April 27, 2024 • 26 mins
"A mentor is someone who sees more talent and ability within you than you see in yourself and brings it out of you." - Bob Proctor
"Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction." - John Crosby
"If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else." - Booker T. Washington
"Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon and the deeper it sinks into the mind." - Samuel Taylor
Key Take Aways
- It's not really just about teaching trade secrets. It's about caring about the person, knowing their weaknesses and strengths.
- We're not users, we're givers. We're not taking advantage, we're trying to help others.
- Being transparent is vulnerable. It lets people see you as you really are.
- Communication is not what I said, it's what they heard.
- Help them know it's safe to ask you questions. Let them know they can feel comfortable being vulnerable in front of you.
- Ask questions, don't make assumptions, because everybody's journey is unique.
- In 2 Timothy 2, the apostle Paul told Timothy: now, Timothy, what you've heard me say in front of a lot of people, I want you to go find some other people that you can say it to, and I want you to find people that can tell others what you're saying. So I'm going to teach you to teach others.
Have you ever glimpsed the untapped potential in someone, itching to guide them towards realizing it? Join me, Austin Gardner, as I recount the transformative experiences of mentoring, from young men in Peru to the leaders in the States. This episode is an intimate look at the reciprocal enrichment of both mentor and mentee—where seeing and fostering hidden promise nurtures a legacy that transcends generations. I lay bare the cornerstone of mentorship: mutual growth, a journey we embark on together, challenging and supporting each other to be our best selves. It's about more than just advice; it's about forming connections that forge stronger individuals and communities.
We also unravel the threads of authenticity and vulnerability that are essential to building lasting mentor-mentee bonds. Let's learn from the trials of Charles Spurgeon and draw inspiration from "The Dream Giver," understanding how to balance encouragement with the necessary push beyond comfort zones. Throughout our dialogue, we recognize the role of an active listener and probe the depths of what it truly means to stand by someone's side as they confront and conquer their fears. This is more than a podcast—it's a guide to becoming an indispensable pillar in someone's life, where the act of mentoring becomes a symbiotic dance of growth and fulfillment. So, come along and find out how you can leave an indelible mark on the hearts and minds of those you guide, shaping a support system that resonates t
Thanks for listening. Find us on YouTube, Substack, Twitter, Linked
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
W. Austin Gardner (00:00):
This is Austin Gardner and I want to
welcome you to the WorldEvangelism Podcast.
This is a special edition.
I want to be talking to youtoday about mentoring and you
know, usually I come to you withthe country and the person and
the book and all of that.
But because I know that I alsohave people listening that are
(00:25):
missionaries and pastors, andI'm so excited I get to talk to
you.
I want to add value, I want tobe a very valuable part of your
life and your ministry, and so Ijust want to talk to you today
about mentoring.
I've spent my life mentoringyoung men.
I mentored hundreds of youngmen in the country of Peru, and
(00:48):
then I've mentored dozens ofyoung men in the United States
of America, and God has greatlyblessed that part of my ministry
, and I know He'll do that inyour life, and I've had people
ask me over the years how do yougo about doing that?
And so I thought I would sitdown and just kind of share with
you some things I'd like tostart off with, I guess, maybe
(01:10):
one of the most basic things ofall.
Let me just give you somequotes that I just think are
awesome.
You know, the one is the BibleIron sharpens iron, and so you
know, it's not that you'rebetter, you're the same quality,
you're the same person, bothiron, both children of God, both
serving God.
(01:31):
But one helps the other.
But here's some good ones.
I like this one by Bob ProctorA mentor is someone who sees
more talent and ability withinyou than you see in yourself and
brings it out of you.
That's got to be an all-timeclassic.
(01:51):
A mentor is someone who seesmore talent and ability within
you than you see in yourself andhelps bring it out.
I don't know if I could havefound a better quote than that
one in it.
It's just a tremendous idea.
You understand, mentorshipempowers you to impart your
legacy.
It allows you to teach someoneelse, to pick up and carry
(02:16):
forward what you could never doin one single lifetime.
And so you want to be a mentor.
And mentoring is like.
This is another good quote byJohn Crosby mentoring is a brain
to pick, an ear to listen and apush in the right direction.
(02:36):
How about that?
Mentoring is a brain to pick,an ear to listen and a push in
the right direction.
Ear to listen and a push in theright direction.
And so you know you want tospend time helping other people,
and I'm going to try to giveyou some steps to take in doing
that.
And then I want to give yousome questions that you'll
(02:56):
discuss, and you'll be able tofind this in the transcript also
of the program.
I love Booker T Washington.
Last quote of the day, booker TWashington said quote of the
day Booker T Washington said ifyou want to lift yourself up,
lift up someone else.
How about that?
If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.
That's really Bible, isn't it?
Isn't that really what Bible isabout?
(03:18):
We're to esteem the otherbetter than ourselves.
What a tremendous quote.
Now let me just give you somesteps.
The number one thing if you wantto mentor people, is that
you're going to have to have agenuine interest in them, and
you got to get to know them on apersonal level.
Now I'm really talking topastors and missionaries, but
(03:41):
this works in business also.
You know, it's not really justabout teaching trade secrets.
It's about caring about theperson.
It's about knowing them andknowing who they are, knowing
their weaknesses and theirstrengths, knowing how they
react under pressure, how theyreact when they're fun.
But you get to know them andyou're genuinely interested in
(04:04):
them.
That brings the quote up tomind.
You know, we don't use people.
We don't use people to buildour ministry.
We don't use people to buildour business.
We use our ministry to buildpeople.
We use our business to buildpeople.
In other words, it's theopposite.
(04:26):
We're not users, we're givers.
We're not taking advantage,we're trying to help others.
Now, if you're going to mentor,what you're going to have to do,
what you're going to have towork on, is you're going to have
to build trust, and you do thatby being transparent.
I will just tell you beingtransparent is vulnerable.
(04:48):
It makes you vulnerable.
It lets people see you as youreally are.
It lets them pick up on yourflaws.
I heard a long time ago afamous preacher say don't ever
let your church people get toknow you, because they'll see
that you have feet of clay.
And then he used the comment,which is you know, it's a true
adage familiarity breedscontempt.
(05:11):
That's not who we are andthat's not who we want to be.
That's not who we are andthat's not who we want to be.
If you're going to mentor, it'smore like you know, it's the
advanced level of discipleship.
This isn't new member stuff.
It's Jesus and 12 guys.
It's Jesus with life, on life,discipleship, spending time with
(05:34):
those men and sharing his life.
They saw him on the earlymorning and the late night when
he was rested, when he was tiredand when he was hungry.
And don't forget, jesus was100% human.
He was 100% human.
And then I'd like to throw inabove that Jesus saw them and he
knew them and he was genuinelyinterested in them as people.
(06:00):
Can I just say to you we want tobuild trust.
That means you've got to tellthe truth.
That means you've got to seebeyond surface issues.
I like to tell people seebeyond the skin and beyond the
sin.
See beyond the skin and seebeyond the sin.
You see if you saw the person,if you really saw who they were.
(06:22):
This works for missionaries,because sometimes missionaries
can have a superiority complex.
They can feel like that theyare from a superior country, a
superior Bible knowledge andsuperior morality and they don't
see people as people and theycan't be objects, they can't be
(06:42):
some ministry tool.
They need to be genuine peopleand we're going to have to build
trust so they believe they cantrust us, they believe that we
love them, they believe that weare genuinely interested in them
, then I'd like to tell you thatto mentor, you're going to have
to practice active listeningNow.
(07:04):
You're going to have topractice active listening Now.
You know what that means.
I guess I'm going to assumethat you do.
But active listening meansyou're not preparing what you're
going to say while the otherperson's talking.
You know, many times we're notreally listening.
We're not really listening.
What we're doing is we arethinking of what we're going to
(07:25):
say.
That's not listening.
That's almost arguing.
It's the one-up story.
It is me being a little bitbetter than you.
That's the old I walked on themoon story.
Whatever story you tell, I'vegot to have one better.
No, let's practice activelistening.
(07:49):
Active listening, that meansthat you start asking open-end
questions.
See, you need to understandtheir goals.
You need to understand whattheir challenges are.
You need to understand it fromtheir perspective, because none
of us are alike, but all of usare special, because God made
you exactly like you are, and soyou don't want to try to force
(08:10):
somebody else into the samecubbyhole you're in and to being
just like you.
You want to listen to thembecause you're genuinely
interested in them, and when youdo that.
That's going to build trust.
We've already talked about that.
Now I think sometimes this maybe alarming to pastors and
missionaries, but they need toknow you're not going to get mad
(08:33):
and make them feeluncomfortable when they ask
questions.
Sometimes our people are likewe're like, if you ask that
question, I will shoot you.
If you ask that question, I'mgoing to slap you down.
And so the mentee is afraid tosay, afraid to question, afraid
(08:57):
to make.
It's what he's thinking.
You know what ends up happening.
He goes back to his house, hisfriends, the dorm room or
wherever it is, and they talkabout it anyway, but without
your wisdom.
So they need to know it's safeto ask you questions.
They need to know that they canfeel comfortable being
(09:19):
vulnerable in front of you.
They need to be able to sharetheir concerns.
And are you ready?
They need to be able to sharetheir concerns and are you ready
?
They need to be able to sharetheir doubts If they're going to
discuss with you.
You know why do we do this, andmaybe I'm not sure that's right.
You shouldn't get defensive,but you should lovingly help
(09:39):
them and I'll tell you the truth.
They're going to help you grow.
They're going to help youunderstand more what you need to
be doing in your life to be thebetter leader, because it's a
two-way street.
It's iron sharpening iron andthem helping you.
So I would like to ask you tohelp them always know they can
(10:01):
say anything they want to sayand ask anything, and you're
going to love them when it'sover.
You're not going to get mad.
Now what's our stand on anyissue Gender, homosexuality.
Don't fight, don't get angry.
Abortion, but help them see itand be patient with them.
(10:21):
Be patient and they don't catchthings as quickly as you and
they don't understand, like you,and they haven't lived the life
you've lived.
And you're helping them catchup to speed and gain speed and
get up to where you are andthey're years behind you.
So you're going to be patientwith them.
(10:42):
You're going to move at thespeed of the flock.
You remember when Jacob said ifI overdrive them in one day
I'll kill them.
You don't want to do that.
That's not who you are andthat's not what you're going to
do.
So when you give advice to theguy you're mentoring, you need
(11:04):
to be real careful, to be softand gentle and slow in the
giving of advice.
I like a quote that I read fromSamuel Taylor.
He said advice is like snow thesofter it falls, the longer it
dwells upon and the deeper itsinks into the mind.
(11:24):
And so when you're going togive advice, you want to not be
don't dump it all.
Not a truckload, not atruckload, not a bunch of
information.
You give a little bit and yougive it today and you give more,
but then you pause and you say,well, tell me what you really
think about that.
You see, it's not when you'recommunicating, it's not what
you're saying, it's what they'rehearing, and they don't always
(11:49):
hear what you think you'resaying.
Well, you can say, no, I knowwhat I said, but see,
communication is not what I said, it's what they heard.
And so we're going to have towork on that with them and help
them get that kind of clear andkind of straight in their own
mind.
Let them share their thoughts,let them tell you what they
think.
Now I think maybe one of thetougher parts of being a mentor
(12:12):
is you really got to feel whatthey feel.
You know, you got to understandthem.
And they're not from ourgeneration.
I mean, I come from a verytough generation that followed
the even tougher generation.
I come from a home wherediscipline was far different
than it is today and work.
I come from a home wherediscipline was far different
than it is today and work.
I come from a home where I gotup every morning and milked a
(12:35):
cow at 530 in the morning.
I milked the cow when I gothome from school.
I come from a home where I hadto work hard most every day of
my life.
It taught me a great deal.
I am not complaining, but theworld today may not be like the
world that you grew up in, andso they're going to be different
.
They're going to thinkdifferently and they're going to
(12:56):
need you to be careful, to helpthem and to feel a
vulnerability, a caring aboutthem.
So you got to learn to feel forthem.
We didn't deal with pornographyin a big way when I was a kid.
If you wanted to look atpornography, you didn't flip on
(13:16):
a cell phone.
There wasn't such a thing.
You had to go to a store in alittle town where the guy knew
your dad.
Then you had to walk over to acertain corner of the store and
you had to pull the cover offthe magazine.
And, to be blunt, honest withyou.
I don't know that I ever didthat.
I only saw pornography when mycousins brought it to family
reunions because it was hard toget to.
(13:37):
I don't remember homosexualitybeing anything, hardly ever
discussed.
It's a different world.
So feel for them and understandthem.
Now here comes a strong truththat might help Ask, don't
assume, no assumptions allowed.
(14:00):
Ask questions, not assumptions,because everybody's journey is
unique and let curiosity guideyou.
So you want to ask questions,you need to know their needs,
you need to know theirperspectives, you need to know
their experiences, you need toknow where they come from, and
so what you want to do is notmake assumptions.
(14:23):
Now, making assumptions reallymakes a chump out of both of you
, because you don't know whattheir answer is and they don't
know, and nobody knows what'sgoing on here, because we're
jumping to conclusions, andthat's something that we don't
want to do.
Now, I've only got a couplemore of these and I'm going to
(14:45):
share some questions with you,but you're going to share your
journey, but you're not going toshare the glory of your journey
.
You're going to share the truejourney, your personal
experiences.
You're going to share yoursuccesses, but you're going to
share your failures.
They need to see you as agenuine, real person.
(15:05):
Remember trust.
They need to know that you arelike them.
You remember Jesus was temptedin all points, like as we.
That's what the bible said.
In other words, jesus temptedjust like I am.
Well, he didn't sin, but I doand I fail and I'm human and I
mess up.
And they need to know that.
They learn valuable lessonsfrom that.
(15:28):
Um, I mean, charles spurgeonused to fight strong bouts of
depression.
He did that so much one time,worried about money, that one of
his men brought over a bunch ofmoney and said I want to leave
this over here, these papersthat would give you a lot of
money to help you if you're introuble and it's yours to use.
(15:49):
And Spurgeon would not use itand gave it back eventually.
But he said you know, it was agreat comfort knowing that you
didn't just say it, it wasavailable, it was truly
available.
So you want to share thejourney.
I know that because Spurgeonput that in his material.
I know that because it'swritten up and I read it in a
book.
So share your journey.
(16:09):
They learn valuable lessons fromwatching you and listening to
you and then celebrateachievements.
You know, when they raise somesupport or preach their first
message or win their first soulto Christ or read their Bible
from cover to cover, when theywrite their first blog article,
when they design their webpage,they need encouragement, they
(16:35):
need to be celebrated.
Doesn't matter how small theaccomplishment is, we all need
to be celebrated.
Isn't it amazing that you can'tplay American football without
cheerleaders?
Isn't that amazing?
Big old, solid, big-sized menneed cheerleaders.
Isn't that amazing?
Big old, solid, big size menneed cheerleaders.
We all need cheerleaders.
(16:56):
I really think one of the mainthings that God did when he gave
me a wife was give me abuilt-in cheerleader, somebody
who would believe in me andsomebody who would think highly
of me.
So I want to challenge you tocelebrate with them.
Now.
My last statement, before we goto a few questions you could ask
, is this you got to encouragethem to step outside of their
(17:19):
comfort zone.
They got to try new things.
Oh, there's a great book calledthe Dream Giver and I will try
to put a link to that in thenotes so you can get the Dream
Giver.
I love that book because it'sabout a guy named Ordinary who
lived in a town called Familiarand when the city limit sign was
(17:40):
the comfort zone and to stepout and do whatever he was
called to do, he had to stepoutside of his comfort zone.
I love that book.
It's one of my favorites.
I typically read it at leastonce a year.
So here's what you got to do.
You got to help them.
Now, they can't jump off to themoon at one time, but every
time they step out of theircomfort zone, maybe it's public
(18:00):
prayer, maybe it is a testimony,maybe it is a five minute
message, maybe it's going soulwinning with you and taking
their turn to share.
But you want to help them stepout of their comfort zone.
So I've tried to give you a fewpoints and some good quotes.
Now, in mentoring, you got tospend a lot of time listening.
(18:24):
You remember active listening,and so you got to learn to ask
questions that cause them totalk to you.
It's not about you talking tothem.
You're not their teacher.
A teacher might stand in frontof the class and give
information, but you're a mentorand you share life together
Life on life, discipleship.
(18:46):
So here's a good question whatare your long-term and your
short-term goals?
Who do you want to be?
What is your goal in life?
What goals have you set foryourself?
Then listen, what steps haveyou taken working towards those
goals?
What barriers are hindering you?
How could I maybe help you getto the goals that you feel like
(19:07):
God has for your life?
And so they need to knowsomebody's coming alongside.
In a way, we're kind of workinglike the comforter, the Holy
Spirit.
We are coming alongside to giveguidance.
We're not the Holy Spirit.
That's not what I meant, butI'm just saying thank God, I'm
not alone in this world.
So what are their obstacles?
(19:28):
What's hindering them?
What are their challenges?
What strategies have theydeveloped to overcome these
challenges?
How are they navigating,addressing these issues in their
life, because we're all goingto face them.
Another question would be haveyou had any significant
(19:49):
achievements or milestones thatmade you feel better?
And help them just enjoy for amoment the glory they can enjoy,
just for a few minutes maybe,but they ought to know.
You know what they did, and soyou have them share
accomplishments and you brag onthem and you're thankful for
them and you're happy that God'sdoing something in their life
(20:12):
and you help them learn tocapitalize on it and move on to
the next thing.
Ask them?
What drives your passion?
You know, what do you reallylike?
What are you enjoying doing?
What are you trying toaccomplish, and what just wakes
you up in the morning and keepsyou alive and keeps you living?
(20:34):
How does that line up with whatyou've believed to be your
calling?
That's what you want to talk tothem about.
Just a few more.
How can I help you step out ofyour comfort zone?
Just talk to me now.
Name some of your fears andsome of your reservations.
Let me hear what's hinderingyou and maybe I got some insight
(20:58):
.
Or maybe I can walk through thedoor with you, or maybe I can
be there for you.
I want to be your cheerleader.
I want to be there with you.
I want to be your cheerleader.
I want to be there with you.
What do you need to know?
What do you need to know?
What skills or knowledge shouldI be helping you get and
accomplish so that you could beall you want to be?
Just tell me what are yourpriorities in life, what are you
(21:23):
setting up as your future, yourneeds, what it's you're looking
for?
Let me help you line that up toaccomplish the goals that
you've set.
How about this one?
How are we going to cope withfailures and setbacks?
And you need to help themunderstand there are going to be
(21:43):
failures and setbacks and youneed to help them understand
there are going to be failuresand setbacks and they need to
know John Maxwell's writtengreat books about failure
failing forward.
I'll put a link to that.
But you ought to help themlearn that.
How have they handled failurein the past?
How are they going to handle itnow?
What did they learn Then?
You know you want to sit downwith them and this will be our
(22:04):
last question.
But you want to sit down withthem and this will be our last
question.
But you want to sit down withthem and really help them
clarify, clear up, set in stone,what their personal values are,
what their priorities are.
You see, once they know whothey are and what they believe
and they decide today whatthey're going to do tomorrow,
(22:26):
they're going to have morevictory.
So they need to know what aretheir core values, their
principles, and help themunderstand that they're going to
use their principles to makedecisions.
You know, one of my favoriteverses is Matthew 6.33 and I've
used it a lot in makingdecisions over the years.
I know that if I seek first thekingdom of God and His
(22:49):
righteousness, he's going totake care of things.
So discuss it with them and seehow they can align their values
with what they're trying toaccomplish, because we do not
want to build hypocrites.
We do not want to buildhypocrites.
We do not want to buildhypocrites.
We want to help them be exactlywho they're called to be Now.
(23:11):
You know this has a biblicalbasis.
If anything ever does.
In 2 Timothy 2, the apostle Paultold Timothy now, timothy, what
you've heard me say in front ofa lot of people, I want you to
go find some other people thatyou can say it to, and I want
you to find people that can tellothers what you're saying.
(23:32):
So I'm going to teach you toteach others.
So it is one disciple teachinganother disciple.
It's life on life and affectingmuch of the future.
Every pastor and everymissionary listening.
I really believe this may bethe key, the most exciting thing
you'll do in your ministry.
(23:52):
I really do Now.
I mean preaching and pastoringis wonderful, but as you mentor,
you know I'm a great granddadnow and can I tell you the
greatest titles you can get?
You're a granddad, you're agreat granddad and you know that
(24:12):
in my stage of life, I'm kindof moving off the stage and my
sons and daughters are coming upon the stage they're in the
middle of the stage actually andnow their children are kind of
getting on the edge of the stageand the grandchildren and you
have the influence to pass ondown to them.
That's what mentoring is,that's what it's all about, and
so I want to challenge you totake the time to continue
(24:36):
working on training others andpastor.
There are risks, and I'm goingto discuss the risk of being a
mentor later in another podcast,but I pray this will help you
be excited about sharing whatyou know with others and helping
them.
Thank you very much forlistening to the World
(24:56):
Evangelism Podcast.
It is my heart's desire to addvalue to you and your ministry.
I am here honestly, from myheart.
I want to help you be all thatGod has called you to be.
If I could say what I reallywant to do, I think it would be
exactly what one of the commentswas made when we read it
(25:18):
earlier today A mentor issomeone who sees more talent and
ability within you than you seein yourself and helps bring it
out of you, bob Proctor?
Isn't that true?
I want to do that for you.
You don't even have to know myname or mention my name.
You listen to this podcast andmaybe I can help you be more of
who you want to be and do moreof what you want to do or, even
(25:41):
better said, more of who Christwants you to be and what he
wants you to do.
God bless you.
Thank you for listening to theWorld Evangelism Podcast.
I am so grateful to have yourear.
Would you share it please?
If this has been of value,share it with your friends, give
it a like, put something aboutit in social media.
Help me, help others, if youwould.
(26:04):
God bless all of you.
Have a great day.
This is Austin Gardner and I want to
welcome you to the WorldEvangelism Podcast.
This is a special edition.
I want to be talking to youtoday about mentoring and you
know, usually I come to you withthe country and the person and
the book and all of that.
But because I know that I alsohave people listening that are
(00:25):
missionaries and pastors, andI'm so excited I get to talk to
you.
I want to add value, I want tobe a very valuable part of your
life and your ministry, and so Ijust want to talk to you today
about mentoring.
I've spent my life mentoringyoung men.
I mentored hundreds of youngmen in the country of Peru, and
(00:48):
then I've mentored dozens ofyoung men in the United States
of America, and God has greatlyblessed that part of my ministry
, and I know He'll do that inyour life, and I've had people
ask me over the years how do yougo about doing that?
And so I thought I would sitdown and just kind of share with
you some things I'd like tostart off with, I guess, maybe
(01:10):
one of the most basic things ofall.
Let me just give you somequotes that I just think are
awesome.
You know, the one is the BibleIron sharpens iron, and so you
know, it's not that you'rebetter, you're the same quality,
you're the same person, bothiron, both children of God, both
serving God.
(01:31):
But one helps the other.
But here's some good ones.
I like this one by Bob ProctorA mentor is someone who sees
more talent and ability withinyou than you see in yourself and
brings it out of you.
That's got to be an all-timeclassic.
(01:51):
A mentor is someone who seesmore talent and ability within
you than you see in yourself andhelps bring it out.
I don't know if I could havefound a better quote than that
one in it.
It's just a tremendous idea.
You understand, mentorshipempowers you to impart your
legacy.
It allows you to teach someoneelse, to pick up and carry
(02:16):
forward what you could never doin one single lifetime.
And so you want to be a mentor.
And mentoring is like.
This is another good quote byJohn Crosby mentoring is a brain
to pick, an ear to listen and apush in the right direction.
(02:36):
How about that?
Mentoring is a brain to pick,an ear to listen and a push in
the right direction.
Ear to listen and a push in theright direction.
And so you know you want tospend time helping other people,
and I'm going to try to giveyou some steps to take in doing
that.
And then I want to give yousome questions that you'll
(02:56):
discuss, and you'll be able tofind this in the transcript also
of the program.
I love Booker T Washington.
Last quote of the day, booker TWashington said quote of the
day Booker T Washington said ifyou want to lift yourself up,
lift up someone else.
How about that?
If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.
That's really Bible, isn't it?
Isn't that really what Bible isabout?
(03:18):
We're to esteem the otherbetter than ourselves.
What a tremendous quote.
Now let me just give you somesteps.
The number one thing if you wantto mentor people, is that
you're going to have to have agenuine interest in them, and
you got to get to know them on apersonal level.
Now I'm really talking topastors and missionaries, but
(03:41):
this works in business also.
You know, it's not really justabout teaching trade secrets.
It's about caring about theperson.
It's about knowing them andknowing who they are, knowing
their weaknesses and theirstrengths, knowing how they
react under pressure, how theyreact when they're fun.
But you get to know them andyou're genuinely interested in
(04:04):
them.
That brings the quote up tomind.
You know, we don't use people.
We don't use people to buildour ministry.
We don't use people to buildour business.
We use our ministry to buildpeople.
We use our business to buildpeople.
In other words, it's theopposite.
(04:26):
We're not users, we're givers.
We're not taking advantage,we're trying to help others.
Now, if you're going to mentor,what you're going to have to do,
what you're going to have towork on, is you're going to have
to build trust, and you do thatby being transparent.
I will just tell you beingtransparent is vulnerable.
(04:48):
It makes you vulnerable.
It lets people see you as youreally are.
It lets them pick up on yourflaws.
I heard a long time ago afamous preacher say don't ever
let your church people get toknow you, because they'll see
that you have feet of clay.
And then he used the comment,which is you know, it's a true
adage familiarity breedscontempt.
(05:11):
That's not who we are andthat's not who we want to be.
That's not who we are andthat's not who we want to be.
If you're going to mentor, it'smore like you know, it's the
advanced level of discipleship.
This isn't new member stuff.
It's Jesus and 12 guys.
It's Jesus with life, on life,discipleship, spending time with
(05:34):
those men and sharing his life.
They saw him on the earlymorning and the late night when
he was rested, when he was tiredand when he was hungry.
And don't forget, jesus was100% human.
He was 100% human.
And then I'd like to throw inabove that Jesus saw them and he
knew them and he was genuinelyinterested in them as people.
(06:00):
Can I just say to you we want tobuild trust.
That means you've got to tellthe truth.
That means you've got to seebeyond surface issues.
I like to tell people seebeyond the skin and beyond the
sin.
See beyond the skin and seebeyond the sin.
You see if you saw the person,if you really saw who they were.
(06:22):
This works for missionaries,because sometimes missionaries
can have a superiority complex.
They can feel like that theyare from a superior country, a
superior Bible knowledge andsuperior morality and they don't
see people as people and theycan't be objects, they can't be
(06:42):
some ministry tool.
They need to be genuine peopleand we're going to have to build
trust so they believe they cantrust us, they believe that we
love them, they believe that weare genuinely interested in them
, then I'd like to tell you thatto mentor, you're going to have
to practice active listeningNow.
(07:04):
You're going to have topractice active listening Now.
You know what that means.
I guess I'm going to assumethat you do.
But active listening meansyou're not preparing what you're
going to say while the otherperson's talking.
You know, many times we're notreally listening.
We're not really listening.
What we're doing is we arethinking of what we're going to
(07:25):
say.
That's not listening.
That's almost arguing.
It's the one-up story.
It is me being a little bitbetter than you.
That's the old I walked on themoon story.
Whatever story you tell, I'vegot to have one better.
No, let's practice activelistening.
(07:49):
Active listening, that meansthat you start asking open-end
questions.
See, you need to understandtheir goals.
You need to understand whattheir challenges are.
You need to understand it fromtheir perspective, because none
of us are alike, but all of usare special, because God made
you exactly like you are, and soyou don't want to try to force
(08:10):
somebody else into the samecubbyhole you're in and to being
just like you.
You want to listen to thembecause you're genuinely
interested in them, and when youdo that.
That's going to build trust.
We've already talked about that.
Now I think sometimes this maybe alarming to pastors and
missionaries, but they need toknow you're not going to get mad
(08:33):
and make them feeluncomfortable when they ask
questions.
Sometimes our people are likewe're like, if you ask that
question, I will shoot you.
If you ask that question, I'mgoing to slap you down.
And so the mentee is afraid tosay, afraid to question, afraid
(08:57):
to make.
It's what he's thinking.
You know what ends up happening.
He goes back to his house, hisfriends, the dorm room or
wherever it is, and they talkabout it anyway, but without
your wisdom.
So they need to know it's safeto ask you questions.
They need to know that they canfeel comfortable being
(09:19):
vulnerable in front of you.
They need to be able to sharetheir concerns.
And are you ready?
They need to be able to sharetheir concerns and are you ready
?
They need to be able to sharetheir doubts If they're going to
discuss with you.
You know why do we do this, andmaybe I'm not sure that's right.
You shouldn't get defensive,but you should lovingly help
(09:39):
them and I'll tell you the truth.
They're going to help you grow.
They're going to help youunderstand more what you need to
be doing in your life to be thebetter leader, because it's a
two-way street.
It's iron sharpening iron andthem helping you.
So I would like to ask you tohelp them always know they can
(10:01):
say anything they want to sayand ask anything, and you're
going to love them when it'sover.
You're not going to get mad.
Now what's our stand on anyissue Gender, homosexuality.
Don't fight, don't get angry.
Abortion, but help them see itand be patient with them.
(10:21):
Be patient and they don't catchthings as quickly as you and
they don't understand, like you,and they haven't lived the life
you've lived.
And you're helping them catchup to speed and gain speed and
get up to where you are andthey're years behind you.
So you're going to be patientwith them.
(10:42):
You're going to move at thespeed of the flock.
You remember when Jacob said ifI overdrive them in one day
I'll kill them.
You don't want to do that.
That's not who you are andthat's not what you're going to
do.
So when you give advice to theguy you're mentoring, you need
(11:04):
to be real careful, to be softand gentle and slow in the
giving of advice.
I like a quote that I read fromSamuel Taylor.
He said advice is like snow thesofter it falls, the longer it
dwells upon and the deeper itsinks into the mind.
(11:24):
And so when you're going togive advice, you want to not be
don't dump it all.
Not a truckload, not atruckload, not a bunch of
information.
You give a little bit and yougive it today and you give more,
but then you pause and you say,well, tell me what you really
think about that.
You see, it's not when you'recommunicating, it's not what
you're saying, it's what they'rehearing, and they don't always
(11:49):
hear what you think you'resaying.
Well, you can say, no, I knowwhat I said, but see,
communication is not what I said, it's what they heard.
And so we're going to have towork on that with them and help
them get that kind of clear andkind of straight in their own
mind.
Let them share their thoughts,let them tell you what they
think.
Now I think maybe one of thetougher parts of being a mentor
(12:12):
is you really got to feel whatthey feel.
You know, you got to understandthem.
And they're not from ourgeneration.
I mean, I come from a verytough generation that followed
the even tougher generation.
I come from a home wherediscipline was far different
than it is today and work.
I come from a home wherediscipline was far different
than it is today and work.
I come from a home where I gotup every morning and milked a
(12:35):
cow at 530 in the morning.
I milked the cow when I gothome from school.
I come from a home where I hadto work hard most every day of
my life.
It taught me a great deal.
I am not complaining, but theworld today may not be like the
world that you grew up in, andso they're going to be different
.
They're going to thinkdifferently and they're going to
(12:56):
need you to be careful, to helpthem and to feel a
vulnerability, a caring aboutthem.
So you got to learn to feel forthem.
We didn't deal with pornographyin a big way when I was a kid.
If you wanted to look atpornography, you didn't flip on
(13:16):
a cell phone.
There wasn't such a thing.
You had to go to a store in alittle town where the guy knew
your dad.
Then you had to walk over to acertain corner of the store and
you had to pull the cover offthe magazine.
And, to be blunt, honest withyou.
I don't know that I ever didthat.
I only saw pornography when mycousins brought it to family
reunions because it was hard toget to.
(13:37):
I don't remember homosexualitybeing anything, hardly ever
discussed.
It's a different world.
So feel for them and understandthem.
Now here comes a strong truththat might help Ask, don't
assume, no assumptions allowed.
(14:00):
Ask questions, not assumptions,because everybody's journey is
unique and let curiosity guideyou.
So you want to ask questions,you need to know their needs,
you need to know theirperspectives, you need to know
their experiences, you need toknow where they come from, and
so what you want to do is notmake assumptions.
(14:23):
Now, making assumptions reallymakes a chump out of both of you
, because you don't know whattheir answer is and they don't
know, and nobody knows what'sgoing on here, because we're
jumping to conclusions, andthat's something that we don't
want to do.
Now, I've only got a couplemore of these and I'm going to
(14:45):
share some questions with you,but you're going to share your
journey, but you're not going toshare the glory of your journey
.
You're going to share the truejourney, your personal
experiences.
You're going to share yoursuccesses, but you're going to
share your failures.
They need to see you as agenuine, real person.
(15:05):
Remember trust.
They need to know that you arelike them.
You remember Jesus was temptedin all points, like as we.
That's what the bible said.
In other words, jesus temptedjust like I am.
Well, he didn't sin, but I doand I fail and I'm human and I
mess up.
And they need to know that.
They learn valuable lessonsfrom that.
(15:28):
Um, I mean, charles spurgeonused to fight strong bouts of
depression.
He did that so much one time,worried about money, that one of
his men brought over a bunch ofmoney and said I want to leave
this over here, these papersthat would give you a lot of
money to help you if you're introuble and it's yours to use.
(15:49):
And Spurgeon would not use itand gave it back eventually.
But he said you know, it was agreat comfort knowing that you
didn't just say it, it wasavailable, it was truly
available.
So you want to share thejourney.
I know that because Spurgeonput that in his material.
I know that because it'swritten up and I read it in a
book.
So share your journey.
(16:09):
They learn valuable lessons fromwatching you and listening to
you and then celebrateachievements.
You know, when they raise somesupport or preach their first
message or win their first soulto Christ or read their Bible
from cover to cover, when theywrite their first blog article,
when they design their webpage,they need encouragement, they
(16:35):
need to be celebrated.
Doesn't matter how small theaccomplishment is, we all need
to be celebrated.
Isn't it amazing that you can'tplay American football without
cheerleaders?
Isn't that amazing?
Big old, solid, big-sized menneed cheerleaders.
Isn't that amazing?
Big old, solid, big size menneed cheerleaders.
We all need cheerleaders.
(16:56):
I really think one of the mainthings that God did when he gave
me a wife was give me abuilt-in cheerleader, somebody
who would believe in me andsomebody who would think highly
of me.
So I want to challenge you tocelebrate with them.
Now.
My last statement, before we goto a few questions you could ask
, is this you got to encouragethem to step outside of their
(17:19):
comfort zone.
They got to try new things.
Oh, there's a great book calledthe Dream Giver and I will try
to put a link to that in thenotes so you can get the Dream
Giver.
I love that book because it'sabout a guy named Ordinary who
lived in a town called Familiarand when the city limit sign was
(17:40):
the comfort zone and to stepout and do whatever he was
called to do, he had to stepoutside of his comfort zone.
I love that book.
It's one of my favorites.
I typically read it at leastonce a year.
So here's what you got to do.
You got to help them.
Now, they can't jump off to themoon at one time, but every
time they step out of theircomfort zone, maybe it's public
(18:00):
prayer, maybe it is a testimony,maybe it is a five minute
message, maybe it's going soulwinning with you and taking
their turn to share.
But you want to help them stepout of their comfort zone.
So I've tried to give you a fewpoints and some good quotes.
Now, in mentoring, you got tospend a lot of time listening.
(18:24):
You remember active listening,and so you got to learn to ask
questions that cause them totalk to you.
It's not about you talking tothem.
You're not their teacher.
A teacher might stand in frontof the class and give
information, but you're a mentorand you share life together
Life on life, discipleship.
(18:46):
So here's a good question whatare your long-term and your
short-term goals?
Who do you want to be?
What is your goal in life?
What goals have you set foryourself?
Then listen, what steps haveyou taken working towards those
goals?
What barriers are hindering you?
How could I maybe help you getto the goals that you feel like
(19:07):
God has for your life?
And so they need to knowsomebody's coming alongside.
In a way, we're kind of workinglike the comforter, the Holy
Spirit.
We are coming alongside to giveguidance.
We're not the Holy Spirit.
That's not what I meant, butI'm just saying thank God, I'm
not alone in this world.
So what are their obstacles?
(19:28):
What's hindering them?
What are their challenges?
What strategies have theydeveloped to overcome these
challenges?
How are they navigating,addressing these issues in their
life, because we're all goingto face them.
Another question would be haveyou had any significant
(19:49):
achievements or milestones thatmade you feel better?
And help them just enjoy for amoment the glory they can enjoy,
just for a few minutes maybe,but they ought to know.
You know what they did, and soyou have them share
accomplishments and you brag onthem and you're thankful for
them and you're happy that God'sdoing something in their life
(20:12):
and you help them learn tocapitalize on it and move on to
the next thing.
Ask them?
What drives your passion?
You know, what do you reallylike?
What are you enjoying doing?
What are you trying toaccomplish, and what just wakes
you up in the morning and keepsyou alive and keeps you living?
(20:34):
How does that line up with whatyou've believed to be your
calling?
That's what you want to talk tothem about.
Just a few more.
How can I help you step out ofyour comfort zone?
Just talk to me now.
Name some of your fears andsome of your reservations.
Let me hear what's hinderingyou and maybe I got some insight
(20:58):
.
Or maybe I can walk through thedoor with you, or maybe I can
be there for you.
I want to be your cheerleader.
I want to be there with you.
I want to be your cheerleader.
I want to be there with you.
What do you need to know?
What do you need to know?
What skills or knowledge shouldI be helping you get and
accomplish so that you could beall you want to be?
Just tell me what are yourpriorities in life, what are you
(21:23):
setting up as your future, yourneeds, what it's you're looking
for?
Let me help you line that up toaccomplish the goals that
you've set.
How about this one?
How are we going to cope withfailures and setbacks?
And you need to help themunderstand there are going to be
(21:43):
failures and setbacks and youneed to help them understand
there are going to be failuresand setbacks and they need to
know John Maxwell's writtengreat books about failure
failing forward.
I'll put a link to that.
But you ought to help themlearn that.
How have they handled failurein the past?
How are they going to handle itnow?
What did they learn Then?
You know you want to sit downwith them and this will be our
(22:04):
last question.
But you want to sit down withthem and this will be our last
question.
But you want to sit down withthem and really help them
clarify, clear up, set in stone,what their personal values are,
what their priorities are.
You see, once they know whothey are and what they believe
and they decide today whatthey're going to do tomorrow,
(22:26):
they're going to have morevictory.
So they need to know what aretheir core values, their
principles, and help themunderstand that they're going to
use their principles to makedecisions.
You know, one of my favoriteverses is Matthew 6.33 and I've
used it a lot in makingdecisions over the years.
I know that if I seek first thekingdom of God and His
(22:49):
righteousness, he's going totake care of things.
So discuss it with them and seehow they can align their values
with what they're trying toaccomplish, because we do not
want to build hypocrites.
We do not want to buildhypocrites.
We do not want to buildhypocrites.
We want to help them be exactlywho they're called to be Now.
(23:11):
You know this has a biblicalbasis.
If anything ever does.
In 2 Timothy 2, the apostle Paultold Timothy now, timothy, what
you've heard me say in front ofa lot of people, I want you to
go find some other people thatyou can say it to, and I want
you to find people that can tellothers what you're saying.
(23:32):
So I'm going to teach you toteach others.
So it is one disciple teachinganother disciple.
It's life on life and affectingmuch of the future.
Every pastor and everymissionary listening.
I really believe this may bethe key, the most exciting thing
you'll do in your ministry.
(23:52):
I really do Now.
I mean preaching and pastoringis wonderful, but as you mentor,
you know I'm a great granddadnow and can I tell you the
greatest titles you can get?
You're a granddad, you're agreat granddad and you know that
(24:12):
in my stage of life, I'm kindof moving off the stage and my
sons and daughters are coming upon the stage they're in the
middle of the stage actually andnow their children are kind of
getting on the edge of the stageand the grandchildren and you
have the influence to pass ondown to them.
That's what mentoring is,that's what it's all about, and
so I want to challenge you totake the time to continue
(24:36):
working on training others andpastor.
There are risks, and I'm goingto discuss the risk of being a
mentor later in another podcast,but I pray this will help you
be excited about sharing whatyou know with others and helping
them.
Thank you very much forlistening to the World
(24:56):
Evangelism Podcast.
It is my heart's desire to addvalue to you and your ministry.
I am here honestly, from myheart.
I want to help you be all thatGod has called you to be.
If I could say what I reallywant to do, I think it would be
exactly what one of the commentswas made when we read it
(25:18):
earlier today A mentor issomeone who sees more talent and
ability within you than you seein yourself and helps bring it
out of you, bob Proctor?
Isn't that true?
I want to do that for you.
You don't even have to know myname or mention my name.
You listen to this podcast andmaybe I can help you be more of
who you want to be and do moreof what you want to do or, even
(25:41):
better said, more of who Christwants you to be and what he
wants you to do.
God bless you.
Thank you for listening to theWorld Evangelism Podcast.
I am so grateful to have yourear.
Would you share it please?
If this has been of value,share it with your friends, give
it a like, put something aboutit in social media.
Help me, help others, if youwould.
(26:04):
God bless all of you.
Have a great day.
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