June 15, 2025 • 65 mins
What happens when you approach parenting like an investment strategy? In this refreshingly candid conversation, real estate agent Alan Monica pulls back the curtain on fatherhood as a dad of triplets—identical twin girls and a fraternal boy.
Alan brings a unique perspective that many parents might find liberating: complete freedom from parental guilt when pushing his children toward excellence. "Until you turn 18, you have to do this stuff if we tell you to," he explains with a laugh, detailing how he evaluates his children's activities based on their potential long-term benefits rather than immediate enjoyment. This "return on investment" approach led his family to prioritize piano and singing for his daughters over cheerleading, which he viewed as having limited future applications.
The discussion reveals how Alan balances the unpredictable "feast or famine" nature of real estate work with his parenting responsibilities. From navigating school pickup lines to coordinating extracurricular schedules, he shares practical insights on time management that working parents will appreciate. He's refreshingly honest about leaning on his partner Maria, whom he credits as "the backbone" of their family unit.
Perhaps most compelling is Alan's commitment to modeling the behaviors he expects from his children. After receiving concerning health news, he changed his diet and exercise habits, explaining: "I don't want to be the kind of dad that just verbally says it. I want to try my best to show it as well." This authenticity extends to his parenting philosophy: "Go with your gut—what I want to see them doing, what I feel is right, I just try to push it."
Whether you're a mom seeking perspective on co-parenting, a dad looking for solidarity, or anyone interested in a straightforward approach to raising confident, skilled children, Alan's stories will leave you questioning your own parental guilt and considering whether a more decisive approach might benefit your family. Take a listen and reconsider what it means to truly invest in your children's future.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Meet Alan: Real Estate Agent and Father of Triplets
9:05 - The Challenges of Real Estate and Parenthood
20:41 - Parenting Style and Extracurricular Strategy
31:31 - The Return on Investment Approach to Activities
45:28 - Leading by Example and Modeling Behaviors
54:02 - Dealing with Loss and Final Parenting Advice
➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: shxtmom@gmail.com
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
Behavioral Alliance, your numberone source for behavior change.
Fidelity Behavioral Alliancecreates behavior change programs
for schools, parents andorganizations looking to reduce
problem behaviors and improveperformance outcomes.
(00:20):
Find out more atwwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom.
If you would like to sponsor anepisode of FSM, email us at
shitmom at gmailcom.
That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M atgmailcom.
(00:42):
M-o-m at gmailcom.
It's time to put the kids to bed.
So y'all get ready for anotherepisode of For Shitty Moms.
All right, everyone.
Welcome back to another episodeof FSM.
I'm your host, dr Lori, andtoday we have a very special
guest.
(01:02):
This episode is coming out justin time for Father's Day, so
we're doing things a littledifferent this time around we
are having a dad as a guestinstead of a mom.
So, without further ado, I'mgoing to let our special guest
introduce himself and we'll getstarted.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Hey everybody, how's it going?
My name's Alan Monica, I am afather of three they're actually
triplets, identical twin girlsand a fraternal boy and I'm a
real estate agent and I've beenwith my significant other, maria
, for 17 years.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Oh, wow, Okay, Awesome, and then okay.
So you already went over youroccupation and gave us some
insight.
So this episode I wanted tojust kind of highlight and talk
about the experience.
We always talk about motherhoodand how challenging that is.
I think you can.
You hear, you hear about thatacross the board, but we rarely
(02:05):
get insight from dads right?
So this time around I just wantto take some insight from your
experience and I'd just like tohear from a different
perspective, and I'm sure theaudience will as well.
So, with you being in realestate, I'm just curious to know
is this like an industry thatyou would consider parent
(02:28):
friendly?
How does that look for you withthe course of a day or in the
course of a week?
How does that work, especiallyif you have three kiddos?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yeah, I do feel like being a real estate agent.
It is a parent friendlyoccupation.
Ok.
Because I can you know, withinreason, I can kind of tailor my
schedule.
Like, if my son is a soccergame that I really have to be at
, I can you know, try to notwork at that time, tried to not
(03:06):
work at that time.
If somebody wants to see homesat 12 o'clock but my son's game
is at 12 o'clock, I can tellthem, hey, let's go at two
o'clock instead of 12.
And normally people are prettyflexible.
I mean, if somebody's reallycoming up towards a deadline and
they have to move, must move,that can get a little bit hectic
.
I'll have to kind of makemyself available for my client.
(03:26):
But most of the time I cantailor, make my schedule so I
can be with the family and getmy work done.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Okay and without, because I know I've spoken to
like a couple of moms from timeto time just kind of hesitant
about getting into the field ofreal estate because there's that
component, I guess, the salescomponent.
So explain what that looks liketo someone who really doesn't
(03:55):
know how it works for you guys,how does that really work?
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Um, as far as what getting the sales done Well this
you mean getting closings.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Yeah, I mean, that's kind of the scary part about the
business.
Even somebody like me who hassold, you know, hundreds of
homes now at this point I caneven get slow from time to time
and it does get.
That's the challenge does get,that's that's the challenge.
(04:29):
Um, trying to stay busy and andyou know they say always be
closing, kind of abc, always beclosing.
Um.
But sometimes it's a littledifficult and different deals
can fall apart from time to timeand, uh, when you don't sell or
you don't rent properties, youdon't make money.
So that is the scary part.
Some people also use the phrasefeast or famine, because you can
make a bunch of money in onemonth and then maybe you'll go
(04:53):
two months and you won't makeany money.
So you have to know how tobudget your income and kind of
be smart with your money whenyou do make it and put it into
advertising and keep speaking topast clients and try to find
new clients.
And also, when the interestrates are high and the stock
market is going crazy, kind oflike right now, it might make
(05:17):
less deals happen overall andthat's something that you know.
We can try our best to fightthrough and get things done, but
sometimes in the real estatemarket there's just less
closings, and that's always afactor.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Okay, so how did you get started?
And usually I ask thesequestions because we do have
listeners who may be consideringgoing into the field, so I like
to give them a little moreinsight going into the field.
So I like to give them a littlemore insight so they have an
idea of how to make this apractical transition for
themselves.
So what advice would you giveand what have you seen?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Oh, how I actually got into it.
I have a friend of mine thatused to manage clubs and he
actually got into it.
He went and got his real estatelicense and he just knew that.
I grew up in the area and Iknew a good amount of people and
he actually gave me the ideaand I had the triplets on the
(06:16):
way as well.
So I was kind of looking for acareer change and he was like
Alan, you know, you can get yourreal estate license in in a few
weeks.
You should just do it, just gofor it.
Um, you can do a class.
It's a you can.
You can take it over, I think,a three month period or you can
(06:37):
get it done in one week.
Like it's like a 60 hour course.
If you could uh free up a week,you could go in and sit there I
think it was 8am to 6pm for sixdays straight and then you go
take a.
You take the class test rightthere in the class and then you
take a state exam and if youpass that you have your real
(07:00):
estate license.
Oh, wow, okay.
Yeah.
So it's something that you canget into pretty quick.
I mean, the test is it's notjust easy, like you have to pay
attention, you have to study,but if you do it's definitely a
passable test.
And then, once I got thelicense, I just was kind of like
man, I want to do a deal, Ijust want to get a deal done, I
(07:22):
want to.
And I started with a rental.
I got a rental done and then Idid a handful of rentals and
then I got my first sale andthen I was like wow, I mean you
make pretty good money off thisbusiness.
And then I got more seriousinto it and friends of mine
(07:42):
started to see that I was doingit and they kind of started to
reach out here and there and itkind of just worked out and
became my thing.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Right and I can say so.
I always like to give a littlebackground information on how I
know the guests.
And Alan, you actually helpedmy husband and I with our home
and get our home.
We were in a situation where wewere just like this is not
working out anymore, our rentalsituation wasn't working out
(08:09):
anymore, and just trying tonavigate that whole process and
not knowing where to start, Iwill say we kind of, I guess,
just call the signs.
You know, sometimes you see thesigns on the side of the road
and after just calling people,cold calling people trying to
(08:29):
look at houses that you wereinterested in, we did that for
about a month and it was like,okay, we're in way over our head
and my husband was kind of like, oh, let me call my friend.
And from there I feel like youjust kind of took over, you took
charge, you told us what weneeded to do and you got it done
(08:50):
um quickly.
It wasn't a headache, you, Idon't know, you just had
whatever we were looking for.
You had it and that was it.
So thank you for all of yourhelp and just is awesome to see
how much you really do impactother people, and for us.
We kind of went through theprocess and it was all over the
(09:13):
place trying to getdocumentation that we didn't
know about meeting with process.
So as someone like brand new,not knowing, what to do.
You definitely made it aseamless process for us.
But I've always wondered, likehow do people do this for a
(09:37):
living?
Because it seems really fast.
It seems like you thosedeadlines trying to beat other
buyers, trying to put in youroffer before someone else.
I've heard horror stories fromother people going through that
process and just kind of puttingin offers sight unseen, and we
(09:57):
did not have that experiencewith you, so I really appreciate
that.
But just going back to theexperience of juggling, so I
know you said the flexibilitywith the schedule helps you with
the juggling.
So, with that being said, whatare, like, some of your biggest
(10:17):
challenges with juggling?
Career and parenthood?
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Time management sometimes is a factor.
Um, and just now, my my, uh, mygirl recently started to work
again for a while.
She wasn't okay.
Well, now I'm picking the kidsup from school um, four days out
of the week.
She gets them one day whenshe's off.
(10:46):
Oh, wow.
Well, that kind of it wassomething new.
I could kind of there was no, Ididn't have to do that for four
years and now I do it's so Ihave to go grab them and so I
have to make sure I never haveanything going on, basically
like 1.30 to 2.30.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Oh, okay, so you're doing that parent pickup line
and all that good stuff.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Yeah, I found it's kind of funny.
I found a house where this guylives.
He lets me park in his drivewayso I, and then I can just kind
of walk up and get there, okay.
So I kind of found a way to doit quick.
So you know, whatever thesituation, I'm trying to figure
out a way to, you know, make itbetter.
And I did with getting them,but still it's the other schools
(11:33):
all the way in West Lake Worthand luckily I'm able to.
Their mom works in a placewhere I can drop them off, so I
can kind of pick them up and ifI have something going on right
away I can take them to to wheretheir mom is and I can get back
to work.
But I still have to make sure Ialways have that hour open.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
OK and so that definitely, you definitely have
to be on it, because you knowthey're going to get out the
same exact time every single day, no matter what.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
And sometimes they get a little mad at me.
If I get there a little late,they'll all yell at me Ah, where
were you?
They were about to make us goin back.
I guess, if you you end up toolate, the, the, the
administrators will make thekids go back into the school.
Yep, that hasn't happened yet,thank goodness, so it's.
It's came close a few times,but it hasn't happened yet.
(12:24):
They've been like where's yourdad?
You guys are going to have tocome back in.
I'll be here and then I show upright in time.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So OK, so what about?
Are they in anyextracurriculars?
How do you factor that in?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah, so my daughters , they actually do choir with
the elementary school.
Okay, so there is a day when myson gets out.
I have to go pick him up, andthen this day I I don't, I don't
drop him off with mom, I justhave to go get my son.
We go home for about 45 minutesand then I have to come back to
the school to get my daughtersbecause they have choir.
(13:01):
That's only one day a week.
And then, um, my son, my son isin soccer and he has soccer
practice, I think three days aweek, and, um, maria actually
always make sure he make sure hegets to the practices because
those are in the evening.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
So okay you know, partner up I was gonna say
sounds like you kind of tag.
So how would you describeyourself as a dad?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I would say proud.
I'm a proud dad.
That's kind of, I guess, oneword to sum it up.
My kids are always, you know,putting a smile on my face.
They're always impressing mewith just their talent and their
personalities.
So they just make me feel prouda lot.
(13:52):
I just say I'm a proud dad.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Oh, that's awesome.
And what about your parentingstyle?
Do you kind of use a differentstyle for each kid?
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I'm pretty laid back.
I kind of treat them.
Um, you know, I treat them uh,I I kind of put pressure on them
in a sense, as as far as justfocusing on the sports and
focusing on my girls.
They sing and play piano okay.
So I don't really cut them anyslack in those areas.
(14:25):
Like I tell my son he needs togo outside and run.
I tell my daughters they needto practice on the piano.
I tell them they need to goover the songs they're learning
all the time.
So I'm, you know, pretty pushywith that type of stuff, not in
like a mean way or anything,it's just I try to keep them
doing it, not in like a mean wayor anything, it's just I try to
(14:47):
keep them doing it.
And when it comes to um, Iguess, uh, if they act up which
they don't act up very oftenusually I let their mom handle
it.
Maria kind of handles it, tellsthem to relax.
But if they're getting a littletoo much, I just kind of have
to raise my voice a bit and theycalm down.
Okay, I just get real loud andkind of scream real quick and
(15:10):
scare them and they relax.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You know what that's like, the dad effect.
Though the dads just you knowmoms can yell all day long and I
don't even think it goes in oneear and out the other long, and
it, it.
I don't even think it goes inone ear and out the other.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
I feel like dads have that one like they raise their
voice, angry voice come out,they, they stop whatever I don't
like.
So that's, it's a good thing,because I don't want to have to,
you know, make more of anexample.
You know, I never have had to,or anything, get angrier than
that.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
It's just I'll scream and yell real loud and then
they get a little scared andthey fall in line so is it just
the two of you like mom and dad,it's just the two of you who
help out with the kids, or doyou have like family, who kind
of?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
helps.
My parents are here for sixmonths and when they're here
they spend some time with thekids.
Um Maria's parents live, livenot too far away.
They're in Boca okay um, whenthey were babies, her parents
helped a lot, a lot more.
It was really I was out workinga lot, um, trying to just keep
(16:20):
things going on and dealing with, you know, just the transition
in life from going from havingno kids to three, yeah, and her
mom would would come over a lotwhen they were babies and she
would help help out with bathtime and bedtime OK, when we had
the three little ones there and.
But she ended up really gettingit down pat to where her mom
(16:43):
only really had to come over andhelp with it until maybe they
were two, three years old,something like that.
And then she was she.
She was really good at athandling it all, um, and and and
really that was like herfull-time thing.
And I remember we had at oneconversation, um, when they were
little and they, you know, theyhad kept us both up and she was
(17:07):
like telling me that she wasstressed out and, um, it was
tough and and I was like, lookyou, you know you really wanted
these babies.
We both wanted these babies,like, like there's, you know, we
just got to do it basically andI only had to kind of say that
one time, and then it was likeshe always just held it down.
After that it was no more like,no more complaining, or no more
(17:30):
like oh my God, this is so muchwork with three kids she just
handled it.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I got lucky, and that's that's important.
I feel like it's hard to havethose conversations, but at
least you guys have that levelof understanding where you can
have those difficultconversations and kind of come
up with a solution and reallytroubleshoot, because we only
have one um and me and myhusband like it's just the two
(17:59):
of us and we don't really havelike both of our parents
grandparents they still workright so that extra help we
don't really have like both ofour parents grandparents they
still work Right, so that extrahelp we don't really have it.
Even my friends usually that'skind of like our support system
in our village, if they'reavailable, but they're doing the
(18:21):
same hustle and bustle thatthat we're doing, but they're
doing the same hustle and bustlethat we're doing.
So when we can try to tag teamand trade off and hey, you watch
my kid, I have this going on orif I have to call them to do
like an emergency pickup orsomething like that, it's
probably just one person to call.
(18:41):
So sometimes we have to havethat conversation as well,
because it goes into all right,my son wanted to do like the
basketball season was coming up,but he just started middle
school.
Middle school is a whole notherbeast like elementary.
We kind of took some time tofigure that out, but you know
(19:03):
that schedule once you got itdown, that's a lot of time.
If you pick him up from schoolaround two o'clock, from two
until like bedtime, you have alot of flexibility that he comes
home with every day, trying toget him to be more independent.
So now he's riding the bus.
(19:25):
The bus gets stuck in trafficso he doesn't even get off of
the bus until like after fiveo'clock.
So trying to squeeze inextracurricular activities, we
can't even get started untilabout 536 o'clock, so that kind
of and God forbid, he hashomework that night.
So we had to have like a newset of conversations like all
(19:49):
right, we're trying to race toget to like aftercare or
basketball practice in themiddle of the week.
After basketball practice,let's say it's seven o'clock, we
still got gotta eat dinner, godforbid, he has homework like
that's the whole night, you know.
So we've just been trying totroubleshoot and figure it out
(20:13):
for him and we even put sportslike he'll.
He's practicing now but justfor this first year.
Um, we've kind of put sports onthe back burner, right, so he
can still practice.
He can still do conditioning,but making it to a six o'clock
practice is not really in thecards for us in the middle of
the week.
(20:33):
So that was a conversation thatwe had to have.
He goes to tutoring two days aweek.
He plays piano one day a weekand then he has to practice when
he's not at piano practice.
So it's still a lot of jugglingand just moving things around
and that's just with one kid.
So I can't even imagine, likehow you guys are maintaining
(20:56):
your sanity with three.
And they're all the same age.
So it's not like you have abreak there either.
But I do follow you on socialmedia and you seem pretty like
cool as a cucumber.
You don't seem like you'restressing out too much.
So that's why I like to askthese questions to get a little
more insight, because I'm sureparents, either who have kids
(21:20):
your age or who have kids at ayounger age, are just trying to
figure out how do you balanceand juggle all of this stuff,
like all of your workresponsibilities, then trying to
stay on top of academics,trying to give your kids, like
additional life skills throughextracurricular activities and
then even making sure they knowhow to relax themselves, because
(21:45):
that's another thing that forus we had to start factoring in,
like, oh man, when do you get abreak?
You know, with all thesedifferent things, school is the
priority.
But also, just for us, we'vebeen trying to show him like,
okay, you do have a chance tohave some downtime.
We're not gonna to keep puttingpressure on you because with us
(22:07):
he doesn't like piano at all,like he doesn't want to do
anything with music, but it's agreat skill to have right, and
if you, once you learn thatskill, you can take it anywhere.
So he likes to perform, helikes to do shows, shows.
He doesn't like to practice.
So we're trying to get him tomake that connection.
(22:28):
Like nobody wants to see youperform if you haven't practiced
.
Nobody wants to hear that.
Like I don't know what kind ofsong that's gonna sound like if
you haven't practiced.
Um, so yeah, it's, it's beeninteresting and I feel like we
do a lot of troubleshooting here.
But when something isn'tworking now we kind of just have
(22:52):
those difficult conversationsand like, all right, let's
figure something else out, ableto have those difficult
conversations and just kind offigure it out and move forward,
because a lot of times I hear itwith a lot of moms who they
(23:13):
don't have those conversationsand then you start to hear like,
oh, I'm stressed out, oh, I'mso depressed, oh, I'm so, and
I'm like, honestly, I thinkthat's a part of parenting, like
a lot of it, I'm hearing thesame things.
That's a part of parenting,like a lot of it, I'm hearing
the same things.
But I feel like that's just thejob in itself.
So how are you guys reallyhandling those really stressful
times where it's like everybodyhas something to do, the
(23:36):
schedules are crazy, the kidsaren't the most um compliant,
they don't really want to do iteither.
How do you guys tackle thosesituations?
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Um so speaking about this just made me think of
something.
So my girls, they used to docheerleading as well.
Okay, and with cheerleading itwas.
Cheerleading is like likecompetitive cheers, like it's an
expensive thing to do andbesides that there's a lot of
travel involved with it.
Yeah.
And it kind of sometimes itwould affect.
(24:14):
You know what my son had goingon here locally with his soccer
and whatnot.
Okay.
So we ended up making a decisionto stop doing cheer, because I
kind of looked at cheer as issomething that to me in my head
it's like OK, so if you'rereally really good at
cheerleading, what's going tohappen?
(24:36):
I mean, maybe you're going tobe able to be a cheerleader for
the NFL and make like, I don'tknow, like 50 grand a year, they
say, or something like that.
It's not that great of a thing.
I mean.
I guess it can give girlsexposure or whatever, but it's
not really.
To me it didn't seem like askill that could turn into like
a life-changing thing, right,but piano I I like a lot for
(25:00):
them and, um, I like singing forthem.
So that's what we decided wasjust start focusing on the piano
and the singing and we letcheerleading go, because that
was a little too much and it wasmaking kind of stress that I
felt wasn't really worth it andI feel like the reward if you
become an amazing cheerleaderisn't that great.
(25:21):
Okay.
I feel like the reward if you'rean amazing singer or pianist, I
mean, yeah, it could be.
You could do a lot of thingswith that.
You could be an artist or youcould get involved in theater or
you could be in someone else'sband.
There's just ways to make moneyand benefit off it.
That I felt like that was moreworth their time and our effort,
(25:44):
so that was one thing that theykind of liked.
They don't really talk muchabout it anymore, but they did
like it when they were doing it.
But I feel like it would almostmake more sense for them to
start taking maybe a dance classwith a really good
choreographer or something likethat, yeah, Just so they can
(26:06):
cause.
Then I feel like if they canplay piano, if they can sing and
if they can dance, that mattersa lot more than being a
cheerleader for the Miamidolphins to me in my opinion
yeah.
Um so we, we kind of I look atit that situation as we kind of
prioritized the activities.
They liked it and I we couldhave afforded it and kept doing.
(26:30):
We could have.
Maybe she could have went upthere, I could have took them up
to a competition and then oneof us went to my son's soccer
game.
But it just the cost mixed withthe traveling and the time it
was taking, cheerleading, I feellike, was the thing that we
needed to let go of and we did.
Okay.
Yeah, but as far as the girlswith the singing and the piano
(26:53):
and my son with the soccer,those are things that we're
going to keep pushing, okay, andwe don't want to stop.
And obviously, hopefully, mykids don't one day say we don't
want to stop and obviously,hopefully my kids don't one day
say we don't want to do thisanymore.
Um, they they'll, they'llcomplain.
Sometimes they won't want to goto vocal coaching.
Or my son that never complainsabout going to soccer.
(27:15):
I mean, sometimes if he's gotthe fortnight on, he'll be like,
ah, I'm playing, I'm gonna win,wait.
But he never says he doesn'twant to go.
My girls, sometimes I'll belike going to vocal coaching, I
don't want to go.
Or it's like piano teachers, Idon't want to play.
But I just tell them um, I'lljust be like you have to.
Okay, I'll be like while youlive here and until until you
(27:36):
turn 18, you have to, you haveto do this stuff if we tell you
to okay, and they and they goalong with it.
They don't question it okay.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Well, that makes me feel good because sometimes I'm
worried like, am I pushing toohard, am I pushing too much?
But I think for me, I alwayslook at how much time he spends
on the video game and I'm like,even though you do a lot, you
still have a lot of time like onthe video game.
(28:07):
So even when I feel like, okay,he does need a break, okay, he
does need a break, like somedays, I know recently, with all
the schedule changes, basketballhas been moved to like Fridays
at six, and usually I canvisibly see it on him, like by
(28:27):
the time he gets off the bus andhe walks home he looks
exhausted and then it's like, oh, go change, it's time for
basketball.
So on those days I empathize alot.
But then I think about what theweekend is going to look like.
You know we're not in theseason right now, so you're
going to get up.
(28:48):
If you have to study or have todo a project or something like
that, that may be one or twohours.
In the day he has pianopractice.
That's like an hour.
The rest of the Saturday he'son the game.
So on those, you know, duringthat time I'm kind of like, all
right, like you should berejuvenated.
(29:09):
You should have had your enoughdowntime to relax and you, you
know now it's time to dosomething else.
Um, so usually that kind ofeases my guilt a little bit and
sometimes I call it like shittymom syndrome, because I do
struggle with like am I pushingtoo hard?
(29:30):
He said he doesn't want to doit.
Like, should I not make him doit?
But then the other side of meis like hell.
I played tennis.
You know, when I was younger meand my sister, we played tennis
.
I started at the age of fourand I just told my son this past
weekend I'm like me and youraunt.
(29:53):
We played tennis six days aweek.
The only day off was Sundays.
Usually you have tournamentsand tennis is a year round sport
.
There is no off season, it'syear round and we're in South
Florida.
So you know, from the age offour, every day after school we
played tennis until about sixo'clock.
(30:15):
Then it was time to go home, dohomework, get ready for school
the next day.
And on Saturdays that's whenyou compete and God forbid,
you're winning those tournaments.
You're going to be there allday because you play until you
lose.
That's every tournament everySaturday there's no offseason.
(30:35):
So once I kind of explained thatto him, he just kind of gave me
that look like, oh my gosh,when did you get a break?
We didn't, and our parentsdidn't give us a choice.
So I kind of talked to myhusband about it, like sometimes
I feel like we're pushing toohard and I have a lot of guilt
about it.
But then I was like you knowwhat, if my mom gave me a choice
(30:59):
when I was younger, I probablywould have been like oh, I don't
want to play tennis every dayeither, I want to hang out with
my friends.
So it kind of I don't know.
I feel like I struggle a lotwith that and I hear a lot of
moms struggling a lot withtrying to strike the balance.
Do you have that sameexperience, or is it kind of
(31:21):
like?
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I think about, like when I was growing up, you know,
my, my dad, tried to kind ofget me into sports a little bit
and going to the gym and Ididn't want to do it, I was kind
of just like no, and I said noa couple of times and they just
kind of let it be and, um, Idon't think I, you know, would
(31:47):
have went that far in basketballor anything.
But I think if I would havestuck, because that basketball
is the sport I played a littlebit I mean not much, I played
like freshman year and like thebeginning of my sophomore year,
then I was done.
Okay.
But I think, if I would havestarted when I was a kid and I
would have kept going, and keptgoing, and kept going, maybe it
could have developed intosomething, you know, even if it
(32:10):
was just through high schoolyears.
Um, but my parents, they didn't, they didn't force me into it,
because I said no, um.
So me, me and Maria, we bothkind of, we kind of I I mean, I
guess force is the word we kindof make them do this stuff.
Um it's they don't really have achoice.
(32:30):
Um, it's like they have to doit.
It's like Alan used to playbasketball and soccer but he
just was noticeably better insoccer.
So we kind of held off the bat,like let the basketball kind of
go to the side and just keptpushing the soccer.
But soccer he, he likes andhe's, and he's pretty good at it
(32:51):
.
So I feel like it would be adisservice to him to not push
him.
And same thing with my girlslike they, they, they sound good
and they, they, they are goodsingers and they're good, you
know.
Kind of like with the wholetheater, kind of vibe um, and I
feel like, if we don't, it'slike, it's like they don't even
(33:13):
know how good they are.
That's why I look at it Like,like they don't know, like
someone has to see it, and belike, hey, you guys are good at
this.
I'm going to help you push this.
I don't want you to stop, Iwant you to keep trying and I
want you to keep developing this.
So we make them do it, we makethem go to go to these
extracurricular activities andand um, we're going to, you know
(33:36):
, keep making them do it andthen hopefully they'll do good
at the stuff and they'll learnto really love it.
And I won't.
We won't have to make them doit anymore.
They're just going to do it allthe time and because that's
what they love to do, that'swhat I'm hoping, but they're,
they're stuck until they justfreak out and run away or, you
(33:56):
know, turn 18 and move out.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Right, okay, so that I like that perspective, because
now I'm kind of reconsidering.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
It's like singing and soccer is like school, Like you
have to go to school, you haveto sing and you have to play
soccer.
It's like okay, I like that.
That's kind of how we push it.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
I've never looked at it through that lens because I'm
always like I don't know.
My son is naturally he's reallygood with swimming, but we only
do it for recreation.
So with the extracurriculars,when he was younger I think it
(34:35):
was maybe like three or fouryears ago he was adamant about
playing basketball and I'm likeyou've never played basketball
ever.
Like where is this coming from?
And he just he would not let itgo.
He wanted to do basketball.
He wanted to do basketball.
For me, football was anabsolute.
No, it's not even an optiondangerous yeah, yeah, I wasn't
(34:57):
so.
Even with um, basketball I'mlike, uh, that's still like a
contact sport, but it's notfootball.
So that was my like compromiseand he really took to it.
You know he does have to workhard at it.
You know anything that you do,you have to work hard at it.
(35:17):
But just hearing you saying likeyour son was noticeably better
at soccer, I feel like our kiddois naturally he's a great
swimmer.
Like we did the swim lessons.
But by the time we put him inswimming lessons he had already
taught himself how to swim.
He was just determined to notbe stuck in like the what do you
(35:41):
call it?
The kiddie pool like the?
Yeah, he was just determined tolearn how to swim because he
wanted to go to the deep end.
So we do it for recreation.
Um, from time to time we'll getup at like 5 am and just go do
laps at like the ymca just tostart our day.
(36:01):
But if I had it my way, Iprobably would have tried him
out on a swim team instead ofbasketball.
But he's been just adamant thathe's more interested in
basketball.
So I'm like I think you will bea great swimmer if you were
formally trained and he has nointerest.
(36:24):
So now I'm like maybe I need totake Alan's approach Like nope,
you're doing it.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Yeah, I mean, why not ?
Right, be like, look you just.
You just have to do a swimminglesson once or twice a week and
just see how it goes.
If you see that he's noticeablydoing well at it, it's like you
might just have to make him doit.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah, and then I kind of worry about the age too,
because I feel like sport,everything right now, academics
and sports everything is waymore competitive than what it
was when we were in school.
Everything is way morecompetitive than what it was
when we were in school, right?
So even with basketball, by thetime he started I felt like we
(37:05):
were really late and he'sprobably been been playing for
about three years.
So he probably started aroundeight or nine and I just felt
like we were so far behind thecurve.
And now with swimming, I'm like, oh boy, we're really behind
the curve.
And now with swimming, I'm like, oh boy, we're really behind
the curve with the swimming.
If we were to start somethingnew.
So I've been trying to give himthe nudge.
(37:26):
Now that he's in middle school,Sports are a little more in the
forefront and they havedifferent sports available to
the kids through school.
So I've been trying to explainto him like how it works, the
tryouts, the intramurals, likeif you want to try a new sport,
this is the time to do it,because every couple of weeks
(37:49):
there's like a new seasonstarting, so, and then in PE
they're doing like the teamsports too.
So he gets a chance to like,try lacrosse, try volleyball,
just trying different thingsthat normally he probably
wouldn't even have an interestin.
But now he has to do it for agrade.
So it's kind of interestingjust watching him get exposed to
(38:12):
the things that we already knowabout and just seeing, like,
where his interest takes him.
Because, as much as he does notlike practicing piano, this
year, by the time, by the end ofthe school year, he's been like
, hey, I think I want to do bandand I'm like we have to
threaten you to practice piano,but you want to join band, like
(38:33):
okay, fine, whatever piano.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
The piano practice will definitely have helped if
he gets in the band yeah,definitely so.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
It's just, I don't know, trying to balance, like
following his lead and hisinterest, versus knowing when to
like put that foot down and say, okay, you're, you're gonna do
it, and then not feeling guiltyabout it after so it sounds like
I need to take your approach,because I don't hear any like
(39:02):
guilt.
It's just hey, this is what itis, this is the way it is, and
if you don't like it, wait tillyou're 18.
I like that.
So then that answers my nextquestion um, how do you overcome
your guilt?
or by pushing them yeah, itdoesn't sound like you have any.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
No, I kind of don't, yeah, I don't.
I don't okay yeah, I, I justlook at it that that flip way,
because even sometimes my momand dad, they'd say to me they'd
be be like oh, let your kids bekids.
You push, you push them toohard to do this and that and
that other.
I'm like what?
And sometimes that makes methink that they're saying that
(39:45):
because they think to themselvesmaybe, like that they didn't
push me into different thingsthe same way I push my kids.
So I, I don't know, I'm one ofthose type of people that even
when I'm wrong, I'm right.
Sometimes it's hard to commit tothe other flies.
When I kind of think something,and that's how I'm seeing it,
(40:08):
it's kind of like that's it,that's it pretty much.
Yeah, sometimes that's notalways the right thing, I can
admit that, but that's just, andyou, you know, my mom said that
to me and so is Maria, like youknow, I like in my brain, like
how it works, sometimes withdifferent, different things, but
I don't know it's uh well, itmakes sense from the perspective
(40:32):
of looking at the biggerpicture, right?
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Because as you're talking, I told you I was taking
notes.
One thing I wrote down is likeone of your strategies that
you're using.
Basically, it sounds likeyou're looking at your return on
investment, right?
So even if your kids, let's sayyour daughters, don't become
singers, well, now they'veacquired all of these skills,
(40:59):
they still may end up doingsomething and having a career in
theater, right, or in the arts.
And when you look at the biggerpicture, you know you're giving
them an opportunity that theyreally wouldn't get.
In a school setting, like schoolchorus, choir and things like
that, it can give them anopportunity.
(41:21):
But it sounds like between likethe vocal coaching and all of
the things that you're doing onyour own, they're getting a
whole nother level of exposurethat most kids their age
wouldn't get right.
Or if you get it, you probablywon't get that exposure until
you're in college and theyalready have it.
(41:41):
So when you look at it that way, it makes sense.
I can remember playing tennisas long as I have, and by the
time I was 14, I was a juniortennis coach and at that yeah,
at that time, like they start,we started up a little program.
(42:02):
Initially we were paying kidswho showed like some promise if
they had some skill sets that wewanted to work on with them as
junior coaches.
We would kind of pay the kidsto come take tennis lessons for
the summer.
They were getting paid like $6an hour, but you know that was
(42:22):
years ago and just imagineyou're getting paid to go to
summer camp.
Most kids were not doing thatso if they put in a couple of
hours they would get, you know,six bucks an hour and me as the
junior coach I was making 40bucks an hour at 14.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
That's, that's great.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Right, that was a great opportunity that came from
just me playing tennis andbeing in the community.
As long as I was, I learned howto put together grassroots
programs and work withnonprofits and start
partnerships, and that was noton my mind at 14.
(43:00):
It was like, oh, you're goingto give me 40 bucks an hour to
do something that my parentsmade me do for free.
Yeah, six days a week, like,and I just got to show up and do
what I already know how to do.
Cool, so yeah.
So I just think about that.
Like I have these skills.
No one can take those skillsaway.
(43:22):
It's second nature and that wasnot my focus.
And I do remember going throughlike I had.
All of my friends were eithercheerleaders or dancers, and
both my parents were absolutelyagainst that.
So me being a cheerleader, medoing dance that's not an option
.
You're going to learn a sport,you're going to learn a skill,
(43:46):
and it was not up for debate.
So everybody else got to hangout and party.
And where was I six days a week?
On the tennis court.
So I guess that's where I kindof come into play, like, oh, I
feel like I missed out.
But now I'm like, did I?
Speaker 3 (44:04):
No, it probably contributed to you being more
responsible of a person.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Yep, it did, definitely.
So, looking at it that way, Ithink that's a great strategy,
because I'm always trying tohighlight things that are
working.
We, I feel like as parents, wehave a lot of opportunities to
like, oh, that didn't work outso well.
But when I hear certain thingsand certain strategies that
(44:30):
parents are using that soundlike they're working, I like to
highlight that to give otherparents an opportunity to try
that out.
So that's one of the thingsthat I wrote down, like return
on investment withextracurricular activities.
If you look at it from aninvestment standpoint, what's
going to be the most beneficial?
(44:50):
And the same thing with yourson.
He may not become aprofessional soccer player, but
what if that leads him goinginto sports management?
What if that leads him into acareer of physical therapy or
professional coaching?
Opportunity to explore thoseoptions when they're a little
(45:14):
older, a little more mature tomake those decisions for
themselves.
So that's pretty great thatyou're doing it right now with
them being so young.
So, with that being said, arethere any things, habits,
parenting strategies that you'veused in the past or that you're
using right now that you'vebeen considering like making a
(45:37):
change with?
Speaker 3 (45:39):
um, as far as like my habits or like their habits, um
your parenting habits.
Let's say that um, something Ilately I've I lost some weight.
I was kind of looking a littlesloppy, I gained weight, my
stomach was looking big, andthen I'm wanting my kids to, you
(46:02):
know, be in shape and I don'twant them looking at me like I'm
, like a lazy dad, you know.
So that's something I startedworking on and I've changed my
diet lately and I've been goingto the gym a lot more, just
because I don't only want to sithere and be the kind of dad
that says it and verbally saysthat.
(46:25):
I want to try my best to kindof show it as well.
Ok.
And I used to.
I used to smoke cigarettesyears ago when my kids were
small, ok, and I quit thatreally because of them.
So that was something I changeda while ago.
But they were like really themotivation to quit because my
(46:46):
girl kind of used them to forceme to quit.
It was weird, like I tried toquit at one point or I did quit
and then she would be likeDaddy's gone two weeks without
smoking, guys, or daddy's gonethis long without smoking, and
it would kind of make me madbecause I kind of wanted to
smoke.
But I was like now if I smoke,my kids are going to think I'm a
(47:06):
failure.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Okay, no pressure.
Speaker 3 (47:11):
So it was like so I quit, I stopped.
It's been like years since I'vesmoked a cigarette.
Oh, that's awesome.
Um and um.
Then it was so that that wasone thing like you tell them not
to smoke, and like I didn'twant to have that.
Like like that.
What do they say?
That do as I say, that, not asI do, or whatever.
Yeah, um, I didn't.
I wanted it to be like do as Isay and do as I do okay I don't
(47:33):
smoke, I'm getting healthy.
I don't want you guys to smokeLike I don't.
Before I was like the dad.
That was like smoking acigarette and being like don't
smoke, don't be bad, like dad.
But so just stuff like that.
Like because I'm looking at itlike I want to be a better role
model for them, okay, personally, and not just say it, I want to
(47:54):
show it too.
Okay, I like that SomethingI've kind of been just working
on.
It's just, you know, being inshape and not doing the wrong
thing and in front of my kids.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
Yeah, I can definitely relate.
I think one thing that I'vebeen doing that with, now that
you say it, I'm like, oh yeah,um, with reading, my, when I was
my son's age, I'm like I usedto love reading and with him
it's like kryptonite.
You kind of tell him to readand it's like why would I do
(48:28):
that?
Like I don't want to do thatand I'm like you know what?
When is the last time I pickedup a physical book and I sat
down and read?
Like I can't tell him to do itand I'm not modeling the same
behavior, like maybe he would bemore open to trying it out and
doing it if he saw me doing it.
So that was just something thisweekend.
(48:50):
I'm like, ok, I got it.
Like I'll do the audio books,but just this weekend.
I'm like, all right, I got toget a physical book and just
find some time to sit down andread, to lead by example,
Because I cannot tell him likeyou need to get off the game and
you need to read a book.
And it's like you don't read abook, like why would I read a
(49:12):
book you never read?
When is the last time you reada physical book?
And I'm like, yeah, let mestart with myself first, and
then I can kind of revisit andgo back to like all right, I'm
reading, I'm going to thebookstore to get a book.
Like you need to come with me,pick out your own book and for
(49:34):
the next hour we're just goingto sit, no phones, we're just
going to read.
Um, but it is hard to like tellyour kid what they need to do,
and you don't even do ityourself.
So kudos to you for likerecognizing it, because it is
hard, um, but they are watching,so and they are, yeah, they're,
(49:55):
and they're getting closer tothat age like, oh, you don't do
it, or when is the last time youdid it?
Speaker 3 (50:01):
yeah, they would do stuff to me.
They'd call, call me out of mything.
Now, if they see me eat bad,they'll be like why are you
eating that?
You're supposed to be on a diet.
So it's like.
It's kind of good though,because I got all these little
people trying to hold meaccountable and they're like
little people I want to impressand I want them to look up to me
, yeah, so it's like okay, Iguess I I can't eat these potato
(50:24):
chips, but I don't want to eatthem anyway, because I'm trying
to lean up and get the chips off.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
So it helps.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I know I think for me thesame thing trying to improve my
diet, because I don't like myson's diet.
He's pretty picky with theeating.
So that has been my strategy aswell Not just talking about it,
but just having the food,healthier foods around the house
(50:53):
and not always trying to forcehim to try something new.
So now I'll have like differentthings that I want him to try,
but I won't even offer.
And it's almost like if I don'toffer, now he's curious, like
why didn't you offer me any?
Can I have some?
Is it really that good?
You're trying to have it andit'll be like, uh, like a new
(51:16):
fruit.
Um, I think we just triedrecently like the pink
pineapples and that kind ofpiqued his interest.
Or like the yellow watermelon,that kind of piqued his interest
, but for me I watermelon.
That kind of piqued hisinterest, but for me I've been
looking at it like I don't wannabe older and sickly.
I kinda wanna be here for himas long as possible.
(51:37):
So now that I'm getting olderI'm like all right, you don't
want health problems to startearly.
So you need to kind of changethese habits now, while you
still can, and you don't want tohave to change a habit, because
now you have some kind ofmedical condition and now you
have to change it because now iscausing you health issues.
Speaker 3 (51:59):
I actually that was another factor too.
I went to the doctor and I hadlike really high triglycerides,
high blood pressure, so it waslike I had to kind doctor and I
had like really hightriglycerides, high blood
pressure, so it was like I hadto kind of get in better shape
yeah you know, getting to thatage now where it's like you know
, if you're eating bad anddrinking alcohol all the time,
it affects us yeah, yep, yeah,that's like the same
(52:22):
conversation me and my.
Speaker 1 (52:25):
I just text my best friend you know the saying like
oh, like, oh, auntie, likethat's the new thing now.
And I text my best friend likeoh my gosh, we're the aunties.
And she's like, yeah, that's us, we're here?
Speaker 3 (52:44):
Yeah, we don't want to.
You know it's weird, likepeople you know have health
issues.
People, I think the older weget, now we're going to hear
about more and more people weknow that are passing away and
things like that.
So yeah you know, we got tojust do the best we can to you
know, be around for a while.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
Yeah, absolutely so.
With that being said, I want toknow what if you had a, a
parenting philosophy?
What would it be?
Speaker 3 (53:12):
hmm, that's a tough one, kind of um, I think you
have to kind of go with your go,just go with, go with your gut.
Okay, go with your gut when itcomes to parenting, like I, just
(53:35):
what I, what I think I, what Iwant to see them doing, and what
I, what I feel is the rightthing, is, I just try to push it
and and I don't really carewhat, how they feel about it.
I mean, I guess I'm going backto that, you know, and not in
like a mean way, like it's kindof like.
It'll be like in a funny way,like they'll be like oh, I don't
(53:57):
want to do it, dad, I'll belike well, sorry, you have to.
I'll just be like that and I'llbe like oh, you know what?
I don't want to do?
This, I don't want to do thatwell, well, sorry, you live here
in this house and, until you're18, everything I tell you to do
, you just got to do it.
Okay, and I mean coming from me, it's like I only want what's
best for them right so.
I feel like there's nothingwrong with saying that, because
(54:20):
I'm always looking out, but Ijust feel like you gotta gotta.
Just I just go with my gut andmy gut I'm like they, they need
to focus on this and that, andit's gonna get them somewhere
right if they do and I and Ibelieve in it good and I'm I'm
sure it'll.
Speaker 1 (54:36):
When they're older, it'll be one of those things
like well, my dad, well my dad,well my dad.
And it's like, oh my gosh, yourdad, we know.
And usually I feel like that'swhen you start to see it, not
now, but later on they.
Speaker 3 (54:50):
They think they'll just tell me thank you, like, oh
, that's awesome, and they'relike little to be as young as
they are.
I mean that well, they'regetting older now.
I mean they'll be 10 next month.
But okay you know they'll.
They'll uh from time to timewhen I push them to do different
things that they've beennervous about or whatever, and
then she'll come in the room andsay thanks, thanks, dad, I
(55:12):
appreciate it.
This dog is acting crazy, canyou hear?
Him.
That's okay.
That's okay.
Um, you must've heard somethingor somebody.
Um, yeah, we have our other dogda vinci.
He unfortunately passed awayabout a week and a half ago.
So that was my kids first realuh time, kind of like really
(55:36):
seeing death uh-huh and um.
I was pretty sad he's he was.
He was almost 17 years old.
He's our pomeranian okay and weall went um.
We knew he was kind of on hisway out and we went one morning
and he could barely move and weended up taking him to the vet
and we were all there together,our whole family, and we kind of
held them and they, theyeuthanized him.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (55:59):
He couldn't move Like we had to like we thought he
was dead, Like he looked dead,like he couldn't turn his head.
His heart was still beating,but he was on his way out.
So we took him and theyeuthanized him.
That was their first timeseeing that and dealing with
death.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
How did you guys, Did you explain to them?
Or was it just something theysaw and you really didn't have
to explain?
Speaker 3 (56:22):
Especially their mom too.
We were preparing them for it.
Like Da Vinci's going to begoing soon guys, okay, we did.
We tried to prepare them for it, and my daughters were really
close to him, um, so they tookit pretty hard, my son, uh, my
son, my son cried a little bittoo, but he, he took, it, took
it a little bit better okay, seeour, we have cupcake and she's
(56:45):
like, what?
Speaker 1 (56:46):
is she 15?
So, uh, recently she was havingsome stomach issues and I'm
like, oh my gosh, is this like,is it happening now?
But luckily we ended upchanging her food.
But at one point it was likemonths and months of just her
not keeping food down andvomiting, like you name it.
(57:08):
It was happening and I'm like,do I?
You know, I always grew up withpets and we just let them go
naturally.
But you start to wonder, like,am I making her suffer?
Is this the sign that we needto, like, put her down?
Do I talk to AJ about it?
Like what, what do I do?
(57:29):
And luckily we ended up justchanging her food and now she's
okay.
But you know, she, I had herwhen I was in college, um, in
undergrad.
So I'm like we're gettingcloser and closer and just
trying to figure out, like, howto prepare him for it, because,
(57:49):
yeah, she's getting up there.
So I don't know it's, I don'tknow one thing after the other
and just trying to figure outwhat's best.
And usually I just tell parentsas long as you're in that mind
frame of trying to do what'sbest, you, you know it's kind of
hard to get it wrong right.
So we can talk about parentingstrategies.
(58:11):
But if it's coming from a placeof love, if it's coming from a
place of you're just trying todo what's best for your kids and
for your family, then it's hardto get it wrong.
But do you have any advice thatyou wish you would have been
given sooner as a parent?
Speaker 3 (58:32):
Get a Costco card.
Speaker 1 (58:37):
Okay, why do you say that?
Give us the story.
Speaker 3 (58:41):
It was funny I always heard different things, like
people say Costco here and thereand I just never went and
looked into it.
And then when we finally wentand signed up it was just like
man, we love this place Becausewe just recently did it.
(59:02):
We've had it now for about ayear.
We've had a Costco card and youcould just buy so much cool
stuff in bulk and save money.
And when we go we get thedollar 50, hot dog and stuff and
it was like I should have beengoing there like for like the
past, like eight years yeah sothat's uh kind of what I wish.
(59:22):
someone would have really toldme like hey, man, you got to go
over there costco or bjs or Iguess anywhere like that.
We were like buying most of ourstuff at either Publix or
Walmart forever, and Costcodefinitely that place comes in
handy.
Speaker 1 (59:37):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, Most definitely.
Speaker 3 (59:39):
And we make a day out of it.
You know, we go there, we shop,they get sample, they run
around and get free samples anda dollar 50 hot dog.
It's like they're good.
So yeah, I wish I would havebeen a little smarter, just
having all three of them aroundand with with our shopping at
the beginning.
Speaker 1 (59:58):
So gotcha.
Well, now you know, now I know,okay, okay, and what?
Um okay.
Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
So that's the advice that you wish you have had, um
anything else you feel like youwish you would have known sooner
as a parent um not reallyanything that I wish I would
have known sooner, but advice Icould maybe give would be like I
(01:00:29):
knew that Maria would make areally good mom.
Okay.
Before we had kids and like Iknew that, I even knew in my
head I was like, even if me andher don't stay together, she'll
be a really good mom, like Icould just feel that.
Okay, so I think you, you knowas being a guy I, I'm a guy,
(01:00:51):
that uh you know works all thetime and and um, you know my
full-time thing is has alwaysbeen like work and to try to
take care of everything.
She's been like a real goodperson to have you know, to be
partnered up with on thisjourney of parenthood.
Because you know, where I maylack different things, she makes
(01:01:11):
up for it.
Okay, good.
And you know she, since theywere babies, she's just really
been on it and I've been able toyeah, I've provided everything
along the way financially andbut she's really like the
backbone of of of what we gotgoing on.
Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
Okay, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
So, finding the right partner, finding the right when
you go to settle with her, ornot even, I think, when you,
when you decide I want a kid, ifyou're with a girl and you I
mean and I'm sure guys can youknow, as guys we know that we
can feel these things If you'rewith a girl and you I mean and
I'm sure guys can you know, asguys we know that we can feel
these things if you're with awoman and you're like I don't
think she'll make a good mom,then don't do it because you're
(01:01:53):
probably right, she probablywon't, then you're gonna be in a
lot of problems, right, youknow.
But but with her I could just,you know, I, I knew I that was
one thing I I knew about herlike I could just feel that she,
she'll be a really good mom tothe kids.
So she's the girl that I have akid with.
Let's do it because you knowwe've been together 17 years.
Back then I mean I didn't know,I wasn't sure, like, how long
(01:02:16):
we'd be together, anything,whatever was going on, but I was
like you know, let's have,let's have some kids, okay, you
know, like whatever, whateversomething goes, goes wrong
between us.
I know that she's gonna be agreat mom and I was.
I was right, so I made a goodcall there yeah, and that's
that's really important.
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
I feel like you, you don't know a person.
Even if you were together for20 years, neither one of you
really knew ahead of time whatkind of parent you would be, and
then you don't know what kindof parent you would be together.
So if you identify thosequalities, like ahead of time,
(01:02:57):
like okay, I like this, theseare good qualities.
Yeah, that is important becauseparenting relationships in
general bring on a whole notherlevel of stress and
consideration for another,another person that you probably
didn't have to consider before.
(01:03:17):
Right, and then add kids tothat, you know, if you have a
different background, if youhave different parenting styles,
if you have different beliefsystems, all of those things can
put additional stress onto asituation that's already
stressful.
So if you were able like I agree100% if you are able to
(01:03:42):
identify those characteristics,that would make a great parent.
You know you probably want togo with your instincts on that.
And the same thing, if youstart to see some red flags,
like oh, that those aren't signsof like a good parent, you know
, then you do probably want tolisten to that ahead of time,
(01:04:03):
because once you have kids inthe picture, you know you can't
really turn that around and youdon't want.
Nobody wants their kid tosuffer, you know.
So that is important, that'strue.
So that brings us to the end ofour episode, and I just want to
(01:04:24):
know, if our listeners want toget in contact with you, how can
they do that?
Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
I'm all over the Internet.
If you Google my name, you'llsee a bunch of reviews Alan,
monica but my phone number is561-860-5778.
And my Instagram is soldbyalanand it's spelled S-O B U Y A L A
(01:04:51):
N sold by Alan.
So either the Instagram or thephone number works for me, guys.
Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
Okay, and I'll make sure I add that to the show
notes as well.
And that brings us to the endof the show.
Thank you so much for your timeand your input.
Speaker 3 (01:05:06):
This was fun.
Yeah, I think we had a greatconversation and I appreciate
you bringing me on the show.
Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
Thank you.
I appreciate you joining us.
Hey everyone, it's yourfavorite BCBAD here, dr DeLoren,
and I'm here to ask you to helpus continue making great
content for listeners everywhereby visiting wwwforshittymomscom
, where you can make a monthlycontribution.
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at
(01:05:40):
Foreshitty Moms and that'sshitty.
With an X, not an I.
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
Behavioral Alliance, your numberone source for behavior change.
Fidelity Behavioral Alliancecreates behavior change programs
for schools, parents andorganizations looking to reduce
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(00:20):
Find out more atwwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom.
If you would like to sponsor anepisode of FSM, email us at
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That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M atgmailcom.
(00:42):
M-o-m at gmailcom.
It's time to put the kids to bed.
So y'all get ready for anotherepisode of For Shitty Moms.
All right, everyone.
Welcome back to another episodeof FSM.
I'm your host, dr Lori, andtoday we have a very special
guest.
(01:02):
This episode is coming out justin time for Father's Day, so
we're doing things a littledifferent this time around we
are having a dad as a guestinstead of a mom.
So, without further ado, I'mgoing to let our special guest
introduce himself and we'll getstarted.
Speaker 3 (01:23):
Hey everybody, how's it going?
My name's Alan Monica, I am afather of three they're actually
triplets, identical twin girlsand a fraternal boy and I'm a
real estate agent and I've beenwith my significant other, maria
, for 17 years.
Speaker 1 (01:41):
Oh, wow, Okay, Awesome, and then okay.
So you already went over youroccupation and gave us some
insight.
So this episode I wanted tojust kind of highlight and talk
about the experience.
We always talk about motherhoodand how challenging that is.
I think you can.
You hear, you hear about thatacross the board, but we rarely
(02:05):
get insight from dads right?
So this time around I just wantto take some insight from your
experience and I'd just like tohear from a different
perspective, and I'm sure theaudience will as well.
So, with you being in realestate, I'm just curious to know
is this like an industry thatyou would consider parent
(02:28):
friendly?
How does that look for you withthe course of a day or in the
course of a week?
How does that work, especiallyif you have three kiddos?
Speaker 3 (02:39):
Yeah, I do feel like being a real estate agent.
It is a parent friendlyoccupation.
Ok.
Because I can you know, withinreason, I can kind of tailor my
schedule.
Like, if my son is a soccergame that I really have to be at
, I can you know, try to notwork at that time, tried to not
(03:06):
work at that time.
If somebody wants to see homesat 12 o'clock but my son's game
is at 12 o'clock, I can tellthem, hey, let's go at two
o'clock instead of 12.
And normally people are prettyflexible.
I mean, if somebody's reallycoming up towards a deadline and
they have to move, must move,that can get a little bit hectic
.
I'll have to kind of makemyself available for my client.
(03:26):
But most of the time I cantailor, make my schedule so I
can be with the family and getmy work done.
Speaker 1 (03:34):
Okay and without, because I know I've spoken to
like a couple of moms from timeto time just kind of hesitant
about getting into the field ofreal estate because there's that
component, I guess, the salescomponent.
So explain what that looks liketo someone who really doesn't
(03:55):
know how it works for you guys,how does that really work?
Speaker 3 (03:59):
Um, as far as what getting the sales done Well this
you mean getting closings.
Speaker 1 (04:04):
Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
Yeah, I mean, that's kind of the scary part about the
business.
Even somebody like me who hassold, you know, hundreds of
homes now at this point I caneven get slow from time to time
and it does get.
That's the challenge does get,that's that's the challenge.
(04:29):
Um, trying to stay busy and andyou know they say always be
closing, kind of abc, always beclosing.
Um.
But sometimes it's a littledifficult and different deals
can fall apart from time to timeand, uh, when you don't sell or
you don't rent properties, youdon't make money.
So that is the scary part.
Some people also use the phrasefeast or famine, because you can
make a bunch of money in onemonth and then maybe you'll go
(04:53):
two months and you won't makeany money.
So you have to know how tobudget your income and kind of
be smart with your money whenyou do make it and put it into
advertising and keep speaking topast clients and try to find
new clients.
And also, when the interestrates are high and the stock
market is going crazy, kind oflike right now, it might make
(05:17):
less deals happen overall andthat's something that you know.
We can try our best to fightthrough and get things done, but
sometimes in the real estatemarket there's just less
closings, and that's always afactor.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Okay, so how did you get started?
And usually I ask thesequestions because we do have
listeners who may be consideringgoing into the field, so I like
to give them a little moreinsight going into the field.
So I like to give them a littlemore insight so they have an
idea of how to make this apractical transition for
themselves.
So what advice would you giveand what have you seen?
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Oh, how I actually got into it.
I have a friend of mine thatused to manage clubs and he
actually got into it.
He went and got his real estatelicense and he just knew that.
I grew up in the area and Iknew a good amount of people and
he actually gave me the ideaand I had the triplets on the
(06:16):
way as well.
So I was kind of looking for acareer change and he was like
Alan, you know, you can get yourreal estate license in in a few
weeks.
You should just do it, just gofor it.
Um, you can do a class.
It's a you can.
You can take it over, I think,a three month period or you can
(06:37):
get it done in one week.
Like it's like a 60 hour course.
If you could uh free up a week,you could go in and sit there I
think it was 8am to 6pm for sixdays straight and then you go
take a.
You take the class test rightthere in the class and then you
take a state exam and if youpass that you have your real
(07:00):
estate license.
Oh, wow, okay.
Yeah.
So it's something that you canget into pretty quick.
I mean, the test is it's notjust easy, like you have to pay
attention, you have to study,but if you do it's definitely a
passable test.
And then, once I got thelicense, I just was kind of like
man, I want to do a deal, Ijust want to get a deal done, I
(07:22):
want to.
And I started with a rental.
I got a rental done and then Idid a handful of rentals and
then I got my first sale andthen I was like wow, I mean you
make pretty good money off thisbusiness.
And then I got more seriousinto it and friends of mine
(07:42):
started to see that I was doingit and they kind of started to
reach out here and there and itkind of just worked out and
became my thing.
Speaker 1 (07:47):
Right and I can say so.
I always like to give a littlebackground information on how I
know the guests.
And Alan, you actually helpedmy husband and I with our home
and get our home.
We were in a situation where wewere just like this is not
working out anymore, our rentalsituation wasn't working out
(08:09):
anymore, and just trying tonavigate that whole process and
not knowing where to start, Iwill say we kind of, I guess,
just call the signs.
You know, sometimes you see thesigns on the side of the road
and after just calling people,cold calling people trying to
(08:29):
look at houses that you wereinterested in, we did that for
about a month and it was like,okay, we're in way over our head
and my husband was kind of like, oh, let me call my friend.
And from there I feel like youjust kind of took over, you took
charge, you told us what weneeded to do and you got it done
(08:50):
um quickly.
It wasn't a headache, you, Idon't know, you just had
whatever we were looking for.
You had it and that was it.
So thank you for all of yourhelp and just is awesome to see
how much you really do impactother people, and for us.
We kind of went through theprocess and it was all over the
(09:13):
place trying to getdocumentation that we didn't
know about meeting with process.
So as someone like brand new,not knowing, what to do.
You definitely made it aseamless process for us.
But I've always wondered, likehow do people do this for a
(09:37):
living?
Because it seems really fast.
It seems like you thosedeadlines trying to beat other
buyers, trying to put in youroffer before someone else.
I've heard horror stories fromother people going through that
process and just kind of puttingin offers sight unseen, and we
(09:57):
did not have that experiencewith you, so I really appreciate
that.
But just going back to theexperience of juggling, so I
know you said the flexibilitywith the schedule helps you with
the juggling.
So, with that being said, whatare, like, some of your biggest
(10:17):
challenges with juggling?
Career and parenthood?
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Time management sometimes is a factor.
Um, and just now, my my, uh, mygirl recently started to work
again for a while.
She wasn't okay.
Well, now I'm picking the kidsup from school um, four days out
of the week.
She gets them one day whenshe's off.
(10:46):
Oh, wow.
Well, that kind of it wassomething new.
I could kind of there was no, Ididn't have to do that for four
years and now I do it's so Ihave to go grab them and so I
have to make sure I never haveanything going on, basically
like 1.30 to 2.30.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Oh, okay, so you're doing that parent pickup line
and all that good stuff.
Speaker 3 (11:11):
Yeah, I found it's kind of funny.
I found a house where this guylives.
He lets me park in his drivewayso I, and then I can just kind
of walk up and get there, okay.
So I kind of found a way to doit quick.
So you know, whatever thesituation, I'm trying to figure
out a way to, you know, make itbetter.
And I did with getting them,but still it's the other schools
(11:33):
all the way in West Lake Worthand luckily I'm able to.
Their mom works in a placewhere I can drop them off, so I
can kind of pick them up and ifI have something going on right
away I can take them to to wheretheir mom is and I can get back
to work.
But I still have to make sure Ialways have that hour open.
Speaker 1 (11:51):
OK and so that definitely, you definitely have
to be on it, because you knowthey're going to get out the
same exact time every single day, no matter what.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
And sometimes they get a little mad at me.
If I get there a little late,they'll all yell at me Ah, where
were you?
They were about to make us goin back.
I guess, if you you end up toolate, the, the, the
administrators will make thekids go back into the school.
Yep, that hasn't happened yet,thank goodness, so it's.
It's came close a few times,but it hasn't happened yet.
(12:24):
They've been like where's yourdad?
You guys are going to have tocome back in.
I'll be here and then I show upright in time.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So OK, so what about?
Are they in anyextracurriculars?
How do you factor that in?
Speaker 3 (12:39):
Yeah, so my daughters , they actually do choir with
the elementary school.
Okay, so there is a day when myson gets out.
I have to go pick him up, andthen this day I I don't, I don't
drop him off with mom, I justhave to go get my son.
We go home for about 45 minutesand then I have to come back to
the school to get my daughtersbecause they have choir.
(13:01):
That's only one day a week.
And then, um, my son, my son isin soccer and he has soccer
practice, I think three days aweek, and, um, maria actually
always make sure he make sure hegets to the practices because
those are in the evening.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
So okay you know, partner up I was gonna say
sounds like you kind of tag.
So how would you describeyourself as a dad?
Speaker 3 (13:30):
I would say proud.
I'm a proud dad.
That's kind of, I guess, oneword to sum it up.
My kids are always, you know,putting a smile on my face.
They're always impressing mewith just their talent and their
personalities.
So they just make me feel prouda lot.
(13:52):
I just say I'm a proud dad.
Speaker 1 (13:53):
Oh, that's awesome.
And what about your parentingstyle?
Do you kind of use a differentstyle for each kid?
What does that look like?
Speaker 3 (14:03):
I'm pretty laid back.
I kind of treat them.
Um, you know, I treat them uh,I I kind of put pressure on them
in a sense, as as far as justfocusing on the sports and
focusing on my girls.
They sing and play piano okay.
So I don't really cut them anyslack in those areas.
(14:25):
Like I tell my son he needs togo outside and run.
I tell my daughters they needto practice on the piano.
I tell them they need to goover the songs they're learning
all the time.
So I'm, you know, pretty pushywith that type of stuff, not in
like a mean way or anything,it's just I try to keep them
doing it, not in like a mean wayor anything, it's just I try to
(14:47):
keep them doing it.
And when it comes to um, Iguess, uh, if they act up which
they don't act up very oftenusually I let their mom handle
it.
Maria kind of handles it, tellsthem to relax.
But if they're getting a littletoo much, I just kind of have
to raise my voice a bit and theycalm down.
Okay, I just get real loud andkind of scream real quick and
(15:10):
scare them and they relax.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
You know what that's like, the dad effect.
Though the dads just you knowmoms can yell all day long and I
don't even think it goes in oneear and out the other long, and
it, it.
I don't even think it goes inone ear and out the other.
Speaker 3 (15:27):
I feel like dads have that one like they raise their
voice, angry voice come out,they, they stop whatever I don't
like.
So that's, it's a good thing,because I don't want to have to,
you know, make more of anexample.
You know, I never have had to,or anything, get angrier than
that.
Speaker 1 (15:45):
It's just I'll scream and yell real loud and then
they get a little scared andthey fall in line so is it just
the two of you like mom and dad,it's just the two of you who
help out with the kids, or doyou have like family, who kind
of?
Speaker 3 (15:57):
helps.
My parents are here for sixmonths and when they're here
they spend some time with thekids.
Um Maria's parents live, livenot too far away.
They're in Boca okay um, whenthey were babies, her parents
helped a lot, a lot more.
It was really I was out workinga lot, um, trying to just keep
(16:20):
things going on and dealing with, you know, just the transition
in life from going from havingno kids to three, yeah, and her
mom would would come over a lotwhen they were babies and she
would help help out with bathtime and bedtime OK, when we had
the three little ones there and.
But she ended up really gettingit down pat to where her mom
(16:43):
only really had to come over andhelp with it until maybe they
were two, three years old,something like that.
And then she was she.
She was really good at athandling it all, um, and and and
really that was like herfull-time thing.
And I remember we had at oneconversation, um, when they were
little and they, you know, theyhad kept us both up and she was
(17:07):
like telling me that she wasstressed out and, um, it was
tough and and I was like, lookyou, you know you really wanted
these babies.
We both wanted these babies,like, like there's, you know, we
just got to do it basically andI only had to kind of say that
one time, and then it was likeshe always just held it down.
After that it was no more like,no more complaining, or no more
(17:30):
like oh my God, this is so muchwork with three kids she just
handled it.
Speaker 1 (17:35):
I got lucky, and that's that's important.
I feel like it's hard to havethose conversations, but at
least you guys have that levelof understanding where you can
have those difficultconversations and kind of come
up with a solution and reallytroubleshoot, because we only
have one um and me and myhusband like it's just the two
(17:59):
of us and we don't really havelike both of our parents
grandparents they still workright so that extra help we
don't really have like both ofour parents grandparents they
still work Right, so that extrahelp we don't really have it.
Even my friends usually that'skind of like our support system
in our village, if they'reavailable, but they're doing the
(18:21):
same hustle and bustle thatthat we're doing, but they're
doing the same hustle and bustlethat we're doing.
So when we can try to tag teamand trade off and hey, you watch
my kid, I have this going on orif I have to call them to do
like an emergency pickup orsomething like that, it's
probably just one person to call.
(18:41):
So sometimes we have to havethat conversation as well,
because it goes into all right,my son wanted to do like the
basketball season was coming up,but he just started middle
school.
Middle school is a whole notherbeast like elementary.
We kind of took some time tofigure that out, but you know
(19:03):
that schedule once you got itdown, that's a lot of time.
If you pick him up from schoolaround two o'clock, from two
until like bedtime, you have alot of flexibility that he comes
home with every day, trying toget him to be more independent.
So now he's riding the bus.
(19:25):
The bus gets stuck in trafficso he doesn't even get off of
the bus until like after fiveo'clock.
So trying to squeeze inextracurricular activities, we
can't even get started untilabout 536 o'clock, so that kind
of and God forbid, he hashomework that night.
So we had to have like a newset of conversations like all
(19:49):
right, we're trying to race toget to like aftercare or
basketball practice in themiddle of the week.
After basketball practice,let's say it's seven o'clock, we
still got gotta eat dinner, godforbid, he has homework like
that's the whole night, you know.
So we've just been trying totroubleshoot and figure it out
(20:13):
for him and we even put sportslike he'll.
He's practicing now but justfor this first year.
Um, we've kind of put sports onthe back burner, right, so he
can still practice.
He can still do conditioning,but making it to a six o'clock
practice is not really in thecards for us in the middle of
the week.
(20:33):
So that was a conversation thatwe had to have.
He goes to tutoring two days aweek.
He plays piano one day a weekand then he has to practice when
he's not at piano practice.
So it's still a lot of jugglingand just moving things around
and that's just with one kid.
So I can't even imagine, likehow you guys are maintaining
(20:56):
your sanity with three.
And they're all the same age.
So it's not like you have abreak there either.
But I do follow you on socialmedia and you seem pretty like
cool as a cucumber.
You don't seem like you'restressing out too much.
So that's why I like to askthese questions to get a little
more insight, because I'm sureparents, either who have kids
(21:20):
your age or who have kids at ayounger age, are just trying to
figure out how do you balanceand juggle all of this stuff,
like all of your workresponsibilities, then trying to
stay on top of academics,trying to give your kids, like
additional life skills throughextracurricular activities and
then even making sure they knowhow to relax themselves, because
(21:45):
that's another thing that forus we had to start factoring in,
like, oh man, when do you get abreak?
You know, with all thesedifferent things, school is the
priority.
But also, just for us, we'vebeen trying to show him like,
okay, you do have a chance tohave some downtime.
We're not gonna to keep puttingpressure on you because with us
(22:07):
he doesn't like piano at all,like he doesn't want to do
anything with music, but it's agreat skill to have right, and
if you, once you learn thatskill, you can take it anywhere.
So he likes to perform, helikes to do shows, shows.
He doesn't like to practice.
So we're trying to get him tomake that connection.
(22:28):
Like nobody wants to see youperform if you haven't practiced
.
Nobody wants to hear that.
Like I don't know what kind ofsong that's gonna sound like if
you haven't practiced.
Um, so yeah, it's, it's beeninteresting and I feel like we
do a lot of troubleshooting here.
But when something isn'tworking now we kind of just have
(22:52):
those difficult conversationsand like, all right, let's
figure something else out, ableto have those difficult
conversations and just kind offigure it out and move forward,
because a lot of times I hear itwith a lot of moms who they
(23:13):
don't have those conversationsand then you start to hear like,
oh, I'm stressed out, oh, I'mso depressed, oh, I'm so, and
I'm like, honestly, I thinkthat's a part of parenting, like
a lot of it, I'm hearing thesame things.
That's a part of parenting,like a lot of it, I'm hearing
the same things.
But I feel like that's just thejob in itself.
So how are you guys reallyhandling those really stressful
times where it's like everybodyhas something to do, the
(23:36):
schedules are crazy, the kidsaren't the most um compliant,
they don't really want to do iteither.
How do you guys tackle thosesituations?
Speaker 3 (23:53):
Um so speaking about this just made me think of
something.
So my girls, they used to docheerleading as well.
Okay, and with cheerleading itwas.
Cheerleading is like likecompetitive cheers, like it's an
expensive thing to do andbesides that there's a lot of
travel involved with it.
Yeah.
And it kind of sometimes itwould affect.
(24:14):
You know what my son had goingon here locally with his soccer
and whatnot.
Okay.
So we ended up making a decisionto stop doing cheer, because I
kind of looked at cheer as issomething that to me in my head
it's like OK, so if you'rereally really good at
cheerleading, what's going tohappen?
(24:36):
I mean, maybe you're going tobe able to be a cheerleader for
the NFL and make like, I don'tknow, like 50 grand a year, they
say, or something like that.
It's not that great of a thing.
I mean.
I guess it can give girlsexposure or whatever, but it's
not really.
To me it didn't seem like askill that could turn into like
a life-changing thing, right,but piano I I like a lot for
(25:00):
them and, um, I like singing forthem.
So that's what we decided wasjust start focusing on the piano
and the singing and we letcheerleading go, because that
was a little too much and it wasmaking kind of stress that I
felt wasn't really worth it andI feel like the reward if you
become an amazing cheerleaderisn't that great.
(25:21):
Okay.
I feel like the reward if you'rean amazing singer or pianist, I
mean, yeah, it could be.
You could do a lot of thingswith that.
You could be an artist or youcould get involved in theater or
you could be in someone else'sband.
There's just ways to make moneyand benefit off it.
That I felt like that was moreworth their time and our effort,
(25:44):
so that was one thing that theykind of liked.
They don't really talk muchabout it anymore, but they did
like it when they were doing it.
But I feel like it would almostmake more sense for them to
start taking maybe a dance classwith a really good
choreographer or something likethat, yeah, Just so they can
(26:06):
cause.
Then I feel like if they canplay piano, if they can sing and
if they can dance, that mattersa lot more than being a
cheerleader for the Miamidolphins to me in my opinion
yeah.
Um so we, we kind of I look atit that situation as we kind of
prioritized the activities.
They liked it and I we couldhave afforded it and kept doing.
(26:30):
We could have.
Maybe she could have went upthere, I could have took them up
to a competition and then oneof us went to my son's soccer
game.
But it just the cost mixed withthe traveling and the time it
was taking, cheerleading, I feellike, was the thing that we
needed to let go of and we did.
Okay.
Yeah, but as far as the girlswith the singing and the piano
(26:53):
and my son with the soccer,those are things that we're
going to keep pushing, okay, andwe don't want to stop.
And obviously, hopefully, mykids don't one day say we don't
want to stop and obviously,hopefully my kids don't one day
say we don't want to do thisanymore.
Um, they they'll, they'llcomplain.
Sometimes they won't want to goto vocal coaching.
Or my son that never complainsabout going to soccer.
(27:15):
I mean, sometimes if he's gotthe fortnight on, he'll be like,
ah, I'm playing, I'm gonna win,wait.
But he never says he doesn'twant to go.
My girls, sometimes I'll belike going to vocal coaching, I
don't want to go.
Or it's like piano teachers, Idon't want to play.
But I just tell them um, I'lljust be like you have to.
Okay, I'll be like while youlive here and until until you
(27:36):
turn 18, you have to, you haveto do this stuff if we tell you
to okay, and they and they goalong with it.
They don't question it okay.
Speaker 1 (27:43):
Well, that makes me feel good because sometimes I'm
worried like, am I pushing toohard, am I pushing too much?
But I think for me, I alwayslook at how much time he spends
on the video game and I'm like,even though you do a lot, you
still have a lot of time like onthe video game.
(28:07):
So even when I feel like, okay,he does need a break, okay, he
does need a break, like somedays, I know recently, with all
the schedule changes, basketballhas been moved to like Fridays
at six, and usually I canvisibly see it on him, like by
(28:27):
the time he gets off the bus andhe walks home he looks
exhausted and then it's like, oh, go change, it's time for
basketball.
So on those days I empathize alot.
But then I think about what theweekend is going to look like.
You know we're not in theseason right now, so you're
going to get up.
(28:48):
If you have to study or have todo a project or something like
that, that may be one or twohours.
In the day he has pianopractice.
That's like an hour.
The rest of the Saturday he'son the game.
So on those, you know, duringthat time I'm kind of like, all
right, like you should berejuvenated.
(29:09):
You should have had your enoughdowntime to relax and you, you
know now it's time to dosomething else.
Um, so usually that kind ofeases my guilt a little bit and
sometimes I call it like shittymom syndrome, because I do
struggle with like am I pushingtoo hard?
(29:30):
He said he doesn't want to doit.
Like, should I not make him doit?
But then the other side of meis like hell.
I played tennis.
You know, when I was younger meand my sister, we played tennis
.
I started at the age of fourand I just told my son this past
weekend I'm like me and youraunt.
(29:53):
We played tennis six days aweek.
The only day off was Sundays.
Usually you have tournamentsand tennis is a year round sport
.
There is no off season, it'syear round and we're in South
Florida.
So you know, from the age offour, every day after school we
played tennis until about sixo'clock.
(30:15):
Then it was time to go home, dohomework, get ready for school
the next day.
And on Saturdays that's whenyou compete and God forbid,
you're winning those tournaments.
You're going to be there allday because you play until you
lose.
That's every tournament everySaturday there's no offseason.
(30:35):
So once I kind of explained thatto him, he just kind of gave me
that look like, oh my gosh,when did you get a break?
We didn't, and our parentsdidn't give us a choice.
So I kind of talked to myhusband about it, like sometimes
I feel like we're pushing toohard and I have a lot of guilt
about it.
But then I was like you knowwhat, if my mom gave me a choice
(30:59):
when I was younger, I probablywould have been like oh, I don't
want to play tennis every dayeither, I want to hang out with
my friends.
So it kind of I don't know.
I feel like I struggle a lotwith that and I hear a lot of
moms struggling a lot withtrying to strike the balance.
Do you have that sameexperience, or is it kind of
(31:21):
like?
Speaker 3 (31:23):
I think about, like when I was growing up, you know,
my, my dad, tried to kind ofget me into sports a little bit
and going to the gym and Ididn't want to do it, I was kind
of just like no, and I said noa couple of times and they just
kind of let it be and, um, Idon't think I, you know, would
(31:47):
have went that far in basketballor anything.
But I think if I would havestuck, because that basketball
is the sport I played a littlebit I mean not much, I played
like freshman year and like thebeginning of my sophomore year,
then I was done.
Okay.
But I think, if I would havestarted when I was a kid and I
would have kept going, and keptgoing, and kept going, maybe it
could have developed intosomething, you know, even if it
(32:10):
was just through high schoolyears.
Um, but my parents, they didn't, they didn't force me into it,
because I said no, um.
So me, me and Maria, we bothkind of, we kind of I I mean, I
guess force is the word we kindof make them do this stuff.
Um it's they don't really have achoice.
(32:30):
Um, it's like they have to doit.
It's like Alan used to playbasketball and soccer but he
just was noticeably better insoccer.
So we kind of held off the bat,like let the basketball kind of
go to the side and just keptpushing the soccer.
But soccer he, he likes andhe's, and he's pretty good at it
(32:51):
.
So I feel like it would be adisservice to him to not push
him.
And same thing with my girlslike they, they, they sound good
and they, they, they are goodsingers and they're good, you
know.
Kind of like with the wholetheater, kind of vibe um, and I
feel like, if we don't, it'slike, it's like they don't even
(33:13):
know how good they are.
That's why I look at it Like,like they don't know, like
someone has to see it, and belike, hey, you guys are good at
this.
I'm going to help you push this.
I don't want you to stop, Iwant you to keep trying and I
want you to keep developing this.
So we make them do it, we makethem go to go to these
extracurricular activities andand um, we're going to, you know
(33:36):
, keep making them do it andthen hopefully they'll do good
at the stuff and they'll learnto really love it.
And I won't.
We won't have to make them doit anymore.
They're just going to do it allthe time and because that's
what they love to do, that'swhat I'm hoping, but they're,
they're stuck until they justfreak out and run away or, you
(33:56):
know, turn 18 and move out.
Speaker 1 (33:58):
Right, okay, so that I like that perspective, because
now I'm kind of reconsidering.
Speaker 3 (34:06):
It's like singing and soccer is like school, Like you
have to go to school, you haveto sing and you have to play
soccer.
It's like okay, I like that.
That's kind of how we push it.
Speaker 1 (34:15):
I've never looked at it through that lens because I'm
always like I don't know.
My son is naturally he's reallygood with swimming, but we only
do it for recreation.
So with the extracurriculars,when he was younger I think it
(34:35):
was maybe like three or fouryears ago he was adamant about
playing basketball and I'm likeyou've never played basketball
ever.
Like where is this coming from?
And he just he would not let itgo.
He wanted to do basketball.
He wanted to do basketball.
For me, football was anabsolute.
No, it's not even an optiondangerous yeah, yeah, I wasn't
(34:57):
so.
Even with um, basketball I'mlike, uh, that's still like a
contact sport, but it's notfootball.
So that was my like compromiseand he really took to it.
You know he does have to workhard at it.
You know anything that you do,you have to work hard at it.
(35:17):
But just hearing you saying likeyour son was noticeably better
at soccer, I feel like our kiddois naturally he's a great
swimmer.
Like we did the swim lessons.
But by the time we put him inswimming lessons he had already
taught himself how to swim.
He was just determined to notbe stuck in like the what do you
(35:41):
call it?
The kiddie pool like the?
Yeah, he was just determined tolearn how to swim because he
wanted to go to the deep end.
So we do it for recreation.
Um, from time to time we'll getup at like 5 am and just go do
laps at like the ymca just tostart our day.
(36:01):
But if I had it my way, Iprobably would have tried him
out on a swim team instead ofbasketball.
But he's been just adamant thathe's more interested in
basketball.
So I'm like I think you will bea great swimmer if you were
formally trained and he has nointerest.
(36:24):
So now I'm like maybe I need totake Alan's approach Like nope,
you're doing it.
Speaker 3 (36:29):
Yeah, I mean, why not ?
Right, be like, look you just.
You just have to do a swimminglesson once or twice a week and
just see how it goes.
If you see that he's noticeablydoing well at it, it's like you
might just have to make him doit.
Speaker 1 (36:43):
Yeah, and then I kind of worry about the age too,
because I feel like sport,everything right now, academics
and sports everything is waymore competitive than what it
was when we were in school.
Everything is way morecompetitive than what it was
when we were in school, right?
So even with basketball, by thetime he started I felt like we
(37:05):
were really late and he'sprobably been been playing for
about three years.
So he probably started aroundeight or nine and I just felt
like we were so far behind thecurve.
And now with swimming, I'm like, oh boy, we're really behind
the curve.
And now with swimming, I'm like, oh boy, we're really behind
the curve with the swimming.
If we were to start somethingnew.
So I've been trying to give himthe nudge.
(37:26):
Now that he's in middle school,Sports are a little more in the
forefront and they havedifferent sports available to
the kids through school.
So I've been trying to explainto him like how it works, the
tryouts, the intramurals, likeif you want to try a new sport,
this is the time to do it,because every couple of weeks
(37:49):
there's like a new seasonstarting, so, and then in PE
they're doing like the teamsports too.
So he gets a chance to like,try lacrosse, try volleyball,
just trying different thingsthat normally he probably
wouldn't even have an interestin.
But now he has to do it for agrade.
So it's kind of interestingjust watching him get exposed to
(38:12):
the things that we already knowabout and just seeing, like,
where his interest takes him.
Because, as much as he does notlike practicing piano, this
year, by the time, by the end ofthe school year, he's been like
, hey, I think I want to do bandand I'm like we have to
threaten you to practice piano,but you want to join band, like
(38:33):
okay, fine, whatever piano.
Speaker 3 (38:36):
The piano practice will definitely have helped if
he gets in the band yeah,definitely so.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
It's just, I don't know, trying to balance, like
following his lead and hisinterest, versus knowing when to
like put that foot down and say, okay, you're, you're gonna do
it, and then not feeling guiltyabout it after so it sounds like
I need to take your approach,because I don't hear any like
(39:02):
guilt.
It's just hey, this is what itis, this is the way it is, and
if you don't like it, wait tillyou're 18.
I like that.
So then that answers my nextquestion um, how do you overcome
your guilt?
or by pushing them yeah, itdoesn't sound like you have any.
Speaker 3 (39:24):
No, I kind of don't, yeah, I don't.
I don't okay yeah, I, I justlook at it that that flip way,
because even sometimes my momand dad, they'd say to me they'd
be be like oh, let your kids bekids.
You push, you push them toohard to do this and that and
that other.
I'm like what?
And sometimes that makes methink that they're saying that
(39:45):
because they think to themselvesmaybe, like that they didn't
push me into different thingsthe same way I push my kids.
So I, I don't know, I'm one ofthose type of people that even
when I'm wrong, I'm right.
Sometimes it's hard to commit tothe other flies.
When I kind of think something,and that's how I'm seeing it,
(40:08):
it's kind of like that's it,that's it pretty much.
Yeah, sometimes that's notalways the right thing, I can
admit that, but that's just, andyou, you know, my mom said that
to me and so is Maria, like youknow, I like in my brain, like
how it works, sometimes withdifferent, different things, but
I don't know it's uh well, itmakes sense from the perspective
(40:32):
of looking at the biggerpicture, right?
Speaker 1 (40:35):
Because as you're talking, I told you I was taking
notes.
One thing I wrote down is likeone of your strategies that
you're using.
Basically, it sounds likeyou're looking at your return on
investment, right?
So even if your kids, let's sayyour daughters, don't become
singers, well, now they'veacquired all of these skills,
(40:59):
they still may end up doingsomething and having a career in
theater, right, or in the arts.
And when you look at the biggerpicture, you know you're giving
them an opportunity that theyreally wouldn't get.
In a school setting, like schoolchorus, choir and things like
that, it can give them anopportunity.
(41:21):
But it sounds like between likethe vocal coaching and all of
the things that you're doing onyour own, they're getting a
whole nother level of exposurethat most kids their age
wouldn't get right.
Or if you get it, you probablywon't get that exposure until
you're in college and theyalready have it.
(41:41):
So when you look at it that way, it makes sense.
I can remember playing tennisas long as I have, and by the
time I was 14, I was a juniortennis coach and at that yeah,
at that time, like they start,we started up a little program.
(42:02):
Initially we were paying kidswho showed like some promise if
they had some skill sets that wewanted to work on with them as
junior coaches.
We would kind of pay the kidsto come take tennis lessons for
the summer.
They were getting paid like $6an hour, but you know that was
(42:22):
years ago and just imagineyou're getting paid to go to
summer camp.
Most kids were not doing thatso if they put in a couple of
hours they would get, you know,six bucks an hour and me as the
junior coach I was making 40bucks an hour at 14.
Speaker 3 (42:39):
That's, that's great.
Speaker 1 (42:40):
Right, that was a great opportunity that came from
just me playing tennis andbeing in the community.
As long as I was, I learned howto put together grassroots
programs and work withnonprofits and start
partnerships, and that was noton my mind at 14.
(43:00):
It was like, oh, you're goingto give me 40 bucks an hour to
do something that my parentsmade me do for free.
Yeah, six days a week, like,and I just got to show up and do
what I already know how to do.
Cool, so yeah.
So I just think about that.
Like I have these skills.
No one can take those skillsaway.
(43:22):
It's second nature and that wasnot my focus.
And I do remember going throughlike I had.
All of my friends were eithercheerleaders or dancers, and
both my parents were absolutelyagainst that.
So me being a cheerleader, medoing dance that's not an option
.
You're going to learn a sport,you're going to learn a skill,
(43:46):
and it was not up for debate.
So everybody else got to hangout and party.
And where was I six days a week?
On the tennis court.
So I guess that's where I kindof come into play, like, oh, I
feel like I missed out.
But now I'm like, did I?
Speaker 3 (44:04):
No, it probably contributed to you being more
responsible of a person.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Yep, it did, definitely.
So, looking at it that way, Ithink that's a great strategy,
because I'm always trying tohighlight things that are
working.
We, I feel like as parents, wehave a lot of opportunities to
like, oh, that didn't work outso well.
But when I hear certain thingsand certain strategies that
(44:30):
parents are using that soundlike they're working, I like to
highlight that to give otherparents an opportunity to try
that out.
So that's one of the thingsthat I wrote down, like return
on investment withextracurricular activities.
If you look at it from aninvestment standpoint, what's
going to be the most beneficial?
(44:50):
And the same thing with yourson.
He may not become aprofessional soccer player, but
what if that leads him goinginto sports management?
What if that leads him into acareer of physical therapy or
professional coaching?
Opportunity to explore thoseoptions when they're a little
(45:14):
older, a little more mature tomake those decisions for
themselves.
So that's pretty great thatyou're doing it right now with
them being so young.
So, with that being said, arethere any things, habits,
parenting strategies that you'veused in the past or that you're
using right now that you'vebeen considering like making a
(45:37):
change with?
Speaker 3 (45:39):
um, as far as like my habits or like their habits, um
your parenting habits.
Let's say that um, something Ilately I've I lost some weight.
I was kind of looking a littlesloppy, I gained weight, my
stomach was looking big, andthen I'm wanting my kids to, you
(46:02):
know, be in shape and I don'twant them looking at me like I'm
, like a lazy dad, you know.
So that's something I startedworking on and I've changed my
diet lately and I've been goingto the gym a lot more, just
because I don't only want to sithere and be the kind of dad
that says it and verbally saysthat.
(46:25):
I want to try my best to kindof show it as well.
Ok.
And I used to.
I used to smoke cigarettesyears ago when my kids were
small, ok, and I quit thatreally because of them.
So that was something I changeda while ago.
But they were like really themotivation to quit because my
(46:46):
girl kind of used them to forceme to quit.
It was weird, like I tried toquit at one point or I did quit
and then she would be likeDaddy's gone two weeks without
smoking, guys, or daddy's gonethis long without smoking, and
it would kind of make me madbecause I kind of wanted to
smoke.
But I was like now if I smoke,my kids are going to think I'm a
(47:06):
failure.
Speaker 1 (47:08):
Okay, no pressure.
Speaker 3 (47:11):
So it was like so I quit, I stopped.
It's been like years since I'vesmoked a cigarette.
Oh, that's awesome.
Um and um.
Then it was so that that wasone thing like you tell them not
to smoke, and like I didn'twant to have that.
Like like that.
What do they say?
That do as I say, that, not asI do, or whatever.
Yeah, um, I didn't.
I wanted it to be like do as Isay and do as I do okay I don't
(47:33):
smoke, I'm getting healthy.
I don't want you guys to smokeLike I don't.
Before I was like the dad.
That was like smoking acigarette and being like don't
smoke, don't be bad, like dad.
But so just stuff like that.
Like because I'm looking at itlike I want to be a better role
model for them, okay, personally, and not just say it, I want to
(47:54):
show it too.
Okay, I like that SomethingI've kind of been just working
on.
It's just, you know, being inshape and not doing the wrong
thing and in front of my kids.
Speaker 1 (48:07):
Yeah, I can definitely relate.
I think one thing that I'vebeen doing that with, now that
you say it, I'm like, oh yeah,um, with reading, my, when I was
my son's age, I'm like I usedto love reading and with him
it's like kryptonite.
You kind of tell him to readand it's like why would I do
(48:28):
that?
Like I don't want to do thatand I'm like you know what?
When is the last time I pickedup a physical book and I sat
down and read?
Like I can't tell him to do itand I'm not modeling the same
behavior, like maybe he would bemore open to trying it out and
doing it if he saw me doing it.
So that was just something thisweekend.
(48:50):
I'm like, ok, I got it.
Like I'll do the audio books,but just this weekend.
I'm like, all right, I got toget a physical book and just
find some time to sit down andread, to lead by example,
Because I cannot tell him likeyou need to get off the game and
you need to read a book.
And it's like you don't read abook, like why would I read a
(49:12):
book you never read?
When is the last time you reada physical book?
And I'm like, yeah, let mestart with myself first, and
then I can kind of revisit andgo back to like all right, I'm
reading, I'm going to thebookstore to get a book.
Like you need to come with me,pick out your own book and for
(49:34):
the next hour we're just goingto sit, no phones, we're just
going to read.
Um, but it is hard to like tellyour kid what they need to do,
and you don't even do ityourself.
So kudos to you for likerecognizing it, because it is
hard, um, but they are watching,so and they are, yeah, they're,
(49:55):
and they're getting closer tothat age like, oh, you don't do
it, or when is the last time youdid it?
Speaker 3 (50:01):
yeah, they would do stuff to me.
They'd call, call me out of mything.
Now, if they see me eat bad,they'll be like why are you
eating that?
You're supposed to be on a diet.
So it's like.
It's kind of good though,because I got all these little
people trying to hold meaccountable and they're like
little people I want to impressand I want them to look up to me
, yeah, so it's like okay, Iguess I I can't eat these potato
(50:24):
chips, but I don't want to eatthem anyway, because I'm trying
to lean up and get the chips off.
Speaker 1 (50:30):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (50:31):
So it helps.
Speaker 1 (50:32):
Yeah, absolutely.
And I know I think for me thesame thing trying to improve my
diet, because I don't like myson's diet.
He's pretty picky with theeating.
So that has been my strategy aswell Not just talking about it,
but just having the food,healthier foods around the house
(50:53):
and not always trying to forcehim to try something new.
So now I'll have like differentthings that I want him to try,
but I won't even offer.
And it's almost like if I don'toffer, now he's curious, like
why didn't you offer me any?
Can I have some?
Is it really that good?
You're trying to have it andit'll be like, uh, like a new
(51:16):
fruit.
Um, I think we just triedrecently like the pink
pineapples and that kind ofpiqued his interest.
Or like the yellow watermelon,that kind of piqued his interest
, but for me I watermelon.
That kind of piqued hisinterest, but for me I've been
looking at it like I don't wannabe older and sickly.
I kinda wanna be here for himas long as possible.
(51:37):
So now that I'm getting olderI'm like all right, you don't
want health problems to startearly.
So you need to kind of changethese habits now, while you
still can, and you don't want tohave to change a habit, because
now you have some kind ofmedical condition and now you
have to change it because now iscausing you health issues.
Speaker 3 (51:59):
I actually that was another factor too.
I went to the doctor and I hadlike really high triglycerides,
high blood pressure, so it waslike I had to kind doctor and I
had like really hightriglycerides, high blood
pressure, so it was like I hadto kind of get in better shape
yeah you know, getting to thatage now where it's like you know
, if you're eating bad anddrinking alcohol all the time,
it affects us yeah, yep, yeah,that's like the same
(52:22):
conversation me and my.
Speaker 1 (52:25):
I just text my best friend you know the saying like
oh, like, oh, auntie, likethat's the new thing now.
And I text my best friend likeoh my gosh, we're the aunties.
And she's like, yeah, that's us, we're here?
Speaker 3 (52:44):
Yeah, we don't want to.
You know it's weird, likepeople you know have health
issues.
People, I think the older weget, now we're going to hear
about more and more people weknow that are passing away and
things like that.
So yeah you know, we got tojust do the best we can to you
know, be around for a while.
Speaker 1 (53:01):
Yeah, absolutely so.
With that being said, I want toknow what if you had a, a
parenting philosophy?
What would it be?
Speaker 3 (53:12):
hmm, that's a tough one, kind of um, I think you
have to kind of go with your go,just go with, go with your gut.
Okay, go with your gut when itcomes to parenting, like I, just
(53:35):
what I, what I think I, what Iwant to see them doing, and what
I, what I feel is the rightthing, is, I just try to push it
and and I don't really carewhat, how they feel about it.
I mean, I guess I'm going backto that, you know, and not in
like a mean way, like it's kindof like.
It'll be like in a funny way,like they'll be like oh, I don't
(53:57):
want to do it, dad, I'll belike well, sorry, you have to.
I'll just be like that and I'llbe like oh, you know what?
I don't want to do?
This, I don't want to do thatwell, well, sorry, you live here
in this house and, until you're18, everything I tell you to do
, you just got to do it.
Okay, and I mean coming from me, it's like I only want what's
best for them right so.
I feel like there's nothingwrong with saying that, because
(54:20):
I'm always looking out, but Ijust feel like you gotta gotta.
Just I just go with my gut andmy gut I'm like they, they need
to focus on this and that, andit's gonna get them somewhere
right if they do and I and Ibelieve in it good and I'm I'm
sure it'll.
Speaker 1 (54:36):
When they're older, it'll be one of those things
like well, my dad, well my dad,well my dad.
And it's like, oh my gosh, yourdad, we know.
And usually I feel like that'swhen you start to see it, not
now, but later on they.
Speaker 3 (54:50):
They think they'll just tell me thank you, like, oh
, that's awesome, and they'relike little to be as young as
they are.
I mean that well, they'regetting older now.
I mean they'll be 10 next month.
But okay you know they'll.
They'll uh from time to timewhen I push them to do different
things that they've beennervous about or whatever, and
then she'll come in the room andsay thanks, thanks, dad, I
(55:12):
appreciate it.
This dog is acting crazy, canyou hear?
Him.
That's okay.
That's okay.
Um, you must've heard somethingor somebody.
Um, yeah, we have our other dogda vinci.
He unfortunately passed awayabout a week and a half ago.
So that was my kids first realuh time, kind of like really
(55:36):
seeing death uh-huh and um.
I was pretty sad he's he was.
He was almost 17 years old.
He's our pomeranian okay and weall went um.
We knew he was kind of on hisway out and we went one morning
and he could barely move and weended up taking him to the vet
and we were all there together,our whole family, and we kind of
held them and they, theyeuthanized him.
Speaker 1 (55:58):
Oh man.
Speaker 3 (55:59):
He couldn't move Like we had to like we thought he
was dead, Like he looked dead,like he couldn't turn his head.
His heart was still beating,but he was on his way out.
So we took him and theyeuthanized him.
That was their first timeseeing that and dealing with
death.
Speaker 1 (56:14):
How did you guys, Did you explain to them?
Or was it just something theysaw and you really didn't have
to explain?
Speaker 3 (56:22):
Especially their mom too.
We were preparing them for it.
Like Da Vinci's going to begoing soon guys, okay, we did.
We tried to prepare them for it, and my daughters were really
close to him, um, so they tookit pretty hard, my son, uh, my
son, my son cried a little bittoo, but he, he took, it, took
it a little bit better okay, seeour, we have cupcake and she's
(56:45):
like, what?
Speaker 1 (56:46):
is she 15?
So, uh, recently she was havingsome stomach issues and I'm
like, oh my gosh, is this like,is it happening now?
But luckily we ended upchanging her food.
But at one point it was likemonths and months of just her
not keeping food down andvomiting, like you name it.
(57:08):
It was happening and I'm like,do I?
You know, I always grew up withpets and we just let them go
naturally.
But you start to wonder, like,am I making her suffer?
Is this the sign that we needto, like, put her down?
Do I talk to AJ about it?
Like what, what do I do?
(57:29):
And luckily we ended up justchanging her food and now she's
okay.
But you know, she, I had herwhen I was in college, um, in
undergrad.
So I'm like we're gettingcloser and closer and just
trying to figure out, like, howto prepare him for it, because,
(57:49):
yeah, she's getting up there.
So I don't know it's, I don'tknow one thing after the other
and just trying to figure outwhat's best.
And usually I just tell parentsas long as you're in that mind
frame of trying to do what'sbest, you, you know it's kind of
hard to get it wrong right.
So we can talk about parentingstrategies.
(58:11):
But if it's coming from a placeof love, if it's coming from a
place of you're just trying todo what's best for your kids and
for your family, then it's hardto get it wrong.
But do you have any advice thatyou wish you would have been
given sooner as a parent?
Speaker 3 (58:32):
Get a Costco card.
Speaker 1 (58:37):
Okay, why do you say that?
Give us the story.
Speaker 3 (58:41):
It was funny I always heard different things, like
people say Costco here and thereand I just never went and
looked into it.
And then when we finally wentand signed up it was just like
man, we love this place Becausewe just recently did it.
(59:02):
We've had it now for about ayear.
We've had a Costco card and youcould just buy so much cool
stuff in bulk and save money.
And when we go we get thedollar 50, hot dog and stuff and
it was like I should have beengoing there like for like the
past, like eight years yeah sothat's uh kind of what I wish.
(59:22):
someone would have really toldme like hey, man, you got to go
over there costco or bjs or Iguess anywhere like that.
We were like buying most of ourstuff at either Publix or
Walmart forever, and Costcodefinitely that place comes in
handy.
Speaker 1 (59:37):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, Most definitely.
Speaker 3 (59:39):
And we make a day out of it.
You know, we go there, we shop,they get sample, they run
around and get free samples anda dollar 50 hot dog.
It's like they're good.
So yeah, I wish I would havebeen a little smarter, just
having all three of them aroundand with with our shopping at
the beginning.
Speaker 1 (59:58):
So gotcha.
Well, now you know, now I know,okay, okay, and what?
Um okay.
Speaker 3 (01:00:07):
So that's the advice that you wish you have had, um
anything else you feel like youwish you would have known sooner
as a parent um not reallyanything that I wish I would
have known sooner, but advice Icould maybe give would be like I
(01:00:29):
knew that Maria would make areally good mom.
Okay.
Before we had kids and like Iknew that, I even knew in my
head I was like, even if me andher don't stay together, she'll
be a really good mom, like Icould just feel that.
Okay, so I think you, you knowas being a guy I, I'm a guy,
(01:00:51):
that uh you know works all thetime and and um, you know my
full-time thing is has alwaysbeen like work and to try to
take care of everything.
She's been like a real goodperson to have you know, to be
partnered up with on thisjourney of parenthood.
Because you know, where I maylack different things, she makes
(01:01:11):
up for it.
Okay, good.
And you know she, since theywere babies, she's just really
been on it and I've been able toyeah, I've provided everything
along the way financially andbut she's really like the
backbone of of of what we gotgoing on.
Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
Okay, that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (01:01:32):
So, finding the right partner, finding the right when
you go to settle with her, ornot even, I think, when you,
when you decide I want a kid, ifyou're with a girl and you I
mean and I'm sure guys can youknow, as guys we know that we
can feel these things If you'rewith a girl and you I mean and
I'm sure guys can you know, asguys we know that we can feel
these things if you're with awoman and you're like I don't
think she'll make a good mom,then don't do it because you're
(01:01:53):
probably right, she probablywon't, then you're gonna be in a
lot of problems, right, youknow.
But but with her I could just,you know, I, I knew I that was
one thing I I knew about herlike I could just feel that she,
she'll be a really good mom tothe kids.
So she's the girl that I have akid with.
Let's do it because you knowwe've been together 17 years.
Back then I mean I didn't know,I wasn't sure, like, how long
(01:02:16):
we'd be together, anything,whatever was going on, but I was
like you know, let's have,let's have some kids, okay, you
know, like whatever, whateversomething goes, goes wrong
between us.
I know that she's gonna be agreat mom and I was.
I was right, so I made a goodcall there yeah, and that's
that's really important.
Speaker 1 (01:02:34):
I feel like you, you don't know a person.
Even if you were together for20 years, neither one of you
really knew ahead of time whatkind of parent you would be, and
then you don't know what kindof parent you would be together.
So if you identify thosequalities, like ahead of time,
(01:02:57):
like okay, I like this, theseare good qualities.
Yeah, that is important becauseparenting relationships in
general bring on a whole notherlevel of stress and
consideration for another,another person that you probably
didn't have to consider before.
(01:03:17):
Right, and then add kids tothat, you know, if you have a
different background, if youhave different parenting styles,
if you have different beliefsystems, all of those things can
put additional stress onto asituation that's already
stressful.
So if you were able like I agree100% if you are able to
(01:03:42):
identify those characteristics,that would make a great parent.
You know you probably want togo with your instincts on that.
And the same thing, if youstart to see some red flags,
like oh, that those aren't signsof like a good parent, you know
, then you do probably want tolisten to that ahead of time,
(01:04:03):
because once you have kids inthe picture, you know you can't
really turn that around and youdon't want.
Nobody wants their kid tosuffer, you know.
So that is important, that'strue.
So that brings us to the end ofour episode, and I just want to
(01:04:24):
know, if our listeners want toget in contact with you, how can
they do that?
Speaker 3 (01:04:31):
I'm all over the Internet.
If you Google my name, you'llsee a bunch of reviews Alan,
monica but my phone number is561-860-5778.
And my Instagram is soldbyalanand it's spelled S-O B U Y A L A
(01:04:51):
N sold by Alan.
So either the Instagram or thephone number works for me, guys.
Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
Okay, and I'll make sure I add that to the show
notes as well.
And that brings us to the endof the show.
Thank you so much for your timeand your input.
Speaker 3 (01:05:06):
This was fun.
Yeah, I think we had a greatconversation and I appreciate
you bringing me on the show.
Speaker 1 (01:05:13):
Thank you.
I appreciate you joining us.
Hey everyone, it's yourfavorite BCBAD here, dr DeLoren,
and I'm here to ask you to helpus continue making great
content for listeners everywhereby visiting wwwforshittymomscom
, where you can make a monthlycontribution.
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at
(01:05:40):
Foreshitty Moms and that'sshitty.
With an X, not an I.
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