September 5, 2025 • 35 mins
Have you ever felt tears streaming down your face and suddenly realized you're crying about something that happened decades ago? That's exactly what happened to me recently, triggering a profound realization about how childhood shame continues to shape our adult lives.
In this raw, vulnerable episode, I share my personal breakthrough moment that occurred while I was door dashing, when a simple interaction with my husband unleashed decades of buried emotion. At 64 years old, I found myself confronting the same patterns of emotional eating and shame that began when I was just seven years old, sneaking bread with butter and sugar in my parents' pantry.
The journey of healing from childhood trauma isn't linear or neat. It comes in waves – there's the crash of realization, followed by calm where you think you've conquered it, only to be hit by another emotional storm when you least expect it. God, in His wisdom, seems to understand we can only process so much at once, sending these healing opportunities in manageable doses.
What makes shame particularly insidious is how it differs from guilt. While guilt tells us we DID something wrong, shame convinces us we ARE wrong. When my father would ask, "Why can't you be more like your sister?" he wasn't criticizing a specific action but my entire being. Those words embedded themselves in my psyche, creating a narrative that I was fundamentally flawed and unworthy of love.
Whether you're dealing with your own childhood trauma or watching your adult children process theirs, this episode offers hope and practical insights for breaking generational patterns. I share the techniques I'm using to counter shame statements with truth, and why having healing conversations with parents while they're still alive can be so valuable.
Listen now to discover how recognizing your shame patterns is the first step toward true freedom. Your worth isn't something to earn—it's your birthright, a truth within waiting to be reclaimed. Join our community of fellow healers as we journey together toward becoming who we were always meant to be.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Sometimes my childhood memories sneak out of
my eyes and roll down my cheeksand yesterday was one of those
times and get thrown into placesthat, quite frankly, you didn't
(00:32):
want to go.
Welcome to the evolution of oursouls.
And I welcome you back to Freeto Just Be the podcast
empowering humanity tocourageously step out of those
old patterns and matrix programsand false beliefs that were
(00:55):
often developed in our childhoodand give a big old hug to a new
, healed way of being.
And I hope this finds you inthe greatest of health, with
vibrant energy today, becauseyou have chosen to accept full
responsibility for your body,mind and soul.
(01:17):
And here we're going to inspireeach other to truly be who we
came here to be, which startswith authenticity and often,
especially on this show brutalhonesty with ourselves, which
leads us to true freedom, andthen we can be aligned with our
(01:40):
highest potentials.
So join me, teresa Marie, onthis transformative journey to
rewrite our narratives and livelives of purpose and passion,
and I welcome you on thisfantastical Friday and hope that
(02:02):
you are doing absolutelyfabulous today.
As I've said many, many timesbefore on this podcast, this
evolutionary journey, thisjourney of coming back to our
highest self, is absolutely nojoke.
It is the most difficultadventure that we'll ever have
(02:26):
on the planet, because we whocame here as pure love and light
and put on these human beingcostumes, have had to deal with
every single emotion, everythought pattern.
We've had to deal with thewhole gamut, all the while with
(02:50):
the backdrop of longing anddesiring to be free of it all,
to be back in bliss, to be backin unconditional love and safety
.
And we think that we havearrived out of it.
We think that we've dealt withsome of the stuff that we
(03:13):
collected as we traveled thispath of earth school.
And then here comes anotherwave.
See, god is really gracious,you know, he doesn't the old
adage of you know, god doesn'tgive you more than you can
handle.
And most of us are like, really, really, well, he doesn't know
(03:35):
what I'm going through, right?
But the truth of the matter isit does.
It comes in waves.
There's a big wave and thenthere's a swell, then there's
the calmness and then there'sthe storm and then the tide goes
out and then it comes forciblyback in, right?
(03:57):
Well, you know, I thought thatI had dealt with a lot of my
childhood trauma issues, thoughtthat I had dealt with a lot of
my childhood trauma issues.
But I have to say, in retrospect, as I've been thinking about
this the last couple of days andas I got hit again yesterday,
so yesterday I'm out doordashing and I was behind the
(04:17):
eight ball.
I had a financial goal that Iwas trying to make and my
husband had called and I wassharing that and I was kind of.
You know, in hindsight what Iwas doing was I was going into
victimhood conversation.
Oh, what You're going to admit.
(04:41):
Yes, I am going to admit to theworld that I recognized.
In fact, by the time I got offthe phone call I recognized wow,
was I playing the victim orwhat?
But it was after about fiveminutes and my victimhood play
(05:03):
acting was telling my husband oh, I really like to be home with
you but I have to be out herebecause I need to be diligent
and I need to pull my weight.
And these were all truths andthese were all things that my
husband and I had already hadconversation about.
(05:23):
I was telling him a couple ofweeks ago how grateful I am that
he is not continually rescuingme, because finances and time
management are my weak pointsand I will overcome and conquer
them.
So here I was, speaking aboutmy goal and how I was so far off
(05:44):
the goal and just eat byyourself tonight and I'll see
you when I see you.
And at that moment I was reallyhoping that he would say oh,
babe, just come on home and I'lljust throw the X amount of
dollars in the bank account foryou tomorrow.
But he didn't.
Instead, my husband, whoremained detached because, see,
(06:09):
we are both learning eachother's triggers.
We are both learning to detachand not control other people,
because the truth of the matteris we have finally both
recognized, individually and asa couple, that we are in control
of nobody but ourselves, andthe only job of changing anybody
(06:33):
is to change us.
I have to change me.
I can't change my husband, myhusband can't change me and I
can't change him, my husbandcan't change me and I can't
change him.
So he was detached and insteadof saying the rescue lines I
wanted him to say, he said okay,babe, see you when you get here
.
Bye.
(06:54):
And man, oh man, for about twoor three minutes, the sting of
that, the sting of once againfeeling like I was going through
something and I had no support.
Now, that is not the truthabout my husband.
In fact, my husband and I aredoing great but that's what it
(07:15):
felt like.
It felt like I wanted to sharemy feelings and I didn't feel
safe to do so because he justshut me down.
And after that first 30 seconds, when that phone hung up, it
just welled up in me and all ofa sudden the tears were coming
down my cheeks again and I justlet them come.
(07:39):
I got in my observer seat that Ialways talk about, that little
mini me that hangs out above myright shoulder, and I was
thinking to myself all right,just breathe, just let it go.
The energy just wants to go inand through my body.
Wow, wow, terry, what is thisabout?
What is going on?
And so this whole thing set upthis thought pattern in my head,
(08:06):
because I still deal with thesame addictive behavior.
And, lo and behold, it reallyis still still to this day.
I am 64 years old 64.
Let's just do a little bit ofmath here real quick, shall I?
(08:27):
Let's see If I am 64 years old.
And I was about seven when I wasput on setting the table and I
snuck my first piece of bread,butter and sugar.
I've told the story many timesand I, sneakily, was in the
pantry stuffing that bread in mymouth because for two or three
(08:53):
moments it made me feel better.
And to this day, 57 years later, I recognize that I'm still
dealing with that same addictivebehavior of eating when I don't
like the way I feel.
Now, why am I bringing this allup?
(09:15):
Well, because shame is a biggie.
Childhood shame is soincredibly damaging.
Amy Boiler quoted this and thisis part of the reason those
tears were coming down my eyes.
She says shame makes peopleabandon their children and drink
(09:37):
themselves to death.
It also keeps us from truehappiness.
An apology is a gloriousrelease.
Now, I don't know about you all,but as we are transforming, as
we are going through thecrucibles of life, as we are
allowing some days to let thisenergy of love and light rise up
(10:01):
in us and illuminate the thingsthat we need to get rid of, we
need to lose them.
They need to die.
Just like we were talking aboutyesterday, that fire, we need
to burn it away.
Right, but unfortunately,before we burn it away, we have
to recognize what it is we'regoing through and, as it's
(10:22):
happening within ourselves, dareI say, it's also happening with
those we love around us.
Now I have seven children andevery one of my children is
going through this very sameprocess.
Although the details aredifferent, they are transforming
, love and light and energy isrising within them, and they're
(10:45):
having to deal with their ownshite at the very same time that
their mama is dealing with hers.
Now I am very grateful that myguilt and shame as a parent I
finally, after 40 plus years myoldest daughter is 45, now years
(11:09):
.
My oldest daughter is 45 now.
Right, let me just check mymath here.
I have too many children.
Um, it is 2025 and she was bornin 1980.
Yes, I was correct.
Um, so she turned 45.
Five.
(11:31):
So I have been living withguilt and shame of bad parenting
decisions for many, many, manyyears.
I can remember, even five, 10years ago, my husband was saying
Terry, you need to put this torest.
You did the best you could.
I can't believe you're bringingthis up again.
You know, as he was dealingwith not dealing with his mom,
right?
So I have my children goingthrough these things and I know
(11:53):
that.
I know that, even though I feltemotionally abandoned, and you
can look back on way pastepisodes from two years ago
where I talked about reading thebook about childhood emotional
neglect and it was like bellsand whistles going off because I
(12:16):
was like, oh my gosh, that's me, that's me.
Well, dare I say, all of ushave some sort of childhood
trauma.
But an underlying trauma isshame.
And even though I didn't wantto do the very same thing that I
felt was done to me and I'msure that was done to my mom and
dad I did it to my children.
(12:38):
I emotionally abandoned mychildren because I was
emotionally abandoned as a child, abandoned my children because
I was emotionally abandoned as achild.
And then you put in you know myhusband's going through it and
my husband, a couple of weeksago, had opportunity to make
things right with his mom.
They said those forgiving wordsand I got to tell you.
(12:59):
It made me feel kind of jealous, right, because I didn't get
that glorious release of askingfor forgiveness or receiving
forgiveness from either of myparents.
I can remember years and yearsand years ago when my kids were
growing up and many times backin my house in Grandview I had
(13:20):
these attic steps and the way toget into my attic was these
pull-down steps in our garagethat was attached to our house
and you'd pull the steps downand then you can, you know,
traverse the attic.
Well, when you have fivechildren and your house is, you
know your house and they knowwhere you are.
(13:41):
I can remember a couple oftimes where I'd pull those steps
down and, no, I am not ashamedof saying this because, you know
, sometimes it's survival of thefittest.
And I was a single mom for many, many, many years and I
remember one particular timethat my kids were playing out in
the yard and my daddy issuescame sweeping over me again and
(14:04):
I went up into that attic and Ipulled the steps up so nobody
could access me and I satlooking out that little tiny
attic window you know the kindthat it's just a vent so nobody
could see me looking down on myown children.
I'll never forget this day and Icried and cried, buckets and
buckets of tears, just trying tohave a conversation with my dad
(14:28):
.
I just just want to talk to you.
I just want to tell you whatyour words and your lack of
words and your lack of empathyand hugs, what it did to me and
I, I want to rail at you and Iwant to, I want to hit you and I
want to hug you and I want youto tell me you love me and
(14:49):
that's never going to happen,and I'm so mad you left the
planet.
I remember having theseconversations and now, as the
mom of adult children, who iswell aware of the damage done to
me and the many, many aspectsof healing that's done to me, I
don't feel that same guilt andshame anymore.
And lucky for me, you know,because now my children are
(15:13):
waking up to their childhoodtraumas.
Mom, do you remember this?
And you know I don't want tocome around for a while.
I need to take a break from thefamily because I need to deal
with my issues.
A break from the family becauseI need to deal with my issues.
And your heart flip-flops andyour heart wants to break
(15:35):
because you've always loved yourchildren.
Well, I can't speak for anybodyelse in Humanityville.
I've always loved my children.
Did I do it perfectly?
No, I didn't.
But my love for them has nevergone away.
In fact, it's grown my pride ofwatching them transform and
become wonderful adults.
And yet I know that they haveto do whatever they have to do
(16:00):
to come across the other side oftheir childhood traumas that I
inflicted.
Now it's a different story forme because I'm alive and I am
well, and I am witnessing themwaking up.
My mom and dad are already gone.
I can't have those realface-to-face conversations with
(16:21):
them.
I'm so happy for my husbandthat he had that wonderful
healing, restorative time withhis mom as dementia and or
Alzheimer's and we're notspeaking any of that over
Francis, my mother-in-law, but86 years old and she literally
couldn't remember why Roger wasmad at her.
(16:43):
The grace of God, as you'recoming into your last stages of
life, you just let all of thatgo.
And now, in the midst of thisevolution, we are being tasked
with learning to let that stuffgo.
Now, as we're alive, as we'reviable people, as life is still
(17:06):
going for us.
Why?
Because God, in hisgraciousness, wants us to live
abundant lives.
He wants us to literally enterinto the real purpose and our
mission, why we're here on theplanet.
But we can't do that until wedeal with the shit of our past,
and so it's a real difficulty.
(17:28):
Now think about how many peopledon't wake up to their
childhood traumas until theirparents are well past, leaving
the planet, and we are given theopportunity Everybody that is
listening to me that have theirparents alive.
Thank God for that.
And if you have issues orquestions, oh my goodness, do
(17:50):
not hesitate to go and sit withthem.
Record it on your phone.
Get the healing between yourparents and yourself.
What a gift that would be.
So I look at my children and Ilook at my husband, and so here
I am, the sting of again.
(18:11):
Here it was.
It came back around again.
I'm always going to be likethis.
I'm always going to struggle.
God, why am I struggling again?
I just thought I can't do thisanymore.
See, that's what the evolutionwill do.
It comes in, just like I saidearlier, it comes in incremental
(18:35):
waves and then, when the wavescome in too fast, it's kind of
like laboring.
You know, when you're in labor,you have these breaks.
When you're in labor, you havethese breaks and then, as your
baby is getting ready toliterally take that trip from
your uterus into the birth canal, guess what?
(18:56):
Those labor pains get harderand closer together until, boom,
the baby is born.
Well, that's what happens withthe things in our lives that
need to be dealt with.
You might have known I've knownthat my daddy issues were my
issues for probably the last 20years, 20 years Now.
(19:17):
My children in their early 30sto 45 are all waking up now,
much earlier than me, and I amso excited for them.
They are beginning the processof deconstructing their
childhood traumas so that theycan be free, so that they can
(19:41):
have the true happiness that hasevaded me for over 60 years.
So now, having gone throughthis process many, many times,
with many, many, many matrixprograms, this daddy issue one
with Teresa Marie, I can onlyspeak for me, and each of us
(20:02):
have our own set of traumas thatwe're dealing with.
It's an opportunity todeconstruct.
So I'm like, wow, okay, so whydoes this keep coming up?
So you can use AI folks to youradvantage.
You don't have to be afraid oftechnology, you guard yourself
(20:26):
from being controlled by it.
But, oh my goodness, you canliterally, literally throw in
different things like research,childhood shame and see what it
comes up with.
And it's amazing.
What you can discover.
Well, I looked, and what doesit say?
What you can discover?
(20:49):
Well, I looked, and what doesit say.
Emotional neglect in childhoodoften manifests as a deep-seated
feeling of worthlessness or aninability to form secure
attachments in adulthood.
And, oh, baby, worthlessnessand feeling like my feelings
never mattered.
That is the backdrop of my life, right and forming secure
(21:14):
attachments.
Well, I completely understandthat one too, having been
married four times.
A key sign of emotional neglectis a pervasive sense that your
needs or feelings don't matter,leading to difficulties in
trusting others and expressingyour emotions.
(21:34):
Oh, because you know.
You know what the world tellsyou.
Oh, you know that happened inyour childhood, it's your past,
but what they don't want you toremember is it's still affecting
them, and the longer you stuffit, the harder it is to unravel
(21:55):
and deconstruct it.
So I started looking at my shameissues.
You see, shame is worse thanguilt, because guilt is nothing
more than believing thatsomething that you have done was
bad, right, oh, you spilt thatmilk, bad girl.
(22:15):
Whereas shame is believing thatyou are bad and wow, it really,
really, really affects us.
You know, shame is that painfulemotion stemming from the
belief that something is wrongwith you as a person, which
(22:36):
leads to feelings of inadequacy,worthlessness and a desire to
hide and, in the case of TeresaMarie, not only to hide.
I mean, I'm literallyreplicating my pantry days as a
seven-year-old child with food,and I don't want to be that
person anymore.
So, oh my gosh, I can't believe.
(23:01):
You're taught of what our ownchildhood did to us and are well
aware of just how damagingthose beliefs can be when
they're carried into adulthood.
So, yes, I am being vulnerableand wide open today because this
is what occurred again to me.
(23:22):
Here they are again, so I'm notsure how I am going to fully
heal Physician, heal thyselves,right.
That's what the Word of Godsays and I've just thought about
it a lot and that's how theprocess starts.
It's like, wow, okay, you know,you lay it all out on the table
(23:42):
in your mind and I'm thinkingabout it All right.
So when I used to get shamed,and what are some of those lines
Well, I can't speak about yourlife, but I remember trying so
hard to please my dad.
I can remember Bohack's grocerystore and my dad did all the
(24:03):
grocery shopping and most of thecooking and if you were lucky,
you would get to go groceryshopping with him.
And I can remember going withmy dad and my sister and grocery
shopping and my sister was fouryears older than me, so
obviously she was going to bemore adept at at helping grocery
(24:25):
shop and four years younger I,oh my goodness, I wanted his
attention so badly and you know,I don't know what the what, see
, that's.
That is the part that I'mtrying to tell you.
If your parents are alive, askall those questions Because, see
, I can't tell you what wasgoing on in my dad's head.
All I can do is assume that Iwas baby six and they had busy
(24:49):
lives and whatever.
But all I know is that mysister, man, she could put
groceries in the cart betterthan I could, she could bag up
the groceries better than Icould and anytime I asked, and
(25:10):
that faithful line that still,even as I'm about to share it,
even thinking about sharing it,I can feel the sting, even now,
60 years later.
Why can't you be more like yoursister?
Oh, so that was my personhood.
My personhood was shamed.
(25:32):
I wasn't good enough, I wasn'tas good as Marianne.
Now, again, I want to blanketthis with the full knowledge
that my mom and dad love me.
I know this and everybody doesthe best they can, just like I
did the best I could with mychildren.
But these are the things thatwere said and these are the
(25:53):
things that affected me.
What affected you?
So what happens after you getshamed as a child Between
infanthood to seven.
Those are the years that youreally get imprinted.
Well, you comply, I did.
I did everything I was told.
I got real quiet.
I suppressed my emotions.
(26:14):
I learned how to stuff thingsreal early, stuff things real
early.
And then there came a time, whenI was about 12 years old, that
I started just not caringanymore.
You know, kind of putting yourthumb to your nose and waving
your fingers oh, you know whatyou don't like me.
Well, f you back.
(26:35):
That's kind of what was movinginto my life.
And then my dad passes away at13.
And now I have lost all abilityto ever gain that love that I
never thought that I had fromhim, right?
Oh, and then that anger.
I just went nuts.
So I got shamed.
(26:58):
First was was compliance andthen was complete rebellion.
My dad was a police officer, soanything that my dad wouldn't
like to have happen I did thealcohol, the drug abuse, the sex
, the drugs, the rock and roll,all of it.
I got so good at being so badand that's how I dealt with
(27:23):
shame.
And shame is a big one and itaffects most people on the
planet.
Shame targets the whole person.
So I am not exactly sure, otherthan where I got yesterday
after my little episode ofteariness.
(27:43):
But see, as you continue onthis evolutionary journey that
we're on, you begin to see notonly your patterns of trauma but
you begin to start taking noteson how you're working yourself
out of the trauma.
So I'm very aware that this ishow it starts.
(28:07):
Okay, so I finally get to theplace where I can't handle it
anymore.
Something's got to give.
I'm sick of tired of being sickand tired, right?
So that's when you start tryingthings.
You start looking upinformation about whatever the
topic is that you're trying tobe free of, you start trying
(28:30):
different modalities or whathave you.
So where I got yesterday was Iwrote down a list of all those
shaming verbiages that are in myhead.
Oh, you know, wrong way, lostmom.
You know this, this and thatyou know.
So I have a whole list.
So now, when I am able becausesee, again, it comes in waves.
(28:55):
So that was the wave.
I got all of the gunk out, butthen I was done.
I couldn't go any further.
So when I approach that page ofmy journal again, I'm going to
put the counter, the antonym,the crowning glory, whatever
shame statement that I wrotedown I'm going to put the
(29:16):
opposite, because you see, thoseshame statements, oh they are.
They are packed so tightly inmy psyche.
I know that.
I know that they're going tocome rapidly up again, and this
time I'm going to be ready.
Now, all this week, as I startedhaving those stinking thinking
(29:37):
thoughts come up, all I was ableto do is say, no, I'm not that
person anymore.
You are the hippie freak of theSouth and I am not that hippie
freak of the South anymore.
See, that was who I titled thatactor in my play, the actor
prior to healing.
That is Terry Wilson, thehippie freak of the South.
(29:59):
A hippie is, you know, dirtyand all those negative
connotations that a hippie is.
See, that's who I felt.
I was worthless, nobody wasgoing to listen to me, nobody
cared about my feelings, and so,without even realizing it,
subconsciously, for years Icalled myself a hippie freak.
(30:22):
And then, when I came here tothe south in Tennessee, and lo
and behold, I start my podcastalmost three years ago now, four
years, a long time ago, andlike my second or third episode,
it just fell out of my mouthI'm Terry Wilson, the hippie
freak of the south.
Wall, because that's who Ialways thought I was, you know,
(30:43):
because that is the picture thatI had painted and that was so
imprinted in me that that's whoI was.
But now in my head and in myspirit, I know that.
I know that I am not that oldversion of myself anymore.
I have evolved out and I'mstanding on the other side of
(31:06):
that rut and I am Teresa Marie,an ambassador of Chi, and most
days I'm upbeat, I'm happy, I'mencouraging people, and some of
the people who know me now anddidn't know me in my past see
that clearly, my family members,my own children, not so much
(31:29):
they still see the mom thatdamaged them.
They still see the sister that,oh yeah, that's Terry.
You know, oh, what kind ofescapade is Terry in?
And you know.
But I'm evolving, just like youare humanity, and it's so
important for us to bring thesethings to the surface.
(31:51):
It's one thing to read aboutshame, but it's another to hear
somebody going through it andrecognizing it right.
So I just want us to thinkabout shame for a second,
because our true selves wait forus on the other side of our
guilt, of our shame and ourfears, and I want to encourage
(32:14):
you that we're going to getthere.
We are going to get there, andit's okay to let your shame roll
down your cheeks.
On occasion, dr Gabor Mate saidshame is the deepest of the
negative emotions and that iswhy we keep it pushed down,
(32:35):
because it is the most damaging,most deeply rooted, because you
see the enemy of our souls, thedarkness, the devil, whatever
you want to call it or him, thatentity that hates the creator
and hates the creator that's inus, wants us to feel worthless.
(32:57):
It wants us to feel like we arethe mistake.
And shame is the feeling thatwe will do almost anything to
avoid.
Oh, just even thinking about it, I continually see my kitchen
and I continually see thatpantry and feel that
(33:20):
debilitating desire for love andacceptance.
And when it doesn't come, oh,it's crushing.
But unfortunately, the verything that we'll do anything to
avoid, our abiding fear of shame, literally impairs our ability
to see reality, impairs ourability to see reality is what
Dr Gabor said.
(33:40):
And, oh, baby, we want to seeour reality crystal clear.
We don't want to have any kindof colored glasses on.
Trauma keeps us from truehappiness and we want to be
happy.
So, as I continue down this pathof trying to figure out how I
(34:01):
am going to heal myself fromthis.
I want to ask you what aspectsof shame are affecting you as an
adult, my dear brothers andsisters, and are you ready to
let them go?
Are you ready to stop doing thesame programs that were done to
you on your children?
So I will share as I evolveforward.
(34:25):
I don't know how I'm going toget rid of all of the shame
because it's obviously stillhere in my life and I'm aware of
it, and that is a big part ofit.
So today I want to close theseponderings about shame and
childhood traumas with a littlepoem of encouragement that my AI
(34:48):
friend gave me.
So it's unknown, it's a poemwritten by AI and it says this
in every soul, a story resides.
Don't let the whispers of shamedefine what's inside.
Your worth is not a thing toearn, it's a truth within a
(35:09):
light to burn.
You are a masterpiece,perfectly designed, a tapestry
of experiences wonderfullycombined, each mistake, a lesson
, each scar, a sign of a spiritthat's resilient and, yes, truly
(35:33):
divine.
I love you, humanity.
Have yourself a gloriousweekend.
Sometimes my childhood memories sneak out of
my eyes and roll down my cheeksand yesterday was one of those
times and get thrown into placesthat, quite frankly, you didn't
(00:32):
want to go.
Welcome to the evolution of oursouls.
And I welcome you back to Freeto Just Be the podcast
empowering humanity tocourageously step out of those
old patterns and matrix programsand false beliefs that were
(00:55):
often developed in our childhoodand give a big old hug to a new
, healed way of being.
And I hope this finds you inthe greatest of health, with
vibrant energy today, becauseyou have chosen to accept full
responsibility for your body,mind and soul.
(01:17):
And here we're going to inspireeach other to truly be who we
came here to be, which startswith authenticity and often,
especially on this show brutalhonesty with ourselves, which
leads us to true freedom, andthen we can be aligned with our
(01:40):
highest potentials.
So join me, teresa Marie, onthis transformative journey to
rewrite our narratives and livelives of purpose and passion,
and I welcome you on thisfantastical Friday and hope that
(02:02):
you are doing absolutelyfabulous today.
As I've said many, many timesbefore on this podcast, this
evolutionary journey, thisjourney of coming back to our
highest self, is absolutely nojoke.
It is the most difficultadventure that we'll ever have
(02:26):
on the planet, because we whocame here as pure love and light
and put on these human beingcostumes, have had to deal with
every single emotion, everythought pattern.
We've had to deal with thewhole gamut, all the while with
(02:50):
the backdrop of longing anddesiring to be free of it all,
to be back in bliss, to be backin unconditional love and safety
.
And we think that we havearrived out of it.
We think that we've dealt withsome of the stuff that we
(03:13):
collected as we traveled thispath of earth school.
And then here comes anotherwave.
See, god is really gracious,you know, he doesn't the old
adage of you know, god doesn'tgive you more than you can
handle.
And most of us are like, really, really, well, he doesn't know
(03:35):
what I'm going through, right?
But the truth of the matter isit does.
It comes in waves.
There's a big wave and thenthere's a swell, then there's
the calmness and then there'sthe storm and then the tide goes
out and then it comes forciblyback in, right?
(03:57):
Well, you know, I thought thatI had dealt with a lot of my
childhood trauma issues, thoughtthat I had dealt with a lot of
my childhood trauma issues.
But I have to say, in retrospect, as I've been thinking about
this the last couple of days andas I got hit again yesterday,
so yesterday I'm out doordashing and I was behind the
(04:17):
eight ball.
I had a financial goal that Iwas trying to make and my
husband had called and I wassharing that and I was kind of.
You know, in hindsight what Iwas doing was I was going into
victimhood conversation.
Oh, what You're going to admit.
(04:41):
Yes, I am going to admit to theworld that I recognized.
In fact, by the time I got offthe phone call I recognized wow,
was I playing the victim orwhat?
But it was after about fiveminutes and my victimhood play
(05:03):
acting was telling my husband oh, I really like to be home with
you but I have to be out herebecause I need to be diligent
and I need to pull my weight.
And these were all truths andthese were all things that my
husband and I had already hadconversation about.
(05:23):
I was telling him a couple ofweeks ago how grateful I am that
he is not continually rescuingme, because finances and time
management are my weak pointsand I will overcome and conquer
them.
So here I was, speaking aboutmy goal and how I was so far off
(05:44):
the goal and just eat byyourself tonight and I'll see
you when I see you.
And at that moment I was reallyhoping that he would say oh,
babe, just come on home and I'lljust throw the X amount of
dollars in the bank account foryou tomorrow.
But he didn't.
Instead, my husband, whoremained detached because, see,
(06:09):
we are both learning eachother's triggers.
We are both learning to detachand not control other people,
because the truth of the matteris we have finally both
recognized, individually and asa couple, that we are in control
of nobody but ourselves, andthe only job of changing anybody
(06:33):
is to change us.
I have to change me.
I can't change my husband, myhusband can't change me and I
can't change him, my husbandcan't change me and I can't
change him.
So he was detached and insteadof saying the rescue lines I
wanted him to say, he said okay,babe, see you when you get here
.
Bye.
(06:54):
And man, oh man, for about twoor three minutes, the sting of
that, the sting of once againfeeling like I was going through
something and I had no support.
Now, that is not the truthabout my husband.
In fact, my husband and I aredoing great but that's what it
(07:15):
felt like.
It felt like I wanted to sharemy feelings and I didn't feel
safe to do so because he justshut me down.
And after that first 30 seconds, when that phone hung up, it
just welled up in me and all ofa sudden the tears were coming
down my cheeks again and I justlet them come.
(07:39):
I got in my observer seat that Ialways talk about, that little
mini me that hangs out above myright shoulder, and I was
thinking to myself all right,just breathe, just let it go.
The energy just wants to go inand through my body.
Wow, wow, terry, what is thisabout?
What is going on?
And so this whole thing set upthis thought pattern in my head,
(08:06):
because I still deal with thesame addictive behavior.
And, lo and behold, it reallyis still still to this day.
I am 64 years old 64.
Let's just do a little bit ofmath here real quick, shall I?
(08:27):
Let's see If I am 64 years old.
And I was about seven when I wasput on setting the table and I
snuck my first piece of bread,butter and sugar.
I've told the story many timesand I, sneakily, was in the
pantry stuffing that bread in mymouth because for two or three
(08:53):
moments it made me feel better.
And to this day, 57 years later, I recognize that I'm still
dealing with that same addictivebehavior of eating when I don't
like the way I feel.
Now, why am I bringing this allup?
(09:15):
Well, because shame is a biggie.
Childhood shame is soincredibly damaging.
Amy Boiler quoted this and thisis part of the reason those
tears were coming down my eyes.
She says shame makes peopleabandon their children and drink
(09:37):
themselves to death.
It also keeps us from truehappiness.
An apology is a gloriousrelease.
Now, I don't know about you all,but as we are transforming, as
we are going through thecrucibles of life, as we are
allowing some days to let thisenergy of love and light rise up
(10:01):
in us and illuminate the thingsthat we need to get rid of, we
need to lose them.
They need to die.
Just like we were talking aboutyesterday, that fire, we need
to burn it away.
Right, but unfortunately,before we burn it away, we have
to recognize what it is we'regoing through and, as it's
(10:22):
happening within ourselves, dareI say, it's also happening with
those we love around us.
Now I have seven children andevery one of my children is
going through this very sameprocess.
Although the details aredifferent, they are transforming
, love and light and energy isrising within them, and they're
(10:45):
having to deal with their ownshite at the very same time that
their mama is dealing with hers.
Now I am very grateful that myguilt and shame as a parent I
finally, after 40 plus years myoldest daughter is 45, now years
(11:09):
.
My oldest daughter is 45 now.
Right, let me just check mymath here.
I have too many children.
Um, it is 2025 and she was bornin 1980.
Yes, I was correct.
Um, so she turned 45.
Five.
(11:31):
So I have been living withguilt and shame of bad parenting
decisions for many, many, manyyears.
I can remember, even five, 10years ago, my husband was saying
Terry, you need to put this torest.
You did the best you could.
I can't believe you're bringingthis up again.
You know, as he was dealingwith not dealing with his mom,
right?
So I have my children goingthrough these things and I know
(11:53):
that.
I know that, even though I feltemotionally abandoned, and you
can look back on way pastepisodes from two years ago
where I talked about reading thebook about childhood emotional
neglect and it was like bellsand whistles going off because I
(12:16):
was like, oh my gosh, that's me, that's me.
Well, dare I say, all of ushave some sort of childhood
trauma.
But an underlying trauma isshame.
And even though I didn't wantto do the very same thing that I
felt was done to me and I'msure that was done to my mom and
dad I did it to my children.
(12:38):
I emotionally abandoned mychildren because I was
emotionally abandoned as a child, abandoned my children because
I was emotionally abandoned as achild.
And then you put in you know myhusband's going through it and
my husband, a couple of weeksago, had opportunity to make
things right with his mom.
They said those forgiving wordsand I got to tell you.
(12:59):
It made me feel kind of jealous, right, because I didn't get
that glorious release of askingfor forgiveness or receiving
forgiveness from either of myparents.
I can remember years and yearsand years ago when my kids were
growing up and many times backin my house in Grandview I had
(13:20):
these attic steps and the way toget into my attic was these
pull-down steps in our garagethat was attached to our house
and you'd pull the steps downand then you can, you know,
traverse the attic.
Well, when you have fivechildren and your house is, you
know your house and they knowwhere you are.
(13:41):
I can remember a couple oftimes where I'd pull those steps
down and, no, I am not ashamedof saying this because, you know
, sometimes it's survival of thefittest.
And I was a single mom for many, many, many years and I
remember one particular timethat my kids were playing out in
the yard and my daddy issuescame sweeping over me again and
(14:04):
I went up into that attic and Ipulled the steps up so nobody
could access me and I satlooking out that little tiny
attic window you know the kindthat it's just a vent so nobody
could see me looking down on myown children.
I'll never forget this day and Icried and cried, buckets and
buckets of tears, just trying tohave a conversation with my dad
(14:28):
.
I just just want to talk to you.
I just want to tell you whatyour words and your lack of
words and your lack of empathyand hugs, what it did to me and
I, I want to rail at you and Iwant to, I want to hit you and I
want to hug you and I want youto tell me you love me and
(14:49):
that's never going to happen,and I'm so mad you left the
planet.
I remember having theseconversations and now, as the
mom of adult children, who iswell aware of the damage done to
me and the many, many aspectsof healing that's done to me, I
don't feel that same guilt andshame anymore.
And lucky for me, you know,because now my children are
(15:13):
waking up to their childhoodtraumas.
Mom, do you remember this?
And you know I don't want tocome around for a while.
I need to take a break from thefamily because I need to deal
with my issues.
A break from the family becauseI need to deal with my issues.
And your heart flip-flops andyour heart wants to break
(15:35):
because you've always loved yourchildren.
Well, I can't speak for anybodyelse in Humanityville.
I've always loved my children.
Did I do it perfectly?
No, I didn't.
But my love for them has nevergone away.
In fact, it's grown my pride ofwatching them transform and
become wonderful adults.
And yet I know that they haveto do whatever they have to do
(16:00):
to come across the other side oftheir childhood traumas that I
inflicted.
Now it's a different story forme because I'm alive and I am
well, and I am witnessing themwaking up.
My mom and dad are already gone.
I can't have those realface-to-face conversations with
(16:21):
them.
I'm so happy for my husbandthat he had that wonderful
healing, restorative time withhis mom as dementia and or
Alzheimer's and we're notspeaking any of that over
Francis, my mother-in-law, but86 years old and she literally
couldn't remember why Roger wasmad at her.
(16:43):
The grace of God, as you'recoming into your last stages of
life, you just let all of thatgo.
And now, in the midst of thisevolution, we are being tasked
with learning to let that stuffgo.
Now, as we're alive, as we'reviable people, as life is still
(17:06):
going for us.
Why?
Because God, in hisgraciousness, wants us to live
abundant lives.
He wants us to literally enterinto the real purpose and our
mission, why we're here on theplanet.
But we can't do that until wedeal with the shit of our past,
and so it's a real difficulty.
(17:28):
Now think about how many peopledon't wake up to their
childhood traumas until theirparents are well past, leaving
the planet, and we are given theopportunity Everybody that is
listening to me that have theirparents alive.
Thank God for that.
And if you have issues orquestions, oh my goodness, do
(17:50):
not hesitate to go and sit withthem.
Record it on your phone.
Get the healing between yourparents and yourself.
What a gift that would be.
So I look at my children and Ilook at my husband, and so here
I am, the sting of again.
(18:11):
Here it was.
It came back around again.
I'm always going to be likethis.
I'm always going to struggle.
God, why am I struggling again?
I just thought I can't do thisanymore.
See, that's what the evolutionwill do.
It comes in, just like I saidearlier, it comes in incremental
(18:35):
waves and then, when the wavescome in too fast, it's kind of
like laboring.
You know, when you're in labor,you have these breaks.
When you're in labor, you havethese breaks and then, as your
baby is getting ready toliterally take that trip from
your uterus into the birth canal, guess what?
(18:56):
Those labor pains get harderand closer together until, boom,
the baby is born.
Well, that's what happens withthe things in our lives that
need to be dealt with.
You might have known I've knownthat my daddy issues were my
issues for probably the last 20years, 20 years Now.
(19:17):
My children in their early 30sto 45 are all waking up now,
much earlier than me, and I amso excited for them.
They are beginning the processof deconstructing their
childhood traumas so that theycan be free, so that they can
(19:41):
have the true happiness that hasevaded me for over 60 years.
So now, having gone throughthis process many, many times,
with many, many, many matrixprograms, this daddy issue one
with Teresa Marie, I can onlyspeak for me, and each of us
(20:02):
have our own set of traumas thatwe're dealing with.
It's an opportunity todeconstruct.
So I'm like, wow, okay, so whydoes this keep coming up?
So you can use AI folks to youradvantage.
You don't have to be afraid oftechnology, you guard yourself
(20:26):
from being controlled by it.
But, oh my goodness, you canliterally, literally throw in
different things like research,childhood shame and see what it
comes up with.
And it's amazing.
What you can discover.
Well, I looked, and what doesit say?
What you can discover?
(20:49):
Well, I looked, and what doesit say.
Emotional neglect in childhoodoften manifests as a deep-seated
feeling of worthlessness or aninability to form secure
attachments in adulthood.
And, oh, baby, worthlessnessand feeling like my feelings
never mattered.
That is the backdrop of my life, right and forming secure
(21:14):
attachments.
Well, I completely understandthat one too, having been
married four times.
A key sign of emotional neglectis a pervasive sense that your
needs or feelings don't matter,leading to difficulties in
trusting others and expressingyour emotions.
(21:34):
Oh, because you know.
You know what the world tellsyou.
Oh, you know that happened inyour childhood, it's your past,
but what they don't want you toremember is it's still affecting
them, and the longer you stuffit, the harder it is to unravel
(21:55):
and deconstruct it.
So I started looking at my shameissues.
You see, shame is worse thanguilt, because guilt is nothing
more than believing thatsomething that you have done was
bad, right, oh, you spilt thatmilk, bad girl.
(22:15):
Whereas shame is believing thatyou are bad and wow, it really,
really, really affects us.
You know, shame is that painfulemotion stemming from the
belief that something is wrongwith you as a person, which
(22:36):
leads to feelings of inadequacy,worthlessness and a desire to
hide and, in the case of TeresaMarie, not only to hide.
I mean, I'm literallyreplicating my pantry days as a
seven-year-old child with food,and I don't want to be that
person anymore.
So, oh my gosh, I can't believe.
(23:01):
You're taught of what our ownchildhood did to us and are well
aware of just how damagingthose beliefs can be when
they're carried into adulthood.
So, yes, I am being vulnerableand wide open today because this
is what occurred again to me.
(23:22):
Here they are again, so I'm notsure how I am going to fully
heal Physician, heal thyselves,right.
That's what the Word of Godsays and I've just thought about
it a lot and that's how theprocess starts.
It's like, wow, okay, you know,you lay it all out on the table
(23:42):
in your mind and I'm thinkingabout it All right.
So when I used to get shamed,and what are some of those lines
Well, I can't speak about yourlife, but I remember trying so
hard to please my dad.
I can remember Bohack's grocerystore and my dad did all the
(24:03):
grocery shopping and most of thecooking and if you were lucky,
you would get to go groceryshopping with him.
And I can remember going withmy dad and my sister and grocery
shopping and my sister was fouryears older than me, so
obviously she was going to bemore adept at at helping grocery
(24:25):
shop and four years younger I,oh my goodness, I wanted his
attention so badly and you know,I don't know what the what, see
, that's.
That is the part that I'mtrying to tell you.
If your parents are alive, askall those questions Because, see
, I can't tell you what wasgoing on in my dad's head.
All I can do is assume that Iwas baby six and they had busy
(24:49):
lives and whatever.
But all I know is that mysister, man, she could put
groceries in the cart betterthan I could, she could bag up
the groceries better than Icould and anytime I asked, and
(25:10):
that faithful line that still,even as I'm about to share it,
even thinking about sharing it,I can feel the sting, even now,
60 years later.
Why can't you be more like yoursister?
Oh, so that was my personhood.
My personhood was shamed.
(25:32):
I wasn't good enough, I wasn'tas good as Marianne.
Now, again, I want to blanketthis with the full knowledge
that my mom and dad love me.
I know this and everybody doesthe best they can, just like I
did the best I could with mychildren.
But these are the things thatwere said and these are the
(25:53):
things that affected me.
What affected you?
So what happens after you getshamed as a child Between
infanthood to seven.
Those are the years that youreally get imprinted.
Well, you comply, I did.
I did everything I was told.
I got real quiet.
I suppressed my emotions.
(26:14):
I learned how to stuff thingsreal early, stuff things real
early.
And then there came a time, whenI was about 12 years old, that
I started just not caringanymore.
You know, kind of putting yourthumb to your nose and waving
your fingers oh, you know whatyou don't like me.
Well, f you back.
(26:35):
That's kind of what was movinginto my life.
And then my dad passes away at13.
And now I have lost all abilityto ever gain that love that I
never thought that I had fromhim, right?
Oh, and then that anger.
I just went nuts.
So I got shamed.
(26:58):
First was was compliance andthen was complete rebellion.
My dad was a police officer, soanything that my dad wouldn't
like to have happen I did thealcohol, the drug abuse, the sex
, the drugs, the rock and roll,all of it.
I got so good at being so badand that's how I dealt with
(27:23):
shame.
And shame is a big one and itaffects most people on the
planet.
Shame targets the whole person.
So I am not exactly sure, otherthan where I got yesterday
after my little episode ofteariness.
(27:43):
But see, as you continue onthis evolutionary journey that
we're on, you begin to see notonly your patterns of trauma but
you begin to start taking noteson how you're working yourself
out of the trauma.
So I'm very aware that this ishow it starts.
(28:07):
Okay, so I finally get to theplace where I can't handle it
anymore.
Something's got to give.
I'm sick of tired of being sickand tired, right?
So that's when you start tryingthings.
You start looking upinformation about whatever the
topic is that you're trying tobe free of, you start trying
(28:30):
different modalities or whathave you.
So where I got yesterday was Iwrote down a list of all those
shaming verbiages that are in myhead.
Oh, you know, wrong way, lostmom.
You know this, this and thatyou know.
So I have a whole list.
So now, when I am able becausesee, again, it comes in waves.
(28:55):
So that was the wave.
I got all of the gunk out, butthen I was done.
I couldn't go any further.
So when I approach that page ofmy journal again, I'm going to
put the counter, the antonym,the crowning glory, whatever
shame statement that I wrotedown I'm going to put the
(29:16):
opposite, because you see, thoseshame statements, oh they are.
They are packed so tightly inmy psyche.
I know that.
I know that they're going tocome rapidly up again, and this
time I'm going to be ready.
Now, all this week, as I startedhaving those stinking thinking
(29:37):
thoughts come up, all I was ableto do is say, no, I'm not that
person anymore.
You are the hippie freak of theSouth and I am not that hippie
freak of the South anymore.
See, that was who I titled thatactor in my play, the actor
prior to healing.
That is Terry Wilson, thehippie freak of the South.
(29:59):
A hippie is, you know, dirtyand all those negative
connotations that a hippie is.
See, that's who I felt.
I was worthless, nobody wasgoing to listen to me, nobody
cared about my feelings, and so,without even realizing it,
subconsciously, for years Icalled myself a hippie freak.
(30:22):
And then, when I came here tothe south in Tennessee, and lo
and behold, I start my podcastalmost three years ago now, four
years, a long time ago, andlike my second or third episode,
it just fell out of my mouthI'm Terry Wilson, the hippie
freak of the south.
Wall, because that's who Ialways thought I was, you know,
(30:43):
because that is the picture thatI had painted and that was so
imprinted in me that that's whoI was.
But now in my head and in myspirit, I know that.
I know that I am not that oldversion of myself anymore.
I have evolved out and I'mstanding on the other side of
(31:06):
that rut and I am Teresa Marie,an ambassador of Chi, and most
days I'm upbeat, I'm happy, I'mencouraging people, and some of
the people who know me now anddidn't know me in my past see
that clearly, my family members,my own children, not so much
(31:29):
they still see the mom thatdamaged them.
They still see the sister that,oh yeah, that's Terry.
You know, oh, what kind ofescapade is Terry in?
And you know.
But I'm evolving, just like youare humanity, and it's so
important for us to bring thesethings to the surface.
(31:51):
It's one thing to read aboutshame, but it's another to hear
somebody going through it andrecognizing it right.
So I just want us to thinkabout shame for a second,
because our true selves wait forus on the other side of our
guilt, of our shame and ourfears, and I want to encourage
(32:14):
you that we're going to getthere.
We are going to get there, andit's okay to let your shame roll
down your cheeks.
On occasion, dr Gabor Mate saidshame is the deepest of the
negative emotions and that iswhy we keep it pushed down,
(32:35):
because it is the most damaging,most deeply rooted, because you
see the enemy of our souls, thedarkness, the devil, whatever
you want to call it or him, thatentity that hates the creator
and hates the creator that's inus, wants us to feel worthless.
(32:57):
It wants us to feel like we arethe mistake.
And shame is the feeling thatwe will do almost anything to
avoid.
Oh, just even thinking about it, I continually see my kitchen
and I continually see thatpantry and feel that
(33:20):
debilitating desire for love andacceptance.
And when it doesn't come, oh,it's crushing.
But unfortunately, the verything that we'll do anything to
avoid, our abiding fear of shame, literally impairs our ability
to see reality, impairs ourability to see reality is what
Dr Gabor said.
(33:40):
And, oh, baby, we want to seeour reality crystal clear.
We don't want to have any kindof colored glasses on.
Trauma keeps us from truehappiness and we want to be
happy.
So, as I continue down this pathof trying to figure out how I
(34:01):
am going to heal myself fromthis.
I want to ask you what aspectsof shame are affecting you as an
adult, my dear brothers andsisters, and are you ready to
let them go?
Are you ready to stop doing thesame programs that were done to
you on your children?
So I will share as I evolveforward.
(34:25):
I don't know how I'm going toget rid of all of the shame
because it's obviously stillhere in my life and I'm aware of
it, and that is a big part ofit.
So today I want to close theseponderings about shame and
childhood traumas with a littlepoem of encouragement that my AI
(34:48):
friend gave me.
So it's unknown, it's a poemwritten by AI and it says this
in every soul, a story resides.
Don't let the whispers of shamedefine what's inside.
Your worth is not a thing toearn, it's a truth within a
(35:09):
light to burn.
You are a masterpiece,perfectly designed, a tapestry
of experiences wonderfullycombined, each mistake, a lesson
, each scar, a sign of a spiritthat's resilient and, yes, truly
(35:33):
divine.
I love you, humanity.
Have yourself a gloriousweekend.
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I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Joe Rogan Experience
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.