September 15, 2025 • 34 mins
Awakening is awkward. That uncomfortable feeling when you realize the very behaviors you criticize in others are actually reflections of your own unresolved issues. It's the first step on a transformative journey most people never consciously take.
In this deeply personal episode, I share the eight consistent stages I've experienced while shedding outdated programming and beliefs. From the initial finger-pointing at others to the beautiful moment when you can genuinely laugh at who you used to be, each step represents a crucial turning point in authentic transformation. I vulnerably walk through my recent struggle with caffeine addiction despite having only one kidney and adrenal gland, revealing how I recognized my excessive patterns, battled the internal resistance, made the difficult decision to change, and navigated the inevitable tests that followed.
The awakening journey isn't linear or perfect. It involves dancing the two-step—one step forward, two steps back—before eventually reaching the victory of genuine transformation. Whether you're working through substance issues, relationship patterns, or simply awakening to greater self-awareness, these stages appear with remarkable consistency. The key lies in understanding that awkwardness isn't something to avoid but rather an invitation to vulnerability, where true connection and intimacy flourish.
Where are you in the awakening process? Perhaps you're still in the mirror phase, battling the truth, or courageously making decisions about what no longer serves you. Wherever you stand, remember that awakening is an inside job—nobody can do your transformation work but you. Give yourself grace through the inevitable stumbles, and celebrate your courage in beginning this journey when most of the world hasn't even recognized there's an awakening process happening at all.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
There are a lot of difficult situations that lead
to awkwardness, but you want toamplify awkwardness?
Well, welcome to the AwakeningJourney.
And I welcome you back to Freeto Just Be, the podcast
(00:22):
empowering humanity tocourageously step out of old
patterns and matrix programs andgive a big old hug to new ways
of being.
And I, teresa Marie, yourambassador of Chi, hope this
finds you in the greatest health, with vibrant energy today,
(00:45):
because you have chosen toaccept full responsibility for
your body, mind and soul.
Here on Free To Just Be, I'mgoing to try to inspire each
other to truly be who we camehere to be Authentic, free and
aligned with our highestpotential.
(01:06):
So won't you join me on thismagnificent Monday, on this
transformative journey torewrite our narratives and live
lives of purpose and passion?
And yes, it is very, veryawkward to wake up.
It's very awkward to go throughthe process of this awakening
(01:34):
journey, and I want to share theeight steps that I seem to go
through every time I'm sheddinga program or a belief that no
longer serves me.
And these are not like adefinitive list, but these are
the things that I consistentlygo through every single time, it
(01:58):
seems.
So I think it's worthy of alook at.
And we're just going to runthrough these eight steps of the
stages of awkwardness whenawakening, so let's just jump
right in.
(02:19):
The first thing that I did wasto recognize my issues in others
, and of course you know thatbegins feeling like division.
Because, all right, I'll takeyou back to when I first went
(02:40):
down the news rabbit trail agood 15, 16 years ago, and
immediately, you know, when Itook that red pill and
recognized that I'd been lied to.
Well, then I recognized thateverybody's been lied to, and
did I want to work on the liesin my life that I believed?
(03:00):
No, I wanted to point thefinger at everybody else and say
, hey, you need to wake upbecause we've been lied to right
.
And so that always seems to bemy first step.
I notice something in otherpeople Sometimes it's even in my
animals, or you know a song andI'll recognize, wow, that's
(03:31):
something that needs to be dealtwith, but I don't necessarily
deal with it in my own being yet.
Okay, so that's step number one.
And if you're recognizingdifferent things that you don't
like about other people, I hateto tell you this, but what we're
(03:52):
viewing in others are reallywhat step two in the awakening
process is birthing in your lifeprocess is birthing in your
life.
Step two is when I finallybegin to realize that what I was
seeing in others was just areflection back to me, like a
(04:14):
mirror back to me, of the topicor the situation or belief that
I need to deal with, not anybodyelse.
So that's step two.
Step three the battle betweenthe ears.
You begin to battle with thetruth of just that.
(04:37):
Well, it's them, it's not me,and your knowingness already has
given it away, because thethought was dropped into your
heart and your spirit that, wow,wow, what I saw in Jane or
Harry, or my family or my pets,their exhibition of whatever it
(05:11):
is, that isn't right, isn't?
You know?
Maybe they're having a problemwith it, but it was pointed out
to me.
So I can see that the problemis me.
And as a general rule, I'm justsaying that I've been going
through these eight similarsteps over and over again for
well over a decade now.
So for me, these are my eightsteps Now.
(05:31):
It may be a little differentfor you, but I can tell you that
now I recognize if I am lookingat somebody else saying wow,
they need to X, y, z.
Now it's almost a knee-jerkreaction that I pause, take a
breath and I say to myself wow,what is this person, this
(05:53):
situation, this exhibition ofwhatever it is teaching me?
Okay, so now we have recognizedit in others.
First, we finally begin torealize that that was a mirror
pointing back toward us.
And three we're battling withthe truth that we are the issue
(06:18):
that we need to deal withsomething, and that is a big one
.
And I think it stops a lot ofpeople.
Ego is ever-present.
Folks, we're never going to getrid of our ego.
Okay, our ego is designed tohelp protect us, but remember
I've said this before all itdoes is pull upon the past,
(06:43):
right, and we are forging a newfuture.
The past doesn't define usanymore.
The past isn't who I am, butthe ego just remembers that, oh,
when you were in this awkwardposition before, it was scary
(07:03):
and we didn't like it.
So we're not going to look atthis, we're not going to.
We're going to point the fingerat somebody else, because
that's easy and that willprotect us from being vulnerable
ourselves.
So I'm just saying that, whenit comes to step three, the
battle of truth of what you seein others, just keep in mind
(07:29):
that those are the things thatoccur and your ego is going to
try to keep you away from thetruth that.
No, it really is you that youneed to deal with.
Number four I just led rightinto it without even knowing.
Number four is surrender to thetruth that it is you, because
(07:56):
in the very big picture of lifein general, it's us folks.
Nobody can do the work oftransforming us but us.
Now we can read books, we cango to therapy, we can get help
going through that process, butultimately, way we change comes
(08:22):
from within us.
The awakening journey isliterally an inside job, and we
are awakening to the fact thatwe are in a self-induced prison.
Inside us is who we really are,and it is our job to pull back
(08:44):
those veils of unconsciousnessand recognize that we have
picked up thought patterns,belief systems and matrix
programming that do not fit withour true self.
So number four is you recognizethat, yes, what I discovered in
(09:09):
steps one, two and three.
It applies to me and me alone.
So here is where we also havethe tendency we want to save
other people and we're very goodat explaining it to other
people and we fall shortoftentimes in applying it to our
(09:31):
own lives.
So, number four we surrender tothe truth that it's us, us and
God, that's truly who it hasalways been, and we are a spark
of God and he's going to take uson this journey and, if we
allow him, he'll take us by thehand and guide and direct our
(09:54):
steps.
Number five decision time.
Oh, buddy, so now you haverecognized that, for example.
I'll give you a real-timeexample Not days, not months,
(10:14):
but years.
For years I have been avoidingthe truth of the matter in
regards to myself and caffeine.
Now I have no in the healthrealm, and this is my body
speaking to me.
(10:35):
Okay, this is not a doctor.
I haven't seen a doctor in well, you know, it's been about nine
years now and what I discoveredis having only one kidney and
only one adrenal gland.
I am very aware that I shouldnot be ingesting big amounts of
(10:59):
caffeine.
An occasional coffee here orthere, but no, no, no, no.
You have to understand that, aswho I am, I am a nine on the
Enneagram.
My downward side isexcessiveness.
So anything that I do, I dowith robustness.
(11:24):
So it's not one cup of coffee,it was generally three to four,
sometimes a pot a day, which ofcourse tanks my adrenals.
So for years, for years, I haverecognized it in others.
I realized that it was me, ithad nothing to do with anybody
(11:50):
else and I have no charge ofanybody else's life.
If they want to drink a pot ofcoffee a day, that's on them.
I have nothing to say aboutthat.
And then the battle of but Ilike coffee and I really like
coffee with creamer, and youknow I like it and I really
(12:12):
don't want to give it up it andI really don't want to give it
up.
But then the physical symptomsbegan to really really light up
(12:36):
my battle.
And the truth is that it's timefor me to give up caffeine.
Right, and what occurred was Iwas feeling the bloating, and
the bloating wasn't necessarilyfrom the caffeine.
But and here's a littleinquisition resurrection for you
.
Okay, resurrect the inquisitionin your life, and just for
yourself.
If you drink coffee with creamer, you know these wonderful
(12:59):
flavored creamers oh, butteredpecan creamer.
But if you do the researchthank you my daughter, daphne it
creates a lot of bloat becausethere's so much crap in these
creamers.
So check that out for yourself.
So I did.
(13:19):
I checked into the research andthen I watched how, every time,
even after one cup, I startedfeeling that bloat.
And you know, then there wasthe difficulty in falling asleep
, sometimes when I was drinkingcoffee after three o'clock and
all of that.
And then it was the recognitionof well, this came to be.
(13:43):
You know, I never had a realcoffee addiction until I was a
night shift worker and theneverything went topsy-turvy and
all of that.
So I had to do a lot of mindtracing back and all of that.
But then the day came, decisiontime.
Do you want to keep feelingthis same way?
(14:03):
Do you want to keep protectingthe flavor of butter, pecan,
creamer in your coffee versusfeeling like crap after you
drink three cups like that?
And last week I made thedecision.
So now I am five days coffeefree and I don't know if it'll
(14:28):
be permanent, but I know from myexcessive self, my addictive
self, it's going to have to be agood long time.
And even now it's beginning.
You know, when I make coffeefor my husband it's not a
drawing anymore.
In fact, now I'm starting tosmell almost the bitterness of
(14:51):
the coffee beans as opposed tothe sweetness that I would taste
as I put these big quantitiesof creamer in my coffee.
So that was my decision.
But what did I do for monthsand months before I actually
said that's it no more the linein the sand.
(15:13):
When I get up tomorrow morning,I am going to have matcha.
Now, matcha has caffeine in it,but a much smaller amount.
So that is how I'm weaningmyself off.
The first three days werehorrendous.
I had pretty hairy headachesand that's why I can't say seven
days, because within that firstthree days, the first two days,
(15:36):
I literally backtracked andvacillated.
That's what happens whendecision time.
You know, yes, I'm going to doit.
Oh, but my husband left alittle bit of coffee in the pot
and I have a headache.
And so day one I drank a half acup without the creamer.
(16:00):
I used just a little bit ofcoconut milk, but I did drink
coffee.
So you see, there was thisprocess, the slack of
recognizing how courageous youare for going in to an awakening
(16:20):
journey when most of the worldhasn't even realized that there
is an awakening processhappening, and pat yourself on
the back for the processes thatyou have victoriously come
through and give yourself a hugif you're in number five of the
(16:41):
step process and you'revacillating back and forth, like
on that seesaw, and one day,whether it's you end up doing
the splits or in the case of mycaffeine example, I just finally
just got tired of feeling likeshit and you know, after that
third cup and then the bloatdidn't go away for hours and I
(17:05):
didn't like that and so finally,very much like doing the splits
on the seesaw, I was just likethat's it.
I'm taking the middle groundand I am choosing to decide to
cut this.
Do the Shiva thing withcaffeine, right.
(17:26):
So that's number five.
Number six the testing.
All right.
So if you make it through thefirst five and you think you're
home free, prepare ye yourself,because what's going to happen
is you're going to get tested.
I may this week, be with a groupof people that are all drinking
(17:55):
coffee and all been.
It had been seven whole days.
Seven whole days with noalcohol and no herbal Prozac, to
(18:17):
put it in a way that people whoknow would understand.
So no alcohol, no herbal Prozacfor seven days, right.
And then last night came and Ispent a good six to seven hours
yesterday removing canna liliesfrom one of the beds in my front
(18:43):
yard.
And if you've never worked withcanna lilies, I'm just here to
say if you want something thatprolifically grows in your
garden without you doinganything, you can get some canna
lilies along with vinca.
These are two.
If you want something to growquick and you need to cover a
(19:07):
bunch of ground, get yourselfsome vinca and canna lilies and
Just let it go wild, becausethey will.
And in the 22 months that I wasgone from my house here in
Bedford County, tennessee,before I left, I had no idea
(19:27):
that canna lilies were likevinca Okay, just saying, and
they're so pretty and tropicallooking.
And what I did was I borderedmy strawberry patch with a
pretty little line of cannalilies.
(19:50):
And 22 months later, when Ireturned and I'm just reminding
you that you know the first yearmy husband was doing well to
just go through the dailymotions of life, because he was
devastated to the ground,because he had burned every
bridge with his wife and hischildren and it was a very
(20:15):
difficult time for him.
So the very last thing he wasgoing to do was go out and tend
my gardens.
So when I returned, 22 monthslater, I had canna lilies
everywhere.
I mean there were like ahundred of them, and I had put a
couple two of two of them in abed with my elderberry bush,
(20:41):
which will eventually grow intoa tree Elderberry.
I wanted elderberries right.
So when I returned home, thesecanna lilies had surrounded and
were suffocating this elderberrytree.
So that was my first projectand I just thought it would take
me a couple hours to just cutthe lilies down.
(21:02):
And oh, no, no, no, they arerhizomes underneath the ground.
And the only thing that savedmy ass from working two days was
the fact fact that I had linedthat bed with the black fabric
because I wanted it to beweed-free and therefore the
(21:24):
rhizomes didn't get as deep inthe ground.
And I was able, pretty muchwith a little effort, to pull up
the black fabric along with.
You know, my gosh, there wasprobably 50 rhizomes in that bed
.
Long story short to say that, atthe end of six or seven hours
(21:48):
of digging and pulling andbending and cutting and my hands
, my whole body was vibrating.
What did you do to me?
Now?
What was the old Teresa Marie,who, I'm reminding you, was the
hippie freak of the South, terryWilson, the hippie freak of the
(22:10):
South?
And reminding you that I am nolonger that person.
I have stepped into my trueself, which is Teresa Marie, the
ambassador of Chi.
But I had an old way of copingwith things coping with pain,
(22:30):
whether it's physical oremotional or spiritual Coping.
One of the common ways that ourfamily has coped is with
alcohol or substance.
So my husband and I went out todinner and I had no idea that
this was going to happen.
But here it is Test, test test.
(22:53):
My husband ordered a dulce deleche with our Mexican food and
I was feeling so uncomfortablein my body that it just came out
of my mouth.
Well, I'll have a Corona withlime and salt, please.
And my husband kind of lookedat me because, without saying a
(23:15):
word, I did not tell my husband.
And this is a whole notherepisode, because sometimes
things are mentioned to you byyour higher self or by God and
they're meant for you and nobodyelse.
And so when I decided to stopdrinking any alcohol or using
(23:36):
any kind of herbal Prozac, Ididn't make an announcement to
my husband.
But my husband is a detail manand I know that he was paying
attention, because any time thathe was indulging he kind of
looked at me and a couple oftimes wanted to hand something
to me but noticed that I was nottaking it and so he would just
(24:02):
set it down or not offer a drinkto me, right?
And after I ordered it and thewaiter went away, I realized, oh
, I just failed the test.
And then I thought to myselfTerry, the hippie freak of the
South, okay, we're going to goahead and do this because, wow,
(24:28):
this really did taste good.
And I am on a date night withmy husband and I just was a
beast out in the yard and I amnot going to beat myself up.
But you know what?
Tomorrow's a new day and we getup and we start again.
So, whatever you decide to cutout of your life, expect number
(24:52):
six to come, and it's veryinsidious.
You'll be going so good andyou'll be on that path and
you're feeling successful.
And I have to tell you that alllast week I felt lighter, I
felt more at ease, I didn't haveany bloat in my belly because
(25:12):
of the lack of coffee andcreamer, and so you're feeling
like you are victorious and boom, oh yeah, just like that, the
test will come in.
And again, just like thedecision-making process, there
may be a little bit ofvacillation, back and forth, you
(25:32):
may stumble a little bit, butthat doesn't mean you have to go
down the path, because I tellyou what before you get to
number five, which is decisiontime, you're going to vacillate
back and forth and back andforth.
You may do two days, you may doone, you may do three days and
(25:54):
back up, before you literallymake the decision that nope,
nope, I'm no, I'm no, I'm notdoing it.
Okay, so give yourself a littlebit of grace in this process,
because it is a process.
It's not perfection.
Just aim for daily progress.
(26:15):
Okay, number seven the day ofreckoning.
When you suddenly realize thatyou have made it to the other
side.
You have been dancing thetwo-step one step forward, two
(26:36):
steps back, three steps forward,one step back and all of a
sudden the day of reckoningcomes and you're in a room full
of people.
You have all sorts oftemptation to do whatever it is
that you finally decided in stepfive to stop.
And you have reckoned with thefact that it is not even phasing
(27:04):
you.
You don't feel like you want it, you're not struggling with it,
you're not inside saying, well,maybe one or whatever.
And baby, this is not just aboutsubstance abuse, this is about
whatever it is that you know isno longer serving you.
(27:24):
Oh, I'm just getting hit withthe cursing one because I
dropped two curses today.
And what have I said to myhusband for the last three days?
Man, can you please stopcursing?
Oh, buddy, I'm back to numberone, aren't?
(27:45):
I Talk about rawinvulnerability.
This is what this show is allabout.
Okay, so it could be cursingwhen I hear my husband, I think,
man, he's so much moremagnanimous than this, he's so
much more spiritual than theF-bombs that he constantly oh,
(28:08):
but I'm a construction worker,you know, you just need to get
over yourself.
Well, you know, we all have ourthings that we need to decide
on right.
So the reckoning comes, and thennumber eight.
Number eight is the beautifulstep that we all want to reach
(28:33):
in this awkward awakeningjourney, and that's what my
friend Sandra Finley taught me.
You know that you have fullytransformed, when you literally
can laugh at it.
You can literally have a momentwhere you think, wow, I used to
(28:55):
do XYZ all the time, man, thatwas a long time ago and you
realize that you literallyreached the victory over
whatever it is out of, whateverprogram that the matrix threw at
you, right.
(29:16):
So in closing, I want to sharea quote by Lord Chesterfield
Awkwardness is a more realdisadvantage.
And now let me back up.
(29:37):
That is not the quote.
This is the quote and it's bySammy Rhodes.
Sorry, sir Chesterfield, I meanit was a good quote, but it's
not the one I wanted.
I'm not going to take out mymistakes, because you know what
(30:02):
Mistakes are our learning pointsand I can just seamlessly make
a mistake and just move on.
So Sammy Rhodes says I genuinelybelieve that our awkwardness
and awkward moments are thingswe should run away from.
No, that's not what Sammy said.
They're things to avoid at allfrom.
No, that's not what Sammy said.
They're things to avoid at allcosts.
No, that's not what he said.
(30:23):
Awkward moments are toabsolutely avoid.
No, he said they areinvitations, invitations to know
more deeply the grace of God.
(30:43):
Because you see, as I just saida few moments ago, give
yourself grace.
This is a process.
That is what God does with us.
Think about your life.
Think about all you knowreligiosity would say all the
sin in your life, right.
(31:04):
Think about how, in spite ofany of that, god loves us and he
offers his riches at his son,jesus Christ's expense.
That's what grace is God'sriches at Christ's expense.
(31:24):
So give yourself a little grace.
And then Sammy Rhodes continueswith awkwardness is an
invitation to vulnerability, andvulnerability is where intimacy
and connection are found.
Now imagine if we hadconversations like what I was
(31:47):
just talking about and youactually find a group of people.
Now you want to think it's yourfamily, but we're going to talk
about that in another episode.
Family, but we're going to talkabout that in another episode.
It's often not your family thatyou can be vulnerable with,
because your family knows youand they remember your past and
maybe they are on step one andthey're recognizing all the
(32:12):
wrongs that you did with themand they haven't recognized that
you maybe have changed.
They haven't recognized thatyou maybe have changed.
They haven't recognized thatthe things that they see in you
may be issues that they have.
But imagine the world that weare working and striving and
(32:35):
progressing towards is a worldwhere we literally can be
vulnerable enough to say youknow what?
This is what I'm strugglingwith, and you know I have this
battle between my ears right now.
I want to stop this, butthere's something in me that
likes it a whole lot, and wehave these conversations, which
(32:58):
brings in the connections thatwe so long for.
So, wherever you are on thisprocess, if you're on step one,
recognizing it in others.
Step two, finally beginning torealize that it's you you were
looking at in the mirror.
Step three, battling with thetruth of just that that this is
(33:22):
your issue and nobody else.
Step four, finally surrenderingto the truth that it really is
your issue.
Step five, decision time andthen coping with the vacillation
therein being on that seesaw.
Step six, the testing.
Step seven, the day ofreckoning, of realizing that
(33:46):
you've reached the victory.
And step eight, when you canactually laugh at who you used
to be and it doesn't feelawkward or bad anymore.
Feel awkward or bad anymore.
Where are you at in the stepsof the awkwardness, of awakening
, and I hope that today, maybeyou can understand that it is
(34:14):
literally a process and to giveyourself a big hug at being so
courageous of beginning toawaken.
And on that note, I love you.
Humanity, peace out.
There are a lot of difficult situations that lead
to awkwardness, but you want toamplify awkwardness?
Well, welcome to the AwakeningJourney.
And I welcome you back to Freeto Just Be, the podcast
(00:22):
empowering humanity tocourageously step out of old
patterns and matrix programs andgive a big old hug to new ways
of being.
And I, teresa Marie, yourambassador of Chi, hope this
finds you in the greatest health, with vibrant energy today,
(00:45):
because you have chosen toaccept full responsibility for
your body, mind and soul.
Here on Free To Just Be, I'mgoing to try to inspire each
other to truly be who we camehere to be Authentic, free and
aligned with our highestpotential.
(01:06):
So won't you join me on thismagnificent Monday, on this
transformative journey torewrite our narratives and live
lives of purpose and passion?
And yes, it is very, veryawkward to wake up.
It's very awkward to go throughthe process of this awakening
(01:34):
journey, and I want to share theeight steps that I seem to go
through every time I'm sheddinga program or a belief that no
longer serves me.
And these are not like adefinitive list, but these are
the things that I consistentlygo through every single time, it
(01:58):
seems.
So I think it's worthy of alook at.
And we're just going to runthrough these eight steps of the
stages of awkwardness whenawakening, so let's just jump
right in.
(02:19):
The first thing that I did wasto recognize my issues in others
, and of course you know thatbegins feeling like division.
Because, all right, I'll takeyou back to when I first went
(02:40):
down the news rabbit trail agood 15, 16 years ago, and
immediately, you know, when Itook that red pill and
recognized that I'd been lied to.
Well, then I recognized thateverybody's been lied to, and
did I want to work on the liesin my life that I believed?
(03:00):
No, I wanted to point thefinger at everybody else and say
, hey, you need to wake upbecause we've been lied to right
.
And so that always seems to bemy first step.
I notice something in otherpeople Sometimes it's even in my
animals, or you know a song andI'll recognize, wow, that's
(03:31):
something that needs to be dealtwith, but I don't necessarily
deal with it in my own being yet.
Okay, so that's step number one.
And if you're recognizingdifferent things that you don't
like about other people, I hateto tell you this, but what we're
(03:52):
viewing in others are reallywhat step two in the awakening
process is birthing in your lifeprocess is birthing in your
life.
Step two is when I finallybegin to realize that what I was
seeing in others was just areflection back to me, like a
(04:14):
mirror back to me, of the topicor the situation or belief that
I need to deal with, not anybodyelse.
So that's step two.
Step three the battle betweenthe ears.
You begin to battle with thetruth of just that.
(04:37):
Well, it's them, it's not me,and your knowingness already has
given it away, because thethought was dropped into your
heart and your spirit that, wow,wow, what I saw in Jane or
Harry, or my family or my pets,their exhibition of whatever it
(05:11):
is, that isn't right, isn't?
You know?
Maybe they're having a problemwith it, but it was pointed out
to me.
So I can see that the problemis me.
And as a general rule, I'm justsaying that I've been going
through these eight similarsteps over and over again for
well over a decade now.
So for me, these are my eightsteps Now.
(05:31):
It may be a little differentfor you, but I can tell you that
now I recognize if I am lookingat somebody else saying wow,
they need to X, y, z.
Now it's almost a knee-jerkreaction that I pause, take a
breath and I say to myself wow,what is this person, this
(05:53):
situation, this exhibition ofwhatever it is teaching me?
Okay, so now we have recognizedit in others.
First, we finally begin torealize that that was a mirror
pointing back toward us.
And three we're battling withthe truth that we are the issue
(06:18):
that we need to deal withsomething, and that is a big one
.
And I think it stops a lot ofpeople.
Ego is ever-present.
Folks, we're never going to getrid of our ego.
Okay, our ego is designed tohelp protect us, but remember
I've said this before all itdoes is pull upon the past,
(06:43):
right, and we are forging a newfuture.
The past doesn't define usanymore.
The past isn't who I am, butthe ego just remembers that, oh,
when you were in this awkwardposition before, it was scary
(07:03):
and we didn't like it.
So we're not going to look atthis, we're not going to.
We're going to point the fingerat somebody else, because
that's easy and that willprotect us from being vulnerable
ourselves.
So I'm just saying that, whenit comes to step three, the
battle of truth of what you seein others, just keep in mind
(07:29):
that those are the things thatoccur and your ego is going to
try to keep you away from thetruth that.
No, it really is you that youneed to deal with.
Number four I just led rightinto it without even knowing.
Number four is surrender to thetruth that it is you, because
(07:56):
in the very big picture of lifein general, it's us folks.
Nobody can do the work oftransforming us but us.
Now we can read books, we cango to therapy, we can get help
going through that process, butultimately, way we change comes
(08:22):
from within us.
The awakening journey isliterally an inside job, and we
are awakening to the fact thatwe are in a self-induced prison.
Inside us is who we really are,and it is our job to pull back
(08:44):
those veils of unconsciousnessand recognize that we have
picked up thought patterns,belief systems and matrix
programming that do not fit withour true self.
So number four is you recognizethat, yes, what I discovered in
(09:09):
steps one, two and three.
It applies to me and me alone.
So here is where we also havethe tendency we want to save
other people and we're very goodat explaining it to other
people and we fall shortoftentimes in applying it to our
(09:31):
own lives.
So, number four we surrender tothe truth that it's us, us and
God, that's truly who it hasalways been, and we are a spark
of God and he's going to take uson this journey and, if we
allow him, he'll take us by thehand and guide and direct our
(09:54):
steps.
Number five decision time.
Oh, buddy, so now you haverecognized that, for example.
I'll give you a real-timeexample Not days, not months,
(10:14):
but years.
For years I have been avoidingthe truth of the matter in
regards to myself and caffeine.
Now I have no in the healthrealm, and this is my body
speaking to me.
(10:35):
Okay, this is not a doctor.
I haven't seen a doctor in well, you know, it's been about nine
years now and what I discoveredis having only one kidney and
only one adrenal gland.
I am very aware that I shouldnot be ingesting big amounts of
(10:59):
caffeine.
An occasional coffee here orthere, but no, no, no, no.
You have to understand that, aswho I am, I am a nine on the
Enneagram.
My downward side isexcessiveness.
So anything that I do, I dowith robustness.
(11:24):
So it's not one cup of coffee,it was generally three to four,
sometimes a pot a day, which ofcourse tanks my adrenals.
So for years, for years, I haverecognized it in others.
I realized that it was me, ithad nothing to do with anybody
(11:50):
else and I have no charge ofanybody else's life.
If they want to drink a pot ofcoffee a day, that's on them.
I have nothing to say aboutthat.
And then the battle of but Ilike coffee and I really like
coffee with creamer, and youknow I like it and I really
(12:12):
don't want to give it up it andI really don't want to give it
up.
But then the physical symptomsbegan to really really light up
(12:36):
my battle.
And the truth is that it's timefor me to give up caffeine.
Right, and what occurred was Iwas feeling the bloating, and
the bloating wasn't necessarilyfrom the caffeine.
But and here's a littleinquisition resurrection for you
.
Okay, resurrect the inquisitionin your life, and just for
yourself.
If you drink coffee with creamer, you know these wonderful
(12:59):
flavored creamers oh, butteredpecan creamer.
But if you do the researchthank you my daughter, daphne it
creates a lot of bloat becausethere's so much crap in these
creamers.
So check that out for yourself.
So I did.
(13:19):
I checked into the research andthen I watched how, every time,
even after one cup, I startedfeeling that bloat.
And you know, then there wasthe difficulty in falling asleep
, sometimes when I was drinkingcoffee after three o'clock and
all of that.
And then it was the recognitionof well, this came to be.
(13:43):
You know, I never had a realcoffee addiction until I was a
night shift worker and theneverything went topsy-turvy and
all of that.
So I had to do a lot of mindtracing back and all of that.
But then the day came, decisiontime.
Do you want to keep feelingthis same way?
(14:03):
Do you want to keep protectingthe flavor of butter, pecan,
creamer in your coffee versusfeeling like crap after you
drink three cups like that?
And last week I made thedecision.
So now I am five days coffeefree and I don't know if it'll
(14:28):
be permanent, but I know from myexcessive self, my addictive
self, it's going to have to be agood long time.
And even now it's beginning.
You know, when I make coffeefor my husband it's not a
drawing anymore.
In fact, now I'm starting tosmell almost the bitterness of
(14:51):
the coffee beans as opposed tothe sweetness that I would taste
as I put these big quantitiesof creamer in my coffee.
So that was my decision.
But what did I do for monthsand months before I actually
said that's it no more the linein the sand.
(15:13):
When I get up tomorrow morning,I am going to have matcha.
Now, matcha has caffeine in it,but a much smaller amount.
So that is how I'm weaningmyself off.
The first three days werehorrendous.
I had pretty hairy headachesand that's why I can't say seven
days, because within that firstthree days, the first two days,
(15:36):
I literally backtracked andvacillated.
That's what happens whendecision time.
You know, yes, I'm going to doit.
Oh, but my husband left alittle bit of coffee in the pot
and I have a headache.
And so day one I drank a half acup without the creamer.
(16:00):
I used just a little bit ofcoconut milk, but I did drink
coffee.
So you see, there was thisprocess, the slack of
recognizing how courageous youare for going in to an awakening
(16:20):
journey when most of the worldhasn't even realized that there
is an awakening processhappening, and pat yourself on
the back for the processes thatyou have victoriously come
through and give yourself a hugif you're in number five of the
(16:41):
step process and you'revacillating back and forth, like
on that seesaw, and one day,whether it's you end up doing
the splits or in the case of mycaffeine example, I just finally
just got tired of feeling likeshit and you know, after that
third cup and then the bloatdidn't go away for hours and I
(17:05):
didn't like that and so finally,very much like doing the splits
on the seesaw, I was just likethat's it.
I'm taking the middle groundand I am choosing to decide to
cut this.
Do the Shiva thing withcaffeine, right.
(17:26):
So that's number five.
Number six the testing.
All right.
So if you make it through thefirst five and you think you're
home free, prepare ye yourself,because what's going to happen
is you're going to get tested.
I may this week, be with a groupof people that are all drinking
(17:55):
coffee and all been.
It had been seven whole days.
Seven whole days with noalcohol and no herbal Prozac, to
(18:17):
put it in a way that people whoknow would understand.
So no alcohol, no herbal Prozacfor seven days, right.
And then last night came and Ispent a good six to seven hours
yesterday removing canna liliesfrom one of the beds in my front
(18:43):
yard.
And if you've never worked withcanna lilies, I'm just here to
say if you want something thatprolifically grows in your
garden without you doinganything, you can get some canna
lilies along with vinca.
These are two.
If you want something to growquick and you need to cover a
(19:07):
bunch of ground, get yourselfsome vinca and canna lilies and
Just let it go wild, becausethey will.
And in the 22 months that I wasgone from my house here in
Bedford County, tennessee,before I left, I had no idea
(19:27):
that canna lilies were likevinca Okay, just saying, and
they're so pretty and tropicallooking.
And what I did was I borderedmy strawberry patch with a
pretty little line of cannalilies.
(19:50):
And 22 months later, when Ireturned and I'm just reminding
you that you know the first yearmy husband was doing well to
just go through the dailymotions of life, because he was
devastated to the ground,because he had burned every
bridge with his wife and hischildren and it was a very
(20:15):
difficult time for him.
So the very last thing he wasgoing to do was go out and tend
my gardens.
So when I returned, 22 monthslater, I had canna lilies
everywhere.
I mean there were like ahundred of them, and I had put a
couple two of two of them in abed with my elderberry bush,
(20:41):
which will eventually grow intoa tree Elderberry.
I wanted elderberries right.
So when I returned home, thesecanna lilies had surrounded and
were suffocating this elderberrytree.
So that was my first projectand I just thought it would take
me a couple hours to just cutthe lilies down.
(21:02):
And oh, no, no, no, they arerhizomes underneath the ground.
And the only thing that savedmy ass from working two days was
the fact fact that I had linedthat bed with the black fabric
because I wanted it to beweed-free and therefore the
(21:24):
rhizomes didn't get as deep inthe ground.
And I was able, pretty muchwith a little effort, to pull up
the black fabric along with.
You know, my gosh, there wasprobably 50 rhizomes in that bed
.
Long story short to say that, atthe end of six or seven hours
(21:48):
of digging and pulling andbending and cutting and my hands
, my whole body was vibrating.
What did you do to me?
Now?
What was the old Teresa Marie,who, I'm reminding you, was the
hippie freak of the South, terryWilson, the hippie freak of the
(22:10):
South?
And reminding you that I am nolonger that person.
I have stepped into my trueself, which is Teresa Marie, the
ambassador of Chi.
But I had an old way of copingwith things coping with pain,
(22:30):
whether it's physical oremotional or spiritual Coping.
One of the common ways that ourfamily has coped is with
alcohol or substance.
So my husband and I went out todinner and I had no idea that
this was going to happen.
But here it is Test, test test.
(22:53):
My husband ordered a dulce deleche with our Mexican food and
I was feeling so uncomfortablein my body that it just came out
of my mouth.
Well, I'll have a Corona withlime and salt, please.
And my husband kind of lookedat me because, without saying a
(23:15):
word, I did not tell my husband.
And this is a whole notherepisode, because sometimes
things are mentioned to you byyour higher self or by God and
they're meant for you and nobodyelse.
And so when I decided to stopdrinking any alcohol or using
(23:36):
any kind of herbal Prozac, Ididn't make an announcement to
my husband.
But my husband is a detail manand I know that he was paying
attention, because any time thathe was indulging he kind of
looked at me and a couple oftimes wanted to hand something
to me but noticed that I was nottaking it and so he would just
(24:02):
set it down or not offer a drinkto me, right?
And after I ordered it and thewaiter went away, I realized, oh
, I just failed the test.
And then I thought to myselfTerry, the hippie freak of the
South, okay, we're going to goahead and do this because, wow,
(24:28):
this really did taste good.
And I am on a date night withmy husband and I just was a
beast out in the yard and I amnot going to beat myself up.
But you know what?
Tomorrow's a new day and we getup and we start again.
So, whatever you decide to cutout of your life, expect number
(24:52):
six to come, and it's veryinsidious.
You'll be going so good andyou'll be on that path and
you're feeling successful.
And I have to tell you that alllast week I felt lighter, I
felt more at ease, I didn't haveany bloat in my belly because
(25:12):
of the lack of coffee andcreamer, and so you're feeling
like you are victorious and boom, oh yeah, just like that, the
test will come in.
And again, just like thedecision-making process, there
may be a little bit ofvacillation, back and forth, you
(25:32):
may stumble a little bit, butthat doesn't mean you have to go
down the path, because I tellyou what before you get to
number five, which is decisiontime, you're going to vacillate
back and forth and back andforth.
You may do two days, you may doone, you may do three days and
(25:54):
back up, before you literallymake the decision that nope,
nope, I'm no, I'm no, I'm notdoing it.
Okay, so give yourself a littlebit of grace in this process,
because it is a process.
It's not perfection.
Just aim for daily progress.
(26:15):
Okay, number seven the day ofreckoning.
When you suddenly realize thatyou have made it to the other
side.
You have been dancing thetwo-step one step forward, two
(26:36):
steps back, three steps forward,one step back and all of a
sudden the day of reckoningcomes and you're in a room full
of people.
You have all sorts oftemptation to do whatever it is
that you finally decided in stepfive to stop.
And you have reckoned with thefact that it is not even phasing
(27:04):
you.
You don't feel like you want it, you're not struggling with it,
you're not inside saying, well,maybe one or whatever.
And baby, this is not just aboutsubstance abuse, this is about
whatever it is that you know isno longer serving you.
(27:24):
Oh, I'm just getting hit withthe cursing one because I
dropped two curses today.
And what have I said to myhusband for the last three days?
Man, can you please stopcursing?
Oh, buddy, I'm back to numberone, aren't?
(27:45):
I Talk about rawinvulnerability.
This is what this show is allabout.
Okay, so it could be cursingwhen I hear my husband, I think,
man, he's so much moremagnanimous than this, he's so
much more spiritual than theF-bombs that he constantly oh,
(28:08):
but I'm a construction worker,you know, you just need to get
over yourself.
Well, you know, we all have ourthings that we need to decide
on right.
So the reckoning comes, and thennumber eight.
Number eight is the beautifulstep that we all want to reach
(28:33):
in this awkward awakeningjourney, and that's what my
friend Sandra Finley taught me.
You know that you have fullytransformed, when you literally
can laugh at it.
You can literally have a momentwhere you think, wow, I used to
(28:55):
do XYZ all the time, man, thatwas a long time ago and you
realize that you literallyreached the victory over
whatever it is out of, whateverprogram that the matrix threw at
you, right.
(29:16):
So in closing, I want to sharea quote by Lord Chesterfield
Awkwardness is a more realdisadvantage.
And now let me back up.
(29:37):
That is not the quote.
This is the quote and it's bySammy Rhodes.
Sorry, sir Chesterfield, I meanit was a good quote, but it's
not the one I wanted.
I'm not going to take out mymistakes, because you know what
(30:02):
Mistakes are our learning pointsand I can just seamlessly make
a mistake and just move on.
So Sammy Rhodes says I genuinelybelieve that our awkwardness
and awkward moments are thingswe should run away from.
No, that's not what Sammy said.
They're things to avoid at allfrom.
No, that's not what Sammy said.
They're things to avoid at allcosts.
No, that's not what he said.
(30:23):
Awkward moments are toabsolutely avoid.
No, he said they areinvitations, invitations to know
more deeply the grace of God.
(30:43):
Because you see, as I just saida few moments ago, give
yourself grace.
This is a process.
That is what God does with us.
Think about your life.
Think about all you knowreligiosity would say all the
sin in your life, right.
(31:04):
Think about how, in spite ofany of that, god loves us and he
offers his riches at his son,jesus Christ's expense.
That's what grace is God'sriches at Christ's expense.
(31:24):
So give yourself a little grace.
And then Sammy Rhodes continueswith awkwardness is an
invitation to vulnerability, andvulnerability is where intimacy
and connection are found.
Now imagine if we hadconversations like what I was
(31:47):
just talking about and youactually find a group of people.
Now you want to think it's yourfamily, but we're going to talk
about that in another episode.
Family, but we're going to talkabout that in another episode.
It's often not your family thatyou can be vulnerable with,
because your family knows youand they remember your past and
maybe they are on step one andthey're recognizing all the
(32:12):
wrongs that you did with themand they haven't recognized that
you maybe have changed.
They haven't recognized thatyou maybe have changed.
They haven't recognized thatthe things that they see in you
may be issues that they have.
But imagine the world that weare working and striving and
(32:35):
progressing towards is a worldwhere we literally can be
vulnerable enough to say youknow what?
This is what I'm strugglingwith, and you know I have this
battle between my ears right now.
I want to stop this, butthere's something in me that
likes it a whole lot, and wehave these conversations, which
(32:58):
brings in the connections thatwe so long for.
So, wherever you are on thisprocess, if you're on step one,
recognizing it in others.
Step two, finally beginning torealize that it's you you were
looking at in the mirror.
Step three, battling with thetruth of just that that this is
(33:22):
your issue and nobody else.
Step four, finally surrenderingto the truth that it really is
your issue.
Step five, decision time andthen coping with the vacillation
therein being on that seesaw.
Step six, the testing.
Step seven, the day ofreckoning, of realizing that
(33:46):
you've reached the victory.
And step eight, when you canactually laugh at who you used
to be and it doesn't feelawkward or bad anymore.
Feel awkward or bad anymore.
Where are you at in the stepsof the awkwardness, of awakening
, and I hope that today, maybeyou can understand that it is
(34:14):
literally a process and to giveyourself a big hug at being so
courageous of beginning toawaken.
And on that note, I love you.
Humanity, peace out.
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