August 14, 2025 • 28 mins
Moving to university in two weeks, I talk about facing some uncomfortable fears that come with moving away and how to navigate through it. I hope this helps you through whatever move you are making!
00:00 Life Recap
05:27 Natural emotions
07:12 Past fears
11:50 Present fears
15:30 Future fears
24:23 Takeaway
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:03):
All right, hello everyone. I'm really happy to see you guys
again. Welcome back to episode 4.
Today we're going to be talking about moving away.
This is an important topic for me because obviously I'm moving
away to university next year, which is going to be, I'm sorry,
(00:25):
not even next year. I don't know why I keep saying
next year only moving away to university in two weeks
actually, which is pretty big. But whether you're making a big
move to university because you're my age or you're just
moving for any reason, or you'rejust moving on to the next
(00:46):
chapter of your life, your next year of your life, I think it's
a pretty important discussion tohave.
So welcome to Episode 4. Before I dive in, I do want to
talk about my week. I had a pretty good week.
Since last week, not too too toomuch has actually happened.
(01:11):
I've spent most of my energy just making sure I was getting a
couple of stuff done, like signing some forms and taking
care of logistical stuff that I need in order to be ready to
move in to university in a bit. I did get to go to a Blue Jays
game yesterday and all my fellowCo workers, which was so fun.
(01:33):
It was like a staff retreat I guess you kind of call it, and
it can't cover the tickets for everybody, which was so nice.
So it was really fun. I didn't watch too much of the
game itself, but I did have a lot of fun talking to my
friends, trying to start a wave in the crowd, which was really
(01:53):
fun and kind of failed but kind of worked.
I don't know, I just had a lot of fun.
Anyways, today I was kind of really tired during the whole
day because it was kind of humidand I have low iron, so nothing
dramatic, but I have low iron and low iron.
(02:16):
Plus the humidity kind of just like kills me sometimes.
But it was a good day. I came back, I recorded a vlog
for the very first time, which I'm not sure if I'll actually
post, but I just wanted to try it.
And it was pretty cool. I really enjoyed it.
And I'm ending up the day here with you guys.
(02:41):
I was thinking about that because I was really tired, but
I really, really, really wanted to come talk to you.
And I really mean that. I'm not even just saying that
this weekly thing is quickly tearing to something that I very
much enjoy and very much look forward to recording slash
(03:02):
talking to you because I get to have the conversations that I
want to have. And I think we all have those
conversations that we want to have, but there's just not
necessarily not necessarily a space being held for them.
So it's so fun. Anyways, getting started.
(03:25):
I am both very excited and very terrified to move.
For those of you who know who don't know, I'm going to
Dallahouse University for medical science in two weeks.
Oh my gosh, that's terrifying. I just kept saying next year,
(03:46):
next year. It's kind of really scary it's
in two weeks, but in point out it has a university which is in
Halifax, NS, Canada, which is a very long way away from Toronto
ON Canada. I think if I remember correctly,
it's like a 14 hour drive, whichI will not be driving, but
(04:10):
perspective. And I'm really excited because I
love making new friends. I'm really excited to feel like
I'm kind of living like a fully normal life, like having my own
room kind of thing. Well, I do have a roommate, but
(04:30):
still having my own kind of room.
Getting to try out a bunch of different interests for the
first time. Again, also just my classes.
I'm just generally excited for my classes because I'm actually
like, really interested in what I'm learning.
So yeah, I'm really excited for that.
(04:52):
And I've also just always lookedforward to university because
for me it's kind of been like a plan of freedom where it's like,
oh, wow. And I don't know.
And I'm learning because I actually want to learn, not
because I'm being forced to because it's some random
curriculum. I think it's a big point in my
(05:13):
life where it's like, wow, everything I'm doing past this
point is because like I actuallywant to do it kind of thing in
some shape or form. But the honest truth is that I'm
also very scared and I'm also very terrified to move because
all those kind of what ifs that are kind of impossible to shake
(05:35):
it out of your head. Like, oh, what if I get a
roommate that like hates me or like stinks or something.
But if I end up hating my program and like I realized that
I don't want to do biology anymore but then I have no clue
what in the world I want to do. And then I'm just there dropping
(05:59):
like insane amounts of money on tuition and I have no clue
what's going on. Or what if people who I hold
very dear to me in my life, namely my girlfriend, I've been
dating for two years. But if things don't go well in
that direction and we end up breaking up, which ain't going
to happen, leave it there. But it's always a fear because
(06:22):
it's impossible to shake off because we're in.
And I'm sure you guys all have your own fears.
I'm sure because moving is scary, again, regardless of
whether or not you're moving university moving in any shape
or form. But I really want to talk about
why it's scary so that I can understand.
(06:43):
Is scariness for myself better? And so maybe you can understand
it better or someone in your life can understand it better
and you can be there to support them.
So for me, I think there's threeaspects that I'm kind of scared
(07:05):
of. For most people are scared of,
I'd say it's like a past, present, future, scariest.
So the first one, the past. I think a big fear that it's
hard to put into words. I think a big fear we all have
when we're moving on from something is the fear that our
(07:28):
unique experience that we had with that situation or person
place thing will kind of just beforgotten and flowed out into
the universe, never to be talkedabout again.
And someone else will come in your place and they won't even
know you were there. So I can make this make more
(07:51):
sense if I were to talk about myhigh school, for example, I
love, love, love my high school and I put my heart and soul into
it. And a lot of people in my grade
and the grades around me know mebecause I have like different
friends from different grades with different teachers, the
teacher, a bunch of different grades and just a large scope or
(08:16):
like network across the school. But the truth is, I doubt many
people will be talking about me next year, like at all.
And for sure the year after that, my name will probably be,
will probably be very much forgotten at that school, not
amongst the teachers because we're like full adults.
(08:37):
But then again, it's not like they're going to be talking to
me or like talking about me. It's not, you know, and so
that's definitely a scary feeling because for a place that
I tie so much emotional space and connection and love too, for
(08:58):
the thought of me getting removed from that place is
history is definitely a scary thought and not a thought I want
to have and I kind of want forever.
I kind of, I know it sounds selfish, but I feel like we all
can't do it. It's hard to explain.
It's almost as if me leaving my high school, I want like, I want
(09:22):
me leaving my high school. I want my high school to just
end there. You know, like I want the school
to like shut down because like, OK, so that the experience I had
and my friends had and all people that were at the school
at the same time as me, that like whole experience that we
all shared could just be frozen right there, could not go away.
(09:49):
Obviously it's not possible. And I want the school to keep
running and I want every single person who is able and wants to
go to that school to go because it's amazing.
But I feel like it's a common experience we can all share.
It doesn't have to be dressed about a place.
It doesn't have to be a school. I'm really going to miss the
(10:14):
people. There's a lot of people I'm
going to miss. There's a lot of things I'm
going to miss. There's random things that are
kind of associated to physical places, but not necessarily not
necessarily like I'm going to miss like running late for
school in the morning and running out the door.
(10:35):
I'm not going to be doing that again.
I'm going to miss getting into my uniform.
I'm going to miss, OK, going away from school.
I've had too many school examples, but just with my
friends or most of us are kind of scattering across the map in
terms of universities. So I'm really going to miss
hanging out with them at lunch. I'm going to miss hanging out
(10:55):
with them on the weekends, sending each other like Reels or
Tik Toks and stuff. That's something I'm really,
really, really gonna miss. And this is also something that
happens when you lose a friend or a person that you're in a
(11:16):
relationship with, either because they passed away or
because their relationship ended.
That's also very, very, very hard to deal with.
Like let's say you were to be going through a breakup right
now. You kind of want that person's
relationship life to like end there, even whether you like
them or not. I just, I don't know.
(11:39):
That's the way I see it. Maybe you don't see it that way
and that's OK. So that's the aspect of the past
that's kind of very scary. And then when it comes to the
present, the present day scariness and sadness, the
present day scariness and sadness is more like I'm scared
(12:01):
to move in kind of thing. That's like I say, a present
doesn't have to be this day exactly, but like this maybe the
next month, the next month or so.
I'm scared to leave a lot of things behind, a lot of things
behind. I'm scared to move in as I was
talking about before me roommate, all that kind of
(12:23):
stuff, making sure I have everything.
I'm scared to see how what like emotional place I will be in a
month from now with all this bigchange.
You know, like kind of like almost scared of myself.
Not in like a a terrible person or anything, but it's just kind
of scary to think like, oh, whattype of person will I be in a
(12:48):
month from now? And when I say all this stuff,
keep in mind I'm like 90% excited for all this stuff and
all this big change. I'm just taking the space to
acknowledge the like scariness of moving on from a personal
(13:09):
place or thing. And it won't always be that I'm
90% excited. There are some moving ONS that
you have to do that are not fun at all, at all.
There's like no exciting portionto them.
And I'm very sorry if you had togo through that experience.
It's definitely hard. And through many of those, and
(13:32):
because I've moved so many times, I've switched friend
groups so many times, so many different kinds of friends, one
thing I've learned is that the most important thing you can
have to aid you through that move is honestly yourself.
And so I'm going to take this and have a plug back to episode
(13:55):
2. If you haven't listened to it,
go listen to it because I was talking about the importance of
finding your center. And I really cannot stress how
important that is because as you're going through drastic
changes in your life and you're moving on from one thing to the
next, even if everything is exploding around you and all
(14:17):
those what if worries that you had all came true and all those
certainties that you had like, oh, no, I'm going to be
perfectly fine. I'm going to be really healthy.
This person is going to be in mylife always.
Like all those certainties that you think you might have had,
like for sure, you could have like invent your life on it.
(14:37):
If they go away, what's going tokeep you grounded?
And the answer to that is going to be your center.
And so I'm not going to go on a rainbow about that.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and
listen to episode 2 and then come back and finish this go.
OK, So yeah. And then when it comes to the
(15:02):
future sense, there's a lot of there's a lot of things to be
scared about here. And I think these are the, I
think the more obvious ones I don't really have to like talk
about because I kind of already said them.
It's just scared of what's to come.
But there's also more subtle things in the future that are
(15:27):
honestly not fun to think about at all.
For example, I'm not a really big fan of this like unspoken
societal behavior that we just all accepted no like this or say
to anyone. Like I think every single person
does it ever. I do it too.
(15:50):
Like everyone does it. Everyone does it, But this thing
we have where it's like when youhave a relationship with a
person in any shape or form or aplace or a thing, anything, you
kind of make this deal with thisperson place for thing that
like, Oh yeah, no, we'll stay connected.
(16:13):
If it's a person. A person is a better example.
But like, if it's a person, you'd be like, Oh no, yeah, no,
yeah, we'll FaceTime, we'll likewe'll keep sending each other
like Tik Toks or something. And yeah, we'll hang out, all
that kind of stuff. And it's not that when I say I
don't like that, it's not that Ithink people have fake
intentions. It's not, it's not like a lot of
(16:36):
the time, a lot of the times when I say that I genuinely mean
it. And a lot of the times other
people say it, I do believe theygenuinely mean it.
Sometimes they don't, but that'sOK.
It's just, it's something I'm trying to change that because I
understand why we do it. It's because we have good
nature. We want to see this person again
(16:59):
and we want to like tell them that like, hey, I'll show up for
you even if I'm not next to you.But it's really hard.
It's really hard, especially if it's coming from a person that
you would see regularly until and now it's maybe not anymore.
And there's that kind of like slow drift stage where you guys
both know what's happening, but you don't want to acknowledge
(17:21):
it. And it's weird.
It can also be for a thing. Let's say you're leaving a hobby
that you had for a very long time and you said you're going
to keep up with it. And you kind of have this silent
guilt with yourself as you realize you're not keeping up
with it. That could be like, I don't
know, if you dance or you do some sort of art, you play a
(17:43):
team, you they're in some sort of club, you play some sort of
game, anything, just any routine, you have anything,
anything in your life. So I'm really scared for that to
happen with a lot of people thatI hold the very close to my
heart, especially my group of guys, because of how far we're
(18:03):
scattering, especially with timedifferences and everything, and
how insanely expensive it is to travel, like literally anywhere
in the whole world or in Canada.And so, yeah, I feel like it's
kind of one of those things we just don't acknowledge.
But I do know that like, the best friends I've ever had in my
(18:27):
life, my guys, I go from textingthem every single day until
there will be points this year where we might not text, like a
straight month, and that's OK, It's just scary.
Or points where I might never even talk to one of them ever
again, which would be horrible. And I'm gonna try my best to not
make that happen. But that's that fear.
(18:49):
That's that fear. And it's that very fun.
It's not very fun. And I don't blame the other side
at all, at all. At all.
I understand life is so busy. Life is very, very, very busy.
And when we're going through bigchanges with people that are
(19:10):
important in our life, we also need to remind ourselves that
they're also going through changes because we're leaving
their life or they're also goingthrough a big change themselves.
So yeah. But the second piece of the
future fear, such scariness is this is this isn't going to be
(19:33):
applicable to everybody, but to me.
I've I've always had this guilt,our silent kilt I should say, of
enjoying something without my siblings around.
And this doesn't have to be for your siblings.
(19:53):
Maybe it's just a person you're really close with.
Maybe it's your parents, anyone in your family tree, any close
friends, any anyone teacher, anything but especially coming
from very dramatic household. Me and my siblings all lived
very different lives. We all ended up as very, let's
(20:15):
say different people, still verylike good people that can all
like relate to our experiences and all love each other very
much. But there would be certain times
where I kind of like, well, not kind of when I ran away from my
home and I would maybe be in a better position in life, not
(20:36):
like in a rude way, but just in a better, like financial or
physical situation than one of my siblings.
And I'd be enjoying something knowing that one of my siblings
was not having a good time. And that's that's a really sucky
feeling. And this doesn't have to be just
your siblings. It can be a friend.
Maybe you know that someone who was like your best friend like a
(20:59):
year ago lost someone in their life or as having like a really
hard time in their life and you're like, I don't know, I
think the club or something. By all means, go and enjoy your
life. Don't let kilt hold you back or
something. I'm not saying this should
change or that anyone's in the wrong here or any.
No, no, I'm just acknowledging it.
(21:19):
But sometimes it's really not the best for them.
And I'm, and maybe I experience it maybe more than you do, or
maybe you experience it more than me, but maybe I experienced
it more because I'm the type of person where when I when I
(21:40):
really like something, I want toshare it.
I really, really want to share it.
Like if I find a really good song, I'll send it to one of my
friends. I have this one friend
specifically, you know you are kick.
Hello, I have this one of friends specifically right to
(22:01):
send music to not very often, but I do and he says do music
too and I just really like that.Or if I try some food I'll
really want to bring like next time I'm going out eating with
one of my friends or someone I'dbe like Oh my gosh, let's go to
this part. It's so good.
And I like seeing the reaction is like they enjoy the food or a
show, a cool like hangout spot, a cool piece of clothing, like
(22:28):
anything. I just really like sharing the
things I enjoy. Oh, Bitcoin is also volleyball
because I got into volleyball this year and I really like
getting my friends into volleyball.
Like going down to the beach once or twice or just playing
during lunchtime. It's always fun.
(22:48):
I just really, really, really, really enjoy sharing the things
I like sharing. And so when the person I want to
share these things with isn't there, I feel like I'm kind of
like hogging a good experience to myself kind of, which is not
the most lovely feelings. And when I say silent, I mean
(23:09):
silent, I mean really silent because it never stops me from
like having the fun that I am having.
But it definitely sits there in the back of my mind, definitely
leaves me with a weird feeling. And I try my best to show up the
like the best I can. The next opportunity I'm with
(23:30):
this person or place or thing. And so yeah, I'm really scared
to move to Halifax next year. That'll be very fun, but I'm
scared. I hope this episode didn't scare
y'all too much or anything. I just like acknowledging the
(23:52):
unknowledged stuff. And so to end it on a bit of a
high note, I think the big important piece of all this
stuff I was talking about is notnecessarily trying to change a
lot of it, because I think a lotof it is just the natural, like
human experience and natural emotions that like, like it's
(24:17):
not perfect. It's not meant to be perfect.
Like it's fine the way it is. It's amazing.
But I think the big take away here, it's just if you're ever
experiencing these emotions, if you're experiencing them right
now, or maybe you will be experiencing them when you
complete your big move or small enough, just remember how
(24:42):
amazing, oh, Gizmo is kind of crashing.
Remember how amazing it is to beable to miss something because
it really is amazing to have something to miss.
To have something that was like so good that you can miss it and
you can be sad about it and feelscared about losing it.
(25:08):
Kind of in the sense where it's like you could only miss
something because it was good. You know, you can only fall
because you were flying kind of thing.
And yeah, that's the way life goes.
That's the way life goes. And so whether you are moving to
(25:31):
university next year like I am, or maybe not going to
university, maybe you're just doing your own thing next year.
Or maybe there's actually not that big of a change from this
year to next year. Or maybe you're working the same
job or something, doing the samething.
Whatever you're doing, good for you.
Keep doing what you're doing. I'm here for you every single
(25:56):
Thursday. Come and chat and wait.
I didn't complete my thought there but I wanted to say is
that even if you think your moveisn't that big, remember it is
because it doesn't have to be a physical move like you are
moving from last year to this year. 2025 is almost over, which
(26:21):
is crazy because to me the number 2025 just seems so
futuristic. I don't know explain it, rant
for a different time. Point is is find your center,
acknowledge the unacknowledged feelings when you're going
through those big moves, surround yourself with people to
(26:44):
support you and remember how lucky you are and be happy that
you have something that you can miss because it really is an
amazing feeling. Complete side note, there's this
song by I think Phoebe Bridgers called that funny feeling.
(27:06):
Go listen to it right now. That will look perfectly
encapsulate everything I'm talking about in this episode
right now. It Loki might be one of the best
songs that like matches an emotion so well.
Like wow, it's amazing. Go listen to it right now.
I think it's called that funny feeling by Phoebe Bridgers.
(27:29):
ANYWAYS, as usual, I will see you next Thursday.
Oh, I forgot to say the very beginning, but I finally got
spot. I finally got video onto
Spotify, so you can watch it there.
You don't have to be watching onYouTube, but it's my podcast is
also on a bunch of other platforms.
(27:51):
So go to my Instagram, Jerome dot Mbaga, sorry, Jerome dot
mbaga and click the link in bio.You'll see all the pages it's on
and a bunch of other stuff. There's lots of exciting
surprises coming soon in terms of my content creator journey,
if you will, and just the journey of my life.
(28:12):
So make sure to turn on notifications and follow,
subscribe or for whatever platform you're on.
And as usual, I will see you next Thursday.
Thanks so much. Bye bye.
All right, hello everyone. I'm really happy to see you guys
again. Welcome back to episode 4.
Today we're going to be talking about moving away.
This is an important topic for me because obviously I'm moving
away to university next year, which is going to be, I'm sorry,
(00:25):
not even next year. I don't know why I keep saying
next year only moving away to university in two weeks
actually, which is pretty big. But whether you're making a big
move to university because you're my age or you're just
moving for any reason, or you'rejust moving on to the next
(00:46):
chapter of your life, your next year of your life, I think it's
a pretty important discussion tohave.
So welcome to Episode 4. Before I dive in, I do want to
talk about my week. I had a pretty good week.
Since last week, not too too toomuch has actually happened.
(01:11):
I've spent most of my energy just making sure I was getting a
couple of stuff done, like signing some forms and taking
care of logistical stuff that I need in order to be ready to
move in to university in a bit. I did get to go to a Blue Jays
game yesterday and all my fellowCo workers, which was so fun.
(01:33):
It was like a staff retreat I guess you kind of call it, and
it can't cover the tickets for everybody, which was so nice.
So it was really fun. I didn't watch too much of the
game itself, but I did have a lot of fun talking to my
friends, trying to start a wave in the crowd, which was really
(01:53):
fun and kind of failed but kind of worked.
I don't know, I just had a lot of fun.
Anyways, today I was kind of really tired during the whole
day because it was kind of humidand I have low iron, so nothing
dramatic, but I have low iron and low iron.
(02:16):
Plus the humidity kind of just like kills me sometimes.
But it was a good day. I came back, I recorded a vlog
for the very first time, which I'm not sure if I'll actually
post, but I just wanted to try it.
And it was pretty cool. I really enjoyed it.
And I'm ending up the day here with you guys.
(02:41):
I was thinking about that because I was really tired, but
I really, really, really wanted to come talk to you.
And I really mean that. I'm not even just saying that
this weekly thing is quickly tearing to something that I very
much enjoy and very much look forward to recording slash
(03:02):
talking to you because I get to have the conversations that I
want to have. And I think we all have those
conversations that we want to have, but there's just not
necessarily not necessarily a space being held for them.
So it's so fun. Anyways, getting started.
(03:25):
I am both very excited and very terrified to move.
For those of you who know who don't know, I'm going to
Dallahouse University for medical science in two weeks.
Oh my gosh, that's terrifying. I just kept saying next year,
(03:46):
next year. It's kind of really scary it's
in two weeks, but in point out it has a university which is in
Halifax, NS, Canada, which is a very long way away from Toronto
ON Canada. I think if I remember correctly,
it's like a 14 hour drive, whichI will not be driving, but
(04:10):
perspective. And I'm really excited because I
love making new friends. I'm really excited to feel like
I'm kind of living like a fully normal life, like having my own
room kind of thing. Well, I do have a roommate, but
(04:30):
still having my own kind of room.
Getting to try out a bunch of different interests for the
first time. Again, also just my classes.
I'm just generally excited for my classes because I'm actually
like, really interested in what I'm learning.
So yeah, I'm really excited for that.
(04:52):
And I've also just always lookedforward to university because
for me it's kind of been like a plan of freedom where it's like,
oh, wow. And I don't know.
And I'm learning because I actually want to learn, not
because I'm being forced to because it's some random
curriculum. I think it's a big point in my
(05:13):
life where it's like, wow, everything I'm doing past this
point is because like I actuallywant to do it kind of thing in
some shape or form. But the honest truth is that I'm
also very scared and I'm also very terrified to move because
all those kind of what ifs that are kind of impossible to shake
(05:35):
it out of your head. Like, oh, what if I get a
roommate that like hates me or like stinks or something.
But if I end up hating my program and like I realized that
I don't want to do biology anymore but then I have no clue
what in the world I want to do. And then I'm just there dropping
(05:59):
like insane amounts of money on tuition and I have no clue
what's going on. Or what if people who I hold
very dear to me in my life, namely my girlfriend, I've been
dating for two years. But if things don't go well in
that direction and we end up breaking up, which ain't going
to happen, leave it there. But it's always a fear because
(06:22):
it's impossible to shake off because we're in.
And I'm sure you guys all have your own fears.
I'm sure because moving is scary, again, regardless of
whether or not you're moving university moving in any shape
or form. But I really want to talk about
why it's scary so that I can understand.
(06:43):
Is scariness for myself better? And so maybe you can understand
it better or someone in your life can understand it better
and you can be there to support them.
So for me, I think there's threeaspects that I'm kind of scared
(07:05):
of. For most people are scared of,
I'd say it's like a past, present, future, scariest.
So the first one, the past. I think a big fear that it's
hard to put into words. I think a big fear we all have
when we're moving on from something is the fear that our
(07:28):
unique experience that we had with that situation or person
place thing will kind of just beforgotten and flowed out into
the universe, never to be talkedabout again.
And someone else will come in your place and they won't even
know you were there. So I can make this make more
(07:51):
sense if I were to talk about myhigh school, for example, I
love, love, love my high school and I put my heart and soul into
it. And a lot of people in my grade
and the grades around me know mebecause I have like different
friends from different grades with different teachers, the
teacher, a bunch of different grades and just a large scope or
(08:16):
like network across the school. But the truth is, I doubt many
people will be talking about me next year, like at all.
And for sure the year after that, my name will probably be,
will probably be very much forgotten at that school, not
amongst the teachers because we're like full adults.
(08:37):
But then again, it's not like they're going to be talking to
me or like talking about me. It's not, you know, and so
that's definitely a scary feeling because for a place that
I tie so much emotional space and connection and love too, for
(08:58):
the thought of me getting removed from that place is
history is definitely a scary thought and not a thought I want
to have and I kind of want forever.
I kind of, I know it sounds selfish, but I feel like we all
can't do it. It's hard to explain.
It's almost as if me leaving my high school, I want like, I want
(09:22):
me leaving my high school. I want my high school to just
end there. You know, like I want the school
to like shut down because like, OK, so that the experience I had
and my friends had and all people that were at the school
at the same time as me, that like whole experience that we
all shared could just be frozen right there, could not go away.
(09:49):
Obviously it's not possible. And I want the school to keep
running and I want every single person who is able and wants to
go to that school to go because it's amazing.
But I feel like it's a common experience we can all share.
It doesn't have to be dressed about a place.
It doesn't have to be a school. I'm really going to miss the
(10:14):
people. There's a lot of people I'm
going to miss. There's a lot of things I'm
going to miss. There's random things that are
kind of associated to physical places, but not necessarily not
necessarily like I'm going to miss like running late for
school in the morning and running out the door.
(10:35):
I'm not going to be doing that again.
I'm going to miss getting into my uniform.
I'm going to miss, OK, going away from school.
I've had too many school examples, but just with my
friends or most of us are kind of scattering across the map in
terms of universities. So I'm really going to miss
hanging out with them at lunch. I'm going to miss hanging out
(10:55):
with them on the weekends, sending each other like Reels or
Tik Toks and stuff. That's something I'm really,
really, really gonna miss. And this is also something that
happens when you lose a friend or a person that you're in a
(11:16):
relationship with, either because they passed away or
because their relationship ended.
That's also very, very, very hard to deal with.
Like let's say you were to be going through a breakup right
now. You kind of want that person's
relationship life to like end there, even whether you like
them or not. I just, I don't know.
(11:39):
That's the way I see it. Maybe you don't see it that way
and that's OK. So that's the aspect of the past
that's kind of very scary. And then when it comes to the
present, the present day scariness and sadness, the
present day scariness and sadness is more like I'm scared
(12:01):
to move in kind of thing. That's like I say, a present
doesn't have to be this day exactly, but like this maybe the
next month, the next month or so.
I'm scared to leave a lot of things behind, a lot of things
behind. I'm scared to move in as I was
talking about before me roommate, all that kind of
(12:23):
stuff, making sure I have everything.
I'm scared to see how what like emotional place I will be in a
month from now with all this bigchange.
You know, like kind of like almost scared of myself.
Not in like a a terrible person or anything, but it's just kind
of scary to think like, oh, whattype of person will I be in a
(12:48):
month from now? And when I say all this stuff,
keep in mind I'm like 90% excited for all this stuff and
all this big change. I'm just taking the space to
acknowledge the like scariness of moving on from a personal
(13:09):
place or thing. And it won't always be that I'm
90% excited. There are some moving ONS that
you have to do that are not fun at all, at all.
There's like no exciting portionto them.
And I'm very sorry if you had togo through that experience.
It's definitely hard. And through many of those, and
(13:32):
because I've moved so many times, I've switched friend
groups so many times, so many different kinds of friends, one
thing I've learned is that the most important thing you can
have to aid you through that move is honestly yourself.
And so I'm going to take this and have a plug back to episode
(13:55):
2. If you haven't listened to it,
go listen to it because I was talking about the importance of
finding your center. And I really cannot stress how
important that is because as you're going through drastic
changes in your life and you're moving on from one thing to the
next, even if everything is exploding around you and all
(14:17):
those what if worries that you had all came true and all those
certainties that you had like, oh, no, I'm going to be
perfectly fine. I'm going to be really healthy.
This person is going to be in mylife always.
Like all those certainties that you think you might have had,
like for sure, you could have like invent your life on it.
(14:37):
If they go away, what's going tokeep you grounded?
And the answer to that is going to be your center.
And so I'm not going to go on a rainbow about that.
If you don't know what I'm talking about, go back and
listen to episode 2 and then come back and finish this go.
OK, So yeah. And then when it comes to the
(15:02):
future sense, there's a lot of there's a lot of things to be
scared about here. And I think these are the, I
think the more obvious ones I don't really have to like talk
about because I kind of already said them.
It's just scared of what's to come.
But there's also more subtle things in the future that are
(15:27):
honestly not fun to think about at all.
For example, I'm not a really big fan of this like unspoken
societal behavior that we just all accepted no like this or say
to anyone. Like I think every single person
does it ever. I do it too.
(15:50):
Like everyone does it. Everyone does it, But this thing
we have where it's like when youhave a relationship with a
person in any shape or form or aplace or a thing, anything, you
kind of make this deal with thisperson place for thing that
like, Oh yeah, no, we'll stay connected.
(16:13):
If it's a person. A person is a better example.
But like, if it's a person, you'd be like, Oh no, yeah, no,
yeah, we'll FaceTime, we'll likewe'll keep sending each other
like Tik Toks or something. And yeah, we'll hang out, all
that kind of stuff. And it's not that when I say I
don't like that, it's not that Ithink people have fake
intentions. It's not, it's not like a lot of
(16:36):
the time, a lot of the times when I say that I genuinely mean
it. And a lot of the times other
people say it, I do believe theygenuinely mean it.
Sometimes they don't, but that'sOK.
It's just, it's something I'm trying to change that because I
understand why we do it. It's because we have good
nature. We want to see this person again
(16:59):
and we want to like tell them that like, hey, I'll show up for
you even if I'm not next to you.But it's really hard.
It's really hard, especially if it's coming from a person that
you would see regularly until and now it's maybe not anymore.
And there's that kind of like slow drift stage where you guys
both know what's happening, but you don't want to acknowledge
(17:21):
it. And it's weird.
It can also be for a thing. Let's say you're leaving a hobby
that you had for a very long time and you said you're going
to keep up with it. And you kind of have this silent
guilt with yourself as you realize you're not keeping up
with it. That could be like, I don't
know, if you dance or you do some sort of art, you play a
(17:43):
team, you they're in some sort of club, you play some sort of
game, anything, just any routine, you have anything,
anything in your life. So I'm really scared for that to
happen with a lot of people thatI hold the very close to my
heart, especially my group of guys, because of how far we're
(18:03):
scattering, especially with timedifferences and everything, and
how insanely expensive it is to travel, like literally anywhere
in the whole world or in Canada.And so, yeah, I feel like it's
kind of one of those things we just don't acknowledge.
But I do know that like, the best friends I've ever had in my
(18:27):
life, my guys, I go from textingthem every single day until
there will be points this year where we might not text, like a
straight month, and that's OK, It's just scary.
Or points where I might never even talk to one of them ever
again, which would be horrible. And I'm gonna try my best to not
make that happen. But that's that fear.
(18:49):
That's that fear. And it's that very fun.
It's not very fun. And I don't blame the other side
at all, at all. At all.
I understand life is so busy. Life is very, very, very busy.
And when we're going through bigchanges with people that are
(19:10):
important in our life, we also need to remind ourselves that
they're also going through changes because we're leaving
their life or they're also goingthrough a big change themselves.
So yeah. But the second piece of the
future fear, such scariness is this is this isn't going to be
(19:33):
applicable to everybody, but to me.
I've I've always had this guilt,our silent kilt I should say, of
enjoying something without my siblings around.
And this doesn't have to be for your siblings.
(19:53):
Maybe it's just a person you're really close with.
Maybe it's your parents, anyone in your family tree, any close
friends, any anyone teacher, anything but especially coming
from very dramatic household. Me and my siblings all lived
very different lives. We all ended up as very, let's
(20:15):
say different people, still verylike good people that can all
like relate to our experiences and all love each other very
much. But there would be certain times
where I kind of like, well, not kind of when I ran away from my
home and I would maybe be in a better position in life, not
(20:36):
like in a rude way, but just in a better, like financial or
physical situation than one of my siblings.
And I'd be enjoying something knowing that one of my siblings
was not having a good time. And that's that's a really sucky
feeling. And this doesn't have to be just
your siblings. It can be a friend.
Maybe you know that someone who was like your best friend like a
(20:59):
year ago lost someone in their life or as having like a really
hard time in their life and you're like, I don't know, I
think the club or something. By all means, go and enjoy your
life. Don't let kilt hold you back or
something. I'm not saying this should
change or that anyone's in the wrong here or any.
No, no, I'm just acknowledging it.
(21:19):
But sometimes it's really not the best for them.
And I'm, and maybe I experience it maybe more than you do, or
maybe you experience it more than me, but maybe I experienced
it more because I'm the type of person where when I when I
(21:40):
really like something, I want toshare it.
I really, really want to share it.
Like if I find a really good song, I'll send it to one of my
friends. I have this one friend
specifically, you know you are kick.
Hello, I have this one of friends specifically right to
(22:01):
send music to not very often, but I do and he says do music
too and I just really like that.Or if I try some food I'll
really want to bring like next time I'm going out eating with
one of my friends or someone I'dbe like Oh my gosh, let's go to
this part. It's so good.
And I like seeing the reaction is like they enjoy the food or a
show, a cool like hangout spot, a cool piece of clothing, like
(22:28):
anything. I just really like sharing the
things I enjoy. Oh, Bitcoin is also volleyball
because I got into volleyball this year and I really like
getting my friends into volleyball.
Like going down to the beach once or twice or just playing
during lunchtime. It's always fun.
(22:48):
I just really, really, really, really enjoy sharing the things
I like sharing. And so when the person I want to
share these things with isn't there, I feel like I'm kind of
like hogging a good experience to myself kind of, which is not
the most lovely feelings. And when I say silent, I mean
(23:09):
silent, I mean really silent because it never stops me from
like having the fun that I am having.
But it definitely sits there in the back of my mind, definitely
leaves me with a weird feeling. And I try my best to show up the
like the best I can. The next opportunity I'm with
(23:30):
this person or place or thing. And so yeah, I'm really scared
to move to Halifax next year. That'll be very fun, but I'm
scared. I hope this episode didn't scare
y'all too much or anything. I just like acknowledging the
(23:52):
unknowledged stuff. And so to end it on a bit of a
high note, I think the big important piece of all this
stuff I was talking about is notnecessarily trying to change a
lot of it, because I think a lotof it is just the natural, like
human experience and natural emotions that like, like it's
(24:17):
not perfect. It's not meant to be perfect.
Like it's fine the way it is. It's amazing.
But I think the big take away here, it's just if you're ever
experiencing these emotions, if you're experiencing them right
now, or maybe you will be experiencing them when you
complete your big move or small enough, just remember how
(24:42):
amazing, oh, Gizmo is kind of crashing.
Remember how amazing it is to beable to miss something because
it really is amazing to have something to miss.
To have something that was like so good that you can miss it and
you can be sad about it and feelscared about losing it.
(25:08):
Kind of in the sense where it's like you could only miss
something because it was good. You know, you can only fall
because you were flying kind of thing.
And yeah, that's the way life goes.
That's the way life goes. And so whether you are moving to
(25:31):
university next year like I am, or maybe not going to
university, maybe you're just doing your own thing next year.
Or maybe there's actually not that big of a change from this
year to next year. Or maybe you're working the same
job or something, doing the samething.
Whatever you're doing, good for you.
Keep doing what you're doing. I'm here for you every single
(25:56):
Thursday. Come and chat and wait.
I didn't complete my thought there but I wanted to say is
that even if you think your moveisn't that big, remember it is
because it doesn't have to be a physical move like you are
moving from last year to this year. 2025 is almost over, which
(26:21):
is crazy because to me the number 2025 just seems so
futuristic. I don't know explain it, rant
for a different time. Point is is find your center,
acknowledge the unacknowledged feelings when you're going
through those big moves, surround yourself with people to
(26:44):
support you and remember how lucky you are and be happy that
you have something that you can miss because it really is an
amazing feeling. Complete side note, there's this
song by I think Phoebe Bridgers called that funny feeling.
(27:06):
Go listen to it right now. That will look perfectly
encapsulate everything I'm talking about in this episode
right now. It Loki might be one of the best
songs that like matches an emotion so well.
Like wow, it's amazing. Go listen to it right now.
I think it's called that funny feeling by Phoebe Bridgers.
(27:29):
ANYWAYS, as usual, I will see you next Thursday.
Oh, I forgot to say the very beginning, but I finally got
spot. I finally got video onto
Spotify, so you can watch it there.
You don't have to be watching onYouTube, but it's my podcast is
also on a bunch of other platforms.
(27:51):
So go to my Instagram, Jerome dot Mbaga, sorry, Jerome dot
mbaga and click the link in bio.You'll see all the pages it's on
and a bunch of other stuff. There's lots of exciting
surprises coming soon in terms of my content creator journey,
if you will, and just the journey of my life.
(28:12):
So make sure to turn on notifications and follow,
subscribe or for whatever platform you're on.
And as usual, I will see you next Thursday.
Thanks so much. Bye bye.
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