EP 3: Super-Mom: Raising Scholars and Exceptional Student Athletes While Chasing Her Dreams

Ever juggled parenting, work, and school all at once? Our extraordinary guest today, Stacey from West Palm Beach, Florida, is the embodiment of determination, seamlessly managing her roles as a mother, student, and working professional. A mom to two active kids and a future registered nurse, Stacey shares her unique parenting tactics, the importance of setting boundaries, and the secret behind balancing her busy daily life.

Navigating the complex world of parenting can be an exhilarating roller-coaster ride, and Stacey's experiences are a testament to this. She treats us to a captivating conversation – from her creative strategies to discipline her children to ensuring they excel at their passions. Stacey's son, an athlete with a flair for track, rugby, soccer, tennis, and lacrosse, has even made it to Nationals for shot put. Meanwhile, her daughter is a budding young gymnast who enjoys cheerleading and dancing. Somehow, Stacey manages to maintain a marriage, pursue entrepreneurial goals while attending school and working full-time. A self proclaimed “Team Mom”, Stacey describes the perks of sticking to a routine and setting expectations. Join us as we delve into the poignant moments of guilt Stacey faces when she can't fulfill her kids' desires, and how recognizing her children's reinforcers has been pivotal in her parenting journey.

Stacey's story is not just about successful parenting. It's about the strength of a family that understands the value of teamwork when support systems are limited. Listen in and learn how this super mom uses resilience to navigate the challenges of her marriage, manage her own expectations, and maintain the delicate balance between spoiling and disciplining her kids. Join us on this inspiring journey that sheds light on the life of a real-life super mom who manages to keep all her plates spinning – and makes it look easy.

⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Super Mom Balancing Multiple Kids' Activities
10:57 - Juggling Work, School, and Family Life
27:35 - Balancing Spoiling and Discipline With Kids
33:24 - Navigating Mom Guilt and Teen Challenges
49:19 - Modern Parenting Strategies and Challenges
57:49 - The Role of Support in Parenting
1:02:43 - Struggles, Rewards, and Changing Habits
1:13:10 - Balancing Motherhood and Motivation
1:24:34 - Promoting Social Media and Booking Services

"A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"

➣ For Guest Appearances, Sponsorship & Bookings: [e-mail]
➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
Behavioral Alliance, your numberone source for behavior change.
Fidelity Behavioral Alliancecreates behavior change programs
for schools, parents andorganizations looking to reduce
problem behaviors and improveperformance outcomes.

(00:20):
Find out more atwwwfidelitybehavioralalliancecom
.
If you would like to sponsor anepisode of FSM, email us at
shitmomatgmailcom.
That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M atgmailcom.

Speaker 2 (00:44):
It's time to put the kids to bed, so y'all get ready
for another episode of.

Speaker 1 (00:51):
For Shitty Moms.
Hi everyone, welcome back toanother episode of FSM.
I'm your host, deloren, andtoday we have a special guest,
once again coming from ourhometown here in sunny South
Florida.
I'm just going to introduceStacey to the show.

(01:13):
Thank you so much for joiningus.
As we move throughout the show,I'm going to gradually let
Stacey introduce herself andthen I'll give a little
background information as to howthis interview came about and
my thought process.
Then we'll go from there.
All right, stacey, you want togo ahead and introduce yourself

(01:34):
to everyone.

Speaker 3 (01:36):
Hi everyone, my name is Stacey.
I am from West Palm Beach,Florida.
I'm a mom of two?

Speaker 1 (01:45):
Okay, and what are their ages?
Thirteen and eight?
Okay, and marital status.

Speaker 3 (01:52):
If you don't mind sharing, I am happily married
almost a year, but we've beentogether for 12 years.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
Oh, awesome, okay, All right, and then tell us your
current occupation.

Speaker 3 (02:07):
Right now I am finishing up medical school to
be a registered nurse.
I do work as a physicianassistant in internal medicine.
I've been in the medical fieldsince I graduated high school
and I'm almost finished.
I keep stopping and startingback because my life is kind of
hectic around these kids and myson is almost done with youth

(02:31):
football.
So I said why not just go aheadand finish?
I have a lot of free time oncehe's finished.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Okay.
And that brings me to.
I usually have like a hit listof moms that I would love to
have on the show.
So when we were going over thehit list, my husband was like,
okay, looking at the differentnames, and then we saw we came
across your name and he's like,okay, well, who is she?
Like, tell me about her, whywould she be good for the show?

(03:01):
X, y, z.
And I'm like, well, the onlything I can really say is that I
follow you.
I follow you on social media.
We went to like middle schooland high school together and
just kind of stayed in touchthrough social media and I'm
like the only way I can describeher is a super mom Like she is.

(03:24):
I put her in the category ofsuper mom.
Like anytime you see her she'sdoing something with her kids,
they are in like all of theseextracurricular activities.
I feel like I know what seasonit is based on what you post on
your social media and I'm likedang, another sport, oh, another

(03:45):
activity.
But more than just like thesports and the activities, I see
you're always posting your kidsand their achievements, like
their academic achievements andawards and things like that too.
So when I was telling him aboutthe show, I'm like, yeah,
that's the only thing, likethat's the first thing that

(04:06):
comes to mind when I think aboutStacy.
I think about okay, she's thatsuper mom, she's at.
It seems like you're at everypractice, every game.
The son is doing this, yourdaughter is doing that, the son
is doing this, this daughter isdoing that.
Oh, it's this season, oh it'sthat season.
And I'm just like how?

Speaker 3 (04:28):
Oh yes, oh my gosh, I don't even know how I do it, I
just do it.
I'm so used to it now because,like my son, he's been in sports
since he was five.
Okay, so it's been nonstopsince Danny, and he's a type of
kid like he wants to play everysport.
I see football, he playsbasketball, he does rugby, he

(04:49):
does soccer and this one I'mlike you want to try lacrosse
and tennis.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
And then does he do track.
What does he do with that?

Speaker 3 (04:58):
Oh yeah, he does, he does track.
He's number one in shot put.
So we started out with DairyTrack Club.
It was like 12 of us at thetime, okay, but now it's like
250.
Oh, wow, okay, it's, it's.
It's grown a lot and he's beenholding it down for shot put.
Shot out of Coach Charlie.
We made it to Nationals inOrlando for the ESPN World Wild

(05:24):
Sports.
Okay.
And he missed the the mark by aninch.
Wow, yeah, he's going to breakthe record.
Oh my gosh, he's like thenumber one.
So every time track seasoncomes along, everybody tries to
beat him.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Okay, okay.
So how did we even get here?
So take us to, like thebeginning.
Was it one of those things youjust knew you wanted to be like
that sports mom?
Or was it like, okay, I got toget this kid and something I got
to keep them busy, get them preoccupied, like how did that
start?

Speaker 3 (06:03):
I've been in my family is just athletic, so
playing sports was definitelysomething that I did look
forward to.
I'm going to have a son.
You know like, all my brothersplay sports, my cousins play
sports, and I ain't even gonnalaugh.
So when I first put him intoFlag football, he was a dirt
baby, like he did angels in thedirt, and I was like, oh man, he

(06:28):
got it.
We put him in T ball, okay, andthen T ball brought out a
different type of athlete, okay.
So where I'm like, okay, hejust had to get warmed up and
then from there he's just beenin all the sports and each year
he tries different sports.

(06:49):
I don't want to just limit himto one.
So he did baseball, basketball,football, track, rugby, and now
he's going to do soccer.

Speaker 1 (07:02):
Oh, wow, okay.
And then you okay, wow, okay.
So what about your daughter?

Speaker 3 (07:09):
My daughter.
She's eight, her first year intrack she was four Okay, and
four is damn really running,okay.
So the next year it was whenCOVID first hit and she was
ready, she was excited.
And then COVID hit, and thenthat was the end of track for
our season.
So she kind of winged herselfout of track to cheerleading

(07:33):
Okay, she likes to dance, shelikes to flip around my couches.
So I put her in gymnastics Okay, so she does gymnastics, she
likes to dance.
I don't know if you ever see myTikTok, she's all over it.
And she does cheerleading Wow.

Speaker 1 (07:52):
Okay.
So I don't even know where togo, because that is a lot.
So how are you managing?
How do you manage?
What does that look like?
It is.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
So I try to keep my work down in the area.
So when I pick them up from mygrandma's house, I drop one at
this practice and I go to myson's practice, and then I'll
leave my son practice, go to mydaughter's practice to pick her
up and then go back to my son'spractice and then I go home.

Speaker 1 (08:24):
Okay, so you like the Uber mom as well?
Very much the Uber and how doesit work?
How do you fit that into work?
Like, do you have a momfriendly work environment that
allows you to just do what youneed to do and go to all these
activities?
Like, if they have, I don'tknow, a competition somewhere,

(08:46):
you have to go travel and go outof town.
How does that work with yourjob?

Speaker 3 (08:53):
Actually, I'm blessed to have a very understanding
job, because one of the doctorsthat I work with, he also have
kids, that's in sports, okay.
And I was like one of the bigthings that when I got to the
office I told him like listen,I'm very involved in my kids in
school and sports, so I nevermiss moms and donors event, I

(09:16):
never miss an award, I nevermiss a game, even if I have to
come to work early and leave atwhatever time.
Just so I know I make it to theevent because I do know, like
when my son he looks for me whenhe's playing.
Okay, I remember one time I waslate, maybe like 10 minutes

(09:37):
late, and the coach came to meand he said you know, before you
got here he was having a reallybad game, but the moment he saw
you he turned into a totallydifferent person.
And I know it's very importantbecause when I was in school and
playing sports I always lookfor my grandma to be there.
Okay, and she was always there.

Speaker 1 (09:58):
Okay, wow, so okay.
So what if there's like hasthere ever been a conflict like
this one has a game the same daythat the other one has a game,
or are you just able to navigateyour way through it, or it
hasn't happened yet?

Speaker 3 (10:15):
It has happened because they both play with Dory
Rocks and there was a timewhere my son had the Super Bowl
game but my daughter also hadthe cheer competition.
Okay, so I had to do half andhalf.
Oh, my goodness.
And I just try to make it workbecause I know they look for me,
they look for their dad.

(10:35):
So it would be like, oh, thedad goes here, start with the
cheer competition and then cometo the football and then we'll
switch.
Okay, just so they see both ofus.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
Okay, so it's like a tag team kind of situation,
which is awesome, so both of youcan be there with both of them
and neither one of them feelsleft out.
So how are you doing all ofthat?
And school, because that's likea whole nother beast in itself
online.

Speaker 3 (11:05):
I know online.
I started out online until he'sdone with football.
We have the playoffs and thenthe Super Bowl and then he'll be
done with youth and then I'llbe more hands on in school
versus online.
But I did start off online,taking a couple classes for now.

Speaker 1 (11:25):
Okay, and then with all of this that you juggle,
just with kids alone, thenyou're a working mom and in
school and married.
Do you have any hobbies orother interests or like side
hustles?
Are you able to kind of pullthat in as well, or what does

(11:47):
that look like, believe it ornot?

Speaker 3 (11:52):
It's so crazy.
So I've been doing travel agentfor three years, almost four.
Okay, I also do nails, if youneed your nails.

Speaker 1 (12:02):
What I didn't know, that.

Speaker 3 (12:03):
Time to see me.
Yes, girl, and I do creditrepair, but I don't advertise
this much because I do not havethe time right now to do it, but
definitely travel in my nextyear.
I do travel in my nails.
I offer like because I knowlike in my situation I can go to

(12:25):
a nail shop at four or fiveo'clock because I'm at practice.
So I said you know what, let meoffer after hours.

Speaker 1 (12:33):
Oh, that's nice.
I don't want to offer that tome, right?
So, yeah, okay.
So are you that person thatjust strictly operates from like
a calendar and you have to haveevery single little thing in a
calendar, like how do you getthrough the day, how do you get
through the week?

Speaker 3 (12:52):
We have a standard schedule.
I wake up at five am, get thekids ready, drive them to where
they need to be.
I'm at work by 745.
I get off at five o'clock.
I go pick up my daughter first.
My son is at practice or attutoring after school.
He's done at five 50.

(13:14):
On our way to practice he'schanging in the car, going off
the next one off.
There is no calendar, there'snothing.
I just know.
Monday through Thursday, thisis our life.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
Okay, it's become like a ritual, a habit, pretty
much, yeah, okay, and then withthe marriage side of things, are
you able to still carve outtime for like marriage and
personal relationship?
Do you have a personal time ordoes that take the back burner?

Speaker 3 (13:49):
I wouldn't say it takes the back burner, but I was
just blessed to be withsomebody who were on the same
page when it comes to the kidsand there's activities and stuff
.
So he definitely understands.
But we definitely make time foreach other.
Like I will cook dinner for thekids and then we'll go out to
eat, We'll have a little winedown and just talk and enjoy

(14:11):
each other.
We have a lot of fun just meand him.
The marriage side, I mean it'sfun.
I don't think it takes the backburner.
We definitely make time foreach other.

Speaker 1 (14:25):
I feel like it's rare , I don't know.
I feel like I've been talking,like doing a couple of
interviews now, and even whenI'm just talking to my friends,
I usually hear like one of thosethings is going to fall to the
wayside.
I either hear like a lot of myfriends right now the I think
the biggest thing has been a lotof my friends saying they don't

(14:47):
get enough me time Right, soit's oh no, there's no me time,
oh, my me time is.

Speaker 3 (14:53):
My me time is when I'm in the shower, and even then
, for whatever reason, myhusband feels like he could just
talk to me while I'm in theshower.

Speaker 1 (15:03):
Okay.
So do you feel like you needthat, like you're missing that,
or or are you okay?

Speaker 3 (15:10):
Definitely, is definitely needed, is definitely
needed.
So, if anything, what I'll dois like, for instance, I got I
take my grandma to the doctor.
I'll take that day off.
So after I'm done with herit'll just be me Okay, but it's
sitting at the plan of me time,yeah, no.

Speaker 1 (15:26):
Okay, okay.
So usually that's what I hear,and then I love to ask all of my
guests to describe themselvesas a mom.
Now, I know you as a person,but how do you see yourself as a
mom?
What kind of mom are you?
Um?

(15:48):
Oh.

Speaker 3 (15:53):
I think I am a fun but stirring mom.
I think my kids they know whento play with me and when not to
play.
They don't.
They probably do need it.
They don't get weapons, but Igive them a look Okay, and they

(16:13):
know it's not right.
She's not playing with us, nomore Now.
I don't want to be like a verystraight like, don't, don't,
don't, you need to do this, youneed to do that type of mom.
I want my kids to feel like youknow they can come talk to me
about anything without feelingscared, or as if I'm a judge.

(16:34):
I'm like I have those talkswith my son now because, you
know, being a teenage in 2023,it's kind of hard, Right.
It's definitely a lie.
I'm just glad that he he'sactually a really good kid Not
just saying that because he'smine, but he's a really, he
really is a really good kid.

Speaker 1 (16:55):
So how is that now?
What grade is he in right now?
Is he in middle school, highschool, middle school, okay.
And how is that transition?
Do you think the sports hashelped him with that transition?
Because normally I know Istarted out as a middle school
teacher and I will tell anyparent like around that seventh

(17:17):
grade age group, like that'sprobably the most difficult
group to deal with and I thinkthe kids usually struggle
themselves with their identityaround that time.
You see that, friend, even if akid knows right from wrong,

(17:37):
whatever their peers thinksabout them or about a situation
is way more important thananything else.
They know their family lovesthem.
They know that family has acertain set of expectations.
But when it comes to thosepeers and that peer pressure
around seventh grade is when youtend to see all kids struggle.

(18:00):
So how is he able to navigatethat and how do you kind of
guide him through that?

Speaker 3 (18:08):
I say him down and I talk to him and I just let him
know like I get it.
I get it being a teenager, Iget it.
You want to be cool around yourfriends, but if you have to
question yourself whether or notthis is a good idea, then that
means don't do it.
Okay, so far, so good, knockingon some movies, having had any

(18:31):
issues with the friends andpeople that he hang around, so
I'm actually happy.

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Someone mentioned that you know they have
multiples.
It was a mama's like, maybe amama's like three, and she said
she's a different parent witheach one of her kids.
Do you feel like you're adifferent mom with your?
Son.
Oh, okay, so just tell us aboutmy son.

Speaker 3 (19:00):
My son and his friends.
I think I'm the cool mom.
I am the cool mom and they liketo hang around me, they like to
tell me all kinds of crazy stuffthat they wouldn't tell their
parents.
Because I open up to the kids,like you know, you can talk to
me, I can be your space, space.
So my daughter, I'm more gentlebecause she is a girl and it's

(19:24):
different having a daughter in ason, when my son I have to add,
like you know, I'm tough butI'm really soft when it comes to
him.

Speaker 1 (19:31):
Okay, okay, my daughter, she's a princess, so
whatever she says goes, oh, okayand I will say I can definitely
see you as the cool mom.
I don't know if you evenremember, but I think around
middle school is when I met you,around seventh grade.

(19:54):
So my background I went to likea monot, a Montessori
elementary school and we wentall the way up to sixth grade.
So I don't know if you know,but when you're in Montessori
school, as you start to movethrough your elementary grades,
you keep the same teacher andyou stay in the same classroom

(20:18):
for three years.
So after kindergarten, likefirst, second and third grade,
you're with the same teacher, orfirst and second grade you're
with the same teacher, and thenthird, fourth and fifth, no.
So first, second and thirdgrade you're with one teacher
for those three years and thenyou move to upper elementary and

(20:40):
fourth, fifth and sixth gradeyou're with the same teacher.
So I went to Spadey, a verysmall, close knit community, and
then once it was time forseventh grade, you know most
people in seventh grade just gostraight to.
Most people in sixth grade justmove straight to middle school.

(21:05):
But at Spadey they kept youthat extra year and then you
entered middle school in theseventh grade.
So we were pretty sheltered,like just around the same group
of kids three years at a time.
So my first year in middleschool we were at Carver and I

(21:27):
just felt lost, like all of thefriends that I did have.
Either they went to a differentmiddle school or we were
separated and put in differentclasses.
And I remember, you know, atSpadey, when you went to
aftercare like my grandma'shouse was right down the street,

(21:50):
pompey was right across thestreet, those were my options.
Then they put Carver all the wayout west and, like my first
week of school, I'm like, oh mygosh, I don't know like what to
do.
They told me to take the bushome, so I go, I leave the
school and somehow I don't knowif you and I had classes

(22:15):
together, I don't know if wejust got lumped in together, but
somehow I ended up with you andlike a group of friends that
you had already known, becausefor those listeners who don't
know Stacy, she has a largerthan life personality.
It's hard to be shy or quietaround Stacy.

(22:39):
She is going to just pull itout of you.
And I think if it weren't foryou, like that first week of
school and you probably don'teven remember, but like that
first week of school.
If I knew what a panic attackwas or an anxiety attack, I
think I probably had one or twoor five just that first day
trying to figure out where to goand how to get home.

(23:02):
I never caught a bus before soI didn't know when they told me
to catch the bus, like just goto the bus loop.
So I'm following you and yourfriends and you show me how to
catch the city bus and I'm likewhat?
I remember and like to like youand your group of friends like

(23:26):
you.
You guys had this whole routinelike, okay, we're out of school
, we got to run to the storereal quick, buy something,
because they only let a few ofus in the store at a time, and
you were like you, got yourmoney.
Don't worry, I'll get yousomething.
I'm like money for what?
How was I going to catch thebus with no money?
I have no clue.

(23:47):
But like we went to that littlegas station, everybody bought
whatever snacks they wanted tobuy.
Then we ran to the bus stop.
You paid for me to get on thebus and, like we took that palm
trim Seems like the longest rideever until we made it to like
the neighborhood and I'm justlike, oh my gosh, I can't

(24:10):
believe that was my first timeriding the city bus.
And I'm just like, oh my gosh, Ican't believe.
Like I just rode a bus.
I had no clue and like,thankfully I had a cell phone
because I didn't want you know,you don't want to stand out in
middle school, you want to fitin with everyone and at the time

(24:30):
my parents were separated.
So, thankfully, theneighborhood that we got dropped
off in my dad lived in thatneighborhood because I had no
way to get home.
Like I lived on the south sideof Delray and then we got
dropped off out in West Delrayin our neighborhood.
So how was I going?

(24:52):
to get home.
I had no idea, I had no planand I was like you know what?
I don't want to be that personthat stick out like I still want
to be the cool kid, and I don'tknow if you keep in touch with
her or not.
But I ended up walking homewith a girl named Dorothy, and
it just so happens.

(25:13):
Dorothy was my next doorneighbor when my parents were
together.
Dorothy and I were neighbors soI just kind of followed her and
I knew I would find my dad'shouse and I just kind of showed
up on his doorstep Like I don'tknow what happened, but I need
to get home.
Because at the time I livedwith my mom and they're like

(25:35):
well, why didn't you go to theoffice, why didn't you call
somebody?
And I'm like well, Stacy toldme to get on the bus.
So I always remember like shedoes not know a stranger, she
does not know a shy person.
So I can totally see you beingthe fun, cool mom, because when

(25:58):
you are around like you talk toeveryone, it doesn't matter who
they are.
If they need help, if theydon't need help, you're going to
help them anyway.
So I can totally see you.
No problem.
No, thank you, because I don'tknow how I was going to get home
.
But I can totally see how otherkids around that age, that

(26:23):
difficult age I can see how andwhy they would want to come
fighting you and talk to youabout things that they probably
couldn't talk to with anotheradult.
So has there ever been a timewhere maybe one of the kids your

(26:44):
son's friends have likeconfided some things to you and
then you kind of have to walkhim through it, like maybe the
home situations are different,the lifestyles are different and
some things come up.
You understand it, but maybeyour son doesn't.
Has that situation everhappened and, if so, like how do

(27:04):
you handle those situations?

Speaker 3 (27:07):
Yeah, it has, and I try to keep my son out, not like
tell him everything was goingon, but I do talk to him about
certain situations and just lethim know.
Like you know, everybodydoesn't have this.
Everybody doesn't have a twoparent household, so you never

(27:29):
know what that child is goingthrough or why they're acting
out or why they're always introuble.
Just be thankful for what youhave, because these kids they
want it and they need it, butthey don't have it.
So I just try to get him tounderstand like, be grateful.
Don't be, you know, anungrateful child.

(27:49):
Be happy, you don't haveanything to be angry about in
this world.
You got everything that youwant, asked for, you need,
whatever it is.
And he is, surprisingly, he isa male version of me.
He's very bubbly, he's verysocial, he made friends wherever
he goes Not my daughter, that'sanother story.

(28:11):
He is not friendly at all.
We call her Kylie Monster, oh,and he is not friendly at all.

Speaker 1 (28:20):
Well, how do you strike the balance and make sure
your kids are humble?
Because I feel like with ourgeneration, we were probably
that last group that had, likethe single moms, the struggling
households like you kind ofyou're on your own, you know,

(28:40):
you got to fend for yourself bythe time you get to middle
school and figure things out.
And what I'm saying now is ashift.
I feel like with all of ourpeers right now you we have
somehow created a lot morestability for them, even though
we don't have the communitysupport like we used to.

(29:02):
Individually, I feel like I seea lot of wholesome families.
You know, either blendedhousehold or two parent
households that we did not growup with.
So the kids nowadays I feellike they're not as resilient
and they're not as resourcefulas we were growing up, but I

(29:26):
also feel like they don't haveto be like.
They have more support, theyhave more opportunities to be
kids for a longer time.
So, right, we definitely had togrow up fast, right.
So I'm just wondering, like,how do you draw the line to
where you give your kidseverything that they want,

(29:48):
everything that they need?
You kind of spoil them a bit,but make?
How do you draw that line tomake sure they're not becoming
entitled.
You know they have to work forit, okay work for it you have.

Speaker 3 (30:02):
they have chores around the house, like for my
son.
I know he likes to play sports.
My biggest thing is, if youdon't bring home those grades,
you won't be playing any sports.
So he definitely makes surethat he he gets to honor roll.
He has jobs around the housethat he has to do, nothing's

(30:23):
just given.
I may have a time where we goto the store and they ask and
I'm like, yeah, okay, I'll getit.
But then it's other thingswhere he'll ask for some, or my
daughter asked for something,and I'm like, what did you clean
your room?
How many times did I have toactually clean your room?
And I'll just say, no, okay.

Speaker 1 (30:43):
Well, look, if that don't do it, I know I don't know
what else will that'lldefinitely we gotta take what
they like.

Speaker 3 (30:51):
My son, he's a gamer.
I take that position so fast.
Now I have I have their.
Their phone is connected tomine, so if they're not
listening, they're not doing itsupposed to do I'll go right on
my phone now completely locktheir phone.
You can't do anything with it.
Oh, all you can do is talk tome.
Oh, okay, okay, he knows theyknow once this lock they done

(31:15):
did something, water and actstoo many times.

Speaker 1 (31:18):
Okay, and then do they kind of just on their own
go do whatever you asked them todo.
How does that look?

Speaker 3 (31:26):
Absolutely.
You hear the dishes running,the dishwasher running, the
clothes being washed, the floorsgetting swept.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Okay, and do you have an app for that?
Look, I need that for myself.
Is that an?
At what no?

Speaker 3 (31:41):
if you have Um, it's called family sharing Okay, you
just have to connect the phoneto yours, okay, and I control
what they watch, with whatWebsites they can get on, what
videos they listen watching,what music they listen into
Everything.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Okay, so you like big brother, you have eyes
everywhere, basically everywhere.
Well, that's good, okay.
And then my next question.
So we we now have an idea ofwhat kind of mom you are, what
kind of relationship you fosterWith your kids.
I want you to think about yourmost recent shitty mom

(32:23):
experience.

Speaker 3 (32:25):
Man.
I felt so bad, so on Sundays Icalled it my cleanup day, where
I clean up the house and I wash.
Me and my husband's clothes andI just relax and I cook and
watch lifetime, so that mydaughter, she likes to go
outside and play with the bugsand Go look for lizards and all

(32:48):
kind of crazy stuff, and I justwasn't in the mood.
Then my son comes oh, mommy,we're gonna play um tennis
outside.
I'm like no, no, watch TV.
And they were really mad at me.
They were so mad at me and Iwas like, okay, whatever, it's
my day, I'm gonna sit on thiscouch and I'm gonna watch
lifetime.
Even my husband, girl, he wasso mad so I did.

(33:11):
When I felt bad enough, I waslike, all right, I'm gonna get
up.
Come on, let's go.
My husband comes storming inthe house.
No, we're done playing.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
So is that something you would normally do, but just
not on the Sunday?
I?

Speaker 3 (33:28):
Would just not that that day.
I think I was just Exhaustedand I just wanted to relax and I
didn't feel like going outsideand running in the yard, but
then I felt so bad because theywere really angry at me.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
Oh, okay, yeah, and it's things like that I try to
get people To understand and Ifeel like all moms can really
resonate with those times whereyou are just tired and you do
feel guilty like uh, but itsounds like you do a lot already

(34:04):
and you should be able to takethat time To relax and chill and
just kind of decompress.
But it's almost like the guiltit never stops.
If you can't meet that oneExpectation, even if it's
seemingly minor or small, thenyou know that's when that

(34:25):
mindset kind of sets in, like Ifeel so bad, I'm just a shitty
mom.
So I always try to remind mylisteners like that's where the
name comes from.
Sometimes I do worry a littlebit, like we're fairly new and
when I'm pitching the show todifferent people I don't want
them to be deterred from theshow because of the name but at

(34:51):
the same time I need them tounderstand like these are real
moments that we're capturing.
Like all moms, no matter whattheir background is, they've had
a shitty moment, right, they'vehad a moment of mom guilt.
They've had a moment of likedamn, I, I should have handled
that differently.

(35:11):
And this is a safe space wherewe can kind of talk about those
things Judgment-free and just goover different strategies that
work for us, and hopefully someof our listeners can kind of
tune in and Find out like hey, Ihad a similar experience.

(35:31):
I wonder what they did to getthrough it.
So when you have those momentswhere you really can't meet
their expectations, how do youNavigate your way through that?
I?

Speaker 3 (35:47):
Probably go to the store and buy on some ice cream.
Okay, cuz I feel bad.
Really bad and I'll just tellI'm sorry.
I have learned.
You know, when I'm wrong nice,and I was wrong for not wanting
to get up but if somethinghappens and I Am wrong, I do
tell my kids sorry.
Okay, and I just say the mamais never wrong.

(36:10):
Yeah, so I do said I'm sorry,but that's what I do.
I go to my daughter lovesWalmart Okay, take her right to
Walmart, take her on that littleowl.
My son wants some roadblocks.
Look, cash out over here andthey'll be okay.
Then I'll be the best mamaagain.
Okay, but that particularSunday they were upset with me.

(36:30):
Okay, because I did not get upand go outside and I did.
I felt really bad.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
I'm like dang, I'm horrible and and that's
important too so what you'redescribing, because this is a
behavior change podcast as well.
So we try to, as moms, identifylike our shitty habits and then
identify Replacement behaviors.
Right, but without with all ofthat, we are always looking at

(37:02):
at what we call motivation andwhat you're describing is like
in behavior Terminology you knowyour kids reinforcers, you know
the things that really motivatethem.
You can identify the thingsthat they like.
So, usually when that happens,you know you're supposed to Just

(37:25):
use reinforcers to get morebehaviors out of them that you
want to see.
And then, if they're like yousaid, you have the phone and you
start locking stuff.
Usually you're putting abehavior on extinction.
If you ask them to do somethingthey didn't do it Say they're

(37:47):
watching TV instead of Washingthe dishes, like you asked, by
you locking the phone, limitingand taking away their access to
that reinforcer.
Now you're kind of Putting thatbehavior of watching TV on
Extinction so they can engage ina behavior that you want them

(38:07):
to engage in.
But I love the fact that you'resaying you know You've
identified their reinforcers andyou use that to your advantage
when you've had an interactionWith them where you have been
the one to make the mistake.
So I think it's important aswell and Personally I know

(38:30):
that's one of the things Istruggle with.
I know a lot of times when I'mwith my son I Feel like I
overreact and I panic tooquickly with certain things and
that's like my shitty behaviorand I I'm learning to be like oh
, I'm sorry, I was wrong.
Um, so do you apologize andgive the reward, like the thing

(38:55):
that they like, or do you justlike?
Okay, I'm gonna take you to getsome ice cream and that's your
way of apologizing.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
It depends on the situation.
If it is something simple and Iknow like, for instance, if I
Told my daughter to do somethingand she did do it, but I didn't
see her go do it and I'myelling at her and then I did
see that she did do it, I'lljust tell her sorry.
Every sorry doesn't come with areward.

Speaker 1 (39:21):
Okay, look, I can barely get the sorry out.
Okay, got it, but it didn'thappen overnight.

Speaker 3 (39:26):
It didn't happen overnight.
I used to be that overreactingMom, especially when it came to
my son, because for a while hewas the only child, so I was
definitely overreacting when itcame to him.
But as they get older you tendto Give them a little bit more
Breathing room, okay.
So I say so it'll get better.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
Yeah, and I'm definitely.
The more I acknowledge thethings that I can do, better um
I I know personally I'vedefinitely been telling myself
and making Small goals formyself, so that I'm kind of
checking myself and monitoringto make sure I'm not just a
repeat offender, like once.

(40:10):
I identify.
Okay, that was not the best wayto handle it.
I I hold myself accountable tomake sure if something similar
to that happens again, I won'thandle it the same way, because
I'm shaping my own behavior tomake sure.
You know, he's getting olderand I don't want him to

(40:32):
associate me as thisauthoritarian Uh, or
authoritative parent.
That's just discipline,discipline, discipline.
Because he is getting ready togo into that middle school age
and he's gonna need somebody totalk to If something comes up
and I don't want him to beafraid or so afraid, because

(40:55):
I've overreacted so many timesbefore To where now he's
discouraged and doesn't reallyfeel like he can talk to me
without getting into trouble.
So that's my motivation forKind of monitoring myself and
tackling my behavior now Beforehe gets to that middle school

(41:17):
age.
And then you know, that windowof opportunity To communicate
and have that open relationshippasses.
So that's probably my biggestchallenge Right now is just
monitoring my reactions, becauseI do go in panic mode and
that's usually where it comesfrom.
You know, I'm always thinkingabout oh my gosh, what if you

(41:39):
get older um, you know you maynot have so much grace or If
he's not around me and somethinghappens another adult may not
have as much grace with him, oranother child May not have as
much understanding and gracewith him as I would.

(42:00):
So it's almost out of Like theneed to protect him by bringing
to his awareness and bringing tohis attention hey, this is
important.
You can't do this, you can't dothat, and this is why it's not
really me being a disciplinarianand fussing at you.

(42:22):
It's because it's not safe orsomebody may not understand
where you're coming from or youhave to be careful.
So it's usually coming fromthat.
Now that's my biggest challenge.
But what are some of yourbiggest challenges as a mom
right now?

Speaker 3 (42:42):
um dealing with a teenager and just trying to,
just trying to keep him on theright path and not be easily
influenced by um other stuff andkeep him away from the little
girls.

Speaker 1 (42:55):
Oh, and how is that navigating that?

Speaker 3 (43:01):
So he has, you know, these little girls chasing after
him, and so what I did was youknow what?
That's probably what's a badmom moment also.
So what I did was I showed himpictures of all the Okay, you

(43:23):
know, I don't know if it scaredhim straight, but he wasn't
feeling it at all.
So I'm like, oh my gosh, butI'm not ready for that part.

Speaker 1 (43:32):
I'm not right.
Well, look, that's one way toput a behavior on extinction.
Um, and usually.

Speaker 3 (43:41):
Go ahead.
I'm just, I'm just, you know,just trying to stay, of course.
I mean, I'm new to thisteenager stuff.

Speaker 1 (43:49):
And I'm sure it.
I feel like boys have a littlemore pressure.
They do.
You know what?

Speaker 3 (43:56):
I always tell my husband I said I feel bad for
the boys because it's hard.
It's harder for a boy now Morethan ever, like, not only do
they have to deal with the peerpressure and, you know, trying
to be cool and hang out withtheir friends, and they got to
make sure their skin is smoothand they don't have the pimples

(44:18):
for the girls, to make surethey're really well groomed
Outside of everything that'sgoing on in the world.
So I do.
I feel like I do cater more Tohim in that aspect, um, just to
try to keep him on the righttrack, okay, and keep him out of
Situations that doesn't pertainto him.

(44:40):
I do remember he did get introuble one.
One day at school the teachercalled me.
She said he didn't do anythingwrong but because one of his
friends was fighting and he,kind of like, pulled the friend
off and I mean my son, he's abig kid and the little boy hit
his head.

(45:00):
So not only was the friendfighting, you breaking up the
fight, and the boy hit his head.
Now he got to go to thehospital because now he got a
concussion.
Uh-oh, yeah, so, yeah.
So I just try to tell him likeI understand that's your friend,
but that had nothing to do withyou.
Mm-hmm, I get it, you didn'twant your friend to get in
trouble for fighting, but nowlook your friend getting in

(45:23):
trouble.
He probably you know.
I ain't gonna say he got beatup, but he got a concussion
because you was being a Supermanover here, right, and the way
he did it and I think you knowthat middle school age that it's
hard to navigate that as well.

Speaker 1 (45:43):
I can see my son Kind of going through that early and
he's still in elementary andthat's one of the things I tell
him like constantly if yourfriends are doing something like
, be quiet, you don't have tocome to their rescue but I'm
sure being that your son isolder Is almost like he's gonna

(46:05):
be held accountable.
You know the the I couldtotally see at that age a friend
coming back.
Hey man, you didn't try to helpme, or?
Hey, why didn't you you?
didn't have my back right.
So they do have to make achoice and those friendships at
that age are so important tothem.
So I can see how it would bedifficult for him to Not

(46:31):
understand how staying out of itCould have been the best
solution for him, as opposed toHim feeling like it was more
important to help his friend.
I feel like the boys and Icould be biased because I'm a
boy mom right now, but I do feellike the boys have a lot of

(46:51):
pressure from each other.
But then what I'm also seeingwith some of my friends who have
sons, who are getting older,who are getting into dating and
things like that, it's not justgetting a girlfriend, but it's
almost like competing to Keep agirlfriend.

(47:12):
I see a lot of young girls now,you know they are influenced by
different things that they haveaccess to on the internet and
social media platforms, showingthem that a man or a boy, a
boyfriend or whomever issupposed to Provide them with

(47:34):
certain things.
Right, and even the girls arebeing encouraged like, hey, if
he can't pay for this, if hecan't pay for that, then get you
somebody who can.
That's pretty much the themessage that's constantly being
sent to our young girls now andI feel like, as a result, you

(47:55):
see A lot of boys when they getinto that age of dating Now
they're looking to pay forcertain things for a girl right
to give, to buy them certaingifts, to buy certain things, to
take them here, take them there.
Um, I know A few I'm not goingto put anybody out there, but a

(48:18):
few of the, the teenage boysthat I do know of.
They.
They spend a lot of money onthese girlfriends and I'm like I
wasn't spending money like thatuntil, like I was a young adult
, you know, in my mid to latetwenties, not in high school

(48:38):
spending hundreds of dollars onclothes or outfits or gifts and
things like that to go on a dateand you have to get dropped off
by your parents because you'renot old enough to drive.
But, now this is more common andI feel like the boys are under
a lot of pressure right now tobe some type of provider for the

(49:03):
young ladies that they want todate, and these are like high
school students.
But I feel like it kind oftrickles on down because then
you have the middle schoolerslooking up to the high schoolers
and they're kind of mimickingthat same behavior now.
So how do you guide him throughthat?
Or do you kind of let yourhusband take the reins on that

(49:25):
one?

Speaker 3 (49:27):
Yeah, that's his department, because certain
things that he tells him I justdon't want to hear it.
Okay, but if it's a certainconversation that they have and
I will put my two sense scenesbut I let him handle that whole
aspect.
But he'll tell him he'll belike you know, when I was your

(49:48):
age and while I was in school, Idid business and that you know,
don't put all your eggs in onebasket.
You know these dads.
And then he'll make a pointlike look what it got me, I got
your mom so, and he my son.
He sees that he's a true mama'sboy.

(50:08):
So I always tell him, if theyain't like your mama, don't
break them to me.

Speaker 1 (50:15):
Okay, and does he understand?
Like, is he dating now and kindof selective?

Speaker 3 (50:21):
Absolutely not, oh okay, no, he has friends.
He has.
He always come home and tell meabout these little girls.
Oh, mommy, this girl was all upon me.
She was trying to pull my hair.
I said you tell her don't touchyour hair, I'm the only woman
that touches your hair.
Okay, so these girls, thesegirls, they are really

(50:41):
aggressive.

Speaker 1 (50:42):
Yeah, really aggressive, and I'm sure with
him being an athlete, it is onlygoing to get more challenging.
So it's good that you guys arehaving those conversations now
so that way he understands whereboth of you stand on that and
hopefully he can navigate hisway through that as he gets

(51:03):
older.
I think the older he gets, themore aggressive they will become
.
So it's good that you guys havethat open dialogue now.
What strategies do you use whenparenting?
When you come across aparenting challenge, what

(51:23):
strategies do you use right nowthat you feel like are the most
effective?

Speaker 3 (51:32):
To me.
I think the best thing thatI've done when it comes to
parenting and pretty muchgetting my point across and
making them understand is takingaway what they like the most.
Okay.
Versus screaming at them, causeyou can scream all day, it

(51:54):
doesn't affect the kids.
These kids are different.
So what I do, I'll just walkquietly in his room or in my
daughter's room.
I'll take their PlayStation,take their phones or just simply
lock the phones, and then theyhave to ask for permission from
the phones to get to use thephone and I won't unlock it.

(52:18):
Okay, it's locked from eighto'clock am All the way to five
o'clock pm.
Like my son, his phone islocked in school.
There's no text and nobody.
You can call me in an emergency, but you can't text.
You can't browse the internet,you can't do any of that.
My daughter, she doesn't takeher phone to school.
Okay.

(52:39):
So I just take what they love.
If he gets in trouble in school, we're not going to football.
I'm not gonna reward you withthe things that you like to do
if you're acting up Right, viceversa with my daughter.
If she acts up in school orhome, I'm not taking you to
cheer practice.
I know you wanna go to cheerpractice cause your friends are

(53:00):
there and that's a big no.

Speaker 1 (53:04):
Okay, definitely controlling access to their
reinforcers is your primarybehavior management strategy.
And I definitely agree with youthe kids are different from the
way that we grew up, soabsolutely taking those phones,
taking those devices away, youcan just see them almost going

(53:28):
through withdrawals.
I feel like they go throughwithdrawals.
Symptoms like what am Isupposed to do?
Where am?
I supposed to go.

Speaker 3 (53:34):
I'm going to go now, and when I take my son's phone
for his video game, I'm likeread a book.
Like he loves Harry Potter, soI buy him the whole Harry Potter
collection.
Now, don't get me wrong, he'ssmart, as smart he should be.
I mean, he's an IB honorclasses and he'll read through
those books so fast.
And I'm like, okay, now what?

(53:56):
So I'm like, well, go read toyour sister, yeah.

Speaker 1 (54:03):
I can definitely see yeah, I can definitely see how
that'll be motivation for themto like stay on the right track
and just make the right choices,because once those devices are
gone, it's like that's theirwhole world for this group of
kids.
They really, you know, I feellike when we were that age, for

(54:25):
us it was like, oh, you can't gooutside, Like, oh, I got in
trouble.
I can't go outside, right, I'mgonna punish me Right, and that
was like our whole world.
But for them, you know, theirwhole world is at their
fingertips.
So limited access to thosedevices.
The phones, you know they'reiced out and now they're faced

(54:46):
with.
Now you have to be a regularkid.

Speaker 3 (54:50):
A regular kid, you gotta go play with your siblings
, go outside.
I'm like go outside, go hideand seek, Jump in the fence.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 (54:57):
Anything, and that too I just realized recently.
Looking at my son putting himon punishment and I use that
with air quotes I feel like thisisn't even a punishment,
because I'm telling you you cango do something else.
You know, you can go read abook, you can go do a puzzle,

(55:18):
you can go outside.
When I was on punishment as akid- you're right, there was
nothing fun, there were noalternative options for us to
play with something else or dosomething else.
No, you sat in that room andyou probably fell asleep because

(55:39):
you were bored and you hadnothing else to do.
And here we are.
Okay, this is like your ownpunishment, but you can still go
play.
Just play with regular stuff,not electronic devices.
So it's still not even a realpunishment, but to them it's

(55:59):
almost like I always say theyget real creative when you start
snatching the devices in theelectronics.
I start seeing little sciencekits that I bought a couple of
years ago.
Oh, now you wanna do a scienceexperiment.
I bought that like two yearsago.
You left it in the closet,collected dust.

(56:19):
They start cleaning up, theystart going through old toys and
I think the last time we putour son on punishment, we went
to the room and he had his wholelaser tag.
He has a laser tag game wherehe can put on the harness and
him and, like other players, canshoot each other with the

(56:39):
harnesses.
He's got the harness hanging upin the room and he's shooting
it, playing laser tag, and I'mlike, yeah, when I was on
punishment, I couldn't play withtoys either.
So, it's still not like a realpunishment and he just thought
it was the end of the world.
So you know, things are justdifferent and I do feel, like

(57:00):
our generation, we're justadjusting as we go, because it's
not like we can truly referenceour upbringing to help us with
theirs, because it's different.
And then it's yeah.
And then we also can't reallyrely on our parents either,
because it's totally differentfrom them and that's only

(57:23):
looking at two generations andit's completely different.
So it's interesting to hear allof the different strategies
that different parents use,because I feel like right now
we're forced to come up withsomething different.
So that kind of leads me to mynext question, when we talk
about our upbringing, ourparents' upbringing, and then

(57:47):
what we're going through withour kids.
Now I know you said you andyour husband kind of tag team,
but do you have a mommy villagethat provides you with
additional support for your kids?

Speaker 3 (58:00):
No, the only other person like my kids are with is
my grandma.
My grandma is the village.
That's why I put everything inDelrica.
She still lives in Delrica inthe same house.
So if need be, if I need her togo grab them from school or
anything, she's right there.

(58:22):
For instance, my daughter's busstop is down the street.
She feels she needs to get inher car and drive her down the
street.
Oh wow.

Speaker 1 (58:32):
So yeah, and again, just disclaimer for those of you
who don't know Stacy, growingup, stacy's grandma's house was
everybody's grandma's house, soEverybody's house.
If you lived in a neighborhoodyou knew Stacy's grandma and
that was your house too.

(58:52):
She was your grandma too.
So that's awesome.
I could totally see her beingthe village for your kids,
because she was definitely thevillage for us.
I know it was always up.
Who house you?
Going to Stacy house, like,even if you go home, drop your

(59:12):
stuff off.
Whenever we did live, like myparents, when they lived
together in that neighborhoodwith your grandma's house, it
was common like drop your stuffoff at home, get a snack, change
your clothes, go to Stacy'shouse, go to Stacy's grandma's
house, and that was the spot foreverybody.

(59:35):
So I can see her being that.
Support for you now is probablylike second nature, probably
something that's not eventhought of, but your arrangement
almost sounds similar to whatmy husband and I have.
It's pretty much just us.

(59:55):
We have people that we can leanon for, moreso moral support,
friends and stuff like that thatyou talk to, but when it comes
to the day to day, when it comesto needing support and things
like that, it's pretty much justthe two of us, and if we can't
handle it, then it doesn't getdone.

(01:00:17):
So it's interesting to hear thatbecause I feel like most of the
moms that I interviewed.
They have these fantasticvillages where they can call
people to pick their kids upfrom school.
They can call people if theywanna do a date night, they can

(01:00:38):
call people to tag team and taketheir kids to and from practice
, and so it's interesting tofinally come across a mom who's
like no, we just handle it as itcomes and we are the village.
So that's interesting to hear.
So, with everything that youjuggle as a mom still in school,

(01:01:03):
parenting, when you have thosemoments where you're just
overcome with like mom guiltlet's say it's not anything
directly related to an incidentbetween you and your kids but
have you ever had a moment whereyou feel like you are just not

(01:01:26):
meeting the expectations thatyou set for yourself as a mom,
as a wife, as a person, and thenhow do you deal with that?

Speaker 3 (01:01:39):
I actually had that guilt today, actually
surprisingly In me.
I just, you know, I'm a talkerand I just completely shut down.
I shut down mostly, just mute,I don't say anything, and I'm

(01:01:59):
just in my head just trying tofigure out all right, what can I
do, what do I have to do?
And I talk to myself.
Or you know, I'll take a drivein my car and I might, you know,
shed a few tears and then I'mlike all right, you know, your
little G and I, crying is not anoption.
And I talk to myself.
But I mean, I just take it oneday at a time pretty much, and

(01:02:25):
that's what I tell my friendswhen they going through stuff.
You just have to take it oneday at a time.
I don't.
I try not to stress about it,but it's hard, but at the end of
the day I just figure it out.
And my husband hates that.
He hates that about me I'mtalking about.

(01:02:47):
I won't ask him for nothing.
He's like well, what am?
I here for why?
don't you just tell me?
And I'm like, I'm sorry, thisis just how I grew up, like we,
really we literally had to fendfor ourselves and figure it out.
It was nobody to lean on andcall and I gotta do better.

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
I know I gotta do better, but and then do you ever
have those times where you dolet him in like look, this is
what's going on.
This is what I'm strugglingwith.
Have you had thoseopportunities to kind of let him
in To?
At least no okay, and how didthat go?

Speaker 3 (01:03:30):
But it's after three days of not saying anything, oh
wow.
Okay, yeah so today and I'mlike I told her, I'm like I'm
just trying to Remain andmentally stable at this point.
Mm-hmm.
He's like but you got to talk tome and I know I can talk to him
about.
You know everything, because wedo, even if we're just In the

(01:03:51):
bed watching TV.
I will turn the TV off andwe'll have conversations.
Okay but it's just, that's justme in my personality, to where
I'm like.
All right, forget it, I'llfigure it out by myself.
I don't need nobody help.
I'm not asking nobody foranything.

(01:04:12):
Okay, and then?
You'll get mad cuz he's likeYou're crazy like what the heck.

Speaker 1 (01:04:19):
And sometimes sometimes it does take time.
You say you guys have almostbeen married for a year.
Is that what you said?

Speaker 3 (01:04:29):
Yes, in December.

Speaker 1 (01:04:30):
Okay, and sometimes that does Take time.
I feel like I can definitelyidentify with you on that and my
husband and I I'm not sayinglike we're veterans at marriage,
but we've been togetherprobably a total of 12 years now
, maybe even going on 13, andwe're coming up next year on our

(01:04:54):
seventh year anniversary and Ican say, being married, no
matter how long you weretogether, being married is just
different and you do have tolearn how to navigate that space
.
But I think it takes time foryou to learn how to navigate
that space as a team and I cansay we've had to learn how to

(01:05:19):
navigate that space ofcommunication.
I think as a mom, we sometimesget it consumed with our
thoughts and like Making plansright, we want things to go a
certain way, we can envisionthings going a certain way and
then, when they don't, we havethis discourse when is?

(01:05:39):
Like these, the things that arehappening are not a part of my
plan.
I didn't see it going this way.
And no, you can't controleverything.
It's not about being like atype, a Personality where you're
a control freak, but it'salmost like, like you said, okay
, what am I supposed to do?
Right, because it's more soTrying to deal with the

(01:06:04):
unexpected.
And then sometimes, when youhave unexpected outcomes, comes
disappointment, and then, afterall this preparation that you
made and Plans that you've made,it's like, oh man, and do I
give up?
Like, am I supposed to go backto the drawing board?
Because I'm I'm feeling likeI'm out of options.

(01:06:24):
I explored all my options andhere it is.
You're going through all ofthis in your head and going
through all of this Internally,and your husband doesn't even
know.
So you know you, like you said,you were going through this for
a couple of days and, who knows, your mood could have been off
for the last couple of days, andyou know he's just in the dark,

(01:06:48):
kind of like, oh, what's wrongwith her?
Oh well, maybe she's just notin a good mood right now, or,
you know, and it's so much moreThan that, and I will say maybe
for me, within this last year,I've started opening up a little
bit more, because normally Ihandle things the same way you
do, like I'll just figure it out, and I've noticed that it just

(01:07:12):
becomes so heavy After a whilethat I'll say this year I just
started opening up, like, okay,this is my thought process, this
is what I'm thinking and bytime, by the time I'm done,
laying it all out for my husband, taking him from beginning to
end, he's like he'll always tellme I Can't think like that, I

(01:07:35):
would be stressed out, I can'tuse, it's like I would be
depressed and stressed out.
I think you, you're doing toomuch, I think you're worried
about too much stuff, like I'mlike, but this is what I'm
dealing with right now and thisis what I'm struggling with, and
I've been struggling with itfor a while.
So he's always like oh my gosh,that's too much.

(01:08:00):
And what do we need to do?
Like right now, what do youneed to do tomorrow?
Because all of the other stuffthat you just told me, you know
that you got to hit, push thebrakes, you know.
And a lot of times I feel likeas moms, we either tell

(01:08:22):
ourselves that we can't, we gotto figure it out now, because we
don't have the luxury of takingtime.
You know, we always have thingsto do, we always have people to
take care of.
Sometimes taking care ofourselves takes a backseat,
depending on what's going onwith our kids, with finances,

(01:08:45):
with work, and you just don'thave the luxury, it seems, to
really take a breather or To letthings like fall into place.
Sometimes, when people say like, oh, it'll work itself out,
sometimes it seems like I Don'thave that luxury of letting
things just work themselves out,like the clock is ticking.

(01:09:06):
So it's interesting to hearthat you do like the self-talk,
because that is like a commontheme that I'm starting to hear
a lot of self-talk and I have toget this done.
You almost have thatDetermination like you're gonna
force Something to happenbecause you're not giving

(01:09:29):
yourself any other option.
So with that, do you have like,is that something?
That thought process and theway you're handling those
situations now Is that a habitthat you would like to change,
or Is it one of those situationswhere that thought process has
gotten you this far?
So that's something you'regonna keep.

Speaker 3 (01:09:53):
Know I would like to change it, but I know it's not
gonna change overnight.
But I would definitely like tochange the thought process in
Not stress and worry about stuffthat I have no control over and
just open up more and just tellmy husband not day three or

(01:10:16):
maybe day one.

Speaker 1 (01:10:18):
Okay, and that's pretty big.
I mean even that going fromLike telling, so that means
almost like you're telling himin the moment when it happens,
or at least that's the goal.
That's.
That's pretty big too.
So do you have strategies thatyou're using right now to help

(01:10:38):
you get there To that point?

Speaker 3 (01:10:41):
No, absolutely not.
I told you, it just happenedtoday.
Okay, I'll get.
Today was day three and Ifinally just told him because
he's like what is wrong with you?
What is going on?

Speaker 1 (01:10:53):
Okay, well, you took your first step today, I mean
just by opening up and lettinghim know.
So Maybe that might be his cuewhere, if he's seeing something
is a little off, maybe as soonas he notices it, he can ask you
to kind of prompt you to openup.
But at least you were willingto open up on day three.

(01:11:15):
So that is Is to me what I'mhearing.
That sounds like the first stepalready.
And then you already identifiedthat Is something that needs to
change and it's not gonnahappen over overnight.
So you have the three mainthings in place to start working
towards it and then maybe justremaining self-aware so you can

(01:11:41):
kind of tell yourself like, oh,I'm doing it again, oh, I'm
doing it again.
So that way you're kind ofholding yourself Accountable,
because you've alreadyacknowledged that that's
something you would like tochange.
So I know we've talked aboutthe struggles and the challenges
that we encounter withmotherhood, but what have some

(01:12:04):
of your rewards been on thisjourney?

Speaker 3 (01:12:09):
I would say just having amazing kids,
understanding kids, lovable kids, like my kids.
They're very Mushy, I will callthem.
I call my son a big teddy bearbecause he's so loving.
If you ever see him, he'ssmiling from it here.

(01:12:30):
Mm-hmm every single time andjust having some well-rounded
kids and Not have kids that youknow give issues and always into
something mm-hmm, and I reallydo Feel like that's a reward
because I don't have to worrywhen they go places.

(01:12:52):
I don't have to worry aboutpeople telling me oh, I heard
your kids mouth and they've beencursing and they've been doing
this.
I don't have thoseconversations with people.
It's always positive, Okaythat's amazing and that is.

Speaker 1 (01:13:07):
That is a blessing, that is definitely a blessing.
And what are some things thatkeep you motivated to keep doing
and juggling all the thingsthat you juggle day in and day
out?

Speaker 3 (01:13:20):
Just um hearing Different people tell me that
I'm doing a good job raisingthem, and they don't know how I
do it, but I get the job done.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
And that that's definitely what I see, and
that's that's from the outside.
Looking in, that's just fromSocial media, I just feel like,
oh my god, like when I see whatyou do with your kids, it's just
Amazing because it's so muchand it seems like you are there
front and center to capture allof those moments.

Speaker 3 (01:13:55):
So I definitely try.
I definitely try to be.
I know I have my one friends.
They're like oh, we need tohave a girl's mind, I'm like,
okay, but then they'll say, well, when do you have time?
Right, and I'm like we'recatching me out the football
season.
I get a little break in between, do you know?

Speaker 1 (01:14:15):
No, do you?
Because I was gonna say, um, Ifeel like as soon as Football
season is over, I see anotheruniform, another picture, a
different game and and I don'tknow what I was looking at.
You Was it rugby one day?
Or something like that?
I'm like oh yeah maybe he doesthis to stay in shape for

(01:14:36):
football.
I have no clue how you keep up,but I mean, if you love it, I
guess that would be themotivation to you loving what
you see like the growth that yousee in your kids.
I know for me that will beenough to to keep going.
So that leads me to my nextquestion.

(01:15:00):
So how would you describe yourcurrent status when it comes to
Just life in general?
Do you feel like you have thatwork life balance or are you
doing like the struggle andjuggle when you're just handling
things as they come?

Speaker 3 (01:15:19):
I'm definitely doing the struggle and juggle cha cha
slide, because I be all over theplace, all over the place.
But I mean, I don't complain, Ijust I'm so used to it now,
mm-hmm, that Sometimes, when Isit and think, I get kind of sad
because, like I said, this ismy son's last year of youth

(01:15:42):
football and it's like all right.
So Now, what, what am I gonnabe doing?
My, my daughter, doesn't takethat much of my time, it's more
so him.
So it's like I'm gonna have somuch free time I'm not gonna
know what to do.

Speaker 1 (01:16:00):
What do you mean free time?
Isn't he gonna play?
I'm sure he's gonna play forschool.

Speaker 3 (01:16:05):
Right, but that doesn't require me to take him
to practice.

Speaker 1 (01:16:09):
You know, go this place to that place, it's
Everything is gonna be with theschool, oh Lord, so you, you are
gonna be the team mom, you justgonna show up, so you said no,
but we can make it happen.
So you like the hustle andbustle you?

(01:16:32):
It sounds like oh my goodness.

Speaker 3 (01:16:35):
I've been the team mom for his team since most of
these kids was like five yearsold.
Now they're all going to highschool.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay, I'm just Sad because I'mlike our season is almost over
now what.

Speaker 1 (01:16:50):
Oh goodness, please, whatever school he goes to,
please, please, make Stacy theteam mom.
Oh my goodness, I was justbeing sarcastic, but I mean,
look, that's definitely Likewhat you were telling me.
I can honestly say that's whatI see On your social media.

(01:17:12):
You are always there, front andcenter.
I know, you know the coaches ona first-name basis.
I'm like, oh my goodness, isthere ever an Activity or a game
that this girl is not attending?
And the answer is no.

Speaker 3 (01:17:29):
You are right there.
My son asked my mom what areyou gonna do when I go to
college?
I said we're packing up orselling our house and we're
moving Because I'm gonna need tocook for you and wash your
clothes and make sure you sitwaiting.
He's like oh my god.

Speaker 1 (01:17:45):
Oh, my goodness.
Well, have you had thatconversation like in state, out
of state?
Have you said Boundaries or areyou just like, hey, whatever
happens happens.

Speaker 3 (01:17:57):
Yeah, no, we haven't said any boundaries.
Um, I Just tell him.
I asked him like you know, whatschools do you have in mind?
And then I just start lookingfor like apartments and stuff up
there.
Oh my gosh, for me to move,just in case that's where he
goes, because I know and that'smy first baby.
So I'm like, oh my gosh, I trynot even think about it.

(01:18:20):
Yeah as much, but I'm excitedfor him.
I'm excited for both of themand just excited for our family
in general.
That's good because you know,and we're gonna have so much
free time, we're gonna betraveling and stuff.
Actually, he actually we justwent to Mexico for him, I saw,

(01:18:41):
for team USA against team Mexico.
It was a very good experienceand I feel like every child
should experience it at leastonce right, that was amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:18:51):
I saw that too and I'm like oh, something else,
okay, what is this?
I Feel like just by followingyour page, I have learned about
so many other options and somany things that are out there
that I didn't even know about.
It's true, what they say, youdon't know what you don't know.
So Keep doing what you aredoing, because as I follow along

(01:19:15):
, like you, you were teaching mestuff that I didn't know about
either.
So that's just amazing for youto Share those experiences with
other people, and you probablydon't even realize how much
you're exposing to other parents, so maybe they can kind of
follow suit and and do thosethings with their kids as well.

(01:19:39):
So, with that, that brings meto the next question what advice
?
And I rarely get to ask thisquestion, so I'm interested to
hear your response.
What advice do you wish you hadbeen given sooner when it comes
to motherhood?

Speaker 3 (01:20:02):
Oh, um, just being a parent or just in general in
general being a parent.
Have lots of energy, have lotsof patience.
Okay, um Okay.

(01:20:24):
I don't think kids areexpensive.
It's just Once they're involvedwith a lot and you require a
lot from them.
That's when it becomesexpensive.
But just take it one day at atime and Just love when your

(01:20:45):
kids and I.

Speaker 1 (01:20:47):
That's interesting that you say that, because we
only have one and I always tellpeople like kids are way too
expensive to like have multiples.
Shout out to the people whohave more than one kid because I
just feel like I Don't eventhink right now I could put a
dollar amount on what it wouldtake to have another kid.

(01:21:11):
But it's interesting that yousay that when you start getting
them involved then it becomesexpensive, because that's
probably.
That's probably what it is like.
If my son wasn't in so manyDifferent activities, then you
know what.
Maybe I could afford two ofthem and or or three, right?

(01:21:31):
But when it comes to trying,like you said earlier, you have
kids that you want to bewell-rounded Same thing so in
order to do those things, ittakes money to get them exposed.
Two different things.
And it sounds like your son isvery talented, so Usually you

(01:21:54):
would think like, oh, there areother resources, they can do
these things for free because heis so talented.
But that's not always the case,even with scholarships and
things like that.
It's interesting to hear that.
You know it's still expensiveand you have an extremely
talented set of kids, right?

(01:22:16):
So I always like to factor in.
You know, when we're talking todifferent guests on the show, I
I always like to remind peoplethat I'm not trying to Overlook
Expenses.
I think a lot of times whenwe're on social media, if we're
following blogs, other podcastsand things like that, it's

(01:22:39):
almost like the money aspect ofthings Take takes a backseat,
right?
So you get all this advice onwhat to do with your kids and
how to do this with your kidsand how to make your kids more
well-rounded, and it's almostlike the money that it costs to
do those things is anafterthought.

(01:23:00):
And that kind of leaves parentswho can't afford those resources
, kind of leaves them out to dry, you know.
So that means my kid can't getthese experiences because we
simply can't afford it.
So I like the way you pointedthat out, because I don't want

(01:23:20):
people To think we're trying tooversimplify Anything.
All of these differentexperiences, they cost money and
it takes a lot of work as aparent Just to provide those
things.
So that brings us to the end ofour show.
I want to say thank you so muchfor taking the time out of your

(01:23:43):
busy schedule to join us togive us some insight on on
motherhood, your shitty mommoments, your motivation that
keeps you going and keeps youinvolved with your kids.
And before we leave, I want youto tell our listeners how can

(01:24:06):
they get in contact With you.
If they want to get their nailsdone, if they want to set up a
trip, if they just want To seewhat different things you have
going on, how can our listenersreach out to you?

Speaker 3 (01:24:21):
Thank you for having me.
I know I like reschedule ahundred times, but thank you
that is.
But you can follow me onFacebook.
It's diamond the hunter.
See more on my Instagram.
It's xo underscore diamond tofive.

(01:24:42):
My booking website is spaceyhunter dot and tele travel calm.
If you need any trips, andSimply just text me at five, six
, one, three, eight one one, sixeight two for your nail
appointment and I got y'all okay, and I'm gonna give that
information from you again.

Speaker 1 (01:25:02):
I want you to send me a message with that information
and then we will stick it inthe show notes.
So whenever we release theepisode, that information will
just come up for our viewers andfor our listeners.
Okay, okay, all right.
Thank you so much, stacy.
Thank you, have a good one.
Hey, everyone, it's yourfavorite BCB AD here, dr Doloran

(01:25:23):
, and I'm here to ask you tohelp us Continue making great
content for listeners everywhereby visiting www.4 shitty moms
calm, where you can make amonthly contribution.
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at

(01:25:44):
4 shitty moms and that's shittywith a next.