October 8, 2023 • 23 mins
Episode 2: Are you ready to revolutionize your love life? Prepare to elevate your relationships and arm yourself with the wisdom to make better decisions. Join us, Shaniqua and Dee, as we delve into the nitty-gritty of relationships - what to seek in a partner, how to heal before embarking on a new love journey, and how to maintain virtues like loyalty, respect, and communication. We also discuss the significance of God's role in relationships, the precarious balance between being selective and overly choosy, and why settling for less should never be an option.
We go beyond the usual relationship advices and explore complex dynamics, like how to navigate relationships with exes and best friends when starting a new relationship. Trust us, it's trickier than you think, but entirely possible! We highlight the importance of open conversations, understanding each other's expectations, and recognizing potential deal breakers. More significantly, we underline the power of self-love, honesty, setting boundaries, and trusting in divine timing. So come along, as we share insights and experiences to help you foster healthier, happier relationships.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hello, welcome to Free Concepts everyone.
I am your host, shaniqua, andwe have our co-host Dee.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hello everyone.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
So listen, how are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm good, I'm blessed .
How about yourself?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm good as well.
Let's go ahead and start offwith a prayer, and then we're
going to get right into ourtopic.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Okay, Heavenly Father , we come to you through your
Son and we thank you for thisopportunity to just speak and
come and be half fellowshipthrough this podcast.
We thank you for your grace andmercy and just being the
awesome God that you are.
We pray that you increase in usand that we decrease and that
your word is just kissed throughthe way you will have it to be.
(00:49):
We give you all the glory andthe praise In Jesus' name.
We pray, Amen, Amen.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Amen, okay, so we're going to start off with
discussing what is it that youlook for in a mate, so we see
how society is and relationshipsare, and that's why I feel like
it's so important to do thehealing process, because we
(01:15):
should heal before we actuallyenter into another relationship
so we don't carry that baggageinto something new.
What is it that you look for ina mate?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
For me, first and foremost is their relationship
with God.
Are they God-fearing,god-loving?
Next is like integrity, loyalty, honesty and respect.
And if we can communicate,because if it ain't no good
communication, then there ain'tno relation.
So those are just severalthings I look for in the
(01:51):
relationship.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, I don't like causes and conversations.
I like for it to flow and Italk randomly, so I'll go from
one subject to the next and Ineed someone that's going to be
able to flow with me like that.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Absolutely, absolutely, because you don't
want it to just be dad.
You having a conversation andyou first meet somebody and it's
just crickets.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
It's a long pause.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Like okay how would?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
you do it.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Or one word answers, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Like yes, no okay.
So nothing else to add to thatis just yes or no.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
That's it, okay, I gotta push this conversation
forward, huh there you go Add noadjectives to it.
No, no nails, no, evers, nothing.
But no, I like everything thatyou said.
I want someone too that has arelationship with God.
(03:02):
That can be I don't knowspontaneous, and you know you
gotta be loving and kind, ofcourse, honest.
I don't like liars and cheaters.
I think that's like my dealbreaker.
If you lie to me then I'm likeI can't deal with it.
And as I got older, you knowthe things I used to want has
(03:27):
changed.
Now what I want now, you know.
Now a lot of people tell me I'mpicky.
You know when I choose.
Is it picky or is it reallyjust having standards?
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I think it's having standards, because you gotta
have some.
You gotta have some kind ofstandards as to what you will
settle for and then like youjust to piggy bank on what you
just said.
As you grow older now you knowwe're in our 40s, you know what
you like and what you dislikeand plus you don't wanna waste
your time or their time.
(04:00):
So you know you don't wannaplay no games.
We ain't in it.
You know, for people that arelike you, we're feeling you or
we not.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah, I mean, I have a big one list.
Go ahead, go ahead, you got agrocery list.
Yeah, I did.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And now with society, like you just said.
I mean, you gotta do abackground check, a mental
health check.
You gotta do do you got COVID?
Do you got monkey pot?
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Yeah, you turn around and kiss somebody.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, your lips will up.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, you got a bum bump, you got a heart, you got a
bum bump.
Exactly Like nope, you got a.
Really, it's standards for me.
I think it's just having astand.
I think being too picky orbeing picky is more like you
know he can't have a mull on hisface or she can't have a mull
(04:51):
on her, or you know what I mean?
Something just like okay,that's just too much.
You know, like his fingers aretoo short.
You know, like okay.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But I'm probably fake , as you don't like.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
No, no, no.
But you know I feel like it'sjust me having standards I have
to.
Before I used to settle, so nowyou know you gotta come to the
table with something you know.
And I'm not talking about money.
It's not about money for me,it's not about any of this.
It's about being a partnerwho's gonna be able to grow with
(05:28):
me and build with me and enjoythose moments and travel, and
you know I want that type oflife so I don't want any
negativity.
I've been through it back andforth, you know, with the drama,
so I'm done with that.
But do you tell how manypartners like, if they ask you
(05:53):
like?
So how many partners have youbeen with, or how many you know?
Who should I buy to count Like?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
because I have somebody.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Well, if you be, by asking me to go ahead, all the
chairs.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I think honestly, like I said, it's the best
policy, but then, at the end ofthe day, the past is the past,
so why does it really matter?
It ain't like we just, or we goin the first in college and we
just meeting and you want toknow.
You know, because now I mean wein our 40s how many of you
expect us to have been with.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Like you live.
You ain't hear me.
I said your number must behiding.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
No, no, no, no that's you, that's you, that's you.
That's all on you.
Don't be for me.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I'll blast, Lord they don't count if it wasn't you,
my body counting they're reallybig.
Because, yeah, it wasn't goodso say, if you had like 30
partners and it means you know,say all of them are good except
(06:59):
for like two.
So you know, you only justreally had two, 12.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, you just take the old triphal.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
That's the math.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm mapping From 30 to 2.
Yeah, there's a method to thatmadness.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
It was only two Good out of the 30.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
28 people.
All you didn't count.
Or, like one of the folks said,if I dated you when I was under
this age, then it didn't count.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
No, not the same.
Not the same at all.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
It's not my fault.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
They should have tried, but they should have did
about it.
You got to do better than that.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So you only so.
Once you only take the A's andB's, you leave the C, d and F's
alone.
You don't count there.
No.
You got under a, b, you don'tcount.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, it's just like a scale from one to 10.
If you below that five, it doesnot count, ok.
So, moving right along, is itOK to talk to X's Once you've
entered a new relationship andyou're actually boyfriend and
girlfriend?
A girlfriend and girlfriend?
No, boyfriend and boyfriend?
Whatever do you, you know,continue to talk to your exes.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Well, I Feel like you should have that up front,
dependent on how they feel aboutit, and you feel I have a
conversation.
Because, honestly, you know,like say, for instance, if your
exes and your best friends, andthen you're just supposed to
just drop your best friend,because I think it comes to me,
I think is a maturity level andin security level, if you're
(08:42):
mature and secure in yourselfand you know, and it's how deep
where you involve with thisperson, I mean, are you dating
for a week or a month or sixmonths or you know, I'm saying
years.
You know I'm saying becausewithin time you're gonna
actually get to know that personand learn that person.
So are you supposed to dropbest friend, which happens to be
(09:06):
your ex, just saying and sothat person can feel secure?
You know, I mean catch 22because it depends on what you
discuss in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I think that conversation has to be had in
the beginning, don't wait tillafter the fact because you
scared to say something.
And in now, two years, are youin?
Now you like I don't reallythink like you hanging with her?
You know that is your ex, youknow bringing it up.
So it should be discussed inthe beginning and you really
have to be honest with yourselfand say am I comfortable and am
(09:41):
I and Am I okay with you, know,him or her talking to their ex?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
you know, I mean because what?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
if the ex isn't over them, but they're saying that
they are.
Well, really they're not.
What if they you know they'redating someone at the time and
say they end up breaking up withthe person and then?
So now they're like, oh, Ireally think I do Love them
still, you know right.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
But it comes back to trust, because you got to trust
your partner to be respectful toyou to be able to put a stop to
that, if that does Does happen,or come, come this, years or
days down the line, or whateverhappens.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I'm just like temptation, you know.
I mean like you are ascomfortable you already been
there before you might slip backin.
You know, let's see, that'swhere.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
That's where the trust comes and do you trust
yourself?
That's the big question.
If you, if you're gonna befriends with your ex and you're
starting a new beginning withsomebody else, do you trust
yourself to not slip on that,because it could not be the ex
that won't?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
you, you, just you know, have been drinking a song,
you know Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
All right?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I guess no, but you're right, no no, but you're
right, though it does, it's allabout for us.
You can't.
You can't make somebody not dosomething or you know you can't
make them not cheat.
If they're gonna cheat or cheat, regardless If it's the X or
the next or whoever.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Right, right, absolutely.
You know you can't controlpeople.
They're gonna do what they'regonna do Exactly.
And if they do have, them.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
They probably not for you, but.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
I think it should be discussed.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
A lot of things should be discussed because I
think If you're honest in thebeginning and you lay all your
stuff out on the table, it waslike okay, I got this going on,
I got that.
You know, this is what I'vebeen through.
Kind of Lay it out there, thisis you know, this is you know
how much.
I'm not gonna say how much Imake, but you know, this is
right.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Absolutely yeah yeah, what you just lay out, your
your deal breakers like this.
This is this is this is what Iexpect.
You know, if we're gonna be ina relationship and this is a
deal breaker, like lying andcheating I'm not gonna put it
away.
I'm gonna just be up and theneven, like we said before, like
as far as your like, your, yourfaith, life, and then you know,
(12:07):
like you got to discuss thingslike do you, you know,
independent on the age, do youwant kids?
No kids, or you know things ofthat nature because you want to
be on the same page, you want tobe equally yoked, because you
don't want to waste your time,and especially dating in your
40s, just like.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
It's terrible, they don't have good communication
skills at all.
And I had this when I was atHome Depot, this guy yesterday.
He was like you know, can Iwalk you out?
No, okay, like you know.
And then he was talking to meand he was like you know, do you
(12:49):
mind if I get your number?
And I was like, hmm, I was likehow do you, young man?
It was like he was like 31.
I said, oh no, you're my son'sage.
I was like I can't do that.
I was like he's like why, youknow, it's not, it won't be like
Dating your son.
And I was like, yeah, I wouldlike I'm 50.
So you weren't even.
(13:10):
You were born.
When he was born like, I wasgrown like, but I didn't even go
into all that.
I was like I'm flattered andthank you so much for you.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
You know, you know, but it's yeah, different folks,
different strokes, becausesometimes you know older women
like younger men, they like acool girl, you know they
experienced they playing games.
Oh, exactly, so it all.
It all depends on the person.
You know what I'm saying.
(13:39):
Different strokes differentfolks, yeah, everyone is
different.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
This is just me personally and that's why we
shouldn't get mad either If, ifsomeone rejects you, it's not
rejecting you necessarily.
To take personally, you know,and a lot of people, they have
insecurities already, so that'swhy they get upset.
But I wouldn't want to getupset if, if you know, I feel
like If it's for me, it's for me, but if it's not, it's not.
(14:07):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
And I'm okay with it.
And sometimes rejection isprotection.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
You know I'm saying you better go ahead.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Cuz.
People show you who they trulyare.
If you just take the time tosit back and listen and you're
gonna see the true.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Them so and believe them Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Show you who they are .
Believe them.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they tell younobody knows a person better
than thyself.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Mm-hmm, and they mama too, they mama or exactly.
Or the family member, becauseI've had people family member
telling me like nah, she ain't,you don't, you don't want to
yeah, cuz a lot of times youmeet their representative in the
beginning, of course, you knowyou like each other and you're
(14:54):
like, oh yeah, you know andYou're attracted to each other
and all that good stuff.
So you're gonna say the rightthings.
You're gonna try not to sayanything that's gonna turn them
off, especially if they'retalking and they say something
in reference to your behaviorsthat they don't know yet.
And then you, of course, youdon't want to say why I do that.
(15:15):
You know what I mean, right.
Right, so they hold it back, andthen they wait till you
actually go all in six monthsdown the line, or a year or
whatever, and then graduallybecause a person can only fake
it, both is alone they start.
You start seeing those redflags, or seeing those things
you know.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah, I mean, that's another thing we can't we can't
ignore red flags.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
That's another thing what it put out there too.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh yeah, definitely, yeah, definitely, and, and no
matter how attracted you is tosomebody or you feeling them, if
you see the red flags run, rundon't walk away, run away, do
not collect $200.
Do not pass.
Just just just just leave thatalone, because at the end of the
(16:00):
day, you might as well just goahead and know it's not gonna
work for you.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Yeah, why waste time?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying, and, depending on
your age, like Even even younger, nobody got time for games,
playing games and wasted time.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
You can't get time back.
No, can't cross the same rivertwice.
So you know what I mean.
So yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
So, okay, okay, well, I enjoyed our conversation.
This was really good.
Is there anything else that youwanted to add to what we've
already discussed With?
What do you look for in the May?
That was the first question.
Is it picky or having standards?
Do you tell how many partnersthat you've slept with?
(16:47):
Is it okay to talk to X's?
Anything you want to add?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Just to piggy bank on that honesty, just honesty from
jump.
Just start off honest cleanslate.
So you know just flow.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Honesty is the best policy.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, always always, no matter what kind of
relationship it is, even if it'sbusiness or whatever kind of
relationship, you want it tohonesty to be out there and you
don't know.
You know what I'm sayingBecause it's going to always.
The truth always comes out oneway or another and the truth
literally will set you free.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Absolutely yes, I totally agree with that.
Honesty is best, you know.
I definitely think that youhave to do that.
Because, then you know you'regonna have regrets later on and
you kind of forced it really andyou faked it and it's not real.
So how can you even have afoundation?
(17:44):
You know all built on lies.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
So Absolutely, yeah, absolutely so, if you want it to
be healthy.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You want to.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Boundaries.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yes, oh yeah.
You got to set your boundariesin the beginning as well.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
You got to love yourself and just before anybody
, just advice to anybody that'slooking to get in a relationship
or if you just recently got outof one or you haven't healed.
And how can you love anybody ifyou don't love yourself?
And therefore, if you loveyourself, you won't be desperate
to be with just anybody, youwon't accept just anybody,
(18:20):
Because you'll be confident insecuring yourself and when the
love with yourself and trustingGod, knowing that the timing and
the right personal calm, ifit's minute, it'll be.
If it's not, then you know.
Like you said back, torejection is protection, because
everyone is not for everybody.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Absolutely, and it's crazy because society will have
these things that you should bemarried by a certain time and
all of that.
You're not behind people.
If you're listening to mylisteners, you're not behind on
anything.
As you know, it's God's divinetime and so don't look at
someone else's life and say, ohmy gosh, you know they're 30 and
they're already married andhave kids, and you know I'm
(18:59):
almost 40.
And I feel because then you'regoing to force it with someone
that's not really meant for you.
If it's meant it's going tohappen, but never force it.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And yeah, you can't.
There's no comparison toanybody's life.
We're all on different journeys, god's time, in his will, his
way, and that's what happens, Ithink, with life.
People do rush into thingswhere they get married or in
relationships for the wrongreasons.
If it ain't love and joy andpeace and that person promoting
you and you promoting them,making each other better
(19:29):
together, then it shouldn't be.
You know what.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
And if you, because you shouldn't get with somebody
because you need them, youshould get with them because you
love them and there's feelingsthere and you're attracted to
them and you know you can't dowithout them.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Exactly Right, right you know, unconditional love you
know we're going to all growand change, and so that person
has to be willing to allow youto be you you know who God
created you to be and not try tochange you into what they want
you to be for them because oftheir own selfish wants.
You know you got to allowpeople to be their own
(20:06):
individual selves and then youguys come together, you know.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, and especially if you're getting married.
You got to be, you got to knowthat change you.
If you don't like change, thenyou shouldn't get married,
because you know individually.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
We all evolve.
Each one is evolving.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
You're evolving as individual wolves and then you
evolve together as a couple.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
So you know what I'm saying there's going to be
changes.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
You know, grow apart and some grow together, so you
know you got cycles, you gotmenopause.
Right, right oh yeah, we got todefinitely talk about those
things.
As women, I mean they justdon't stop Like you, just don't
be free.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
So it changes.
You know your moods and all ofthat and your body changes.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So it's a lot, especially if you want to grow
old together.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
It's going to be a lot of changes, so you have to
be willing to do that and notjust get married because you
know it's everybody's doing it,you know.
I don't want to be alone type ofdeal what's meant for you is
for you, and just wait on that,because God will bless you with
exactly what it is that you need.
And but when we rush it and wegot, it's like okay, that's what
(21:18):
you want to do, you know, youjust go ahead and do it and so,
as you would say, for sure, likeis and and and.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Then to you know, even if you know you're filling
in and you guys feel like you'reon the same page and it's
flowing and it's going, and thenit end up not working out in
every, in every relationship orevery.
It's a lesson and it's ablessing.
So either way you're going tobe blessed, or you're going to
get a lesson, or it could beboth something else, because
you're going to get.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
you know it's no mistake If you have the part
ways you know exactly, and it'sno need to be mad and angry.
You know with each other, youknow.
Just just part your part yourways and wish them the best.
God bless you, you know, butI'm you know I'm moving on.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
It's something better .
He has somebody better for you,so exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Well, this has been so good.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much to ourlisteners.
Thank you so much, D forco-hosting, again so grateful to
you.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Thank you, and thank you to community of unity.
Exactly so we will be back nextMonday.
Is there any words you want toleave them with before we?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Just just everybody.
Be blessed, stay blessed andspread.
Spread love and not hate.
There's enough hate in theworld.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
We need more love and kindness, give grace you know,
yes, yes, that's the grace Godgives us, exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, and I would.
The advice I would give is totake time for you and love
yourself and know that you areof value, that you are enough,
and give yourself a hug fromtime to time and just let
yourself know I am loved.
You know, and just take timefor you and stop trying to be
(23:18):
what everybody else expects youto be for them, and be who you
need to be for you.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Amen, because God is love so you're never alone, even
if you're not in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
God loves you.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Yes, so thanks again for tuning in.
If you have any comments,definitely go to free concepts
with an S podcast at gmailcom.
Much love and respect to all ofyou.
Peace and love.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Blessings.
Hello, welcome to Free Concepts everyone.
I am your host, shaniqua, andwe have our co-host Dee.
Speaker 2 (00:13):
Hello everyone.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
So listen, how are you today?
Speaker 2 (00:19):
I'm good, I'm blessed .
How about yourself?
Speaker 1 (00:22):
I'm good as well.
Let's go ahead and start offwith a prayer, and then we're
going to get right into ourtopic.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Okay, Heavenly Father , we come to you through your
Son and we thank you for thisopportunity to just speak and
come and be half fellowshipthrough this podcast.
We thank you for your grace andmercy and just being the
awesome God that you are.
We pray that you increase in usand that we decrease and that
your word is just kissed throughthe way you will have it to be.
(00:49):
We give you all the glory andthe praise In Jesus' name.
We pray, Amen, Amen.
Speaker 1 (00:55):
Amen, okay, so we're going to start off with
discussing what is it that youlook for in a mate, so we see
how society is and relationshipsare, and that's why I feel like
it's so important to do thehealing process, because we
(01:15):
should heal before we actuallyenter into another relationship
so we don't carry that baggageinto something new.
What is it that you look for ina mate?
Speaker 2 (01:29):
For me, first and foremost is their relationship
with God.
Are they God-fearing,god-loving?
Next is like integrity, loyalty, honesty and respect.
And if we can communicate,because if it ain't no good
communication, then there ain'tno relation.
So those are just severalthings I look for in the
(01:51):
relationship.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, I don't like causes and conversations.
I like for it to flow and Italk randomly, so I'll go from
one subject to the next and Ineed someone that's going to be
able to flow with me like that.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Absolutely, absolutely, because you don't
want it to just be dad.
You having a conversation andyou first meet somebody and it's
just crickets.
Speaker 1 (02:19):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
It's a long pause.
Speaker 1 (02:23):
Like okay how would?
Speaker 2 (02:25):
you do it.
Speaker 1 (02:26):
Or one word answers, you know.
Speaker 2 (02:31):
Like yes, no okay.
So nothing else to add to thatis just yes or no.
Speaker 1 (02:38):
That's it, okay, I gotta push this conversation
forward, huh there you go Add noadjectives to it.
No, no nails, no, evers, nothing.
But no, I like everything thatyou said.
I want someone too that has arelationship with God.
(03:02):
That can be I don't knowspontaneous, and you know you
gotta be loving and kind, ofcourse, honest.
I don't like liars and cheaters.
I think that's like my dealbreaker.
If you lie to me then I'm likeI can't deal with it.
And as I got older, you knowthe things I used to want has
(03:27):
changed.
Now what I want now, you know.
Now a lot of people tell me I'mpicky.
You know when I choose.
Is it picky or is it reallyjust having standards?
What do you think?
Speaker 2 (03:40):
I think it's having standards, because you gotta
have some.
You gotta have some kind ofstandards as to what you will
settle for and then like youjust to piggy bank on what you
just said.
As you grow older now you knowwe're in our 40s, you know what
you like and what you dislikeand plus you don't wanna waste
your time or their time.
(04:00):
So you know you don't wannaplay no games.
We ain't in it.
You know, for people that arelike you, we're feeling you or
we not.
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Yeah, I mean, I have a big one list.
Go ahead, go ahead, you got agrocery list.
Yeah, I did.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
And now with society, like you just said.
I mean, you gotta do abackground check, a mental
health check.
You gotta do do you got COVID?
Do you got monkey pot?
You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (04:26):
Yeah, you turn around and kiss somebody.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Yeah, your lips will up.
Speaker 1 (04:31):
Yeah, you got a bum bump, you got a heart, you got a
bum bump.
Exactly Like nope, you got a.
Really, it's standards for me.
I think it's just having astand.
I think being too picky orbeing picky is more like you
know he can't have a mull on hisface or she can't have a mull
(04:51):
on her, or you know what I mean?
Something just like okay,that's just too much.
You know, like his fingers aretoo short.
You know, like okay.
Speaker 2 (05:03):
But I'm probably fake , as you don't like.
Speaker 1 (05:06):
No, no, no.
But you know I feel like it'sjust me having standards I have
to.
Before I used to settle, so nowyou know you gotta come to the
table with something you know.
And I'm not talking about money.
It's not about money for me,it's not about any of this.
It's about being a partnerwho's gonna be able to grow with
(05:28):
me and build with me and enjoythose moments and travel, and
you know I want that type oflife so I don't want any
negativity.
I've been through it back andforth, you know, with the drama,
so I'm done with that.
But do you tell how manypartners like, if they ask you
(05:53):
like?
So how many partners have youbeen with, or how many you know?
Who should I buy to count Like?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
because I have somebody.
Speaker 1 (06:02):
Well, if you be, by asking me to go ahead, all the
chairs.
Speaker 2 (06:07):
I think honestly, like I said, it's the best
policy, but then, at the end ofthe day, the past is the past,
so why does it really matter?
It ain't like we just, or we goin the first in college and we
just meeting and you want toknow.
You know, because now I mean wein our 40s how many of you
expect us to have been with.
You know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (06:28):
Like you live.
You ain't hear me.
I said your number must behiding.
Speaker 2 (06:32):
No, no, no, no that's you, that's you, that's you.
That's all on you.
Don't be for me.
Speaker 1 (06:36):
I'll blast, Lord they don't count if it wasn't you,
my body counting they're reallybig.
Because, yeah, it wasn't goodso say, if you had like 30
partners and it means you know,say all of them are good except
(06:59):
for like two.
So you know, you only justreally had two, 12.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
Yeah, you just take the old triphal.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
That's the math.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
I'm mapping From 30 to 2.
Yeah, there's a method to thatmadness.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
It was only two Good out of the 30.
Speaker 2 (07:21):
28 people.
All you didn't count.
Or, like one of the folks said,if I dated you when I was under
this age, then it didn't count.
Speaker 1 (07:31):
No, not the same.
Not the same at all.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
It's not my fault.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
They should have tried, but they should have did
about it.
You got to do better than that.
Speaker 2 (07:42):
So you only so.
Once you only take the A's andB's, you leave the C, d and F's
alone.
You don't count there.
No.
You got under a, b, you don'tcount.
Speaker 1 (07:52):
Yeah, it's just like a scale from one to 10.
If you below that five, it doesnot count, ok.
So, moving right along, is itOK to talk to X's Once you've
entered a new relationship andyou're actually boyfriend and
girlfriend?
A girlfriend and girlfriend?
No, boyfriend and boyfriend?
Whatever do you, you know,continue to talk to your exes.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Well, I Feel like you should have that up front,
dependent on how they feel aboutit, and you feel I have a
conversation.
Because, honestly, you know,like say, for instance, if your
exes and your best friends, andthen you're just supposed to
just drop your best friend,because I think it comes to me,
I think is a maturity level andin security level, if you're
(08:42):
mature and secure in yourselfand you know, and it's how deep
where you involve with thisperson, I mean, are you dating
for a week or a month or sixmonths or you know, I'm saying
years.
You know I'm saying becausewithin time you're gonna
actually get to know that personand learn that person.
So are you supposed to dropbest friend, which happens to be
(09:06):
your ex, just saying and sothat person can feel secure?
You know, I mean catch 22because it depends on what you
discuss in the beginning.
Speaker 1 (09:20):
I think that conversation has to be had in
the beginning, don't wait tillafter the fact because you
scared to say something.
And in now, two years, are youin?
Now you like I don't reallythink like you hanging with her?
You know that is your ex, youknow bringing it up.
So it should be discussed inthe beginning and you really
have to be honest with yourselfand say am I comfortable and am
(09:41):
I and Am I okay with you, know,him or her talking to their ex?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
you know, I mean because what?
Speaker 1 (09:50):
if the ex isn't over them, but they're saying that
they are.
Well, really they're not.
What if they you know they'redating someone at the time and
say they end up breaking up withthe person and then?
So now they're like, oh, Ireally think I do Love them
still, you know right.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
But it comes back to trust, because you got to trust
your partner to be respectful toyou to be able to put a stop to
that, if that does Does happen,or come, come this, years or
days down the line, or whateverhappens.
Speaker 1 (10:21):
I'm just like temptation, you know.
I mean like you are ascomfortable you already been
there before you might slip backin.
You know, let's see, that'swhere.
Speaker 2 (10:30):
That's where the trust comes and do you trust
yourself?
That's the big question.
If you, if you're gonna befriends with your ex and you're
starting a new beginning withsomebody else, do you trust
yourself to not slip on that,because it could not be the ex
that won't?
Speaker 1 (10:43):
you, you, just you know, have been drinking a song,
you know Okay.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
All right?
Speaker 1 (10:57):
I guess no, but you're right, no no, but you're
right, though it does, it's allabout for us.
You can't.
You can't make somebody not dosomething or you know you can't
make them not cheat.
If they're gonna cheat or cheat, regardless If it's the X or
the next or whoever.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Right, right, absolutely.
You know you can't controlpeople.
They're gonna do what they'regonna do Exactly.
And if they do have, them.
Speaker 1 (11:21):
They probably not for you, but.
Speaker 2 (11:23):
I think it should be discussed.
Speaker 1 (11:25):
A lot of things should be discussed because I
think If you're honest in thebeginning and you lay all your
stuff out on the table, it waslike okay, I got this going on,
I got that.
You know, this is what I'vebeen through.
Kind of Lay it out there, thisis you know, this is you know
how much.
I'm not gonna say how much Imake, but you know, this is
right.
Speaker 2 (11:45):
Absolutely yeah yeah, what you just lay out, your
your deal breakers like this.
This is this is this is what Iexpect.
You know, if we're gonna be ina relationship and this is a
deal breaker, like lying andcheating I'm not gonna put it
away.
I'm gonna just be up and theneven, like we said before, like
as far as your like, your, yourfaith, life, and then you know,
(12:07):
like you got to discuss thingslike do you, you know,
independent on the age, do youwant kids?
No kids, or you know things ofthat nature because you want to
be on the same page, you want tobe equally yoked, because you
don't want to waste your time,and especially dating in your
40s, just like.
Speaker 1 (12:25):
It's terrible, they don't have good communication
skills at all.
And I had this when I was atHome Depot, this guy yesterday.
He was like you know, can Iwalk you out?
No, okay, like you know.
And then he was talking to meand he was like you know, do you
(12:49):
mind if I get your number?
And I was like, hmm, I was likehow do you, young man?
It was like he was like 31.
I said, oh no, you're my son'sage.
I was like I can't do that.
I was like he's like why, youknow, it's not, it won't be like
Dating your son.
And I was like, yeah, I wouldlike I'm 50.
So you weren't even.
(13:10):
You were born.
When he was born like, I wasgrown like, but I didn't even go
into all that.
I was like I'm flattered andthank you so much for you.
Speaker 2 (13:18):
You know, you know, but it's yeah, different folks,
different strokes, becausesometimes you know older women
like younger men, they like acool girl, you know they
experienced they playing games.
Oh, exactly, so it all.
It all depends on the person.
You know what I'm saying.
(13:39):
Different strokes differentfolks, yeah, everyone is
different.
Speaker 1 (13:43):
This is just me personally and that's why we
shouldn't get mad either If, ifsomeone rejects you, it's not
rejecting you necessarily.
To take personally, you know,and a lot of people, they have
insecurities already, so that'swhy they get upset.
But I wouldn't want to getupset if, if you know, I feel
like If it's for me, it's for me, but if it's not, it's not.
(14:07):
You know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (14:08):
And I'm okay with it.
And sometimes rejection isprotection.
Speaker 1 (14:11):
You know I'm saying you better go ahead.
Speaker 2 (14:14):
Cuz.
People show you who they trulyare.
If you just take the time tosit back and listen and you're
gonna see the true.
Speaker 1 (14:22):
Them so and believe them Go ahead.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Show you who they are .
Believe them.
Oh, yeah, yeah, they tell younobody knows a person better
than thyself.
Speaker 1 (14:33):
Mm-hmm, and they mama too, they mama or exactly.
Or the family member, becauseI've had people family member
telling me like nah, she ain't,you don't, you don't want to
yeah, cuz a lot of times youmeet their representative in the
beginning, of course, you knowyou like each other and you're
(14:54):
like, oh yeah, you know andYou're attracted to each other
and all that good stuff.
So you're gonna say the rightthings.
You're gonna try not to sayanything that's gonna turn them
off, especially if they'retalking and they say something
in reference to your behaviorsthat they don't know yet.
And then you, of course, youdon't want to say why I do that.
(15:15):
You know what I mean, right.
Right, so they hold it back, andthen they wait till you
actually go all in six monthsdown the line, or a year or
whatever, and then graduallybecause a person can only fake
it, both is alone they start.
You start seeing those redflags, or seeing those things
you know.
Speaker 2 (15:31):
Yeah, I mean, that's another thing we can't we can't
ignore red flags.
Speaker 1 (15:36):
That's another thing what it put out there too.
Speaker 2 (15:38):
Oh yeah, definitely, yeah, definitely, and, and no
matter how attracted you is tosomebody or you feeling them, if
you see the red flags run, rundon't walk away, run away, do
not collect $200.
Do not pass.
Just just just just leave thatalone, because at the end of the
(16:00):
day, you might as well just goahead and know it's not gonna
work for you.
Speaker 1 (16:04):
Yeah, why waste time?
Speaker 2 (16:06):
Yeah, and that's what I'm saying, and, depending on
your age, like Even even younger, nobody got time for games,
playing games and wasted time.
You know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Absolutely.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
You can't get time back.
No, can't cross the same rivertwice.
So you know what I mean.
So yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (16:24):
So, okay, okay, well, I enjoyed our conversation.
This was really good.
Is there anything else that youwanted to add to what we've
already discussed With?
What do you look for in the May?
That was the first question.
Is it picky or having standards?
Do you tell how many partnersthat you've slept with?
(16:47):
Is it okay to talk to X's?
Anything you want to add?
Speaker 2 (16:53):
Just to piggy bank on that honesty, just honesty from
jump.
Just start off honest cleanslate.
So you know just flow.
Speaker 1 (17:03):
Honesty is the best policy.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
Yeah, always always, no matter what kind of
relationship it is, even if it'sbusiness or whatever kind of
relationship, you want it tohonesty to be out there and you
don't know.
You know what I'm sayingBecause it's going to always.
The truth always comes out oneway or another and the truth
literally will set you free.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Absolutely yes, I totally agree with that.
Honesty is best, you know.
I definitely think that youhave to do that.
Because, then you know you'regonna have regrets later on and
you kind of forced it really andyou faked it and it's not real.
So how can you even have afoundation?
(17:44):
You know all built on lies.
Speaker 2 (17:46):
So Absolutely, yeah, absolutely so, if you want it to
be healthy.
Speaker 1 (17:51):
You want to.
Speaker 2 (17:53):
Boundaries.
Speaker 1 (17:54):
Yes, oh yeah.
You got to set your boundariesin the beginning as well.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
You got to love yourself and just before anybody
, just advice to anybody that'slooking to get in a relationship
or if you just recently got outof one or you haven't healed.
And how can you love anybody ifyou don't love yourself?
And therefore, if you loveyourself, you won't be desperate
to be with just anybody, youwon't accept just anybody,
(18:20):
Because you'll be confident insecuring yourself and when the
love with yourself and trustingGod, knowing that the timing and
the right personal calm, ifit's minute, it'll be.
If it's not, then you know.
Like you said back, torejection is protection, because
everyone is not for everybody.
Speaker 1 (18:38):
Absolutely, and it's crazy because society will have
these things that you should bemarried by a certain time and
all of that.
You're not behind people.
If you're listening to mylisteners, you're not behind on
anything.
As you know, it's God's divinetime and so don't look at
someone else's life and say, ohmy gosh, you know they're 30 and
they're already married andhave kids, and you know I'm
(18:59):
almost 40.
And I feel because then you'regoing to force it with someone
that's not really meant for you.
If it's meant it's going tohappen, but never force it.
Speaker 2 (19:09):
And yeah, you can't.
There's no comparison toanybody's life.
We're all on different journeys, god's time, in his will, his
way, and that's what happens, Ithink, with life.
People do rush into thingswhere they get married or in
relationships for the wrongreasons.
If it ain't love and joy andpeace and that person promoting
you and you promoting them,making each other better
(19:29):
together, then it shouldn't be.
You know what.
Speaker 1 (19:32):
I mean.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
And if you, because you shouldn't get with somebody
because you need them, youshould get with them because you
love them and there's feelingsthere and you're attracted to
them and you know you can't dowithout them.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
Exactly Right, right you know, unconditional love you
know we're going to all growand change, and so that person
has to be willing to allow youto be you you know who God
created you to be and not try tochange you into what they want
you to be for them because oftheir own selfish wants.
You know you got to allowpeople to be their own
(20:06):
individual selves and then youguys come together, you know.
Speaker 2 (20:10):
Yeah, and especially if you're getting married.
You got to be, you got to knowthat change you.
If you don't like change, thenyou shouldn't get married,
because you know individually.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
We all evolve.
Each one is evolving.
Speaker 2 (20:22):
You're evolving as individual wolves and then you
evolve together as a couple.
Speaker 1 (20:28):
So you know what I'm saying there's going to be
changes.
Speaker 2 (20:30):
You know, grow apart and some grow together, so you
know you got cycles, you gotmenopause.
Right, right oh yeah, we got todefinitely talk about those
things.
As women, I mean they justdon't stop Like you, just don't
be free.
Speaker 1 (20:45):
So it changes.
You know your moods and all ofthat and your body changes.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
So it's a lot, especially if you want to grow
old together.
Speaker 1 (20:54):
It's going to be a lot of changes, so you have to
be willing to do that and notjust get married because you
know it's everybody's doing it,you know.
I don't want to be alone type ofdeal what's meant for you is
for you, and just wait on that,because God will bless you with
exactly what it is that you need.
And but when we rush it and wegot, it's like okay, that's what
(21:18):
you want to do, you know, youjust go ahead and do it and so,
as you would say, for sure, likeis and and and.
Speaker 2 (21:28):
Then to you know, even if you know you're filling
in and you guys feel like you'reon the same page and it's
flowing and it's going, and thenit end up not working out in
every, in every relationship orevery.
It's a lesson and it's ablessing.
So either way you're going tobe blessed, or you're going to
get a lesson, or it could beboth something else, because
you're going to get.
Speaker 1 (21:48):
you know it's no mistake If you have the part
ways you know exactly, and it'sno need to be mad and angry.
You know with each other, youknow.
Just just part your part yourways and wish them the best.
God bless you, you know, butI'm you know I'm moving on.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
It's something better .
He has somebody better for you,so exactly, exactly.
Speaker 1 (22:11):
Well, this has been so good.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much to ourlisteners.
Thank you so much, D forco-hosting, again so grateful to
you.
Speaker 2 (22:23):
Thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Thank you, and thank you to community of unity.
Exactly so we will be back nextMonday.
Is there any words you want toleave them with before we?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Just just everybody.
Be blessed, stay blessed andspread.
Spread love and not hate.
There's enough hate in theworld.
Speaker 1 (22:47):
We need more love and kindness, give grace you know,
yes, yes, that's the grace Godgives us, exactly.
Speaker 2 (22:55):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (22:55):
Yeah, and I would.
The advice I would give is totake time for you and love
yourself and know that you areof value, that you are enough,
and give yourself a hug fromtime to time and just let
yourself know I am loved.
You know, and just take timefor you and stop trying to be
(23:18):
what everybody else expects youto be for them, and be who you
need to be for you.
Speaker 2 (23:23):
Amen, because God is love so you're never alone, even
if you're not in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Exactly.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
God loves you.
Speaker 1 (23:31):
Yes, so thanks again for tuning in.
If you have any comments,definitely go to free concepts
with an S podcast at gmailcom.
Much love and respect to all ofyou.
Peace and love.
Speaker 2 (23:46):
Blessings.
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