Transforming Setbacks into Strength: Embrace Your Gains
In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome discusses the transformative mindset shift from focusing on what's missing to recognizing personal progress. Emphasizing the principles from Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivan’s book 'The Gap and The Gain', Laura explains how measuring backward to see how far you've come fosters resilience and healing.
The episode delves into the iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework and the iCOPE 5-Step Problem Solving Method, offering practical strategies for overcoming adversity and cultivating a growth mindset. Listeners are encouraged to celebrate small wins, redefine success, and live aligned with their core values. Additional resources, including the 'Reframe the Spiral' guide and a free Clarity Call, are provided to support listeners on their journey.
00:00 Introduction: Measuring Life by What's Missing
01:04 Understanding the Gap and the Gain
02:39 Applying the iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework
03:43 Harnessing Gratitude for Growth
04:05 Implementing the iCOPE Problem Solving Method
05:49 Combining Frameworks for Resilience
08:22 Daily Habits for Building Resilience
09:23 Conclusion and Next Steps
Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe
iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework: https://bit.ly/FrameworkRoadmap
Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com
Move Beyond Adversity Blog: https://www.icope2hope.com/blog
Free Newsletter: Wednesday’s Resilient Recharge https://www.icope2hope.com/newsletter
Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB
Episode Transcript
Are you measuring your life by what's missing?
In today's episode, we'retalking about the mindset shift
that turns setbacks intostrength.
You'll walk away knowing how tostop measuring your life by
what's missing, and start seeinghow far you've already come.
Welcome to the Flourishing AfterAdversity podcast.
(00:22):
I'm your host, Laura MangumBroome Resilience Coach and
author of Flourishing AfterAdversity.
If you've been knocked down bylife, grief, illness loss, or
unexpected change, you're in theright place.
Here we turn setbacks intostepping stones because healing,
growth and joy aren't justpossible.
(00:44):
They're waiting for you.
Before we dive in, if you everfeel stuck in a loop of negative
thinking, I have a free resourcefor you.
Reframe the Spiral (00:53):
5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift
Negative Thoughts and ReclaimYour Day.
It's short, simple, andpractical.
You'll find the link in the shownotes.
Imagine climbing a steep hillwith a heavy backpack.
You keep looking up at the peakthinking how far you still have
to go.
The climb feels endless.
(01:15):
That's what living in the gapfeels like.
You focus on what's missing.
The job, you lost, the health,you no longer have the
relationship that ended.
But what if you stop, turnaround and look back at how far
you've already climbed?
You'll see proof of yourresilience.
That's called living in the gainin their book, the Gap in the
(01:38):
Game.
Benjamin Hardy and Dan Sullivanexplain this shift as the
difference between frustrationand fulfillment.
It is not about lowering yourstandards.
It's about changing how youmeasure success after adversity.
It's easy to measure life bywhat's gone, but when you focus
(01:58):
on how far you've come, youstart to see your own strength.
That's where healing begins.
When you measure forward, youcompare yourself to an ideal
that doesn't exist yet.
It creates shame and exhaustion,but when you measure backward,
you see how much progress you'vealready made.
(02:20):
When life changes overnightthrough loss, illness, or
heartbreak, your brain fixateson what used to be.
You think I should be fartheralong by now, but progress after
trauma isn't linear.
It comes in uneven, ofteninvisible steps.
Here's how to apply this usingmy iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience
(02:43):
Framework.
Step one, develop a growthmindset to conquer change.
Instead of asking why am I nothealed yet?
Try asking.
What have I learned that Ididn't know before?
Step two, discover yoursuperpowers.
To overcome challenges.
(03:03):
Every obstacle reveals hiddenstrengths, courage, patience,
creativity.
Write them down.
Step three, think outside thebox to uncover opportunities.
Ask yourself, how can I use whatI've learned to help someone
else or create something new?
That's how pain turns intopurpose.
(03:27):
Let's put this into action.
Write down three challenges youfaced in the past year and next
to each one.
List something that's easier foryou.
Now because of it.
Keep that list where you'll seeit daily.
It's your proof of progress.
Happiness doesn't come fromhitting a finish line.
(03:47):
It comes from noticing movement.
Gratitude helps you see thatyou're still growing even when
life doesn't look the way youhoped.
Gratitude isn't pretendingthings are fine.
It's balance.
It reminds your brain what'sstill good and what's still
within your influence.
Gratitude brings calm, whichopens the door to clear thinking
(04:10):
and wise choices, how to takeaction using the iCOPE Problem
Solving Method.
Step one, identify the issue.
What's currently stealing yourpeace?
Write it down.
Step two, control what'scontrollable.
You can't change the past, butyou can choose your next thought
(04:32):
word or action, and how yourespond to your situation.
Step three, outcomes.
Best, worst, and most likely.
Envisioning these outcomesshrinks your fears, so they'll
lose their power.
Step four, plan, small,achievable steps.
(04:53):
Choose one action today.
Call a friend.
Take a walk, or make thatappointment you've been putting
off.
Step five, evaluate and adapt.
Reflect at the end of each day,adjust with grace.
Let's put this into action Eachevening, write one thing you
accomplished and one thingyou're grateful for.
(05:15):
It can be as small as I got outof bed or a friend texted to
check in on me.
Progress plus gratitude equalsgain.
Real growth isn't measured byexternal success.
It's an inside job.
It's about alignment.
Are your choices matching yourcore values after loss.
(05:38):
It's easy to feel like you're nolonger the same person, and
that's true, but it's not bad.
You're growing, you're learningto live from the inside out.
How to use the iCope2HopeResilience Framework and the
iCOPE Problem Solving Methodtogether.
Let's start with the ResilienceFramework.
(05:58):
Step one, replace judgment withcuriosity.
Ask, what is this challengetrying to teach me?
Step two.
Identify one inner strength thathardship revealed.
Compassion, faith, persistence,or another strength.
Step three, look for meaning.
(06:20):
How has this shifted?
What matters most?
Then apply the iCOPE ProblemSolving Method.
Step one, identify the tensionbetween who you were and who
you're becoming.
Step two, control thecontrollable.
You can't change the past, butyou can find a new path forward.
(06:41):
Step three, outline possibleoutcomes to quiet your fears.
Best, worst, and most likely.
Step four, plan.
One, small action step thataligns with your core values.
And step five, evaluate andadapt along the way.
Be flexible.
(07:01):
Inner growth is a lifelongreward.
Let's put this into action.
Redefine success for the seasonof your life.
Maybe it's peace instead ofproductivity.
Connection instead ofperfection.
Ask yourself at days end, did Iact in a way that honors who I
wanna be?
If yes, you're living in thegain.
(07:25):
Here's what keeps people stuckin the gap, waiting to feel
ready.
Chasing the past, hoping thingswill go back to normal.
Comparing their pain to others.
Measuring progress by externalapproval.
Those habits drain your power.
You don't heal by rewinding yourlife.
(07:45):
You heal by reimagining it.
You move forward not by waitingfor clarity, but by acting with
courage.
One small step at a time.
The iCope2Hope 3-Step ResilienceFramework gives you the mindset
to grow after change.
The iCOPE 5-Step Problem Methodgives you the structure to act
(08:08):
on it Together, they turnsomeday into today.
When you combine them with theprinciples from The Gap in The
Gain, you build a daily habit ofgratitude, progress, and
self-trust.
your next step.
Ask yourself each morning,what's one gain I can recognize
(08:29):
at the end of the day, it couldbe your courage to show up.
Your choice to set a boundaryare simply that you're still
here, still trying.
That's where resilience begins.
One, gain one day, one choice ata time.
So let's recap what we'velearned.
(08:50):
Stop measuring forward.
Look back to see your progressand celebrate small wins.
Gratitude plus progress rewiresyour brain for hope.
Live in the gain.
Growth is an inside job.
Align with your values and whoyou're becoming.
The resilience framework andproblem solving method give you
(09:12):
a growth mindset and structureto move forward on your new
path.
And finally, you don't have tofix your whole life.
Just find one gain today.
If today's episode helped youreframe how you see setbacks,
grab your free copy, Reframe theSpiral: 5 Quick Coping
Strategies to Shift NegativeThoughts and Reclaim Your Day.
(09:36):
It's a great companion totoday's conversation and helps
you regain calm when life feelsheavy.
and if you're ready to explorehow these tools can work in your
life, book a free 15 minuteClarity Call with me.
Both links are in the shownotes.
That's it for this episode ofFlourishing After Adversity
(09:57):
Podcast.
If you've enjoyed today'smessage, please follow rate and
review the show.
It helps others find hope too.
Better yet, I'd appreciate itvery much if you would share
this episode with three friendsin need of hope.
Until next time, remember,adversity can make you bitter or
(10:17):
better.
Choose better.
You've got this!
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
The Burden
The Burden is a documentary series that takes listeners into the hidden places where justice is done (and undone). It dives deep into the lives of heroes and villains. And it focuses a spotlight on those who triumph even when the odds are against them. Season 5 - The Burden: Death & Deceit in Alliance On April Fools Day 1999, 26-year-old Yvonne Layne was found murdered in her Alliance, Ohio home. David Thorne, her ex-boyfriend and father of one of her children, was instantly a suspect. Another young man admitted to the murder, and David breathed a sigh of relief, until the confessed murderer fingered David; “He paid me to do it.” David was sentenced to life without parole. Two decades later, Pulitzer winner and podcast host, Maggie Freleng (Bone Valley Season 3: Graves County, Wrongful Conviction, Suave) launched a “live” investigation into David's conviction alongside Jason Baldwin (himself wrongfully convicted as a member of the West Memphis Three). Maggie had come to believe that the entire investigation of David was botched by the tiny local police department, or worse, covered up the real killer. Was Maggie correct? Was David’s claim of innocence credible? In Death and Deceit in Alliance, Maggie recounts the case that launched her career, and ultimately, “broke” her.” The results will shock the listener and reduce Maggie to tears and self-doubt. This is not your typical wrongful conviction story. In fact, it turns the genre on its head. It asks the question: What if our champions are foolish? Season 4 - The Burden: Get the Money and Run “Trying to murder my father, this was the thing that put me on the path.” That’s Joe Loya and that path was bank robbery. Bank, bank, bank, bank, bank. In season 4 of The Burden: Get the Money and Run, we hear from Joe who was once the most prolific bank robber in Southern California, and beyond. He used disguises, body doubles, proxies. He leaped over counters, grabbed the money and ran. Even as the FBI was closing in. It was a showdown between a daring bank robber, and a patient FBI agent. Joe was no ordinary bank robber. He was bright, articulate, charismatic, and driven by a dark rage that he summoned up at will. In seven episodes, Joe tells all: the what, the how… and the why. Including why he tried to murder his father. Season 3 - The Burden: Avenger Miriam Lewin is one of Argentina’s leading journalists today. At 19 years old, she was kidnapped off the streets of Buenos Aires for her political activism and thrown into a concentration camp. Thousands of her fellow inmates were executed, tossed alive from a cargo plane into the ocean. Miriam, along with a handful of others, will survive the camp. Then as a journalist, she will wage a decades long campaign to bring her tormentors to justice. Avenger is about one woman’s triumphant battle against unbelievable odds to survive torture, claim justice for the crimes done against her and others like her, and change the future of her country. Season 2 - The Burden: Empire on Blood Empire on Blood is set in the Bronx, NY, in the early 90s, when two young drug dealers ruled an intersection known as “The Corner on Blood.” The boss, Calvin Buari, lived large. He and a protege swore they would build an empire on blood. Then the relationship frayed and the protege accused Calvin of a double homicide which he claimed he didn’t do. But did he? Award-winning journalist Steve Fishman spent seven years to answer that question. This is the story of one man’s last chance to overturn his life sentence. He may prevail, but someone’s gotta pay. The Burden: Empire on Blood is the director’s cut of the true crime classic which reached #1 on the charts when it was first released half a dozen years ago. Season 1 - The Burden In the 1990s, Detective Louis N. Scarcella was legendary. In a city overrun by violent crime, he cracked the toughest cases and put away the worst criminals. “The Hulk” was his nickname. Then the story changed. Scarcella ran into a group of convicted murderers who all say they are innocent. They turned themselves into jailhouse-lawyers and in prison founded a lway firm. When they realized Scarcella helped put many of them away, they set their sights on taking him down. And with the help of a NY Times reporter they have a chance. For years, Scarcella insisted he did nothing wrong. But that’s all he’d say. Until we tracked Scarcella to a sauna in a Russian bathhouse, where he started to talk..and talk and talk. “The guilty have gone free,” he whispered. And then agreed to take us into the belly of the beast. Welcome to The Burden.