How Emotional Intelligence Shapes Leadership and Success with Dr. Nicole Lipkin

Episode Transcript
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Announcer (00:00):
The following programming is sponsored by Marc
J Bernstein.
The views expressed do notnecessarily reflect the views of
this station, its management orBeasley Media Group.
Entrepreneur, author andfinancial consultant, Marc
Bernstein helps high-performingentrepreneurial business owners
create a vision for the futureand follow through on their
goals and intentions.
Ang Onorato is a businessgrowth strategist who blends

(00:22):
psychology and business togetherto create conscious leaders and
business owners who impact theworld.
Founders Forum is a radio showpodcast sharing the real stories
behind entrepreneurship asfounders discover more about
themselves, while providingvaluable lessons and some fun
and entertainment for you.
Now here's Marc and Ang.

Marc Bernstein (00:42):
Good morning America.
How are you Arlo?
Good morning buddy.
That's my dog.
I didn't get to walk him thismorning, so it's just one of
those mornings, as we're goingto talk about in a minute.
It's been one of those morningsfor a couple of us at least,
and it's a beautiful day inPhiladelphia and trying to bring
a little brightness in yourworld, because there's all kinds
of negative things Ahurricane's coming in the

(01:10):
southwest.
I have a home down there andit's actually a place that's
protected from hurricanes andwe're going to have we're
sheltering people in the.
There's a what's it called theFieldhouse.
I was trying to remember thename of the Fieldhouse at the
school and in the community andpeople were coming in there
because it was built to behurricane-proof.
So it's a lot on my mind inthere because it was built to be
hurricane proof, so it's a loton my mind.
I'm getting a lot of messagesabout it.
So I should tell you that Angis out today and I have sitting

(01:30):
in as a co-host today CraigLerch, who's been on the show
before.
He is a realtor extraordinaireand you listen to his show if
you haven't heard of it, becausehe's a really unique guy and
he's thinking about doing apodcast himself, so we invited
him in to sit in with us today,and Dr Nicole, who I'll say
hello to right now, because,nicole, you had a little bit of

(01:51):
a rough morning getting in here,which we really appreciate you
being here.
So tell us about that quickly.

Nicole Lipkin, Psy.D., MBA (01:57):
Oh yeah.
Well, I just live in the city,so our car gets broken into a
lot, and last night went to thecar this morning and it was dead
, evidently someone went tobreak into it and left the door
open so the battery died.

But, lo and behold, borrowed a friend's car
and made it, and she made it,yeah, so she got here.
So that's a little bit on thelines of today's topic, because
there's so much going on in theworld.
We talked a lot about this.
You know there's politicaldivisiveness.
You know, depending who youtalk to, whoever wins for the
president, if they're on theother side, says it's the end of
our country.
I mean there's, you knowthere's, it's.
It's incredible just to look atthe news and see all the things

(02:34):
that are being said in so manyways.
We have natural disasters, wehave, um, you know, uh, you know
there are people struggling,there's all kinds of things
going on and it's so easy to getsucked up in this and we talk
about it a bit, but we've neverreally talked this directly
about it, which is, I'm curious,and we'll start.
I'm going to start with Craig,because he is always positive

(02:56):
when I talk to him.
What do you do to maintainfocus in a positive way, because
I know that's who you are, withall the stuff going on around
you, with all the news cyclesand everything else going on.
What kind of things do you do?

Craig Lerch (03:11):
I can tell you one thing I'm really excited to be
sitting here with Dr Nicole, youknow, because, as being in the
role of your industry and yourpassion of helping people, how
do you not absorb it?
And that's going to be one ofmy questions later on for you.
But one of the things that I'vedone and we've shared this
before was, in real quick, I'vepicked my three top funnels in

(03:33):
which I want to live by, whichis change lives, make money and
have fun.
Some people may hate them, somepeople may like them, but these
are the ones that make me work.
So changing lives is workingwith people in the real estate
business, working with otheragents holding doors for people,
buying lunch, random, droppinga hundred hour bill in a donut
shop and saying buy the lyingdonuts until the money runs out,
letting people pull out infront of you.

(03:55):
You got to make money.
If you're not making money, youcan't help and be charitable.
If you say you make too muchmoney, donate it.
Stop making the excuse.
Donate the money, give it away.
There's plenty of people thatneed it and have fun.
If it's not fun, why are youdoing it?
So I live in focus of it needsto be a two of the three funnels
or I'm not touching it.
I'm thrilled today.
This is changing lives.

(04:16):
It's changing mine and beingable to meet Dr Nicole and
always being with you, Marc.
It may not be making money, butthat's not the point of
everything, but it's having fun.
It's doing something different.
It's change, and change is notcomfortable.
Change is perpetual.
It's either going forward orbackwards, and you know it from
your industry.
So this is really exciting tohear and it's also what goes on
in the world.

And God bless to everybody in Florida and
anybody that's been hitting thestorms.
I'm really glad you broughtthat up.

Craig Lerch (04:44):
So your answer is really stay focused on the three
things that energize you, andthat's it, what's your purpose,
what gets you out of bed, whatgets your feet on the ground and
stay, because if you get lostin your future purpose, you're
not going to be any good in yourpresent.

I love it.

So let's hear what Dr Nicole has to
say about that, yeah, I meanlike, look, as a psychologist,
how we think affects how we feel.
How we feel affects how we showup, and the reality is we have
a lot of control over how wethink.
Period.
We really do.
Often we operate through lifethinking.

(05:19):
We don't have control over howwe think, but once we take
thinking ownership, that's somemagic there.
That is some magic and, look,positivity is awesome, but
sometimes we're going to feelnegative.
We have a broad range ofemotions because we're human
beings and that's awesome andit's information and, I think,
one of the things that reallymotivates me and really keeps me
in check, because I get reallynegative sometimes and I

(05:41):
definitely have an algorithm onmy phone and I doom scroll and
find all the negative headlinesright before bed not a good
habit.

Announcer (05:49):
So don't do that.

But I think one of the things I keep
in check is that I not onlywith the thinking, taking
thinking ownership.
But how I show up impacts thepeople around me.
How you show up impacts thepeople around me.
How you show up impacts thepeople around me.
There's something calledemotional contagion.
You know we mimic each other.
When mommy smiles down at us,we smile back.

(06:12):
When mommy frowns at us, wefrown back.
And when you smile, thosemuscles in your face set off a
physiological process thattriggers your emotional center,
creating happiness.
Emotions aren't really sexy,they're just neurological
firings.
That's why when you're walkingdown the street and someone's
smiling at you in a non-creepyway, you smile back.
So the impact that we have onpeople is so profound.

(06:36):
And the same goes for whenyou're angry or sad or whatever.
That's why, if you have someonenegative on your team, that
stuff spreads like wildfire.
We have control over that.
So one of the things when we'rearound negativity or exposed to
negativity, once you get out ofthat situation, go watch a
comedy video or a puppy orkitten video, something that's

(06:56):
going to make you smile, because, again, we can control that.
And if you can't get out of aroom with someone.
That's negative.
Put a pencil or a pen in yourmouth and bite hard, because
you're mimicking that smile.

So I'll only comment.
I'm not going to tell you whatI do, because I've mentioned
some things on the show before,but there's two things I'll say.
A book you would love.
It's called Don't BelieveEverything you Think.

Announcer (07:20):
And you would love it too.
Have you heard of it I?
haven't heard of it and youwould love it too, have you?

Nicole Lipkin, Psy.D., MB (07:21):
heard of it?

I haven't heard of it, oh so it's a guy named
Joseph Wynn I've mentioned onthe show before, and it examines
because we don't create ourthoughts.
Thoughts come from out there,you know, because they could be
from your parents, from news,from people you're surrounded
with, from your teachers, yourschools, whatever it is, and
thoughts enter your mind.
It's what you do with them andthis book tells you how to do

(07:50):
that and it's very small,concise book but it's really.
It's made such a huge impact.
And the second thing, which Iwon't go into now, but I told
you about a course that I'vedone three times called Create
Powerful.
We'll talk more about thatoffline, but that has to do with
looking constantly at theimpact you're having on other
people and you know everyonethinks they do that.

(08:11):
I always thought I did thatuntil I realized I didn't in
many, many cases so because Iwas unconscious most of the time
.
So anyway, with that I'd like tointroduce Dr Nicole Lipkin, who
is an internationally we'revery privileged to have her here
internationally recognizedclinical and organizational
psychologist, executive coach,keynote speaker and CEO of

(08:33):
Equilibria Leadership Consulting, a company dedicated to
building leadership, social andemotional skills in children and
their grownups.
I love and their grownups.
Nicole is a regular contributorto the broadcast community,

(08:54):
including a column about thepsychology of the workplace and
a leadership role at Forbescom.
She's the author of two popularbusiness books what Keeps
Leaders Up at Night and why inthe Workplace, managing the Me
First Generation.
Her mission in life is to helpleaders, no matter what age,
lead from the inside out andwelcome Nicole.

Thank you so much, thank you.

So tell us about I just said a mouthful because
there's a mouthful to say aboutyou, but what a good mouthful
Tell us about how you gotstarted and your career path.

Yeah , yeah, absolutely.
So I think it starts with how Iwas raised.

So my Always does right it does.

My folks were school teachers in
the South Bronx Always doesright, it does it does.
My folks were school teachersin the South Bronx and this was,
you know, when the South Bronxwas the South Bronx during the
70s, 80s, 90s, and they wereEnglish and math teachers.
But they were and they fullybelieved in academics and the
importance of it.
But they also came from thephilosophy that kids can't

(10:04):
really learn if their headspaceisn't cleared up.
And so they were the teachersthat would go in at seven in the
morning and eat breakfast withthe kids, because a lot of these
kids came from really, reallydifficult homes and they were
just serving as an ear and theybrought that home, that
philosophy, and they raised usin Westchester, new York

(10:27):
philosophy.
And they raised us inWestchester, new York and you
know, we were the it's a verywealthy community, larchmont,
new York actually and we werenot the rich kids in Larchmont.
But you know those schools inWestchester are where they did
the early studies, looking athighly anxious kids that came
from very overachieving parents.
You had a lot of doctors,lawyers, wall Street people that

(10:47):
really pushed their kids.
So a lot of my peers went tothe Harvards and the Yales of
the world but they were lookingat mental health issues that
would rise from being overlyhigh achieving.
And my mom was a genius.
She looked around and was likeI need to make sure that I serve
as an ear to Nicole and herfriends and my brother and she

(11:08):
would hold something that youknow she called boy parties and
this was she would invite myfriends and I we would have tea
parties and we would talk aboutwe would talk about our crushes
and other things.
And I didn't realize what shewas doing until I had my own kid
and it was genius.
She was opening up the lines ofcommunication and making it so

(11:28):
that we could talk aboutanything and there wasn't a week
that went by that a friendwasn't over talking to her and I
grew up in a household where Icould talk about anything and I
didn't realize that that wasweird until I became a
psychologist and realized it wasweird.
But she opened up the door.
My dad did too, and my parentspassed away when I was
relatively young my dad when Iwas 12 and my mom when I was 19.

(11:50):
And I am fully, fully aware ofthe path.
My life could have gone down,but it didn't.
I've had a great life becauseof the foundation they built,
and that has shaped myphilosophy in how I approach
life, the work that I do, how Iapproach challenges and how I

(12:13):
help people.
So with that I started.
My first business was apsychology practice.

I learned a lot about you.
I've heard this story before,but your parents were outside
the box thinkers.
I now understand how they couldbe Mets fans even though
they're from the South Bronx.
I just had to say that.
So we were to Mets and Phillies, or in the heat of a Don't let
them do that to you, Nicole.
They raised me right.
They raised me right.
I'm sorry, go on with yourstory.

(12:45):
I had to do that.

So yeah, I think my first business
was a psychology practice.
I never intended that to growinto the big beast that it
became.
It was a psychology practiceand actually I should back up a
minute.
When I went to grad school, Ihad dual interests.
I always kind of approachedlife organically because that's

(13:09):
how they raised me.
I just tried a lot of thingsand they always encouraged us to
pursue what we wanted to and Iwas interested in a lot of
things.
So I had dual interests.
I was really, really into theX-Files and I had a huge crush
on David Duchovny and I wantedto go into the FBI because of
that, because I wanted AgentMulder to be my partner, and so

(13:34):
I, when I was getting mydoctorate in clinical psych, I
still have a crush on hispartner.
Jillian.

Anderson, anyway , that's beside the point.

So I pursued a when I was getting my
doctorate in clinicalpsychology.
I got a master's in criminaljustice, but I also was
interested in business becauseone of the things we did was
because they were schoolteachers and raising us in
Westchester on the weekends.
My grandfather was a jewelerand so on the weekends we would
work at antique shows and fleamarkets selling jewelry.

(14:05):
And you know, while other kidswere watching Saturday morning
cartoons, we were getting up atfive and selling and my brother
experienced that verydifferently than I did.
But you know, when I was fiveand my brother was 11, they're
like stop complaining, whatbusiness do you want to be in?
And we're like toys becausewe're kids.
So they gave us 400 bucks andthey brought us down to the

(14:25):
wholesale district in Manhattan.
We picked out our inventory.
My dad taught us how to keepthe books, my mom taught us how
to market, my grandfather taughtus how to sell.
So I was always into business.

You were an entrepreneur at an early age.

Nicole Lipkin, Psy.D., (14:37):
Exactly exactly.
I was a hustler.

What the show's about.
I love that story.
It's amazing.
You have a very rich background.
It's really amazing.

I had a great upbringing.
I had really cool parents.
I was very lucky, so for me.
I also was equally interestedin business, so I also pursued
an MBA.

Also explains why you're now a cool parent and
a cool parent mentor, whichwe'll talk about, hey kiddo, in
a little while.
I hope he sees me as a coolparent, it's always a question.
I understand, I know he hatesme a lot.

Well , that's uh that's, that's part
of that's part of parenthood.
Yeah, um, so my early careeractually started in forensic
psychology and, to be honestwith you, that, more than
anything I've ever done in mylife trained me to do what I'm
doing today.
Because what is it?

(15:30):
It's about helping people feelcomfortable to open up, right.
So this was my early career andI used that to start.

That's a great place to take a quick break.
We'll be back in a minute onFounders Forum.

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We're back on Founders Forum with our guest
today, dr Nicole Lipkin, and mygood friend Craig Lerch, a
realtor extraordinaire and wewere just talking about you
being a forensic psychologist,so tell us about that and how
that led to the things you'redoing today.

Yeah , so I then started using the
forensic work I was doing.
I started a psychology practiceand over the years and again
like I was saying before, I'vealways taken a very organic like
all right, let's try it.
Approach to life.
So you know, as the practicestarted organically growing, my

(17:31):
friends were joining me thatwere therapists and which is a
little bit risky but it was.
It ended up being awesomebecause we loved each other, we
loved working with each otherand you know one of my friends
was a child therapist.
We grew that and you know onewas couples.
We grew that and over time thatpractice became huge and we
kind of we removed ourselvesfrom the forensic world and it

(17:52):
became a general clinicalpractice and over the years I
started that practice grew intoan AD therapist group practice.

It grew, because I know a bit about that
business.
It's big, it's big.

It became a real monster.
Huge, because I know a bitabout that business.
It's big, it's big, it became areal monster and over time I
actually around 2007, realized Ireally wanted to focus on
executive coaching, leadership,development, consulting work and
I went back and got coaching,credentialed all of that stuff.

(18:28):
I wanted to immerse myself inthat, started working in that
world while I was running thegroup practice.
And that's when EquilibriaLeadership Consulting was born
and I fully transitioned.
Even though I was still owningand operating Equilibria
Psychological, I developedEquilibria Leadership.

And tell us about that company.

Yeah , so that company is a boutique
consulting firm, leadershipdevelopment consulting firm.
We do executive coaching,leadership development, culture
change work, a lot of teamdevelopment work.

Are your clients corporations?
Do you go in through thecorporation?

Nicole Lipkin, Psy (19:06):
Corporations , individuals, founders.
So we are size and industryagnostic.
Hear that founders that arelistening Big time Because,
again early on, I found myselfin the security world and
automotive and as a consultant.
I don't want to be biased and Ifound myself starting to get

(19:27):
biased, so that's why I workeverywhere, from the Fortune 50s
to small startups and thatcompany.
The reality is I am apsychologist and I personally,
and I'm really biased with this.
I think psychologists are someof the best people to do this
work Because until the robotstake over, we're people working

(19:49):
with people and this is whatpsychologists do you know,
there's no like five steps toleadership or five steps to team
dynamics.
It's understanding our own stuffin our heads and our own
blockers.
So that's the work we do there,and I along.
You're very busy with that.

(20:12):
Yes, and I think we're going toyou started another company, I
started another company.

So what caused you, what made you wacky enough
to want to do another company?

I think I always operate in threes
.
Oh, there you go, there you go.
I always had.
Well, you are an entrepreneur,so that's why.
I always had the dream to buildwhat is now HeyKiddo, which is a
tech startup, I think from aprofessional standpoint, having
the practice for so many years,which I eventually exited.
Having the practice for so manyyears, I saw the mental health

(20:45):
crisis was escalating for somany years before everyone
started paying attention duringCOVID and having we keep on
outsourcing mental health toschools and therapists without
focusing on the third part ofthe trifecta, which are
parenting adults.
And, yeah, god also giveparents the tools and caregivers

(21:05):
the tools.
So, from that and also just myupbringing and having that
openness, like I, again, I don'tthink it should be the luck of
the draw of who your, who yourparents are.
I think every parenting adultand I'm saying parenting adult,
cause not everyone has parentsEvery parenting adult deserves
the opportunity to learn theseskills and open up the lines of
communication.
So that was where hey Kiddocame from, and I'm not a tech

(21:29):
founder.
I had to learn how to be a techfounder and that has been the
hardest professional thing Ihave ever done in my life, I'll
bet that.
And also exiting the practice.
Those two things were, but theyalso made me better at what I
do, right, you know, goingthrough those experiences,
Growth, no growth without changeright.
Oh man, oh man.

So so, hey Kiddo , describe that Is that that's
an app.

Yeah , yeah.
So, hey Kiddo, it has twoproducts.
Actually.
We have a social emotionallearning curriculum, but where
we we we've had National ScienceFoundation funding as well as
investment funding to build thisamazing app that we're really
pushing, starting in 2025.
What it is is, let's say, yourparent noticing that your kiddo

(22:16):
is having a lot of negativeself-talk and worry over fitting
in and having trouble focusing.
You can select that on the appand it's going to put you on a
personalized coaching journeythat does three things.
It educates that parent here'swhat we know about negative
self-talk tools, nonverbal andverbal to open up the lines of

(22:36):
communication with a kiddoaround what they're seeing.
And then it's subtly coachingthat parent on how to model the
behaviors and skills they'retrying to actually build,
because kids watch us.
It's helping that parent trackemotional behavioral patterns.

It's really a coach to the parents.
It's a coach.

It's a pocket coach and signaling
them when professional help isneeded.
It's not to replace therapists,it's a preventative tool to
help parents be morepsychologically in tune.

Nicole, as always, the show is going by
very quickly.
We only have a few minutes left.
In a few words, how would youdescribe, if you had to kind of
broadside on the challenges youfaced as an entrepreneur?

Oh, I mean the show can't go by.
I mean we, we gotta be here.

For the rest, of the day, that was a good
broadside, I understand.

I mean, look, I have never early
there's been early careerchallenges and later career
challenges.
Early career, I didn'tunderstand mentorship.
I never sought help and therewere times in the practice the
and there were times in thepractice the first business

(23:43):
where I was messing up so badly.
I was just making really I tendto be a an empathetic leader,
making decisions based onrelationships versus what's best
for the business, and I kept ondoing that and making really
bad decisions to protect therelationship and the people I
cared about.
And instead of seeking help,like again, it's like when we
think about how our brains work,you know, we especially with

(24:04):
the sunk cost bias we, the moremoney, time and effort we put
into people, places and things,especially when they're bad
decisions, the more money, timeand effort we keep on putting
into those things.
And that's what I was doing inmy decision making and I had to
snap out of it.
But I didn't seek help outsideand I think that was my biggest
challenge not understanding theimportance of having my own

(24:27):
board of directors around me, myown advisors around me.
That came later in life andalso because of those lessons I
make sure to be available toother people young professionals
that are going through that.

I want to keep moving with you because we don't
have much time.
I know you have an enormousvision for the next 10 years.
Could you describe that to us?

Yeah , I love what I'm doing.
I love what I'm doing, so Iwant to keep on doing the
executive coaching work that Ido and the team development work
I do a lot of like.
I want to keep on doing that.
I want to keep on doing theexecutive coaching work that I
do and the team development workI do a lot of like.
I want to keep on doing that.
I want to keep on doing keynotespeaking.
It's my favorite thing in theworld to do and to impact large
numbers of people, so I want tokeep on doing that until I die.

What does hey Kiddo look like?
On the hey Kiddo side.

You know, I want this to be
accessible to any parent thatever wants it.
Obviously, it's a business,it's a startup, it's a
for-profit, it needs to makemoney to survive, but I
ultimately want that to be atool that's going to impact the
mental health crisis that we'rehaving long term.

Yeah, a couple quick ones.
We have just a couple minutesleft.
Yeah, what book are youcurrently reading?

Oh man, I just read the Psychology
of Money, which was awesome.

Ah, it's a great book.

But that was because it was there
and I was on vacation and Ipicked it up.

You should read the Fiscal Therapy Solution.

I will read that.
I will read that.

What are your thoughts about your legacy?
What would you like to leavebehind eventually?
Dr Nicole Lipkin is fairlyyoung.
I need to point that out to you.
She's done a lot in the shortamount of years, not so young.
Well, it's all relative, thankyou.

I want to leave Well, I never want
to leave him behind but I wantto help raise an amazing man, my
son Charlie and a kind, helpfulperson.
I want to help create what myparents helped create my brother
and I and I want to leave thisworld a little bit better.
If I can influence and impactand infect people in a positive,

(26:35):
healthy way, that's what I wantto continue doing.

Because I've rushed you through these answers
.
We actually have like anotherminute.

We do Okay, good.

So I'll fire a couple other quick ones at you.
Favorite music.
Do you have a favorite song?
Favorite artist?
Favorite album?

I, oh my God, I do, I do.
I was raised on classic rockand blues.

Okay, I like where you're going.

I have to be honest with you.
My favorite movie of all timesand my favorite soundtrack is
Xanadu.
And what's interesting aboutthat?
Every night, before I would goto bed, I would pray to the
Xanadu gods that I would wake upas Olivia Newton-John and have
her voice and roller skate likeher and be a muse.
I wanted to be a muse when Igrew up.

Wow, so Olivia Newton-John and David Duchovny
were two of your mentors.
I love it Real quick.
A favorite movie Xanadu.

I guess I loved it, I mean, but I
have many more favorite movies.
One more, god, I can't think ofanything.

Okay, one more favorite book.

Let's go back to favorite movie.
I love 9 to 5.
There you go, that's a greatmovie.
It's awesome.
I love 9 to 5.
There you go, that's a greatmovie.
It's awesome, great movie.
It's awesome.

And great female mentors.

And office space.

Office space.
So good Office space.
I don't know if I know that.

Oh, come on, you know office space,
do I?
Okay, oh, of course you knowoffice space.

We'll talk afterwards because we are out of
time.
Thank you.

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