Overcoming the Fears of Mentoring: The World Evangelism Podcast with Austin Gardner

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Hopefully you can tweet some of these and share the podcast:

"Starting a mentoring journey takes courage and vulnerability. #Mentoring #LeadershipDevelopment #GrowTogether"

"Don't let fear hold you back from making a difference in someone's life. #Mentorship #Impact #FearlessLeadership"

"Mentoring is about investing in others and watching them grow. #InvestInOthers #PersonalDevelopment #MentorshipMatters"

"Overcoming fears and taking risks is part of the mentoring process. #MentoringJourney #RiskTaking #PersonalGrowth"

"Teaching others, even in our failures, is part of effective mentorship. #TeachAndLearn #LeadershipDevelopment #Mentorship"

"Embracing the uncertainties of mentorship is where growth truly begins. #EmbraceUncertainty #GrowthMindset #MentorshipJourney"

"Mentoring involves taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone. #TakeRisks #ComfortZone #MentorshipMatters"

"Mentoring is about guiding, supporting, and empowering others to reach their potential. #EmpowerOthers #PotentialUnleashed #Mentorship"

"Mentoring is a calling to make a lasting impact on someone's life. #MakingAnImpact #LifeChanging #MentorshipJourney"

"It's okay for mentees to outgrow your knowledge - it's a sign of successful mentorship. #OutgrowYourMentor #SuccessInMentorship"

Key Take Aways

1. Mentoring is about investing in the lives of others.

2. It is normal to feel fear and insecurity when starting out as a mentor.

3. It is important to challenge yourself to grow and learn more as a mentor.

4. Mentoring is about being a leader of leaders.

5. It is natural to fear not meeting the expectations of the person being mentored.

6. It is important to have open discussions with the mentee in order to understand their expectations.

7. Mentoring involves taking risks and being vulnerable.

8. It is unrealistic to expect to meet all the expectations of the mentee.

9. It is natural for the mentee to outgrow your knowledge and material, and that's a good thing.

10. Being a mentor involves teaching even in your failures and shortcomings.

11. Some mentees may not respect or value your knowledge, and that's okay.

12. It is important to continually grow and not become stagnant as a mentor.

13. Some mentees may not take your advice seriously, and it's part of the mentoring process.

14. Mentoring involves stepping into the personal lives of the mentees and providing guidance.

15. It is possible to lose the trust or respect of the mentee, and it's a risk to take.

16. Mistakes can and will be made in the process of mentoring, and that's okay.

17. It is possible for mentees not to achieve their goals, and it's part of the process.

18. Mentoring involves working to prevent the mentee from becoming too dependent on you.

19. Conflicts may arise in the mentor-mentee relationship, and that's normal.

20. It is essential to approach mentoring with a servant mindset.

21. It is possible for mentees to take advantage of your time and resources.

22. Mentoring involves dealing with the emotional needs of the mentees.

23. The contributions of a mentor may not always be recognized or appreciated.

24. Mentoring involves taking a chance on people, even if there are fears and risks involved.

25.

Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter,
about mentoring and not just,you know, the regular country of
the week and Bible verse of theweek and biography, though we

(00:22):
will definitely continue doingthat because I want to put all
the tools into your hands that Ipossibly can for the honor and
the glory and the kingdom of ourGod.
So I'm excited about doing that.
But currently, you know, thiswill be the I think the third in
the series where I'm talking toyou about mentoring, and so
today I'm coming to not stepsand questions you know that's

(00:46):
what it was last time steps tobecoming a mentor, questions you
might have, and I've alreadydiscussed what mentoring was,
and so today I want to talk toyou about the fears that you
might have as you start steppingout into mentoring.
Now, obviously, these are fearsthat you would never mention
out loud, you probably wouldn'tverbally express them, but they

(01:09):
might at least cross your heartand your mind because, to be
honest with you, it is riskybecoming a mentor and how do you
go about it and how do you getinvolved, and we're going to try
to discuss all of that indifferent sessions.
So I hope that if you'reenjoying this, you'll share it,
you'll give a like and you'llgive us a report on what you

(01:34):
think of it.
I'd love to hear from you tosee what you're thinking.
But let me just give you somefears that I think are inherent,
natural for us when we'rebeginning a ministry of
mentoring, of training other men.
You know we're not just leaders, we are leaders of leaders.

(01:54):
So I think a number one fearjust might be that maybe I'm not
able to provide adequateguidance or support.
It's not that you don't want tomentor, but you look at
yourself and you feel like maybeyou don't have what it takes to
be a mentor.
Well, I just want to tell youthat I know that that's a normal

(02:17):
fear.
It is one I have faced in thepast and I think it's a right
fear and a good fear, because weought to respect what we're
doing.
This isn't just something fly bythe night, we'll get her done.
This is a working in a mannerof one's life to help them,

(02:37):
whether in your business or inthe ministry, as a missionary or
pastor.
And so you know, are youcapable?
I believe you are, but Ibelieve you and I both can
always be learning more.
So there are good podcasts foryou to listen to and books to be
read and audible versions ofthe same book, and you might

(02:59):
want to get involved in that,and so I just like to challenge
you to grow.
In other words, yes, I knowit's stretching and that's why
you're a little bit nervous, butlet's stretch.
You only got one life to live.
You only got one life to liveto accomplish anything for Jesus
, and you don't want to wastethis life that he's given you,
and so step out and work ondoing that.

(03:21):
I think another fear is thatmaybe I won't meet the person's
expectations, maybe the menteewill expect more of me than I'm
able to provide, and again, Ibelieve that is a very
reasonable fear.
And so you know you want tohave a discussion when you're
getting started, when you'regetting started, and you need to

(03:49):
be aware of the fact that beinga mentor in many ways means
you're going to be used, you'regoing to be taken advantage of,
you're going to put yourself outthere and they're going to take
all you know, bleed you dry andmove on.
Now I don't say that to benegative, that's actually sort
of positive, you know, becauseas you learn and grow, or as
they learn and grow, they'llstep out and go do ministry and

(04:13):
so maybe you can't, as thematter said, you won't meet all
the expectations.
It's impossible for you to meetall the expectations.
You can't be good enough, youcan't be perfect enough.
You know Jesus could live withthose guys day and night and
they could see him in themorning or at night, when he was

(04:34):
hungry, when he was full.
They could see him when hisbody might have been feeling a
little tired or sick and he wasfine, but he was not like me.
You know you're going to getirritable and griping, you're
going to say things youshouldn't say, and even that's a
part of mentoring.
They're even going to see youhave disputes with your wife or

(04:55):
your children, but in all ofthat you've got to be thinking.
Even in my failures I can teachthem what to think and do and
how to handle that.
So it's not necessarily adeterrent.
Another fear is that the mentee,the person being trained, won't
respect or value your knowledge.

(05:18):
And again, these are logical,reasonable fears and many times
they won't.
These are logical, reasonablefears and many times they won't.
Many times, you know, I had astudent arrive in Peru who
didn't speak Spanish and withina week he told me he spoke
Spanish better than I did andI'd already started a dozen

(05:38):
churches and preached all overthe country.
And you know, he was just acocky little guy, but that's
kind of a common occurrence andyou're just going to have to get
used to it.
You know, do I really want toadmit that I need you that much?
And so sometimes they can act alittle bit.
What shall we call that?
Standoffish or better than, andthey won't value.

(06:03):
Others will have a greatrespect for you.
Then there's always a problemthat the mentee will outgrow
your knowledge and outgrow yourmaterial and what you know how
to give them.
And again, I think that's goingto happen.
But that's good.
You know, my children needed medesperately when they were two
and three.
They still needed me a lot whenthey were six and eight, but

(06:24):
they could dress themselves.
Two and three, they stillneeded me a lot when they were
six and eight, but they coulddress themselves and feed
themselves.
They still needed me at 15 and16, but they were soon driving a
car and able to go places ontheir own.
And then one day they walkedout of the house, went down an
aisle, got married to a personand started a whole new life and
they didn't need me.
Now they need me for advice andthey'll talk to me a little bit

(06:46):
.
But the truth is, isn't that thegoal of life?
To get people prepared to stepout on their own, to stand on
their own and to live life anddo that?
So they're probably going tooutgrow you.
But can I remind you that youconstantly want to be growing.
Don't ever be satisfied withwhat you know.
Don't be satisfied with whereyou are.

(07:07):
You have not arrived until youdie.
And so, till the day we die,let's keep chasing Jesus and the
high calling and learn all wecan from the Bible and all we
can from others, and all we canto do more and more for the
cause of Jesus Christ.
So they may outgrow you.
There's no doubt about that,and some of them won't take your

(07:29):
advice seriously.
You know and you'll lay out.
I mean it feels like you'relaying out pearls before swine,
because you'll lay out the bestyou know and they're not going
to listen to you.
But again, reasonable fear, butkind of to be expected.
I don't mean this to deter youor stop you, but they are going

(07:52):
to treat you kind of like acafeteria.
You know they're going to pickand choose what they want and
some of them are going to likeyou and quit liking you and some
of them are going to half likeyou and then start liking you.
So you just really got to catchon to the fact that, yeah,
they're not always going to takeyour advice seriously.
Then you might fear well, I'mgetting too nosy and getting

(08:14):
into their life too much and ofcourse I really believe that
that's reasonable.
You know it's easy to get tooinvolved in their life but at
the same time, if they've agreedwith you that they want to be
mentored and you see an area intheir life that needs you,
you're going to have to risk it.
Being a mentor is a riskybusiness and you know it's risky

(08:38):
to say, hey, that's not the wayto talk to your wife.
I was in a country one time,traveling outside the United
States of America, and I waswith a young missionary and his
wife and all the missionarywives were wanting to go to the
store and they all had money andcredit cards.
But this missionary didn't givehis wife credit cards or money

(09:00):
and if she wanted to spend anymoney she had to ask him for the
money.
And she was quite embarrassed.
But she said let me go ask myhusband if I can go, and let me
go ask my husband if I can havesome money.
And so I saw that and I waiteda little while and I called him
up and said man, that was justentirely out of place.
You don't want that to be theway your wife feels about you.

(09:20):
You don't want it to be.
It's y'all together.
It's not your money and she hasto come begging you for it.
So please get that.
I was with another mister in adifferent time, in a different
country, and his wife spentthree dollars, without asking
him, buying a basket, and heblew his stack.

(09:41):
I was in a mentor position withhim.
So I bit my tongue, looked atthe floor and waited for the
storm to blow over.
But when you're a mentor andyou're working with somebody,
you're not going to want to dothat.
You're going to really want totalk to them.
And then how many times do Isee a missionary?
You know I try to teach ouryoung men that I've trained, you

(10:03):
need to be at home three nightsa week by seven o'clock, and I
know you might not necessarilyagree with that, but if you
don't, if a man doesn't get homeand spend time with his wife
and children, when I see amissionary that's not hanging
around his wife, I get nervous.
When I see a person who's notgot a great relationship and I
know this is, I'm not in thesecular workplace but the most

(10:26):
important relationship you haveon the planet after Jesus ought
to be your wife.
So you're going to have to getin there and talk to them, and
that's a little bit hard, andyou're going to be wondering am
I overstepping my bounds?
Am I taking this too far?
Then I think another one is wemight lose the mentee's trust or
respect, and I think that is avery possible thing to happen.

(10:49):
It's very dangerous and wedon't want it to happen, but yet
we all know that it is possible, that it might happen, and so I
just want to say to you youcan't let what might happen stop
you, and while one may notrespect you and one may not love
you and one may not believe inyou, another will, and so I'd

(11:11):
like to challenge you toconsider that and bear that in
mind.
So you might lose respect, butyou got to take the chance.
You know, when I was in collegeit was a kind of a corny lesson
, I guess, but it sure helped me.
I was the first year I was inthe dorms and it was a brand new
thing to me to be in dorms andnot with my family.

(11:33):
And one of the guys in the dormthat was a couple of years
older gave a devotional and hesaid you know, if you stick out
your hand and feed the dog andthe dog bites your hand, you
can't quit feeding the dog.
And then he said now I say thatto say to you that many times

(11:54):
they will bite the hand thatfeeds them.
But you're not doing it for you, You're doing it for them.
And he said and you can't quitjust because you might get hurt,
and you can't hide becausesomebody might attack you and
that's obviously very possiblefor it to happen.
So I just want to tell youdon't hang back, go ahead and

(12:19):
hang in there and you may losesome respect, but I think you'll
gain some other respect.
Now you may think, well, I mightmake some big mistakes, or my
mentee might, and they have.
I have watched marriages fallapart, you know, and I was doing

(12:40):
everything I could to talk tothem about it.
I've watched the craziestthings happen.
I've counseled people that werepeople I had been training and
worked with for years and loved,and one's on one end of the
couch and the other's on theother end of the couch and
they're in a different countryand we're talking via Zoom and
they can't talk to each other.
They hate each other, or shepacks her bags and leaves in the

(13:03):
night.
But you can't quit.
You've got to be there andyou've got to help people and
you've got to love people andyou've got to be there for them.
They may make mistakes.
I think Peter denying Jesusthree times was a massive
mistake, don't you?
But Jesus didn't quit on him.
Jesus actually came back andtold him he loved him and

(13:31):
brought him back in.
Maybe the others wouldn't have,but Jesus did.
Maybe you don't think they willachieve their goals.
You know you're trying to helpthem and they won't, and that's
a reasonable fear.
And I'll be honest with you.
It's going to happen quite abit.
There will be people thatyou'll be working with and they
just will not grow.

(13:52):
They will not accept it.
They'll go just so far andthey'll quit.
But that's not yourresponsibility.
Your responsibility is to takethem as far as you can, and then
it's up to them to continue onif they will.
And if they decide not to,that's fine.
Well, it's not fine I shouldn'tsay it that way but there's
nothing you can do about it.

(14:13):
So just keep on helping them toachieve the goals that they
have.
Now you might think, well, theymight become way too dependent
on me and I think some mightoccasionally.
But then that's part of yourjob, isn't it?
You know, when your childrenare small and they want you to
carry them, you know what you do.

(14:33):
One day you just say I'm notcarrying anymore, and you slowly
let them start walking.
You let them brush their ownteeth, you let them tie their
own shoes, you let them put ontheir own clothes, you let them
do their own homework.
And so slowly, you got to knowthat from day one, you're
training the guy for him toleave, and so that means you're

(14:55):
going to work at not letting himbecome dependent on you.
Now, are there going to beconflicts?
I really think you're justgoing to have to.
I know you're afraid of themand you don't want that to
happen, but you're going to saysomething that hurts their
feelings or they're going to saysomething that hurts your
feelings, but I don't know ofvery many relationships where
there's not some hurt feelings.
I know this generation tends toseem to take it way too far,

(15:19):
but if you'd be honest and think, in your own marriage there's
been hurt feelings, things saidthat shouldn't have been said,
there have been things you saidthat you shouldn't have said and
we've hurt each other.
But if there's somebody getshurt or if there's a
disagreement, then you just gotto get up and decide we're going
to continue on and we're goingto keep on loving each other.

(15:43):
Now you might think well, I wantto keep a professional
relationship.
You know, in Spanish we use theword usted.
That's the formal, that's likesaying yes, sir.
And then informal is likesaying too.
But can I say to you that Jesussaid don't call any man rabbi.
Jesus said, if you recall, hesaid don't call anybody teacher.

(16:04):
Jesus said be a servant.
And so I know sometimes, youknow you want to be called Dr
Bottle Stopper and you want tobe highly regarded and respected
.
You want to be called Dr BottleStopper and you want to be
highly regarded and respected,but you've got to quit being
father and become daddy.
You know, you've just got tomove into a position that says

(16:26):
you are my beloved son and Ilove you.
So I would just challenge youto consider that Now.
Maybe they won't value your time.
Isn't that a possibility?
I think that's true, and Ithink sometimes they'll just
come into your office andthey'll talk about junk and they

(16:46):
won't be really there to learn.
They just want to hang out withyou.
Well, you know, really,mentoring is not about hanging
out, it's not about spendingtime.
It's about investing time, andso I want to say to you that you
will learn how to work withpeople and help them overcome
that, so that they don't justuse your time.

(17:07):
But you're going to know thatthey are going to, and there
ought to be times that maybeyou're in the boat traveling and
you go to sleep and the stormcomes and you wake up and help
teach them.
Our master did that, so don'tworry about it.
Sometimes they're going to takeadvantage of your time and
that's going to be part of it.
Maybe they've got emotionalneeds.

(17:29):
Can I tell you that everybody'sgoing to come to you.
I had one guy come.
He was largely overweight andhad a major insecurity problem
about it, and so we were sittingin my living room one day and I
looked at him.
I said you know?
I said you've let you beatyourself up and you've allowed
this to affect everything inyour life.
I said but can I tell you, yourdaughter doesn't see you as

(17:51):
being overweight, she just seesyou as daddy and the person she
loves.
She's not old enough yet tomake those judgment calls that
you get when you maybe turn intoyour teenage years.
And so I just want to tell youyou're helping people wherever
they are, whatever's going on intheir lives, and they're not
disposable, they're notthrowaways.

(18:14):
When I was a kid, you had to paya deposit on a Coke bottle and
then, when you bought anotherCoke bottle, you could either
bring another Coke.
You could either bring the oldbottle or you could pay money
for a new one, because it was.
You know, deposit and return,and today it's no deposit, no
return.
People are of no value either,and you just throw people away

(18:36):
instead of trying to love themand help them, and that is not
who you ought to be.
If you're going to be doingthis, you're going to have to
have a different attitude.
You're going to have to work atdoing something different than
that.
Now.
They may not recognize yourcontributions.
I think that is a massiveproblem that we end up having.

(18:57):
I just want you to know it's amassive issue because they don't
appreciate you and I know thatis terribly horrible and,
believe me, I've had them notappreciate me a million times.
But you're just going to haveto realize you are a servant and

(19:17):
hardly ever do we respect theservant, hardly ever do we care
what the servant's feeling andthat's who we are and they may
negatively affect your life.
I think you want to know that.
I think you might be wonderingwell, what happens if they
attack me?
What happens if they will?
Maybe they did to Paul, theydid to Jesus and they probably

(19:41):
will to you, and so you're justgoing to have to know.
I used to tell the guys when Iwas working with them very
closely.
I said Jesus had 1 and 12 gobad.
You're probably going to have11 and 12 go bad.
You're going to keep one, andthat may sound pretty negative,
but isn't it true?
You and I just don't measure up.
We're not Jesus and we're notable to do everything that Jesus

(20:05):
is able to do.
So you will work on them, youwill help them, they will grow,
but you're going to be takenadvantage of.
I think that's a fear.
Won't they exploit me?
Won't they take advantage of me?
Won't they use me?
And my answer is yes, verydefinitely.

(20:26):
Yes, you know, the rich man hasmany friends, and as long as
they know that they can get helpfrom you, they will be your
best friend.
But maybe, when they get all thehelp they want, they won't be
that kind of friend.
But then isn't that what we'recalled to do?
Aren't we called to help peopleand love people and grow people

(20:48):
?
And so, even if they takeadvantage of us, even if they
don't follow through on theircommitments, even if they
mistreat us, we're just going tohave to go on.
We're just going to have tofollow through.

(21:09):
And so I want to challenge youwith that attitude.
They may not give back, theymay take more than they give and
they may walk away the second.
They don't need you.
But again, that's what peoplehave done to Jesus.
That's what I've done to himmore than once, and you too, if

(21:31):
you're honest, we've not alwayslived up to what we ought to be.
We don't reciprocate.
You can't reciprocate.
I mean, how in the world do youever reciprocate to Jesus?
So those are some fears I thinkthat you might feel when you
start out as a mentor and you'rewondering what's going to
happen.
So I want to tell you thatthese are reasonable and logical

(21:55):
fears.
I haven't mentioned all of them,but I think I've touched on
enough for you to get the idea,and I think you ought to realize
that it is risky being a mentor.
It is dangerous, and that'swhat we'll talk about the next
time is the dangers of mentoring, because there are dangers.
But, at the same time, goingout to try to tell somebody

(22:18):
about Jesus is risky.
Starting a church is risky.
Planning churches is risky.
Giving money is risky.
Everything we do in life costs.
If it's of any value, it costs.
And so you and I have got to getin our heads We've got to get
in our minds that we are goingto take a chance on people.
Take a chance on people anddon't let the fact that you've

(22:42):
been hurt in the past keep youfrom stepping out to help again.
Help even if you've been hurtand do something for Jesus that
brings real value to the kingdom.
Don't let your fears.
Jesus has not given us a spiritof fear, but of love and power
and a strong mind.
Raise your shield of faith andcatch those fiery darts in the

(23:07):
shield and stand for Jesus soyou can become a mentor.
And I know you have some fearsabout it and I just hope that
you'll understand.
It is well worth it.
It is well worth it.
I have been mentoring for many,many years and I will not quit.
I will not stop.
I find it to be the mostrewarding part of my life and I

(23:30):
have been hurt.
I have been deeply hurt.
I've been mistreated, I've beenaccused.
It doesn't matter.
You're not in this for that.
You're in this to make adifference for the kingdom of
Jesus Christ.
Well, thank you very much forlistening today and I hope that
it has been a blessing to you.
If it has, I wish you'd give usa like and do some sharing and

(23:52):
invite other people to listen.
I wish you'd give us a like anddo some sharing and invite
other people to listen, and Iwant to see God add value to you
through these little talks thatwe're having.
And if there's anything I cando for you.
I wish you'd get in touch withme.
I'd love to hear from you.
I'd love to get an email or atext, and all of that's
available, all of my information.
All you've got to do is go towaustongardenercom and you can

(24:14):
get in touch, but I want you toknow I love you and I believe in
you and I'm here for you.
If there's anything I can do,I'd love to do it.
So this has been WorldEvangelism Podcast and I'm your
host, austin Gardner, thankingyou so much for being with us
today.
God bless you.