EP 9: Engineering a Life of Joy Amid Mom Mayhem

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
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(00:20):
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(00:42):
M-o-m at gmailcom.
It's time to put the kids tobed, so y'all get ready for
another episode of For ShittyMoms.
All right, everyone, welcome toanother episode of For Shitty
Moms.
I'm your host, deloren, andtoday we have a special guest.

(01:03):
I'm just going to pass it onover to her and let her
introduce herself.

Speaker 2 (01:09):
Hey everybody, I'm Christina Martin.
I am the CEO of Mom2Mouth LLC,so it's actually a women's
empowerment group for us, kindof centered around mothers not
necessarily birth mothers, butanyone that takes care of a
young child.
We welcome you, and so I'mexcited to be here today to talk
about moms and the importanceof motherhood, and I'm actually

(01:33):
a single mother of three kidsmyself 15, 11, and 3.
So they give me a run for mymoney, and I actually went to
Florida State University.
I have a bachelor's inelectrical engineering and then
I continued and did my master'sin business administration at
the college I mean, sorry, theGeorgia College and State
University.

Speaker 1 (01:52):
Oh, wow, what an intro.
Ok, so you hit most of mytopics, so you're like a pro at
this and I always like lettingthe guests introduce themselves
because I feel like I find outso much more about them.
What brought you?
You're in Georgia now, so canyou give us a little background?

(02:14):
What brought you there?
Because most of our guests arefrom right here, homegrown in
South Florida, and you startedout here in South Florida and
then you kind of branched off,so do you want to take us
through that?

Speaker 2 (02:29):
Yes, I can.
So I'm actually a homegrownFlorida Orange myself, but I
actually, after graduating fromFlorida State, I received a job
offer to Robbins Air Force Basehere in Warner Robins, georgia
Real country town.
When I got here I was itchingto get back home no beaches in
sight, anything like that but itwas a great opportunity for me

(02:50):
and my daughter at the time andso fast forward now.
I've been here for 14 years.
It's great for family.
Like I said before, I havethree kids now.
I actually still work on base.
I started off as an electronicengineer and now I actually
moved on to become a supervisorof engineering data.
So it's very fun.
Do miss home a lot, but at thesame time it's great for my

(03:13):
career and great for my kids.

Speaker 1 (03:15):
Now give us like a day in the life of an electrical
engineer, because that's notsomething that you hear about
every day.
So what do you focus on?
What does that look like?

Speaker 2 (03:29):
So definitely all electrical engineers do
different things.
My main focus, being on the AirForce Base, is to support the
warfighters.
So you know, without disclosingtoo much, I actually, before I
became a supervisor, I was incharge of making sure our
systems were running correctlyon the aircraft Specifically,
the B-52 was my aircraft.
Very interesting, very detailed, looking at engineering

(03:52):
drawings consistently, the B-52was actually a 1980s plane and
so a lot of obsolescence andobsolete parts, and so my job
was to basically keep it flying,and so the side of the house
that I work on I don'tphysically have to work with the
parts, and so my job was tobasically keep it flying, and so
the side of the house that Iwork on I don't physically have
to work with the parts.
We actually hired contractorsto do that, but I had to oversee
these contractors to make sureeverything was running smoothly,

(04:13):
fast forward.
Now I just became a supervisorin July and so now it's more of
admin work.
But it's definitely a breath offresh air and a break from
having to do a lot of thetechnical day-to-day, and so now
I'm more focused on my teammaking sure they do everything
they need to do, definitelyfocused on their well-being.
We have something called thewingman and so we always try to

(04:36):
be good wingmen to our fellowemployees.
And now, being over theseemployees, I definitely you know
I want to take care of theirmental as well, as they're
making sure the physical is doneday by day.
So it's busy, but it'sdefinitely different than having
to technically, you know, beworking with these parts.
I used to have to go away wecall it TDY, but I used to have

(04:57):
to go to like New Jersey andCalifornia and, as you can
expect, with a mother, it was alot for me to even try to go um
it was probably almost everyother month.
So oh wow, that's.

Speaker 1 (05:06):
Yeah, definitely a break now for me, but still
enjoyable now I'm I'm listeningand I'm trying not to like
fangirl too much because I'mdefinitely like the science
fanatic.
Um, how do you communicate toyour kids what you do for a
living?
Do they understand, like thegravity of what you do every day

(05:29):
?

Speaker 2 (05:30):
So the best part for me was actually being able to
take them to the Air Force Base.
So, all of my kids have gottento experience going to the Air
Force Base in different ways.
Like my daughter, she used toactually come to work with me
every once in a while and so shephysically kind of got to see
the work set in the office, setin, Of course, COVID hit.
So my boys, I was able to takethem to the Museum of Aviation

(05:51):
that we have here on the base soI have pictures of them with
the planes.
You know, for them it's likehey, they just fly, but they
know that mommy helps keepingthem fly, keeping them in the
air.
So for them, you know, and theyactually were able to, in the
museum they have a B-52 cockpitand so they were able to
actually sit there.
I kind of showed them some ofthe buttons.
Interesting fact, my into anactual plane.

(06:11):
It was like a simulation butyeah, they learned more than you
would actually imagine becausethey have a lot of STEM programs

(06:32):
and things here for the kidsthat are geared towards the base
and my kids have been part ofall of that.

Speaker 1 (06:34):
Oh, that's so cool.
Now, with all that you do, isthat like a typical nine to five
, where when you're off you'reoff and then you switch to mommy
mode, or is it For me?
It is Okay For me it is Ichoose to.

Speaker 2 (06:47):
There are people that they're still on the clock
jumping on.
I will definitely say, now thatCOVID has put me at home, I do
find myself sometimes stilldoing stuff at six, seven
o'clock at night, but that'sjust because my day's gotten
away from me.
But typically, yeah, once Ileft the base, I left my work
there.
You know, as a mom it's just alot when you come home and have

(07:11):
to get into mommy mode to stilltry to get work done.
So I left it there, lefteverything right there, and then
I picked it up the next morning.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
Okay, cool.
So would you describe your joband or your industry as like mom
friendly, where, if lifehappens, you know you can stop
what you're doing and theyunderstand that you need to be a
mom right now?
That takes precedence.
How does that look?

Speaker 2 (07:35):
So the basic self is like a city within a city.
So it's very funny.
Anybody that comes to base mydaughter actually used to go to
school on base they have alibrary, they have bowling
alleys like all kinds of stuffthat you would have out in the
regular city the base has it.
So the weird thing is when yousay you work on base, it's like
always what organization, whatdepartment?
Because they're so different.

(07:57):
And I've been really, reallyblessed where I hear people that
have to work overnight.
We call it the flight line, butthey work actually with the
planes out there.
They're working overnight.
If there's an emergency they'recalled in immediately.
That's not mom friendly, that'snot something I could see
myself doing.
But my particular position inmy organization it's a great
work-life balance.
I'm very blessed withsupervisor and my director of

(08:20):
engineering.
They both are parents and theyunderstand, so they definitely
allow me to put my kids first,especially my three-year-old.
If there's an illness, ifthere's a doctor's appointment,
definitely take off, go, handlewhat you have to do and whenever
you get back let us know, and Ilove it so definitely there's
positions on base that would fitthat for a mom.

Speaker 1 (08:41):
Oh, that's awesome, Because you would think
engineering like, oh, they'renot going to be, you know, too
flexible.
But that's awesome to hear.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
Well, there's sacrifices and I tell people all
the time I could be making waymore money, but I'd probably be
working swing shifts through acontractor and have to travel
all the time.
I probably wouldn't be able todo as much as I do with my kids
as a mom.
So, that's the sacrifice I takeby working for the government.
Job security benefits are great, but you definitely get less

(09:13):
than you probably would getworking with a contractor
monetarily.
But you know as a mom, sometimesyou have to make that decision,
and I chose to go that route.

Speaker 1 (09:33):
Holidays, I'm off, when they're off, things like
that I enjoy.
With working with thegovernment, yeah, that's awesome
.
And I do feel like once youstart comparing, you may start
out in college or in high schoolwith an idea of what you want
to do, but then, when life hitsand reality hits, you kind of
pivot, you shift a little bitand you find what options allow
you to strike the balance andstill have a quality of life,
still have a career and thenstill balance.

(09:56):
You know motherhood andeverything that comes with it.
So, with the job and parentingand everything else that you
have right now that you'vementioned so far, what do your
hobbies look like?
Or like side hustles or otherinterests outside of like work

(10:20):
and parenting?
What does that look like foryou?

Speaker 2 (10:23):
So I do a lot of side hustles and those are actually
my enjoyment as well.
So I started working as abartender at a place up here
called 44th and Madison.
It's a wedding venue, but theyalso host events such as ratchet
bingo, open mic night, and Ihave a blast.
I have a blast doing it.
They were able to train me tobe a bartender.
Um, it's close enough to home,to where it's like a block away
from my house, so I'm, you know,able to rush home to the kids

(10:46):
if I need to, and that'sdefinitely enjoyable for me as
well, and it's just like alittle weekend gig.
I also tutor.
So actually before today,earlier today, I tutored right
after my nine to five.
But I enjoyed that as well.
I tutor kids of all ages inmath, and so that's something I
do as not only a side hustle butalso enjoyment.

Speaker 3 (11:10):
I've been doing it for years, and so now I just
actually work for a company andput a price tag to it.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
I also love to work out.
Fitness is a thing for me.
That was my commitment when Istarted my company and so,
because I'm not always able togo to the gym, I'll go to the
park, allow my son to kind ofrun around and I do different
workouts.
Whenever I do get a chance to,I do go to the gym.
My kids will babysit and I'llgo to the gym.
That's enjoyable for me as well.
It's kind of just like a breathof fresh air because, although

(11:35):
you're working out, it's peacefor me.
I put in my headphones and I'maway from mommy mode for a
little bit and I'm able to just,you know, do a little workout,
whether the treadmill orwhatever.
So I do enjoy doing that.
And then my big thing is travel.
Okay, I love to travel.
It's something I enjoy doing.
Covid kind of put a littlestint in that and it actually
made me lazy, I'll admit it.
But whenever I am able to getaway, I travel with my kids.

(11:59):
That's probably a hundredpercent of the time.
But I'm making memories withthem and they're at the age now
to where I can enjoy doingthings with them, and so it's
fun.
It's fun for me.
It's something I do, but yeah,day by day, I'm usually ripping
and running.
I'm a football mom.
My daughter does drama, so Ienjoy going to her shows and, as
a mom, you just know you loveseeing your kids happy.

Speaker 1 (12:29):
And so a lot of what they enjoy doing I now enjoy
doing and I kind of enteredtheir world.

Speaker 2 (12:32):
So it's fun for me as well.
Oh my gosh Okay.

Speaker 1 (12:40):
That's so much.
I know it's so rare to hear,but it sounds like you have
figured out how to strike thebalance Because a lot of times
when you have moms who are verycareer driven or have, like they
, they play a pivotal role intheir industry or in their
career, they don't really havetime to do the extracurriculars
like.
If the kids are involved inextracurriculars then you

(13:02):
usually hear about family orfriends who kind of step up and
fill in the gaps and it soundslike you have the career, you're
there to support them in theirextracurricular and somehow you
manage to have a life on yourown.
I know a lot of moms strugglewith just like, hey, I want to

(13:23):
work out, or hey, I need some metime, and it seems like you've
been able to put all of thosepieces together, even with the
bartending like that's fun.
I'm sure that gives you asocial life outside of children,
which is very important.
So how in the world were youable to orchestrate all of these

(13:47):
different avenues and pull ittogether?

Speaker 2 (13:50):
Well, one thing about me I've always been super
organized.
Growing up I was the secretaryto a lot of different
organizations clubs so even nowthey call me the family planner,
because anytime anything has tobe done they're like, hey,
let's call Christina.
So I'm like that with my life.
I'm very organized.
If you look at my calendar, Ihave things planned out for next
week.
Now, we know things come upunexpected, but I kind of try to

(14:12):
have my day planned out.
And with kids you have to,especially active kids.
My kids are very active, butthat was partly part of why I
started my group.
I wanted mothers to realize thatyou can be about your kids, but
still have you, still go backto you.
My motto is always you know youcan't pour from an empty vessel
.
And so we're like all thethings I just named.

(14:34):
I'm constantly running aroundwith the kids, but at some point
I'm like when, when do I gettime?
Right.
So I had to find enjoyment outof some of these stuff.
Like my son, for instance, my11-year-old loves car shows.
He loves big rim racing.
He's like, mom, can we go tothis car show?
And I'm like, oh my God, thefirst day he asked me.
We were out there for 12 hours.
I couldn't believe it.
I'm like, oh my gosh.

(14:55):
And now I'm telling him thenext car show I found out, hey,
he enjoys doing this, I'm goingto have to be here with him, let
me find enjoyment in it.
And so now I actually haveentered the car show world.
I know a lot of the people.
When we go to the car shows I'mlike, oh, this person's going

(15:15):
against this person.
I find myself excited, and soI've kind of noticed that I've
entered what they like to doTheater.
Same thing.
I've never been a big theaterfan.
My daughter loves it.
Now I'm singing some of themusicals, and so I found myself
actually enjoying what they'vebrought me into.
And so I feel like as a mother,you have to kind of find

(15:36):
enjoyment in the things withyour kids, and one thing I
always say is they grow up quick.
They really do so before youknow it.
It's going to be like mom, Idon't need you, or mom, don't,
don't walk me in, you know.
So when they do still getexcited for me to do things with
them, I'm like, ok, let's do it.
And you know it's noteverything, let's face it,
you're not always intoeverything they do.
Yeah.
But I'm blessed that a lot ofwhat my kids do I'm now finding

(15:58):
enjoyable and that you know, andthey actually love to invite me
to come do it with them, sothat's always a blessing as well
.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
So how did you get yourself to a point where you
find enjoyment in what they do?
Is it something like you talkyourself up, you kind of coach
yourself ahead of time, or whatI've had to?

Speaker 2 (16:16):
These car shows are not for the weak.
It could be long, hot, ofcourse they're loud, and I was
like, oh my gosh.
But when I tell you, we madelike a trip out of it.
So, for instance, one of hisfavorite racers is stationed in
South Carolina and so he's likemom, the show's in South
Carolina.
I'm like what, four hours away,but we made a weekend out of it
.

(16:36):
You know, we went up there, wegot a hotel, he introduced me to
some people and now it's a bigthing for me and my 11-year-old
and 3-year-old to do, and so Ithink, just researching it I
mean, it's not everything I like, definitely not but researching
it, understanding it more.
You know, sometimes we don'tlike things because we don't
even understand it, right.

(16:57):
And so now that I've actuallyhad to deep dive into it, the
meaning of some things, the typeof cars, because my son is so
educated on it that I mean he'llhave your mind running.
He'll be like mom, look at thisengine.
And I'm like, huh, so I've hadto learn it and it's actually
become a bond in for us becausehe's like teaching me.
We always feel like we teachour kids.
I learn from my kids becausehe'll teach me about the

(17:19):
different cars and the enginesand types.
My daughter will tell me aboutthe different pitches and things
about theater, and so I findit's a good bonding time for us
and I think I'm just aparticular person where I get
enjoyment out of seeing my kidsyou know, enjoying being with me
.
So one thing that I institutedwas Family Fun Friday.
So every Friday we try to dosomething together.

(17:39):
It could be going out to eat.
We've actually ended up buyinglike 10 different Monopoly games
.
So during COVID we learnedevery different Monopoly out
there.
Oh cool, they taught me thegame of life.
We've gone to the movies.
We just try to do somethingeach Friday.
I mean, sometimes it's assimple as me ordering a pizza
and we sit at the table and talkbecause it's been a long day,

(18:00):
but I'm like let's just gettogether for that little bit of
time.
And you would think they'relike oh, mom, but I actually
sometimes now they're like whatare we doing tonight?

Speaker 1 (18:06):
And I'm like.
Oh.

Speaker 2 (18:07):
I'm thinking let's not do anything, but the fact
that they even want to, it'senjoyable for me.
I'm like, okay, well, let's dosomething.
And so you sometimes have tokind of like work yourself up,
because I think just the initialthought of it is like what am I
going to like about big rimracing?
Like I don't care about oldschool cars with big rims, but
it's funny that now I do, Iactually do enjoy it.

(18:28):
I think, understanding it more.
Now I do find myself actuallytelling him about the shows you
know.
And, like I said, with theatermy daughter performed in one
play and I went and saw it seventimes and it's the same play,
but it was.
The support for her is the factthat now I need the songs I'm
singing along.
My three-year-old even does thedances at home now and for me
it's like, oh my gosh, sheenjoys it too.

(18:49):
So that for me alone puts asmile on my face, knowing that
we actually can connect onsomething you know, and it's
hard nowadays to connect withyour kids.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
So when I'm able to.

Speaker 2 (18:58):
I love it, I love it.

Speaker 1 (18:59):
That's awesome.
So I have a thought, but I'mnot going to say it yet.
I'm going to ask you how do you?

Speaker 2 (19:12):
describe yourself as a mom.
Super mom, that's what theycall me, but I saw them.
I have to put on all the hats,so when they're sick, I'm the
nurse.
I just had to tutor my daughterlast night.
It was funny because I pridemyself on the fact that my kids
are great students.
They are, and I tutor otherkids.
My kids never asked for help,okay, and so, um, of course, now
you know everything's digital,so I get their grades as it
comes in, and so I was homeyesterday and her grade came in

(19:34):
for a quiz and it was like oh mygosh, what is this?
So I, when she got home, I saidhow am I helping other kids?
And home I said how am Ihelping other kids?
And it looks like you'restruggling.
It was in algebra.
And she said well, I thought Iknew it, but I didn't.
And so we were up last nighttill after 11 studying and today
she got a 90 on the test.

(19:54):
But look at that.
Yeah, I was like, oh my gosh.
I was like so that's the hat Ihad to put on after my long day.
Yesterday I had to go tutor,you know, tutor my own child,
own child.
Um, of course, you're the chef,you know.
So I really do.
When people say you're supermom, I'm like, yeah, I have my
kryptonite, though, you know,just like superman, but um, I do
.
Yeah, I consider myself supermom.
I I try to be the fun, friendly, but I also got to be stern.

(20:16):
I don't know like, hey, I'mstill your mom, yeah, so, um,
super mom would be would be myterm for myself.

Speaker 1 (20:22):
Okay, that's close to mine.
I like she's like the ultimatemom, like your kids want to be
around you.
You don't hear that.
I know they want to hang.
Now, how does it look?
The tutoring with your daughter?
How does that look?
Because?

Speaker 2 (20:38):
for me it's a struggle.
She never wanted to.
She said that's why she neverasked me for help.
She's like Mom, I don't reallywant you tutoring me, but last
night it was such a blessingbecause even when I sat down
with her I had, like I said, along day.
I sat down with her around 930.
That's when I got back homefrom my day ending and she was
at the table already ready to go, because I told her be prepared
and I remember she put thefirst problem in reteach myself.

(21:02):
So I'm over here on Google, I'mlooking at her note and by the
time we were done, like I said,it was like 11.
She said I understand it waybetter now than my teacher
explained it and I was like thatfor me was an accomplishment,
absolutely because, again, I wastired and I thought I was going
to get a lot of resistance,which I do and don't don't get
me wrong, there was a lot of mom.
We don't do it like thatanymore mom, I haven't done it

(21:23):
like that since I was in fourthgrade, you know, but the
ultimate goal was to get theright answer right so, um,
thankfully she did it her way.
She kind of took my steps andled up to her way, and she
passed the test today.
So it's not always that easyyou know kids, I think for some
reason they feel like parentsdon't understand and they
automatically have this thoughtof like you're gonna be harder
on them, so they don't want toask you for help, yeah, but then

(21:46):
you just described me like I'mthe you're harder

Speaker 1 (21:49):
oh yeah, absolutely.
Because when I'm in theclassroom with the students I
know for the most part, you know, I used to teach secondary
science, so I only had them for50 minutes and with all the
transitionings at the beginningof class, all of the transitions
at the end of class, to makesure they make it to their next

(22:12):
class on time.
I knew for core instruction Ihave about 20 minutes max for
them to catch the concept.
And this is like 20 minuteswith at least 22 kids, 22
different learners, 22opportunities for distractions

(22:36):
and missed content, right, um,22 opportunities for them to
miss the notes.
And oh my god, you went toofast.
Can you go back?
So I would have that mindsetlike, look, on this day I just
need you to get the gist of itand then we'll practice a little
bit on this day we'll come backand catch some of the stuff you

(22:58):
miss.
Like you can plan a little more.
But when it's your own, I'mkind of like I'm digging deep
into these concepts and I justwant him to get it.
You know, in the classroom it'slike all right, I know some
people aren't gonna get it, Iknow some people will get it, so
now I need to make a plan toremediate those who didn't get

(23:18):
it, and I still need to keep theother ones preoccupied if they
caught on the same day, you know.
so you're just always on themove, but when it's your own, I
feel like yeah, I kind of focuson every little thing and I find
myself going back to like theprevious grade level, like hey,
you should have learned thisthis way.

(23:39):
It's coming from this, so let'sgo back to the prerequisite
skills.
And he's like like what theheck?
Like it was just one problem.
Why are you asking me this?
I'm like because if you don'tknow this, then we can't do this
like do you remember this?
Does this sound familiar?
And I do all of that.
And lately what's beenhappening is, by the time I

(24:00):
teach it to him, it's just justwhat you said.
Oh, we don't do it that way.
So now I've run into a fewtimes where he was struggling
with the concept.
I taught him the way that Ilearned it and he went to school
and bomb the test Like we don'tdo it that way, even if it

(24:23):
takes him to the same answer,because initially I'm like it's
the same way, I don't know.
But then when I get the test,they start asking specific
questions about the method.
So a few of the tests that hehad it was more so focused on
the process of getting there asopposed to the answer.

(24:43):
And.
I'm just like well, your teacheronly taught it for this long.
She couldn't have gone thatdeep, because you guys are
already testing on it and, likeI, keep track of the scope and
sequence, but they are likemoving fast yeah, they're moving
really quickly.
And then here I am using acompletely different method from

(25:05):
what he learned in theclassroom and when he's really
struggling with concepts now Ijust confuse him, like I've
shown him something completelydifferent from what he's been
practicing.
So at one point last month Iwas like you know what?
I think I'm doing more harmthan good.
Let me step back.

(25:25):
Let's get a tutor who knowswhatever they're using, because
it's not even.
I think everything stems fromcommon core which I get common
core.
But florida just changed theirstandards.
I think this year they changedthem again.
So now they're doing somethingelse, like the star stamp
something they're doing and I'mlike like I can get you.

(25:48):
Yeah, it's like the rightanswer.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
What's the problem?

Speaker 1 (25:50):
but right, so I've just been like well, son, like
this is the way we did it, butlet's, let's go to the book.
Like luckily, I know how tonavigate those platforms because
I can pull up his videos andstuff like that from the
textbook.
And even the textbooks.
If you I don't know how far yougo into it, but sometimes I

(26:15):
will look at the textbooks, lookat the barcodes and try to get
my own and you can't, so theones that we have access to.
If you're not like a schooldistrict making that purchase,
you cannot get the same materialto practice you just even if it
says it's the same thing, thesame title, the same publisher

(26:35):
it is not the same.
So I've just been like you knowwhat.
Let me take a step back becausehe'll come home like you told
me wrong.
Yeah, I do online resources,textbooks, uh-huh.

Speaker 2 (26:49):
But I think I'm a little easier on my kids, and I
say that because I wasn't thebest student okay so, um, I was
in gifted my whole.
So compared to the averagestudent I was probably like whoo
, but my mom's standards I wasnot.
My mom was always like I expectxyz.
And then my brother he's 16months older than me.
He was a straight a student.
I mean that boy was on, he's anengineer as well, oh cool, but

(27:11):
through school he was a1 and Iwas more of like, oh, I got a d.
I can't show my mom this youknow, so with my kids?
I don't tell them, hey, it'sokay if you get a c, but I don't
, I don't get down on themreally hard about it.
You know and like I, said, I'vebeen blessed that they don't
bring home C's.
You know, my kids are all A's,my son's all A's, my daughter's
A's and B's always been likethat.

(27:32):
So I'm very blessed with thetype of kids they are.
But because I know what I waslike, I don't like expect oh my
gosh, they got a D.
I'm going to kill them, or theygot a, c, I'm going to kill
them.
At that point I'm more of likewell, what are you struggling
with?
What do?
you need help with.
Is it the teacher?
Is it I?
More start asking questionsbecause I think growing up my
mom was just more of oh, why'dyou get this, let me do this.

(27:54):
But again, my brother was doinggreat.
So she's like I know it can bedone because he's doing it Even
on report card days.
I would hide my report card andI'd tell him don't tell mom, we
got a report card.
And of course, because he gotall A's, he's like my mom's,
like where's yours?
I'm like, oh, my gosh.
And so I was that student.
I always passed, but it wasalways a struggle for me, gotcha

(28:15):
, whereas my brother, I feellike, just came more natural.
But I was a social butterfly.
No-transcript, I expect this.

(28:51):
I'm not like that with them.
Just because I know it was astruggle for me and I know
because of the kids I have, ifthey are struggling there's a
reason.
Yeah, either that particularconcept's hard, the teaching
method, that teacher's not forthem, but there's a reason
because they don't usuallystruggle.
So you have to know your kids.
Of course, you have to knowyour kids to be able to help
them and help them efficiently.

(29:12):
So for the most part, yeah, mykids don't ask me for help, but
it's because they usually don'tneed it.

Speaker 1 (29:17):
Yeah, I just came to the realization.
I want to say last year I hadan epiphany.
It's like I want to say lastyear I had an epiphany.
I was like why is he struggling?
Like my kid, either he gets itand if he doesn't get it he's
completely discouraged.

Speaker 2 (29:35):
And then I had an epiphany like I wasn't a good
student, like, and we forgetthat you know we forget that we
really do because we grew up andwe're so successful, especially
at school, like I'm, a bigschool person now right, but I
always have to remember like, ohmy god, maybe it was the
distractions, maybe because Iwas a social butterfly, I was
not a student, I was a and, likeI said, I was in hard

(29:58):
curriculums.
I did IB in Atlantic.
So you know, that was nothingeasy.
But again, because my brotherwas like my mom's like, okay, it
, it can be done, you just arenot applying yourself.
And I'm like I am.
And she's like, no, you're not.
And you know it's hard to arguewith that.
Because again, here was mybrother, he had the same
teachers, you know.
So my mom's like why you can'tdo it?

(30:18):
Yeah, it was hard to reallytell, especially being a
Caribbean parent.
We're different.
She's like, okay, you're justnot applying yourself.
And I'm like you know, so, um,I'm thankful for it now that I
look at it.
But I definitely think aboutthat when I deal with my kids.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
I definitely do and that's how I feel with my son.
But then I have to remember Ialways think about it like I'm
pretty sure, like seeing mystudent, seeing my son, like I
know I had a learning disabilityand my mom did not play that
Like she didn't want to hear it,that wasn't even on the table.

(30:54):
No, figure it out.
So I just somebody asked me towrite an excerpt.
Somebody's publishing a bookand they asked me to explain
what did I get right Like in mycareer?
How did I get to this point?
What's the one thing you didright?
And I had to really sit downand think about it.

(31:15):
Like how I got to this point wasthat early on I knew that I
learned differently fromeverybody else and I knew that
it was a lot harder for me as astudent to catch on to certain
concepts.
So I would see my friends likethey put in no effort, got good

(31:37):
grades.
It was like not a big deal.
And here I was on the strugglebus deal.
And here I was on the strugglebus, putting in effort and like
barely getting C's when it comesto like math and science, which
is crazy, because that's thecareer path that I chose to
follow.
But I always, I guess, maintainthat motivation because I was

(32:00):
just interested.
So by the time I got to highschool I would tell myself like
girl, you need to like math andscience is not your thing, you
need to find something else.
And even my teachers would likehey, you're great at writing,
why don't you pursue somethingin the arts?
And I just wasn't interested inthat.

(32:21):
I was interested in thesciences, but I was horrible't
interested in that.
I was interested in thesciences, but I was horrible at
it, but that interest is whatkept me going.
So, now I tell my son, like look, I wasn't good at it either, I
was just interested.
So in, I think, anatomy andphysiology, like in high school,

(32:43):
and chemistry, one of myteachers chemistry teacher you
probably had him.
I'm not gonna say his namebecause I'm sure a lot of people
had him.
But he looked at my chemistrywork, like the way I was working
it out, and he was just likethis is terrible, like, and he
would always let me retest.
And I just kept failing thetest.

(33:03):
And so one day he's like well,let me see what you're doing.
And he just made a comment likeoh, after looking at my work,
like you would be better chasingtrucks on I-95.
And he just handed the paperback to me, like it's enough,
wow so.
And it was like all right, wowso.

(33:24):
And it was like all right, I'llsee you again next week, don't
worry about it.
Like, I'll figure it out.
Give me my book and I wouldtake the chemistry book home and
at the old Atlantic they didn'teven allow you to take the
chemistry books home and hewould just be like you can take
it like you need it you needit and that happened like that
and I don't know.
I never dropped the class.
I never went to like a guidancecounselor like hey, can you

(33:49):
take me out of this class?
I was just gonna figure it out.
So in the book I just wrotethat I had a commitment to being
a lifelong learner, to being alifelong learner.
It was just.
This is what piqued my interest.
I got it wrong, I failed, allright, that did not bother me.

(34:09):
We had a math class.
I think I got stuck in like Ididn't get put in advanced
classes or AP classes until myjunior year of high school.
I definitely fell through thecracks and shout out to the
substitute teachers because itwas them who went to
administration like she doesn'tbelong in these classes, like

(34:32):
why is she here?
And they even asked me like hey, your work is good, why are you
here?
And I'm like I don't know.
This is what they, this is theschedule they gave me.
So I didn't even get introducedto the world of, like, ap
learning or anything like that.
You know the annex at the oldAtlantic, that the other world.

(34:54):
I didn't get introduced to thattill my junior year.

Speaker 2 (34:58):
So that was my world.

Speaker 1 (34:59):
yeah, and I was late to the party and it really was
like a different world.
People were actually learningpeople and when I say people,
I'm talking about students.
Students actually enjoyed thecontent and the curriculum that
they were being taught.
That was not something.
So me being introduced to thatworld so late in the game.

(35:23):
When it comes to my son, I'mlike hey, you need to know this
stuff now.
Like, take an interest now,because it's going to open you
up to so many opportunities andyou don't have to be the best,
you just have to give effort.
But, when I say my son is likechill mode all the time.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
Most are like that.

Speaker 1 (35:47):
Most of them are the same way.
Yeah, there is nothing.
I'm just like son.
You don't want to know, justfor yourself.
Nope, this is good enough.

Speaker 2 (35:56):
Yeah, it's a generation.
My kids are the same way Verynonchalant.
They're not going to do no morethan is asked of them.
Yeah, like you said, you weremotivated to go beyond.
No, if they say a fiveparagraph essay, my son is
writing three to five sentences,probably three, because that's
a.
That's a paragraph, mommy,right.
And then he's writing the fiveand I'm like but there's so much

(36:16):
more, mom, that's all they askI'm like okay and I leave it
alone because it's so mediocre.
Now, yeah, and we weren't even,but you know, so much was
handwritten and all that.
Now it's all in the computerand so we were expected.
I think we were held at ahigher level as well.
Yeah, and I was in that worldthe whole time.
You know, I was in IB and so Iwas in AP, everything and on.

(36:37):
You know.
So for me it was like this ismy norm and I think, I just took
that and that's how I am.
Even now, it's like I always gothe extra mom.
My kids always, they say it allthe time Mom, you're so extra,
you're so extra and I'm like,okay, just because I'm doing
more than I asked for, butnobody asked you to do that and
I'm like, okay, but that's whatI'm able to.

(37:08):
No, they're like, uh, mom, a,that's enough, don't, don't let
it go now.

Speaker 1 (37:10):
I'm like okay so don't feel any type of way.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
They're all like that same age my son's 11.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
My 15 year old does it too, you know so yeah, I just
had to explain to my son likeokay, do you want to stand out
or you want to be basic, likethat's the nicest way I can put
it yeah, he's like well, what'swrong with that?

Speaker 2 (37:26):
I'm like, oh my gosh all right, yep, that's my
daughter.
Basic yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:32):
So it's just interesting to see, um, I guess,
looking at everything, becausemy son, I see so much of myself
in him, but then he has thislevel of chill that reminds me
of his dad and I'm like, oh, mygoodness, the chill side of you

(37:53):
is like gonna put me in an earlygrave, because I'm here like,
oh, we have to do this and wehave to prepare, and and he's
like like, okay, we were talkingabout his schedule.
And he's like, okay, and whatabout my day off, which day
which I'm like you know?

Speaker 2 (38:08):
what you're right, we're gonna strike the balance.

Speaker 1 (38:10):
We're gonna do some fun stuff, we're gonna strike
the balance.
So now this year, my goal isreally to show him like, yeah,
we can work hard, but we canplay hard too.
Yeah we're gonna put in thiswork and then we're going to
vibe out.
We're going to, maybe we'lltake a couple of trips right, or
every month, or we'll make sureto do something special,

(38:33):
whether it's going to the movies.
Maybe once a month instead of,like a regular movie theater,
we'll do the premiere, or we'lldo I pick, you know, just
something nice to relax, to showhim like, yeah, you work hard
but you also get rewards youknow, for your hard work, and
that's something that I've hadto learn just through different

(38:58):
challenges and me trying tofigure out, like, why is this so
hard, why is this so difficult?
And just replaying, like, okay,what's something that I that I
could have done better, like,how can I make this easier?
How can I make it moreenjoyable, like you said?
So, with that being said, whatare, like, your three biggest

(39:19):
challenges right now as a mom?

Speaker 2 (39:21):
your three biggest challenges right now as a mom?
Definitely time.
Okay, like I said, the day goesby so quick, and so I am
thankful that I'm able to, youknow, enjoy these things with
them, but it goes so quick.
Time, time, time is there's notenough.
There's never enough time.
Surprisingly, potty trained him.
Really Okay.

(39:42):
Yeah, so he's home with me allday, every day.
He's been home since covid.
Um, he's actually a very, verysmart and very, very
well-behaved child.
So while I'm doing my workduring the day, most of the time
he'll just sit next to me onhis pretend laptop or his ipad
or whatever, and he's very, verygood okay um but he is very
challenging.
He's my typical covet baby.
He knows how to potty, he knowswhat to do with the potty, but

(40:03):
he'll just blatantly say no, I'mgood.
And I'm like, uh, we've triedstickers, I've tried other
rewards, I've tried the wholecereal in the toilet.
Like, this boy is likeunbothered.
And so for me it's likeeveryone says the same thing oh,
he'll get it.
You know when he's ready, will?
It's like when are you gonna beready?
He just turned three and ofcourse I didn't have this with
my other kids, so it's like huh,so that's actually a very big

(40:26):
challenge of mine.
I actually had to put him on aschedule every hour.
I was like let's go, let's go.
So yesterday was the first dayhe went the whole day actually
pottying.
But it wasn't him telling me,it's just me like let's go,
let's go, um.
And then I would say financial,because you want so much to do
with them, but everything is soexpensive nowadays.
Yeah.
And even like traveling.
You know, again, I'm big withtraveling with my kids.

(40:48):
I love taking them onadventures.
They've been on numerouscruises.
We've been to tons of countries.
You know different things.
Like it's out there, we'redoing a zip line in Paris.
They've done all that with me,but now everything's so pricey.
Yeah, parasail, and they'vedone all that with me, but now
everything's so pricey.
Yeah, and now the older, theyget their adult prices, you know
.
And so it's like even just atypical trip.
I'm paying for four seats on aplane, you know.

(41:09):
Just one flight, it's expensive.
Yeah, I'm paying for the hotel,then we need to eat while we're
there, then you want to do someexcursions, and so I find now
I'm like gosh, there's just notenough money and there's not
enough time.
Um, other than that, I thinkI'm very happy with the kids I
have.
I can't say behavior.
Running my mom group, I hear alot of complaints about
different things that peopleexperience with their kids, and

(41:30):
I'm so thankful.
It makes me very, very happy tohave the kids I have, because a
lot of the struggles I hearfrom other moms I don't have
Having a teenage daughter.
I don't worry about a lot ofthe issues people are going
through right now runaways andemotional issues and I don't
have any of that.
My son, my 11 year old.
You know, some people worryabout behavior and I don't have
those issues, and so I'm very,very thankful with that that.

(41:51):
Those are.
My biggest problems is, youknow, just time, not having
enough time, not having enoughmoney to do what I want to do,
and then the three year olddriving me crazy with the potty
training.

Speaker 1 (42:03):
Is the three-year-old .
I'm just curious are they stillin a pull-up Like?
Is that what you do to?

Speaker 2 (42:11):
make sure there are no accidents.
So we were literally in adiaper.
He just turned three on Sundaythe 4th.
So we've done the whole diaperthing.
We've done the briefs.
He's had briefs since he wastwo.
He's had a potty since he wastwo.
So just think about how longI've been trying to do this and
I've done the whole.
Stay in the brief all day andsee what you know, most people
are like they don't like beingwet.

(42:32):
No, this boy literally will wethimself, wait till it dries and
then just go again.
He did not care.
And I'm like what?
And I remember I used to takehim to the park and we run
around and this guy one day waslike, oh, I think he went on his
self.
And I'm like, yeah, we're pottytraining.
And he just kept playing likenothing had even happened.
Oh, wow, and I was like it wasuntil we were walking to the car
.
I'm like, did you go on yourself?
He's like, yes, I was like, doyou not feel nasty?

(42:55):
Like huh.
So, um, we've tried it off andso now today's been pull-ups,
yesterday was pull-ups, um, andso yesterday we only had one
accident, accident number two.
But, like I said, I put him onevery hour, so he was peeing in
the potty.
Today it didn't go as well.
Every time I went he alreadyhad gone himself and I'm like,
hey, now we're gonna have to goto 30 minutes, oh my gosh.

(43:15):
I'm hoping he gets to the pointof like I'm hoping he gets to
the point of like I'm annoyed,annoyed Mom, like stop bringing
me when I don't have to go andI'll be like well, tell me when
you have to go.
You don't have to do this,Right?
So that's what I'm trying toget to Like keep interrupting
him.
Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:30):
Look, you are a behavior analyst for sure
whether you know it or?
Not because that is somethingthat we would do.
Do change those intervals oftime when it comes to potty
training if they're havingaccidents.
Yep, so you're right on trackit may take.
I don't know it may take him.

(43:51):
I've seen kids speed up with thepotty training once they get in
that preschool setting, youknow once they start to get
around peers and they have alittle more of the social aspect
because they don't like to beinterrupted to use the bathroom.

(44:11):
So it may take even longer andyou may have to spend more time
away from your friends if youhave an accident at school and
now we got to stop, pull youaway from the group, change your
clothes, wipe you down, cleanyou up all of that.
So usually from my experienceI've seen kids kind of pick it

(44:33):
up a little faster because youknow school moves very quickly
and they will get left behind inan instant.
Will get left behind in aninstant.
You will be in the bathroomgetting cleaned up and they're
over here at circle time, storytime, recess, snack time like
you're gonna miss out.

Speaker 2 (44:50):
So and it's funny you say that because I've actually
went to talk to a school,because most of the schools up
here they have to be pottytrained at three, but I did find
a school that does potty trainhim at okay.
So of course I've been holdingoff because it's like I don't
want to put more money intodaycare, especially when I'm
home.
Yeah, but I thought about thataspect as well.
I'm like maybe the social evenjust not wanting to be wet in
front of his friends, you knowlike, oh, the rest of my friends

(45:11):
are going, I want to go rightand so, versus just being home
with mommy, you know.
So I have actually been lookinginto that.
So it's funny you say that, um,that's my next step.
Well, I think.

Speaker 1 (45:19):
I think I don't know.
Actually, I don't know how itworks in the state of Georgia,
but I know at the age of fouryou should be able to get like
the voucher.
It isn't income based, so atleast you know those first four
hours you can send him if youwanted to keep him home.
Like you can still keep himhome the second or the latter

(45:40):
half of the day and then, youknow, send him in the morning.
So that's an option.

Speaker 2 (45:46):
So they do have that, unfortunately, because he's not
till February, I get that, butI wouldn't be able to actually
utilize it till the new schoolyear.
It's like the Georgia pre-K, sohe would be, yeah, he would be
four, but not be able to startuntil, like that, august and I'm
like, oh.
So that's why I was looking atthe option, but I was even
looking at, you know, even if Ididn't want to continue it.
Just start him in the daycarekind of let him get used to that

(46:07):
, see how it works and then, ifI need to take him out Because,
like I said, I'm home, he'slearning, so that's not a
problem?

Speaker 1 (46:19):
It's yeah.
Well, it sounds like you're onthe right track.
Now it's just going to be up tohim.
And time, unfortunately, it'sgoing to be up to him.

Speaker 2 (46:31):
And consistency.

Speaker 1 (46:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:32):
It's very hard to try , you know, especially when I'm
working during the day and I'min the middle of a meeting.
I'm like, well, now it's goingto be 45 minutes instead of 30.
You know.
So it is consistency,consistency, and I mean that's
why my hat's off to teachers,because it's a lot, it's hard,
kids are stubborn absolutely so.

Speaker 1 (46:50):
Yeah you, you sound like a teacher you sound like a
teacher.

Speaker 2 (46:56):
The mom teachers.
Yeah, you end up being ateacher without even knowing it
uh, what was my next question?

Speaker 1 (47:02):
I was gonna say, okay , this is like my favorite
question and I feel like it'salways a different, like
completely different um, andI'll give you a minute to kind
of think on it.
But what was your most recentshitty mom experience most

(47:23):
recent?

Speaker 2 (47:27):
shitty mom experience .
Hmm.
So let's see, you're right,let's think about this.
I guess it's how you define theshitty mom moment.
So we have the literal with thethree-year-old.
I can talk about that.
He was in a pull-up and I'mlike, yeah, we're doing good and

(47:47):
, as you can imagine, pull-upsdon't hold as much.
Yeah.
As a number two.
So when he came to me he said,mommy, I went on myself, can you
change me?
And I'm like, no, you're notdoing it, you know that'll maybe
make you stop going, so going.
So by the time I actually didget to him, it was coming out
the top.
That was my literal mom moment.

(48:09):
But I will say, other than that, I would say that just recently
and this is actually like lessthan a week ago my son being in
middle school now the 11, 11year old he actually had been
home with me.
He was doing homeschool eversince virtual ever since COVID.
So he had been home with mesince March of 2020.

(48:29):
So, if you think about it, hehad been home since second grade
and had not even been inside ofa school until now sixth grade,
middle school.
So you're jumping fromelementary, you know totally
different to now sixth grade andfast forward.
I was praying, I said, when wewent to open house, because he's
totally different personalitythan my daughter.
My daughter went through thesame middle school but she's

(48:50):
more reserved, introverted.
He's more like uh, my face isgoing to show up before my mouth
says it and he's in honors andstuff.
So I knew the teachers.
And so I went to open house andtold the teachers hey, please
call me immediately, because Iknow him um step on his shoe
wrong.
He's a shoe head, it's aproblem, you know.
So he's that personality.
And so I get a call.

(49:12):
So, funny, I was at home workingand I got a call monday and it
was his school and I saw thecaller id and as soon as I
answered, the assistantprincipal said hey, can I speak
to miss martin?
I said yes, your day going.
I was like it was good untilyou called what's up?
And he's like oh, you know, nocalls good.
I said nope, y'all always sendhome letters for good news.
You don't call me.
And so here it is.
My biggest fear had come true.

(49:37):
They're like what?
This is a straight, a studentnow.
And they were like we don'twant to call it bullying, but
he's been teasing the kid, likehe's been having trouble with
the kid.
I said what?
And so my mind is like, oh myGod, where did I fail as a
mother?
You know, it's your firstthought you definitely don't
want your kid bullying.
I've always been like we don'tact, like we're better than

(49:58):
anybody or anything, so I waslike what?
But then I had to take thatmoment and shift it really
quickly and I said wait, let meask some questions here, because
I know my kid.
Everybody knows their kid, andso when I started asking the
right questions, it was like itwas him being who he is.
He was not picking on anybody.
He would answer a question, oranybody in class would answer a
question with a teacher and thatparticular boy would say
something smart Like oh, that'sthe wrong answer, or how did he

(50:21):
get that wrong that's?
You know something like that.
Okay, all the other kids wouldbe quiet and kind of just take
it, my child doesn't take it,okay.
So he would then turn aroundand come back at him with
something.
You know whether it's like ohwell, you, you said stupid
answer too, or you have a bighead, whatever it was, yeah, but
because he actually went homeand complained about it, whereas
my child just took it as adaily thing.
You know, whatever he, whateverhe now got, my kid got in

(50:42):
trouble for it, and so it's sofunny.
I'm on the phone with theassistant principal and then
they brought the guys counselorin and I taught them something.
They're like, yeah, number one,your son is so honest.
We asked him every question.
He was honest, whether he wasgoing to get in trouble or not.
He was honest.
I'm like, yeah, that's alwaysadmired him for that.
Okay.

(51:02):
But I had to kind of think aboutit and at that moment I'm like
Whoa, this is wrong, you know.
And so it's so funny now that Ispoke to them they're like, now
that you said it to us, we kindof understand what happened.
You're right, you know.
It's like that kid dished itbut couldn't take it, yeah.
And so it was so funny that allthat now got resolved just by

(51:25):
me asking the right questions,whereas I could have taken it,
took that shitty moment and said, oh dang, what can I do now to
help my child from this bully.
And so I say that to say thatsometimes the moment we feel
like we're failing or we failedor we've done something
incorrectly, or think about itBecause I always, always tell
people, it's not that you did itwrong, you did it differently

(51:46):
yeah okay, or you may need tolook at it differently, because
a moment for me that I considerlike a failure or oh my gosh,
somebody else is looking at likedang, congratulations, you know
, you did pretty good, becausethat's something they couldn't
do or they wanted to do work,and so it.
That's why I said it reallyjust depends on how you define
shitty, you know, because it'slike emotionally, physically, in

(52:09):
the sense of my three-year-old,physically.
So I definitely that was amoment for me, though, A.
Moment.
I've never gone to because, likeI said, my daughter is just not
that personality, never got acall regarding her daughter, is
just not that personality, Nevergot a call regarding her.
And so, to get that first call,it was like my biggest fear had
come true, because I knew thathim going to middle school now
and being in that environment,especially a school that, like

(52:30):
the school he goes to it,reminded me of my middle school
and I was like Lord, please keephim these three years, because
his mouth is going to get him introuble.
Yeah, absolutely, when theycalled me.
That was the first thing Ithought, like oh, that's
literally what I said.
Like oh.
But thankfully it all workedout.
It was a big misunderstandingand now, going forward, they've
told him like look, if heprovokes you, you tell us first

(52:52):
and I'm like thank you.
So now they're aware of it yeahso that's good.

Speaker 1 (52:57):
I feel like I.
I have a very outspoken childas well and that's my biggest
fear.
I'm like, if you don't slowdown, if you don't tone it down,
middle school is going to be achallenge and I just keep trying
to prepare him.

(53:18):
Him like listen, you are veryoutspoken, sometimes too
outspoken, and everyone does notlike that.
Adults definitely don't likethat, I'm like.
So now you know we talk everyday after school and he's just
like running down what happened,giving me the tea, as I call it

(53:41):
yeah and I'm always catchingmyself asking him like oh, you
didn't say that, did you?
oh, you didn't say that, did you?

Speaker 2 (53:49):
yeah, I'm the same way, because when my son was on
zoom he used to mute the mic,and you can't mute the mic in
school.
You know he'd mute the mic andbe like why is she asking such a
dumb question?
And I'm like I hope you didn'tsay he's like no, my mic's muted
.
So now that he's in person, I'mlike please don't say anything.
You know he's like I'm not, butyou know the teacher.
And I'm like just don't, please, just don't, because I'm the

(54:10):
same way.
But I've learned that it's goodfor them as well.
Like you said, with adultsdefinitely not.
But kids are so rude nowadays,so mean.
I feel like once they feel likethey can get over on you,
they're going to continue ityeah so I do like that part of
him where he's like mom, I'm notthat type, I'm not gonna take
it and I'm like I don't blameyou yeah because now they know
that you're not that type tojust lay down and take it, and

(54:31):
they don't, and so he's holdinghis own and he's doing great and
so, um, I am, I am thankful forthat, I was fearful.

Speaker 1 (54:39):
My son's shifting just a little bit and I always
say it's scary how much hereminds me of myself at that age
Because, even though he isoutgoing and like a social
butterfly, like his dad, whatI'm starting to notice now he is
adamant about coming home everyday instead of going to

(55:02):
aftercare.
And we pay for aftercare like Ineed it because the nature of
my job I may get stuck with aclient or with a kid.
I don't know what's going tohappen.
So aftercare is my safety net.
And every single day he isrelentless like do I have to go?
Do I have to go to aftercare?

(55:24):
Can you pick me up from parentpickup?
Can I just go home?
Can I just be a car rider?
And I'm like dude, I'm payingfor aftercare because me and
your dad need you to go.
Like everybody in this familyhas to participate.
We got to help each other out.
The way you help us is by goingto aftercare.
So after like the first monthof him just being adamant like

(55:47):
do I have to go today, can youpick me up today?
We kind of negotiated like okay, you will go to aftercare, I'm
still paying for five days aweek.
You have to absolutely go twoout of the five days a week, so
that way I can work a full day,your dad can work a full day and

(56:07):
we can get paid.
Like can you at least do that?
So now, even with the two dayshe agreed.
But now he's like all right,I'm going to go these two days,
but do I have to stay the wholetime?
Like can you pick me up earlyfrom aftercare?

Speaker 2 (56:24):
So after a while.

Speaker 1 (56:24):
I'm like, well, what is going on?
Initially I thought he was justtrying to get home to the video
game and, like his friends whogo home early or who are like
parent pickup or walk walkers,they can play on the game longer
than he can if he's inaftercare.
And then yesterday, actually onthe way to school, he was like

(56:46):
you know, it's just, it's a lotof kids, it's crazy, it's a lot
of drama.
I'm I just don't want to bearound that and I'm like you,
like my social butterfly, youdon't want to be around that.
And I'm like you, like mysocial butterfly, you don't want
to be around the drama.
And he just, he was like,honestly, they act like they're
already in middle school.

(57:07):
And I'm like, well, honey,you're going to middle school.
So there is no escape from thedrama, from the craziness, from
the chaos, from the relationshipdrama that happens in middle
school.
Like you guys are getting olderand this is what's around you.
So, yeah, you're gonnaencounter this in middle school

(57:31):
as well.
And I'm just so shocked at akid who always wants to be
around other kids.
Now he's like it's too much, Iwant to go home.
And I'm just so taken abackbecause I was like that maybe in
like third grade, my mom had meregister for aftercare and I

(57:52):
would walk right past aftercareand go to my grandma's house
every day until my mom stoppedpaying for it and I was just
like I'd rather be at mygrandma's house than in
aftercare.
And I had the same sentiments.
I shared the same sentimentsthat he has right now.
I don't like being all aroundall those kids.

(58:13):
It's too much chaos, theyalways get in trouble, they
always get in trouble.
Then I get in trouble becausethe whole group just gets in
trouble and I'm I'm reallystarting to see, I guess,
another level of maturity.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
I guess, however mature you can be as a fifth
grader, um you got it yeah, minewas the same way yeah, it's
funny, he was the same way hedid not want to do after school.
So I actually, because Ispoiled him, I made a way where
he didn't have to go to afterschool and again it was back in
second grade and then he gotblessed with covid, so then you
know they're at home, but he wasthe same way he did not want to

(58:46):
do after school.
My daughter, she did not wantto do after school and I'm like
why?
Yeah, but it makes sense.
There probably is a lot ofdrama you think about.
It's like they're probably notbeing as watched as they are
during the school day.
And all the kids, although he'sa social butterfly, your son's
probably like I don't like thissocial life, like I don't like
this drama.
Yeah, which is good.
That speaks volumes to him.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I'm just like, okay, maybehe will be okay when he gets to
middle school.
So the next question I have,with the challenges that you
spoke of earlier time pottytraining finances, what are some

(59:30):
?
Of the strategies that you areusing right now to to help you
out with these challenges.
Or you know the potty trainingwe talked about all day.

Speaker 2 (59:34):
We did that one.
But time, like I think, likewhat I was speaking about before
, doing stuff at the same timeas other things to accomplish.
So, like helping my son studyfor a test, I might be cooking
dinner and I'm testing him asI'm, you know, cooking.
Just have him in the kitchenwith me talking, wanting to work
out.
I'm like there's not enoughtime.
Well, I can bring my son to thepark, he can play while I work

(59:57):
out during lunch.
So now, not enough time?
Well, I can bring my son to thepark, he can play while I work
out during lunch.
So now I'm using my lunch timewisely.
Oh, um, yeah, I used to do that, actually during lunch.
So it worked out that it's now,uh, like 11 30 and I'll be like
, okay, let's go to park for 30minutes to an hour and I would
get my workout in while he'splaying.
So not only did that tire himout, but then it helped me to
get my workout in.
Um, you know, I didn't have touse any of my work day, and so

(01:00:18):
that was a big lesson.
So definitely, with time, I'velearned to do it in a way that I
can do multiple things at onetime, or knock out more than one
thing at one time.
So that definitely helps.
I do plan every month a weekendof nothing.
So it's not necessarily it'snever, ever nothing, because I

(01:00:39):
find myself when I'm not leavingtown or doing something in town
I'm still cleaning or somethingat the house, but I'm not
physically having to get up andgo anywhere.
I do try to have one weekendout of the month that I'm like
whew, I really don't have towake up and rush anywhere.
I mean, yes, I have to take mydaughter a lot of times to
practice, but you're not havingto get dressed and go do
something.
You know, um, cause that'sdraining.

(01:01:00):
You know it's very drainingwhen Monday through Friday
you're working and then you findyourself every weekend doing
something.
Yeah so um, I do try to do thatand just have a day where it's
like, okay, I may still have todo stuff at the house, but, um,
I'm not having to get up and go.
Um, so those days are more oflike I do travel agency, so hat
many hats, but those days, yes,ma'am, so those days will be

(01:01:21):
more spent on my computerputting together um stuff for
people with travel agency andstuff like that.
Um, and then financial, it's allthese little side gigs, yeah.
So, um, you know, it's thestuff that I like to do and get
paid for it, maybe extra gas,maybe a trip to the grocery
store, little stuff like that.
And then, of course, like youknow, cut back cooking more.

(01:01:44):
So now that I'm working fromhome, I'm like, well, now I can
meal prep, or, because I don'thave a busy evening, I could put
something in the oven duringthe day and have that ready for
the kids.
So then you save on theconstant junk food or eating out
.
So I definitely have differentthings that I try to put into
play to help me with thechallenges I face.
Um, sometimes better thanothers, but, um, I definitely do

(01:02:08):
have those in place and I thinkthey work.
I think they do work out for meUm most of the time definitely.

Speaker 1 (01:02:13):
Oh, that's cool.
So usually these are what wecall what you just described,
those strategies or those newbehaviors.
I'm telling you you are like abehavior analyst, so that's what
we call replacement behaviors.
So we've identified, like yourtarget behaviors, the
challenging or the challengingbehaviors or or the challenging

(01:02:36):
behaviors, or I don't want tosay maladaptive, but the
behaviors you want to changebasically, and what you just
described are the replacementbehaviors.
It's something that'sfunctionally equivalent, so you
get the desirable outcomes, butnow you're engaging in more

(01:02:56):
favorable behaviors and just tolet you know, like everything
that you're saying, whether yourealize it or not.
I've been writing it downbecause all of those can be
replacement behaviors andusually I go through those like
at the end of the show, butthere are just so many, so I'm
excited.

(01:03:17):
I don't know.
I'll probably do like somenotes or something like that for
someone else, and usually Isave that for the end, just to
let people like if they want toget a pen and paper and write
some stuff down.
I mean, I have a running listand I'm just sitting here like,
damn, I see why she has a momgroup like you.
You are gyms you are gyms.

(01:03:39):
So tell me about the mom groupLike is is that your mommy
village?
Is it the mommy village thatyou're cultivating for other
moms?

Speaker 2 (01:03:50):
Like dive deeper into that, so um it's still being
worked out, but, um, it isdefinitely trying to be a
movement.

Speaker 1 (01:03:57):
So it's trying to be for other moms.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
So, again, what I wanted to get out of it is these
kids will grow up, these kidswill go off to college, go do
their own thing, and we're leftlooking like what do I like to
do?
What do I have for myself,because we put so much into our
kids, and so I know that for meI was doing that.
I was that.
Uh, for me I was doing that.
I was that type it's like okay,track season's over, now, what

(01:04:20):
are we doing?
Because I was a team mom for mydaughter and stuff like that.
So I really started this groupbecause people would literally
message me on Facebook orInstagram and say, hey, you went
on that trip with your kids.
I'm like, yeah, wait byyourself.
I'm like, yeah, how'd you dothat?
I'm like what do you mean?
And for me it was like what arethey asking?
But then I think about I'm likea lot of people struggle with

(01:04:40):
that.
They want to take trips withtheir kids, they want to do
things with their kids, but theydon't even know where to start
because financially they'restressful.
Physically it's like, dang, I'mabout to go out with three,
four kids, you know, and a lotof times I bring my stepdaughter
with me.
So it was like, okay, she'sreally about to go out with four
kids.
But but, I thought about sayingyou know, I want to start
something where people wouldfeel like a safe space to ask
these questions and it's notjust being asked to me, but

(01:05:03):
other moms have the samequestions or other moms have
solutions, and so I know mepersonally being here in town
been here since 2009,.
I don't feel like I knew asmany people as I should.
I didn't have that support whenI came here.
It was just me and my mother,okay, and I was like if it

(01:05:23):
wasn't for my boss.
I had nobody to put down as evenan emergency contact on my
daughter's thing because I wasin a new town, I had nobody.
And so with my group, you know,we're still kind of working out
things, but so far we've donelike pop-up shops to kind of
introduce people to my group.
I've only been doing it sincelast year, February, of
introduce people to my group.
I've only been doing it sincelast year, February, so it's
exactly a year.
I've collabed with other peoplespeaking at different events.
And then, most recently,December for me was like I loved

(01:05:47):
it because I was able to giveback which is why I'm thinking
of turning my group into anonprofit, which we spoke about
before but I was able to giveback to moms that needed help
for the holidays.
You know we always want ourkids to smile, you always want
them to have something under thetree and, let's face it, not
everybody can do it, especiallya single mom.
And so through my community,through the other moms in my

(01:06:09):
group, we were able to blessmoms with things that they had
on their wishlist on their angeltree, and that for me was just
monumental, Like I loved it,because you know what comes easy
to me or what my kids see asit's Christmas, this is what I
expect.
Other kids are just happy toopen something because that's
not expected, you know.
And so I think, just being a momand I don't do only single moms

(01:06:31):
, Of course that's what I am,but I've had married women that
are like I feel like I'm singlebecause, yes, dad is here, yes,
husband is here, but he'sworking, or he doesn't
understand the struggles becausehe thinks mom got it, you know.
And so just connecting withthem sick moms I met a mom
through my group that you knowhave illnesses and you wouldn't

(01:06:52):
be able to tell because I callthem super moms.
I'm like they're still runningaround doing this, but they're
struggling with lupus, they'restruggling with diabetes problem
, you know, like all theseissues that I wouldn't know on
the surface, but they're able toconnect with other moms that
are going through the same thing.
Um, two people in my groupactually connected uh through
one of my uh wind downWednesdays and now they're like
the best of friends.

(01:07:12):
Uh, their daughters playtogether, they're able to go to
events together.
I love it Because I'm like, if Idid and I actually told him
this other day I said, if I didnothing else with this group, I
brought y'all together.
And they're like you're doing agreat thing with this group and
I'm like wait you know that.
I'm glad to hear that, butthat's what I want.
I want you to be able.

(01:07:34):
I need someone to ask questions.
I don't have all the answers,but I tell people.
I've had experience from raisingnow a 15 year old and 11 year
old and now a brand new COVIDbaby.
I'm like, if you ask meanything about a teenager and
adolescents or a COVID, I gotyou because I'm going through it
.
And then the other part of mygroup is the fact that kids go

(01:07:55):
through a lot too.
The world that we were raisedin is not the world they live in
, and I learned a lot of thatfrom my daughter and her friends
.
I mean just hearing thestruggles.
I mean something as simple asyou don't just check male or
female anymore.
Now it's binary, it'snon-binary and I'm like, wow,
and it's very, very prevalent.
There is a big struggle.

(01:08:17):
And so I really started thisgroup to not only for parents to
understand kids, but for kidsto really understand what we go
through as mothers.
You know, I'm like, again, I'mblessed with my kids and I
always have to reiterate thatBecause even right now, as we're
talking, they're taking care oftheir three old brother,
they're handling him for me.
I don't have to worry about thatI know that he's good and it's

(01:08:42):
a blessing when I go to work,when I do my extra shifts.
Hey guys, watch your brother,I'll be back.
A lot of moms don't have that,yeah, and I'm very thankful that
I have that in my kids andother people I've met through
the community.
And that's what I'm trying tobuild up.
Ultimately, I want to be ableto build up a community, a safe
space to where you could trustyour kid with the next person
because you know them, you'vetalked to them, you know what
their standards are, what theyaccept, what they don't accept.

(01:09:04):
You can trust your kid withthem, because we can't trust a
lot of people with our kids.
I mean the world we live in.
And then, ultimately, I want togive back.
I was a mom in college.
I would love to givescholarships, I would love to
give support to moms.
I'd love to be able to dogrocery shopping.
You know, give out grocerycards, things like that, just to
make a mom's life easier.

(01:09:26):
You know and I don't want thedads to feel any type of way,
because there are single dadsout there as well.
But you know, obviously I canspeak on what I know I'm going
through as a mother and sothat's why I gear it towards the
mothers.
But just trying to make yourlife as easy as possible
emotionally, understand yourkids and physically, because I
know, as a mother, as blessed asI am with the degrees I have,

(01:09:46):
with the opportunities I've had.
I wasn't always here and I mustsay my childhood was great.
My mom and dad were wonderful.
I made it hard for myself incollege.
I think that because I was nowan adult, you know, quote
unquote I thought I could do itall and I think a lot of what
the challenges I went throughwas in college, but it helped
make me who I am today and sojust want to be that support

(01:10:10):
Definitely.
You know I'm still kind of,like I said, trying to figure
things out, but it's working,it's getting there.

Speaker 1 (01:10:16):
Definitely, definitely, is just to clarify
do you have a, a village, uh,like a mommy village, like a?
What village a mommy village?
Yeah, like a local mommyvillage um who helps you?
We're getting.

Speaker 2 (01:10:33):
We're getting there.
We're getting there.
Wow so, um.
Through my group, I'vedefinitely met some wonderful
moms, um, but I think they havetheir own challenges, so I think
I'm more of a support for themright now, but I know,
ultimately, if I needed any ofthem, there's people that I've
connected with in town that Icould I could literally call,
and I know that they would haveme and my kids back Right.

(01:10:53):
So, um definitely it's not a,not probably, where I want it to
be like a daily hey, let mecall and check on you, or even a
weekly hangout or anything likethat.
We're getting there, you knowI'm trying that's another thing
I'm trying to do is start havingevents that, even for those
that can't find sitters, I havelike a sitter in place where I
have a playroom for the kids towhere we could sit around and

(01:11:15):
read a book, we could sit aroundand talk, we could drink some
wine and have that, like youknow, time together, as you call
it, mommy time.
And.
I don't have to worry about.
Oh, I got to find a sitterfirst, you know.
And then, of course, you'llhave the nights where it's like,
okay, everybody get a sitter,we're going to go out dancing or
something like that.
So I'm getting there.
Like I said, I know when Istarted.
So even you have been a greatresource and so I'm learning a

(01:11:39):
lot and I'm hoping to get thereto get to that point.

Speaker 1 (01:11:43):
That is amazing because you would think in 2024,
things would be easier for aworking mom, mom, and most of
the time you find the samechallenges that moms had back in

(01:12:03):
the day.
You know are the same exactchallenges that we are still
facing, depending on what pathyou chose in life or whatever
where life decided to take youas a parent, especially for the
moms.
You constantly hear moms beingforced to choose between career

(01:12:31):
and home, finances and hometaking care of the kids versus
going to work.

Speaker 2 (01:12:41):
If you don't have a support system, you have nothing
, and I feel like we have itharder, honestly, yeah, and I
say that just because, um,things have gotten so much more
expensive.
Uh, child care is so expensive.
Yeah, you know, back in the day, I know, even when my mom
raising us she was a nurse12-hour shifts, we couldn't even
do as many activities we wantedbecause she couldn't get us
there yeah, but my grandma.
My grandma was right there, mygrandma was local.

(01:13:01):
My mom, you know, just like youwere saying, before you pass a
aftercare and go to grandma'shouse, we just go to grandma.
She cooked dinner's ready.
Yeah, you know, go pick up yourcontainers.
Um, you know, it was different.
We had each other, just gooutside and play.
Nowadays, I think, uh,technology's taking over.
If you don't physically grabyour kids and say, hey, let's go
do something, they're in theroom on the video games, they're
in the room on YouTube, onTikTok, and so I think that's a

(01:13:24):
big struggle for me, becausesometimes I'm like, hey, guys,
get off, get off the video game.
But then they're like, well,what are we going to do?
And I'm like, shoot, I don'tknow.
Because now it's like they wantto do something and I'm like I
don't know what we're going todo.
So I think we have it harder.
I really do, because I thinkit's that all around struggle of
everything, like you said,trying to do that nine to five.

(01:13:45):
The job still expects you to be100% worker, but, god forbid,
your child gets sick.
I got to go take them to thedoctor.
What can I?
Yeah, um, then you come homeand it's like I gotta cook.
You know I don't have mom ordad around that dinner's ready.
Kids, let's go pick it up.
You know I don't have that, soI have to make sure, and you
know I I always I shared thisthing on my mom group that I

(01:14:07):
loved, because it's like, evenif you feed your kid a five-star
meal or you feed them cereal,you're a good mom.
Yeah, you may wake up thismorning and you had time to
shower them and change them, orthey're going to bed in the same
pajamas, you're still a goodmom.
You know, like it's just thingsthat these standards, that make
you feel like I'm defeated orI'm being a bad mom.
It's like, no, you're still agood mom, you're just doing it

(01:14:33):
differently.
Or today was harder thanyesterday, and it's OK because
parenting is different.
Parenting is different ineverybody's eyes, but it doesn't
make you less of a mother or afather.
You know.
You're still a good parent andI think that's the thing people
have to realize is, your way isnot wrong, it's just different
and it's okay as long as yourkid is still getting what they
need.
You're doing it, look, andthat's an encouragement where
were you in my life last year?

(01:14:54):
I had to tell myself that I hadmy daughter in college and I had
nobody around.
Like you got to think about itin college.
Your friends don't.
I had to tell myself that I hadmy daughter in college and I
had nobody around.
Like you got to think about itIn college.
Your friends don't know how totell you how to be a mom because
they're not a mom.
You know, they're partying.
My mom was six hours away.
She would try to tell me stuffon the phone and I remember I
feel like I had postpartum.
I didn't recognize it.
But I had a colicky baby.
My baby had colic really bad,okay.

(01:15:15):
And I remember one night I toldher dad he worked night shift.
I said if you go to worktonight you're going to come
home to a dead baby.
He's like really I said she'sdriving me crazy.
But I was trying to do it all.
I was going to school duringthe day to still graduate.
I made that promise to my mom.
I had to graduate, I to go towork, and although I loved him

(01:15:37):
for it, he was literally havingher sleep all day because he had
to work at night, so he wouldsleep during the day.
So what did I get at night?
A wide awake baby.
And so I was not getting sleep.
But as a mother, it's like I gotto do it.
I have to do it.
I made the promise to my momand that was my thing.
For my mom, she was sodistraught when I got pregnant

(01:15:58):
because she did not want medropping out of school.
So my promise was I'm going tograduate and on time, and I did.
And then my thing was we stillgot to eat, I still got to make
money, and so I had to go towork.
At one point I was working twojobs and then he was working,
but he was working night shiftsto be able to keep her, because
it's like we don't have daycaremoney.
So you know it was a lot, butit's like I did it.

(01:16:19):
Sometimes I look back and I'mlike how did I do?

Speaker 1 (01:16:21):
it.
That is amazing.
And you went to schoolengineering, holy.

Speaker 2 (01:16:26):
Yes, ma'am, I remember, um, I always say hats
off to my my child's fatherbecause he did keep her, and
then hats off to my teacher.
I was actually having to bringher to class sometimes because
she was a breastfed baby, didnot want pump milk, she did not
want it in the bottle, and sosometimes I was like I have to
bring her and my teacher's likejust sit in the back and if she
gets too loud just go outside.

(01:16:48):
I'm like thank you.
And so they helped me a lot aswell.
Yeah, they were very, verycaring and considerate of my you
know what I had going on andstill allowed me to come to
class and do what I needed to do.

Speaker 1 (01:17:03):
So, yeah, I made it, because if moms and if women
don't have that support, it'salmost like we still have to
choose between motherhood andpoverty, because that, you know,
it puts you on that path.
Hey, I can't work as much.
I need to be available to mychild.
You know, daycare is insaneright now and it was insane.

(01:17:28):
It was insane 11 years ago whenI was trying to put my child in
daycare.
I think we paid something crazylike $8.95 a month and that was
just a basic daycare.
my and it's worse yeah, mystandard was I just wanted him

(01:17:49):
to be alive when I came to pickhim up, like that, that was it.
They were not doing anythingspectacular.
They did not have thisphenomenal curriculum that was
going to make your kid a babygenius.
Now I did look at those schools, but those schools wanted two
grand a month.
I couldn't afford that.

(01:18:09):
So we had to settle for the$8.95 a month and I'm like, hey,
just don't leave my kid in thecar.
I'm a teacher, I'll figure therest out myself.
I just need him to be alive,don't let him chill he's doing
great, yeah, it's okay right itpanned out, yeah, but I can only
imagine, like, if you don'thave that mindset of all or

(01:18:33):
nothing, I have to keep going.
I don't have any other choices.
It's almost like then the momsthat I know of, they struggle
financially because they want tobe present, or they struggle
financially because I have toraise my child.
I don't have anybody to keepthem um and I can't afford to

(01:18:56):
put them in school, so they justtake the brunt end of it
through finances and they stillthey end up suffering.
It's, it's wild that I guess ourcountry really hasn't moved
forward, um, something like paidmaternity leave, why?

(01:19:18):
Why is that?
Like a dream and in a perfectworld and it's 2024.
You know a lot of privatecompanies that probably could
have better employee retentionrates, um, lower turnover rates.
They don't even attempt tooffer those things because they
don't have to.
And somehow, super moms likeyourself, you take the cards you

(01:19:44):
are given and you make magicout of it.
Like you, you have a wholecareer, you have a thriving
social life, you have thrivingchildren, you have formed a
village within your household,um, to make sure that your whole
life is is well-rounded, notfor just yourself, but for your

(01:20:07):
kids as well, and it's crazy tome that other moms don't have
the resources to be able to dothat, and I don't have the
resources to be able to do that,and I don't even know how you
have the stamina to do it either, because I don't know either
yeah, I've just started and Ihave a support system.
Like my husband, he's solid.

(01:20:28):
Sometimes I call him, I jokearound, I'll call him like Mr
Mom, because what, whatever I'mnot doing, he, he picks up the
slack.
Right, and I'll say this yearI've like prioritized, but I've
given myself a goal.
Just using, you know, behaviortherapy on myself, I'm like, all

(01:20:48):
right, I'm going to get thehouse together.
I'm going to get the house to apoint, into a level of
organization that's functionalfor everyone in the house, right
, and I want the house to stayclean.
And the reward my reinforcer isgoing to be a housekeeper.
When I get it where I want it,I want somebody else, even if

(01:21:10):
they come in like once a month,even if they come in quarterly,
like that's the reward that I'mgiving myself and just
maintaining a house.
Staying on top of work.
Now my son is in likeextracurricular.
I am dog tired when I'm donewith my day and then I just

(01:21:34):
started the business.
So I'll wake up like 12 o'clockin the morning, two o'clock in
the morning, and I have to dostuff to stay on top of the
business.
And I've never been soexhausted in my life to the
point where I'm like, all right,how long are we going to keep
this up, because this is a lot.
You're going to have to startoutsourcing some things and then

(01:21:56):
, talking to you, I'm like, damn, I'm not doing enough.
Oh no, you're doing enough.
Sometimes we do too much.
It's nice to see that there issomeone out there who's doing it
.
You're very relatable.
And you're doing it with asmile on your face.
You don't seem like you'regoing crazy.

(01:22:19):
You're not losing your hair,you're not getting gray hairs.
You're staying on top of yourhealth, like you're really on
top of all of the significantareas in life that we try to
fill.
As mothers and a lot of us, wejust accept the fact that you
know what one of these cups youknow you say pouring from an

(01:22:41):
empty vessel, one of these cupsisn't going to get filled and
most of us are okay with that.
And it seems like you havefound a way to fill all of those
cups and to make sure thatyou're not an empty vessel and I
just think that is beautiful.
And I think, with you startingyour group, the fact that you

(01:23:04):
are reaching out to other momsto keep motivating them to do
that, I think that's amazing.
So, as we go to to the the endof the show.
Um, I just want to ask whatadvice do you wish you had as a
mom?
But what advice do you wishyou'd had been given sooner?

Speaker 2 (01:23:27):
Stop having kids?
No, I'm kidding.
No, I definitely love all mybabies.
I think the question I wouldhave wanted to have sooner
answered would be ask for help.
You know, sometimes I alwaystell people a closed mouth

(01:23:47):
doesn't get fed, and I think mybig thing was, and it still is I
don't like to bother people.
Especially when it comes to mykids, I feel like, um, I had
them, I'm going to take care ofthem.
You know, I'm going to do whatI need to do for my kids.
But I know that sometimes, evenif it's not blood, even if it's
not my immediate family, there'sa lot of friends and people out

(01:24:10):
there that would support me andwould support what my kids have
, you know, going on, and Ithink a lot of moms are in the
same position as me.
You're not as trusting, you'lltell you.
Let's face it.
This world is so different, youknow, and it's hard to really
trust people, especially withyour kids, and I think, I think
I could have gotten more help ifI would have asked.

(01:24:31):
And even now, like I said, I'mblessed that they're older, but
I don't have to ask as much.
Kids, kind of, can tend tothemselves, but it's hard.
As much as I tell people allthe time, because they're always
like you got it together.
You're smiling, like you justsaid.
I look and I do have self love.
Okay.
And I do.
Like I said, I find joy in mykids but I have my moments.

(01:24:53):
If I had time to tell half thestuff I've been through, people
would be like what Are youkidding me?
How did you stay afloat?
But you have to find that innerpeace.
You have to.
And then I'm very spiritual too.
My mom is a preacher.
I was raised in the church.
I may not be doing everythingshe wants me to do, so we're not

(01:25:13):
going to get into that, but Idefinitely am a true believer in
God.
And I believe that God put me inevery place in my life that was
meant to be there, from havingmy daughter in college to moving
here to the sticks.
I didn't know what WarnerRobins was, and here I am and
I'm thriving.
I love it here.
The kids, they love it.
They can't even I name otherplaces to go and they're like,

(01:25:35):
no, no, and I'm like y'all wantto stay here.
Yeah, this is it for them.
And so I definitely would tellpeople to ask you know, don't
think you're doing it alone,yeah, cause you're not, you're
not the only one struggling.
We just talked tonight and wefound similarities in just our
kids, you know.
So there's stuff that I couldbe going through with a kid,
that I can learn from anothermom, or vice versa, you know.

(01:26:02):
Or we could get our kidstogether and, before you know it
, their support for each other,because they're going through
the same thing.
And so I think, because we'reso closed off and so distrusted
of people, we don't ask, wedon't ask the right questions,
we don't ask for help and if.
I could do it over, I probablywould.
I would ask for more help frompeople because the worst they
could do is say no.
Yeah, that's the worst theycould do, but you never know
unless you ask, and I've learnedthat Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (01:26:24):
All right.
Well, like I always tell myguests, this is a behavior
change podcast, behaviormodification, whatever you like
to call it, behaviormodification, whatever you like
to call it and you dropped a lotof gems to help a lot of moms,

(01:26:44):
whether they're going through,like the, that inner struggle of
I'm not doing enough, or ifthey're going through that
struggle where they are pouringfrom an empty vessel.
From an empty vessel.
I really enjoyed this episodebecause you talked a lot about

(01:27:06):
just joy, and that is somethingthat I don't hear a lot of from
my guests when they talk aboutmotherhood.
So this time around, when I goover, like the replacement
behaviors or replacementstrategies to really help moms
deal with those shitty momentsor those shitty behaviors that
they may have adopted, some ofthe things that you talked about

(01:27:30):
, I'm just going to list themhere and they kind of describe
themselves as you said itthroughout the show.
So one thing you said and Ifeel like these really focus on
joy and the enjoyment ofmotherhood, because we don't
hear about that enough you saidenter their world and find

(01:27:53):
enjoyment in their world.
That's something.
It's almost like a two for oneright you get to get back the
quality time that you might bemissing because you're working
towards a career or a businessor you just don't have enough
hours in the day and you wantsome quality time, but you

(01:28:15):
really can't find it.
So when you do find it, maybeyou feel like, okay, now I don't
have any time for myself.
So it seems like you get a twofor one.
When you say enter their worldand find enjoyment in their
world, that's, that's amazingadvice.
Next, you said research thethings you don't understand.

(01:28:38):
It sounds like doing the extraresearch.
You know you may have apreconceived notion about
something that your kids or yourfamily is interested in, but
maybe if you educate yourself onit, maybe you can find
something about it that you likeand hold on to that to bring
yourself a little more joy.
Um.

(01:28:59):
Next you said learn from yourkids.
I don't know what parentwouldn't enjoy that.
Um, and it also it kind oftakes the burden and that
pressure off of you.
When you talk about learningfrom your kids.
You know, as moms I hear a lotof moms I don't know if it's the
type A personality whereas theyhave to be in control of any

(01:29:23):
and everything, right, but whenyou talk about learning from
your kids.
You're kind of putting them inthe driver's seat, and not only
do your kids enjoy that, theyget that attention, they get to
be the ones calling the shots,it also takes the responsibility
off of you for a minute.

(01:29:44):
You know you don't have to bethe one in charge making all
those decisions, and it's almostlike putting your parenting to
the test.
Okay, I've been pouring intoyou.
I've been pouring into you.
What are you doing all of thatfor other than to see them excel
and exceed and thrive, right?

(01:30:05):
Um, then you said more concreteexamples would be the family fun
Fridays, even if you are justdoing board games or your do
nothing Fridays.
And, and one thing that stoodout the most is that, no matter
what it games or you're, donothing Fridays.
And, and one thing that stoodout the most is that, no matter
what it is that you're trying,it doesn't have to be super
expensive, it doesn't have to be, it doesn't have to have a lot

(01:30:28):
of effort that goes into it.
But the one thing that I'veheard repeatedly is consistency
and routine.
If you create that consistencyin the beginning, you say you're
a great planner, you're thefamily planner, you're very
organized.
If you don't have those thingsin place, then I think

(01:30:49):
motherhood is just going to bechallenging even more than it
has to be.
It's already challenging, butwhen the time management piece
is not there, when theconsistency isn't there, it
becomes a struggle.
You said ask questions.
Then you said ask for help.
And again I've been telling youthrough this whole session

(01:31:10):
you've been using a lot ofbehavior management strategies.
You said stop and think.
And it crazy because I don'tknow if you know, but that's a
cognitive behavior strategy thatwe typically would use a
practice for, like impulsivebehaviors or for people who act

(01:31:31):
without thinking.
And you're already doing that.
And then another thing that Ilove is that you seem to be very
transparent with your kids.
I think that transparency againit removes, it pulls your kids
behind the curtain and a lot ofparents, you know, depending on

(01:31:52):
your parenting style, feel likekids need to stay in a child's
place, right.
But then we start setting theseunattainable expectations for
our kids and for ourselves andwe have so much going on right
now, so that transparency italso allows you can be a little

(01:32:13):
more empathetic towards them.
How can that not enrich yourmotherhood experience and that
connection and relationship thatyou have with your kids.
So, like I said, you have beendropping gems this whole time.

(01:32:33):
I think all of the members whoare in your organization, the
future members, the currentmembers, I think all of the
members who are in yourorganization, the future members
, the current members, I thinkthey are blessed to really have
you taking them in andcultivating this movement of
mothers who are starting toreclaim motherhood and reclaim
their lives and strike thebalance between motherhood,

(01:32:57):
social life, traveling andenrichment.
And just if I could sum it allup is, I would just call it joy,
the joy of motherhood.
Right.
It's almost like you're givingthat back to moms and I think
that's amazing.
So I want you to tell everyonebefore we leave how can they get

(01:33:19):
in touch with you and how canthey join your group or how can
they make a contribution if theywant to make a contribution.

Speaker 2 (01:33:28):
Well, first I want to say thank you for having me.
Since we've met it's been sobeautiful, our conversation and
everything has been pure, whichI love, our conversations and
everything has been pure, whichI love.
So anybody that wants toconnect with me, whether just
ask questions, whether you wantme to speak in an event,
anything like that you can getme on Facebook at Mom2MILF.
It's M-O-M-T-O-M-I-L-F-L-C.

(01:33:50):
I also have a Facebook group onthere.
It's Mom2MILF and it has inparentheses women's empowerment
community.
There it's Moms and Milk and ithas in parentheses, women's
empowerment community.
It's just a regular Facebookgroup.
You hit, click join and then Iadd you.
We do discussion boards on there, we do raffles, I share
anything and everything going onthat I find out about locally
or anywhere, because I am aFlorida girl.

(01:34:12):
Sometimes we have virtualsessions where I'll speak, wind
down Wednesdays, things likethat.
So, um, it's a free group.
You just join.
Um, nothing costs you moneyright now and um, that's my goal
to keep it effective and, um,to keep it economical.
On Instagram I'm momto milf, um, and then I also have a website

(01:34:34):
, wwwmom-to-milfcom, and onthere I have t-shirts, I have an
events calendar, a little bitmore about my group.
I also sell hoodie cuffs.
Anything you want to support mygroup and to just show your
support for Mom2Milf is on thatwebsite.
So again, I look forward tohearing from anybody or

(01:34:56):
everybody that wants to get incontact with me.
I love to speak and to telleverybody about my journey and
to just go ahead and empowerwomen.
Before I end, again, moms andMilk is going to be a movement
and it starts with you.

Speaker 1 (01:35:11):
Awesome.
I love it.
Thank you so much for joiningus today.
Have a good one Thank you, youtoo.
All right Bye joining us today.
Have a good one, you too.
All right Bye.
Hey everyone.
It's your favorite BCB AD here,dr DeLoren, and I'm here to ask
you to help us continue makinggreat content for listeners
everywhere by visitingwwwforshittymomscom, where you

(01:35:31):
can make a monthly contribution.
Where you can make a monthlycontribution.
Also, visit us on Instagram,youtube, facebook and TikTok at
4shittymoms and that's shittywith an X, not an I.

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