August 21, 2025 • 27 mins
Going back to kindergarten lessons, Jerome discuss the challenges and joys that come with making new friends! However amazing you are, this episode is bound to teach you something! (or so they say)
00:00 Hey!
01:44 Why do we want to have friends?
02:48 The secret trick
11:28 Where to find friends
15:19 My biggest piece of advice
23:30 My kindergarten bully
25:59 Just say hi
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
All right, hey crew, welcome back to the fifth episode of
Free to Grow. Today we're going to talk about
how to make friends one-on-one. Before we dive into the episode,
I did want to say huge Congrats to me and to you guys because
(00:23):
we've been doing this journey for a month now, which is a very
long time. And yeah, pretty crazy, crazy
stuff. And so today's episode is going
to obviously be about, sorry, it's obviously going to be about
how to make friends. But I'm also going to share some
personal struggles that I've hadwhen it came to making friends,
(00:44):
such as my kindergarten bully, who was this five year old, the
Angel of a girl who had this side.
It was not very nice to me. But anyways, we'll get into that
later. Bit of a hook, if you shall.
So yeah, I felt like I wanted tomake this episode because
(01:06):
working with my podcast, I'm trying to keep a good balance of
like keeping it silly and like talking about normal topics that
everyone would just want to hearabout or fall asleep to, but
also a good mix about some more deeper topics.
So that's why we're talking about how to make friends
because I feel like it's like right in the middle.
And episode 4 we were talking about some challenges that come
(01:33):
with moving away. So we kind of talked about like
losing friends a bit, kind of. And so now we're going to talk
about how to gain friends. Oh yeah.
Because that's what life is all about.
S 1st we got to ask ourselves why?
Why do we even want to have friends?
And I know this question might seem obvious, but I think it's
(01:57):
very important that everyone asks themselves this question
because I think every single person is trying to get
something different out of theirfriendships based on what type
of person they are, their interests, and what kind of
person they want their friend tobe.
But looking at it from a more broader perspective and kind of
(02:18):
social slash scientific perspective, friends are great.
Friends make us feel included inactivities.
They give us a place to outlet our stress, our emotions, people
to count on in times of crisis, which can really help lower
(02:39):
certain levels of stress, which is just always, always, always,
always a good time. So the point is, friends are
great. Have friends.
Anyways, before I'm not necessarily gonna list out a
bajillion ways of how to make friends 'cause I think that's
(03:00):
like useless. But I think a better question
that everyone can ask themselvesis what kind of friend do you
want to be to others? And I think if you start there,
you will quickly learn what kindof friends you want.
So starting from my own personalexperience, it took me a very
(03:21):
long time to figure out what kind of friend I wanted to be
for others because I had lots oftrouble knowing my role with
other people because of just like the way I was brought up.
But it treated me like friendships and like all kinds
of relationships were kind of just like more transactional and
just doing stuff for each other,which can be a good thing or a
(03:45):
bad thing. But essentially, it was hard for
me to figure out at the beginning, but I'd say now I'm I
want to be the kind of friend that, you know, like will pick
up the phone if you need to talkto someone.
I want to be the friend that like, you also know, you like
the friend you know, that you can go out and have a good time
(04:06):
with and be silly, goofy or whatever.
And the friend you know, you cancount on when it's not silly and
goofy. Oh and 3rd and 3rd a friend that
like you know, you can be super weird with not in any like weird
way or anything but I love beingweird with my friends just like
(04:27):
spamming brain raw or memes and stuff.
It's like the funnest thing in the planet.
Highly recommend. It's so fun and that is honestly
one of my biggest like most basic indicators of like when I
meet someone. If you like hit it off kind of
(04:48):
or just like spamming memes or like doing some weird dance, I'm
like, all right, banger. This is a banger.
But anyways, to help you in thisprocess, and I'm also still
going through this process, but to help you through this
process, I'd like you to envision yourself, maybe not the
(05:08):
person you are now, maybe, and it can be, but any version of
yourself that you would like past, future, present that you
like the most or let's say you're the most comfortable with
right now. Imagine that version of yourself
as a movie character. And I think it's very clear what
type of person you would be. If you analyze yourself as a
(05:30):
person or a cast, Would you be like the main friend or would
you be like, you know, what kindof role like psychoanalyze
yourself from that perspective? How do the other characters in
this movie kind of view yourself?
How in what situations would that version of yourself be kind
(05:52):
of pushed into the spotlight, whether that be like attention
or just like showing up for other people?
And in what ways would that friend like what would make that
friend angry? What would make that friend,
like, just pissed off? Not having it kind of boundary
kind of thing. And that's where you got to
start. That's exactly where you got to
start. I know it sounds stupid, but
(06:15):
just trust me. Analyze it.
And there you go. Even better if you take your
current version of yourself. And yeah, that's the word I was
looking for. Stereotype, kind of like
stereotype yourself into a moviecharacter.
Just take all your features and characteristics and blast them
100% How? What does that look like?
(06:39):
And are you satisfied with that person does that?
Is that the kind of person who like flakes on their friend all
the time? Persons maybe not nice with
their friend all the time? And what kind of like
progression does that character need to go through?
So I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's kind of
how I envision it. And side note, I envision it
(07:02):
that way a lot. And that's why when I look at
people who are kind of just likemean, but like, I mean like more
like adults, when I look at likeadults that are mean or just
doing something that's just like, so like mean, but it's
just like, it's so basic, you know?
You know, like it's not even like mean in like a creative
way. It's just so basic.
I wonder what they're thinking when they watch like something
(07:27):
on TV and it's like their character, you know, and usually
their character is like the bad guy or like the mean teacher,
mean parent or whatever, you know, kind of thing.
I always wonder what they think about when they watch those
scenes. It's kind of like, bro, it's
kind of right in front of you, you know?
So look at it from that perspective and maybe it helps
(07:49):
you. So using myself as an example,
if I know I want to be the friends who can show up for
other people and a person that can be actually let's start with
weird. If I know I want to be a friend
that can be weird with other people, then maybe, maybe not
(08:13):
all the time, but maybe being friends with someone who hates
being weird and like shames people who like spam memes and
brain rot, then maybe that isn'tthe best friend for me.
And note I said best friend. I'll get to that later.
Just note that I said best friend, not the friend.
(08:35):
So that's who I can kind of start to be like.
Maybe I don't want to like allocate my time in this manner,
but like I don't, maybe I don't want to hang out with this type
of person because they're not mytype of friend.
And that's OK. And I think it's very important
to differentiate between like, not being the same, like friend
(09:00):
type or like compatible friendship or whatever from
bullying someone. You know, like it's OK to say,
hey, me and this person, they'refine or whatever, or maybe just
not the most compatible and that's OK.
You're not gonna bully them for that.
They don't have to bully you. It's just, it is what it is.
It's fine. There's lots of good people who
(09:23):
have very many different types of personality types and not all
of them will get along. In fact, most of them will not
like, not not get along, just not like click, which is OK.
So, yeah, So I know people who don't like being weird at all or
won't even or kind of like shameme for being weird.
(09:44):
That's not necessarily my crowd because I do that a lot.
I definitely do have some friends that are like that are
like that. They're not part of my close
friend group circle, but I do have friends like that and
that's something I know. And that's OK.
They're they're fine people. I know I'm also a friend that
(10:05):
likes to have lots of emotional connection.
Me and my friends are very tight.
Like I've had a lot of good conversations with all of them
about like, you know, their hopes and dreams and all that
kind of stuff or just about whatthey're going through in the
moment. And sometimes the conversations
can come off very deep and sometimes they're like very
subtle. It'll be just like hard to
(10:26):
explain, never mind. But I know that when it comes to
my core friend group, I like people that would be chill with
like if it's like late at night and we sit back, start like just
like talking. And that's, that's fine.
We don't gotta, we don't gotta lower down our entire life.
That's what this podcast is for.But we can chill and I can hear
(10:49):
about their days and like how they're feeling and all that
kind of stuff. So a person who's like extremely
closed off and that's fine. That's, that's fine.
I'm not calling him a bad personor anything, but a person that's
extremely closed off, maybe we're just not the most
compatible when it comes to being close friends.
And that is how I kind of decided like who I kind of want
(11:13):
my close friends to be. And another, wait, what was my
last name? I don't even remember, I'm just
the yapping who knows man who knows.
Anyways, moving on. A really really really good way
to find friends that you will like and enjoy spending time
(11:38):
with is by spending more time inthe hobbies that you enjoy.
For example, I really enjoy while you when camping and let's
say it's kind of it's not it's one of my my main hobbies.
But actually, yeah, sure, yeah, different one.
(11:59):
I like ma UN camping and singing, acting and dancing,
musicals, all that jazz, right. So I started going to camp every
year. I started liking it more and
more and more and built a community there.
And now I have a lot of friends there who I love very much and I
don't get to see too often. But they're great people.
They're great people who are just overall oh what in the
(12:22):
world there's like a giant ass like duck like emu looking out
bird on the highway. Yo what's that's what was
causing the traffic. It's just like a giant ass bird
on the road. Oh my God that was weird as
hell. I can't believe holy shit Oh my
God Oh my God. Oh car almost got into a car
(12:44):
accident. Anyways, forget about that get
it back on topic. Follow your interests.
So I went to camping. I went to this camp called Camp
Candelor. It's amazing.
I built a community there and I found people that I really enjoy
spending my time with. In truth though, in truth, I do
have a lot of friends from Camp Candelor.
They are amazing. I love them so much and they're
(13:05):
amazing to see in that setting. They're amazing to see at camp.
We don't see each other that much in the city because in full
honesty some of them I'm not actually like the 100% most
compatible friends with them which is fine but in the camp
setting we like click and it feels like we're siblings and
(13:27):
it's amazing. Same with mall UN mall UNI have
a group of friends who are amazing and they're very
different to be completely honest from a lot of my other
friends. They're a bit more like debating
and amazing and smart and everything.
So that is, those are an amazinggroup of friends that I cherish
so, so, so much and they teach me so much and they're great in
(13:51):
that setting. Same with the musical.
There are a lot of people who especially people in the musical
that I could just be like 100% my weird brain rot self with and
they would also do that too. And it was so fun and they were
amazing friends to be with in that setting.
And so the point I'm trying to get at is you don't have to have
(14:13):
one type a friend. You don't have to have like 1
type of friends. You know, you can have different
types of friends. You're allowed like, and I feel
that something that maybe it's just me that proceeded that way,
but I feel that's something thatit's like an unsubden unspoken
rule kind of that you have to just like find your way into one
(14:35):
clique and just be there. And I do feel that you will
definitely feel that pressure ifyou're getting all of your
friends from one place, namely school or work.
If all of your friends are coming from one environment,
then yes. To be honest, it is kind of hard
to have friends from different social circles or different
personality types because then some stupid drama about someone
(15:01):
not liking this person or if you're at that place at the same
time, let's say school, if you're at school, let's say at
the same time, then maybe they'll be like, oh, why are you
hanging it with them and not us kind of whole thing, which is a
conversation for a different time.
But it can sometimes get messy. And so my biggest advice is have
(15:22):
friends from different like social bubbles kind of.
And so thinking from my own perspective, going to university
in like less than a week, like next week I will be in
university. Next episode actually I will be
in university, which is pretty cool.
(15:45):
Thinking from that perspective. I know it's thinking far, but
thinking from that perspective, I want to have a couple of
friends from volleyball intramurals that I want to
start. I want to have a couple of
friends that like I study with that can have like my study
group kind of thing. And then maybe a couple of
friends that like live on my floor and like my roommate and
all that kind of stuff. Couple friends from all UN that
(16:09):
I want to keep doing and then random friends I'll pick up
along the way kind of thing. And I'm sure that these groups
will mingle and intertwine all that kind of stuff.
That's fine. That's great if they do, but you
don't need to put all like your what's that saying?
Breads in one basket, eggs, eggsin one basket.
(16:29):
You don't need to put all your eggs in one basket.
You are 100% allowed to have friends that do not know each
other and that are very different from each other.
You are allowed to do that. I would highly recommend it.
You will get a wide array of people to hang out with and
that's really good because sometimes you want to chill and
you can hit up a person that's more chill that would like maybe
(16:53):
not get along with a different friend that you have, which is
like the party, party, yippee, yippee person.
And that's OK. That's OK because I love finding
friends is definitely an important process, especially if
you're going to be in one place for a long time.
(17:17):
It doesn't, you don't have to make it so hard on yourself and
you don't have to like find the perfect friend that you're like,
Oh my gosh, we're like twins. Like we're, we're best friends.
And it's amazing. If you do, it's amazing.
If you do, lovely. But it doesn't have to be one
person that is your twin. You can have four different
(17:38):
friends from 4 different social groups that don't even know each
other and maybe wouldn't click if they did know each other.
But hey, now you got four times the amount of people to hang out
with. So there you go.
And so yeah, that would be my biggest advice.
My biggest advice would be be yourself.
Know what kind of friend you want to be for other people.
(18:01):
And then, yeah, be yourself. Know what friend you want to be
for other people. And then follow your interests
and have a lot of interests. Follow your interests and have
friends that are spread across the map.
And definitely the last one is definitely my biggest point of
advice. Have friends from different
social circles. It will change your life.
(18:23):
It's like moving from like a small town to New York City.
That's like the equivalent. It's a great time.
And now obviously the second chapter would be like, OK, once
you know what kind of friend youwant to be for others.
And let's say you even know, youknow a person and you're like,
(18:44):
hey, I kind of want to be friends with that person.
Side note, that's a really fun time.
Like, you know, when you meet someone and you're like, wow,
this person's kind of really cool.
I kind of want to be friends with them.
That's always a great time. And just put yourself out there.
Honestly. I know that's like so corny and
like probably the least helpful voice of all time, but it's so
(19:07):
true. People want friends, OK, People
want friends. Even the people who have resting
mean faces or the people who like might be grumpy that day.
People want friends. All humans want friends.
If they say they don't, then they're capping and maybe check
up on them. So put yourself out there.
(19:31):
And if the friendship didn't work out, it didn't work out.
Hey, that's the way the cookie crumbles and then you move on.
And my one last thing would definitely be, especially for
those of you that are moving to university in a week or two like
me, try not to get so bogged down on one person.
(19:54):
I really mean that. I feel like sometimes people get
into a new space, they find a friend that they really like.
On the first day and then it feels like you're like glued to
them forever, you know, And that's never really that fun.
So it's never, it's never as funas it really seems.
You know, it gets to like a couple of days or like a week
(20:15):
and you're like, all right, I need some personal space.
Especially if this friend likes to talk behind other people's
backs about like maybe your other friends or they're just
not compatible with your other friends from other social
groups. That's maybe not the person you
want to be the closest of friends with because it's OK to
(20:37):
have friends from different social bubbles.
Not all of your friends need to be friends with each other and
all have to go to 1 giant sleepover.
It would be amazing if they do. My advice in like a dream world
would be have a core friend group that like you enjoy and
have no like big homes with, butthen at the same time have a
(21:02):
bunch of friends outside of thisfriend group and maybe not a
bunch, even one or two is fine that are completely different
from your friend group. Say you were exposed to a
variety of different types of people and so that is how you
make friends. I definitely could have been a
lot more specific, but at the same time, not really because
it's such a big topic that it's like, you know, there's like so
(21:26):
much to talk about, and then youstart talking about it and
you're like, oh, so I hope you enjoyed this episode.
I'm arriving at volleyball now. Thanks for coming along the ride
with me. It was a great time.
Yeah. I am so happy I've had the
(21:49):
beautiful opportunity to chat with all of you guys for the
last month. In all honesty, I didn't I, I, I
knew, but I didn't fully know that I was going to, what's it
called do this for like a month.I've been doing this for a
(22:11):
month. I've been a podcast creator for
a month. And in all honesty, it hasn't
really changed my life from my perspective.
Like it's not like anything has really changed.
Like a lot of people have come up to me and been like, hey man,
I really like your podcast and I've been so appreciative of
every single person who has saidthat.
It's really meant the world to me and it's definitely made me
(22:33):
closer with certain people because they've like been like
like maybe seen a different sideof me that they didn't know.
But it's not like I'm like making money or anything or like
going like some brand trips or anything.
I'm just same old, same old, wake up, eat, go to work, come
(22:53):
back, chill around, watch a showor two.
And it's really only like an hour of work every week, maybe
because recording it takes like 30 minutes, and then just
publishing it sometimes take a while.
Sometimes takes a while because of how slow YouTube can be
sometimes, or Spotify and all that kind of stuff.
(23:16):
But yeah, I know making friends is very challenging and you can
do it through so many different streams.
I'm friends with every single one of you, every single person
listening to this episode or anyepisode of my podcast, you're
automatically my friend. Boo.
You're stuck. And so that will bring me all
the way back to the beginning. Actually, I don't even know if I
(23:38):
said that in the beginning of this take because I can't take
multiple takes of this because it was not going well.
Anyways, I'll bring it back to the beginning where I started
off talking about my kindergarten bully.
She wasn't really that big of a bully, but she was just stealing
my blocks all the time. And that made me a bit of like a
(24:01):
timid person and kind of like, Idon't know, scared to like play
with others sometimes. And that definitely shows in
like who I am today because I'm,I've definitely gotten like past
90% of it. But even still, sometimes if you
see me in public, you can't, you'll kind of see me like
dissociate sometimes, especiallyat the beginning of a hangout or
(24:24):
at the beginning of meeting people Sometimes, not all the
time, sometimes because I just don't really know what to do.
But once I make that first step,I'm just saying like, hey, it's
really, it's really, really, really through it.
So while you're making friends, remember everyone else wants a
friend too. Just go up to someone, say hi.
(24:47):
People love, like people love when people ask them about
themselves. So just go up to someone and
say, hi, how was your day? What were you up to last night?
And like, honestly, it's kind ofcrazy.
It's kind of crazy if someone were to come up to you, like not
someone you usually talk to, butlet's say someone from your
(25:07):
school or something that you don't have any problem with, you
don't have any problem with, youjust happen to have not talked
to them. And they were to come up to you
and go like, hey, how are you doing?
And you probably would just givea generic like, oh, good, maybe
it's in passing. But then if they stop and like
go off script a little bit and are like, so like, where did you
(25:27):
get up to last night? Or what did you get up to over
the weekend? It's a shocker.
And to be completely honest, it doesn't happen that often.
And I'm sure you would love it if that happened to you.
I'm sure maybe you'd be a littlescared and anxious, but it's
really just that first step of just showing interest in someone
and be like, hey, I kind of wantto get to know who you are just
(25:49):
as a person. Nothing like romantic or
anything, Just as a person, as afriend.
Maybe we can be friends. Saying that out loud is a little
weird. Maybe don't do that, but just
say hi. The point is, say hi.
If you didn't listen to a singlething I said in this entire
episode, it can all be summarized in go up to someone
(26:12):
that you want to be friends withand just say hi.
How are you doing? How's your day been going?
Start our conversation and that's it.
Let me know if you liked this episode.
Shoot me Adm again, go to the link in my bio on my Instagram.
(26:33):
My Instagram is Jerome dot Mbaga.
Jerome dot MB Aga. Yeah, kind of brain fart there.
Click the link in my bio and there's a button where you can
click for episode ideas. I actually do have 5 episode
requests which I will be gettingto.
(26:53):
I've just been like dying in terms of pack packing for uni
and stuff and I'm not sure how I'm going to roll those out.
I might do them in combination with other episodes.
Anyways, thanks so much for a month of listening to my
podcast. I love you guys so much.
You guys are definitely my friends and I'll see you around.
I will see you next Thursday. Bye bye.
All right, hey crew, welcome back to the fifth episode of
Free to Grow. Today we're going to talk about
how to make friends one-on-one. Before we dive into the episode,
I did want to say huge Congrats to me and to you guys because
(00:23):
we've been doing this journey for a month now, which is a very
long time. And yeah, pretty crazy, crazy
stuff. And so today's episode is going
to obviously be about, sorry, it's obviously going to be about
how to make friends. But I'm also going to share some
personal struggles that I've hadwhen it came to making friends,
(00:44):
such as my kindergarten bully, who was this five year old, the
Angel of a girl who had this side.
It was not very nice to me. But anyways, we'll get into that
later. Bit of a hook, if you shall.
So yeah, I felt like I wanted tomake this episode because
(01:06):
working with my podcast, I'm trying to keep a good balance of
like keeping it silly and like talking about normal topics that
everyone would just want to hearabout or fall asleep to, but
also a good mix about some more deeper topics.
So that's why we're talking about how to make friends
because I feel like it's like right in the middle.
And episode 4 we were talking about some challenges that come
(01:33):
with moving away. So we kind of talked about like
losing friends a bit, kind of. And so now we're going to talk
about how to gain friends. Oh yeah.
Because that's what life is all about.
S 1st we got to ask ourselves why?
Why do we even want to have friends?
And I know this question might seem obvious, but I think it's
(01:57):
very important that everyone asks themselves this question
because I think every single person is trying to get
something different out of theirfriendships based on what type
of person they are, their interests, and what kind of
person they want their friend tobe.
But looking at it from a more broader perspective and kind of
(02:18):
social slash scientific perspective, friends are great.
Friends make us feel included inactivities.
They give us a place to outlet our stress, our emotions, people
to count on in times of crisis, which can really help lower
(02:39):
certain levels of stress, which is just always, always, always,
always a good time. So the point is, friends are
great. Have friends.
Anyways, before I'm not necessarily gonna list out a
bajillion ways of how to make friends 'cause I think that's
(03:00):
like useless. But I think a better question
that everyone can ask themselvesis what kind of friend do you
want to be to others? And I think if you start there,
you will quickly learn what kindof friends you want.
So starting from my own personalexperience, it took me a very
(03:21):
long time to figure out what kind of friend I wanted to be
for others because I had lots oftrouble knowing my role with
other people because of just like the way I was brought up.
But it treated me like friendships and like all kinds
of relationships were kind of just like more transactional and
just doing stuff for each other,which can be a good thing or a
(03:45):
bad thing. But essentially, it was hard for
me to figure out at the beginning, but I'd say now I'm I
want to be the kind of friend that, you know, like will pick
up the phone if you need to talkto someone.
I want to be the friend that like, you also know, you like
the friend you know, that you can go out and have a good time
(04:06):
with and be silly, goofy or whatever.
And the friend you know, you cancount on when it's not silly and
goofy. Oh and 3rd and 3rd a friend that
like you know, you can be super weird with not in any like weird
way or anything but I love beingweird with my friends just like
(04:27):
spamming brain raw or memes and stuff.
It's like the funnest thing in the planet.
Highly recommend. It's so fun and that is honestly
one of my biggest like most basic indicators of like when I
meet someone. If you like hit it off kind of
(04:48):
or just like spamming memes or like doing some weird dance, I'm
like, all right, banger. This is a banger.
But anyways, to help you in thisprocess, and I'm also still
going through this process, but to help you through this
process, I'd like you to envision yourself, maybe not the
(05:08):
person you are now, maybe, and it can be, but any version of
yourself that you would like past, future, present that you
like the most or let's say you're the most comfortable with
right now. Imagine that version of yourself
as a movie character. And I think it's very clear what
type of person you would be. If you analyze yourself as a
(05:30):
person or a cast, Would you be like the main friend or would
you be like, you know, what kindof role like psychoanalyze
yourself from that perspective? How do the other characters in
this movie kind of view yourself?
How in what situations would that version of yourself be kind
(05:52):
of pushed into the spotlight, whether that be like attention
or just like showing up for other people?
And in what ways would that friend like what would make that
friend angry? What would make that friend,
like, just pissed off? Not having it kind of boundary
kind of thing. And that's where you got to
start. That's exactly where you got to
start. I know it sounds stupid, but
(06:15):
just trust me. Analyze it.
And there you go. Even better if you take your
current version of yourself. And yeah, that's the word I was
looking for. Stereotype, kind of like
stereotype yourself into a moviecharacter.
Just take all your features and characteristics and blast them
100% How? What does that look like?
(06:39):
And are you satisfied with that person does that?
Is that the kind of person who like flakes on their friend all
the time? Persons maybe not nice with
their friend all the time? And what kind of like
progression does that character need to go through?
So I don't know if that makes any sense, but that's kind of
how I envision it. And side note, I envision it
(07:02):
that way a lot. And that's why when I look at
people who are kind of just likemean, but like, I mean like more
like adults, when I look at likeadults that are mean or just
doing something that's just like, so like mean, but it's
just like, it's so basic, you know?
You know, like it's not even like mean in like a creative
way. It's just so basic.
I wonder what they're thinking when they watch like something
(07:27):
on TV and it's like their character, you know, and usually
their character is like the bad guy or like the mean teacher,
mean parent or whatever, you know, kind of thing.
I always wonder what they think about when they watch those
scenes. It's kind of like, bro, it's
kind of right in front of you, you know?
So look at it from that perspective and maybe it helps
(07:49):
you. So using myself as an example,
if I know I want to be the friends who can show up for
other people and a person that can be actually let's start with
weird. If I know I want to be a friend
that can be weird with other people, then maybe, maybe not
(08:13):
all the time, but maybe being friends with someone who hates
being weird and like shames people who like spam memes and
brain rot, then maybe that isn'tthe best friend for me.
And note I said best friend. I'll get to that later.
Just note that I said best friend, not the friend.
(08:35):
So that's who I can kind of start to be like.
Maybe I don't want to like allocate my time in this manner,
but like I don't, maybe I don't want to hang out with this type
of person because they're not mytype of friend.
And that's OK. And I think it's very important
to differentiate between like, not being the same, like friend
(09:00):
type or like compatible friendship or whatever from
bullying someone. You know, like it's OK to say,
hey, me and this person, they'refine or whatever, or maybe just
not the most compatible and that's OK.
You're not gonna bully them for that.
They don't have to bully you. It's just, it is what it is.
It's fine. There's lots of good people who
(09:23):
have very many different types of personality types and not all
of them will get along. In fact, most of them will not
like, not not get along, just not like click, which is OK.
So, yeah, So I know people who don't like being weird at all or
won't even or kind of like shameme for being weird.
(09:44):
That's not necessarily my crowd because I do that a lot.
I definitely do have some friends that are like that are
like that. They're not part of my close
friend group circle, but I do have friends like that and
that's something I know. And that's OK.
They're they're fine people. I know I'm also a friend that
(10:05):
likes to have lots of emotional connection.
Me and my friends are very tight.
Like I've had a lot of good conversations with all of them
about like, you know, their hopes and dreams and all that
kind of stuff or just about whatthey're going through in the
moment. And sometimes the conversations
can come off very deep and sometimes they're like very
subtle. It'll be just like hard to
(10:26):
explain, never mind. But I know that when it comes to
my core friend group, I like people that would be chill with
like if it's like late at night and we sit back, start like just
like talking. And that's, that's fine.
We don't gotta, we don't gotta lower down our entire life.
That's what this podcast is for.But we can chill and I can hear
(10:49):
about their days and like how they're feeling and all that
kind of stuff. So a person who's like extremely
closed off and that's fine. That's, that's fine.
I'm not calling him a bad personor anything, but a person that's
extremely closed off, maybe we're just not the most
compatible when it comes to being close friends.
And that is how I kind of decided like who I kind of want
(11:13):
my close friends to be. And another, wait, what was my
last name? I don't even remember, I'm just
the yapping who knows man who knows.
Anyways, moving on. A really really really good way
to find friends that you will like and enjoy spending time
(11:38):
with is by spending more time inthe hobbies that you enjoy.
For example, I really enjoy while you when camping and let's
say it's kind of it's not it's one of my my main hobbies.
But actually, yeah, sure, yeah, different one.
(11:59):
I like ma UN camping and singing, acting and dancing,
musicals, all that jazz, right. So I started going to camp every
year. I started liking it more and
more and more and built a community there.
And now I have a lot of friends there who I love very much and I
don't get to see too often. But they're great people.
They're great people who are just overall oh what in the
(12:22):
world there's like a giant ass like duck like emu looking out
bird on the highway. Yo what's that's what was
causing the traffic. It's just like a giant ass bird
on the road. Oh my God that was weird as
hell. I can't believe holy shit Oh my
God Oh my God. Oh car almost got into a car
(12:44):
accident. Anyways, forget about that get
it back on topic. Follow your interests.
So I went to camping. I went to this camp called Camp
Candelor. It's amazing.
I built a community there and I found people that I really enjoy
spending my time with. In truth though, in truth, I do
have a lot of friends from Camp Candelor.
They are amazing. I love them so much and they're
(13:05):
amazing to see in that setting. They're amazing to see at camp.
We don't see each other that much in the city because in full
honesty some of them I'm not actually like the 100% most
compatible friends with them which is fine but in the camp
setting we like click and it feels like we're siblings and
(13:27):
it's amazing. Same with mall UN mall UNI have
a group of friends who are amazing and they're very
different to be completely honest from a lot of my other
friends. They're a bit more like debating
and amazing and smart and everything.
So that is, those are an amazinggroup of friends that I cherish
so, so, so much and they teach me so much and they're great in
(13:51):
that setting. Same with the musical.
There are a lot of people who especially people in the musical
that I could just be like 100% my weird brain rot self with and
they would also do that too. And it was so fun and they were
amazing friends to be with in that setting.
And so the point I'm trying to get at is you don't have to have
(14:13):
one type a friend. You don't have to have like 1
type of friends. You know, you can have different
types of friends. You're allowed like, and I feel
that something that maybe it's just me that proceeded that way,
but I feel that's something thatit's like an unsubden unspoken
rule kind of that you have to just like find your way into one
(14:35):
clique and just be there. And I do feel that you will
definitely feel that pressure ifyou're getting all of your
friends from one place, namely school or work.
If all of your friends are coming from one environment,
then yes. To be honest, it is kind of hard
to have friends from different social circles or different
personality types because then some stupid drama about someone
(15:01):
not liking this person or if you're at that place at the same
time, let's say school, if you're at school, let's say at
the same time, then maybe they'll be like, oh, why are you
hanging it with them and not us kind of whole thing, which is a
conversation for a different time.
But it can sometimes get messy. And so my biggest advice is have
(15:22):
friends from different like social bubbles kind of.
And so thinking from my own perspective, going to university
in like less than a week, like next week I will be in
university. Next episode actually I will be
in university, which is pretty cool.
(15:45):
Thinking from that perspective. I know it's thinking far, but
thinking from that perspective, I want to have a couple of
friends from volleyball intramurals that I want to
start. I want to have a couple of
friends that like I study with that can have like my study
group kind of thing. And then maybe a couple of
friends that like live on my floor and like my roommate and
all that kind of stuff. Couple friends from all UN that
(16:09):
I want to keep doing and then random friends I'll pick up
along the way kind of thing. And I'm sure that these groups
will mingle and intertwine all that kind of stuff.
That's fine. That's great if they do, but you
don't need to put all like your what's that saying?
Breads in one basket, eggs, eggsin one basket.
(16:29):
You don't need to put all your eggs in one basket.
You are 100% allowed to have friends that do not know each
other and that are very different from each other.
You are allowed to do that. I would highly recommend it.
You will get a wide array of people to hang out with and
that's really good because sometimes you want to chill and
you can hit up a person that's more chill that would like maybe
(16:53):
not get along with a different friend that you have, which is
like the party, party, yippee, yippee person.
And that's OK. That's OK because I love finding
friends is definitely an important process, especially if
you're going to be in one place for a long time.
(17:17):
It doesn't, you don't have to make it so hard on yourself and
you don't have to like find the perfect friend that you're like,
Oh my gosh, we're like twins. Like we're, we're best friends.
And it's amazing. If you do, it's amazing.
If you do, lovely. But it doesn't have to be one
person that is your twin. You can have four different
(17:38):
friends from 4 different social groups that don't even know each
other and maybe wouldn't click if they did know each other.
But hey, now you got four times the amount of people to hang out
with. So there you go.
And so yeah, that would be my biggest advice.
My biggest advice would be be yourself.
Know what kind of friend you want to be for other people.
(18:01):
And then, yeah, be yourself. Know what friend you want to be
for other people. And then follow your interests
and have a lot of interests. Follow your interests and have
friends that are spread across the map.
And definitely the last one is definitely my biggest point of
advice. Have friends from different
social circles. It will change your life.
(18:23):
It's like moving from like a small town to New York City.
That's like the equivalent. It's a great time.
And now obviously the second chapter would be like, OK, once
you know what kind of friend youwant to be for others.
And let's say you even know, youknow a person and you're like,
(18:44):
hey, I kind of want to be friends with that person.
Side note, that's a really fun time.
Like, you know, when you meet someone and you're like, wow,
this person's kind of really cool.
I kind of want to be friends with them.
That's always a great time. And just put yourself out there.
Honestly. I know that's like so corny and
like probably the least helpful voice of all time, but it's so
(19:07):
true. People want friends, OK, People
want friends. Even the people who have resting
mean faces or the people who like might be grumpy that day.
People want friends. All humans want friends.
If they say they don't, then they're capping and maybe check
up on them. So put yourself out there.
(19:31):
And if the friendship didn't work out, it didn't work out.
Hey, that's the way the cookie crumbles and then you move on.
And my one last thing would definitely be, especially for
those of you that are moving to university in a week or two like
me, try not to get so bogged down on one person.
(19:54):
I really mean that. I feel like sometimes people get
into a new space, they find a friend that they really like.
On the first day and then it feels like you're like glued to
them forever, you know, And that's never really that fun.
So it's never, it's never as funas it really seems.
You know, it gets to like a couple of days or like a week
(20:15):
and you're like, all right, I need some personal space.
Especially if this friend likes to talk behind other people's
backs about like maybe your other friends or they're just
not compatible with your other friends from other social
groups. That's maybe not the person you
want to be the closest of friends with because it's OK to
(20:37):
have friends from different social bubbles.
Not all of your friends need to be friends with each other and
all have to go to 1 giant sleepover.
It would be amazing if they do. My advice in like a dream world
would be have a core friend group that like you enjoy and
have no like big homes with, butthen at the same time have a
(21:02):
bunch of friends outside of thisfriend group and maybe not a
bunch, even one or two is fine that are completely different
from your friend group. Say you were exposed to a
variety of different types of people and so that is how you
make friends. I definitely could have been a
lot more specific, but at the same time, not really because
it's such a big topic that it's like, you know, there's like so
(21:26):
much to talk about, and then youstart talking about it and
you're like, oh, so I hope you enjoyed this episode.
I'm arriving at volleyball now. Thanks for coming along the ride
with me. It was a great time.
Yeah. I am so happy I've had the
(21:49):
beautiful opportunity to chat with all of you guys for the
last month. In all honesty, I didn't I, I, I
knew, but I didn't fully know that I was going to, what's it
called do this for like a month.I've been doing this for a
(22:11):
month. I've been a podcast creator for
a month. And in all honesty, it hasn't
really changed my life from my perspective.
Like it's not like anything has really changed.
Like a lot of people have come up to me and been like, hey man,
I really like your podcast and I've been so appreciative of
every single person who has saidthat.
It's really meant the world to me and it's definitely made me
(22:33):
closer with certain people because they've like been like
like maybe seen a different sideof me that they didn't know.
But it's not like I'm like making money or anything or like
going like some brand trips or anything.
I'm just same old, same old, wake up, eat, go to work, come
(22:53):
back, chill around, watch a showor two.
And it's really only like an hour of work every week, maybe
because recording it takes like 30 minutes, and then just
publishing it sometimes take a while.
Sometimes takes a while because of how slow YouTube can be
sometimes, or Spotify and all that kind of stuff.
(23:16):
But yeah, I know making friends is very challenging and you can
do it through so many different streams.
I'm friends with every single one of you, every single person
listening to this episode or anyepisode of my podcast, you're
automatically my friend. Boo.
You're stuck. And so that will bring me all
the way back to the beginning. Actually, I don't even know if I
(23:38):
said that in the beginning of this take because I can't take
multiple takes of this because it was not going well.
Anyways, I'll bring it back to the beginning where I started
off talking about my kindergarten bully.
She wasn't really that big of a bully, but she was just stealing
my blocks all the time. And that made me a bit of like a
(24:01):
timid person and kind of like, Idon't know, scared to like play
with others sometimes. And that definitely shows in
like who I am today because I'm,I've definitely gotten like past
90% of it. But even still, sometimes if you
see me in public, you can't, you'll kind of see me like
dissociate sometimes, especiallyat the beginning of a hangout or
(24:24):
at the beginning of meeting people Sometimes, not all the
time, sometimes because I just don't really know what to do.
But once I make that first step,I'm just saying like, hey, it's
really, it's really, really, really through it.
So while you're making friends, remember everyone else wants a
friend too. Just go up to someone, say hi.
(24:47):
People love, like people love when people ask them about
themselves. So just go up to someone and
say, hi, how was your day? What were you up to last night?
And like, honestly, it's kind ofcrazy.
It's kind of crazy if someone were to come up to you, like not
someone you usually talk to, butlet's say someone from your
(25:07):
school or something that you don't have any problem with, you
don't have any problem with, youjust happen to have not talked
to them. And they were to come up to you
and go like, hey, how are you doing?
And you probably would just givea generic like, oh, good, maybe
it's in passing. But then if they stop and like
go off script a little bit and are like, so like, where did you
(25:27):
get up to last night? Or what did you get up to over
the weekend? It's a shocker.
And to be completely honest, it doesn't happen that often.
And I'm sure you would love it if that happened to you.
I'm sure maybe you'd be a littlescared and anxious, but it's
really just that first step of just showing interest in someone
and be like, hey, I kind of wantto get to know who you are just
(25:49):
as a person. Nothing like romantic or
anything, Just as a person, as afriend.
Maybe we can be friends. Saying that out loud is a little
weird. Maybe don't do that, but just
say hi. The point is, say hi.
If you didn't listen to a singlething I said in this entire
episode, it can all be summarized in go up to someone
(26:12):
that you want to be friends withand just say hi.
How are you doing? How's your day been going?
Start our conversation and that's it.
Let me know if you liked this episode.
Shoot me Adm again, go to the link in my bio on my Instagram.
(26:33):
My Instagram is Jerome dot Mbaga.
Jerome dot MB Aga. Yeah, kind of brain fart there.
Click the link in my bio and there's a button where you can
click for episode ideas. I actually do have 5 episode
requests which I will be gettingto.
(26:53):
I've just been like dying in terms of pack packing for uni
and stuff and I'm not sure how I'm going to roll those out.
I might do them in combination with other episodes.
Anyways, thanks so much for a month of listening to my
podcast. I love you guys so much.
You guys are definitely my friends and I'll see you around.
I will see you next Thursday. Bye bye.
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