June 18, 2024 • 23 mins
Have you ever wondered how the traits of resilience and determination are passed down through generations? Join us for an intimate roundtable discussion featuring the remarkable women of my wife's family—Dominator, G. Unit, K., and Skeletor—as we explore the powerful legacy of strength that defines them. Jean shares touching stories of their mother and grandmother's perseverance, while Dominator and K. discuss how their inherited stubbornness and emotional complexity have shaped their lives. Skeletor's unique challenges offer a poignant look at the influence of generational traits on our daughters.
This episode also takes us on an emotional journey through cherished family memories, highlighting the indomitable spirits of Aunt Betty and Nana. Chloe's heartfelt recount of her mother Leas resilience against domestic abuse and societal pressures is a stirring reminder of the courage that resides within these women. As we celebrate the impactful women in our lives, I reflect on my pride in being part of this legacy and share exciting updates about our podcast, including upcoming events and our milestone of 250 downloads. Spread the word, be kind, and let's honor the strong women who shape our world.
Remember, be good to one another
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hey folks, this is your host, patrick the Alien.
You know, the one with thebrain trauma.
This is where we confront theups and downs of life.
It's like therapy, without allthose silly licenses and
certifications.
I thought we'd try something alittle different.
This week we're going to do aroundtable discussion.
We're going to get rid of allthe silly nonsense of the
(00:22):
transcripts and go off-road.
The topic this week is going tobe my wife's family, the legacy
of the strengths of the women ofthat family.
We have a couple generationsrepresented here this evening on
this podcast.
I have my wife and mysister-in-law and my niece and
(00:47):
my daughter, better known asDominator and G-Unit and
Fluffinutter and Skeletor.
I sent out some questionnairesto some of the ladies in the
family that are on the WestCoast and up north.
It was at last minute, so Iwasn't able to get everything
(01:10):
back.
That's my fault.
I want to apologize to some ofthe family for that.
I was able to get a couple ofthem back and I'm going to share
those with you tonight.
I really got some great answersback.
I can't wait to share thosewith you.
I think this is going to bequite interesting.
These are powerful women thatwe're going to talk about
(01:33):
tonight and the legacies of them.
I think there's going to be alot of things that you're going
to find interesting, and we'regoing to change one of the names
on one of our charactersbecause she doesn't like her
name anymore.
You know, after five seconds ofbeing called Fluffernutter,
we're going to change her nameto Kay you can hear her laughing
(01:56):
.
So the name formerly known asFluffernutter is now known as
Kay.
Feel free to call her SpecialKay if you want Special Kay, or
you can just call her Kay.
Okay, folks, let's get on withit.
I'm going to start with aprompt for the ladies and then
(02:21):
I'm going to let them go fromthere.
Ladies, and this is for thefirst generation, my wife and
sister-in-law what traits do youbelieve have been passed down
from your mother and yourgrandmother, passed down to you,
(02:42):
your daughters and thegranddaughters that you can see?
You know plainly.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Go ahead, Jean, you've got granddaughters.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Determination.
For sure, nana and Mom bothwere really determined to get
things done.
Whether they needed to do themthemselves or not, they did
everything they could to getthings done.
Whether they needed to do themthemselves or not, they did
everything they could to get itdone.
Nana raised five kids in atwo-bedroom house so that taught
her kids strength anddetermination and Mom passed
(03:19):
that on to us kids and that'strickled down to my daughter and
my granddaughter.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
How about you, Dominator?
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I got stubbornness, stubbornness.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Definitely stubbornness.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I got that trait too, I got stubbornness.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
I learned that there's not always one way to do
something.
You can accomplish many, manythings by just thinking and
working different ways.
Not everything needs to be easy.
It's not going to be easy.
You just figure out how to getit done and you just get it done
.
My mom has done a lot on herown for a while, I feel.
(04:08):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (04:10):
yeah, she did.
She had two small children toraise after her first divorce,
her first marriage.
She lost her husband in a caraccident when she was only 18
yep, so she came through thatand um her.
Her other husband was analcoholic, yes, he was, so when
she divorced him she had you andRandy, small kids to raise, and
(04:32):
then she met dad and he had PatCorrect, so she had to take on
another child Yep, she made itall work, plus she had fosters.
Oh Lord, yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
That she did, and I mean there were so many foster
kids coming in through our housethere was.
She worked and she came homeand she cooked and she cleaned.
She did it all because that'swhat women did back then.
She did.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I'll never be as good as she was.
That's how I feel.
I'll never be as good as Momever was at anything, because
she never quit.
No, she never quit, yeah, noshe didn't.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I mean, I'm pretty close.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
but Right Skeletor.
I want to get to you in asecond.
But, kay, because you also havea daughter, the next generation
, you have anything that you cansee, that's been passed down
from grandma to you, that youcan also, that's been passed
down from grandma to you, thatyou can also see in your
(05:28):
daughter.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
From grandma.
Grandma, I would say it couldbe bad and good.
We're very emotional, but alsoemotionless as well.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
So it could go both ways.
Grandma wasn't very emotional.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
No, but mom is, hannah is, I am, but also on the
flip side of that, it's justlike there's also that.
Well, I'm not going to cry overthis, I'm just going to move on
and get over it.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
That's how right.
So it can go both ways andthat's what I got from my mother
.
Is that I'm not very emotional?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, I'm emotional.
I think Hannah's more, I thinkHannah's both that as well,
because sometimes she doesn'tcare.
Sometimes she cares a lot.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
I'm not very emotional.
She used to be emotional, butshe's not like that anymore no
she's more like her grandma allthe time.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I would say she's become more like her grandmother
all the time that's probablywhy we don't get along now.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Let me ask you all the time that's probably why we
don't get along.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Now let me ask you, Skeletor I love Skeletor, my
daughter, by the way With youbeing, I don't want to say, a
special situation, but withwhatever struggles you've had to
go through in your life, onlywith your medical condition, do
(06:48):
you feel like the strengths fromyour grandmother has helped you
or hindered you, or has ithelped you in any way?
Speaker 5 (06:58):
I mean, I think probably help because it's mom's
like grandma and mom doesn'tlet things bother her or not, in
the moment she's.
I think mom is emotional, butshe's never going to be like
that in front of you.
She's going to deal with what'sin front of you.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
You got it, you got it, you do, you got to deal with
it.
And then that's.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
That's for later.
You deal with the emotion of itlater and I think, as I've
gotten older, I'm more like that.
When I was younger I would dealwith it, but I was emotional
about it, and now I've justfigured out how to kind of put
that aside, which comes fromgrandma, but I learned it from
mom, I think.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I think, that comes with age, because I used to cry
at the drop of a hat.
Now I will deal with whatever Ineed to deal with and I will
cry behind closed doors likenobody hardly sees me cry
anymore.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Well, so okay.
So that's true, because Ihaven't seen you cry in a hot
minute like I yeah but I veryrarely ever cry I've never,
really been a crier kelly is.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
I've always told everybody because everybody goes
past the go-to guy and thefamily was like, no, kelly's the
rock.
Yeah, I've always called Kellythe rock.
Kelly's always been thefoundation and I've always felt
that way.
She's you're well.
Yeah, you are the dominator,most definitely, but uh, I would
(08:22):
.
I want to share with you acouple of the responses I've
gotten from other members of thefamily, your cousin Donna, the
response that I got from thequestion that I sent to her.
It says I've been thinking andI do think that I'm a strong
woman Between my mom and Nana,not to mention a few aunts who
(08:45):
demonstrate to me, and that's astatement that aunt betty has
said more times I can, I cancare to count.
(09:10):
I've I remember so many timesand weigh the good against the
bad when making decisions aboutyour life, and then I always
stress that no one was betterthan you.
Everyone puts their pants onone leg at a time.
So even if my emotion, I'msorry, so even if I'm emotional
(09:34):
a lot, I tend to get through.
I hope that helps make sense.
I it does to me.
I've heard, I've heard a lotabout Nana and this family.
I always wish I could haveknown her.
I know she was a strong womanas well.
I appreciate Donna for takingpart in this.
It's like I know Aunt Bettyvery well.
(09:56):
I got to know her very wellover the years.
She had no problem letting meknow who she was and how it was
going to be every time we weretogether.
So I miss her dearly.
I miss Uncle Bob dearly.
She was a great woman and shewas a fiery spirit and she will
(10:20):
be dearly missed.
Uh, your aunt Leah, who I'veheard stories about.
Uh, how do you feel when youhear that about your aunt Betty?
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Oh, that's normal.
That describes her Like I canjust.
I've heard her say hey, sarah,sarah, plenty of times.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Nana was very strong she was.
Betty's thing was if you can'tdo anything about it, don't
worry about it.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Nana was like you are , who you are.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Ani-Leah had no problem telling you how things
were.
She was straightforward.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
I don't know.
I can see me and several of thefemales in this family.
All of us intertwined.
We all have females in thisfamily.
All of us intertwine.
We all have a lot of everythingfrom all of us yes.
The same some.
You know maybe a little here alittle there.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
We all break into song, the majority.
I know that All of us breakinto song.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
I think we're really all very similar.
Yeah, and when we don't seeeach other for a long time, we
can still get together.
And it's like we've just neverreally been apart, right, we
just pick up from where we leftoff exactly, and that's kind of
how it was growing up, though,with the sisters yeah you know,
with Nana mom and I mean we'vespent many, many times together
as a whole like that, which wasalways fun it was fun how do you
(11:36):
out of the, the youngergeneration, how do y'all feel
about hearing that about youraunt Betty?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I mean, I know you both knew Aunt Betty very well.
I would have to agree Anycomment from you?
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Skeletor.
Speaker 5 (11:59):
She was a trip?
Yeah, she was.
I think Aunt Betty and Grandmawere together because they were.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
The same but different.
Yeah, it was.
She and Aunt Betty and Grandmawere together because they were
the same but different.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Yeah, it was hard to explain, yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Well, they were so close you could definitely tell
they were sisters, but they wereso far apart.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
Right, oh yeah, yeah, aunt Betty, somehow was always
with the time.
She was with in the moment.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
And Mom kind of stayed back a little bit.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah, we always referred Aunt Betty as the
hipster.
She was the one with it.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Your kids are.
You can tell who raised whichkids, though I mean you can,
because mom was a little bitmore not strict, but like close,
I guess, a little bit like, andI bet he was a little bit more
out there.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So her kids are like they're more out there in drama
and like mom, wasn't like that.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
She was kind of like like no, you're going to stay in
the house.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
We're not going to let you do anything.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah, that's kind of how we were raised versus how
the cousins were raised.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Now, uh, your cousin Chloe, uh, which is your aunt
Leah's daughter, she responded.
She gave a very lengthyresponse.
I don't know if I should readthe response.
Would you be more comfortablereading?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
the response, or would you I'll read?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
it.
You would like to read it.
Okay, I'm going to haveDominator my wife read the
response.
This is their cousin.
This is their Auntie Leah.
Their Auntie Leah has passedaway several years now, Another
great, powerful woman in thisfamily.
And this is the response shehas given to the questionnaire
(13:42):
about the strong woman in herlife.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Yes, without a doubt, I feel as though I'm a strong
and independent woman.
I grew up under the influenceof my mom, leah White.
She survived many challenges,being married to my father
Despite his emotional andphysical abuse.
She fought back many times,often preventing her I'm sorry,
often preventing him fromabusing her, her kids, me and my
brother.
Sometimes she would throwherself in the middle and take a
(14:05):
beating, allowing us time toescape into the woods.
She attempted to leave him manytimes.
However, he always tracked herdown, threatening to kill us if
she didn't return.
It takes immense mental strengthto endure this type of
lifestyle.
As there were no domesticviolence resources back then.
She raised us to think forourselves and to be genuine and
true to self.
Despite living in a homophobicsociety, be who you are and
(14:28):
never compromise your integrityfor anyone.
If you spend your lifepeople-pleasing, you will fail,
because there are millions ofpeople.
If you focus on being true toyourself, you will succeed,
because there is only one of you.
A direct quote she told me as ayoung girl, while trying to
navigate life in a homophobicculture she allowed me and
encouraged me to be me.
She was never hesitant to goagainst the norm, nor did she
(14:51):
force us to either.
The loss of her son is anotherexample of her strength.
She overcame severe depressionand carried on with her life.
I can only imagine the horrificpain she suffered.
She had to fight her depressionand care for her other children
.
Some people gave up not my mom,though she went through a time
(15:12):
of self-sabotage, excessivepartying.
She fought her demons andcourageously divorced my dad
Best decision she ever made.
I was so proud of her always.
She was always herself and worewhatever she wanted, despite
the many critics.
For example, it was clear to meas a child that other mothers
just approved of her style.
I could feel the eyes upon heras we walked into a parent's
(15:32):
night at school with her miniskirt, her go-go boots, low-cut
shirt and frosted pink lipstickthat was not even most mothers
were long, were wore longdresses or dressed rather
conservative.
I can recall women actuallywhispering to each other and
staring at her with obviousdisapproval.
My mom didn't care.
She walked with pride, held,held her head high and did her
own thing.
(15:53):
I love that about her.
After leaving the classroom shewould whisper, whisper to me
fuck them.
She led by example.
Though she never was veryaffectionate with her own kids,
she learned to be with hergrandkids.
Physical affection wasn't herstrong suit when I was growing
up, but I knew without a doubtshe loved me fiercely.
She told many stories from herchildhood and apparently was the
(16:13):
rebel in a handful.
She was sent to reform schoolat some point in her life
because she gave her mom a hardtime.
She had incredibledetermination to do her own
thing.
She was brutally honest andwould tell you her opinion if
you asked her.
She didn't candy coat anythingand just tell you what you
wanted to hear.
You could rely on getting thetruth.
This was all during the 50s,60s and 70s, when the world was
(16:35):
very different.
I learned to be genuinelymyself because of her and never
feared rocking a boat or beingdifferent.
I sported a mohawk in the 70sand also shaved my head.
This was unheard of for womenat that time.
I wore a black leather jacketand rode a motorcycle.
Women in that era just didn'tdo these things.
I challenged school authoritiesall through school and police
departments if I thought I wasright.
(16:56):
I was never afraid to speak mymind or truth.
I wasn't influenced by anypeers.
I always did what I wanted,despite my environment.
I tried to take auto mechanics,woodworking, metal shop and
school.
The school wouldn't allow it.
It was because I was a female.
I had to take home economics.
I petitioned the school boardbut unfortunately lost.
As a girl growing up in the 60s,I violated many of society's
(17:17):
unspoken expectations and rules.
I climbed trees, wrestled withboys, played sports, wore boys
underwear and sometimes clothes.
My friend's parents cared orcared judgment and labeled me
dangerous or weird because Iwent against the grain.
I was considered what societycalled a tomboy.
I left the east coast and wentto California.
I changed my name because Ididn't like it.
When I raised my kids, noparents in the 90s dressed like
(17:39):
me and passed the same judgmentthat my mother experienced.
I could care less.
I did it anyway and truly couldcare less what people thought
of me.
I was confident and I knew Iwas a good human and that's all
that mattered.
I tried to instill these samevalues onto my kids.
They could agree or disagreewith my philosophies without any
fear.
Despite primarily dating women,I married a man who I fell in
(17:59):
love with.
People would ask you're alesbian, why are you marrying a
man?
I didn't see a person's gender.
I saw a human.
After he passed away, I starteddating again.
I fell in love with married awoman.
I was determined to raise mychildren in a violent, free
environment.
At that time, corporalpunishment was used to raise
kids spanking, etc.
I used a talking stick to teachmy kids to communicate and be
good listeners.
(18:20):
They were never spanked.
People would say my kids weregoing to grow up disrespectful
and assholes because of myparenting techniques.
At that time I didn't listen toanyone.
I always did what I felt bestand eliminated all the things I
despised that my father did.
When I was a child, I was ableto be strong and confident in my
beliefs because I was raised bya mom who demonstrated these
(18:40):
skills and allowed me to bedifferent.
My father, on the other hand,was the opposite.
He didn't condone my sexualitybut I truthfully didn't care.
My mom ensured I didn't listento his advice.
He was a racist bigot with acomplete opposite beliefs of my
mom.
She made sure in her own waythat her guidance was more
significant to me, even if itmeant she had to go behind his
back to make sure I didn'tfollow in his footsteps.
(19:00):
Thankfully, my mom was alwayssupportive and proud.
I was lucky and always thankfulto have her as my role model.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I don't know about anybody else that was listening,
but that's a powerful statementabout a person's mother.
That's about as powerful as Ican get.
I thank you Chloe.
For that.
It touches me.
I appreciate it.
I want to say a few things now.
(19:29):
I'm so very thankful to be apart of this family.
It hurts knowing that some ofthe powerful women have passed
on.
There's so many more powerfulwomen in this family.
I'm going to do my best to nameas many as I can with the brain
(19:49):
damage that I have Linda,barbara, donna, mona, gaylene,
kelly, megan, melissa, cass,mary, cassie, cindy, hannah,
(20:15):
anna, amber, amber, who else?
Who else can I name?
Amy, amy, chloe, crystal,brooke.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
We got a lot of females.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I know there's more guys.
That's the best I can do with aTBI.
Oh, allison, allison, I'm doingwith a.
Tbi oh, allison, allison.
I'm doing my best.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Christina.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Who.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Christina.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Christina, I want to thank all the family on the West
Coast in New England, in theCarolinas.
This is a powerful family, itreally is.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
And in California.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
In California.
I said West Coast oh you did.
I'm very thankful.
I want everybody to listen tothis podcast to know you should
be celebrating the women in yourfamily.
It's not done and you should becelebrating them.
It's a powerful story.
It's a legacy that doesn't getcelebrated as much anymore and I
(21:30):
think we should document it.
It should be a more often weshould be talking about the
women and the powerful women ofour everyday lives.
I'm so proud to be a part ofthis family and I'm glad that I
(21:52):
did this podcast.
I have no regrets.
I have a few things I need todo, a little house cleaning
First.
I want to say I've got a littleshout out I want to do.
If you're in New England, in theManchester, new Hampshire area
and you're looking for the bestpizza around, then you need to
(22:12):
go to Pizza man in Manchester.
They've got the best pizza.
I'm not lying, I swear to you.
So go get the pizza.
Pizza.
I'm not lying, I swear to you.
So go get the pizza.
What else do we have?
Go to Linktree Patrick theAlien.
That's where you'll findeverything for Fractured
(22:37):
Podcasts related.
We're almost at 250 downloads.
We'll be having a giveaway soon.
I promised to drop a coupleclues about some upcoming events
.
We have a big reveal.
There's going to be a bigchange coming real soon.
I mean a big change, the nextpodcast, as a matter of fact.
(23:01):
Please spread the word Goodthings to come and, like always,
be good to one another.
Thank you.
Hey folks, this is your host, patrick the Alien.
You know, the one with thebrain trauma.
This is where we confront theups and downs of life.
It's like therapy, without allthose silly licenses and
certifications.
I thought we'd try something alittle different.
This week we're going to do aroundtable discussion.
We're going to get rid of allthe silly nonsense of the
(00:22):
transcripts and go off-road.
The topic this week is going tobe my wife's family, the legacy
of the strengths of the women ofthat family.
We have a couple generationsrepresented here this evening on
this podcast.
I have my wife and mysister-in-law and my niece and
(00:47):
my daughter, better known asDominator and G-Unit and
Fluffinutter and Skeletor.
I sent out some questionnairesto some of the ladies in the
family that are on the WestCoast and up north.
It was at last minute, so Iwasn't able to get everything
(01:10):
back.
That's my fault.
I want to apologize to some ofthe family for that.
I was able to get a couple ofthem back and I'm going to share
those with you tonight.
I really got some great answersback.
I can't wait to share thosewith you.
I think this is going to bequite interesting.
These are powerful women thatwe're going to talk about
(01:33):
tonight and the legacies of them.
I think there's going to be alot of things that you're going
to find interesting, and we'regoing to change one of the names
on one of our charactersbecause she doesn't like her
name anymore.
You know, after five seconds ofbeing called Fluffernutter,
we're going to change her nameto Kay you can hear her laughing
(01:56):
.
So the name formerly known asFluffernutter is now known as
Kay.
Feel free to call her SpecialKay if you want Special Kay, or
you can just call her Kay.
Okay, folks, let's get on withit.
I'm going to start with aprompt for the ladies and then
(02:21):
I'm going to let them go fromthere.
Ladies, and this is for thefirst generation, my wife and
sister-in-law what traits do youbelieve have been passed down
from your mother and yourgrandmother, passed down to you,
(02:42):
your daughters and thegranddaughters that you can see?
You know plainly.
Speaker 4 (02:51):
Go ahead, Jean, you've got granddaughters.
Speaker 3 (02:55):
Determination.
For sure, nana and Mom bothwere really determined to get
things done.
Whether they needed to do themthemselves or not, they did
everything they could to getthings done.
Whether they needed to do themthemselves or not, they did
everything they could to get itdone.
Nana raised five kids in atwo-bedroom house so that taught
her kids strength anddetermination and Mom passed
(03:19):
that on to us kids and that'strickled down to my daughter and
my granddaughter.
Speaker 1 (03:28):
How about you, Dominator?
Speaker 4 (03:33):
I got stubbornness, stubbornness.
Speaker 1 (03:36):
Definitely stubbornness.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
I got that trait too, I got stubbornness.
Speaker 4 (03:44):
I learned that there's not always one way to do
something.
You can accomplish many, manythings by just thinking and
working different ways.
Not everything needs to be easy.
It's not going to be easy.
You just figure out how to getit done and you just get it done
.
My mom has done a lot on herown for a while, I feel.
(04:08):
What do you think?
Speaker 3 (04:10):
yeah, she did.
She had two small children toraise after her first divorce,
her first marriage.
She lost her husband in a caraccident when she was only 18
yep, so she came through thatand um her.
Her other husband was analcoholic, yes, he was, so when
she divorced him she had you andRandy, small kids to raise, and
(04:32):
then she met dad and he had PatCorrect, so she had to take on
another child Yep, she made itall work, plus she had fosters.
Oh Lord, yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
That she did, and I mean there were so many foster
kids coming in through our housethere was.
She worked and she came homeand she cooked and she cleaned.
She did it all because that'swhat women did back then.
She did.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I'll never be as good as she was.
That's how I feel.
I'll never be as good as Momever was at anything, because
she never quit.
No, she never quit, yeah, noshe didn't.
Speaker 4 (05:05):
I mean, I'm pretty close.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
but Right Skeletor.
I want to get to you in asecond.
But, kay, because you also havea daughter, the next generation
, you have anything that you cansee, that's been passed down
from grandma to you, that youcan also, that's been passed
down from grandma to you, thatyou can also see in your
(05:28):
daughter.
Speaker 2 (05:28):
From grandma.
Grandma, I would say it couldbe bad and good.
We're very emotional, but alsoemotionless as well.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
So it could go both ways.
Grandma wasn't very emotional.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
No, but mom is, hannah is, I am, but also on the
flip side of that, it's justlike there's also that.
Well, I'm not going to cry overthis, I'm just going to move on
and get over it.
Speaker 4 (05:52):
That's how right.
So it can go both ways andthat's what I got from my mother
.
Is that I'm not very emotional?
Speaker 2 (05:56):
Yeah, I'm emotional.
I think Hannah's more, I thinkHannah's both that as well,
because sometimes she doesn'tcare.
Sometimes she cares a lot.
Speaker 4 (06:09):
I'm not very emotional.
She used to be emotional, butshe's not like that anymore no
she's more like her grandma allthe time.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
I would say she's become more like her grandmother
all the time that's probablywhy we don't get along now.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
Let me ask you all the time that's probably why we
don't get along.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Now let me ask you, Skeletor I love Skeletor, my
daughter, by the way With youbeing, I don't want to say, a
special situation, but withwhatever struggles you've had to
go through in your life, onlywith your medical condition, do
(06:48):
you feel like the strengths fromyour grandmother has helped you
or hindered you, or has ithelped you in any way?
Speaker 5 (06:58):
I mean, I think probably help because it's mom's
like grandma and mom doesn'tlet things bother her or not, in
the moment she's.
I think mom is emotional, butshe's never going to be like
that in front of you.
She's going to deal with what'sin front of you.
Speaker 4 (07:16):
You got it, you got it, you do, you got to deal with
it.
And then that's.
Speaker 5 (07:19):
That's for later.
You deal with the emotion of itlater and I think, as I've
gotten older, I'm more like that.
When I was younger I would dealwith it, but I was emotional
about it, and now I've justfigured out how to kind of put
that aside, which comes fromgrandma, but I learned it from
mom, I think.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
I think, that comes with age, because I used to cry
at the drop of a hat.
Now I will deal with whatever Ineed to deal with and I will
cry behind closed doors likenobody hardly sees me cry
anymore.
Speaker 4 (07:50):
Well, so okay.
So that's true, because Ihaven't seen you cry in a hot
minute like I yeah but I veryrarely ever cry I've never,
really been a crier kelly is.
Speaker 1 (08:01):
I've always told everybody because everybody goes
past the go-to guy and thefamily was like, no, kelly's the
rock.
Yeah, I've always called Kellythe rock.
Kelly's always been thefoundation and I've always felt
that way.
She's you're well.
Yeah, you are the dominator,most definitely, but uh, I would
(08:22):
.
I want to share with you acouple of the responses I've
gotten from other members of thefamily, your cousin Donna, the
response that I got from thequestion that I sent to her.
It says I've been thinking andI do think that I'm a strong
woman Between my mom and Nana,not to mention a few aunts who
(08:45):
demonstrate to me, and that's astatement that aunt betty has
said more times I can, I cancare to count.
(09:10):
I've I remember so many timesand weigh the good against the
bad when making decisions aboutyour life, and then I always
stress that no one was betterthan you.
Everyone puts their pants onone leg at a time.
So even if my emotion, I'msorry, so even if I'm emotional
(09:34):
a lot, I tend to get through.
I hope that helps make sense.
I it does to me.
I've heard, I've heard a lotabout Nana and this family.
I always wish I could haveknown her.
I know she was a strong womanas well.
I appreciate Donna for takingpart in this.
It's like I know Aunt Bettyvery well.
(09:56):
I got to know her very wellover the years.
She had no problem letting meknow who she was and how it was
going to be every time we weretogether.
So I miss her dearly.
I miss Uncle Bob dearly.
She was a great woman and shewas a fiery spirit and she will
(10:20):
be dearly missed.
Uh, your aunt Leah, who I'veheard stories about.
Uh, how do you feel when youhear that about your aunt Betty?
Speaker 4 (10:33):
Oh, that's normal.
That describes her Like I canjust.
I've heard her say hey, sarah,sarah, plenty of times.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Nana was very strong she was.
Betty's thing was if you can'tdo anything about it, don't
worry about it.
Speaker 4 (10:47):
Nana was like you are , who you are.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Ani-Leah had no problem telling you how things
were.
She was straightforward.
Speaker 4 (10:59):
I don't know.
I can see me and several of thefemales in this family.
All of us intertwined.
We all have females in thisfamily.
All of us intertwine.
We all have a lot of everythingfrom all of us yes.
The same some.
You know maybe a little here alittle there.
Speaker 3 (11:12):
We all break into song, the majority.
I know that All of us breakinto song.
Speaker 4 (11:16):
I think we're really all very similar.
Yeah, and when we don't seeeach other for a long time, we
can still get together.
And it's like we've just neverreally been apart, right, we
just pick up from where we leftoff exactly, and that's kind of
how it was growing up, though,with the sisters yeah you know,
with Nana mom and I mean we'vespent many, many times together
as a whole like that, which wasalways fun it was fun how do you
(11:36):
out of the, the youngergeneration, how do y'all feel
about hearing that about youraunt Betty?
Speaker 1 (11:42):
I mean, I know you both knew Aunt Betty very well.
I would have to agree Anycomment from you?
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Skeletor.
Speaker 5 (11:59):
She was a trip?
Yeah, she was.
I think Aunt Betty and Grandmawere together because they were.
Speaker 4 (12:04):
The same but different.
Yeah, it was.
She and Aunt Betty and Grandmawere together because they were
the same but different.
Speaker 5 (12:05):
Yeah, it was hard to explain, yeah.
Speaker 4 (12:08):
Well, they were so close you could definitely tell
they were sisters, but they wereso far apart.
Speaker 5 (12:13):
Right, oh yeah, yeah, aunt Betty, somehow was always
with the time.
She was with in the moment.
Speaker 4 (12:19):
And Mom kind of stayed back a little bit.
Speaker 1 (12:21):
Yeah, we always referred Aunt Betty as the
hipster.
She was the one with it.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
Your kids are.
You can tell who raised whichkids, though I mean you can,
because mom was a little bitmore not strict, but like close,
I guess, a little bit like, andI bet he was a little bit more
out there.
Speaker 2 (12:42):
So her kids are like they're more out there in drama
and like mom, wasn't like that.
Speaker 4 (12:49):
She was kind of like like no, you're going to stay in
the house.
Speaker 3 (12:52):
We're not going to let you do anything.
Speaker 4 (12:54):
Yeah, that's kind of how we were raised versus how
the cousins were raised.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
Now, uh, your cousin Chloe, uh, which is your aunt
Leah's daughter, she responded.
She gave a very lengthyresponse.
I don't know if I should readthe response.
Would you be more comfortablereading?
Speaker 4 (13:18):
the response, or would you I'll read?
Speaker 1 (13:19):
it.
You would like to read it.
Okay, I'm going to haveDominator my wife read the
response.
This is their cousin.
This is their Auntie Leah.
Their Auntie Leah has passedaway several years now, Another
great, powerful woman in thisfamily.
And this is the response shehas given to the questionnaire
(13:42):
about the strong woman in herlife.
Speaker 4 (13:44):
Yes, without a doubt, I feel as though I'm a strong
and independent woman.
I grew up under the influenceof my mom, leah White.
She survived many challenges,being married to my father
Despite his emotional andphysical abuse.
She fought back many times,often preventing her I'm sorry,
often preventing him fromabusing her, her kids, me and my
brother.
Sometimes she would throwherself in the middle and take a
(14:05):
beating, allowing us time toescape into the woods.
She attempted to leave him manytimes.
However, he always tracked herdown, threatening to kill us if
she didn't return.
It takes immense mental strengthto endure this type of
lifestyle.
As there were no domesticviolence resources back then.
She raised us to think forourselves and to be genuine and
true to self.
Despite living in a homophobicsociety, be who you are and
(14:28):
never compromise your integrityfor anyone.
If you spend your lifepeople-pleasing, you will fail,
because there are millions ofpeople.
If you focus on being true toyourself, you will succeed,
because there is only one of you.
A direct quote she told me as ayoung girl, while trying to
navigate life in a homophobicculture she allowed me and
encouraged me to be me.
She was never hesitant to goagainst the norm, nor did she
(14:51):
force us to either.
The loss of her son is anotherexample of her strength.
She overcame severe depressionand carried on with her life.
I can only imagine the horrificpain she suffered.
She had to fight her depressionand care for her other children
.
Some people gave up not my mom,though she went through a time
(15:12):
of self-sabotage, excessivepartying.
She fought her demons andcourageously divorced my dad
Best decision she ever made.
I was so proud of her always.
She was always herself and worewhatever she wanted, despite
the many critics.
For example, it was clear to meas a child that other mothers
just approved of her style.
I could feel the eyes upon heras we walked into a parent's
(15:32):
night at school with her miniskirt, her go-go boots, low-cut
shirt and frosted pink lipstickthat was not even most mothers
were long, were wore longdresses or dressed rather
conservative.
I can recall women actuallywhispering to each other and
staring at her with obviousdisapproval.
My mom didn't care.
She walked with pride, held,held her head high and did her
own thing.
(15:53):
I love that about her.
After leaving the classroom shewould whisper, whisper to me
fuck them.
She led by example.
Though she never was veryaffectionate with her own kids,
she learned to be with hergrandkids.
Physical affection wasn't herstrong suit when I was growing
up, but I knew without a doubtshe loved me fiercely.
She told many stories from herchildhood and apparently was the
(16:13):
rebel in a handful.
She was sent to reform schoolat some point in her life
because she gave her mom a hardtime.
She had incredibledetermination to do her own
thing.
She was brutally honest andwould tell you her opinion if
you asked her.
She didn't candy coat anythingand just tell you what you
wanted to hear.
You could rely on getting thetruth.
This was all during the 50s,60s and 70s, when the world was
(16:35):
very different.
I learned to be genuinelymyself because of her and never
feared rocking a boat or beingdifferent.
I sported a mohawk in the 70sand also shaved my head.
This was unheard of for womenat that time.
I wore a black leather jacketand rode a motorcycle.
Women in that era just didn'tdo these things.
I challenged school authoritiesall through school and police
departments if I thought I wasright.
(16:56):
I was never afraid to speak mymind or truth.
I wasn't influenced by anypeers.
I always did what I wanted,despite my environment.
I tried to take auto mechanics,woodworking, metal shop and
school.
The school wouldn't allow it.
It was because I was a female.
I had to take home economics.
I petitioned the school boardbut unfortunately lost.
As a girl growing up in the 60s,I violated many of society's
(17:17):
unspoken expectations and rules.
I climbed trees, wrestled withboys, played sports, wore boys
underwear and sometimes clothes.
My friend's parents cared orcared judgment and labeled me
dangerous or weird because Iwent against the grain.
I was considered what societycalled a tomboy.
I left the east coast and wentto California.
I changed my name because Ididn't like it.
When I raised my kids, noparents in the 90s dressed like
(17:39):
me and passed the same judgmentthat my mother experienced.
I could care less.
I did it anyway and truly couldcare less what people thought
of me.
I was confident and I knew Iwas a good human and that's all
that mattered.
I tried to instill these samevalues onto my kids.
They could agree or disagreewith my philosophies without any
fear.
Despite primarily dating women,I married a man who I fell in
(17:59):
love with.
People would ask you're alesbian, why are you marrying a
man?
I didn't see a person's gender.
I saw a human.
After he passed away, I starteddating again.
I fell in love with married awoman.
I was determined to raise mychildren in a violent, free
environment.
At that time, corporalpunishment was used to raise
kids spanking, etc.
I used a talking stick to teachmy kids to communicate and be
good listeners.
(18:20):
They were never spanked.
People would say my kids weregoing to grow up disrespectful
and assholes because of myparenting techniques.
At that time I didn't listen toanyone.
I always did what I felt bestand eliminated all the things I
despised that my father did.
When I was a child, I was ableto be strong and confident in my
beliefs because I was raised bya mom who demonstrated these
(18:40):
skills and allowed me to bedifferent.
My father, on the other hand,was the opposite.
He didn't condone my sexualitybut I truthfully didn't care.
My mom ensured I didn't listento his advice.
He was a racist bigot with acomplete opposite beliefs of my
mom.
She made sure in her own waythat her guidance was more
significant to me, even if itmeant she had to go behind his
back to make sure I didn'tfollow in his footsteps.
(19:00):
Thankfully, my mom was alwayssupportive and proud.
I was lucky and always thankfulto have her as my role model.
Speaker 1 (19:08):
I don't know about anybody else that was listening,
but that's a powerful statementabout a person's mother.
That's about as powerful as Ican get.
I thank you Chloe.
For that.
It touches me.
I appreciate it.
I want to say a few things now.
(19:29):
I'm so very thankful to be apart of this family.
It hurts knowing that some ofthe powerful women have passed
on.
There's so many more powerfulwomen in this family.
I'm going to do my best to nameas many as I can with the brain
(19:49):
damage that I have Linda,barbara, donna, mona, gaylene,
kelly, megan, melissa, cass,mary, cassie, cindy, hannah,
(20:15):
anna, amber, amber, who else?
Who else can I name?
Amy, amy, chloe, crystal,brooke.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
We got a lot of females.
Speaker 1 (20:35):
I know there's more guys.
That's the best I can do with aTBI.
Oh, allison, allison, I'm doingwith a.
Tbi oh, allison, allison.
I'm doing my best.
Speaker 3 (20:46):
Christina.
Speaker 1 (20:47):
Who.
Speaker 3 (20:48):
Christina.
Speaker 1 (20:48):
Christina, I want to thank all the family on the West
Coast in New England, in theCarolinas.
This is a powerful family, itreally is.
Speaker 3 (21:03):
And in California.
Speaker 1 (21:04):
In California.
I said West Coast oh you did.
I'm very thankful.
I want everybody to listen tothis podcast to know you should
be celebrating the women in yourfamily.
It's not done and you should becelebrating them.
It's a powerful story.
It's a legacy that doesn't getcelebrated as much anymore and I
(21:30):
think we should document it.
It should be a more often weshould be talking about the
women and the powerful women ofour everyday lives.
I'm so proud to be a part ofthis family and I'm glad that I
(21:52):
did this podcast.
I have no regrets.
I have a few things I need todo, a little house cleaning
First.
I want to say I've got a littleshout out I want to do.
If you're in New England, in theManchester, new Hampshire area
and you're looking for the bestpizza around, then you need to
(22:12):
go to Pizza man in Manchester.
They've got the best pizza.
I'm not lying, I swear to you.
So go get the pizza.
Pizza.
I'm not lying, I swear to you.
So go get the pizza.
What else do we have?
Go to Linktree Patrick theAlien.
That's where you'll findeverything for Fractured
(22:37):
Podcasts related.
We're almost at 250 downloads.
We'll be having a giveaway soon.
I promised to drop a coupleclues about some upcoming events
.
We have a big reveal.
There's going to be a bigchange coming real soon.
I mean a big change, the nextpodcast, as a matter of fact.
(23:01):
Please spread the word Goodthings to come and, like always,
be good to one another.
Thank you.
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