March 5, 2024 • 61 mins
When Simone Renee Colbert first embraced motherhood, little did she know it would lead her to the bustling streets of New York City and a life devoted to empowering women as a doula. As she shares her transformative journey, we're reminded that sometimes the most profound callings emerge from life’s unexpected twists. Simone's infectious energy will captivate you as she recounts how her own experiences during childbirth propelled her to become an advocate for birthing choices, especially among Black women, highlighting the undeniable strength in informed and supported deliveries.
The staggering maternal mortality rates among women of color are a chilling reality that cannot be ignored. In our heart-to-heart with Simone, we confront the sobering statistics and personal narratives that underscore the urgency of self-advocacy and the value of having a doula or midwife present during childbirth. Her poignant tales of postpartum challenges serve as a powerful reminder of the stakes involved and the difference that knowledge and compassionate care can make in creating safer birthing environments.
Beyond birth, Simone's journey spills into the realm of education, where she confronts the institutionalized racism that many Black children face. Through her eyes, we examine alternative educational paths that challenge the status quo and offer a culturally rich and supportive learning environment for her children. Simone's embracing of homeschooling and the pursuit of academic excellence, despite the trials faced, is a riveting narrative that redefines success and resilience in the face of adversity. Join us as we celebrate her story — a beacon of inspiration for parents and educators alike, advocating for change and a better future for all our children.
⏰ Chapter Markers ⏰
0:00 - Discovering Doula Support in Motherhood
14:36 - Empowering Black Women Through Birthing Choices
20:59 - Maternal Mortality and Advocacy
31:51 - Creating Community in Nontraditional Education
48:29 - Navigating Institutionalized Racism in Education
59:15 - Academic Success and Struggles
A Podcast for the less than perfect mom!"
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➣ Visit our official website: https://www.ForShxttyMoms.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
This episode of FSM is brought to you by Fidelity
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(00:20):
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That's S-H-X-T-M-O-M atgmailcom.
(00:43):
It's time to put the kids tobed, so y'all get ready for
another episode of For ShittyMoms.
Alright, everyone, and thankyou for tuning in to another
episode of FSM For Shitty Moms.
I'm your host, delorean, andtoday we have a super special
(01:06):
guest Again from my hometown,but she's gonna give us a little
information, a littlebackground information, about
where she is right now, becausewe're not in our hometown
together.
This is one of our remoteinterviews, but I'm going to
hand it over without any furtherado.
(01:27):
Our special guest, go ahead andintroduce yourself, say hello
to everyone and welcome to theshow.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hey, yes, from Delray Beach, florida, in the house.
My name is Simone Renee Colbert.
I currently reside in Brooklyn,new York, but I'm always
working for you.
Always they hear me open mymouth and they're like you're
not from here and I'm like, nope, but I've been here for 11
(01:55):
years and I'm a doula birthedand postpartum doula here in
Brooklyn, and I'm a mama and allthat good stuff, absolutely so
usually when I start the show,something new that I've been
doing is just been giving thelisteners insight as to how
these interviews come about.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
So my husband, he's like the show producer and we
just kind of go back and forthwith, like my wish list right, I
have like a show interview hitlist or wish list, who do I want
on the show in the perfectworld?
And when we came across yourname, he's like, okay, you got
to give me some background, likewho is Simone?
(02:36):
What's going on, what's herstory?
And I'm like, well, if I could,I always categorize my moms,
right.
I'm like, okay, this mom fallsinto this category.
And I'm like Simone is like myfree spirit mom.
Like if I could just channelthat free spirit, that fun,
loving energy, like positivity.
(02:59):
Sometimes, when you like golive or post your reels, I'll
like watch it in the morning.
I'm like, okay, that's how Ineed to start my day, like,
thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I love that.
I love that.
I really just be having a goodtime.
Something's on my heart.
You know what?
That is hilarious.
Let me post that I need my sondancing and he will hop in.
He's like mommy, I'm with it.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Right, I've seen like the car rides.
I'm like okay, it's like awhole vibe, like everything that
you have going on, whetheryou're doing your doula, mommy
stuff Sometimes I'll see youlike at carnival than other
times I like see you and yourson together doing like all
(03:42):
types of just fun things.
So give us a little bit ofbackground.
So, just for the listeners atleast.
Simone and I went to middleschool together.
That's how we met in ourhometown, delray Beach, florida.
But you're not in Delrayanymore, so give us some insight
(04:05):
.
Like where are you now?
How'd you get there?
Give us the readers digestversion.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
That is a great question, Lori.
You know what's so funny?
We had a class Miss Willinghamtaught like a careers class in
middle school you remember thatclass?
Yeah, she had us right.
Where do you see yourself as anadult?
And I remember I wrote I willbe living in New York City and
(04:32):
I'm going to be a dancer.
I've always loved dance andit's so interesting how powerful
the tongue is, because I kindof meant it Fisted there in a
way yeah middle school.
So here I am, so many yearslater and I live in Brooklyn.
Yes, I've been here, like Isaid, for 11 years, and how I
(04:52):
got here was actually motherhood, okay.
After middle school, my familymoved to Atlanta and I went to
high school and college thereShout out to Stelman College.
I went to Stelman in Atlantaand that's actually where I
became a mama.
I had a spell house baby myjunior year, okay, and I really
(05:20):
needed to ground myself and kindof start over, and my family
had moved to Brooklyn while Iwas in Atlanta and this is where
I ended up, I came to New Yorkto kind of start a new and fast
forward a little more for mysecond birth.
I had a doula for that first andI was like, whoa, this is
(05:41):
amazing, every woman needs thistype of support and I kind of
never left my doula alone.
She's actually my mentor now.
But, yes, that's how I ended uphere and in that work and I
love it.
I do go home as often as I can,hit the beach with my family,
but this is this is my secondhome now and it's been quite a
(06:03):
journey because, I'm not gonnalie, I'm one of those stories I
came here to start over, but itwas a struggle in the beginning.
I literally came with twosuitcases, my oldest son on my
head like mama, help me please.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But it's like that sometimes, sometimes is is
beauty in all of thosetransitions.
Even though you don't see it atthe moment, it's kind of like
when you can look back Okay,this transition set me up for
this, that transition set me upand you know, that kind of
becomes your story and I see youdoing some amazing things where
(06:43):
you are with other moms.
It's.
I think it's amazing.
I'm like dang, I wish you livedhere, like I wish that's
something that I had when I waspregnant and going through
everything with my son duringthat pregnancy.
It would have been so nice tojust have that, but I feel like
it was just becoming likepopular and hospitals, at least
(07:09):
down here, it's kind of like onthe fence.
I know, with insurance, likethat was a hassle.
Just the back and forth and Ithink when I was pregnant the
closest thing that we may havehad was like a birthing center.
But then at the time my OBGYNwas like, oh, absolutely not.
(07:29):
If you go that route, you knowhe's completely hands off.
So it seems like now people aremore open.
I hear a lot even some of myclosest friends like they have
multiples right.
So our oldest kids, theiroldest kids because I only have
(07:50):
one we kind of had the sameshared experiences.
But by the time they had theirsecond and their third I was
like, oh, the doula was in thehospital with me the whole time.
Oh, I had this, oh, I had that,and I'm like that is so nice,
like I wish I had those sameopportunities.
So next time around, wheneverthat is, I'm like, oh, I'm going
(08:11):
to plan a little bit better andlike, just ask those questions
ahead of time so you can havethat support Absolutely.
When I was having my son, Iprobably found out I think we
have five weeks left in thepregnancy I had spinal surgery
and they told me While you werepregnant Well, no, I had it
(08:33):
before, okay, but no one hadever asked.
I didn't think to say anythingabout it.
And then when we did like thetour of the hospital, like
you're going to go here todeliver, the anesthesiologist
was like, oh, have you had anysurgeries?
And I'm like, well, I hadspinal surgery, like in middle
school, but it was so long ago Ididn't think anything of.
(08:54):
And they're like, oh, well,we're going to try to get in
there, talking about my epiduraloh, do you know what kind of
rods?
No, I was in middle school.
Do you know if, like how muchof your spine is fused?
I don't know, it was like amillion years ago.
And then once they kind of tooka look, like I had gotten in a
(09:15):
car accident, the kind of MRI orx-ray that they told you could
kind of see the rods in my back.
And she's like, well, I'm goingto try to get in there.
And I'm like, try with my spine.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
We don't test the nothing out on my back.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So that's how I discovered like doulas and all
of that, because I was gun wholelike numb me up, I don't want
to feel anything with childbirth, like I'm already young,
terrified.
You can't really talk to likethe older generation about what
to expect because things are sodifferent.
Like my mom, she was terrifiedbecause she was like, look, if
(09:56):
you don't do it, naturallythey're probably going to have
to put you to sleep.
And I'm like through the birds.
And she was like, well, that'show they did it.
You know, that's the old schoolway they put you under regular
anesthesia and they do what theyhave to do.
I'm like, oh, okay.
So I talked to a few other momsand they're like, oh, yeah, if
(10:18):
they had like a C-section orsomething like that, they woke
up after the fact.
So a lot of the older moms thatI talked to, if they had a
C-section or something, it waslike, oh, I don't even remember
what happened or what went on.
So I was like, okay, all right,no epidural.
Then with the doula situation,it was too close to my uh, my
(10:41):
due date, so that was like, uh,out of the question for the
birthing center.
So I just got a bunch of books.
I went in a panic mode and Istarted studying with my husband
and like I was like you'regoing to have to be my doula.
I remember writing on a pieceof paper like worst case
scenario, if this happens, dothis.
If it like, we went through thebook with a highlighter, got a
(11:04):
spiral notebook and I'm likehoney, if they say something
like this, flip to this page,tell them to do this.
Like if, for whatever reason, Ican't advocate for myself,
you're going to have to rememberwhat I'm telling you and you're
going to have to do this.
So we did like a crash course.
I think I found like what is it?
Hip, hip, no babies, orsomething like that, something
(11:28):
like that.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm like all right.
And then we got books on, likethe pressure points.
So I'm like okay, during acontraction, you're supposed to
write.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
You're doing some good research.
I was scared.
That's amazing, and I commendyou.
Because, let's say, a woman isnot able to access the doula
Right the mo.
The most powerful thing thatshe can do is what you did
Educate yourself, take classes,get books, make sure that your
(11:58):
support person is asknowledgeable as can be and you
did that.
You kind of you made a duo outof your husband.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I did, I did and we did we did a natural birth.
So I was awake through it.
Like I just told theanesthesiologist like thank you,
but no, we're not even going totry.
I appreciate you trying withthe epidural, but I don't want
anybody trying.
It sounds like she was justgoing to try to get in there and
poke and poke and poke untilshe was able to and I'm like no
(12:31):
thanks.
But he was great.
Like once I started freakingout because I didn't expect to
have my son.
He came like a week or twoearly and I didn't expect.
I guess I forgot, I didn'tthink I was in labor, but I was
already in labor.
So it was kind of too late foran epidural anyway.
(12:52):
And they're like girl youhaving contractions.
I had no clue because you don'tknow what to it, you don't know
what, you don't know Right.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, the first time around.
It's, it's, it's something.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, right.
So I was like, uh, I wish Icould have had, like I had
student nurses in the room andthat was like a free for all,
like legs spread eagle, andthey're like, oh, we've never
seen a birth, can we pleasewatch it?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
I'm like that's something for your next birth
plan to, and I tell my familiesthat all the time look, if you
don't want students and all ofthat in the room, let them know.
No, um, and the truth is, blackwomen have been used as guinea
pigs since the beginning of time.
So we have the right to now sayyou know, I don't want any
(13:41):
students and, like you said, youwill not be testing out.
You know your skills on my bag.
You know that's not how we'regoing to do that.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, I just wish I knew cause it was.
I only knew like certain thingsand I knew, like I don't want
to play around with my spine, sothat's a no.
And then everything else.
I'm like telling my husbandlook, they're going to look to
you, they're not going to ask mymom questions, cause I know,
you know my mom and my sister,they will advocate, but my
(14:11):
sister she's a nurse, but shewas on the West coast, in Tampa.
So if somebody has to make ajudgment call or if somebody has
to do something, like they'relooking at you.
So that was just an experiencefor all of us.
But I'm just like how nicewould it have been to just have
(14:31):
that extra person Like, nope,we're going to try this, nope,
we're going to do this.
And luckily I was blessed.
Um, my OBGYN.
He was totally cool.
He was like it's your first kid, you know what the best thing
for you to do go get some sleep.
And he was like you're nothaving this baby right now,
cause my son had like stopped,everything had stalled, and he's
(14:53):
like you're not having thisbaby right now.
You could do whatever you want.
I had yoga balls, I hadessential oils and electric
candles and I'm like I'm goingto get them to move.
I think at one point he flippedand it was like, oh, we can't do
a breach birth.
And I'm like, oh God, so we didthe walking and the ball and
(15:14):
the rolling and then he was justlike you can do whatever you
want to do.
I'm going home, I'm going tosleep.
It was probably like sixo'clock in the evening and he
was like I'll see you at four amand we'll see where we are and
if you have the baby, or thebaby starts moving again, or
whatever, like they'll call me.
Do like deuces.
(15:36):
And he just left us, like to dowhatever we wanted to do
whatever we wanted to do, and Ifell in love with that, yeah.
You got to show him out.
I love that Dr Ricardo Aguirre,he was awesome at.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
But there's the show him out, because we need black
women to go to doctors like that, right, like that'll say you
know what?
I want you to labor at home aslong as you can.
Sometimes we get in thesehospitals too early and, like
you said, things slow down.
Things may stall a little bit,which is, you know, it happens
sometimes, but some of thesefacilities are cut happy.
(16:11):
They want to, you know,immediately take you for a
C-section or have you go throughthis, you know, long induction.
That can definitely beprevented.
So that's awesome.
Shout him out, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah, Shout out to Dr Gary.
So how did you get introduced?
Was it just through?
Like because I know you're verynaturalistic homeopathic, like
I see that in everything you do.
So how did you?
Did you learn about a doula?
And I'm like, oh, this wasgreat, I want to try it.
Like, how did your journeyhappen exactly?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So for my first birth I actually did not have a doula
.
I got pregnant my junior yearin college and everything was.
I was 21 years old.
You know I was struggling, lori, to be honest, because you
don't see your child to collegeto have a baby.
You, you think your child tocollege to get a degree.
(17:08):
So there was so many emotions.
When I look back, I wish I hadof me, so that I could have
walked through that pregnancyconfidently.
I felt I was feeling a lot ofshame, but one thing I knew was
that I wanted to make sure ourbirth is naturally as I could,
and it wasn't until about 34, 35weeks that I switched over to a
(17:30):
midwife that you knowprayerfully was was walking
distance from my home in Atlantaand I started seeing her and
she introduced me to the idea ofa water birth and I was just
doing some research.
Like I said, I didn't have adoula, but I knew that I didn't
want to be stressed, because Iwas already stressed enough.
(17:50):
I felt like my support systemwas lacking.
My family wasn't in Atlantawith me.
So there were so many thingssurrounding that pregnancy, but
I'm thankful that I listened tomyself and said, okay, no, we're
going to go to admit life.
So I had a water birth for myfirst son.
I was in labor for 19 hours,but some of my classmates
(18:14):
stepped in and I say thatthey're my doulas.
I had a few spellings sisterscome and walk me around the
block a bunch of times and oneof my friends from Alabama
hopped on a bus and was like sis, I'm about to beat it.
So it was a good birth.
I had a water birth at AtlantaMedical Center, which is now
closed.
I'm so sad Because we needspaces that allow us to birth
(18:37):
how we want.
But I had a midwife namedMargaret Strickhouser, which is
so funny because for my nextbirth it turned out that she was
the professor of my secondmidwife.
So I was like everything,alignment is real.
But fast forward five yearslater for my birth here in
(19:00):
Brooklyn, I gave birth atBrooklyn Birthing Center and I
had my doula with me.
She was amazing.
But the difference between thetwo births is I was really able
to do so the second time aroundmore confidently.
Of course I was a little moreof age, but having a doula and
(19:20):
having proper support makes somuch of a difference it really
does.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, absolutely.
It really does, I think whatyou are doing is amazing, and I
wish more people knew about it.
So please keep doing what youare doing, because I just feel
like this is what people need tosee.
They need to know theseresources are out there.
Because in hindsight, I feellike as a young mom, early 20s
(19:52):
now, when I think about it, I'mlike I should have been
terrified thinking about goingin to labor and giving birth,
and now I do feel like that'sone of the reasons that I'm kind
of like let me really try toplan things out before I have
(20:13):
the next one, because, yeah, youreally are going in there and
you're putting your life on theline and, as black women, I feel
like I was so young I didn'tknow, like you don't know what
you don't know.
So I really didn't know to bemore cautious and more concerned
.
And now I just think about itlike you know what?
(20:36):
It's probably good that Ididn't know, because the thought
of it now just kind of freaksme out.
That was a miracle in itself,like how things turned out, and
it turned out good for me, butthat's not the case for so many
other black moms.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So it's so true.
In this country we are three tofour times more likely to die
in childbirth than white women.
It doesn't matter where we wentto school, how much money we
make, who we know.
Serena Williams is a primeexample of a woman that could
have lost her life in childbirth, and here in Brooklyn we are
(21:21):
nine times more likely to diethan white women, and that's New
York City as a whole.
So it's a crisis that has beenkept kind of like swept under
the rug, but it's happening.
So women need to be advocatedfor we need to be heard.
Just what's today, december 1st?
(21:44):
On November 13th, we lost a momhere in Brooklyn.
So the third mom at thatparticular hospital and the
second mom within four months.
So it's real.
So if you're listening andyou're thinking about having a
child, please get a doula, get amidwife, and know that you
(22:05):
don't have to deliver at thenearest hospital that you live,
that's in your neighborhood.
You can do your research andconsider a home birth.
Home birth is an option.
It really is, and it might bethe safest space for you and I
say that as a doula that alsoworks with a hospital.
(22:26):
Home might be the safest spacefor us.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I either hear the riskabout deaths or just a
postpartum care, now that mybirth was beautiful as long as
the doctor was there.
But that postpartum it wastraumatic for me, my husband, I
think, at one point, when weleft the hospital.
(22:51):
I stayed there for about fourdays and we left AMA.
My mom had had it and whenthose mamas had it she was
trying to let me do my thing andfollow my lead.
This was, I guess, my firstwalk into adulthood and
(23:14):
motherhood.
But by the time she left to gotake a shower, we just had the
nurse from hell.
My mom calls her like nurseratchet.
We had the nurse from hell andthat was it.
And by the time I just told mymom what had been said, what was
going on, she had had it.
(23:34):
She was like I'm done, packthis shit up, we're getting out
of here.
Like they couldn't find whoeverthe pediatrician was supposed to
be, she didn't care anymore.
Like the F-bomb started flyingand she just started packing up
that room.
Like my son ended up withjaundice.
It went undetected and therewas what are they called PCT?
(23:58):
Pct, one of the techs who kindof goes in and out of the rooms.
We just couldn't get him to eat, we couldn't get him to stop
crying.
We kept changing thetemperature and then after a
while he stopped opening hiseyes and she just kind of
whispered like I am not supposedto tell you that and she was
(24:19):
black and I think that made thedifference in her just confiding
in me what she had seen,because she worked in the
maternity ward and she was likeplease don't tell anybody that I
told you because I could getfired, but he looks jaundiced.
And she was like I think youneed to call a nurse back, I
(24:43):
think you need to have thedoctor come back.
And the doctor wasn't answeringthe phone the pediatrician and
she was like I think you need tokeep calling him until he
answers the phone because helooks jaundiced.
And sure enough, by the time wegot the pediatrician back on the
phone, he had jaundice and hewas like I don't know how that
(25:04):
could have happened.
Like I just checked him.
Well, I don't know what kind ofchecking you did, because we
didn't tell him the girl whocomes to do the blood pressure,
like that's the one who told us,hey, you need to go get help.
And sure enough, she was right.
And I think the only reason shefelt comfortable enough to say
(25:29):
that to us is because we wereblack.
We didn't know what to do.
I couldn't get him to eat.
We were trying the formula, wewere trying the breast and it
was like he was doing fine twodays ago.
What's happening?
He's declining and then, by thetime they figured out a course
of action, we had a nurse tryingto do a blood draw.
(25:50):
No blood is coming out andshe's just telling us over and
over and over how he can havebrain damage.
Like, oh, he's not a goodbleeder.
That's what she kept saying.
He's not a good bleeder, hecould have brain damage.
And we're like so inappropriate.
He's two days old.
So by the time I told my momthat she was like we're getting
(26:11):
the hell out of here, pack thisshit up, and if that bitch comes
back in this room you betterpoint it out.
And I'm like at that point andmy mom doesn't have a medical
background but she knew it wastime to go.
So we found a different doctor.
We told my OBGYN what was goingon.
(26:34):
He made a few phone calls andthen he told us hey, that nurse,
you need to report her.
And we just kind of dideverything from home and just
had to keep going back to the ERto get them to test his blood
and check his levels.
And in that part of the hospital, in the ER, the nurse.
(26:56):
She came out, she pricked hisfoot, blood came out with no
problem.
And then she looked at theother foot.
She's like well, whoannihilated his foot Because
they were poking him in the topof his ankles?
And she's like that's commonsense, you're not going to get
any blood from there and poorbaby.
So it was awful.
(27:17):
That's a lot of trauma.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
That's not good, it was unexpected.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
It was awful.
So once I learned like I didn'tknow what I was doing at the
time I think it was after thefact one of my friends was
pregnant she's like, oh girl, Igot a doula.
And I'm like what?
She's like, yeah, and she'stelling me about the baths and
the massages and oh, we did thisand oh, we did that.
And I'm like, dang, I thinkthat's what Simone does.
(27:47):
Like I think you posted a fewtimes and I'm like, oh, that's
what it's called.
Like why didn't anybody tell me?
You know, this is amazing.
So I think I've kind of kept upwith you Because I'm like, why
don't they just have this?
Like everyone should be able tohave that experience and have
(28:10):
those options.
And it's so sad to think of,like, how archaic it still is.
Like we're in 2023, going into2024.
And it's still pretty I don'tknow archaic the way women have
(28:31):
babies.
Just simple things, like yousaid, the fluids, the IVs I had
no clue.
But once you started readingand researching, like no, you
shouldn't be on an IV as soon asyou go into the hospital, like
that's going to make you swell,it's going to make you retain
water, it's going to make itmore difficult.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Why are you laying down?
But, you know, and giving birthon our backs is not the best way
either.
It really makes gravity workagainst us when we're on our
backs.
From my personal experience,giving birth in a squat position
is like a game changer, andwith one of my children's, I was
(29:13):
in a squat position the wholelabor Because I was like this is
allowing me to open up, this isallowing baby to descend.
Like why would I want to be onmy back?
The minute I took a break tolay down, I was like, oh no, no,
no, back in that squat position.
So even little things like that,if a doctor tells you your
(29:33):
fluid is low, your amnioticfluid is low, one thing you can
do is get in the bath, take anice bath and let your body
begin to retain water that way,in addition to staying hydrated,
instead of going immediately tothe hospital, and one thing
leads to another and then you'rein the OR.
(29:54):
So there's so many littlethings, but I'm going to
continue to spread the wordbecause I really feel like this
is sacred work.
It's needed work, and not onlythat, it's something that we've
had, like I said, from thebeginning of time when we were
not allowed in hospitals.
There was always that blackwoman in the community going
(30:14):
from house to house.
They called us Granny, medwives or wet nurses and that was
who took care of the community.
So we really have to get backto that, because black wombs
create worlds and we have toprotect that.
We really do.
We have to protect that.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
So how does your work ?
Because it is so involved, howdoes that affect motherhood for
you personally?
Are you just on call 24-7?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
You know, I'm still day by day.
I'm still working out how doesit work.
I'm really thankful because Ihave an amazing co-parent.
I tell my friends all the timeI am a single mother.
I put that out there.
I'm a single mother, but I makeit look real cute.
But it's not easy.
Yes, you do.
My children have two differentfathers and maybe we'll get into
(31:12):
that later.
But one of my children actuallylives in Florida with his dad
and he visits me on breaks, sothat offers me some wiggle room.
And then Hetepe, who is here inBrooklyn.
His dad is amazing and hebelieves in this work.
So if I have to be at thehospital or if I am on call or
(31:34):
if Hetepe is with me and amother goes into labor, like
he's on it, he'll hop in a Uberand get over here, or I'll take
Hetepe to him.
But I'm so thankful for himbecause he really believes in
this work.
And I think that's number one.
If you're a doula and you're amom, or if you're not a doula
(31:55):
and you're just a mama, havingthat community and that village
is a game changer.
So that's how I make it work.
I had a postpartum client todayand Hetepe was with his dad.
So that makes it work for me.
And also we're a verynontraditional family.
(32:15):
Both of my children arehomeschooled, so we have that
flexibility.
So let's say I've been in ahospital two days in a row and
my shifts in the hospital are 13hours.
So let's say I have Hetepeafter a shift.
I have the flexibility ofhaving him join school from home
.
We're part of anAfrican-centered homeschool
(32:36):
collective, so he'll get on Zoomand take his classes and I'll
be checking on him throughoutthe day.
So it's like I'm activelyresting while he's in school.
So I feel like everything iskind of falling into place for
me.
But I will say I'm wellsupported.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
OK, that is such a beautiful story.
Just hearing how you startedout by just explaining your
journey, describing all theuncertainty, and now you have
really cultivated a life aroundwhat you want, it seems like you
(33:17):
have taken charge.
You've taken charge of yourkids' education.
The career was this like yourdream career?
I know you said you wanted tobe a dancer and you still do
that a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I'm going somewhere, little twerk twerk, making
better girl.
But, lori, the journey.
I just have so much gratitudebecause I was scared.
21 years old and I'm going tothis amazing college and I'm
here, I am pregnant.
I was the first of my friendsto become a mother and it was so
(33:50):
funny because they would alwayssay, simone, you're the mom of
the group.
And I didn't really like thatbecause I'm like yo, I just want
to be me.
But lo and behold, my friendswere actually speaking some
things into me too.
So I just have so muchgratitude that things happened
(34:10):
the way that they did.
I wish I could look at that21-year-old Simone and say, girl
, it's going to be OK, becausethis is what is making you, this
is what it takes to become whoyou want to be, and that is
amazing because there are somany moms with so many
limitations on themselves.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
So it sounds like the first thing you did was secure
that village in order for you tojust move the way you thought
was necessary for your family.
But I feel like, just from whatI see in different aspects of
(34:52):
your life, you seem to have agood handle.
Just hearing about, I didn'tknow your kids were homeschool,
because a lot of parents are sodissatisfied with the public
school system, but it's like howdo you homeschool?
That's not really an option.
I have a job and here you are,you work a job and you still
(35:14):
have a kid that's beinghomeschooled.
So take us through that,because that's another aspect
where you have just takencontrol and taken ownership of
that aspect of your life, whenso many parents, myself included
, feel like they don't havecontrol over that.
(35:36):
I know there are a lot ofconcerns that people express
with socialization when youstart looking at homeschool,
figuring out who's the teachergoing to be, are they qualified?
Do I have to teach the kidmyself, because I can't teach
all these subjects?
How do you make sure they'rewell-rounded and getting a
(35:58):
robust education when we know somany things are lacking in the
public school system, so take usthrough that journey.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Sure, well, you know, with HETEP, both of them
actually started in publicschool.
Pj, who's my older son, he's 14.
I can't believe I have a 14.
Oh, so crazy.
But we started him in publicschool and he struggled because
he's one of those kids that waslabeled as ADHD and might be on
(36:31):
the spectrum and the classroomwasn't the place for him.
So when he transitioned to hisfather a few years ago, his dad
decided maybe homeschool is bestfor him because he does well
with that one-on-one.
For HETEP, who is nine yearsold, we also started him at a
(36:52):
public school here.
It was a progressive publicschool.
I actually really liked it.
Some of my friends are like wedon't know about the school,
because at this particularschool the kids are really
allowed to express themselvesand I'm a true believer in I am
creating a person.
I want you to be able to gointo this world and operate and
be your full self.
(37:13):
So they actually called theteachers by their first names
and a lot of my friends are likeoh, and you know us, lord,
we're from the South, we're aguest, ma'am no, ma'am misses,
and all of that.
But I like that school, buthere in New York City you have
(37:33):
to have so many vaccinations togo to school and HETEP's father
was not a huge fan of all thevaccinations, so they kind of.
At first we were doing like areligious exemption, so TEP
didn't have to get so many.
And then they took that awayand his dad was like nope, and
we're out of here.
And we found ourselves at ahomeschool conference.
(37:57):
We actually met the principalof the school that he goes to.
So when I say HETEP ishomeschool, I'm not actually his
teacher.
I don't teach all the subjects,even though I do check his
Google Classroom and make surehis assignments are in.
But he's a part of a collectivewhere they actually have an
(38:18):
in-person site here in Brooklynand then they have students that
join virtually.
So you can do either.
Or let's say, for you, likeyour children, you would be out
of state, right, but your kidscan still join and go to school.
For those that are here inBrooklyn, they have the option
of going in person or virtual.
So that's kind of how we workthat I love his school.
(38:42):
The hours are also verynontraditional.
He goes to school from 11 AM to6 PM.
So for the parents that have a9 to 5, you kind of got to pull
on your village like, hey, I'mgoing to drop my child off, will
you take him to the school?
Or hey, your child is going tocome over to our house and
(39:02):
they're both going to log in toschool.
That way For the parents, whosejobs are a little more flexible
, but it's a very communityaspect for that school, all the
teachers are black.
The subjects are also somesubjects that our kids need to
be learning.
Heptep takes a business class.
(39:23):
He takes a black politicalthought class.
He takes an etiquette class.
Like he teaches me something.
I love that One day he sent medown.
He was like mommy, you know,before you make an important
decision you have to consider itseven times.
And I'm like you know You'regoing to stop.
But he's so intelligent and I'mjust so thankful again, we had
(39:51):
New York City not change thatlaw as far as the vaccinations
go.
He would still be in school.
But I'm thankful because nowall of his teachers look like
him and he's learning thingsthat are going to make him a
better prepared person for life,because they address real
things.
They address gentrification inour neighborhoods.
(40:13):
They address health.
They have a health class wherethey actually sit down and look
at the ingredients in certainfoods.
So when we're in the grocerystore and if I put something
that ain't supposed to be in thecart and the cart tells like
mom, that has trisodiumglutamate in it, and I'm like
(40:35):
you're right, babe, let's putthis back.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I'm proud of it, Liddy OK.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
I love it.
But that's kind of how thathappened for us and again, it
wasn't planned, it was justalignment and things kind of
fell into place.
No-transcript, I will say forfamilies that are interested in
taking their children out of thepublic school system do your
research, because there may beother families like you and you
know, you can create things inyour own community.
(41:03):
You know, I don't put it pastour Delray Beach brothers and
sisters to put somethingtogether like that.
We have so many teachers andeducators.
As I look back I'm like wow,you know right.
You're right.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
Yeah, Delray is.
The black community in DelrayBeach is very solid and you can
go back generation aftergeneration and is full of
educators.
I don't, I haven't looked intoit.
I know I vent a lot about mydissatisfaction with my son's
(41:42):
experience.
I'll put it that way with hiseducational experience, I feel
like he has been robbed of hisexperience and is disheartening
because I had a positive youknow experience in our little
community in Delray Beach.
But, things have changed and itis so important.
(42:04):
I again, when I selected hisschool, I picked it because it
was to me, the demographics.
I'm like, OK, it's a nicelittle melting pot.
That's what I told myself.
You know, there are kids wholook like him, there are kids
who don't look like him.
When we initially startedschool, we started out a private
(42:27):
school that was a black schooland it was a Christian school
and that just wasn't.
It wasn't for me.
I wasn't going to make itthrough that preschool.
You know, I I kind of clash alittle bit when it comes to
certain aspects and traditionsthat they follow in the black
(42:51):
community.
It just didn't sit right withme.
So I kind of just one day wokeup and was like enough is enough
and I just pulled him out ofschool that day and I know
that's what's up.
I like that.
Yeah, the principal is justlike right now.
Yeah, I was just like no, likegive me his stuff, this is it,
(43:12):
we won't be back, and that wasit.
And I found another school thatwas another melting pot and he,
he did OK, they were a littlefaster with the pacing of what
he needed at the time and thenit just kind of went south at
(43:34):
the very end.
And that was like myintroduction into like the
racism that still happens in theclassroom.
And you would think like theseare children.
So there was a lot of justdisbelief and denial at the time
and really just not knowingwhat to do, a lot of
(43:56):
hopelessness, a lot of well,what do we do now?
Where do we go?
But at the time, like I said,it was at the end of preschool,
so we were transitioning anyway.
So for me, the best thing thatI could do is you know what?
Don't focus on that, becausewe're going to encounter racist
people.
Like you said, we are in theSouth and they are just loud and
(44:18):
proud right now, like the timesthat we're living in.
They may have been a littlecovert a couple of decades ago,
but not anymore, right?
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I'm not going to lie, though.
I had an experience at Carverthat I will never forget.
What's that I remember we were.
I think we're in eighth gradeand you know February is already
a short month, but it was thelast day of February and it was
like a half day, and that waswhen they decided to honor Black
(44:51):
History Month.
I was mad, Lori, I was mad.
I started a petition at thattime.
You remember Dr Saltzman wasour principal.
Yes, I do With the lamp.
You remember the lamp?
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Oh my gosh.
Yes, I do, but I started apetition.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
I got 111 of our classmates to sign that petition
.
That's a very special number tome, but I had 111, and
basically prior to me right theday before I went home and I was
like dad, it's the last day ofBlack History Month and they
teach us nothing.
And he was like what you goingto do about it?
(45:29):
And he gave me an idea.
He was like, well, why don'tyou write up something and have
your friend sign it?
So I did, and, passing itaround the hallways, I put it
into Dr Saltzman's mailbox and Igot called to the principal
office later that day.
Okay, this man opened it, readit and looked me in my face and
(45:51):
was like you know, well, we'llsee what we're going to do about
it.
And he put it in the trash.
What In the trash can Lori?
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
God, and that was for me, that was my introduction
into oh y'all really don't givea shit.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
Yeah, they don't, they absolutely don't.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
And they covered it up a lot.
But I feel like, like you saidnow, it's just like in your face
.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
They are loud and proud and it is heartbreaking
because I feel like what I, Idon't know.
When it comes to racism, whenespecially institutionalized
racism, let's backtrack, becauseyou, you have racism and then
you have the institutionalizedracism.
And for what?
(46:39):
For what is worth?
When you do see thoseindividuals who are just loud
and proud, they believe in whatthey believe in, their racist my
daddy was this, this how I wasraised, this what I believe.
A part of me can almostappreciate that, because at
least I don't have to guess.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Right Like tell me what it is Like a state of hell,
away from you.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Exactly, I appreciate , like you know what you put
that out there.
Like we moved out West and Boydand I ended up coming back home
and we moved out West and I wehad a neighbor there they aren't
here anymore, but he was allabout his pickup truck, his
pickup truck, his huge, hugeConfederate flag, and I'm like
(47:28):
you know what.
And he was our next doorneighbor, like zero lot line.
We got to look at this freakingConfederate flag every single
day, right?
But I was like you know what?
My neighborhood is a littlemelting pot.
You have the people next doorto us.
They are Italian.
We have two households acrossthe street from us.
(47:52):
They're Haitian.
We have two other neighborsthey're white.
We have a whole melting pot,right?
So in that setting, even thoughhe was loud and proud, again,
thank you for letting me know,because now I know, no, if you
come over here, you can't get acup of sugar, you can get shit
(48:14):
from this house.
And for my son, thank you,because, guess what, don't bring
your ass over to his house,don't knock on the door, don't
step on the property, nothing,right?
So I appreciated that, becauseat least it's not a secret, you
know.
But when we talk aboutinstitutionalized racism.
Now I have to guess, right.
(48:36):
So when he's in a school Okay,I'm getting these notes home and
these, like every day you knowhe's on red or he has a sad face
, or he's in red and orange,Like what the hell is going on,
right?
So, like you said withespecially with black boys, oh,
(48:57):
they get that ADHD label.
So good, but that's if they'relucky and that's what I had to
realize as an educator.
I'll take that ADHD label, I'lltake that ESC label because the
way things are now, at leastthat offers me a layer of
protection, right, because now,as soon as you say something
(49:21):
about racism in an institution,you are dismissed.
Right, that it can be plain asday and this is what I try to
get Like when I consult withdifferent parents it can be the
writing on the wall.
But as soon as you say it, youare dismissed.
Right, because it's subjective.
(49:42):
Even though you're not doingthis to everyone else, you're
doing it to my child.
You're not referring to anyoneelse's kid is these things?
You're doing it to my kid, butI can't prove that.
Right, all of that issubjective.
But once you get that label,when we start talking about ESC
disabilities, disorders, adhd,et cetera.
(50:06):
Well, now you're discriminatingagainst a child with a known
disability.
Hmm, and the conversation inthe language becomes different,
even though it's the same thing.
You're discriminating.
And guess what?
Now I don't even have to saythat, our word Right?
I don't even have to throw itout there, because we have so
(50:27):
many laws against what you aredoing and we have so many laws
stating what you need to do inorder to assist my child.
And I try, when I talk toparents who are kind of on the
fence, like I don't want mychild labeled, and this day and
age you better, because if youdon't get that label, they're
(50:50):
going to give them another one.
It's true, it's true.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
You know, I would rather my child have an IEP than
be the bad kid.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
You know once that label is a completely different
trajectory, and that's when youstart talking about the school
to prison pipeline.
It starts there and it makes mesick to my stomach because I
feel like, with all mycredentials and I, you know, I
(51:20):
was a teacher, I'm in the schooldistrict, so I'm still
approaching these individualslike, look, I'm on your side,
I'm a teacher too, simone.
They didn't give a damn.
They would try to pacify me,pacify me, pacify me to get me
out of their face, but you'restill destroying my kid.
So now I got to advocate alittle harder.
(51:45):
Now I have to press the envelopea little bit more, because you
hear me but you're not hearingme.
Now you're playing in my faceand you're playing with my kid.
So once I kind of take thesituation to the next level.
Now, everyone when they see meon the campus they kind of walk
(52:07):
on eggshells, right, and nowthey're overly welcoming.
But my kid is heading to middleschool now.
So did you think he forgot theway you treated him those times
before?
And I try to keep my son out ofwhat's going on behind the
scenes because I don't want himjaded.
I'm like, look, you got alittle bit more time before you
(52:32):
start to recognize the racismwithin the schools, within the
classroom.
But I also feel like you knowwhat that's life?
How many times do you go towork and you got to deal with
racist ass people every day,girl, girl.
So that part of me that I'vereally been on the fence, like I
(52:54):
don't want my son to have todeal with this.
I'm going to put him inhomeschool.
But then I'm like because I'msure I can find a black co-op
and we can have that nurturingthat he's missing.
But then part of me is alsolike, son, shit is about to get
real?
Speaker 2 (53:13):
Yeah, that's true, and you have to, at the same
time, protect them.
You have to, you know, releasethem in some ways.
Yeah, no-transcript experience,some things.
One way we keep him active, sohe has that social element, is
through soccer.
Soccer is not necessarily aBlack man sport.
(53:38):
So this year it's opened myeyes to some things.
He auditioned for a youthacademy with NYCFC, which is the
professional soccer team herein New York City, and it wasn't
a whole lot of Black kids.
I would say maybe a hundredkids showed up and maybe five or
six were Black.
(54:00):
So we had to have a talk withHattat about that.
Like, hey, this is the realityof this sport, this is the
reality of things that happen.
We don't want it to deter you,but we want you to be aware.
Speaker 1 (54:15):
Yeah, absolutely, and I can see my son.
It took shout out to Ms Hannah.
She was his first Black teacherafter having so many run-ins
with his initial.
What was that?
Like first grade, his firstgrade teacher I had.
His kindergarten teacher, whowas a white woman, pulled me
(54:35):
aside like hey, shediscriminates against your son.
I've already told the principal.
I don't care what she's sayingabout your son, that is not true
.
He never did those things withme and you need to look into it.
So we ended up getting theclass changed and Ms Hannah has
been at that school since theschool opened.
(54:56):
Okay, and when I say pro Black,she is going to teach those
babies about Black History Month.
Come on, ms Hannah.
180 days of school.
I've never seen him so proudbecause it went beyond Martin
Luther King.
And then she started teachinghim like well, let me tell you
(55:17):
some facts about Martin LutherKing.
And my son came home, Iremember in like first grade,
like mommy, that's not even hisname, what?
Speaker 2 (55:29):
Come on, babe.
I love when the kids teach us.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (55:33):
And I'm just like go, ms Hannah.
He's like, yeah, that wasn'this name, that's not his birth
name, he was inspired by MartinLuther after a trip, and blah,
blah, blah.
I'm like, huh, okay, so now I'mto the side.
So it's like he was so proud togo to school, you know, and and
(56:00):
have this information that noone else was sharing.
And right now, florida.
We are in a time where this isthe first year they have taken
away Black history.
I don't know if people reallyknow what's going on, but that
African American historynumerous times, and I am yeah,
(56:22):
that is right.
Yeah, right before your eyes.
So I do find myself like, howam I going to supplement his
education with the truth?
Right?
And then this is something thathas made me like you know what
I?
Maybe it's time to go ahead andpull him out, but at the same
(56:43):
time, I do feel compelled, likeno matter what field you go in,
no matter where you go, you aregoing to have that racism right
there in your face, and you haveto know how to navigate around
it.
When I graduated from Atlantic,it was like a big thing back in
(57:05):
like 2006, going to theUniversity of Florida right,
that was the vote at the numberone party school in the country
and it was such a great schooland blah, blah, blah.
And you get there, you know, Igot accepted.
So I'm like great, you go toorientation.
We have one orientation andthen we had a real orientation
(57:29):
for those black students.
Hey, let me pull you aside,like I'm your, your proctor or
preceptor, whatever we used tocall them and they taught us
about the fishbowl.
When you come to this school,this is a PWI, this is what
experience you can expect, youcan expect as a black student,
(57:52):
and this is how you need toconduct yourself accordingly.
And it was like damn, because,yeah, they're going and thank
God I had somebody to pull measide.
I wasn't expecting that.
You know you're, you'resheltered, right, I'm getting
(58:12):
angry listening to Laurie.
But I appreciate that we pay toattend.
Oh, absolutely.
And you know people, it's greatto be a Florida Gator and you
can Gator chomp and you knowthis whole culture.
But there's a subculture there.
As a black student and had Inot been, I guess, prepped for
(58:36):
that, you know then I maybe Iwouldn't have been able to
handle myself and navigate myway through those spaces.
That one, everybody in the roomdidn't think my black ass
deserve to be there in the firstplace.
And I even had other studentswho didn't know any any better
because they were sheltered,just like I was sheltered, and
(58:58):
they would ask Well, don't theyhave to like, let black people
go here, like that.
That's how you got in.
So you didn't get in on merit,you, you got in because you're
black, right.
And my response hey, my blackass is here either way.
And guess what?
I got the highest exam scoresin this college, right, and
(59:23):
don't be asking to study with me, and you know what, and they
could not stand.
I had a couple of frenemies,because once you get to the top
of the class, you get throughyour gen ed courses, even your
gen ed courses.
The way they would teach us itwas not something that I could
identify with and I struggledLike I'll tell anybody.
(59:46):
I became a science teacherbecause at that point I failed
so many damn science classesHell, I can't teach the class
because I've taken it about 10times.
I can teach all these sciencecourses, but it took me to fail
a chemistry course and I had toretake it in the summer and I
(01:00:10):
ended up with a black adjunctprofessor.
All right, that was part one ofa two part series.
Don't forget, tune in next weekwhere we conclude this episode.
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(00:20):
Find out more atwwwfidelitybehavioralalliancecom
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(00:43):
It's time to put the kids tobed, so y'all get ready for
another episode of For ShittyMoms.
Alright, everyone, and thankyou for tuning in to another
episode of FSM For Shitty Moms.
I'm your host, delorean, andtoday we have a super special
(01:06):
guest Again from my hometown,but she's gonna give us a little
information, a littlebackground information, about
where she is right now, becausewe're not in our hometown
together.
This is one of our remoteinterviews, but I'm going to
hand it over without any furtherado.
(01:27):
Our special guest, go ahead andintroduce yourself, say hello
to everyone and welcome to theshow.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Hey, yes, from Delray Beach, florida, in the house.
My name is Simone Renee Colbert.
I currently reside in Brooklyn,new York, but I'm always
working for you.
Always they hear me open mymouth and they're like you're
not from here and I'm like, nope, but I've been here for 11
(01:55):
years and I'm a doula birthedand postpartum doula here in
Brooklyn, and I'm a mama and allthat good stuff, absolutely so
usually when I start the show,something new that I've been
doing is just been giving thelisteners insight as to how
these interviews come about.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
So my husband, he's like the show producer and we
just kind of go back and forthwith, like my wish list right, I
have like a show interview hitlist or wish list, who do I want
on the show in the perfectworld?
And when we came across yourname, he's like, okay, you got
to give me some background, likewho is Simone?
(02:36):
What's going on, what's herstory?
And I'm like, well, if I could,I always categorize my moms,
right.
I'm like, okay, this mom fallsinto this category.
And I'm like Simone is like myfree spirit mom.
Like if I could just channelthat free spirit, that fun,
loving energy, like positivity.
(02:59):
Sometimes, when you like golive or post your reels, I'll
like watch it in the morning.
I'm like, okay, that's how Ineed to start my day, like,
thank you for that.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
I love that.
I love that.
I really just be having a goodtime.
Something's on my heart.
You know what?
That is hilarious.
Let me post that I need my sondancing and he will hop in.
He's like mommy, I'm with it.
Speaker 1 (03:21):
Right, I've seen like the car rides.
I'm like okay, it's like awhole vibe, like everything that
you have going on, whetheryou're doing your doula, mommy
stuff Sometimes I'll see youlike at carnival than other
times I like see you and yourson together doing like all
(03:42):
types of just fun things.
So give us a little bit ofbackground.
So, just for the listeners atleast.
Simone and I went to middleschool together.
That's how we met in ourhometown, delray Beach, florida.
But you're not in Delrayanymore, so give us some insight
(04:05):
.
Like where are you now?
How'd you get there?
Give us the readers digestversion.
Speaker 2 (04:12):
That is a great question, Lori.
You know what's so funny?
We had a class Miss Willinghamtaught like a careers class in
middle school you remember thatclass?
Yeah, she had us right.
Where do you see yourself as anadult?
And I remember I wrote I willbe living in New York City and
(04:32):
I'm going to be a dancer.
I've always loved dance andit's so interesting how powerful
the tongue is, because I kindof meant it Fisted there in a
way yeah middle school.
So here I am, so many yearslater and I live in Brooklyn.
Yes, I've been here, like Isaid, for 11 years, and how I
(04:52):
got here was actually motherhood, okay.
After middle school, my familymoved to Atlanta and I went to
high school and college thereShout out to Stelman College.
I went to Stelman in Atlantaand that's actually where I
became a mama.
I had a spell house baby myjunior year, okay, and I really
(05:20):
needed to ground myself and kindof start over, and my family
had moved to Brooklyn while Iwas in Atlanta and this is where
I ended up, I came to New Yorkto kind of start a new and fast
forward a little more for mysecond birth.
I had a doula for that first andI was like, whoa, this is
(05:41):
amazing, every woman needs thistype of support and I kind of
never left my doula alone.
She's actually my mentor now.
But, yes, that's how I ended uphere and in that work and I
love it.
I do go home as often as I can,hit the beach with my family,
but this is this is my secondhome now and it's been quite a
(06:03):
journey because, I'm not gonnalie, I'm one of those stories I
came here to start over, but itwas a struggle in the beginning.
I literally came with twosuitcases, my oldest son on my
head like mama, help me please.
Speaker 1 (06:21):
But it's like that sometimes, sometimes is is
beauty in all of thosetransitions.
Even though you don't see it atthe moment, it's kind of like
when you can look back Okay,this transition set me up for
this, that transition set me upand you know, that kind of
becomes your story and I see youdoing some amazing things where
(06:43):
you are with other moms.
It's.
I think it's amazing.
I'm like dang, I wish you livedhere, like I wish that's
something that I had when I waspregnant and going through
everything with my son duringthat pregnancy.
It would have been so nice tojust have that, but I feel like
it was just becoming likepopular and hospitals, at least
(07:09):
down here, it's kind of like onthe fence.
I know, with insurance, likethat was a hassle.
Just the back and forth and Ithink when I was pregnant the
closest thing that we may havehad was like a birthing center.
But then at the time my OBGYNwas like, oh, absolutely not.
(07:29):
If you go that route, you knowhe's completely hands off.
So it seems like now people aremore open.
I hear a lot even some of myclosest friends like they have
multiples right.
So our oldest kids, theiroldest kids because I only have
(07:50):
one we kind of had the sameshared experiences.
But by the time they had theirsecond and their third I was
like, oh, the doula was in thehospital with me the whole time.
Oh, I had this, oh, I had that,and I'm like that is so nice,
like I wish I had those sameopportunities.
So next time around, wheneverthat is, I'm like, oh, I'm going
(08:11):
to plan a little bit better andlike, just ask those questions
ahead of time so you can havethat support Absolutely.
When I was having my son, Iprobably found out I think we
have five weeks left in thepregnancy I had spinal surgery
and they told me While you werepregnant Well, no, I had it
(08:33):
before, okay, but no one hadever asked.
I didn't think to say anythingabout it.
And then when we did like thetour of the hospital, like
you're going to go here todeliver, the anesthesiologist
was like, oh, have you had anysurgeries?
And I'm like, well, I hadspinal surgery, like in middle
school, but it was so long ago Ididn't think anything of.
(08:54):
And they're like, oh, well,we're going to try to get in
there, talking about my epiduraloh, do you know what kind of
rods?
No, I was in middle school.
Do you know if, like how muchof your spine is fused?
I don't know, it was like amillion years ago.
And then once they kind of tooka look, like I had gotten in a
(09:15):
car accident, the kind of MRI orx-ray that they told you could
kind of see the rods in my back.
And she's like, well, I'm goingto try to get in there.
And I'm like, try with my spine.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
We don't test the nothing out on my back.
Speaker 1 (09:32):
So that's how I discovered like doulas and all
of that, because I was gun wholelike numb me up, I don't want
to feel anything with childbirth, like I'm already young,
terrified.
You can't really talk to likethe older generation about what
to expect because things are sodifferent.
Like my mom, she was terrifiedbecause she was like, look, if
(09:56):
you don't do it, naturallythey're probably going to have
to put you to sleep.
And I'm like through the birds.
And she was like, well, that'show they did it.
You know, that's the old schoolway they put you under regular
anesthesia and they do what theyhave to do.
I'm like, oh, okay.
So I talked to a few other momsand they're like, oh, yeah, if
(10:18):
they had like a C-section orsomething like that, they woke
up after the fact.
So a lot of the older moms thatI talked to, if they had a
C-section or something, it waslike, oh, I don't even remember
what happened or what went on.
So I was like, okay, all right,no epidural.
Then with the doula situation,it was too close to my uh, my
(10:41):
due date, so that was like, uh,out of the question for the
birthing center.
So I just got a bunch of books.
I went in a panic mode and Istarted studying with my husband
and like I was like you'regoing to have to be my doula.
I remember writing on a pieceof paper like worst case
scenario, if this happens, dothis.
If it like, we went through thebook with a highlighter, got a
(11:04):
spiral notebook and I'm likehoney, if they say something
like this, flip to this page,tell them to do this.
Like if, for whatever reason, Ican't advocate for myself,
you're going to have to rememberwhat I'm telling you and you're
going to have to do this.
So we did like a crash course.
I think I found like what is it?
Hip, hip, no babies, orsomething like that, something
(11:28):
like that.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm like all right.
And then we got books on, likethe pressure points.
So I'm like okay, during acontraction, you're supposed to
write.
Speaker 2 (11:37):
You're doing some good research.
I was scared.
That's amazing, and I commendyou.
Because, let's say, a woman isnot able to access the doula
Right the mo.
The most powerful thing thatshe can do is what you did
Educate yourself, take classes,get books, make sure that your
(11:58):
support person is asknowledgeable as can be and you
did that.
You kind of you made a duo outof your husband.
Speaker 1 (12:07):
I did, I did and we did we did a natural birth.
So I was awake through it.
Like I just told theanesthesiologist like thank you,
but no, we're not even going totry.
I appreciate you trying withthe epidural, but I don't want
anybody trying.
It sounds like she was justgoing to try to get in there and
poke and poke and poke untilshe was able to and I'm like no
(12:31):
thanks.
But he was great.
Like once I started freakingout because I didn't expect to
have my son.
He came like a week or twoearly and I didn't expect.
I guess I forgot, I didn'tthink I was in labor, but I was
already in labor.
So it was kind of too late foran epidural anyway.
(12:52):
And they're like girl youhaving contractions.
I had no clue because you don'tknow what to it, you don't know
what, you don't know Right.
Speaker 2 (12:59):
Yeah, the first time around.
It's, it's, it's something.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, right.
So I was like, uh, I wish Icould have had, like I had
student nurses in the room andthat was like a free for all,
like legs spread eagle, andthey're like, oh, we've never
seen a birth, can we pleasewatch it?
Speaker 2 (13:19):
I'm like that's something for your next birth
plan to, and I tell my familiesthat all the time look, if you
don't want students and all ofthat in the room, let them know.
No, um, and the truth is, blackwomen have been used as guinea
pigs since the beginning of time.
So we have the right to now sayyou know, I don't want any
(13:41):
students and, like you said, youwill not be testing out.
You know your skills on my bag.
You know that's not how we'regoing to do that.
Speaker 1 (13:48):
Yeah, I just wish I knew cause it was.
I only knew like certain thingsand I knew, like I don't want
to play around with my spine, sothat's a no.
And then everything else.
I'm like telling my husbandlook, they're going to look to
you, they're not going to ask mymom questions, cause I know,
you know my mom and my sister,they will advocate, but my
(14:11):
sister she's a nurse, but shewas on the West coast, in Tampa.
So if somebody has to make ajudgment call or if somebody has
to do something, like they'relooking at you.
So that was just an experiencefor all of us.
But I'm just like how nicewould it have been to just have
(14:31):
that extra person Like, nope,we're going to try this, nope,
we're going to do this.
And luckily I was blessed.
Um, my OBGYN.
He was totally cool.
He was like it's your first kid, you know what the best thing
for you to do go get some sleep.
And he was like you're nothaving this baby right now,
cause my son had like stopped,everything had stalled, and he's
(14:53):
like you're not having thisbaby right now.
You could do whatever you want.
I had yoga balls, I hadessential oils and electric
candles and I'm like I'm goingto get them to move.
I think at one point he flippedand it was like, oh, we can't do
a breach birth.
And I'm like, oh God, so we didthe walking and the ball and
(15:14):
the rolling and then he was justlike you can do whatever you
want to do.
I'm going home, I'm going tosleep.
It was probably like sixo'clock in the evening and he
was like I'll see you at four amand we'll see where we are and
if you have the baby, or thebaby starts moving again, or
whatever, like they'll call me.
Do like deuces.
(15:36):
And he just left us, like to dowhatever we wanted to do
whatever we wanted to do, and Ifell in love with that, yeah.
You got to show him out.
I love that Dr Ricardo Aguirre,he was awesome at.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
But there's the show him out, because we need black
women to go to doctors like that, right, like that'll say you
know what?
I want you to labor at home aslong as you can.
Sometimes we get in thesehospitals too early and, like
you said, things slow down.
Things may stall a little bit,which is, you know, it happens
sometimes, but some of thesefacilities are cut happy.
(16:11):
They want to, you know,immediately take you for a
C-section or have you go throughthis, you know, long induction.
That can definitely beprevented.
So that's awesome.
Shout him out, yeah.
Speaker 1 (16:23):
Yeah, Shout out to Dr Gary.
So how did you get introduced?
Was it just through?
Like because I know you're verynaturalistic homeopathic, like
I see that in everything you do.
So how did you?
Did you learn about a doula?
And I'm like, oh, this wasgreat, I want to try it.
Like, how did your journeyhappen exactly?
Speaker 2 (16:45):
So for my first birth I actually did not have a doula
.
I got pregnant my junior yearin college and everything was.
I was 21 years old.
You know I was struggling, lori, to be honest, because you
don't see your child to collegeto have a baby.
You, you think your child tocollege to get a degree.
(17:08):
So there was so many emotions.
When I look back, I wish I hadof me, so that I could have
walked through that pregnancyconfidently.
I felt I was feeling a lot ofshame, but one thing I knew was
that I wanted to make sure ourbirth is naturally as I could,
and it wasn't until about 34, 35weeks that I switched over to a
(17:30):
midwife that you knowprayerfully was was walking
distance from my home in Atlantaand I started seeing her and
she introduced me to the idea ofa water birth and I was just
doing some research.
Like I said, I didn't have adoula, but I knew that I didn't
want to be stressed, because Iwas already stressed enough.
(17:50):
I felt like my support systemwas lacking.
My family wasn't in Atlantawith me.
So there were so many thingssurrounding that pregnancy, but
I'm thankful that I listened tomyself and said, okay, no, we're
going to go to admit life.
So I had a water birth for myfirst son.
I was in labor for 19 hours,but some of my classmates
(18:14):
stepped in and I say thatthey're my doulas.
I had a few spellings sisterscome and walk me around the
block a bunch of times and oneof my friends from Alabama
hopped on a bus and was like sis, I'm about to beat it.
So it was a good birth.
I had a water birth at AtlantaMedical Center, which is now
closed.
I'm so sad Because we needspaces that allow us to birth
(18:37):
how we want.
But I had a midwife namedMargaret Strickhouser, which is
so funny because for my nextbirth it turned out that she was
the professor of my secondmidwife.
So I was like everything,alignment is real.
But fast forward five yearslater for my birth here in
(19:00):
Brooklyn, I gave birth atBrooklyn Birthing Center and I
had my doula with me.
She was amazing.
But the difference between thetwo births is I was really able
to do so the second time aroundmore confidently.
Of course I was a little moreof age, but having a doula and
(19:20):
having proper support makes somuch of a difference it really
does.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
Yeah, absolutely.
It really does, I think whatyou are doing is amazing, and I
wish more people knew about it.
So please keep doing what youare doing, because I just feel
like this is what people need tosee.
They need to know theseresources are out there.
Because in hindsight, I feellike as a young mom, early 20s
(19:52):
now, when I think about it, I'mlike I should have been
terrified thinking about goingin to labor and giving birth,
and now I do feel like that'sone of the reasons that I'm kind
of like let me really try toplan things out before I have
(20:13):
the next one, because, yeah, youreally are going in there and
you're putting your life on theline and, as black women, I feel
like I was so young I didn'tknow, like you don't know what
you don't know.
So I really didn't know to bemore cautious and more concerned
.
And now I just think about itlike you know what?
(20:36):
It's probably good that Ididn't know, because the thought
of it now just kind of freaksme out.
That was a miracle in itself,like how things turned out, and
it turned out good for me, butthat's not the case for so many
other black moms.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
So it's so true.
In this country we are three tofour times more likely to die
in childbirth than white women.
It doesn't matter where we wentto school, how much money we
make, who we know.
Serena Williams is a primeexample of a woman that could
have lost her life in childbirth, and here in Brooklyn we are
(21:21):
nine times more likely to diethan white women, and that's New
York City as a whole.
So it's a crisis that has beenkept kind of like swept under
the rug, but it's happening.
So women need to be advocatedfor we need to be heard.
Just what's today, december 1st?
(21:44):
On November 13th, we lost a momhere in Brooklyn.
So the third mom at thatparticular hospital and the
second mom within four months.
So it's real.
So if you're listening andyou're thinking about having a
child, please get a doula, get amidwife, and know that you
(22:05):
don't have to deliver at thenearest hospital that you live,
that's in your neighborhood.
You can do your research andconsider a home birth.
Home birth is an option.
It really is, and it might bethe safest space for you and I
say that as a doula that alsoworks with a hospital.
(22:26):
Home might be the safest spacefor us.
Speaker 1 (22:29):
Oh, wow.
Yeah, I either hear the riskabout deaths or just a
postpartum care, now that mybirth was beautiful as long as
the doctor was there.
But that postpartum it wastraumatic for me, my husband, I
think, at one point, when weleft the hospital.
(22:51):
I stayed there for about fourdays and we left AMA.
My mom had had it and whenthose mamas had it she was
trying to let me do my thing andfollow my lead.
This was, I guess, my firstwalk into adulthood and
(23:14):
motherhood.
But by the time she left to gotake a shower, we just had the
nurse from hell.
My mom calls her like nurseratchet.
We had the nurse from hell andthat was it.
And by the time I just told mymom what had been said, what was
going on, she had had it.
(23:34):
She was like I'm done, packthis shit up, we're getting out
of here.
Like they couldn't find whoeverthe pediatrician was supposed to
be, she didn't care anymore.
Like the F-bomb started flyingand she just started packing up
that room.
Like my son ended up withjaundice.
It went undetected and therewas what are they called PCT?
(23:58):
Pct, one of the techs who kindof goes in and out of the rooms.
We just couldn't get him to eat, we couldn't get him to stop
crying.
We kept changing thetemperature and then after a
while he stopped opening hiseyes and she just kind of
whispered like I am not supposedto tell you that and she was
(24:19):
black and I think that made thedifference in her just confiding
in me what she had seen,because she worked in the
maternity ward and she was likeplease don't tell anybody that I
told you because I could getfired, but he looks jaundiced.
And she was like I think youneed to call a nurse back, I
(24:43):
think you need to have thedoctor come back.
And the doctor wasn't answeringthe phone the pediatrician and
she was like I think you need tokeep calling him until he
answers the phone because helooks jaundiced.
And sure enough, by the time wegot the pediatrician back on the
phone, he had jaundice and hewas like I don't know how that
(25:04):
could have happened.
Like I just checked him.
Well, I don't know what kind ofchecking you did, because we
didn't tell him the girl whocomes to do the blood pressure,
like that's the one who told us,hey, you need to go get help.
And sure enough, she was right.
And I think the only reason shefelt comfortable enough to say
(25:29):
that to us is because we wereblack.
We didn't know what to do.
I couldn't get him to eat.
We were trying the formula, wewere trying the breast and it
was like he was doing fine twodays ago.
What's happening?
He's declining and then, by thetime they figured out a course
of action, we had a nurse tryingto do a blood draw.
(25:50):
No blood is coming out andshe's just telling us over and
over and over how he can havebrain damage.
Like, oh, he's not a goodbleeder.
That's what she kept saying.
He's not a good bleeder, hecould have brain damage.
And we're like so inappropriate.
He's two days old.
So by the time I told my momthat she was like we're getting
(26:11):
the hell out of here, pack thisshit up, and if that bitch comes
back in this room you betterpoint it out.
And I'm like at that point andmy mom doesn't have a medical
background but she knew it wastime to go.
So we found a different doctor.
We told my OBGYN what was goingon.
(26:34):
He made a few phone calls andthen he told us hey, that nurse,
you need to report her.
And we just kind of dideverything from home and just
had to keep going back to the ERto get them to test his blood
and check his levels.
And in that part of the hospital, in the ER, the nurse.
(26:56):
She came out, she pricked hisfoot, blood came out with no
problem.
And then she looked at theother foot.
She's like well, whoannihilated his foot Because
they were poking him in the topof his ankles?
And she's like that's commonsense, you're not going to get
any blood from there and poorbaby.
So it was awful.
(27:17):
That's a lot of trauma.
Speaker 2 (27:20):
That's not good, it was unexpected.
Speaker 1 (27:24):
It was awful.
So once I learned like I didn'tknow what I was doing at the
time I think it was after thefact one of my friends was
pregnant she's like, oh girl, Igot a doula.
And I'm like what?
She's like, yeah, and she'stelling me about the baths and
the massages and oh, we did thisand oh, we did that.
And I'm like, dang, I thinkthat's what Simone does.
(27:47):
Like I think you posted a fewtimes and I'm like, oh, that's
what it's called.
Like why didn't anybody tell me?
You know, this is amazing.
So I think I've kind of kept upwith you Because I'm like, why
don't they just have this?
Like everyone should be able tohave that experience and have
(28:10):
those options.
And it's so sad to think of,like, how archaic it still is.
Like we're in 2023, going into2024.
And it's still pretty I don'tknow archaic the way women have
(28:31):
babies.
Just simple things, like yousaid, the fluids, the IVs I had
no clue.
But once you started readingand researching, like no, you
shouldn't be on an IV as soon asyou go into the hospital, like
that's going to make you swell,it's going to make you retain
water, it's going to make itmore difficult.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
Why are you laying down?
But, you know, and giving birthon our backs is not the best way
either.
It really makes gravity workagainst us when we're on our
backs.
From my personal experience,giving birth in a squat position
is like a game changer, andwith one of my children's, I was
(29:13):
in a squat position the wholelabor Because I was like this is
allowing me to open up, this isallowing baby to descend.
Like why would I want to be onmy back?
The minute I took a break tolay down, I was like, oh no, no,
no, back in that squat position.
So even little things like that,if a doctor tells you your
(29:33):
fluid is low, your amnioticfluid is low, one thing you can
do is get in the bath, take anice bath and let your body
begin to retain water that way,in addition to staying hydrated,
instead of going immediately tothe hospital, and one thing
leads to another and then you'rein the OR.
(29:54):
So there's so many littlethings, but I'm going to
continue to spread the wordbecause I really feel like this
is sacred work.
It's needed work, and not onlythat, it's something that we've
had, like I said, from thebeginning of time when we were
not allowed in hospitals.
There was always that blackwoman in the community going
(30:14):
from house to house.
They called us Granny, medwives or wet nurses and that was
who took care of the community.
So we really have to get backto that, because black wombs
create worlds and we have toprotect that.
We really do.
We have to protect that.
Speaker 1 (30:35):
So how does your work ?
Because it is so involved, howdoes that affect motherhood for
you personally?
Are you just on call 24-7?
How does that work?
Speaker 2 (30:49):
You know, I'm still day by day.
I'm still working out how doesit work.
I'm really thankful because Ihave an amazing co-parent.
I tell my friends all the timeI am a single mother.
I put that out there.
I'm a single mother, but I makeit look real cute.
But it's not easy.
Yes, you do.
My children have two differentfathers and maybe we'll get into
(31:12):
that later.
But one of my children actuallylives in Florida with his dad
and he visits me on breaks, sothat offers me some wiggle room.
And then Hetepe, who is here inBrooklyn.
His dad is amazing and hebelieves in this work.
So if I have to be at thehospital or if I am on call or
(31:34):
if Hetepe is with me and amother goes into labor, like
he's on it, he'll hop in a Uberand get over here, or I'll take
Hetepe to him.
But I'm so thankful for himbecause he really believes in
this work.
And I think that's number one.
If you're a doula and you're amom, or if you're not a doula
(31:55):
and you're just a mama, havingthat community and that village
is a game changer.
So that's how I make it work.
I had a postpartum client todayand Hetepe was with his dad.
So that makes it work for me.
And also we're a verynontraditional family.
(32:15):
Both of my children arehomeschooled, so we have that
flexibility.
So let's say I've been in ahospital two days in a row and
my shifts in the hospital are 13hours.
So let's say I have Hetepeafter a shift.
I have the flexibility ofhaving him join school from home
.
We're part of anAfrican-centered homeschool
(32:36):
collective, so he'll get on Zoomand take his classes and I'll
be checking on him throughoutthe day.
So it's like I'm activelyresting while he's in school.
So I feel like everything iskind of falling into place for
me.
But I will say I'm wellsupported.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
OK, that is such a beautiful story.
Just hearing how you startedout by just explaining your
journey, describing all theuncertainty, and now you have
really cultivated a life aroundwhat you want, it seems like you
(33:17):
have taken charge.
You've taken charge of yourkids' education.
The career was this like yourdream career?
I know you said you wanted tobe a dancer and you still do
that a lot.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
I'm going somewhere, little twerk twerk, making
better girl.
But, lori, the journey.
I just have so much gratitudebecause I was scared.
21 years old and I'm going tothis amazing college and I'm
here, I am pregnant.
I was the first of my friendsto become a mother and it was so
(33:50):
funny because they would alwayssay, simone, you're the mom of
the group.
And I didn't really like thatbecause I'm like yo, I just want
to be me.
But lo and behold, my friendswere actually speaking some
things into me too.
So I just have so muchgratitude that things happened
(34:10):
the way that they did.
I wish I could look at that21-year-old Simone and say, girl
, it's going to be OK, becausethis is what is making you, this
is what it takes to become whoyou want to be, and that is
amazing because there are somany moms with so many
limitations on themselves.
Speaker 1 (34:32):
So it sounds like the first thing you did was secure
that village in order for you tojust move the way you thought
was necessary for your family.
But I feel like, just from whatI see in different aspects of
(34:52):
your life, you seem to have agood handle.
Just hearing about, I didn'tknow your kids were homeschool,
because a lot of parents are sodissatisfied with the public
school system, but it's like howdo you homeschool?
That's not really an option.
I have a job and here you are,you work a job and you still
(35:14):
have a kid that's beinghomeschooled.
So take us through that,because that's another aspect
where you have just takencontrol and taken ownership of
that aspect of your life, whenso many parents, myself included
, feel like they don't havecontrol over that.
(35:36):
I know there are a lot ofconcerns that people express
with socialization when youstart looking at homeschool,
figuring out who's the teachergoing to be, are they qualified?
Do I have to teach the kidmyself, because I can't teach
all these subjects?
How do you make sure they'rewell-rounded and getting a
(35:58):
robust education when we know somany things are lacking in the
public school system, so take usthrough that journey.
Speaker 2 (36:07):
Sure, well, you know, with HETEP, both of them
actually started in publicschool.
Pj, who's my older son, he's 14.
I can't believe I have a 14.
Oh, so crazy.
But we started him in publicschool and he struggled because
he's one of those kids that waslabeled as ADHD and might be on
(36:31):
the spectrum and the classroomwasn't the place for him.
So when he transitioned to hisfather a few years ago, his dad
decided maybe homeschool is bestfor him because he does well
with that one-on-one.
For HETEP, who is nine yearsold, we also started him at a
(36:52):
public school here.
It was a progressive publicschool.
I actually really liked it.
Some of my friends are like wedon't know about the school,
because at this particularschool the kids are really
allowed to express themselvesand I'm a true believer in I am
creating a person.
I want you to be able to gointo this world and operate and
be your full self.
(37:13):
So they actually called theteachers by their first names
and a lot of my friends are likeoh, and you know us, lord,
we're from the South, we're aguest, ma'am no, ma'am misses,
and all of that.
But I like that school, buthere in New York City you have
(37:33):
to have so many vaccinations togo to school and HETEP's father
was not a huge fan of all thevaccinations, so they kind of.
At first we were doing like areligious exemption, so TEP
didn't have to get so many.
And then they took that awayand his dad was like nope, and
we're out of here.
And we found ourselves at ahomeschool conference.
(37:57):
We actually met the principalof the school that he goes to.
So when I say HETEP ishomeschool, I'm not actually his
teacher.
I don't teach all the subjects,even though I do check his
Google Classroom and make surehis assignments are in.
But he's a part of a collectivewhere they actually have an
(38:18):
in-person site here in Brooklynand then they have students that
join virtually.
So you can do either.
Or let's say, for you, likeyour children, you would be out
of state, right, but your kidscan still join and go to school.
For those that are here inBrooklyn, they have the option
of going in person or virtual.
So that's kind of how we workthat I love his school.
(38:42):
The hours are also verynontraditional.
He goes to school from 11 AM to6 PM.
So for the parents that have a9 to 5, you kind of got to pull
on your village like, hey, I'mgoing to drop my child off, will
you take him to the school?
Or hey, your child is going tocome over to our house and
(39:02):
they're both going to log in toschool.
That way For the parents, whosejobs are a little more flexible
, but it's a very communityaspect for that school, all the
teachers are black.
The subjects are also somesubjects that our kids need to
be learning.
Heptep takes a business class.
(39:23):
He takes a black politicalthought class.
He takes an etiquette class.
Like he teaches me something.
I love that One day he sent medown.
He was like mommy, you know,before you make an important
decision you have to consider itseven times.
And I'm like you know You'regoing to stop.
But he's so intelligent and I'mjust so thankful again, we had
(39:51):
New York City not change thatlaw as far as the vaccinations
go.
He would still be in school.
But I'm thankful because nowall of his teachers look like
him and he's learning thingsthat are going to make him a
better prepared person for life,because they address real
things.
They address gentrification inour neighborhoods.
(40:13):
They address health.
They have a health class wherethey actually sit down and look
at the ingredients in certainfoods.
So when we're in the grocerystore and if I put something
that ain't supposed to be in thecart and the cart tells like
mom, that has trisodiumglutamate in it, and I'm like
(40:35):
you're right, babe, let's putthis back.
Speaker 1 (40:37):
I'm proud of it, Liddy OK.
Speaker 2 (40:40):
I love it.
But that's kind of how thathappened for us and again, it
wasn't planned, it was justalignment and things kind of
fell into place.
No-transcript, I will say forfamilies that are interested in
taking their children out of thepublic school system do your
research, because there may beother families like you and you
know, you can create things inyour own community.
(41:03):
You know, I don't put it pastour Delray Beach brothers and
sisters to put somethingtogether like that.
We have so many teachers andeducators.
As I look back I'm like wow,you know right.
You're right.
Speaker 1 (41:18):
Yeah, Delray is.
The black community in DelrayBeach is very solid and you can
go back generation aftergeneration and is full of
educators.
I don't, I haven't looked intoit.
I know I vent a lot about mydissatisfaction with my son's
(41:42):
experience.
I'll put it that way with hiseducational experience, I feel
like he has been robbed of hisexperience and is disheartening
because I had a positive youknow experience in our little
community in Delray Beach.
But, things have changed and itis so important.
(42:04):
I again, when I selected hisschool, I picked it because it
was to me, the demographics.
I'm like, OK, it's a nicelittle melting pot.
That's what I told myself.
You know, there are kids wholook like him, there are kids
who don't look like him.
When we initially startedschool, we started out a private
(42:27):
school that was a black schooland it was a Christian school
and that just wasn't.
It wasn't for me.
I wasn't going to make itthrough that preschool.
You know, I I kind of clash alittle bit when it comes to
certain aspects and traditionsthat they follow in the black
(42:51):
community.
It just didn't sit right withme.
So I kind of just one day wokeup and was like enough is enough
and I just pulled him out ofschool that day and I know
that's what's up.
I like that.
Yeah, the principal is justlike right now.
Yeah, I was just like no, likegive me his stuff, this is it,
(43:12):
we won't be back, and that wasit.
And I found another school thatwas another melting pot and he,
he did OK, they were a littlefaster with the pacing of what
he needed at the time and thenit just kind of went south at
(43:34):
the very end.
And that was like myintroduction into like the
racism that still happens in theclassroom.
And you would think like theseare children.
So there was a lot of justdisbelief and denial at the time
and really just not knowingwhat to do, a lot of
(43:56):
hopelessness, a lot of well,what do we do now?
Where do we go?
But at the time, like I said,it was at the end of preschool,
so we were transitioning anyway.
So for me, the best thing thatI could do is you know what?
Don't focus on that, becausewe're going to encounter racist
people.
Like you said, we are in theSouth and they are just loud and
(44:18):
proud right now, like the timesthat we're living in.
They may have been a littlecovert a couple of decades ago,
but not anymore, right?
Speaker 2 (44:31):
I'm not going to lie, though.
I had an experience at Carverthat I will never forget.
What's that I remember we were.
I think we're in eighth gradeand you know February is already
a short month, but it was thelast day of February and it was
like a half day, and that waswhen they decided to honor Black
(44:51):
History Month.
I was mad, Lori, I was mad.
I started a petition at thattime.
You remember Dr Saltzman wasour principal.
Yes, I do With the lamp.
You remember the lamp?
Speaker 1 (45:01):
Oh my gosh.
Yes, I do, but I started apetition.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
I got 111 of our classmates to sign that petition
.
That's a very special number tome, but I had 111, and
basically prior to me right theday before I went home and I was
like dad, it's the last day ofBlack History Month and they
teach us nothing.
And he was like what you goingto do about it?
(45:29):
And he gave me an idea.
He was like, well, why don'tyou write up something and have
your friend sign it?
So I did, and, passing itaround the hallways, I put it
into Dr Saltzman's mailbox and Igot called to the principal
office later that day.
Okay, this man opened it, readit and looked me in my face and
(45:51):
was like you know, well, we'llsee what we're going to do about
it.
And he put it in the trash.
What In the trash can Lori?
Speaker 1 (46:03):
Oh my.
Speaker 2 (46:05):
God, and that was for me, that was my introduction
into oh y'all really don't givea shit.
Speaker 1 (46:10):
Yeah, they don't, they absolutely don't.
Speaker 2 (46:14):
And they covered it up a lot.
But I feel like, like you saidnow, it's just like in your face
.
Speaker 1 (46:19):
They are loud and proud and it is heartbreaking
because I feel like what I, Idon't know.
When it comes to racism, whenespecially institutionalized
racism, let's backtrack, becauseyou, you have racism and then
you have the institutionalizedracism.
And for what?
(46:39):
For what is worth?
When you do see thoseindividuals who are just loud
and proud, they believe in whatthey believe in, their racist my
daddy was this, this how I wasraised, this what I believe.
A part of me can almostappreciate that, because at
least I don't have to guess.
Speaker 2 (46:58):
Right Like tell me what it is Like a state of hell,
away from you.
Speaker 1 (47:03):
Exactly, I appreciate , like you know what you put
that out there.
Like we moved out West and Boydand I ended up coming back home
and we moved out West and I wehad a neighbor there they aren't
here anymore, but he was allabout his pickup truck, his
pickup truck, his huge, hugeConfederate flag, and I'm like
(47:28):
you know what.
And he was our next doorneighbor, like zero lot line.
We got to look at this freakingConfederate flag every single
day, right?
But I was like you know what?
My neighborhood is a littlemelting pot.
You have the people next doorto us.
They are Italian.
We have two households acrossthe street from us.
(47:52):
They're Haitian.
We have two other neighborsthey're white.
We have a whole melting pot,right?
So in that setting, even thoughhe was loud and proud, again,
thank you for letting me know,because now I know, no, if you
come over here, you can't get acup of sugar, you can get shit
(48:14):
from this house.
And for my son, thank you,because, guess what, don't bring
your ass over to his house,don't knock on the door, don't
step on the property, nothing,right?
So I appreciated that, becauseat least it's not a secret, you
know.
But when we talk aboutinstitutionalized racism.
Now I have to guess, right.
(48:36):
So when he's in a school Okay,I'm getting these notes home and
these, like every day you knowhe's on red or he has a sad face
, or he's in red and orange,Like what the hell is going on,
right?
So, like you said withespecially with black boys, oh,
(48:57):
they get that ADHD label.
So good, but that's if they'relucky and that's what I had to
realize as an educator.
I'll take that ADHD label, I'lltake that ESC label because the
way things are now, at leastthat offers me a layer of
protection, right, because now,as soon as you say something
(49:21):
about racism in an institution,you are dismissed.
Right, that it can be plain asday and this is what I try to
get Like when I consult withdifferent parents it can be the
writing on the wall.
But as soon as you say it, youare dismissed.
Right, because it's subjective.
(49:42):
Even though you're not doingthis to everyone else, you're
doing it to my child.
You're not referring to anyoneelse's kid is these things?
You're doing it to my kid, butI can't prove that.
Right, all of that issubjective.
But once you get that label,when we start talking about ESC
disabilities, disorders, adhd,et cetera.
(50:06):
Well, now you're discriminatingagainst a child with a known
disability.
Hmm, and the conversation inthe language becomes different,
even though it's the same thing.
You're discriminating.
And guess what?
Now I don't even have to saythat, our word Right?
I don't even have to throw itout there, because we have so
(50:27):
many laws against what you aredoing and we have so many laws
stating what you need to do inorder to assist my child.
And I try, when I talk toparents who are kind of on the
fence, like I don't want mychild labeled, and this day and
age you better, because if youdon't get that label, they're
(50:50):
going to give them another one.
It's true, it's true.
Speaker 2 (50:53):
You know, I would rather my child have an IEP than
be the bad kid.
Speaker 1 (50:59):
You know once that label is a completely different
trajectory, and that's when youstart talking about the school
to prison pipeline.
It starts there and it makes mesick to my stomach because I
feel like, with all mycredentials and I, you know, I
(51:20):
was a teacher, I'm in the schooldistrict, so I'm still
approaching these individualslike, look, I'm on your side,
I'm a teacher too, simone.
They didn't give a damn.
They would try to pacify me,pacify me, pacify me to get me
out of their face, but you'restill destroying my kid.
So now I got to advocate alittle harder.
(51:45):
Now I have to press the envelopea little bit more, because you
hear me but you're not hearingme.
Now you're playing in my faceand you're playing with my kid.
So once I kind of take thesituation to the next level.
Now, everyone when they see meon the campus they kind of walk
(52:07):
on eggshells, right, and nowthey're overly welcoming.
But my kid is heading to middleschool now.
So did you think he forgot theway you treated him those times
before?
And I try to keep my son out ofwhat's going on behind the
scenes because I don't want himjaded.
I'm like, look, you got alittle bit more time before you
(52:32):
start to recognize the racismwithin the schools, within the
classroom.
But I also feel like you knowwhat that's life?
How many times do you go towork and you got to deal with
racist ass people every day,girl, girl.
So that part of me that I'vereally been on the fence, like I
(52:54):
don't want my son to have todeal with this.
I'm going to put him inhomeschool.
But then I'm like because I'msure I can find a black co-op
and we can have that nurturingthat he's missing.
But then part of me is alsolike, son, shit is about to get
real?
Speaker 2 (53:13):
Yeah, that's true, and you have to, at the same
time, protect them.
You have to, you know, releasethem in some ways.
Yeah, no-transcript experience,some things.
One way we keep him active, sohe has that social element, is
through soccer.
Soccer is not necessarily aBlack man sport.
(53:38):
So this year it's opened myeyes to some things.
He auditioned for a youthacademy with NYCFC, which is the
professional soccer team herein New York City, and it wasn't
a whole lot of Black kids.
I would say maybe a hundredkids showed up and maybe five or
six were Black.
(54:00):
So we had to have a talk withHattat about that.
Like, hey, this is the realityof this sport, this is the
reality of things that happen.
We don't want it to deter you,but we want you to be aware.
Speaker 1 (54:15):
Yeah, absolutely, and I can see my son.
It took shout out to Ms Hannah.
She was his first Black teacherafter having so many run-ins
with his initial.
What was that?
Like first grade, his firstgrade teacher I had.
His kindergarten teacher, whowas a white woman, pulled me
(54:35):
aside like hey, shediscriminates against your son.
I've already told the principal.
I don't care what she's sayingabout your son, that is not true
.
He never did those things withme and you need to look into it.
So we ended up getting theclass changed and Ms Hannah has
been at that school since theschool opened.
(54:56):
Okay, and when I say pro Black,she is going to teach those
babies about Black History Month.
Come on, ms Hannah.
180 days of school.
I've never seen him so proudbecause it went beyond Martin
Luther King.
And then she started teachinghim like well, let me tell you
(55:17):
some facts about Martin LutherKing.
And my son came home, Iremember in like first grade,
like mommy, that's not even hisname, what?
Speaker 2 (55:29):
Come on, babe.
I love when the kids teach us.
I love that.
Speaker 1 (55:33):
And I'm just like go, ms Hannah.
He's like, yeah, that wasn'this name, that's not his birth
name, he was inspired by MartinLuther after a trip, and blah,
blah, blah.
I'm like, huh, okay, so now I'mto the side.
So it's like he was so proud togo to school, you know, and and
(56:00):
have this information that noone else was sharing.
And right now, florida.
We are in a time where this isthe first year they have taken
away Black history.
I don't know if people reallyknow what's going on, but that
African American historynumerous times, and I am yeah,
(56:22):
that is right.
Yeah, right before your eyes.
So I do find myself like, howam I going to supplement his
education with the truth?
Right?
And then this is something thathas made me like you know what
I?
Maybe it's time to go ahead andpull him out, but at the same
(56:43):
time, I do feel compelled, likeno matter what field you go in,
no matter where you go, you aregoing to have that racism right
there in your face, and you haveto know how to navigate around
it.
When I graduated from Atlantic,it was like a big thing back in
(57:05):
like 2006, going to theUniversity of Florida right,
that was the vote at the numberone party school in the country
and it was such a great schooland blah, blah, blah.
And you get there, you know, Igot accepted.
So I'm like great, you go toorientation.
We have one orientation andthen we had a real orientation
(57:29):
for those black students.
Hey, let me pull you aside,like I'm your, your proctor or
preceptor, whatever we used tocall them and they taught us
about the fishbowl.
When you come to this school,this is a PWI, this is what
experience you can expect, youcan expect as a black student,
(57:52):
and this is how you need toconduct yourself accordingly.
And it was like damn, because,yeah, they're going and thank
God I had somebody to pull measide.
I wasn't expecting that.
You know you're, you'resheltered, right, I'm getting
(58:12):
angry listening to Laurie.
But I appreciate that we pay toattend.
Oh, absolutely.
And you know people, it's greatto be a Florida Gator and you
can Gator chomp and you knowthis whole culture.
But there's a subculture there.
As a black student and had Inot been, I guess, prepped for
(58:36):
that, you know then I maybe Iwouldn't have been able to
handle myself and navigate myway through those spaces.
That one, everybody in the roomdidn't think my black ass
deserve to be there in the firstplace.
And I even had other studentswho didn't know any any better
because they were sheltered,just like I was sheltered, and
(58:58):
they would ask Well, don't theyhave to like, let black people
go here, like that.
That's how you got in.
So you didn't get in on merit,you, you got in because you're
black, right.
And my response hey, my blackass is here either way.
And guess what?
I got the highest exam scoresin this college, right, and
(59:23):
don't be asking to study with me, and you know what, and they
could not stand.
I had a couple of frenemies,because once you get to the top
of the class, you get throughyour gen ed courses, even your
gen ed courses.
The way they would teach us itwas not something that I could
identify with and I struggledLike I'll tell anybody.
(59:46):
I became a science teacherbecause at that point I failed
so many damn science classesHell, I can't teach the class
because I've taken it about 10times.
I can teach all these sciencecourses, but it took me to fail
a chemistry course and I had toretake it in the summer and I
(01:00:10):
ended up with a black adjunctprofessor.
All right, that was part one ofa two part series.
Don't forget, tune in next weekwhere we conclude this episode.
Hey everyone, it's yourfavorite BCBAD here, dr Doloren,
and I'm here to ask you to helpus continue making great
content for listeners everywhereby visiting wwwforshittymomscom
(01:00:37):
, where you can make a monthlycontribution.
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at
Forshitty Moms and that's shittywith an X, not an I.
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