November 23, 2024 • 61 mins
Have you been wrestling with several emotions,& struggling to figure how you bring yourself back up ? You perhaps have folks around that don't see eye to eye with you on issues that matter ?
In this enlightening discussion with our guest AnnMarie Chereso, we explore how we can process emotions. She introduces us to the five core emotions—anger, fear, joy, creativity, and sadness—emphasizing the power of engaging with them from a heart-centered place, versus a reactive state.
-Tools/practical strategies for safely expressing emotions, the profound shift it can induce on your personal growth & well-being.
- Moving from a low frequency vibration to a high frequency vibration, facilitating clearing of energy.
-Common tendency to suppress emotions; how this leads to negative impacts on our physical, emotional, and spiritual state.
-Navigating these feelings with authentic understanding & compassion, tap into our innate intelligence, use our enquiry abilities to arrive at a better place with any issue.
-Importance of letting go of the uncontrollable & embracing a non-judgmental mindset to enhance interpersonal relationships.
- Learn how gratitude practices can build a positivity muscle, allowing negative thoughts to lose their power.
-Significance of maintaining a positive outlook during emotionally charged situations and connecting with our three centers of intelligence—body, emotions, and thoughts.
This episode is filled with Anne-Marie's wisdom & practical tools, designed to empower you to master your emotions & elevate your vibrational energy.
Resources: https://annmariechereso.me/the-check-in-process/ , https://annmariechereso.me/whole-body-yes/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Vai Kumar (00:09):
Welcome to Freshleaf Forever, a podcast that gives
you fascinating insights weekafter week.
Here's your host, Vaikumar.
Hey folks, welcome to anotherepisode of Freshleaf Forever.
Today we have here with usAnne-Marie Chereso.
(00:31):
She is a transformationalcoach, author, mystic, guide,
teacher and facilitator on thepath to awakening.
Anne-marie believes in everyonefinding their way home and, to
quote her "every day, lifechallenges me to bring myself
(00:52):
home, back to my truest self.
Over the years, the mostimportant lesson I've learned is
to trust that still small voicewithin me about all.
Anne-marie is also a bookauthor and she has done several
presentations with students inseveral different school
(01:14):
settings.
Today I am thrilled to welcomeback Anne-Marie Chereso here to
podcast Freshleaf Forever.
Hi, anne-marie, how are youdoing today?
How is everything in Chicago?
AnnMarie Chereso (01:26):
Hi Vai.
So good to see you.
You know, it's a reallybeautiful sunny day here today,
which is bonus at this time ofyear, and the leaves on the
trees are so beautiful, so it'sa really great day here today.
Vai Kumar (01:38):
Okay, I think we definitely could use this
weather to talk about, you know,how we all process emotions and
how we just overcome certainfeelings that we may all feel.
I mean, after all, we areapproaching the fag end of the
year and we are approachingThanksgiving, so there's going
to be so much conversations atthe Thanksgiving table, so over
(02:02):
dinner, and I think it's veryimportant for us to just handle
this scenario right now in termsof because, especially for our
listeners here in the US, somuch has happened in November
and some are happy and some areon the opposite side of the
spectrum.
So I guess you know it's justvery important for us to give
(02:23):
listeners a good handle on howto process and overcome emotions
.
So why don't you just get usstarted in terms of how you
think you know people, like froma 30,000 feet bird's eye
overview, how should just peoplebe able to process emotions?
AnnMarie Chereso (02:46):
Yeah, that's a really great inquiry.
I love it.
And first you said overcome andthen you said process.
And I really like using theword process, because our
emotions, in my opinion, aren'there to be overcome, but they
are here to be processed and got.
(03:08):
What's the word I'm looking for, like get intimately involved
with.
And our emotions, I teach, areour teachers.
They're here to inform us andguide us and educate us and for
us to become much moreintimately involved with
(03:28):
ourselves.
So I like to use our emotionsas bookmarks, you know, like a
bookmark, and I teach a processbecause so many of us are so
disconnected from our emotions.
So I teach a process to help usreally get connected to our
authentic emotions.
(03:49):
And I talk about emotions.
I pare it down to five coreemotions.
So there's many, many emotionson the spectrum but, like the
primary colors, you know,there's the primary emotions and
they are anger, fear, joy,creativity or sexual feelings
(04:10):
there's they're one in the sameand sadness.
So those are our core emotionsand we use our body and our mind
to connect to our heart, whereemotions live, to become more
attuned to, like what are theemotions that are here now and
(04:30):
what are they here for?
So the way that I think it'simportant, you know, we can be
with our emotions from atriggered and reactive place and
we can be in with our emotionsfrom a highly intelligent place.
So those five core emotionsthat I mentioned, we could be
(04:54):
with those in either way.
So I can be sad from atriggered and reactive state or
I can be sad from a heartcentered place, like a
heartbreak place.
So that's the first thing I'dlike to help people understand
is to distinguish the differenceLike, am I being with my
emotions from this place oftrigger and reactivity which a
(05:17):
lot of us right now are oh yeah,so many of us.
Right, anger, there's a lot ofanger right now and there's a
lot of sadness, and there's alot of us, right, anger, there's
a lot of anger right now andthere's a lot of sadness and
there's a lot of fear.
Right, and you and I both knowthat emotions are energies,
they're frequencies, so thereare lower vibrational emotions
(05:39):
and then there are highervibrational emotions.
Now, in the positive psychologymovement, everyone would have
you just like flip to a positive, right?
That's not actually the wayhuman beings work.
So if we don't do what yousuggest, which is process what's
here now then we get stuck inour emotions and then they
(05:59):
become a mood.
So, rather than allowingemotions to move through which
usually takes about 90 secondsto let an organic emotion move
through the body you canreference Jill Bolte-Taylor's
work around that If we don't dothat which we typically don't
because we have been taught tosuppress, depress, ignore and
(06:21):
deny our emotions- oh, so manyof us hold on to it, right.
Right.
And then what happens?
We hold on to it, it getstrapped in our body and we get
sick and there's an energy blockin the process.
Vai Kumar (06:33):
right, and there's an energy block.
AnnMarie Chereso (06:35):
All of that's happening.
There's a spiritual component,there's an energetic component,
there's a physical component,there's an emotional component.
It has an impact on so manylevels.
So, yes, I couldn't agree withyou more Like processing our
emotions as human beings is oneof the single most important
things we can learn to do, and Iemphasize learn to do, because
(06:57):
maybe you were raised, you know,your upbringing taught you how
to process your emotions, but99% of us were not taught how to
process our emotions.
What did you learn aboutemotions growing up, vi?
Vai Kumar (07:10):
Well, I guess it's okay to express, was what I was
always, you know, kind ofencouraged to do, kind of okay
to express us and not in like areactive state, just like you
know you were citing there interms of you know how certain
people process it.
But I guess, to talk about itthat way, you know, there can be
(07:31):
an open channel ofcommunication and that way, you
know, there can be potentially,you know, some thoughts that
would come from the familymembers and we would just talk
it through.
And that really helped me learna lot, especially in terms of,
you know, being empathetic,putting yourself in someone
(07:53):
else's shoes always and seeingthrough, you know, not just see
it from your own perspective.
So I guess from a very youngage on, I really got to learn
that I had to see the other sideas well, in terms of putting
myself in someone else's shoes.
AnnMarie Chereso (08:11):
I love that and I do love the way that when
you are in a non-reactive statewith your emotions so, like I
said, I think right now there'sso much anger right In the world
there's a lot of anger, there'sa lot of fear, and when we're
(08:42):
caught in the anger and fear,it's actually not possible to
have an authentic, openconversation like you're talking
about, because the mind and thebody are trapped in the fear
state.
So, being able to process youranger, process the fear, so that
you can have those kinds ofconversations and share and
listen empathetically, listenfrom the heart.
So the reason we want to learnto process our emotions is
because we want to get access tothe intelligence of the heart.
(09:03):
Right, that's where all theintelligence lives and that's
where the most productive thingshappen.
That's where we learn toconnect with one another.
You and I both know we're in areally divisive world right now
and connection is not happeningand inside of that we're
experiencing a lot of division.
(09:24):
We're experiencing a lot ofdisconnection.
We're experiencing a lot ofdivision.
We're experiencing a lot ofdisconnection.
We're experiencing a lot ofanger in the culture, race, wars
, just lots of struggle, whichis actually, you know, not
necessarily where we want andneed to be where we want and
(09:45):
need to be.
Vai Kumar (09:45):
Oh yeah, I think that is so well said.
So what then, could be somesteps?
Like you said, so much fear andanger, right and especially
fear of the unknown.
So there's so much of knownfear, there's so much of unknown
fear.
So what would be the bestmodality out of say, when you
(10:11):
deal with a situation like that,would that be, you know, like
is letting go the solution?
How would you suggest thatpeople kind of you know?
AnnMarie Chereso (10:26):
how would you suggest that people kind of you
know process that kind of anemotion.
Yeah, one of the things Irecommend is first, awareness.
Right, we first need to beaware of our emotions.
Often we're so busy running ourlives that the emotions are
running us and we're not evenconnected to what's happening or
what's going on.
So awareness is always key andit's going to be a unique
(10:49):
process because emotions aregoing to show up differently for
Vi and differently forAnne-Marie.
So I have to get inside my bodyand feel how does anger show up
in my body?
Because emotions I said itearlier, emotions are energies
in motion in and on the body.
So they're just an energy.
And then we human beings havegiven them labels and names,
(11:11):
right so, but these energiesmove through us and they're here
to inform us.
So if I can begin to get intorelationship with, oh, anger,
when it shows up in my body andI'll tell you how it shows up in
my body, I I'll tell you how itshows up in my body.
My jaw gets tight, my shoulderscrunch up.
Sometimes I'll notice my handsare in a fist, I could feel like
(11:33):
constriction in my chest andand I you know like it's
literally like I could feel likemy head's about to explode.
When anger is present, presentas an energy in my body and I
trap it right, I don't expressit.
That's how it feels.
So anger, for example.
(11:53):
I give people the tool.
I tell people to have a plasticbat around the house and we've
had them.
You know, my kids are older now, but when they were younger we
had plastic bats under the sofasin the house and when someone
got angry I would say go, takethe bat and pound the anger out
on the sofa or whatever.
Move that energy.
(12:14):
We set a timer, I'll give you atimer for 60 seconds and you
just let that all out.
Right?
So what we're doing, like anyanimal?
Right, because we're primalbeings, we're moving the energy
of that anger through us andthen, once we've done that,
we've created ourselves as openand available again.
(12:36):
Now we're going to be in rightrelationship to what emotion
wants to be here.
So, for instance, in some cases,anger underneath anger is often
sadness that we don't feelpermission or safe to express.
Often more anger is there.
So we wanna get beyond thereactivity to the intelligence
(13:02):
of this emotion, because angeron the high side, on the
intelligent side, says somethingneeds to stop.
Something is not of service.
Now, anger on the low side,anger from reactivity is you
know, I'm feeling anunreasonable threat.
Maybe there is a threat, maybethere isn't a threat.
(13:23):
I'm not really in rightrelationship to it.
I'm at the effect of theemotion, I'm taken over by it.
But when I get into rightrelationship to the anger, I'm
realizing, oh, what's not ofservice?
And then how can I use my powerto create something new?
Say no, something new, say no.
(13:50):
So that's that's one way that Irecommend people navigate big
emotions like anger.
And we do this with kids all thetime, because our kids are
learning like what happens whenour kids are feeling their
feelings.
Right, they're little, they'rethree, four or five years old.
They feel angry and they throwtheir truck across the room and
then.
And then what do we do?
We say stop that, don't do that, that's bad, that's wrong.
And then the next time theywant to do it, they're like well
(14:11):
, I can't do that, I can'texpress myself because I'm going
to be bad.
So we want to give them analternative that honors what
they're feeling and then steerthem in a direction where they
can use it more effectively andhonor their emotions, but one of
the reasons kids have so manyissues these days is because
(14:31):
they don't have freedom or spaceto express themselves
authentically.
Vai Kumar (14:37):
Yeah, and then there's social media, so that's
just.
You know, I'm not sure thatit's helping them process
certain things in the way thatyou and I got to process when we
were children, right?
AnnMarie Chereso (14:49):
Now is our time.
Vai Kumar (14:53):
Also, like you gave people an alternative in terms
of, okay, just channel it out insome form, in a meaningful form
, not like going and hurtingsomebody else, not like, you
know, passing something all theway through, but just channel
your energy.
You know that way you get toexpress it, come out of it
Exactly, internally.
(15:17):
Would you also tell yourself asan adult to kind of focus on
what's in your control and letgo of what's not in your control
.
Would that be you knowsomething?
Would that be like a greatasset that you know, a great
(15:39):
service you would be doing toyourself?
AnnMarie Chereso (15:42):
Because, especially when it comes to fear
of the unknown, right, yes, yes, I mean, there's so much fear
of the unknown right, and Ithink you've named it perfectly
Let go of what you can't control.
So guess what you can't control?
Just about everything.
We can't control the future.
(16:02):
We can only control ourselves.
And I would argue that thiswhole idea of emotions we are
running around trying to controlour emotions all day long,
particularly as adults, becausewe have been taught there is a
right way to behave and there isa wrong way to behave, and you
use your emotions like this andthis emotion is good and this
(16:24):
emotion is bad, and don't cryand don't do that, and you know
there's all these right andwrong ways of being.
So, in essence, we're trying tocontrol our emotions and
control the unknown all day long.
So what you can control is therelationship you have to your
(16:45):
emotions.
So what we do, then, is what webefriend our emotions, we get
into a friendly relationshipwith them and we allow them, we
surrender to them.
We don't want to let them go.
Like you know, a lot of peopleare like you're sad, just let it
go.
Just let it go.
And people confuse what itmeans to let go and to surrender
(17:06):
.
Right, there's two verydifferent ways.
So we don't want to let it goin like dismissing or denying or
diminishing.
Vai Kumar (17:15):
Unattended.
You don't want it unattended.
AnnMarie Chereso (17:18):
Yes, we want to attend to it with love, with
kindness, with compassion.
So for any mothers who listenin, I love to use this example.
It's like when your child fallsand gets hurt and they're you
know, they're scraped their kneeand they're bleeding.
You don't just say now, getover it, You're fine.
(17:38):
I mean, we know they're goingto be fine, but we put them in
our lap, we get them a bandaid,we say it's going to be okay.
Honey, I know that hurt, I'msorry.
So we treat our emotions theexact same way.
When our sadness comes up, whatwe habitually do is like I'm
sad.
I'm sad, I don't know what todo.
This is very scary.
(17:58):
This is unknown.
I don't know where it's goingto take me If I let myself feel
my sadness.
I don't know what's going tohappen.
Right, that's the unknown.
But when we befriend it, weallow it to express itself
without being afraid of it,without pushing it down, without
resisting it.
We just allow it to be here andhold space for it.
(18:19):
This is the way we reparentourselves, the way we stay in
loving compassionate energy.
This is the way we reparentourselves, the way we stay in
loving compassionate energy.
This is the way we raise ourfrequency.
So most of us have an emotionand then shut it down.
But, like you suggested, whenwe surrender to them emotions,
(18:40):
when we allow them, we arestepping into the unknown,
because none of us know whereour sadness is going to take us,
where our fear, where our angeris going to take us, and so we
try and control it and I wouldsay that doesn't work very well.
Vai Kumar (18:55):
Yeah.
So in order that we don'tlinger and stay in that space, I
guess we just have to.
It's okay for us to process itand would say, taking a walk out
in the nature.
Would that be a way thatAnne-Marie would process her
sadness or fear?
AnnMarie Chereso (19:17):
Yes, yeah, okay, so really practical things
.
For me, walking is verycathartic.
I just came back from apickleball lesson and I was like
, oh, this is a good way for meto get out my frustration.
I'm like whacking the ball allover the place and I was, and I
(19:38):
this is kind of a new thing forme because I haven't been doing
it for very long and I was like,wow, I forgot how athletics and
sports can be a really goodoutlet for me to non-verbally
move my emotions and feelingsthat I'm not attending to.
So, yes, sports, walking, beingactive, actually crying, having
(20:00):
your morning practices, maybelike 10 minutes of you know
morning tears of a former coachof mine used to practice crying
every day.
So, whatever it is for you art,painting, listening to music,
dancing you know emotions, I'mgoing to say it again, energies
in motion and on the body.
It's a somatic experience.
(20:22):
So we want to get in the bodyand let the body move to be
expressed.
Vai Kumar (20:28):
Okay, perfect.
How would you suggest peopletune into their you know inner
intelligence?
Because we are talking aboutwhat are these low frequency
vibrations and we are trying tokind of address it in a way that
we would channel it as, ortranslate it into music, or
(20:51):
rather move it from a place oflow frequency to a state where
you have processed it and youcan translate it into a high
frequency vibration.
So would you just walk usthrough how someone can tune
into their inner intelligence?
AnnMarie Chereso (21:10):
Anne-Marie yes , I have a whole workshop where
I teach this.
It's called whole bodyintelligence and I teach that we
have three centers ofintelligence.
We have BQ body sensations EQ,emotional intelligence and IQ
our cognitive intelligence.
So body intelligence, emotionalintelligence, cognitive
(21:33):
intelligence.
Most of us focus on cognitiveintelligence.
I feel sad, I feel angry.
We use our head and then wemake up stories and thoughts and
reasons why.
And you know, we get on thewhole cognitive emotive loop,
which I call it, and we get lostin the thinking about feelings.
It's the way 99% of us live.
(21:54):
Thinking about feelings.
It's the way 99% of us live.
So what I help people learn ishow to check in with all three
centers of intelligence.
Get into your body sensations,notice what those are, pay
attention to your emotions andfeelings those five core
emotions I mentioned and thenjust notice one thought.
We think 60,000 to 80,000thoughts a day.
(22:16):
Just pick one, and then you'regoing to gain a lot of awareness
about how you run, how you runyour feelings, your emotions and
your thoughts.
And then, once you're able tosee that picture more clearly,
you start to get red lights andgreen lights.
So we want to pay attention toall green lights.
Green lights mean I'm connectedto a higher intelligence, and
(22:40):
then red lights are I am down inmy ego space.
When I'm down in my ego andthose lower frequencies, I'm in
a place of control.
When I have green lights, I'min surrendered state.
So.
So I teach the check-in, thewhole body intelligence check-in
process, where you're checkingall three of those centers of
intelligence to connect to thathigher intelligence.
Vai Kumar (23:01):
Okay, Okay, Fantastic .
Would each person in theprocess of discovering
themselves also kind of identifya tool that's in their favor,
that's to their benefit?
Say for me I have noticed thatwhenever, you know, I'm just so
(23:23):
down and I really, you know,have to translate into a
positive vibration state, into ahigher vibration state, I just
go look at myself in the mirrorand smile.
It has done wonders for me.
AnnMarie Chereso (23:40):
I love that Bai.
I love that.
Vai Kumar (23:42):
Even on my very, very bad days, if I'm just not
feeling well, if I'm not in aplace where I'm able to process
something in a place where I'mable to process something.
Over the years I've learned thatwhen I do that, I am just in a
whole new place.
I would have probably beenbedridden 10 minutes ago and
(24:08):
then, whenever I would go dothat, I would just be probably
fixing meals for 10 more peoplein the house that might even
walk into my house.
So that's kind of thetransformation.
So does each person need toidentify something like that for
themselves?
Would you have you in yourworkshops?
(24:30):
You know seeing that side to ithelping people?
You already told us severalaspects like okay, like
pickleball, you have been ableto channel your frustration,
anger, maybe evendisappointments, right, but so
(24:59):
does this also, in the process,mean someone kind of tuning into
themselves and they are goingto discover more passion areas?
AnnMarie Chereso (25:03):
if you will.
I love this part and I love howyou're pointing people to
finding their own thing, becausewe are unique beings and we're
so conditioned to look to othersfor the answers.
And what you're talking aboutis like how can each everyone
here listening and you and Ihonor our own individuality and
(25:24):
find what works best for us?
And so we're here to give cluesand guidance and suggestions,
but ultimately, when we're allconnected to our higher
intelligence, we find that thingthat's right for us.
So I love that you look in themirror every day.
I've started a practice recentlydoing something very similar.
There's also another one whereit's a heart coherence practice
(25:49):
that I often drop into and itworks well for me because I'm a
thinker Like I think, think,think, think, think.
Like I'm in my head so much.
So I have to find practicesthat drop me into my body and
get me out of my thinking brain.
So this practice is a practicewhere I call to mind something
(26:11):
that reliably brings me joy, andit doesn't have to be a big
deal.
It's not like a first-classtrip to Europe or something For
me, it's like my dog.
When I see my dog lying on herback with her paws up in the air
and her tongue hanging out.
I giggle so hard.
You just did it too.
(26:34):
Every single night my husbandand I are sitting on the sofa
watching a show where I'm like,look at the dog, look at how
cute she is, you know, and forsome reason it just lights me up
and brings me so much joy.
So when I'm feeling like you'rementioning you mentioned earlier
, like glum or down, or you know, in a place of struggle, I just
call to mind a little dog withher paws up in the air and that
(26:55):
funny thing that brings me somuch joy.
And then I sit with it for agood three minutes and I
literally I'm a meditator, so Ibreathe into it.
I imagine my heart opening.
So even in your practice, whenyou're saying what you're saying
(27:16):
to yourself in the mirror, ifyou're looking at that and
simultaneously imagining yourheart expanding, you're
increasing the vibration,because our hearts are infinite.
They can, you know, they'rejust energy.
So that's one of the things Ido call to mind, something that
really brings me a lot of joy.
(27:36):
Or find a funny, you know, findfunny cat videos or baby videos
, like those things instantly,you know, raise my vibration.
Vai Kumar (27:45):
And I think it brings a lot of people joy, not just
you and me.
So that's kind of a tool thatpeople can resort to, right?
Yes, what about judgmental,being judgmental, so
non-judgmental?
I guess we can't finish thepodcast any day without talking
(28:07):
about, you know, people worryingabout somebody judging them, or
you know how much is beingnon-judgmental the need of the
hour in terms of you know wherelost friends due to how they are
processing their emotions.
You know there has just been somuch that has happened over the
(28:46):
past few weeks and severalmonths, and even in, you know,
like any situation that peoplecome across in their workplace,
in their day to day life, evenin familial relationships, right
?
So what is your take on?
AnnMarie Chereso (29:04):
Yes, Well, I'm just gonna raise the flag and
tell you like I'm one of themost judgmental people I've ever
met and it's taken me alifetime to get into right
relationship with my judgment,so for a long time, like it's
impossible to be human and nothave judgments.
So I want to start that offlike for anyone listening for
(29:27):
anyone listening.
Vai Kumar (29:28):
So that's okay, that's okay.
Don't feel out of place thatyou are judging somebody,
because I think it's a processand it's a goal.
I mean, somebody asked me Ithink, not this new year, but
the year before that, January1st what is your resolution?
I said, well, I just try to beas humble as I can.
(29:49):
That's always the goal everysingle year and I'm working
towards it.
I'm not a perfect person, but Isaid, well, I'm just trying to
be more accepting and not judgepeople.
So that's again a process, it'sa work in progress.
So that's kind of how I put it.
AnnMarie Chereso (30:07):
So I couldn't say it any better.
It's a total work in processfor me, for my process.
I agree with you Try and behumble, try and be in acceptance
, all of those things.
Often when we say I want to tryto be something, we're already
(30:28):
setting ourselves up for alittle bit of a fail, because
trying means I might not,because trying means I might not
.
So right there, for anyonewho's listening, I would just
say set the intention that I ammore accepting this year, I'm
more accepting this year, I'mmore humble this year.
So really saying it in theaffirmative really helps.
(30:49):
The second thing and the thingthat on my journey, like I said,
I'm a judgmental person.
For years I was in resistanceto my judgments, so I had a
really bad relationship with myown judgments.
I was judging my judgments.
You're so bad, what's wrongwith you?
Why are you thinking that,until I got into a more friendly
(31:10):
relationship with myself, I'mlike, oh honey, you're just
being a human being.
Those thoughts are justarriving and you get to choose
how you want to be inrelationship to those judgments.
And so a new game I play isevery time I notice a judgment
because awareness is always thekey to everything.
When I notice a judgment, Ijust ask how is that true?
(31:32):
Is that true?
I wonder if that's true.
And so I try and get curiousabout the judgment, and not in
the sense of like spirituallybypassing it or denying it, but
really going is that true?
Is that person really rude, oris that person mean, or whatever
the judgment that I'm beingconfronted with, how is it true?
(31:57):
How is it true, maybe?
How is it true about me?
Sometimes, maybe it's aprojection, right, often
judgments are projections.
So I think playing with ourjudgments and it really helps us
to get to know ourselves betterwhen we're paying attention to
the things that we're thinkingand getting into friendly
relationship to them.
(32:18):
You know, a lot of my work isaround not resisting the
resistance.
So when resistance arises, justyou know it's just accepting it
.
Vai Kumar (32:27):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
That's beautifully said.
What about the need to saypause and reflect?
Is that part of how you wouldprocess, say any thought that
comes into you, or any emotion,any feelings that crop crop up,
(32:50):
not just being judgmental ornon-judgmental, trying to or or
I am, I am is the more powerfulmantra that you have given us
now.
Uh, what about the need to saypause and reflect and understand
where each person is comingfrom, or even with your own self
(33:13):
?
The need to pause, reflect andunderstand.
That's so powerful.
AnnMarie Chereso (33:18):
Yeah, I'm thinking about it full circle,
because what you said at thebeginning of our conversation
about being in conversation withothers, the single most
important thing, and in thispolitical climate, right now
more than ever, it's been verydifficult for us to pause and
reflect because, you know, ourheads are blown by so many of
(33:39):
the decisions and choices thatare being made and we're feeling
so threatened.
And how could they even thinkthat women shouldn't have rights
around their body, or how couldthey even think this, or you
know?
So we get immediately defended,completely defended.
But when you suggest pausing, Ithink it's really beautiful,
because once we get to pause,how could they think that?
(34:02):
Right, you know, you're enraged.
There's there again that angeris behind the energy, behind
that thought and that judgment.
But then, when you let thatmove through you?
Oh, because most judgments,almost all judgments, come from
fear.
So then we let that fear movethrough us and then we get to
(34:22):
curiosity.
How could they think that?
I wonder why they think that.
So now we could turn ourjudgment into a genuine
curiosity, which then createsconnection, and only in that
space are we able to cometogether and learn more about
each other, because I see allsorts of scenarios for
(34:44):
understanding when I'm in acurious place and I'm truly open
and available to listening tosomeone else's point of view how
they get to their thinking.
They make perfect sense to me,even if it's not aligned with my
thinking.
Vai Kumar (34:58):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, somewhere I think yeah, and I
guess yeah.
We all need to think that wecan walk together, right, not
just think that we can walktogether, but again kind of find
a roadmap to how we can walktogether.
AnnMarie Chereso (35:21):
Yes, I love that.
Vi the roadmap of how we canwalk together.
Vai Kumar (35:28):
So well.
I guess that that's a perfecttitle for this episode.
So we talked about the lowfrequency vibrations and the
high frequency vibrations right.
Somewhere there's the elementof positivity shift in what you
mentioned.
(35:48):
So what role does positivityplay in all of our lives,
Anne-Marie, in terms of everysituation that we deal with,
there's a positive side to it,there's a negative side to it.
We can choose to be on whichside we want, in terms of even
our own personal things how wethink, how we frame a sentence,
(36:11):
how we write a sentence, how Icome across to you.
Even when I speak, I can choosethe route of being blunt,
phrasing certain things acertain way, versus just
phrasing it a slightly differentway.
That way, I sound more positive.
(36:31):
So how is that internallyinfluencing all the energy that
we channel, how it moves through, and also in role modeling,
right, how we raise our children?
AnnMarie Chereso (36:46):
Yeah, and how we raise each other.
I like this example I thinkabout if you take a moment for
everyone listening in and thinkabout the person in your life
when you enter the room andyou're immediately excited and
happy to see them and you'relike, and they have like all
(37:07):
this energy and you kind of getswept up in them, right, and you
immediately feel differentlywhen you're in their presence.
And then there's someone inyour life, if you pause and
think about it, who you get intotheir space and they kind of
bring you down a little bit andyou're like, oh, I don't really
want to spend time with thatperson and and you kind of get a
(37:29):
little more contracted aroundthem.
So this is what you and I aretalking about in terms of energy
and frequency.
So one would be the positive,one would be the negative.
In the way we define it, theseare polarities and, like you
said, with free will we get tochoose where we want to go.
Sometimes that's easier thanothers.
Like you said, sometimes youhave really hard down days and
(37:53):
then you have to actually workto get yourself up again, to
lift yourself up.
You have to lift yourself upand so, yeah, I kind of got lost
for a minute there, vi, whatwas your specific question?
Because that just startedflowing out of me and now I
forget where I was headed.
Vai Kumar (38:12):
Well, the role of positivity in how we just you
know, how do we model?
AnnMarie Chereso (38:20):
that for our kids?
Yeah, well, again, what I'velearned and this might this
might not be true for everyone,but it's been true for me and
for many people I work with wewent through this whole period
of time in positive psychologywhere it was just change your
mind, change your mind and itworks.
(38:40):
But it works like a Band-Aid ona really bloody hand, like I'm
stopping the bleeding, but itneeds stitches right, we need
more repair.
So I just oh you know, I'mdoing with my community right
now a 21 day gratitude challenge, because what I've learned is
that overcoming these negativitybiases is like building a
(39:03):
muscle.
So we need to invest inourselves every day and actually
build that muscle of positivityevery day, which means I'm
going to acknowledge thenegative thought, I'm going to
acknowledge the negative feeling, I'm not going to resist it,
I'm not going to push it away,I'm not going to judge it, I'm
going to fully accept it andallow it to be here.
(39:26):
Oh, embrace it, embrace it,allow it to be here.
Oh, embrace it, right, embraceit, which is so hard to do,
because when you're feelingcrummy, the last thing you want
to do is go great, come on morecrummy.
Right, we're afraid if weembrace it it's going to get
bigger.
But it's actually the oppositewhen we embrace it, it actually
starts to diminish.
(39:47):
Then what we do, you know youcan't just say, oh, stop it,
feel better.
You actually have to, likebreak it down piece by piece,
like coming over.
Okay, I see you're grumpy, Isee you're upset, I see this
inside yourself, right Foryourself.
And then you start to shift, um, to a more to positive thoughts
(40:10):
around that.
So for every negative thought,you think three positive
thoughts.
So I just worked with a clientwho's just out of a relationship
and pretty distraught about it,and they're like I can't
believe and I lost this.
And I said well, what if youwon something?
So the new mantra is I won.
(40:30):
And then now, look for reasons,look for the truth.
Not don't make things up, butwhat did you win?
What did you gain?
Look for that.
And so, bit by bit, you startto build the bricks of the
positivity.
And so energy goes or attentionattention goes where energy
flows where attention goes,energy goes, or attention
(40:51):
attention goes where energyflows where attention goes.
So if we keep our attention onthe positive, not just by
bypassing and ignoring thenegative, but just make sure
we're giving as much real estateto the positive, then we're
building that muscle and we'reable to get into that vibration
a little bit more easily.
But I really, I really, I reallyfeel strongly about emphasizing
like this is not about ignoringthe negative, because in my
(41:14):
experience what happens is whenpeople you know the expression
put lipstick on a pig, like ifyou're just being positive all
the time but ignoring andshoving down all the other
things, um it, they eventuallycome.
Kind of it's like shaking a canof soda and then it all
explodes eventually.
Vai Kumar (41:32):
Oh yes, oh yes, so there's no need to camouflage
anything and just Exactly, yeah,embrace it.
So yeah, I guess, from what youhave said, looking at us
dealing with situations how we,you know, process it Again like
it's almost like a role modelthing that our children take
(41:53):
cues from us and they start tobehave that way.
AnnMarie Chereso (41:57):
Yes, correct, our children entrain with us.
They energetically entrain withus.
So that example I gave earlierabout going into the room with
the person who you love beingaround and the person who you
don't so much Energeticallywe're all connected and when our
(42:19):
children don't do what we dothey don't do what we say, they
do what we do.
Energetically they're intraining with us.
So their nervous systems areconnected to our nervous systems
.
So when we're smiling and thenwe're feeling really anxious and
upset, they're actually feelingthe anxious and upset, and then
they're confused because whatthey see on the outside doesn't
(42:42):
match what they're feeling.
So then they grow up to beconfused because they don't
understand that there's adisconnect.
So if we're honest withourselves and our kids, so I
grew up in a family system wheremy parents were very careful,
(43:05):
out of love right Out ofcomplete love not to show anger
or sadness or you know we don'tnot to be disruptive in front of
the children.
But what that renders ischildren who'd grow up not
necessarily knowing how tonavigate those things.
So one of the things I learnedwhen I was going through my
(43:26):
divorce was it's okay for yourkids to see you being sad, right
, that's a gift.
So when we model ourselvesauthentically positively and
quote unquote negatively Iwouldn't call sadness negative,
but I understand why we do Thenour children get really
(43:46):
beautiful mirrors for what'shappening for them and they have
permission, which is what theyneed to be fully expressed.
Vai Kumar (43:57):
So life lessons there ?
What about?
I guess we have talked so muchabout all these emotions, how we
process them.
We all look up to our teachersin school.
We all look up to our teachers.
So, likewise in the workplace,leaders have to role model
correct, and that's so important, yeah, and everywhere you know,
(44:20):
leader in every walk of lifehas to role model right.
So how do you think peopleshould?
Is there any difference betweenhow one would do things at home
versus how one would do thingsoutside, you know?
So, basically, I guess it's thesame energy, same energy that
(44:43):
we are channeling with thepeople that are around us every
single day, right?
Yes, don't you think?
AnnMarie Chereso (44:49):
I think so.
I have a good story about that,vi.
So when my youngest was in theeighth grade, she had a really
phenomenal teacher and you knowI value teachers so much as I
know you do and my daughter wasstruggling academically,
socially, all the things, andthis teacher was hard on her,
(45:09):
but in all the best ways and Iknew she was so for my daughter
right.
I knew she was an advocate andI met with her and have a parent
teacher conference and I had,you know, my heart was so open
to her and my daughter wasafraid of her because she was
like a really tough teacher andshe wasn't performing
academically well in the classin terms of the way
(45:32):
traditionally grade students.
I think it was fine, but youknow what I'm saying.
Long story short, I sat andasked the teacher some really
raw questions and I asked heropinions about some things and
the teacher was very honest withme and I got really emotional.
I could feel my heart opening,literally.
(45:52):
Like for any of you listeningin, like the, you can feel your
heart opening.
I'm sure, vi, you've had thisexperience and it's literally
like you know, you, I don't evenknow how to describe it Like
your chest is starting to openand it's really raw and I could
feel tears coming and I couldhear myself thinking the thought
you are in a parent teacherconference, you do not do this,
(46:12):
do not cry, do not cry.
And then I did my practices andI was like, no, I am here to
show up authentically.
And, of course, um, and I could, and what my emotion was coming
from was gratitude.
I was feeling gratitude.
By the way, you guys, gratitudecan also be experienced as
uncomfortable, like becausewe're not used to what true
(46:35):
gratitude feels like it's yourheart breaking open.
So I was in this emotive stateTears were flowing, I was still
and quiet, and all the teacheracross the way was getting
really uncomfortable right,because we don't know how to be
with one another's vulnerabilityand she was worried that I was
upset and so she's like, no, no,it's okay, you know.
(46:57):
She started getting all anxiousand I just kind of let my
emotion move through.
I knew it was going to takeabout 90 seconds and and then I
just paused her and I said, no,I just want you to know how
grateful I am and how muchappreciation I have for who you
are in my daughter's life andand she was just so
uncomfortable with it, but tothe point you're making is like,
as leaders, as teachers, aseducators, as leaders in the
(47:20):
workplace, modeling, holdingspace for one another, modeling,
expressing ourselvesauthentically as our emotions
are arising, oh, and being safein those spaces is so
significantly important and itis not something we know how to
do in this country.
I don't know where, whatcountry.
(47:40):
We do know how to do it, butnot in this country.
Vai Kumar (47:44):
Well, I guess things have to change.
That's when people are going tohave like a really true sense
of the term.
Happy Thanksgiving, right.
So, because some people arehappy and the ones that are
happy, they cannot just go, theyneed to be empathetic, can't go
rub it in on others.
(48:05):
You know that are probablyfeeling different set of
emotions.
So that is where this wholeidea of coexistence, accepting
one another, that way we canchalk a new and brighter path
forward, right?
So that's really, really,really.
You know, unifying has to, hasto be the theme.
(48:27):
Again, you know, like, like yousaid, embrace all the emotions
that you feel but channel yourenergy to transfer from the low
vibration state to the highervibration state.
So when you don't see eye toeye with someone, how do you,
how do you deal with it?
Say, people obviously are ondifferent sides on issues, right
(48:49):
?
So obviously you know it'sshying away from the situation,
the right approach, or how doyou?
That way you're not reacting,perhaps, or how best can one
deal with it?
Obviously, when you're sittingdown at a table, you really
can't walk away.
So what would you do?
AnnMarie Chereso (49:16):
This month I invited my subscribers and my
followers to do something calledan align and activate authentic
gratitude challenge, because Iwas preparing people for
Thanksgiving and the holidayseason ahead and we're going to
be sitting at tables with peoplethat we don't agree with, and
how do we prepare ourselves inadvance for that?
So one thing I do buy is inadvance.
Right, I know there's going tobe certain people that trigger
(49:36):
me, that have different opinions, and how can I be in a space of
love?
And I have a practice where youbring that person to mine every
day for 21 days.
Now I know this sounds like abig investment, but it's like
when you're driving in the caror when you're standing in the
grocery line or when you'rebrushing your teeth, bring that
person to mind and think aboutone, two or three things that
(49:57):
you really appreciate about them.
You can find something.
It can be very little, but youcan find something.
Again, that's the like redlight, green light game.
You're like I'm going to focusand put my energy and attention
over here.
So we start to get in balancebecause we can get really
heavily weighted in the negativethinking and then that's the
train we're on.
We're only thinking about thenegative, but if we can bring
(50:21):
equanimity to every human being.
That's one thing.
Now, when you're actuallysitting at the table and they're
at, they're saying the thingthat they're.
Now, when you're actuallysitting at the table and they're
saying the thing that they'resaying and you're like I can't
believe you're saying thatyou're enraged.
There's a couple of things Irecommend we do.
First, honor yourself, right?
(50:42):
So sometimes I don't know whatthat looks like for you and I
don't know what it looks likefor every listener.
That looks like for you and Idon't.
You know, I don't know what itlooks like for every listener
For me, depending on my rage oneto 10 scale, if I'm on a 10, I
might need to get up and leavethe table for a few minutes and
go, think about my dog lying onthe back or, you know, use all
(51:02):
the tools we've been talkingabout to shift my vibration, so
I'm in a place of equanimity andpresence and availability, and
then come back.
Or I might just need to sit atthe table and breathe with
myself and again, this is backto that whole acceptance thing
Like, oh honey, you're triggeredright now.
It's okay, I am with you,because often when we get
triggered.
(51:22):
We want to discharge the energyout at others Exactly, but this
is a practice of like owningyour energy, owning your
reactivity.
Oh, this is belongs to me.
How do I want to use and bewith this, right, and, and it's
okay, you feel triggered,agitated, judgmental, all the
(51:43):
things you're going to feel.
It's okay.
So really just allowing that,breathing with it, pausing, like
you said, pausing is probablythe greatest gift we can give
ourselves and others and thendiscerning in the moment, like
what is in my best interestright now and what is in the
best interest of the community.
Maybe I need to leavealtogether, maybe that's what I
(52:06):
actually need to do.
I'm going to get in the car andgo home, I don't know.
We all have to get intorelationship with ourselves in
such a way that we're makingdecisions that are fully aligned
with our own best interests,and only when we're using all
three centers of intelligenceare we able to get those answers
.
It's not a one-size-fits-all,but pausing is the entry.
(52:26):
Pausing and getting aware isthe entry, is the entry.
Vai Kumar (52:28):
Pausing and getting aware is the entry Mm-hmm.
And when it comes to say so,there can be resistance, but
there still needs to beacceptance, right?
One, accepting your ownresistance.
Two, accepting the fact thatsomeone has a different point of
view and how you deal with it.
(52:49):
Just yeah, we have given peopleso many tools here.
Is there anything else?
When it comes to say, givenyour meditative side and all of
that, would you suggest a quickbreathing technique for folks to
incorporate in their dailylives in terms of how they
process their emotions and howit can help transform their
(53:13):
state?
Again, we have talked so muchabout low frequency to high
frequency.
AnnMarie Chereso (53:17):
One of the things that I do.
I just want to remind peoplethat we came into this life with
our breath and we leave thislife with our breath, and it is
the most ignored thing in ourwhole system.
We pay attention to everything,but we don't actually pay
attention to our breath.
So my first invitation is asmuch as you can throughout your
(53:40):
days, start paying attention.
Is my breath coming from mychest or my belly?
Am I breathing slow?
Just in your normal course ofyour day, our breath should be
very deep and slow.
Right, most of us are breathinglike this most of the day
(54:00):
because we're like wait, oh myGod, get out of bed.
I got to hurry up, I'm late,I've got to brush my teeth.
We're like the Energizer Bunny.
So we really have to startplaying with our breath.
In those cases that you'retalking about, when you're
really triggered, what can I doin that moment is use your
breath.
Now, one breath that isbeautiful to use that really
(54:22):
helps me is a deep belly inhale.
So you pause, take a deepbreath in, filling your belly
like a giant balloon on theinhale, filling it up as much as
you can, pausing and thenexhaling all that air out.
So it's like to the count offour to six and then the exhale
should be longer than the inhale.
(54:44):
If you just do that, once youinterrupt the nervous system
reactivity and it's likerestarting the car from that
thing.
You might want to do that threeor four times that.
No one has to see you doingthat, no one you know like.
You can do that at any time,anywhere, any space in breath
for out breath.
(55:05):
Six.
Vai Kumar (55:06):
Okay, so great tip right there.
I guess, if you probably dothat like three, four times
right there, we have reached our60 to 90 second that we all
typically take to process anemotion, right?
So at least it helps us inavoiding a backlash or like a
(55:29):
very, very bad scenario that wewould probably do when we are in
a reactive state, exactly so Iguess I meant to ask you what
does Anne-Marie do on a dailybasis to overcome all these, but
you have given severalreal-life scenarios and examples
.
Is there anything else that youwould like to add here?
(55:50):
And what about all yourprograms and all the great stuff
that's coming up?
So the forum is yours,anne-marie.
AnnMarie Chereso (56:00):
Oh gosh.
Well, I did give you most ofthe things that I do, many of
the things that I do, and Ithink we all need a lot of tools
in our arsenal, in our toolbelt.
So, and and and the find theones that work for you.
So that's my greatestsuggestion for me personally,
for the way I work in the worldmy morning practices where I'm
(56:23):
meditating, doing my breathing,all of my morning, my morning
routine, is my foundation forbeing able to use all those
tools throughout the day.
So for me, just having thosetools without a strong
foundation is not supereffective.
So I I highly recommend carvingout five, 10, 20 minutes, two
(56:45):
hours, whatever you have in yourschedule, to ground in whatever
way feels best for you.
That's my first thing.
And then you have those toolslike oh, here, here, here.
It's like we don't go to thegym for 10 minutes and then, all
of a sudden, we have musclesand we're healthy.
Um, that's my that.
That.
That would be my biggesttakeaway and the hardest thing,
(57:06):
because our lives are so busy,how do we prioritize these
things?
In my experience, it has savedme hours of time and you know,
no drama, less conflict, lessenergy leaks.
I'm not spending my timespinning my wheels, frustrated
because I have grounded myselfin my day.
Vai Kumar (57:27):
And so, yeah, I guess all the fear, the anxiety,
everything, yeah, I guess wenever use the word anxiety in
this conversation, but all thefear, all the anxiety, all the
uncertainty can result in dramaand you have given folks enough
tools to get over that.
So fascinating conversation.
(57:48):
So what programs do you havecoming up and how can people
take advantage of that?
You know you want to share yourshare, your website, your
social handle, any such.
You know you're welcome to.
AnnMarie Chereso (57:59):
Thank you.
I have a bunch of things comingup.
I teach something called thewhole body.
Yes, it's a workshop I teach.
It's a 90 minute workshopthat's coming up in December.
I teach it a few times a month.
So, um, that's one thing.
And I have an online coursecalled drop the drama, and it,
um is a course.
That is a self-guided onlineeight week course supporting
(58:22):
people in moving through thereactivity in a way that
supports connection rather thandisconnection in their life and
relationships.
So that's also available.
And I have a free resourcecalled the check-in process and
I'll give you all these linksand you can put them in the show
notes for your guests.
But annemariechiresome is mywebsite and all the goodies are
(58:43):
found there, and I'm also onInstagram.
Vai Kumar (58:45):
Okay, awesome, awesome.
So thank you so much,anne-marie, for a fascinating
conversation.
I guess we started with how weprocess and, perhaps you know,
try and overcome emotions, but Ithink we we pause, reflected on
it, tried to embrace it and weoffered listeners, I believe,
(59:06):
tools to kind of up theirarsenal in terms of how they
deal with everyday situationsand, more so, how people can
coexist and shock a brighterpath forward.
Rate the podcast, leave areview from your podcast app of
(59:31):
choice.
Follow me on Instagram andYouTube @vaipk umar, for all
things digital media andlifestyle.
Until next time, with yetanother interesting guest and
yet another interesting topic.
It's me, Vai, along withAnne-Marie, saying so long.
AnnMarie Chereso (59:45):
Bye.
Thank you, vai, it was such adelight to be with you.
Vai Kumar (59:49):
Well, thank you, thank you, Bye.
It was such a delight to bewith you.
(01:00:16):
Well, thank you, thank you.
Welcome to Freshleaf Forever, a podcast that gives
you fascinating insights weekafter week.
Here's your host, Vaikumar.
Hey folks, welcome to anotherepisode of Freshleaf Forever.
Today we have here with usAnne-Marie Chereso.
(00:31):
She is a transformationalcoach, author, mystic, guide,
teacher and facilitator on thepath to awakening.
Anne-marie believes in everyonefinding their way home and, to
quote her "every day, lifechallenges me to bring myself
(00:52):
home, back to my truest self.
Over the years, the mostimportant lesson I've learned is
to trust that still small voicewithin me about all.
Anne-marie is also a bookauthor and she has done several
presentations with students inseveral different school
(01:14):
settings.
Today I am thrilled to welcomeback Anne-Marie Chereso here to
podcast Freshleaf Forever.
Hi, anne-marie, how are youdoing today?
How is everything in Chicago?
AnnMarie Chereso (01:26):
Hi Vai.
So good to see you.
You know, it's a reallybeautiful sunny day here today,
which is bonus at this time ofyear, and the leaves on the
trees are so beautiful, so it'sa really great day here today.
Vai Kumar (01:38):
Okay, I think we definitely could use this
weather to talk about, you know,how we all process emotions and
how we just overcome certainfeelings that we may all feel.
I mean, after all, we areapproaching the fag end of the
year and we are approachingThanksgiving, so there's going
to be so much conversations atthe Thanksgiving table, so over
(02:02):
dinner, and I think it's veryimportant for us to just handle
this scenario right now in termsof because, especially for our
listeners here in the US, somuch has happened in November
and some are happy and some areon the opposite side of the
spectrum.
So I guess you know it's justvery important for us to give
(02:23):
listeners a good handle on howto process and overcome emotions
.
So why don't you just get usstarted in terms of how you
think you know people, like froma 30,000 feet bird's eye
overview, how should just peoplebe able to process emotions?
AnnMarie Chereso (02:46):
Yeah, that's a really great inquiry.
I love it.
And first you said overcome andthen you said process.
And I really like using theword process, because our
emotions, in my opinion, aren'there to be overcome, but they
are here to be processed and got.
(03:08):
What's the word I'm looking for, like get intimately involved
with.
And our emotions, I teach, areour teachers.
They're here to inform us andguide us and educate us and for
us to become much moreintimately involved with
(03:28):
ourselves.
So I like to use our emotionsas bookmarks, you know, like a
bookmark, and I teach a processbecause so many of us are so
disconnected from our emotions.
So I teach a process to help usreally get connected to our
authentic emotions.
(03:49):
And I talk about emotions.
I pare it down to five coreemotions.
So there's many, many emotionson the spectrum but, like the
primary colors, you know,there's the primary emotions and
they are anger, fear, joy,creativity or sexual feelings
(04:10):
there's they're one in the sameand sadness.
So those are our core emotionsand we use our body and our mind
to connect to our heart, whereemotions live, to become more
attuned to, like what are theemotions that are here now and
(04:30):
what are they here for?
So the way that I think it'simportant, you know, we can be
with our emotions from atriggered and reactive place and
we can be in with our emotionsfrom a highly intelligent place.
So those five core emotionsthat I mentioned, we could be
(04:54):
with those in either way.
So I can be sad from atriggered and reactive state or
I can be sad from a heartcentered place, like a
heartbreak place.
So that's the first thing I'dlike to help people understand
is to distinguish the differenceLike, am I being with my
emotions from this place oftrigger and reactivity which a
(05:17):
lot of us right now are oh yeah,so many of us.
Right, anger, there's a lot ofanger right now and there's a
lot of sadness, and there's alot of us, right, anger, there's
a lot of anger right now andthere's a lot of sadness and
there's a lot of fear.
Right, and you and I both knowthat emotions are energies,
they're frequencies, so thereare lower vibrational emotions
(05:39):
and then there are highervibrational emotions.
Now, in the positive psychologymovement, everyone would have
you just like flip to a positive, right?
That's not actually the wayhuman beings work.
So if we don't do what yousuggest, which is process what's
here now then we get stuck inour emotions and then they
(05:59):
become a mood.
So, rather than allowingemotions to move through which
usually takes about 90 secondsto let an organic emotion move
through the body you canreference Jill Bolte-Taylor's
work around that If we don't dothat which we typically don't
because we have been taught tosuppress, depress, ignore and
(06:21):
deny our emotions- oh, so manyof us hold on to it, right.
Right.
And then what happens?
We hold on to it, it getstrapped in our body and we get
sick and there's an energy blockin the process.
Vai Kumar (06:33):
right, and there's an energy block.
AnnMarie Chereso (06:35):
All of that's happening.
There's a spiritual component,there's an energetic component,
there's a physical component,there's an emotional component.
It has an impact on so manylevels.
So, yes, I couldn't agree withyou more Like processing our
emotions as human beings is oneof the single most important
things we can learn to do, and Iemphasize learn to do, because
(06:57):
maybe you were raised, you know,your upbringing taught you how
to process your emotions, but99% of us were not taught how to
process our emotions.
What did you learn aboutemotions growing up, vi?
Vai Kumar (07:10):
Well, I guess it's okay to express, was what I was
always, you know, kind ofencouraged to do, kind of okay
to express us and not in like areactive state, just like you
know you were citing there interms of you know how certain
people process it.
But I guess, to talk about itthat way, you know, there can be
(07:31):
an open channel ofcommunication and that way, you
know, there can be potentially,you know, some thoughts that
would come from the familymembers and we would just talk
it through.
And that really helped me learna lot, especially in terms of,
you know, being empathetic,putting yourself in someone
(07:53):
else's shoes always and seeingthrough, you know, not just see
it from your own perspective.
So I guess from a very youngage on, I really got to learn
that I had to see the other sideas well, in terms of putting
myself in someone else's shoes.
AnnMarie Chereso (08:11):
I love that and I do love the way that when
you are in a non-reactive statewith your emotions so, like I
said, I think right now there'sso much anger right In the world
there's a lot of anger, there'sa lot of fear, and when we're
(08:42):
caught in the anger and fear,it's actually not possible to
have an authentic, openconversation like you're talking
about, because the mind and thebody are trapped in the fear
state.
So, being able to process youranger, process the fear, so that
you can have those kinds ofconversations and share and
listen empathetically, listenfrom the heart.
So the reason we want to learnto process our emotions is
because we want to get access tothe intelligence of the heart.
(09:03):
Right, that's where all theintelligence lives and that's
where the most productive thingshappen.
That's where we learn toconnect with one another.
You and I both know we're in areally divisive world right now
and connection is not happeningand inside of that we're
experiencing a lot of division.
(09:24):
We're experiencing a lot ofdisconnection.
We're experiencing a lot ofdivision.
We're experiencing a lot ofdisconnection.
We're experiencing a lot ofanger in the culture, race, wars
, just lots of struggle, whichis actually, you know, not
necessarily where we want andneed to be where we want and
(09:45):
need to be.
Vai Kumar (09:45):
Oh yeah, I think that is so well said.
So what then, could be somesteps?
Like you said, so much fear andanger, right and especially
fear of the unknown.
So there's so much of knownfear, there's so much of unknown
fear.
So what would be the bestmodality out of say, when you
(10:11):
deal with a situation like that,would that be, you know, like
is letting go the solution?
How would you suggest thatpeople kind of you know?
AnnMarie Chereso (10:26):
how would you suggest that people kind of you
know process that kind of anemotion.
Yeah, one of the things Irecommend is first, awareness.
Right, we first need to beaware of our emotions.
Often we're so busy running ourlives that the emotions are
running us and we're not evenconnected to what's happening or
what's going on.
So awareness is always key andit's going to be a unique
(10:49):
process because emotions aregoing to show up differently for
Vi and differently forAnne-Marie.
So I have to get inside my bodyand feel how does anger show up
in my body?
Because emotions I said itearlier, emotions are energies
in motion in and on the body.
So they're just an energy.
And then we human beings havegiven them labels and names,
(11:11):
right so, but these energiesmove through us and they're here
to inform us.
So if I can begin to get intorelationship with, oh, anger,
when it shows up in my body andI'll tell you how it shows up in
my body, I I'll tell you how itshows up in my body.
My jaw gets tight, my shoulderscrunch up.
Sometimes I'll notice my handsare in a fist, I could feel like
(11:33):
constriction in my chest andand I you know like it's
literally like I could feel likemy head's about to explode.
When anger is present, presentas an energy in my body and I
trap it right, I don't expressit.
That's how it feels.
So anger, for example.
(11:53):
I give people the tool.
I tell people to have a plasticbat around the house and we've
had them.
You know, my kids are older now, but when they were younger we
had plastic bats under the sofasin the house and when someone
got angry I would say go, takethe bat and pound the anger out
on the sofa or whatever.
Move that energy.
(12:14):
We set a timer, I'll give you atimer for 60 seconds and you
just let that all out.
Right?
So what we're doing, like anyanimal?
Right, because we're primalbeings, we're moving the energy
of that anger through us andthen, once we've done that,
we've created ourselves as openand available again.
(12:36):
Now we're going to be in rightrelationship to what emotion
wants to be here.
So, for instance, in some cases,anger underneath anger is often
sadness that we don't feelpermission or safe to express.
Often more anger is there.
So we wanna get beyond thereactivity to the intelligence
(13:02):
of this emotion, because angeron the high side, on the
intelligent side, says somethingneeds to stop.
Something is not of service.
Now, anger on the low side,anger from reactivity is you
know, I'm feeling anunreasonable threat.
Maybe there is a threat, maybethere isn't a threat.
(13:23):
I'm not really in rightrelationship to it.
I'm at the effect of theemotion, I'm taken over by it.
But when I get into rightrelationship to the anger, I'm
realizing, oh, what's not ofservice?
And then how can I use my powerto create something new?
Say no, something new, say no.
(13:50):
So that's that's one way that Irecommend people navigate big
emotions like anger.
And we do this with kids all thetime, because our kids are
learning like what happens whenour kids are feeling their
feelings.
Right, they're little, they'rethree, four or five years old.
They feel angry and they throwtheir truck across the room and
then.
And then what do we do?
We say stop that, don't do that, that's bad, that's wrong.
And then the next time theywant to do it, they're like well
(14:11):
, I can't do that, I can'texpress myself because I'm going
to be bad.
So we want to give them analternative that honors what
they're feeling and then steerthem in a direction where they
can use it more effectively andhonor their emotions, but one of
the reasons kids have so manyissues these days is because
(14:31):
they don't have freedom or spaceto express themselves
authentically.
Vai Kumar (14:37):
Yeah, and then there's social media, so that's
just.
You know, I'm not sure thatit's helping them process
certain things in the way thatyou and I got to process when we
were children, right?
AnnMarie Chereso (14:49):
Now is our time.
Vai Kumar (14:53):
Also, like you gave people an alternative in terms
of, okay, just channel it out insome form, in a meaningful form
, not like going and hurtingsomebody else, not like, you
know, passing something all theway through, but just channel
your energy.
You know that way you get toexpress it, come out of it
Exactly, internally.
(15:17):
Would you also tell yourself asan adult to kind of focus on
what's in your control and letgo of what's not in your control
.
Would that be you knowsomething?
Would that be like a greatasset that you know, a great
(15:39):
service you would be doing toyourself?
AnnMarie Chereso (15:42):
Because, especially when it comes to fear
of the unknown, right, yes, yes, I mean, there's so much fear
of the unknown right, and Ithink you've named it perfectly
Let go of what you can't control.
So guess what you can't control?
Just about everything.
We can't control the future.
(16:02):
We can only control ourselves.
And I would argue that thiswhole idea of emotions we are
running around trying to controlour emotions all day long,
particularly as adults, becausewe have been taught there is a
right way to behave and there isa wrong way to behave, and you
use your emotions like this andthis emotion is good and this
(16:24):
emotion is bad, and don't cryand don't do that, and you know
there's all these right andwrong ways of being.
So, in essence, we're trying tocontrol our emotions and
control the unknown all day long.
So what you can control is therelationship you have to your
(16:45):
emotions.
So what we do, then, is what webefriend our emotions, we get
into a friendly relationshipwith them and we allow them, we
surrender to them.
We don't want to let them go.
Like you know, a lot of peopleare like you're sad, just let it
go.
Just let it go.
And people confuse what itmeans to let go and to surrender
(17:06):
.
Right, there's two verydifferent ways.
So we don't want to let it goin like dismissing or denying or
diminishing.
Vai Kumar (17:15):
Unattended.
You don't want it unattended.
AnnMarie Chereso (17:18):
Yes, we want to attend to it with love, with
kindness, with compassion.
So for any mothers who listenin, I love to use this example.
It's like when your child fallsand gets hurt and they're you
know, they're scraped their kneeand they're bleeding.
You don't just say now, getover it, You're fine.
(17:38):
I mean, we know they're goingto be fine, but we put them in
our lap, we get them a bandaid,we say it's going to be okay.
Honey, I know that hurt, I'msorry.
So we treat our emotions theexact same way.
When our sadness comes up, whatwe habitually do is like I'm
sad.
I'm sad, I don't know what todo.
This is very scary.
(17:58):
This is unknown.
I don't know where it's goingto take me If I let myself feel
my sadness.
I don't know what's going tohappen.
Right, that's the unknown.
But when we befriend it, weallow it to express itself
without being afraid of it,without pushing it down, without
resisting it.
We just allow it to be here andhold space for it.
(18:19):
This is the way we reparentourselves, the way we stay in
loving compassionate energy.
This is the way we reparentourselves, the way we stay in
loving compassionate energy.
This is the way we raise ourfrequency.
So most of us have an emotionand then shut it down.
But, like you suggested, whenwe surrender to them emotions,
(18:40):
when we allow them, we arestepping into the unknown,
because none of us know whereour sadness is going to take us,
where our fear, where our angeris going to take us, and so we
try and control it and I wouldsay that doesn't work very well.
Vai Kumar (18:55):
Yeah.
So in order that we don'tlinger and stay in that space, I
guess we just have to.
It's okay for us to process itand would say, taking a walk out
in the nature.
Would that be a way thatAnne-Marie would process her
sadness or fear?
AnnMarie Chereso (19:17):
Yes, yeah, okay, so really practical things
.
For me, walking is verycathartic.
I just came back from apickleball lesson and I was like
, oh, this is a good way for meto get out my frustration.
I'm like whacking the ball allover the place and I was, and I
(19:38):
this is kind of a new thing forme because I haven't been doing
it for very long and I was like,wow, I forgot how athletics and
sports can be a really goodoutlet for me to non-verbally
move my emotions and feelingsthat I'm not attending to.
So, yes, sports, walking, beingactive, actually crying, having
(20:00):
your morning practices, maybelike 10 minutes of you know
morning tears of a former coachof mine used to practice crying
every day.
So, whatever it is for you art,painting, listening to music,
dancing you know emotions, I'mgoing to say it again, energies
in motion and on the body.
It's a somatic experience.
(20:22):
So we want to get in the bodyand let the body move to be
expressed.
Vai Kumar (20:28):
Okay, perfect.
How would you suggest peopletune into their you know inner
intelligence?
Because we are talking aboutwhat are these low frequency
vibrations and we are trying tokind of address it in a way that
we would channel it as, ortranslate it into music, or
(20:51):
rather move it from a place oflow frequency to a state where
you have processed it and youcan translate it into a high
frequency vibration.
So would you just walk usthrough how someone can tune
into their inner intelligence?
AnnMarie Chereso (21:10):
Anne-Marie yes , I have a whole workshop where
I teach this.
It's called whole bodyintelligence and I teach that we
have three centers ofintelligence.
We have BQ body sensations EQ,emotional intelligence and IQ
our cognitive intelligence.
So body intelligence, emotionalintelligence, cognitive
(21:33):
intelligence.
Most of us focus on cognitiveintelligence.
I feel sad, I feel angry.
We use our head and then wemake up stories and thoughts and
reasons why.
And you know, we get on thewhole cognitive emotive loop,
which I call it, and we get lostin the thinking about feelings.
It's the way 99% of us live.
(21:54):
Thinking about feelings.
It's the way 99% of us live.
So what I help people learn ishow to check in with all three
centers of intelligence.
Get into your body sensations,notice what those are, pay
attention to your emotions andfeelings those five core
emotions I mentioned and thenjust notice one thought.
We think 60,000 to 80,000thoughts a day.
(22:16):
Just pick one, and then you'regoing to gain a lot of awareness
about how you run, how you runyour feelings, your emotions and
your thoughts.
And then, once you're able tosee that picture more clearly,
you start to get red lights andgreen lights.
So we want to pay attention toall green lights.
Green lights mean I'm connectedto a higher intelligence, and
(22:40):
then red lights are I am down inmy ego space.
When I'm down in my ego andthose lower frequencies, I'm in
a place of control.
When I have green lights, I'min surrendered state.
So.
So I teach the check-in, thewhole body intelligence check-in
process, where you're checkingall three of those centers of
intelligence to connect to thathigher intelligence.
Vai Kumar (23:01):
Okay, Okay, Fantastic .
Would each person in theprocess of discovering
themselves also kind of identifya tool that's in their favor,
that's to their benefit?
Say for me I have noticed thatwhenever, you know, I'm just so
(23:23):
down and I really, you know,have to translate into a
positive vibration state, into ahigher vibration state, I just
go look at myself in the mirrorand smile.
It has done wonders for me.
AnnMarie Chereso (23:40):
I love that Bai.
I love that.
Vai Kumar (23:42):
Even on my very, very bad days, if I'm just not
feeling well, if I'm not in aplace where I'm able to process
something in a place where I'mable to process something.
Over the years I've learned thatwhen I do that, I am just in a
whole new place.
I would have probably beenbedridden 10 minutes ago and
(24:08):
then, whenever I would go dothat, I would just be probably
fixing meals for 10 more peoplein the house that might even
walk into my house.
So that's kind of thetransformation.
So does each person need toidentify something like that for
themselves?
Would you have you in yourworkshops?
(24:30):
You know seeing that side to ithelping people?
You already told us severalaspects like okay, like
pickleball, you have been ableto channel your frustration,
anger, maybe evendisappointments, right, but so
(24:59):
does this also, in the process,mean someone kind of tuning into
themselves and they are goingto discover more passion areas?
AnnMarie Chereso (25:03):
if you will.
I love this part and I love howyou're pointing people to
finding their own thing, becausewe are unique beings and we're
so conditioned to look to othersfor the answers.
And what you're talking aboutis like how can each everyone
here listening and you and Ihonor our own individuality and
(25:24):
find what works best for us?
And so we're here to give cluesand guidance and suggestions,
but ultimately, when we're allconnected to our higher
intelligence, we find that thingthat's right for us.
So I love that you look in themirror every day.
I've started a practice recentlydoing something very similar.
There's also another one whereit's a heart coherence practice
(25:49):
that I often drop into and itworks well for me because I'm a
thinker Like I think, think,think, think, think.
Like I'm in my head so much.
So I have to find practicesthat drop me into my body and
get me out of my thinking brain.
So this practice is a practicewhere I call to mind something
(26:11):
that reliably brings me joy, andit doesn't have to be a big
deal.
It's not like a first-classtrip to Europe or something For
me, it's like my dog.
When I see my dog lying on herback with her paws up in the air
and her tongue hanging out.
I giggle so hard.
You just did it too.
(26:34):
Every single night my husbandand I are sitting on the sofa
watching a show where I'm like,look at the dog, look at how
cute she is, you know, and forsome reason it just lights me up
and brings me so much joy.
So when I'm feeling like you'rementioning you mentioned earlier
, like glum or down, or you know, in a place of struggle, I just
call to mind a little dog withher paws up in the air and that
(26:55):
funny thing that brings me somuch joy.
And then I sit with it for agood three minutes and I
literally I'm a meditator, so Ibreathe into it.
I imagine my heart opening.
So even in your practice, whenyou're saying what you're saying
(27:16):
to yourself in the mirror, ifyou're looking at that and
simultaneously imagining yourheart expanding, you're
increasing the vibration,because our hearts are infinite.
They can, you know, they'rejust energy.
So that's one of the things Ido call to mind, something that
really brings me a lot of joy.
(27:36):
Or find a funny, you know, findfunny cat videos or baby videos
, like those things instantly,you know, raise my vibration.
Vai Kumar (27:45):
And I think it brings a lot of people joy, not just
you and me.
So that's kind of a tool thatpeople can resort to, right?
Yes, what about judgmental,being judgmental, so
non-judgmental?
I guess we can't finish thepodcast any day without talking
(28:07):
about, you know, people worryingabout somebody judging them, or
you know how much is beingnon-judgmental the need of the
hour in terms of you know wherelost friends due to how they are
processing their emotions.
You know there has just been somuch that has happened over the
(28:46):
past few weeks and severalmonths, and even in, you know,
like any situation that peoplecome across in their workplace,
in their day to day life, evenin familial relationships, right
?
So what is your take on?
AnnMarie Chereso (29:04):
Yes, Well, I'm just gonna raise the flag and
tell you like I'm one of themost judgmental people I've ever
met and it's taken me alifetime to get into right
relationship with my judgment,so for a long time, like it's
impossible to be human and nothave judgments.
So I want to start that offlike for anyone listening for
(29:27):
anyone listening.
Vai Kumar (29:28):
So that's okay, that's okay.
Don't feel out of place thatyou are judging somebody,
because I think it's a processand it's a goal.
I mean, somebody asked me Ithink, not this new year, but
the year before that, January1st what is your resolution?
I said, well, I just try to beas humble as I can.
(29:49):
That's always the goal everysingle year and I'm working
towards it.
I'm not a perfect person, but Isaid, well, I'm just trying to
be more accepting and not judgepeople.
So that's again a process, it'sa work in progress.
So that's kind of how I put it.
AnnMarie Chereso (30:07):
So I couldn't say it any better.
It's a total work in processfor me, for my process.
I agree with you Try and behumble, try and be in acceptance
, all of those things.
Often when we say I want to tryto be something, we're already
(30:28):
setting ourselves up for alittle bit of a fail, because
trying means I might not,because trying means I might not
.
So right there, for anyonewho's listening, I would just
say set the intention that I ammore accepting this year, I'm
more accepting this year, I'mmore humble this year.
So really saying it in theaffirmative really helps.
(30:49):
The second thing and the thingthat on my journey, like I said,
I'm a judgmental person.
For years I was in resistanceto my judgments, so I had a
really bad relationship with myown judgments.
I was judging my judgments.
You're so bad, what's wrongwith you?
Why are you thinking that,until I got into a more friendly
(31:10):
relationship with myself, I'mlike, oh honey, you're just
being a human being.
Those thoughts are justarriving and you get to choose
how you want to be inrelationship to those judgments.
And so a new game I play isevery time I notice a judgment
because awareness is always thekey to everything.
When I notice a judgment, Ijust ask how is that true?
(31:32):
Is that true?
I wonder if that's true.
And so I try and get curiousabout the judgment, and not in
the sense of like spirituallybypassing it or denying it, but
really going is that true?
Is that person really rude, oris that person mean, or whatever
the judgment that I'm beingconfronted with, how is it true?
(31:57):
How is it true, maybe?
How is it true about me?
Sometimes, maybe it's aprojection, right, often
judgments are projections.
So I think playing with ourjudgments and it really helps us
to get to know ourselves betterwhen we're paying attention to
the things that we're thinkingand getting into friendly
relationship to them.
(32:18):
You know, a lot of my work isaround not resisting the
resistance.
So when resistance arises, justyou know it's just accepting it
.
Vai Kumar (32:27):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
That's beautifully said.
What about the need to saypause and reflect?
Is that part of how you wouldprocess, say any thought that
comes into you, or any emotion,any feelings that crop crop up,
(32:50):
not just being judgmental ornon-judgmental, trying to or or
I am, I am is the more powerfulmantra that you have given us
now.
Uh, what about the need to saypause and reflect and understand
where each person is comingfrom, or even with your own self
(33:13):
?
The need to pause, reflect andunderstand.
That's so powerful.
AnnMarie Chereso (33:18):
Yeah, I'm thinking about it full circle,
because what you said at thebeginning of our conversation
about being in conversation withothers, the single most
important thing, and in thispolitical climate, right now
more than ever, it's been verydifficult for us to pause and
reflect because, you know, ourheads are blown by so many of
(33:39):
the decisions and choices thatare being made and we're feeling
so threatened.
And how could they even thinkthat women shouldn't have rights
around their body, or how couldthey even think this, or you
know?
So we get immediately defended,completely defended.
But when you suggest pausing, Ithink it's really beautiful,
because once we get to pause,how could they think that?
(34:02):
Right, you know, you're enraged.
There's there again that angeris behind the energy, behind
that thought and that judgment.
But then, when you let thatmove through you?
Oh, because most judgments,almost all judgments, come from
fear.
So then we let that fear movethrough us and then we get to
(34:22):
curiosity.
How could they think that?
I wonder why they think that.
So now we could turn ourjudgment into a genuine
curiosity, which then createsconnection, and only in that
space are we able to cometogether and learn more about
each other, because I see allsorts of scenarios for
(34:44):
understanding when I'm in acurious place and I'm truly open
and available to listening tosomeone else's point of view how
they get to their thinking.
They make perfect sense to me,even if it's not aligned with my
thinking.
Vai Kumar (34:58):
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, somewhere I think yeah, and I
guess yeah.
We all need to think that wecan walk together, right, not
just think that we can walktogether, but again kind of find
a roadmap to how we can walktogether.
AnnMarie Chereso (35:21):
Yes, I love that.
Vi the roadmap of how we canwalk together.
Vai Kumar (35:28):
So well.
I guess that that's a perfecttitle for this episode.
So we talked about the lowfrequency vibrations and the
high frequency vibrations right.
Somewhere there's the elementof positivity shift in what you
mentioned.
(35:48):
So what role does positivityplay in all of our lives,
Anne-Marie, in terms of everysituation that we deal with,
there's a positive side to it,there's a negative side to it.
We can choose to be on whichside we want, in terms of even
our own personal things how wethink, how we frame a sentence,
(36:11):
how we write a sentence, how Icome across to you.
Even when I speak, I can choosethe route of being blunt,
phrasing certain things acertain way, versus just
phrasing it a slightly differentway.
That way, I sound more positive.
(36:31):
So how is that internallyinfluencing all the energy that
we channel, how it moves through, and also in role modeling,
right, how we raise our children?
AnnMarie Chereso (36:46):
Yeah, and how we raise each other.
I like this example I thinkabout if you take a moment for
everyone listening in and thinkabout the person in your life
when you enter the room andyou're immediately excited and
happy to see them and you'relike, and they have like all
(37:07):
this energy and you kind of getswept up in them, right, and you
immediately feel differentlywhen you're in their presence.
And then there's someone inyour life, if you pause and
think about it, who you get intotheir space and they kind of
bring you down a little bit andyou're like, oh, I don't really
want to spend time with thatperson and and you kind of get a
(37:29):
little more contracted aroundthem.
So this is what you and I aretalking about in terms of energy
and frequency.
So one would be the positive,one would be the negative.
In the way we define it, theseare polarities and, like you
said, with free will we get tochoose where we want to go.
Sometimes that's easier thanothers.
Like you said, sometimes youhave really hard down days and
(37:53):
then you have to actually workto get yourself up again, to
lift yourself up.
You have to lift yourself upand so, yeah, I kind of got lost
for a minute there, vi, whatwas your specific question?
Because that just startedflowing out of me and now I
forget where I was headed.
Vai Kumar (38:12):
Well, the role of positivity in how we just you
know, how do we model?
AnnMarie Chereso (38:20):
that for our kids?
Yeah, well, again, what I'velearned and this might this
might not be true for everyone,but it's been true for me and
for many people I work with wewent through this whole period
of time in positive psychologywhere it was just change your
mind, change your mind and itworks.
(38:40):
But it works like a Band-Aid ona really bloody hand, like I'm
stopping the bleeding, but itneeds stitches right, we need
more repair.
So I just oh you know, I'mdoing with my community right
now a 21 day gratitude challenge, because what I've learned is
that overcoming these negativitybiases is like building a
(39:03):
muscle.
So we need to invest inourselves every day and actually
build that muscle of positivityevery day, which means I'm
going to acknowledge thenegative thought, I'm going to
acknowledge the negative feeling, I'm not going to resist it,
I'm not going to push it away,I'm not going to judge it, I'm
going to fully accept it andallow it to be here.
(39:26):
Oh, embrace it, embrace it,allow it to be here.
Oh, embrace it, right, embraceit, which is so hard to do,
because when you're feelingcrummy, the last thing you want
to do is go great, come on morecrummy.
Right, we're afraid if weembrace it it's going to get
bigger.
But it's actually the oppositewhen we embrace it, it actually
starts to diminish.
(39:47):
Then what we do, you know youcan't just say, oh, stop it,
feel better.
You actually have to, likebreak it down piece by piece,
like coming over.
Okay, I see you're grumpy, Isee you're upset, I see this
inside yourself, right Foryourself.
And then you start to shift, um, to a more to positive thoughts
(40:10):
around that.
So for every negative thought,you think three positive
thoughts.
So I just worked with a clientwho's just out of a relationship
and pretty distraught about it,and they're like I can't
believe and I lost this.
And I said well, what if youwon something?
So the new mantra is I won.
(40:30):
And then now, look for reasons,look for the truth.
Not don't make things up, butwhat did you win?
What did you gain?
Look for that.
And so, bit by bit, you startto build the bricks of the
positivity.
And so energy goes or attentionattention goes where energy
flows where attention goes,energy goes, or attention
(40:51):
attention goes where energyflows where attention goes.
So if we keep our attention onthe positive, not just by
bypassing and ignoring thenegative, but just make sure
we're giving as much real estateto the positive, then we're
building that muscle and we'reable to get into that vibration
a little bit more easily.
But I really, I really, I reallyfeel strongly about emphasizing
like this is not about ignoringthe negative, because in my
(41:14):
experience what happens is whenpeople you know the expression
put lipstick on a pig, like ifyou're just being positive all
the time but ignoring andshoving down all the other
things, um it, they eventuallycome.
Kind of it's like shaking a canof soda and then it all
explodes eventually.
Vai Kumar (41:32):
Oh yes, oh yes, so there's no need to camouflage
anything and just Exactly, yeah,embrace it.
So yeah, I guess, from what youhave said, looking at us
dealing with situations how we,you know, process it Again like
it's almost like a role modelthing that our children take
(41:53):
cues from us and they start tobehave that way.
AnnMarie Chereso (41:57):
Yes, correct, our children entrain with us.
They energetically entrain withus.
So that example I gave earlierabout going into the room with
the person who you love beingaround and the person who you
don't so much Energeticallywe're all connected and when our
(42:19):
children don't do what we dothey don't do what we say, they
do what we do.
Energetically they're intraining with us.
So their nervous systems areconnected to our nervous systems
.
So when we're smiling and thenwe're feeling really anxious and
upset, they're actually feelingthe anxious and upset, and then
they're confused because whatthey see on the outside doesn't
(42:42):
match what they're feeling.
So then they grow up to beconfused because they don't
understand that there's adisconnect.
So if we're honest withourselves and our kids, so I
grew up in a family system wheremy parents were very careful,
(43:05):
out of love right Out ofcomplete love not to show anger
or sadness or you know we don'tnot to be disruptive in front of
the children.
But what that renders ischildren who'd grow up not
necessarily knowing how tonavigate those things.
So one of the things I learnedwhen I was going through my
(43:26):
divorce was it's okay for yourkids to see you being sad, right
, that's a gift.
So when we model ourselvesauthentically positively and
quote unquote negatively Iwouldn't call sadness negative,
but I understand why we do Thenour children get really
(43:46):
beautiful mirrors for what'shappening for them and they have
permission, which is what theyneed to be fully expressed.
Vai Kumar (43:57):
So life lessons there ?
What about?
I guess we have talked so muchabout all these emotions, how we
process them.
We all look up to our teachersin school.
We all look up to our teachers.
So, likewise in the workplace,leaders have to role model
correct, and that's so important, yeah, and everywhere you know,
(44:20):
leader in every walk of lifehas to role model right.
So how do you think peopleshould?
Is there any difference betweenhow one would do things at home
versus how one would do thingsoutside, you know?
So, basically, I guess it's thesame energy, same energy that
(44:43):
we are channeling with thepeople that are around us every
single day, right?
Yes, don't you think?
AnnMarie Chereso (44:49):
I think so.
I have a good story about that,vi.
So when my youngest was in theeighth grade, she had a really
phenomenal teacher and you knowI value teachers so much as I
know you do and my daughter wasstruggling academically,
socially, all the things, andthis teacher was hard on her,
(45:09):
but in all the best ways and Iknew she was so for my daughter
right.
I knew she was an advocate andI met with her and have a parent
teacher conference and I had,you know, my heart was so open
to her and my daughter wasafraid of her because she was
like a really tough teacher andshe wasn't performing
academically well in the classin terms of the way
(45:32):
traditionally grade students.
I think it was fine, but youknow what I'm saying.
Long story short, I sat andasked the teacher some really
raw questions and I asked heropinions about some things and
the teacher was very honest withme and I got really emotional.
I could feel my heart opening,literally.
(45:52):
Like for any of you listeningin, like the, you can feel your
heart opening.
I'm sure, vi, you've had thisexperience and it's literally
like you know, you, I don't evenknow how to describe it Like
your chest is starting to openand it's really raw and I could
feel tears coming and I couldhear myself thinking the thought
you are in a parent teacherconference, you do not do this,
(46:12):
do not cry, do not cry.
And then I did my practices andI was like, no, I am here to
show up authentically.
And, of course, um, and I could, and what my emotion was coming
from was gratitude.
I was feeling gratitude.
By the way, you guys, gratitudecan also be experienced as
uncomfortable, like becausewe're not used to what true
(46:35):
gratitude feels like it's yourheart breaking open.
So I was in this emotive stateTears were flowing, I was still
and quiet, and all the teacheracross the way was getting
really uncomfortable right,because we don't know how to be
with one another's vulnerabilityand she was worried that I was
upset and so she's like, no, no,it's okay, you know.
(46:57):
She started getting all anxiousand I just kind of let my
emotion move through.
I knew it was going to takeabout 90 seconds and and then I
just paused her and I said, no,I just want you to know how
grateful I am and how muchappreciation I have for who you
are in my daughter's life andand she was just so
uncomfortable with it, but tothe point you're making is like,
as leaders, as teachers, aseducators, as leaders in the
(47:20):
workplace, modeling, holdingspace for one another, modeling,
expressing ourselvesauthentically as our emotions
are arising, oh, and being safein those spaces is so
significantly important and itis not something we know how to
do in this country.
I don't know where, whatcountry.
(47:40):
We do know how to do it, butnot in this country.
Vai Kumar (47:44):
Well, I guess things have to change.
That's when people are going tohave like a really true sense
of the term.
Happy Thanksgiving, right.
So, because some people arehappy and the ones that are
happy, they cannot just go, theyneed to be empathetic, can't go
rub it in on others.
(48:05):
You know that are probablyfeeling different set of
emotions.
So that is where this wholeidea of coexistence, accepting
one another, that way we canchalk a new and brighter path
forward, right?
So that's really, really,really.
You know, unifying has to, hasto be the theme.
(48:27):
Again, you know, like, like yousaid, embrace all the emotions
that you feel but channel yourenergy to transfer from the low
vibration state to the highervibration state.
So when you don't see eye toeye with someone, how do you,
how do you deal with it?
Say, people obviously are ondifferent sides on issues, right
(48:49):
?
So obviously you know it'sshying away from the situation,
the right approach, or how doyou?
That way you're not reacting,perhaps, or how best can one
deal with it?
Obviously, when you're sittingdown at a table, you really
can't walk away.
So what would you do?
AnnMarie Chereso (49:16):
This month I invited my subscribers and my
followers to do something calledan align and activate authentic
gratitude challenge, because Iwas preparing people for
Thanksgiving and the holidayseason ahead and we're going to
be sitting at tables with peoplethat we don't agree with, and
how do we prepare ourselves inadvance for that?
So one thing I do buy is inadvance.
Right, I know there's going tobe certain people that trigger
(49:36):
me, that have different opinions, and how can I be in a space of
love?
And I have a practice where youbring that person to mine every
day for 21 days.
Now I know this sounds like abig investment, but it's like
when you're driving in the caror when you're standing in the
grocery line or when you'rebrushing your teeth, bring that
person to mind and think aboutone, two or three things that
(49:57):
you really appreciate about them.
You can find something.
It can be very little, but youcan find something.
Again, that's the like redlight, green light game.
You're like I'm going to focusand put my energy and attention
over here.
So we start to get in balancebecause we can get really
heavily weighted in the negativethinking and then that's the
train we're on.
We're only thinking about thenegative, but if we can bring
(50:21):
equanimity to every human being.
That's one thing.
Now, when you're actuallysitting at the table and they're
at, they're saying the thingthat they're.
Now, when you're actuallysitting at the table and they're
saying the thing that they'resaying and you're like I can't
believe you're saying thatyou're enraged.
There's a couple of things Irecommend we do.
First, honor yourself, right?
(50:42):
So sometimes I don't know whatthat looks like for you and I
don't know what it looks likefor every listener.
That looks like for you and Idon't.
You know, I don't know what itlooks like for every listener
For me, depending on my rage oneto 10 scale, if I'm on a 10, I
might need to get up and leavethe table for a few minutes and
go, think about my dog lying onthe back or, you know, use all
(51:02):
the tools we've been talkingabout to shift my vibration, so
I'm in a place of equanimity andpresence and availability, and
then come back.
Or I might just need to sit atthe table and breathe with
myself and again, this is backto that whole acceptance thing
Like, oh honey, you're triggeredright now.
It's okay, I am with you,because often when we get
triggered.
(51:22):
We want to discharge the energyout at others Exactly, but this
is a practice of like owningyour energy, owning your
reactivity.
Oh, this is belongs to me.
How do I want to use and bewith this, right, and, and it's
okay, you feel triggered,agitated, judgmental, all the
(51:43):
things you're going to feel.
It's okay.
So really just allowing that,breathing with it, pausing, like
you said, pausing is probablythe greatest gift we can give
ourselves and others and thendiscerning in the moment, like
what is in my best interestright now and what is in the
best interest of the community.
Maybe I need to leavealtogether, maybe that's what I
(52:06):
actually need to do.
I'm going to get in the car andgo home, I don't know.
We all have to get intorelationship with ourselves in
such a way that we're makingdecisions that are fully aligned
with our own best interests,and only when we're using all
three centers of intelligenceare we able to get those answers
.
It's not a one-size-fits-all,but pausing is the entry.
(52:26):
Pausing and getting aware isthe entry, is the entry.
Vai Kumar (52:28):
Pausing and getting aware is the entry Mm-hmm.
And when it comes to say so,there can be resistance, but
there still needs to beacceptance, right?
One, accepting your ownresistance.
Two, accepting the fact thatsomeone has a different point of
view and how you deal with it.
(52:49):
Just yeah, we have given peopleso many tools here.
Is there anything else?
When it comes to say, givenyour meditative side and all of
that, would you suggest a quickbreathing technique for folks to
incorporate in their dailylives in terms of how they
process their emotions and howit can help transform their
(53:13):
state?
Again, we have talked so muchabout low frequency to high
frequency.
AnnMarie Chereso (53:17):
One of the things that I do.
I just want to remind peoplethat we came into this life with
our breath and we leave thislife with our breath, and it is
the most ignored thing in ourwhole system.
We pay attention to everything,but we don't actually pay
attention to our breath.
So my first invitation is asmuch as you can throughout your
(53:40):
days, start paying attention.
Is my breath coming from mychest or my belly?
Am I breathing slow?
Just in your normal course ofyour day, our breath should be
very deep and slow.
Right, most of us are breathinglike this most of the day
(54:00):
because we're like wait, oh myGod, get out of bed.
I got to hurry up, I'm late,I've got to brush my teeth.
We're like the Energizer Bunny.
So we really have to startplaying with our breath.
In those cases that you'retalking about, when you're
really triggered, what can I doin that moment is use your
breath.
Now, one breath that isbeautiful to use that really
(54:22):
helps me is a deep belly inhale.
So you pause, take a deepbreath in, filling your belly
like a giant balloon on theinhale, filling it up as much as
you can, pausing and thenexhaling all that air out.
So it's like to the count offour to six and then the exhale
should be longer than the inhale.
(54:44):
If you just do that, once youinterrupt the nervous system
reactivity and it's likerestarting the car from that
thing.
You might want to do that threeor four times that.
No one has to see you doingthat, no one you know like.
You can do that at any time,anywhere, any space in breath
for out breath.
(55:05):
Six.
Vai Kumar (55:06):
Okay, so great tip right there.
I guess, if you probably dothat like three, four times
right there, we have reached our60 to 90 second that we all
typically take to process anemotion, right?
So at least it helps us inavoiding a backlash or like a
(55:29):
very, very bad scenario that wewould probably do when we are in
a reactive state, exactly so Iguess I meant to ask you what
does Anne-Marie do on a dailybasis to overcome all these, but
you have given severalreal-life scenarios and examples
.
Is there anything else that youwould like to add here?
(55:50):
And what about all yourprograms and all the great stuff
that's coming up?
So the forum is yours,anne-marie.
AnnMarie Chereso (56:00):
Oh gosh.
Well, I did give you most ofthe things that I do, many of
the things that I do, and Ithink we all need a lot of tools
in our arsenal, in our toolbelt.
So, and and and the find theones that work for you.
So that's my greatestsuggestion for me personally,
for the way I work in the worldmy morning practices where I'm
(56:23):
meditating, doing my breathing,all of my morning, my morning
routine, is my foundation forbeing able to use all those
tools throughout the day.
So for me, just having thosetools without a strong
foundation is not supereffective.
So I I highly recommend carvingout five, 10, 20 minutes, two
(56:45):
hours, whatever you have in yourschedule, to ground in whatever
way feels best for you.
That's my first thing.
And then you have those toolslike oh, here, here, here.
It's like we don't go to thegym for 10 minutes and then, all
of a sudden, we have musclesand we're healthy.
Um, that's my that.
That.
That would be my biggesttakeaway and the hardest thing,
(57:06):
because our lives are so busy,how do we prioritize these
things?
In my experience, it has savedme hours of time and you know,
no drama, less conflict, lessenergy leaks.
I'm not spending my timespinning my wheels, frustrated
because I have grounded myselfin my day.
Vai Kumar (57:27):
And so, yeah, I guess all the fear, the anxiety,
everything, yeah, I guess wenever use the word anxiety in
this conversation, but all thefear, all the anxiety, all the
uncertainty can result in dramaand you have given folks enough
tools to get over that.
So fascinating conversation.
(57:48):
So what programs do you havecoming up and how can people
take advantage of that?
You know you want to share yourshare, your website, your
social handle, any such.
You know you're welcome to.
AnnMarie Chereso (57:59):
Thank you.
I have a bunch of things comingup.
I teach something called thewhole body.
Yes, it's a workshop I teach.
It's a 90 minute workshopthat's coming up in December.
I teach it a few times a month.
So, um, that's one thing.
And I have an online coursecalled drop the drama, and it,
um is a course.
That is a self-guided onlineeight week course supporting
(58:22):
people in moving through thereactivity in a way that
supports connection rather thandisconnection in their life and
relationships.
So that's also available.
And I have a free resourcecalled the check-in process and
I'll give you all these linksand you can put them in the show
notes for your guests.
But annemariechiresome is mywebsite and all the goodies are
(58:43):
found there, and I'm also onInstagram.
Vai Kumar (58:45):
Okay, awesome, awesome.
So thank you so much,anne-marie, for a fascinating
conversation.
I guess we started with how weprocess and, perhaps you know,
try and overcome emotions, but Ithink we we pause, reflected on
it, tried to embrace it and weoffered listeners, I believe,
(59:06):
tools to kind of up theirarsenal in terms of how they
deal with everyday situationsand, more so, how people can
coexist and shock a brighterpath forward.
Rate the podcast, leave areview from your podcast app of
(59:31):
choice.
Follow me on Instagram andYouTube @vaipk umar, for all
things digital media andlifestyle.
Until next time, with yetanother interesting guest and
yet another interesting topic.
It's me, Vai, along withAnne-Marie, saying so long.
AnnMarie Chereso (59:45):
Bye.
Thank you, vai, it was such adelight to be with you.
Vai Kumar (59:49):
Well, thank you, thank you, Bye.
It was such a delight to bewith you.
(01:00:16):
Well, thank you, thank you.
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