April 26, 2024 • 22 mins
There's a moment when life flips on its head, and all that's left is the journey back to finding yourself; that's where my story begins. With a past painted by a catastrophic accident and a future uncertain, I, Patrick Alowichus McGillicuddy, lay bare the raw and vulnerable voyage of piecing together a life altered by physical and mental scars. Witness a candid exploration of dark thoughts, the pursuit of purpose, and the rediscovery of joy amidst adversity, where laughter becomes an unexpected companion. I volley against the impact of AI on creativity and cherish the potency of human connection, inviting you into a space that transcends politics and religion for a shared quest towards healing.
Amidst the laughter that threads through tales of an abusive childhood and life's unpredictable blows, I navigate the landscape of pain with a comedian's grace. I unfold the complexities of confronting abuse, murder, and rape, weaving through the emotions that bind humor and hurt. As we bid adieu to the familiar and brace for the unknown, I extend an open invitation to engage in a transformative dialogue. Your stories, your feedback, your suggested topics—they are the heartbeat of our conversations. Together, let's create a tapestry of experiences, where each thread strengthens the fabric of our collective narrative.
Remember, be good to one another
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi and welcome to the very first episode of Fractured
.
I'm your host, patrickAlowichus McGillicuddy.
For those of you who follow meon Facebook, I'm sure you're a
little disappointed.
I'm not speaking with a bit ofan Irish accent.
But the planet I come from.
I live in a single wide trailerwith polyester curtains and my
truck's up on blocks and mytruck's up on blocks.
(00:24):
Yes, it's a bit of a masquerade.
I prefer to play the characterof Patrick the Alien.
It helps protect the innocent inthis situation.
If you'd like, we can diveright into this.
I decided to start this podcastwith just a bit of a selfish
(00:45):
endeavor to help me.
I had an accident a year ago.
Changed my life, I would sayfor the worse broke my neck and
(01:09):
nicked my spine.
I winded up having foursurgeries to correct my neck and
fix my spine.
I winded up having issues withmy strong arm and my strong leg.
Peripheral nerve damage, havingto wear a splint on my leg.
(01:33):
Short-term memory loss.
I have a TBI.
I have a spot on my frontallobe.
A lot of therapy Hasn't been awhole lot of fun.
It changed me.
It changed the person that I am.
My family have noticed thechanges in me.
(01:57):
I'm a much more sensitiveperson.
I cry a lot Sometimes.
I don't like the person I am.
There's been times where I've,unfortunately thought about
taking my life sometimes.
So this has been a selfishthing for me.
(02:21):
I need to find myself, and thenthere's my life.
There's been a lot that'shappened to me over my life and
I'd like to get into that.
I mean, it's been a reallyrough life.
I have a lot of things I'd loveto talk about.
I think you're going to find itinteresting.
(02:41):
I've had a really interestinglife, extremely interesting life
, but I want to talk to youabout your lives.
I want to talk about what helps.
I want to hear your stories.
I want to find out aboutdifferent therapies.
I want to interview.
I want to find out what helpsyou, what helps me.
(03:05):
I want this to be a groupeffort.
I want to know about the thingsin your life.
I want you to know about thethings in my life.
I think this will be helpful toall of us.
I pulled a book off the shelfthis morning, unfortunately.
I was an avid reader for yearsand years and I can't do it
(03:29):
anymore.
My mind won't let me.
I can't retain the wordsanymore.
But one of the books that Iread multiple times and I'm a
collector of classics.
I pulled it off because Ineeded to practice hearing my
voice.
I hate my voice, by the way.
I pulled a book off and Ineeded to practice hearing my
(03:53):
voice recorded, so I pulled oneof the classics off the shelf
and, of course, one of my goto's was Journey to the Center
of the Earth by Jules Verne, andmy favorite, like I said, one
of my all-time favorites andyoung Harry, who is so
inquisitive, and that's, I guessthat's me.
(04:17):
I'm inquisitive right now.
I need to know you know there'sso many things I need to know.
And I need to know.
You know there are so manythings I need to know.
And I need to know what mypurpose is.
I need to know why I'm here.
I want to believe it's to helppeople.
I've never cared about money.
(04:38):
I never have.
You can ask anybody.
Money's never meant anything tome.
I just I want people to behappy, I want people to be
successful.
I don't like strife, I can'tstand to see people suffer.
I don't like arguing aboutpolitics, I don't like arguing
(05:03):
about religion, and I would likejust to set down a few ground
rules.
If we're going to have commentsand discussions, let's do this.
Let's not make this aboutpolitics, please, because I have
friends on both sides of thetable and I love them both and I
(05:25):
don't really care, okay.
And when it comes to religion,I have brothers that are
ministers and I have friends whoare Buddhists and I have
friends who are Muslims and Idon't care.
I love everybody.
Okay, I love you if you're gay,I love you.
For straight, I love everybody.
Okay, I love you.
If you're gay, I love you.
If you're straight, I love you.
(05:46):
If you're bisexual, I loveeverybody.
It means nothing to me.
I just want everybody to behappy.
I want everybody to besuccessful.
What I want most of all is tofigure out how we can grasp
(06:06):
these issues and be better.
There's those of you who havebeen hurt mentally.
There's those of you who havebeen hurt physically,
emotionally.
I think we need to touch onthese issues.
I think there's things touch onthese issues.
(06:29):
I think there's things we cando as individuals.
I think there's things that wecan do as a family.
There's so many of us.
I've even found even onFacebook.
I have over 2,000 friends nowon Facebook.
I say friends, I guess they'reacquaintances, whatever you want
(06:50):
to call them, but I was justtelling my wife the other night
it's like we've become so lazy.
It's like nobody even commentson the post.
It's like all they do is like,you know, or put a heart or
whatever.
It's like they won't evencomment.
They're so lazy they won't evenput a couple words.
And this was nice, or somethingthey just put, like, you know,
(07:13):
they click a button.
It's like that's what we comedown to.
They won't even comment onsomething.
That's, that's amazing.
And then now I've noticed, nowwe have the AI feature, now we
have no creativity left andthat's what we're coming to.
These are my opinions, by theway, just opinions.
(07:34):
That's all they are.
I mean, don't you could take itfor the grain of salt, but
that's all it is.
It's like, but we're taking ourcreativity away.
You know it's like what's goingto happen.
Yeah, I'm older, I'm 55 yearsold.
I'm probably going to be putout in the pasture and I'm
(07:56):
trying to stay up.
You know, I'm trying to stay upwith things.
I have a 16-year-old grandson,so I want to stay up with things
.
So I know what's going on.
But, man, I don't know when youcan tell a computer well, I
want this and this, and then itdraws it and then you think you
(08:18):
were the person that createdthat.
It's like you didn't createthat.
The computer created that.
And then in a couple years,guess what the computer's going
to be telling you what to do,not you telling the computer,
can't you see this?
I mean, come on, I remember amovie back in the 80s when I was
(08:41):
a young man, called War Games.
You should watch stuff likethat.
This stuff can become realitysooner or later.
It's not just propaganda andstuff like that.
It's like you should worryabout stuff like that.
I'm not even a conspiracytheorist, but this is a whole
other thing.
Look at me getting off on atangent already.
(09:02):
I'm only nine minutes into thisand I'm already off on a
tangent.
So this podcast I don't reallyknow how long they'll run.
I've looked into podcasts I'veseen the average podcast is
about 30 minutes.
These are going to depend onyou Feedback.
(09:25):
I don't know how often they'llcome up.
I'm thinking every two weeks,but that'll also depend on you.
I'm not going to chargeanything for these.
I mean, this is more therapyfor me, man.
I have a psychiatrist, I have atherapist.
(09:48):
I have a brother who's aminister.
I have a couple of fantasticfriends.
I've got a guy I've known sincegrade school.
I can't wait to tell you abouthim, by the way Best guy in the
world.
I met him in the school line inmiddle school.
The school line in middleschool.
(10:09):
He drew a line literally.
It's like an old-timecoming-of-age movie.
He drew a line in the bus line.
He cut me in the bus line andthen he told me he was going to
beat me up and he was only abouthalf my size and he was going
to beat me up.
We were 14 years old and we'vebeen best friends to this day
(10:31):
and we've seen so many things ineach other's lives and I love
him more than my own brothersand I hate to say it but it's
true and I can't wait to tellyou more about him.
He's the best man in the world,awesome guy.
But there's been some terriblethings in my life been some
(10:52):
horrible, horrible things youwould never believe could happen
to a human being have happenedto me.
I mean horror stories that youcould never ever imagine have
happened.
I've got some prettyinteresting people lined up to
be interviewed.
I think you're going to findthem to be interesting guests.
(11:13):
I want you to be involved bysuggesting maybe people I can
get a hold of to interview,maybe books that you could
suggest, articles I hope to havesegments to where I can find a
(11:37):
quote or a book that we cansuggest articles, songs,
original music, anything thatwill help, anything that will
help to soothe, you know, thatneed, because that's what it's
about.
That's what it's about at theend, man, I to me I care more
(12:04):
about other people than I domyself At the end of the day.
My wife has always said that I'mabout making other people laugh
.
I want people laughing.
I find that people laugh.
It takes their mind off ofstuff.
I'm the comedian.
You know it's like I wouldrather I'll take the hits, I
don't care.
(12:24):
When I was a kid, I'll go aheadand tell you just a brief story
and then we'll dive into itlater.
I was one of four boys beforethe Brady Bunch episode, before
the steps came into it.
I was one of four boys ofabusive, extremely abusive
father and I would lie and say Idid it all the time so my
(12:51):
brothers wouldn't have to takethe beatings because I could
handle it.
And let me tell you they werebeatings and I could take it.
I just could.
I could absorb it.
You know it's just who I wasand I did that the rest of my
life.
I went looking for beatings therest of my life and I'll tell
(13:14):
you all about that and it kindof shaped me.
You know my wife I call herMiracle Worker been married for
37 years.
Fantastic woman.
She saved my life.
I'm so grateful to her.
(13:36):
I have two grown children.
I have a 16-year-old grandson.
I live and work.
Well, correction, I no longerwork in the city that I live in.
I'm still doing that.
I still love this city, thoughI'm one of those weird people.
(14:01):
I actually absolutely adored andloved my job and I cried like a
baby when the separation daycame.
I knew it was coming, Icouldn't.
There's nothing I could do andthey they did their best for me.
It wasn't one of those kind ofthings.
It was.
You know, it wasn't like that.
(14:22):
They were good to me, I wasgood to them, they were good to
me, I was good to them and a lotof good people.
I miss a lot of good peoplethere, including the very top
(14:46):
Fantastic people in my city.
My city is the very best.
I miss them dearly.
I truly do.
I would go back with one arm andone leg and drag myself around
today and do it all over again.
I would.
I would do it as a grunt.
It wouldn't bother me at all.
I was in charge, I ran my crew.
(15:10):
You know day-to-day operations.
I miss it so bad.
It was a big part of my lifeand I can't get over it.
I still can't get over it.
I lost my mother this past year.
I lost my oldest brother a fewyears ago.
(15:36):
These are all big, big things inmy life, like I said, there's
been.
There's a lot of things.
These are still minor things.
The big things are coming, butwe'll dive into it.
We'll dive into it.
Major abuse, murder, rape, youname it.
(16:02):
It all happened.
Horrible things, horrible,horrible things happen, uh uh.
I was a victim.
Other family members werevictims, uh, lucky to be alive
(16:32):
and I'm thankful for it.
But there's other people outthere who've had it worse.
I watch shows and documentariesall the time and it's like I've
told my wife.
I said I could easily be partof a vigilante group to kill
these types of people and sleeplike a baby at night.
It wouldn't bother me sometimes.
(16:52):
I'm sure I'm probably justsaying that you know, but that's
how I feel sometimes, like Idon't know how these monsters
live on the same planet.
I don't understand it.
I don't understand how theworld works, sometimes Like, how
do you get to live on my planet?
It's just I don't get it.
I just I don't get it.
(17:15):
I'm sorry, you know this is thefirst episode, so it's rough.
I'm going to file it down,polish it up, clean it up as
much as I can for you.
You let me know what you want,you tell me how to shape it and
(17:37):
I'll get it that way for you.
You know the email will bethere.
I'll have the link to myFacebook page.
Tell me what you want, tell meinput, good or bad.
Man, I'm an old man, I canhandle criticism and it ain't
costing me anything.
You know I can handle it.
So you tell me what you thinkgood or bad, and uh, we'll go
(17:59):
from there.
Uh, please, you know, don'tjust say hey, don't just click
like okay, don't do that, please.
If you didn't like it, say hey,I didn't like it and this is
why I didn't like it and this iswhy I didn't like it.
You know you rambled on aboutthis and maybe you should have
(18:20):
done that.
You know what?
Maybe I don't care to hearabout this, or maybe you should
talk more about this, and itwould be more helpful if we
spoke more about this instead ofthat.
You know, I'm trying to dosomething a little different
than all the others.
(18:40):
You know, we don't need to talkabout who's winning the
football game or how many UFOsare landing or if Bigfoot got
spotted at Target's parking lot.
You know we don't need all ofthat.
Let's be adults and, by the way, we can be lighthearted too.
(19:04):
Like I said, we can joke.
Therapy can be funny.
I mean, believe me, I have tojoke.
If I didn't joke, I'd be deadalready, believe me.
So let's steer this in theright direction, folks.
Okay, I think this could be agood thing.
(19:31):
I've read a lot of books.
I've gone in a lot ofdirections.
I used to be deeply into churchand then I left church and then
I got very spiritual about theDalai Lama, and then I read a
lot of different books about alot of different religions and
(19:53):
then I got back into churchabout a lot of different
religions, and then I got backinto church and, like I said,
whatever you follow, whatevergets you through the night, is
fine by me, I don't care.
We're just not, we're not gonnasay what is right and what is
wrong, because whatever is rightfor you is right for you and
(20:14):
that's all that matters.
I think staying busy is the bestthing anybody can do.
Hobbies help a lot.
You know you need to keep thatmind active.
I do know that If you let thatmind start wandering it gets to
(20:41):
be dangerous.
Because I still do it.
I have my days.
People, you know I I still do itbecause, uh, I'm in a lot of
pain.
They can't control the painthat I'm in now I'm.
They want me to have moresurgeries now and put
stimulators in two differentplaces of my back.
It's like you know, I don'tknow what to do.
Sometimes I just sit withheating pads on because I refuse
(21:06):
to take pain medication anymore.
So you know, I don't know wheremy world's headed and, like I
said, I'm still a relativelyyoung man, so it's hard to say
don't know where my world'sheaded and, like I said, I'm
still a relatively young man, soit's hard to say.
I don't have all the answers,nor do you, but maybe we can.
Maybe we can help each other.
Like I said, maybe you have anidea for me, maybe I have an
(21:28):
idea for you.
Maybe Fred over here and Lilyover here you know, I'm not a
doctor, by the way, I'm notgiving you a prescription.
I'm not a doctor.
I'm not a therapist, I'm not aminister.
Let's get that disclaimer out.
I am not giving you any medicaladvice of any kind.
(21:50):
Okay, I'm a friend, I'm a voice, that's all I am.
(22:12):
Okay, I'm just somebody whowants to listen and wants to
help, and, believe me, when Isay it, I mean it.
Folks, that's about all I havefor this episode.
It's a little short.
We're about at 23 minutes rightnow.
Like I said, this one's rough.
It'll be better, I promise you.
Let me know what you think andwe'll talk soon.
(22:36):
Have a good day and be blessed.
Remember you only get onechance.
You only have one life.
Until next time.
This is Patrick Bye.
Hi and welcome to the very first episode of Fractured
.
I'm your host, patrickAlowichus McGillicuddy.
For those of you who follow meon Facebook, I'm sure you're a
little disappointed.
I'm not speaking with a bit ofan Irish accent.
But the planet I come from.
I live in a single wide trailerwith polyester curtains and my
truck's up on blocks and mytruck's up on blocks.
(00:24):
Yes, it's a bit of a masquerade.
I prefer to play the characterof Patrick the Alien.
It helps protect the innocent inthis situation.
If you'd like, we can diveright into this.
I decided to start this podcastwith just a bit of a selfish
(00:45):
endeavor to help me.
I had an accident a year ago.
Changed my life, I would sayfor the worse broke my neck and
(01:09):
nicked my spine.
I winded up having foursurgeries to correct my neck and
fix my spine.
I winded up having issues withmy strong arm and my strong leg.
Peripheral nerve damage, havingto wear a splint on my leg.
(01:33):
Short-term memory loss.
I have a TBI.
I have a spot on my frontallobe.
A lot of therapy Hasn't been awhole lot of fun.
It changed me.
It changed the person that I am.
My family have noticed thechanges in me.
(01:57):
I'm a much more sensitiveperson.
I cry a lot Sometimes.
I don't like the person I am.
There's been times where I've,unfortunately thought about
taking my life sometimes.
So this has been a selfishthing for me.
(02:21):
I need to find myself, and thenthere's my life.
There's been a lot that'shappened to me over my life and
I'd like to get into that.
I mean, it's been a reallyrough life.
I have a lot of things I'd loveto talk about.
I think you're going to find itinteresting.
(02:41):
I've had a really interestinglife, extremely interesting life
, but I want to talk to youabout your lives.
I want to talk about what helps.
I want to hear your stories.
I want to find out aboutdifferent therapies.
I want to interview.
I want to find out what helpsyou, what helps me.
(03:05):
I want this to be a groupeffort.
I want to know about the thingsin your life.
I want you to know about thethings in my life.
I think this will be helpful toall of us.
I pulled a book off the shelfthis morning, unfortunately.
I was an avid reader for yearsand years and I can't do it
(03:29):
anymore.
My mind won't let me.
I can't retain the wordsanymore.
But one of the books that Iread multiple times and I'm a
collector of classics.
I pulled it off because Ineeded to practice hearing my
voice.
I hate my voice, by the way.
I pulled a book off and Ineeded to practice hearing my
(03:53):
voice recorded, so I pulled oneof the classics off the shelf
and, of course, one of my goto's was Journey to the Center
of the Earth by Jules Verne, andmy favorite, like I said, one
of my all-time favorites andyoung Harry, who is so
inquisitive, and that's, I guessthat's me.
(04:17):
I'm inquisitive right now.
I need to know you know there'sso many things I need to know.
And I need to know.
You know there are so manythings I need to know.
And I need to know what mypurpose is.
I need to know why I'm here.
I want to believe it's to helppeople.
I've never cared about money.
(04:38):
I never have.
You can ask anybody.
Money's never meant anything tome.
I just I want people to behappy, I want people to be
successful.
I don't like strife, I can'tstand to see people suffer.
I don't like arguing aboutpolitics, I don't like arguing
(05:03):
about religion, and I would likejust to set down a few ground
rules.
If we're going to have commentsand discussions, let's do this.
Let's not make this aboutpolitics, please, because I have
friends on both sides of thetable and I love them both and I
(05:25):
don't really care, okay.
And when it comes to religion,I have brothers that are
ministers and I have friends whoare Buddhists and I have
friends who are Muslims and Idon't care.
I love everybody.
Okay, I love you if you're gay,I love you.
For straight, I love everybody.
Okay, I love you.
If you're gay, I love you.
If you're straight, I love you.
(05:46):
If you're bisexual, I loveeverybody.
It means nothing to me.
I just want everybody to behappy.
I want everybody to besuccessful.
What I want most of all is tofigure out how we can grasp
(06:06):
these issues and be better.
There's those of you who havebeen hurt mentally.
There's those of you who havebeen hurt physically,
emotionally.
I think we need to touch onthese issues.
I think there's things touch onthese issues.
(06:29):
I think there's things we cando as individuals.
I think there's things that wecan do as a family.
There's so many of us.
I've even found even onFacebook.
I have over 2,000 friends nowon Facebook.
I say friends, I guess they'reacquaintances, whatever you want
(06:50):
to call them, but I was justtelling my wife the other night
it's like we've become so lazy.
It's like nobody even commentson the post.
It's like all they do is like,you know, or put a heart or
whatever.
It's like they won't evencomment.
They're so lazy they won't evenput a couple words.
And this was nice, or somethingthey just put, like, you know,
(07:13):
they click a button.
It's like that's what we comedown to.
They won't even comment onsomething.
That's, that's amazing.
And then now I've noticed, nowwe have the AI feature, now we
have no creativity left andthat's what we're coming to.
These are my opinions, by theway, just opinions.
(07:34):
That's all they are.
I mean, don't you could take itfor the grain of salt, but
that's all it is.
It's like, but we're taking ourcreativity away.
You know it's like what's goingto happen.
Yeah, I'm older, I'm 55 yearsold.
I'm probably going to be putout in the pasture and I'm
(07:56):
trying to stay up.
You know, I'm trying to stay upwith things.
I have a 16-year-old grandson,so I want to stay up with things
.
So I know what's going on.
But, man, I don't know when youcan tell a computer well, I
want this and this, and then itdraws it and then you think you
(08:18):
were the person that createdthat.
It's like you didn't createthat.
The computer created that.
And then in a couple years,guess what the computer's going
to be telling you what to do,not you telling the computer,
can't you see this?
I mean, come on, I remember amovie back in the 80s when I was
(08:41):
a young man, called War Games.
You should watch stuff likethat.
This stuff can become realitysooner or later.
It's not just propaganda andstuff like that.
It's like you should worryabout stuff like that.
I'm not even a conspiracytheorist, but this is a whole
other thing.
Look at me getting off on atangent already.
(09:02):
I'm only nine minutes into thisand I'm already off on a
tangent.
So this podcast I don't reallyknow how long they'll run.
I've looked into podcasts I'veseen the average podcast is
about 30 minutes.
These are going to depend onyou Feedback.
(09:25):
I don't know how often they'llcome up.
I'm thinking every two weeks,but that'll also depend on you.
I'm not going to chargeanything for these.
I mean, this is more therapyfor me, man.
I have a psychiatrist, I have atherapist.
(09:48):
I have a brother who's aminister.
I have a couple of fantasticfriends.
I've got a guy I've known sincegrade school.
I can't wait to tell you abouthim, by the way Best guy in the
world.
I met him in the school line inmiddle school.
The school line in middleschool.
(10:09):
He drew a line literally.
It's like an old-timecoming-of-age movie.
He drew a line in the bus line.
He cut me in the bus line andthen he told me he was going to
beat me up and he was only abouthalf my size and he was going
to beat me up.
We were 14 years old and we'vebeen best friends to this day
(10:31):
and we've seen so many things ineach other's lives and I love
him more than my own brothersand I hate to say it but it's
true and I can't wait to tellyou more about him.
He's the best man in the world,awesome guy.
But there's been some terriblethings in my life been some
(10:52):
horrible, horrible things youwould never believe could happen
to a human being have happenedto me.
I mean horror stories that youcould never ever imagine have
happened.
I've got some prettyinteresting people lined up to
be interviewed.
I think you're going to findthem to be interesting guests.
(11:13):
I want you to be involved bysuggesting maybe people I can
get a hold of to interview,maybe books that you could
suggest, articles I hope to havesegments to where I can find a
(11:37):
quote or a book that we cansuggest articles, songs,
original music, anything thatwill help, anything that will
help to soothe, you know, thatneed, because that's what it's
about.
That's what it's about at theend, man, I to me I care more
(12:04):
about other people than I domyself At the end of the day.
My wife has always said that I'mabout making other people laugh
.
I want people laughing.
I find that people laugh.
It takes their mind off ofstuff.
I'm the comedian.
You know it's like I wouldrather I'll take the hits, I
don't care.
(12:24):
When I was a kid, I'll go aheadand tell you just a brief story
and then we'll dive into itlater.
I was one of four boys beforethe Brady Bunch episode, before
the steps came into it.
I was one of four boys ofabusive, extremely abusive
father and I would lie and say Idid it all the time so my
(12:51):
brothers wouldn't have to takethe beatings because I could
handle it.
And let me tell you they werebeatings and I could take it.
I just could.
I could absorb it.
You know it's just who I wasand I did that the rest of my
life.
I went looking for beatings therest of my life and I'll tell
(13:14):
you all about that and it kindof shaped me.
You know my wife I call herMiracle Worker been married for
37 years.
Fantastic woman.
She saved my life.
I'm so grateful to her.
(13:36):
I have two grown children.
I have a 16-year-old grandson.
I live and work.
Well, correction, I no longerwork in the city that I live in.
I'm still doing that.
I still love this city, thoughI'm one of those weird people.
(14:01):
I actually absolutely adored andloved my job and I cried like a
baby when the separation daycame.
I knew it was coming, Icouldn't.
There's nothing I could do andthey they did their best for me.
It wasn't one of those kind ofthings.
It was.
You know, it wasn't like that.
(14:22):
They were good to me, I wasgood to them, they were good to
me, I was good to them and a lotof good people.
I miss a lot of good peoplethere, including the very top
(14:46):
Fantastic people in my city.
My city is the very best.
I miss them dearly.
I truly do.
I would go back with one arm andone leg and drag myself around
today and do it all over again.
I would.
I would do it as a grunt.
It wouldn't bother me at all.
I was in charge, I ran my crew.
(15:10):
You know day-to-day operations.
I miss it so bad.
It was a big part of my lifeand I can't get over it.
I still can't get over it.
I lost my mother this past year.
I lost my oldest brother a fewyears ago.
(15:36):
These are all big, big things inmy life, like I said, there's
been.
There's a lot of things.
These are still minor things.
The big things are coming, butwe'll dive into it.
We'll dive into it.
Major abuse, murder, rape, youname it.
(16:02):
It all happened.
Horrible things, horrible,horrible things happen, uh uh.
I was a victim.
Other family members werevictims, uh, lucky to be alive
(16:32):
and I'm thankful for it.
But there's other people outthere who've had it worse.
I watch shows and documentariesall the time and it's like I've
told my wife.
I said I could easily be partof a vigilante group to kill
these types of people and sleeplike a baby at night.
It wouldn't bother me sometimes.
(16:52):
I'm sure I'm probably justsaying that you know, but that's
how I feel sometimes, like Idon't know how these monsters
live on the same planet.
I don't understand it.
I don't understand how theworld works, sometimes Like, how
do you get to live on my planet?
It's just I don't get it.
I just I don't get it.
(17:15):
I'm sorry, you know this is thefirst episode, so it's rough.
I'm going to file it down,polish it up, clean it up as
much as I can for you.
You let me know what you want,you tell me how to shape it and
(17:37):
I'll get it that way for you.
You know the email will bethere.
I'll have the link to myFacebook page.
Tell me what you want, tell meinput, good or bad.
Man, I'm an old man, I canhandle criticism and it ain't
costing me anything.
You know I can handle it.
So you tell me what you thinkgood or bad, and uh, we'll go
(17:59):
from there.
Uh, please, you know, don'tjust say hey, don't just click
like okay, don't do that, please.
If you didn't like it, say hey,I didn't like it and this is
why I didn't like it and this iswhy I didn't like it.
You know you rambled on aboutthis and maybe you should have
(18:20):
done that.
You know what?
Maybe I don't care to hearabout this, or maybe you should
talk more about this, and itwould be more helpful if we
spoke more about this instead ofthat.
You know, I'm trying to dosomething a little different
than all the others.
(18:40):
You know, we don't need to talkabout who's winning the
football game or how many UFOsare landing or if Bigfoot got
spotted at Target's parking lot.
You know we don't need all ofthat.
Let's be adults and, by the way, we can be lighthearted too.
(19:04):
Like I said, we can joke.
Therapy can be funny.
I mean, believe me, I have tojoke.
If I didn't joke, I'd be deadalready, believe me.
So let's steer this in theright direction, folks.
Okay, I think this could be agood thing.
(19:31):
I've read a lot of books.
I've gone in a lot ofdirections.
I used to be deeply into churchand then I left church and then
I got very spiritual about theDalai Lama, and then I read a
lot of different books about alot of different religions and
(19:53):
then I got back into churchabout a lot of different
religions, and then I got backinto church and, like I said,
whatever you follow, whatevergets you through the night, is
fine by me, I don't care.
We're just not, we're not gonnasay what is right and what is
wrong, because whatever is rightfor you is right for you and
(20:14):
that's all that matters.
I think staying busy is the bestthing anybody can do.
Hobbies help a lot.
You know you need to keep thatmind active.
I do know that If you let thatmind start wandering it gets to
(20:41):
be dangerous.
Because I still do it.
I have my days.
People, you know I I still do itbecause, uh, I'm in a lot of
pain.
They can't control the painthat I'm in now I'm.
They want me to have moresurgeries now and put
stimulators in two differentplaces of my back.
It's like you know, I don'tknow what to do.
Sometimes I just sit withheating pads on because I refuse
(21:06):
to take pain medication anymore.
So you know, I don't know wheremy world's headed and, like I
said, I'm still a relativelyyoung man, so it's hard to say
don't know where my world'sheaded and, like I said, I'm
still a relatively young man, soit's hard to say.
I don't have all the answers,nor do you, but maybe we can.
Maybe we can help each other.
Like I said, maybe you have anidea for me, maybe I have an
(21:28):
idea for you.
Maybe Fred over here and Lilyover here you know, I'm not a
doctor, by the way, I'm notgiving you a prescription.
I'm not a doctor.
I'm not a therapist, I'm not aminister.
Let's get that disclaimer out.
I am not giving you any medicaladvice of any kind.
(21:50):
Okay, I'm a friend, I'm a voice, that's all I am.
(22:12):
Okay, I'm just somebody whowants to listen and wants to
help, and, believe me, when Isay it, I mean it.
Folks, that's about all I havefor this episode.
It's a little short.
We're about at 23 minutes rightnow.
Like I said, this one's rough.
It'll be better, I promise you.
Let me know what you think andwe'll talk soon.
(22:36):
Have a good day and be blessed.
Remember you only get onechance.
You only have one life.
Until next time.
This is Patrick Bye.
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