EP 12: Homeschooling Journey: How a Mom of 3 Created Unique High Quality Educational Experiences for Her Children

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
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(00:20):
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(00:42):
M-o-m at gmailcom.
It's time to put the kids tobed.

Speaker 2 (00:53):
So y'all get ready for another episode of For
Shitty Moms.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
All right, welcome back everyone to another episode
of FSM.
I'm your host, dr Lori, andtoday we have another super
special guest.
Miss Akina is here joining usand she's going to give us some
insight into her own parentingexperiences, with motherhood and

(01:18):
believe it or not, herexperience and her journey
through homeschool.
I know this is like a hot topiclately.
I've been interested andcurious about some things myself
, so just sit back, relax andwe're going to let Miss Akina
guide us through her experienceand share some knowledge with us

(01:41):
for any listeners who areinterested.
Hopefully you can take homesome gems and hopefully this
episode will give you a littlemore insight into what the world
of homeschool life looks likefor a mom.
So, without further ado, akina,welcome to the show.
Hello everyone.

Speaker 3 (02:02):
Hi, my name is Akina.
I am a homeschool mom of three.
I have been homeschooling for10 years now, oh wow.

Speaker 1 (02:15):
Oh, that's so.
You're like a veteran.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
I've been homeschooling on and off for
like 10 years, I think.
Maybe the longest I've takenfrom homeschooling is two years,
like it was a mix, because Iput my kids in middle school
just so they could get thatsocial interaction and
understanding what it's like.

(02:41):
I had them in school for maybehalf a year when they were in
elementary, but otherwise, yeah,we've been homeschooling for
going on 10 years now.
Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (02:59):
Okay, so just for the listeners who don't know, you
give us a little backgroundinformation as to your family
size, what that looks like, yourbackground and all that good
stuff.
So, like you already told usyour name, so your age, where
you're from, family size,marital status.

Speaker 3 (03:23):
OK, so I am Kina.
I literally just turned 40 onWednesday.

Speaker 1 (03:31):
Oh, you just had a birthday.
Yeah, happy birthday, thank you.

Speaker 3 (03:39):
Everyone's asking me if I feel different.
I'm like, no Good, yeah, myfamily size size is we're a
family of five.
I have my husband.
We've been married for 15 years, okay, and we have three kids

(03:59):
two boys and a girl.
My oldest is years old, he isgifted and he is in 10th grade
now.
Okay, um, my youngest is 10 andshe is in fourth grade.
I, I have been really.

(04:22):
I mean, yeah, I think that'sthat's about it.
I try to do the best as a momas I can.

Speaker 1 (04:29):
Okay, so if you're homeschooling all three, what's
your occupational status rightnow?
If you're homeschooling allthree, what does that look like
for you?

Speaker 3 (04:39):
Okay.
So first, originally I was inbanking.
Okay, right now my occupationalstatus is homemaker, housewife.
Okay, gotcha, so I am home allday with my kids, but I do do
additional stuff like I I sewingis my thing so I sew and I

(05:00):
create stuff, and then most ofthe work that I get is like from
word of mouth.
Okay, and I'm so terrible withlike social media and stuff,
because I enjoy the wholecreation process of making stuff
.
And then my husband's likehoney, did you take a picture
this time?
And I'm like, oh, so I neverpost anything.

(05:24):
But, like I said, most of mystuff is from like word of mouth
, so like people don't know.
Okay, well, right.
Akina knows how to do thatright, so what about?

Speaker 1 (05:33):
I know once upon a time you had an Etsy store.
Is that still going?
Is it still up?
Do you have a social media pageif people wanted to like at
least ask, request your servicesfor something?

Speaker 3 (05:45):
I do still have an etsy page.
Right now, it's very limitedand what I have it's only bows
and bow ties, because my healthdeclined after my health
declined in 2020 and I was onlike 16 different medications.
My husband and I spoke with ourlife insurance agent, got all

(06:06):
of my policy put in orderbecause, like I genuinely did
not think I was going to make it, oh wow, I didn't know that.
Yeah, it was really, really bad.
So we had to, like change our.
I had to change my lifestyle.
I changed my diet.
I started going more organicbecause I noticed that all the

(06:27):
doctors that I would go into wasgoing to and this is not to
knock doctors in any way.
I believe medication is awonderful thing but, I did
notice that they kept ontreating the symptoms and no one
was trying to find the cause,and I felt that if they got to
the root of the issue then itwould be able to help.
So I started my own researchand I started using my old

(06:49):
homegrown medication well, not,not western medication, but like
bush medicine okay, drinkingteas, drinking stuff like that
to like cleanse my body and helpit reset itself to get better.
Okay.
So yeah, that's where we wereand it's been helping.

(07:10):
I'm not where I used to be,like you said, that 2 o'clock
you feel it, especially whenyou're up at 4.30 in the morning
, you feel it as you need thatbreak.
So, yeah, I'm getting better.
I'm not there yet, but everyday is a little bit easier.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
OK, all right.
Well, I'm glad to hear you'redoing better, that's for sure.
So with that, are the kids homewith you all day Are?
Are you teaching them classes?

Speaker 3 (07:43):
is it like back in the day how some people used to
think you sit around the dinnertable, everybody open a textbook
and turn the page, so and solike what is the day in the life
of akina look like that was howit was when we first started
homeschooling, becausehomeschooling was like such a
novel idea I know it's been likethat for years but there

(08:06):
weren't as many curriculums whenwe first started at least not
that I knew about, especially inthe Bahamas to help with
homeschooling.
So, like originally, like, Iwent to the ministry of
education, I got their folderabout or at least their print
and I put it together in afolder of what each child should
know on grade level for theschool year and I would put

(08:30):
together curriculums.
Then I found out about thehomeschool community and I spoke
with the president of thehomeschool department there and
he was like Kina, if you'regoing're gonna do it, these are
the best schools, in the orderof what I think, or these are
the best curriculums I thinkthat you should try.
So I started with that in theBahamas and then, when I moved

(08:55):
to the United States with myhusband, um, we switched and we
started with k-12.
K-12 was well, no, this iswhere they went to school.
They went to school inelementary for half a year like
physical brick and mortar.

Speaker 1 (09:12):
Is that what you mean ?

Speaker 3 (09:13):
yeah, okay, okay and I realized that what they
learned at home, they were notlike two years earlier.
They were now just learninggotcha in school so like it
wasn't helping.
And then they kept on likegetting in trouble because they

(09:34):
they would get bored.
Like my oldest, he's very stoic, so he'd fall asleep in class
because he's like I already knowthis information.
And then like, and then mysecond son would be like oh, I
wonder what would happen if Itripped this person down so like
he'd get in trouble, so he letthe intrusive thoughts win, okay

(09:57):
and so I was like, okay, let mesee if I could pull y'all home,
let me let y'all understand,okay, this is not the lifestyle
y'all supposed to be living with, or at least get y'all you know
in a certain in a situationwhere you're not so bored.
And then for middle school itto be honest with you, at fifth

(10:19):
grade, I realized that my oldestwas smarter than I am okay, oh,
wow okay yeah.
So my, my level of what I couldteach him wasn't there anymore.
Like I could still help withlike essays and stuff like that,
but like he was no longer in.
Like the typical addition,subtraction, multiplication, my,

(10:43):
my baby was like mom, I lovePythagorean theorem in fifth
grade and I'm like, okay, Idon't even know what that is, so
I couldn't help him anymore.
Okay, I was like, okay, I went,I got them tested and they were
both found gifted, okay.
And then my yeah, and then myyeah, and then my daughter, um,

(11:06):
was finally entering school.
Now what I didn't realize whenI moved over here was that y'all
, the american school systemdoesn't allow kids into school
before a certain age.
In the bahamas, our babies arein school at 18 months.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Oh, wow, okay, yeah, you don't start here until like
what Five yeah.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
Right, so she wasn't able to start school until she
was well over here.
It's you turn five beforeSeptember 5th, then you're able
to go to school.
But because her birthday isSeptember 19th, she didn't start
until she turned six, right,right?
so yeah, I felt like there was alot that I was missing and

(11:48):
because my health was wasn't thebest from then, um, I I didn't
do as much with her as I shouldhave.
I was like focusing on my olderkids because I was like, okay,
let me make sure y'all get this,and then I could always just
fix with her because, like theysaid, not until five, and I felt

(12:08):
like that was a big mistake onmy part, because I found that
with with my boys and it's nowbeing shown in research that
kids if they get theirfoundation before five like
especially with, like the colors, the letters, the stuff like
that, the little stuff if theyget it before five, they excel
further and not to say that mydaughter isn't doing well.

(12:29):
She's doing very well now, butit's research is showing that if
you get that basic foundationin before they turn five, they
won't struggle gotcha throughoutthe rest of yeah, so yeah, um,
like it's right now, we're stilltrying to fill gaps for my
daughter okay, so and then?

Speaker 1 (12:50):
you gotta remember um how old is she, your daughter?
she's 10 she's 10, so when covidhit, everything shut down.
Were you guys impacted by thatat all?
Like, oh, yes, okay, what wasthat like?
Because I know for us, you knowmy, my son when I say us, I

(13:12):
mean like people who have theirkids in traditional brick and
mortar public schools it waslike culture shock.
Like what in the world are wedoing?
And I feel like myself includeda lot of parents just try to
get through the kids.
You weren't really sure if theywere learning or not.
You know, trying to make thatadjustment and I still feel like

(13:34):
that age group, the kids stillhave deficits that they're
struggling with and trying toplay catch up with that.
Like year and a half that theywere out of school doing like
online learning.
I still feel like that group ofkids and now they're entering
middle school.
You know they still havedeficits.

(13:55):
So what was that like for youguys?

Speaker 3 (13:59):
Absolutely yes.
For us it was okay.
So my kids were alreadymentally aware of what
homeschooling was like,especially my boys.
But my daughter, I put her inschool at six.
So she was in school for a yearand a half.
She was there for VPK and thenthe first portion of

(14:20):
kindergarten, but then they wentonline and half the time either
they wouldn't pay attention inclass or so the teachers just
didn't have an idea.
They were still trying to findtheir ground on how to teach the
kids, yeah, at home.
So my daughter has a huge gap.

(14:40):
For example, she, she.
If you tell her to multiply anddivide because of our, what she
learned last year, she can getit like that.
But if you put addition infront of her or subtraction in
front of her, she struggles,okay.
So, like for her, what shewould have learned in first
grade and second grade duringthe covid years, she is she're.

(15:04):
We're filling that gap now,gotcha.
So he struggles with that, okay.
And then my boys because theywere coming out what my oldest
was, coming out of middle schooland going into high school.
So his going he was, he was inbrick and mortar for the first
year of high school and online.

(15:28):
He didn't attend school.
Well, he didn't learn anything,oh okay.
He went to the classes but itliterally just played in the
background, okay, so he wasn'tpaying attention to it, right?
So there are gaps that we arecurrently filling for all of
them OK, and I feel there's alot of things that kids in the

(15:51):
school system right now stilldon't know.
I agree Because, yeah, whatthey were supposed to learn they
didn't get.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
Right, yeah, I agree, I see it a lot with the
students that I work with.
I hear a lot of teachers forspring break and they were going
to extend spring break and thenit turned into all right, we're

(16:32):
not coming back at all, comepick up this computer, come pick
up this wireless Internet, andyou know good luck, you know.
So we kind of went through that, and I see with my son as well,
like we've been doing tutoring,just trying to pick up and fill

(16:53):
in the gaps, you know, becauseschool still has to go on.
They got passed on to the nextgrade level so no one that I've
seen has really been able toplay catch up.
So I have been seeing a lot ofparents.
It's either like two sets ofparents, either you just you
have that group of parents wherethey just kind of leave things

(17:16):
in the hands of the educatorsand you know, whatever their
kids get, that's what they get,and the parents are going to
leave it at that.
And then I feel like there aresome parents who have just taken
matters into their own handsand they homeschool.
But now I'm starting to see, astime progresses, and I guess I

(17:38):
kind of fall into that categoryof the parents who still have
their kiddos in homeschool.
But now you're trying tosupplement with other things and
I guess for me, with mypersonal experience, I have been
looking at how much we aretrying to supplement his
education and at this point I'mstarting to question If we're

(18:03):
doing this much already on ourown while he's still in school.
How much more could it possiblytake to just go ahead and
homeschool?
I feel like we do a lot withhim, as far as the academics are
concerned, outside of thenormal school day, and what made
me look into it was one theamount of money that we're
spending to supplement, to fillin those deficits.

(18:26):
I have a lot of conversationswith the teachers that are not
the best of conversations.
I know right now, like we're ata new school and I'm pretty
sure this staff is getting sickof me.
I think they hate to see mecoming.
I think they hate to see mecoming, but my expectation is

(18:50):
like at what point do we fill inthose gaps and address the
deficits?
Because the curriculum is onlygoing to get harder.
You know he's only going to getchallenged more and everyone is
like, oh, but he's doing so.
Great, yeah, but what aboutthis over here, like, like, I'm
not seeing him.
He has deficits with this, hehas deficits with that.
When do we have a chance toaddress that?

(19:11):
So we started supplementing.
But even with the supplementing,we're also in that battle of
trying to backtrack.
So typically I try to use thebreaks the summer breaks, breaks
, the winter breaks to playcatch up, to work on those
deficits, like with the tutorand with other teachers, writing

(19:33):
coaches, you name it.
We're doing it.
And then during the school year, even though we're still
working with the tutors and thedifferent companies, it's almost
like he's going to schooloutside of school.
So now we're putting in all ofthese additional hours and at
some point you have to questionokay, what kind of quality of

(19:55):
life does my kid have right nowif he's going to school during
the regular day, but then we'retrying to play catch up outside
of school, like the regular day,but then we're trying to play
catch up outside of school, likewhen does he get a chance to
just kick back and relax?
And I started questioning, like,okay, if we're doing all of
this, how much, how much morewould we have to do if we just

(20:19):
went ahead and exclusivelystarted homeschooling?
And that way you, if I'm notsatisfied with what's happening
in the school systems, then youknow I can kind of take control
over it to make sure whateverdeficits he has like they're
being addressed.
We can kind of make our owntimeline as long as he's meeting

(20:43):
certain milestones andbenchmarks and standards.
But at the same time that's notmy area of expertise at all.
So that uncertainty is reallywhat has me hesitant, and I'm
sure a lot of other parents arehesitant, because in my mind I
feel like when we were growingup, what we knew about

(21:04):
homeschool was like a mom whodidn't work.
You had a certain set oftextbooks, everybody sit down.
This is the lesson for today.
And I work, my husband works.
So I'm like, if we didhomeschool, would I have to quit
my job?
Like instead, like what doesthat look like?
So then I'm like, let me callan expert.

(21:26):
And then I reached out to you.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
I'm like if anyone knows, akina will know so what I
did honestly is I realized howmuch of a deficit my sons had,
and my daughter from my oldest.
I held him back a year.
My baby is 15 but he's giftedand so honestly he's supposed to

(21:56):
be in 11th grade.
He's already been doingadvanced placement work.
So, to be honest with you, he'spretty much done with school
work.
He's's already finished all ofhis 12th grade math and all of
his 11th grade language andscience.
So he's pretty much done withPalm Beach testing standards,

(22:17):
except for math and language.
But I realized as a mom OK,based on Palm Beach standards he
could go out into the workforce, but at the same time he's only
15.
Number two there's still thingshe does not know.
So I put him.
I spoke with the school thatthey're in now and I absolutely

(22:41):
love it.
They did a cumulative test tosee where he is right now and
based on it, despite the factthat according to Palm Beach
standards he can go to theworkforce, uh huh.
But right now he's on a 10thgrade level, on a 10th grade

(23:02):
level, okay.
So I said, okay, put him backin 10th grade.
Oh, I love that.
So, now he's in 10th gradedoing 10th grade work.
Mind you, he only has foursubjects.
Okay.
I mean per week, he only hasfour subjects, which is unusual
for him because he's used todoing like seven, eight subjects
.
Okay, I prefer that he actuallyget the knowledge, get the work

(23:26):
, get an understanding of it allthan for him to just be pushed
through as another one Correctand be a failure.

Speaker 1 (23:34):
And see, I love that because I feel like there's a
huge stigma with retention.
So I'm happy to hear likesomeone out there, because in my
field I work with a lot ofspecial needs students and a lot
of the parents do not wanttheir kids held back.

(23:55):
And I'm like, listen, retentionis not a bad thing.
Sometimes kids need extra time.
They need a little more timewith the curriculum.
They need a little more time toreally grasp the concepts.
Otherwise you're building onlike a rocky foundation and how

(24:16):
long are they going to be ableto sustain themselves when they
really get to somethingdifficult if they had all these
deficits and you're just pushingthem forward and building and
building and building on top ofsomething that's not stable?
And I know there's a stigmabetween, like, the age and
things like that.
You know there are concernswith self-esteem, but if you

(24:39):
really start to look ateducation through a lens of what
does my child need to beself-sufficient, you know I want
a well-rounded kid.
What strategies, what skills dothey need to make sure by the
time they graduate, you knowthey're well-rounded and they

(24:59):
can be self-sufficient.
So I love that you're sayingthat you went ahead.
You took the initiative andwent ahead and took a step back,
because you don't hear a lot ofparents doing that and it turns
into yeah, you do have highschool seniors graduating and
they're not equipped to move onto the next level and they still

(25:22):
go to college.
And then they're not equippedto deal with the demands and
meet the demands of college.
Even when they go to a juniorcollege, they're not ready to
meet the demands at juniorcollege either, or community
college they're not ready.
When these kids enter programsto do a trade, they're not

(25:45):
prepared for that either.
Because I think somewhere alongthe lines the idea was oh, you
can do trade school if you don'tgo to college and it's easier.
No, it's not.
You still have to get licensed.
You still like, you're in theworkforce, you have a
responsibility and you have tomeet certain demands.

(26:08):
You still have to test.
I think there's a huge stigmaout there with that as well.
Go to go to trade school, youdon't have to worry about all
those tests.
Yes, you know, even if you gointo retail or if you're in the
food industry, you need to knowwhat.

(26:32):
What is it called?
Like food safety?
You need to know the rules andthe laws.
You have to be tested on thosethings, or it can become a
public health issue if you'renot doing things the right way.
So I love hearing someone saythat it's okay to to take a step
back to make sure the child isis prepared and they have what

(26:54):
they need.

Speaker 3 (26:56):
I think it all goes with pride too, because we love
posting our kids victoriesabsolutely but the minute they
mess up on something it'sembarrassing.
But me personally, I have thatalligator skin.
I'm like, at the end of the day, I'm gonna do what's best for
my baby.
Okay, I don't mind if I'membarrassed, or I don't mind you

(27:17):
, it's fine, you could say whatyou want about me.
You could talk and be like oh,kenna, your baby had to repeat
Okay, guess what.
I woke up this morning and thesun was still shining.

Speaker 1 (27:28):
Right.
And that is it is a lot ofpressure.
It is definitely a lot ofpressure.
I was telling my sister today.
I work in a classroom withkindergarten students and I do a
lot of trainings with teachers,like in a workshop setting, and
then, if they're still havingchallenges, I'll go into the

(27:49):
classroom, I'll do myobservations and, you know, see
where we can kind of work outthe kinks.
And I get a lot of kindergartenteachers who are just so
distraught and they'll come tome like this, this child, they
just don't belong in here.
You know, they don't know theirletters, they don't know this,

(28:09):
they don't know that and I'mlike, contrary to popular belief
, this is where they're supposedto learn it.
You know we push a lot of earlyintervention and preschool and
vpk, but legally kids don't haveto go to preschool, they don't
have to attend VPK.

(28:30):
Is it good if they get theearly exposure and they become
adjusted and familiar with whata classroom is and the concept
of a teacher being another adultwho's in charge?
Yes, that's great, but thereality is a lot of parents
can't afford it.
Even if they have vouchers,they still can't.

(28:51):
You know, the voucher only paysfor four hours, you know.
So most parents work for eighthours, what is my kid going to
do for the second half of theday?
So if you can't pay for itthose remaining four hours, then
you can't.
You still can't affordpreschool for your kid.
In preschool right now the costis outrageous.

(29:14):
So now we're getting a lot ofkids who don't go to preschool.
They stay home, maybe with agrandparent, and by the time
they turn five or six, that'stheir first exposure to a
classroom setting.
So if they don't have parentswho are teaching them letters
and number concepts and thingslike that at home, then I'm

(29:34):
sorry, kindergarten teacher,you're gonna have to teach it.
It doesn't mean that the kiddoesn't belong there, but I
think somewhere along the lineseven the teachers don't
understand that if you arekindergarten, really you are
starting with a blank slate.
You have a blank slate and it'syour job to teach those

(29:55):
concepts.
And I get a lot of kindergartenteachers who are just stressed
out and overwhelmed because this, this baby has never been to
school before.
They're looking at you like analien with four eyes.
No, they don't know how to sitdown they.
They don't understand that theyhave to listen to somebody
other than mom, dad or grandma.

(30:17):
So this whole concept of ateacher is foreign and you're
telling me what to do all day.

Speaker 2 (30:23):
No, I want to play and I don't want to do letters,
you know exactly.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
So I'm starting to see a lot of teachers more so
stressed out because the kidsare not coming in with those
skills when really they don'tunderstand that they are
supposed to teach those skills.
So we did hold a training witha few district coaches and the
coaches had to explain to them,to the teachers like, listen, if

(30:52):
a kid comes in and they don'tknow what the letter A is, they,
they don't have to you know,and you're going to have to
start there.
And yes, it's rough, becausenow you have some kids who may
have gone to a really goodpreschool and now they're in
your classroom and you have somewho have been with grandma

(31:13):
since the day they were born andas a teacher you gotta meet the
needs for both.
Yeah, and you only have your 10months to do it before they
move on.
And we really don't have a lotof summer school programs either
.
If the kids are significantlybehind, I feel like I've been
seeing more schools push forsummer school after COVID.

(31:37):
So like that post-COVID OK, nowwe're going to open up.
Okay, now we're going to openup, but most of the time the
budgets don't even supportteachers.
You know, a full teaching staffto cover summer school or
summer school, let's say, thesummer is 10 weeks summer school
, and I use that loosely withair quotes.

(31:58):
Summer school might last forfour weeks if you're lucky, and
that doesn't include Fridays,you know.
So if you don't have parentswho are really huh, say that
again.

Speaker 3 (32:11):
Most of it is and most of it is field trips.
Yeah, that too.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
Yeah, so if you don't have parents who are really
comfortable with the idea ofteaching their kids and finding
a curriculum and doing something, you know what happens to those
kiddos.
So it's just interesting to seethat this is becoming more
common than not.
I mean, I think COVID has a lotto do with it.

(32:38):
I think the political climatehas a lot to do with the way
that things are going.
So now you do have parents whoare, who are looking elsewhere,
and I feel like a few years agothe the solution and again I say
that loosely the solution was,you know, everyone was doing
this choice right, choiceschools, choice programs and

(33:02):
charter schools like that wasthe answer.
So public school wasn't working.
Everyone can't afford privateschool.
Charter schools were like thisgodsend, this was the answer.
And a lot of parents went aheadand put their kids in charter
schools, not realizing they areloosely governed by, like the

(33:22):
public school system, right, andthey can do what we call
selected enrollment.
So if you don't fit the mold,if your kid doesn't fit the mold
of what they're looking for atthat particular charter school,
then those charter schools caneasily say, yeah, we accepted

(33:43):
you, but this isn't working out.
You may want to go back to your, your public school.
Have a nice day, and there isno penalty for it.
If you are dissatisfied withwhat's happening at a charter
school, it's not much that youcan do.
You know, if you get anadministrator who is willing to
listen to your concerns and whois willing to make an attempt to

(34:06):
address your concerns, thengreat, you're lucky, because a
lot of them are like maybe thisisn't a good fit for you.
Have a nice day.
And unfortunately a lot ofparents don't learn that until
it's too late.
You know a lot of parents don'tknow that until something
happens.
Or if they have a kid withspecial needs and those needs

(34:26):
aren't being met, there's anissue.
And then they find out likeoops, I thought they would help.
So I like the public schoolsystem because at least there's
some degree of accountability if, if the the needs of the child
aren't being met, you knowthere's a process that you can

(34:47):
go through to at least see whatyour options are.
But like me, my kiddo, like he,has his special needs, but he's
also in advanced classes and Ifeel like for me a lot of
teachers don't know how tonavigate those waters either.
You know, I have a kid withADHD.

(35:08):
Adhd is not autism, you know,adhd is not down syndrome.
So certain disabilities peopleare aware of, they have an idea
of how to deal with it, how tonavigate it.
But when you have a kid who hasADHD, who needs to be

(35:28):
redirected, you know a few timesbut also understands the
curriculum and may get boredeasily.
Now that's a whole nother setof issues and I feel like I keep
running into the same problemand as a parent.
It's like, okay, I could educatethese teachers, but then it

(35:49):
becomes a battle.
Like you said before, pride isa huge issue.
It's pride on behalf of theparents.
But then there's anotherattitude where the teacher is
always right.
Right, the teacher is in charge, the teacher is the boss.
And getting any teacher oradministrator to say, hey, maybe

(36:10):
we don't really know how tonavigate this situation, maybe
we need to troubleshoot.
Most of these teachers are notwilling to say they don't know.
And the truth of the matter isin my line of work from a
professional standpoint, theyreally don't know, they are
ill-equipped, they don't haveenough training, and then

(36:31):
they're not open to the trainingeither.
So then it's like do I spendmost of my time fighting,
struggling, trying to teachsomething that I'm willing to
teach, or do I invest that timeand energy into my own child to
make sure he's getting what heneeds?
So I feel like a lot of parentsare going to start falling into

(36:52):
that category where they'reright in the middle.
My kid needs a level of support.
The needs aren't being met.
What do I do?
Do I keep fighting?
Do I bounce around from schoolto school until I find the right
fit, or is there another option?
So what made you decide likehomeschooling was the option,

(37:13):
because I heard you say like youdid have your kids in public
school once upon a time.
So was it that like thebehaviors and it was like, oh,
this is not really a good fit,let's switch, or what?

Speaker 3 (37:34):
what was the determining factor for you, okay
?
So let me just tell you, like Isaid before, my oldest.
He's very stoic, he's very calm, and this is something that
most parents when they starthomeschooling they learn the
different personalities of theirkids.
So for me, like if one of mykids takes a snack, I know, okay
, exactly which kid took thattype of snack.

(37:54):
That has nothing to do withwhat we're saying, but you will
learn your personalities of yourkids and, with that being said,
you'll be able to tell okay,this kind of kid is a sit down
and learn from a book child,whereas the other one is more
tactile learner.
So for my oldest, I realizedthat he could sit down for hours
, let the teacher talk in thebackground and at the end of the

(38:17):
day.
So he just told me on friday hewas like mom, I already figured
out the ai algorithm for thetests that they provide.
So he, he already knows.
Okay, I have to do a CCBA andI'll get 100%.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
Oh my gosh.

Speaker 3 (38:38):
Like wow, after read the book, because I think I was
like like you go sit down andread Pride and Prejudice, little
boy, but the reason I so I toldyou I wanted them to get into
middle school to get that socialdevelopment okay right because,
I mean, honestly, I'm stillsocially awkward.
But my second son was reallysocially awkward, okay.

(39:01):
So my husband and I had decidedfrom a long time ago once they
hit middle school, they go intoschool from middle school and
then we'll bring them back homeif necessary for high school or
they can continue on, okay, inbrick and mortar high school.
But my second son, he's verytactile, he learns by seeing and

(39:21):
touching, so and he alwaysbelieves he's the great defender
.
So right now we were and I don'twant to bring race into it, but
it is something that I'velearned living in america it is
a factor even though we try tokeep it under the rug and
pretend like it's not right butwe live in a predominantly white

(39:43):
neighborhood and so the schoolthat he went to was a
predominantly white school, okay, and my baby would constantly
get bullied, and then he wouldalways end up seeming like the
problem Okay, not because it wasactually the problem, but just
because of the fact of the colorof his skin.
No one took the time toinvestigate what was happening.

(40:04):
Oh, wow.
And my favorite straw was whenhe was in school.
Him and his friend wereanswering questions and they
must have been told by theteacher if they finish up early,
they could leave early orsomething like that.
And his friend kept onanswering the questions or

(40:27):
asking questions of the teacher.
And so this guy told his friend, if you don't shut up, I'm
going to tape your mouth shut.
And he was like you're notgoing to do that in front of me,
or something like that to thateffect.
And so he was like well, theother kid was like well, what
you won't do.

(40:47):
And because he does martialarts, he was like I know how to
do lots of stuff.
I can put you, I can do thisand I can do that.
And the last thing that he saidwas I also know how to put you
in a chokehold.
And the minute he said that,the kid jumped up and was like
miss, whatever, whatever he said, he gonna choke me.

(41:09):
He said, oh my goodness right sonow it's, now it's a threat.
So now it's the threat and he'sbeen sent home, suspended and
put on whatever written awrite-up.

(41:29):
Okay, yeah.
So I was like wait.
So when the teacher emailed meand was like your son said he
was gonna choke someone becauseI know their personalities I'm
like, are you sure that's whathe said?
I don't right.
Like like that's not the firstthing my son is gonna go to

(41:49):
correct, you know.
So when he, when she, when shedid that, when he came home, I
started asking questions and Iwas like, okay, baby, what
happened?
And he explained the story tome and I was.
I emailed the teacher back and Iwas like did you ask what
happened?
And she was like, well, no,because they said they said yeah

(42:11):
, didn't ask any questions.
She, she was like they said hesaid this.
And I was like, well, that'snot how you're supposed to do it
, but from what I heard, or whathe told me, this is what
happened.
And I broke it down for her andshe was like, oh well, now that
we know that, um, we, we won't,we, he, he won't have to do the

(42:37):
detention anymore or he won'thave to be suspended anymore,
but he's still going to have todo detention and it's going to
remain on his record.
And I was like, um, that's notright either, because you didn't
do your job.
I had to do your job for you,and so I did a whole long email
to her.
I was like, listen, I don't,don't tell me, it's going to

(42:59):
remain on his record, because itdoesn't matter if you go to a
vet to buy a puppy and thatpuppy one day, because he had
something stuck in his tooth,bit someone and they wrote on
his record that he bit them andbecause they the puppy was
scared at the time when he bitthem because of the person
shouting and he peed.

(43:20):
It's now on his record that heis a puppy that bites and pees,
born at the same time as hisbrothers and sisters.
That puppy is not going to getbe the first choice to be
adopted, correct, because it'son his record that he is a puppy
that bites and pees, correct.
So don't tell me it's not goingto affect him, because the
first thing they asked me forwhen my son was going into high

(43:44):
school my oldest son was goinginto high school was his
disciplinary record yeah, I saidjust be just based on the fact
that I am a mom that has thetime to sit down and do the
investigation.
What about all the other parentsthat don't have the time
because they're working two jobsand they just take it on face
value, based on what you said,because you're the teacher, when

(44:08):
in actuality you did not doyour job?

Speaker 1 (44:11):
Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3 (44:12):
So, so, after that, that was my final straw and I
was like okay, you know what,baby, you coming back home yeah
and so now they're back inschool and back in homeschool

(44:33):
and they've been at it for thepast.
Yeah, they have the freedom to,first of all, with the school
they're in.
Now we schedule their coursesjust like if you're in college.
So they're learning how to bemore self-sufficient with
homeschooling.
To be more self-sufficient withhomeschooling um, they, they

(45:00):
the way they planned it out.
They have their days where,okay, I know, I don't have to
wake up until 11 o'clock, sothey have their shifts.
Oh, wow, so start until 11o'clock, I don't have to wake up
before then.
Oh, that's so.
They love it and they know okay, with mommy, we have to get our
work done before we can haveany time to go on our games or
anything like that.
So once they get their workdone and maintain their grades,

(45:23):
they're fine to do whatever theywant, okay, like play their
xbox and stuff, but I stilllimit their time okay with the
games.

Speaker 1 (45:31):
So they love it.
And then, what about the socialaspect?
Because I hear that even tothis day, I still hear people
saying like oh, you know, thekids need to socialize.
Homeschool is not good.
So what are your thoughts onthat and what have you found to
work for you guys?

Speaker 3 (45:52):
So they forged friendships while they were in
school.
Right now, both my sons are bya friend that they met in school
.
Okay.
And then also do jujitsu, sothey have jujitsu six days a
week.
Oh, wow.
Monday through Friday from 5and 5.30 to 7.30.

(46:13):
And then on Saturdays from 9 to11.
Okay, so they get that socialaspect and then, of course,
church, so we still get thesocial interaction and whatnot.
And I set up play dates, andit's not play dates when
you're're older.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
Yeah, hanging out.
Yeah, don't say playdates.

Speaker 3 (46:38):
But, yeah, they still get that social interaction and
because I think it was a goodidea to put them in school for
that space of time so they knowwhat it's like outside of the
little bubble that we have athome, right, but yeah, otherwise
, their personalities arealready formed right.
They're not going to changetheir personalities and so if

(47:02):
they like a person, they chooseto hang out with that person.
If they don't which my secondson has never met a person he
doesn't like okay, the socialbutterfly okay, that's good.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
So this is completely opposite.
He's like oh, humans, oh he'shad enough peopling for the day.
Okay, well, that's good.
At least you found somesolutions and you found
something that works for youguys.
So I'm hearing a lot, a lot, alot about like their scheduling,

(47:38):
their interests.
So where does that put you nowas mom?
Do you get an opportunity tohave like alone time, private
time?
Do you make time for you andyour husband?
Like, what does that look like?
Because a lot of time, like yousaid, you guys, it sounds like

(48:00):
you guys have your little bubbleright for your family, but
where does that leave you as mom, wife and then just akina, what
does that look like for you?

Speaker 3 (48:12):
so my husband and I, from we got married, we made up,
we made a promise to each other, like we always had it set, so
that we knew at the end of theday, our kids are going to grow
up and they're going to leavehome.
But we don't want ourrelationship because we clearly
initially liked this person tobegin with in order to marry

(48:35):
them.
And as you get older, yourpersonality change, you change,
so you want to grow with thatperson, as opposed to watching
you grow separately and him growseparately and then at the end
of the day, be like, oh, I don'teven know this person anymore,
I don't like them anymore.
Right, so we made up in ourmind we're gonna find a way.

(48:58):
So for us, we set things.
We haven't set that like ourkids try us, but at the end of
the day, we're always togetheron things.
Okay.
So even with discipline, likeyou can't come to me and be like
mom, can I have this?
And then daddy said I can haveit or use, or, or something like

(49:21):
that.
Yeah, it's not gonna be wherehis answer is different from my
answer right we're gonna be likewhat did your dad say?
okay what did?
Your mom right so you're a teamright, we're a team and then we
do dates.
We date even when we even if wehave to do it at home and we
only eaten pea soup and dumpling.

(49:42):
At the end of the day, we'regonna have our date night, okay,
together and our kids oncetheir schoolwork is done.
Now that they're older, theydon't want to be around us
anymore.
So we still have like familytimes, like Friday nights are

(50:03):
dedicated to family movie night.
Sunday is dedicated to familydinner.
All the rest of the nights myhusband and I, once he gets home
, we make sure we spend at leasttwo, three hours together just
hanging out, me and him talkingabout his day, my day, what we
could do, like how much he hasto give, like emotionally,

(50:28):
physically, okay, how he feltabout what his day was like.
Like we sit down and we talkabout it.
Okay, how he felt about whathis day was like, we sit down
and we talk about it.
You know, I always say like, atthe end of the day, my husband
is the head of the home but I'mthe neck.
He makes the decisions.
But at the end of the day, as awife, I have to help, support
him and keep him standing up,holding up on the other side.

(50:50):
He can't turn this without thison the other side, like he
can't turn this without that.
So we in it together.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
Right, I like that.
Okay.
So what about you for yourself?
How do you carve out, or do youhave a chance to carve out time
for yourself with?

Speaker 3 (51:10):
just you alone.

Speaker 2 (51:11):
Oh honey, let me tell you alone oh honey, let me tell
you, I didn't start carving outtime for me until three years
ago, okay.

Speaker 3 (51:21):
Okay, let me tell you why.
Because I sat down and Ithought back and I looked at
myself.
When my kids were in elementary, I met with one.
I went I met a lady in theprincipal's office.
She was picking up hergrandchild, she was with her
husband, but you could tell thatshe was like going through
early onset Alzheimer's, okay,and I was like, oh my gosh, I've

(51:42):
seen you in pictures.
You're my husband's second momor whatever.
It was like a lady who, whowasn't really the mom, but you
know, he knew her and he used tocall her mom like way back.
So they were pictures together.
And she was like, oh, are youhis mom?
And I was like, well lord, do Ilook that old?

(52:03):
And I was like, uh, no, I'm hiswife.
And about four or five yearsago I sat down and I looked in
the mirror and I was like, oh KKina, you really need to do
better.
Like every day I get up, Iwould get up and I make sure I
take care of everybody else.
And then I'd be like you knowwhat?

(52:23):
I don't have anything else togive, I've got nothing for me.
So, all I'm going to do is thislittle bath and go to bed.
Okay.
But four or five years ago Ilooked at myself and I was like
kina.
At the end of the day, yourhealth is like this because you
kept on giving to everyone elseoh, wow, okay so now I make sure

(52:45):
I carve out times for me likesundays.
This is self-care sunday, okaythis is for me okay so I make
make sure that Sundays are justfor me.
Good.
I no longer cook every singleday Like I do.
I still have to cook threemeals a day, yeah, but I also
meal beforehand, okay.
So like it's easier for me tojust pull a meal out that I've

(53:08):
already prepped for the week andstick it in the oven or put it
in the pressure cooker or in thehot pot for the week and stick
it in the oven or put it in thepressure cooker or in the hot
pot, like I now I make sure thatI make time, yeah, for yourself
.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
I love that good, and you have to.
Yeah, the stress is real.
Um, it will take you out.
Uh, I I was just talking to acousin of mine and we kind of
he's maybe like two years olderthan I am and he was just like
he was serious.
But just hearing him, knowinghow we grew up, he's like man,

(53:43):
we're getting old, you, and hetakes his, his morning smoothie,
like he is serious.
He is serious about his morningsmoothie and apparently he goes
to the gym like in the morningsand he's serious about it.
And he was kind of reprimandingone of my family members who's
like been getting sick, butthey're not.

(54:05):
You know, we're all close inage, but this family member has
been pretty sickly, pretty ill,and he's like we're getting
older, like you have to dosomething for yourself With him.
His thing is his morningsmoothie and going to the gym.
He does not waver with that atall and he's like you can even

(54:28):
do exercises in a chair at home,you can do exercises in the bed
and he starts like I don't knowif you remember the show sit to
be fit, like back in the day.
So he's like doing the littlemoves like you can do, sit to be
fit, like there is no excuse,and I'm like you know what you
do.

(54:49):
We do have to prioritize ourhealth, especially as moms,
because that is something thatwe will go to bat for our kiddos
, we will go to bat for ourspouse, and then, when it's time
for us, it's like oh, I'm tootired, I can't move, I'm so
sleepy, I'm so this, I'm so thatand yeah, you do your health

(55:13):
will decline from it.
So I'm glad to hear that youare doing your self-care.
I'm glad to hear that you aredoing better, because that's
super important and the betteryou are, the better your family
is going to be.
So I'm glad that you recognizethat.
How would you describe yourselfas a mom?

(55:35):
That's what I want to know.
With everything that you havegoing on, how would you describe
yourself as a mom?

Speaker 3 (55:45):
You know, I was in Bible study on Wednesday and I
was sitting down listening tothe mom's talk.
I was sitting down listening tothe mom's talk and I told a mom
I was like you know, if at somepoint you don't question if
you're doing it right, if you'redoing a no, I said I feel like

(56:06):
as a good mom, because this iswhat a friend of mine told me.
My friend, wendy, was like youknow, the mere fact that you can
say I don't think I'm doinggood as a mom means that you
care enough and that makes you agreat mom.
Because I never felt like I wasdoing good enough.
I'd always like, don't get mewrong, my kids are amazing.

(56:29):
And people would say, oh mygosh, your child is this, your
child is that.
But every day I'd feel like Iwasn't good enough.
Okay, I don't feel that wayanymore.
Okay, because I realized thatno one is perfect.
And the reason I'd feel thatway is because I had to snap at
my son for something.
Or my baby went and ate the lastof the snacks that wasn't in

(56:54):
her lunchbox and I was.
I had that originally set asidefor another day, or something
like that.
She ate more than she was eat,or something like that, and I'd
never feel like I did goodbecause they made a mistake or
they didn't do something thatwas in my plans okay, okay and
I'd feel so guilty for having tosnap at them or having to

(57:18):
discipline them.
And then my friend was like youknow, at the end of the day, the
fact that you're questioningwhether or not you're doing the
right thing for my family makesyou a good mom, yeah, you know.
So now I look at it and I'mlike we survived another day

(57:40):
that's a win.

Speaker 1 (57:40):
In my book you made it exactly.

Speaker 3 (57:44):
So I mean, and then this is.
I guess this, this entireconversation is another proof
that I must be doing somethingright.
Yeah.
Because you're not the onlyperson that's come to me for
advice on what they should dowith whom and stuff.
So I I feel like no one isperfect.

(58:06):
No one will ever be perfect.
The only person that was everperfect was Christ.
I still flip tables in thetemple, so, at the end of the
day, all we can do is do ourbest, give our best yeah,
absolutely.

Speaker 1 (58:22):
And I will say that is the premise of this entire
show, and I always have toexplain this to people because
they hear them all.
I mean, they hear the name ofthe show for shitty moms and
they're like, oh my gosh, I justhad someone, I invited someone
to do an interview and I'm like,yeah, I have a podcast, it's

(58:45):
called for shitty moms, and Ijust wanted you to come on the
show and share your expertise.
And it was after we were donefilming the show.
She was like this was reallygreat, because you know, when I
heard the name, I was like, ohmy god, for shitty moms, am I?
Is this like DCF is gonna getinvolved?
Or something like what are youdoing?
So I had to explain like no,the name came from just feeling

(59:12):
overwhelmed and feelinginadequate, like I'm not doing
everything that needs to be doneas a mom.
Why is this so hard?
Or I just can't get it right.
Or oh my god, I'm failing mychild.
What am I gonna do?
And I I had to say like I amdefinitely not promoting child

(59:33):
neglect, child abuse or anythingof that sort with the name of
the show.
But it's really describing thatfeeling that you get as a mom,
when you're just always tryingto do better, right?
Typically, I feel like the momsthat I've come across, they're
always looking to see where theycan make some improvements, you

(59:56):
know, to make sure they have awell-rounded, self-sufficient,
independent, considerate childwho can also, you know, advocate
for themselves when they needto and just learn how to
navigate the world without yourparent being there.
Right, because we're not goingto be here forever.
So I think sometimes parentingnot just motherhood, but

(01:00:19):
parenting in general puts you inthat state of mind of oh my
gosh, my kid doesn't know how todo this.
Oh my gosh, my kid doesn't knowhow to.
Oh my God, I'm a failure.
Like, what am I doing wrong?
And sometimes you do have topump the brakes and say, okay,
maybe I'm not going to teach mychild every single thing that

(01:00:41):
they need to know to besuccessful or self-sufficient
and independent, right, but Ican teach them how to navigate
different environments to obtainwhatever it is that they need.
Right, our parents didn't teachus everything that we need to
be successful or be independent,but we know how to navigate our

(01:01:04):
way and we know how to findresources to give us what we
need.
So that's kind of how the showstarted, because there is no way
that I can do everything thatmy and give him everything that
my son would need to besuccessful and be independent.
Right, and for me, my biggestthing is I want him to be

(01:01:27):
independent, I want him to havegood relationships and connect
with people, but I also reallyneed him to know how to take
care of himself.
You know, when me and dad areno longer in the picture.
But then I also realized, likeyou know what that's why they
say it takes a village like youneed to reach out, and if it's

(01:01:48):
something that I don't know howto do, we'll find someone who
does right.
I can't do everything, but Ican get help.
I can get resources.
I can have people teach me or,you know, give me little gems
and little strategies that wouldhelp me overcome my own like
insecurities and then help melearn how to help him or even

(01:02:12):
just how to guide him to findhis own help when he needs it,
because he's not gonna knoweverything either, just like we
didn't.
So I want to know, with thatbeing said, um, what was a
recent shitty mom experiencethat you've had and I see you
laughing, so this must be a goodone.

(01:02:34):
So I want to know like what wasyour most recent shitty mom
experience?

Speaker 3 (01:02:44):
all right.
So my daughter?
She's 10, but she still sucksher finger okay we have tried
everything I mean everything toget her to stop sucking her
finger.
We have tried devices.
Right now she has braces.
She also has a crib in hermouth that's supposed to keep

(01:03:07):
her from even being able to gether finger in her mouth okay
also has like these things thatare behind her teeth that are
supposed to prick her finger,and she puts her thing.

Speaker 1 (01:03:17):
None of it is working oh, oh, my goodness, okay so
it's already frustrating for me.

Speaker 3 (01:03:22):
So the last thing I did was I bought another device
that's supposed to go over thehat and she kept on.
She kept on asking me mom, whatdo um, can I take it off to go
to jujitsu?
And I'm like no, you're nottaking it off anymore, you're
gonna keep it on.
She's like well, what am Isupposed to tell people if they
ask why I'm wearing it?

(01:03:43):
And I just got frustrated and Iwas like you know what?
Tell them drink water and mindtheir business.
And she came home thatafternoon and she was like mom,
I did it.
And I was like you did it, youdid what I told them.
And I was like you told whowhat.
And she was like I told them todrink water at my never

(01:04:06):
business and I was like oh, oh,oops, and I was like oh, bad mom
, bad mom.
So that that was interestinghaving their jujitsu teacher

(01:04:28):
contact me about the song.

Speaker 1 (01:04:29):
Oh no oops, well, it happens okay.
So look, sometimes, look, Ihave to remind parents and kids,
like moms are human.
Sometimes we, we getoverwhelmed, we get

(01:04:51):
overstimulated, we hit our max.
And we, we get overwhelmed, weget overstimulated, we hit our
max.
And sometimes you just have tosay like, look, I don't have an
answer.
And and sometimes whatevercomes up, comes out, it is what
it is.
That's just the nature ofthat's just the nature of
parenting.
And sometimes you know, youjust realize what kind of kids

(01:05:12):
you have.
Like, like, oh, okay, next timeI got it.
Like, so maybe with your sonsyou can say something like that.
But at least you know now, withyour daughter, like whatever
comes up, comes out, she's goingto repeat and like, okay, my
mom said, my mom said I can say,she really did right.

Speaker 3 (01:05:40):
She'll be like daddy.
Do you know what mommy didtoday, mom?

Speaker 1 (01:05:46):
it wasn't even that big it happens, it happens so
okay.
So that leads me to my nextquestion right now um, what are
your three biggest challenges asa mom right now?

Speaker 3 (01:06:01):
okay, so okay, first of all, it's.
There's that, um, now that mydaughter is in at an age where
it's no longer so, you know,like when you're teaching your
kids discipline, you're likeokay, one, two, three.
At a certain point they'regonna realize I don't really

(01:06:21):
have to move until mom gets tothree, okay.
So now I I'm trying to get mydaughter to realize baby, you
need to move on one.
Okay, so now it's, it's.
It's, that's one of mychallenges, trying to get her to
understand that.
Another, all of my challengesright now are with my daughter

(01:06:41):
because she's me.
So it's constantly thatstruggle of arguing with myself
okay, I'll be like, baby, thesky is blue.
And she'd be like actually it'ssky blue with hints of white

(01:07:02):
for clouds, and I'm like, maybewe saying the same thing.
No, we're not.
So my biggest challenge is allthree of my biggest challenges
will always come back to mydaughter okay, getting her to
understand to move on one,getting her structured in a, in
a schedule, to know okay, thisneeds to be done at this time

(01:07:24):
because my baby is aprofessional time waster.
Oh no, oh no.
Okay, I have jujitsu at thistime.
So if I take 50 million hoursto get this done.
It's not gonna be done forjujitsu, and then mom is not
gonna make me do it when I getback home.
Okay, so it's like getting herto understand time constraints

(01:07:49):
okay and the other thing likesneaking.
Sneaking snacks like those mybiggest challenges.
Like sneaking snacks Like thoseare my biggest challenges right
now.
Sneaking snacks Baby, you haveenough sugar.
I put treats in your lunchboxfor a reason, right, so stick
with that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:07):
Right, right, okay.
So what have you found thatactually has been helping, and
have you found any strategiesthat are helping with that, or
are you still exploring?
What does that look like?

Speaker 3 (01:08:23):
Solutions to these challenges right now.
Okay, so my strategies rightnow that I have find have been
working, especially with thetime constraints thing, is
exercise, believe it.
Or I'm like, okay, I set timersif my daughter doesn't get what
I assigned to her done in thetime frame.
And I set realistic timers, I'mnot gonna be like, okay, you

(01:08:46):
have to finish the whole page intwo minutes.
I set realistic timers for mydaughter's personality.
Okay, if she doesn't get itdone in the time frame that
she's supposed to get it done,because she needs to be able to
focus and get what she needs todo done in the time frame.
If she doesn't get it done inthat time frame, I'm like, okay,
you got 15 squats or you gotmany push-ups, okay.

(01:09:10):
And now she's realizing, okay,time is money, because there's a
consequence be an island, youknow, like our first go-to is
always spanking yeah, definitelythat's, that's not, that's not.
That don't work for my daughter,so that's not me.
Okay.
She's like oh well, I'll takethis and roll with it.

(01:09:31):
She will be like okay, youwon't let me do this, that's
fine, I.
So yeah, it literally has to besomething that she's going to
understand and learn from.
Okay, and so squats, thepush-ups, stuff like that my
baby gonna be have the strongestlegs ever.

(01:09:55):
Okay, no, now she's.
Now she's doing much better.
She's, she's.
She's like okay, yeah, okay, I.
I.

Speaker 1 (01:10:02):
This hurts yeah, and in the world of behavior therapy
we call that positivepunishment.
So you're adding um like a, anegative stimuli or an aversive
stimuli to the environment tomake her stop doing something in
the future, so that somethingin her case would be the

(01:10:24):
procrastination.
So she'll, she'll definitelyfigure it out and put two and
two together, like you said,like, oh, the more time I waste,
oh man, I'm going gonna have todo some exercise.
So I mean, and that's good,that you have something um in

(01:10:44):
place that works, that isworking and that she's starting
to understand.
Uh, so that's good.
I like to hear that.
What about the um, the countingdown?
What about that?

Speaker 3 (01:10:56):
That's good.
I like to hear that.
What about the?

Speaker 1 (01:10:57):
counting down.
What about that?
Sorry, you broke up.
What was that?
The countdown?
The counting down, initiatingthe task by the time you get to
one.

Speaker 2 (01:11:06):
There's no more counting.
What are you doing?
Okay, no more counting.

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
That's the timer too.
There's no more counting.
You do, aaliyah, go and take ashower.
If you don't do it when I sayyou were supposed to do it,
you're in penalty zone.
So, with penalty zone, you havethis amount and I have it.
I created a list and I put iton my refrigerator.
It goes for all of them.
Like they don't finish the orthey don't complete their chores

(01:11:31):
the right way.
Like my boys, I'll be likecleaning the kitchen.
They think cleaning the kitchenmeans putting the dishes into
the dishwasher.
That's not it.
You're not done.
You should wash out the sink.
You didn't wipe down thecountertops.
You didn't finish your choresRight.
So with that, you have 50push-ups.
Okay.

(01:11:52):
So yeah, now they know.
Okay, this is what we need todo okay, so there is no more
countdown okay, you're of theeight, where there's no more one
, two or three, there is onlyone.

Speaker 1 (01:12:05):
Oh, good, I like that , I like that, and then they'll
definitely catch on, because Iknow that exercise is it can be
very, very, very aversive, Ithink for me.
I've started with the phone, um, taking that away, uh,
depending on what my little onehas going on, because that is

(01:12:28):
like, and I was telling myhusband like I don't want that
to be the go-to, you know,because now we're in a time
where initially, when he startedmiddle school, it was kind of
like, oh, he really doesn't needa phone.
And then, once I startedthinking about, I'm like, no, if
something happens, like heneeds to be able, yeah, to get

(01:12:51):
in touch with me, but the phonewas like, the phone was killing
me, um, between, like the groupchats, the games that you can
download, um, I had some friendstell me about what is it?
Iphone has it's called screentime and it's supposed to pretty

(01:13:11):
much be like the parentalcontrols for the phone.
That is a joke.
These kids know how tocircumvent whatever little
firewall is there, whateverlittle like.
Even the other day I'm lookingat the phone because it's
supposed to be on a timer whenhe can access certain apps and
when he can't, and on the screenit will give him the option to

(01:13:34):
extend the time or not, like doyou want to ignore this timer?
So I'm like I know I set hisphone to like cut off at this
time.
It's supposed to block certainapps at this time.
And I'm looking at him stillplaying the game right in my
face.
So I'm like, let me see yourphone and a little thing will

(01:13:58):
just like a little dialog boxwill pop up.
Would you like to extend thetime?
Would you like to ignore thetime today?
And all he has to do is clickyes and he can ignore the timer.
He can ignore the controls.
So what I ended up doing is, um, I found another phone that I
pay maybe like $30 a month for.

(01:14:21):
It looks like a smartphone, butit does not have an internet
browser on it at all.
So like he, I mean one day Idon't know what it was between
like the friends on the phone,because we try to keep him

(01:14:41):
involved in extracurricularactivities.
But you know, it's kind of hardto link up with other parents
who have kids your age Just tobe around, parents who are doing
something outside of the house,outside of video games and
things like that.
So my husband and I we havebeen like actively looking for

(01:15:03):
like other kids for him to hangout with.
He is an only child, um, butit's like all of the kids in his
circle, like my, my son.
I always refer to him as agamer.
He's a gamer kid, so it's hardto get him around kids who are
not gamer kids and in his circlehe's starting to almost become

(01:15:29):
like the outcast, because we dohave him in basketball, we do
have him in piano, so I can hearsometimes on the game if
they're playing like I don'tknow a tournament or something,
and we're like all right, it'stime for basketball, we gotta go
.
And he's gotta tell his friendsnow like I gotta go.

(01:15:50):
And I mean these kids are like,these kids are ruthless.
Sometimes Like you have toleave again, like I heard one of
them tell him.
Like if you leave I'm going tohate you because I guess they're
like in the middle of acompetition, so like we're
supposed to be on the same teamand if you leave me I'm going to

(01:16:12):
get killed or I'm going to dieor something like that.
So I'm like I understand.
But then it got to a pointwhere, like me and dad are
trying to wrestle him away fromthe phone and he's like, but I
don't want them to be mad at me,you know, or like now they
tease him.
You always have to leave, we'regoing to play without you.
You know that taunting startsto happen and he's just like one

(01:16:35):
day he called himself like he'sgoing to put his foot down with
us Because we keep interruptinghis game and like his friends
are getting upset with him, thathe always has to leave.
And why does he have to do?
Like, why do I have to gooutside and play?

(01:16:56):
Why do I have to playbasketball?
Why do I have to practice piano?
Why do I have to get off thegame?
All my friends don't have toget off the game.
And we're like you know what?
You are absolutely right, thosekids are on that game, I mean,
from the time it can be seveno'clock in the morning and if

(01:17:17):
he's, if he's not already on thegame by 7 am, they're like
calling him on the game, likeget on, get.
Where are their parents?
So one day I just had it and Iwas like you know what there's
got to be.
Like I went to AT&T, like, look,my kid needs a flip phone, like

(01:17:38):
I mean some old school Nokia,metro give me something and
they're like man and I'm like nointernet.
I don't want a piece ofinternet on the phone at all,
and it's kind of like we don'thave phones without internet
access.
Like what are you talking about?

(01:17:58):
So I ended up getting the phonethrough, like I don't know.
I googled and there's a phonecalled like a gab phone and it's
different levels to it and theyrecommend it by like age group.
So so I actually got him thephone, not the advanced one,
because the advanced one hasinternet, but it will shut the

(01:18:20):
internet off completely.
Like after a certain amount oftime with his.
His has no internet at all.
Um, if he wants to do a groupchat or anything like that, it
has to be done through the appand like only certain people,
certain family members, haveaccess to it.
Um, certain phone numbers likecan't even call his phone.

(01:18:43):
So I'm like you know what?
We're gonna take a break, we'regonna detox a little bit, we're
gonna hit the reset button,because this is like me and dad
are really struggling.
I understand like we'reoutnumbered right now, but just
because the majority of thepeople around you are doing a
certain thing, that doesn't makeit right and it even became

(01:19:06):
like a struggle for me and dadbecause it, you know, we started
to second guess, like, oh, weare kind of making him a little
ostracized a bit because hiscrew you know his buddies, they
are gamers.
But we just started seeingthings within that little
community that we did notapprove of.

(01:19:26):
So we're like let's take abreak.
So with the phone, this is afunny story.
When I was explaining to my sonI was like it's not gonna be
done.
In a way that's malicious, likewe're gonna sit down, we're
gonna have a conversation, um,we'll start it at a certain time
so he doesn't feel like he'sjust being punished and the

(01:19:48):
phone is just being taken away.
So I'm like, okay, sunday willbe the last day.
We're gonna switch out thephones.
You're gonna have a new numberand everything.
It has games on it, likesolitaire.
So you're not completely likecold turkey with games, but you
gotta find some new games toplay.
Learn how to play chess on thephone, learn how to play

(01:20:08):
solitaire, like learn how toplay tetris and, you know, find
something else to do.
You know it shouldn't be apunishment for me to say find
something to do that's not onthe game.
If I say that to him, it's likewhy are you punishing me?
You're not on punishment.
I just said you can't play thegame.

(01:20:31):
And to him it was likedevastating and yeah, and even
he has a playstation.
He doesn't even want to play.
The playstation is somethingabout like his thing right now
with his crew.
They are like a roblox crew.
Yeah, so they'll facetime andthey'll roblox.
And I'm like, even if he playedthe traditional, traditional

(01:20:56):
video game you know it's atleast that's something on the TV
I feel like it's separate fromthe phone.
He's not glued to it and itstays home.
And then when we're outside ofthe home, I'm sorry, sweetheart,
you got to socialize Like.
You got to interact with people.
You gotta tap into yourenvironment.
But you know, roblox, they canplay that on the phone as well.

(01:21:19):
So it's really hard to likeunplug.
So he starts like sendingtheseished the iphone and you
know just me being a typical momlike let me go through this

(01:21:40):
phone and like scroll throughand see.
And he's telling his bestfriend like I guess initially he
told the best friend about thenew phone that I was getting him
and once it came he's like bro,you're not gonna be able to
talk to me for a while.
My mom has me this new assphone that doesn't have the

(01:22:04):
internet, so I'll talk to you atschool but I'll only be able to
text or no more group chats orwhatever.
So him and his friend reallyreferred to the new phone as the
ass phone.
Like, oh, man, and I'm justlike you know, like, and I'm

(01:22:31):
like, okay, well, at least youknow I I felt terrible.
So if we talk about shitty mommoments, like because it was
really like him going to hisclosest friends, like saying
goodbye, and I'm telling myhusband like, okay, the phone is
a little more than just a game,like this is his connection to

(01:22:52):
people.
But I really need him to tapinto other environments.
And I will say I even told himlike after a week of having the
ass phone, I was telling himlike because now that's what I
call it, like you call it theass phone, I'm gonna call it the
ass phone.
So a week after him having thisass phone, I felt like we were

(01:23:15):
able to connect again, like wewere having dinners and he's
like telling us about his dayand giving us the tea and like
interacting with differentpeople at school or or even one
day.
My husband noticed my husbandcame home early from work and he
passed by my son's bus stop andhe was like, oh my gosh, he was

(01:23:38):
like talking to people at thebus stop today.
I was going to pick him up butI just went in the opposite
direction to give him more time,because apparently we have a
lot of kids who live in ourneighborhood who are the same
age as our son and we did notknow this until he started his
new school and all the kids aregoing to the same school.

(01:23:59):
None of these kids are outside.
Like we didn't even know this.
Many kids lived in thisneighborhood so it was nice to
see him like interacting andtalking to other kids and it's
because we had to like cut thatoff.
So initially I was like, dang,like we're making him the
outcast, we're shitty parentsfor being like old school and

(01:24:21):
traditional.
But it's almost like it gave usour kid back.
Like he's starting.
Now he wants to go outside andride his bike.
So now, even now that he hasthe game back, he'll tell his
friends like, oh, I'll call youguys later, I'm gonna go ride my
bike.
Cool, I can live with that.
Yeah, so it's just.

(01:24:42):
You know it's it's really trialand error and just trying to
figure out.
I don't think there's aone-size-fits-all for anybody.
Um, I do think it's trial anderror and you just have to be.
I think, as a parent right now,you just have to be like a dog
with a bone, you have to bepersistent and you have to be

(01:25:04):
resilient.
Okay, that did not work out.
Like you said, sometimes there'sa lot of embarrassment.
You know, especially withsocial media, everybody wants to
post the highlights of theirkids and sometimes, when you
don't have a chance to postthose highlights, it's like, oh
man, like what am I doing wrong?
You know I must be doingsomething wrong.

(01:25:24):
I'm a shitty mom because my kiddoesn't do xyz.
But then, at the same time, Ifeel, feel like for me I'm
looking for something different,like to me, what's important is
that independence for me wasimportant.
I really want him to be able toconnect with people, which is a

(01:25:45):
struggle.
It's even a struggle for me,and I think recently that's what
I started prioritizing,probably like this year, like
that needs to be a priority,because me and dad are not
always gonna be here and rightnow for our son, like me and dad
are his safe space me, dad,grandma he's good, like he

(01:26:08):
doesn't want for much, hedoesn't want anything, he
doesn't want to go anywhere.
Like as long as he has thatgame and his family he really
doesn't care about anything else.
And I'm like honey, you got totap in to some other things.
Like he doesn't see the pointin doing anything outside of
spending time with family andfriends on the game and that's

(01:26:31):
it.
So I'm just happy that we'vekind of found something because
we do surround him with, like,say, his coaches.
I was really intentional withhis coaches.
A lot of his coaches are likeblack males and they're younger,
because I wanted him to seelike it's not just me and dad

(01:26:53):
telling you this because we'reyour parents, but let's get some
role models and examples toshow you what we're telling you
is is really within your reach,right?
This is something that you cando, you can explore is other
people telling you the samething that we're telling you,

(01:27:13):
and they're not your parents.
So we have kind of tapped intoa village.
His piano instructor oh mygoodness, shout out to Mr
Theodore.
He is like the most patienthuman being I have ever met in
my life, because my son is atrue Scorpio.

(01:27:33):
He is like when he has his mindset, he is set.
And you know, even with pianothat's a struggle.
He doesn't really see the valuein it.
But then when it's time forlike a recital or something he
wants to play, so he wants toplay.
He doesn't like to practice.
That don't go together.
So so it's just nice to havesomebody else to rely on to kind

(01:28:01):
of tell him the same thing thatwe're saying as his parents,
but maybe because it's comingfrom somebody different, maybe
it'll sink in.
So I want to know, like youoften refer to your bubble with
your, your kids and your family,but do you have a village for
them as well?
What does that look like?

Speaker 3 (01:28:24):
so I have a village for my, my kids village right
now is my, my, my me, my husband, their grandparents family, of
course but also their coaches atjuj.
I can't even begin to say, likemy sons even coach sometimes.

(01:28:47):
Oh nice, they really take themunder their wings.
Yeah, and it's such a meltingpot of different cultures
because they have all differentskin tones there.
Okay, different cultures Good.
Their three coaches are Hispanic, white and black, so they get

(01:29:07):
an understanding or from olderguys, not just from what they
know, but from all differentwalks of life.

Speaker 1 (01:29:15):
I love that.

Speaker 3 (01:29:16):
You know, yeah, yeah, so I love that.
And then church.
Okay.
I can't being at church, theylearn they have.
We have our people that we prayfor and who prays for us and it
helps, like with me.
I know that my circle got sosmall because with my illness, I

(01:29:40):
I was, I was embarrassed, andit's because it was me, because
it's embarrassing to be justactive and then the next minute
you're unconscious, you've madesomeone panic, they're freaking
out because they don't know howto help you, and so it was
embarrassing for me.
I don't mind how you talk aboutme, but when it comes to my

(01:30:07):
babies, that's a different issue.
But anyway right.
So, but it became embarrassingfor me because I was going
through it and I was like, no,keena, isolating yourself really
isn't going to help.
But at the same time, myfriends that were there really
stepped up and they were like,no, keena, you have a tendency

(01:30:30):
not to speak, not to ask forhelp, and so like they really
reached out and made sure, likethey stepped in and helped me
out where I needed them to.
So it really it really is ablessing to have people in your
corner and supporting you andyou support them.
Like you got to make sure youcheck the people who you have

(01:30:51):
around you too, because ifyou're pouring into someone, you
fill in their vessel andleaving yourself empty, so that
person also has to pour backinto you.

Speaker 1 (01:31:01):
Right, absolutely.

Speaker 3 (01:31:03):
Yeah.
I'm glad that.

Speaker 1 (01:31:12):
I have those kinds of people around me and
surrounding me to keep megrounded and keep them grounded.
I love that.
I definitely.
And that kind of goes into thenext question that I was going
to ask you, like what are somethings, behaviors or habits that
you wanted to change?
But I want to ask like so, withthem, bringing that to your
attention, do you ask for helpnow?
Are you more likely, are youmore inclined to ask for help

(01:31:34):
when you need it, or are youjust surrounded by people who
know when to step in without youasking?

Speaker 3 (01:31:40):
I am now surrounded by people that know when to step
in without you asking.
I am now surrounded by peoplethat know when to step in okay
because I still have that issue.
I've had that all my life.
Like I'm the person that peoplego to to tell secrets because
they know it's never coming backout.
It's a fault.
Kina literally is not gonna sayanything until like it's dire
straits okay, okay, okay.

(01:32:00):
My last leg, especially my mom.
Oh, my goodness, like I didn'tappreciate my mom enough until I
got sick.
Okay.
Like my mommy is my next to myhusband.
That's my best friend.
Okay.
So I'm still learning to dobetter and trying to get better

(01:32:26):
at asking for help, but I stillstruggle with that okay, because
you want to be strong on yourown, so yeah, and sometimes you
don't.

Speaker 1 (01:32:33):
You know, if you know someone's background, if
they're struggling withsomething.
Sometimes you don't want to addto that struggle either by
asking for help if you need it.
But I'm glad that you'resurrounded by people who kind of
are in tuned with what's goingon and they'll just step in.

(01:32:54):
And it's also a good thing thatyou allow them to help, because
that's usually anotherchallenge, not just asking for
help, but really allowing peopleto help you when you need it.
So at least you're halfwaythere, because when people do
step in to help you, at leastyou accept the help, because
usually that's challenging forpeople as well.

(01:33:15):
So I wanna know, witheverything that we've gone over
today, what are some rewards inmotherhood that you've
experienced?

Speaker 3 (01:33:27):
I think my rewards come when, when I hear, okay,
yeah, kina, your kids areamazing.
Or your kids are doing like,that's my biggest reward.
Like because you know, as a mom, we constantly struggle with
the thought that we're neverdoing good enough.
So with watching them coachother kids at jujitsu, or having

(01:33:50):
parents walk up and be like, oh, you're such and such as mom,
he is such a great kid and mydaughter loves him, or my son
loves him and he's so helpfuland he's eat it, like that
really helps.
That's my rewards.
That's where I get it.
And then my kids bought me abirthday present for the first

(01:34:11):
time ever, without me knowing,like for the first this this
week.
And I was because, with being amom, you sometimes have those
low expectations.
Where you're, you don't expectanything in return, right, and
then to see them come.
Mind you, it was a can openerfrom my daughter.

(01:34:34):
But I was like, oh my gosh, Idid need a new can opener
thoughtful okay, my husband hadhis friend take them to target
and they all picked out theirown gifts that they wanted to
get me for my birthday.
Oh, like that was huge for me,like I'm like oh my gosh, thank

(01:34:56):
you and that means they'repaying attention.

Speaker 1 (01:35:00):
I love that and it's truly like it's the thought that
counts.
That means she must have beenreally paying attention and
maybe you must have said like,oh my gosh, I got to get a can
opener, like it could have beenone of those moments, and she
like got it, I got you, sothat's good she got me a can

(01:35:23):
opener and she's tuned in.
That's good.
That's she's paying attention,that's good.
So I want to know whatphilosophy describes like your
current status as a mom when itcomes to like the work-life
balance, or just like thestruggle and juggle which one do

(01:35:45):
which?
Which uh phase do you thinkyou're in right now?
Are you kind of balanced?
Are you struggling and jugglinglike what is it for you?

Speaker 3 (01:35:56):
for me.
Honestly, I'm like smack dab inthe middle okay because I do my
best to have that work-lifebalance because, like I said, I
homeschool but I'm also a wifeand honestly I sometimes think
my husband is thinking that I'msitting home waiting for him to
call me and ask me to dosomething.
Okay, so like that.

(01:36:17):
So I try to like set a schedulefor me every day and
maintaining the house, theclothes, because we're home all
day, so it literally getschaotic sometimes.
So trying to find that balancein taking care of everything,
everyone, myself, plus getorders out on Etsy and do all of

(01:36:39):
this orders for people thatthat spoke to me in person or
whatnot it's.
It's there where I'm gettingthat done, but if I have a bad
day because, like with my health, I have those days- okay if I
have a bad day, my schedule iscompletely thrown off so what I
don't get done the day beforeonly adds to what I need to do

(01:37:02):
tomorrow.

Speaker 1 (01:37:03):
Oh, okay, I see.

Speaker 3 (01:37:05):
Yeah, like I'm smack dab in the middle of that
balance of work and thatstruggle and juggle.
But I'm going to say it like mymom said to me she's like Kina
dirt don't never kill nobodyunless it fall on top of them.
Okay, if I don't get all mychores done, my house is never,

(01:37:30):
ever messy.
Well, no, there are times whenit is, but it's never
uninhabitable.
Okay, you know yeah.
But if it gets to a point whereI just can't get what I have on
my chore list done for this day,I'm I.
At first I used to be like, ohmy gosh, I failed today.
But now I'm like you know what.

(01:37:51):
I can only do so much.
I'll get it done tomorrow okay,it has to get, so we find, I
find that that helps okaybecause what you can't do, you
can't do yeah and it's one ofyou take care of you because
your health is so importantabsolutely, if you do that if

(01:38:11):
you die, life is just going tocarry on absolutely and then
they have to figure it out ontheir own, and I'm not letting
nothing take me out right nowgood and you shouldn't?

Speaker 1 (01:38:22):
I don't want you to, and I'm sure your family.
They don't want that either.
So it's good that you'reembracing that philosophy.
Um, I want to know what adviceas a mom, what advice do you
wish you'd had sooner?

Speaker 3 (01:38:42):
my, I wish I had the advice with putting them on a
schedule sooner okay like,especially with alia, like
because of her gaps in her.
Well, my daughter has adhd anddyslexia, so that doesn't okay,
I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 (01:39:01):
Okay, like she has really bad dyslexia.

Speaker 3 (01:39:02):
So that doesn't help.
I didn't know that.
Okay, like she has really baddyslexia.
My dad also has dyslexia.
I also have a little bit ofdyslexia.
Okay so it's not shocking, buthers is like like we go to the
eye doctor.
She will list every letter onthat, but it is never going to
be in the right order.
Okay so with the fact that shehas dyslexia.
She struggles with reading andshe struggles with spelling.

Speaker 1 (01:39:21):
Okay, like.

Speaker 3 (01:39:22):
I'll be like like she's definitely getting better.
But at first I'd be like spellcat and she'll be like XPT.
Oh, okay.
But like getting her on aschedule and sticking to it,
being consistent with theschedule, like, has really

(01:39:42):
helped because, like now,especially with her addition,
honestly, addition andsubtraction, I've come to
realize, is literally onlymemorization okay and the more
you do it, the more consistentand consistent you are with it,
because one plus one will alwaysbe two, two plus two will
always be four.
So we literally startedmemorizing addition, subtraction

(01:40:05):
, multiplication, division, andso now she can see those numbers
combined and get it like thatoh, good, and I wish I had that
sooner.
Okay.
Because she's 10 now and I feellike she could have been
further along than she is.

Speaker 1 (01:40:26):
But she's got it.
So back to what we were talkingabout with the deficits as long
as you keep the end in mind,you know, however she gets there
, she gets there.
But ultimately the idea is tohave like a well-rounded child
and really trying to fill in thedeficits as much as possible.
So at least you're gettingthere and you're making progress

(01:40:49):
and I love that for both of youbecause it's also showing her.
You know, it may take her awhile to get there and that's OK
, she's going to get there.
So I don't think she would havethe same self-esteem issues
that other kids would have whoconstantly feel like they're
being left behind.

(01:41:10):
Um, she's kind of it's kind ofbeing ingrained in her right now
to understand that she can goat her own pace and that's okay.
So, and that's great that youare guiding her through that so
that becomes her norm.
That's awesome.
Um, what's the best advice?

(01:41:31):
I know you said your mom saiddirt, dirt doesn't kill anybody.
Um, what's what's the bestadvice that you've been given as
a mom?

Speaker 3 (01:41:41):
um, honestly, there was this wonderful lady in the
Bahamas and she was like teachthem how to survive when you're
gone, okay.
So, like this was one of thereasons I pulled Aaliyah out of
school, like she would get introuble for being too
independent and I didn't realizethat it was a problem.

(01:42:03):
Like so for lunch, I teach allmy kids when you're done eating,
clear your plate, wash it, putit in the dishwasher.
Rinse it, put it in thedishwasher, or wash it, dry it
and put it away.
So she would get in trouble forgetting up and throwing her
food away.
So I told her getting up andthrowing her food away.
So I told her okay, don't dothat anymore, just wait.

(01:42:26):
Well, no, I told her, it's okay, just sit.
So, being her, because she's sostrong, will, rather than
getting out of her seat anymore,she tried throwing it across
the cafeteria into the trash canand so that caused an issue,
like I didn't get up so, yeah,that caused an issue for her.

(01:42:50):
But, um, yeah, like now, my kidI I see like there's my kids,
they all know how to wash theirown clothes okay, in the washing
machine and by hand they allknow how to simple meals so like
, even if it's just grits andtuna or white rice and curry.
They know how to make simplemeals, that's simple.

Speaker 1 (01:43:13):
Oh yeah, white rice and curry is simple.
Oh my gosh shoot okay, damnokay.
Shitty mom moment over here,cause I'm like curry is a staple
in our house.

Speaker 3 (01:43:30):
We have that at least once or twice a week so a
staple lasts like one of oursimple meals, cause we literally
eat that all the time.
But yeah, like, they all knowhow to make sure that they clean
, brush their teeth, wash theirface, keep themselves hygienic
and healthy.
They take vitamins, so likemaking sure that they can

(01:43:51):
survive once we're gone or ifwe're not around was the best
advice I ever got, and I startedteaching them from young.

Speaker 1 (01:43:58):
Okay, good, and that's something that, look,
we're working on it as well.
The especially the hygiene.
Being a boy mom, the hygiene islike crucial um.
But I feel like it's the same,for I'm starting to see like a
lot of parents of of girls tohave that struggle and that

(01:44:19):
issue with the hygiene as well.
But I I agree that is reallygood advice to just get them as
self sufficient and independentas possible, because we're not
going to be here forever and Ithink that's the ultimate goal.
And I just love how you'vereally encouraged Well, I can't

(01:44:39):
say for the listeners, but Iknow me listening to you your
philosophy, the homeschooling,all of that is really getting my
wheels spinning and making mefeel a little more.
I don't know self-assured thatyou know I can take control and

(01:45:00):
really slow things down and givemy son what he really needs,
because you know, public schoolisn't for everybody, private
school isn't for everybody,charter schools aren't for
everybody, home school isn't foreverybody.
But you know, I love the ideaof being able to really tailor
his education to his specificneeds and if we have to take a

(01:45:25):
few steps back, I mean you justreally told, giving me so much
information to where I feelencouraged and not so
overwhelmed to to really lookinto the benefits for him.
If he excels in one area, itsounds like there are resources

(01:45:46):
to meet his needs for that, andif he's falling behind in
another area, it sounds likethere are options out there to
make sure he's able to catch upbefore he's being pushed into
this world of young adulthood,because then we all know, young

(01:46:07):
adulthood poses a whole notherset of challenges.
So it's like you want to, whilethey're still in grade school,
you want to get your ducks in arow, so to speak, and and
prepare them as much as possibleso they can start to face and
take on the new challenges ahead.
So I just want to say thank youso much for spending some time

(01:46:29):
with us.
As a mom of three, I know you'resuper duper busy, but I want to
say thank you for just givingus some insight on the ins and
outs, because a lot of peopledon't know, and a lot of people
don't know where to start whenit comes to homeschool, and I
was one of those people as well.
I really didn't know where tostart, but you've dropped a lot

(01:46:52):
of gems today and I just want togive the listeners an
opportunity if they want toreach out to you.
Um, I know you do a lot ofcrafting, a lot of sewing and
things like that, so if ourlisteners were interested, how
can they get in touch with you?
What's the best way?

Speaker 3 (01:47:14):
probably instagram.
Okay, my business page.
I have it.
It's one of Akina.
Ok.
O-n-e-o-f-a-k-i-n-a.
Just shoot me a message andI'll be sure to answer you.
I haven't posted on there in awhile because, like I said, I
forget.

Speaker 1 (01:47:34):
Yeah, you're super busy.

Speaker 3 (01:47:35):
Yes, but yeah, if you reach out to me on there, I
have no problem answering anyquestions.

Speaker 1 (01:47:43):
Okay, all right, and thank you so much for joining us
.
I look forward to releasingthis episode and sharing it with
you.
Hey, everyone, it's yourfavorite BCBAD here, dr DeLoren.
Dr DeLoren and I'm here to askyou to help us continue making

(01:48:06):
great content for listenerseverywhere by visiting
wwwforshittymomscom, where youcan make a monthly contribution.
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at
Foreshitty Moms and that'sshitty with an X, not an I.

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