone of the first things.
It was like, hey, we can getthrough this, that and then and
(11:40):
hanging mirrors those are thetwo things.
That really pushes to ourlimits.
But yeah, so we did that.
We had lots of fun.
It was a big project.
I'm glad that I started thepainting on Monday.
Uh, because if I didn't startit on Monday, I would have never
started.
I would have been like, eh,let's just push it off.
Uh, because that was justreally the hard part and we got
(12:01):
everything done.
So, rose having the best timeever, I'm having the best time
ever, uh, when I put her to bed,I snuggle her and read her a
story and then, like she fallsasleep and I leave.
But it's so interesting beinglike on a bunked bed or a lofted
bed, because I it's like I'venever seen this view of our
house before.
It's like, oh, it's like sointeresting.
(12:22):
I don't know, I just likewasn't expecting that, but that
is, that is what we did Marchbreak.
Really, that was like the, themeat and potato of it.
And then, other than that, wedid go see a movie.
What did we go see?
Oh, dog man.
Ro had already seen it withTrevor, but she really wanted to
go to the movies and there wasno like kids movie that came out
over March break.
So we went and saw Dog man.
(12:44):
We really wanted Snow White,but it's not out till, I think,
this weekend it comes out.
So we're excited to see that.
We also watched a bunch of theclassic Disney movies, like
Mulan.
Ro had never seen Mulan.
I haven't seen Mulan in forever.
I actually think Mulan is oneof my favorite Disney movies.
It is so good and saying thatwe're actually going to watch
(13:04):
tonight because we werelistening to a Spotify playlist
this morning while I was makingbreakfast of, like trap, disney
remixes.
It's actually super fun.
Ro loves it.
But I knew, um, the new geniesong came on with Will Smith,
which I guess is from what movieis that Aladdin?
And so we've never seen the newAladdin.
So I think we're going to watchthat tonight.
(13:25):
Um, but we also went to the mallbecause Trevor had to get
something, I don't know.
Oh, yeah, he wanted to get hisiPad looked at and me and Ro
weren't doing anything.
So I was like, okay, let's goto the mall too.
And then Ro has wanted to dothe stuffy riders for so long
and I we just like have nevergot around to it.
And I was like like, oh, we cando the stuffy riders today
because she's under the age ofsix.
(13:45):
I had to go on with her.
Oh my gosh cuties, I literallyam obsessed.
It is so fun.
If you have a stuffy riders atyour mall, you have to do it.
It's kind of expensive, likeit's not like a cheap activity,
but it is so fun, like, and theykind of got.
They got good speed on them,especially like with me in row
on them, and then you can godown the ramps and all around we
(14:06):
were having the best time ever,literally.
It was so fun.
So if you've got a stuffy ridernear you, you got to do that.
I'm excited because I thinkthey have stuffy riders at the
outdoor mall, which is like ouroutlet.
So this summer I want to dothat, except for we'll have to
do it during the week becausethe weekends will be too busy.
But that was really fun.
I also have been spring cleaning.
Oh, it feels so good.
(14:28):
It started with Rose room.
Like leading up to Rosie or toMarch break, I knew we were
going to do Rose room.
So I was like, okay, I'm goingto start going through stuff.
And then, um, I just likestarted doing a bunch of belly
village runs and then obviouslywe got.
We got rid of a well, notobviously, but we had rose old
(14:48):
bed, which is trevor's bed fromwhen he was a kid and when she
decided she wanted to bunk bed,we're like, okay, we're gonna
get rid of that.
So we just got a bunch.
Once we were getting thatfurniture out, I realized you
can do like big furniturepickups on your curb in our city
every other garbage day, and soI've just been doing like
booking all these big cause wehave so much.
I feel like when we moved fromthe condo, we like kept our
(15:10):
furniture, but then we orderedfurniture that actually fits the
house and then we still had ourlittler furniture and we've
just been moving it around.
And then we got furniture fromother people who are moving and
they were like maybe you'll needthis or maybe you'll need that,
and I just feel like we have somuch extra stuff and it just
feels like everything just feelssquishy.
We're like coming up on fiveyears in this house, which I
actually don't know how, whatthat like that shocks me more
(15:34):
than having a five-year-old like.
Like, how have we lived here?
Like what?
Yeah, that just feels wild tome, but, that being being said,
it's like that's the longest weas a couple have lived somewhere
, cause I think we were in acondo for three years, and so I
just feel like we've collectedso much stuff and I just am at
(15:55):
the point where I'm like get outof my house, and so every time
I get that spurt of energy, Ijust like run around and try and
like fill up my trunk and thenhead to Valley Village and I'm
so excited to do our garage Likewe have so much junk in our
garage, like literally you can'teven get into our garage
(16:15):
without taking something out ofour garage and half of that
stuff, if not more, is not wedon't need it.
Like it's just random things,like things that were either
left from the previous people,that are like up in the loft or
at the very back, or just likeextra random things that people
have given us and it's like wedon't need it.
Like you know what I mean.
(16:36):
So I'm just really workingthrough that.
The getting rid of Trevor keepssaying, oh, we're organizing.
I'm like no, no, no, we havenot started organizing.
We are getting rid, we areletting go, we are saying
goodbye and then, once that isdone, then we can start
organizing and at that point itwon't even be that much work
(16:56):
because everything will alreadyhave a place.
Even just here, like my desk isstill horrendous.
Guys, I know I haven't gottento this.
Look, my bookshelves are empty.
Everything's done, buteverything's still whatever
Trevor did build my lamp, thoughover here I need to put a light
bulb in it, but my desk isstill full of stuff.
There's still a few things onthe ground over here, but I got
rid of a bunch of books.
(17:17):
There were so many books thatpeople had given to me that I
did not need, so I got rid of abunch of these books and things
and I still there's still a fewlittle things, but even just
that it feels better.
It's just slow and steady.
That's all I'm trying to do.
It's just a little bit here, alittle bit there, um, but yeah,
so that's really what I've beenup to this past week and it felt
(17:37):
just good.
It felt so good to be with Ro.
Every day I'm trying to figureout our summer plans, because
she's always been in summer camplike all summer long, because
her preschool just had like asummer camp connected to it and
so it was easy to just sign herup.
She loves being in summer camp,but I think she's really been
enjoying like more home time,like mommy me chill, like I feel
(18:00):
like now that she's in school,it's a lot more structured and I
think she's just really beenenjoying that.
So it was nice for us to havethe March break together.
I did sign her up for a coupleweeks of summer camp with some
friends that she did go topreschool with, so that they
have some time together, and weare going to be doing a few
little um getaways locally notno trips planned, well, I guess
(18:22):
like up north getaway moments,um with my mom and then also
with Trevor's family.
So that's all planned.
And then, other than that,there's like pretty much I feel
like all of August is open.
I'm trying to think but I'm likeI was trying to do it should I
sign her up for more camps?
Does she want to be at home?
But I think we're just gonnahave sign we're up for more
(18:43):
camps.
Does she want to be at home?
But I think we're just going tohave a home time like just full
hangout, me and her.
Because I really do feel like,all of a sudden, I just have
this like, oh, I'm living in the, I'm living in the time that
I've been waiting for my wholelife.
Like I just had this like, oh,my gosh, and uh, I just want to
embrace it, and we haven'treally had a summer where we've
just been chill, like you knownowhere to rush off in the
(19:07):
morning.
We can hang by the pool, we canjust hang out.
We can go on a like a tripduring day to wherever we want
to go.
Go to the park in the afternoon, bike to get freezies, just
chill stuff.
I want to do that.
So I think that's what we'regoing to do this summer.
I'm trying to really.
Oh my gosh, I just like somehowerased half my notes, like, how
did I do that?
(19:27):
It's okay, we've already.
Oh my gosh, what the heck?
How did I do that?
Cuties, who gave me an iPad?
Why is it on erase?
Okay, well, that's funny.
Anyways, good thing, I reallydon't use this.
I just use it as like a makesure I'm not missing my part.
Okay, that was this week.
(19:50):
So let's get into our snack anddrink of the week, which I
don't think I've done since webrought back the podcast,
because I totally forgot aboutit.
Thankfully, I still have snackand D written here.
I somehow erased the drink part, but that's okay.
Snack and D Okay, tea time.
Cuties, this week this pastweek, week and a half has been,
(20:11):
ever since we got sick andstarted feeling a little bit
better has all been aboutbringing back tea time I used to
be such a staple in my life,like around 2, 3 pm I would have
a nice cup of tea and a littlesomething, and I've been making
our little something has beeneither two types of cookies I
would have a nice cup of tea anda little something and I've
been making our little somethinghas been either two types of
cookies I've been making thecookies for two, but I've been
(20:31):
switching up the recipe a bitand browning the butter, because
my friend sent me home withbrown butter cookies the other
week, just the dough and uh liketo bake at home and they.
And so I was like, hmm, what ifI tried doing that with this
recipe?
Trevor and I did it one daywith that and one day not like
the original, and Trevor saidthe brown butter one was his
(20:52):
favorite and I didn't tell himwhat was different.
So that was really good.
Another thing is these likewafer cookies.
You know you get those wafercookies in a pack, but this is
that are like all lined upmarchers, like you know the
strawberry filled ones or thevanilla ones, but these ones are
like.
I feel like they're Italian, Idon't think they are, but I
don't know.
They come in a bag where youbuy the Italian cookies that
(21:14):
come in a bag, but they're allwafer cookies.
Either way, they're the samething but they're different
shapes and some are dipped inchocolate and some are not, but
they are wafer cookies and I'mlike obsessed with them right
now.
Just a couple of wafer cookiesand a nice cup of tea around
that two, 3 PM, oh, it's likeliterally fuels me for the rest
of the day and also just likemakes me excited for that that
(21:35):
time of the day.
So I brought back my tea timeand, that being said, I really
need to go buy some Earl graytea, because all I have right
now is um orange Pico, which isexpired, like I didn't know.
I know tea can go get expired,but like I feel like sometimes
like they're not so horrible,but this box is really horrible.
I tried a bag the other day andI was like oh, no, no, no, no,
(21:56):
no, no, no.
It's been in here for too long,probably five years since we
moved.
Um, and then I have what's myother one?
But I only have a couple ofbags left.
The best one, come on.
What's it called?
Irish breakfast?
Is that it?
Yeah, irish breakfast.
So that one.
I only have a few bags left andI think I'm ready to go back to
my Earl Grey, because I loveEarl Grey.
(22:16):
It's so good, um, so, yeah,that's my snack and drink of the
week.
Okay, what I learned this week,which I erased literally half
down, just like the left handside.
Somehow erase that.
I don't know how I did that.
I write my notes with my Applepencil, so it's like my chicken
scratch, but I don't know how Idid that.
(22:39):
That's just amazing.
That's amazing.
Okay, I know you erase the partwhere it's like what did I
actually learn this week?
Now I have to remember.
Okay, get, cuties, I don't wantthe cat on me while I'm
recording, because it's reallyoverstimulating and Astro just
(22:59):
does his claws so deep into meas I was trying to push him off.
Oh my gosh, it's hard becausewhen I'm not here, this is his
chair.
Like ever since I moved thischair here, he just sits here
all the time.
Okay, I'm going to take a sipand then process what my little
togetherness of what I learnedthis week is.
I'm pretty sure I remember whatit is.
(23:19):
Yeah, I got it now, but we'regonna do this together.
Okay, cuties, what I learnedthis week.
I am currently I guess I kind ofspoke about this earlier but I
am currently living in like mydream life, like the life I've
(23:42):
always dreamt of, and I feellike I always think about this
Like I've always.
I used to be someone who lookedso far into the future all the
time.
I was always like planning forthe next thing.
I was excited for the next day,I was making a list for the
next thing, I was planning outwhat I wanted to buy for the
next thing.
It was always like what's thenext thing?
I was so devoted to the nextthing and I tried really hard to
(24:05):
like step back from that andlike get into the.
This is the time, this is thetime.
And then I realized, like afterI like got married or got
engaged, or graduated, gottenmarried sorry, there's so many
things, but after all those bigmilestones happened you know,
like graduated, got a car, gotengaged, got married, had a kid
when all of that happened noteven the have a kid part, but
(24:26):
all the wedding stuff, like thatall happened so quick and we
did it so fast because we onlyhad a six-month engagement.
But also it was like duringsuch a busy time my life I was
during that time.
I was just striving get to thenext, get to the next, get to
the next.
And then it was like, okay, now, now.
No, the next, now, the next,the next.
But I realized that like Ireally just like rushed past all
(24:47):
of that and didn't like sit init and feel in the moment Like
I'm sure there were times I knowI had a great time and all of
that stuff, but it's like I wishI was just more present.
And that's what I tell all myfriends now who are like getting
married or having a baby, allthis stuff.
I'm like just be more present,be more present.
Put your phone away.
Uh, don't think about what thenext step is.
Just be there, be in the moment, be present, try and make it as
(25:09):
special as you can, because Ifeel like I didn't, I didn't do
that Um, it was still so amazingand so special and stuff like
that.
But I wish that I like had moresitting in the moment and being
present with it and not justthinking like, okay, what's the
next thing?
I'm really stressed right now.
I want to know what the nextthing is, or I got to move
forward.
Where's the finish line Cause,like, if there's anything I can
tell you is that there is nofinish line.
(25:30):
There's never a finish line.
Life is literally this is it.
This is it, and we need to bein it, be in it, be in this
moment, because the finish linedoes not exist, because once you
get to that finish line, youstill have life to live and
you're like, wait what's next?
So just like being more present.
So this week I really reallylearned that like I really
(25:51):
brought myself back into thatmindset.
I've been so bad at um thinkingabout the next.
I kind of spoke about that whenI was saying, like how I'm
trying to be really intentionalwith everything that I post
online and how I'm really justtrying to be.
I'm trying to be reallyintentional with everything that
I post online and how I'mreally just trying to be.
I'm trying to bring my bestself, my my best mental self, to
the online world.
(26:12):
And not because I want toportray a picture of like
perfectness not at all.
That's never, ever, ever mygoal.
I want to portray a picture ofwho I actually truly feel I am,
because when I'm like, feel likeI endlessly have to create
content and post and do all thislike I'm working from a place
of I'm not enough.
I'm not enough, um, and I don'twant that ever.
(26:34):
I am enough, I am amazing, I ambeautiful, I'm kind, I'm loving
.
I have all these greatattributes to offer to the world
.
I am enough.
I am enough.
I am unique.
I have to remind myself that,because, working in social media
, it does feel all the time Likewhy, why am I, why I?
Nothing I have to offer isdifferent from what someone else
(26:57):
has to offer or better, andthey can just do it.
And why should I do it?
Like I get stuck in my head allthe time about that.
I'm sure you do too about otherthings.
So I just feel like I've beenin a really bad cycle lately
where I'm like, oh my gosh, andit always like, oh, trying to
figure out where my comfort zoneis and what feels good and what
my schedule is and all thisstuff, and then it always falls
(27:19):
back on me feeling like I'm notenough and it's like I have to
leave that behind.
And when I feel like I'm notenough is because I am not being
present.
I am not sitting in the lifethat I have currently.
I am not sitting, breathing,looking, seeing out the window.
(27:41):
Oh my gosh, like even just me,for me personally, like when I
look out the window, it's asunny day, right, just me for me
personally, like when I lookout the window, it's a sunny day
right now and I see the sundabbling and I see the branches
moving, even though they're justbranches now.
Soon buds will be blooming andI see that I literally can be
transported back into thepresent.
So that's something for me thatreally works is just like
(28:02):
taking a second, putting downeverything around me mainly my
phone, that is the thing aroundme putting it down and just
sitting for a moment andabsorbing what is actually
happening around me right nowand finding that beauty, like
that really grounds me.
And because of that practiceand knowing that it's easier for
(28:26):
me to like release the, the ah,I'm not enough, what's next?
What's next?
How can I be better?
How can I do this, how can I dothat, or why, like it's easier
for me to fall back into thatlike, to get back into my
present.
But at the same time, like I gotpretty wound up this time, like
I feel like I really pushedmyself too far away.
I actually deleted everythingoff my phone, like TikTok,
(28:48):
instagram, all the social mediasoff my phone.
I really didn't go on them forthe week.
I wasn't posting um, because Ijust needed that space.
And then I actuallyre-downloaded TikTok and
Instagram maybe yesterday or theday before, and Instagram is
like TikTok.
I really don't need on my phone.
Like I'm deleting it againbecause it is 100% a distraction
(29:14):
.
Like anything that I create forTikTok, especially as a creator.
Like I just need to not seeother people's posts, I just
need to.
I was gonna say stay in my lane, but I don't know that's a
negative thing, it's not evenstay in my lane.
I just need to like focus in onme and feel inspired by the
real world around me and thenbring that to the online life.
(29:35):
Like I don't need to see what'shappening online for me.
It's not good for me as acreator.
I know other people feelinspired by other people, but I
do not.
I always feel like, oh well, Idon't need to see what's
happening online for me.
It's not good for me as acreator.
I know other people feelinspired by other people, but I
do not.
I always feel like, oh well, Idon't need to do anything or oh,
I'm not doing enough.
They're posting and I should beposting where it's like no,
actually I'm more worthy thanjust how many posts I share, how
many likes or how many views Iget.
(29:55):
My worth comes from otherthings and my value is not
situated in that, and what I'mtrying to create for the world
is bringing my unique qualitiesto other people so that they can
feel less alone and feel lovedand welcomed and supported, and
that there is no judgment andthat this is a free space to be
(30:17):
weird and have fun and eat foodhappily and not feel pressure.
That's what my, that's what Iwant to bring.
And so I just was like I'm gladthat I took that detox.
And then I realized that, yeah,tiktok does not serve me on my
phone, so that's going back off,because I can do everything now
(30:39):
that I have my beautifuldesktop computer.
I can do everything from there.
I can obviously film and edit,but then I can upload and get
everything scheduled or justupload right away from my
computer.
So that's like perfecto.
And then the only thing Icouldn't I can't figure out what
my feelings are on Instagramright now.
(30:59):
It's like I redownloaded it andthen it's like okay, you can
share on your stories way easier.
But I don't know, I kind ofdon't like that.
It's so funny.
I used to be someone who likeloved the instant gratification
posts, like I love filming andposting, filming, editing,
uploading on TikTok right then,right there, and I love stories.
Because it was like this iswhat I'm doing now.
(31:19):
Right then, right there, and Ilove stories because it was like
this is what I'm doing now, andit was all like I only want to
post things that are happeningright now live.
But then it's like I actuallydon't resonate with that anymore
.
I like the step back, I likethe more I don't know.
I like I do still like postinglive, like it's it's an easier
(31:42):
routine for me to do that Like.
And then it's like, okay, I'mdone, I've uploaded the video,
I'm done.
It's harder for me to come backand edit a video that I filmed,
like even earlier in the day,but even the day before or last
week like I do find it harderfor me to come back and do that.
Or then I feel like, ah, it'sobsolete, what's the point?
(32:04):
But I'm trying to like releasemyself from this.
I don't know instantgratification and just like be
more thoughtful with how I dothat.
But that aside, that's just onepoint of this presence thing is
that the social media on myphone, especially if I'm going
to be working in social media,is not good for me.
Not good so, so not good.
So I deleted it and I honestlythat instantly felt so much
(32:25):
better for me and now I've beenliterally plugging my phone in
as soon as dinner time hits,like as soon as I serve dinner,
I plug my phone in and I don'tlook at it until Rosie goes to
school the next day, and thatfeels amazing and that feels
like a good habit that I'vepicked up and retrained myself.
(32:48):
Another way I think I talkedabout this right at the
beginning was that seeing thesun out the window and the, the
wind moving the branches, likethose things connect me to the
present.
But what that truly is isgratitude.
It's me discovering, or noteven discovering, but me looking
around me and just feelinggratitude, and I feel so much
gratitude for everything,everything around me right now
(33:08):
and everything in my life rightnow.
Like I feel that.
But it's easy to not feel thatif you're distracted and if
you're looking for other thingsto bring you happiness or joy or
whatever you're looking for,and especially when you're
spending your time indistraction.
I just needed a week to sit andfeel every little piece of the
(33:36):
puzzle, the flow of life,because that is my favorite
thing.
I talk about this when I cooklike I love the flow of cooking.
I love my favorite thing.
I talk about this when I cooklike I love the flow of cooking.
I love how you're you have tofigure out, like you decide what
you're going to make.
Then you have to figure out,okay, what is going to be the
layout of the time, what makessense to cook first, what should
I start then?
When can I put on this then?
When should I do this now?
(33:56):
Will I have a little break here?
Should I put in the dishes herenow?
Now, let's.
I love that flow, I love it alland I love getting it all on the
table and then the kitchenbeing like clean, like I love
creating that flow in thekitchen and that's what really
brings me joy when I'm cooking.
And it's the same thing withlife.
I love the flow that lifebrings and I love um, I love the
(34:20):
simplicity of the daily routinewaking up and going and getting
your baby I know she's not ababy anymore, but waking her up
and bringing the dog out andthen figuring out what are we
going to have for breakfast.
Getting the lunches on, havinga little bit of a dance party,
doing our little morningbathroom routine, getting
(34:43):
dressed, walking to the bus,playing games with Trevor, going
on my morning walk, gettinginto whatever my workday looks
like for the day.
I love all those ups and downsand then the same with the other
route, making as the days, asmy workday is wrapping up, then
making my cup of tea, having mycookie, going to get rosy, or
(35:06):
the same the different, itdepends.
Do I feel like I need the teabefore I get rosy or do we have
the tea together with rosy?
I'm going to get roe, askingher what she wants to do for the
next hour before you have tostart dinner.
Participating in whatever thatis, whether that's her playing
like yesterday she was playingwith her new couch and I was
folding a basket of laundry onher bed participating and
(35:27):
watching and praising andenjoying and laughing and
helping, but also getting a taskdone that I needed for myself,
but being very present in themoment, with the sun in the room
and just having this reallybeautiful and with the sun in
the room, and just having thisreally beautiful, so simple
child playing, mom foldinglaundry, sun in the room, like
(35:48):
the most simple act, butliterally, why am I going to cry
about that?
But literally, that brings methe utmost joy.
The most joy that life has tooffer is those moments, and I
really didn't think I was goingto get emotional about this
episode, but it's.
(36:09):
It's so disheartening how easyit is to get distracted and
pulled away from the presentmoment and I'm just thinking,
like I told you guys, like notthe week that we, not this past
week, march, right, but the weekthat we weren't feeling well,
(36:30):
like I was having a bit of adown week as well on top of that
, and it's like how was Ifeeling?
I was feeling so, I don't know,lost and I could not feel what
I'm feeling now.
Like I could not bring myselfto feel that because I was so
distracted, like I could notbring myself to feel the joy
(36:52):
that I feel just describing thissimple routine or daily
activity, because I was sodistracted and my mind was so
distracted and I was looking sofar into the future and I was
looking at other people and Iwas comparing myself and I was
feeling just like a balloonabout to pop, and I did pop,
(37:13):
like I literally one day justlaid all day.
I vlogged about this in my uh,my most recent weekly vlog, but
there was a day where I just hadto sit on the couch and just
like, like disassociate frommyself, and then I was able to,
like, feel more recharged forthe next day, and then I was
(37:36):
able to realize, okay, I need tomake a change and I need to.
I'm missing the feeling, I'mmissing the gratitude and the
feeling present.
So I need to figure out how toget there.
And it's just this, like it'sthe most amazing feeling ever
when you can just be as presentas possible in your life.
And so, anyways, all of that tobe said, I love the flow of
(38:01):
life and I'm so glad I'm feelingback there and feeling more
confident in my, in that space,because that's really the only
thing that matters.
And so another thing that I do,which I mentioned in my routine,
is going on my daily walk,which I am so excited because
the weather's getting so muchnicer, but I go on the daily
walk in the winter too, unlessthe conditions are like horrible
(38:22):
and I really can't walk.
But now it's getting so muchnicer.
Today I even got to go down tothe ravine, which I love a
ravine walk.
I've like lived on a ravine myentire life, which is so wild.
Except for the few years thatme and Trevor were together in
the condo, we didn't have aravine.
Well, there were lots ofravines around us, but we didn't
live on a ravine.
(38:42):
But I've always lived close toa forest and it's just been the
easiest walking path to get toand I never take that for
granted.
And so now, as the weather getswarmer, it's nicer to go back
down to the ravine, although itis the time where it's going to
be very muddy, so you have toplay it by ear.
But today it was cool enoughthat I had the ground was going
to be hard and it was, and thespring birdies weren't out yet.
(39:05):
Specifically the geese.
They get really protective oftheir babies around this time,
especially on the path I walk,and yeah, it can actually be
quite scary, uh, so I try toavoid the like the babies coming
out there, and but anyways,there were just a couple of
geese today and they did go andlike hiss at me but I was like,
okay, there's only two, I canwalk around them, but sometimes
(39:27):
there's so many.
Anyways, I got to do that pathtoday and I was just like so
excited.
It runs next to a stream andit's like, oh, the water, and
then the trees are still sobarren and it's.
I took a picture cause I waslike, oh, this is the time where
I should try and take a pictureonce a week, if I can remember,
because I'll really see thatchange and I love to see all the
(39:52):
change happening in spring.
It's so lovely.
But taking that time everysingle day for myself to go on
that walk is the most importantthing I can do for myself really
, and it's one of those thingsthat really grounds me.
It is truly a groundingactivity, really, and it's one
of those things that reallygrounds me.
It is truly a groundingactivity and I just like cannot
live without it, like I needthat, and so it's.
It's even more special when Iget to like switch it up and as
(40:13):
the weather gets warmer, I canstart going on my hikes, which
are at different areas, and so I, even this winter, I was pretty
consistent with just doing itaround the block and I like to
go for an hour or so, dependingon how much time I have
available, but I thought I wouldget tired of just walking in a
circle for an hour.
But I never did and I alwayslisten to a podcast and just
(40:34):
like connect with somebody thatway.
It's really important for me assomeone who's like on my own
all day, working, working.
I mean that I connect withsomebody and that's why I really
love podcasts and that's why Ialways wanted to podcast and
that's why we're here, because,um, yeah, I, when you can find
those people you resonate with,it just is like that camaraderie
(40:56):
and it feels like I don't know,you know that workplace banter
type of situation.
But that's been reallyimportant.
These little rituals my walk,the tea time, the making of
breakfast and dinner those arevery important rituals that I do
every day.
I love making, oh, I lovemaking my breakfast because it's
me and Ro in the kitchen andit's just this really lovely
(41:18):
time.
And it's the same thing fordinner.
It's like me and Ro have thisgreat hour together where we get
to play and do whatever it isthat she wants to do, and then
we have an hour where we'remaking dinner and we're still in
the kitchen, but she's eithercoloring or painting.
Sometimes she likes to watch ashow.
Okay, astro, I can't do you onmy lap right now.
(41:38):
This cat Guys, I don't knowwhat to do.
I love, I love Astro, and Ilove when he wants to sit on my
lap.
But for some reason, as I'mpodcasting, for some reason, as
his tail's whipping everywhereand he gets all tied up in the
wires, it just is sooverstimulating for me.
But those little rituals are soimportant for me and they feel
like rituals because I try andbe as present as possible as I'm
(42:02):
doing them.
And I think the being presentpart is very important,
especially for the cooking ofdinner, because I love doing it
and it can easily become such anoverwhelming feeling like the
oh, I have to make dinner again,I don't know what to make.
But as long as I can stay aspresent as possible and every
week when I make my little mealplan and go out to the grocery
(42:24):
store, be as practical with mycapacity for the week, I love
that moment, like if I can justreally just step into it.
It feels like therapeutic to me.
And then my last thing is justconnecting with people in my
real life.
I'm trying to be intentionalabout setting up um times to be
(42:48):
with people like my friends andmy family, and that's so
important.
It feels really wonderful andit really does just like bring
me into again that gratitude andand um, especially when I like
if I'm doing it with the family,that's great, but when I can go
out on my own and have it as myown time, it really does just
like fuel me up.
My cup is full and I've laughedand I've shared with others and
(43:12):
I've felt part of community andthat is one of the most
important things.
And um, yeah, but guess what?
You have to take the time toactually like set that up and
make that into your schedule.
And sometimes I can feel like,oh, I don't have time, I don't
have time, or oh, it's going tobe overwhelming, or I have to
drive here to do this, but it'salways worth it.
So I now don't even think aboutthat.
If the opportunity rises, I'mlike I'm going to do it.
(43:34):
If I can make it work, like ifthere's, it's worth it a hundred
percent.
So just making sure I'mconnecting with people in my
life and getting things in mycalendar.
So, uh, if there's a day whereI'm feeling really inspired,
like, oh, I'm feeling reallysocial.
I try and like reach out to afew people and get some stuff
scheduled into the calendar sothat on those weeks where I'm
(43:54):
feeling not as much effort towant to put into that, I've
already done it and it's in mycalendar and I'm committed and
I'm going to go have a greattime and feel recharged and so
that's just like a really bigthing that I've started doing.
That's made such a differencein just like my overall mental
health and like presence in thisworld and just like making sure
(44:16):
that I'm embracing thecommunity that I've built around
me and the, the, the, theconnections that I have.
You know what I mean.
So, yeah, I just feel this weekwas one of those transformative
weeks for me where it was likeoh, my gosh, grace, you're
missing the point.
The point is to be here, to bein this life, to be present.
(44:38):
I get so carried away sometimeswhat's next, what's next,
what's next?
It's like nothing's next.
This is it.
I love my life.
I love it so much.
I'm so grateful for everylittle aspect of it.
I literally think back to atime when I was like what do I
want my future to look like thisis it.
This is it.
This is a tenfold over.
(45:00):
Like this is it Live in thismoment it is so beautiful and be
as present as possible.
Distractions Goodbye.
Boredom is good.
I actually love being bored.
Cutes, that was my like thingas a kid.
I was always bored and I alwaysfound so many fun things to do
and did so many fun hobbies andlike loved crafting and loved
(45:24):
cooking.
Like that's how.
That's how I learned how to doall this stuff was because I was
bored.
That's why I got in the kitchen, that's why I got creative.
Like this is why I am who I amand I want that instilled in me
and I want that instilled in Roand I think that's so important.
So all of this just helps me tobe the best version of myself,
(45:45):
which helps me to be the bestmom I can be, and that's all I
really want in this world.
So I am so grateful that I hadthat realization and that I've
just like been able to do thesesimple little things and just
really embrace them and showgratitude, and it feels good.
It feels good to be present inthe moment.
Then that's the thing.
(46:05):
It feels good.
It feels good to not putpressure on yourself, to always
have to just like strive for allthis stuff.
Feels good, feels good.
Okay, cutes, let's get into ourroses butts and the horns rose
cuties, you're gonna be soshocked for what today's rose is
like.
You're gonna be like what Iactually drew that face.
(46:28):
It's a two dots with a circlemouth.
Laundry my rose is laundry.
I took last week off doinglaundry, mainly because our
house was literally a zoo as wewere switching all the rooms
over.
Everything was everywhere andit just felt really overwhelming
and I was like I'm not going toallow myself to feel
overwhelmed by this, becausethere's a reason for the
(46:50):
explosion.
And once we are done gettingRose bedroom set up, we will be
able to excavate or removeeverything from our house that
doesn't need to be in our house,donate uh recycling center, all
of that stuff, and then I willbe able to tackle the laundry.
But I had told you, I think, onlast week's episode that I was
(47:11):
uh trying to do a load a day oflaundry and it really like
changed my world, and so then Iwas a little stressed when I did
wasn't doing laundry last week.
I was like, oh no, I thought Ichanged my world.
But guess what cuties I did?
Because typically I would feellike, oh my gosh, I have so much
laundry to do.
But you know what?
I didn't feel like that becauseI didn't feel like, okay, I
have to get it all done rightnow.
If I don't get it done now,then the world's going to end.
(47:33):
Oh my gosh, I didn't feel likethat at all.
What I did was I sorted it out,do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
And there was like at least twoloads of like everything, two
loads of colors, two loads ofdark.
Well, one load of white there'snever two loads of white.
Two loads of towels, sheets,whatever, like it wasn't, like I
could just get it done in fourloads or whatever.
Like there was eight, nine, ten, something like that.
(47:53):
And I put a load in the laundryyesterday and then I folded it
and put another load in thelaundry and I have it in the
dryer right now.
I'm going to fold it and put inanother load.
And then tomorrow I'm going tofold it and put it in another
load.
And guess what, kids, I'm justdoing one load a day, because I
can do one load a day.
It's like revolutionary for me,because I used to always think
(48:15):
I have to get it all done on oneday for me, because I used to
always think I have to get itall done on one day and then I
would get so far, far fallenbehind, and I thought that was
what was going to happen when Itook the week off.
And it's not.
I just picked up and starteddoing my one load a day and it
feels so attainable and Iactually feel present while I'm
folding it.
I told you yesterday I wasfolding it while Ro was playing
and we were interacting and itfelt so wonderful and it felt
(48:37):
like a task we were doingtogether in an activity that
didn't feel so lonely, and Iloved it and I'm so excited.
So laundry is my rose and Inever thought that would happen,
and it's not even because it'sdone I still have lots to do,
but it's because I have a planand I feel good about it and I
feel prepared and organized andI'm doing it.
It's so exciting, exciting.
(48:58):
Okay, my thorn, what did I sayhere?
Oh, yes, I'm getting in my headand feeling the need to grow,
push, be better, do more.
I feel like that was like a big.
Uh, what is it?
Theme of this podcast episode?
But yes, I was really in myhead, I was really and I, I, I,
(49:18):
I didn't realize I was in thiscycle where it was like every
month I would get in my head andI'd feel like, okay, I'm not
enough, I need to do more, Ineed to be better.
How can I?
And it's like no grace, you areenough.
So I just hate that, that, that, that, that.
That that's where I was, um,but it's my bestie's birthday
(49:44):
this weekend.
I'm so excited we're going tohave a girl's night.
I can't wait.
I already have an idea for whenI'm going to get her for her
gift, which, like you're likeokay, grace, it's this weekend,
you probably should get that.
And it's like yes, yes, yes, Iam going to go get it.
But I'm really excited aboutthis because it was something I
thought about like a long timeago and then I didn't write it
down and then, thankfully, rosiehad gotten something that was
(50:05):
similar.
Long story short, I don't wantto spoil it, but it just
reminded me that I have to dothis.
So I already know what I'mgetting her for her birthday.
I'm going to do that tomorrow,um, so that I can get it all
sorted.
But yeah, we're going to have agirl's night.
It's going to be so fun, abunch of us, some karaoke.
Oh, I'm so excited and you knowme, I love a girl's night.
(50:25):
So that's my bed.
Entertainment recapentertainment recap Cutes.
I'm watching summer house.
You already know this.
I'm literally obsessed withsummer house.
Even like, for me, summer House, every episode doesn't need to
be like drama, drama, drama.
It just feels like a warm hug,a warm catch up with your
friends.
So I'm enjoying it.
(50:46):
I really am enjoying thisseason.
Below Deck I'm really enjoyingthe Below Deck.
What is this one called?
A Below Deck Adventure?
I can't remember what this iscalled, but whatever ones are
coming out now, I am so obsessedwith the season Like I just
love how many layers there areto it.
I don't know.
I feel like I'm so interestedto see what's happening.
Um, it's keeping me veryentertained.
(51:09):
And then I started a new show onNetflix called parenthood,
which I believe is an old show,but I, for some reason, I
thought I watched parenthood.
I'm trying to think if it'ssimilar to a different show,
like the cover art, I don't knowCause even Trevor.
I was watching it last nightand Trevor was like, oh, didn't
you already watch this?
And I was like I thought, butit's not, it's a different show,
so I'm not sure.
Anyways, I'm watchingParenthood.
(51:31):
I just got onto the secondseason.
I really am loving it.
It's so good.
Um, it's just like a familydrama comedy.
What is it?
It's like a family show or it'sa show about family makeup.
Um, I guess the basis is it'stwo grandparents or the two
(51:51):
parents, and then they have fourkids, and then all the kids are
married and have kids, orthey're not all married, but
they're all at that age and thenthey have kids, families,
whatever.
So it's all the family.
It's just like a big family andit's all the family drama and
highs and lows and everything inbetween.
I'm really enjoying it.
So if you're looking for a showto watch, parenthood, it's
really really good.
I'm loving it.
(52:12):
But, yeah, that's what I'mwatching.
As to when I'm listening, Ithink I said this on my first
episode.
Uh, was that?
I really want to see theLumineers, like live.
And guess what?
We didn't get Toronto tickets.
I knew we weren't going to getthem.
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
I was so anxious about it, butTrevor was able to get tickets
(52:32):
for I guess there's a closer orit's up at the same distance,
but where is it?
Somewhere in Buffalo, I don'tknow.
But anyways, we're going.
I'm so excited.
That's not till September, butlike I'm so excited and so
that's my entertainment musicrecap.
Update for you is that I gottickets and I can't wait.
And also, I just want to likesee more live music.
(52:54):
Me and Trevor used to go seeconcerts all the time and we've
been pretty good at getting backinto seeing concerts, but I
want to see more, like I lovegoing to live music.
Oh, we also went to a hockeygame over March break.
We went and saw the Ice Dogs,which I've only been to two Ice
Dogs games and they've lost both, so it's hard to keep cheering.
I'm just kidding, but it wasfun.
(53:16):
Um, I really want to see thebasketball team that's here,
lion, something, I don't know so, but that's a summer activity,
but anyways, that's what I'vebeen up to.
Cutes.
Thanks for coming.
I had a wonderful week.
I was really excited to recordthis podcast and then I got
discouraged.
But I was having a hard timegetting everything set up and
then I was like I'm gonna behungry and you don't want to
(53:37):
work with a hungry grace Like,no, you don't want that.
But now that we're here, at theend, oh, I feel fabulous.
Not even at the end, I feltgreat during it and I just am so
happy that you're here and I'mhappy that I have this medium
back and that I'm taking it easyand I'm able to show up as I,
(53:57):
as myself, for us, for us,cuties.
I love you all so much.
Cuties, I'm so grateful you'rehere.
I'm wishing you a beautifulweek ahead.
I can't wait to talk to youagain and I'm sending you love,
light and good vibes.
See you, cutes.
Love ya.
Hey cuties, I just want to share this before we get
into the podcast so you canappreciate the irony that I did
not even record through thismicrophone for the entirety of
that podcast.
Also, if you can hear mylaundry, I put it on.
It's very loud.
I heated up my leftoverorecchiette, spicy Italian
sausage, rapini for lunch andI'm staying high vibes and
(00:21):
positive because things happen.
High vibes and positive becausethings happen.
So apologize for the audio.
It's not horrific, but it's notthe best it could ever be.
Hey, cuties, welcome back tofive years time podcast with me,
your host grace.
I was gonna take a sip of waterbefore I started and then I
forgot, so we'll have that waterbreak moment together.
(00:44):
I have my proper headphones onthis time.
Thanks TK for letting me borrowthem, because last weeks or
whatever, I think I haven'trecorded for a couple of weeks
the last episode I was just soirritated by the in bed ones.
I like the over the ear betterand I think I can't decide if I
like hearing myself or don'tlike hearing myself, but I think
(01:06):
I do, because then I can tellif I'm like blowing up the
speaker with a ha, ha, ha, ha orgetting too loud or anything
like that, since no one else islistening as I'm recording
self-produced made queen me.
I said that I'm not puttogether in any way shape form
and I wish not to do this everagain.
But I do love the podcast, butthe setting up of the equipment
(01:30):
and everything just like reallyboils my blood every single time
I have to do it.
I just don't know how toexplain it other than that I
just wish I could sit down andit'd be perfecto.
It never is, it never is, itnever is.
But I'm back.
Cute, I took a couple weeks offbecause one uh, the first week
that I didn't post, everyone gotsick in the house.
(01:52):
Well, it went and it startedthrowing up and I was stressed.
I was like, oh my gosh, it'sgonna be the gastro.
But then it wasn't.
Well, maybe it was, but itwasn't a bad version of it.
Um, ro started us off but onlythrew up once, and then me and
Trevor both got upset stomachs alittle bit later, but like
nothing other than that.
But that week was a bit of asickness ridden house and then
(02:17):
also I was just feeling like, sodown on top of that, I feel,
and I just like was.
I can't record the podcast.
Why is the cat meowing andrunning down the stairs so
intense?
What is that?
I don't think I've ever seenyou do that before.
Also, if you're watching on thevideo, we have my pink chair
(02:38):
back here, which I used to usemany, many moons ago.
Um, I got rid of our browncouch.
Oh no, I didn't, I didn't getrid of it.
It's upstairs.
I know, guys, I'm movingeverything everywhere all the
time, but we oh, cat on me.
I think I'm also learning howto record with a cat, which is
very overstimulating for me.
(02:59):
But they got, uh, we redid rosepodcast gosh, and now the
lighting's all different.
Sorry about that, cute.
I just needed to get the catgone somewhere else because,
honestly, I was about to have amental beat.
(03:19):
Um, it is 1130 AM.
I usually eat my lunch aroundthis time, or even a little bit
earlier than this, and I havenot, because I just want to get
this done, because it took me solong to figure out how to set
some stuff up.
I don't want to talk about thisevery week.
I really don't.
I'm trying to work past this,but anyways, my point being is
that I took a week off becausethe house was sick and then I
(03:40):
took off last week because itwas March break and I just want
it to be in full mom mode withRo.
And now I'm back.
And also with that note, I wantto say that I'm taking
everything in my life,everything, every element of my
life, in a more laissez-faire isthat the right word, I don't
know just like a more relaxedapproach, and I know that might
(04:00):
suck for the cuties who want tohold or that I want to hold
myself accountable to, but youwant to have a, um, a reliable
source of entertainment, um then, and know that every week I'm
going to be here and all of thisstuff, or every day I'm going
to be on TikTok or whatever itis.
But I cannot keep to thatschedule.
(04:23):
It is not good for my mentalhealth, it is not good in
general.
I don't think anyone shouldhave to and I think that social
this is a whole nother conceptlike topic, but I think that
social media has really broughtout this more, more, more, more,
more, more, more, more, morehamster wheel type of thing.
But it's like, even when you'redoing the most, you're never
doing the most.
(04:43):
There's more you can be postingon, there's more places you can
be and then, once you feelconfident in one place, they're
going to take away that app andthen you're going to move to
another one and it's just likeso much is actually too much.
I don't think I realized howmuch it was until recently, and
now it's like I'm actually onlyaccountable to myself.
I want to create amazing andwonderful, uplifting, positive,
(05:06):
joy-filled content for my cuties, but I can't do that if I am
not coming from a place of joy.
Literally, I can't do that.
It's not going to happen.
I'm going to resent it.
I have been there, I have donethat and I don't want that to
happen again.
So I'm trying to take a morerelaxed approach and if there's
a week that I just can't fit ininto my schedule or I'm not in
(05:27):
the place to record, then I'mnot going to force myself to do
that.
I'm doing the same with TikTok.
I'm doing the same withInstagram.
I'm doing the same witheverything YouTube, everything
I'm going to upload when I wantto upload and that is that, and
you know what you do end upleaving things on the table,
like some people might notappreciate that they don't want
to be here, and that's okay.
This space is not the place foryou, and that's fine.
(05:49):
And if you feel you are drawnto this space and what I am able
to provide to you, then I'mgrateful for you being here,
because I love all you cuties somuch.
And yes, it doesn't make yougrow necessarily in your career
or whatever, but you know whatgrow necessarily in your career
or whatever, but you know what?
I can only create goodness whenI am good and I am not good.
(06:10):
When I'm pushing myself orfalling into a trap of I am not
good enough and when I am stuckin a cycle of feeling I am not
good enough.
How can I, how can I tell youguys how amazing you are and
create joy in your life?
I can't.
My cup's got to be a little bitmore full.
So this wasn't a rant.
I'm not mad at anybody, but Ijust like.
I'm also trying to remindmyself like grace, hold strong.
(06:33):
You do not need to be anybodyother than yourself.
You are good and you creategood things, and the only way
you can do that is when you'recoming from a place of peace and
joy.
And the only way I can do thatis by staying true to myself and
not feeling like I have toendlessly be putting everything
out into the world at all times,and it just doesn't work that
(06:55):
way.
I can't push myself like that.
So, anyways, that being said,I'm excited to be here this week
and as I get back into theroutine of recording and feeling
confident and comfortable onthe microphone, it becomes more
and more warm and welcoming forme not from you, like, but for
me just being here.
I'm like, okay, I'm in my placeof Zen, because with all the
(07:18):
little bits of things that gointo this, all the I'm looking
at all the wires and cameras andstuff it can feel overwhelming
sometimes.
Just to get my point, it's likeI even brought out the iPad and
I jotted down all my notes.
You can't see it, it's going tobe blown out, but I jotted down
all my notes how I used to andI felt really good about that.
And then it's like, yes, let'srecord.
(07:39):
And then I sit down and it'slike, okay, I got to get through
all the frustrating stuff, butnow I'm feeling comfortable and
I'm happy to be here.
But let's get into our weeklyrecap cutes.
I feel like we have so much totalk about because it was March
break and we got up to literallynothing, but everything at the
same time.
We had no plans.
This is our first March break.
Rosie has never had a Marchbreak before, like with her
(08:01):
preschool.
So, um, I kind of forgot aboutMarch break until all of a
sudden it was like, oh, shedoesn't have school next week.
Okay, it's March break.
Like, what are we going to do?
And we had been talking aboutswitching up Rose bedroom for a
while.
She doesn't really, she didn'treally like her old one.
She was scared of it.
It's a little bit bigger.
We have two.
We have our bedroom and then wehave two other bedrooms.
(08:22):
That one is our guest bed andone was hers.
And I gave her the biggerbedroom because I thought like
that's what she would want.
But then now she's like I wanta smaller room and I feel a
little nervous and she reallywanted a bunk bed.
So we switched the room.
So now we have like our chillzone she calls it our chill room
which is our guest room, butI've moved the brown couch up
there and put our tv.
(08:42):
We had an extra tv that was inour guest room, so I put that in
there.
So there's like a little chillzone and then there's the bed,
but it's kind of more Danish andit's a new hangout spot.
And then we turned our guestroom into her bedroom, which I
love.
Our guest bedroom it's probablymy favorite bedroom in the
house.
Lighting wise, it has the bestlight, it just gets the best
natural light and it feels so Idon't know fresh and lovely and
(09:12):
it overlooks the backyard.
I just love it so much.
Um, astro stop please.
And so I decided that, uh, wewould do that, and she was so
excited about it so we got inour plan.
She really wanted to paint and Iwas like, oh, painting.
If you know anything about me,cuties, I absolutely detest
painting.
I really really, really, really, really, really don't like it.
It is so much work for me, like, I'm sure there's people who
(09:33):
are amazing at it, but I justfind it the most labor-intensive
, like not fun thing.
I really just don't like it.
And then you have to do it onceand you got to do another coat
and honestly, we probably couldhave done a third coat.
But I said we're calling ittwos.
Where we're at, it's goodenough.
It's, it's a good enough, um.
But we painted this reallybeautiful pinky color with like
(09:53):
a bit of an orange undertone.
It was called pinky swear, it'sso sweet.
And we got a little loft bed andI ordered a Joey couch, which
is like one of those like kidfoam couches that can be built
into a lot of forts and stuff toput under the loft bed and then
she can play with it, obviouslyoutside of it.
But instead of doing like twomattresses, two beds and it just
(10:16):
came yesterday and she has beenhaving the best time with it
ever.
It is so awesome and it's niceto have a little sitting spot
too while we're in there.
And then, honestly, I justwanted to keep it as clear as
possible.
I got a carpet for the ground,so it's really warm and cozy,
some lovely curtains for thewindow.
We switch your closet over and Ido have a, not a wardrobe, what
(10:36):
is it called?
A chest of drawers in ourgarage that a family friend had
given to us before she moved,specifically for Rose Room.
A family friend had given to usbefore she moved, specifically
for Rose room, and it's like, oh, now's the perfect time, but I
feel like right now we're stillon floor play and everything
fits in our closet, so I amgoing to leave off not putting
it in her room just for now, um,but we'll see.
Uh, I want to live with how wehave the space right now.
(10:57):
There's one other thing Iordered, which was a new light
fixture for the top Cause.
Right now it's just like,really like whatever came with
the house and it's like not notnice light.
I never turn that light on, butwe really love sleeping with
fans on, and so me and Trevorhave a ceiling fan and I know Ro
loves a ceiling fan, so I got alight with a ceiling fan in it
(11:19):
and that's coming at some pointand we'll have fun installing
that, me and Trevor.
I feel like every time we haveto install electrical it is a
test on our communication skillsand teamwork effort, but we're
pretty good at it now.
But I remember when we first gotmarried and started installing
lights in our condo, that wasone of the first things.
It was like, hey, we can getthrough this, that and then and
(11:40):
hanging mirrors those are thetwo things.
That really pushes to ourlimits.
But yeah, so we did that.
We had lots of fun.
It was a big project.
I'm glad that I started thepainting on Monday.
Uh, because if I didn't startit on Monday, I would have never
started.
I would have been like, eh,let's just push it off.
Uh, because that was justreally the hard part and we got
(12:01):
everything done.
So, rose having the best timeever, I'm having the best time
ever, uh, when I put her to bed,I snuggle her and read her a
story and then, like she fallsasleep and I leave.
But it's so interesting beinglike on a bunked bed or a lofted
bed, because I it's like I'venever seen this view of our
house before.
It's like, oh, it's like sointeresting.
(12:22):
I don't know, I just likewasn't expecting that, but that
is, that is what we did Marchbreak.
Really, that was like the, themeat and potato of it.
And then, other than that, wedid go see a movie.
What did we go see?
Oh, dog man.
Ro had already seen it withTrevor, but she really wanted to
go to the movies and there wasno like kids movie that came out
over March break.
So we went and saw Dog man.
(12:44):
We really wanted Snow White,but it's not out till, I think,
this weekend it comes out.
So we're excited to see that.
We also watched a bunch of theclassic Disney movies, like
Mulan.
Ro had never seen Mulan.
I haven't seen Mulan in forever.
I actually think Mulan is oneof my favorite Disney movies.
It is so good and saying thatwe're actually going to watch
(13:04):
tonight because we werelistening to a Spotify playlist
this morning while I was makingbreakfast of, like trap, disney
remixes.
It's actually super fun.
Ro loves it.
But I knew, um, the new geniesong came on with Will Smith,
which I guess is from what movieis that Aladdin?
And so we've never seen the newAladdin.
So I think we're going to watchthat tonight.
(13:25):
Um, but we also went to the mallbecause Trevor had to get
something, I don't know.
Oh, yeah, he wanted to get hisiPad looked at and me and Ro
weren't doing anything.
So I was like, okay, let's goto the mall too.
And then Ro has wanted to dothe stuffy riders for so long
and I we just like have nevergot around to it.
And I was like like, oh, we cando the stuffy riders today
because she's under the age ofsix.
(13:45):
I had to go on with her.
Oh my gosh cuties, I literallyam obsessed.
It is so fun.
If you have a stuffy riders atyour mall, you have to do it.
It's kind of expensive, likeit's not like a cheap activity,
but it is so fun, like, and theykind of got.
They got good speed on them,especially like with me in row
on them, and then you can godown the ramps and all around we
(14:06):
were having the best time ever,literally.
It was so fun.
So if you've got a stuffy ridernear you, you got to do that.
I'm excited because I thinkthey have stuffy riders at the
outdoor mall, which is like ouroutlet.
So this summer I want to dothat, except for we'll have to
do it during the week becausethe weekends will be too busy.
But that was really fun.
I also have been spring cleaning.
Oh, it feels so good.
(14:28):
It started with Rose room.
Like leading up to Rosie or toMarch break, I knew we were
going to do Rose room.
So I was like, okay, I'm goingto start going through stuff.
And then, um, I just likestarted doing a bunch of belly
village runs and then obviouslywe got.
We got rid of a well, notobviously, but we had rose old
(14:48):
bed, which is trevor's bed fromwhen he was a kid and when she
decided she wanted to bunk bed,we're like, okay, we're gonna
get rid of that.
So we just got a bunch.
Once we were getting thatfurniture out, I realized you
can do like big furniturepickups on your curb in our city
every other garbage day, and soI've just been doing like
booking all these big cause wehave so much.
I feel like when we moved fromthe condo, we like kept our
(15:10):
furniture, but then we orderedfurniture that actually fits the
house and then we still had ourlittler furniture and we've
just been moving it around.
And then we got furniture fromother people who are moving and
they were like maybe you'll needthis or maybe you'll need that,
and I just feel like we have somuch extra stuff and it just
feels like everything just feelssquishy.
We're like coming up on fiveyears in this house, which I
actually don't know how, whatthat like that shocks me more
(15:34):
than having a five-year-old like.
Like, how have we lived here?
Like what?
Yeah, that just feels wild tome, but, that being being said,
it's like that's the longest weas a couple have lived somewhere
, cause I think we were in acondo for three years, and so I
just feel like we've collectedso much stuff and I just am at
(15:55):
the point where I'm like get outof my house, and so every time
I get that spurt of energy, Ijust like run around and try and
like fill up my trunk and thenhead to Valley Village and I'm
so excited to do our garage Likewe have so much junk in our
garage, like literally you can'teven get into our garage
(16:15):
without taking something out ofour garage and half of that
stuff, if not more, is not wedon't need it.
Like it's just random things,like things that were either
left from the previous people,that are like up in the loft or
at the very back, or just likeextra random things that people
have given us and it's like wedon't need it.
Like you know what I mean.
(16:36):
So I'm just really workingthrough that.
The getting rid of Trevor keepssaying, oh, we're organizing.
I'm like no, no, no, we havenot started organizing.
We are getting rid, we areletting go, we are saying
goodbye and then, once that isdone, then we can start
organizing and at that point itwon't even be that much work
(16:56):
because everything will alreadyhave a place.
Even just here, like my desk isstill horrendous.
Guys, I know I haven't gottento this.
Look, my bookshelves are empty.
Everything's done, buteverything's still whatever
Trevor did build my lamp, thoughover here I need to put a light
bulb in it, but my desk isstill full of stuff.
There's still a few things onthe ground over here, but I got
rid of a bunch of books.
(17:17):
There were so many books thatpeople had given to me that I
did not need, so I got rid of abunch of these books and things
and I still there's still a fewlittle things, but even just
that it feels better.
It's just slow and steady.
That's all I'm trying to do.
It's just a little bit here, alittle bit there, um, but yeah,
so that's really what I've beenup to this past week and it felt
(17:37):
just good.
It felt so good to be with Ro.
Every day I'm trying to figureout our summer plans, because
she's always been in summer camplike all summer long, because
her preschool just had like asummer camp connected to it and
so it was easy to just sign herup.
She loves being in summer camp,but I think she's really been
enjoying like more home time,like mommy me chill, like I feel
(18:00):
like now that she's in school,it's a lot more structured and I
think she's just really beenenjoying that.
So it was nice for us to havethe March break together.
I did sign her up for a coupleweeks of summer camp with some
friends that she did go topreschool with, so that they
have some time together, and weare going to be doing a few
little um getaways locally notno trips planned, well, I guess
(18:22):
like up north getaway moments,um with my mom and then also
with Trevor's family.
So that's all planned.
And then, other than that,there's like pretty much I feel
like all of August is open.
I'm trying to think but I'm likeI was trying to do it should I
sign her up for more camps?
Does she want to be at home?
But I think we're just gonnahave sign we're up for more
(18:43):
camps.
Does she want to be at home?
But I think we're just going tohave a home time like just full
hangout, me and her.
Because I really do feel like,all of a sudden, I just have
this like, oh, I'm living in the, I'm living in the time that
I've been waiting for my wholelife.
Like I just had this like, oh,my gosh, and uh, I just want to
embrace it, and we haven'treally had a summer where we've
just been chill, like you knownowhere to rush off in the
(19:07):
morning.
We can hang by the pool, we canjust hang out.
We can go on a like a tripduring day to wherever we want
to go.
Go to the park in the afternoon, bike to get freezies, just
chill stuff.
I want to do that.
So I think that's what we'regoing to do this summer.
I'm trying to really.
Oh my gosh, I just like somehowerased half my notes, like, how
did I do that?
(19:27):
It's okay, we've already.
Oh my gosh, what the heck?
How did I do that?
Cuties, who gave me an iPad?
Why is it on erase?
Okay, well, that's funny.
Anyways, good thing, I reallydon't use this.
I just use it as like a makesure I'm not missing my part.
Okay, that was this week.
(19:50):
So let's get into our snack anddrink of the week, which I
don't think I've done since webrought back the podcast,
because I totally forgot aboutit.
Thankfully, I still have snackand D written here.
I somehow erased the drink part, but that's okay.
Snack and D Okay, tea time.
Cuties, this week this pastweek, week and a half has been,
(20:11):
ever since we got sick andstarted feeling a little bit
better has all been aboutbringing back tea time I used to
be such a staple in my life,like around 2, 3 pm I would have
a nice cup of tea and a littlesomething, and I've been making
our little something has beeneither two types of cookies I
would have a nice cup of tea anda little something and I've
been making our little somethinghas been either two types of
cookies I've been making thecookies for two, but I've been
(20:31):
switching up the recipe a bitand browning the butter, because
my friend sent me home withbrown butter cookies the other
week, just the dough and uh liketo bake at home and they.
And so I was like, hmm, what ifI tried doing that with this
recipe?
Trevor and I did it one daywith that and one day not like
the original, and Trevor saidthe brown butter one was his
(20:52):
favorite and I didn't tell himwhat was different.
So that was really good.
Another thing is these likewafer cookies.
You know you get those wafercookies in a pack, but this is
that are like all lined upmarchers, like you know the
strawberry filled ones or thevanilla ones, but these ones are
like.
I feel like they're Italian, Idon't think they are, but I
don't know.
They come in a bag where youbuy the Italian cookies that
(21:14):
come in a bag, but they're allwafer cookies.
Either way, they're the samething but they're different
shapes and some are dipped inchocolate and some are not, but
they are wafer cookies and I'mlike obsessed with them right
now.
Just a couple of wafer cookiesand a nice cup of tea around
that two, 3 PM, oh, it's likeliterally fuels me for the rest
of the day and also just likemakes me excited for that that
(21:35):
time of the day.
So I brought back my tea timeand, that being said, I really
need to go buy some Earl graytea, because all I have right
now is um orange Pico, which isexpired, like I didn't know.
I know tea can go get expired,but like I feel like sometimes
like they're not so horrible,but this box is really horrible.
I tried a bag the other day andI was like oh, no, no, no, no,
(21:56):
no, no, no.
It's been in here for too long,probably five years since we
moved.
Um, and then I have what's myother one?
But I only have a couple ofbags left.
The best one, come on.
What's it called?
Irish breakfast?
Is that it?
Yeah, irish breakfast.
So that one.
I only have a few bags left andI think I'm ready to go back to
my Earl Grey, because I loveEarl Grey.
(22:16):
It's so good, um, so, yeah,that's my snack and drink of the
week.
Okay, what I learned this week,which I erased literally half
down, just like the left handside.
Somehow erase that.
I don't know how I did that.
I write my notes with my Applepencil, so it's like my chicken
scratch, but I don't know how Idid that.
(22:39):
That's just amazing.
That's amazing.
Okay, I know you erase the partwhere it's like what did I
actually learn this week?
Now I have to remember.
Okay, get, cuties, I don't wantthe cat on me while I'm
recording, because it's reallyoverstimulating and Astro just
(22:59):
does his claws so deep into meas I was trying to push him off.
Oh my gosh, it's hard becausewhen I'm not here, this is his
chair.
Like ever since I moved thischair here, he just sits here
all the time.
Okay, I'm going to take a sipand then process what my little
togetherness of what I learnedthis week is.
I'm pretty sure I remember whatit is.
(23:19):
Yeah, I got it now, but we'regonna do this together.
Okay, cuties, what I learnedthis week.
I am currently I guess I kind ofspoke about this earlier but I
am currently living in like mydream life, like the life I've
(23:42):
always dreamt of, and I feellike I always think about this
Like I've always.
I used to be someone who lookedso far into the future all the
time.
I was always like planning forthe next thing.
I was excited for the next day,I was making a list for the
next thing, I was planning outwhat I wanted to buy for the
next thing.
It was always like what's thenext thing?
I was so devoted to the nextthing and I tried really hard to
(24:05):
like step back from that andlike get into the.
This is the time, this is thetime.
And then I realized, like afterI like got married or got
engaged, or graduated, gottenmarried sorry, there's so many
things, but after all those bigmilestones happened you know,
like graduated, got a car, gotengaged, got married, had a kid
when all of that happened noteven the have a kid part, but
(24:26):
all the wedding stuff, like thatall happened so quick and we
did it so fast because we onlyhad a six-month engagement.
But also it was like duringsuch a busy time my life I was
during that time.
I was just striving get to thenext, get to the next, get to
the next.
And then it was like, okay, now, now.
No, the next, now, the next,the next.
But I realized that like Ireally just like rushed past all
(24:47):
of that and didn't like sit init and feel in the moment Like
I'm sure there were times I knowI had a great time and all of
that stuff, but it's like I wishI was just more present.
And that's what I tell all myfriends now who are like getting
married or having a baby, allthis stuff.
I'm like just be more present,be more present.
Put your phone away.
Uh, don't think about what thenext step is.
Just be there, be in the moment, be present, try and make it as
(25:09):
special as you can, because Ifeel like I didn't, I didn't do
that Um, it was still so amazingand so special and stuff like
that.
But I wish that I like had moresitting in the moment and being
present with it and not justthinking like, okay, what's the
next thing?
I'm really stressed right now.
I want to know what the nextthing is, or I got to move
forward.
Where's the finish line Cause,like, if there's anything I can
tell you is that there is nofinish line.
(25:30):
There's never a finish line.
Life is literally this is it.
This is it, and we need to bein it, be in it, be in this
moment, because the finish linedoes not exist, because once you
get to that finish line, youstill have life to live and
you're like, wait what's next?
So just like being more present.
So this week I really reallylearned that like I really
(25:51):
brought myself back into thatmindset.
I've been so bad at um thinkingabout the next.
I kind of spoke about that whenI was saying, like how I'm
trying to be really intentionalwith everything that I post
online and how I'm really justtrying to be.
I'm trying to be reallyintentional with everything that
I post online and how I'mreally just trying to be.
I'm trying to bring my bestself, my my best mental self, to
the online world.
(26:12):
And not because I want toportray a picture of like
perfectness not at all.
That's never, ever, ever mygoal.
I want to portray a picture ofwho I actually truly feel I am,
because when I'm like, feel likeI endlessly have to create
content and post and do all thislike I'm working from a place
of I'm not enough.
I'm not enough, um, and I don'twant that ever.
(26:34):
I am enough, I am amazing, I ambeautiful, I'm kind, I'm loving
.
I have all these greatattributes to offer to the world
.
I am enough.
I am enough.
I am unique.
I have to remind myself that,because, working in social media
, it does feel all the time Likewhy, why am I, why I?
Nothing I have to offer isdifferent from what someone else
(26:57):
has to offer or better, andthey can just do it.
And why should I do it?
Like I get stuck in my head allthe time about that.
I'm sure you do too about otherthings.
So I just feel like I've beenin a really bad cycle lately
where I'm like, oh my gosh, andit always like, oh, trying to
figure out where my comfort zoneis and what feels good and what
my schedule is and all thisstuff, and then it always falls
(27:19):
back on me feeling like I'm notenough and it's like I have to
leave that behind.
And when I feel like I'm notenough is because I am not being
present.
I am not sitting in the lifethat I have currently.
I am not sitting, breathing,looking, seeing out the window.
(27:41):
Oh my gosh, like even just me,for me personally, like when I
look out the window, it's asunny day, right, just me for me
personally, like when I lookout the window, it's a sunny day
right now and I see the sundabbling and I see the branches
moving, even though they're justbranches now.
Soon buds will be blooming andI see that I literally can be
transported back into thepresent.
So that's something for me thatreally works is just like
(28:02):
taking a second, putting downeverything around me mainly my
phone, that is the thing aroundme putting it down and just
sitting for a moment andabsorbing what is actually
happening around me right nowand finding that beauty, like
that really grounds me.
And because of that practiceand knowing that it's easier for
(28:26):
me to like release the, the ah,I'm not enough, what's next?
What's next?
How can I be better?
How can I do this, how can I dothat, or why, like it's easier
for me to fall back into thatlike, to get back into my
present.
But at the same time, like I gotpretty wound up this time, like
I feel like I really pushedmyself too far away.
I actually deleted everythingoff my phone, like TikTok,
(28:48):
instagram, all the social mediasoff my phone.
I really didn't go on them forthe week.
I wasn't posting um, because Ijust needed that space.
And then I actuallyre-downloaded TikTok and
Instagram maybe yesterday or theday before, and Instagram is
like TikTok.
I really don't need on my phone.
Like I'm deleting it againbecause it is 100% a distraction
(29:14):
.
Like anything that I create forTikTok, especially as a creator.
Like I just need to not seeother people's posts, I just
need to.
I was gonna say stay in my lane, but I don't know that's a
negative thing, it's not evenstay in my lane.
I just need to like focus in onme and feel inspired by the
real world around me and thenbring that to the online life.
(29:35):
Like I don't need to see what'shappening online for me.
It's not good for me as acreator.
I know other people feelinspired by other people, but I
do not.
I always feel like, oh well, Idon't need to see what's
happening online for me.
It's not good for me as acreator.
I know other people feelinspired by other people, but I
do not.
I always feel like, oh well, Idon't need to do anything or oh,
I'm not doing enough.
They're posting and I should beposting where it's like no,
actually I'm more worthy thanjust how many posts I share, how
many likes or how many views Iget.
(29:55):
My worth comes from otherthings and my value is not
situated in that, and what I'mtrying to create for the world
is bringing my unique qualitiesto other people so that they can
feel less alone and feel lovedand welcomed and supported, and
that there is no judgment andthat this is a free space to be
(30:17):
weird and have fun and eat foodhappily and not feel pressure.
That's what my, that's what Iwant to bring.
And so I just was like I'm gladthat I took that detox.
And then I realized that, yeah,tiktok does not serve me on my
phone, so that's going back off,because I can do everything now
(30:39):
that I have my beautifuldesktop computer.
I can do everything from there.
I can obviously film and edit,but then I can upload and get
everything scheduled or justupload right away from my
computer.
So that's like perfecto.
And then the only thing Icouldn't I can't figure out what
my feelings are on Instagramright now.
(30:59):
It's like I redownloaded it andthen it's like okay, you can
share on your stories way easier.
But I don't know, I kind ofdon't like that.
It's so funny.
I used to be someone who likeloved the instant gratification
posts, like I love filming andposting, filming, editing,
uploading on TikTok right then,right there, and I love stories.
Because it was like this iswhat I'm doing now.
(31:19):
Right then, right there, and Ilove stories because it was like
this is what I'm doing now, andit was all like I only want to
post things that are happeningright now live.
But then it's like I actuallydon't resonate with that anymore
.
I like the step back, I likethe more I don't know.
I like I do still like postinglive, like it's it's an easier
(31:42):
routine for me to do that Like.
And then it's like, okay, I'mdone, I've uploaded the video,
I'm done.
It's harder for me to come backand edit a video that I filmed,
like even earlier in the day,but even the day before or last
week like I do find it harderfor me to come back and do that.
Or then I feel like, ah, it'sobsolete, what's the point?
(32:04):
But I'm trying to like releasemyself from this.
I don't know instantgratification and just like be
more thoughtful with how I dothat.
But that aside, that's just onepoint of this presence thing is
that the social media on myphone, especially if I'm going
to be working in social media,is not good for me.
Not good so, so not good.
So I deleted it and I honestlythat instantly felt so much
(32:25):
better for me and now I've beenliterally plugging my phone in
as soon as dinner time hits,like as soon as I serve dinner,
I plug my phone in and I don'tlook at it until Rosie goes to
school the next day, and thatfeels amazing and that feels
like a good habit that I'vepicked up and retrained myself.
(32:48):
Another way I think I talkedabout this right at the
beginning was that seeing thesun out the window and the, the
wind moving the branches, likethose things connect me to the
present.
But what that truly is isgratitude.
It's me discovering, or noteven discovering, but me looking
around me and just feelinggratitude, and I feel so much
gratitude for everything,everything around me right now
(33:08):
and everything in my life rightnow.
Like I feel that.
But it's easy to not feel thatif you're distracted and if
you're looking for other thingsto bring you happiness or joy or
whatever you're looking for,and especially when you're
spending your time indistraction.
I just needed a week to sit andfeel every little piece of the
(33:36):
puzzle, the flow of life,because that is my favorite
thing.
I talk about this when I cooklike I love the flow of cooking.
I love my favorite thing.
I talk about this when I cooklike I love the flow of cooking.
I love how you're you have tofigure out, like you decide what
you're going to make.
Then you have to figure out,okay, what is going to be the
layout of the time, what makessense to cook first, what should
I start then?
When can I put on this then?
When should I do this now?
(33:56):
Will I have a little break here?
Should I put in the dishes herenow?
Now, let's.
I love that flow, I love it alland I love getting it all on the
table and then the kitchenbeing like clean, like I love
creating that flow in thekitchen and that's what really
brings me joy when I'm cooking.
And it's the same thing withlife.
I love the flow that lifebrings and I love um, I love the
(34:20):
simplicity of the daily routinewaking up and going and getting
your baby I know she's not ababy anymore, but waking her up
and bringing the dog out andthen figuring out what are we
going to have for breakfast.
Getting the lunches on, havinga little bit of a dance party,
doing our little morningbathroom routine, getting
(34:43):
dressed, walking to the bus,playing games with Trevor, going
on my morning walk, gettinginto whatever my workday looks
like for the day.
I love all those ups and downsand then the same with the other
route, making as the days, asmy workday is wrapping up, then
making my cup of tea, having mycookie, going to get rosy, or
(35:06):
the same the different, itdepends.
Do I feel like I need the teabefore I get rosy or do we have
the tea together with rosy?
I'm going to get roe, askingher what she wants to do for the
next hour before you have tostart dinner.
Participating in whatever thatis, whether that's her playing
like yesterday she was playingwith her new couch and I was
folding a basket of laundry onher bed participating and
(35:27):
watching and praising andenjoying and laughing and
helping, but also getting a taskdone that I needed for myself,
but being very present in themoment, with the sun in the room
and just having this reallybeautiful and with the sun in
the room, and just having thisreally beautiful, so simple
child playing, mom foldinglaundry, sun in the room, like
(35:48):
the most simple act, butliterally, why am I going to cry
about that?
But literally, that brings methe utmost joy.
The most joy that life has tooffer is those moments, and I
really didn't think I was goingto get emotional about this
episode, but it's.
(36:09):
It's so disheartening how easyit is to get distracted and
pulled away from the presentmoment and I'm just thinking,
like I told you guys, like notthe week that we, not this past
week, march, right, but the weekthat we weren't feeling well,
(36:30):
like I was having a bit of adown week as well on top of that
, and it's like how was Ifeeling?
I was feeling so, I don't know,lost and I could not feel what
I'm feeling now.
Like I could not bring myselfto feel that because I was so
distracted, like I could notbring myself to feel the joy
(36:52):
that I feel just describing thissimple routine or daily
activity, because I was sodistracted and my mind was so
distracted and I was looking sofar into the future and I was
looking at other people and Iwas comparing myself and I was
feeling just like a balloonabout to pop, and I did pop,
(37:13):
like I literally one day justlaid all day.
I vlogged about this in my uh,my most recent weekly vlog, but
there was a day where I just hadto sit on the couch and just
like, like disassociate frommyself, and then I was able to,
like, feel more recharged forthe next day, and then I was
(37:36):
able to realize, okay, I need tomake a change and I need to.
I'm missing the feeling, I'mmissing the gratitude and the
feeling present.
So I need to figure out how toget there.
And it's just this, like it'sthe most amazing feeling ever
when you can just be as presentas possible in your life.
And so, anyways, all of that tobe said, I love the flow of
(38:01):
life and I'm so glad I'm feelingback there and feeling more
confident in my, in that space,because that's really the only
thing that matters.
And so another thing that I do,which I mentioned in my routine,
is going on my daily walk,which I am so excited because
the weather's getting so muchnicer, but I go on the daily
walk in the winter too, unlessthe conditions are like horrible
(38:22):
and I really can't walk.
But now it's getting so muchnicer.
Today I even got to go down tothe ravine, which I love a
ravine walk.
I've like lived on a ravine myentire life, which is so wild.
Except for the few years thatme and Trevor were together in
the condo, we didn't have aravine.
Well, there were lots ofravines around us, but we didn't
live on a ravine.
(38:42):
But I've always lived close toa forest and it's just been the
easiest walking path to get toand I never take that for
granted.
And so now, as the weather getswarmer, it's nicer to go back
down to the ravine, although itis the time where it's going to
be very muddy, so you have toplay it by ear.
But today it was cool enoughthat I had the ground was going
to be hard and it was, and thespring birdies weren't out yet.
(39:05):
Specifically the geese.
They get really protective oftheir babies around this time,
especially on the path I walk,and yeah, it can actually be
quite scary, uh, so I try toavoid the like the babies coming
out there, and but anyways,there were just a couple of
geese today and they did go andlike hiss at me but I was like,
okay, there's only two, I canwalk around them, but sometimes
(39:27):
there's so many.
Anyways, I got to do that pathtoday and I was just like so
excited.
It runs next to a stream andit's like, oh, the water, and
then the trees are still sobarren and it's.
I took a picture cause I waslike, oh, this is the time where
I should try and take a pictureonce a week, if I can remember,
because I'll really see thatchange and I love to see all the
(39:52):
change happening in spring.
It's so lovely.
But taking that time everysingle day for myself to go on
that walk is the most importantthing I can do for myself really
, and it's one of those thingsthat really grounds me.
It is truly a groundingactivity, really, and it's one
of those things that reallygrounds me.
It is truly a groundingactivity and I just like cannot
live without it, like I needthat, and so it's.
It's even more special when Iget to like switch it up and as
(40:13):
the weather gets warmer, I canstart going on my hikes, which
are at different areas, and so I, even this winter, I was pretty
consistent with just doing itaround the block and I like to
go for an hour or so, dependingon how much time I have
available, but I thought I wouldget tired of just walking in a
circle for an hour.
But I never did and I alwayslisten to a podcast and just
(40:34):
like connect with somebody thatway.
It's really important for me assomeone who's like on my own
all day, working, working.
I mean that I connect withsomebody and that's why I really
love podcasts and that's why Ialways wanted to podcast and
that's why we're here, because,um, yeah, I, when you can find
those people you resonate with,it just is like that camaraderie
(40:56):
and it feels like I don't know,you know that workplace banter
type of situation.
But that's been reallyimportant.
These little rituals my walk,the tea time, the making of
breakfast and dinner those arevery important rituals that I do
every day.
I love making, oh, I lovemaking my breakfast because it's
me and Ro in the kitchen andit's just this really lovely
(41:18):
time.
And it's the same thing fordinner.
It's like me and Ro have thisgreat hour together where we get
to play and do whatever it isthat she wants to do, and then
we have an hour where we'remaking dinner and we're still in
the kitchen, but she's eithercoloring or painting.
Sometimes she likes to watch ashow.
Okay, astro, I can't do you onmy lap right now.
(41:38):
This cat Guys, I don't knowwhat to do.
I love, I love Astro, and Ilove when he wants to sit on my
lap.
But for some reason, as I'mpodcasting, for some reason, as
his tail's whipping everywhereand he gets all tied up in the
wires, it just is sooverstimulating for me.
But those little rituals are soimportant for me and they feel
like rituals because I try andbe as present as possible as I'm
(42:02):
doing them.
And I think the being presentpart is very important,
especially for the cooking ofdinner, because I love doing it
and it can easily become such anoverwhelming feeling like the
oh, I have to make dinner again,I don't know what to make.
But as long as I can stay aspresent as possible and every
week when I make my little mealplan and go out to the grocery
(42:24):
store, be as practical with mycapacity for the week, I love
that moment, like if I can justreally just step into it.
It feels like therapeutic to me.
And then my last thing is justconnecting with people in my
real life.
I'm trying to be intentionalabout setting up um times to be
(42:48):
with people like my friends andmy family, and that's so
important.
It feels really wonderful andit really does just like bring
me into again that gratitude andand um, especially when I like
if I'm doing it with the family,that's great, but when I can go
out on my own and have it as myown time, it really does just
like fuel me up.
My cup is full and I've laughedand I've shared with others and
(43:12):
I've felt part of community andthat is one of the most
important things.
And um, yeah, but guess what?
You have to take the time toactually like set that up and
make that into your schedule.
And sometimes I can feel like,oh, I don't have time, I don't
have time, or oh, it's going tobe overwhelming, or I have to
drive here to do this, but it'salways worth it.
So I now don't even think aboutthat.
If the opportunity rises, I'mlike I'm going to do it.
(43:34):
If I can make it work, like ifthere's, it's worth it a hundred
percent.
So just making sure I'mconnecting with people in my
life and getting things in mycalendar.
So, uh, if there's a day whereI'm feeling really inspired,
like, oh, I'm feeling reallysocial.
I try and like reach out to afew people and get some stuff
scheduled into the calendar sothat on those weeks where I'm
(43:54):
feeling not as much effort towant to put into that, I've
already done it and it's in mycalendar and I'm committed and
I'm going to go have a greattime and feel recharged and so
that's just like a really bigthing that I've started doing.
That's made such a differencein just like my overall mental
health and like presence in thisworld and just like making sure
(44:16):
that I'm embracing thecommunity that I've built around
me and the, the, the, theconnections that I have.
You know what I mean.
So, yeah, I just feel this weekwas one of those transformative
weeks for me where it was likeoh, my gosh, grace, you're
missing the point.
The point is to be here, to bein this life, to be present.
(44:38):
I get so carried away sometimeswhat's next, what's next,
what's next?
It's like nothing's next.
This is it.
I love my life.
I love it so much.
I'm so grateful for everylittle aspect of it.
I literally think back to atime when I was like what do I
want my future to look like thisis it.
This is it.
This is a tenfold over.
(45:00):
Like this is it Live in thismoment it is so beautiful and be
as present as possible.
Distractions Goodbye.
Boredom is good.
I actually love being bored.
Cutes, that was my like thingas a kid.
I was always bored and I alwaysfound so many fun things to do
and did so many fun hobbies andlike loved crafting and loved
(45:24):
cooking.
Like that's how.
That's how I learned how to doall this stuff was because I was
bored.
That's why I got in the kitchen, that's why I got creative.
Like this is why I am who I amand I want that instilled in me
and I want that instilled in Roand I think that's so important.
So all of this just helps me tobe the best version of myself,
(45:45):
which helps me to be the bestmom I can be, and that's all I
really want in this world.
So I am so grateful that I hadthat realization and that I've
just like been able to do thesesimple little things and just
really embrace them and showgratitude, and it feels good.
It feels good to be present inthe moment.
Then that's the thing.
(46:05):
It feels good.
It feels good to not putpressure on yourself, to always
have to just like strive for allthis stuff.
Feels good, feels good.
Okay, cutes, let's get into ourroses butts and the horns rose
cuties, you're gonna be soshocked for what today's rose is
like.
You're gonna be like what Iactually drew that face.
(46:28):
It's a two dots with a circlemouth.
Laundry my rose is laundry.
I took last week off doinglaundry, mainly because our
house was literally a zoo as wewere switching all the rooms
over.
Everything was everywhere andit just felt really overwhelming
and I was like I'm not going toallow myself to feel
overwhelmed by this, becausethere's a reason for the
(46:50):
explosion.
And once we are done gettingRose bedroom set up, we will be
able to excavate or removeeverything from our house that
doesn't need to be in our house,donate uh recycling center, all
of that stuff, and then I willbe able to tackle the laundry.
But I had told you, I think, onlast week's episode that I was
(47:11):
uh trying to do a load a day oflaundry and it really like
changed my world, and so then Iwas a little stressed when I did
wasn't doing laundry last week.
I was like, oh no, I thought Ichanged my world.
But guess what cuties I did?
Because typically I would feellike, oh my gosh, I have so much
laundry to do.
But you know what?
I didn't feel like that becauseI didn't feel like, okay, I
have to get it all done rightnow.
If I don't get it done now,then the world's going to end.
(47:33):
Oh my gosh, I didn't feel likethat at all.
What I did was I sorted it out,do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.
And there was like at least twoloads of like everything, two
loads of colors, two loads ofdark.
Well, one load of white there'snever two loads of white.
Two loads of towels, sheets,whatever, like it wasn't, like I
could just get it done in fourloads or whatever.
Like there was eight, nine, ten, something like that.
(47:53):
And I put a load in the laundryyesterday and then I folded it
and put another load in thelaundry and I have it in the
dryer right now.
I'm going to fold it and put inanother load.
And then tomorrow I'm going tofold it and put it in another
load.
And guess what, kids, I'm justdoing one load a day, because I
can do one load a day.
It's like revolutionary for me,because I used to always think
(48:15):
I have to get it all done on oneday for me, because I used to
always think I have to get itall done on one day and then I
would get so far, far fallenbehind, and I thought that was
what was going to happen when Itook the week off.
And it's not.
I just picked up and starteddoing my one load a day and it
feels so attainable and Iactually feel present while I'm
folding it.
I told you yesterday I wasfolding it while Ro was playing
and we were interacting and itfelt so wonderful and it felt
(48:37):
like a task we were doingtogether in an activity that
didn't feel so lonely, and Iloved it and I'm so excited.
So laundry is my rose and Inever thought that would happen,
and it's not even because it'sdone I still have lots to do,
but it's because I have a planand I feel good about it and I
feel prepared and organized andI'm doing it.
It's so exciting, exciting.
(48:58):
Okay, my thorn, what did I sayhere?
Oh, yes, I'm getting in my headand feeling the need to grow,
push, be better, do more.
I feel like that was like a big.
Uh, what is it?
Theme of this podcast episode?
But yes, I was really in myhead, I was really and I, I, I,
(49:18):
I didn't realize I was in thiscycle where it was like every
month I would get in my head andI'd feel like, okay, I'm not
enough, I need to do more, Ineed to be better.
How can I?
And it's like no grace, you areenough.
So I just hate that, that, that, that, that.
That that's where I was, um,but it's my bestie's birthday
(49:44):
this weekend.
I'm so excited we're going tohave a girl's night.
I can't wait.
I already have an idea for whenI'm going to get her for her
gift, which, like you're likeokay, grace, it's this weekend,
you probably should get that.
And it's like yes, yes, yes, Iam going to go get it.
But I'm really excited aboutthis because it was something I
thought about like a long timeago and then I didn't write it
down and then, thankfully, rosiehad gotten something that was
(50:05):
similar.
Long story short, I don't wantto spoil it, but it just
reminded me that I have to dothis.
So I already know what I'mgetting her for her birthday.
I'm going to do that tomorrow,um, so that I can get it all
sorted.
But yeah, we're going to have agirl's night.
It's going to be so fun, abunch of us, some karaoke.
Oh, I'm so excited and you knowme, I love a girl's night.
(50:25):
So that's my bed.
Entertainment recapentertainment recap Cutes.
I'm watching summer house.
You already know this.
I'm literally obsessed withsummer house.
Even like, for me, summer House, every episode doesn't need to
be like drama, drama, drama.
It just feels like a warm hug,a warm catch up with your
friends.
So I'm enjoying it.
(50:46):
I really am enjoying thisseason.
Below Deck I'm really enjoyingthe Below Deck.
What is this one called?
A Below Deck Adventure?
I can't remember what this iscalled, but whatever ones are
coming out now, I am so obsessedwith the season Like I just
love how many layers there areto it.
I don't know.
I feel like I'm so interestedto see what's happening.
Um, it's keeping me veryentertained.
(51:09):
And then I started a new show onNetflix called parenthood,
which I believe is an old show,but I, for some reason, I
thought I watched parenthood.
I'm trying to think if it'ssimilar to a different show,
like the cover art, I don't knowCause even Trevor.
I was watching it last nightand Trevor was like, oh, didn't
you already watch this?
And I was like I thought, butit's not, it's a different show,
so I'm not sure.
Anyways, I'm watchingParenthood.
(51:31):
I just got onto the secondseason.
I really am loving it.
It's so good.
Um, it's just like a familydrama comedy.
What is it?
It's like a family show or it'sa show about family makeup.
Um, I guess the basis is it'stwo grandparents or the two
(51:51):
parents, and then they have fourkids, and then all the kids are
married and have kids, orthey're not all married, but
they're all at that age and thenthey have kids, families,
whatever.
So it's all the family.
It's just like a big family andit's all the family drama and
highs and lows and everything inbetween.
I'm really enjoying it.
So if you're looking for a showto watch, parenthood, it's
really really good.
I'm loving it.
(52:12):
But, yeah, that's what I'mwatching.
As to when I'm listening, Ithink I said this on my first
episode.
Uh, was that?
I really want to see theLumineers, like live.
And guess what?
We didn't get Toronto tickets.
I knew we weren't going to getthem.
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it.
I was so anxious about it, butTrevor was able to get tickets
(52:32):
for I guess there's a closer orit's up at the same distance,
but where is it?
Somewhere in Buffalo, I don'tknow.
But anyways, we're going.
I'm so excited.
That's not till September, butlike I'm so excited and so
that's my entertainment musicrecap.
Update for you is that I gottickets and I can't wait.
And also, I just want to likesee more live music.
(52:54):
Me and Trevor used to go seeconcerts all the time and we've
been pretty good at getting backinto seeing concerts, but I
want to see more, like I lovegoing to live music.
Oh, we also went to a hockeygame over March break.
We went and saw the Ice Dogs,which I've only been to two Ice
Dogs games and they've lost both, so it's hard to keep cheering.
I'm just kidding, but it wasfun.
(53:16):
Um, I really want to see thebasketball team that's here,
lion, something, I don't know so, but that's a summer activity,
but anyways, that's what I'vebeen up to.
Cutes.
Thanks for coming.
I had a wonderful week.
I was really excited to recordthis podcast and then I got
discouraged.
But I was having a hard timegetting everything set up and
then I was like I'm gonna behungry and you don't want to
(53:37):
work with a hungry grace Like,no, you don't want that.
But now that we're here, at theend, oh, I feel fabulous.
Not even at the end, I feltgreat during it and I just am so
happy that you're here and I'mhappy that I have this medium
back and that I'm taking it easyand I'm able to show up as I,
(53:57):
as myself, for us, for us,cuties.
I love you all so much.
Cuties, I'm so grateful you'rehere.
I'm wishing you a beautifulweek ahead.
I can't wait to talk to youagain and I'm sending you love,
light and good vibes.
See you, cutes.
Love ya.
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