Finding the Third Alternative: Moving from Surviving to Thriving
In this episode of the Flourishing After Adversity podcast, host Laura Mangum Broome discusses how to navigate difficult choices and find a third, creative alternative when faced with two bad options.
Through the story of Karrie, who faced a tough decision between a promising job opportunity and awaiting cancer biopsy results, Laura explains the importance of a growth mindset, discovering personal strengths, and thinking outside the box.
Utilizing Stephen Covey’s concept of the third alternative and the iCOPE2Hope Resilience Framework, listeners learn actionable steps to turn adversity into opportunity. The episode also introduces a free resource, 'Reframe the Spiral', aimed at helping people shift negative thoughts and regain control.
00:00 Introduction to Flourishing After Adversity
00:39 Today's Topic: The Third Alternative
01:27 Karrie's Dilemma: A Real-Life Example
02:27 Understanding the Third Alternative
03:04 Applying the iCope2Hope Resilience Framework
04:28 Covey's Insights on Synergy
05:02 The iCOPE Problem Solving Method
08:42 Recap and Reflection Exercise
09:36 Final Thoughts and Resources
Free Resource: Reframe the Spiral: 5 Quick Coping Strategies to Shift Negative Thoughts and Reclaim Your Day https://www.icope2hope.com/reframe
iCope2Hope 3-Step Resilience Framework: https://bit.ly/FrameworkRoadmap
Website: iCope2Hope: From Hardship to Hope https://www.icope2hope.com
Move Beyond Adversity Blog: https://www.icope2hope.com/blog
Free Newsletter: Wednesday’s Resilient Recharge https://www.icope2hope.com/newsletter
Schedule a free 15-minute Clarity Call with Laura: https://bit.ly/15mincallLMB
Episode Transcript
When life corners you with two bad options, there's
almost always a third onewaiting for you to see it.
Welcome to the Flourishing AfterAdversity podcast.
I'm your host, Laura MangumBroome, Resilience Coach and
author of Flourishing AfterAdversity: A 3-step Action Plan
to Transform Pain into Purposeand Embrace Joy Again.
(00:25):
If you've been knocked down bylife, through loss, illness, or
unexpected change, you're in theright place.
Here we talk about how to movefrom surviving to thriving, one
hopeful step at a time.
In today's episode, we're divinginto a topic that every listener
will face at some point.
(00:45):
What do you do when both choicesin front of you feel wrong?
By the end of this episode,you'll know how to find what
Stephen Covey calls the thirdalternative, that creative
life-giving option, hidingbetween yes and no.
But first, if your thoughts havebeen spinning in circles lately,
(01:05):
I have a free resource to helpyou calm the noise.
It's called Reframe the Spiral,five Quick Coping Strategies to
Shift Negative Thoughts andReclaim your Day.
They're the same tools I usewhen I feel stuck, and they'll
help you find your footing too.
You can grab it using the linkin the show notes.
(01:27):
Karrie sat at her desk staringat a blank job application.
An ideal teaching position hadjust opened up the kind she'd
waited years for, but in thesame week, she was waiting on
breast cancer biopsy resultsthat would determine if she
needed a lumpectomy or chemo andradiation treatments if I apply
(01:49):
and get the job she told me.
I might have to quit, but if Idon't apply, I'll lose the
income I desperately need.
It felt like an impossiblechoice until she discovered
there was another way.
Most of us have moments likeKarrie's where life splits into
two hard paths.
(02:10):
Do you stay or leave?
Push forward or pull back?
Say yes or no.
That kind of either or thinkingtraps us.
It keeps us afraid to choose,afraid to lose, and unable to
move forward.
Stephen Covey calls this a falsedilemma when both options feel
(02:33):
wrong because we're lookingthrough the wrong lens.
His answer is the thirdalternative.
It's not my way or your way,it's a new way.
It's not about compromise.
It's about creation.
When you feel trapped, yourbrain goes into control mode.
(02:53):
If I pick this, I lose that, butthat fear limits your vision.
Real resilience starts when youask.
What else could be possiblehere?
Using myiCope2Hope ResilienceFramework.
Karrie began to see newpossibilities.
Step one, develop a growthmindset to conquer change.
(03:16):
She stopped assuming there wasonly one right answer instead of
I can't.
She asked, what can I do rightnow?
Step two, discover yoursuperpowers.
To overcome challenges, Karriewas creative.
She painted restored furnitureand crafted outdoor decor.
(03:36):
Those weren't just hobbies, theywere resources or what I like to
call superpowers.
Step three, think outside thebox to uncover opportunities.
Instead of choosing betweenapplying or waiting, she found a
third path.
She asked about a substituteteaching role at the same
(03:58):
school, flexible enough to fitaround whatever the treatment
she needed and she couldcontinue working her other
part-time job.
She started researching aYouTube channel to teach art and
crafts and to inspire others Forthe first time in weeks, her
face lit up.
She realized she didn't have tochoose between healing or
(04:21):
purpose.
That's the heart of the thirdalternative, hope through
creativity.
Covey's next insight is aboutsynergy.
He says it starts with threeinner shifts.
I see myself, I see you.
I seek you out.
Finding a third way oftenrequires help.
(04:44):
Karrie invited her doctor,family, and me, her coach, into
the conversation.
Together, we explored options.
She couldn't see alone when shestopped trying to control
everything and startedcollaborating.
Clarity replaced panic.
You can use my iCOPE problemsolving method to do the same.
(05:06):
Step one I stands for.
Identify the real issue.
Ask what's the real problemunderneath my fear.
Step two C stands for control.
What you can let go of what'sout of reach, focus on what's
still within your grasp.
Step three.
(05:27):
O stands for outcomes best,worst, and most likely, write
them down.
You'll feel more prepared andshrink your fear of uncertainty.
Step four P stands for plannedsmall achievable steps.
Take one.
Doable action Today.
Momentum builds confidence.
(05:48):
Step five.
E stands for evaluate and adapt.
Check in, be flexible, adjust aslife unfolds.
This structure doesn't eraseuncertainty.
It gives you agency in themiddle of it.
Covey defines synergy as oneplus one equal three or more.
(06:08):
It is what happens when twoopposing forces create something
better together.
A setback turns into strength.
A delay becomes preparation.
A loss reveals a new purpose.
Karrie's life didn't becomeperfect overnight, but it became
possible again most of us.
Fall into one of two traps.
(06:30):
The flight trap, forcing adecision before you're ready.
The freeze trap.
Avoiding decisions and waitingfor clarity that never comes.
the third alternative, invites agentler way.
Pause and create.
When you're stuck, breathe andask, What new possibility
(06:53):
haven't I considered yet?
If I stop trying to win, whatcould I learn?
How could this situation be bothpainful and purposeful?
Let's tie it back to theiCope2Hope Framework.
Step one, develop a growthmindset.
Replace.
(07:13):
I can't with I can One step at atime.
Step two, discover yoursuperpowers.
Remember the strengths thathelped you through hard seasons
before.
they're still available to use.
Again.
Step three, think outside thebox, Combine what you know with
(07:33):
what's possible.
The goal isn't perfection, it'sprogress.
Covey's third alternative showsyou how to find new options.
the iCope2Hope 3-Step ResilienceFramework gives you the mindset
to grow after change.
And the iCOPE5-Step ProblemSolving Method gives you the
(07:54):
structure to turn creativityinto real movement.
Together they form your roadmapfor everyday resilience.
A few months later, Karriecalled me again.
Her voice was lighter.
had her lumpectomy and didn'tneed chemo, only radiation.
She became a substitute teacher,taught art part-time on YouTube,
(08:18):
built an online following andfound peace in the process.
She said something I'll neverforget.
I realized I didn't have to waitfor life to calm down before I
started living again.
That's the gift of the thirdalternative.
It reminds us that life may notgo back to what it was, but it
(08:39):
can still be beautiful.
Try this reflection exercisetoday.
Think about one decision you'vebeen avoiding.
Write down the two options.
You keep bouncing between.
Then ask yourself, what would athird alternative look like?
What's another way to meet bothneeds?
(09:02):
Who could help you find it?
And what's one small step youcould take this week?
Let's recap what we learned whenlife corners you with two hard
choices.
Look for the third option.
A growth mindset openspossibilities you can't see in
fear.
Collaboration turns isolationinto clarity.
(09:25):
The iCope2Hope Systems turnideas into action.
You are never truly out ofoptions.
There is always, always anotherway.
If you're ready to stop feelingstuck and start creating new
possibilities, download my freeguide, reframe the Spiral, five
(09:45):
quick coping strategies to shiftnegative thoughts and reclaim
your day.
And if you'd like a little extrasupport, you can schedule a free
15 minute clarity call with me.
You'll find both links in theshow notes.
Alright, that's it for thisepisode.
If this message encourage you,please subscribe and leave a
(10:06):
quick review.
It helps others find hope too.
better yet, I'd appreciate itvery much if you'd share this
episode with three people inneed of hope.
Until next time, remember,adversity can make you bitter or
better, choose better.
You've got this!
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