EP 13: Irish Twins, Teenagers, Limited Support, and Endless Hustle: One Mom's Journey

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
Behavioral Alliance, your numberone source for behavior change.
Fidelity Behavioral Alliancecreates behavior change programs
for schools, parents andorganizations looking to reduce
problem behaviors and improveperformance outcomes.

(00:20):
Find out more atwwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom.
If you would like to sponsor anepisode of FSM, email us at
shitmom at gmailcom.
That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M atgmailcom.

(00:42):
M-o-m at gmailcom.
It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready for another
episode of For Shitty Moms.
All right, Welcome backeveryone.
Welcome to another episode ofFSM.
I'm your host, Dr Lori, andtoday we have a super special

(01:03):
guest, Of course, from thehometown.
We have Kira Hubbard.
She is a mom of three, she's awife, she's an entrepreneur,
business consultant you name it,she does it.
If I could give her a nicknamefor the show or like all I like

(01:24):
to coin terms for all of my moms, I would put her in the
category of like the queen ofhustle.
If it's a business, if you havebusiness questions, she is your
go to person superknowledgeable, super helpful,

(01:47):
extremely personable and justjuggles everything.
So today's episode we're goingto jump into the life of Kira,
what that looks like for her,and she's going to let us know
how she's managing everythingthat she manages and still has
time for husband, kids, sanity,happiness and all that stuff.
So, without further ado, Kira,welcome to the show and thanks

(02:09):
for joining us today.

Speaker 2 (02:11):
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'm happy to be here and youexplained everything I mean that
was to the T of who I am, but Iappreciate you for even
reaching out to me to actuallybe a part of your show.
I'm excited about it.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
Good, I'm glad you were able to join us.
When I first started the showand like putting together an
idea, I had like my mommy hitlist and, like you were one of
the top people on that list.
I follow most of the peoplethat I invite on the show.
I do try to follow them onsocial media just to stay

(02:50):
abreast on what's going on whatthey're doing.
But recently I startedrevamping my social media within
like the last two years to makesure I'm following people that
can like teach me something,right.
So that's when I really gotinto following you, your page,

(03:12):
your journey, what you weredoing.
I think first you at some pointone point in time and this was
like years ago I think you werelike doing the, the travel
agency, and things like that,and then you branched off into
like credit repair, taxes thatkind of thing and I'm like, oh,

(03:33):
I need to know about that.
So I started like following youand just seeing your growth
from maybe like 10 years ago.
I feel like that's when Ireally started following what
you were doing, what you wereposting on social media, to see
everything and how you've grownyour business organically.

(03:56):
It's just amazing to watch,because we went to the same
school.
We're from the same town, so Ikind of I'm familiar with your
background.
You familiar with our families,are familiar with one another,
so to see that transition isjust like amazing.
So I know I can learn a lotfrom you and I always try to

(04:22):
learn as much as I can from you.
But just having you on thisplatform will really allow you
to expand and reach out,hopefully, and inspire some
other moms to kind of do thesame thing.
You can turn that into abusiness.
You can turn that intosomething that supports your

(04:51):
livelihood.
So that's what I really amhoping to get from you today.
I mean, I see it.
But really, if there are somemoms out there who are on the
fence about getting started,like we are here in the new year
, this is the perfect time toreally become inspired and start

(05:14):
taking those small stepstowards an idea that they have.
Even if it doesn't work out,that's okay, but at least get
started.
So I want you to kind ofintroduce yourself to the
audience um, tell us like yourage, describe your, your family,
your family size for us andjust give us an idea of what

(05:37):
that looks like, because you'reeven your family is, is really
unique and kind of inspired melike okay, it's not too late,
like I can do this, so just giveour listeners an idea of what
life is like for you.

Speaker 2 (05:54):
Thank you, I appreciate it.
So my name is Kira Hubbard.
I'm a business strategist.
I'm an owner of ThriveConsulting Group.
I'm a business strategist.
I'm an owner of ThriveConsulting Group.
I'm located now in Georgia, butI'm a fully operated like
virtual business and I have likeover 40 services that I

(06:16):
actually offer and I also managelike small and major
corporations, depending on whatthe services are needed for,
depending on what the servicesare needed for.
I'm actually newly married.
I'm 36 years old.
I've actually just turned 36,november.
I have three kids.
I have a daughter that justactually turned 16.

(06:38):
And then I have a one-year-oldand a five-month-old, and that's
a age gap, um, but because youknow, I was newly married, my
husband wanted, you know, morekids because he had an 18 year
old daughter she's actually a sowe both actually started all

(06:58):
over from from scratch.

Speaker 1 (07:00):
So okay, and how is that like?
Tell us what is that like,because you always hear people
like, oh, you're gonna startover and you know they make it
sound horrible.
But then from what I can seeonline, I'm like okay, this is
totally doable.
So what is that like?

Speaker 2 (07:18):
well as far.
Okay.
So when we, when we decidedbecause my husband always wanted
boys, so it just so happenedthat we have two boys, a year
old and five months I don't knowif it was just manifestation,
but we went through a lothealth-wise to actually get to
that point, because when youreach a certain age, of course
it's harder to kind of gothrough the whole pregnancy

(07:41):
thing, and with my husband we'relike seven years apart, the
whole pregnancy thing.
And you know, with my husbandwe're like seven years apart.
So with his age and my age itwas like, okay, we got to kind
of figure out how we're going todo this.
So once we made a decision, Ican honestly say that it's
different, I think because ofour age.
You know, back then when I hadmy daughter, I was about 20

(08:01):
years old.
So you know I was very youthful, I was up and going.
You know, I had a lot moreenergy and a lot more patience.
So with having the age gapbetween the 18-year-old and the
16-year-old and now theone-year-old and the
five-month-old, it's harder, itis harder.
So the pregnancy was actuallytougher because, like I say, the

(08:25):
older you get, your body startsto develop all these issues and
I went through a lot, even withmy pregnancy, but once I had
them it was more so thetolerance for patience, like you
have to be more patient,because dealing with be a year
they'll be a year old for like aweek, so they're like Irish

(08:48):
twins, so it's like, it's very,it was, it's, it's tough, but
it's a, it's a, it's a beautiful, I kid you not, it's a
beautiful thing because they'reback to back.
So a lot of the things that youknow we had to do to prepare
for them, you know it was alllike recycled time.
It was all recycled time, so Ididn't have to really, um,

(09:12):
prepare as much I would, I wouldlike to say.
But now that they're physicallyhere, it's like the crying, the
, they're spoiled.
You know they want the sameattention because they're within
that same age.
So what they see, one kid theywant, and it's just, it's a,
it's a lot, it's a lot.
But to just know that I had twokids, I was pregnant for two

(09:37):
years, and just how much likethey're similar, it it becomes
easier as they get older, know,but changing diapers for both
kids, you know it's it, it is,it's work, it's work.
I never thought, I neverthought I would ever, kind of,
you know, be in mommy mode likethe way I am now, like more

(10:00):
hands-on with the boys.
They're more, um, they're morehands-on when it came to like
more loving, more attached.
My daughter was simple, likeyou know, I had more family,
more support, but now that I'verelocated to another city it's
like it's just me, my husband,my daughter.
So that's okay, so, but I'mgrateful, um, I just feel that

(10:25):
anyone that's you know thatwants to have more kids, I would
say to just do it before age 35.

Speaker 1 (10:32):
Oh no.

Speaker 2 (10:35):
But before age 35, because I don't know what it is.
But it's like your mental state, your, you know your physical
state, your health state isdifferent.
Your mental state, your, youknow your physical state, your
health state is different.
Okay, it's all you know forthat part.
But then just have like a goodsupport team, because when it's
just you know you, just yourhusband, and that's all you can

(10:55):
really rely on, it's, it's hardbut, we have so many more
beautiful moments like mebuilding a bigger family, having
a bigger family.
I just appreciate that so muchmore because growing up like I
had family, but it was just meand my brother, so we had a
small, small, like idiot family.
But the, the laughs, the I meanmy kids every day.

(11:20):
You're gonna get, you're gonnaget something, it's gonna.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
It's something going on in our house like we need a
reality show, but that was gonnabe my next question how does
your daughter, how has she kindof adjusted the 16 year old?
Because I mean, you know you gofrom an only child to like not
one but now two.
So what was that like for her?

Speaker 2 (11:43):
my daughter um.
When I first had my first son,which is Taj um, she was very,
she was very excited.
She was, she was very excitedum she still kind of into her
own thing.
You know, cheerleading school.
We just purchased her first carum where she's she.
She's patient when it comes tocertain things, but, um, I try

(12:07):
not to put too much pressure onher when it comes to the
children, because you know she'sstill young too so I don't.
I don't allow her to kind ofkind of tie into mommy mode,
because you know like she has tolive her life and grow through
her own growing pains, so butshe's very helpful, um, she
teaches them a lot.
Um, whenever I need help withthem, you know she's there to

(12:30):
assist um, and you know when itgets tough she's like okay, I'm
gonna, I'll get them, I'll giveyou a break.
You know it's time for you torelax.
You know that's what I love themost about her.
That's nice she's.
I can honestly say nothing hasreally changed in her life
outside of just having twobrothers.
And of course sometimes it getsfrustrating with the crying.

(12:53):
And you know everything that wehave to prepare if we're
traveling or if we're going tothe store.
The car sees.
You know she's trying to getused to that, but for the most
part she's pretty much hands on.
But she just has to be just alittle bit more patient because
before we used to get up and gowe didn't have to really worry

(13:14):
about bags and car seats andthings like that.
So it takes a lot ofpreparation, but other than that
she's a good kid, she's veryhelpful.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
And I think that's really important that you bring
that up, because I see that alot.
Sometimes parents are lookingforward to, like the oldest, the
first, the firstborn, to takeon more responsibility,

(13:49):
responsibility and usually inthat situation you do see the
firstborn assuming the role ofalmost like a third parent,
right, as opposed to them stillbeing able to be a kid, have
that youth and enjoy theirchildhood or teenagehood, in
your case.
So I think it's very importantfor parents to not put that

(14:11):
burden on the oldest child,because it alleviates a lot of
stress for them.
So that's awesome that you'reeven aware of it in the first
place, to make sure that you'renot putting that responsibility
on her.
So go ahead.

Speaker 2 (14:28):
No, I was just going to add that it's just very
important to that.
Every child should childhoodlike that.
Each kid experience should be agood one.
It shouldn't be so much ofadult responsibility, because I
think that was a part of mychildhood, because my mom, my
mom had two kids, but mybiological father he had a total

(14:51):
of seven kids and I was alwaysin mode because I was the oldest
.
So when I would, you know,because my parents weren't
together, but when I would go tomy father's house, I would
always have to, you know, getinto mommy mode to take care of.
So a lot of times I didn't getto go out and play, I had to
clean and I had to prepare foodand you know I had to do a lot

(15:13):
of things.
So that's one thing that I'vemastered with children period,
like I'm just big on, just enjoyyour childhood.
You play, you should do thethings that you want to do.
You should not have to, like,tap into adulting so fast.
You know, like everybody shouldhave a good childhood, even if
that's even playing, goingoutdoor, playing in the water, I

(15:34):
don't care.
Like experience it all, just bea kid, you know.
So I think by that experience.
That's kind of why I'm so keenon that.

Speaker 1 (15:44):
That's good.
I love to hear that.
So how does your family dynamicaffect the business?
Because you have, like you say,you offer 40 services.
I see so much going on withthat.
I'm like how, how?
So how does this family dynamic?

(16:05):
Because you did say you knowyou and your husband it sounds
like you guys are a team.
You have a limited supportsystem because you relocated.
So usually when you have thathusband and wife dynamic, you
have one parent that's usuallyhands on with the kids and then

(16:27):
trying to juggle work, and thenyou have another parent that's
usually like that provider.
They provide more of thatconsistent stream of income.
So what does that look like foryour family and how are you
juggling all of these things?
And then three children on topof that.
So how does that impact thebusiness?

Speaker 2 (16:48):
So for the most part I'm going to say this I've tried
to get back into the corporateworld.
That's failed because of thetime.
You know you have a setschedule, you can't miss work.
You know there's a lot of rulesand regulations that you have
to follow to stay an employedindividual.
And then, as far as my husband,it's been tough because I have

(17:12):
meetings outside of differenttimes and you know sometimes he
may be at work, so he's a stayat home dad.
Oh, ok, yeah, he's basically astay at home dad, but we have
other businesses and things likethat.
That keeps us going financially.
Okay.
So, outside of drive consultinggroup, you know he has hubba,

(17:32):
logistics and courier um, likecourier gigs and things like
that that he's able to do and wejust kind of kind of make time.
Well, we we're gonnaorchestrate like a schedule so
that we can make sure, like,okay, if I have meetings or
whatever the case may be, youcan do this through this time,
or we can take on this gig orwhatever the case may be if time

(17:53):
is slow.
But the main thing is timemanagement.
I think that's what impacts mybusiness the most, because we
just put the kids in daycare.
We weren't gonna put them indaycare, but because, like, my
business is fully virtual, Ihave a lot of zoom meetings
where I'm like face-to-faceencounter people, so the crying,

(18:14):
you know, I don't have like a.
I have an open office space atmy home and, um, that's like one
thing that I'm working on isjust like getting an actual
office space away from the homeso that I actually fully focused
.
Because when you're actuallyworking, it's like your time
management.
Yeah, ok, you're trying to getup at nine o'clock in the
morning or five o'clock in themorning, but the baby was crying

(18:37):
or need changing or need to befed three o'clock in the morning
, so now you're delayed withgetting up.
So now your schedule you kindof okay if you went from five
o'clock, now you're waking up at10 o'clock, so it's like
operation started at eighto'clock in the morning, now
you're late, now you're delayed,you're all over the place and
now you got to cook, you got toclean, you got to get the kids
ready.
One cry and you're trying tofinish work, a work, task, tasks

(19:06):
, and it's like it's so much andbe working from home is like
the hardest part with workingfrom home time management and
just like dealing with taskslike to be done at a certain
time of day is like the toughestpart for me and and.
But I know the solution to thatis actually getting a office or
building outside of my home.
But the only reason why I'vebeen kind of not big on leaving

(19:31):
the home is because sometimes itgets critical for my husband
and people don't talk about thedads.
They go through things too andI feel like postpartum is a part
of something they actuallyexperience in their own way, you
know, in their own way, butit's tough for him also.
So just imagine me working,working, and he's always home,

(19:52):
hands-on, and it's kind of likethe masculinity part of him is
like gone.
It's like he's into like mommymode, hands-on, and I'm just
like working.
So it's like we kind of switchroles oh, wow, okay, like
working.
So it's like we kind of switchoh, wow, okay.
And sometimes it's unhealthy.
Okay, because I'm the one thatfeels like I need to have a

(20:12):
secure connection with thebabies.
But because I'm hands-on andworking so much, he knows what
they like the most, he knowseverything, he does everything,
and so that's why likepostpartum is real, because even
developing postpartum like itwas a detachment from my
business, I didn't want to work,I didn't want to do anything, I

(20:34):
just was really like, kind oflike in a dark phase and it was
because I didn't feel like I wasworking hard.
I didn't feel like I wanted tobe that entrepreneur anymore.
I felt like it was always mommymode and that time management
is one big factor that kind ofmade it hard for me.

Speaker 1 (20:55):
You know, and I just want to clarify for the
listeners.
When you say postpartum, you'rereferring to like postpartum
depression.
Yes, okay, so you experiencedthat because you had to go back
to work?
You didn't want to, or becausedad is kind of assuming that
role in getting to bond withthem a little more in your back

(21:18):
working.

Speaker 2 (21:20):
So when I first?
Well, my daughter, when I was20, I didn't experience
postpartum at all.

Speaker 1 (21:26):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (21:27):
My son, my one year old, didn't experience it.
I experienced it with my fivemonth old and I think it was
more so because I had beenpregnant for two years.
See, I'm a serial entrepreneur,so I'm always up and at it and
I just I'm a serial entrepreneur, so I'm always up and at it,
okay, and I just I lost my mojo,like I lost my, my ethics, my

(21:49):
hard at work ethics.
I just felt like having twokids was a lot at the time
because I didn't have time tokind of tackle on my business
operations the way I wanted to.
So I just kind of fell intodepression because I just felt
like I wasn't myself anymore.
You know, I just saw a majordecline in revenue.

(22:10):
I saw a major decline in, justlike, my skills.
Because when you're, when you'repregnant for two years, people
don't understand that you know,you're just really trying to
enjoy the moment.
You don't really want to work,you really just want to just
kind of experience.
You know, just take on the fullexperience.
And that's what I tried to do,thinking that that was healthy.

(22:33):
But once I had the babies, itwas like, okay, you got to get
back to it, but it's like how,how, how can I?
how like I didn't even feel likemyself.
And then you're going throughjust changes with your body,
your mindset, like, like I said,I didn't have much support
outside.
Of you know who was in my home,and it was even hard for them

(22:55):
too.
So when you're just always insuperwoman mode, it's like who's
going to come save you.

Speaker 1 (23:01):
So how did you pull yourself out of it?
Like how did you know it waspostpartum depression?
Were you like kind of aware anddid you know about it ahead of
time, or did it kind of sneak upon you and somebody told you, a
doctor told you?

Speaker 2 (23:16):
um, my mom.
My mom told me because I'm notlike a very like emotional
person.
Okay, so it's very rare that Icry, which is really weird to me
because I'm, I'm, I don't, I'mnot super soft, like I'm, I'm

(23:36):
not an emotional person, but Ijust kept calling my mom and I
just wouldn't stop crying.
Okay, I just wouldn't stopcrying.
So I knew from there somethingwas wrong.
So every time someone callssomeone you can just say hey,
how are you?
I just break down.
I just felt disconnected frommy kids.

(23:57):
My last son, I think, what didit?
Was my one girl.
My husband was there the wholetime, but throughout the
hospital, you know, beginning toend this time, he was only
there for the delivery and thenhe had to go back home because,
you know, my one-year-oldcouldn't stay at the hospital

(24:20):
and then I had my daughter, sohe had to go home with them
while I was in the hospital.
So a lot of those nights washome, I was there alone with the
baby.
So once I, once I wasdischarged and I went home, I
just felt like I wasdisconnected from everyone.
I didn't want to hold my babies, I didn't want to talk to

(24:41):
anyone, I just really just shutdown.
And then, once I reached out toa doctor, um, they tried to
prescribe medicine.
But I don't believe in, youknow, medicating um myself, um,
so things like that.
So I just really like I wrotedown in my journal like things I

(25:01):
wanted to change and how Iwanted to get better.
A lot of my friends.
You know, they sent me flowers,they sent me gifts, they showed
me gestures of you know, justself motivating the situation
and just kind of rememberingwhat was most important and
reminding me of who I once wasthrough pictures, through just

(25:22):
simple ways of just saying like,hey, you're still there, you,
you know, you got this and itjust took some time.
And one day I just woke up and Iwas just like you know what,
I'm going to beat this.
I'm going to get past this.
However, I feel it's just, Idon't know, it's just negativity
and I'm just going to staypositive and I just started

(25:46):
reconnecting with my family, myhusband, my children and and I
just got better over time and Imean, I still have my moments,
but I just I just felt like, youknow, you really feel like
giving up on, like justprogressing that you just it.

(26:07):
So, to me, just stuck you juststuck in a dark place to where,
like, I don't want to doanything, I don't want to, I
don't want to be a mom today, Idon't want to do this, I don't
want to do that.
And then I just startedreversing it, like I'm gonna do
this today, I'm gonna be a mom,I'm gonna be better.
You know, I just startedthinking that way, thinking
positive, in that energy, likeit started flowing and it just

(26:28):
it became a thing and I gotthrough it.

Speaker 1 (26:31):
oh, that's amazing, yeah, the power of words.
I, I definitely hear you and Ithank you for sharing that, just
because I know a lot of women.
You know the priority isstaying healthy.
For black women is trying toget through labor and delivery,

(26:53):
trying to survive labor anddelivery.
But there's a lot of limitedinformation about the experience
after you give birth.
That can be as immediate as,say, going from labor and
delivery and then beingtransferred to a different part

(27:13):
of the hospital where you knowyou're in the maternity ward.
That's a completely differentexperience.
People really don't talk aboutit.
You don't have a lot ofguidance as to what to expect
with your own body.
To what to expect with your ownbody, like immediately after
giving birth.
There are some drastic changesthat happen right away and if

(27:34):
it's your first child, you don'tknow what to expect.
If it's a second or a thirdchild, from what I've heard,
every experience is different.
So you can't even refer back tolike, okay, this happened the
first time because, okay, thisis a completely different kid,
completely different experience.
It might not even be the samedoctor, it's not the same team

(27:56):
that was there to help you.
So I'm glad that you're openingup and sharing that with our
listeners, because a lot oftimes, as women.
We kind of take that onourselves and we think like, oh,
it's just me, like I need tofix it, I'm doing something
wrong, I didn't do this right,this is my fault, when in

(28:18):
reality it's a bunch of hormonalchanges, a bunch of physical
changes.
Your brain really is trying toget back and just process and
understand the new normal and tofigure out what that is.
And if you don't have someoneto talk to about it, to kind of
guide you through it, you knowthat can be a scary place

(28:40):
because you're reaching forsomething that was your normal,
but you can't go back thereanymore.
Um, you had two babies now tofactor into the equation, not
just one.
So thank you for sharing that.
Um, because it's important forpeople to know that they're not
alone when they're experiencingthose things and then to also

(29:03):
know, like, how to get help.
And I'm glad you know you dohear a lot of people who like to
go the holistic route andsometimes that is a lot harder.
Um, I'm a behavior therapist andusually I I am like pro
medication.

(29:24):
I'm like, look, if the medicineis there to help you, you know,
use it, make life easy foryourself.
Life is already so difficult,use it.
But then with that behaviortherapy mindset okay, medication
in some situations is temporary, so how are we going to

(29:46):
transition off?
How are we going to managewithout it?
What does that look like?
What do we have to do?
And usually I try to get peopleto understand medication is not
bad, right.
But then I have some people whoare like, well, I want to get
on it and then I want to get off.
Okay, cool, we can do that,let's use them together.

(30:09):
But if you have a person who isdetermined to not go that route,
then it's like okay, what doesthat look like?
So it's awesome that you hadenough wherewithal to tell
yourself these things.
It sounds like you had a lot ofexternal motivators, with your
friends reminding you andshowing you visuals of where you

(30:33):
want it to be and where youwere before and how to get there
.
That's amazing that you hadthat.
So I even applaud your friendsfor looking out for you like
that, because sometimes friendsdon't really know how to help
either because they haven'texperienced that themselves.
And depression is one of thosethings that it will creep up on

(30:56):
you.
I experienced that myself, evenwith being a behavior therapist
, being a behavior analyst.
You know I talk to people aboutthese things.
I do a lot of parent coachingand I see a lot of parents
struggling with depression Iftheir children are diagnosed

(31:16):
with, like a cognitive disorderor a disability.
They're constantly beingreminded because this is not
what they expected.
You know, they had that kid,they had a set of expectations.
Now I have a child with adisability and this it doesn't
really fit with what they had inmind.

(31:37):
So you kind of see that declineand really all I'm there to do
is kind of support, listen andlet's find some strategies.
Support, listen and let's findsome strategies.
But the parents who aredetermined to not stay in that
place, I feel like they make themost progress.
Like you were saying okay, Idon't want to do this anymore, I

(31:59):
don't want to be here anymore.
That is one of the commonthemes that I see with the
parents who are able to makeprogress and kind of overcome,
or you, it doesn't fully go away.
It's not like there's a curefor it.
But how can I manage when thosemoments happen?
How can I bounce back?

(32:19):
How can I recover?
How can I get through it?
And the biggest thing that Isee is that self-talk.
You know this is where we areright now.
I'm acknowledging it, but I'mnot going to stay here and then
doing something tangible.
I know.
For me, when I experienceddepression, I was like, oh, that

(32:40):
snuck up on me, like I was notexpecting.
Oh my goodness, like where didthat come from?
How did this happen?
How did I get here?
And it's a small thing.
So then you have to backtrackand make small adjustments and
make small changes to say youknow what I don't like the way
that makes me feel up.

(33:01):
This is starting to send medown into a dark place.
I don't want to go there.
Okay, what can I do?
And sometimes it is somethingphysical.
For me it was like go get somefresh air, go get some sunlight
today, right, and sometimesthat's a matter of walking to
the mailbox, not being in thehouse all day, not being on the
couch with the blinds closed,not laying in the bed for 48

(33:24):
hours, because I want to justcheck out and not deal with life
right now.
So it's great that you were ableto one have your mom tell you
what was going on, because a lotof people don't have that.
But then actually havingsomeone send you visual

(33:48):
reminders of where you werebefore and what you wanted to
get back to, and then you havingenough wherewithal to say you
know what, I am going to do thisand I'm not going to be stuck
here, I think that's amazing.
So thank you for sharing that.
And then it's interesting tohear you also talk about the

(34:09):
flip side, with the dads,because usually we hear this
from like stay at home moms,right, oh, I'm just around a
baby all day.
Oh, I need a break, I need toget out, I need some relief.
But for you, you said earlierlike it's important for the dads
because now, in your case, he'shome, right, and he's providing

(34:35):
that child care, and so how doyou guys manage that?
Do you give him like his metime, like what does that look
like?
so that he can take care ofhimself.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
So that he can take care of himself.
Yes, so how that works is thatif he decides to sleep late,
I'll allow that.
You know I'll allow it becausemost people look at it like,
well, I'm going to say ourcommunity Black men are supposed

(35:08):
to always be strong, you know,like they're always up and I do
still believe that.
But I also feel like we don'tgive dads grace.
I feel like if he sleeps late,I allow that because he's up at
night.
Sometimes my husband won't cometo bed till like four o'clock
in the morning because he'llallow me to sleep.

(35:29):
He'll allow me to sleep whilehe's up with the kids if they
decide to be up.
So he's probably in the livingroom area, you know, away from
the room, allowing me to rest.
Ok, so when he does come back tothe room to lay down and the

(35:50):
kids are up again, I'll justremove the kids and I'll take
them into a quieter space sothat he's resting.
So that's one way that we kindof work together and then like
say, for instance, if I amworking away from the home, or
if I am working, I'm just busy,I'll just be like, hey, you know
he'll be like, hey, I'm goingto go outside or I'm going to go
to my friend's house, you know,I'll allow him an hour or two.
You know, well, he allowshimself an hour or two.

(36:11):
Okay, because he has to getback.
You know, to help support.
You know the time management forme, so he'll do that as well.
And then, like football days,if he's watching a game, or
basketball days, I'll make sureI cut my hours to five o'clock.
You know and don't you knowwork late.
But other than that, I just youknow, and I always just ask him

(36:35):
.
You know, while you know we'regoing through this storm because
he's tried to work and it wasmore so me, I can't do it on my
own because daycare is now.
They want you to.
OK, daycare open at 730, but yougot to be going by 2, 30, you
know.
So that's not enough.
Sometimes hours go down, go to8, 8 pm.
So him working, he's like okay,he get off at five, it's like

(36:58):
okay, I don't have any supportto that time.
So right now it's like I'm thebreadwinner, I'm supporting all
our financial needs and it'slike, at the same time, he's
working towards his goals aswell.
So I'm like, okay, what is itthat you want to do that you
actually want to do where youfeel like you don't have to be a
nine to five dad, like, what doyou want to do?

(37:20):
So that's where we are now.
So we're building his company,we're trying to get him back to
himself because he's losthimself.
You know, just being afull-time dad it's a lot,
because he goes through theemotions of, you know,
frustration and happy, and thenyou know it's a lot for him.

(37:41):
So in some days I just sitthere and I just kind of watch
his spirit.
Sometimes it declines becauseit's like I want to do this, I
want to work, you know.
But I'm here, I'm supportingyour dreams.
And it got to a point to where,you know, I sat down.
I was like what do you want todo, because it's really not all
about me, because what we do asparents it can benefit both of

(38:04):
us if we just kind of plan andbrainstorm together and that's
what we are now so and I thinkhe's happier now.
But being like today, I've beenaway from the house all day I
could just imagine how he feelslike so if there, I gotta get
right into mommy mode and takeaway, like you know, the kids

(38:25):
from him and let him go, youknow, outside or walk or go to
the mailbox or go to the gym,you know things, or even like,
if I'll be like, okay, just goto the store for me.
You know, if it's hours, who, Idon't even care, because I know
in the house, you know he'll goto the store, he'll go buy his
friends out.
He might sit in the car for alittle bit, talk to his friends

(38:47):
on the phone.
You know, because sometimesthat's another thing he can talk
to his friends on the phone.
You know, because sometimesthat's another thing he can't
talk to his friends.
Every time he's talking to hisfriends, the kids are in the
background crying.
I don't want to talk to himanymore because it's like all I
hear is the crying and the noise.
So that's a lot on him too.
So I really support him being astay-at-home dad.

(39:10):
But I support him even more foreven trying, because most dads,
like in our black community,will check out oh yeah, like
they'll go get milk eggs fromthe store.
You won't see them, no more.
You know like I, I've always,like I always wanted to advocate
for dads, especially dads likethrough marriage and

(39:32):
relationships, like good dads.
You know there are really gooddads out here and my husband
he's not the type to to, youknow, like seek any type of um
accolades or anything.
He's just like I'm a dad, youknow I'm a good dad, I know it
you know I do, but I just wanthim to still want to feel like

(39:55):
I'm still a man.
You know that mask still withinour home.
He still takes care of our home.
He's still our go-to guy.
You know he's our number oneguy.
But at the same time you got tothink what is it mentally?
What are you really going?

Speaker 1 (40:10):
through so so how do you guys make time for each
other?
Or is that even a thing rightnow, like because I know the
kids are young, so sometimes youdo go through seasons where
it's like, oh me time that don'texist right now.
So what does that look like foryou guys?

Speaker 2 (40:30):
There's no me time.
There's no us time.
To be honest, now that you'vesaid it, it's crazy and I'm
thankful for even joining today,because now it's making me
think we have not been on a datein probably over a year and a
half.

Speaker 1 (40:48):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (40:55):
Our me time with one another, minimum, minimal, like
if we have any time forourselves.
It's like hurry up for the kids, um, get up, or whatever the
case may be, but that's it like.
And other than that, mydaughter she'll get one, one of
them, but she won't get both, soit's like but one or the other.
So, yeah, we have not had adate.

(41:15):
Um, even when we go out of town, like to visit family and stuff
, we're, we're no we haven't hadany, any meet time, not even to
watch tv together.
Not, I mean, the kids take upall of the time and I tell my
family all I don't think theyget it like we don't have time

(41:36):
for ourselves.
We haven't.
I don't remember last time weput on clothes like, or to say
like we're gonna shop and go getclothes and you know, go
outside, or you know just outing, or even walking apart.
Even if we go to the gym, hehas to go first.

Speaker 1 (41:52):
And then he have to.
Yeah, you kind of tag team.
Yeah, yeah, I hear you, myhusband and I at one point we
and we only have one.
So it's amazing to even see youfunctioning.
Because everything you'resaying is kind of what I

(42:14):
experienced when we had my sonand I just remember we ended up
like moving, we, we bought ourhouse.
We at the time we had to pickand choose Like, do we want a
wedding or do we want a house?
Right, because we couldn't doboth financially.

(42:36):
You know, we support each other, we are a team and we don't
have any like familial support.
So it's it's me and him.
We work as a team, we figure itout.
And after we bought our house, Ialways tell people like that's
the poorest I have ever been andwe just went through a season

(43:01):
of like hustling um, he wastrying to climb the ladder at
work, he does have a corporatejob, he's a corporate trainer,
um, so he was trying to climbthe ladder at work and I was
still teaching and the way thatteaching works, you know they
put you on that pay scale andthat's it.

(43:23):
Like there's no extra unlessyou want to teach extra.
But somebody has to get thebaby, right, somebody's got to
pick up from daycare.
If you're a minute late, theywant to charge you a dollar per
minute and all that crazy stuff.
So for I want to say about Idon't even know, I don't even

(43:53):
know.
I always told people like thelast time we traveled, took a
trip, took a vacation, was in2015.
And my husband and I just tooka vacation last year, like out
of the country, and this time wetook our son with us, but
before that we had not traveledsince 2015.
And you know, family, they,they give, they don't really

(44:14):
understand because they're notgoing through it, and again, we
just had one.
But because we have very, verylimited to no support, it's kind
of like, okay, this is on us,so if somebody needs to go
somewhere, who's going to behome with the kid?
If somebody needs to dosomething, okay, I stay, you go,
okay, I'm going to go, you gotto stay.

(44:36):
And it was a lot of that.
And then I'll say, for us, wejust kind of made those
sacrifices for a really longtime and finally, last year we
were able to travel for thefirst time and it was just like
man, we will not take this forgranted like we went to Mexico,

(44:58):
we had a blast and it was sonice to like.
This is what I wanted to dowith my son, like I want him to
get exposed to that too, but wejust didn't have that
opportunity.
Because you do want to bemindful of the other parent,
right?
They need their space, theyneed their me time.
For us, our me time is, youknow, my son is 12 right now, so

(45:26):
we're just starting to kind ofgive him a little more
responsibility to increase hisindependence, because if he's
more independent we can breathea little bit, right.
So we're our me time is kind oflike if he goes to bed and
everybody always gets on me,like he has, my son has an early

(45:47):
bedtime, but that gives us ourme time.
So you, you know we gotta shutthis house down.
Like my friends and family know, don't call me after eight
o'clock, do not.
If you're right.
By my house it's completely.
You would think it's like 12 amat my house and it's like 7.55,

(46:09):
because you know we got to getthat me time somewhere.
And for me, I've become thatnight owl, right, because I've
even started to notice when I'min that grind.
I just started like my ownbusiness last year.
That's a totally differentgrind, a totally different

(46:30):
hustle than punching a clock,and initially I thought, oh,
working from home, this is gonnabe great.
I'm gonna be this like supermom who's super present and I
get to, like, go eat lunch withmy kid, I get to go to parent
teacher conferences, and it'slike no, actually you have a
bunch of stuff to do, like nowyou have your job to do and you

(46:53):
have the business to run.
And because you're sitting upin the house all day, like you
need to cook, you need to foldthose clothes, you need to do
this, you need, like I thinkit's more work working from home
as opposed to going to alocation doing a job, clocking
out, checking out and then goinghome and handling business at

(47:15):
home.
But, like you said, leaving thehome, working for someone else.
There are so many otherobligations to where, if your
kid is sick, you really have topick and choose, like do I want
to keep this job or do I need togo pick up my kid because
they're sick?
So I can't say one is betterthan the other, because they

(47:38):
both have, like, their benefitsand then they both have their
challenges.
It just so happens that myhusband and I have figured out
how to work as a team to reallymanage that.
But when I hear about whatyou're going through, I think
about my situation and it reallytook us like a decade to get

(48:03):
here, right, to get into thatgroove, because you know you
gotta.
First it starts as an idea, butyou still have to like work, a
corporate job, and then try totransition to like
entrepreneurship.
I don't know anybody who's justjumping out there, quitting
their job and launchingbusinesses like that's a process
in itself, and then you cankind of put things in order once

(48:28):
you slowly make that transition.
I want to go back to somethingyou said earlier, because you
said for your husband, you saidhe'll get a gig, so let our
listeners know, because I feellike a lot of people now are
really trying to pursueentrepreneurship and manage and

(48:51):
juggle families Right.
So you said he, he will worklike gigs.
What is that exactly for ourlisteners and what does that
look like?
Like what are they?
What does that look like?
Because I know there's somebodyelse who probably wants to do
the same thing and they probablydon't really understand how to
start or where to go correct.

Speaker 2 (49:14):
So basically, like like I stated before, we have
logistics, which is um liketransportation, and courier,
like services that we offer.
So when, when I speak on gigs,I'm saying like there's, there
are a lot of apps that a lot offamilies can download and you

(49:36):
can actually do this at like asa a family, like a family task.
So there's like courier appsthat we have, say, for instance,
you can do Amazon Flex, you canbe a shopper, you can go in and
pick up TVs, furniture it'slike delivery services.

(49:58):
And then you have medicalcarrier.
Most of our gigs come from themedical carrier.
You may have to pick up a lungtransplant, heart transplant
carrier you may have to do pickup a long transplant, heart
transplant, or um you'redelivering like um blood draws
and things like that todifferent hospitals.
You know that people may needfor um blood infusions, whatever

(50:20):
the case may be okay, and youhave a timely, like a time, that
time frame that you have to getit done and they pay like
really good, from like $250 andup per gig and it probably take
you, probably like two maybe.
Well, because we're in Atlanta,it takes about two hours or
whatever the case may be.
But, if you like three or four aday, it can, kind of you know,

(50:41):
solidify a work week of over athousand dollars a week.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 (50:44):
That's amazing.
Yeah, yeah, we actually havethat.
It can go from picking up tires, delivering tires, to like
local advanced auto parts stores.
Like these are gigs like, not,you know, basic paying gigs like
these are gigs that will payyou over like a hundred dollars
a day.
You know, it's just not.
It's not just, uh, like doordash, your uber.

(51:06):
And even if you do DoorDash orUber Eats, you can kind of
tackle on to like picking upproducts from stores like Apple,
walmart, best Buy.
You know it's just not.
Food you can deliver like major,like product.
So you just make sure that youhave like a truck or
transportation to actually beable to, you know, hold the

(51:27):
weight of the actual product.
And that's what he does Like,say, for instance, if he feels
that he just wants to get backto work and just kind of feel
like he still has his mojo, youknow that's what he'll do, and a
lot of times we do that as afamily.
We'll put the kids in the car,we'll put on our logistics t

(51:48):
shirt and make sure that youknow everybody's strapped in.
We're good to go.
My husband's going to the store.
He'll scan everything.
They'll bring the products tothe truck or the van.
We'll load it in and we're onour way dropping it off.
Oh I love that.

(52:16):
I was actually going to startdoing content and just showing
people like, even if you have afamily, if you work together,
you can actually make moneytogether.
Like if we was just to do thatevery day, all day, like we
could really like really makesome good money.
But sometimes it's just aschedule of picking the kids up.
So sometimes it might be a loadat like 1230 and then we got to
pick them up at 230.
So we just got to make surethat you know we're in the
window to make sure we get back.

(52:36):
Or you know, if we have thekids, we have to feed them,
change them.
So we got to bring certainthings.
You know, you just got to bemindful of your schedule.
But you can really do that.
Even if my husband was just togo by himself sometimes he does
we just we may pick up flowers,like go to like a home that,
like a lot of businesses workfrom their homes where they make

(52:58):
like flower um arrangements andwe deliver them to homes.
And we might pick up a like athey may be delivering caskets,
anything like.
People use courier services foreverything.
So a great, great money, youknow, and I even actually have a
courier list.
So, like any of the listenersthat want to like, get into

(53:20):
courier services where they feellike you know, working a
nine-to-five isn't enough due toinflation and how the economy
is now Like, there are so manycourier apps that you can
download on your phone and justget in your car and drive.
You know you just need to havecertain credentials like a valid
driver's license, insuranceregistration on your car
pictures of your car, uploadthat and just get to going.

(53:43):
You know, and I can send thatlist out to whomever for free,
and I do that often to just letpeople know, no matter what
state you're in, you can likedownload these apps and go, and
no matter where you are you'rejust getting out of work at five
, you feel like you're not tiredJust turn on the app and just
let them know like, hey, I'mhere and what gigs do you have

(54:09):
for me?
And they'll show you within acertain knowledge, like what you
can do, you know in such asmall time frame.
But I highly recommend that foreverybody because that also
driving, is kind of what helpsus too.
Like we get in the car, welisten to music and we just kind
of like it.
It's like an outlet, the kids.
Kids are quiet, kids lovemotion.

(54:29):
It just gives us time to thinkand get back into talking and
communicating with one another.
Besides the kids it's good too.
It's like a little therapy.

Speaker 1 (54:43):
Yeah, I love that because the teamwork is what I'm
hearing.
So, even though it's the two ofyou, you know, you guys are
really getting creative and Ifeel like I tell people all the
time the money is there, youjust have to get creative.
And I feel like you justdescribed the most creative way

(55:04):
to generate income for yourfamily.
And then you still have thatflexibility to where, if
something were to happen, youdon't have to choose and really
ask your employer like, can Ihave this time off, Can I?
You know, you don't have togive explanations If you need to

(55:26):
pivot, if you need to dosomething, if you need to be
present.
You still have that flexibilitythere and I think that's what a
lot of people are looking forwhen they start to transition
back and start to exploredifferent options for
entrepreneurship.
I really think that has beenthe driving force.

(55:47):
I feel like when you and I grewup, I feel like our parents were
that generation of.
They're going to have a nine tofive.
They are going to stay in thatnine to five.
It doesn't even matter whatnine to five it is.
They were going to stay at thatnine to five for 30 plus years.
They were going to stay at thatnine to five for 30 plus years,

(56:07):
even if they were like a frontdesk clerk or whatever they were
going to be that front deskclerk.
They're not going to quit theirjob.
It's a good job, is this?

(56:32):
Is that them prioritize thatworkplace and kind of miss out
on the child rearing and theparenting piece?
And I feel like as millennialswe saw that and we're like we're
gonna have it all.
But as millennials we get older, we're like shit, this is hard,
like I don't think I want to doall of this.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
That's it.
So the reason why I don't.
I just feel like that supportfrom family.
Sometimes it's tough, but Idon't hold that against them
Because the way it is now, likemy mom, she works two jobs Right
.
My dad serial entrepreneur andhe works for the city as well.

(57:09):
So it's like they both work,they're working and they're
saying, like my mom had me whenshe was like 14 years old, okay,
so, a child raising a child,that's how it was.
So it was like my grandmotherraising the both of us.
So my mom, it's like it's not,it's a it's an age difference
there, but she's still young aswell, right, you know.

(57:30):
So I have to give her grace, myparents grace as well, because
growing up you know you had achild so young.
My mom didn't get to travel,she didn't get to work as hard
because she was always helpingher siblings or their situation,
plus raising her kids.
So it's like now she's at apoint to where she's working two
jobs.
She's making good money.
You know she's not coming offof off any of those jobs right

(57:53):
so, like she gets to travel, shehas that freedom.
She can go to the bar, she canhave happy hours.
She doesn't have to worry aboutrace cooking and cleaning.
All she has is a dog you know,know.
So it's like I give her thatbecause you know you deserve
that.
So that's why some people blame, like their parents for not

(58:13):
having support.
I don't hinder, I don't holdthat against my parents, because
I just feel like you know whatthey deserve that, because times
now are different and I feellike everybody has to work
harder for survival nowAbsolutely.
That time off.
That's not going to happen.
My mom is like I'm saving myPTO, Like I'm going to work yeah

(58:36):
, I'm going to pay my bills.
I don't know what's going tohappen, but I got to have extra
money in the bank.
You know I got to make sure.
You know they're still big on401K yeah, A plan.
So you they.
They're still big on 401k yeah,planning.
So you know I'm I listen, Idon't hold that against them
because now I'm a parent, now Igotta put in the work and you

(58:57):
know what I've traveled, I'velived so now where I am.
It's tough at times, but I enjoybeing alone, like I do.
I enjoy being a mom, like I do.
I enjoy being a mom, I enjoybeing a wife, and this is my era
of just kind of planning aheadand just becoming a family,
because for a long time I wassingle, you know, I was really

(59:20):
outside living my life.
So when I got married, it was agreat thing, it was a great
thing.
So I just feel like sometimeseverybody is always trying to
have the answers to life.
I just feel like you have tolive life.
I think I went to school, but Ididn't finish college.
Okay, young, I just simply livemy life and I just graduated

(59:42):
college this year, just earnedmy bachelor, um, um, well, 2024
congratulations, thank you.
So that american dream thateverybody is like trying to
fight for, I just feel like thereal dream is just authentically
like just being yourself anddoing things as you see fit,

(01:00:03):
because everyone is fighting fora life from social media or
just what their parents desire,or you know just.
I just feel like the best thingthat you can do is just do
things at your time, becausewhere I am now, I I didn't see,
I didn't, I didn't see, I didnot see it.
This is like the best part of mylife and I didn't for one.

(01:00:26):
I didn't really want kids.
I wasn't keen on graduatingcollege and you know I was into
a corporate world, I was justjust going with the flow.
But now I'm more structured.
I have kids.
Like everything that'shappening is like a true
blessing, because everything Ididn't want I now have and I and

(01:00:46):
I'm grateful, you know.
So, yeah, I just feel likeeverybody just really has to
live for them, because the onlyreason why I didn't want kids is
because of the struggles that Isaw other people having and
that they couldn't.
You know the goals that theycouldn't reach, or you know, I
just felt like kids were alwayshinder people from doing what

(01:01:09):
they actually wanted to do.
But then when I had my own, myfirst order, and I just saw that
, okay, it's still easy, youknow, like I can still do things
.
You know, I just feel like it'sall on the person and their
work ethics and their goals andhow they're going to attain them
.
Like I just felt like at thatpoint you can't like be on the

(01:01:33):
outside looking in.

Speaker 1 (01:01:34):
It's like you either going to get in and make the
best of it or it's just not foryou, you know so that's the way
I saw it, and I love that, umall of it, because we see all
the time, um, I did a Biblestudy group once.
See all the time.
Um, I did a bible study grouponce and we did a study on this

(01:01:55):
book called the comparison trap.
And social media kind of feedsthat you know you may see the
highlights of a person, like allthe time, and then you start
comparing their highlights toyour reality and then you feel
like you're missing out oryou're not doing as well as you
should be, when in reality, thatindividual may have a whole

(01:02:19):
nother set of challenges andstruggles that we are not privy
to, because it is social mediaand it is there for the
highlights, right, the goodtimes.
Nobody really wants to hearthat debbie downer all the time
either, right?
Um?
One thing that I can say thathas attracted me to like your

(01:02:40):
page and just keeping up to datewith what you have going on is
that you do seem very genuine,authentic and transparent.
So if it was not the best day,like, we're gonna know about it.
If it was an extremely good day, we're gonna know about it.

(01:03:02):
If you were like, you know whatI'm gonna treat myself, I'm
gonna turn up.
I'm gonna treat my husband.
I'm gonna spoil my husband,like you know.
I'm gonna treat myself.
I'm gonna turn up.
I'm gonna treat my husband.
I'm gonna spoil my husband,like you know.
We see all of it.
I feel like we get to see agood balance of like good, bad
ugly, success, all of that.

(01:03:23):
I feel like you're verytransparent with that and you
share.
You also give a lot of gems toother people, and that is
something else that attracted meto not just your page but your
business reaching out to you forservices, because there is no

(01:03:45):
gatekeeping there.
You know you provide a service,you have the knowledge, and a
lot of people would have to doyears of schooling just to learn
what you already know.
And I feel like that'simportant as well, because you
said you just graduated fromschool in 2024, but you have so

(01:04:11):
much experience that you bringto the table.
You know you didn't have to bethat person rushing out to get
the degree and then getting theexperience, because you created
opportunities for yourself.
So I love that you share somuch of your experience with

(01:04:31):
other people, because A lot oftimes we just hear that things
are supposed to go one way.
It's supposed to be one path tosuccess and here it is.
You've kind of forged your ownpath and now that you have
created a family, now you guysare doing that together and

(01:04:51):
you're doing it to make it fityour lifestyle, instead of
trying to make something,instead of trying to make your
lifestyle fit that image of theAmerican dream, the perfect
family, and you know, like yousaid, that picket fence and that

(01:05:11):
retirement and that 401k, likethere are so many other ways to
get there, and it seems likeyou're doing it and I love that
you share that with everyone.
Just going back to the questions, because I always kind of use
questions to guide the show, butin this case I feel like you've

(01:05:32):
covered so many of thequestions that I would have
asked, so many of the questionsthat I would have asked.
So I'm just gonna briefly likedo an overview.
But before I do the overview, Iwant to know.

(01:05:54):
So I have this thing, this termthat I kind of coined as like
shitty mom syndrome, and youkind of touched on it a little
bit when you were talking aboutlike the postpartum and feeling
connected, right, but or feelingdisconnected.
But now that you have likeovercome those challenges and
kind of manage your way throughthe postpartum.
Do you still have those momentswhere you're like, damn, I'm a

(01:06:17):
shitty mom, like, oh, I didn'tdo this or oh, I didn't do that.
And if you do, like, what helpsyou get past that?
Um, usually it's when Idescribe shitty mom.
Syndrome is like when we havethese preconceived notions in
our head where we set a set ofexpectations, like for ourselves

(01:06:42):
.
Nobody told us we had to dothis, it's usually just us being
extra.
And then sometimes, when, whenwe're extra, we don't even meet
our own expectations and it'slike, oh, my god, I am so
terrible.
So have you ever had one ofthose experiences?
And if you did, how did you getthrough it?

Speaker 2 (01:07:05):
Yeah, I actually had two shitty mom experiences.
One was my son's first birthday.
Like you said, we have theseexpectations where we feel like
we have to celebrate things anddo things in our own way.
It was his first birthday andwe were supposed to have a
birthday party.

(01:07:26):
I was going to have it in thepanhandle of Florida and I had
the whole theme.
I had purchased everything, butthen Tyron was ready to come
out, had purchased everything,but then Tyron was ready to come
out.
So I was to celebrate my son'sfirst birthday because, of
course, I was in the hospitalthe day before no, the day, yeah

(01:07:48):
, the day before the party wasbeing set because, due to
preeclampsia, so I um, I end updelivering Tyron.
And when Tyron's birthday came,of course I was discharged.
I meant Todd's birthday came, Iwas discharged from the
hospital, but I wasn't able togo to Destin, florida.
So I cried, I cried, I wasupset, um, I was mad at my

(01:08:13):
husband, I was mad at my mom,mad at my family for not being
able to still come, even thoughI had to cancel the party.
They still weren't there.
So I shut off my phone.
I wouldn't talk to anyone.
I was really down.
I was so down and so mad that Iwas like you know what, I don't
care, like I'm not going to bea shitty mom, I'm going to do

(01:08:33):
something.
So, even going to, I got upwithin 30 minutes.
I went and bought him two gifts.
I went to go get him a cake.
Um, I went and got pizza and Icalled like a couple of
neighborhood, like friends, andthey brought their kids by,
whatever, because I was like youknow what, I'm gonna celebrate
my son's birthday.
But even after I'll do all ofthat, I still felt shitty.

(01:08:56):
I just felt like it wasn'tenough, like wait after you gave
birth my third child did all ofthat, mind you.
And then I had a cesarean.
Oh my gosh.
Yes, like I was in super mommode and I still didn't feel

(01:09:19):
like I had superpowers, like ohmy gosh enough like we were
still home.
We're supposed to be onvacation.
I was so ungrateful like, andthen my son is looking at me
like I don't even know what afirst birthday right like
tripping right now, mom, like,and then my husband's looking at
me like, are you serious?
my daughter is like what's goingon?

(01:09:41):
Who cried?
I'm just crying, I won't comeout the room, I'm I'm really
acting like it's my birthday andeverything is wrong.
So that was my first shitty momexperience, um.
And then this second, um, mydaughter's sweet 16, which just
happened.
Um, we were, we, we purchasedher a car, but we were.

(01:10:06):
We got her a penthouse, like inthe city of Atlanta, and we
were decked, and my shitty momexperience was just trying to do
everything so perfect and thething about it was it was like a
glass house.
It's like a glass like type ofpenthouse, so it was like
windows and we were decoratingthe balloons.
first of all the balloons startfalling.

(01:10:26):
That was one thing, because wewere trying to connect them to
the ceiling and because we hadit was so cold that it was like
everything was just likedeflating and falling.
And then it was like we werejust taping balloons to the
window.
They kept falling off and I'mlike really losing it.
And then, like her father andhis wife was there, she was

(01:10:51):
helping, my sister was there,and then my business partner was
there and they just saw howmuch of a brat I really was.
Like I'm just like if I don'tget these balloons up, she's
going to hate it.
She's not.
It's not going to be perfect,she's not.
This is her sweet 16.

Speaker 1 (01:11:04):
Like everything is going to be perfect yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:11:07):
Yeah, we arrived too early, everything that we had to
do, like we had them in theroom for like an hour and 30
minutes.
They were impatient, I'mimpatient, I wasn't ready, I
hadn't got my makeup done, puton my clothes, when I tell you.
And then I felt like a shittymom for even walking downstairs
with house slippers on becauseeverything was just so wrong

(01:11:27):
that I didn't want to put onclothes.
I didn't want to do anything.
I was just.
I just felt like it wasn't like.
I just feel like when it comesto celebrating my kids or if
everything isn't perfect, orit's just like I really felt
like a mom.
That's why, when I read the umpodcast review and everything

(01:11:48):
you know, I was like this isreally a thing.
Like being feeling like any momis a thing.
You know it.
Say it to yourself, becausesaying it to like someone else,
it just brings like DCF moments.
So like being able to talkabout being a shitty mom at

(01:12:10):
times, like it's so therapeuticbecause I really like, and I
started crying.
Like, I started crying andthey're like what are you crying
for?
Like, like, and I startedcrying, like, I started crying
and they're like what are youcrying for?
Like, most moms can't do thisfor their kids.
Most moms can't purchase theirkids a car.
Most moms do this stuff, sowhat are you crying for?
I was like because it's notperfect.
Every experience you'resupposed to go through is
supposed to be perfect, Likegirl.

Speaker 1 (01:12:35):
I felt shitty and see , and this is why we have this
show like it.
The show was definitely bornout of that moment like me, just
like venting and upset becauseagain in my mind it's supposed
to be like this, like this, likethis, and I'm not doing this.
I'm not doing that and you knowwhat?

(01:12:56):
I think I just told my husbandone day, like you know what I'm
just a shitty mom like, andthat's what it's gonna be like.
I'm shitty.
You know what?
I'm gonna start a show.
It's gonna be called for shittymoms, because I can't be the
only shitty mom like how arethey doing this?
And I think it was between mecreating those expectations for

(01:13:19):
myself, because at 36, I'msupposed to have it all together
.
Like I feel like I was supposedto be a millionaire by now.
I'm supposed to have traveledthe world with my child.
My child isn't even supposed tobe in public school.
That was not part of my plan.
Like I wanted to homeschool.

(01:13:41):
I wanted to have thesebusinesses launched.
I wanted to be this topresearcher and like I'm still
punching a clock at this nine tofive.
Like my kid is in public school.
We having all this back andforth with, like what he's
supposed to be doing, what he'snot doing.
The teachers are not meeting myexpectations and it was just

(01:14:05):
overwhelming too much.
And I'm like you know what?
How are these other peopledoing it?
Because I'm just a shitty mom,like this person did this with
their kid.
This person went here and Ican't even do that.
And when you really startpulling back those layers and
talking to people, we're allcalling ourselves shitty moms

(01:14:27):
for different reasons, becausewe're we're doing certain things
that we want and prioritizingone thing, but then our
expectations are so much higherfor ourselves that when we don't
meet our own expectations, uh,we are devastated.
And usually the moms who arecalling themselves like the

(01:14:49):
shitty moms nine times out often they're really good moms who
are trying to take things tothat next level and just
experiencing that challenge.
When you have an expectation,you know what it's supposed to
look like and there's adiscrepancy between what it's
supposed to look like and whatit really looks like and just

(01:15:12):
that struggle ofself-improvement trying to
elevate your family, trying tocreate authentic experiences,
trying to be present, trying tocreate that extra time with your
significant other to make sureyou're connected so your kids
can see what a healthyrelationship and a healthy

(01:15:33):
marriage looks like, and thentrying to find time to do
self-care.
It's just a lot.
And I I do have to give thedisclaimer.
And I think one of my shows, Ithink I created like a whole
episode like look, because yousaid DCF, and I was like yep,
that came to mind too.
So I had to create like a wholemessage like look, I am not

(01:15:56):
encouraging child neglect.
That that's not what I mean.
So when I do come across momsthat's like oh yeah, because I
didn't do such and such, likewait a minute, that's neglect.
Hold up, I'm a mandatoryreporter.
Like don't say that around me,you.

(01:16:18):
The other shitty mom.
Like no, you, that's adifferent therapy, that's it.
And that's what I usually tellmoms like uh-uh, that's a
different therapy, that's not,this is not for you, huh so
you're like please don't saythat right, like wait a minute.
So I did have to clarify,because there is a sense of

(01:16:41):
authenticity where you can sitback, talk to another mom and be
like oh my God, like I feellike shit or oh my God, today I
was just so shitty and thenreally actively looking for ways
to improve, and that's prettymuch what the show is about.

(01:17:01):
So I wanna go over some of therewards, because you did say,
despite all of the challengesand I feel like today, out of
all of my episodes, you'vetouched on some pretty serious
stuff that you eitherexperienced or you're
experiencing now with motherhood, a limited support system, like

(01:17:27):
a husband who's doing thestay-at-home dad thing, because
being a stay-at-home parent,usually that was one of my goals
.
Like when I became a parent, Ijust knew I was going to be that
mom.
That was like this hippie mom,stay at home mom, and I can say,
like being on maternity leave,I was like oh shit, like I can't

(01:17:52):
do, I'm not bit.
I thought I was built for it, Iwasn't built for it and again,
that's just with one kid.
So when you say like it'sserious, like anyone, if you
really have experienced that,like being that sole provider

(01:18:12):
for every single thing that achild needs.
It's hard and I think for meduring that time, my husband he
was trying to climb the ladderin corporate America, which
meant he had a lot of sacrificesto make.
Some weeks he would work 70hours a week Like if that's what

(01:18:36):
they they needed.
He had to do it because he setsome goals for himself and I
just kind of had to suck it upand we would really clash, like
when my son was a lap baby, whenhe was really small.
We would clash because I'mfeeling like I'm stuck in the
house all day, I'm exhausted,and then he comes home and he's

(01:18:57):
like shit, I just work, likeit's seven o'clock, I'm stuck in
the house all day, I'mexhausted, and then he comes
home and he's like shit, I justworked, like it's seven o'clock,
I'm just coming home, but Ileft the house at 430 this
morning, you know.
So he's exhausted and I'm noteven trying to hear it.
You know, and, like you said,you have a parent who's young,
so do I.
So me getting that relief froma grandparent?

(01:19:19):
That's not an option because,guess what, she had her
nine-to-five as well, so it'sall on me.
So I I really think that issuper important, and if you
haven't experienced it, thenthere's no way for you to truly
identify with what that feelslike.
Um.
So hats off to you for evenrecognizing his sacrifice, and

(01:19:42):
hats off to your husband forlike holding it down, because
that is not easy for anyone.
So shout out to him what's hisname.
Tavares, tavares, shout out toTavares for holding it down,
because that is not simple, it'snot easy, it's a lot um.

Speaker 2 (01:20:03):
So what are some of the rewards that you guys have
experienced, um during this newparenting experience, because
it's a totally different dynamicfor you guys right now um, I'm
gonna say the rewards, um, thatI honestly feel like, even

(01:20:26):
throughout life period, is, um,the love, like the love and the
bond that I have within myhousehold, something I've never
experienced, mind you.
Not, um, it's just a differenttype of love, it's a different
type of I don't even know how toexplain it.
It's just a feeling likesometimes people feel like

(01:20:51):
rewards are like, um, it's likemoney and things that you, that
you can actually like, tangibleitems, you know, but for me
everything is like when I canfeel something from the heart,
like entering my home is a levelof peace that's rewarding to me
.
Because life is hard, you know,nowadays, like outside of my

(01:21:15):
home it's always a hustle, it'sit's mind blowing, it's it's
always a hustle, it's mindblowing, it's aggravation.
You know you're dealing withadults, you're managing adult
lives Like you never you're, soI'm so keen on fixing
everybody's life except for myown in some way.
So when I'm home, like thereward is really like the love

(01:21:38):
in the bond that I have with mykids, like the peace in my
household, like, no matter whatwe go through, like once I'm in
the atmosphere of my home, it'slike I don't know, it's
life-changing that's.

Speaker 1 (01:21:51):
That's what it's all for, that hustle, that struggle,
that's what it's like.

Speaker 2 (01:21:56):
Yeah, once I shut that door, like all that chaos
outside of it is like it goesaway, like it's like a breath of
fresh air and um, and I didn't.
I wasn't um raised, you know,with.
I was raised on love, but asfar as like um just expressing

(01:22:19):
how we feel about our day andjust hugging and kissing and
just that affectionism that youdon't have growing up Because
our parents were different, theyweren't.
So every day my kids are loved.
As a wife I feel loved.
I know my husband feels lovedBecause any given moment, like

(01:22:40):
we're like hands-on with eachother.
You know my daughter she love,like she knows that there's love
there.
So if they leave that house orwhatever case for me, they know
when they come home is there.
So to me that's like the onlyreward that I feel, because life
is chaotic yeah, for meeverything that I juggle.

(01:23:05):
I think that's the most, likethat's the greatest reward for
me.
And just being able to doeverything that I do you know
from my home, like working andeverything, like you say
everybody's so keen to feel likesurvival is all about nine to
five or that corporate America.
But just to be able to doeverything that I do and it

(01:23:27):
doesn't feel like I'm working,like that's rewarding as well.
Because think about how manypeople are actually working jobs
they really don't want to, youknow, really do.
Or they feel like every dayit's like, oh, I gotta do this
today, you know like I gotta gohere.
Or they're like it's like astruggle getting into work or
you know the act of work, butactually it never feels like I'm

(01:23:50):
working, because my greatestlike aspect is like it's just me
helping people, like I lovehelping people, and sometimes it
doesn't cost them anything.
You know, it's just aconversation.
Sometimes that conversationhelps motivate me and in
themselves, you know.

(01:24:10):
So I think that's anotherreward, like just being able to
be in a career where I never Inever feel like I'm working.
I just feel like it's somethingheartfelt, like it's just
something I was destined to do.

Speaker 1 (01:24:28):
So that's great and you definitely have a gift.
I feel like just my experiencewith you, with you like guiding
me through some things.
You make the operational sideof a business and I'm talking
about me like being a consultantof yours and working with you

(01:24:51):
being a customer I do feel likea lot of things that I didn't
know about business.
You made it so simple and soeasy to understand.
It gave me a little moreconfidence in myself to say,
okay, it's time to expand, Likeyou can do this.
It doesn't have to be thatintimidating, you don't have to

(01:25:14):
shy away from it and you canmake this more profitable and
manage it yourself.
So you definitely have a giftand I feel like because you're
so adamant about creating thatpeaceful environment for your
home.

(01:25:34):
It seems like that's what makesjuggling everything that you do
with work and with all of yourbusinesses that you have.
I feel like that probably makesit doable because you have that
separation of, like super busywork life, entrepreneurship.

(01:25:56):
You have that on the outside,but when you go home there's
peace.
You can kind of unplug andrecharge, and it's great that
you're able to get that fromyour family, because a lot of
people can't do that.
When they get home.
You know there's no peace andharmony at home and you at least
have an outlet in the home thatyou can control to make sure

(01:26:18):
that's there.
One of my last questions I wantto ask you is what advice do
you wish someone had given youabout motherhood sooner?

Speaker 2 (01:26:32):
Mm-hmm, yeah, let me see.
So the advice I would give well, that I wish someone gave me.
I always thought thatmotherhood would be easy because

(01:26:53):
people I'm going to say peoplethat actually plan to have kids
or wanted to have kids, alwaysmade it seem like it was an easy
thing.
But I think for um, for me, Iwould want to know the hard
components.
Um, a lot of my family, you know, when we're kids growing up,

(01:27:15):
it's either we were, we thoughtbabysitting or helping our moms
or fathers with our siblings waslike the toughest thing,
because as kids we thoughtfeeding and things like that
were a part of their job.
So that was hard for us.
But the hard, the most hardpart is to just financially be

(01:27:40):
in a great place, I would say,because I think being a parent
and kind of being financiallyincompetent, it brings a lot of
depression, it brings a lot ofanger and frustration and
sometimes that frustration youkind of drive that energy onto
your children, you know,absolutely, and that builds like

(01:28:03):
a character trait that youdon't want to kind of, you know,
bring upon your kidspersonality.
So that's one thing.
Um, I would say time managementand just having a team or even
just one support, one supportiveperson that you can actually
depend on you know that's yourcompanion, because a lot of us

(01:28:25):
black moms end up being singlemoms.
So you got to make sure thatbefore you start to have
children like how yourgrandmother would say, you know,
make sure you know, you knowwho you lay with before you have
kids, because a lot of thosecognitive issues that we don't
know about, you know, that goeson in the life of the mother or

(01:28:49):
the father.
You know we need to make surethat we know who we're having.
We're swapping genetic traitswith we're having.
We're swapping genetic, genetictraits with because there's a
whole nother set of stressors.
Yeah, absolutely, that'sanother factor in just being at
peace.
Like pregnancy and likemotherhood is really supposed to

(01:29:09):
be a beautiful thing,especially your pregnancy, like
my pregnancy was a beautifulthing.
You know, don't get me wrong.
It's just that juggling withtwo kids as a you know, as a mom
, just starting all over justthe age gap, it's it's different
, but it's supposed to be abeautiful thing.
Everything everyone around youin your environment is supposed

(01:29:33):
to be peaceful.
It's supposed to be easy.
You know you shouldn't be at afight with life.
You know, like the person youare having children with should
be a good supportive partner.
My first pregnancy was not thatway.
Okay, it wasn't so.
Being that I have my husbandnow, I now understand why women

(01:29:53):
say you know like maturity goesa long way.
Yeah, you know like maturitygoes a long way.
So, you know, I feel likedifferent times in our life.
You know, maybe people have toexperience things to get better
at things.
I'm not sure.
But this pregnancy wasdifferent because I had a
supportive partner.
You got to make sure yourhusband, even if he has to be a

(01:30:14):
stay at home dad, he's still agood leader you know, and, okay,
I'll make this easy for you.
Even though it's hard for me,I'm still going to make life
easier for you.
You know you deserve theflowers, you deserve the
compliments you deserve, likeall the great things in life.
So just just know that whoeveryou want to, you know, have a
family with, just make sure thatthe love that you're giving

(01:30:37):
you're also receiving, you knowso that's another thing and just
take your time.
Like, just take your time.
It's not going to be perfect.
You know, when you're havingchildren you can't even really
plan, because once they're there, they're there.

Speaker 1 (01:30:55):
You have to love your kids.

Speaker 2 (01:30:56):
You have to focus on your children because who they
become as an adult reflects ontheir upbringing.

Speaker 1 (01:31:02):
Yeah, absolutely so.

Speaker 2 (01:31:05):
I think that's the most like advice that I would
have wanted you know before Ihad kids.
And just have fun, have funbeing a mom like have fun, like
find some fun, I don't care ifit's just coloring with your
child.
Like I don't care if it'sbaking cookies or just even if
you don't have the money, likeyou can still be a good parent

(01:31:27):
at doing free things, becausethose free things brings your
homes, your home, peace you knowyeah absolutely create memories
.
You know their first picture,their first painting, their
first ornament, like save it,keep it.
You know so when you're you'redown, bad or you you just feel
like life is a struggle, just goback to that box or that folder

(01:31:48):
you know, or those pictures andjust reminisce, because that'll
bring you some type of harmonyto like whatever it is you're
going through like.
That's what I reflect on.
But yeah, I keep everything.
So I keep everything in a box.
I keep everything in my filecabinet for my daughter, her,
for all her report cards.

(01:32:09):
I still have everything thatmakes me proud as a mom.
So when I feel like I'm off,it's just like but you got a
smart kid, you have a beautifulkid.
You know, she did that, like whoyou are today, like, come on,
like, stop being, stop beatingyourself down.
Right, don't beat yourself down.
You're doing the best you canand do not reflect your life

(01:32:30):
upon someone else's, Becausewhat you see may be good on
social media or in the life ofsomeone else, there's still
darkness there, yeah, but peopleare not going on social media
or in the life of someone else.
There's still darkness there,yeah, but people going to

(01:32:51):
publicize the darkness right.
So you have to just live yourown life and kind of turn that
social life the knob off likeit's not a real thing.
Yeah, absolutely so.
You like you said I'm I'm verytransparent.
You know my kids get on mynerves or I'm going through
something.
Yes, I put on my social media,but when I was going through
postpartum, no one knew until Isaid it.
You know, you're not going toknow that, You're not going to

(01:33:13):
see certain things.
So you just really have to justlive your life and make your
own traditions.
Like, do your own thing.
Like you know, when you goaround your family you can see
them, but don't allow yourfamily to raise your children
like they're your children andmastered the right and wrong
from your parents andgrandparents and create an

(01:33:34):
atmosphere for your own children, your own traditions.

Speaker 1 (01:33:44):
like I'm big on that so I love that and I definitely
see that, and if any of ourlisteners follow you on social
media, I'm sure they canidentify with everything that
you're saying, because we see it, you know everything that
you're telling us and it's justone of those things.

(01:34:05):
You are one of the few peoplethat I've encountered that what
you are saying.
You kind of live by thosethings yourself.
So if any of our listeners arenot familiar with you, how can
they find you?
How can they connect with youon social media?
If they wanted to do some typeof consulting with you, how can

(01:34:31):
they reach you?

Speaker 2 (01:34:33):
So I can be reached.
My main social media isFacebook, which is Kira Hubbard.
My business page on Facebook isThrive Consulting Group.
My Instagram handle is Thrivewith Kira.
That's where I put all mybusiness information.
My website isthriveconsultinggroupnowcom.

(01:34:55):
So if you wanted to set aconsultation or you wanted to
speak about business or coaching, I can be reached there as well
, and um pretty much on all mysocial media you'll have my
contact, my business cards, mywebsite links.

Speaker 1 (01:35:11):
everything is pretty um transparent on all social
media fronts okay, and I'lldefinitely add all of your
social media handles and yourcontact information when the
episode comes out.
So when we release it, if anyof the listeners want to follow
you or contact you, thatinformation will be posted as

(01:35:32):
well.
And I just want to say thankyou so much for sharing this
time with us, because you have abusy schedule I know you have
little ones to get to but I justwanted to say thank you so much
for allowing us to really digdeep into your motherhood

(01:35:54):
experience and sharing that withus.
I really appreciate your timeand you just sharing your
journey with us, and I lookforward to all of the things
that you and your family aregoing to accomplish, because you
guys are very driven and verysupportive of one another.
So I just look forward tofollowing you and seeing what

(01:36:17):
you guys do next.
I really appreciate your time,thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:36:21):
Thank you so much.
I appreciate your time as well.
This was very therapeutic, bythe way.
I love everything about it andI'm so proud of you because this
, this podcast, is different,very like for the mom.
So, yes, once the episode comesout, I'm going to heavily
promote because I think thiswould be good for a lot of moms.

(01:36:44):
Thank, you.

Speaker 1 (01:36:45):
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Hey everyone, it's yourfavorite BCBAD here, Dr DeLoren.
Continue making great contentfor listeners everywhere by
visiting wwwforshittymomscom,where you can make a monthly
contribution.
Also visit us on Instagram,YouTube, Facebook and TikTok at

(01:37:12):
Foreshitty Moms and that'sshitty.
With an X, not an I.

All Episodes

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

.css-15opob5{left:0;position:absolute;top:0.8rem;} All Episodes

.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}EP 13: Irish Twins, Teenagers, Limited Support, and Endless Hustle: One Mom's Journey

Episode Transcript

Popular Podcasts

.css-r6mb8g{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:1;overflow:hidden;}Stuff You Should Know

Dateline NBC

On Purpose with Jay Shetty

All Episodes

EP 13: Irish Twins, Teenagers, Limited Support, and Endless Hustle: One Mom's Journey

Stuff You Should Know