One-Act Play Collections - Book 11, Part 3 - Free Audiobooks

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(00:00):
Breaches by clear Comer, this isa LibriVox recording all
LibriVox. Recordings are in the public
domain for more information or to volunteer, please visit
librivox.org. Bridges by Claire Comer.
Characters. Penfield, Parker, jr.

(00:23):
Of Parker and Son Bridge. Builders read by Chuck
Williamson Wally Breen. His friend also in the office,
read by Philip Gould, Enid bird Soul the girl who wants to have
a bridge built read by Carmen Fullmer?

(00:43):
Narrated by Ava. Seen the inner office of Parker
and son on the 18th floor of an office building downtown in New
York City, facing the river at the bank, a wide window looking
out on the sky, which is deep blue.

(01:03):
But changes to Rosy Sunset light.
During the scene, there is a door, leading into the outer
office right on walled, right? A picture of a suspension bridge
on wall left, a map of the United.
It's a large table with blueprints scattered about right
center. A smaller table down left

(01:25):
against a wall on this table. A walking stick and had
belonging to Penfield time about5:00 on a spring afternoon.
On Rise, Penfield and Wally discovered.
They are in the midst of a heated discussion, the rest of
the office Forest has gone. The large table separates, the

(01:48):
arguing pair, Penfield down leftof table.
Not looking at Wally. What's the matter with artists
Wally above table? I don't know what's the matter
with them. They're all right.
I suppose I should say they are all right and I'm going to be

(02:09):
one like and paint can't I? I suppose so I know I can paint.
I know you can build Bridges. That's your inheritance.
A fine inheritance Bridges to build.
Well why not do both? Did you say both?
I did. I said both.

(02:32):
Why not? Do both doesn't everybody know
that doing both is responsible for all the failures in the
world. Don't you have to concentrate to
succeed? Well can't you concentrate on
both helping you do two things at once?
It's perfectly easy. Sometimes, I do three things at

(02:52):
once. I'm not speaking of you, whoever
did both that amounted to anything.
Well, I'm sure there have been people.
Only, you get me so excited. I can't think of them.
Well, who I've thought of one, he was just what you are to pin

(03:13):
an architect, and he broke looseand did something else.
Ruskin, John Ruskin nothing to do with the case, Ruskin was a
writer pure and simple. Well, I don't know how pure and
simple he was, but I know he didtwo things at once and did him
darned. Well, I don't want to be an

(03:36):
architect. I don't like anything about it.
I don't like blueprints taking one up.
I hate the color of them. Isn't that horrible?
That Lou is positively profane. I don't like measuring things.
I don't like arches and rivets. I want to paint that requires a

(03:58):
man's life and I'm perfectly willing to give mine and
incidentally your father's. You don't think it's going to
kill the old man do ya. If I leave the office it might
picking up long envelope and document attached if your father
I knew you'd got the commission to build this bridge and thrown

(04:21):
it down. I think it would come pretty
close to finishing him. Well, I won't let him know it.
I'll just tear it up right now. Give it to me, Wally without
giving up the envelope. Why pan gets tremendous with all
your father's done. He never had anything like this.

(04:43):
It puts you right at the top. Why a bridge like this?
It'll be in all. The geographies.
It'll change the map of the world.
The map of the world's. All right, I wish people would
let it alone. And there's something so
inspiring about it. A beautiful Bridge spanning a
river. Think what it might mean in

(05:05):
Wartime think of seeing an entire regiment marching across
the bridge in perfect step the bridge falls down if they do
that. You know well marching any old
way as long as they get across but what's the use?
You're going to give it up and Imay as well get out before I'm
fired lace envelope on table. Fired.

(05:30):
Why they'll need you more than ever who will?
I don't believe there will be any Parker and Son.
Anyway, your father, only let mein because he thought it would.
Please you I'll never be anything in this business.
I only love it. That's all all.
Well, that's the whole thing. That's why I expect to be a good

(05:53):
painter Wally because I love it.I know, You can afford to expect
things. I can't when you paint your
first Sunset that lets me out and I promise that you shall
stay in this accursed place. Till you have a long Gray beard
my dear fellow if that's what you want.

(06:16):
Thanks but my first Sunset, it'sgoing to be one that I saw at
Marblehead Last Summer. Saffron and move with the sky
turquoise and some puffy cloud smudged in with your finger
lined with rose and gold. I don't know where the rose and
gold came from but they are theywere I wouldn't start in on a

(06:41):
sunset like that. If I were you I'd try a quiet
one. I shall start in on the noisiest
Sunset. I can think of I'll go forth to
be a painter joyously Wally withBells ringing and a table bail
in the outer office Rings. Hasn't everyone gone a knock on
the door in it opens it I beg your pardon.

(07:06):
Is it all right? For me to come in, certainly
come right in. I thought perhaps I had to wait
out there until someone asked mehow I wanted to see, but there
was no one to ask me. I should be out there but you
see I'm in here. Quarreling with the firm Enid's

(07:26):
to Parker. Oh, are you the firm?
I'm the sun part of it. My name is Birdsall Enid,
Birdsall. Well, can we do anything about
it? Any relation to Rufus bird Soul?
Excuse me. Introducing Wally.
This is mr. Breen.

(07:48):
How do you do? Yes, he was my great.
Uncle, how splendid You mean because he's left me all his
money. No I didn't that's Splendid to.
But I meant we're sort of related because he was in my
great-grandfather's class at College.
Really. I didn't know.
They had colleges then. Oh yes.

(08:11):
They had colleges and campuses in everything.
Yes, indeed. Why?
Yes, Penfield wishing to check the garrulous Wally.
Hmm. Pardon Me for interrupting.
But what did you want to see me about?
Well, maybe I shouldn't have come at all.
I I mean I'm not sure that this is the sort of place where one

(08:35):
asks about such things. Why, of course it is.
You can ask about anything here.Just a moment Wily.
What things, Miss Enid, Enid Birdsall, was it all right?
For me to ring the bell out there?
I saw it on the table and I Perhaps I shouldn't have wrung
it. Certainly it was Splendid, but

(08:58):
that's not what you wanted to ask me about, is it now?
Why you see? I want to have a lot of things
done by reliable people, and Uncle.
Rufus talked so much about you about Parker.
Your father's name is Parker, isn't it?
Yes. So is mine, is it happens?
Yes. Uncle Rufus said that

(09:19):
everything. That mr.
Parker had anything to do with was so, Ended.
I hope he included me. Your father, built a suspension
bridge. When Uncle Rufus was in Congress
and that seemed to endear, your father'd, Uncle Rufus the hit.
Probably endeared. Your Uncle Rufus to my father, I

(09:39):
don't know why a suspension bridge should in dear people to
each other. Particularly they might have
gone through a lot of suspense together.
But you were saying, oh yes, well you see.
I want to make 500 Acres up on the Hudson perfectly beautiful

(10:00):
as a sort of Memorial to uncle. And then I want to make about
five acres, beautiful just a little way for me to live on
myself and one thing I especially want, is that all
right? For me to go on Go right on it's
fine. Penfield offering chair sit

(10:21):
here. Won't you in it?
Taking it. Thank you.
You see there's a darling LittleIsland, just a little way out in
the river with trees and rocks and everything that cats and
birds and little animals love. I want to have it fixed up for

(10:41):
my pets when they get old, you know, pets don't like to be
talked about. They don't like to have people
say, poor old Fido. He must be 19.
You really ought to be chloroformed and more than we
do. And they know, when people say
those things, I want to separatethem from people.

(11:04):
So I thought of the island having a darling little rustic
Bridge, oh bridge, I should say a landscape, Gardener is what
you want. Penfield giving him a severe.
Look, I build Bridges, don't I then we can really talk about
it. Certainly, I'll get a piece of

(11:26):
paper and you can describe the place to me.
Goes to table four pad and pencil.
It seems queer to do all that for animals, does it?
But animals are so wonderful. I know, but animals are just as
nice as they know how to be, butwe're not.

(11:47):
Are we? I'm so sorry for them that they
have to be with us. Penfield returning.
Now, what's the shape of the island?
He sits on Left End of table. It's sort of long at one end and
round on the other and hilly in the middle.

(12:09):
Pinfield sketching rapidly as she speaks anything like that
showing her what he is doing. Precisely like that.
You want some sort of a buildingfor the old pets to live in,
don't you? Of course, and I want a lovely
Fountain, like an Italian Fountain with part of it, sunk

(12:34):
in the ground for them to drink out of My idea is that they will
become sort of wild in a nice way and that they'll prefer
drinking under the trees to having water bowls in their
house pinfield skitching. I see jungle stuff all meet at

(12:54):
the fountain at five. Yes.
The way they do in Kipling's books are these animals all
friendly? Oh yes.
The cats and the dogs and the birds.
Birds. There's no trouble about that.
But do you think they'll remain friendly living in this way?
Oh yes. Because they'll all sort of get

(13:17):
wild together. You see?
Penfield showing Skitch, how's that?
Oh, how did you do it all on a minute?
It's perfect. And that railing it's just the
kind of a one Gilbert loves to lie on.
You're wonderful, mr. Parker Gilbert.

(13:39):
He's the oldest cat. Wally strolling down, right?
Are you going to have any pictures in the animal house?
Because I know a very fine, one of a sunset, it's not finished
yet but I think almost any cat that cared for a sunset would
like it pictures. Why I don't want pictures in my

(14:00):
own house pinfield looking up see if there wasn't a book on
the talion fountains in the library out there in the office
Wally. Will you certainly Lee.
Excuse me, just a moment. Exit.
Wally Penfield. Seriously laying down pad.
Tell me why don't you like pictures?

(14:23):
Why? I just don't like to have them
around, do you? I mean if the wall is nice but
why they prevent me from seeing my own pictures I guess.
When life is wonderful, when real things are wonderful that
we see ourselves pictures are disturbing, don't you think so?

(14:47):
Oh disturbing, yes. That was the only trouble with
Uncle Rufus, he collected pictures, they were everywhere.
Strange, people's grandfathers, and grandmothers, and artist
pictures of themselves, and Madonna's, and ballet, dancers,

(15:10):
and girls with oranges and fish,and vegetables.
You couldn't get away from them.One evening, I remember I sat by
the fire in the library, it had been such a wonderful day and I
was living it all over again. I looked up and my eyes rested
on the picture of a large pumpkin.

(15:31):
A perfect pumpkin. You could have taken it and cut
it up and made it into a pie. Only the trouble was no one had
think of my beautiful reverie interrupted by pumpkin.
Uncle paid thousands of dollars for it, but don't you like

(15:51):
pictures of the sea and sunsets?Why I've lived by the sea
through nearly all my Summers and my eyes when they're closed
are full of sunsets. Strange isn't it?
When you came in that was just talking if becoming an artist.
Oh, don't. That is don't.

(16:13):
If you can help it because you don't like pictures.
Oh no. Not that.
But people who paint and write and do those things, well,
they're out of it, aren't they? Out of it?
Yes. I mean, they miss everything.
Well, they're painting and writing.

(16:34):
We're living when they get through.
If they ever do, it's too late or they're too tired.
They must be. You can't do both, it's
impossible. Pinfield looking at her
curiously, but you wouldn't havepeople stop writing altogether.

(16:57):
Would, you know, they have to, of course.
And isn't so annoying. Anyway, books don't stare at
you, like pictures. What a horrible idea stare at
you. Yes, they do.
Don't they? Of course, there are times when
they might come in, if you wouldjust killed somebody and looked

(17:21):
up and saw Judith in the dagger.It would be all right.
Or if you'd had fish for dinner and we're thinking of it and
looked up and saw a large plate.Of mackerel.
And whatever goes with that by, who was the wonderful fish, man.
Don't I beg of you. No, because I didn't come to

(17:43):
talk about pictures for not getting on at all.
Pinfield looking at her with interest.
I don't know about the plans. I mean, oh, well, you know, it
seems to me that before we can really get anywhere.
I must see the place actually see it.

(18:05):
This is all refers to sketch. Just, what?
We've been talking about pictures, it doesn't mean
anything. How do I know there is an
island? And I want to see it.
I hoped you would. And do you want to start the
work on the bridge and so on, I thought in the fall I'm going to

(18:27):
be away traveling the summer. Oh that's too bad.
Is it why? Well only that the best time to
build Bridges is in the spring. They well they seem to thrive
better. Somehow do they They well I

(18:48):
don't have to go away, but couldyou do it this spring?
You must be so busy. I don't like to ask you to build
my bridge before you do anythingelse because you must have such
important ones to do. I haven't anything important.
Just one small commission that can wait picking up contract and

(19:10):
laying it down again. Well, when could you come We're
tomorrow morning be too soon. I know.
I can't imagine anything sooner the better.
I mean. Enid taking card out of her bag.
Here's the timetable and if you're not afraid, I'll meet you

(19:31):
at the station. I'm afraid.
But do it. I say that because I'm just
learning to drive my car. Don't without someone with you.
Promise me, you won't. And I'll tell you, if you could
only stay until tomorrow I couldthat is if you'd let me I could

(19:54):
drive you up in my car. Oh, how Splendid, but would it
be? All right.
I mean, I feel as if I had to ask someone and I haven't anyone
to ask but you Do you really think it would be?
All right. I know it would it would be
magnificent. You see, I'm all alone in the

(20:17):
world and when I say alone, I really mean it.
I've no one to be responsible to, but Margaret hindley my old
nurse, she lives with me and I can solve her about everything.
It's wonderful because she's such a respectable ideas and yet
she always agrees with me. Because she loves me.

(20:38):
So you see, I see she's such a dear and she's a little deaf
too. Would you mind if she went up
with us in the car mind? I should say, not from your
description. She must be altogether.
Delightful. They go to window, where the
glow of the sunset is, deepening.

(21:01):
In it seeing the sky out the window.
Oh what a beautiful sky. What a wonderful Sunset isn't
it? Now, one is Lee, wouldn't you
like to have a picture of it? But I have it until Wally.
They do not notice him in it. Looking out of window

(21:25):
overlooked, it's changing. It's getting Pinker pinfield
watching her beautiful Wally exits.
Rings Bell in outer office and enters again.
Well, I found a book on Italian Fountains of the time of
Benvenuto, Cellini. Couldn't you?
Find something a little earlier or a little later?

(21:48):
I might Enid to Penfield but I must go, really, I must I think
it's just wonderful of you to dothis for me, but I do think it's
important to have Bridges build,right?
Don't you even if they're only little ones o most important big
bridges are Splendid with trainsrushing over them and ship

(22:13):
sailing under them. But little rustic, bridges are
sweeter. Don't you think so mr.
Breen sweeter. Oh yes, yes undoubtedly and then
yours with all the animals goingover to the old ladies home, why
that's going to be a very affecting spectacle in it to

(22:36):
Penfield, goodbye until tomorrow.
You will hear from me, the very first thing in the morning.
We must let Margaret decided of course, but I'm sure she'll say,
yes. When shall I call for you about
7:00 and we're at the st. Regis.

(22:58):
All right, I'll be there. Wally to Penfield aside.
You'll be in bed in case I should be detained, you might
call up my house. Gives her a card.
Thank you, goodbye. I shouldn't have said all those
things about pictures. I'm so glad you did.

(23:21):
Goodbye exit in it. Wall-E returning to the original
argument. Well, are you going to build the
bridge Molly? I'm going to build such a bridge
as was never seen before. I'm going to have roses on the
bank where the bridge takes off those climbing spreading

(23:43):
rambling roses. They will reach out to the
bridge and they will climb all the way across it.
It will be actually a bridge of roses.
Then what will you do? I'll go and stand on it.
That's not what the specifications call for.
I should think it would look funny all covered with those

(24:04):
things. What bridge are you talking
about the bridge for the government?
Oh, I'm not going to touch that until fall.
But you will do it then hurrah after all while he there is
something wonderful about bridges.

(24:24):
The Bell Rings, the door opens in it enters.
Why the elevators of stopped running?
And I want to ask, is it many flights down, only 18.
He crosses to table, lift takes his hat and stick returns to

(24:44):
Enid holds the door open for her.
Allow me. Exit in it.
Followed by Penfield Wally looksafter them with a benign smile.
Curtain. End of bridges by clear Comer.

(25:10):
Efficiency by Robert H, Davis and Purdy portion.
This is a LibriVox recording allLibriVox recordings are in the
public domain for more information or to volunteer.
Please visit librivox.org appreciation by Theodore
Roosevelt office of Theodore Roosevelt, November age 1917

(25:33):
gentlemen. I very heartily, congratulate
you as an American upon having produced this piece in the Also
play, and then now producing it in the form of a story, you
teach a great lesson, you show and dramatic manner, how to
Prussian eyes militaristic autocracy of.
The Holland's Orleans has turnedGermany into an inhuman machine

(25:54):
for the destruction of what is highest and best in mankind,
Germany today, occupies toward other peoples and to a great
extent toward her own docile anddeluded working men and peasants
a position which in point of international morality.
LT is not essentially differ from that of the Mongols under
Genghis, Khan, and the tartars, and their teamwork.

(26:17):
But in addition to their imitating, the Mongols and
tartars. The, Germany of the
hohenzollerns has brought every resource of a materialistic
civilization and especially every resource of a
materialistic science to Aid in the widespread application of
their brutal treacherous and merciless World ethic in
consequence. Germany has made herself a

(26:39):
source of horror and of Danger to all free peoples, you have
well set forth, the Hideous evilof German militarism to complete
the picture. However, he must steadily keep
in mind how this brutal militarism has been aided by The
Advocates of an on moral and unmanly pacifism in certain
other countries, including our own.

(27:00):
The American professional pacifist has been the efficient
Ally of the brutal German. Militarists, Each in like has
failed to understand that righteousness must be our aim
that we must Endeavor to secure Justice.
And fair dealing and mercy as between man, and man, as between
man, and woman as between nationand nation.

(27:21):
In the long painful, struggle toachieve these ends weakness and
timidity or traitor. Virtues sham virtues.
And those who profess in practice them, give Aid and
comfort to the Apostles of brutal wrongdoing.
Sincerely yours, Theodore Roosevelt.
Mr. Robert H Davis, mr. Purdy P.

(27:42):
Sheehan 8 West, 14th Street New York.
Cast of characters, the emperor modeled on Kaiser, Wilhelm the
second, read by Chuck, Williamson the scientist read by
ABBA. Number two, for one, read by

(28:06):
Philip Gould. Stage directions, read by phone.
The person's have to play the emperor.
A person attired in military costume.
Indicating the highest order of elaborate modern mode sage green
and tone, he wears a short olive-colored Cape coat, the
left flap of which is thrown back.

(28:27):
Disclosing one, the order of Merit to the triple cross 3 is 7
start, emblem of diamonds, emeralds and rubies known as the
reward of Heaven designed by theemperor himself and be stowed by
the grace of the almighty upon his Majesty's, Imperial person.
The scientist a small Thin Man garbed in frog suit flowing

(28:51):
Black Tie dinner face bulging eyes horn, spectacles heavy head
of gray hair, then, struggling, greybeard and small mustache.
He is very animated. He wears a long Infernus style
dark overcoat and carries a portfolio, containing reports
and statistical matter. Number two, for one stands. 6

(29:13):
feet is very erect and stiff of posture closely.
Cropped hair, large face, ratherheavy of expression upon
entering he is guard and full-length were grey cloak with
White Band. A waste buttoned in front.
The conventional metal wore helmets.
Now, in general, use hands in white cotton gloves.

(29:33):
He moves with the liberation of an otamatone reality.
He is 50% human and 50% machine.Being composed of one left
artificial leg to to artificial.Hatton's three artificial wrote
forearm and elbow for artificialleft eye, which scientist has

(29:53):
converted into a telescope five.Artificial left ear which is
also a telephone six. All his teeth are metal
synthetic gold, but cheaper and harder.
He can bite, barbed wire in Twain.
Underneath his great cloak, he wears the Russian infantry
uniform. And a bayonet in a Scabbard.

(30:14):
His speech is labored Seeing private audience.
Chamber of an emperor in purple and gold with magnificent,
Throne, chair, curve. Deliberately a canopy extending
over the seat Regal. Flat top table left-center.
Containing mounted figure of theemperor in bronze and a large
mushroom gold. Kong a purple and gold cloth

(30:37):
false over both ends of the table.
The cloth is decorated with crown and scepter heavy purple,
curtains fall from back wall, a modern rifle leans against the
left. Back corner.
Efficiency at rise of curtain stage.
Empty enter the emperor followedby the scientist, the emperor

(30:59):
would occurred. And preoccupied are the
scientists with an air of fawning enthusiasm.
Emperor Crossing toward Throne chair in which he sees himself,
proceed proceed, Scientist placing portfolio and table and
smilingly. Rubbing his hands, modesty siren
causes me to falter. My time is limited.

(31:23):
The Crown Prince awaits me. When your majesty comprehends
dis greatest of all birthday gifts, a million cripples
transformed into a million fighting units.
Your majesties might becomes terrible, Emperor.
Indulgently Her a letí's. I particular rise as Emperor.

(31:46):
Make sharp gesture that he is ready to listen.
The keynote of efficiencies the elimination of waste.
Our problem was to eliminate thewaste represented by the
wounded. In brief we have succeeded
Emperor beginning to display interest how so after countless

(32:08):
experiments, we can now take a soldier, no matter how badly
wounded and return him to the trenches.
Per Soldier, no longer a bungling mortal man, but a
beautiful efficient machine. You are enthusiastic, but not

(32:29):
contagious. Deprecated?
Or we gesture but your promises of not always been kept.
The proof, your majesty. I foresaw your doubts, I brought
a specimen scientist. Cheering the shade Esprit
perfectly. He's in the ante room.

(32:52):
Bring a man bring a men. I beg your Majesty's, pardon but
he's not altogether. Pleasant to look upon nonsense.
Whatever makes for the strength of the Dynasty is agreeable to
the Imperial eyes scientist withtremulous Delight.

(33:15):
May I sir Certainly make haste scientist nimbly crosses to door
opens it and ejaculates command attention forward.
Yep, there is a momentary silence.
Then a metallic clatter as if caused by a movement of iron
then a heavy step enter, 241 erect that measure tread

(33:38):
observing nothing. He comes down to center of stage
where he stops in response to the scientists order, Holt.
As 241 stands at military attention, the scientists with
manifest Delight, flutters bowing.
Before Emperor and explains the ultimate Triumph our 240.

(33:58):
First experiment, hence number 241 during this explanation. 241
does not stir the emperor's. There's a two-for-one with a
sort of horrified Fascination. He marches splinted The least of
his accomplishments permit me returns, 2241, who me?

(34:23):
Prawns? 241 remaining impassive
magnificent gesture of approval.As he carries on inspection of
arms hands, body, and head of to41 runs finger around left.
I tapped gently left are contemplates in.
Samba land makes gesture for 2412 open.
Mouth 241, opens mouth and showsglittering array of out of

(34:46):
teeth. He shuts them with click like a
steel trap perfection. Right arm 241 lifts, right?
Arm in stiff but sweeping gesture left.
Knee, 241 Crooks left, knee twice hands 241, opens and
closes, both cotton gloved handsand manipulates fingers.

(35:09):
You guarantee his efficiency. Absolutely demonstrate
scientists approaches to for onewho continues to stand in Mobile
and very swiftly removes helmet long Look and cotton gloves,
disclosing to metallic hands andwrists, you ask me Your Majesty.
If he's efficient, I reply, moreefficient than before he fell in

(35:32):
battle crosses to corner and gets rifle returns to Center,
241 attention, observe your majesty scientist tosses rifle.
224 one, who catches it. Surely but stiffly in as metal
hands against which the weapon kinds scientist, put 241 through
manual of arms. The whole scene following is

(35:55):
punctuated by military commands.In the following order,
attention carry arms, present arms, shoulder arms.
Parade rest. And now your majesty mark this,
fix bayonets Make Ready, Aim Fire two-for-one completes

(36:21):
Maneuvers by pulling trigger andsnapping.
Look whereupon scientist, takes rifle and tosses it to set, ee
Emperor, leaning forward with look of wonderment in his face.
Plusle 241 comes to attention and is inert again.
Are not the possibilities impressive.
Beyond our dreams. I estimate the restoration of

(36:43):
five Army Corps now immobilized because of missing arms and
legs, deafened ears and blinded eyes.
Something of a shock to civilization stooping DUIs.
We recruit from the hospital's Emperor with Dawning realization
of the magnitude of the suggestion.

(37:05):
The hospitals are overflowing MyDear Professor science is the
hope of the Dynasty. Is it not amazing?
Quite scientist proceeding with examination.
A taste for the ear scientist types left are of 241, gently

(37:25):
then crosses behind Throne chair, right?
And makes three light Taps on back of chair.
Discernible to audience while 241, bends are attentively in
that direction. Half turning body scientist,
reappears, Two-for-one resumes original posture salutes and
holds up three fingers Emperor. Peering round it scientist.

(37:47):
What are you doing? I tapped the throne three times,
very gently. Did your majesty not here?
No, aah. But the super soldier did ten
Paces distant. It is to pendulous, he crosses
to table. Opens portfolio.
Takes out a small white card. To Emperor with your permission

(38:10):
to 241. What is written here on 241
closes, right? Eye and stare fixedly with left?
No no. They scientists Smiles.
Knowingly at Emperor. Turn scarred over AA.
Very good scientist holds card up again.
Once more two for one after a moment of staring, he reads

(38:34):
deliberately Nation. Ins will should be the will to
power Emperor, takes card from scientist and glances that it
cracked scientist Crossing to Center and returning car to
portfolio. Then addressing Emperor, this is

(38:54):
my greatest achievement never has science.
Done so much for the human animal from a shattered bleeding
wreck of no value to this country.
I have made him into an efficient man.
An hands of Steel. Leg of bronze arm of nickel and
aluminum telescopic eye and ear.That 241 bends, his ear off

(39:17):
stage left. You hear something.
What do you hear bugle? Call sounding the assembly.
Impossible, open the door. Scientist opens door and
distant. Bugle.
Call is faintly heard of stage. God in heaven.

(39:38):
Miraculous a scientist? Gently closes door, a global
Triumph have you accomplished scientist with fervor and
Resurrection. Complete a triumph over matter,
the fragment of a soldier reconstructed under the Magic
Touch of science without which he would today, be rotting on

(40:00):
the field, a source of pestilence, a worthless thing.
Science set him on his feet. Gave him a leg and arm hands, a
telephonic ear. A telescopic eye, Emperor leans
back and deliberately inspect 241.
How long have you been in my service to for one hesitates and

(40:24):
salutes? You may speak 18 years, Majesty,
married, yes, Majesty children. Seven Majesty, five Sons, 241
bitterly 13 at the front. My youngest follows his age,

(40:54):
two-for-one swallowing 16 Emperor coldly to scientist
referring to two for one when does his furlough end known to
man? Auro by Nightfall, he will again
be in the trenches Emperor reflectively and if he returns,

(41:14):
I will award him. The triple cross more brightly.
This will stimulate the militaryorder of the Crown Prince it
will Delight him to see this reassembled Soldier scientist
recalling an important detail and moreover your majesty there
is this aspect to be considered We are manufacturing human

(41:38):
extremities on the standard interchangeable basis.
For example, as your majesty perceives, his left leg.
Picks up ruler from desk and wraps left leg of 241, which
gives out metallic ring is metal.
As is also his left forearm including the elbow Taps it and

(41:59):
both hands Taps them also to forone receives this attention
stoically as each member of his body.
Ah, declines in a different note.
Furthermore your gracious Majesty, if any or all of these
parts are shattered, in the course of battle, our core of
trained mechanic seconds, Everett hand supplies, the parts

(42:19):
by numbers and the fighting unitembodied in the individual
returns with but little loss of time and the minimum of
inconvenience to your Majesty's service, what does he weigh
equipped? And for nods 175 pounds And
without his equipment, 105 Emperor brushing his hand across

(42:42):
his forehead. Little more than half a Man,
true, your majesty and thereforerequires but half the relations
have the care of a whole unit. There is that much less to
nourish? You have brought about the
greatest advancement in the history of civilization.
Tell me what else of the telescopic eye that Wrists me.

(43:08):
I shall be surprised at nothing.Your achievements baffled to
telescopic eye. Your majesty scientist circles.
The left eye of 241 with this finger is superior to the human
eye in two important characteristics.
First, it possesses the telescopic quality as you have
observed and second, its power is undiminished by Darkness

(43:33):
Emperor was in credibility. I mean, he can see in the dark
just that and moreover your majesty halt.
This is very interesting. It will test that also
demonstrate scientist dubiously does your majesty object to

(43:56):
Darkness, Emperor hesitates thenreplies with an effort.
No, the electrics, which is there points to white button on
the table scientist, 2241? Right about faith, give
attention to his majesty. Scientists crosses to table and

(44:16):
laces finger beside the button to for one observes, the whole
transaction carefully to Emperor.
I will switch off the light be so kind as to perform any act,
you met and he will describe your movements.
Are you ready? Emperor, bracing himself in the
chair lights out. Scientists presses button.

(44:38):
Stage is in total darkness, describe my movements as they
occur. Voice of scientist 2241.
Do you understand his majesty? Yes, he ways forward in his
chair. He lifts both his hands.

(44:58):
The Palms come together. He bowed his head in prayer.
Voice of Emperor sharply lights scientist, presses button lights
on disclosing Emperor. Exactly.
In the attitude described by 2 for 1 with a startled.
Look on his face palm still together enough.

(45:20):
Your majesty Emperor relaxing nervously, it is beyond human
understanding recovers himself and Rises.
And it gives me infinite happiness to bestow upon you.
This Mark of our esteem, Takes from his own breast, do order of
marriage and pins, it on breast of scientists.
The order of Merit there is but one Higher decoration, the

(45:45):
symbol of divine Rite. The reward of Heaven Emperor
lays his hand on the seventh start emblem which I alone
possess scientist, overwhelmed, bows and kisses.
Emperor's hand your gracious Majesty to have received this
from your Imperial hand on Your Majesty's birthday is indeed a

(46:08):
distinction. A furtive glance escapes. 241 a
thin smile Reveals His metallic teeth.
A Sinister look comes into his eyes.
Emperor receipts himself with a gesture of benediction.
I Marvel at his dexterity at hisauricular powers at his
incomparable eyesight. What is this range of vision?

(46:31):
Your majesty? He can see the enemy 20 or 30
miles away. Counted Cannon.
It's horses its equipment. Wait I will make another test.
I carry next to my heart. The smallest copy of the Bible
extent. It can be read only under a
microscope. Is the test to severe on to

(46:56):
Contour your majesty. It is preferable crosses and
takes Bible from Emperor's hand turns. 2241 attention right
about face? 241 salutes.
I opened the book at haphazard read a verse from this page.

(47:17):
Fourth verse blessed, are they that mourn for?
For they shall be comforted. The fifth blessed are the meek
for they shall inherit the earth.
Scientist turns to Emperor and Bows the book still open in his

(47:39):
hands. He is right.
I am familiar with Matthew. Turn to another page scientist
opens the Bible elsewhere. Holds it up scientist. 2241
attention, read, Isaiah 58:1 me,ye that ye beat my people to

(48:05):
pieces and grind the faces of the poor saith.
The Lord God of hosts. Stop Emperor leans back in his
chair under stress of great. Emotion, his hand sweeping his
brow repeatedly, scientists closes the book bowels again
with greater humidity and returnto the book to Emperor, Emperor

(48:28):
cakes book and thrusts it in hisbosom, his powers are
diabolical. I wish to experiment with him,
alone, relaxes and gazes fegli into distance.
Scientist drops portfolio and coat on set.
Heee hasten, I will summon you with that.
Bell 241 remains thought of the at attention and expression of

(48:51):
Awakening purpose. In his eyes, your majesty
commands, both celebrity exit left, Emperor would Imperial
dignity stairs 241 down after a jewel of the eyes imposing as
well upon the soldier follows a moment of inspection in which
wonderment is a dominant note herises from the throne and walk

(49:12):
slowly Halfway Around. Found the impassive Soldier
studying him, critically Emperor's expression changes to
bewilderment tinged with fear. The situation is uncanny.
Where were you? Born?
Yeah. In the South Majesty, your trade
241 with a helpless involuntary gesture.

(49:34):
Extending his hands. I was a florist Emperor stares.
At the metal hens, 241 observingthe Ian, I bouquets Not with
these Emperor, averts his face but with my absent hands Emperor

(49:58):
reseating himself or is not a festival of flowers.
May see a wreath I could make slowly for the dead.
He leans toward the emperor. Emperor, observing the somewhat
cynical. Note of the soldier becomes
grave. Are you not grateful to science

(50:21):
for these wonders performed 241 salutes speak?
What shall I say? You are a man.
Again, you are whole once more. Yes, Majesty.
But my heart is broke a. Well I my people are starving.

(50:47):
My wife is lonely and you are not proud that science.
Has found a way to double the strength of our army.
By bringing me twice to slaughter.
Emperor leaning forward with ferocity his hands on the arms
of his chair. What in great, my darling, the

(51:11):
strength of your army, you have multiplied, human grief Takes
Two Steps laborious, Lee toward Emperor, you dare Rebel in the
presence of your Emperor, the fear has gone out of my
tortured. Body into yours.

(51:36):
Takes another step toward electric button, his heavy feet,
70 ponderously, Emperor covers back in the chair hollow-eyed
down on your knees and Crave, Your Emperor's pardon that part
of me which is steel cannot bendto Mortal, man.
Hi, I will get down on my knees,only to God and ask him to

(52:02):
forgive me what? I now intend to do.
Twice in the red shambles of thetrenches.
I am the hope of the dynasty throws his arm white.
No, I am the hope of the people with trembling rigidity 241

(52:27):
reaches toward electric button, the day of your birth shall
henceforth. Be known as the day of your
death. and celebrated, as the first day of Liberty,
Two-for-one smashes electric button, with a still hand.
Total darkness follows too slow.Footfalls are followed by a

(52:49):
gasping intake of breath from the throne chair voice of
emperor in Terror B lights, no lights.
You have made me live in the dark and now you shall die in

(53:09):
the dark. Voice of Emperor choking her.
See You cannot Escape me in the shadows.
I can see you. I can hear you.
Come to my iron arms. Don't tremble.

(53:33):
Don't shrink go as a king, should go to me.
The king of kings of Rush of feet and overwhelming impact of
bodies. A shriek of Agony from the
deaths. It's the overturning of the
throne a scuffle in which the human body mingles with the

(53:53):
rattle of metal, a long choking gasping blast, a ripple of
stertorous breath, the clink of metal as to for one gets to his
feet silence again to ponderous.Footfalls are heard crossing the
room which is still in darkness.Two-for-one puts on his
Overcoat, his helmet etcetera, footfalls are again heard

(54:15):
Crossing to the table two-for-one presses.
The Electric button lights. There stands to 41 in full
equipment. The emperor lying at the foot of
the Shadow thrown crumpled up inthe most unkindly attitude, the
emblem known as the reward of Heaven glittering in the light
241 bends down Ren's it, from the emperor's bosom, fixes it

(54:37):
upon his own left, breast comes to attention and Rings to gamma
on the table, which gives out a low voice.
Reverberating note 241, then, turns to the door and stands
with his arms stiffly, suspendedat his side.
His Just thrown out and the light to victory in his eyes.
Enter scientist left, he takes into whole terrible scene,

(54:59):
cowers back, scientist. Gasps as he stares at 241.
Ah, what is this? Two for one, raising his metal
fingers to heaven with an air ofthunderous choking finality.
Curtain. End of efficiency by Robert H,

(55:23):
Davis and 30 portion. Biscuits and bills by OB Du
Bois. This is a LibriVox recording all
LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more
information or to volunteer, please visit librivox.org.

(55:46):
Characters. Jack Maynard read by Ryan
Bessette. This is Maynard read by Maria
Fatima, the Silva. Mr. Brainerd read by Philip
Gould stage directions. Spread by phone.
Biscuits and bills. Seem dining room of domain are

(56:10):
flooded with doors, Center left and right.
Large table in center with two photographs on easels, sideboard
on left telephone downright, against flood Paving table, and
chair back of each downright. Easy chair and couch with six
questions down left, discovered and Rise of curtain, mr.

(56:32):
Jack Maynard in coat sleeves without caller stated that small
table. Achieving mrs.
Maynard examining her hat. Holding it at a distance and
rearranging the fellows. My father always shaved in the
bathroom Jack Maynard, awkwardlytrying to shave left side of

(56:53):
faced with right hand, your mother never used your father's
bathroom for a storage warehouse.
This is Maynard trying on hunt in front of sideboard.
It was not necessary in my father's home.
You have probably forgotten thatI came from a very luxurious

(57:13):
home. And you have probably forgotten
that your father commenced housekeeping into rooms for
which he paid $10 a month and that's the way my Uncle Henry
commenced to that is what our wash woman pays.
There are seven negro tenants inthe house.
Shall I? Engage your rooms there.
Bell rings of stage. There is a group treatment and I

(57:37):
am ashamed to meet him. His bill has not been paid in
three weeks, exit Center. Jack wiping ladder from his
face. The partially buttons on color
allowing free end of foreign hand tie to hang loose.
Times must have changed why I have treasured that argument

(57:57):
about Papa's early start for weeks, waiting an opportune
moment to present it. The moment it arrives, I present
it Biff. Bang argument is busted walks
something wrong. I know that good salary.
Debts bills Dunn's weeping wife,oh, there is something wrong.
Now if Uncle Henry had only Oh, what's the use?

(58:21):
He lived, 20 years longer. I suppose.
Enter mrs. Maynard Center.
Exid, She lays the grocery bill on the Shaving table while Jack
adjust his color. I say how much do we owe this
blooming grocer, $24.50? And the last time he was paid,

(58:43):
it was with the money Mama. Gave me when she was here.
Joke throws himself in the easy chair and takes up newspaper.
When is their mother coming again?
She suggested that I drop her a line, right after we had settled
up with our Tradesman. Well anyway, I paid the laundry

(59:05):
Bill last week. It's all right.
And I'm glad you did it, but please don't become festive
about it. Because I have the bill right
here, hold it up, 12 cents and here is another one, cigars $9.
Well, I'm thinking about being economical all the time I am and

(59:27):
I'm going to change several things around here.
Things have got to be reduced. Where do you expect to start in?
I'm going to cut that laundry bill down next week for one
thing. Mrs. Maynard placing another
bill under table. The Milkman was here this
morning and wants his money. Chuck giving close attention to

(59:48):
his paper much. About $13.
Check starting from his chair. What have we been buying?
A cow mrs. Maynard places.
Another bill on table and the gas bill is running up.
Something awful. That is the only Bill we can

(01:00:10):
make light of a Oh, you can evade this situation if you want
to, but I am crushed, mortified discouraged.
When I think of the Wardrobe I had before marrying, you why I
am the laughing stock of the block stack of the block.
That rhymes, mrs. Maynard growing excited.

(01:00:33):
I am the most for long looking woman in this neighborhood.
I am from P shabby Dowdy. Chuck Rising.
Hold on. Say that again.
Mrs. Maynard turning her back tohim.
No, I won't. Well if I understood you
correctly, you said you were a Dowdy.

(01:00:55):
Yes, that would be thou d-duh. A thou d-duh a thou d-duh kind
to face thoughtfully. Well by George.
I never thought of it before, but I guess you're right.
You said Dowdy? Yes.
I said that Woody and I am. But pray, tell me.
Do you know the meaning of the word Dowdy Jack after a pause?

(01:01:19):
Who me? Yes, you certainly I do.
Well, what do you see it? Chuck.
Seating himself again, achievingtable.
Fat mrs. Maynard.
Shaking him in a row us. How dare you tell me that I am
becoming Stout, isn't it enough that I'm was to dress alike a

(01:01:41):
fright, and look like a yeah, arms folded on table in front of
him, Dowdy. D, I want you to understand Jack
may not that I do not have to put up with your insults if I
should tell Mama of your crew cutting remarks.
Do you suppose? I would have to live here.

(01:02:02):
No, mama would say come home as quickly as you can dearie.
That's what mama would say. Jack polishing his eyeglasses
and holding them up to the light.
As he leans back in his chair. Would you go?
Mrs. Maynard shaking her finger in his face in the minute.

(01:02:22):
Jack may not joke tipping back, his chair, and adjusting his
glasses, then why not run along and tell Mama now.
Mrs. Maynard trying to be very dignified and impressive when I
leave this place to go home, I shall never return.
Remember that sir, never joke. Glancing at her from the corners

(01:02:46):
of his eyes. Heavenly home or a mama's mrs.
Maynard walking about very excitedly.
Say it, say it say that you wishI would add.
I know you do. But let me tell you this Jack
Maynard. I intend to live live just to

(01:03:06):
spite you. Oh, don't consider me, say just
one word, more and I will go nowjust one word, Dowdy.
Oh, I am through with you. Jack may not puts on her hat
wrong side for most feathers dangling in her eyes.
I have stood what? No mortal woman would stand.

(01:03:29):
And Mama shall know of this at once we shall see mr.
Maynard we shall see goes to telephone and commences to talk
into the receiver. Instead of the transmitter Jack
goes to chairlift and places onefoot upon it, hello Central give
me mom has no excuse me to joke oh you can laugh.

(01:03:51):
So in receiver hello Central Give me 3 4 8.
L. Hello.
Why don't you answer me? I shall report your inattention
young lady. How dare you talk back to me.
Miss how dare you hangs up receiver.

(01:04:12):
No I will not mortify myself this way.
I will not demean myself to thisextent in your presence.
Except left Jack, goes to telephone imitating, his wife
voice, Give me Mama. Hello Central in transmitter.

(01:04:32):
Give me three for a tell. Is this my dear father-in-law?
This is Jack's a dad. Can you come over?
What's to matter? How nothing except that?
The roof is off. The boiler, is busted.
The pipes are frozen tires all punctured and the gasoline tank
is empty. Noise of furniture being tossed
about by mrs. Maynard all staged.
An empty traveling bag is thrownby her to the center.

(01:04:55):
Of stage from left, it is followed by a large paper.
Parcel tornado coming now. Goodbye dead, hangs up.
Receiver enter, mrs. Manor left.
She is wildly excited, drugs andopen dress suit case and has an
armful of feminine wearing apparel.
She deposits the suitcase on edge of table and thrusts the

(01:05:18):
garments in without order suitcase Falls to floor several
times. Jack hands behind his back going
so soon, I could not get away from here, quickly enough.
Then you take away everything that belongs to you because I
will not be responsible for anything.
You leave behind Brute. Silly neni mrs.

(01:05:42):
Maynard drawing on blows, alwayspeople only knew what a hard
money were. That's alright, you take your
stuff with you. How can I take my piano, since
you're asking my advice, I suggest a truck would say, sit
down. There are a number of things, we
will have to fix up. How about that?
Combination bookcase and writingdesk, half of that belongs to

(01:06:03):
me. How about it?
Well, since you ask my advice, Isuggest an ex joke on each side
of large table, Jack pounds on table.
Look here, young, lady, this matter is far more serious than
you met. I will give you one more chance.
Tell me, you're sorry and he will commence all over mrs.

(01:06:24):
Maynard adjusting button on gloves.
Me me. Sorry, I am not sorry.
I am very happy, very well. Then call in your truck, men
takes a picture from table, here's a photograph taken.
Just before we were married, they were holding hands to on

(01:06:45):
it. No.
All right. On the junk pile for that, he
scales it to the rear mrs. Maynard takes it up and brushes
It Off. How dare you throw away?
That picture. Here's a picture of your cousin,
Guardian myself, taken at Atlanta City.
I want that puts it in his pocket cousin.

(01:07:07):
Good teeth goodness. She tried hard enough to get you
but she didn't telephone rings. Jack answers.
Hello! Yes!
Always that you Billy you were at the club certainly, I will
come over. He did not think I would Leave
my happy home. Well, you've caught me right?

(01:07:29):
This time, I will be there in about 10 minutes.
Do you mean to say that you are going over to that Clubhouse?
Joke, putting on Hatch and dogs?I certainly do then go, it is
all over between us ciao, which hand on door before I go.
There's one thing I wish to say mrs.

(01:07:50):
Maynard stamping foot go now. But mrs.
Maynard seizes a cushion, not the word with me.
Sir. Go now Points to Central exit.
Look here, I'm not going to allow you to mrs.
Maynard throwing cushion, his head.

(01:08:10):
You scoundrel. You impudent rascal Oh Jack.
Who has dodged through Center exit returns.
Say mrs. Maynard throwing 2nd cushion,
don't you call me say? Jack exits?
Hurricane Center, excellent mrs.Maynard with cushioned in each

(01:08:30):
end, awaits his return at Centerexit enter Jack suddenly right?
Excellent. By jove I won't stand mrs.
Maynard throwing cushion, not the word from you.
You pinhead exit, Jeff right? Except you you knew do.
So if I could only think of the names I would like to call you

(01:08:54):
enter mr. Brainerd Center.
Except mrs. Maynard thinking it is Jack
throws caution at him with greatforce.
Oh papa did I hurt you? Oh he is to blame for this.
Oh I did not mean to hurt you. I only wanted to kill Jack and
oh papa. I wish I were dead.

(01:09:14):
Throws herself in his arms. Tut-tut the lady.
This is treason. Come now, sit down until dear
old dad all about it. He got hers up the cushions and
tosses them on the floor betweenthe sideboard and Center exit as
he throws. The last one Jack enters Center
exit and it hits him jug tossing, arms over his head,

(01:09:39):
help please help. What does this mean sir?
Come now, I want to know the worst.
We didn't mean that the fondest Dreams of My Life Rover.
My ideals are shattered and tomorrow.
I go forth into the world, with no hope.
No encouragement, no object in life, but to exist.

(01:10:02):
Hold on. Now, wait a minute, wait a
minute. What is this?
A Chinese Kindergarten? Now then one at a time, no one
minute I was in, would have stood for what I have.
I've given up my club giving up smoking, you're giving up
inviting my friends here, mr. Brainerd hurriedly takes him by

(01:10:25):
the arm and leads him to write exit.
Jack resistant given up. Say hold on I want to talk given
up stop. I tell you why I have even given
up. Mr. Brainer thrust him through,
right? Excellent.
I'll give it up myself in a minute.
If I can't, keep these turtle doves apart now, young lady, let

(01:10:48):
me hear your tale of Woe. Then I will put you out of the
room and listened to his awful story.
Oh, papa, I have tried hard to please.
Please, I have slaved and toiledplanned.
And and suffered and, and so food and everything.
I see I see I have just one question to ask you.

(01:11:13):
How do you feed him? Mrs. Maynard sarcastically.
Why? I sterilize all his milk and I'm
very very particular about keeping his bottle clean.
Kindly eliminate all sarcasm andanswer my question.
Do you supply him with good wholesome food?

(01:11:33):
He never complains aside and doubling up her fist.
So if your father does not see, so if he ever dare to complain,
look here, you headstrong, little silly, you think, you
know, it all and by George you have missed the very first thing
of importance don't you know, that the best man who ever lived

(01:11:56):
cannot tell the difference between sentiment and a full
stomach. Now, see what a Sentimental Man.
I know no, I mean see what a good cook, your mother is can
you cook as well as your mother?That's the question.
You have heard my feelings very much by asking that question for

(01:12:17):
while I am not by any means as good.
A housekeeper as Mama yet, I canassure you that her instructions
have not been wasted on me. I will now give you an
opportunity to converse with that poor hungry.
Hope stuff gentleman in your room takes position near left,
exit and pauses Now wait a minute.

(01:12:40):
Come back here. I want to get this thing
adjusted so that you will both be satisfied.
There is nothing under the blue canopy of heaven, but a divorce
or a separation that will ever satisfy me exit.
Left mr. Brainard's items.
He gazes of left exit. Then place his hand in trouser

(01:13:02):
pocket and faces audience. I'm a Fool.
That's what I am. I ought to be chained up nights.
What I need is a messenger boy who will lead me around so that
I won't get hit with the cars. Wolf's to shaving table, I
wonder how this domestic routes started.
Anyway, picks up one of the bills.

(01:13:25):
Hello, this is a grocery bill now that dear daughter of mine
became very touchy on the question of Food Supplies.
I wonder what she orders from the grocery man puts on glasses.
Pickled pig's feet, tickled Bismarck, herrings pickle deals,

(01:13:45):
dill pickles, and pickles. Now, wouldn't that give a man,
yellow, jaundice continues reading liverwurst, hit cheese
and cause schmear cause, hmm, comes to build turns away.
And daintily wife's his fingers on his handkerchief Everything

(01:14:07):
on this bill is either can't or pressed or pickled think of a
man who goes to a picnic every time he sits down to a meal I
guess the only thing under the blue canopy of Heaven that will
satisfy him as a square meal sits down at a table and takes
out checkbook. Well it is a good thing that I
have some cash in pickle becauseI've got to pay these bills I

(01:14:30):
suppose but this is a sour pickle for me.
All right. Please check on the bills.
I will now listen to the Troubles of my dear son-in-law
position near right X's. But what is the use of listening
to a man with a delicatessen liver by jove?
I will take them both around to the house for dinner.

(01:14:52):
I will find out what that blessed wife of mine intends to
have tonight at foam. Hello Central 34 a towel,
please. Hello, is that you Harriet?
This is John say, what are you going to have for dinner
tonight? Yes, hot biscuits and an

(01:15:12):
old-fashioned meat pie. Fine, say, can I bring Jack and
EM around? All right.
Good say how did you correct this?
Sweet little daughter of yours. Haha, spanked her.
Well, excuse me. How are they?
Oh, all right, until they break out again.

(01:15:33):
No, nothing like the measles, just a little rash.
And I've got one locked in the bedroom and the other in the
kitchen. Enter mrs.
Maynard lift. All they need here is some good
old-fashioned cooking, that's all.
Goodbye. Hangs up, receiver.
Hello. I thought I would fix it up to
help you and Jack around to dinner tonight, mr.

(01:15:56):
Maynard can do as he likes, but I shall not go mr.
Brainard, look here, young lady.I know what you need and if I
had your mother here, you would get it.
Why do you refuse? I refuse because you always take
his part in every disagreement. We have you pump the him?
You coddle him, you baby him andyou never lose the opportunity

(01:16:19):
to contrast my cooking with Mama's pacing, why I can cook as
well as Mama every day in the week.
For 52 weeks in a year. I can mr.
Brainerd commences with suppressed laughter holds.
A sides stops glances at her. And commences all over Ends by

(01:16:39):
placing his arms on the table before him.
His head on his arms convulsed with laughter.
You do not leave it. Mr. Brainerd.

(01:17:00):
Looking up, who me? Stop making me laugh.
Rising come put on your things and I will call Jack.
I am not going. Oh yes, you are.
Why your mother is going to havehot biscuits tonight, mrs.
Maynard. Laughing boisterously got to be

(01:17:23):
skates and nothing to make any woman.
Can do it. And a fine old fashioned meat
pie with a brown brittle, crushed, it would melt in your
mouth. This is Maynard laughing again.
And he'd buy. Why it is the easiest thing in
the world to make, I have it often say little daughter.

(01:17:46):
You could not get up a dinner like that.
If you tried why, I've looked over your grocery bill, and the
trouble with that husband of yours, is that he is pickled,
that's what ails him mrs. Maynard flies the site board and
puts on, and large bid, a problem.
Oh, I have heard enough of this.He shall have his hot biscuits

(01:18:07):
and his meat pie and you shall remain here to dinner at
witness. The fact that I can do these
things as well as mum. Mr. Brainerd alarmed.
Hold on. Your mother expects me.
Sit down. You make me nervous, mr.
Brainerd collapses, in chair tomorrow points, right?

(01:18:29):
Except that, man. And I'm a separate forever, but
tonight will prove that our separation.
And he's not due to the fact that I cannot cook except left
mr. Brenner pathetic.
Plea. I wish I was home takes a small
vial from vest pocket and examines it.

(01:18:49):
Well I've got three indigestion tablets left.
Anyway, I wonder if I've got my liver pills heels and Pockets.
Enter Chuck hurriedly right? Say I'm not going to stay in
there all night. Why?
Where is Emma? She has gone to get dinner, I'm
invited and we were going to have meat pie.

(01:19:12):
What's that? Why it's one of those brand?
Tempting luscious, dreamy Creations, your dear old
mother-in-law makes Chuck pointing left exits.
She is going to make one certainly and hot biscuits.
Yeah, sits down in this chair. I'm in the Royal Arcanum and I

(01:19:33):
don't want much fuss made just afew flowers.
Hours and a few kind words crosses his legs on waves.
One foot Brainerd. Does the same few moments pause
and from time to time, they glanced at each other audible
size Etc. She she says she can cook, as
well as your mother-in-law. Stop it.

(01:19:59):
I tell you, stop it. I've got a sore lip mr.
Brainerd raising, I ought to go home I seldom were seldom,
don't, you know, stay out as late as this takes coach and
Hutch. Jack taking pass away from him
soon. Not yet.
You are going to. Stay to the funeral look here.

(01:20:20):
I've got to go home. My wife expects me, I've reached
the age where my dinner at home is an important event.
I don't enjoy say, who expects you to get any enjoyment out of
this. You are a mourner in this.
That's all you are. Well, I'll just take my 40 Winks
in the other room before dinner.I always do that at home.

(01:20:41):
Go as far as you like exit mr. Brainerd Runge.
Not one, but two lampkins shall be laid upon this altar of
indigestion places. Brainers Hut on the table and
takes position left Center back to table.
The idea who's providing the show for this mournful function,

(01:21:05):
enter mr. Brainard's bright, the tiptoes,
the table, secures his hunt and executes, dumb, show of great
Glee. As he exits.
Right? It's me, I've got something to
say. I'm the remains, anybody would
imagine that I was a dead one enter mrs.
Manor left. She has a wooden mixing bowl in
her left hand and off quickly extends her right to Jeff, her

(01:21:29):
right hand. Is covered with sticky dough.
Oh shucks this is terrible. Oh, what shall I do?
Do I've got it all over my hand.Oh Jack get a coal shovel or
something to scrape it off with ya aside I'll get the hook alone

(01:21:49):
and very dignified. Did you address your remarks to
me? Don't please don't.
Oh I'm so nervous. I think I will die.
Jack holds a side in Maryland and points at her in her
indignations susceptible on table.
How dare you? You really kill my efforts, how
they're fun just left hand in todo.

(01:22:13):
What have I done? Help.
Help extends, both hands, helplessly.
Oh, I've put my other hand him. Oh, you dear, sweet, darling,
Jack, help me. Oh, what a silly woman.
I am. Oh, papa just pushed me right
into this awful business. Honestly, he did Jack.

(01:22:35):
Oh, he exasperated me. Uso.
And I told him I could beat mom at cooking and I, which I can't
even beat an egg. I don't even know how to boil
water, please. And put both hands to her face.
Like I'm blind help. Help Jack wiping face with chow

(01:23:01):
from sideboard there there. Don't cry.
I'll help you. You were sweet little do face.
What can I do? Tell me what to put in to make
it raised. Oh, that seedlings powder.
Sounds alright. Wait, I've got it.

(01:23:21):
Curried exit left, he's so smart.
I'm sure that's it. I'm sure that Mama used to say
something about Seibel. It's powder on Rising enter Jack
left with two small boxes. I've got it here.
Hold us places, folks, and righthand and extends her arms.

(01:23:43):
Now, the other one in this hand.Same business, I'll toss up a
half dollar and see which one. Plus he's right hand, she dumps
entire contents and Bowl. Oh, Jack, you are so clever.
What was it Rochelle salts? How perfectly Wonderful, if you

(01:24:03):
check now hold on a minute. And I will get a tablespoon full
of tea. What for for the tea, biscuits
of course, except left Jack stirring.
Contents of pull something has gone wrong, somewhere stirs
slower and slower finally stops.Stuck takes box to light goes

(01:24:28):
back and examine. Its contents of pole drops box.
By jove, it is plaster of Paris and wonder what I am a
bricklayer or Baker? My making statuary or biscuit
dough. Enter mrs.
Maynard lift. Oh, makes tea, how long have I
mixed it? I mixed it.
Till it was Nick's on the mix. Look it over yourself or

(01:24:49):
resembles a frozen mustard plaster, so, it's a small table.
Well, we've got to think up something now.
Just take a peep into the other room and see how Papa sleeps.
We may have to chloroform, and before we get through, this is
Maynard open store, right? He's gone god.

(01:25:11):
Well, what do you think of a man?
Who will bust up a funeral? Sir, I did Mountain explanation.
I said funnel, that's a funnel from an Old Dutch word.
See fun. Having fun.
All that is all having fun. See funnel fun.
All fun. All he busts up a funnel sees
check On the bills. What's this?

(01:25:34):
A check examines two bills the bills are all paid in $50 over
her a $50 to spend press the button.
Call the hall boy mrs. Maynard presses button, mayor
Center exit. Oh this is beyond my fondest
hopes $50 enter ho boy. Here boy.

(01:25:56):
Go to the janitor once and tell them that we desire to move into
the large 75 dollar apartment onthe first of the month, these
rooms are too small and mean. Frost's exit hole boy to mrs.
Maynard now, sweetness, what do you want?
I want the new spring suit with that reminds me.
I need a new suit correctly, rights and thrust letter and

(01:26:20):
envelope. Dear Taylor, duplicate my suit
of lasts. Spring press the button, love
quick, enter whole boy male thisat once.
Half dollar for a stamp. Keep the change.
Exit. Oh, boy.
Now sweetness, what do you want?And you spring suit a new hat by

(01:26:40):
jove? That's what I need.
A new silk hat. Boy.
Oh boy. Enter whole boy dashes off.
Second pleasure, post this boy exit hole boy now sweetness what
do you want? I want the new spring suit and
you had a new pair of shoes. Oh boy.
Enter ho boy, take this to the shoe store on the corner writes

(01:27:05):
dear, Jim. Send up, one pair of patent
leather pumps one pair of tan shoes and one pair of French
calf walking juice. Hurry boy, exit.
Oh boy. Now sweetness.
Say where do I come in? All I have heard is now

(01:27:28):
sweetness. Now sweetness now sweetness.
Well that's all right. You haven't soured on this
thing. Have you in the last three
minutes you have spent three times.
The amount of $50 by jove. I never counted it up so you
should have held me back on thisWolf's to position behind Center
table, mrs. Maynard position lower left of

(01:27:51):
stage, turns her back to him. Indignantly Lee me junk standing
between Center table and Center exit.
That's exactly what I said you. You do.
I'm you see, I'm altogether too.Liberal with you on Money
Matters. I am enter ho boy with lecher
tops, Jacqueline shoulder with it.

(01:28:13):
Jack does not notice him. I'd spend every cent I made on
you. I would that's my trouble.
All boys repeats business as above Maynard, with hands behind
him. GM's thoughtful pose and faces.
Cyborg all boy quietly places letter, the main are
straightened except whole boy, mrs.
Maynard churning Jack baynard. The very hour and minute of our

(01:28:39):
separation has come joke, advancing and bringing his right
hand forward to point at her in as Ralph, not one single word
from you, you ungrateful, Cecil Esther and causes to examine it
in. Great Wonder, What's this letter
in a morning envelope. Both Center Stage.

(01:29:00):
He tears. It open Uncle Henry is dead.
This is awful grades mr. Maynard, Dear Sir, the sad duty
of informing you of your uncle'sdeath devolves upon me.
We'll stop and take out your hands touch.
He's fine. Poor.

(01:29:21):
Dear kind lovable Old. Uncle Henry.
Oh this is very sad. Mrs. Maynard.
Flying Dia Uncle Henry kind Uncle Henry Jack turning over
page continues to read for a number of years.
We all suppose that he intended to leave his property to you but

(01:29:44):
he has willed it all to your cousin Willy Russia.
Folds his arms. Well what do you think of Uncle?
Henry for a stingy old Miser. Oh Jack.
How Wow, I never do. The only way did I?
It just shows how near right? I always am when I depend upon

(01:30:05):
my intuition jerk who has been slowly straightening out Grandpa
Fletcher turns it over and reachthe last page.
However it pleases me to inform you that all of his stocks bonds
cash Etc have been left to you. Oh poor dear kind lovable Uncle

(01:30:26):
Henry. Oh this is sad.
It kind of cool Henry, we will never see him again.
When beating the above, they commence the world's about the
stage. Curtain.
End of biscuits and bills by OB dupa.
End of biscuits and bills by OB dupa.

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One-Act Play Collections - Book 11, Part 3

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