December 10, 2023 • 24 mins
Can you recall the moment you realized parenting is more of an art form rather than a science? We're all in this wildly beautiful and challenging journey, and I'm here, your host Shaniqua, to share my personal stories and insights. My experiences as a mother of three have given me the wisdom on the importance of open communication, setting boundaries, and preparing our children for the real world. This episode dives into the nitty-gritty of childhood mental health and the tough conversations we must have with our kids.
In the second part of this episode, I'll get personal with my journey as a single mom, raising three unique individuals. We'll explore the roller coaster of single motherhood, the joys, the tribulations, and everything in between. I'll shed some light on my adventure as a teen mom and the importance of cheering for our children's success. We'll dive into the darker aspects of parenting as well, such as the impact of past traumas and the role of bitterness in our children's future relationships. So, buckle up and join me for an unmasked discussion on parenting.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Free Concepts Unmasked, where we
motivate, educate and elevate.
I am your host, shaniqua, andtoday's topic is Parenting.
We're going to jump right intoit after this prayer, guys.
Father God, in the name ofJesus, god, I come to you, lord,
and I say thank you.
Thank you, god, for all thatyou've done and all that you're
(00:22):
about to do.
I'm so grateful for your love,your mercy, your grace, your
forgiveness.
I ask that you continue tobless our listeners, open their
hearts, open their minds, beable to receive whatever word
that you have for them and thatit transform them into whatever
(00:43):
it is you need for them to be,and that you fill them up so
they can fulfill their purpose.
In Jesus' name, we pray amen,unity and peace, amen.
So, guys, listen.
Parenting is not an easy job,as many of you know, and even if
you don't have your ownchildren, I know you've got some
nieces and some nephews, youknow, and maybe some little
(01:07):
cousins.
But parenting is not easy butit's definitely worth it at the
end of the day.
I'm 49, I was a teen mom.
I do have three children at theages of my oldest son is 31, my
middle son is 26, and mydaughter is 18.
So they are all grown,hallelujah, praise God, and I
(01:30):
have a grand baby now too.
She's one and a half my oldestson and his wife.
Such a beautiful thing, I'mtelling you, anyway.
So it took a lot to get here.
Okay, it was not easy.
Definitely, again worth it, butnot easy.
There were a lot of challengesand difficulties, you know,
(01:52):
because basically, when a childgets sick, you get sick, you got
to call off from work.
You know all of that.
You have to be.
You got to wear so many hats,you have to be their counselor,
their doctor, their teacher,just everything, and also try to
keep in mind you got to be whoyou need to be for you too, and
(02:13):
not get drained and overwhelmedfrom being a parent.
And so it comes with a lot ofsacrifices and you don't even
realize that at times.
I know, for me I didn't realizethat I, just my mom, was on
drugs.
I wanted her to just be a momand get rid of this habit.
And I didn't understand fully,you know, and I used to stay
(02:34):
angry at her and just so upsetas a kid, as a teenager, but
when I became a parent myself, Iunderstood so much more, you
know, and I feel like nowadayswe do not raise our children
(02:56):
like we used to.
Back in the day Now, I grew upin the 70s and again with my
great grandmother raising me andI respected my great
grandmother.
I loved her, I respected her.
Now, what I call it fear, Idon't know, because let me say
something If I did somethingwrong and my that my school had
(03:18):
to call my grandma, it was goingto be a problem.
You hear me?
The era of getting spankings,not abusing.
Now I'm talking about spankingsto teach you.
You know, discipline.
There's consequences to youractions, you know, and I think
that we need to get back intoraising our children, because a
(03:41):
lot of our kids are really lost.
I think we need to listen toour children, be there, love
them, not coddle them, becauseyou're not teaching them.
You know what the real world isreally about, because, at the
end of the day, you're going tobe soft on them, but the world
is going to be hard on them andthey may not be able to handle
(04:02):
what comes their way.
So you're going to have to, youknow, love them where they are,
teach them and then alsosupport them.
You know you have a lot ofyoung people that are feeling
like they are born a girl andthey feel like you know, they're
more like a tomboy or or a boythat's, you know, feels like
(04:25):
he's more like a girl, havethose conversations.
At the end of the day, you knowwhat I mean, it doesn't mean
that they're gay, it just meansthat you know, maybe they just
might need mom and dad to talkto them and sort some things out
.
You know, you never know, butyou have to be willing to listen
because, at the end of the day,let me tell you something we
did not know what we were doinggrowing up either.
(04:48):
You know, a lot of times wewere hardheaded, we didn't
listen.
So sometimes we have to takeourselves back to that place of
being a teenager, being 13 orwhatever, and um understanding,
you know that there's peerpressure, there's, you know,
bullying.
There's so much going on inschool.
Um, so, just loving our kidswhere they are, I think that if
(05:12):
we love them um unconditionally,that there's nothing that we
won't do for our children, and Ithink we really need to start
listening to them before it'stoo late.
Um, I do have three children,but I also have three bonus
children, um one that passed umJanuary 2nd and um, mental
(05:40):
health is really important.
Let me just say that my othertwo bonus children they are here
, um, beautiful, beautifulindividuals and um, I'm just so
grateful and honored to havebeen in all of their lives and
when I say to you that mentalhealth is important, this is,
(06:02):
you know, we really need to talkabout, have these tough
conversations with our childrenand find out what, what's going
on in their minds, because, atthe end of the day, the enemy is
going to try to attack so that,and of course, he attacks our
minds, um, so that we believesometimes that we're not enough
(06:26):
and due to divorce or you knowdifferent things that kids go
through and I think that'sreally hard on kids too is
divorce, and that's somethingthat I discussed with my
children, um, when I was marriedto their dads and then I wasn't
.
You know it's a toughconversation to have, um, but
you have to let your child knowthat it doesn't have anything to
(06:48):
do with you.
My, my daddy just can't getalong.
You know, and you know um andbreak it down to them that you
know we feel like we can have ahealthier relationship um with
you.
You know, as our child if weseparate and um, you know, we
gotta figure some things out andjust be honest with our
(07:09):
children, because at the end ofthe day, honey, you can try a
lot of these kids, but thesekids are very smart, very
intelligent.
They already know what's goingon and sometimes you might want
to say, excuse me that you knowyou 30 years.
You know, oh, we've beenmarried 30 years.
But, yeah, have you beenhappily married 30 years?
And when I say happily married,I mean where you don't have a
(07:29):
toxic environment for the childgrowing up and you guys are
miserable.
I rather, you know, raise mychild, um, by myself and still
have their father in their liveswithout um, without you know,
showing them this toxicrelationship and that it's okay
(07:51):
to stay in something that youshouldn't stay in just because
you want to say I've beenmarried 20, 30 years.
You know what I'm saying.
So I think also that we've takenGod and prayer out of the
schools back in the day, um, andthen I think that has really um
(08:12):
, I think that that's disabledus in a sense, because, listen,
let me say this I'm not tryingto push God on anybody, on
anybody, but if there issomething positive that's coming
out of this and we, you know,pray, you know.
Or say, for example, you guysdon't want your children
(08:36):
believing in God, but you got tobelieve in Santa Claus, you
know I'm saying.
Or you got to believe in atooth fairy, or you got to
believe, you know what I mean.
Like, come on, like it's snowharm, you got in God, we trust
on the money and God we trust,you know.
Um, we say it in the Pledge ofAllegiance, you know.
So it was anyway.
(08:58):
I'm.
I'm gonna stop on that part.
But we need to have, um, moreprayer, more love, more
compassion, more empathy forpeople.
Be there for your children,talk to them about any or
anything that they want to talkabout.
I don't care if it's sex.
If they have a question, thenyou need to answer it, because
(09:22):
you don't want them going totheir friends asking them
questions because they are noteven knowledgeable to even
answer, especially in a maturemanner, you know, and maybe even
a safe manner, you know.
But I think it's important thatwe take ourselves back to the
place when we were growing up,and they may not be like you,
(09:44):
they may be like there.
Maybe you didn't have a toughlife growing up or you weren't
hardheaded, but maybe their dadwas, you know, or the
grandmother, whoever.
Somehow we're going to havesome of that DNA from, you know,
our parents or their parents orso on, and they're going to act
different and you're going tobe like who shall?
(10:05):
Is this Put the end to the endof the day?
You know it's still your joband your responsibility to guide
them and love on them wherethey are, you know, and not make
them feel strange or weird orwhat's wrong with you.
You know, we're all different,we're all unique and I think
(10:27):
that's what makes us sobeautiful.
But yeah, my kids, it wasn'teasy being a teen mom and then,
five years later, having mysecond son and then, you know,
some years later, having mydaughter, and you know, you got
all these personalities in thehouse.
I got a Aquarius in the house,I got a Capricorn in the house,
(10:49):
I got a Leo in the house, I gotme in the house.
I'm a cancer, you know, and atthe times when I had husbands,
you know, like, wait a minute.
You have to deal with all ofthat and it's not easy.
It's hard to just deal with you, sometimes just you, and you
have to deal with all and we'reall these different hats and
multi-task.
(11:10):
It's very challenging, but atthe end of the day it's really
and I say this again and I knowI've already said this before
it's worth it.
It's really worth it.
I wouldn't change anything forthe world having them and just
having the opportunity to betheir mom through all of it.
(11:34):
It's been times that I did wantto throw in the towel, but I
knew I couldn't.
I didn't want to be the momthat my mom was.
I wanted to be better whateverthat looked like to me or
whatever that looks like to you,but I wanted to be better.
I want to be there for them.
I want to support them.
I want to encourage them.
I want them to be able to talkto me about anything and then
(12:00):
having respect for their elders,having respect for their
teachers.
I really think that teachers Itake my hat off the teachers
they don't get paid enough to dothe job that they do.
They spend more time with ourchildren than we do.
They're with them at leasteight hours.
By the time you get off work andyou get home and maybe cook or
order something to eat orwhatever and wind down, you get
(12:22):
up probably an hour with yourchildren and a lot of people be
complaining around thesummertime that you know, lord,
let me send these children backto the school.
You know, because you didn'thave enough of Lil Johnny and
Lil Tyrone and Keisha or whoever.
You know what I mean.
You didn't have enough.
But at the end of the day, youknow, god gives us these
(12:44):
blessings.
We raise them, these littlepeople, and they are people,
human beings, and they havefeelings.
But being their best friend, Idon't agree with that, you know.
I don't agree with.
I really agree more withletting your child be a child,
letting them have thatexperience and that curiosity
(13:07):
and that pureness of being achild.
A lot of times we have hadtraumatic experiences as a child
and we have taken them on withus and they're still attached to
us until we actually heal thosewounds, those disappointments,
those hurts.
You know those abandonmentissues, those neglect issues,
(13:31):
you know the things that we'vecarried as a child.
We don't want those burdens onour children, you know, and at
the end of the day I'll fight15,000 more demons if I have to
so that I break the generationalcurse, so that my children are
not affected and my children'schildren are not affected.
You know what I'm saying.
(13:51):
So we have to change thegeneration and I think that you
know a lot of parents nowadaystoo, are very easy on their
children.
You know they think about whatthey didn't want as a child, I
guess, and so they put that offon their children.
But honestly, children justwant to be loved.
(14:13):
They want to know that they'reloved.
They want to you know you tohug them, let them know what's
gonna be okay.
They want to be able to open upto you without having secrets
or holding secrets and sharingthem with their Classmates or
whoever else.
You know, these days you reallyhave to be there for your kids
because if not, you know theyhave the social media, the
(14:35):
internet, and ain't on tellingwho your children might be
talking to sometimes.
So you really that's anotherthing too check their phones.
Don't be afraid to check theirphones once a week or whatever,
and just or just pop up and say,hey, let me see your phone and
go through it so you can seewhat your child is discussing.
You know what the classmates orwho she's talking to or who
he's talking to.
(14:56):
You know it's really importantthese days because you have a
lot of people and we're in aspiritual where warfare, where a
lot of people I try to takethese children and sex
trafficking and all kinds ofthings that's going on in the
world that you must protect yourchildren.
You know, and it's important toNot.
(15:18):
You know, like my kids, my myoldest, he's married, you know
he's successful.
You know my middle sonsuccessful.
You know they've all gone tocollege, my daughters in college
now.
So great.
You know that's all great, goodjobs, all of that, but they are
beautiful people, beautifulindividuals, loving, caring,
(15:44):
respectful individuals.
You know, and that's what's mostimportant at the end of the day
, stop being bitter with their,their fathers.
You know, for women out there,stop being petty, stop being
bitter.
You know God's rejection isyour protection.
(16:04):
If they didn't, you knowthey're no longer in your life
and they don't love you forsomebody else or whatever the
case may be.
Think, go ahead and just let itgo and just know that God gonna
bless you with something elsebetter.
But do not, you know, pass thatNegativity.
Or, you know, show your childthe toxic relationship and
(16:25):
arguing and fighting.
You know, because at the end ofthe day, they're gonna end up
having Issues in their futurerelationships when they grow up,
you know, and who wants that?
If you really love your childUnconditionally, you do not want
your child to go through thesame thing that you've been
through.
You'll just let it go forgiving.
Let go easier said than done,but it can be done, you know.
(16:49):
And to you're gonna havegraduation.
You're gonna have, you know,with your child.
You're gonna have birthdays andthings.
You have to learn how to becordial, you know, men, same
thing.
It's no need to be bitter if youcheated so many times, for
example.
Just put an example is just anexample, guys, because you know
the fellas might get mad.
But just saying, if you cheatedso many times and you lost your
(17:12):
woman and now she's, you know,went on about, you know, her
business and she's, you know,raising a child on her own, then
don't be bitter when she gets anew boyfriend or somebody in
her life.
That is gonna, you know, notonly Be in her life but in your
child's life, you know,especially if they're positive.
(17:34):
I Think a lot of times we losesight of the children because
we're so caught up in beingangry and Pissed off at the mate
, at their father or the mother,that we forget how important
these little beings are that weare raising and they're our
future.
Really, I know it sounds cliche, but the children are our
(17:57):
future and and it's important toyou know, it's important to
what we do In teaching them andwhat we teach them, basically,
okay.
So I'm not gonna keep preaching, I'm just saying that, if you
agree, definitely email at freepot, free podcast, free concepts
(18:18):
podcast at gmailcom.
I don't know why I can't getthat together.
Y'all, we're gonna get ittogether, okay.
But I'm just saying and loveyour children.
Think about where you've been,think about the knowledge and
wisdom you've gained throughyour years of experience.
They are just growing, they arejust starting out.
Just give them the tools, givethem the skills, whatever it is
(18:40):
that they need to be able tosurvive in this world.
Definitely teach them respect,morals, values, love, compassion
, things like that, okay.
So I think it's reallyimportant that we change the
narrative.
The world is just cuckoo forcocoa puffs right now and we
(19:02):
need to Get it together and notpass on the same messed up cycle
that we had when we weregrowing up.
We want to be better.
Each generation should begetting better and stop being so
hard on these teachers out here.
I mean, I understand if theyabuse your child or something.
(19:24):
That's different.
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about real goodteachers out here that are
willing to educate your child.
But you don't want you knowlittle Johnny, to listen,
because you know you got toteach your child right from
wrong.
If little Johnny wrong, justlike how you know, sometimes you
might have a friend.
You know, if you write, youwrite.
(19:44):
If you're wrong, you're wrong.
I ain't gonna stand on wrong,I'm gonna tell my friend.
If you're my friend, I'm gonnabe honest with you and be like
no, I used wrong in thatsituation.
Sis, you know what I'm saying.
So with your child, you have tobe able to say no, that wasn't
right.
I need you to apologize to MrSuch and Such or Mr Such and
Such, you know.
I think it's really important,it shows integrity as well, to
(20:07):
apologize and be accountable foryour actions, and I think
that's what we need to teach ourchildren and even ourselves in
the whole healing process.
This is why I talk abouthealing all the time and you
know, the healing process anddoing the inner work is because
it really starts from us asbeing children, our childhood
(20:27):
and what we experienced and whatwe saw.
It ends up molding us, and youknow, especially our bad
experiences.
Unfortunately, it starts tomold us into what I feel like
the world wants us to be.
And I don't wanna be like theworld.
I don't want the world tochange me.
I wanna change the world forthe better, you know, and we
(20:49):
have to start over.
Basically, you know, I have adifferent mindset on how we
wanna do things, how we wannalive our lives.
You know Life is too short forus to just keep going down the
same rabbit hole, basically.
So just know that you don'thave to be like your parents.
(21:11):
You know you are your ownindividual and you can be who
you wanna be, but you have to dothe work and a lot of times
people wanna stay asleep.
They don't wanna, you know,wake up to reality and the truth
.
So I think that we need to bereal with our children.
(21:31):
We need to listen to ourchildren Just you know,
understanding where they'recoming from and talk to them
Because, like I said, they'regonna figure it out one way or
another and it's best to getguidance from their parents that
can be open-minded,non-judgmental and just you know
(21:54):
, listen.
So I think it will save a lotof our children's lives.
I wanted to put that out.
I wanted to dedicate thisepisode to my bonus son, brad
RIP.
God bless you, and this is whyI started.
(22:15):
All of this is because don'twait until it's too late.
So, with that being said, I'mgonna go ahead and finish up.
We do still have a giveaway theShadow Work Journal, a guide to
integrate and transcend yourshadows.
So listen, guys, I am doingthis giveaway.
(22:38):
The key phrase is going to beparenting is worth it.
Parenting is worth it.
So send that key phrase to freeconcepts podcast at gmailcom,
along with your shipping address.
If I pull your name from theemails that are sent, then I
(23:01):
will go ahead and ship this bookout to you.
It helps you to do the innerwork on yourself.
A lot of times, we always doouter work with the makeup and
the this and the that and tryingto look good on the outside.
Let's take the time to do theinside, clean up the inside and
make it as beautiful as theoutside, okay, guys?
So the Shadow Work Journaltalks about unconscious, talks
(23:27):
about your childhood.
It talks about fear.
A lot of times, fear holds usback, and so forth, and so on.
It has activities and exercisesfor you to complete, so it's
like a real personal journey tohelp you with your personal
(23:48):
wounds.
Okay, so, god bless you.
Thank you so much for listening.
I appreciate your time Again.
Let's be here for our youth,let's be here for our children.
You've got this.
You're up for the challenge.
No matter what comes your way,god has you definitely guiding
you to be the best parent youcan be, to be the best mother.
(24:10):
You can be the best father.
You can be the best person andhuman being that you can be.
God bless you.
Have a wonderful one.
Welcome to Free Concepts Unmasked, where we
motivate, educate and elevate.
I am your host, shaniqua, andtoday's topic is Parenting.
We're going to jump right intoit after this prayer, guys.
Father God, in the name ofJesus, god, I come to you, lord,
and I say thank you.
Thank you, god, for all thatyou've done and all that you're
(00:22):
about to do.
I'm so grateful for your love,your mercy, your grace, your
forgiveness.
I ask that you continue tobless our listeners, open their
hearts, open their minds, beable to receive whatever word
that you have for them and thatit transform them into whatever
(00:43):
it is you need for them to be,and that you fill them up so
they can fulfill their purpose.
In Jesus' name, we pray amen,unity and peace, amen.
So, guys, listen.
Parenting is not an easy job,as many of you know, and even if
you don't have your ownchildren, I know you've got some
nieces and some nephews, youknow, and maybe some little
(01:07):
cousins.
But parenting is not easy butit's definitely worth it at the
end of the day.
I'm 49, I was a teen mom.
I do have three children at theages of my oldest son is 31, my
middle son is 26, and mydaughter is 18.
So they are all grown,hallelujah, praise God, and I
(01:30):
have a grand baby now too.
She's one and a half my oldestson and his wife.
Such a beautiful thing, I'mtelling you, anyway.
So it took a lot to get here.
Okay, it was not easy.
Definitely, again worth it, butnot easy.
There were a lot of challengesand difficulties, you know,
(01:52):
because basically, when a childgets sick, you get sick, you got
to call off from work.
You know all of that.
You have to be.
You got to wear so many hats,you have to be their counselor,
their doctor, their teacher,just everything, and also try to
keep in mind you got to be whoyou need to be for you too, and
(02:13):
not get drained and overwhelmedfrom being a parent.
And so it comes with a lot ofsacrifices and you don't even
realize that at times.
I know, for me I didn't realizethat I, just my mom, was on
drugs.
I wanted her to just be a momand get rid of this habit.
And I didn't understand fully,you know, and I used to stay
(02:34):
angry at her and just so upsetas a kid, as a teenager, but
when I became a parent myself, Iunderstood so much more, you
know, and I feel like nowadayswe do not raise our children
(02:56):
like we used to.
Back in the day Now, I grew upin the 70s and again with my
great grandmother raising me andI respected my great
grandmother.
I loved her, I respected her.
Now, what I call it fear, Idon't know, because let me say
something If I did somethingwrong and my that my school had
(03:18):
to call my grandma, it was goingto be a problem.
You hear me?
The era of getting spankings,not abusing.
Now I'm talking about spankingsto teach you.
You know, discipline.
There's consequences to youractions, you know, and I think
that we need to get back intoraising our children, because a
(03:41):
lot of our kids are really lost.
I think we need to listen toour children, be there, love
them, not coddle them, becauseyou're not teaching them.
You know what the real world isreally about, because, at the
end of the day, you're going tobe soft on them, but the world
is going to be hard on them andthey may not be able to handle
(04:02):
what comes their way.
So you're going to have to, youknow, love them where they are,
teach them and then alsosupport them.
You know you have a lot ofyoung people that are feeling
like they are born a girl andthey feel like you know, they're
more like a tomboy or or a boythat's, you know, feels like
(04:25):
he's more like a girl, havethose conversations.
At the end of the day, you knowwhat I mean, it doesn't mean
that they're gay, it just meansthat you know, maybe they just
might need mom and dad to talkto them and sort some things out
.
You know, you never know, butyou have to be willing to listen
because, at the end of the day,let me tell you something we
did not know what we were doinggrowing up either.
(04:48):
You know, a lot of times wewere hardheaded, we didn't
listen.
So sometimes we have to takeourselves back to that place of
being a teenager, being 13 orwhatever, and um understanding,
you know that there's peerpressure, there's, you know,
bullying.
There's so much going on inschool.
Um, so, just loving our kidswhere they are, I think that if
(05:12):
we love them um unconditionally,that there's nothing that we
won't do for our children, and Ithink we really need to start
listening to them before it'stoo late.
Um, I do have three children,but I also have three bonus
children, um one that passed umJanuary 2nd and um, mental
(05:40):
health is really important.
Let me just say that my othertwo bonus children they are here
, um, beautiful, beautifulindividuals and um, I'm just so
grateful and honored to havebeen in all of their lives and
when I say to you that mentalhealth is important, this is,
(06:02):
you know, we really need to talkabout, have these tough
conversations with our childrenand find out what, what's going
on in their minds, because, atthe end of the day, the enemy is
going to try to attack so that,and of course, he attacks our
minds, um, so that we believesometimes that we're not enough
(06:26):
and due to divorce or you knowdifferent things that kids go
through and I think that'sreally hard on kids too is
divorce, and that's somethingthat I discussed with my
children, um, when I was marriedto their dads and then I wasn't
.
You know it's a toughconversation to have, um, but
you have to let your child knowthat it doesn't have anything to
(06:48):
do with you.
My, my daddy just can't getalong.
You know, and you know um andbreak it down to them that you
know we feel like we can have ahealthier relationship um with
you.
You know, as our child if weseparate and um, you know, we
gotta figure some things out andjust be honest with our
(07:09):
children, because at the end ofthe day, honey, you can try a
lot of these kids, but thesekids are very smart, very
intelligent.
They already know what's goingon and sometimes you might want
to say, excuse me that you knowyou 30 years.
You know, oh, we've beenmarried 30 years.
But, yeah, have you beenhappily married 30 years?
And when I say happily married,I mean where you don't have a
(07:29):
toxic environment for the childgrowing up and you guys are
miserable.
I rather, you know, raise mychild, um, by myself and still
have their father in their liveswithout um, without you know,
showing them this toxicrelationship and that it's okay
(07:51):
to stay in something that youshouldn't stay in just because
you want to say I've beenmarried 20, 30 years.
You know what I'm saying.
So I think also that we've takenGod and prayer out of the
schools back in the day, um, andthen I think that has really um
(08:12):
, I think that that's disabledus in a sense, because, listen,
let me say this I'm not tryingto push God on anybody, on
anybody, but if there issomething positive that's coming
out of this and we, you know,pray, you know.
Or say, for example, you guysdon't want your children
(08:36):
believing in God, but you got tobelieve in Santa Claus, you
know I'm saying.
Or you got to believe in atooth fairy, or you got to
believe, you know what I mean.
Like, come on, like it's snowharm, you got in God, we trust
on the money and God we trust,you know.
Um, we say it in the Pledge ofAllegiance, you know.
So it was anyway.
(08:58):
I'm.
I'm gonna stop on that part.
But we need to have, um, moreprayer, more love, more
compassion, more empathy forpeople.
Be there for your children,talk to them about any or
anything that they want to talkabout.
I don't care if it's sex.
If they have a question, thenyou need to answer it, because
(09:22):
you don't want them going totheir friends asking them
questions because they are noteven knowledgeable to even
answer, especially in a maturemanner, you know, and maybe even
a safe manner, you know.
But I think it's important thatwe take ourselves back to the
place when we were growing up,and they may not be like you,
(09:44):
they may be like there.
Maybe you didn't have a toughlife growing up or you weren't
hardheaded, but maybe their dadwas, you know, or the
grandmother, whoever.
Somehow we're going to havesome of that DNA from, you know,
our parents or their parents orso on, and they're going to act
different and you're going tobe like who shall?
(10:05):
Is this Put the end to the endof the day?
You know it's still your joband your responsibility to guide
them and love on them wherethey are, you know, and not make
them feel strange or weird orwhat's wrong with you.
You know, we're all different,we're all unique and I think
(10:27):
that's what makes us sobeautiful.
But yeah, my kids, it wasn'teasy being a teen mom and then,
five years later, having mysecond son and then, you know,
some years later, having mydaughter, and you know, you got
all these personalities in thehouse.
I got a Aquarius in the house,I got a Capricorn in the house,
(10:49):
I got a Leo in the house, I gotme in the house.
I'm a cancer, you know, and atthe times when I had husbands,
you know, like, wait a minute.
You have to deal with all ofthat and it's not easy.
It's hard to just deal with you, sometimes just you, and you
have to deal with all and we'reall these different hats and
multi-task.
(11:10):
It's very challenging, but atthe end of the day it's really
and I say this again and I knowI've already said this before
it's worth it.
It's really worth it.
I wouldn't change anything forthe world having them and just
having the opportunity to betheir mom through all of it.
(11:34):
It's been times that I did wantto throw in the towel, but I
knew I couldn't.
I didn't want to be the momthat my mom was.
I wanted to be better whateverthat looked like to me or
whatever that looks like to you,but I wanted to be better.
I want to be there for them.
I want to support them.
I want to encourage them.
I want them to be able to talkto me about anything and then
(12:00):
having respect for their elders,having respect for their
teachers.
I really think that teachers Itake my hat off the teachers
they don't get paid enough to dothe job that they do.
They spend more time with ourchildren than we do.
They're with them at leasteight hours.
By the time you get off work andyou get home and maybe cook or
order something to eat orwhatever and wind down, you get
(12:22):
up probably an hour with yourchildren and a lot of people be
complaining around thesummertime that you know, lord,
let me send these children backto the school.
You know, because you didn'thave enough of Lil Johnny and
Lil Tyrone and Keisha or whoever.
You know what I mean.
You didn't have enough.
But at the end of the day, youknow, god gives us these
(12:44):
blessings.
We raise them, these littlepeople, and they are people,
human beings, and they havefeelings.
But being their best friend, Idon't agree with that, you know.
I don't agree with.
I really agree more withletting your child be a child,
letting them have thatexperience and that curiosity
(13:07):
and that pureness of being achild.
A lot of times we have hadtraumatic experiences as a child
and we have taken them on withus and they're still attached to
us until we actually heal thosewounds, those disappointments,
those hurts.
You know those abandonmentissues, those neglect issues,
(13:31):
you know the things that we'vecarried as a child.
We don't want those burdens onour children, you know, and at
the end of the day I'll fight15,000 more demons if I have to
so that I break the generationalcurse, so that my children are
not affected and my children'schildren are not affected.
You know what I'm saying.
(13:51):
So we have to change thegeneration and I think that you
know a lot of parents nowadaystoo, are very easy on their
children.
You know they think about whatthey didn't want as a child, I
guess, and so they put that offon their children.
But honestly, children justwant to be loved.
(14:13):
They want to know that they'reloved.
They want to you know you tohug them, let them know what's
gonna be okay.
They want to be able to open upto you without having secrets
or holding secrets and sharingthem with their Classmates or
whoever else.
You know, these days you reallyhave to be there for your kids
because if not, you know theyhave the social media, the
(14:35):
internet, and ain't on tellingwho your children might be
talking to sometimes.
So you really that's anotherthing too check their phones.
Don't be afraid to check theirphones once a week or whatever,
and just or just pop up and say,hey, let me see your phone and
go through it so you can seewhat your child is discussing.
You know what the classmates orwho she's talking to or who
he's talking to.
(14:56):
You know it's really importantthese days because you have a
lot of people and we're in aspiritual where warfare, where a
lot of people I try to takethese children and sex
trafficking and all kinds ofthings that's going on in the
world that you must protect yourchildren.
You know, and it's important toNot.
(15:18):
You know, like my kids, my myoldest, he's married, you know
he's successful.
You know my middle sonsuccessful.
You know they've all gone tocollege, my daughters in college
now.
So great.
You know that's all great, goodjobs, all of that, but they are
beautiful people, beautifulindividuals, loving, caring,
(15:44):
respectful individuals.
You know, and that's what's mostimportant at the end of the day
, stop being bitter with their,their fathers.
You know, for women out there,stop being petty, stop being
bitter.
You know God's rejection isyour protection.
(16:04):
If they didn't, you knowthey're no longer in your life
and they don't love you forsomebody else or whatever the
case may be.
Think, go ahead and just let itgo and just know that God gonna
bless you with something elsebetter.
But do not, you know, pass thatNegativity.
Or, you know, show your childthe toxic relationship and
(16:25):
arguing and fighting.
You know, because at the end ofthe day, they're gonna end up
having Issues in their futurerelationships when they grow up,
you know, and who wants that?
If you really love your childUnconditionally, you do not want
your child to go through thesame thing that you've been
through.
You'll just let it go forgiving.
Let go easier said than done,but it can be done, you know.
(16:49):
And to you're gonna havegraduation.
You're gonna have, you know,with your child.
You're gonna have birthdays andthings.
You have to learn how to becordial, you know, men, same
thing.
It's no need to be bitter if youcheated so many times, for
example.
Just put an example is just anexample, guys, because you know
the fellas might get mad.
But just saying, if you cheatedso many times and you lost your
(17:12):
woman and now she's, you know,went on about, you know, her
business and she's, you know,raising a child on her own, then
don't be bitter when she gets anew boyfriend or somebody in
her life.
That is gonna, you know, notonly Be in her life but in your
child's life, you know,especially if they're positive.
(17:34):
I Think a lot of times we losesight of the children because
we're so caught up in beingangry and Pissed off at the mate
, at their father or the mother,that we forget how important
these little beings are that weare raising and they're our
future.
Really, I know it sounds cliche, but the children are our
(17:57):
future and and it's important toyou know, it's important to
what we do In teaching them andwhat we teach them, basically,
okay.
So I'm not gonna keep preaching, I'm just saying that, if you
agree, definitely email at freepot, free podcast, free concepts
(18:18):
podcast at gmailcom.
I don't know why I can't getthat together.
Y'all, we're gonna get ittogether, okay.
But I'm just saying and loveyour children.
Think about where you've been,think about the knowledge and
wisdom you've gained throughyour years of experience.
They are just growing, they arejust starting out.
Just give them the tools, givethem the skills, whatever it is
(18:40):
that they need to be able tosurvive in this world.
Definitely teach them respect,morals, values, love, compassion
, things like that, okay.
So I think it's reallyimportant that we change the
narrative.
The world is just cuckoo forcocoa puffs right now and we
(19:02):
need to Get it together and notpass on the same messed up cycle
that we had when we weregrowing up.
We want to be better.
Each generation should begetting better and stop being so
hard on these teachers out here.
I mean, I understand if theyabuse your child or something.
(19:24):
That's different.
I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about real goodteachers out here that are
willing to educate your child.
But you don't want you knowlittle Johnny, to listen,
because you know you got toteach your child right from
wrong.
If little Johnny wrong, justlike how you know, sometimes you
might have a friend.
You know, if you write, youwrite.
(19:44):
If you're wrong, you're wrong.
I ain't gonna stand on wrong,I'm gonna tell my friend.
If you're my friend, I'm gonnabe honest with you and be like
no, I used wrong in thatsituation.
Sis, you know what I'm saying.
So with your child, you have tobe able to say no, that wasn't
right.
I need you to apologize to MrSuch and Such or Mr Such and
Such, you know.
I think it's really important,it shows integrity as well, to
(20:07):
apologize and be accountable foryour actions, and I think
that's what we need to teach ourchildren and even ourselves in
the whole healing process.
This is why I talk abouthealing all the time and you
know, the healing process anddoing the inner work is because
it really starts from us asbeing children, our childhood
(20:27):
and what we experienced and whatwe saw.
It ends up molding us, and youknow, especially our bad
experiences.
Unfortunately, it starts tomold us into what I feel like
the world wants us to be.
And I don't wanna be like theworld.
I don't want the world tochange me.
I wanna change the world forthe better, you know, and we
(20:49):
have to start over.
Basically, you know, I have adifferent mindset on how we
wanna do things, how we wannalive our lives.
You know Life is too short forus to just keep going down the
same rabbit hole, basically.
So just know that you don'thave to be like your parents.
(21:11):
You know you are your ownindividual and you can be who
you wanna be, but you have to dothe work and a lot of times
people wanna stay asleep.
They don't wanna, you know,wake up to reality and the truth
.
So I think that we need to bereal with our children.
(21:31):
We need to listen to ourchildren Just you know,
understanding where they'recoming from and talk to them
Because, like I said, they'regonna figure it out one way or
another and it's best to getguidance from their parents that
can be open-minded,non-judgmental and just you know
(21:54):
, listen.
So I think it will save a lotof our children's lives.
I wanted to put that out.
I wanted to dedicate thisepisode to my bonus son, brad
RIP.
God bless you, and this is whyI started.
(22:15):
All of this is because don'twait until it's too late.
So, with that being said, I'mgonna go ahead and finish up.
We do still have a giveaway theShadow Work Journal, a guide to
integrate and transcend yourshadows.
So listen, guys, I am doingthis giveaway.
(22:38):
The key phrase is going to beparenting is worth it.
Parenting is worth it.
So send that key phrase to freeconcepts podcast at gmailcom,
along with your shipping address.
If I pull your name from theemails that are sent, then I
(23:01):
will go ahead and ship this bookout to you.
It helps you to do the innerwork on yourself.
A lot of times, we always doouter work with the makeup and
the this and the that and tryingto look good on the outside.
Let's take the time to do theinside, clean up the inside and
make it as beautiful as theoutside, okay, guys?
So the Shadow Work Journaltalks about unconscious, talks
(23:27):
about your childhood.
It talks about fear.
A lot of times, fear holds usback, and so forth, and so on.
It has activities and exercisesfor you to complete, so it's
like a real personal journey tohelp you with your personal
(23:48):
wounds.
Okay, so, god bless you.
Thank you so much for listening.
I appreciate your time Again.
Let's be here for our youth,let's be here for our children.
You've got this.
You're up for the challenge.
No matter what comes your way,god has you definitely guiding
you to be the best parent youcan be, to be the best mother.
(24:10):
You can be the best father.
You can be the best person andhuman being that you can be.
God bless you.
Have a wonderful one.
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