EP 16: Are You Present or Just Providing? A Father's Reflection on Parenthood

Step into the world of modern fatherhood as we sit down with Prentice Mobley, Superintendent for the city of Delray Beach and father to three children spanning different life stages. Prentice offers a refreshingly honest look at balancing career demands with family responsibilities, bringing a father's perspective to parenting conversations often dominated by maternal voices.

From his pre-dawn routine juggling workouts and school drop-offs to managing 48 city parks while being "Mr. Make It Happen" at home, Prentice reveals how he navigates professional responsibilities while remaining present for milestone moments. His unique position, having more workplace flexibility than his wife who works 12-hour nursing shifts, challenges traditional parenting dynamics and offers insights into how fathers can take leading roles in childcare.

The conversation delves into complex family structures, as Prentice shares how he parents children from different relationships and manages age gaps spanning more than a decade. He speaks candidly about protective fatherhood, awkward dating conversations with his teenage daughter, and finding the balance between enforcing boundaries and maintaining open communication.

With remarkable self-awareness, Prentice reflects on his own childhood experiences with an absent father and how they shaped his parenting philosophy: "Be present." Rather than getting caught in day-to-day frustrations, he takes a big-picture approach to family life, envisioning his role as nurturing a family tree while celebrating small victories like potty training successes and school achievements.

Whether you're a father seeking guidance, a mother wanting insight into a dad's perspective, or simply interested in modern parenting dynamics, this episode offers valuable wisdom on presence over perfection and the delicate balancing act of raising the next generation.

Listen now and join the conversation on what it means to be fully present as a parent in today's demanding world.

⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰

0:00 - Episode Introduction and Guest Welcome

2:53 - Day in the Life: Balancing Work and Family

9:23 - Parenting Philosophy and Being "Mr. Make It Happen"

18:05 - Navigating Daughter Relationships and Sibling Dynamics

30:46 - Parenting Challenges and Work-Life Balance

47:39 - Present Parenting and Bigger Picture Thinking

1:00:49 - Father-Daughter Relationships and Dating Conversations

1:10:18 - Closing Thoughts and Contact Information

➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: [e-mail]
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
Behavioral Alliance, your numberone source for behavior change.
Fidelity Behavioral Alliancecreates behavior change programs
for schools, parents andorganizations looking to reduce
problem behaviors and improveperformance outcomes.

(00:20):
Find out more atwwwfidelitybehavioralliancecom.
If you would like to sponsor anepisode of FSM, email us at
shitmom at gmailcom.
That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M atgmailcom.

(00:42):
M-o-m at gmailcom.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready
for another episode of For.

Speaker 1 (00:54):
Shitty Moms.
All right, hey everyone.
This is another episode of FSM.
You're here with Dr Lori andtoday we have a special guest,
again from the hometown.
We have a lot of special guestsfrom our hometown, but I guess
a lot of people are doing someamazing things, and they're
doing these things while beinginvolved in the community,

(01:17):
building careers and raisingfamilies.
So this episode is going to bea little different because,
instead of talking to a mom,we're going to talk to some dads
in honor of Father's Day.
So we're going to get some oftheir input and we're going to
see how it goes.
So, without further ado, ourspecial guest today is Prentice
Mobley.

(01:37):
I'm going to let you take overand introduce yourself to the
audience.

Speaker 3 (01:43):
Hey, all right, thank you, dr Lori.
I appreciate being here.
Shout out to everyone tuning in.
My name is Princess Mobley.
I'm a resident of Delray Beach,father of three, husband, also
a superintendent for the city ofDelray Beach that oversees all

(02:04):
the recreation facilities, allthe special events that go in
the city, the parks and so forth, and I just try to do my best
to uplift the community in anyway I can assist, in any way I
can, by trying to raise mychildren in a world that
constantly changes, you know.
So, once again, thanks forhaving having me and I'm honored

(02:24):
to be here awesome thanks forjoining us.

Speaker 1 (02:27):
So I just want to know and I'm sure the guests
want to know as well if youcould describe what it's like
the day in the life of at yourjob, your role with the city,
and what does that look like?
And then how do you, do you fitparenting into to that role, or
is it the other way around?

(02:48):
So give us an idea of what youreveryday life looks like okay.

Speaker 3 (02:54):
So I usually get up around like uh, like 5 30, uh,
get around 5 30.
My wife is a RN, she's a nurse,so she works like seven to
seven, 12 hour shifts.
So usually my day usually goesI get up at 530.
I would go to go do me aworkout.

(03:15):
I take a nice little run orsomething.
Sometimes I shoot somebasketball shots and I wake the
kids up, prepare breakfast, getthem ready for school.
I wake the kids up, preparebreakfast, get them ready for
school.
Even though I have a mydaughter was a senior this past
year I still have to wake her up, get them ready for school, get
myself ready for work.
Usually I get my stuff out thenight before.
Everything's pretty muchprepared the night before.

(03:35):
Okay.
And we live in Whirlpalm.
So leaving Whirlpalm anddriving about 30 minutes 35
minutes depending on the trafficto Delray, drop all the kids
off the school.
This past year my daughterwould drive my car, so I would.
If I didn't drop her off, I'lldrop myself off and get in my
city vehicle, let her take the,you know.

(03:57):
Drop Malia, who's in thirdgrade, drop her off first at
Bain Creek and then, if I didn'tdrop uh, my oldest off first
and she wanted the car that daywhich happened a lot this year
she would just drop me off tothe uh impound.
I would just get my work vehicleokay and I just jump in my work
vehicle and move around fromthere and then they're all set
until it's time to pick them uplater.

(04:18):
But um, and I start my work day, uh, basically, uh, checking
emails.
Uh, I'm a non-exempt employee,so you know, I basically all is
on our I'm on the clock all thetime.
Okay, I don't really have a setschedule.
Eight to nine o'clock schedule,pretty much.
Uh, you know it's it's prettyconstant oh, wow and I'll check
emails, uh, whatever meeting setthat day.

(04:39):
I get my assistant and see whatI got that day on my uh
calendar.
Uh, just basically go throughthe calendar, whatever presents
itself that day.
If it's a Tuesday, I gotcommission meetings, and that
that requires different things.
If it's a normal day during theweek, I usually like to be out.
I don't like sitting at my deskunless I have to do something
like prepare a presentation oruh, you know, doing some

(05:00):
budgetary things.
So I'm usually out and aboutchecking the parks.
We have like 48 parks in Delray, oh wow, so I like to go to
each park.
Um, the biggest parks that aremy responsibility are the staff
parks, so I will go to the parksthat are uh, staffed and you
know, talk with the staff.
What's going on?
You know whatever issues,because there's always something
going on in the city of DelrayBeach, so it's never dull and uh

(05:24):
, you know, my day just goes.
It just it's just constant, aconstant thing uh, putting out
fires, uh, making adjustments,paying for things, improving
things, uh, and then, uh,depending on that day, I may
have a community meeting among alot of different uh community
work groups and uh boards.
Uh, healthier dairy beach whichfocuses on mental health and
trauma.
Also, you know, I got my buddyworks at the with some

(05:48):
non-profits.
You know whatever I can do toassist them in their daily
trying to reach their goals.
And then I usually go pick upmy daughter from out of school
and then, once I pick her up,you know, take her to wherever
her daily activity that day is,whether it's dance, or you know,
take her to wherever her dailyactivity that day is, whether
it's dance or, you know,basketball or whatever she has

(06:08):
going on.
And what I coordinated with myother daughter who I was working
this year, get them togethertrying to coordinate that while
still working.
And then I find a way to whenit's time to go, which they're
like dad, are we leaving, dad,we we leave, use around seven
o'clock, eight o'clock, leavedelray and head up to world palm
.
Get the world palm at the house.

(06:29):
You know, um, walk the dog, uh,make sure the dog straight, uh,
and then prepare for thatevening, usually cook.
If we didn't stop and getsomething, I'll probably cook
something quick, or I'll dropthe kids off and run to publics
and grab something, because Idon't like grocery shopping big
like that, I like it fresh.
So I just might just go get itright then and then, um, yeah,

(06:51):
man, then you know, if I have alittle time I might have me a
glass of wine or something.
Read, um, you know, uh, andstill checking emails, because
I'm still kind of, you know, oncall on the clock you know
things are going on in mydepartment until 10 o'clock at
night, so, um then, that's itman, that's a long day, do it
all over the next day, yeah oh,wow, okay.

Speaker 1 (07:13):
So, oh, wow.
So you guys, I, I take itthere's some extracurricular
activities, aftercare and allthat stuff, but that's still a
really long day.
That sounds like a long day foreverybody.
So, yeah, would you considerlike your job?
Would you consider that fieldlike a parent friendly, where,

(07:36):
if one of the kids are sick, youknow, do you have a difficult
time trying to get time off?
Do you have to coordinate withyour wife like who's gonna pick
up if the school calls and oneof the kids are sick, or are you
in a place where they're prettyunderstandable, family comes
first and and they don't giveyou a hard time about stuff like

(07:57):
that?
How does that work?

Speaker 3 (07:59):
yeah, yeah, I mean me being, you know, kind of like
the boss.
So, you know, in in that sense,I have a lot of flexibility to
move around, okay, moreflexibility than my wife, being
that she's at a hospital.
Right she can't just leave.
So when it comes to picking thekids up early, doing all that,
I do that.
That's why they go to school inDelray and not World Palm or

(08:19):
Wellington Because I have thatavailability.
I have the flexibility to movearound a lot.
So if I got to pick them upearly or there's an issue at the
school, most of times there's alot of teachers they know me,
they don't even know, and thatgoes for both of my kids, and my
oldest has a different mom, buteven her, her growing up same
thing like a lot of teachers.
They know me, they see me andthey're always like where are

(08:42):
the moms?
They're around.
You know, kind of you know, butit's just that they see me all
the time.
So, um, yeah, man, very uh, I'mable to do that.
I'm blessed to be in thatposition.
So my yes, the answer to yourquestion yes, my job provides
great work-life balance to allowme to have that flexibility.
Um, no one really.
You know trips on that, but Idon't take any days off, so I

(09:04):
just do it within the mix of theday okay that's my issue.

Speaker 1 (09:07):
Oh, take enough time, okay, well that's awesome
because because normally youhear women trying to get the
jobs that have a little moreflexibility, because the
husbands usually have a moredifficult time trying to leave
work and things like that.
So that's kind of cool that weget a chance to get some insight

(09:29):
where the roles are a littlereverse you have more
flexibility, so you're a littlemore hands-on.
That's pretty cool.
So besides working, um andparenting, do you have any other
like hobbies, interests,businesses side hustles, what do
you do?
I mean, your schedule soundspretty jam-packed already, but

(09:52):
is are you able to do somethingfor yourself outside of work and
parenting?

Speaker 3 (09:59):
yeah, I mean I like to read when I get some quiet
time or you know if I'm notreading out right.
You know I got a coupleunfinished projects I've been
working on.
As far as writing, you know Iwrite music.
I really don't in my profession.
I really don't have the time todo a lot of outside things.
I mean I do do event hosting,okay.
So you know I host events, butyou know, right now, and if I'm

(10:24):
not trying to travel and puttogether trips like that, my few
free time you know that I dohave without my kids or my
profession, or trying that I'mtrying to, you know, take more

(10:45):
time for myself, becausesometimes I feel like you know
so many things I want to do I'mnot able to do because I'm kind
of, you know, kind of are thatsteady person, kind of leading
the household, but I don'treally, you know it doesn't
really bother me that muchbecause you know you make

(11:06):
sacrifices for your family andmake sure everybody's good.
So that makes me feel happyjust by doing that.
So I'm not really upset aboutit, but my therapist did tell me
I need to do a better job.

Speaker 1 (11:16):
Okay, okay.
So that's good that at leastyou recognize it and you're
taking steps towards improvingthat.
So that's pretty cool.
How, how would you describeyourself as a dad?
What kind of dad are you?

Speaker 3 (11:31):
oh man, you actually me.
Yes, much I mean.
I would say I'm a cool dad.
Oh, I'm the enforcer.
You know, what I'm saying.
I'm very protective of mychildren, very involved.
I have a vast knowledge of alot of things that sometimes

(11:54):
surprise my kids and, being atthe profession I'm in, I'm able
to kind of keep up with what'sgoing on with the current trends
and stuff like that.
You know I like to joke around,so you know I like to give them
them.
you know I like to have fun withthem but at the same time they
know like I'm the serious one,like you know I don't play okay
but I like to keep the mood very, you know, happy because you

(12:15):
know I have two daughters likeso you know that's, you know
they're my babies, you know so.
But it's like dealing withtheir attitudes and the mood
changes and stuff like that.
I mean Sometimes I don't havethe patience for, but I do.
I did grow to Deal with itbetter, so okay.

Speaker 1 (12:35):
So what would your kids say about you as a dad?
How do you think they woulddescribe you?

Speaker 3 (12:43):
Okay, my oldest will probably say I'm overprotective,
she's a senior.
So she would probably say I'moverprotective because she's a
senior.
So she would probably say I'moverprotective and she called me
Mr.
Make it Happen, okay that's nice, yeah, yeah, because you know
she already.
She already know if I eventhough if I tell her this ain't
gonna work you know she know ifI have to do it, I'm gonna do

(13:04):
what I have to do to make ithappen for her.
So she called me that.
So that's her name for me my mypie, that my third grader.
I don't know what she would call, she just would call me cool, I
guess okay just she, just, uh,she's experiencing different
things that my oldest didn'texperience, because I'm in a
different position in my lifeokay so, like you know, her
experience as a child is alittle different from the

(13:26):
experience of my oldest and thenmy son, he's you know, he's
three, so he he just dug it in apositive way.

Speaker 1 (13:34):
Yeah yeah, so how is that dynamic between the two
girls being that I'm sure theoldest does, she recognize the
differences between, like theway she was brought up in the
way the younger sister is beingbrought up, and and how do you
kind of explain that to her?

Speaker 3 (13:52):
yeah, man, it was difficult.
I'm not going to um, you knowit was a difficult time because,
um, you know, they're 10 yearsapart.
So, uh, my daughter was used tobeing the only child for a
while.
So when the new baby came onand the new lady because you
know, they know they don't havethis, they don't.
They're half sisters, theydon't share the same mother.
So, just dealing with the factthat me and her mom wasn't
together and you know I dealtwith a lot of stuff with that

(14:16):
with her and then bringing in anew child and a new woman, it
was a it was a lot of, you know,conversations behind that
trying to get to that point.
Um, at first, when the babycame, she was really cool, but
as as uh Malia gets older, theyfight more, so like they're
always fighting.
But it's love there, it's truelove there.

(14:36):
Don't get me wrong, I didn'thave that moment.
She does a hair.
Uh, she picks her up sometimeswhen I can't.
You know, when I ask her I'm ina meeting and I can't really
move around, she'll go pick herup, so it's been helpful.
It's a love-hate relationshipbetween them.

Speaker 1 (14:48):
I mean they're sisters.

Speaker 3 (14:49):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying and it was a little
bit of jealousy there.
As someone, it's interesting tosee the two ladies and the age
difference and how they interact.
What one?
You know you're 18 and you'retelling me it's not fair that a
that a nine-year-old got a wall.
A cup, like you know I'm saying, is like your cup, like it's

(15:11):
stuff like that, which is Ithink it's crazy, like it's so
petty, but it's.

Speaker 1 (15:19):
You gotta pay your dues, you know.

Speaker 3 (15:29):
Yeah, you're right.
She tell her that, like youdon't know nothing about it, you
just got it made.
You just think money growing.
Look at you, you sound like me.
Look at you, at the same timeasking me for money.
Right, I'm gonna tell theyoungest one, you know I'm
saying money.
Money don't grow on trees orwhatnot.
And then you come around to meand you ask me something
outrageous.
You know, man the nerve well,she paid her dues.

Speaker 1 (15:50):
That's why she's older.

Speaker 3 (15:51):
She paid her dues I guess so, but that's I'm paying
her dues yeah, yeah, mr, make ithappen yes, that's why you got
the name but that's good, itsounds like I mean that sounds
like a typical sisterrelationship.

Speaker 1 (16:09):
My sister and I are five years apart and until she
went away to college we werelike oil and water, like we did
not get along, didn't like eachother.
You know, we would fight allthe time.
We were very protective of eachother, so we didn't want each
other.
You know, we would fight allthe time, we were very
protective of each other, so wedidn't want anybody else like
messing with our sister.

(16:30):
But we really didn't get along.
Until she moved away to collegeand I'm five years younger, so
it kind of like hit home.
As we were dropping her off, Ididn't realize that she was
staying because she went toschool in tampa.
So I'm like, oh cool, like wewent around the campus, we saw

(16:52):
the college classrooms and wehelped her set up her dorm and
it just didn't register that shewas staying and we were going,
you know, back home.
So yeah, when we drove off.
I kind of just had a breakdownand my mom was like y'all don't
even like each other, likewhat's like what you crying for

(17:15):
and I'm like, so we just gonnaleave her.
And she like it's college, yeah.
So then we got a lot closer.
I think we just kind of tookadvantage of being together all
the time.
Growing up, you know, yourparents are like, if you go,
your sister got to go.
If you go here, take yoursister with you.
So I think we kind of tookadvantage of that.

(17:36):
And then once we were in aposition where we could not be
together every single day, itwas like devastating, like I
can't believe you let her go allthe way over here like that's
about to happen

Speaker 3 (17:52):
to me, my daughter's getting ready to go to
Tallahassee and my daughter mashI don't think she knows like
either one of them.
I said well, it's gonna hity'all, y'all gonna be like.
You know.
I'm saying this is it?
Yeah, I mean, so I feel like Ithat's coming for me, you kind
of foreshadowing what I'm gonnabe experiencing here the

(18:13):
excitement is there, but I don'tthink you can really.

Speaker 1 (18:17):
You can try to prepare for it, but it's
probably really not gonna sinkin until you guys are like all
right, dorm room set up, you goteverything you need, we get
ready, hit the road and you knowthen I think it'll probably
sink in, so that'll beinteresting.
You got to keep us posted onhow that goes, because I'm just

(18:38):
interested to see.
So she's going to school inTallahassee.
Yes, okay, that's awesome.
Congratulations.
Yeah, I saw she just graduated,so you got one under your belt.
You got one graduate under yourbelt, and now you got two more
to go.

Speaker 3 (18:55):
Yeah, I know what I was thinking.

Speaker 1 (19:07):
I feel like our generation, a lot of us we may
have had kids early and then Ifeel like our generation
especially, I'm seeing a lot ofus hit that reset button and
having, you know, 10 plus yearsbetween like your children.
But, like you said, you're kindof in a different point in life

(19:28):
, so I think it's doable.

Speaker 3 (19:30):
I see people doing it now, so yeah, yeah, it's doable
, but it see people doing it now.
So, yeah, but it's different, Iguess.
I guess sometimes you all youwant and you want the other kid
and you don't realize how thattimes flew back, flew by, but
they're having that first kidkind of give you experience in a
way, and then you kind of youknow, you kind of feel like you
know what you're doing, but thenthe other one comes and you

(19:51):
like like god, dang it, my otherchild ain't do this.
You know what I'm saying.
Oh, he's totally different thanthem out.
You know what I'm saying.
Right, what was I thinking?
Okay, each child is different.

Speaker 1 (20:03):
You know what I'm saying so how are you handling
that, all these differentpersonalities now?
Because, like you said, youwent from just one being an only
child.
Now you have two more addedinto that.
So how do you?
Do you parent them all the same, or do you kind of switch it up
because their personalities aredifferent?

Speaker 3 (20:22):
yeah, I ain't gonna lie, I parent them differently.
Um, my oldest is older, so, uh,me, you know, she has a guy
friend, I almost said boyfriend.
She has a guy friend.
Okay, um, I guess she callingthe boyfriend I don't I don't
call him that, okay, just to beclear.
But, um, yeah, she has the guyfriend.
So it's a conversation aboutthat, I mean, you know, about

(20:44):
stuff that you know she gotgoing on because she's of age.
So, you know, it's almost ourconversation a little bit more
mature and more more like aguidance thing.
Uh, with my three-year-old woman, I'm sorry, with my
nine-year-old, it's more of a,you know, continuing, molding
her, raising her, you know, uh,getting her assistance, you know
tutoring, uh, you know, havingfun, more loving, loving on her.

(21:06):
Uh, she's, she's like a realdaddy's girl, both of them are
uh.
So I'm a little bit more uhwith her, I guess not as hard as
I am with my oldest, but at thesame time, um, she's with me
all the time because she doesn'thave a job, she doesn't, you
know.
So she's always with me, moreso than my oldest, because my

(21:28):
oldest has a life now she's justdoing her own thing, right, you
feel me?
So my other one's always withme.
So, yeah, she sees different.
You know she still getspunishments and stuff like that,
you know.
So, uh, it's a little different.
But my son, he's totallydifferent because he's, he's
just, he's like me, he's themost like me out of all my kids
okay, it's three.
So I'm a little, I'm a littlehard on him honestly.

(21:50):
Uh, I love on him you feel me.
But I feel like you know, I'mmore like you're a young man, so
it's a whole different thingthan raising two daughters.
It's like a different mold.
My mind goes into, you know,dealing with him.
But he gets babied by hismother and his grandmother and
all that stuff.
I don't really baby him per se,okay, I just love on him.

Speaker 1 (22:16):
I love on them.
I love on them, but I don't paythem, okay.
So, with that being said, Iwant you to think back to your
most recent or most memorable Iguess.
I usually I call this a shittymom moment, but for you like a
shitty dad moment or a shittyparenting moment you mean like
why I messed up?
Well when you feel like youmessed up, you feel like you

(22:36):
could have handled somethingdifferently one of those
situations man.

Speaker 3 (22:43):
Um, I'm trying to think of some recent, recent
things been pretty smoothrecently.
I can say, uh, that Idefinitely have my moments where
I I definitely have to lookback and I have to say that did
I handle that the right way?
Um, I can say, recently I spokeon the guy friend thing with my
oldest.

(23:03):
Uh, you know when she starteddoing you know her dating thing
or whatever she was doing, uh,you could tell how I talked
about it.
I was, um, uh, you know I was, II wasn't in the loop of it, so
her mom knew about it, my wifeknew about it.
Uh, even grandma knew about it,like no one you know, and did

(23:25):
not want to tell me what thesituation was or what was going
on.
So, um, an incident happenedand, uh, and I found out about
it, and I think my daughterasked me something about going
to pick him up or something likethat.
And, uh, we got in a big fight.
Uh, we got in a big fight aboutthe thing because I think she

(23:46):
asked for him to come over toplay video games or something
like that, and me and her got ina big fight.
I'm like, nah, ain't no dudecoming to my house?
And she was like, oh well, youhate him and and and dad, I'm
getting older and all thisbullcrap, right.
So I'm like man, listen, youget older, you're not coming to
my house, like he's, like youdon't even acknowledge him.
I'm like, first of all, no onetold me you know, what I'm

(24:07):
saying.
So, um, you told me Iacknowledge somebody.
No, I don't acknowledge him.
You know I was, was like me,you go to college, I'm not even
going on like, be together likethis.
Oh no, they're the same agewhere they're great apart, okay.
And I was like you're gonna goto school, you gonna have more
experiences to do, they gonna bearound.

(24:27):
Why I need to meet him?
Cuz she's like dad want you tomeet him.
I don't need to meet buddy.
You know I don't need to meethim like for what he ain't
nobody.
You know what I'm?
saying right and we got a littlefight about that and, um, I had
to really sit and like just belike you know what man like this
is life right.
And your daughter, she's notfive, yeah, you know, she's 18,

(24:49):
she was, she was 17 at the timeand, uh, you know what made her
think she had to hide that fromme in the first place and not
come to me about it becausewe're very close.
That was one thing, and thenthe other thing that you know, I
really felt bad about thethings I said and how I said
them.

Speaker 1 (25:06):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (25:07):
And some of the other things I might have spewed out
at the time.
Well, I was coming from a placeof guidance and love, but I
really was hurting her feelingsokay you know, I really hurt her
feelings a lot and uh, you know, uh, and yeah, I came to the
point where, you know, she gotupset.
You know I, you know, Ibasically told her she can go,
like I was, like, you can gowith your mama, you know what

(25:27):
I'm saying.
Okay, you got my house, go livewith your mama, right?
And um, man man, that was thatwas.
That was not a good thing,because, you know, I felt really
bad about that and I ended upapologizing to her and going to
her and telling her you know,I'm sorry, you know I love her
and I just, you know, I'm justvery protective and you know I'm
a man, I know how guys is.

(25:49):
You know that whole spiel andjust you know that whole spiel,
and just you know, uh, I supporther, just communicate with me.
And uh, since we got to a coolspot where I'm okay with the
dude right now, okay, he stillknow, you know, yeah, he still
know it ain't like that, youknow.
But I think we're in a betterplace now where, uh, and just
yesterday he came over, he cameover yesterday.
Okay, that's progress, yeah, soI made a lot of progress, a lot

(26:14):
of progress.
But it took that.
It took that you know that self, that self-accountability on
myself, you know being a dad andher being a, a woman, young
woman, and, um, just being ableto look at that and and really
step back and say, hey, how canwe make this open, those lines
of communication better when I'mnot the angry dad?

(26:35):
And then she rebelled, shestarted yelling at me, yeah just
because, despite of me and youknow I didn't want that.

Speaker 1 (26:41):
So well, it's good that you recognize that, because
usually that's what happensnext, like you don't like it.
You know, and that's the age aswell.
So I can remember taking my momthrough it around that age and
I'm like mom, how did yousurvive like two teenage girls

(27:02):
doing that rebellious thing likeif she says up, I say down.
If she says no I say yes yeahjust just ready to, I guess,
prove that you're an adult,especially, I feel like for
girls.
If they're more responsible,they're getting the good grades,
if they have, like, a job, youkind of get that sense of like

(27:25):
I'm an adult already, like yeah,my gosh, tell me about it, Tell
me at least you kept the linesof communication open, because I
feel like normally, just frompersonal experience, I feel like
that's where the rebellionstarted, like my mom gave me a
hard no and it was like I'mgrown, like I'm practically

(27:49):
grown I'm 17.
I'm almost out of this houseand I'm going to be taking care
of of myself and I have a jobalready like and that was the
beginning of the end, right, butit's good that you know she was
able to speak her piece.
You were able to tell her whereshe was, where you were coming

(28:11):
from, so both of you have abetter understanding.
So I like that Because, yeah,when you have the older ones, I
feel like especially the youngergenerations we have taught our
kids how to advocate forthemselves, and it's kind of
like a double-edged sword whenthey start advocating for
themselves with you.

(28:34):
Yes, goodness so you have tolike, respect their voice and
just try to find a way to strikethe balance, and I feel like
I'm dealing with that now.
I have a 12-year-old.
He's a boy, okay, and I wanthim to be able to advocate for
himself and speak up andarticulate, because I feel like

(28:55):
boys are more inclined to shutdown and not really say how
they're feeling in the firstplace.
So I'm always trying to get himto like you know, you need to
use your words, you need to saywhat you feel, don't just say
forget it, suck your teeth andwalk off, forget about it.
But when he starts doing it tome, I'm like, huh, like wait a

(29:17):
minute.
Slow down, slow down.
That's big as a mom.

Speaker 3 (29:21):
That you do that, that's big as a mom, that you do
that, Because you know us boys.
You know we got a soft spot formommy, you know, and even
though we might feel likemommy's annoying us being,
annoying.

Speaker 1 (29:32):
Yeah, oh, definitely we got a soft spot for mommy.

Speaker 3 (29:34):
So we here.
Yeah so he listening, but hejust 12.
Oh man, shout out to you.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
Yeah, because he's getting to that middle school
age and some days I'm like isthis, like okay, what's
happening right now?
Because you know someday.
Right.

Speaker 2 (29:54):
And I okay what's happening right now because you
know someday right, and I'mstarting to see it.

Speaker 1 (29:57):
Yeah, I'm starting to seeing it like, uh, did I just
hallucinate?
Like what just happened?
Chill out, like I know I wantyou to advocate, but you doing
it a little too well right now.
I don't like it, yeah a littlebit so right now, with parenting
.
What are your three biggestchallenges right now as a parent
?

Speaker 3 (30:21):
Not in this particular order, but I would
say challenges would be justtime, just spending equal time
with them because they are atdifferent stages in their life.
You know, you have one gettingready to go to college.
You have one that was in atough, had a tough year in third
grade, um, with the testing andstuff.
She has her challenges thatshe's dealing with.

(30:42):
And then having a uh young guywho's three, who's getting ready
to go to to uh kind of daycare,go to school and, uh, you know,
make sure he's developingproperly and, you know, get him
involved in sports.
So that's a challenge spreadinglove and basically three
different, I guess thenine-year-old and the
three-year-old, that's, that'ssix years apart, but you know,

(31:03):
the different, uh and differentdecades.
Almost it feels, feels like, uh, balancing that, uh, that's,
that's, that.
That's a big challengeFinancially, hell, just being
able to provide man, you know,living in South Florida, as you
know, it's expensive man and youneed multiple streams of income

(31:31):
throughout the household andit's just.
You know the kids are involvedin things and, yeah, you know
you want to be able to, for themto experience those things and
also with that, also live yourown lifestyle.
And, you know, and not in notbeing a buy in that way.
So that's also a challenge.
And third, one would just be, Iguess, being willing, being

(31:57):
able.
And I ain't talking aboutfinancially, I'm just I ain't
talking about financially, I'mjust talking about myself,
taking care of myself, makingsure I'm in the right mental
space, making sure I am healthy,so I can see my three-year-old
walk across that stage like thatand see him have grandkids,
being self-aware of howimportant I am to my kids and

(32:19):
not being selfish enough and notgo get checkups and not do
those things and, you know,bring more stress to the family
because I'm not.
You know, looking at my for myhealth as well and my mental
capacity and going to jail anddoing 20 years of, you know,
doing something out ofselfishness and taking my way,

(32:42):
taking myself out of that.
So that's that's.
That's always a challenge, youknow, especially black man in
America.
You know you just gotta be.
You know it could be hard outhere, but that challenge be
there for my children is, Iwould say, that's top three.
So in no particular way.

Speaker 1 (32:57):
So how are you handling those right now?
Are you trying to like feelyour way through it?
I mean, you've obviously putsome thought into it and you've
acknowledged the challenges, sothat's usually like the first
step.
But are you actively workingtowards, like, let's say, with

(33:17):
your well you already said that,though earlier with your health
?
You kind of make sure you getup, you go running or do some
basketball or some kind ofphysical activity.
Um, yeah, what about havingyour own life?
Because I I feel like that'slike a reoccurring theme.
So how do you, do youcoordinate with your wife?
Like, what does that look like?

(33:37):
How do you fit that in?
How are you making that work?

Speaker 3 (33:41):
man, it's a, it's, it's, uh, I mean I guess it's
working man, I guess I'm justgoing with the flow.
I mean I have my pockets whereI'm able to do certain things,
but the day-to-day man, just so,it's so jam-packed, you know,
and uh, you know, sometimes, youknow, I, just you know,
sometimes, you know, I, just youknow, I'm okay with taking a
certain sacrifice, I think.

(34:03):
But, like I stated earlier,like just talking to you know,
the time I have with mytherapist, you know, and talking
about certain things that I'mtrying to heal from, you know,
personally, that has nothing todo with my family, I think that
I'm going to get there, Ibelieve I'll get there.
I'm not there yet.

(34:24):
Uh, and it's, uh, it's, youknow, okay.
So I hate to say it is what itis, I hate saying that same, but
it's a fact.
So you know, I, I I'll try toget down.
You know, I'm just thinking ofdifferent ways to open up more
space, more time for myself, butit's a, it's a big challenge
yeah, and it's it's smallchanges.

Speaker 1 (34:41):
So what about the time with the kids?
Do you kind of schedule timewith them, or do you get that
time with them through likeextracurricular activities, or
are you still trying to figurethat out as well?
The the time component with thekids yeah, I'll get your time
with them.

Speaker 3 (35:01):
It's just that I think, uh, each of them deserve
like one-on-one time okay sothat I will try to plan uh, I
can always, I always have atleast two of them, at least two
of them at one time.
You know what I'm saying?
Uh, me and my oldest we spend alot of time together per se,
because we're doing stuff,getting her ready for college,
and you know I'm picking up fromwork, or you know we do that.

(35:23):
Uh, one-on-one time with my son.
I have to plan that.
I have to coordinate that.
Uh, with my, with shooty, whichis my nine-year-old, I have to
plan one-on-one time with theproblems I think on my schedule
I got to find it.
The good thing about my job is,you know, I work in parks and
recreation, so like a lot oftimes I'm working and my kids

(35:45):
are there okay.
I'm saying so I'm like giving,I'm getting multiple things done
at one time so, for example, wemight have a spring fest, which
is something we do for Easter,for.
Easter egg, so I bring themthere, and it's activities for
the family, so there's familyactivities going on, but I'm
also there working.
At the same time you go, I'msaying right so that's me

(36:05):
spending time with them and theextracurricular activity while
I'm at work.
Okay, so I'm doing multiplethings at one time.
That happens a lot.
Uh, that's why I said when wetalked about the flexibility and
me being able to do differentthings, that's a way that I, you
know, I have figured out tokind of fit that quality time in
, because I'm working but I'mnot working.
I don't work a job where youknow I need this area secure,

(36:29):
because I'm building afoundation for a building you
might fall on you.
Nah, it's more.
It's more of a.
You know, it's event based,it's programming, it's activity.
So they're having fun and I'mworking at the same time oh,
that's kind of like best of bothworlds.

Speaker 1 (36:46):
It almost reminds me of like um my background.
I started in education andinitially I thought I wanted to
be a principal, until I startedlooking at how much time the
principal spends at the school.
And it's like oh how you knowhow are they juggling families

(37:09):
and how are they there for theirown kids when you think about
how often and how long a schoolis open, you know all the
sporting events, the principal.
You know that school is open.
You know all the sportingevents, the principal.
You know that school is theirbaby, right?
so yes they are there before theschool opens.
They're on call 24 7.
If something happens at theschool, if it's like a football

(37:31):
game or something, they have tobe there.
And it just put it intoperspective like, uh, I don't
think I can be a principal withmy husband.
He works a corporate job so youknow he would work sometimes 60
hours a week that somebody'sgot to be with the kid.
Like how am I going to be aprincipal?

(37:52):
So it's cool that even thoughyou are on call all the time,
like you said, it's event-based,it's more family friendly so
you can have your kids there atthe same time.
Because it like hearing youtalk about it and how you're on
call constantly, you're incontrol of the events or where

(38:12):
the, the space where the eventsare taking place.
That does sound like, oh, likethe principal at the school.
They are there all the time,which leaves them with limited
time for their own kids.
But it's cool that if it'scommunity-based, then you can
have your kids tag along and youknow they're having a good time

(38:33):
and you're working.
So that's, that sounds like thebest of both worlds.
That's pretty cool.
So my next question do you havea dad village?
We always hear about the mommyvillage helping out people you
can call to like help you withthe kids or help give you

(39:02):
support village.

Speaker 3 (39:04):
I mean, yeah, my mom, because you know I can go there
.
It's like my second home.
Anyway, take the kids there.
If I need somebody else to pickthem up, she's able to pick
them up, if she can Watch themon the weekends, if me and the
wifey want to go, you know, doour thing, you know.
So, yeah, that's my village.

(39:25):
As far as being, that's good.
And then also you know, I havemy wife's mom, but she's a nurse
too, so you know it's kind ofher availability.

Speaker 1 (39:37):
Yeah.
But yeah, that's my village okayand then so you spend a ton of
time like working and with thekids, but it sounds like you
different systems.
Or is there any time that youfeel like there's something that

(40:08):
you're doing that okay, this isworking, but I want to do it a
little better.
Or do you have any things likethat where you see something
that you want to improve on,aside from like I know we talked
about like the time, thebalancing and things like that
but certain expectations thatyou have for yourself, like do

(40:32):
you have certain expectationsthat you feel like sometimes you
you haven't met them yet?

Speaker 3 (40:38):
yeah yeah, yeah, I do .
Um, there are certain things Istill got.
You know, some life goals thatI'm trying to get to, um, that
that have kind of had to take aback seat, uh, in certain areas,
but we're gonna get there.
Uh, their family goals as well.
Um, you know me and my wife hasgoals that we're trying to

(41:01):
reach.
So I try to be goal oriented,even with my children, like
every aspect of my life.
I try to have a, notnecessarily have a plan, because
you know you got to be able towing it too, uh, but also have a
, you know, an end game or orsomeone where you're trying to
get to.
So, you know, my oldestdaughter, of course, is
graduating, is going to college,and she wants to be a, like a

(41:23):
labor nurse or something likethat okay, uh getting her
through that process, workingher through that so she, she
could reach hers.
My, my nine-year-old was inthird grade so she really was
struggling with the testing thisyear.
Uh, dealing with that, gettingher tutor, you know, promising
her it, hey, you'll get this,you read every night.
You know her individual goaland how that works.

(41:45):
And that's an area I definitelyimprove on because I got to
find her a good tutor.
Okay.
But that fits in with theschedule and then improving,
just with my son, just beingjust remembering to love on him.
While I'm giving him that toughlove, you know what I'm saying?
Just remembering to give himremember to love on him.
While I'm giving him that toughlove, I'm saying just remember,

(42:05):
give him, continue to love onhim as well, cuz I came up, you
know sad.
My dad didn't really love on me.
My mom did.
She was strict to tricking himup and not straight now, though,
not strip new, yeah, I just I,I always try to improve, though

(42:28):
that's what everything you knowI'm saying.
Uh, I take that.
Uh, I'm always trying toanalyze self and and uh and and
processes.
That's a part of my job too.
Uh, operations and processingthe city, making sure the
department runs a certain waywhere we'd be more efficient
what kind of needs does thecommunity need, from a
programming standpoint,activities, what kind of staff

(42:50):
fits at this facility?
Do I need to switch this personout?
Does this person need to go?
You know what I'm saying?
Budgetary, that's a part of myjob too.
So, like I said, I'mmultitasking.
So a lot of things that I dofor my career kind of translate
into my everyday life about uhanalyzing and uh understand
being better at processes thatyou know being more efficient

(43:14):
and whatever.
It is uh that we're doing.
So, yes, I, I think that thereare a lot of areas of
improvement okay, that's prettycool.

Speaker 1 (43:23):
I feel like when I speak to a lot of moms, I think
they get overwhelmed becausethey just look at the day-to-day
and they're kind of stuck inthat day-to-day and I've never
had anyone on the show talkabout like the overall process
of how the family is functioning, but I guess I I don't know I I
guess maybe the role as, like,the head of the household, as a

(43:47):
dad, as a husband, you probablydo have to sit back and look at
where you guys are as a familyas a whole and how you're going
to move them forward versus.
I have my interviews and I heara lot of moms, just like they
can tell you how to get throughthe day, like from point a to
point b how to get this one topractice and this one to this

(44:10):
practice.
And I had one mom, like when youwere talking about spending
time with the kids individually,she worked out some kind of
schedule, because this kid likesbasketball, but this one likes
volleyball, so we're gonna doyour personal time during your
season and this season ends atthis time, so that's when you

(44:30):
get your personal time and yeah.
I never hear anyone talk about,I guess, the overall picture and
I think it's easy to alwayshear about moms, the parenting
struggles.
But even me as a mom, I'venever had to think about my
family as a whole and like, okay, what is our family goal as a

(44:52):
whole and how am I going to movethe whole unit forward together
?
Because I feel like justhearing you saying it I'm like,
damn, that's a lot of pressure,like hey, hey.

Speaker 3 (45:04):
But you know, I don't look at it like that, I just
look at like uh, you know, whenyou're on um, I look at it like
this.
I look like like I'm on top ofthe tree, okay, like you have a
family tree, you have the great,great, great, and you be like
oh, such and such and such, andthis, and the tree just fans out
so I look at it like this is mytree.

(45:26):
So I, you know I have to see howthis tree is going to grow and
bloom into a big tree, how we'regoing to get there with certain
things.
So my mindset has always beento look at the overall view of
things.
You know I'm saying so.
You know I always.
You know my wife may not belike you said.
She might be day to day she'snursing, all she works at the VA

(45:48):
.
She comes home and she's just,sometimes she just you know,
saying she'll eat and she'sgoing to sleep.
You know, and I talked to herabout her balance, I'd be like,
hey man, hey, I understand not,but you got you know that you,
you, you're a wife and a mom toonow right, you know what I'm
saying.
You're just working.
Every day I get it, but youknow.

(46:10):
So that's a whole anotherconversation but, um, I think
that the overall picture, man,you gotta, you just gotta have
those goals set for each child,for the family, for yourself,
but they all got to kind of cometogether in that tree, you know
.
They all got to kind of makesense together because if I want
to be a rapper and go on tour,does that really kind of fit and

(46:31):
where my family kind of isright now right and what we're
trying to do.
You know I'm saying, um, so it'slike, okay, if I love that
industry, then I got to find away where I could probably still
be in the industry but stillmake it make sense to my family,
right, because, you know,everything got to kind of, when
you start families, man, you,you can't be so much about self,

(46:53):
so much, uh, because youstarted the family, like you
know, I'm the reason they'rehere, right, I'm the reason they
are here.
So I can't, you know, forgetthat.
You know I brought them here,so guide them and lead them.
You know, I feel like that's apart of being a man in the house
just leading the family andmaking sure that everyone sees

(47:14):
that big picture and notnecessarily when wifey gets so
frustrated, to be able to, youknow, be able to talk with logic
.
Well, you know, yeah, that wasa day.
Yeah, yeah, you know they onlygave you too many patients.
I get it, damn I get it.
But guess what?
Tomorrow is this?
You know what I'm saying youknow, what at the end of the

(47:37):
month.
You know we're going here andyou know I got a trip to belize.
You know we're going to belizein four months.
Right, we can.
You know I'm saying you knowwhat at the end of the month?

Speaker 2 (47:41):
you know we're going here and you know, I got a trip
to belize.

Speaker 3 (47:42):
You know we're going to belize in four months.
Right, we can.
You know I'm saying, and justtry to look at the bigger
picture, what's coming up, toget past what's happening right
now.
But we get caught up in theday-to-day so much man, you're
gonna be stressed out every day.
Yeah that's why we got the showyou gotta got to have something
to look forward to.
You feel me.
So you know, I really I'mreally big on that.

Speaker 1 (48:03):
That's cool, I like that.
Look, now you're giving me someideas, because usually when I
say I get swallowed up in theday to day like homework,
teachers, emails, work, this,that and the third.
And and sometimes I look at myhusband he'll wake up five

(48:24):
o'clock in the morning like, see, you're going to the gym and
I'm like how like how, like I'mstill trying to recover from
yesterday and he just like, whenthe sun come up, like he's back
from the gym.
Protein shape like all right,let's go and I'm like how does

(48:46):
that, how all of this stuff justhappened this week and you just
getting up and going to the gymand he kind of like yeah, yeah,
because you know what ain'tnothing you can do about
yesterday.

Speaker 3 (48:57):
I guess you know what I'm saying ain't nothing you
can do about yesterday I guess,yeah, you ain't nothing you can
do about that.
Like every day, every day isjust a new day.
You know, saying I live by thismodel, that I don't.
Of course you got to know thedays of the week, but I don't
believe in the days of the weekmoney Tuesday, wednesday,
thursday, friday Because thatputs you in a different mindset
too when you think about weeks.
So you say Monday off man, damnMonday, you gotta go to work, I

(49:18):
got the blues.
So you say Monday oh man, damnMonday, you got to go to work, I
got the blues, I got the Mondayblues.
And then you got hump day onWednesday.
And then you got Friday.
It's like, oh, the weekend.
And then you mad on Sunday, sodamn, I got to go to work
tomorrow.
So I try not to.
I try not to think like that, Ijust try to.

(49:42):
Another day, it's another day,it's another opportunity to do
something.
So make the best of the day.
It's a new day.
Nothing you can do aboutyesterday.
What happened yesterday, thathappened yesterday.
Unless you know how to timetravel, you can go back right
you know I'm saying and, like Isaid, doesn't mean you.
You know you just move on.
That's not what it is.
It's just that you can rememberyesterday but you don't have to
live in.
Just move on.
That's not what it is.
It's just that you can rememberyesterday, but you don't have
to live in yesterday.

Speaker 1 (50:02):
You know, I'm saying that, you know, I guess that's
what it is.
I think is living in yesterdayor what happened earlier
yesterday still got you mad.

Speaker 3 (50:14):
Yes, email me that.
I can't believe what they'resaying all caps.

Speaker 1 (50:17):
You see that then?
You have to unpack it with yourgirlfriend so you relive it all
over again.
Yeah.
If you're talking to your momabout it, like now.
You got to tell your mama andyour sister about it.
Yes, yeah.

Speaker 3 (50:33):
It's okay to reflect, but you know you can't do that
Move on.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's like withemotional intelligence you know
what you know you can't move on.

Speaker 1 (50:41):
Yeah, yeah, that's like with emotional intelligence
, you know, I'm saying it's justokay, so, so what are some of
the rewards that you'veexperienced as a parent?
What, what reward?
What rewards have youexperienced so far as a parent?

Speaker 3 (50:55):
man.
I mean, like you said, mydaughter just graduated high
school.
That was you, that was.
That was a great reward.
I think that it's justrewarding to see them happy, see
them happy and healthy.
You know, I thank God for thatevery day.
And just to see them get past alittle accomplishments.

(51:15):
To see my son, you know, getpotty trained, finally go pee
pee in the potty.
Like it's the small things tome.
You know what I'm saying?
Um, small things to me, justmake me happy, you know.
To see, you know, learning toride a bike or or um writing in
cursive, when they, you know,they don't really teach cursive
that's huge yeah, yeah, and mydaughter getting a paycheck and

(51:39):
first paycheck and uh, you knowjust different things like that
I have.

Speaker 1 (51:43):
I have wins every day , man, I find a win every day
multiple wins every day I likethat and I think that helps to
keep things in perspective aswell.
Um, if you can identify thosewins every day, then the
setbacks are not as big.
They don't matter as much,because you have some positives

(52:06):
and you have some wins that youkind of keeping in your pocket,
you know keeping track of.
So that's good.
Um, what's your philosophy as adad and what advice would you
give to other dads?

Speaker 3 (52:22):
uh, my philosophy as a dad, um, be there, be present,
that's um, that's my philosophyalways be present.
I think it's very importantthat your kids see that that you
there, not just that you, youknow, provide on the back end,

(52:43):
but to see you and know thatyou're there, that you took time
to actually be present in a lotof their moments.
And that's just my philosophy,right there.
Be present.
To other dads, I would say samething.
To other dads, I would say, um,same thing, uh, you find time

(53:05):
to be present there for the kids, because if you're out there, a
great provider, and you'reworking 100 hours, 130, 50 hours
, but your kids never see you,even though you might have
provided them a nice life, it'sgonna come moments and they're
gonna be like they're gonna,they're gonna, you know, like
you ain't do a damn thing forthem, you know but you wasn't
there at the game.
You wasn't there.
You know I'm saying when thetooth came out or uh, different

(53:26):
little things that they remember.
Because the only reason why Isay that, because I hold on to
those things, I just not.
Like I said, talking to my uhtherapist, I just I got over
certain things.
I used to hold that to my dadbecause my dad, my dad himself,
was uh around but not around uh.
So it was difficult for me tounderstand why he wasn't at
certain things.

(53:47):
And when I got older and I gotmy own family that I understood
better why he probably wasn'taround uh, and a lot of that
resentment I kind of let off ofbut, as a coming up as a
teenager and and things likethat.
I resented him a lot for notjust for simply not being- there
.
I didn't know what was going onin the background with him and

(54:08):
my mom.
You know I'm saying I, you knowI wasn't previewed that because
I, you know.

Speaker 1 (54:13):
I was you know a kid, yeah, kids place, yeah, so.

Speaker 3 (54:16):
I don't know what was going on.
You know I'm saying, but hewasn't there and I, you know, as
a man, I hold him to that, likeyou didn't have to rock with my
mom.
But you know what I'm saying.
Like you could have came to thatyou know yeah that would have
meant a lot to me, uh, but, likeI said, I understand better now
that I'm older and I have myown, so I understand.
I'm not saying that I don't andI don't have no resentment to

(54:37):
blame him, but coming up, yeah,that was a big thing for me,
like well, I think even now, um,just how you were talking about
living in South Florida, theeconomy, finances, everything is
getting more expensive.

Speaker 1 (54:52):
The price of stuff is not going down, prices keep
going up, salaries are stayingthe same.
So I think for men and womenand parents in general, now
parents are like in apredicament where they probably
have to work multiple jobs.
So just something like you said, being present.

(55:15):
It's almost becoming like aluxury to be present because
financially, can you be present,like can you afford to be
present, or do you have to nowwork a second job to kind of
fill in the gap with that income?
And that's even, I think,single parents.

(55:35):
Of course they're probablyfeeling it a lot more and a lot
sooner than we are.
But even right now, with a twoparent household, is still like,
ok, what's what's next?
Like we, like you said, wepeople like we only have one kid

(55:59):
, because financially I justcan't see how people are doing
it with multiple.

Speaker 3 (56:07):
I don't know how you guys, y'all, y'all are like
making magic happen, becauseit's not easy, but you know, the
craziest thing about that iswould, that being said, if
you're not present right atcertain moments and we know all

(56:29):
this to be fact because we'readults talking here- mm-hmm you
know, I'm saying we understandthat and, like I said, I'm gonna
mention my dad.
When I got older I understoodbetter you know, what I'm saying
.
But I've seen a lot of parents,you know, be hurt, man, you know
, and it's not to their fault.

(56:49):
They get hurt because of howtheir kids, what some of the
things their kids are saying,based on not knowing that, hey,
man, I'm out here busting mytail so you can go to this
school or provide for you so youcan get those shoes that you
want, so you can get thoseclothes, and you're gonna tell
me I don't care about you, right, because I didn't come to your
dairy rock game.
Yeah, I had to work.

(57:09):
I told you I had to work.
They don't understand thatreason.
Yeah, you get what I'm saying.
Yeah, so it can be very hurtfulon the parent.
It's's hard Because you can goback home, you be like Dad, you
might cry yourself to sleep,like that.
I can't believe my son, who Ido all this for, told me you
don't care.
How can he say that?

(57:30):
Yeah, because he's in the kid'smindset.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Yeah, that's true, or I think, for me.
They don't get that.
Or I think for me, like nowthat you say it, I'm thinking
back, like Reflecting on me andmy son, with him being In middle
school.
Sometimes I will tell him thatwith his Behavior, like you're
gonna act Like that and you seehow me and your dad, how hard we
work, we do this, we do that,and he kind of like.

(57:54):
I just wanted to play the game.
Yeah, yeah, like I take it Toheart like you didn't take take
a shower.
You didn't get the homework donebecause you playing a game like
you know how disrespectful thatis.
How hard we work so you canhave that game in the internet
and yes, you're not gonna take ashower.

Speaker 3 (58:15):
They don't feel it like god damn why I throw you
through the water you of, likebecause I didn't get off the
game.

Speaker 1 (58:24):
Like, yes, because you didn't to me it makes sense.
But now you like you saying,like it's a kid, I forgot about
that part.
Like, yeah, I, I forgot aboutthat part.
But it's like, yeah, you, youtry to do all these things, you

(58:45):
try to juggle and get yourselfthrough the day.
So when your kids don't fall inline with the plan, like yeah,
you, that's like that straw thatbreaks the camel's back.
Like, yeah, have you lost yourmind?

Speaker 3 (58:59):
yeah, yeah, you hot with jit, but jit really don't.
He don't know right, and youtry your best to get him to
understand but it just don't hit.
It will when they get older,but you know that's time, yeah,
that takes time.
When they become adults, yeah,they'll say man, ma, you know
they get up there do theirspeeches.
Yeah, you know I gotta thank mymom, my dad.

(59:27):
You know they work so much toget me appreciated and you be
like you Sacrifice so much butin the moment, madam, just okay,
they won't what they want andthey think that you you know
what I'm saying is on you.
They're going to blame you.
That's just the shoes that weput on every day.
We try to walk in as best wecan, but yeah.

Speaker 1 (59:48):
Yeah, I think this particular day he wanted to.
I guess my reaction didn'tmatch to him, like why is she so
mad?
So he came back like I was in atournament.
I can't leave the team If Ileave the team they're going to
die, they're going to.
I don't care about If I saidtake a shower he like, but I

(01:00:14):
always have to go to the gym toleave.
Like I'm always abandoning theteam, I can't leave the team and
we're not gonna get to the nextlevel.
So yeah, and kind of justhearing you say it like it's a
kid, they don't care.
I'm like, oh, he was trying toexplain, like I'm gonna do it,

(01:00:34):
but let me, can we get to thenext level so I don't have to
leave the team you got me outhere bending the team.
Yeah.
So we're trying to get, we'retrying to get through it now.
But I think me and dad are justin that mindset.
You know, we come home fromwork and it's like all right, we

(01:00:55):
got to do this, we got to dothat, we got tutoring, we got
homework, we got to and we still, we still want him to have that
downtime.
I think we're trying to alsoteach him about work-life
balance, because he has between,like, say, this year he didn't
play basketball at all.
This year this was his firstyear of middle school and just

(01:01:17):
we wanted to focus on gettinghim adjusted to like now you
have six classes, you got sixdifferent teachers, you got your
own responsibilities plus nowyou got to go to tutoring and
because you get out of school solate, he doesn't even get home
until five o'clock.
He rides the bus so he doesn'tmake it here till five o'clock.

(01:01:38):
So after after that, you stillgot to go to tutoring.
If another teacher that youdon't get tutored for gave you
homework, you got to take careof your homework.
The kids have these computersand these Chromebooks they got
to take to school every day.
You got to charge up all yourstuff.
Like you don't have a lot oftime in the evening to chill out

(01:02:00):
and game of time in the eveningto chill out and game.
But if you stay on yourschedule you might get an hour
of gaming in by the end of theday.
And he is just like y'all keeptelling me all this stuff to do,
like is is cutting into my gametime and we're like no we're
trying to give you game time ifyou follow the schedule, like if

(01:02:21):
you get all your stuff done,you could be done with
everything by 8 o'clock.
Bedtime is 9 o'clock.
That means you can have a wholehour of gaming if you just
knock this stuff out.
Yeah and so that has been thebattle with us.
But I think we've been Tryingto respect his boundaries and

(01:02:41):
like his interest, because Ithink for the two of us it's
like work, work, work right, andthen I think we both kind of
realized like well, that's not agood example.
We gotta have some down time andsome time to relax because he's
watching right.
So with him watching, he needsto see us.
Yeah, we work, but we also play.

(01:03:03):
We have a good time.
We need to take a vacation sohe can see like what are we
doing all this hard work for?
Because normally I'm like if Ido have a free weekend, I'm like
, oh, let's enjoy the mortgage,like let's sit in the house,
let's enjoy these lights.
We got lights, we got waterlet's enjoy that so is is.

(01:03:30):
It's a work in progress, forsure, but I love just hearing
like, oh, that's a kid, becausethat's the furthest thing from
my mind when you like, thinkingabout being a provider, thinking
about giving them everythingthat they need, like it's a kid.
I don't want to hear that.
But yeah, the priorities aredefinitely different.

(01:03:56):
So what advice do you wish youhad been given sooner, like
parenting advice.
Is there any parenting adviceyou wish you would you had been
given sooner, like parentingadvice?
Is there any parenting adviceyou wish you would have had a
lot sooner?

Speaker 3 (01:04:12):
Daughters, some information on raising daughters
.
I wish somebody would have toldme about the, the mood changes
and the attitudes and you knowhow to deal with that and not
flip back like and shut downbecause I don't.
You know all that spicyattitude and all that man.

(01:04:32):
Hey man, I, I'm daddy and Iain't with that.
You know, I ain't feeling howto deal with that.
Yeah, I wish somebody wouldhave gave me.
So they told me that how, um,you know the daughters are gonna
have, but yeah, maybe they didtell me they ain't.
It wasn't specific.
Maybe they did say, hey, youhaving that little girl now,
yeah, she daddy's girl.
Blah, blah, blah.

(01:04:53):
Okay, all right.
Okay, yeah, you're right, butnot really be specific on what
that means, but my daddy havinga daddy's girl.
How that's gonna affect me.
I'm really gonna be at the beckand call yeah of a
five-year-old or three-year-old,or seven eighteen-year-old.
Yeah, I'm gonna be at the beckand call of them oh, it doesn't

(01:05:13):
end, I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna do it voluntarily.

Speaker 1 (01:05:17):
Yeah, I'm gonna do it voluntarily, without even
knowing yeah, my husband wants adaughter and I'm like, are you
sure like it's, it's different,yeah, and it's not gonna stop,
because when she starts reallystarts dating seriously dating,
like whatever guy she's dating,she's gonna hold them to that

(01:05:41):
standard like well, my daddy didthis well, my daddy did this
well, my dad, so that it's likea whole nother layer.
But I always tell people to becompletely honest having those
reactions, having thoseemotional reactions with your
kids, like we're human too, soit's giving them a chance to see
.
You know, sometimes kids willput us on a pedestal.

(01:06:04):
We are their superheroes.
But when they push certainboundaries and we give them
certain emotional reactions,it's like, hey, I'm human, so
you can't.
You can't push those buttonswith me, because you're gonna
get a reaction.
Or yeah so I think it's aboutbalance as well, not just

(01:06:28):
overreacting all the time, butletting them see like shoot, I'm
human, I'm a work in progress.
Look, I'll work on it next time.
We may not not see eye to eyeand sometimes we're going to
have to agree to disagree andyou know we'll circle back
around and we'll try to figuresomething out.
But it's nothing wrong withthat.

(01:06:49):
We're human and I tell that toparents.
I do parent coaching for, likeparents of younger kids and I
even tell them the same thing,because with the little ones I
think people just want to becareful.
They want to do everything withkit gloves and I'm like, well,
it's a way to teach the littleones too.
Hey, for every action there's areaction, so oh, absolutely

(01:07:13):
don't don't keep them in thatbubble.
Let them see it with you so theykind of have a heads up if
they're dealing with otherpeople outside of family.
If you do something a certainway, you might get a reaction
that you don't like.
So be careful.
So it's, it's nothing wrongwith it.

Speaker 3 (01:07:30):
Um, yeah, I think that go ahead I think that with
the daughters, with thedaughters too, and another thing
that I learned advice I would.
I would have I just kind oflearned this.
It's uh, almost like when theyhave the daughter and they're
dating and stuff like that.
And uh, and I'm trying to bebetter with my younger one as
she grows up, not for them to beso, um, like depending on the

(01:07:51):
things that I do as daddy,because I think that in some
ways, when they do get older andthey start dating, like it's
hard to hold a man and say, oh,my dad took care of that, my
daddy is my daddy, dad, my daddy.
But this new generation, it'salmost like I also have to teach
my daughter like to understandlike how a man operates, like in
a way where where the man don'thave to do everything for you,

(01:08:14):
there's some things you can doto help the man out, and having
her do that with me, to kind ofget her to understand that
you're at the end game.
Here we go with the big pictureyou're, you're a partner.
You know what I'm saying.
So, like, if you want thisyoung man to be your daddy, he's
not going to be me, you knowwhat I'm saying because I
created you.
You know what I'm saying.
Yeah, I'm gonna show up atthree in the morning and change

(01:08:35):
a tire in the rain, you know,and do stuff like that, and, yes
, you do want a man that's ableto do that.
But that was just a examplethere, but but you also want to
be able to be productive in yourrelationship yourself and not
when you're dating someone.
They're not your dad, they'reyour partner.
It's a difference.
So, yeah, you want to be likeme, from maybe, from like a

(01:08:58):
foundational.
You know characteristicperspective, but not the
relationship.
You know characteristicperspective but not the
relationship.
You know what I'm saying.
The relationship don't need tobe that, and I think when we get
older, sometimes daddy issueswith women work both ways.
It's almost like, oh yeah,their dad wasn't there and
they're one way because theynever had a dad in their life,
and then you have another daddyissue because their dad was too

(01:09:19):
much in their life and you andyou dealing with that.
It's like, well, just call yourdaddy, I'm gonna fix the toilet.
You go to work, you come home,daddy, and they're fixing it.
It's like what, god?
No, babe, I said I was gonnafix it, daddy just came.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's like that could callcoffee in the house.
Same thing with a mom you knowwhat I'm saying.
Like that's true, mom in therecooking.

(01:09:39):
You know, same way mothers arewith their kids, dads are like
that in the same way, how women,you know, look at the moms and
be like he's just a mama's boy.
Yeah, I can't get over that.
His mama coming for me and dealwith that too.
Oh, she's a daddy's girl.
Her dad come before me.
God, no right, bro, like herdaddy is a daddy that I eat,

(01:09:59):
your daddy, you know.
So it's a balance, you andbeing able to teach that to the
kids.

Speaker 1 (01:10:07):
So I want to ask About your contact information.
Yeah if listeners want tofollow you on social media or
get in touch with you, say ifthey want to do some events or
have some questions, how canthey get in touch with you?

Speaker 3 (01:10:28):
Yeah, I'm available on Facebook Prentice Carter the
mayor on Facebook and I have twoFacebooks, If it's depending on
what you're trying to get incontact.
But I have my page with my name, Princess Moby, on Facebook and
then I have my other Facebookwhich is more of an

(01:10:48):
entertainment style side.
It's just Princess Cutter theMayor, and then on Instagram, on
mayorkingcutter.
On Instagram I have a talk tick, but I don't be on top ticket
like that.

Speaker 1 (01:11:06):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (01:11:08):
But um, yes, the same thing is America okay, yeah,
all right.

Speaker 1 (01:11:13):
so I'll be sure to add that those handles to the
visuals and the graphics that weput out for this episode, and I
just wanted to say thank you somuch for your time.
I really enjoyed this interview.
It was very insightful.
I really enjoyed getting thedad perspective.
So thank you for that.
I appreciate it.

Speaker 3 (01:11:34):
Yeah, thanks for having me.
I like what you're doing here.
This is good conversation,thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:11:40):
I appreciate it.
Hey everyone, it's yourfavorite BCBAD here, dr DeLoren,
and I'm here to ask you to helpus continue making great
content for listeners everywhereby visiting wwwforshittymomscom
, where you can make a monthlycontribution.
Where you can make a monthlycontribution.

(01:12:02):
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at
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