Launching With Support: One Mom’s Journey to Independent Living for Her Autistic Daughter — with Dr. Elisabeth “Betsy” Woolner

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In this episode Valerie sits down with special guest Dr. Elisabeth (Betsy) Woolner — an 'almost' retired family physician, university clinical lecturer, and mother of two adult children, one with developmental disabilities.

Betsy shares her 30-year journey of raising her daughter Scarlett, discovering her needs beyond diagnosis labels, and navigating three failed attempts at independent living before finally finding a sustainable model. This conversation is a compassionate look at what it really takes to support our neurodivergent young adults — not by assuming they’re ready, but by meeting them where they are.

Key Themes & Takeaways

Bright ≠ ready for independence — Intelligence doesn’t replace executive functioning, social capacity, emotional maturity, or processing speed.
Failed launches don’t mean failure — They are data points that help families course-correct.
Parents sometimes unknowingly overestimate — When expectations shifted to match actual ability, battles disappeared and communication improved.
Support for life is not a limitation — Accepting lifelong support needs opened the door to realistic planning and healthier independence.
Home models matter — Supervised living, duplexes, apartment rentals, condo ownership… each option comes with pros, cons, and legal considerations.
Teaching independent living requires breaking things down — Something as “simple” as paying bills may actually be 8+ steps that need practice, tools, and repetition.

After exploring multiple options — renovating their home, building a carriage house, agency-supervised living, rentals — the family landed on purchasing a condo 15 minutes away so they could:
• tailor support without landlord barriers
• monitor needs and independence over time
• provide roommates (which Scarlett wanted)
• minimize outdoor maintenance responsibilities

Skill-Building Wins Along the Way

1. Paying rent — learning reminders, collecting roommate payments, e-transferring on time
2. Meal planning & cooking — supported by interest and shared responsibility with roommates
3. Ongoing work — cleanliness remains a challenge, and they’re learning as they go

For Parents Walking This Path

Independence isn’t all or nothing
Support isn’t a setback — it’s a step forward
You’re not behind if success takes time
Every child’s journey is unique — and so is yours

Suggested Reflection

• List the life skills your child will need for the level of independence they want
• Choose one skill to focus on first — and break it into micro-steps
• Celebrate progress over perfection

 Creating a forever home isn’t just about the physical space — it’s about building confidence one skill at a time, exploring models of support, and honoring our children’s identities, needs, and dreams.

 

Connect with Betsy

https://www.linkedin.com/in/elisabeth-betsy-woolner/

https://www.facebook.com/betsy.woolner

 

Connect with Valerie

[e-mail]

 

Music Acknowledgement: Audio Coffee - Denys Kyshchuk

Editor: Scott Arbeau

Link for book: The S.H.I.N.E. Principle: The special needs mom's path to strength, hope and happiness by Valerie Arbeau

https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0CW18ZXGX (Cana

Learn more about your host at:
https://coachingwithvalerieanne.com/