One-Act Play Collections - Book 9, Part 1 - Free Audiobooks

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(00:00):
A dramatic evening by John Kendrick bangs.
One act play collection 9. This is a LibriVox recording all
LibriVox recordings are in the public domain for more
information or to volunteer. Please visit librivox.org
narrator read by April 60, 90 characters, mr.

(00:21):
Thaddeus Perkins. A victim read by Jeff Moon, mr.
Edward, Bradley a friend, in Disguise read by Thomas Peter,
mr. Robert yards.
Lie in amiable villain, read by Tom pain.
Mr. John Barlow the amiable villains assistant read by Mike
Harris, mrs. Thaddeus, Perkins a martyr read

(00:43):
by Trisha gee mrs. Edward Bradley a woman of
executive ability read by Sonia Jenny, a housemaid raths Folly,
and how the scene is placed in the drawing room of mr.
And mrs. Thaddeus Perkins of New York.
The time is a Saturday evening in the early spring and the hour
is approaching eight the curtain.

(01:04):
Rising Perkins in evening dress,reading a newspaper by the light
of a lamp on the table. Mrs. Perkins is Seated.
On the other side of the table, buttoning loves her.
Rap is on a chair near at hand. The room is gracefully over
furnished. Where are the seats Thaddeus?
Third row, and by jove best, looking at his watch, we must

(01:24):
hurry, it's getting on towards 8now, the curtain Rises at 8:15.
The Carriage hasn't come yet. It isn't more than a 10 minutes,
drive to the theater, but there are so many carrots.
Spoke going to see Irving that if we don't start early will
find ourselves on the end of theline.
And the First Act will be half over before we can reach our
seats. I'm so glad we've got good seats
down near the front. I despise opera glasses and

(01:48):
seats under the galleries are sooppressive.
Well, I don't know for the Lionsmale.
I think a seat in the front row of the top Gallery where you can
cheer virtue in hiss villainy without making yourself.
Conspicuous is the best. You don't mean to say that,
you'd like to sit up with those odious.
Gallery gods for a melodrama. I do what's the use of clapping

(02:09):
your gloved. Hands together at a metal drama.
That doesn't express your feelings.
I always want to put two fingersin my mouth and Pierce the
atmosphere with a regular Gallery.
God whistle. When I see the villain laid Low
by the towheaded idiot in the last act, but that wouldn't do
any Orchestra, you might as wellexpect the people in the boxes
to eat peanuts. As expect an orchestra chair,

(02:31):
Patron. Did whistle on his fingers, I
should die of mortification. If you ever We should do such a
vulgar thing fattiest. Then you needn't be afraid.
My dear. I'm too fond of you to sacrifice
you to my love for whistling, the front doorbell, rings.
There's the carriage at last. I'll go get my coat, mrs.
Perkins, Rises and is about to Dawn her rap as mr.

(02:51):
Perkins goes towards the door. Enter mr.
And mrs. Bradley Perkins, staggers
backward, and surprised. Mrs. Perkins.
Lets her rap fall to the floor, an expression of dismay on her
face. Mrs. Perkins aside.
Dear me. I'd forgotten all about it.
This is the night. The club is to meet here.

(03:12):
Perkins, how do you do? Glad to see me God, you don't
look it, glad is a word, which scarcely expresses my feelings
Bradley. I'm I'm simply delighted aside
to mrs. Perkins.
Who has been greeting? Mrs. Bradley he is a kettle of
fish. We must get rid of them or we'll
miss the Lions. Male you two are always.

(03:32):
So formal. The idea of you putting on a
dress suit hadiya's it'll be ruined before we are have
through this evening, certainly Perkins, my man, when you've
been moving furniture and takingup, carpets, and ripping out
fireplaces for an hour or two, that coat of yours will be a
rag, a veritable rag. That the rag man, himself will
be dubious about buying Perkins aside, are these folks crazy or

(03:54):
am I Am I allowed pulling up fireplaces?
Moving up Furniture? Am I to be dispossessed, not by
your landlord, but you know, what?
Amateur Dramatics our Hideout? It, he wouldn't have let us have
him here. If he had known amateur, amateur
Dramatics, certainly Thaddeus, you know, we offered our parlor

(04:14):
for the performance, the audience are to sit out in the
hall. Oh, of course, certainly and it
slipped my mind and what else Why we're here tonight to
arrange the scene? Don't tell us you didn't know
it. Bob yards is coming in Barlow,
we hardly is a great man for amateur Dramatics, he bosses
things so pleasantly that you don't know you're being ordered

(04:36):
about like a slave, I believe hecould persuade a man to hammer
Nails into his piano case, if hewanted it done.
He's sewing sinuate. A really lovely about it all.
Perkins absently, I'll get a hammer, exit, mrs.
Perkins aside. I must explain to Thaddeus.
He'll never forgive me. Allow that.
Thaddeus is so forgetful that I don't believe he can find that

(04:57):
hammer. So if you'll, excuse me, I'll go
help him exit. No wonder what's up the Dome
coil do they I don't believe anyone could quarrel with Bessie
Perkins. Not even a man.
Well they're queer Agate is if they weren't glad to see us.
Oh that's all your imagination. Works about the room that table

(05:18):
would have to be taken out and all these chairs and cabinets
and the rug will never do Why not?
I think the rug will look for a straight.
Oh Rob like that in a conservatory.
A ring at the front door. Bell is heard.
Ah maybe that's the Arts lie. I hope so.
If Perkins and his wife were outof source, you want to hurry up
and get through. Oh, we'd be through by 12:00

(05:40):
inter yards, Lee and Barlow. Here we are at last the Wreckers
have a Rove first Perkins takingto the woods, only fancy or side
bulb? Do you think before we begin we
bag of Perkins aoife it will suffer dribble.
Any inter mrs. Perkins wiping her eyes.
How do you do mr. Barlow.
And you mr. Yardley so good to see you

(06:02):
Thaddeus will be down in a minute.
He, he forgot about the, the meeting here tonight and he he
put on his dress code, bad thingto lift the piano in better be
without any code. But I say we began a, if you
don't mind, mrs. Perkins, we've got a great deal
to do and unfortunately hours orLimited in length as well as a

(06:23):
number. That fireplace must be covered
up. Wouldn't do to have a fireplace
in a conservatory built all the flowers in 10 minutes.
Mrs. Perkins meekly you needn't have the fire lit.
Need you know but a fireplace without a fire in it seems sort
of bald. Don't you think walled?

(06:44):
Splendid word apply to a fireplace?
So if you fireplaces have here so it could be covered up
without any trouble Bessie. Can't we have those dining room
Proteus to hang in front Of it. Just the thing dining room. 40
years. Always look!
Well, whether they're in a conservatory or a street scene.
Enter Perkins. Hello, Thaddeus.
How do you cut your overalls on Perkins trying to appear Serene?

(07:07):
Yes, I'm ready for anything. Anything I can do.
Yes. Look Pleasant.
You look as if you are going to have your picture taken or a
tooth pulled, haven't you a smile?
You don't need that. You can give us.
This isn't a funeral Perkins assuming a grin.
I will that do Do first, right? We'll have to make you act next.

(07:27):
That's the most villainous grin I ever saw, all right, a tragedy
to go with it but I say that we want those dining room port
years of yours, get them down for us.
Will ya dining room Porter's? What for hey y'all think the
fireplace would better be hid Thaddeus?
Dear, it wouldn't look well in aconservatory, I suppose not and
the dining room for tears are wanted to cover up the

(07:48):
fireplace. Precisely you have a managerial
brain Thaddeus you You can see it once what a dining room
Porter is good for if ever I'm Cast Away on a desert island
with nothing but a dining room, Courtyard for Solace.
I hope you'll be along to take charge of it in.
Your hands is possibilities. Are absolutely unlimited get

(08:09):
them for us all man and while you're about it bring a
stepladder exit, Perkins dejectedly now Barlow, you and
Bradley help me with this piano Pianos may do well enough in
gardens or Pirates caves but forconservatories there are not
where the Arab. Wait a moment.
We must take the break a break from the top of it before you
touch it. If there are two incompatible

(08:30):
things in this world, they are men and break a break.
You are so thoughtful though, I am sure that mr.
Yardley would not break anythingwillingly nothing but the tanker
moments, they aren't bric-a-bracand I thank you, mrs.
Perkins, for your expression of confidence, I wouldn't
intentionally go into the house of another man, and toss.
Has several up in the air or throw a royal Worcester

(08:51):
downstairs except under very great provocation.
Mrs. Perkins, and mrs. Bradley have by this time
removed, the bric-a-brac from the piano on up right now, boys.
Are you ready? Where is it to be moved to?
Where would you prefer to have it, mrs.
Perkins, oh, I have no preference in the matter.
Put it where you please, supposeyou carry it up into the attic

(09:11):
Barlow. Certainly I'll be glad to if
you'll carry the soft pedal. I'm always afraid when I'm
carrying pianos up. There's a break in the soft
pedal or dropping a few octaves,I guess, we'd better put it over
in this corner where the audience won't see it.
If you are. So careless that you can't move
a piano without losing its tone.We'd better not have it moved
too far. Now then Barlow yards Lee and

(09:33):
Bradley Endeavor to push the piano over the floor, but it
doesn't move inter Perkins with to pour tea has wrapped about
him and hugging a small step ladder in his arms.
Hurry up Perkins, don't shirk. So can't you see that we're
trying to get Get this piano across the floor.
Where are you at Perkins, meekly.
I'm trying to make myself at home.

(09:54):
Do you expect me to hang on to these things and end move pianos
at the same time? Let him alone brightly he's
doing the best. He knows I always say give a man
credit for doing what he can whether he is intelligent or
not. Of course we don't expect you to
hang out at the Port years in the step ladder while you're
pushing the piano third. That's too much to expect of any
manual size. Some are might do it but not

(10:17):
all. Laporte years where I put them,
put them on a stepladder Perkinsand patiently.
And where, shall I put the step ladder on the piano, mrs.
Perkins, coming to the rescue, I'll take care of these things.
Thaddeus dear, that's right. Put everything off on your wife,
what shirk some men are now thenPerkins Linda sure shoulder.

(10:38):
And one, two, three push, ah, she starts, she moves.
She seems to feel the thrill of Life along her keel.
We must have gained an inch oncemore.
Now my, but this is a heavy piano must be full of Wagner and
music. Why don't you get a piano of
lighter quality Perkins? This isn't any kind of an

(11:00):
instrument for amateur stage hands to manage or know better
next time. But is it where you want it?
Now, not a bit of it. We need one more push, get a
rolling and keep her rolling until she stands over there in
that corner and be careful to stop her in time.
I should hate to push a piano through one of my hosts parlor
walls just for Lot of a little care, they pushed until the

(11:20):
piano stands against the wall, on the other side of the room
keyboard in there, that's first-rate, you can put a camp
chair on top of it for the prompter to sit on.
There's nothing like having the prompter of high because amateur
actors when they forget their lines, always look up in the air
Perkins, go sit out in the hall and imagine yourself and
enthusiastic audience. Will you and tell us if you can

(11:43):
see the piano, if you can see, it will have to put it somewhere
else. Do you mean it of Is he doesn't
mr. Perkins.
It's impossible to see it from the hall.
Now I think the rug ought to come up.
Dear me, what. For so it wouldn't do at all to
have that rug in the conservatory.
Mrs. Perkins. Besides I should be afraid, it
would be spoiled spoiled. What would spoil it?

(12:05):
Are you going to wear a spiked shoes?
Spoink shoes? Various you really ought to have
your mind. Examined, the scene is supposed
to be just off the ballroom and it is here that Gwendolyn comes
during the lancias and encounters are Li the villain Do
you suppose that even a villain in an amateur Shadow?
Would go to the ball with spikesshutl Perkins wearily.

(12:25):
But I still fail to see what it's despoil.
The wrong, does the villain Set Fire to the conservatory in this
play? Or does he assassinate The
Virtuous hero here? And spill is Gore on the floor?
What a blood and thunder idea ofthe drama you have.
Of course, he doesn't, there isn't a death in the whole play
and it's two hours long, one or two people in the audience may

(12:45):
die while the play is going on. But people who have Not strong
Constitution, shouldn't attend amateur shows.
That's true. I fancy very.
It would be very rude. For one of you invited guests to
cast a Gloom over you evening bydying, it is seldom done.
Among people who know what is what but to explain the point
you want explained that is the rug might be spoiled by a leak

(13:08):
in the fountain. The fountain you don't mean to
say, you're going to have a fountain playing here, certainly
a conservatory without a fountain would be like Hamlet
with your Left out there has to be a fountain playing here and a
band playing in the Next Room, all in the green light to it'll
be highly effective. But how how are you going to
make the fountain go? Is it going to spurt real water?

(13:30):
Of course, did you ever see a fountain spurt sawdust or
lemonade? It's not a soda fountain either,
but a straight Temperance, Affair such as you'll find in
the homes of all truly good people.
Now don't get excited and raise obstacles.
Nothing is simple enough. If you know how to do it.
Got one of those English bathtubs in the house.
No. But of course, if you want a

(13:52):
bathtub, I'll have a regular porcelain one with running
water, hot and cold, put in two of them, if you wish anything to
oblige, no stationary bathtubs are useful, but not exactly
adapted to a conservatory. Now, brought me tub with me on
you picking zedan one on so I thought I'd better come
provided. It's out in the old.
I'll get it exit. Mrs. Bradley to mrs.

(14:14):
Perkins. He's just Splendid.
Never Gets anything? I should say not, but Mr.
Yardley a bathtub even in English one will not look very
well, will it? Oh, very.
You see. We'll put it in the center of
the room just move that table out into the Hall.
That is inter Barlow with the tub.

(14:34):
Ah, now I'll show you Perkins removes table.
You see, we put the type here inthe middle of the floor.
Then we surround it with potted plants that conceals the tub and
there's your fountain but the water.
How do you get that? We buy it in bottles of course
and highwomen. Our boy to come in and put out
every two minutes. Oh, how dull you are Perkins.
I'm surprised at you. I'm not over-bright.

(14:54):
I must confess when it comes to building fountains and parlors
with no basis but an English bathtub to work on.
Did you ever hear of such a thing as a length of hose with a
nozzle on one end and a croton water pipe on the other?
That is Perkins, but where is the Croton water pipe in the
butler's Pantry, the hose can becarried through the dining room
across the hall into this room and it will be dreadfully

(15:17):
effective. And so safe to encase.
The curtain catches fire. Oh Emma, you don't think
cheerful Prospect but I say Yachts Li you have arranged for
the water supply. How about its exit?
How does the water get out of the tub?
It doesn't, unless you want to bore a hole in the floor and let
it flow into the billiard room below.

(15:37):
We've just got to hustle that scene along so that the climax
will be reached before the tub overflows.
Perhaps we better test, the thing.
Now, maybe my tub isn't large enough for the scene, it will be
awkward if the arrow in in and it sees a Dipper and Bela found
in out right in the middle of animpassioned, rebuke to oddly.
All right, go ahead, test it, test anything, I'll Supply the
Croton pipes. None of you fellows happen to

(15:59):
have a length of hose with you. Do you?
I left mine in my other clothes.That's just like you men.
You grow flippant of a very serious matters for my part.
If I am to play Gwendolyn, I shall not bail out the fountain
even to save poor. Dear Bessie's floor.
Oh, it'll be all right. Only if you see the fountain.
Getting to full speak faster. We won't announce the rice

(16:22):
between the ever win in the founding, it would add to the
interest of the play. This is an athletic age I
suppose, it wouldn't do to turn the water off in case of danger,
it could be done but it wouldn'tlook well, the audience might
think the fountains Edna, take astage fright.
Where's the entrance from the ballroom to be?
It ought to be where the fireplace is.
That's one reason why I think the port here is will look well

(16:42):
there. But I don't see how that can be
nobody could come in there. There wouldn't be room behind
for Anyone to stand with their. I don't know that fireplace is
large and only two people have to come in that way.
The Risin curtain discloses Gwendolyn just haven't come in,
it's hardly the villain and JackPendleton.
The manly young Navy officer, who represents virtue and dashes

(17:05):
in at the right moment. To save Gwendolyn.
Could sit close in. Stand the discomfort of it, they
might squeeze in there and awaittheir cues sit in the fireplace.
Yes! Why not don't you interfere best
yards? Is managing the show and if he
wants to keep the soubrette waiting on the mantelpiece, it's
his Lookout and not ours. By the way, Thaddeus Wilkins is

(17:26):
backed out and you are to play the villain.
I never. Oh, but you must all you have to
do is frown and rent. And look real bad, but I can't
act, that doesn't make any difference.
We don't want a villain that theaudience will fall in love with.
That would be a moral. The more you make them despise,
you the better? Well, I positively declined to
sit in the fireplace. I could tell you that right now.

(17:47):
Don't worry. First time, talking about Petty
details, let the entrance be there.
We can hang the curtain on a frame 2 feet out from the wall
so that there will be plenty of room behind for hardly and
Pendleton to stand the frame. Can be fast and to the woodwork
of the mantelpiece. It may take a screw to hold it
but they'll be high up. So nobody will notice the holes

(18:10):
in the wood. After it comes down the point.
That bothers me. Is this wallpaper people don't
put wallpapers on their Of a trees Perkins sarcastically I'll
have the room repaper tin sheet glass or we might borrow a few
hot bed covers and hang them from the picture molding so that
the place would look like a realGreenhouse Napoleonic idea.

(18:31):
Follow shot down among the properties 10, hot bed covers,
20 picture hooks, and a coil of wire you're developing Perkins,
mrs. Perkins, ruefully aside, I wish
Thaddeus is jokes weren't alwaystaken.
Seriously, the idea of my in room walls, being hung with hot
bed covers, why it's awful. Well, now that that's settled,

(18:54):
we'll have to dispose of the pictures that is.
I wish you'd take down the pictures on the East wall so
that we can put our minds eye onjust how we shall treat the
background, the mirror hanging of hot bed covers, their will
not do the audience could see directly through the glass and
the wallpaper would still destroy the illusion.
Anything perhaps, if you got a jack plane in playing the walls

(19:14):
off it would suffice. Don't be sarcastic, my boy.
We didn't let you into this, youvolunteered.
I know it Bradley the house is your's or said you had parasites
when you made the offer Perkins,if you want to go to the lore
about it, I think you could get an injunction against us or
rather mrs. Perkins could on the grounds
that you are non compost at the time.

(19:35):
Why we're most happy to have you?
I'm sure. So my aside Heaven, forgive me
that by the way, said, there's one thing I meant to have spoken
about as soon as I got here. Is this your house or do you
rent it? It, I rent it.
What does that to do with it? Great deal.
You don't think we treat your houses.
We would have common landlords, do you?

(19:55):
You weren't yourself what's the point?
If you own the house, we want tobe careful and consider your
feelings. If you don't, we don't care what
happens. I don't own the house aside and
under the circumstances, I'm rather glad I don't.
Well, I'm glad you don't mind. We point is my conscience and
when it comes to destroying our friends property, I don't
exactly like to do it. But at this house belongs to a

(20:16):
sorted person. Built it just to put money in
his own pocket. I don't care Marlo.
You can nail those pork ears up,it won't be necessary to build a
frame for them. Bradley carry the chair, some
cabinets out Bradley assisted byPerkins removes.
The remaining Furniture, placingthe bric-a-brac on the floor.
Oh right, where's that stepmother?
That is got any nails. I think we'd rather have a

(20:40):
frame. Mr. Yardley we can have one
made. Can't we Thaddeus.
Certainly we can have anything made aside.
I suppose, I build a theater forthem if they ask me to I'm such
a confounded. Oh no.
Of course, if you'd prefer, it will send a frame.
I don't think Nails would look well in this ceiling after all
temporarily though Barlow, you might hang those poor tears from
the picture molding. There isn't any.

(21:01):
Well, then we'll have to imaginehow it will look.
All the bric-a-brac would have to be taken from the room true
Perkins, you know, the house better than we do.
Suppose you take the bric-a-bracout and put it where it will be
safe. Certainly begins to remove
bric-a-brac. Now let's count up.
Here's the fountain. Yes.
And we haven't the O's. Well, make a note of it.
Emma can't we help Thaddeus? Of course, I'll carry out the

(21:24):
fender and you take the end. Iran's they do.
So the entrance will be here andhere will be the carton.
How about Footlights this bracket will do for connection?
Any plumber can take this bracket off and fasten the
rubber pipe to it? First-rate Barlow, make a note
of one plumber, one length of rubber pipe and Footlights.
And don't forget to have potted plants and palms and so forth.

(21:45):
Galore, nah. Oh my God, note of it.
We'll be safer do for a conservatory.
Chouf. Glad you mention that won't do
at all. That is no answer.
I hope we haven't driven him to drink.
So do I I'd rather he'd lead us to it.
That is Perkins from without. Well, do you happen to have any
Conservatory benches in the house?

(22:06):
Mrs. Perkins appearing. In doorway, we have a patent
laundry table, just the thing yd.
Lee calling bring up the Peyton laundry table fattiest to
Bradley, what is a people laundry table.
It's what my way. Cause the cooks Delight, it's an
ironing board on Wednesdays at supper table at suppertime and
on the cooks reception days, it can be turned into a city.

(22:27):
It describes well. Perkins from a distance.
Hi, come down and help me with this thing.
I can't carry it up alone. All right, perk Bradley you and
Bravo, help Thaddeus. I'll move these other chairs and
tables out. It's getting late and we'll have
to hustle. Fix-It Barlow Bradley meanwhile
has been removing pictures from the walls and as yards Lee
speaks is standing on. The step ladder reaching up for

(22:49):
a painting. What do you take me for twins?
Don't get mad now. Bradley, there's anything that
can add to the terror of amateurtheatricals, it's temper.
Mrs. Bradley from without Edward, come here right away.
I want you to move the headstandand see how many people can be
seated in this Hall. Oh, yes, certainly my dear, of
course right away. My name is Legion.

(23:11):
Oh, Dennis, that's the spirit, it crashes, heard without.
Great Scott, what's that mrs. Chickens without oh, that is.
They've dropped the cooks Delight.
He comes down from the stepladder.
Ian yard sleep, go out. The pictures are piled up on the
floor, the furniture is topsy-turvy and the courtiers
lie in the Heap on the earth. Enter mrs.

(23:32):
Perkins dear. Dear dear, what a mess and poor
Thaddeus. I'm glad he wasn't hurt but I
I'm afraid I heard him. Say words, I never heard him say
before, when mr. Barlow.
Let the table slip. I wish I hadn't said anything
about the Abel inter mrs. Bradley these men will drive me
crazy. They are making more fuss

(23:54):
carrying that laundry table upstairs.
Then if it were house and the worst of it is our husbands are
losing their tempers. Well, I don't wonder it must be
awfully trying to have a laundrytable fall on you.
Oh, so Diaz is Angelic, but Edward is, absolutely,
inexcusable, he swore a minute ago, and it sounded particularly

(24:14):
profane, because he had a screw and a picture hook in his mouth.
Yards outside. It's almost as heavy as the
piano. I don't see why, either the four
men appear at the door, staggering under the weight of
the laundry table Perkins, as they said it down.
Now, that's what I call work. What makes this thing so heavy
mrs. Bradley, she opens a drone takes

(24:36):
out a half-dozen patent, Flatirons and a handle.
This has something to do with it.
Why didn't you take out the drawers first?
It wasn't my fault. They'd started with it before I
took hold I didn't know what howto draw Or do I did wonder what
it was that rattled around inside it, it wasn't for me to
suggest taking the door out. Thaddeus ought to have thought
of that Perkins angrily well of all.

(24:56):
Never mind it's here and it's all right.
That's so we mustn't quarrel. If we get started we'll never
stop. Now, Perkins roll up that rug
and we'll get things placed and then we'll be through Kimmel.
I'll help Bradley get those pictures of the rug, let me so
careless with mrs. Perkins property careless see
here, now Barlow, no Edward no temper.

(25:18):
Take the pictures out and where should I take the pictures out
to put them on the dining room table in society?
Throw them out the window for all I care.
Hey, nothing. I only said to put them to put
them wherever you pleased, but Ican't say whether to go
Thaddeus, if this isn't my housesince aside Now worse luck, it's
mine. Oh, put them in the dining room.

(25:40):
They'll be safe there. I will he begins caring the
pictures out Perkins Barlow and yards lie.
Roll up the rug They're you fellas - we'll carry that out
too and then we'll be ready for the scene.
Come along. Fat is your any you'll pay
tonight? Perkins desperately may I take
my coat off. I'm boiling.
Certainly, I wonder you didn't think of it before think.

(26:03):
I never think. Well, go ahead and your
thoughtless way and get the rug out, you're delaying us.
All right? Come on Barlow, are you ready?
Oh, yeah. I'm they dragged the rug out at
last replaces. The tub.
There's the fountain. Now, where shall we?
Put the cooks to light. Over here, I should say, I think
it would be better here. Robbie who has returned put?

(26:23):
It halfway between them yards lie.
I say given always to the ladiesand when they don't agree
compromised, it's a mighty poor woman.
That isn't have fried occasionally, Edward, you're
actually adopting the suggestionthere.
How's that Perkins returning? Perfect?
I never saw such an original Conservatory in my life.
I suppose. It's all right, what do you
think Emma? Why it is simply fine, of

(26:47):
course, it requires wires a little imagination to see it, as
it will be on the night of the performance.
But in general, I don't see how it could be better.
No, no Roy, it's great as it is.But when we get the old bed
covers hung, and the Phantom plane, and the plants arrange
gracefully all around it, it will be our deal.
I say we ought to give yours Leea vote of thanks for that.

(27:07):
So we are very much indebted to your aunt's lie.
Never mind that I enjoy the workvery much.
So glad aside, I wonder when we get a vote of thanks, Bradley
looking at his watch. By jove amides after 11:11 dear
me. I had no idea.
It was this latest that how timeflies when you are enjoying
yourself really Edward, you ought not to have overlooked the

(27:30):
time. You know, I supposed you knew we
couldn't pull a house down in five minutes, what's become of
the clock? I don't know who took the clock
out on a date. He's under the dining room
table. Well we mustn't keep Bessie up
another moment. Good night my dear we have had a
delightful time Good night. I am sure we have enjoyed it.

(27:50):
Her prints aside. Yes, indeed.
We haven't had so much fun sincethe children had the mumps.
Well, so long Perkins, thanks for your help.
Bye, bye. Good night, don't bother about
fixing up tonight. Perkins, I'll be around tomorrow
evening in help put things in order.
Again, they all go out the good nights are repeated and finally,
the front door is closed. Reenter Perkins Who falls

(28:11):
dejectedly on the seti, followedby mrs.
Perkins, who gives a rueful glance at the room?
I'm glad yards Lee's coming to fix us.
Again, I never could do it then.I must, I can't ask Jenny to do
it. She discharged us at once, and I
can't have my drawing room left this way over Sunday Perkins
wearily. Oh, well, can we do it now?
No, you poor dear man. Will stay home from church

(28:34):
tomorrow morning and do it. It won't be any harder work than
reading the Sunday newspapers. What have you there Perkins?
Looking at two tickets. He is subtracted from his vest.
Pocket tickets for Irving this evening.
Mayans mail. Third row from the stage.
I was just thinking don't tell me what you were thinking, my
dear, it can't be expressible inpolite language.

(28:56):
You are wrong there. My dear, I wasn't thinking cuss
words at all. I was only reflecting that we
didn't miss much, anyhow under the circumstances.
Miss much why Thaddeus. What do you mean?
Nothing only that for Action continuous and situations
overpowering. The Lions mail isn't a marker to
an evening of preparation for amateur Dramatics.

(29:16):
Inter Jenny, excuse me. Him, but The Coachman says,
shall he? Wait any longer.
He's been there three hours now,curtain and of a dramatic
evening. The Fatal message by John
Kendrick bangs, one act play collection 9.

(29:39):
This is a LibriVox recording allLibriVox.
Recordings are in the public domain for more information or
to volunteer. Please visit librivox.org.
The Fatal message a character's mr.
Thaddeus Perkins in charge of the curtain read by Jeff Moon.

(30:00):
Mrs. Thaddeus, Perkins cash. Cast for lady Ellen, read by
Trisha G. Miss Andrews, cast for the made
read by Gabby mr. Edward, Bradley an understudy
read by Thomas Peter. Mrs. Edward Bradley cast for
lady, amaranth, rut by the Yeah mr.

(30:22):
Robert yards. Lay stage manager read by Tom
pain, mr. Jack Barlow cast for Fenderson
featherhead, read by, Mark Harris.
Mr. Chester Henderson an absentee Genie, a professional
waitress read by April 6090 narrator read by Lynette Geisel,

(30:47):
The scene is laid in the libraryof the Perkins mansion on the
afternoon of the day, upon whichan amateur dramatic performance
is to be held there. In the Perkins house has been
given over to the dramatic Association, having the matter
in charge at. Right of Library.
A Scenic doorway is hung at lefta drop curtain is arranged

(31:12):
behind which is the middle Hall of the Perkins dwelling where
the Expected audience are to sitthe unoccupied wall spaces are
hung with paper muslin. The apartment is fitted up.
Generally to resemble an Englishdrawing room table and chair at
Center at rear stands. A painted canvas Conservatory

(31:35):
entrance on left of, which is a long Oaken chest, the curtain
Rising, discovers mrs. Perkins, giving a few finishing
touches to the scene with me. Mr. Perkins gazing curiously
about the room. Well, they've transformed this
Library into a scene of bewitching beauty, haven't they?

(31:55):
These paper muslin walls or a dream of loveliness as opposes
the possessor of all this, I ought to be supremely happy
only. I wish that can.
This Conservatory door, hadn't been tacked over my reference
books. I wanted to look up some points
about, oh, never mind, your books Thaddeus, it's only for
one night. Can't you take a minute to rest
one night? I'm like that.

(32:17):
It's been there to already and it's in for tonight and all day
tomorrow, I suppose it'll take all day tomorrow to clean up.
I'll wager I At, I'm beginning to Rue the our I have our allow
the house of Perkins to be luredinto the drama.
You're better off than I am. I've got to take part and I
don't have know my lines. I better off.

(32:38):
I'd like to know if I haven't got to sit out in front and
watch you people, fulfill your diabolical mission in your ee
diabolical way and grin at the fearful jokes in the dialogue.
I've been listening to for weeksand make the audience feel that
are welcome when they're not. What's been done with my desk?
It's down in the laundry, you'reabout, as who is it?

(32:59):
Laundry is a nice place for a desk.
Plenty of starch handy to stiffen up, a writer's nerve and
scrubbing. Boards Galore to polish up his
wits and I suppose my papers or up in the attic.
No, they're stowed away. Safely in the nursery now.
Please don't complain me complain.
I never complain. I didn't say a word when the
Ardsley had my Crookshanks torn from their shelves and chucked

(33:21):
into a clothes basket and Carried into the butler's Pantry
did I? Did I say as much as one little
word, I wanted to say one littleword I admit.
But I didn't, did I? If I did, I would draw it.
I'm fond of this sort of thing. The greatest joy in life is to
be found in arranging, and rearranging a library.
And I seem to be in for Joy enough to kill what time are the

(33:45):
these amateur thespians coming mrs.
Perkins looking at her, watch their do now it's 4:30 Sits down
and opens Playbook rehearses? No, not for all the world.
Would I do this thing? Lord Moulton.
There is no need to ask it of me.
I am firm, I shall. But my dear, I've been getting

(34:07):
that for breakfast dinner and tea for two weeks now and I'm
awfully tired of it when I askedfor a second cup of coffee at
breakfast Sunday, you retarded. No.
Not for all the world. Would I do this thing Lord.
Moulton. When I asked you where my dress
ties were you informed me that it was what baseness or To that
effect when, so on until I hardly know where I'm at catches

(34:27):
sight of the chest. Hello, how did that happen to
escape the general Devastation? What are you going to do with
that Oak chest? It is for the real Earl to hide
in just before he confronts Middleton with the evidence of
his crime but that holds all my loose Prince Bass by jove.
I can't have that, you know, youamateur counterfeiters have gone
to understand just one thing, I'll submit to the laundering of

(34:49):
my manuscripts, the butler, Pantry of my Crookshanks, but
I'll Be hanged if I'll allow even a real Earl, much less a
base imitation of one to wallow,in my Engravings, you needn't
worry about your old Engravings,they're perfectly safe.
I've put them in the Saratoga trunk, in the Attic rehearsing.
And if you ask it of me once again, I shall have to summon my

(35:10):
servants to have you shown the door Henry Cobb is the friend of
my girlhood and then recalled beGladius.
I don't care best. If Henry Cobb was the only
friend you ever had, I object tohaving my prints done.
Into a Saratoga trunk in order that he may confront Moulton and
regain the Lost. Estates of pudding.
Furred by hiding in my chest, a gay early Ardsley makes anyhow.

(35:33):
And as for Barlow, he looks likean ass in that yellow
chrysanthemum wig. No man with yellow hair like
that could track such a villain is Henderson makes muddled turn
out to be fact is Henderson. Is the only decent part of the
show. Mrs. Perkins rehearsing, what if
he is weak, then? Shall I still more strongly show
myself, his friend poor? Or does not know.

(35:54):
I suppose it does bell rings. There Comes This apology for a
real, Earl a fancy. I'll let him in myself.
I suppose Jenny is got as much as she can do.
Sweeping my manuscripts out of the laundry and keeping my
verses from scorching. The wash exit.
It's too bad of Thaddeus to go on like this as if I hadn't
enough to worry me without a cross husband, to manage hi-ho

(36:17):
enter Perkins with yards. Lee yards Lee holds bicycle cap
in hand, but Jove, I'm tired. Everything's been going wrong
today. Overslept myself to begin with
and somebody stole my hat at theclub and left me with this
bicycle cap in his place. How are you getting on?
Mrs. Perkins. You weren't letter-perfect

(36:37):
yesterday, you know, I'm gettingit.
All right. I think I've been rehearsing all
day. You Bet Your Life on that Henry.
Cobb real Earl of potting furredif you aren't restored to your
Estates entitled this night, it won't be for any lack of
suffering on my part. Give me your biking cap unless
you want to use it in the play, I'll hang it up exit.
Thanks looks about the room. Everything here seems to be

(36:59):
right Perkins, returns mrs. Perkins rehearsing and
henceforth. My Lord let us understand one.
Another certainly my dear I'll go and have myself.
Translated would you prefer me in French German or English?
I hope it goes. Alright, tonight, but I must say
I don't like the prospect this beastly behavior of Henderson

(37:19):
says knocked me out. What's the matter with
Henderson? He hasn't withdrawn?
Has he that's just what he has done?
He sent me word this morning, but what excuse does he offer at
the last moment to none at all. Absolutely.
There was some Airy persiflage in this note about having to go
to Boston at 6:00 grandmother's sick or something.

(37:43):
He writes so badly, I couldn't make out, whether she was rich
or sick, I fancy. It's a little of both possibly.
If she wasn't Rich, he wouldn't care so much.
She fell ill. That's the trouble with these
new englanders. Anyhow, they've always got
grandmother's to fall down at crucial moments.
Next time, I go into this sort of thing, it'll be with a crowd
of the fountain, own ancestors. Tisn't Chet's fault though.

(38:04):
You don't suspect him of having poisoned his grandmother just to
get out of playing. Do you do Thaddeus to be
serious? I was never more.
So my dear poisoning ones, grandmother is no light crime.
Well I've a notion the whole thing is faked up Henderson has
an idea that he's a little tin booth.
And just because I called him down the other night at our
first rehearsal. He's mad.

(38:25):
That's the milk in the Coconut. I think he's one of those
fellows. You can't tell anything to and
when I kicked because he wore a white tie with a dinner coat.
He got mad and said he was goingto dress the part his own way or
not, at all. I think he was right.
Oh yes, of course, I'm never. Right.
What am I a stage manager for? Oh, that's for that.
Of course you are the one in Authority but you were wrong

(38:46):
about the white tie and dinner coat.
He was a bogus Earl an adventurer, wasn't he?
Yes. Was but no real Earl would wear
a white tie with a dinner coat unless he was visiting in
America. I grant you that if you were
going to a reception in New Yorkhe might wear a pair of golf
trousers with a dinner coat. But in this instance is dressed
simply showed his velocity as itwere.

(39:07):
He merely dressed the part. He doesn't want to make it to
plane however, so I was right after all his villainy is to
come as a painful surprise, but what are we to do?
Have you got anybody else to take his part?
Yes, I tell. A graft right off to Bradley
explained as well as I could in a telegram without using, all
the balance in the treasury and he answered.
All right, said, he'd bone up atthe part all day and would be

(39:31):
here at 5:00 but are perfect. Mrs. Perkins with a sigh of
relief, good. He's very quick at learning a
thing. I imagine it will be.
All right, I've known him to learn a harder part than that in
5 hours. It'll be pleasanter for Emma to.
She didn't like those scenes. She had, as lady amaranth, the
Your rest with Henderson, he kept her off the middle of the

(39:54):
stage all the time, but with herhusband, it will be different.
I'll bet on that. No, good-natured husband of a
new woman ever gets within a mile of the center of the stage
while she's on it. She'll have stage room to burn
in her scenes with Brad. I think it was awfully mean of
mr. Henderson though, disgusting.
It was inconsiderate so hard on his grandmother to to be

(40:16):
compelled to knock under, just to get him out of a disagreeable
situation. She ought to Inherit him.
Oh, it's easy enough to be sarcastic.
Oh, that's so Bob. That's why I never am.
It's commonplace Bell Rings. Ah, there's the rest of the
troop, I guess. Exit yards, Lee looking at his
watch. It's about time.
They're 20 minutes late, mrs. Perkins rehearsing, so once for

(40:39):
all Lord Middleton derisively, ha ha Lord.
Moulton that is amusing. You Lord model tin ha ha.
Once for all Lord Middleton, Acquaint you with my
determination. I shall not tell Henry Cobb what
I have discovered since I have promised.
But nonetheless, he shall know. Walls have ears.

(41:02):
Even that open chest by you under Wonder yards.
Lee irritated, excuse me, mrs. Perkins, but really you must get
the phrase, right? You've called it gender.
Wonder at every rehearsal we've had so far.
I know it's difficult to get, right?
Yonder window is one of those beastly combinations that
playwrights. Employ to make the thespians

(41:22):
pathway to fame a Rocky one but you must get over it and say it,
right? Practice it for an hour.
If need be yonder, window, Yonder, winter.
I mean yonder window until it comes easy, mrs.
Perkins meekly, I have and it doesn't seem to do any good I've
tried and tried to get it right?But yonder window is all I can

(41:44):
say, but gender window is I should say yonder window is
correct. Well, I am just going to Have to
change it, that's all it shall be under casement, good idea,
only don't say Yonder. Basement by mistake, enter
Perkins, followed by Barlow, is mr.
Featherhead. He's rehearsing to, as I opened
the door he said, give me good morrow.

(42:07):
Barlow smiling. Yes.
And that is replied good yesterday my friend and tones
which reminded me of Irving withbronchitis What's this?
I hear about Henderson's, grandmother thrown up the part.
He's grandmother. No idiot, Henderson.
He's thrown up his grandmother, hang it.
You know what I mean? I hope you're not going to

(42:28):
nectar of us. Mr. Yardley, if you break down,
what on Earth will become of therest of us?
I hope not. But I am.
I'm as nervous as a cat living its nightlife here.
We are three or four hours before the performance and no
one knows whether we'll be able to go through it or not.
My reputation is a manager is atstake Barlow.

(42:48):
How are you getting along with those lines in the Revelation?
See Adam down funnel to Kelly will call.
It was all came up. People thought I was crazy, I
guess. Always, so full of it, I'll kept
repeating it softly to myself all the way up and when we got
to that 14th Street Cove, the car gave a fearful Lurch and
fairly shook. The words villain is viper out

(43:09):
of me. And I was standing when we began
the tune, I was left confrontinga testy Old Gentleman upon whose
feet are trodden twice at the finish.
On early got into trouble Perkins with a laugh, made a
scene, a Barlow joining in the laughs.
I wouldn't each time I stepped on his foot, he glared regular

(43:29):
Macbeth stare like this. He's this a jagger which I see
before me, suits action to word,but I never let on I saw, but
continue to Rios. When the Lich came, however, on
I toppled over on top of him, grabbed his shoulders in my
hands to keep me from sprawling in his lap and hissed villainous
Viper. In his face, he was inclined to

(43:51):
resent it forcibly. I don't blame him, seems to me.
A man of your intelligence oughtto know better than to rehearsal
a cable car, anyhow to say nothing of stepping on a man's
corns. Of course, I apologized.
But he was a persistent old culture and demanded an
explanation of my epithet that wonder he didn't have you put
off, Man doesn't like to be insulted even if he does ride on

(44:12):
the cable. Oh, I appeased him.
I told him. I was rehearsing that I was an
amateur actor and of course he was satisfied.
Yes, at least I'll charge. So, he said that my confession
was humiliation enough without his announcing to the public,
what he thought I was. And he added to the man next to
him that he thought the public was exposed to enough Danger on

(44:34):
cable cars without having lunatics thrust upon them.
And every tourney he must have been a braid old man or a Crab
too old person. Oh well it was an experience but
it rather upset me and for the life of me, I haven't been able
to remember the opening lines ofthe seen since well have the
audience drive you off the stage.
You can sue the cable company. They ought to be careful how

(44:55):
they Lurch a man's brains out. That's right.
Joke ahead, it's fun for you all.
You've got to do is sit out in front and pull the curtain up
and down. When we rang a bell, you're a
great one to talk about brains, you are.
It's a wonder to me. You don't say.
Swoon under your responsibility.Mrs. Perkins rehearsing.
So once for all as he says, so say, I indeed you take his part

(45:19):
to you mrs. Perkins rehearsing, you must
leave this house at once and forever.
I once thought I loved you but now all is changed and I take
this opportunity to thank my deliverer Fenderson featherhead.
Oh, ah rehearsing, I see. I thought you'd gone over to the
enemy. My dear featherhead.

(45:40):
Up and accept the ladies. Thanks, Garb join me in the
dining room and we'll drown. Our differences and tasting the
punch, which between you and me is likely to be the best part of
tonight's function for. I made it myself, though.
If Tom harkaway is in the audience and best follows out
her plan of having the flowing Bowl within reach all the
evening, I'm afraid it'll need an understudy along about 9:00.

(46:00):
He said Dry fellow that harkawayexit Perkins, dragging yards Lie
by the arm Barlow calling after them, don't you touch it.
Bob Bob, it's potent stuff. One glass might postpone the
performance yards away from behind the scenes, never fear
for me. My boy, I've got a head, I have
well don't get another turning to mrs.

(46:23):
Perkins. Suppose we use that scene where
I acquaint you with Cubs real position in life.
Very well. I'm ready, I'm to sit here.
Am I not seats herself by table?Another comment here.
Begins old lady yelling. I'm glad to find you alone.
So I have that to say, won't yoube seated, mr.
Featherhead. It was such a delightful

(46:44):
surprise to see you at The Duchess of barn castles.
Last evening, I had supposed youstill in Ireland Barlow.
Aside good. She little thinks I've just
returned from Australia. Why I have at last discovered,
the identity of the real old of putting food As well as that of
these bogus model ton who by hisnefarious crime as deprived and

(47:05):
recalled with his petrol money of his title.
I even his name She little, what's that?
This this Adventurer. I was so strongly interested,
her by his new Pathak, mrs. Perkins interrupting hypnotic
mr. Barlow, what did I say?
'No Pathak. Oh, a stupid of me.
I'll begin again, mrs. Perkins desperately.

(47:28):
Hope Ray. Don't go on from where you left
off. That's a fearfully long aside
anyhow. And I go nearly crazy every time
you say it, I don't know what todo with myself.
It's easy enough for me. Mr. Yardley to say occupy
yourself somehow. But what I want to know is how I
can't look inquiringly at you all that time.

(47:50):
Waiting for you to say Ireland. Oh yes.
Yes, just over from Dublin. I can't lean against the
mantelpiece and gaze into the fire because the mantelpiece is
only canvas and would fall down.If I did, it's a longer side.
Mrs. Perkins. But it's awfully important.
I don't see how we can cut it down.
It's really the turning point ofthe play.

(48:11):
In which are revealed the true State of Affairs, to the
audience mrs. Perkins, with a sigh, I suppose.
That's true. I'll have to stand it, but can't
I be doing some sewing? Certainly no you're the daughter
of a I never. So you might be playing a piano
but there's only room on the stage for that and besides it
would interfere with my side which needs a hash to be made

(48:34):
impressive. Where did I leave off hypnotic
power? Oh yes, resumes rehearsing.
She little, what's that? This this Adventurer.
I was so strangely interested her with his hypnotic Powers is
the man who 20 years ago, forgedher father's name to the title,
Deeds of burning Tintin, drove him to ruin and subsequently

(48:56):
through a lightness. So like us to bewilder a confuse
even a mother's eyes as false. The rightful owner of putting
food out into a cruel world to live and starve as Henry.
Cobb Bell. Ah I fancy the Bradley's are
here at last. I Hope Edward knows.
His part enter yards Lee. You've come and we can begin at
last enter Perkins. Miss Andrews and mr.

(49:20):
And mrs. Bradley take off your things,
Emma. Let me take your cloak.
Dorothy does Edward feel equal. He says, so knows it word for
word. He says, do I've been so busy
with my own, they go out talkingwell-bred.
How goes it? Do your part like a book bunny
pot to glad you like it? It can't help liking it.

(49:42):
It's immense particularly where I acquaint.
The heroin with the villainy that you well I enter.
Mrs. Bradley Miss Andrews and mrs.
Perkins mrs. Perkins to Bradley so glad
you're going to play with us. So am I it's a great pleasure
felt rather out in the cold until but also bright you don't

(50:06):
only do mrs. Bradley, good afternoon, Miss
Andrews. We also Going to be here now.
So let's begin or half an hour late already.
I'm ready. But I won't say, never mind what
you want. Jack, we haven't time for any
more talking. It'll take us an hour and a half
and we've got to hustle all off stage now, except mrs.
Perkins, I'll go out. Yard SLI, Rings Bell.

(50:28):
Hi Perkins. That's your cue.
What for? Oh, hang it.
Raise the curtain. Will you with pleasure as I
understand this thing, one belt signifies has raised curtain
when Curtains Down drop curtain winter.
In is up exactly, you know, yourpart anyhow if you remember not
to monkey with the curtain except when the bell rings and
then change its condition, no matter what it may be.

(50:51):
You can't go wrong now, begin Bell, Perkins raises curtain.
Now of course I'm not supposed to be on the stage but I'll stay
here and prompt you Enter lady, Ellen, come along, mrs.
Perkins, please begin. I thought we decided that I was
to be sitting here when the curtain went up.
So we did. I had forgotten that will begin

(51:12):
all over again. Perkins.
Drop that curtain Perkins? What?
Drop the curtain? Where's the bell?
I didn't hear any bells ring. Oh never mind the Bell.
Let her down. I beg you pardon, but I
positively refused. I believe in doing things,
right? I'm not going to Monkey ring
that Bell and down. She comes otherwise You're very
tiresome. This afternoon Thaddeus.

(51:34):
Mrs. Perkins will go ahead without dropping the curtain.
Now take your place mrs. Perkins seats, herself by table,
picks up a book and begins to read.
Mrs. Perkins after an interval throwing book down with a sigh.
Hey y'all. I cannot seem to concentrate my
mind upon anything tonight. I wonder why it is that once a

(51:56):
woman gives her heart into another's, keeping Bell Rings
Perkins, let's curtain drop. What the deuce?
Did you drop the curtain for Thaddeus?
The bell rang, didn't it? Yes.
You idiot what? That's supposed to be the front
doorbell lady amaranth is about to arrive.
Well how was I to know, Your instructions to me were
positive. Don't monkey with Kurt until

(52:18):
bell rings. When Bell Rings.
If down, pull her up, if up pullher down, I'm not a connoisseur
on bells. You might pay attention to the
play. Now, look here.
Bob, I don't want to quarrel with you, but it seems to me
that I've got enough to do without paying attention to your
part of the show. What am I first place host?
Second place head Usher, third place, curtain manager, fourth

(52:40):
place, fire department. Fifth place.
Best says if children holler go up and see what's the Other
other words nurse and on top of this, you say, keep an eye on
the play. You must think I have as many
eyes as a president's message. Oh, dear Teddy, do behave.
It's simple enough, simple enough.
Oh, I like that. Oh my to tell one Bell from

(53:01):
another, if yards later I lie, Isuppose if the clock strikes,
ten you'll see saw the curtain up and down ten times once for
each stroke, a Bradley poking his head in at the door.
What's the matter in here? Emma's been waiting for a cue
like 100 yards Runner before thepistol.
What's the usual trouble with yards lie?

(53:22):
He wants me to chaperone the universe.
It's the usual route with you. You never want to do anything
straight. You seem to think the curtains
an elevator and you're the boy, yanking it up and down at your
pleasure and oh, please don't quarrel.
Can't you see? Ted.
It's growing late will never have the play rehearsed.
And it's barely three hours now before the audience will arrive

(53:45):
very well. I'll give in only I think you
want to have different Bells. I'll have a trolley car gone for
you. If it'll only make you do your
work properly, have you got a bicycle Bell?
Yes, that will do nicely for thecurtain and the desk push button
Bell will do for the front doorbell.
Have you got that in your mind? Teddy?
Dear. I feel as if I had the whole

(54:06):
bicycle in my mind, I can feel the Wheels bike for curtain.
Push for front door. It's all right.
I wouldn't mind pushing for the front door myself already.
All right in the absence of the bicycle Bell.
Albeit understudy for once, but ring raises curtain.
Now, mrs. Perkins, begin with, I wonder
why mrs. Perkins rehearsing.

(54:28):
I wonder why it is. That once a woman gives her
heart into another's, keeping Bell the Bell.
It must be. He at last.
He is late this evening. Enter Miss Andrews is made with
card on. Ray laddie amaranth, Melody, why
do you miss Andrews Lighty? Not Letty lady.

(54:48):
Amaranth Milady and please be consistent with your dialect.
If it's leidy amaranth, it slighty Ellen.
Lady amaranth Milady what Liddy amaranth.
She know dear excuse me. Mrs. Perkins but you are not the
maid and caught me isn't required of you.
You must not say, lighting. Lady is mrs.

(55:10):
Perkins. Reside in lie.
What lady amaranth she what can she want?
Show her up, exit. Miss Andrews.
That's a first-class expression for an adventurous shoulder up
ahead. She ought to be shown up.
What can she want? Enter mrs.
Bradley my dear lady. Ellen.
What do you like to find you at home?

(55:31):
Aside? He is not here and yet I could
have sworn to. What am I to attribute this
pleasure lady amaranth? I do not presume to think that
you have come here. Here, without some other motive
than that of a mere desire to see me.
I do not suppose that even you pretend that since that Contra
Tom of Tuesday night at The Duchess of barn, castles are

(55:53):
former feeling Ellen. I've come to tell you something
to save you from a vial conspiracy.
I am quite well, able lady amaranth to manage my own
Affairs, but you do not know youlove.
Lord Bolton. Mrs. Perkins toying with her
fan. Oh, indeed.
And Prey has taken you into my confidence.

(56:13):
I was not aware, hear me Ellen, excuse me, lady amaranth.
But you have forgotten that it is only to my friends that I am
known as then Lady Ella, if it must be.
So I know what you do not but Henry Cobb is an escaped convict
convict, not Convent. Is that escaped convict and I am

(56:34):
not interested in Henry Cobb, but he's in you Ellen,
Abercrombie, he's in you. And with the aid of Defenders in
featherhead, Bell, Perkins, let's curtain drop halfway.
But remembers in time and pulls it up again beg.
Pardon string slipped too late. Oh, if he had only waited enter
Miss Andrews, mr. Feather, head Letty, a l'm

(56:58):
Ellen, Ellen and yd, not Letty. You me first.
I beg show him in marry Lady amaranth.
As you see. I am engaged.
I really must be excused. Good night.
Mrs. Bradley aside, soiled, molten will be exposed.
If I could have only broken the force of the blow allowed lady

(57:20):
Allen, I will speak feddersen featherhead, enter Bradley and
Barlow together. Both is, he lady each tries to
motion the other off the stage, what the deuce does this mean,
what do you think this play is an Uncle Tom combination for to
Topsy's. I told him to keep at but I said

(57:42):
that Fenderson feather. Ed was his cue Bradley
indignantly. Well, so it is this the book.
Oh, nonsense prayer. Don't be idiotic.
The book doesn't say anything ofthe sort but I say it does.
If you it's all right, for you to behave like this Bradley,
isn't it time? Something happened to the
curtain? The audience will get panicky if
they witness any such lack of Harmony as this.

(58:04):
I will draw they'll over the painful scene but it drops
curtain raises it Again, we won't dispute the matter Bradley
you are wrong, and that's all there is about it.
Now, do get off the stage. I'd let us go ahead Perkins For
Heaven's Sake. Give that curtain a rest, will
you? I was only having a dress
rehearsal on my own account. Bob bike Bell curtain.

(58:26):
Push Bell front door trolley Kong nothing.
Well, if you fellows won't yards, Lee taking him by the arm
and walking him, to side of stage.
Never mind bread. You've made a mistake.
That's all we all make mistakes.X at X get off like a good
fellow and don't come on for 10 minutes yet.
Exit Bradley scratching his headand puzzled meditation.

(58:49):
Go ahead now Barlow, but Mr. Yardley Edward has, will begin
with your cue Henderson featherhead.
Isaiah lady amaranth. But no, no, your word isn't, but
mrs. Bradley.
It's Consulting book. It's insolent.
You will cross my path once too often and then enter Bradley.

(59:11):
I know that. But you don't say that to him.
Of course. Now she says it to me, well, of
all the stupidity. Another unseemly, freakiest,
another Veil Ballroom traps curtain there may be a hitch in
the play but there won't be in this curtain.
I'll tell you that right now buther raises curtain?
Well, I don't pretend to understand the difficulty.

(59:31):
She certainly does say that to featherhead.
Of course, he's right there in the book.
That's exactly what I say. It's in the book but you would
come on. Well, why?
Didn't I enter Miss Andrews, what seems to be the trouble?
I give it up, Collision, somewhere up, the road yards
later, turning over the leaves of the Playbook.

(59:51):
Oh, I see the trouble. It's all right.
Bradley is mixed up a little. That's all Fenderson featherhead
is his cue but it comes later bread.
Later glances and book. Wow.
No, it comes now. Are you blind?
Can you read see their points into book?
Know you keep Still Jack. I'll fix it.

(01:00:13):
See here Bradley. This is the place you were
thinking. Of when Cobb says the lady,
Ellen Fenderson featherhead, youenter the room and in an
herbicide. You mutter?
What? He does, he again dare to cross
my path. That's the way of it.
Certainly, I see bread now, get off and let me go on will ya.
I'm sure it's a Perfectly Natural error.

(01:00:34):
Mr. Bradley. He's right my dear boss.
The others are wrong. Edward doesn't, I don't care
anything about it but I'm sure Idon't know what else to do.
If I am to play Fenderson Barlowand amazement you yards Later,
cast Henderson. Why all that's lovely.
What part of you learned? The one you told me to learning
your message featherhead, of course, but last my paw of

(01:00:58):
course, it is mr. Bradley, mr.
Barlow is to be, but that's whatever was told I saw the
message myself yards lay sinkinginto a A chair dejectedly.
What? Ed Bradley?
I never mentioned featherhead. You were to be model.
Sun' me what? Certainly, there's nothing the
matter with Barlow and he's castfor featherhead.

(01:01:20):
You've learned the wrong part. Bradley searching his pockets.
Here's a telegram, there takes message from pocket read that
there are my instructions yard slick, grasps Telegram and
reads. It drops it to floor.
Well, I'll be Triggered. There is his face in his hands.

(01:01:41):
Mrs. Perkins picking up message and reading aloud, can you take
Fender sins part in tonight's show, answer at once yards lie?
Well, that's a nice mess. You must have paresis bulb.
I was afraid he'd get it sooner or later.
You need exercise yards Lee. Go pull that curtain up and down
a half a dozen times and it'll do you good that telegram?

(01:02:04):
Lets me out. I should say.
So that's as all out. It seems to me but I wrote
Henderson, not Fenderson that. Jackass of a telegraph operator
is responsible for it all. Will you take Henderson's part
is what I wrote and he's gone and got it Fenderson confound
his but what are we going to do it's 6:15 now in the curtain is

(01:02:27):
to rise at 8:30 I'll give them my unequaled imitation of Sandow
lifting the curtain with one hand thus raises curtain with
right hand. For goodness sake, man.
Serious. There are 75 people coming here
to see this performance and theypaid for their tickets.
It's perfectly awful. We can't do it at all unless mr.

(01:02:47):
Bradley will go right upstairs now and learn, oh, that's
impossible. He's learned to nearly 300 lines
today already, mr. Barlow might, I couldn't think
of it, mrs. Bradley, I've got as much as I
can do. Remembering what lines?
I have learned would take you a week to forget your old part
completely enough to do the other.
Well, you'd be playing both parts the way Irving.
Does when he's irritated before you knew it.

(01:03:09):
I'm sure. I don't know what to do.
Give it up. Hey, what are you stage manager
for if I didn't own the house, I'd suggest setting it on fire,
but I do and it isn't fully insured.
Perhaps Miss Andrews in mr. Yardley could do their little
scene from Romeo and Juliet justthe thing.
But, I am at a suitable costume.I'll lend you, my golf trousers,
and Bess has an old Shirtwaist. You could wear with them piece

(01:03:32):
it out a little so that you could get into it.
And hang the baby's toy sword atyour side and carry his fireman.
Under your arm and you make a Dandy looking Romeo.
Some people might think you werea new woman but if somebody were
to announce to the audience thatyou were not that but the
honorable are Montague Esquire, it would be.
All right? And exceedingly amusing.
I'll do the announcing with the greatest of pleasure, really?

(01:03:54):
Think I'd enjoy it. I think it would be much better
to get up. Mrs. Charlie's waxworks.
Oh dear Miss Andrews. Never, this is Charlie awakens
too many bitter memories in me. I was mrs.
Charlie once and It must have been awful if there's anything
in life. That could be more horrible than
you with your peculiar style of humor trying to do Charlie I.

(01:04:16):
Well, what's the odds? What we do only amateurs, anyhow
yards, leak and put on a pair oftight boots, and give us an
imitation of Irving or perhaps an imitation of the Roman army
at the Battle of Philippi and the audience wouldn't care as
long as they had a good supper afterwards.
It all rests with Martinelli. Whether it's a go tonight, If he
doesn't spoil the supper, it'll be all right.

(01:04:37):
I have observed that the principal factors of the success
at amateur Dramatics are an expert manipulation of the
curtain and a first-class feed to put the audience in a good
humor afterwards. Even if Martinelli does go back
on us, you'll have me with the curtain.
Daddy is by jove, that's a good idea.
We have got you, you can read Henderson's part.

(01:04:57):
What I suddenly just the very thing Splendid idea.
Oh, but I say I can't you know nonsense II can't read.
I've often suspected that you couldn't my dear, that he is but
this time you must put the garden, the baby's, the, the
audience, the ushing, the fire department, it's too much, I am

(01:05:18):
not an octopus Barlow, taking him by the arm and pushing him
into chair you Tolga, a be Ted. Yeah read up there, take my book
thrust Playbook into his hand, he's mine too that he's read
them both at once and Then you'll have gone over it twice.
Throws his book into perkins's lap.

(01:05:38):
I tell you just this once Teddy please for me you owe it to your
position Perkins. You are the only man here that
knows anything about anything. You frequently said, so you were
doing it all anyhow, you know, and you are host.
The audience are your guests andyou're so clever, and but enter
Genie. Supper is served ma'am exit.

(01:06:01):
Good perk. I'll be your understudy at
dinner while you are studying. You know, ladies and gentlemen,
kindly imagine that I am host that Perkins does not exist.
Come along. This is Bradley.
Miss Andrews. Will you take my other arm?
I'll escort lady amaranth in themade out.
We'll leave the to featherheads to fight it out for the lady.
Ellen by by Thaddeus. Don't shirk, I'll come in after

(01:06:22):
the salad course in here. You and if you don't know your
lesson I'll send you to bed without your supper.
I'll go out leaving. Perkins alone, Perkins forcing a
laugh. Good joke.
Confound your eyes very well I'll do it whole thing.
A curtain babies audience host. Alright, my Noble thespians.

(01:06:43):
Wait shakes fist at the door. I will do the whole thing.
Wait until they ring you up old curtain up, you will go.
But then then will I come forth and read that book from start to
finish and if any one of them French has to interfere, I'll
drop the on their most treasuredlines.
They Little Dream how much they are in the power of you and me

(01:07:03):
Entergy Mrs. Perkins says, aren't you coming to dinner,
sir? I'm mr.
Yardley says the soup is gettingcold sir, in a minute, Jenny
tell mrs. Perkins, I am just learning the
last 10 lines of the third act and as for mr.
Yardley kindly insinuate to him that he'll find the soup.
Quite hot enough at 8:30 exit Janie.
Perkins sits down. And taking up two books of the

(01:07:27):
play. One in each hand, begins to read
curtain and of the Fatal message.
Zh. Answering the phone by Elizabeth
guptill, one-act Play Collection9.

(01:07:47):
This is a LibriVox recording allLibriVox recordings are in the
public domain for more information or to volunteer,
please visit librivox.org answering the phone, a farce, by
Elizabeth capital, Characters. Mrs. Courtney read by Sonia, Ms.

(01:08:10):
Elenora Courtney. Read.
By Gabby, Nora Flanagan. Read by K hand.
Narrated by Ava. Scene 1.
The living room of the Courtney home mrs.
Courtney dressed ready for the street.
She gives finishing touches to her toilet before the mirror

(01:08:33):
then steps to side door. If anyone calls while I am gone,
Nora say I am out. Make hot biscuits, 40 and open a
jar of strawberries. Be sure to answer the phone.
The last girl I had didn't know what a telephone was and ignored
it all the afternoon. It made me a lot of trouble.

(01:08:54):
And I had to let her go. I will leave the door open so
you can hear it. Nora without I'll answer it mem
to be sure very well, I'll be back before teatime but don't
tell any color. So just say I'm out if they ask
when I return you don't know faith.

(01:09:15):
And I do then before at a time Imean you must tell them you
don't know. Remember now and be sure to
answer the phone. Exit mrs.
Courtney, by other side door in a minute.
Nora appears from the kitchen looks toward that door.
Sure. And she didn't leave the outside

(01:09:36):
door open, so it must be this der she was after meinen.
So the last girl didn't know what a telephone was.
Did she? Well, Sora bit more?
Do I, but I'll answer it. If it shakes to me, civil, like,
it must be in this room for thiswas the Der she lifts open now.
Now, is it a Polly Parrot or what is it be?

(01:09:57):
Glorious nor Flanagan, that don't know at all, at all come
Tillie, Tillie, Tillie come showyourself and let me hear the
voice of is Where in the world do, shh, keep yourself.
Calm phony. Phony, phony come.
That's a good based. She has been looking everywhere.

(01:10:18):
She now seats herself stay wherehe is our.
Then band says, two years, an eight and an tree is if he has
don't spake that sure. Phone rings, Nora jumps with a
little scream. Sure.
And I never heard the durable sound is near as that exit comes

(01:10:40):
back. Muttering band says to them, by
size are wrapping in a ring and then when you go to the door, no
one bees there at all at all. Phone rings.
Again, no runs out, but comes back to put her head through the
doorway faith. And I'll watch from this time
and catch the Crassus exhibit. Nora phone rings again, Nora

(01:11:06):
enters and seats herself. Sure that's a queer thing.
That wasn't the durable at all at all.
I thought it sounded in this room, but there's no Bell here
at all at all, if this house is haunted, it's me.
Self that won't stay a night in a place.
I don't work, where there's witches nor ghosts that's flat

(01:11:27):
buildings again. Nora looks at phone.
Sure. And I believe, is that little
box that's making all the noise.Perhaps that's the phone now,
but how can I answer it? There is no dirt to open Bell
Rings again. Shut up.
You sassy box? I ain't going to answer.
Yes. Bell Rings again.

(01:11:49):
Well ting-a-ling-a-ling 'then does that sutures in term is
Courtney dressed for the street?Why Nora didn't you hear the
phone? You should answer it when we're
not here. Sure.
And I did answer it. Who was it?
Who was it? The old Harry himself.
I believe he kept a ring and a ring and but never a word.

(01:12:12):
Did he say that's queer buildings again?
Courtney goes to phone Nora. What she's curiously?
Hello. Yes, that's too bad.
Something wrong with the line. Maybe the girl said she answered

(01:12:34):
I'm sorry, but I'm just going out and I must go the other way.
Tell her I'll run in tomorrow. Yes, goodbye.
Hangs up receiver. Now, if it rings again, Nora
answer it. I'll be back to tea, but don't
say so to. Anyone don't know, just say I'm

(01:12:54):
out and that you'll give any message.
I will do that. Same, Miss Courtney goes out.
So that box is the telephone, isit?
Where things are having a marquee little rooms that goes
up or down with his Pioneers, that play themselves, trumpets
that sing at churches, and boxes, that talk to use

(01:13:16):
buildings. There goes the thing again.
Well she put this to her ear andtalked through this.
Hello. Its me self.
Sure and it isn't. It's number 12, Maple Avenue
mrs. Courtney's house.
Yes, I'm the girl Nora Flanagan.No, she's not at home.

(01:13:39):
She's gone out and the young lady too.
Sure, and she said she would be home at a time.
Oh, but Gora, she said, I wasn'tto know when she'd be home.
I'll give her a message. If he is, like, Who did you say?
Oh, yes, mrs. Donahue, no.
Oh mrs. Van Houten.

(01:14:00):
Is that, right? Yes, I'll tell her.
You is hollered through the little box but I'll not tell you
he is called for years. Didn't I never set eyes on.
Yes, I can lie if I must for my mistress but I shan't lie to
her. Yes, good.
Bye to Yeezus hangs up receiver.Sure.
And I do that in fine style, it's Nora Flanagan can learn the

(01:14:24):
Yankee ways. Now.
Where was that woman? I wonder.
And how did I hear the voice ever?
So plain, it's witchcraft. I do believe, sure.
And I'll ask the price next timeI go to confession, if it's all
right, for a good girl to Middlewith if not I shan't answer the
crate there any more buildings. There it goes again.

(01:14:46):
Takes down receiver. Hello?
Yes it's Nora. Sure no, there's no one else
here. Sure, it's a good hand.
Use our A-Courtin. But how do you guys know how
pretty I am? Yes, of course, it's Nora.
Odd. Yes.
Maybe use own sounds odd to. Yes, I caught it.

(01:15:09):
But I don't care to have me earskissed.
Do I now? Well, I'm not sure.
Yes, I'll tell you is tonight ifshe's come the theater.
Sure. I will that same.
And a little supper. Did you say afterwards?
I'll be there. No, it's no freak.
It's the right voice of me. Yes, I do thin a little Well

(01:15:34):
goodbye. Then me dear.
Yes at eight. Goodbye.
Hangs up receiver. So I think I've got me a bow so
soon and I never set eyes on him.
Now either Reginald it's a pretty name that is when did he
see me? I wonder pre means before glass.
Well there's lots of Yankee girls, not so good-looking his

(01:15:55):
nor Flanagan. I must hurry up the tag and be
ready with me. Young men gets here but Dad I'll
be guessing. He's the policeman that told me
the way. Here he was a fine-looking man
to be sure and Irish by his lookand brogue, but not by the name
of him Reginald, real fine. It sounds Exit into kitchen.

(01:16:17):
Curtain. Scene 2.
Same setting is before mrs. Courtney and Miss Courtney just
being let in by Nora. And did anyone call for me while
I was out Nora? No ma'am, a mrs.
Donahue hollered through the telephone and wanted me to say
she called but she never came near the door at all at all.

(01:16:39):
She didn't seem to want nothing but to know what number this was
and what my name was rather sassy she was I thought mrs.
Donahue I don't know any mr. Sistani.
You sure and I thought she didn't know.
Yes, all the time. Ma'am.
She just wanted to holler through the little bell.
Box is T ready. It is.

(01:16:59):
Mmmm and did anyone call for me at the door or the phone?
Never a soul mess to mrs. Courtney.
Please ma'am. May I have my evening out
tonight instead of tomorrow. Why?
I don't know why it's invited out.
I am by me young man. Ma'am.

(01:17:19):
But you told me you had no followers, no more.
I did then but I have one now. He called me on the phone and I
said, I'd go. I must ma'am.
If I lose me place, what does hedo?
Nora, he's a policeman. I believe, ma'am.
And he has sweet way of making love over the phone.
Sure. And I didn't know you guys could

(01:17:40):
kiss through those little boxes.Oh, but where is he going to
take you Nora to the theater in a bit of supper afterwards, miss
me. Man, go ma'am.
But who is he, Nora? Meebo ma'am.
What is his name? I mean his Christian name is
Reginald, mem his last name. I forget.

(01:18:02):
Exactly, ma'am. Miss Courtney.
Suspiciously are you sure it was, you he called.
And who else should it be? He called me Nora to Darlington
made love over the phone in great shape.
Sure. And he's to get his answer
tonight. So I must go mom.
It was Reagan out, he always calls me Nora, is that his name?

(01:18:25):
It's Eleonora well, it's meself that don't want years ago, but
neither Kenya's have mine. I'll tell you is what I'll do.
We'll both be ready at 8:00 and be dad.
He can choose between Justice. Do you mean to say Eleonora that
he would dare quote, you over the phone?
Well, he might see Nora, I'll show you my Reagan olds picture

(01:18:47):
and if that's the one that It comes bring him in and call me
if not, you may have him. Is that fair chose photo?
Sure enough. That's the menus can have him
and welcome. It's no City dude.
Like that, that nor Flanagan wants, but be Dad.
If it is him, you just have to say yes or no this night.
For, I promised him through the little phone that she's would.

(01:19:11):
Good luck to you Smith and good luck to me, too.
If I've made a mr. Rago this time.
Maybe the little bell box will bring me a good eye.
Irish bow yet come out to 10 a and then B dad.
We'll both get ready for our bows and good luck to the both
of us. Sure.
And it's great. Fun answering the phone anyhow.
She goes out followed by the others.

(01:19:34):
End of answering the phone by Elizabeth guptill.
A tuned by Alice, gersten Berg, one-act play collection 9.
This is a LibriVox recording allLibriVox.
Recordings are in the public domain for more information or

(01:19:56):
to volunteer, please visit librivox.org.
Attuned. Character.
Grace read by Michel. Eaten voice, read by Chuck
Williamson narration. Read by James Curran, Seen

(01:20:22):
Grace's room Grace in the negligee of soft.
Blue, it discovered at her writing-table down, left busily
writing. The room is dark save for the
lamp on the table. Grace reading, what she has
written. My dear, dear Tom, dear beloved

(01:20:42):
husband, that's three days but Icould write thousands one for
every mile that separates us. Are you cold this chill Autumn
night? Are you in a front trench
tonight? She Rises to get his photograph
to look at it, long and earnestly as if expecting the
photograph to speak. Where are you tonight?

(01:21:05):
Dear, can't, you tell me I feel so alone without you and yet,
sometimes at night, before I go to sleep, I feel as if I could
put my hand out and touch you, the power of our love carries
across land and sea. I love you.
Tom with a love as Limitless as the sky of Heaven.

(01:21:26):
Our love has been like the magnet and the needle, and our
Harmony complete, she walks about if I listened very quietly
and think of you way over there fighting in danger, but Brave.
I feel sometimes, as if I reallyheard you talking to me, as if
by mental Wireless, if two instruments can be so attuned to

(01:21:50):
transmit messages, through space, surely Two, Souls could
be as powerful. Yes, it must be.
So she goes back to the letter and rates.
You must have been thinking of me all day, or rather, what is
my day was your last night. It is day with you now, all your

(01:22:12):
night. Then you have thought of me or
my day. I have felt your eyes.
Following me. Sending me.
Beautiful. Thoughts of love?
I found myself. Smiling.
Mother asked me what about I couldn't tell.
I really didn't know but of course it must have been your

(01:22:32):
love like rays of sunshine. Blessing me?
Why did you think of me all lastnight you stopped writing and
asks, demanding lie? Tom, why did you think of me all
last night? She Rises Answer me, we were
Centre on duty. Not allowed to sleep.

(01:22:56):
Do you have to think of me to keep yourself awake?
Can't you hear me? Ask you that question?
Answer me. He does not answer.
He is not thinking of me. She is disappointed and begins
to puzzle out the answer for herself.
Were you wounded or perhaps in pain or use afraid of her?

(01:23:16):
Next thought? What did they tell you?
You were to go over the top today.
No, no. I must not imagine things.
I must keep myself, calm, and wise and brave.
She goes back to her writing. I'm not the only one missing my
beloved. There are thousands of others
missing. There's I should have had a

(01:23:37):
letter from you today. Your last special delivery
letter, woke, the whole household up at midnight, which
is so strange to be living at home again when I think of our
little apartment and how happy we were.
It goes on writing while she's writing a part of the backdrop
opens revealing Tom in uniform in a distant Battlefield.

(01:24:02):
There is the sound of distant rumbling of artillery, and all
the noise of the battle intensified by Red flashes.
Flare, lights, smoke, and so forth.
I'm pantomimes a charge forward and Falls mortally wounded.
The backdrop closes silently. Grace has neither seen nor heard
the action at back. And now, she starts up staring

(01:24:25):
straight ahead with horror stricken eyes and shrieks.
So it's home. He's dead.
Pew, V at the idea. No, no it's not true.
Not so soon. He's only been over a few
months. You couldn't take him from me so

(01:24:46):
soon you have no right to take him so soon.
What do I care? What they're fighting for over
there. They've no right to come into my
house and robbed me of all that life was worth living.
For the sacrifice asked of me istoo great.
We have taken my husband from me, but I defy, you, I defy the

(01:25:07):
Injustice of it. She begins to wilt.
It is true. I know it'd be cool to me.
He's dead. Well, Tom, you were so young and
strong. I am so young.
There will be so many years for me to miss.
You never to see you again. So many years for me alone.

(01:25:31):
Oh, the long bitten Heights. Endless days.
I shall never be happy again. I shall Never Smile Again.
The light has left my life forever.
A mystical light appears and slowly Grace becomes conscience
of a presence. Grace.

(01:25:51):
Very slowly comes to a realization of her feelings and
Whispers in an odd voice. Tom.
No. Dear, I'm not afraid if it's
really you how can it be true? They're not really gone forever.
What? Dear, I can't understand what
you were trying to tell me. Yes, I'll listen but I can't

(01:26:14):
help the beating of my heart. I'll try to be calm and very
still I suppose it is simple. If one understands I can't
understand you very well. I see a strange light, I feel
your personality. It's just so strange not to be
able to touch you. Yes, I'll come closer.

(01:26:39):
I'm not afraid. It's wonderful to know that you
are near. Oh, I wish I were dead too.
It would be so much easier for both of us.
This is not my time yet. How long must I wait.
There are reasons why I should stay on Earth and suffer.
It is part of the Great scheme for the progress of my soul.

(01:27:03):
I shall Weep the rest of my life, but I cannot help weeping.
You are dead on a battlefield. Thousands of miles away.
Yes, I know. So I miss your arms about me.
What could be greater than the love of your spirits?
Guiding me. Yes, that's true.
The soul has Bridge time and distance and come straight.

(01:27:27):
To me. It's I shall weep for the warmth
of your arms. And for the deer body.
So cold on the back of field. He starts.
Did you say it was a joke? What is a joke, Divine, jest

(01:27:47):
that all the fire and steel of War cannot really kill that war.
Cannot kill the soul Rises. Triumphant, everybody weeps for
your loss. And you aren't lost.
The soul is deathless and eternal but if War does not
kill, why do we have War? To what?

(01:28:10):
I didn't understand you. Oh it's only a game to test
souls to evolve, great principles, you don't mind
having given up your body for them.
They count so much in the great answer.
But it is hard to be patient. I can't help crying.
Why is it selfish and cruel to you?

(01:28:30):
If I cry, my crying is a magnet of sadness that weighs upon you
and hold you back. But why do you want to leave me?
It's a fascinating country therewith amazingly interesting
things. No, you didn't say things.
I don't understand your languagelike what?

(01:28:52):
Oh yes, revealed truths and beautiful thoughts, and and
marvelous Minds to teach you. But if I try to smile and be
happy and not keep you by makingyou sad, will you promise to
wait, there for me? Will you help me through when it
is my time to come? There is a wonderful garden

(01:29:13):
Beyond with flowers, like blossoms of knowledge, oh, death
then must be very 00 death. Then must be very beautiful.
Yes, dear, I am listening. I shall be very lonely but I
understand and my heart is at peace.

(01:29:39):
Your love has spoken to me. Your love is the voice of your
soul in eternity. I shall be brave Tom.
I shall not weep. I shall let you go ahead a
little Yes, dear goodbye. Not goodbye.
Then just good night. The late vanishes, there is a

(01:30:02):
loud knocking at the door. A man's voice offstage down left
called Grace. Yes, Father.
He goes to the door. Quickly.
Opens it receives a letter. Another special delivery from
Tom, I guess. They always get me out of bed

(01:30:26):
and I'm so sleepy. Grace closes door tears, let her
open and reads. Tomorrow we go to the front
again. I feel it is my last day in the
trenches. Perhaps, by the time you receive
this, it will be over. But I am convinced that the soul

(01:30:46):
survives, the destruction of thebody.
And if it does, I shall come straight to you.
Curtain end other tuned. The dance of death by Gustave

(01:31:07):
Flaubert. One act play collection 9.
This is a LibriVox recording allLibriVox recordings are in the
please visit librivox.org. Narrated by Michelle eaten

(01:31:27):
death, read by Tony. Addison, Satan, read by Sonia
Nero, read by John burlinson. The dance of death.
Many words for few things, deathends all judgment comes to all.

(01:31:52):
Death speaks. Night in winter when the
snowflakes ports Foley from heaven, like, great white tears.
I raised my voice, its resonance, Thrills, the cypress
trees and mix them Bud anew. I pause an instant in my script

(01:32:13):
course, over Earth. Throw myself down a monk old
tombs and wild, dog. Plumage, Birds rise suddenly
interrupt on my side, while the dead Slumbers peacefully while
Cyprus, branches droop. Blow my head while all around
me. Weep so lies in get proposed.

(01:32:36):
My burning eyes. Rust on the great white.
Cloud gigantic winding sheets unrolling, the slow land across
the face of Heaven. How many nights and years and
ages? Have I journeyed?

(01:32:57):
Thus A witness of the universal birth and of a like Decay
innumerable other Generations. I have garnered with my side
like God, I am Eternal the nurseof Earth.
I cradle it each night upon a bed, both soft and warm The same

(01:33:23):
recurring, Feast the same unending toiled each morning.
I depart each evening. I returned bearing within my
mantles, ample folds, all that my side has gathered.
And I scatter them to the Four Winds of Heaven.

(01:33:48):
When the high Billows rum, when the heavens weep, and shrieking,
winds lash ocean into madness them in the turmoil and the
tumult do I fling myself upon the surging waves and Loeb The
Tempest. Softly cradles me as in her.

(01:34:09):
I'm a suite of Queen. The foaming Waters, cool.
My weary feet burning from bathing and the falling tears.
Have countless Generations that have clung to them in vain
Endeavor to arrest my steps. Then when the storm has ceased

(01:34:33):
after its role has, come me likea lullaby.
I bow my head. the Huracan raging in theory but a moment
earlier dies instantly, no longer does it live but neither
do the men, the ship's, the neighbors that lately, sailed
upon the bosom of the waters, Made all that I have seen and

(01:34:57):
known peoples and Thrones loves glorious.
Sorrows virtues. What have I ever loved nothing?
Except the mantling Shroud that covers me.
My horse. Yes, my horse.
I love the to how that our luscious tour the world like

(01:35:21):
Hoops of Steel resounding on thehead.
Heads bruised by thy speeding feet.
Thy tail is straight and crisp line eyes dot Flames.
But main upon thy neck flies in the wind.
As on, WE Dash up on a maddened cost never other weary never do,

(01:35:43):
we rest. Never do we sleep by neighing
portends, War by smoking nostrils, spread a pestilence
that missed like Harbors over Earth.
What am I Arrows? Fly.
Wow, / Turner's, pyramids and Empires trembling crams beneath

(01:36:03):
the Hoops. All men are respecting a adore
thee to invoke, thy favor Pope'soff of the that Triple Crowns
and Kings their scepters people's their Secret Sorrows
poets, their renowned or cringe and kneel before the yet though.

(01:36:25):
Air rushes on over the prostrateforms on Noble Steed.
So gift from heaven, like, tendons are of Iron by head is a
Brahms. Thou canst pursue thy course for
centers, as swiftly, as if borneup by Eagle's Wings and when

(01:36:47):
Once In A Thousand Years resistless hunger, comes by food
is human flesh. Shhhh the I drink men's tears,
my Steed I love thee as pale death alone can love, I have

(01:37:09):
lived so long. How many things I know how many
Mysteries of the universe are Shucks within my breast?
Sometimes after I have held a myriad of darts and up the
crossing or the world on my palehorse have gathered, many lives
awareness, ourselves me and I long to rest, but on my work

(01:37:35):
must go my path. I must pursue it leads through
Infinite Space and all the worlds.
I sweep away men's plans together with their triumphs,
the loves together with their crimes.
That very all. I rammed my winding-sheet right
book. Craving talk just me incessantly

(01:37:56):
as if some Serpent's Tongue continually with him, throw a
backward glance and see the smoke of fiery ruins left behind
the darkness of the night. The agony of the world.
I see the graves that are the work of these.
My hands. I see the background of the past

(01:38:17):
is not Thank goodness. My weary body, heavy Headland
tired feet sink seeking rust. My eyes turned towards a glowing
Horizon. Boundless immense seeming to
grow increasingly in height and depth.
I shall devour it as I have devoured all else.

(01:38:40):
When oh, God, shall I sleep in my turn when wilt thou seist
creating One may I digging my own grave stretch myself out
with in my tomb and Swinging dust upon the World list.
The last breath, the death gasp of expiring nature when that

(01:39:03):
time comes away my darts and shroud, I'll hello, then shall I
free My Horse and he shall grazeupon the grass that grows upon
the pyramids sleep and the Palaces of Emperors drink the
last Of water from the sea and snuff the odor of the last slow
drop of blood by day by night. For the countless ages.

(01:39:28):
He shall roam through Fields Eternal as the fancy takes him
shall leap with one great bound from Atlas to the Himalayas
shall course in his insolent. Pride from Heaven to Earth,
dysport himself by Kara. Coaling in the dust of crumbled
Empires Show speed across the birds of dried-up oceans shall

(01:39:52):
be bound or ruins of enormous. It is inhaled.
The void with swelling, chest, and roll and stretch at ease.
Then happily faithful one where it as I thou finally shalt seek

(01:40:12):
some precipice from which to cast, thyself shalt, Holt
panting, before the mysterious ocean of infinity, and then with
foaming mouth dilated nostrils, and extended neck, turned
towards the horizon Thou shalt as I pray for Eternal sleep for

(01:40:33):
repose. For thy, fiery feet for a bed of
green leaves. What on reclining that guns
closed. I burning eyes forever.
They're waiting motionless upon the brink Thou shalt desire a
power stronger than they soap tokill the at a single blow.

(01:40:54):
Shall pray for Union with the dying storm.
The Faded flower, the shrunken, Cobbs, Thou shalt seek sleep
because it tunnel Life is torture and the tomb is peace.
Why are we here? What Oregon has held us into
this Abyss what Tempest soon shall bare ass away towards the

(01:41:16):
Forgotten planets whence. We came told them my glorious
deed. Thou shalt run by course, I
missed. Please dine ear with the
crunching of the heads. Crushed under thy feet, though,
I course is long but courage long Time.
Has that carried me, but longer time, still must elapse and yet

(01:41:39):
we shall not. Beige Stars.
May be quenched the mountains crumble, the Earth.
Finally, we're away. Its Diamond axis, but we to, we
alone or Immortal for the impossible lips forever.
But today, I can't lie at my feet and Polished.

(01:41:59):
I teeth against the moss-grown tombs for Satan has abandoned me
and a power. Unknown compels me to a bay as
well. Low, the dead seek to rise, from
their graves Satan. I love thee, thou alone canst
comprehend, my Joys, and my deliriums, but more fortunate.

(01:42:24):
Than I thought I worked some daywhen Earth shall be no, more
recline and sleep within the Realms of space but I who have
lived so long I've worked. So ceaselessly with only
virtuous loves and solemn thoughts, I must endure
immortality man has his tomb andGlory.

(01:42:47):
It's Oblivion the day dies into night but I And I am doomed.
A lasting Solitude upon my way strewn with the bones of men and
mocked by ruins. Angels have fellow Angels demons
that Companions of Darkness but I hear only sounds of a clanking

(01:43:08):
side my whistling arrows and my speeding horse, always the echo
of the surging Bellows that sweep over and IND of mankind.
The still complain Dow, the mostfortunate creature under Heaven,

(01:43:28):
the only Splendid great unchangeable Eternal one like
God, who is the only being that equals D the style rapine, who
someday? And I turn shall disappear
Forever After Dow has crushed the universe beneath thy horses
feet, When God's work of creating has seized when the

(01:43:50):
heavens have disappeared and thestars are quenched, when Spirits
rise from their Retreats and wonder in the depth with Sighs
and groans. Then what on picture will
Delight for thee? Then shalt thou, see it on the
Eternal Thrones of heaven and ofHell shall overthrow the planets
stars, and worlds shall lose thystate, in fields of emeralds and

(01:44:12):
diamonds shall make his litter of the Wings.
Torn from Um, the Angels shall cover him with the robe of
righteousness. Died said it shall be brought at
with the stars of the empyrion and then that will destroy it.
After thou Hast annihilated everything, when not remains,
but empty space, like often shattered and down.

(01:44:35):
Arrows broken, then make thyselfa crown of Stone from Heaven's.
Highest mount and cast thyself into the abyss of Oblivion by
form a lasting. Millions.
But Thou shalt die at last because the world must end.
All all Must Die except Satan Immortal more than God.

(01:45:00):
I live to bring chaos into otherworlds but thou Hast not as I
this bestower of Eternal nothingness before the thug
dust, not supper with this death, like cold as I Nee, but I
quiver and the Fierce and unrollXing hearts of molten lava,
which burned doomed, and which even I cannot Escape for thou at

(01:45:25):
least test only to destroy, but I bring birth.
And I give life. I direct Empires and govern the
Affairs of states. And of Hearts, I must be
everywhere. The precious metals flow, the
diamonds glitter, and men's names.
Resounded my command. I whisper in the ears of Women

(01:45:47):
of poets and the Statesman Wordsof Love Of Glory of ambition,
with messalina and narrow at Paris, and that Babyland within
the self. Same moment to I'd well, let a
new island be discovered, I fly to it.
Emn can set foot there though, it be, but the Rock encircled by

(01:46:09):
the sea. I am there in advance of men who
will dispute for its possession.I launched at the same instant
on a courtesans couch and on theperfume beds of Emperors, hatred
and envy pride and Roth, poor from my lips and simultaneous
utterance by night and day. I work while men ate burning.

(01:46:31):
Christians are luxuriate voluptuously in Beth perfumed
with roses. I raised in chariots year to
deep despair or boast a loud in Pride at times, I have belief
that I am bored. The whole world and all that I
have seen took place in Verity. Within my being sometimes, I

(01:46:54):
will re lose my reason and indulge in such mad Follies that
the most worthless of my minionsridicule me while they pity me.
No, creature cares for me. No, where am I?
Loved neither in heaven of whichI am a son, nor yet in Hell,
Where I Am, Lord nor pain earthworm, ND, me a god.

(01:47:17):
Not do I see. But paroxysms of Rage rivers of
blood or Med and Friends. See never shall my eyelids
closed in Slumber. Never my spirit.
Find Repose whilst thou at leastcan stressed.
I had upon the cool green freshness of the Grave.
Yeah, I must ever dwell, a mitigator of palaces must listen

(01:47:39):
to the curses of The Starving orinhaled the stench of crimes
that cry aloud to heaven. God, whom I hate has punished me
indeed, but my soul is greater even than his Roth in one deep
sigh. I could the whole world draw
into my breast where it would burn eternally.
Even as I, when Lord shall die, great, trumpet sound than a

(01:48:05):
great Harmony, shall hover over C and Hill, ah, would that I
could suffer with Humanity, their cries and sobs should
drown, the sound of mine. Innumerable skeletons riding in
chariots Advanced at a rapid Pace with cries of joy and
Triumph they drag broken branches and crowns of Laurel

(01:48:28):
from which the dried in yellow leaves for continually in the
wind and the Dust. Lil a triumphal thrown from
Rome, the Eternal City, her Coliseum, and her capital.
And now two grains of sense thatserved once as a pedestal.
But death has swung his Scythe. The Monuments have fallen behold

(01:48:52):
at their head comes Nero. Pride of my heart the greatest
poet Earth has known. Nero advances in a chariot drawn
by 12 skeleton horses with the scepter in his hand, he strikes
the Bony backs of his steeds, hestands erect his shroud flapping
behind him in billowy folds he turns as if upon a race course

(01:49:18):
his eyes are flaming and he cries loudly click and faster
still until your feet death firefrom the flinty stones and
you're not Fleck, your breasts with phone.
What? Do not have wheels smoke, yet.
Hear you defend a whose sound reached even to ostia the

(01:49:38):
Clapping of hands, the cries of Joy, see how the popular shower
saffron on my head. See how my pathway is already
damp with spray perfume? Like chariot wheels on the
pieces swifter than the wind as I shake for gold and raised.

(01:49:58):
Sir and faster the dust cloud toraise my mental floats, upon the
breeze. Which in my ears sings try on
faster and faster. How could two, the shouts of Joy
listed as having feet in the plaudits of the multitude.

(01:50:20):
Jupiter himself looks down, on us from Heaven faster.
Yay, fastest do Nero's Chariot. Now seems to be drawn by demons
a black cloud of dust and smoke and Valance him in his erratic
course. He crashes into tombs and the
reawakened corpses are crushed, under the wheels of The Chariot,

(01:50:41):
which now turns comes forward and stops.
Now let's 600 of my women Dance.The Grecian Dan Smith silently
before me the while I Leave myself with roses and a bath of
porphyry, but then cycle me withinterlacing arms that I may see

(01:51:06):
on all sides Alabaster forms in graceful.
Evolution swaying like toll reads, bending over and them.
Whereas pool. and I will give the Empire and the see the
Senate, the Olympus, the capitalto her, who shall embrace me,

(01:51:30):
the most ardently to her, whose heart, shall from beneath my
own, to her, who shall enmeshed me, and her flowing hair, smile
on me, sweetest and enfold me inthe warmest clothes, To have who

(01:51:51):
soothing me with songs. Of Love, shall waken me to Joy
and Heights of rapture Rome shall be still this night.
No box. Shall cleave the Waters of the
Tiber since it is my wish to seethe mirrored moon on its

(01:52:14):
untroubled face and hear the voice of women floating.
Over it. Let perfumed Breeze has passed
through all my draperies. I would die voluptuously toxic

(01:52:35):
then while I heater some rare meat that only I'm a taste, let
someone sing while damsels lightly draped.
Serve me from plates of gold andwatch my rest.
One slave shall cut her sister'sthroat because it is my

(01:53:01):
pleasure, a favorite with the gods to mingle the perfume of
blood with that of food and cries of victims, soothe my
nose. This night, I shall burn Rome,

(01:53:21):
the Flames shall light up heavenand Tabor shall rolling waves
fire. Then I shall build of a Lowe's
would a stage to float upon the Italian SI and the Roman
populace show throng there to chanting my praise.

(01:53:43):
It's draperies shall be a purpleand on it I shall have a bed of
eagles plumage. there has sit and at my side, shall be the
loveliest woman in the Empire, while all the universe applauds,

(01:54:05):
the achievements of our God and though the Tempest Roars round
me, it's rage shall be extinguished, Neath, my feet and
sounds of music shall overcome the clamor planes.

(01:54:27):
Did star say bendex revolts my Legions fly my women flee in
Terror silence and tears alone. Me and I hear not, but the
Rolling Thunder. Must I die now instantly must I

(01:54:52):
give up my days of feasting and Delight my spectacles, my
triumphs my chariots and the Applause of multitudes, 00, Hast
Master of the world. One comes one who will put D to

(01:55:13):
the sword and Emperor knows how to die.
I died. I have scarce begun to live.
Oh, what? Great Deeds.
I should accomplish Deeds. That should make Olympus
tremble. I would fill up the bed of hurry

(01:55:34):
ocean and speed across it in a triumphal car.
I would still live with see the sun.
Once more the Tiber, the Campania, the circus.
On the Golden Sands. I will get the a mantle with a

(01:55:58):
tomb underneath tunnel bed. That shall be sucked.
Under more peaceful than the Imperial couch, yet I am loathe
to die, die. By then he gathers up the Shroud
lying beside him on the ground. And there's a way nearer wrapped
in its Folds and of the dance ofdeath.

(01:56:31):
Fancy Free by Stanley Holton. One act play collection 9, this
is a LibriVox recording all LibriVox recordings are in the
please visit librivox.org. Sensi, read by Sonia, Alfred

(01:56:52):
read by Adrian strollers. Ethel bird read by John
burlinson. Didya read by Andrea in kanji.
Narrator read by nougat novelist.
The writing room of the hotel. Cosmopolitan is a tall, handsome

(01:57:13):
apartment exquisitely furnished,the great fireplace faces, The
Spectator with a lounge, chair on each side near him on his
left is a double writing table containing two desks opposite.
One another chairs face each desk.
Still further left is a city against the wall. on his right

(01:57:35):
the city placed at right angles to the wall a small low table
and a low padded armchair There is another writing table on the
right of the fireplace and a bookcase on the left.
The two entrances each with double doors are set diagonally
across the two visible corners of the room, one, right?

(01:57:55):
And one left. The fire is burning and the
electric lights are on. It is a little after 10:00.
Fancy and an evening. Gown is sitting on the right
hand of the double desk, trying to compose a letter.
She is petite, dark and pretty. Alfred comes in from the left

(01:58:17):
and evening dress. He is tall, Fair clean-shaven
and handsome. Fancy looking up.
Well, I find that the last post goes at midnight.
It is now exactly 10:15. Then I have stayed an hour and
three quarters in which to finish the letter.
Alfred kneels on the chair. On the other side of the double

(01:58:39):
gas can watch his fancy. I am disappointed in you fancy.
I knew that I should be disappointed in you someday, but
I did not expect it to come so soon.
My dear effort, pray. Do not forget that.
This is no ordinary letter. It ought not to be so difficult
to tell one's husband. That one has run away from him,

(01:59:01):
but I have had so little experience.
I dare say I shall improve with practice.
How far have you got? I'll read it to you, darling as
a bird. Stop 02 to call him darling.
Now, why not a sensitive mind, might detect something
inappropriate in the adjective? I always called him, darling,

(01:59:22):
when I write to him I feel sure he would feel hurt if I omitted
to do. So on this occasion besides I am
still very fond of him. Perhaps you are right?
We cannot to scrupulously, avoidwounding.
Fancy reading, darling, as a bird you will be interested to
hear that since you went to Scotland on Thursday last, I

(01:59:44):
have decided to run away with Alfred.
You cannot have forgotten the promises.
We made each other on our wedding day.
I am not referring to those who made publicly during the
marriage ceremony, but to our private understanding that each
should be entirely free and untrammeled provided that the
other cells and comfort was not interfered with you will
understand therefore That in leaving you and going away with

(02:00:07):
Alfred. I am doing nothing.
That is contrary to our agreement.
He would have been entitled to complain.
Only if I had insisted on bringing Alfred home with me,
that's logic, isn't it? Yes, feminine logic.
That is all Adalbert has any right to expect from me.
How do you proceed? I don't that is the difficulty

(02:00:28):
at any rate fancy, you've made it clear to level birth that you
have left him. That is all, that is essential,
you have only to wind it up. Now, how Yours Faithfully?
Why not yours formally? But I am afraid.
That is too abrupt. Everybody is so sensitive.
I should like to wind up with something kind.

(02:00:50):
Let me see. You'll be glad to hear that.
We are having an awfully jolly time here.
I doubt whether adelbert would be glad to hear it.
Then something chatter your discursive.
The Cosmopolitan is an exceedingly, nice hotel.
It contains no fewer than 250 bedrooms each elaborately

(02:01:10):
furnished with all modern conveniences as it, but will
hardly care for such details? Besides I do not consider that.
The Cosmopolitan is such a nice hotel.
It is an exceedingly expensive one.
Let us Endeavor to extract as much enjoyment out of it as
possible. I am sure that I should have
preferred the ground. If ooh, the grand Rendezvous is,

(02:01:35):
if possible still more expensive.
What does that matter to you? Little or nothing?
It is I who have to pay the billAlfred you have the soul of a
stockbroker do not flatter me. I have sometimes hoped I had if
I had realized how useless you would have been in an emergency

(02:01:55):
I doubt whether I should have run away with you.
My dear fancy I did not run awaywith you in order to conduct Or
correspondence, you should have advertised for a private
secretary. I had hoped to be something more
to you than that. Fancy Rising.
I showed go to my room. It is quite impossible for me to

(02:02:18):
finish this letter here. Y, this room is far too crowded.
This is not a quarrel I trust fancy certainly not.
I hope I have too much Tech to quarrel with you on the first
day of our elopement. Fancy goes to the door with her
letter. When may I expect to see you
again, the last post goes at midnight.

(02:02:40):
Fancy goes out. Left hardly had she gone and
ethelbert comes in, right? He is a good-looking dark, man.
In evening dress. Alfred Thunderstruck, listen,
Alfred my dear fellow, how are you old chap, what brings you
here? I understood you are traveling

(02:03:02):
on business. So am I extremely Private
Business? How singular that we should
meet? Are you here on business tool?
Yes. Extremely Private Business also.
Come let us sit down and talk. He sits in the armchair, right

(02:03:22):
of the fire with pleasure, but do not let us talk here.
Why not? This is an exceedingly dull
room. It is a very Charming room.
But I assure you, I've been herequite half an hour and nothing
whatever has happened. Then we can talk the more
comfortably Alfred sits down. Reluctantly, where were you

(02:03:45):
going? When you came in here?
I was looking for the American Bar.
Excellent. We will go and look for it
together. He rises presently, there is no,
hurry, Alfred sits down Alfred yawning.
Do you know ethelbert? I feel.

(02:04:06):
I ought to be getting to bed. Yeah Ed eilert is only 10:30.
I promised my mother before she died that whenever practicable I
would be in bed by 10:30 but I want to talk to you about fancy
about fancy. Do you think you ought to talk

(02:04:27):
to me about Fancy the relations of a husband and wife?
Should be sacred. Surely I want to ask your
advice. Alfred, I have begun to suspect
that fancy is growing tired of me.
Alfred looking at his watch, I must positively be in bed
before. 10:00, why does a woman grow tired of a man?

(02:04:51):
Because the last post goes at midnight.
No, because she prefers. Somebody else Alfred Do you
suspect that fancy is in love with somebody else?
I do? Who is he?
I have no idea. I wish I had.

(02:05:12):
Don't you think that you would be much happier if you remain in
ignorance? Oh, I'm not thinking of myself,
I'm thinking of him. Indeed.
Yes, I should like to warn him to warn him.
I'm afraid, she'll be running away.
A with the poor fellow Alfred uneasily, why do you call him a

(02:05:36):
poor fellow and see is so terribly.
Extravagant, she spends money like water especially when it is
not her own Alfred unthinkingly,have you found that out too?
Of course, I found it out and sowould you if you had been

(02:05:58):
married to her? As long as I have, Candidly I'm
afraid fancy will ruin the poor fellow.
What has that to do with you? I hope I am a Humane person.
Alfred I would not willingly. See my worst enemy reduced to
the workhouse and this poor fellow maybe one of my friends,

(02:06:22):
I should be intensely. Sorry if one of my friends
ruined himself for the sake of my wife.
I can assure you that she is notworth it in my experience.
Very few. Women are ethelbert to give me
if I point out that you are not looking at this affair in the
proper way. Indeed, in what way do you

(02:06:45):
consider that? I ought to look at it.
Do you mean to say that you are not indignant at the idea of
another man eloping with your wife, not in the least, Alfred
warmly. Then you ought to Thought to be,
that's all when I married fancy,we arrange to leave each other
absolutely free. I am a gentleman Alfred, you

(02:07:10):
would not have me break my word,but it is quite inconceivable.
You are, without any sense of moral responsibility, you ought
to be ashamed of yourself. I very often here.
Aren't you? Certainly not?
I regulate my life. I am thankful to say by a strict
rule of conduct. Chai observe as closely as

(02:07:31):
possible. If I have lapses so much the
worse, they regrettable but not unnatural at any rate, I have
the immense consolation of knowing that my principles are
not lakhs but that I have nearlyfailed to adhere to them.
For once in a way he leave me out of it.
It is a mistake to have too manyprinciples, why?

(02:07:55):
Because if you have too many it is quite impossible.
Possible to stick to the mall. I content myself with one.
Only. What is that?
Never be a hypocrite. It is an excellent Maxim.
It permits you to do whatever. You please.

(02:08:16):
Provided you don't pretend. You are not doing it.
I advise you to adopt it and to drop all your other principals.
Do you insinuate? That I am a hypocrite, not at
all. All then you are wrong.
I am really you grow more interesting every day.

(02:08:38):
Please do not flatter me. I'm conscious that I do not
deserve it. Ethelbert your deplorable views
about morality of Awakened. My conscience.
I must conceal the truth from you.
No longer besides I think is extremely probable that you
would have found it out in any case very shortly.
What do you mean? I knew all All the time that

(02:09:00):
fancy was in love with another man.
How because I am that other man.You don't say so permit me to
offer you. My sincere condolences.
Thank you. They shake hands Gravely.
How fortunate that? I should be able to warn you

(02:09:23):
before it is too late. If Albert, you must know all it
is too late. I have already run away with
your wife already. When did it happen this morning
this morning? Then?
Yes, you are right. Fancy is actually in this hotel.
At the present moment upon my soul.

(02:09:46):
Alfred, this is most unfriendly of you, go on, I'm conscious
that I'm Marisol, your reproaches, I college grossly,
indelicate to bring fancy to thevery Tell in which I am staying
but it'll we did not know that you were staying here.
You don't suppose we chose it for that reason.

(02:10:07):
Do we thought you were in Scotland?
Ah, true. I did go to Scotland.
I spoke without reflecting. I beg your pardon Alfred, Alfred
politely, not at all a pause. Well, and how do you get on with
fancy? I hardly think that I am

(02:10:28):
justified. Adventuring upon an opinion on
such a slight acquaintance. I wonder if I may presume to
offer you some advice by all means.
If you are going to succeed in managing fancy, you will have to
put your foot down at once, put my foot down.

(02:10:51):
How much have you spent today about 750 pounds?
I thought so fancy Baltimore. Motor car this afternoon, she
will buy another tomorrow, but Ican't afford it.
How did you succeed in curbing? Her extravagance.
I threatened to advertised in the papers that I should not be

(02:11:13):
responsible for any debts contracted by my wife.
Since she is not my wife, I can hardly do that, can I you might
advertise that you will not be responsible for any debts,
contracted by my wife. Don't you think?
That would be a little pointed. Perhaps it would know.

(02:11:34):
Ethelbert there is only one way out of this difficulty.
I will resign fancy to you not on any account Alfred Rising.
Yes, I cannot allow you to outbid me and generosity.
I will go and find her and bringher to you.
If Albert Rising, For Heaven's Sake, don't tell my wife, I am

(02:11:57):
staying here. Why not?
Not because I am not alone. Not alone.
Her name is Delia Alfred indignantly Ethel beavers.
Well Alfred you shocked me Gravely.
You are very thin-skinned. Have you already forgotten?
What? Errand brought you to this

(02:12:18):
hotel. Alfred with dignity, but there
is no reason why you should makemy laps and excuse of your own.
Have you thought of your wife? You need never know.
Unless you tell her I thought you said that fancy and you
agreed to leave each other entirely free.

(02:12:38):
We gave each other, our word of Honor.
Then why do you wish to hide thetruth from her fancy?
It's not a gentleman. She is a woman.
She does not understand the meaning of Honor.
You are trifling. I regret to say ethelbert that I
shall consider it, my duty to inform your wife in Media.

(02:12:59):
Ali of the whole deplorable business.
So be it, far be it for me to try and induce you to act
contrary, to the dictates of your conscience.
Can see comes in left with a letter.
Every bird can see how fortunateI can give you this letter.
Now, that will save a penny stamp.

(02:13:21):
Thank you. I will destroy the letter, he
turns it and throws it in the fire.
Oh, why did you do that? It took Such a long time to
write. I am already aware of its
contents. You have told him.
Alfred? Yes.
Then as a bird, may I ask what you are doing here.
I consider it. Grossly indelicate of you to

(02:13:43):
follow us about like this. You wouldn't like it yourself.
If your bird is not followed us,he has come here for a reason of
his own. The reason of his own.
Yes. How can I tell you a pass?
Her name is Delia. Oh!
Oh every. But how dare you, my dear fancy.

(02:14:07):
You remember what we arranged? I don't care what we arranged.
You have had the bad taste to prefer another woman to me.
I shall never forgive you but fancy.
Listen, I shall not. Listen, I don't want to hear a
single word about her. Where did you meet her?
She was staying at my hotel in Edinburgh, that was no reason

(02:14:28):
why you should have spoken. To her.
I didn't she spoke to me. We were sitting at to joining
tables in the Winter Garden. She dropped a glove.
A handkerchief. How did you know that never
mind. Of course, I picked it up.
And what did she say to you? She said, do you know, you've
got the most delightfully, Wicked eyes.

(02:14:53):
That was how it began. Delia comes in right?
She is at all gorgeously dressedand beautiful woman with a mass
of red-gold hair. Delia in a fury really Bertie.
This is too bad. I've been looking for you all
over the Hotel. This I presume is the lady in
question. My dear Delia I am exceedingly

(02:15:17):
sorry that I have been detained but this lady is an old
acquaintance of mine that she is.
In fact my wife indeed too fancy.
So you are his wife As it happens, I am very glad to meet
you. If only to have the opportunity

(02:15:38):
of complaining about the way youhave trained, your husband.
I did not train him. That is just what I'm
complaining about. Under the circumstances I can
forgive, is leaving me alone in the lodge of a strange hotel,
but his table manners, are, frankly, uncivilized, do you
know that he reads the morning paper during breakfast?

(02:16:00):
He never does. So at home, you must not expect.
Make me believe that but it is perfectly true during breakfast.
I always read the morning. Paper myself, ha, no doubt in
self-defense, not at all. I suppose, when can become inert
to anything in time, even to Bertie like breakfast

(02:16:20):
conversation, that shows how superficial you acquaintance
with other bodies. I like his breakfast
conversation, because he goes ontalking without stopping
consequently. It is not necessary for me to
pay any attention. Into him and I can read the
morning paper in peace. This is most unkind of you.
Both my light breakfast conversation has always been

(02:16:43):
much admired, especially by ladies to Delia.
I'm sure you will alter your opinion.
If you will only do me the favorDelia of listening a little more
carefully tomorrow morning, certainly not, I beg your
pardon. She will have no opportunity.
Listening to you more carefully.Why not?

(02:17:06):
Because you will breakfast with me tomorrow morning.
Oh, very well, then perhaps you will do me.
The favor of listening more carefully.
I fancy that you're in breakfasttomorrow.
You will be fully occupied in listening to me for once in a
way. I do not think that I shall have
sufficient time to say all I wish to say to you tonight you

(02:17:27):
have provided me with a very fruitful topic.
But my dear fancy I fear we can Hardly pursue it tonight.
We both appear to have previous engagements Delia to ethelbert.
You have no previous engagement,Helia, it is canceled, you are

(02:17:48):
cruel Delia. It is your own fault.
I can you expect any self-respecting woman to put up
with the treatment I have received from?
You may I ask what further complaint you have to make about
my husband. He has no sense of decency.
I Grossly and delicate of him tobring me to this hotel.
Whilst you're stopping here I have never been treated in such

(02:18:10):
manner before. I think you take a very proper
view of the affair other but ought to be thoroughly ashamed
of himself. Goodbye Bertie.
She holds out her hand. I shall never listen to your
like breakfast conversation again and goodbye.
Alfred she holds out her hand. My only regret is that I shall

(02:18:31):
never know what you are. Light breakfast.
Conversation is like, don't say that fancy.
Why shouldn't we all four have breakfast together in the
morning? No, I am sorry, but I must draw
the line somewhere. You are right.
You have the most perfect taste.I am beginning to admire you
immensely good. Bye good.
Bye. Good night.

(02:18:52):
Alfred. Good night fancy come as a bird.
She takes his arm ethelbert to Delia and Alfred good night.
Fancy and ethelbert go out left a pause.
Delia raising her eyebrows? Well, well, and what do we do

(02:19:14):
now? Would you like some supper?
No tanks. She sits in an armchair by the
fire. You may order me some champagne.
If you like willingly, Alfred Rings.
An electric Bell than sits facing daily in the other arm
chair. They look straight at each other
for a Time Delia at length leaning forward.

(02:19:36):
Do you know? No, you've got the most
delightfully Wicked eyes. Curtain.
This place should be acted with the most, perfect, seriousness
and polish. It should not be played in a
spirit of burlesque. It should be beautifully, acted,
beautifully, costumed, and beautifully staged End of fancy

(02:19:58):
free.

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One-Act Play Collections - Book 9, Part 1

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