January 24, 2024 • 54 mins
The soft glow of morning light and the warmth of a shared breakfast with my daughter set the stage for today's heartfelt exploration into the art of unwinding and the beauty of life's quieter moments. Imagine a day that starts without the jolt of an alarm, where the final pages of a novel are turned in the comfort of your bed, and a leisurely breakfast unfolds into cherished familial bonding. I share this and more, including the blend of excitement and stress that comes with planning my daughter's first birthday party and the tactics I employ to lift my spirits on off days.
As your host, I take you through the ebb and flow of daily life, from the refreshing simplicity of mint-infused water. I ponder aloud on improving my studio space and eagerly address a listener's question that's been stirring up quite the conversation on social media. Our dialogue then shifts to the intriguing perspectives on aging and the essence of maintaining an internal youth, as I weave through personal anecdotes from my childhood, my college days, and the profound transitions thereafter.
Wrapping up today's episode, I delve into the profound shifts that accompany motherhood and the art of aging gracefully. You'll hear how I navigate the complexities of self-identity post-baby and the societal pressures that come with it. I also reminisce about the freedom of youth while embracing the mature responsibilities of today, offering a treasure trove of entertainment recommendations to enrich your days. Gratitude for shared moments and personal growth underpins our journey together, as we cherish the youthful spirit that resides within us all.
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- Grace
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everyone, you're listening to 5 Years Time with
your host, grace Black.
Hey, cuties, welcome back to 5Years Time podcast with your
host, grace.
I am so excited to have youback and I am so excited for
(00:23):
this episode because we actuallyare basing off what I learned
this week from a viewer question.
One of the cuties asked me anamazing question in my DMs and I
just could not resist making awhole podcast about it.
So we're talking today and Ithink that's so fun.
Anyways, before we jump in, Ijust want to preface this by
(00:46):
saying that I have literally hadthe most magical, wonderful
morning of my life.
I am just like beaming withglee because of it.
So let me start you off with alittle description of how my
morning is gone.
I basically woke up again.
As you know if you listened tolast week's episode, I don't
(01:09):
have any time teller in my room,so I woke up not knowing what
time it is, and it's actuallybeen so lovely.
Thankfully, it's that time ofyear where the sun really does
determine what time it is.
As soon as it's a little bitbright out, I know it's about
7.30ish, so anytime before that,if it's dark, I'm like I'm good
.
I'm good to be awake and Ihaven't been waking up in the
night.
So I trust myself, I trust myinstincts.
(01:30):
When I wake up and I'm notfeeling, and I feel awake, I'm
like okay, it's at least after 5.
And I think that was.
I think that is roughly thetime it was.
It was about probably 5.30,5.15 maybe, I don't know.
Anyways, I picked up my bookand I began reading and it I'm
in.
I was near the end of the book.
You know when you're in thatlast quarter and it's like so
(01:50):
good, or the last third, andyou're like, oh my gosh, I never
want to put this book down.
Like that was the feels lastnight when I was reading it.
I was like I bet you I couldstay up late and finish this,
but I fell asleep on a page,which I'm so happy about,
because I don't want to stay uplate.
I want to wake up in themorning early and enjoy my book.
Anyways, I was reading my bookand then row came in at some
point and she was like let'scuddle up in bed and have a slow
(02:14):
morning.
I was like, girl, we're on thesame page.
So she had a show, I had mybook, I made us some breakfast
in bed and we just hung out andI totally had forgot that Trevor
was going to take a road toschool today.
So all of a sudden, row wastalking about like school and
whatever.
And I was like, oh yeah, dad'staking you to school.
And she's like, oh yeah, like Ican't wait.
And I was like, oh my gosh,like I don't have to get up, get
(02:35):
dressed.
This is a magical moment for me.
I think I can finish my bookthis morning.
And so I just got row dressedand we already had our breakfast
and we I read my book, and thenTrevor took her to school and I
just stayed in bed.
The snow was showering down,the sun had already come up.
It's not necessarily a sunnyday, but it's still vibrant and
(02:55):
bright because it is very snowyand I enjoyed reading my book
and I finished my book in bedand my pajamas cozied up and
then I was all I had to do wasrecord the podcast, and I have a
meeting this afternoon, so Iwas like I have time constraints
.
So I was like I have time and soI really had that leisurely
(03:17):
morning.
I finished my book.
It was so good, I can't wait totalk about an entertainment
recap.
And then I was like I'm gonna.
I haven't had my coffee yet andwe got chocolate croissants
yesterday for dessert and so Iwas like, oh, I think there's an
extra chocolate croissant.
I know exactly what I'm goingto do.
I'm going to make a coffee,have my croissant and have a
really leisurely podcastplanning morning where I have to
(03:40):
do all the podcast prep, whichis basically writing a rough
outline and transferring a bunchof clips so I have space on my
memory card and making sure thatmy computer set up all that
stuff.
So I had a leisurely momentdoing that.
Once everything was in place, Itook a nice shower and listen to
the birds chirp.
I always crack the window a bit.
I love winter showers with thewindow cracked.
(04:00):
It's even better when the coldair blows in.
I know that sounds weird, butlike I love that.
And then had already laid on myoutfit, got dressed and I
hopped into the studio.
Here I am, but it was such awonderful morning and now it's
like the middle of the day andI'm like who am I?
I am such a morning person thatit is so unlike me to even just
(04:21):
lay in bed in the morning, likeI usually get up and start
getting stuff done and,especially on a school day, I
always am having to get up, getdressed and then get road
dressed and get the backpackspacked and everything get out of
the door.
So I just like had the mostdreamy, wonderful, relaxing
morning and I just feel so goodfor it and I was like, wow, this
(04:43):
is the best thing ever and itfelt like such a treat.
So I just want to share thatwith you.
But here we are.
So let's get into my weeklyrecap.
This past week we had lots ofmom and row time.
It was a PA day on Friday andthen row wasn't feeling well
yesterday.
So Friday I felt I was happy tohave her both days home, of
(05:03):
course, but like Friday I didn'tknow it was PA day and so I had
kind of planned my Friday forediting and then all of a sudden
I was like, oh wait, we're homefrom school and I have so much
stuff I need to get done andediting is something I cannot do
.
Like multitasking, moming andediting, I really need to like
focus and also I'm like superdistractible when it comes to
editing.
If I'm like not into the piece,especially like take talks, I
(05:28):
feel like I can really sit downand get them done, because it's
like you film one, one chunk oftime in your day or whatever.
But the vlog I find likesometimes it's it's like a big
undertaking when you're doingmultiple days and then you like
lose concentration halfwaythrough and, like I always, once
I'm done, I'm like, oh my gosh,I'm so happy I did that.
(05:49):
But like, if I'm like not inthe right headspace, it's hard
for me to get in that headspace.
So, anyways, it was the vlog Iwas needing to edit for Sunday
and I was like, okay, well, Iguess we'll just do a little bit
in the morning and then maybewhen row goes to sleep.
And then I didn't even get toit when row went to sleep, but
anyways, basically me and rowhad a wonderful Friday and we
(06:11):
got ready for her birthday.
Finally, like I've been puttingthis off not putting it off but
like I felt like I maybe leftit too late.
Row really wants to have abirthday party, party like with
her friends.
This is her first ever birthdayparty with friends.
She really wants one this yearand I felt like I left it too
late to like invite people.
I was like, oh my gosh, you'resupposed to probably give them
at least a month notice,whatever.
(06:32):
And then I was like, whatever,we just need to get people
invited and we're not evenhaving that big of a party, just
a coin's, a little one at home.
But I was like, let's just getthe invitations out.
So Friday we went to the dollarstore and we picked up
everything to make invitationsand we also picked up some
decorations.
We're so excited and we justgot everything organized for the
(06:53):
party in that sense, and Trevoractually spent this weekend
making decorations orinvitations with her, which is
amazing, because I needed toedit the vlog, as I kind of
foreshadowed there that I didn'thave time to do on Friday.
But invitations have officiallybeen handed out.
They were handed out today.
We're in the safe zone.
Hopefully people can come.
We're doing it on a weeknight.
(07:14):
So I feel like it's like less,less, I don't know like.
I feel like sometimes weekendsare hard to.
You really need to give advancenotice for weekends, but
hopefully weeknights can bechill and it's kind of like an
after school situation.
So hopefully it's chill, chill,chill.
We'll find out, but anyways,yeah, so that was great.
We spent Friday doing all ofthat stuff and then in the
afternoon I feel like we didsomething with my mom, but I
(07:36):
can't remember.
Oh yeah, my mom needed to runan errand, so we actually went
to the mall and then we pickedup Swiss chalet for dinner,
which I love a Swiss chaletdinner and we haven't had it in
a while, so that was delicious.
And then Saturday I was feelingso off and I was like, oh man,
this is so strange.
It's actually like right aftermy period Normally.
Normally the time I feel off islike before my period, on my
(07:58):
period, but I was feeling sooften I was like what is this?
And I was just like in my headall day Trevor was being dad of
the day and going out andplaying in the snow and doing
everything with row because Ireally needed to edit, but then
I wasn't in the right mind spaceand so I was having a really
hard time editing and I was justfeeling.
So often it was the type of offthat I normally feel around my
like menstruation, where I'mlike I just want to disconnect
(08:20):
from the world, like why do Ishare my life?
What's the point?
Even before I had like socialmedia following or like was
doing this as a career.
I felt that.
So, even just like with myprivate account, it was like, oh
, cringe, not even cringe, butjust like, oh, I don't want to
do this anymore.
But anyways, I was like feelingso off and I was like slowly
(08:41):
editing but like being reallydistracted while doing it and
doing a lot of scrolling, whichwas just making me feel even
worse.
And then eventually, trevor andRo went out to go to bargaining
in the evening and as it gotdarker, I was like I just need
to like get out of my mind.
So I hopped on a TikTok live,which I have not done alive in
so long, and I was like let'sjust hang out together and this
(09:03):
will get my head out of my head.
And it was actually the bestthing I could have done.
It was like an hour of justchatting with the cuties.
I felt so happy to be there andI was just like so glad to like
get out of my head.
And honestly, that changed,changed the whole day around,
like I had a great evening withthe fam.
And then I woke up Sundayfeeling so much better and I
(09:23):
actually said Trevor is doingthese polar dips on Sundays and
he, he always is like, oh, Iwant Ro and you to come one time
, but like it's always been soviolently windy.
But I had said on Sunday nightwhen I was putting, or Saturday
night when I was putting Ro tobed, like do you want to go to
see dad's polar dip tomorrow?
And she was like yeah.
And I was like Okay, likeshould we do?
Should I wake you up?
Like are we going for sure,should we just see how we feel
(09:44):
in the morning?
She's like see how we feel inthe morning.
I was like Okay, so, becausethey are a little bit earlier in
the morning.
But I woke up the next morningand I was like you know what?
I got to get out of the house.
Because I didn't get out of thehouse on Saturday, I was like I
got to get out of the house.
I think this would be a greatway to start my morning with a
family event, like let's justget out and then I'm going to
keep the good vibes going.
And it was exactly what Ineeded.
(10:06):
I also then felt so much betterI'm finishing up my video on
Rose nap that day and getting itposted.
So everything just felt so muchclearer and better and I was in
a much better state, which I'mso happy about, because there
used to be a time where when Igot in those moods they would
last for like almost a week, butI was able to get over it, like
(10:26):
be in it, feel it and get overit within like 24 hours.
And that was amazing and I'm so, I'm so great for glad for that
growth Too many G words, butanyway.
So Sunday we actually went downfor Trevor's polar dip, which
like oh my gosh, these peopleare warriors, like they were.
Trevor probably spent fourminutes in what four minutes?
And he just started going.
(10:47):
So I'm, I think he wants tobuild up his time.
But there were people who werejust like socializing in there,
probably in there for like 10minutes, and I was like this is
wild, I could not like I have, Ihave no yearning inside of me.
Maybe one day, but right now Ido, definitely do not.
And then I had my ballet, oh,and then, okay.
So yesterday, monday Well, it'sWednesday for you, but yesterday
(11:10):
row woke up, actually Sundaynight.
She was like feeling a littlebit hot and I was like, oh, I
wonder if she's coming down witha fever.
And she didn't really want toeat too much dinner, where
normally she like.
Even if she doesn't want to eatdinner because she's been
snacking a lot, she'll usuallywant like a snack right before
bed.
But she didn't even want that.
So I was like I wonder if she'sgetting sick.
And then she woke up on Mondaydefinitely not with a fever
(11:31):
fever like with just a low gradefever, you know, when the
thermometer is in the yellow,not the red, and I was like best
we just keep her home fromschool, because nothing worse
than like exhausting your kid oryourself, your body, when
you're already about to be sick.
I feel like that makes the sicklonger.
So I just kept her home.
I was like no worries, like Irather have.
(11:51):
I think it'll be nice to startmy week with a slow week.
After feeling so like I don'tknow, just like rushed in, like
editing and stuff like that.
I was like I want to have aslow week, I need to do laundry.
It'll be nice to spend timewith row.
And that was literally the mostperfect time, perfect start to
my week.
I did my laundry, me and rowwere so chill.
All I had commitment that Ireally had to do was go to my
(12:11):
ballet class, which worked outfine because it was on her nap
and then Trevor would be able toobviously have her because he
works from home If she had wokenup, which he did.
But it all worked out.
But I went to ballet, which wasgreat, and then I quickly
picked up groceries, because weneeded groceries badly after
ballet.
And ballet was amazing.
This is my second week.
(12:32):
I felt so much more confident Igoing into it.
I didn't like I was like oh mygosh, like I don't remember much
, but when we were doing themoves, like I actually did kind
of remember and like Idefinitely needed direction, of
course, but like it's like oh,wow, like I'm remembering and I
can feel like once my legs startgetting stronger, it's going to
become easier, especially tokeep my legs straight.
Like that's the hardest thingis remembering to be straight
(12:53):
and have your support, likestraight and all this stuff.
But it has been so lovely and Ifelt really really good in that
class and the snow was comingdown in the window and we were
doing pirouettes and it justfelt so nice and beautiful and
it was just lovely.
And then, yeah, picked up thegroceries, we had a nice family
dinner and that's that.
That's the weekly recap.
(13:13):
It was just a nice week, filledwith highs and lows, as they
always are.
So let's get into our snack anddrink of the week.
Okay, cute, my snack and drinkof the week.
Again, I come bearing waterBecause water is just easiest,
(13:34):
especially in the winter, whenI'm sitting in this room my
mouth gets so or my throat canget so dry, and then all of a
sudden it's like I'm in acoughing fit.
But my drink of the week isactually a type of water.
It is just mint water.
I we bought this huge pack ofmint, like mint leaves, because
Trevor was making I think we hadleftover Greek food and then we
(13:56):
were going to make some moreGreek food.
So Trevor was like, oh, I'mgoing to make Ziki.
So he bought mint, but theyonly had in this huge pack.
So I've just been like rippingit off and putting in my water
mint ice water actually,specifically and it is so
delicious.
Every morning, after I come homefrom row, dropping row off, I
just take a hunk of mint and popit in my thing, in my cup, and
put some ice and then let it sitand I'll just fill it up
(14:17):
throughout the day and it is sorefreshing.
It reminds me one time we wentto Costa Rica and the gym had
this water.
That was like a mint water, butit was something specific in it
I can't think of what it wascalled.
Anyways, trevor would go to thegym and then bring me home or
bring me back to the room mywater bottle filled with that
water because I loved it so much.
And this is like reminds mejust of it.
(14:37):
It's just so refreshing andbrightening.
It's very like awakening, Ifeel like.
It just like makes me feelalive, which is always something
I look for in those wintermonths.
So it's been really lovely justsome mint water.
I also planted a mint plant inmy Zen zone, which I had bought
a pot for my Zen zone, wantingto plant mint specifically in it
(14:58):
, because I love mint tea and Ilove fresh mint tea, and I
thought, oh, that would beperfect down there because I
have the kettle and then I canjust rip off some leaves and
make my mint tea in the morning.
And so I planted that last week.
So I'm even more excitedbecause, hopefully, I care for
it well.
I actually need to look up theright way to harvest mint so
that it like continues to growback.
(15:18):
Well, I really don't think youhave to try that hard with mint.
For my understanding it'ssomething that like takes over
like a weed.
But we'll see.
I'm excited.
I haven't picked from it yet, Iprobably need to soon but I did
water and plant it.
I planted in a new pot andwatered it, so that's good.
But yeah, so that's my drink ofthe week and then my snack.
Cute, I'm friggin obsessed withtrue fruit and it's like kind of
(15:41):
annoying because it's soexpensive like it's almost $10 a
bag, but it's so good.
I've tried three of them so far.
I've tried the raspberry one,the strawberry one and the
pineapple one.
And definitely I don't thinkthe strawberry one or the
pineapple one are worth it forme to purchase them.
Like the pineapple one Idefinitely could make myself.
I was actually telling Trevor,the pineapple one is just
(16:01):
pineapple chunks coated incoconut shreds and white
chocolate and it's delicious,tastes like a pina colada.
But I was saying to Trevor Iwas like, ooh, this could be so
fun to make for like a partywhere you soak the pineapple
chunks in rum and then coat itand freeze it like ooh, doesn't
that sound delicious?
So anyways, then the strawberryones, which you definitely could
(16:23):
make yourself easily enough,except for they do do a double
coat.
They do like a white chocolateand then a milk chocolate.
So there'd be a double freezingphase, like you'd have to
freeze the strawberries, dip thestrawberries, freeze, dip.
But anyways, they're okay, likethey're fine.
They taste like a strawberrycovered or chocolate covered
strawberry and they're actuallycut into wedges so you get like
(16:44):
way less actual fruit in the bag, like pieces, where the
raspberry ones are my favoriteand they are the most like
intense, not intense, but likethey would take time to make
because you would have to do thedip.
You'd have to freeze theraspberries, then dip them in
the white chocolate, freeze it,then dip it in the dark
chocolate, freeze it all on atray, all laid out, and it would
(17:06):
just take time and it wouldprobably come up to the same
cost, depending how cheap youget your raspberries, but
usually raspberries are likethree, four bucks a container
and then you'd have to get adark chocolate bar, you'd have
to get a white chocolate bar andthen do all those steps.
So I do believe those ones areworth it and also I just love
the way that the raspberry justlike snaps in half when you bite
(17:26):
it.
It's so good, it's so good.
So I that's where I am at thetrue fruit.
I'm obsessed.
I feel like I always need a bagof the raspberry ones.
I do want to try making them,just for fun.
I just want to try making themfun.
So, yeah, I, I'm excited forthat.
Also.
I'm sorry, cuties to theYouTube.
I feel like I've been lookingat my computer more than you,
just because I'm getting used tothe new camera, but also I've
(17:48):
been monitoring my sound.
So I'm sorry, but I'm comingback to look at you.
I also think I need to getanother light for over here I'm
still trying to perfect the newStudio camera setup.
But I'm with you, don't worry,I'll be there.
I'm trying to.
I'm trying to get as good as Ican for you.
But yeah, so I just have beenloving true fruit like it is, so
(18:09):
delicious.
Also, row lifts, the raspberryones too.
There's robbery ones.
You have to let sit for a whilebecause they're really cold on
your teeth, but I feel like theraspberry ones you can just
nibble up.
Okay, I guess that means it'stime to get into.
This week I learned, which I amso excited for.
This week I learned.
So cute, let's get in to thisweek I learned.
This week I learned.
(18:34):
So I actually had my questionsubmitted, which I think is so
fun, and I feel like it'ssomething that's super Popularly
being discussed is that evenhow to say that?
I feel like it's beingdiscussed a lot on social media
and so it's been at theforefront of my brain.
So when the question was asked,I was like, oh, this is an
(18:56):
interesting topic.
I'd love to share my opinion.
Well, I don't know if I'd loveto share it, but I think it
would be fun to To.
I don't know mean I wouldn'tlove to share it.
I'm I'm just saying that in away that I don't feel like I
have an opinion that I've beenholding, thinking like, oh, I'm
right and I need to everyone toknow more that I just think it'd
be fun to discuss it openly.
So Let me get to the question.
(19:17):
So this cutie said I have aquestion for you.
As I've gotten older, I feellike a long.
Sorry, I'm not the best readerin the sense.
Okay, I have a question for you.
As I've gotten older, I feellike I long to look and feel
like I once was in my earlyseasons of life.
How do you accept change andfind comfort in the now?
(19:39):
I thought that was such abeautiful question and I feel
like it's something that weprobably all feel and reflect on
at some point in our life,multiple times during our life,
and I quickly just like wrotedown a few times where I've felt
this prominent feeling and ThenI want to expand on it.
So what I feel like has beensaid on social media lately is a
(20:01):
lot about I feel like I'veheard a lot of conversation
about Botox and Youthfulness andskincare and all of that, and
also I just want to preface thisin every episode, I am never
sharing because I'm neversharing to shame and I'm never
sharing in a way where I'm right, you're wrong.
I'm honestly just openlyspeaking from my heart, and we
all come from a different walkand a different opinion and like
(20:22):
nothing you do, I am, I have, IDo.
I do not feel like I am less oryou are less because of one
thing that we do or do not do.
I feel like we all are on ourown journeys, doing our own
thing.
So I just want to put that outthere Because I know that I,
from what I understand in theseconversations regarding like
Botox and skincare and stufflike that.
(20:43):
I feel like skincare routinespecifically ahead, and how now
kids are starting younger on,feeling like they need to
protect their skin and never ageand this like this, like
separation between Aging I don'tknow if aging gracefully is the
right thing, but like accepting, yeah, aging, aging with
(21:06):
acceptance and honor and beingpresent in the now, as this
question said as opposed tofeeling like you need to alter
yourself or fear change in theway that you look or the way
that you feel as you age.
And so I've heard I've heardboth sides like I.
(21:27):
I've.
I have Videos come up on my pagewhere people are getting Botox
and they're doing, obviously,their 20-step skin care routine
and they're loving every momentof it and they apply SPF like
it's the God itself and thatit's gonna protect them.
I cuties, I'm a redhead.
I love SPF.
I'm not saying SPF is a badthing, but like I Feel like I, I
see that side of tick tock.
(21:48):
They go for Botox like it'sgoing to get a massage and it's
a piece of self care and theyvalue it in their life.
And then I see the other sideof tick tock where people are
sharing videos about how we needto.
We need to separate Ourselvesfrom money, from an industry
(22:11):
which is obviously skincare andanti, anti aging industry, where
it's like a billionaireindustry, where people are
Feeling like they they're fearedinto, feeling like they need to
have all these preventativemeasures and they they'll throw
money at it and they buy it andwhatever, but it's insecurities
that are being put at us by byan industry.
(22:32):
So, like I see both sides andthen obviously I also I follow a
lot of older women and I followwomen who Share a lot about how
Youthfulness is, comes within,like you can age and have gray
hair and wrinkles and and allthis stuff, but like when you
feel this young spirit withinyou, like it does glow, you have
(22:52):
this radiance to you, and likeit's not that you dull when you
get older, but like you can youdull when you feel less alive
and present in the now and andyou feel shame in aging and
being of a certain age or youfeel like you can't wear
something or do something or actthat way, and so I feel like
I've seen a good, like a Goodarray of people's opinions,
(23:16):
which is a reason that I lovesocial media is that you can
gain a lot of perspective.
So that's where I'm coming fromand now let me share my my
experience and and how I try andlive as present in the now as I
get older and aged.
As a kid I remember beingyounger or like reflecting and
seeing.
I remember seeing other kids,like younger kids, in strollers
(23:42):
and I remember feeling a senseof like I miss those days.
It was so much easier, likethis was me as a child, thinking
about this.
Back to being like a toddlerand thinking like, oh, life was
so much easier when you gottaken from place to place and
you didn't have to.
You didn't have to think about,I guess, walking or getting
dressed or planning out your dayor interacting with people on
(24:07):
the playground or any homework,all of this stuff.
So as a kid I remember that.
I remember that feeling sovividly, seeing younger kids in
strollers and being like, ah,the good old days.
And then the next chapter in mylife where I feel this so
vividly was my first day ofcollege.
I remember getting dropped off.
My aunt and mom drove me toOttawa.
(24:29):
I was going to a school fivehours away from where I lived,
which was exactly what I wanted.
I kind of made a last minutedecision to do that and I just
felt this pull to be on my own,like I don't know.
I just felt a pull to be on myown and so I went to a school
where I didn't know anyone and Igot dropped off in my dorm room
(24:52):
, helped, moved in, we went anddid all this shopping,
everything, and I remember mymom and aunt leaving and I think
we had like an event at, maybelike a dinner event, so maybe it
started at five where you weregoing to get together with your
color team, which was like yourfloor, and get to know the
people and have dinner and dolike not initiation, not
initiation, what's it calledwhen you like you go for a tour
(25:17):
of like the campus and stuff Ican't think of what that's
called anyways but like, do allthat stuff, have the tour, get
get accustomed to what theroutine is going to be, whatever
.
So there were many hours.
I think I was like dropped offpretty early.
My family's always been a firstpeople there, you know type of
person, always on time.
So I feel like I had the mostamount of hours in my room and
(25:39):
so I was a dropped off in anapartment style room.
I was living in res, which wasapartment style, so I had there
are apartments where, like you,walked in, there was a kitchen,
there was a bathroom and thentwo bedrooms.
So I had a roommate.
And my roommate was actually asecond year and so she already
knew people and she was actuallyvolunteering that day to like
help direct people where theyneeded to go, and stuff like
(25:59):
that.
She was also older than me,like 10 years older than me,
maybe even older.
She was under 30s and that kindof threw me off right away.
And, anyways, I was in my room.
There was nobody in the roomnext to me, like in my.
My roommate wasn't home, so Ididn't have anyone to talk to.
I just like sat there and Iremember like crying and then
(26:20):
thinking like, wow, like I am anadult and I have to figure out
what's next and I have to payfor my phone bill and for food
that I want for my fridge, oryou know what I mean, like stuff
like that, like it was justlike it all just flooded in.
And I always think back to thatmoment because every year that
(26:44):
I enter a new phase like that,like when I started working a
full time job or when I became amom, things like that.
Every phase where I move on tosomething else, where it's like,
oh, I have so much moreresponsibility now.
I always think back to Gracesitting in her dorm room on that
first day, feeling like theweight of the world on my
shoulders, where it's like everytime there's so much more
(27:05):
weight that comes, and it's likethat at that moment I felt.
When I look back to it andreflect on it, it's like, wow, I
had so much freedom.
Like remember being young andthe only worry you had was that
you didn't lock yourself out ofyour dorm room, like stuff like
that, anyways.
But I remember that feeling andI remember the yearning in
those hours because I was toonervous to walk out of my room
(27:27):
and figure out where to gobecause, like, everyone else is
in their rooms and I was not theperson to just like knock on
someone's door or walk into anopen door and be like, hey guys,
I'm Grace.
I wish I was that person, but Iwasn't that person at that time
.
And still to this day, there'smoments where I'm definitely not
that person and my introvertside comes out.
But I just remember sitting inthose hours and thinking like,
(27:48):
wow, I'm an adult now and Iyearned for the freedom that I
used to feel literally yesterday.
And so after the next memory Ihave where I yearned for a time
when I was younger was afteralmost a year of working full
time.
I remember I graduated and Imoved home and I was actually
living back at home, but I wasworking full time and I had
(28:12):
bought a car, I had morefinancial responsibilities and I
felt freedom from like homeworkand stuff.
Like I loved working becauseyou went home at the end of the
night and you were just likethis is my time, the weekend's
my time.
But I quickly forgot about whatI didn't like of school when it
(28:34):
was about like eight monthsinto my job and I was just like,
is this the rest of my life?
Is waking up and going to workevery day?
Like what I miss school and Imiss silly Fridays out with
friends and getting drunk and upto no good and enjoying parties
(28:55):
and just like having latemorning brunches and going to
church on Sunday with everyoneand it being such a social event
.
Like I miss all of that stuffand I miss, like the ability to
meet people and like infiniteamounts of people.
I feel like school is one ofthose places where you're just
like always meeting people andlike the ability to create
(29:18):
friendship is so endless, where,like once you enter the working
world, I feel like that's it'sstalled, like you obviously have
your coworkers, but likethere's only so many of them.
I worked for a small, smallprogram and so it's like there's
only so many of them and like Ilove the people I work with,
but like they're we're all indifferent stages of life, or
like I feel like in school it'slike we're all kind of around
(29:39):
the same stage of life, figuringout it or whatever.
And so I decided to go back toschool because I yearned for for
them, for those memories, forthose moments, and I was quickly
jolted back to school andreminded oh wait, there were
lots of things I didn't likeabout school.
I thought school was isolatingand lonely at times and I felt a
lot of things that I didn'tlove about school, like the fact
(30:02):
that you have homework and thatthere's projects to stress over
and that there's things thatyou might not want to do but you
like have to do to graduate andthen also going, like meeting
people.
It's like the friendships feltless authentic and the
connections you made were not,as I don't know, not a set of
(30:23):
stone sometime.
And like there were greatpeople I met in college.
Like there's people I stilltalk to this day.
I love them so much, likeliterally such good vibes.
But there's also people whoit's like I was just wasting
time with.
You know what I mean.
Like not wasting time.
We have good memories to thinkabout.
But also, at the same time itwas like it was pretty surface
level but I was quickly joltedinto reality and reminded like I
(30:43):
actually didn't like schoolthat much.
There were things that I likedand people that I liked.
But I think I was also yearningbecause I moved from Ottawa
where I thought I was going tograduate and work and live and
my rest of my life was gonna bethere and all those friends I
made were there.
But then I moved home toToronto.
Life kind of changed lastminute and I was back in Toronto
hometown.
(31:04):
Some hometown friends werethere.
I was stuck in between, likeI'm hanging out with people from
high school and now I'm tryingto meet new people.
I don't know.
I just felt very like I'm notwith the people that I loved and
was like building these reallygreat relationships with, and so
I felt like that was whattricked me into going back to
(31:26):
school.
And I never looked back on myjourney as like, ugh, I wish
that didn't happen.
But I just remember thinkinglike, oh wait, the grass is
literally always greener.
I feel like that's when Ilearned the grass.
What the grass is greener meansis that you always think that
it's gonna be better on theother side.
But, like, if you actually lookinwards and reflect on what
(31:48):
your life is now and what youhave, there's always gonna be
hard times.
There's always gonna be thingsyou don't like.
And as I got older, it's like,wait, I'm actually building a
life that I love.
And maybe, when I look back,what I'm yearning for I think is
like, oh, I miss doing this orwhatever.
But it's actually like I wantto go back and relive the
(32:13):
memories that I already have inmy mind, where it's like you're
never gonna go back and relivethose exact memories.
It's always gonna be differentand you're older now, and not in
a bad way, but like you'reolder now and it's gonna be
different people and you're in adifferent phase of life and you
have different experiences andit's never you're never gonna
relive the exact same momentthat you've had before.
(32:33):
But I'm so grateful for thosememories because I look back and
I cherish them and I feel likeI now hold to myself like that.
I will, in the moment, try andcherish though what's happening
right now, because I know in thefuture I'm gonna look back and
think, oh, I miss that so much.
And so I feel like that's a waythat I really stay present is
(32:54):
that I know that you can'trepeat and you can't relive
something that you'veexperienced already.
And even how hard you try,it'll always be different and it
probably will make you feelmore stunned to be back there or
to like retry and live.
And so, now that I am so awareof that, I always, in the moment
(33:17):
I'm quick to absorb, absorb mysurroundings.
What do I see outside thewindow?
Like this morning, the snow wasfalling and I was cozy and I
was with Ro, my little baby notso little anymore, almost gonna
be four and me and her justhanging out and having our slow
(33:37):
mornings and Trevor comes in andkisses us good morning and
informs us of whatever he'sgonna tell us about the day and
how it's gonna begin, mr Planet.
And then I hear the door closeas they head out for school and
then I'm left with silence and Isit in that silence and I think
(33:59):
, wow, this is really abeautiful moment for me.
Things like that, like that, iswhat I am doing every moment
now.
I try, I try.
It does feel like second naturenow for me.
I try to always be aware ofwhat I'm feeling grateful for in
that moment, because I knowthat we can't recreate it and
(34:21):
I'm so grateful for each momentthat I give and, as we know, if
you've listened to this podcast,my memories are one of those
things that I cherish and holdso tightly to me, and so the
more I can make them colorfuland vibrant with, like, the
setting of what each memoryholds, the more I do so.
(34:42):
Now let's cast forward.
How was my going back to school, where I really became present
in?
Like, oh, we can't repeat andwe can't become what we once
were.
So when I had Ro, now, when Igot married, like, there wasn't
any moment like that the yearthat I got married, I just want
I feel like I'm skipping fromone big thing to the next and
didn't talk about my marriage,but the year that I got married.
(35:02):
Like literally those years werefrom engagement to marriage I
had and I was graduating school,which I wasn't so happy about
returning to.
So I was feeling really goodand I was being cascaded into a
life that I was craving so, sobadly and I was so excited for,
because me and Trevor dated fora long time, like seven years
before we got married and sogetting married and moving in
(35:24):
with each other and all thatstuff felt so good.
Like that part of my lifebefore getting pregnant was
amazing.
I remember it so vividly, Ilove it and it's one of those
things that I look back to allthe time and think did I take it
for granted?
And sometimes I feel like, oh,maybe we didn't give ourselves
enough time before we had kidsand but we did.
Like I don't think there's evera right or a wrong, but like I
(35:46):
feel like we really sat in ourmarriage before, like we were
thoughtful and gaveconsideration before we had Ro
and we still had kids young,like we still had Ro young, but
we also got married at 24 andhad Ro.
I don't even remember, I thinkit was like three years after
that.
But like I do feel like welived a lot that we could then
(36:09):
in that marriage and I feel likenow in that marriage we're
still married, but in that phaseof marriage.
But anyways, I wanna talk tothe next point where I really
feel like I aged.
All of these things are talkingabout me aging mentally.
So so far I've really felt notphysical but mental aging.
I felt like I miss the freedomor I miss feeling young and
whimsical and doing whatever Iwant and not having to worry
(36:31):
about this and blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah and
having no responsibilities andall of that stuff.
So now we're this is the firsttime where I've really felt the
physical.
So when I had Ro, it was likethe second I had Ro and got home
and started trying to live mylife, I was like, oh my gosh.
(36:53):
I remember looking in the mirrorand just feeling like who am I?
I feel like after you have ababy, your body changes so much,
like you're.
One day you're pregnant.
Your body obviously changes somuch, but you still feel like a
little bit of yourself.
But then after you have a baby,it's like everything's moved.
You look in the mirror andyou're like who am I?
You're so tired.
(37:13):
I feel like I aged so much.
I remember looking in themirror, thinking like I
literally feel like the oldestperson, like I'm, like I have
kissed my youth goodbye, I amnow a mother, a mother.
I just remember feeling thatlike, feeling like I'll never
get back to, feeling freedom andno responsibility, like I just
(37:40):
remember those feelings sovividly and I remember looking
at myself and feeling like Ijust look so tired and old and I
remember that taking over me.
Like I actually have beenthinking about this recently.
It's like if I was so investedin like following people who are
(38:02):
pregnant at the same time as me, like I remember I tell you
this all the time, cute.
But like I was someone whoneeded to know what was gonna
happen and I think beingpregnant and having Ro obviously
is the ultimate test and notknowing what's gonna happen
because everyone's pregnancy isdifferent.
But I was like so obsessed withfollowing people on YouTube who
, like were pregnant at the sametime as me, so I could like get
(38:23):
their updates every week andhow they felt and I could
compare and contrast and likewhen they were gonna have their
baby and all this stuff anyways.
So then after this was toxic,it felt comforting before, but
then after it was toxic, becauseafter then I had, after I had
Ro, I had people that I wasfollowing who were literally
having babies around the sametime as me.
And now they're sharing theirjourney of like how they're
(38:45):
gonna snap back or like whatthey're feeling like, or their
routine, they're all of thesethings and it's like, okay,
these are not lining up, I'm notfeeling the same way, my body
does not feel the same way, allof this stuff.
And then it was like that waswhere it became really toxic and
so I was thinking about thisrecently, because recently I've
been getting pushed so many babyads.
I think it's cause I posted avideo and everyone was like, are
(39:06):
you pregnant?
And I was like, no friends, I'mnot pregnant.
But anyways, I feel like nowI'm getting pushed like baby
accounts and pregnancy or babyproduct ads, all this stuff.
Anyways, I was just thinkinglike I'm not gonna do that, like
I am not gonna.
I hope if I, if I decide to bepregnant again and I'm able to
get pregnant again, I hope thatI can remember that I did not
(39:30):
like that was not good.
I I took that in a toxic wayand it was not good for me
because I Instantly felt like Iam never gonna be myself again,
I'm never gonna be able to fitinto my clothes again.
I'm never this, I'm never that.
I remember pulling out myclothes.
That was a mistake.
Don't do that Cute.
Don't Try and pull out yourclothes and think like, oh yeah,
(39:50):
I'm feeling so much better, I'mgonna have fit.
No, I Spiraled, I spiraled.
I never even thought I wouldspiral and I spiraled.
I Remember I'll.
On another thing I remembereveryone tells you, after you
have a baby, you buy jeans twosizes too big.
Like it, don't, don't feel likeyou have to fit back into your
jeans.
Okay, okay, I'll do it.
So I remember I bought jeanstwo sizes too big.
(40:13):
Guess what?
They didn't fit me.
Cute, they were too small.
And then I felt like, oh, nowI'm too big.
Post, I Was not.
There's no such thing.
But like.
I remember that.
I remember that so vividly.
That was such a setback for meand I was trying so hard to be
so like.
I am who I am and I'm new.
My body is new.
Who I'm gonna be is new, likewhatever.
(40:34):
Yeah, I did not live in thepresent in those moments in that
sense, and I felt defeated andI felt Like I would never get
back to feeling myselfPhysically, mentally, anything.
And so I yearned.
I yearned for a time where Ifelt young again and I almost
mourned, like in a negative way,where, like I never want to
(40:55):
mourn a past self, like I'mnever, I'm never kissing her
goodbye, she'll always be a partof me, she is always a part of
me, and so I I but I was likemourning, like I'm never gonna
be that person again and like,yes, you're never gonna be the
exact person you were, but youwere always yourself and you
were always growing and changingand that person is still a part
(41:15):
of me and I, I just like thisis a whole nother thing, but
like I'm not gonna get into apost part of rant, maybe we can
do another episode about that,maybe I have done an episode
about it.
But like I just like felt IReally tried hard not to put
pressure on myself to have tolike a bounce back or anything
like that, but it like, even nomatter how hard I did, like it's
(41:36):
still over consumed me.
So anyways, that was the firsttime in my adult life where I
really Physically felt like myyouth had been taken away from
me, like it was gone.
Time had stolen my youth and itwas not coming back.
Now, fast forward as a 30 yearold.
That was me, maybe I'm tryingto think of when I had row.
I think I was 28 or 27, but nowI feel like I Am Invincible in
(42:06):
a sense, because with all ofthis and all of these
experiences, I have Taken withme the knowledge I've said this
already but with the knowledgethat I will not be able to
return back to who I was.
But life has only ever gottensweeter for me, like, and Even
(42:28):
those cherished memories, like Ihave so many good memories of
growing up at camp and beingwith my girlfriends and spending
summers with girls, because Iwent to a girls camp, spending
summers with girls in Girlhoodand feeling powerful and that's
where I really was able tobecome myself was in those safe
spaces for me and I cherishedthat.
(42:49):
And I remember sleepovers andbiking to friends houses and
biking for free Z's and bikingwas a big part of my, my
upbringing.
But, like, or like, my firstfreedom, I feel like, was when I
, like, hit my bike and was ableto go wherever I wanted to go.
But like I remember that andthen when I fast forward to my
(43:10):
first time being, oh, on my ownat school outside of res and
being in my own apartment, andlike setting up my own space, I
I cherish those moments andgoing out for late brunches and
dinners with friends and andthen having my my space at home,
but then also knowing that,like I felt a lot of loneliness
in that time, but like I Am nowable to reflect back on my life
(43:34):
and see the contrast betweenwhat was the low and what was
the high at that moment in mylife, sometimes we just like
Brush over the lows, right, but,and we're like we look back and
we're like, oh my god, thegrass is greener.
Or we look at someone else'slife and we're like, there,
their life is so beautiful andthey're so young looking and
they're always put together andthey, they do all this stuff to
(43:56):
make themselves Beautiful.
And like I get stuck in that,even like I, even recently, it
was like when I came up fromItaly, I was like wearing makeup
more often or taking the timeto get ready and Do my hair put
on makeup, and I was like, oh, Ifeel so great and then
eventually this is what alwayshappens when I do stuff like
that, which is why I always goback to oh, natural is.
(44:18):
Then I feel like who am I?
Or it feels like if I don't putin enough time, then it looks
different.
And all this stuff when it'slike at the end of the night,
when I wash my face and I put onmy jammies, I'm like I am so
beautiful and I feel beautiful,like I feel Relaxed and I feel
comfortable, and it's like Inever want to lose that feeling
(44:40):
of Natural beauty in myself,like as a whole, like I look at
myself and I think of how I feel, and I look at who I am and I
think, wow, grace, you are abeautiful human being with a
beautiful spirit and you carryyourself lovely.
So like, don't feel like youneed to, and that you have to,
(45:03):
every morning, get up and put inthis time to add more layers to
yourself, because when you takeit all away, you are beautiful,
and so this is something that Iremind myself of.
All the time and it's probablylike twice a year I get caught
up in this world where it's like, oh, I feel like I need to Put
more effort into how I look andwhat I put on my body and all
(45:25):
this stuff.
And then I Do it for a whileand then it's like, oh, I start
feeling like icky, I'm sticky,and then it's like I just feel
uncomfortable and then I stripit back and I'm like this is who
I am, like this is Wow, I wantto feel.
I want to feel who I am rightnow To my fullest, and like this
is not me saying anythingagainst you, wearing makeup or
anything we already prefaced.
(45:46):
I don't need to.
I don't need to put any moredisclaimers out, but I Feel like
when I look back on all thesememory are on on my life thus
far, and there's definitelytimes where I've looked back at
pictures of myself and thought,wow, I'm crazy for thinking that
I was too big or too much orawkward or that I like anything
(46:07):
negative.
I feel like we like in themoment, we think all these
negative thoughts and then welook back and we're like, wow,
like I was so Beautiful, I wasso amazing, I was this, I was
that, I love that, I love how Ilook, whatever.
So now that I have thisExperience, I try to take my
life experience and I try tolive as presently now by just
being so aware that there'll bea time in ten years when I look
(46:29):
back at pictures of myself nowand think all these Amazing
positive things and be like girlwhat was wrong with you for
thinking anything negative?
So I always just try and havethat, that.
What is it when you likeAwareness, have that awareness
that I had.
No, that I felt like that inthe past or about my past self.
So future me is probably gonnafeel that about me now.
(46:51):
So I just try and live aspresent as possible and take in
every moment, because I cherishmy memory so much and we can
never go back and relive on anexact moment In our life, but we
can always create new beautifulthings and just know that
they're always gonna be highsand lows and that if you go
around chasing youth in aphysical way or in a way of
(47:21):
Trying to relive a moment, it'sprobably not gonna happen
because that's not really likepossible.
But if we chase youth in a wayof being childlike and
young-spirited and Feeling thatFreedom that youth can, can, can
(47:45):
blossom like, if we chase that,that internal feeling of belly
laughs and and and peacefulmoments with friends and family
and on your own and andExperiencing things like it's
the first time, like everysnowfall is something to be
excited about and every jump,every rain and jump in a puddle
(48:09):
is something that Is to sell itbe celebrated if we, if we
change our mindsets toexperience life with
youthfulness and and glow andand kindred spirit, like I think
that's a really really good wayto live presently and and to
glow from within and to To keepthat, that spark alive.
(48:31):
You know, like I feel, likethat's really I'm really, I'm
really childlike at heart and Ilove that.
And I feel like my experiencesin life and the way that I've
reflected as I've grown havereally helped me to keep that,
to keep that internal glow andTo keep that spirit going, and
it's something I cherish sodeeply.
And so we'll change and we'llevolve and we'll look different
(48:54):
and We'll we'll always yearn formaybe a time that once was, but
, as that happens, just knowthat you are Still who you were
then and then and then and thenthat person lives within you and
and that every moment we'regiven is such a gift and it's
something to absorb and enjoyand breathe in and take a moment
(49:17):
and just live.
Thank you so much for askingthat question, cutie.
This was a great conversation.
Let's get into our entertainmentrecap.
Entertainment recap,entertainment recap.
(49:39):
I needed a big sip of water,okay, cutes.
So I finished my book thismorning.
I have to tell you I wasobsessed, obsessed.
It was called Meet Me at theLake by Carly Fortune.
It is Toronto-based, I think,author, so the book takes place
in Toronto and Muscova, and Iliterally ate it up, loved it.
Now I shared it.
(49:59):
Everyone else recommended it tome, but then I shared it that I
was reading it, and theneveryone was like you have to
read her debut novel.
I loved it even more and I waslike, oh my gosh, okay, adding
it to the list.
So I actually had two books Iwas gonna line up after, but now
I loved her novel so much it'slike I wanna be transported into
another world that she created.
So the next book I'm gonnastart, probably tonight, is
(50:22):
Every Summer After, which washer debut, her first album, or
her first album, her first novel, and so I am so excited Like
there was another one I don'teven remember anymore that I've
lined up on my cobo.
Oh, sorry, my throat is so dry.
Let me take a Siparoni, but ifyou're looking for just a really
(50:44):
quick, snackable romance, yougotta read Meet Me at the Lake,
and if you wanna join in, thenEvery Summer After is what I'm
gonna read next.
So for shows, I'm just watchingLove Island All Star at the
moment.
I'm still watching ChildrenRune everything on Netflix.
I have a few more episodes ofthat.
They're really short andsnackable, but I am watching
(51:05):
Love Island All Stars.
I'm using a VPN.
I feel like everyone's like howare you watching it?
I'm using a VPN and I can watchit online, whatever.
You know how to do that,because I don't know where it's
gonna be available.
Normally, hey you is where LoveIsland stuff go, and last year
when they did their winterseason, they had it on hey you
like pretty much same day or acouple days delayed.
So I don't think they're doingthat this year, but I'm gonna
(51:28):
check, because normallysometimes it's like a week or so
delayed.
So maybe it will come up.
I'm not sure, but if not, thenit'll premiere after the
season's done, cause that's whatthey did with Love Island
Australia.
So if you haven't watched LoveIsland Australia yet, it is
available.
Season two or whatever thenewest season is on hey you
right now, but anyways, I'mwatching Love Island All Stars.
(51:50):
It's like I'm enjoying it, I'minto it, but it's like so
different Cause it's half of thepeople I like know because I've
seen their season, but Ihaven't seen every season of
Love Island and it's like peoplethat all kind of are in the
same world with each other.
So it's very interesting.
I am enjoying it.
I hope there's a challenge inthis week's episode because I
earned this today or tomorrow'sepisode Because, like, I feel
(52:10):
like we need a challenge.
And then we also watched theBarbie movie.
Half of it With Roe, I've seenthe Barbie movie.
I liked it.
I told you that what was myBarbie movie of 2023?
It was hey there, it's Me,margaret.
Hey God, it's Me, margaret, orwhatever it's called, which was
like I absolutely adored thatmovie, like friggin loved it,
(52:34):
and it was like my coming of agemovie that I needed in my life,
where Barbie, like it was finebut like it didn't hit home like
that one did hey there, me,it's Margaret.
Blah, blah, blah, whatever.
Anyways, but Trevor hasn't seenBarbie movie and Roe, like, has
been really into Barbie lately.
It's a bit older, like I didn'tknow she would like it or not,
and we watched about half of itbefore she was exhausted because
(52:55):
we were watching it pretty late.
So yeah, she did enjoy it.
We haven't finished it yet.
I don't know if we will.
I remember thinking like Iliked the first half and then
the middle was kind of long andthen the end was like, yeah, got
better, but like I remember themiddle thinking it was long.
So that's why it'll be harderfor us to pick up, but that's
what I'm watching and readingcurrently.
Don't forget to follow me onSpotify for our 2024 playlist,
(53:18):
always linked below, if you wantto know what I'm listening to.
I add songs every week.
It's like my liked playlistthat I share publicly with
everyone.
So I love you all.
Q.
It's like I can't believe we'vecome to the end Perfect timing,
because my meeting starts inliterally six minutes.
And oh, I want to say, followme on YouTube for weekly vlogs
and then obviously, on TikTokand Instagram at five years time
(53:41):
podcast.
I'm sharing a lot there aboutfood and the day to day life.
So I love you all.
Thank you for coming along forthis conversation.
I hope the YouTube video workedout.
We'll see after my camera gothot, apparently, and shut off
randomly at one point, so I'mnot sure where it stopped or
started.
We'll see what happens, but ifnot, then you've seen me here.
Maybe I'll ask my stories ifyou want me to upload just the
(54:03):
audio on YouTube, cause I doknow there's people who listen
just on YouTube.
Anyways, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I love you all.
Your hearts are young and yourspirits are beautiful, so let's
tap into that energy and sharechildlike joy with each other
every day.
Love you, love you, love you.
Mwah mwah, mwah.
(54:23):
Bye.
Cute Eating in altitude in anupbeatño park with the wind
whistling to the composed Toomuch and you don't like it,
(54:47):
thank you.
Hey everyone, you're listening to 5 Years Time with
your host, grace Black.
Hey, cuties, welcome back to 5Years Time podcast with your
host, grace.
I am so excited to have youback and I am so excited for
(00:23):
this episode because we actuallyare basing off what I learned
this week from a viewer question.
One of the cuties asked me anamazing question in my DMs and I
just could not resist making awhole podcast about it.
So we're talking today and Ithink that's so fun.
Anyways, before we jump in, Ijust want to preface this by
(00:46):
saying that I have literally hadthe most magical, wonderful
morning of my life.
I am just like beaming withglee because of it.
So let me start you off with alittle description of how my
morning is gone.
I basically woke up again.
As you know if you listened tolast week's episode, I don't
(01:09):
have any time teller in my room,so I woke up not knowing what
time it is, and it's actuallybeen so lovely.
Thankfully, it's that time ofyear where the sun really does
determine what time it is.
As soon as it's a little bitbright out, I know it's about
7.30ish, so anytime before that,if it's dark, I'm like I'm good
.
I'm good to be awake and Ihaven't been waking up in the
night.
So I trust myself, I trust myinstincts.
(01:30):
When I wake up and I'm notfeeling, and I feel awake, I'm
like okay, it's at least after 5.
And I think that was.
I think that is roughly thetime it was.
It was about probably 5.30,5.15 maybe, I don't know.
Anyways, I picked up my bookand I began reading and it I'm
in.
I was near the end of the book.
You know when you're in thatlast quarter and it's like so
(01:50):
good, or the last third, andyou're like, oh my gosh, I never
want to put this book down.
Like that was the feels lastnight when I was reading it.
I was like I bet you I couldstay up late and finish this,
but I fell asleep on a page,which I'm so happy about,
because I don't want to stay uplate.
I want to wake up in themorning early and enjoy my book.
Anyways, I was reading my bookand then row came in at some
point and she was like let'scuddle up in bed and have a slow
(02:14):
morning.
I was like, girl, we're on thesame page.
So she had a show, I had mybook, I made us some breakfast
in bed and we just hung out andI totally had forgot that Trevor
was going to take a road toschool today.
So all of a sudden, row wastalking about like school and
whatever.
And I was like, oh yeah, dad'staking you to school.
And she's like, oh yeah, like Ican't wait.
And I was like, oh my gosh,like I don't have to get up, get
(02:35):
dressed.
This is a magical moment for me.
I think I can finish my bookthis morning.
And so I just got row dressedand we already had our breakfast
and we I read my book, and thenTrevor took her to school and I
just stayed in bed.
The snow was showering down,the sun had already come up.
It's not necessarily a sunnyday, but it's still vibrant and
(02:55):
bright because it is very snowyand I enjoyed reading my book
and I finished my book in bedand my pajamas cozied up and
then I was all I had to do wasrecord the podcast, and I have a
meeting this afternoon, so Iwas like I have time constraints
.
So I was like I have time and soI really had that leisurely
(03:17):
morning.
I finished my book.
It was so good, I can't wait totalk about an entertainment
recap.
And then I was like I'm gonna.
I haven't had my coffee yet andwe got chocolate croissants
yesterday for dessert and so Iwas like, oh, I think there's an
extra chocolate croissant.
I know exactly what I'm goingto do.
I'm going to make a coffee,have my croissant and have a
really leisurely podcastplanning morning where I have to
(03:40):
do all the podcast prep, whichis basically writing a rough
outline and transferring a bunchof clips so I have space on my
memory card and making sure thatmy computer set up all that
stuff.
So I had a leisurely momentdoing that.
Once everything was in place, Itook a nice shower and listen to
the birds chirp.
I always crack the window a bit.
I love winter showers with thewindow cracked.
(04:00):
It's even better when the coldair blows in.
I know that sounds weird, butlike I love that.
And then had already laid on myoutfit, got dressed and I
hopped into the studio.
Here I am, but it was such awonderful morning and now it's
like the middle of the day andI'm like who am I?
I am such a morning person thatit is so unlike me to even just
(04:21):
lay in bed in the morning, likeI usually get up and start
getting stuff done and,especially on a school day, I
always am having to get up, getdressed and then get road
dressed and get the backpackspacked and everything get out of
the door.
So I just like had the mostdreamy, wonderful, relaxing
morning and I just feel so goodfor it and I was like, wow, this
(04:43):
is the best thing ever and itfelt like such a treat.
So I just want to share thatwith you.
But here we are.
So let's get into my weeklyrecap.
This past week we had lots ofmom and row time.
It was a PA day on Friday andthen row wasn't feeling well
yesterday.
So Friday I felt I was happy tohave her both days home, of
(05:03):
course, but like Friday I didn'tknow it was PA day and so I had
kind of planned my Friday forediting and then all of a sudden
I was like, oh wait, we're homefrom school and I have so much
stuff I need to get done andediting is something I cannot do
.
Like multitasking, moming andediting, I really need to like
focus and also I'm like superdistractible when it comes to
editing.
If I'm like not into the piece,especially like take talks, I
(05:28):
feel like I can really sit downand get them done, because it's
like you film one, one chunk oftime in your day or whatever.
But the vlog I find likesometimes it's it's like a big
undertaking when you're doingmultiple days and then you like
lose concentration halfwaythrough and, like I always, once
I'm done, I'm like, oh my gosh,I'm so happy I did that.
(05:49):
But like, if I'm like not inthe right headspace, it's hard
for me to get in that headspace.
So, anyways, it was the vlog Iwas needing to edit for Sunday
and I was like, okay, well, Iguess we'll just do a little bit
in the morning and then maybewhen row goes to sleep.
And then I didn't even get toit when row went to sleep, but
anyways, basically me and rowhad a wonderful Friday and we
(06:11):
got ready for her birthday.
Finally, like I've been puttingthis off not putting it off but
like I felt like I maybe leftit too late.
Row really wants to have abirthday party, party like with
her friends.
This is her first ever birthdayparty with friends.
She really wants one this yearand I felt like I left it too
late to like invite people.
I was like, oh my gosh, you'resupposed to probably give them
at least a month notice,whatever.
(06:32):
And then I was like, whatever,we just need to get people
invited and we're not evenhaving that big of a party, just
a coin's, a little one at home.
But I was like, let's just getthe invitations out.
So Friday we went to the dollarstore and we picked up
everything to make invitationsand we also picked up some
decorations.
We're so excited and we justgot everything organized for the
(06:53):
party in that sense, and Trevoractually spent this weekend
making decorations orinvitations with her, which is
amazing, because I needed toedit the vlog, as I kind of
foreshadowed there that I didn'thave time to do on Friday.
But invitations have officiallybeen handed out.
They were handed out today.
We're in the safe zone.
Hopefully people can come.
We're doing it on a weeknight.
(07:14):
So I feel like it's like less,less, I don't know like.
I feel like sometimes weekendsare hard to.
You really need to give advancenotice for weekends, but
hopefully weeknights can bechill and it's kind of like an
after school situation.
So hopefully it's chill, chill,chill.
We'll find out, but anyways,yeah, so that was great.
We spent Friday doing all ofthat stuff and then in the
afternoon I feel like we didsomething with my mom, but I
(07:36):
can't remember.
Oh yeah, my mom needed to runan errand, so we actually went
to the mall and then we pickedup Swiss chalet for dinner,
which I love a Swiss chaletdinner and we haven't had it in
a while, so that was delicious.
And then Saturday I was feelingso off and I was like, oh man,
this is so strange.
It's actually like right aftermy period Normally.
Normally the time I feel off islike before my period, on my
(07:58):
period, but I was feeling sooften I was like what is this?
And I was just like in my headall day Trevor was being dad of
the day and going out andplaying in the snow and doing
everything with row because Ireally needed to edit, but then
I wasn't in the right mind spaceand so I was having a really
hard time editing and I was justfeeling.
So often it was the type of offthat I normally feel around my
like menstruation, where I'mlike I just want to disconnect
(08:20):
from the world, like why do Ishare my life?
What's the point?
Even before I had like socialmedia following or like was
doing this as a career.
I felt that.
So, even just like with myprivate account, it was like, oh
, cringe, not even cringe, butjust like, oh, I don't want to
do this anymore.
But anyways, I was like feelingso off and I was like slowly
(08:41):
editing but like being reallydistracted while doing it and
doing a lot of scrolling, whichwas just making me feel even
worse.
And then eventually, trevor andRo went out to go to bargaining
in the evening and as it gotdarker, I was like I just need
to like get out of my mind.
So I hopped on a TikTok live,which I have not done alive in
so long, and I was like let'sjust hang out together and this
(09:03):
will get my head out of my head.
And it was actually the bestthing I could have done.
It was like an hour of justchatting with the cuties.
I felt so happy to be there andI was just like so glad to like
get out of my head.
And honestly, that changed,changed the whole day around,
like I had a great evening withthe fam.
And then I woke up Sundayfeeling so much better and I
(09:23):
actually said Trevor is doingthese polar dips on Sundays and
he, he always is like, oh, Iwant Ro and you to come one time
, but like it's always been soviolently windy.
But I had said on Sunday nightwhen I was putting, or Saturday
night when I was putting Ro tobed, like do you want to go to
see dad's polar dip tomorrow?
And she was like yeah.
And I was like Okay, likeshould we do?
Should I wake you up?
Like are we going for sure,should we just see how we feel
(09:44):
in the morning?
She's like see how we feel inthe morning.
I was like Okay, so, becausethey are a little bit earlier in
the morning.
But I woke up the next morningand I was like you know what?
I got to get out of the house.
Because I didn't get out of thehouse on Saturday, I was like I
got to get out of the house.
I think this would be a greatway to start my morning with a
family event, like let's justget out and then I'm going to
keep the good vibes going.
And it was exactly what Ineeded.
(10:06):
I also then felt so much betterI'm finishing up my video on
Rose nap that day and getting itposted.
So everything just felt so muchclearer and better and I was in
a much better state, which I'mso happy about, because there
used to be a time where when Igot in those moods they would
last for like almost a week, butI was able to get over it, like
(10:26):
be in it, feel it and get overit within like 24 hours.
And that was amazing and I'm so, I'm so great for glad for that
growth Too many G words, butanyway.
So Sunday we actually went downfor Trevor's polar dip, which
like oh my gosh, these peopleare warriors, like they were.
Trevor probably spent fourminutes in what four minutes?
And he just started going.
(10:47):
So I'm, I think he wants tobuild up his time.
But there were people who werejust like socializing in there,
probably in there for like 10minutes, and I was like this is
wild, I could not like I have, Ihave no yearning inside of me.
Maybe one day, but right now Ido, definitely do not.
And then I had my ballet, oh,and then, okay.
So yesterday, monday Well, it'sWednesday for you, but yesterday
(11:10):
row woke up, actually Sundaynight.
She was like feeling a littlebit hot and I was like, oh, I
wonder if she's coming down witha fever.
And she didn't really want toeat too much dinner, where
normally she like.
Even if she doesn't want to eatdinner because she's been
snacking a lot, she'll usuallywant like a snack right before
bed.
But she didn't even want that.
So I was like I wonder if she'sgetting sick.
And then she woke up on Mondaydefinitely not with a fever
(11:31):
fever like with just a low gradefever, you know, when the
thermometer is in the yellow,not the red, and I was like best
we just keep her home fromschool, because nothing worse
than like exhausting your kid oryourself, your body, when
you're already about to be sick.
I feel like that makes the sicklonger.
So I just kept her home.
I was like no worries, like Irather have.
(11:51):
I think it'll be nice to startmy week with a slow week.
After feeling so like I don'tknow, just like rushed in, like
editing and stuff like that.
I was like I want to have aslow week, I need to do laundry.
It'll be nice to spend timewith row.
And that was literally the mostperfect time, perfect start to
my week.
I did my laundry, me and rowwere so chill.
All I had commitment that Ireally had to do was go to my
(12:11):
ballet class, which worked outfine because it was on her nap
and then Trevor would be able toobviously have her because he
works from home If she had wokenup, which he did.
But it all worked out.
But I went to ballet, which wasgreat, and then I quickly
picked up groceries, because weneeded groceries badly after
ballet.
And ballet was amazing.
This is my second week.
(12:32):
I felt so much more confident Igoing into it.
I didn't like I was like oh mygosh, like I don't remember much
, but when we were doing themoves, like I actually did kind
of remember and like Idefinitely needed direction, of
course, but like it's like oh,wow, like I'm remembering and I
can feel like once my legs startgetting stronger, it's going to
become easier, especially tokeep my legs straight.
Like that's the hardest thingis remembering to be straight
(12:53):
and have your support, likestraight and all this stuff.
But it has been so lovely and Ifelt really really good in that
class and the snow was comingdown in the window and we were
doing pirouettes and it justfelt so nice and beautiful and
it was just lovely.
And then, yeah, picked up thegroceries, we had a nice family
dinner and that's that.
That's the weekly recap.
(13:13):
It was just a nice week, filledwith highs and lows, as they
always are.
So let's get into our snack anddrink of the week.
Okay, cute, my snack and drinkof the week.
Again, I come bearing waterBecause water is just easiest,
(13:34):
especially in the winter, whenI'm sitting in this room my
mouth gets so or my throat canget so dry, and then all of a
sudden it's like I'm in acoughing fit.
But my drink of the week isactually a type of water.
It is just mint water.
I we bought this huge pack ofmint, like mint leaves, because
Trevor was making I think we hadleftover Greek food and then we
(13:56):
were going to make some moreGreek food.
So Trevor was like, oh, I'mgoing to make Ziki.
So he bought mint, but theyonly had in this huge pack.
So I've just been like rippingit off and putting in my water
mint ice water actually,specifically and it is so
delicious.
Every morning, after I come homefrom row, dropping row off, I
just take a hunk of mint and popit in my thing, in my cup, and
put some ice and then let it sitand I'll just fill it up
(14:17):
throughout the day and it is sorefreshing.
It reminds me one time we wentto Costa Rica and the gym had
this water.
That was like a mint water, butit was something specific in it
I can't think of what it wascalled.
Anyways, trevor would go to thegym and then bring me home or
bring me back to the room mywater bottle filled with that
water because I loved it so much.
And this is like reminds mejust of it.
(14:37):
It's just so refreshing andbrightening.
It's very like awakening, Ifeel like.
It just like makes me feelalive, which is always something
I look for in those wintermonths.
So it's been really lovely justsome mint water.
I also planted a mint plant inmy Zen zone, which I had bought
a pot for my Zen zone, wantingto plant mint specifically in it
(14:58):
, because I love mint tea and Ilove fresh mint tea, and I
thought, oh, that would beperfect down there because I
have the kettle and then I canjust rip off some leaves and
make my mint tea in the morning.
And so I planted that last week.
So I'm even more excitedbecause, hopefully, I care for
it well.
I actually need to look up theright way to harvest mint so
that it like continues to growback.
(15:18):
Well, I really don't think youhave to try that hard with mint.
For my understanding it'ssomething that like takes over
like a weed.
But we'll see.
I'm excited.
I haven't picked from it yet, Iprobably need to soon but I did
water and plant it.
I planted in a new pot andwatered it, so that's good.
But yeah, so that's my drink ofthe week and then my snack.
Cute, I'm friggin obsessed withtrue fruit and it's like kind of
(15:41):
annoying because it's soexpensive like it's almost $10 a
bag, but it's so good.
I've tried three of them so far.
I've tried the raspberry one,the strawberry one and the
pineapple one.
And definitely I don't thinkthe strawberry one or the
pineapple one are worth it forme to purchase them.
Like the pineapple one Idefinitely could make myself.
I was actually telling Trevor,the pineapple one is just
(16:01):
pineapple chunks coated incoconut shreds and white
chocolate and it's delicious,tastes like a pina colada.
But I was saying to Trevor Iwas like, ooh, this could be so
fun to make for like a partywhere you soak the pineapple
chunks in rum and then coat itand freeze it like ooh, doesn't
that sound delicious?
So anyways, then the strawberryones, which you definitely could
(16:23):
make yourself easily enough,except for they do do a double
coat.
They do like a white chocolateand then a milk chocolate.
So there'd be a double freezingphase, like you'd have to
freeze the strawberries, dip thestrawberries, freeze, dip.
But anyways, they're okay, likethey're fine.
They taste like a strawberrycovered or chocolate covered
strawberry and they're actuallycut into wedges so you get like
(16:44):
way less actual fruit in the bag, like pieces, where the
raspberry ones are my favoriteand they are the most like
intense, not intense, but likethey would take time to make
because you would have to do thedip.
You'd have to freeze theraspberries, then dip them in
the white chocolate, freeze it,then dip it in the dark
chocolate, freeze it all on atray, all laid out, and it would
(17:06):
just take time and it wouldprobably come up to the same
cost, depending how cheap youget your raspberries, but
usually raspberries are likethree, four bucks a container
and then you'd have to get adark chocolate bar, you'd have
to get a white chocolate bar andthen do all those steps.
So I do believe those ones areworth it and also I just love
the way that the raspberry justlike snaps in half when you bite
(17:26):
it.
It's so good, it's so good.
So I that's where I am at thetrue fruit.
I'm obsessed.
I feel like I always need a bagof the raspberry ones.
I do want to try making them,just for fun.
I just want to try making themfun.
So, yeah, I, I'm excited forthat.
Also.
I'm sorry, cuties to theYouTube.
I feel like I've been lookingat my computer more than you,
just because I'm getting used tothe new camera, but also I've
(17:48):
been monitoring my sound.
So I'm sorry, but I'm comingback to look at you.
I also think I need to getanother light for over here I'm
still trying to perfect the newStudio camera setup.
But I'm with you, don't worry,I'll be there.
I'm trying to.
I'm trying to get as good as Ican for you.
But yeah, so I just have beenloving true fruit like it is, so
(18:09):
delicious.
Also, row lifts, the raspberryones too.
There's robbery ones.
You have to let sit for a whilebecause they're really cold on
your teeth, but I feel like theraspberry ones you can just
nibble up.
Okay, I guess that means it'stime to get into.
This week I learned, which I amso excited for.
This week I learned.
So cute, let's get in to thisweek I learned.
This week I learned.
(18:34):
So I actually had my questionsubmitted, which I think is so
fun, and I feel like it'ssomething that's super Popularly
being discussed is that evenhow to say that?
I feel like it's beingdiscussed a lot on social media
and so it's been at theforefront of my brain.
So when the question was asked,I was like, oh, this is an
(18:56):
interesting topic.
I'd love to share my opinion.
Well, I don't know if I'd loveto share it, but I think it
would be fun to To.
I don't know mean I wouldn'tlove to share it.
I'm I'm just saying that in away that I don't feel like I
have an opinion that I've beenholding, thinking like, oh, I'm
right and I need to everyone toknow more that I just think it'd
be fun to discuss it openly.
So Let me get to the question.
(19:17):
So this cutie said I have aquestion for you.
As I've gotten older, I feellike a long.
Sorry, I'm not the best readerin the sense.
Okay, I have a question for you.
As I've gotten older, I feellike I long to look and feel
like I once was in my earlyseasons of life.
How do you accept change andfind comfort in the now?
(19:39):
I thought that was such abeautiful question and I feel
like it's something that weprobably all feel and reflect on
at some point in our life,multiple times during our life,
and I quickly just like wrotedown a few times where I've felt
this prominent feeling and ThenI want to expand on it.
So what I feel like has beensaid on social media lately is a
(20:01):
lot about I feel like I'veheard a lot of conversation
about Botox and Youthfulness andskincare and all of that, and
also I just want to preface thisin every episode, I am never
sharing because I'm neversharing to shame and I'm never
sharing in a way where I'm right, you're wrong.
I'm honestly just openlyspeaking from my heart, and we
all come from a different walkand a different opinion and like
(20:22):
nothing you do, I am, I have, IDo.
I do not feel like I am less oryou are less because of one
thing that we do or do not do.
I feel like we all are on ourown journeys, doing our own
thing.
So I just want to put that outthere Because I know that I,
from what I understand in theseconversations regarding like
Botox and skincare and stufflike that.
(20:43):
I feel like skincare routinespecifically ahead, and how now
kids are starting younger on,feeling like they need to
protect their skin and never ageand this like this, like
separation between Aging I don'tknow if aging gracefully is the
right thing, but like accepting, yeah, aging, aging with
(21:06):
acceptance and honor and beingpresent in the now, as this
question said as opposed tofeeling like you need to alter
yourself or fear change in theway that you look or the way
that you feel as you age.
And so I've heard I've heardboth sides like I.
(21:27):
I've.
I have Videos come up on my pagewhere people are getting Botox
and they're doing, obviously,their 20-step skin care routine
and they're loving every momentof it and they apply SPF like
it's the God itself and thatit's gonna protect them.
I cuties, I'm a redhead.
I love SPF.
I'm not saying SPF is a badthing, but like I Feel like I, I
see that side of tick tock.
(21:48):
They go for Botox like it'sgoing to get a massage and it's
a piece of self care and theyvalue it in their life.
And then I see the other sideof tick tock where people are
sharing videos about how we needto.
We need to separate Ourselvesfrom money, from an industry
(22:11):
which is obviously skincare andanti, anti aging industry, where
it's like a billionaireindustry, where people are
Feeling like they they're fearedinto, feeling like they need to
have all these preventativemeasures and they they'll throw
money at it and they buy it andwhatever, but it's insecurities
that are being put at us by byan industry.
(22:32):
So, like I see both sides andthen obviously I also I follow a
lot of older women and I followwomen who Share a lot about how
Youthfulness is, comes within,like you can age and have gray
hair and wrinkles and and allthis stuff, but like when you
feel this young spirit withinyou, like it does glow, you have
(22:52):
this radiance to you, and likeit's not that you dull when you
get older, but like you can youdull when you feel less alive
and present in the now and andyou feel shame in aging and
being of a certain age or youfeel like you can't wear
something or do something or actthat way, and so I feel like
I've seen a good, like a Goodarray of people's opinions,
(23:16):
which is a reason that I lovesocial media is that you can
gain a lot of perspective.
So that's where I'm coming fromand now let me share my my
experience and and how I try andlive as present in the now as I
get older and aged.
As a kid I remember beingyounger or like reflecting and
seeing.
I remember seeing other kids,like younger kids, in strollers
(23:42):
and I remember feeling a senseof like I miss those days.
It was so much easier, likethis was me as a child, thinking
about this.
Back to being like a toddlerand thinking like, oh, life was
so much easier when you gottaken from place to place and
you didn't have to.
You didn't have to think about,I guess, walking or getting
dressed or planning out your dayor interacting with people on
(24:07):
the playground or any homework,all of this stuff.
So as a kid I remember that.
I remember that feeling sovividly, seeing younger kids in
strollers and being like, ah,the good old days.
And then the next chapter in mylife where I feel this so
vividly was my first day ofcollege.
I remember getting dropped off.
My aunt and mom drove me toOttawa.
(24:29):
I was going to a school fivehours away from where I lived,
which was exactly what I wanted.
I kind of made a last minutedecision to do that and I just
felt this pull to be on my own,like I don't know.
I just felt a pull to be on myown and so I went to a school
where I didn't know anyone and Igot dropped off in my dorm room
(24:52):
, helped, moved in, we went anddid all this shopping,
everything, and I remember mymom and aunt leaving and I think
we had like an event at, maybelike a dinner event, so maybe it
started at five where you weregoing to get together with your
color team, which was like yourfloor, and get to know the
people and have dinner and dolike not initiation, not
initiation, what's it calledwhen you like you go for a tour
(25:17):
of like the campus and stuff Ican't think of what that's
called anyways but like, do allthat stuff, have the tour, get
get accustomed to what theroutine is going to be, whatever
.
So there were many hours.
I think I was like dropped offpretty early.
My family's always been a firstpeople there, you know type of
person, always on time.
So I feel like I had the mostamount of hours in my room and
(25:39):
so I was a dropped off in anapartment style room.
I was living in res, which wasapartment style, so I had there
are apartments where, like you,walked in, there was a kitchen,
there was a bathroom and thentwo bedrooms.
So I had a roommate.
And my roommate was actually asecond year and so she already
knew people and she was actuallyvolunteering that day to like
help direct people where theyneeded to go, and stuff like
(25:59):
that.
She was also older than me,like 10 years older than me,
maybe even older.
She was under 30s and that kindof threw me off right away.
And, anyways, I was in my room.
There was nobody in the roomnext to me, like in my.
My roommate wasn't home, so Ididn't have anyone to talk to.
I just like sat there and Iremember like crying and then
(26:20):
thinking like, wow, like I am anadult and I have to figure out
what's next and I have to payfor my phone bill and for food
that I want for my fridge, oryou know what I mean, like stuff
like that, like it was justlike it all just flooded in.
And I always think back to thatmoment because every year that
(26:44):
I enter a new phase like that,like when I started working a
full time job or when I became amom, things like that.
Every phase where I move on tosomething else, where it's like,
oh, I have so much moreresponsibility now.
I always think back to Gracesitting in her dorm room on that
first day, feeling like theweight of the world on my
shoulders, where it's like everytime there's so much more
(27:05):
weight that comes, and it's likethat at that moment I felt.
When I look back to it andreflect on it, it's like, wow, I
had so much freedom.
Like remember being young andthe only worry you had was that
you didn't lock yourself out ofyour dorm room, like stuff like
that, anyways.
But I remember that feeling andI remember the yearning in
those hours because I was toonervous to walk out of my room
(27:27):
and figure out where to gobecause, like, everyone else is
in their rooms and I was not theperson to just like knock on
someone's door or walk into anopen door and be like, hey guys,
I'm Grace.
I wish I was that person, but Iwasn't that person at that time
.
And still to this day, there'smoments where I'm definitely not
that person and my introvertside comes out.
But I just remember sitting inthose hours and thinking like,
(27:48):
wow, I'm an adult now and Iyearned for the freedom that I
used to feel literally yesterday.
And so after the next memory Ihave where I yearned for a time
when I was younger was afteralmost a year of working full
time.
I remember I graduated and Imoved home and I was actually
living back at home, but I wasworking full time and I had
(28:12):
bought a car, I had morefinancial responsibilities and I
felt freedom from like homeworkand stuff.
Like I loved working becauseyou went home at the end of the
night and you were just likethis is my time, the weekend's
my time.
But I quickly forgot about whatI didn't like of school when it
(28:34):
was about like eight monthsinto my job and I was just like,
is this the rest of my life?
Is waking up and going to workevery day?
Like what I miss school and Imiss silly Fridays out with
friends and getting drunk and upto no good and enjoying parties
(28:55):
and just like having latemorning brunches and going to
church on Sunday with everyoneand it being such a social event
.
Like I miss all of that stuffand I miss, like the ability to
meet people and like infiniteamounts of people.
I feel like school is one ofthose places where you're just
like always meeting people andlike the ability to create
(29:18):
friendship is so endless, where,like once you enter the working
world, I feel like that's it'sstalled, like you obviously have
your coworkers, but likethere's only so many of them.
I worked for a small, smallprogram and so it's like there's
only so many of them and like Ilove the people I work with,
but like they're we're all indifferent stages of life, or
like I feel like in school it'slike we're all kind of around
(29:39):
the same stage of life, figuringout it or whatever.
And so I decided to go back toschool because I yearned for for
them, for those memories, forthose moments, and I was quickly
jolted back to school andreminded oh wait, there were
lots of things I didn't likeabout school.
I thought school was isolatingand lonely at times and I felt a
lot of things that I didn'tlove about school, like the fact
(30:02):
that you have homework and thatthere's projects to stress over
and that there's things thatyou might not want to do but you
like have to do to graduate andthen also going, like meeting
people.
It's like the friendships feltless authentic and the
connections you made were not,as I don't know, not a set of
(30:23):
stone sometime.
And like there were greatpeople I met in college.
Like there's people I stilltalk to this day.
I love them so much, likeliterally such good vibes.
But there's also people whoit's like I was just wasting
time with.
You know what I mean.
Like not wasting time.
We have good memories to thinkabout.
But also, at the same time itwas like it was pretty surface
level but I was quickly joltedinto reality and reminded like I
(30:43):
actually didn't like schoolthat much.
There were things that I likedand people that I liked.
But I think I was also yearningbecause I moved from Ottawa
where I thought I was going tograduate and work and live and
my rest of my life was gonna bethere and all those friends I
made were there.
But then I moved home toToronto.
Life kind of changed lastminute and I was back in Toronto
hometown.
(31:04):
Some hometown friends werethere.
I was stuck in between, likeI'm hanging out with people from
high school and now I'm tryingto meet new people.
I don't know.
I just felt very like I'm notwith the people that I loved and
was like building these reallygreat relationships with, and so
I felt like that was whattricked me into going back to
(31:26):
school.
And I never looked back on myjourney as like, ugh, I wish
that didn't happen.
But I just remember thinkinglike, oh wait, the grass is
literally always greener.
I feel like that's when Ilearned the grass.
What the grass is greener meansis that you always think that
it's gonna be better on theother side.
But, like, if you actually lookinwards and reflect on what
(31:48):
your life is now and what youhave, there's always gonna be
hard times.
There's always gonna be thingsyou don't like.
And as I got older, it's like,wait, I'm actually building a
life that I love.
And maybe, when I look back,what I'm yearning for I think is
like, oh, I miss doing this orwhatever.
But it's actually like I wantto go back and relive the
(32:13):
memories that I already have inmy mind, where it's like you're
never gonna go back and relivethose exact memories.
It's always gonna be differentand you're older now, and not in
a bad way, but like you'reolder now and it's gonna be
different people and you're in adifferent phase of life and you
have different experiences andit's never you're never gonna
relive the exact same momentthat you've had before.
(32:33):
But I'm so grateful for thosememories because I look back and
I cherish them and I feel likeI now hold to myself like that.
I will, in the moment, try andcherish though what's happening
right now, because I know in thefuture I'm gonna look back and
think, oh, I miss that so much.
And so I feel like that's a waythat I really stay present is
(32:54):
that I know that you can'trepeat and you can't relive
something that you'veexperienced already.
And even how hard you try,it'll always be different and it
probably will make you feelmore stunned to be back there or
to like retry and live.
And so, now that I am so awareof that, I always, in the moment
(33:17):
I'm quick to absorb, absorb mysurroundings.
What do I see outside thewindow?
Like this morning, the snow wasfalling and I was cozy and I
was with Ro, my little baby notso little anymore, almost gonna
be four and me and her justhanging out and having our slow
(33:37):
mornings and Trevor comes in andkisses us good morning and
informs us of whatever he'sgonna tell us about the day and
how it's gonna begin, mr Planet.
And then I hear the door closeas they head out for school and
then I'm left with silence and Isit in that silence and I think
(33:59):
, wow, this is really abeautiful moment for me.
Things like that, like that, iswhat I am doing every moment
now.
I try, I try.
It does feel like second naturenow for me.
I try to always be aware ofwhat I'm feeling grateful for in
that moment, because I knowthat we can't recreate it and
(34:21):
I'm so grateful for each momentthat I give and, as we know, if
you've listened to this podcast,my memories are one of those
things that I cherish and holdso tightly to me, and so the
more I can make them colorfuland vibrant with, like, the
setting of what each memoryholds, the more I do so.
(34:42):
Now let's cast forward.
How was my going back to school, where I really became present
in?
Like, oh, we can't repeat andwe can't become what we once
were.
So when I had Ro, now, when Igot married, like, there wasn't
any moment like that the yearthat I got married, I just want
I feel like I'm skipping fromone big thing to the next and
didn't talk about my marriage,but the year that I got married.
(35:02):
Like literally those years werefrom engagement to marriage I
had and I was graduating school,which I wasn't so happy about
returning to.
So I was feeling really goodand I was being cascaded into a
life that I was craving so, sobadly and I was so excited for,
because me and Trevor dated fora long time, like seven years
before we got married and sogetting married and moving in
(35:24):
with each other and all thatstuff felt so good.
Like that part of my lifebefore getting pregnant was
amazing.
I remember it so vividly, Ilove it and it's one of those
things that I look back to allthe time and think did I take it
for granted?
And sometimes I feel like, oh,maybe we didn't give ourselves
enough time before we had kidsand but we did.
Like I don't think there's evera right or a wrong, but like I
(35:46):
feel like we really sat in ourmarriage before, like we were
thoughtful and gaveconsideration before we had Ro
and we still had kids young,like we still had Ro young, but
we also got married at 24 andhad Ro.
I don't even remember, I thinkit was like three years after
that.
But like I do feel like welived a lot that we could then
(36:09):
in that marriage and I feel likenow in that marriage we're
still married, but in that phaseof marriage.
But anyways, I wanna talk tothe next point where I really
feel like I aged.
All of these things are talkingabout me aging mentally.
So so far I've really felt notphysical but mental aging.
I felt like I miss the freedomor I miss feeling young and
whimsical and doing whatever Iwant and not having to worry
(36:31):
about this and blah, blah, blah,blah, blah, blah, blah and
having no responsibilities andall of that stuff.
So now we're this is the firsttime where I've really felt the
physical.
So when I had Ro, it was likethe second I had Ro and got home
and started trying to live mylife, I was like, oh my gosh.
(36:53):
I remember looking in the mirrorand just feeling like who am I?
I feel like after you have ababy, your body changes so much,
like you're.
One day you're pregnant.
Your body obviously changes somuch, but you still feel like a
little bit of yourself.
But then after you have a baby,it's like everything's moved.
You look in the mirror andyou're like who am I?
You're so tired.
(37:13):
I feel like I aged so much.
I remember looking in themirror, thinking like I
literally feel like the oldestperson, like I'm, like I have
kissed my youth goodbye, I amnow a mother, a mother.
I just remember feeling thatlike, feeling like I'll never
get back to, feeling freedom andno responsibility, like I just
(37:40):
remember those feelings sovividly and I remember looking
at myself and feeling like Ijust look so tired and old and I
remember that taking over me.
Like I actually have beenthinking about this recently.
It's like if I was so investedin like following people who are
(38:02):
pregnant at the same time as me, like I remember I tell you
this all the time, cute.
But like I was someone whoneeded to know what was gonna
happen and I think beingpregnant and having Ro obviously
is the ultimate test and notknowing what's gonna happen
because everyone's pregnancy isdifferent.
But I was like so obsessed withfollowing people on YouTube who
, like were pregnant at the sametime as me, so I could like get
(38:23):
their updates every week andhow they felt and I could
compare and contrast and likewhen they were gonna have their
baby and all this stuff anyways.
So then after this was toxic,it felt comforting before, but
then after it was toxic, becauseafter then I had, after I had
Ro, I had people that I wasfollowing who were literally
having babies around the sametime as me.
And now they're sharing theirjourney of like how they're
(38:45):
gonna snap back or like whatthey're feeling like, or their
routine, they're all of thesethings and it's like, okay,
these are not lining up, I'm notfeeling the same way, my body
does not feel the same way, allof this stuff.
And then it was like that waswhere it became really toxic and
so I was thinking about thisrecently, because recently I've
been getting pushed so many babyads.
I think it's cause I posted avideo and everyone was like, are
(39:06):
you pregnant?
And I was like, no friends, I'mnot pregnant.
But anyways, I feel like nowI'm getting pushed like baby
accounts and pregnancy or babyproduct ads, all this stuff.
Anyways, I was just thinkinglike I'm not gonna do that, like
I am not gonna.
I hope if I, if I decide to bepregnant again and I'm able to
get pregnant again, I hope thatI can remember that I did not
(39:30):
like that was not good.
I I took that in a toxic wayand it was not good for me
because I Instantly felt like Iam never gonna be myself again,
I'm never gonna be able to fitinto my clothes again.
I'm never this, I'm never that.
I remember pulling out myclothes.
That was a mistake.
Don't do that Cute.
Don't Try and pull out yourclothes and think like, oh yeah,
(39:50):
I'm feeling so much better, I'mgonna have fit.
No, I Spiraled, I spiraled.
I never even thought I wouldspiral and I spiraled.
I Remember I'll.
On another thing I remembereveryone tells you, after you
have a baby, you buy jeans twosizes too big.
Like it, don't, don't feel likeyou have to fit back into your
jeans.
Okay, okay, I'll do it.
So I remember I bought jeanstwo sizes too big.
(40:13):
Guess what?
They didn't fit me.
Cute, they were too small.
And then I felt like, oh, nowI'm too big.
Post, I Was not.
There's no such thing.
But like.
I remember that.
I remember that so vividly.
That was such a setback for meand I was trying so hard to be
so like.
I am who I am and I'm new.
My body is new.
Who I'm gonna be is new, likewhatever.
(40:34):
Yeah, I did not live in thepresent in those moments in that
sense, and I felt defeated andI felt Like I would never get
back to feeling myselfPhysically, mentally, anything.
And so I yearned.
I yearned for a time where Ifelt young again and I almost
mourned, like in a negative way,where, like I never want to
(40:55):
mourn a past self, like I'mnever, I'm never kissing her
goodbye, she'll always be a partof me, she is always a part of
me, and so I I but I was likemourning, like I'm never gonna
be that person again and like,yes, you're never gonna be the
exact person you were, but youwere always yourself and you
were always growing and changingand that person is still a part
(41:15):
of me and I, I just like thisis a whole nother thing, but
like I'm not gonna get into apost part of rant, maybe we can
do another episode about that,maybe I have done an episode
about it.
But like I just like felt IReally tried hard not to put
pressure on myself to have tolike a bounce back or anything
like that, but it like, even nomatter how hard I did, like it's
(41:36):
still over consumed me.
So anyways, that was the firsttime in my adult life where I
really Physically felt like myyouth had been taken away from
me, like it was gone.
Time had stolen my youth and itwas not coming back.
Now, fast forward as a 30 yearold.
That was me, maybe I'm tryingto think of when I had row.
I think I was 28 or 27, but nowI feel like I Am Invincible in
(42:06):
a sense, because with all ofthis and all of these
experiences, I have Taken withme the knowledge I've said this
already but with the knowledgethat I will not be able to
return back to who I was.
But life has only ever gottensweeter for me, like, and Even
(42:28):
those cherished memories, like Ihave so many good memories of
growing up at camp and beingwith my girlfriends and spending
summers with girls, because Iwent to a girls camp, spending
summers with girls in Girlhoodand feeling powerful and that's
where I really was able tobecome myself was in those safe
spaces for me and I cherishedthat.
(42:49):
And I remember sleepovers andbiking to friends houses and
biking for free Z's and bikingwas a big part of my, my
upbringing.
But, like, or like, my firstfreedom, I feel like, was when I
, like, hit my bike and was ableto go wherever I wanted to go.
But like I remember that andthen when I fast forward to my
(43:10):
first time being, oh, on my ownat school outside of res and
being in my own apartment, andlike setting up my own space, I
I cherish those moments andgoing out for late brunches and
dinners with friends and andthen having my my space at home,
but then also knowing that,like I felt a lot of loneliness
in that time, but like I Am nowable to reflect back on my life
(43:34):
and see the contrast betweenwhat was the low and what was
the high at that moment in mylife, sometimes we just like
Brush over the lows, right, but,and we're like we look back and
we're like, oh my god, thegrass is greener.
Or we look at someone else'slife and we're like, there,
their life is so beautiful andthey're so young looking and
they're always put together andthey, they do all this stuff to
(43:56):
make themselves Beautiful.
And like I get stuck in that,even like I, even recently, it
was like when I came up fromItaly, I was like wearing makeup
more often or taking the timeto get ready and Do my hair put
on makeup, and I was like, oh, Ifeel so great and then
eventually this is what alwayshappens when I do stuff like
that, which is why I always goback to oh, natural is.
(44:18):
Then I feel like who am I?
Or it feels like if I don't putin enough time, then it looks
different.
And all this stuff when it'slike at the end of the night,
when I wash my face and I put onmy jammies, I'm like I am so
beautiful and I feel beautiful,like I feel Relaxed and I feel
comfortable, and it's like Inever want to lose that feeling
(44:40):
of Natural beauty in myself,like as a whole, like I look at
myself and I think of how I feel, and I look at who I am and I
think, wow, grace, you are abeautiful human being with a
beautiful spirit and you carryyourself lovely.
So like, don't feel like youneed to, and that you have to,
(45:03):
every morning, get up and put inthis time to add more layers to
yourself, because when you takeit all away, you are beautiful,
and so this is something that Iremind myself of.
All the time and it's probablylike twice a year I get caught
up in this world where it's like, oh, I feel like I need to Put
more effort into how I look andwhat I put on my body and all
(45:25):
this stuff.
And then I Do it for a whileand then it's like, oh, I start
feeling like icky, I'm sticky,and then it's like I just feel
uncomfortable and then I stripit back and I'm like this is who
I am, like this is Wow, I wantto feel.
I want to feel who I am rightnow To my fullest, and like this
is not me saying anythingagainst you, wearing makeup or
anything we already prefaced.
(45:46):
I don't need to.
I don't need to put any moredisclaimers out, but I Feel like
when I look back on all thesememory are on on my life thus
far, and there's definitelytimes where I've looked back at
pictures of myself and thought,wow, I'm crazy for thinking that
I was too big or too much orawkward or that I like anything
(46:07):
negative.
I feel like we like in themoment, we think all these
negative thoughts and then welook back and we're like, wow,
like I was so Beautiful, I wasso amazing, I was this, I was
that, I love that, I love how Ilook, whatever.
So now that I have thisExperience, I try to take my
life experience and I try tolive as presently now by just
being so aware that there'll bea time in ten years when I look
(46:29):
back at pictures of myself nowand think all these Amazing
positive things and be like girlwhat was wrong with you for
thinking anything negative?
So I always just try and havethat, that.
What is it when you likeAwareness, have that awareness
that I had.
No, that I felt like that inthe past or about my past self.
So future me is probably gonnafeel that about me now.
(46:51):
So I just try and live aspresent as possible and take in
every moment, because I cherishmy memory so much and we can
never go back and relive on anexact moment In our life, but we
can always create new beautifulthings and just know that
they're always gonna be highsand lows and that if you go
around chasing youth in aphysical way or in a way of
(47:21):
Trying to relive a moment, it'sprobably not gonna happen
because that's not really likepossible.
But if we chase youth in a wayof being childlike and
young-spirited and Feeling thatFreedom that youth can, can, can
(47:45):
blossom like, if we chase that,that internal feeling of belly
laughs and and and peacefulmoments with friends and family
and on your own and andExperiencing things like it's
the first time, like everysnowfall is something to be
excited about and every jump,every rain and jump in a puddle
(48:09):
is something that Is to sell itbe celebrated if we, if we
change our mindsets toexperience life with
youthfulness and and glow andand kindred spirit, like I think
that's a really really good wayto live presently and and to
glow from within and to To keepthat, that spark alive.
(48:31):
You know, like I feel, likethat's really I'm really, I'm
really childlike at heart and Ilove that.
And I feel like my experiencesin life and the way that I've
reflected as I've grown havereally helped me to keep that,
to keep that internal glow andTo keep that spirit going, and
it's something I cherish sodeeply.
And so we'll change and we'llevolve and we'll look different
(48:54):
and We'll we'll always yearn formaybe a time that once was, but
, as that happens, just knowthat you are Still who you were
then and then and then and thenthat person lives within you and
and that every moment we'regiven is such a gift and it's
something to absorb and enjoyand breathe in and take a moment
(49:17):
and just live.
Thank you so much for askingthat question, cutie.
This was a great conversation.
Let's get into our entertainmentrecap.
Entertainment recap,entertainment recap.
(49:39):
I needed a big sip of water,okay, cutes.
So I finished my book thismorning.
I have to tell you I wasobsessed, obsessed.
It was called Meet Me at theLake by Carly Fortune.
It is Toronto-based, I think,author, so the book takes place
in Toronto and Muscova, and Iliterally ate it up, loved it.
Now I shared it.
(49:59):
Everyone else recommended it tome, but then I shared it that I
was reading it, and theneveryone was like you have to
read her debut novel.
I loved it even more and I waslike, oh my gosh, okay, adding
it to the list.
So I actually had two books Iwas gonna line up after, but now
I loved her novel so much it'slike I wanna be transported into
another world that she created.
So the next book I'm gonnastart, probably tonight, is
(50:22):
Every Summer After, which washer debut, her first album, or
her first album, her first novel, and so I am so excited Like
there was another one I don'teven remember anymore that I've
lined up on my cobo.
Oh, sorry, my throat is so dry.
Let me take a Siparoni, but ifyou're looking for just a really
(50:44):
quick, snackable romance, yougotta read Meet Me at the Lake,
and if you wanna join in, thenEvery Summer After is what I'm
gonna read next.
So for shows, I'm just watchingLove Island All Star at the
moment.
I'm still watching ChildrenRune everything on Netflix.
I have a few more episodes ofthat.
They're really short andsnackable, but I am watching
(51:05):
Love Island All Stars.
I'm using a VPN.
I feel like everyone's like howare you watching it?
I'm using a VPN and I can watchit online, whatever.
You know how to do that,because I don't know where it's
gonna be available.
Normally, hey you is where LoveIsland stuff go, and last year
when they did their winterseason, they had it on hey you
like pretty much same day or acouple days delayed.
So I don't think they're doingthat this year, but I'm gonna
(51:28):
check, because normallysometimes it's like a week or so
delayed.
So maybe it will come up.
I'm not sure, but if not, thenit'll premiere after the
season's done, cause that's whatthey did with Love Island
Australia.
So if you haven't watched LoveIsland Australia yet, it is
available.
Season two or whatever thenewest season is on hey you
right now, but anyways, I'mwatching Love Island All Stars.
(51:50):
It's like I'm enjoying it, I'minto it, but it's like so
different Cause it's half of thepeople I like know because I've
seen their season, but Ihaven't seen every season of
Love Island and it's like peoplethat all kind of are in the
same world with each other.
So it's very interesting.
I am enjoying it.
I hope there's a challenge inthis week's episode because I
earned this today or tomorrow'sepisode Because, like, I feel
(52:10):
like we need a challenge.
And then we also watched theBarbie movie.
Half of it With Roe, I've seenthe Barbie movie.
I liked it.
I told you that what was myBarbie movie of 2023?
It was hey there, it's Me,margaret.
Hey God, it's Me, margaret, orwhatever it's called, which was
like I absolutely adored thatmovie, like friggin loved it,
(52:34):
and it was like my coming of agemovie that I needed in my life,
where Barbie, like it was finebut like it didn't hit home like
that one did hey there, me,it's Margaret.
Blah, blah, blah, whatever.
Anyways, but Trevor hasn't seenBarbie movie and Roe, like, has
been really into Barbie lately.
It's a bit older, like I didn'tknow she would like it or not,
and we watched about half of itbefore she was exhausted because
(52:55):
we were watching it pretty late.
So yeah, she did enjoy it.
We haven't finished it yet.
I don't know if we will.
I remember thinking like Iliked the first half and then
the middle was kind of long andthen the end was like, yeah, got
better, but like I remember themiddle thinking it was long.
So that's why it'll be harderfor us to pick up, but that's
what I'm watching and readingcurrently.
Don't forget to follow me onSpotify for our 2024 playlist,
(53:18):
always linked below, if you wantto know what I'm listening to.
I add songs every week.
It's like my liked playlistthat I share publicly with
everyone.
So I love you all.
Q.
It's like I can't believe we'vecome to the end Perfect timing,
because my meeting starts inliterally six minutes.
And oh, I want to say, followme on YouTube for weekly vlogs
and then obviously, on TikTokand Instagram at five years time
(53:41):
podcast.
I'm sharing a lot there aboutfood and the day to day life.
So I love you all.
Thank you for coming along forthis conversation.
I hope the YouTube video workedout.
We'll see after my camera gothot, apparently, and shut off
randomly at one point, so I'mnot sure where it stopped or
started.
We'll see what happens, but ifnot, then you've seen me here.
Maybe I'll ask my stories ifyou want me to upload just the
(54:03):
audio on YouTube, cause I doknow there's people who listen
just on YouTube.
Anyways, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I love you all.
Your hearts are young and yourspirits are beautiful, so let's
tap into that energy and sharechildlike joy with each other
every day.
Love you, love you, love you.
Mwah mwah, mwah.
(54:23):
Bye.
Cute Eating in altitude in anupbeatño park with the wind
whistling to the composed Toomuch and you don't like it,
(54:47):
thank you.
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