EP 5: Turning Teenagers into Budget Masters: Tips for Raising Financially Empowered Kids

Embark on a journey with Yohanna, our budget and business savvy guest from the golden shores of West Palm Beach. Listen as she unfolds her personal evolution from the world of banking and finance to education. Follow along as Yohanna describes the intertwined challenges of parenting adolescents on the brink of adulthood. This episode peels back the curtain on financial literacy for our young, mapping out the necessity of budgeting and the profound impact that saving can have on their futures. We're not just talking pocket money here; we're getting into the nitty-gritty of helping young teens understand the balancing act between work, car payments, credit card bills, and the invaluable lesson of understanding the true worth of a dollar.

As we wade through the waters of economic reality, we tackle the art of stretching the family wardrobe with the age-old wisdom of hand-me-downs and the entrepreneurial spirit of turning garage sales into lessons in value. Listen as parents discuss the strategies for navigating the ever-shifting landscape of children's growth—both in size and in financial savvy. The tapestry of our lives is woven with threads of family support and resourcefulness, and we share heartwarming tales from the front lines of behavior therapy, where personal fulfillment often trumps professional demands.

Closing the loop on this enlightening exchange, we touch upon the delicate balance between work and personal life, and how our choices in the former can ripple through the latter. YoHanna's story is a testament to the courage in career shifts and the beauty of being present for those moments that truly count. It's an episode that celebrates the victories of shaping young minds to appreciate their possessions, to instill a robust financial foundation, and to ultimately thrive as they step out into the world on their own. Join us for an episode brimming with practical wisdom and the heartfelt experiences of parents just like you, all navigating the vast oceans of raising the next generation.

⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Parenting and the Transition to Adulthood
11:09 - Teaching Financial Responsibility to Children
24:11 -Teaching Money Management to Children
37:56 -Teaching Kids Financial Responsibility
44:32 -Maximizing Clothing Resources Through Family Support
54:10 - Balancing Work and Personal Life
1:05:00 - Issues Faced by a Behavior Therapist

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
Behavioral Alliance, your numberone source for behavior change.
Fidelity Behavioral Alliancecreates behavior change programs
for schools, parents andorganizations looking to reduce
problem behaviors and improveperformance outcomes.

(00:20):
Find out more atwwwfidelitybehavioralalliancecom
.
If you would like to sponsor anepisode of FSM, email us at
shitmomatgmailcom.
That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M atgmailcom.

(00:43):
It's time to put the kids tobed, so y'all get ready for
another episode of For ShittyMoms.
Hello everyone, and welcomeback to another episode of FSM
For Shitty Moms.
This is your behavior changepodcast.

(01:04):
I'm your host, Delora, andtoday I have a special guest
coming from West Palm Beach,Florida.
We have YoHana.
I'm going to let her introduceherself to the audience and then
we'll jump into the interview.

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Alright, my name is YoHana and I am a wife and a
mother of two.
The best thing I can tell youis I love watching movies and
I'm here for you.
Delora, Tell me.

Speaker 1 (01:31):
Okay, awesome.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
Usually I give the interviewquestions out to my interviewees
, like earlier, and give them anopportunity to kind of look
over to see what kind ofquestions we're going to ask.
But I didn't do that todaybecause I wanted to try

(01:53):
something new, to see how theconversation flows a little bit
and where it takes us.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
So she's trying to new on me.

Speaker 1 (02:02):
Challenge accepted.
So yeah, I just want to.
So you've already introducedyourself.
I usually ask our guests tokind of tell me their name,
their age, where you're from,your family size and your
marital status.
So you tell us most of it, butlet's go ahead and go through

(02:25):
your age and your marital status.

Speaker 2 (02:28):
I am 40 years old and I am married, Okay and I've
been married with 20, it's gonnabe 20 years this year.

Speaker 1 (02:36):
Oh, wow, I didn't know that.
20 years, that's huge.
Okay, congratulations.
So you have a lot of experienceto kind of share with us.
I'm glad to hear that, andyou're a mom of two, so we get
that perspective as well, whichI'm interested to hear about,
and I do have a lot of questions.

(02:57):
So tell us about your currentoccupation, tell us what you do
and how has that impacted yourlife as a mom?

Speaker 2 (03:10):
I switched career careers after 13 years of
banking, so now I'm an adminassistant at an elementary
school and the impact that theyhad was I was able to share more
moments with my children,because in banking, even though
it was nine to five, the hoursdidn't feel nine to five, but
this actually feels more nine tofive in the home to enjoy my

(03:33):
children.
But they're not childrenanymore.

Speaker 1 (03:37):
How old are?

Speaker 2 (03:38):
they.
So my oldest is going well.
He's 20.
And my youngest just turned 18.
He's a senior in high school,so he graduates this year.

Speaker 1 (03:50):
Oh, I didn't know, that I don't know, I follow you
on social media and they seem sosmall to me I had no clue.

Speaker 2 (03:57):
Okay, I thought you were going to say like oh,
middle school, high school.
Okay.

Speaker 1 (04:02):
Oh, all right.
So you're about to enter inthat next phase.
Like empty nester, they'regoing to start doing their own
thing and and branching out ontheir own pretty soon.

Speaker 2 (04:13):
So how do I want that ?
But I don't think that that'sgoing to happen with the economy
, that you don't make it quiteaffordable for these young
adults to become young adults.
So I'm pretty sure they'll bepartaking in the each set of my
rooms that I have in my home forquite some time.

Speaker 1 (04:30):
But you know, that's funny that you bring that up,
because I feel like when we werecoming up, that was like the
plan you, you turn 18, you go toschool or you move out, you get
a job and you kind of figure itout on your own.
But I feel like our generationkind of realized like, whoa, you

(04:53):
gotta just throw us out there,like it would have been nice to
have more of a support system or, you know, a little more of a
safety net.
So that's awesome, that youkind of have you talked to them
about it to see what their plansare, or have you just told them
like, hey, no, rush do was bestfor you.

(05:13):
You always have a place to stay.
What does that look like rightnow?
Well, what?

Speaker 2 (05:19):
I told them was.
I let them made the decision byasking them to research an
apartment and I gave them prettymuch how much it would cost for
electricity, water, cable, somelife amenities you know their
personal items and I told themto look at their paycheck and

(05:39):
see if they can afford to liveon their own.
By the time they finished doingthat, they realized we need to
make more money.
And I say, well, at this pointI'm trying to figure out how
were you going to do that if?
Because my kids Well, myyoungest is still in high school
, so he, when he graduate, we'llsee how that looks.
But my oldest is more on theline of oh, how does that look?

(06:02):
What should I do?
What kind of career path?
Because he's been in arestaurant business for some
time, so he's looking at whathis income can do for a
livelihood and we'll see what hecomes up with.
You know he's still fillingthat out.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Oh, that's awesome.
So you put that banker's hat onlike, All right, let's.
Let's look at the budget.

Speaker 2 (06:23):
Yeah, let's look at see how your credit looking.
Let's just do all of that,because I'm at the end of the
day is like if they can affordto live, we're going to be their
safety net for quite some time.
So we don't really have thatthe emptiness stage coming.
We just have more of okay.
Now let's try and teach themhow to be men.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
I like that, I like that.
I feel like when I was aroundthat age I kind of fast track
myself through everything and Ithink at one point my mom was
trying to get me to slow down alittle bit like after I
graduated from college and I'mlike I'm an adult.
I remember like I was workingup there in Gainesville after I

(07:11):
graduated, not immediately after, because it took a while to
like find a job.
So, when I finally found a jobup there, I think I ended up
like substitute teaching as likea.
PE teacher and I'm like this isgreat.
You know, up there they haveall of these small towns, so

(07:33):
you're in the middle of nowherekind of working.
So I think at the time I wasmaking like $11 an hour as a
substitute and I just knew I wasgrown like I got this.

Speaker 2 (07:46):
I'm doing this.

Speaker 1 (07:47):
Right and she kept like okay, I fixed your room.
I think she remodeled like theflooring in my room after I
graduated.
She bought new furniture andI'm like Mom, I'm not staying
here, I'm getting an apartment,I'm doing this, I'm doing that.
And she just kind of like okay,off $11 an hour, like okay.

(08:08):
So I ended up finding a jobdown here teaching and it was
like, oh, you couldn't tell meanything, like let me get this
apartment.
But that was in 2000.
When did I come back?
Like maybe 2011.

(08:30):
So, even then, like theapartment was only 975 for two
bedroom to bathroom, rightEverything was included, except
for I think we had to pay, likethe electricity, everything else
was included.
So you, you really couldn'ttell me anything.

(08:51):
But as the economy started tochange, I'm like, oh, maybe I
should have stayed home, like Icould have saved, you know,
instead of paying bills I couldhave saved some money and done
things a little differently.
So you know that's hindsight.
Now and I just kind of keptmoving forward.
But I was always told likepretty much you, you go to

(09:14):
school, don't come back home,Like that was frowned upon.
And I see now that things haveshifted and now a lot of parents
and a lot of kids are like Okay, I'm going to stay home for
some time, which is a good thing.
I think a lot of other cultureskind of were ahead of the curve

(09:34):
with that and they just, youknow, you have the larger
families who all live up underone roof.
But now I think in our cultureis starting to make a little
more sense and more people arestarting to catch on, so that's
good.

Speaker 2 (09:49):
I wish that we were told to go to community colleges
for the first two years to savemoney and then go and venture
off into a university at somesort, Unless it was a path of
you know where.
That school was just great inthe career path you wanted.
But most, most of all, theschools start off with your

(10:11):
general studies anyway, theysure do.
So I wish that that was more theconversation for our generation
, because you were just speakingof $11 and I'm thinking my
first job, I was making $3 and75 cent an hour.

Speaker 1 (10:27):
Oh as a?

Speaker 2 (10:29):
yeah, I was a Cart attendant at Wendixie.
Okay, so that was $3 and 75cent.
And then I went to Target whereit was $6 and I was like cool,
yes, because I had just camefrom three dollars.
And it was $6, and 25 cents, andthen you won't even believe it.

(10:53):
But I went to banking and theygave me $8.50 and I thought, oh
my gosh, I am rolling in dope.
And I was there for 13 yearsnot realizing wow, this, this
was crap.
You know, for a little bit oftime, with all the work that you
were doing, and my firstapartment was $5.25 a month with

(11:17):
water and cable included, so itwas doable to pay it.
But now when you look at it,you can't even find a shoe to
live in for $5.25, you know it'snot existing.
Yeah, it's really crazy, but atthe same time, I think that it's

(11:37):
pushing this generation to aimhigher.
You know what I'm saying?
You can't live if you don't aimhigher.
So I'm okay with that, exceptfor if you're going to keep
making everything go up with theeconomy and only giving a 3%
raise on the most jobs.
You're just taking what we earn.

Speaker 1 (11:59):
Yeah, absolutely.
So how do you instill that inyour boys?
Like to aim higher.
I feel like I can only speakfrom the perspective of a girl
or a woman right like ready toget out of her mom's house and
kind of just be independent.
But, I don't see that with theboys like my son.

Speaker 2 (12:23):
Unfortunately, it's all you can do is keep showing
them that, well, this is whatI've been doing.
Every like four to five monthsI've been given a new bill
responsibility.
Okay, so you know he has a car,so you pay your car payment and
you are not, you're going toalso pay your car insurance.
So, even though he's under us,he pays his car and his car

(12:46):
insurance.
Okay, and then the crazy partis I told him to buy all of the,
the necessities that we needfor the house.
So he has about a cleaningsupplies.
He has to buy all of the.
You know, if the light bulb goesout, he's responsible for
things of that nature.
So we run out of washing powderor this detergent.

(13:07):
We look at him like, well, youknow.
And so we show him that whenyou don't keep going, it doesn't
just grow out of trees, right,you have to plan for it.
So he's responsible for all themaintenance on his car, but for
right now, those in his cellphone bill, cell phone bill and
anything else that he accrues.
He, I gave him a credit car, orhe got the credit car to build

(13:30):
credit.
Okay, so he's responsible forthat credit bill.
And I tell them if you don'thave the money, then I'm spent
because I'm not getting.
You know, I'm not benefitingfrom your spending, so you're
going to pay your bills.
So we keep giving him andadding on more and more items
that he has to be accountablefor, because bills come every
month and they come fasteningyour thing.

(13:50):
So if we keep giving him thatand we've been contemplating on
whether or not to give him, likea water bill or something of
that nature, that's small, buthe, what he don't know is that
when he pays it it will go intoa savings account.
Okay, because we, yeah, becausewe don't really want the money,

(14:13):
we want to learn theresponsibility of it.

Speaker 1 (14:15):
Right.

Speaker 2 (14:15):
So I was like, how are we going to do this?
And I was like let's open upanother savings account for it
and put it in the side, so thatway, when he does decide to move
out, we want it to give himthat pot of cash and say this is
what the water bill was, youknow, when you paid it every
month.
The car payment and all thatstuff is that's his car, so he
has to pay that.
But things of the house, we canhandle that.

Speaker 1 (14:37):
Right.

Speaker 2 (14:37):
We just want to show him yeah, like they'll do the
water bill do you know, likereally nearly spending.

Speaker 1 (14:45):
So how is that transition?
I feel like I'm trying to teachmy son money management.
You know, little by little.
But right now you give him $5.
He thinks he's like balling outof control and is going right
that you give him 5, 499 isgoing to Robux.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
So well, did that look like no, okay.
So they first got jobs.
I never gave allowances.
We just was too broke to givean allowance.
We did was if you got it, youknow, if we had it and you
earned it by maybe bringing homegood grades, or if you cleaned
up your room without asking we.

(15:26):
When you went to the store andyou picked up something, we took
notice of it and said you wantthat, and then that was
something that they brought home.
That's what we did when theywere younger, because we didn't
want them to get used tosomething coming in their hands
every week because it's theexpectation to clean your room.
I'm not gonna I don't want togive you money to do something
that you're supposed to do,right, um, because at the job

(15:47):
you know accountability iseverything, but they pay you
based on your time there andthey're not going to give you
more money because you did whatyou're supposed to do.
So I just didn't want to createthat atmosphere.
But when they got jobs thefirst, I think, month of
paychecks I didn't even tellthem, I didn't look at it.
Whatever they wanted to do goout, go wild with it, go broke

(16:11):
with it I didn't care.
It was their first job.
They were getting extra moneythat they could do it.
They wanted to do it, it's so.
I didn't touch their firstmonth with the check.
The second month they had toput away if it was $10, $20,
they had to go on the savingsaccount, okay, you know, from
away from their paycheck.
I didn't go high with thembecause they weren't used to

(16:33):
putting money to the side.
I never had to give them money,okay.
So I used to tell them, hey,put 20 in the account.
And they would get mad at me.
Why not?
Because I want you to, you know, put 20 and don't touch it.
And then every paycheck theyjust kept putting.
And then they found out, Idon't need all this money and
let me put, let me just take outthis and put the rest.

(16:55):
And I was like, okay, right.
So, because they realized, well,first they went on a budget and
then they realized thateverything that they and that's
why I did that too, because ifyou went buck, wow, and got
pretty much everything youwanted, by the time you, the
money keeps coming in there'snothing to buy, right, yeah?
So you were realizing, oh, Igot $300 in here, I got $500 in

(17:18):
here and it was $800 in here,I'm not using this money.
They pushed it to the side.
They had bought everything thatthey, they, they heart desired
and then when they wanted to buysomething you got the money for
yeah, it's in my savingsaccount, go, go for it, because
it's your money.
Yeah, but they, but they wouldhave never learned that in the
beginning.
So now my son he had saved up inone year about five to six

(17:44):
grand all on his own.
That's awesome, okay, andthat's how he got his car.
He literally put down somemoney for his car.
He had a little money to godeck it out and I was very proud
of him because I didn't ask himto do that.
But he realized very easily hedidn't have to use all his money
, gotcha.
So the way how I, like I said,the way how I worked, that was

(18:05):
go, wow.
But now you still have to putaway.
Even if they don't want to putaway all of it, they have to put
it away.
And the way how we got myyoungest son to kind of start
thinking in the lives of moneyis my oldest son, carr.
He sold it to my younger son.

(18:27):
Okay, nice, he has to so, buthe still don't own it.
Okay, so technically, bj is thelender, so my son has to pay
him, he has to pay off the car,and he asked him to give him $50
a month.
So he was like, gosh, that'sgonna take me a long time.
I said, well, you free to payit off early, you know.

(18:50):
But he was like, okay, fine, sohe's been paying his brother,
the lender, $50 until he gets to500.
And then what's going to happenis and she was like the car's
going to my name.
I say no, when you, when yourcars lend it and you have a
payment, it belongs to thecompany that owns it until you
pay it off.
I say so when you make yourlast payment, you can then ask

(19:13):
to switch over your title toyour name.
So he was like.
He's like oh my gosh, I gottawait till I say, yes, you do.
I say you is own borrowed time.
I say so anything you do inthis car is a responsibility of
your brother.
And I say so that means thatyou can't just go willy nilly
all around the corner doing whatyou want to do with it.
So I'm teaching them real lifewith us.

(19:34):
And the money is going to hisbrother because he could have
sold it to the dealership for adecent amount of money.
But he was like I'll give it toyou because it was a own car.
So they're doing what they haveto do to own their vehicle.
So that's a little way I've beentrying to manipulate that

(19:56):
situation.
Okay, that's like banking.

Speaker 1 (19:59):
101.
Parenting like banking.
Parenting one on one, that'sawesome.

Speaker 2 (20:07):
So, but no interest.
So he's kind of like not losing, but if he's late, though, it
goes up $5.
Oh, okay, with the payment, hegot to pay $5 extra.

Speaker 1 (20:16):
That's awesome so now you even have your older son
kind of guiding and teaching theyoung girl, and that's awesome.

Speaker 2 (20:24):
Yep, he had his hand out with my money.
And then and I told him, I say,you do the same thing.
Oh, you know, your credit cardcompany does.
They send you a bill.
You've got about 14 days to payit.
I say, give them a littlereminder, first of the month,
don't, don't, don't, don't,forget my 50.

Speaker 1 (20:39):
Okay.
So that from you guys, from,yeah okay, from you guys asking
him like hey, you have.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
Oh, what a toilet.
When it, when the toiletries isnot done and they look at me
and my husband keep a stash.
We never go out, okay, so whenthey?
Look at all my toilet tissue.
What happened?
You didn't, you didn't buy.

Speaker 1 (21:03):
Oh sorry, yeah, so that's on them, oh, so they're
doing the grocery shopping andall that stuff on their own as
well.

Speaker 2 (21:10):
They only do toilet tissue, cleaning supplies, like
I said, light bulbs, they dostuff that pertains to light,
the odds and ends, and theydon't realize you have to buy.
And I'm doing that simplybecause not only just the ad
responsibility, but when you'redoing your budget you need to
put that in there.
Yes, those things exist, youknow.

(21:32):
And so when they sometimes youlike this, this washing pot of
like $11.
I thought, oh, I Say, but yougot to wash your clothes, you go
to work, so go ahead and get it.
And then he was like, should Iget this big one?
I he's not.
He's thinking about it's hismoney too short or long?
He's like, ah, maybe I shouldget this powder.

(21:52):
And I'm like don't begin, done,that's gonna make our skin.
And he's like but it's cheap.
And I was like, well, you getthat for you, but you get us the
all Okay, cuz we got time forthat right, you get what you pay
for it.

Speaker 1 (22:04):
That's another.

Speaker 2 (22:08):
Yeah, if your clothes come out messed up, don't,
don't buy that cheap stuff.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
That's he tried, like couponing or like you know,
trying to shop the sales.
That kind of thing I have nevercoupon.

Speaker 2 (22:23):
Yeah, I feel a little embarrassed to say that I have
never.
No, I'll just walk away.
Yeah, you have to be.

Speaker 1 (22:39):
Aggressive and you have to be consistent once you
get into the world of couponing.
I know I did it when I had tobuy diapers and formulas and you
start to realize okay, I know,is this time of month, this ad
is gonna go, like they're gonnarun this ad, the manufacturers
coupon, like I knew, the Simulacis gonna drop on this date, the

(23:03):
main it's gonna drop on thisdate.
If I do it on like this time ofthe month, then I can double up
the manufacturers and the storecoupon and, like you know, make
your money stretch.

Speaker 2 (23:18):
So once you oh my god .

Speaker 1 (23:19):
No, I mean I had to.
Like you said, I was on aTeacher salary and I always say,
like a new teacher salary,teachers today Get way more than
like what we were making when Ifirst started, and that was
maybe like ten years ago, Ithink, when I started, before
it's like 28, 30.
Yeah, it was pretty low.

(23:40):
So I would like coupon, becausea Little container of Simulac
that was like 30 bucks but it'llonly last you for like a week.
So I would do like Breastfeedingand then I would do the formula
to kind of make it stretchright, because the formula was a

(24:00):
little more convenient thanbreastfeeding around the clock,
and I never, got to the pointlike shout out to those moms who
have that like Extra stash ofbreast milk in the freezer.
I never got to that point, soit was always like.
Counting drops of breast milkand like, okay, we got one.
I think I had like one or twopouches and was like yes, like I

(24:24):
can freeze these two pouches,like that's gonna be going
pretty soon.
So once that's how I kind ofgot introduced to Um couponing
and, believe it or not, myhotspot was target between like
the five percent, I used to beokay, that's like my taxes.
But then starting to double upthose manufacturers coupons

(24:46):
between target and public, so Iknow everybody's like, ah, stay
away.
But if you have your couponsPlus, like the store Sales and
the store ads, you can make yourdollar stretch.
So that's what.
I started with my son over thesummer, because he was home a
lot this summer and I'm like,look, you know, I'm not gonna

(25:07):
sit up here looking at youeating up all the snacks, like
you know they don't they don'thave.
They don't use their schoolstomach when they're home on
vacation.
So I'm like that's true.
I just went to the grocerystore and the snacks are gone
already, so I started giving him$40.
You got $40 for snacks for thenext two weeks After that, after

(25:31):
those snacks are gone like you,I'm not giving you a bottle of
water if you use everythingBefore these two weeks are done.
And I put him on a two-weekSchedule because that's when I
got paid, so I would treat itlike his payday, like hey,
people get paid every two weeks.

(25:52):
So this is what you get from mefor your groceries.
Here's the sale add.
And I would make him circlelike what he wanted.
And then we just startedreading the signs in the store.
Look, if you know, when it says50% off, that means you pay
half the price.
When it says bogo, that meansyou can get two for the price of

(26:13):
one.
So what are you gonna get, andsometimes, if he really wanted a
certain snack, okay fine, butwhen the money is gone, like
it's gone, so I think ithappened like a bag of talkies.
Like talkies are expense chipsare like ridiculous.
Now the price of chips.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 (26:33):
Yeah, but he loves those talkies.
So I think he bought one bag oftalkies and it was like oh, I
don't have any money, yeah, andyou're hungry, right?

Speaker 2 (26:43):
I Don't know what to tell you like you he's like mom,
it's nothing to eat.

Speaker 1 (26:50):
We got to go to the store.
With what money?
Like it hasn't been two weeksyet, you're $40 are gone.

Speaker 2 (26:58):
So then, it was like oh, so then he started.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
Well, maybe I should get a bag of chips instead of
the individual chips.

Speaker 2 (27:05):
Maybe I should get this.

Speaker 1 (27:07):
So he's.
I've been trying to show himthat way because he's like a
little snack monster and justwant to eat up everything.
Okay, Well here's your budgetand when the money is gone is
gone.
So he started like, oh, I got afew dollars, I have seven.
One week it was like mom, wehave to go to the store is no
more snacks, but I have sevendollars left.

(27:27):
I'm like, okay, I didn't evenbother telling him about taxes,
like he's not ready for thatpart yet.
So I'm like look if you haveseven dollars, it's gonna go
fast right?

Speaker 2 (27:40):
Well, choose wisely.

Speaker 1 (27:44):
I totally understand, yeah, so it's like I'm just
trying to figure out differentways to show him, but I feel
like I'm not that confident inmoney management myself, so it's
almost like I'm learning it andthen I'm trying to teach him as
we go, because my grandma usedto teach me about Managing money

(28:06):
and pretty much that managementstyle was like whatever you get
, you put half of it away.
So really if you get a hundreddollars, you don't even have a
hundred dollars, you have fiftydollars and I did that a lot.
But now with juggling likehousehold expenses, I recently I
always bought used cars andjust paid for them like

(28:29):
straightforward.
This is my first time having acar payment and I'm like this is
too much pressure, like I Don'tlike it.
Yeah, so disrespectful.
They just take the money likeas soon as I get paid, like I
see that anymore Processing likeoh, this is just so rude, you

(28:52):
don't even let the paycheck likeSydney account.

Speaker 2 (28:55):
Yeah, they just, you know they're deducting right
away.

Speaker 1 (28:58):
So I Said this year my goal was to just Really see
where I am financially.
That's the first step, becauseeverything else is just
overwhelming.
So see where I am financiallyand Set some goals for myself.
That was the first part.
But as I'm learning it, I don'twant my son to start learning

(29:22):
this at my age.
So now I'm like alright, we'regonna practice Right now with
you While you're young, so wecan just develop some good
habits.
So yeah 30 plus years old,trying to figure it out, like I
am, you've just alreadydeveloped good, good habits
already, but he's veryheadstrong and he's young, but

(29:48):
he's very headstrong, so puttingaway 50%.
He is looking at me like, look,I wanted these robux.
Like you dip into my robuxmoney, like he's not with it.
So I'm like, okay, well, howmuch?
Now it's like well, how much Doyou want to put away?

(30:09):
So I've been kind of consistentwith that.
I'll let you pick the number.
Like, if you get your allowance, he gets $10 for cleaning out
the car.
He gets that's from me.
He gets $10 from cleaning outthe car my car because he
usually is the one to mess it up.
So he has to clean the carevery week and he'll make $10.

(30:32):
Dad is the trash.
So if he takes trash out thetwo days of the week and puts it
back in the in the backyard, hegets another $10.
So he's already like oh, thatby the end of the year that's
like a thousand dollars.
Yeah, it is, but you have to doit like you have to do it.

(30:52):
So now he's down to likeconsistently getting about $10,
because if we have to remind you, you're not getting it.
If we have to help you, you'renot getting it.
If it becomes a battle to getyou to do what you're supposed
to do Not happening, you eitherdo it and get the money or you
don't.
Um so now, whenever he getsmoney, I just ask how much are

(31:15):
you putting away so that way hecan?
Get used to like.
No, you are not getting.
Yeah, you're not getting $10straight away Is probably like
eight dollars or seven dollars,and then you got to work with
that.
So, and he does have a littleSavings account, that the money
just kind of goes in that and Idon't even want him thinking

(31:37):
about it.
Don't even think about it.
That money is not there.
You know, you'll use it when youneed it, but right now he
doesn't need it.
So that's kind of where we'reat with the money and the
budgeting.
But I like the way you havethem taking care of little
things around the house thatthey need, because I feel like
with boys they're a littleabsent-minded a little bit.

(31:59):
So I feel like washing clothes.
I can tell my son to washclothes and he will use like a
whole Half a bottle of likedetergent Trying to wash one
load of clothes.
So I'm wondering do your kidslike pay attention and are they
a little more conservative withthose things around the house

(32:19):
because they have to pay for it,or crazy parties, is that Okay?

Speaker 2 (32:27):
so my oldest son, his uniforms he has like five
uniforms, uh-huh.
So he can kind of like wing ita little bit, you know, and
clean at the end of the week.
But my younger son uniform,they only gave him one shirt,
one shirt, um.
And so I was like buy a new one.
And he was like I've asked himfor a new shirt.

(32:48):
So he literally works four daysout of the week and he has to
wash his clothes.
If you don't wash it, he worksat Buds, and Buds, their fast
food food, is.
The smell is horrific.
So when he comes home I wouldlike to the wash machine.
If it's not the, but if it'snot the wash machine, I have

(33:10):
taught them how to hand wash it.
I showed them how a little bitof soap go a long way, go a long
way too.
But he'd be so tired after noon.
So I don't want to say he'sconservative.
I think that he just at thatpoint he just has to do a full
load.
So he does what he has to do todo a full load.
My kids have been doing theirown laundry since, I would say,

(33:31):
sixth grade.

Speaker 1 (33:32):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
Okay, yeah, because my thing was is they were boys
and I was like I didn't know howto wash our clothes.
I had them separate, they closeand then I would put them in
the washing machine.
Then they learned very quicklythat they didn't want to wash
their clothes together becausethey socks got mixed up.
So I ended up they had torotate the washing machine.

(33:54):
So I don't think that they Ithink they are conservative only
because they realized a littlebit go a lot of ways and then
they don't even use like a fulllaundry, like they'll say, oh,
this is a small stash, sothey'll put it on short wash or
a small wash.
So they're very keen on that.
The only thing I dropped theball with was cooking.

(34:14):
I don't I haven't taught themreally how to cook for
themselves.
They can do some things.

Speaker 1 (34:20):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (34:22):
Like they're.
I'm good at breakfast.
I hate dinner food.
My husband's good at dinnerfood and they kind of cling to
both.
So they know how to cook somestuff for breakfast and they
know how to cook some stuff fordinner.
But if I tell them, put thatchicken in the oven, do the rice
, they're gonna give me likewhat?
No, that ain't happening.
If anything, if I say that myson is gonna put chicken in the

(34:45):
oven, it's not gonna be seasoned, and he's gonna go buy rice and
he's gonna go buy vegetablesand say this is what we have it,
and I'm like, okay, no, noproblem.

Speaker 1 (34:57):
But it sounds like you did a lot, though, with
teaching.

Speaker 2 (35:02):
I did.
I did because I had boys.
If it was girls I think I wouldbe even more aggressive.
But with boys they're going toeventually have wives and I
didn't want their wives to belike peace, I don't know.
Should we say profanity?
Sure you know, peace of shitmen.

(35:27):
What a geranium.
I didn't want them to do thatto my boys.

Speaker 1 (35:30):
You know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (35:31):
So I was like, oh my God, so I just wanted them to
know how to do certain things.
And I told them to y'all gonnahave to live by yourself for a
little bit.
So I wanted them to know how toclean blinds and make sure they
knew how to make a bed and justbe clean men.
So I did a lot when they wereyounger.
I did, I just did a lot to makesure that they were

(35:56):
self-sufficient.
I didn't have girls, so I hadto find something for them to do
and my husband would dowhatever he needed to do for
them.
And that's just what it was.
I just didn't.
It wasn't no bias, it was justlike y'all, my kids, y'all
learning.
Come on, let's do it.

Speaker 1 (36:15):
That's fair.
Now, do you think because youshifted careers that allowed you
to be more hands on, do youthink if you would have
continued like the bankingcareer path, you still would
have been able to do as much asyou've done with them?

Speaker 2 (36:34):
I would say no, because mentally I was drained
when I got home.

Speaker 1 (36:38):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (36:39):
I was mentally drained and when I looked around
the house if I would seesomething out of order, I was so
frustrated at even thinkingabout doing laundry.
I was frustrated at eventhinking about cleaning because
before my tail end of it I wasworking in Boca and I had to be

(37:03):
there by even though the bankopened at nine.
Their drive-thru opened ateight, so I would have to leave
my home.
I never got them dressed in themorning.
My husband had to take on thoseresponsibilities.
I would kiss them and they werestill sleeping.
Because if I didn't get out ofthe house by 6.30 to get there
by 7.30 to at least havebreakfast, and just because I

(37:27):
had to get gas, I would be on aroll for about a good 45 minutes
because of traffic.
So they were still sleeping inelementary and then I was like
man, my baby's in there and thatwas dark outside and then I got
home because drive-thru closedat five I didn't get home to, I
didn't leave out of there to5.30.

(37:48):
So I didn't get home to 6.30.

Speaker 1 (37:50):
Even though I was working an eight hour shift,
yeah, I just.

Speaker 2 (37:56):
And then we used to sit at.
One thing we tried to fosterwas sitting at the dining room
table and telling each otherabout our days.
And what caused me to make theshift was one day I was like,
yeah, this is what happened atwork and I was going from here
to Abercoury with the problemsand my kids I'll never forget it
.
They took their fork and theyslammed it.

(38:19):
Not slammed it, but you knowhow you just drop your fork and
you hear it clink on the plate.
And they was like mommy again.
And I looked at them and I waslike what?
And they were like you, neverhappy to come home from work, oh
, oh no.
And it was like one of thoseeye-opener moments and I just

(38:40):
said I got to make a change.
And then when I did that, I hadto find a job on the same
caliber of what I was on, withbenefits and this and that, and
I didn't go college.
So I knew that when I left thebank I was going to be starting
from the bottom.

Speaker 1 (38:56):
OK.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
So it was a very hard decision and I think that
because of that, that's why Ibecame so money conscious with
them, because my income dropped$26,000.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2 (39:13):
Oh gosh, so it was not a little bit of my.
It was the equivalent to $900 amonth.
Oh wow that I lost.
Ok.
So I sat my kids down.
I went to my husband.
We made a decision.
We knew he was consciouslygoing into that direction.
So when we sat down I was likeI may not be able to do

(39:35):
everything If I say no, pleasedon't be mad at mommy for saying
no.
Just know that if I can't, Ican and if I can give me time to
make it happen Between myhusband and I income, give us
time.
And my kids at a very young agewere like OK, mommy.

(39:58):
So they didn't get 80 millionpairs of shoes.
They always told them pick outtwo pairs of shoes.
But then I told them hey, pickout a white pair and a black
pair, it goes with everything.
But then at the end of the daythey wanted all the colors.
But my kids never complained.
They picked out a white shoe,they picked out a black shoe.
If they picked out a color shoe, I say you win it with

(40:20):
everything you got, I don't care.
And they were like all right,mom, we won it, we won it.
And then they were boys growingwith bigger feet.
So they were very conscious of Isay OK, for school clothes
y'all have.
One time we had 250 a piece andthen one time they had 500 a
piece.
If I got a bonus or my businessstarted to pick up a little bit

(40:46):
, I would say OK, y'all got 600a piece.
The blessing part was my momalways rotated who she bought.
Well, my mom and dad, theyrotated which grandchild they
bought that year.
So one year it was mine and Iwas like, hallelujah, it's my
year OK.
And they were like yeah, it waslike a blessing.
And they was like, well, whatdo y'all want?

(41:07):
And they were like shoes, shoes, we want shoes.
And I was like, and I was likethey want shoes.
So I was responsible foruniforms and school supplies.
But then when my mom and dadbought the shoes, they was like
they, shoes cost this much.
No, no, it's not that much.
I promise you, just keep doingit, keep buying.
But then they went, but whenthey that's why, when they first

(41:28):
paycheck came, I let them payand do whatever they wanted,
because they were on a limitedbudget and they were awesome at
it, so, but they were we wouldtell them you have 300.
I mean, they would go into thestore and they would see pants
for $60.
I'm like 240.
Yeah, like, is that what youreally want, right?

(41:50):
And I used to tell them go tothe clearance rack.
Them same pants that look justsimilar to that might work.
And they used to be likeclearance rack.
I was like let me direct you tothis rack.
And they used to look so bad.
They used to look rummagedthrough, yeah, but they used to
be like OK.
And then the one thing I didlove about them was my older son
.
He was a senior.

(42:11):
I don't know if he could.
He was a senior in high schooland they all had.
They both had the same amountof money.
But once he spent all that hewanted to, he gave the rest to
his brother.
Oh, wow, and he said you can,yeah, he was like you can use
the rest of my money.
And it was like close to like$150, like from the 400 or
something that we gave him.
And he was like let's go, mygoodness, let's go.

(42:35):
We got $150 on the outside.
So that was that.
That was like that's so sweet.
Ok, yeah, it was.
But when he was like it was sofunny because he would be like
what am I going to get?
What am I going to get?
Y'all buy my book there, right.
And I'm like, yes, we buy thebook there.
And he was like, ok, ok, ok.
And it was so exciting becausehe knew, ok, I know it's not a

(42:56):
lot, but I know I can get atleast two more shirts or four
more shirts.
And I was like, ok.
So they were money consciousfrom a very young age because
they had to be Right, and now Ithink that, because of how they
are with their money now theybought everything that they want
and then, when they really andtruly want something, they save

(43:19):
up for it.
They don't even ask us for it,they save up for it and then
they do it.
We still take care of myyoungest son Haircuts.
We take care of his.
We still take care of hisclothing too.
I told them I say, even thoughyou're 18, legally people don't
know this, but legally why?
Kids are still in high school.

(43:39):
They're 18, don't mean anything.
They're still legally children.
So I always tell them you mayhave turned 18, but, baby, I'm
still responsible for you.
Now, if he was a drop out ofhigh school and never go back, I
am not legally obligated to him.

Speaker 1 (43:59):
Then he's officially an adult.

Speaker 2 (44:01):
He's officially an adult, but until then I tell him
all the time, I'm responsiblefor you.
So yes, I'm gonna still helpyou make some decisions.
And then, when I think backabout it, they're so young
minded.
They're nothing like how I waswhen I was 18.

Speaker 1 (44:14):
Yeah, I agree.

Speaker 2 (44:17):
So it's like yeah, baby, you still ain't got.
No, how do you?
My mom used to say you ain'tgot a pot to piss in or a window
to throw it out of, so just goahead and sit down and relax and
let me show you what canpossibly be done.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
That's amazing.
I feel like my family has comethrough.
I can't tell you the last timeI bought clothes my son.
He's younger than most of hiscousins.
He's probably like the secondor third youngest, so we have
been so blessed.
He has a cousin like.

(44:53):
All of his cousins are veryfashion forward and we have been
so blessed, like they will giveus, like oh, my son can't wear
these clothes.
Or like oh, he had a growthspurt when I say we have had
bags and bags and bags ofclothes, just like here, come

(45:14):
pick it up, come get it.
It was to the point where wehaven't.
I don't think my husband and Ihave really gone shopping for my
son in the last two, threeyears, like for clothes Wow, his
entire wardrobe from family and, like some of the like, the
clothes are really nice.

(45:34):
Like I said, they're veryfashion forward.
So I don't even know what thelatest styles are because we
just have a closet full ofclothes.

Speaker 2 (45:45):
Wow, that's a blessing.

Speaker 1 (45:47):
Yeah, a lot of the stuff still had tags on it, so
clothing has never really beenan issue, and that afforded me
the opportunity, like as I wasmaking the transition from one
career to the next, it affordedme the opportunity to kind of
take advantage of the sales anddouble up on, like the school

(46:07):
uniforms, so even our schooluniforms.
I always buy like the biggersizes and just make him wear it
until you know he can and I getwhat I do, instead of the black
and white shoes.
My son likes color Like thatjust fits his personality, so I

(46:28):
started buying shoes with atleast three to four colors in
each sneaker.
So now you can wear whatever,because more than likely that
color is gonna be in whateveryou're wearing.
So I've been doing that forlike the last, maybe like the
last three years and I'll saythis year was my first year

(46:51):
having to go back out to buylike uniform shirts, because we
just had so many uniform shirtsthat we just kind of wore from.
I just got rid of the last setof uniform shirts from like
preschool because in preschoolthey once they hit VPK they had
to wear red, so I just kind ofloaded up on red and that's his

(47:13):
favorite color and then we kindof switched out from there.
So you know, you just getresourceful when you have to,
right.
And now I'll say, because wehaven't had to worry about
shopping and clothes, even someof the clothes he can't even fit
right now, so we still havebrand new clothes for him

(47:34):
because he's not big enough,he's not tall enough to wear
them.
So we really only had to worryabout the uniforms, and I think
I bought so many colors and somany sizes.
We're not gonna have to worryabout that for another couple of
years.
He'll just keep wearing them.
He'll keep wearing what he hasuntil he outgrows it.
And really we've just beenbuying shoes because you know,

(47:59):
kids, they grow so fast.
The shoes you know from point Ato B.
You know, one day you look uphe's a size six.
The next day up he's a six anda half too small.

Speaker 2 (48:13):
You gotta get rid of those.

Speaker 1 (48:14):
So we've really only had to buy like shoes, tank tops
and underwear for him.
Everything else has been givento us.
So that's been like a hugeblessing.
Because I can't imagine likesometimes I'll hear my friends
talking about taking their kidsshopping and I'm like, wow, we
don't, we really don't goshopping for clothes.
Like I wouldn't even reallyknow where to start.

(48:37):
Most of my shopping that I dofor myself.
I'll do something off of Amazonand I'm good to go.
I'll pick out like a workuniform I say that loosely
because I kind of make up my ownuniform for work but once
something works, all right, I'llget a couple of colors with
these tops, a couple of colorswith these bottoms and I don't

(48:59):
have to think about what I'mwearing and it's kind of the
same thing for him.
So I'm just kind of wondering,with him getting older, how that
is gonna change.
Like are the peers gonna startto influence what he's wearing
or what he's wearing?

Speaker 2 (49:14):
No, he's just gonna grow so big that they're not
gonna be able to fit them.
Oh, bj and Aaron yep, bj andAaron for a long time was polar
opposites.
Like I knew, I could pass BJclothes to Aaron.
Eventually they start wearingthe same size, okay, and that
was when it got.
Oh, oh, okay.
Oh, lord, lord, life just hitme and it was like and so what I

(49:35):
end up doing was garage sales.
So I would take their clothesthat they couldn't fit, and when
we had the garage sales at mymom's house you know, whatever
clothes of theirs that sold thatmoney went to them.
Oh, nice, okay, yeah.
So we didn't give it away andgo down to a nephew or whatever.
We all talk to them, somebodyelse can use this.

(49:57):
So I didn't take their ugly,nasty clothes out there.
I took fresh, nice clothes outthere and they would sell their
uniform shirts for like $2 apiece.
They would sell their pants forlike $5 a piece.
Even their shoes, we would sellthem for $10 a piece and

(50:18):
eventually that's what they waslike okay, we ain't getting rid
of this.
So I used to have bags and bagsin my closet not my closet but
their closet or in the garage,and I used to twist them up, and
I used to be like, okay, thegarage sale is happening over
the summer.
Whatever clothes don't fit, putthem in here.
And that's what we did, becausewhen they got to the same size
like the crazy part is is BJ islike a nine and a half shoe and

(50:41):
Aaron is a 10 and a half.
Okay, so I couldn't pass shoesto them anymore.
Right, it was like he put hisfoot in there and he was like
man, it's hurt.
It's hurt.
I'm like, oh my God, like whendid you do that?
And then, so you know, it waslike man.
And then Aaron is like tall,he's like six feet.
So none of the clothes that BJhad.

(51:03):
He started growing in ninth,like ninth grade.
He went taller than BJ.
People started thinking he wasthe older brother.
Instead of BJ was the olderbrother.
So it was.
You lose that, so you only haveone.
But what's going to happen withhim is that the clothes that
you thought that you was holdingto decide that he could fit,
when he could actually put thaton, cause you think, oh, you're

(51:23):
moving on to the next size, itwas already gone.
You missed the boat, yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:30):
I keep trying to wait for that to like happen.
So I'm like well, just try iton, let's see if it fits.
Yet Just try it, cause thathappened with a pair of like
brand new shoes.
He never got to wear them, hisfeet were too big.
And I'm like, oh, okay.

Speaker 2 (51:45):
Yeah, you know, when I did a closet clean out, I did
a closet clean out right atChristmas break.
I did a closet clean out.
I did one at spring break, dida closet clean out, and then I
did one right before schoolended in May.
I did a closet clean out andthen I would start saving up

(52:05):
then for money for schoolclothes in May, april, may time,
so when the summertime hit, butI didn't even buy his clothes
for school until July, right,cause they was still growing in
June.
So it was like I couldn't evenbuy shoes, I couldn't do
anything, so the money just hadto be there.
But we did a garage sale inJuly, I mean in June, so all

(52:25):
those calls that I see now thatcan fit.
We sold those that went intothe bucket and but I had to do
three clean outs for them peryear just to make sure that I
was on point.
And then it was like I wouldlook at a closet and buy oh, we
need to go shopping.
Okay, it's time that I get some.

Speaker 1 (52:42):
You know, I couldn't help it, you know that's
interesting that you how longago was this Like?
Are you still doing that nowthat they're working?
Or how how long ago?
It's trouble they don't do itnow, that's their business.
Oh, okay, how long ago was it?
Because I feel like what you'redescribing that could help so

(53:03):
many parents right now, likewith everything going up.

Speaker 2 (53:08):
I did it the whole whole elementary, middle and
high.
I never stopped.

Speaker 1 (53:14):
Okay, that's awesome Because that is, I mean,
somebody listening to the show.
They could start that right nowIf they have a closet full of
stuff.
You can start it right nowstart saving, start tagging,
start organizing and separatingand then go ahead and do that
yard sale, because right now,look, the price of everything is

(53:37):
going up Salaries- are slowlytrailing behind and not quite
catching up.
So you have to be resourceful.
So that's amazing thatsomething that you were doing
years ago is relevant to rightnow.
What some people probably needto do right now, Cause typically

(53:58):
I've been calling like thebreast cancer foundation, or
I'll call the Vietnam veterans,and my son he has really nice
clothes.
The way that I'm able to keephis clothes for so long is.
I'm very particular about howwe wash the clothes.

Speaker 2 (54:20):
We don't always dry the clothes in the dryer, Like
you know a certain things thatyou can do to make them last
longer.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
So I feel like certain shirts from like certain
stores, I know which brands I'mgonna get, so they'll last
longer, and which ones you knowI'm not gonna buy cause they
fade or they tear, they rip, youknow.
So I feel like whenever I'mgoing through that, I just kind

(54:50):
of call and I'll donate becauseI'm like, hey, if somebody's
going to like a Goodwill or athrift store, they're gonna get
some.
When they open this bag ofclothes, like they're gonna get
some pretty nice things.
If we donate uniforms and stufflike that to the school, I go
ahead and I starch and iron andpress them up at home.

(55:12):
So that way, whoever- getsthose clothes from the school.
They're getting something nice.
They're not getting somethingfaded and worn out and worn down
.
Whatever kid gets those clothesfrom us, they're gonna be able
to wear those clothes and feelgood about what they have on and
not feel like, oh, I'm gettinghand me downs, you know they're

(55:34):
not getting anything that looksworn, it looks pretty nice, and
that's what I've been trying toinstill in him, like take care
of your stuff, because whenyou're done with it, we can give
it to somebody else, and theycan use it as well.
So that's how we manage here.
But I love that.
You're like having them takewhat they buy and then flip it

(55:56):
and then use that profit to goahead.
And if you wanna go shop, ifyou wanna go buy something, if
you wanna stick it in savings,like that's your choice.
I love that.

Speaker 2 (56:06):
Well, when I found out that Goodwill made so much
money from getting clothes forfree, I was like wait a minute,
they're getting it for free andthey're selling it and I know it
was at a discount or bargainprice, yeah.
But I was like there's so manypeople that right around that we
can use that money for us.
You know, love Goodwill, I go inthere all the time, especially

(56:31):
when they had them the red dotsales baby, I'll be on it, but,
um, for the most part, it waslike Let me, let me think about
this a little bit more.
So I started thinking aboutthis a long time ago and we
started a family garage saleYearly and we always do it and
I've never regretted it.
I've never regretted it.
I've always felt like you knowwhat, we put our heart, or they

(56:54):
get it at a deal, yeah, still,whatever you know, because you
can't go in the store and buy noshirt for $2.
So and I know it's not New butat the same time it was better
than most.
So, yeah, it was $2.
Like, you can use that when youwant to just plan a mud, I

(57:14):
don't care.
Yeah, um, now it's just $2instead of you going into the
store.
But my kids, I realizedEverything had a value, no
matter what it was, even if you,even if it was a bad shirt and
you didn't want it anymore, youcould rip that shirt up and use
it as a rag.
Everything has it has somethingit can be used for.

(57:35):
So I always kept that.
I've never seen them throw awaystuff and they were like come
on, you can use this.
Let me think.
We always, we always go to eachother and be like you want this
and it'd be some crazy thingsthat they come up with.
But I'd be like, yeah, youain't even think to use it, I
want it back, you know, cuz nota don't thought of something
that I think of, right.
So I was like I want it back, Iwant to use it for that, you

(57:56):
know.
But other than that, yeah, soyou have them.
We resources for sure.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
That's, that's amazing.
Yeah, repurposing for sure.
I wanted to go back because yousay you were able to do all of
these things, like once youshifted careers.
Did you find that, like, areyou happier once you made the,
the change in the shift?

Speaker 2 (58:21):
Oh, yeah, oh yeah.
Like I look at the bank and belike, oh, I'm so happy I'm gone.
I mean, I love the bank, I lovewhat it afforded the
opportunities for me.
It taught me a lot of customerservice skills and the income
variations that I learned.
I can't complain about what Ilearned in banking, but being an

(58:44):
educational system and puttingit both together, is Is on
parallel, like the is.
It's right up my alley.
I'm a paper pusher by nature.
So Customer service is fine.
It's just you know you dealmore face-to-face with people.
This here is more of detailorientation, and that's that's
who I am.

(59:04):
So Not only was I my careershifted me there, but when I'm
done, at no job.
When I came home I could bepresent with my kids.
I didn't have to worry aboutwhat I didn't do, like sometimes
, when I came home, I'd be like,oh my gosh, I didn't do that
sale, or or we would get auditsand it was like, oh my gosh,

(59:25):
we're gonna take that.
You know, the auditors mightcome and show up any day and
then you basically gettingtested all day.
I don't have that that stress,so I didn't.
I didn't come home and thenlook at like things to Study
every single day.
Um, and my kids like to helpwith homework.
Sometimes we would just gooutside and throw the football

(59:47):
with each other.
Sometimes I will come home andtake a nap and they would be
like they just never bothered me, you know, and it was like once
I got home, I was happy toshare more happy stories.
Okay, then sad stories.
It was like we, when we said atthe table, was like I Don't

(01:00:08):
know, it became fulfilling, itbecame more fulfilling.
So, yeah, I always tell peopleif, if your peace of mind is
being shaken, do you need to go,go and unshake it.
Go, go, find the piece that youneed, at least for a little bit
.
Every job is stressful, yeah,but it was worth it for me.
Okay, that's very much worth it.

Speaker 1 (01:00:30):
That's awesome, and it sounds like they recognize it
as well.
I feel like I can kind ofidentify.
I feel like I'm at a crossroadsnow, leaving one field, going
to the other, and it's Gettingto the point where I guess mine
is the opposite right, Because Istarted with a super low salary
and now I'm making the highersalary, but I'm like Feeling,

(01:00:52):
like I'm always on the clock,like how do we strike the
balance here?
because I'm off the clock, butI'm still getting text messages.
I'll be honest the last twoweeks, like usually, we have
reports that are due to theinsurance companies, like every

(01:01:16):
six months.
So the reports are prettydetailed, pretty thorough, and I
feel like I'm getting better atit.
But now I've had maybe fourreports do like back to back to
back.
So I want to say, for the lasttwo weeks I've been sleeping on
the couch because I wake up atlike one o'clock in the morning

(01:01:40):
trying to get these reports donebecause they will expire and
you know I work with kids withspecial needs and the reports
aren't in on time, they're notsigned, the insurance companies,
they will kick it back if theywant more information or more
details and if that's not donewithin a certain timeframe the

(01:02:02):
kids will lose their services.
So for me it's like that clockstarts ticking and I've
inherited, like all of thesecases where the plans are due,
like back to back.
Right now, I've been working ontwo plans, two reports that are
due two days apart.
So for the last two weeks I'vebeen sleeping on the couch.

Speaker 2 (01:02:26):
Well, but you know what?
I got advice from two differentpeople.
One you never get back, no timepraying with your kids.
You never.
You can never get that back.
And even though you're doingeverything to be there for them
and make sure that they are wellmaintained, and you're doing

(01:02:50):
everything you can to make surethat they are not feeling what
you're feeling, they will alwaysremember something you didn't
do.
It's just, it's just inevitable.
But the thing is is, if youfind balance, what you're going
to end up creating is a selffulfillment of I did all that I
could.

Speaker 1 (01:03:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:03:08):
Even if it didn't meet their expectation.
But the thing is is you, youmust find balance because, as I
am now older, when you have allof that running through your
mind, the health issues start,because you don't want that, you

(01:03:30):
don't want the anxiety to start, you don't want the panic
attacks to happen.
You don't want the sleeplessnights because you actually
still have things that you haveto fulfill for your job.
It's not ever family life.
You know you always are enoughat home because they understand
your job, but are you?
You are never enough for yourjob, but you you try and keep

(01:03:52):
pouring into it and it's notworking.
So I have learned to now findbalance.
So the crazy part is, is thatthe only way I can tell you when
you have a business, thoughyou're in, they say you, you
never stopped working.
When you have your own businessand I can truly attest to that
Like sometimes I'll be sleeping,I'm like, oh, that's what I can

(01:04:12):
put on that table to decorate,and I'm like I'm sleeping, I'm
writing it down before I forgetbecause it comes visually to me.
And then I'm like, okay, now Ican go back to sleep and I was
like, whoa, I was like I justwoke up to put a whole design
down on paper Because it came tome in my sleep.
But doing the taxes and makingsure you have all the write-offs
and making sure you have allthe Ps and Qs dotted with the

(01:04:35):
income coming in versus theincome going out, and then it
can be overwhelming and you findyourself not balancing again.
So I'm going to tell you that,whatever you, you already know
what elements you have to havefor the report.
I'm going to tell you to writeit as you go, because when you
write it as you go, it's done,it's like literally almost done.

(01:04:58):
I prioritize that work too,like I put things in piles and
I'd be like I'm going to conquerthat today.
I ain't touching you at alltoday and okay, maybe I'll touch
you.
And whatever I don't get done,I'm okay with it, the things
that have to get done, though.
It presses on me, so I'm likeokay, you have to get done the
day that goes in front of me, noifs and buts, but it has to be

(01:05:21):
done within that timeframe.
I'm getting paid to do itwithin this timeframe.
Yeah, people come in and out mydoor all the time and I'll be
like no, doing this.
I like that.
And no muscle.
You have to.

Speaker 1 (01:05:33):
I don't I have not.

Speaker 2 (01:05:34):
Yeah, you have to.

Speaker 1 (01:05:36):
Yeah, I have not.
I get parents callingconstantly and I think yesterday
I was like does this lady thinkI'm like her concierge for her
kid?

Speaker 2 (01:05:45):
Like she's snapping at me.

Speaker 1 (01:05:48):
She's giving me attitude, she's and I'm like,
ma'am, I'm not.
I'm not a social worker, like,but sometimes I feel like I'm a
social worker, like I'm thebehavior therapist.
This is what I do within.
You know this box right here.
This is the rest of it, mommy.

(01:06:11):
That's on you.

Speaker 2 (01:06:13):
So I've been trying to strike but you know you fall
in the medical field.
Yeah, you fall in the medicalfield and they kind of they kind
of expect 12 hours out of you.

Speaker 1 (01:06:21):
Oh, absolutely, and I'm feeling it now.
I have a set, I think, with the, I don't know it's twofold.
So I do behavior therapy onlineand I feel like I have a
certain set of parents let's sayhigher tax bracket and they
have a certain level ofexpectations, right?

(01:06:44):
So this is where I feel like Iam not the childcare concierge,
but I'm being treated like thechildcare concierge, whatever.
And then for my businesspersonally that I run, I work
with a lot of lower SES families, so who are living below that

(01:07:06):
poverty level right now.
The area that I'm in in SouthFlorida, we deal with a high
migrant population and a highimmigrant population as well, so
the families are very transientand I have to chase parents
down to get consent to just domy job in general, like hey, you

(01:07:31):
signed up for this service.
You have to be here.
You cannot leave me with yourkids by yourself.
I know you got to work.
I got to work too.
We got to figure something outbecause I have to see you.
You can't just leave the kidswith any of us, right?
I just had this conversation.

Speaker 2 (01:07:47):
You're the baby seller.

Speaker 1 (01:07:48):
Yeah, I had this conversation with one of my
assistants, because we go intothe homes, we go into the
community, we go into theschools, and he was telling me,
like we're preparing for a homevisit, and he's like Dr
Montesier, I'm just trying toexplain to you, when you go into
this home, you are going to bethe teacher, the cook, the

(01:08:12):
referee, the blah, blah, blah,and I'm like where are the
parents, honey?
Like that's not your job?
And he's like, oh, it's just somany.
It's one day I counted 10children and he's only there to
work with one.
But you know there are siblings,there are cousins, and I'm like
, where's mom and dad?
And he's like, oh no, they'rewith a boy.

(01:08:33):
Okay, well, you know, when yougo into this home, we have to
set some standards and someground rules.

Speaker 2 (01:08:41):
Look, we can maybe play some we definitely have to
do that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:43):
Yeah, we can play some games together, but you are
not the babysitter, so I feellike that has added on an extra
layer of work to just get theparents to understand what it
means to get involved.
We're supposed to teach parentshow to communicate and work
with their kids with specialneeds, right?

(01:09:04):
But that is very hard to do whenyou have parents who are just
trying to make ends meet fromone day to the next.
So this house, from what hedescribed, is kind of like the
house where the entire communitykind of comes together the
siblings, the cousins and likethey're going to drop the kids

(01:09:26):
off with grandma so we can gowork, right.
So grandma is there and it'sjust kids in and out.
So I'm like, okay, we need to-.

Speaker 2 (01:09:37):
And grandma's not with it either.

Speaker 1 (01:09:40):
And a lot of the times they don't understand.
Then you got the cultural thing.
So we try to go in thereteaching how to communicate with
kids and how to motivate themto engage in like the behaviors
that you want.
But certain cultures don't playthat.
So there is no motivated tofollow my rules.

(01:10:00):
You know, learning disabilityor cognitive disorder or not, In
our culture children do this,adults do this, and it's very
hard to talk to them to get themto understand.
Okay, you have a kid withspecial needs.
That may not apply.
You know that mindset may notapply, those norms may not apply

(01:10:25):
to this child in this situation.
So let's try somethingdifferent.
So it's really difficult tokind of get them on board in
that way.
But when it happens, when youfinally get the buy-in, I think
it's amazing to show familieswhat their kids can do, even
though they have special needs.
They can do so many things,they can communicate.

(01:10:48):
But right now, with thatbusiness owner hat on, like you
said, everything is on me.
So my assistants, whatever theydo, those directives come
strictly like they come straightfrom me.
So, whatever, I have to have myeyes on them, on the client, on

(01:11:09):
the home life, on the schoolenvironment, and then I come up
with a game plan and it'sconstant.
Yeah, it is nonstop, even when Igo home, just like you said.
I'm like, okay, how can I dothis?
Okay, then I came up withcommunication folders, I think
yesterday.
I'm like, maybe I just need tomake a lesson plan.
Okay, now I'm going back toteaching, but I'm not a teacher.

(01:11:30):
But so you know, you just haveall of these different hats and
I'm like, all right, I amgetting back to that point of
like super busy.

Speaker 2 (01:11:43):
You work from home.

Speaker 1 (01:11:44):
Yeah, I work from home for one company and then
for my business.
I go out in the community andwith the lower SES population,
online really isn't an option.
It's like a 50-50 chance.
They might have internet, theymight not.
They might have a phone that'sworking, they might not.

(01:12:04):
So me, I have to, like, hit theground running and I got to be
in their face knocking on thedoor at the school.
The school they're starting toget familiar with me and it's
almost like all right school.
You guys probably see theparents more than I do.
Let them know.
I'm coming to the house LikeI'm knocking on the door because

(01:12:25):
I've called, I've sent emails.
I don't think they check emailsbecause the internet might be a
question mark, right?

Speaker 2 (01:12:32):
So now what you could do is those teachers, those
parents are those teachers.
However, the parent and theteacher communicate.
I will put it in their notebook.

Speaker 1 (01:12:43):
Yeah, Well, I just made them like hey, this is my
notebook, but I'm leaving itwith you guys.
So we have another method ofcommunication because the other
methods aren't working, and youknow nowadays you can't.
It's kind of taboo to just popup at somebody's house, but I'm
like look, I've given you everymorning possible that I'm coming

(01:13:06):
to the house.
You need to be there.
If you're not there now, that'sa whole nother issue.
All right, that was part one ofa two part series.
Don't forget tune in next weekwhere we conclude this episode.
Hey everyone, it's yourfavorite BCB AD here, dr Doloran
, and I'm here to ask you tohelp us continue making great

(01:13:27):
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, where you can make a monthlycontribution.
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at
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