8 or 9 Crazy Nights of Christmas! Night 4! Jingle All The Way (1996)

It's night 4 of Fried Rice Podcast's 8 or 9, maybe 10, Crazy Nights Of Christmas! Tonight we are discussing "Jingle All The Way" (1996)

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Episode Transcript

(00:00):
It's a fried rice Christmas! Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho!

(00:20):
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! And welcome everybody to another exciting and
merry Christmas, eight nights of Christmas or more nights of than eight nights of Christmas with
Fried Rice Podcast. I'm your... We don't know how to count. Ho, ho, ho!
Andy Rice, let's get fr-fr-fried! With me as always, it's Brennan!

(00:47):
Dashing through the snow with a Brennan in my arms
Running down the hill, laughing all the way! Ho, ho, ho!
Brennan is so cool, he is my best friend
We will go into the snow and have ourselves some fun
Oh, Brennan shipply, Brennan shipply, Brennan shipply to Boston

(01:13):
Ch-ch-ch-ka-ka-ka! Doesn't work anymore.
And with me as always, if I'm the fat man, it's Michael, he's my number seven, Larson!
Hey everybody, Merry Christmas.
And hi, it's me, Andy. I'm the real guy behind that. That was not a bad...

(01:34):
Not a bad Santa, but not a Santa-Schwarzer.
Did you like the song though? I was making it up as I went along.
You're my number one customer, Andy.
You're my number one customer. Thank you.
And welcome, we are reviewing Jingle All the Way.
It's our Christmas, it's another eight nights or more of Christmas.

(01:57):
It's eight nights of Christmas with Crazy Nights at Christmas with us.
And we're doing Jingle All the Way.
The...what was it? 1997, 1998? I always forget to look up the dates.
Arnold Schwarzenegger, the kid who played...
Anakin. Anakin. That was Hayden Kidd? That wasn't Hayden Kidd.
No, it was Anakin in Episode One. A young kid.

(02:20):
The one that ended up going to jail and going crazy with drugs and stuff.
Oh, great. I didn't know that.
Is it Jake Lloyd? I want to take Jake's name.
Oh, it could be Jake Lloyd. Yeah, it's not the one from Big Daddy,
because that kid went on to be a Nick Star.
The one from Big Daddy is the twins, Zach and Cody.

(02:41):
Were they Nickelodeon stars? Disney.
Okay, good. Because if they were Nick, they might have had it worse than the drugs.
I think they both were bad. I just don't think Disney has released a documentary yet.
Well, Nick didn't release that documentary.
Disney has the power to stop any documentary.
We'll hear about it in a hundred years when Mickey's copyright finally runs out.

(03:03):
We're allowed to talk about it. After the downfall of Marvel and everything.
Oh, God. Can you imagine when Disney...
There's got to be a day in the future, realistically, that Disney doesn't exist.
Or is Disney so ingrained in human culture that 10,000 years from now,

(03:24):
there will be some remnants of Disney that remain either...
They've built something that... Where does Disney World go in 10,000 years?
Because the civilizations that were 10,000 years ago, right?
They were living in little caves or whatever, and little villages that got...
Storms took them out.

(03:45):
We destroyed the brick, the buildings that people built before us to rebuild,
but I guess that's what would happen to us, right?
But the Coliseum's still there.
Yeah, there's still a lot of structures that are old.
Will Disneyland still be there? The castle by itself. Just one castle.
Well, you'd have to keep all of it, right?

(04:06):
Wasn't there old Disney theme parks that are closed down?
Isn't there one that's an island somewhere?
There's one on an island somewhere that's all overgrown now.
Yeah, it's all overgrown.
But you can still tell if you go there.
And people still go there, and they're not supposed to.
They go there legally and explore and graffiti and all that stuff.
Creepy Abandoned Amusement Park is...

(04:28):
One of the creepier ones.
It's one of the creepier ones.
And I think it's because it's especially...
Okay, I mean, because I was just talking about a book that I...
Fantastic Land, which is a great book.
Fantastic Land.
Fantastic Land.
You didn't say that right, yes.
Fantastic Land.
Fantastic Land.
It's a book I just read recently.
By the time this is out, I finished it.

(04:50):
And the amount of tunnels and what's behind the facades and the inner workings...
Which I guess is real.
They just talked about something they found at Disneyland with the floods,
with the people trapped in them and stuff in the hurricane just now.
Oh, shit, really?
There's tunnels all under Disney World.
Yeah, which is crazy.
And so you got to imagine that if there's people that want to hurt you in an amusement park,

(05:16):
like an abandoned one, they can hide.
Kind of terrifying.
Yeah.
When we just watched it, there was tunnels under there that were haunted.
Based on reality.
Oh, shit.
Killer characters in Disneyland.
I may never go to an amusement park.
It's scary.
Yeah, I mean, is it worth the amusement?
Yeah.
Well, definitely just don't go where any science say employees only,

(05:38):
because then you'll end up where you're not supposed to.
We tried that when we were on the Queen Mary for the Halloween hunt.
We tried to go through one of the secret doors to do some extra exploring.
And I think we got down maybe an eye, like a corridor or two before we were like, OK,
we're going to either get caught or lost or die.

(05:59):
But Queen Mary on a Halloween night?
Yeah, even with a thousand people in the little park area.
That's one of the best.
See, the problem is that the first year I went to Queen Mary, it was awesome.
We had our senior problem on the Queen Mary.
No, but the Halloween hunt in particular.
I didn't go for the Halloween one, but our prom was in like the ballroom.

(06:20):
It was cool. It was bitching.
I mean, that's pretty balling.
You were in Corona area, right?
Yeah, it was a private school.
So it was an expensive prom.
Ours was at like a, I think a club, like a golf course clubhouse thing
that was like near our city or in our city or whatever.
I guess we did for our homecoming.

(06:42):
Oh, got it. That's your phone.
It's our prom.
Mike's prom was in a fucking hay barn with a bunch of...
Or a cave.
Cave.
In a cave.
It was in a cave.
Prom is a loose term.
It's just he knocked two girls on the head that night and dragged them to his cave.
So it was a real celebration.

(07:06):
So let's get into a jingle all the way.
There's...
This movie has been a classic favorite of mine to watch for most of my life
around Christmas time.
I've always enjoyed it.
And I now...
You're aware it's a bad movie, though, right?

(07:27):
Now I'm watching it with different eyes.
Okay, just checking.
I mean, there's enjoyable parts of it. There's plenty of parts.
So it's a bad movie.
Well, I maybe have some critiques.
That is great. I love Simbad.
Did you know, Simbad, speaking of, that's one of my main taggers for this movie,
I had no idea that Simbad was so fucking big.
Yeah.

(07:48):
He's bigger than Arnie.
He's next to Arnold, yeah.
It's like, what the heck?
I had no idea that Simbad was that big.
Arnold gives me short King vibes.
Yeah, because he doesn't look very tall in this.
No, but no, he's taller than all the women and all the other people.
But he's like six...
Except for Simbad.
Is he like six foot, six one?
Yeah, he's like six or six one.
He's not super tall, but...
Yeah.
But Simbad, I mean even broad shoulders and everything.
Simbad's a big dude.

(08:10):
I always pictured Simbad as skinny in my mind for some reason.
He's not.
In his movie Shazam, he's pretty big.
Shaquille O'Neal.
Yeah, that's Shaq.
No, you're thinking of Kazam.
I don't know.
Shazam was the one with Simbad in it.
No, Shazam had the dude from TV.
What?

(08:31):
John Krasinski was Shazam.
He's making a reference to the...
John Krasinski.
Mandela effect.
No, you're thinking of the new Shazam.
You're thinking of the one based on the comic.
Shazam, yeah.
No, remember, no, Mike, you had the Shaquille O'Neal movie,
Kazam, with the genie.
Then there was the Simbad movie, Shazam.
Okay, people thought he was in a Simbad, an actual Simbad movie.
Yes.

(08:52):
Yeah.
Another.
Yeah.
And it's all based, I think, on the outfit from this where he's got
the brain on his head thing or whatever.
Oh, that was at the very end.
Yeah.
So why are all the women in the neighborhood wanting Phil Hartman?
I don't understand that.
I bet.
Listen, that is one of the worst.
Yeah, even my wife was like, wait, why is he talking like that?

(09:13):
He's rinsing her up.
I don't know.
Yeah.
And I was like, ew.
It was a weird part.
It was just done weirdly.
I just thought...
It's because he was like the perfect...
He was trying to be the perfect, but it was all so fake.
It was all fake.
Okay, but what I'm thinking is like every woman there, all the...
I don't know if they're single women in the neighborhood or if they're all
married, but all of them are trying to hook up with him.

(09:35):
Like when they're at the karate tournament, they're all fucking like, oh,
can you please come over and fix my leg?
So he's got his...
Already, he's either fucking every woman in the neighborhood or all the moms
in the karate class at least or whatever.
But so like...
And then he is inappropriate with Donald's wife.
I told you before you watched this because you said you had never seen it
before, and I was like, oh, well, just get ready to watch his show.

(09:58):
Get ready to watch his neighbor try to fuck his wife the whole time while
he's out of town.
So that's the A...
That's the main B plot line of this movie.
No, the A plot line is the near affair, like the...
It's the neighbor and I think the wife.
You think that's the A plot, not the B plot?
I think it's the one that makes...
The A plot is them trying to get the toy is the A plot.
Well, if we're really going around, the A plot is the GTA...

(10:22):
The GTA wanted level three and a half rampage that Arnold and Sinbad went
through on this fucking...
On this small trip.
Bro, they threatened cops with bombs.
They fucking...
So many people got hurt due to their recklessness.
One of them was a real bomb.
Jesus Christ, yeah.

(10:43):
So...
Well, wait a minute.
First thing I want to know from you though, because you like it when a movie
opens with...
What the movie is about.
Right.
And did this open with Jingle All the Way?
No, Turboman.
Turboman.
Oh, it opens with a whole damn episode of Turboman.
Yeah, I actually...
I can't even act into it.
Yeah.
Yeah, that was great.
I like how hokey it was.
Although, here's the thing that I don't quite understand is he passes by the

(11:09):
marquee, the Turboman movies out.
Why wasn't the kid begging to go see the movie?
Probably only had, maybe, I don't know.
It's like, oh, Turboman's at the parade.
I want to go see Turboman.
Let's go see the Turboman movie.
Turboman was everywhere in this movie.
That was the whole movie.
Yeah.
So why and how doesn't Arnold know how time works?
So as he's my number one favorite customer, as he's talking to all of his

(11:33):
customers throughout the day, showing how charming he is and how much of a
wheeler and dealer he is, his secretary holds up a sign.
I know you don't want to be bothered, but your son's hockey...
Not hockey, but...
Karate.
Your karate tournament's in 20 minutes.
And he's like, I'll make it.
She says, you told me that a half an hour ago.

(11:55):
At this point, does he not know how time works?
Because he's like, if it's in 20 minutes, you have to leave now or you're not
going to make it.
I get caught up being in your work or whatever, but you were just told that
you were at the point that if you don't leave, you're not going to make it.
So when he leaves, and I have a point to this, when he leaves already late and

(12:16):
he gets in and he's driving and he's already late and he gets into traffic
and he's already going to miss it, him breaking the law, stupid.
Getting a ticket, being detained for that amount of time at least, he knows
for sure that the fucking karate tournament is over.
It's been, he's an hour late by far.

(12:37):
Go home.
Go home to your family who are pissed at you.
Buy them some ice cream on the way.
Do not go to the gymnasium, walk in when there's no cars in the parking lot,
walk into it and say, I didn't make it.
Like, who are you talking to, Arnold?
Who?
It's the same as in Hook, like when he goes to his son's baseball game in the

(12:59):
beginning and he clearly misses it and he shows up, nobody's there, he runs
over the hill, everybody's gone.
Yeah, that's kind of the trope of the bad dad because I'm working all the time.
Well, it's stupid.
And I forget about taking care of the family.
It's a stupid trope.
It's a show he's kind of an asshole.
But at the same time, you work a lot and you have young kids and they miss you

(13:20):
all like crazy all the time.
Do you, did that resonate with you at all where you're like, you have to ever
miss anything important or do you carve out the time to make your kids a
priority that doesn't make you a bad dad?
I haven't really missed anything yet because they're not really doing anything
yet.
They're young.
It gets way worse.
Yeah.
They're young.
Way to shit on your kids.
They haven't done anything yet.

(13:41):
They're five and three.
I beat my master robot recently.
Yeah, he beat my game.
They beat your game of master robot, snuck in and beat the end of your master
robot run.
It does get worse though because like with older kids, my kids are all grown
now, of course, and then my granddaughter we have now, but all the time, even
now, you know, you get scheduled for work, you miss things.
There is no way around it and it's one of the hardest things to explain to a

(14:05):
child.
Well, why didn't you just take the day off?
Well, because you have something almost every goddamn day.
And I can't take every day off.
I can't make it to your band recital and your karate tournament.
Do you like food on the table?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Do you want to eat?
Do you like the electricity and the internet?
Very hard to explain to a child though.
Here's the thing.
I'll always make sure that you have electricity and the internet and food, but

(14:27):
the thing is what kind of food do you want?
Do you want delicious snack foods that maybe you can enjoy, the occasional
soda, kids or whatever, or do you want the bare necessities?
Because we can live off the bare necessities and I can make your hockey
tournament this weekend or whatever.
But yeah, I get it.
But still, that was a stupid move on his part, going straight.

(14:49):
He should have went straight home.
I put nice Captain America.
Oh, his fucking room is decked out.
This whole movie is almost problematic with the amount of other licensed
characters that are in it that are not Disney.
You know they didn't pay for it.
Yeah.
They're Disney properties now.
Yeah.
This is a little foresight.
Disney owns this and they have Captain America just on the wall, which would

(15:13):
be perfect for...
Was this always a Disney movie?
I don't know.
Wait, did it open with Disney?
I don't think it opened with Disney.
No, it does not.
I think it's, well, it was Touchstone, which was Disney.
I think it's 20th century, wasn't it?
Wow.
Is it open with 20th century?
I don't remember, honestly.
Yeah.
I put Arnold is a liar because he lies to everyone.
Everyone.

(15:34):
Yeah.
And I think that Arnold is an asshole to not, I mean, he's an asshole to pretty much everyone
he meets.
He's the real villain here.
Okay.
I mean, I'm not even kidding you.
This is the slant I'm going with.
Arnold in this movie, along with his henchman Sinbad, are the most vile people you'll ever
run into in a holiday movie.
Yeah.

(15:55):
Two shitty dads waiting for Christmas Eve.
They got people killed, bro.
Yeah.
One of which knows he's a shitty dad though.
Yeah.
Sinbad knows he's a shitty dad.
Yeah.
That's the difference in this movie.
He at least admits it, yeah.
Sinbad even talks about it.
Yeah.
I wonder if Arnold, but Arnold never really admits it.
Yeah.
Well, no, he does at the end.
That's what I'm saying.
The end is Sinbad teaches Arnold, in this movie, is what this movie really is.
If you break it down.

(16:16):
There's one point where Arnold is, I think he's, what is he, drinking?
When he goes to help at the end, where he's just like, no, I'm going to win the back,
there's no reason to do it.
He's like sitting there and he's kind of drinking and he goes, no, I'm just, I don't have a

(16:36):
form of thought.
I didn't write it down.
I'm so sorry.
Moving on.
I have a lot to, Sinbad is insane.
Yeah.
He just choked a woman in line.
Cops would have been called for that.
They just stampeded that man to death.
That feels like normal Christmas.
This is where the madcap hunt for the doll becomes a madcap hunt for a ball?

(16:58):
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah, okay.
When Arnold was in that child's playpen.
Yeah.
Chasing a toddler.
Someone should have stopped him long ago.
Yeah.
They did do it right there with the mom beating shit.
Yeah, but I'm just saying at some point he should have noticed that he had gone too far.

(17:21):
Yes.
At one point he really did.
Also, one more thing.
This is Arnold.
How would he have fit?
Well, there's that.
But here's something, Arnold Schwarzenegger, one of the toughest, baddest bodybuilder guys,
when he notices that the slide that he's sliding down is entering a ball pit, he does a scream.

(17:45):
Yeah.
Why?
That's his wee.
This is wee.
No.
That's as good as Artie can go wee.
That's how badasses do wee.
No, he looked fearful for the comedy effect they tried for children is we're going to
make Arnold look scared to go into a ball pit.
He had a predator flashback.
You son of a bitch.
Although they did do, I will say they did a good job of playing down his muscularity

(18:10):
and stuff.
Yeah, with the over-clothes.
The way they did his clothing and stuff.
He did not look big in this at all.
He just looked normal size.
Just like he had that Arnold head, that square head, which just is cool.
I like his head.
You're great, Arnold.
But they did stampede him into death.
Arnold uses his size and violence to intimidate someone though.

(18:30):
He does use violence to intimidate.
Just not his neighbor.
Yeah, not his neighbor.
Which I'm surprised he didn't beat the shit out of his neighbor at one point.
There's not in the director's cut.
Oh, by the way, here's something important to note.
I watched, of course, I found the director's cut for Jingle All the Way, which has an extra
five or an extra nine minutes or whatever.

(18:50):
They did not.
So I showed them two or three key little differences.
One being when they go to that underground Santa warehouse, whichever we got to yet.
When they get there, is it John Belushi?
Jim Belushi?
It's John Belushi.
Jim Belushi.
Jim Belushi.
Jim Belushi, yeah.
He has a musical number.

(19:11):
He sings and it's quite nice.
The other Santas sing along with him.
And then the other one is Sinbad and Arnold in the diner and Sinbad's talking about a
toy that his father didn't get him when he was younger.
In this one, he goes through all seven variations.
A really long description.
Yeah.
I mean, it's funny.
He ad-libbed a lot in this movie.
Yeah, you could tell.

(19:32):
Yeah, it was funny.
A lot of his ad-libs were funny.
I thought it was funny.
Does anybody, I was watching this, we kind of went around and we actually were talking,
my wife watched this with me and we were talking about Sinbad.
Was there, does anybody know what happened to Sinbad?
Why he just stopped?
Why he just stopped kind of?
Because he was great in this.
It's Sinbad.
He had a stand-up career.
I remember everything I've seen him in.

(19:52):
Yeah, and then all of a sudden just gone for years and years and years.
He's in multiple movies, all kids' movies.
Right, yeah.
So, I don't know.
Quiet, quietly quit, quietly disgraced.
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
If something happened, we don't know about it.
Did he go bankrupt or something?
You know what?
Sometimes I've always felt that there's got to be the celebrities that are just like,

(20:13):
cool, I'm done.
I got my 30 million, I'm done.
I'm done, bro.
I've got a nice house.
I don't have to work ever again.
I don't want to just keep doing these kids' movies.
People make fun of me all the fucking time.
Because of course, you look at a movie like this and everyone's going to be like, if you're
Roger Ebert, you're going to be like, oh, the acting is stupid and Sinbad was a joke

(20:34):
and they shouldn't have let him ad-lib so much and blah, blah, blah.
Where it's like, if you're from a kid's perspective, you're like, this is fucking dope.
Yeah, this is definitely a kid's perspective.
When I was a kid, when this came out, I went to the theaters to see it with my family.
I remember walking away going, that was awesome.
I want a Turboman doll.
When I was a kid, I was thinking, I don't know if they sold Turboman dolls.

(20:58):
They did.
One of my buddies had one.
Oh, really?
Yeah, he had one and we were playing with it in his room and he threw it off the top
bunk of his bed and it landed on the floor and broke.
Damn.
Did they have booster dolls, though?
That's the real question.
They had the jet pack, but it didn't work.
It made sounds.
The booster, his little cat thing or whatever that was.
I don't know if he had the booster.

(21:18):
He might have had the booster.
But didn't it exist?
Played by the dude from Revenge of the Nerds.
Booger.
Booger from Revenge of the Nerds.
I always forget his name.
I don't know, the host of King of the Nerds.
Yeah.
It's him and the other guy.
Smoking a cigarette.
Where have you been?
Yeah.
So they get into that before the ball scene, they are in the mall and they rush through,

(21:47):
they stamp earlier.
He stampedes his way through.
This is where he first meets Sinbad, I think, when they're outside the line.
Then they go inside, they stampede their way through into that one store and they realize
that there's no dolls or whatever.
And then somebody says that there's more somewhere else.
And so when Sinbad hits Arnold and runs away, Arnold takes the remote control of a RC car

(22:15):
from this little kid.
And in the chaos of this fight going on with all these people, he somehow gets the RC car
in a place he can't see it to U-turn and perfectly get underneath.
The moment Sinbad steps down, that's the most unlikely thing besides the fully working jet

(22:38):
pack at the end of this movie that's better than Rocket Man's jet pack.
That Arnold just picks it up immediately and knows what to do.
I've got it, I've got it.
He doesn't immediately know what to do.
At first he kills himself by crashing 9-11 style into a building and then he crashes
to the floor.
He figures it out in a matter of minutes.
Without dying.
Jesus.

(22:59):
Oh, and the car was being played with an unaccompanied minor who was just sitting there in a fight.
Probably his parents were beating someone's ass right then and he's just like, oh, let's
play with this remote control car.
The box, so in the deleted scene, one of the deleted scenes is as they're leaving, oh,
so the thing that gives them their call to action to leave the fucking store is they

(23:20):
hear that woman with a, because he uses his violence to intimidate a guy, picks him up,
she says, tell me where the fucking doll is.
He goes, oh, some woman bought it, she was in a fur coat and she leaves.
So in your guys' scene, he runs outside, he sees a lady driving away in a fur coat, he
runs after the car, he goes, and she drives off like he's a crazy person.

(23:43):
In my version, he sees a lady walking with a fur coat and he walks up to her and it's
played by this actress who I've seen before in a bunch of things and she's like kind of
really cute in a way, but then also-
I think she's an Agatha all along, is one of the witches, I'm not sure.
She's an interesting actress, very unique face and she thinks that Arnold's hitting

(24:06):
on her and he says to her, so, okay, one of the things that is she has an open bag and
on the top of it, it says, Turboman Booster Doll that you could very, very clearly read.
If you're any taller than this girl, and it's Arnold, he's massively taller than her, so

(24:28):
he'd be able to read the box.
Instead, he offers her three times the amount they paid for.
Maybe that's why they cut it, to be honest, because it was so obvious.
But yeah, so he offers her three times the amount of money, he picks it up, finds out
it's a booster doll and then throws it away.
Yeah, he should have kept it and given it to his kid at least that too and been like,

(24:48):
Turboman's coming.
Yeah, you get a Turboman and a booster.
The kid would have been, no one else has a booster, right?
Exactly.
They keep leaving it behind.
It's an ongoing gag and nobody wants the booster.
Nobody wants the booster.
Everybody hates boosters.
Yeah.
They even beat up boosters.
All I was thinking before that scene when he first gets to the toy store and he's like,
do you have Turboman Doll?
And the guys start laughing.

(25:09):
He's like, wait, come here, ask him that.
That's how I felt looking for a PS5 when they first came out.
Every day going to a store is de-gagging in stock.
We had Cabbage Patch Kids when my kids were little that way.
There's been lots of toys.
When they first came out, it was Tickle Me Elmo.
Yeah.
That's what they were directly referencing is the Tickle Me Elmo craze.
That was insane.
I remember seeing a news report as a kid.

(25:31):
Actual fights.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Even the Wii was like that too.
What's that?
When the Wii came out, it was kind of like that too.
I think people were a little calmer though.
I don't think there was as many fights as like Tickle Me Elmo.
But now we get different kinds of...
The 90s were weird.
Now we don't get people beating each other's asses.
Now we just get people buying a thousand PS5s and upcharging them 10,000 or a thousand percent.

(25:57):
So when he...
Also using his charms to woo the woman, because she obviously was into him.
He was like, oh hello.
Yeah, actually I just want your bag.
Her response to that is like, my bag.
And he offers three times the money and she goes, okay, well sure.

(26:19):
I don't need to know what...
But she says, I don't need to know what you're going to do.
She's basically like, are you going to fuck this thing?
Is what she's asking.
She's like, whoa, you're going to fuck this thing.
I don't need to know.
I'm okay.
I'm going to back off.
And she leaves.
I just thought that was weird.
Well it's probably because in her mind she's like, booster, there's a shit ton of them
everywhere.
Why do you need to buy three times the amount?

(26:39):
Yeah.
Fucking creep.
Just go to the store, dude.
And then when he chases after the car, he ends up stopping right in the middle of the
road.
And that is, I think, one of the most asshole moves he does in the whole movie.
And that's including violence.
I think driving on the shoulder in the traffic was a very asshole move in the beginning.
That poor cop who that Arnold keeps fucking over.

(27:01):
But because he's in a turbo man.
Robert Patrick, I think it is.
Yeah, I think it's Robert Patrick.
No, wait.
I think the cop is Robert Patrick.
I don't think so.
Double choke.
From Double Dragon?
I don't remember.
Robert Patrick from Double Dragon, the main bad guy?
I think it is.
I don't remember.
Terminator.
Oh, I forgot he's in that.
Yeah.

(27:21):
It is.
Oh yeah, that's right.
I always think of him as the main villain in Double Dragon that we just reviewed.
So the, oh.
There's another hilarious casting in this too.
What was that?
When they go to the radio station.
Who's that guy?
Martin Mull.

(27:41):
I've seen him in other things.
There was a television show that ran for maybe 10 years.
WKRP in Cincinnati and he was the main radio announcer on that show.
Yeah, it's like a spoof of a radio station.
Yeah.
It's good stunt casting.
Those store workers are way too willing to laugh at some poor father who's twice their

(28:04):
size.
Yeah, well it didn't last.
The retail employees at holiday time.
Yeah.
They've got to find some enjoyment at this point in their season.
They're over it.
I mean, that's fucked up.
Phil Hartman is a creep the whole fucking movie.
You broke my little, what does he say?

(28:27):
This would have been a much better movie that would have cut Phil Hartman completely out
of it.
Oh no, because then you don't get the greatest line in the whole movie.
Which put the cookie down.
That's like quote that all the time.
She's next door.
She's next door.
That's like my she's next door.
Pet and Ted.
Yeah, Ted.
Yeah, that's that's my favorite line of Arnold.
Yeah.

(28:48):
Well, the put the cookie down is my favorite Arnold line.
All of his quotes.
Yeah.
Put the cookie down.
It's the best of all of his quotes.
It's the best.
It is.
It beats out.
I'll be back.
It beats out.
It beats out.
I'm a kindergarten cop.
Get to the chopper.
Just because of the context and just it's so silly.
But it's so silly.

(29:08):
Yeah.
Put the cookie down.
He does.
And that was that's the best ball of America in the 90s looks amazing.
I've always wanted to go.
I've always wanted to.
I bet it's kind of lame now.
Check out Fried Rice podcast.
Mall of America coming soon.
That'd be dope.

(29:30):
These line workers that threw the buckets of balls should be charged with inciting a
riot.
Because they're handing out the balls and I understand that people are being aggressive
around them.
But then they should have been like no stop everybody form a line.
We're not doing it this way.
Just throwing them up in the air.
Instead of throwing it up in the air to the point where it was just a bedlam of chaos.

(29:52):
So no rubber ball in the history of rubber balls has ever rubber balled that much and
bounced to infinity and beyond.
It bounced all the way to the fucking like that was insane.
More than the playpen was weird.
Why did Arnold yell when he was sliding down the tiny little slide towards the ball pit.

(30:14):
Those mothers sure did let up on those pedophile pervert claims real quick.
Why is Santa quote unquote sitting in his Santa chair when the Santa will be back in
five minutes sign is still up.
Implying he's on a break which he is.
Why is he sitting in the chair waving to people.
He was sitting there the sign wasn't turned around as soon as he walks by and says he's

(30:35):
looking for the turbo turbo man.
That's when the elf turned it around.
Thank you.
That does solve that problem.
I had I appreciate that.
Also why is there not a line of kids waiting to meet Santa.
There was because it was a really shitty Santa.
Yeah.
Why does the elf have a Polaroid of him with today's newspaper.
Does he do this every day.

(30:56):
Does he just literally take a picture of him in a toy every day.
Plus the small print is too small.
People wouldn't be able to read the date from that little Polaroid.
He would have to be aware of the day's headlines going into this to for that to be effective.
So he would have the little elf would be like here's the today's you see it's today's paper

(31:18):
and the thing at this point I would look at the Polaroid be like OK today's paper.
I can't see the date.
What were the headlines today.
And if it matched up with what I saw earlier at the table when I was reading the newspaper
if I did I might believe it.
I think in that day I think everybody did read the paper because there was no real Internet.
Yeah.
So and I understand that it's a trope that you pulled up today's newspaper and it shows

(31:41):
that it's today.
I'm not sitting on your lap is a great and tasteful gay joke.
And here's why it's a great tasteful gay joke because I think if you were to if the if the
main character wasn't Arnold and it was a mom trying to find a gift and the same interaction
happened where he's like hey I'll help you out she's like I'm not sitting on your lap

(32:02):
and he's like I'm not trying to get you sit on my lap or whatever.
It's still a funny joke.
Don't worry because it feels like what do I got to do for this thing.
And so it's not really a gay joke.
I didn't feel like it was a gay joke.
I thought it was a Santa joke.
But it is but it is a gay joke.
I think it's a Santa joke.
Because Arnold turning I'm not sitting on your lap like the way he said it.
I don't think it's any adult sitting on Santa's lap.

(32:23):
Yeah.
That's how I took it.
Yeah.
OK.
So it's a mild gay joke because the 90s were pretty wild when it came to throwing it even
gay jokes into kids movies.
Yeah.
That's true.
Like just because they thought it was funny.
So wait I put wait what Santa just blew off his shift.

(32:44):
Like how much are they going to uplift this guy up charge him which we find out later
is three hundred dollars.
So if Santa's getting paid let's just say he makes five hundred dollars a day.
Small Santa's make like fifty dollars.
Do they really.
Yeah.
It's a it's a under minimum wage.
Well nowadays it's probably not like now it's minimum wage.
It's got to be minimum wage.

(33:05):
There's there's no way it's more than right.
But yeah it's probably a minimum wage job.
Have you seen bell ringers and malls and this before.
They're all pretty bad.
What yeah.
It just depends on the ringers the Salvation Army people.
Oh yeah.
Those are usually homeless guys.
Those ones that's a volunteer job.
That's not like that's not an hour.

(33:26):
No they paid them.
Do they really.
Yeah they paid them.
That's not a volunteer job.
It's mostly homeless people they know like at the Salvation Army the people they help
they'll give them a job doing that.
Actually they give them a commission.
They give them like 10 percent of what that's why they're so aggressive.
OK that makes sense.
They give them 10 percent of what's in the belt.
That makes sense.
Kettle.
That's crazy.
They.

(33:46):
I think there's another thing you might have missed but at one point there so they leave
and you know the sign says it'll be back in five minutes they're gone for at least a couple
hours.
So as they're driving though he says we've been driving for 20 minutes.
Where are we going.
I don't think you guys got this.
Yeah.

(34:07):
Yeah.
We got sand in the car with them.
I just don't remember them how much they were saying.
They.
I'll show it to you after but they.
I don't know they have a moment about why he's doing this.
I don't know.
So Verne Troyer is an elf Santa.

(34:29):
Sorry I put Elf in the cross.
He's a little he's a little Santa and he's reading a dirty magazine called mischief.
It on the cover there's two headlines that say how to throw a sex fight and how to get
more protein from sex.
And I have an answer to both.
Don't let's know the protein from sex.

(34:51):
Oh Jesus.
I tried this on my wife once you know.
It's just to swallow how to throw a sex fight.
It depends on what they mean by that.
Is it how to lose on purpose in a sex fight or is it how to put a how to host a sex fight

(35:12):
and either either one.
The answer is gracefully and with dignity the Santa song was pretty random.
So if you if you had didn't see the director's cut which no one did it.
But Jim Belushi he does a full song about the boy who forgot about Santa and it's because

(35:35):
his dad was a piece of shit.
Big Santa kills midget Santa dwarf Santa probably.
He throws him and he went little when little Santa when another little Santa pops up on
on Arnold's head he ducks and that dude hits full force with the power of a giant and that

(35:55):
dude flies across and hits the wall.
He killed him.
That's two deaths so far that are all inadvertently caused big show that was big.
Was that big show.
OK.
That's great.
I didn't know that.
I had to I was like what wrestler is that.
I had to figure it out.
I had to figure it out.
Big show and then the elf tases him right in the balls.
And you know what's funny is weirdly I looked at the differences between the two cuts and

(36:21):
that scene is like a one second difference and there's a different on the editing of
how they get taste in the balls on mine.
It looked like you went straight up from underneath into directly into his balls like I'm sure
you guys got the same from the front.
Yeah.
Oh wait he tased him from the front.
He tastes.
He keeps from behind in the ball.

(36:41):
Ours was more dick.
Yours was more balls.
Yeah.
Gotcha.
Gotcha.
He got right on the head of the penis with yours.
Mine was either the asshole or the balls depending on how close you got.
All right.
Impersonating a cop.
That's a fucking felony bro.
I'm a detective.
There's a lot of felonies in this movie.
You guys call yourselves cop cool or somebody.

(37:04):
I told you I don't have a good Arnold.
Mom's next door petting Ted.
What?
I thought that was great.
I thought Sinbad getting some improv at the diner.
That was kind of cool.
Sinbad for sure loses his job after throwing the very light envelopes that will give him

(37:26):
no advantage in running.
He should drop the bag if anything out of his bag.
So Sinbad's running up the street throwing mail out of his fucking bag.
He's lost his job.
He's done.
He might quit his job at the beginning of the day because he's he's still with all
of his mail and his uniform and every like at some point he would have put the bag back
or put the bag down somewhere.
We don't you're right.

(37:46):
We don't know the dark.
This movie focuses a lot on Arnold.
Yeah.
But not a lot on Sinbad.
By the way out of the two men causing all of the fucking chaos around town who gets
arrested?
Sinbad.
The black guy.
Yeah.
He even says at one point they call that out in this movie.
What he says?
He says he says that's racist to Arnie at some.

(38:08):
No, but I'm talking about literally the end of this movie is the one guy that gets arrested
and put into jail.
The hero and even in that scene though what what they were arresting him for.
He was the bad guy.
There was no I kid.
I did that.
He was doing something bad.
But the moment that the cop who's been aggressively following Arnold.

(38:31):
Yeah.
What do you recognize?
Well, you saw that last day between them.
Once he saw these like what the fuck your tour of it should have been a restless man.
And then Arnold should have flown off with his rocket pack.
And like, you know, that.
But yeah, I don't know.
That Sinbad got the turbo man.
He got the special edition turbo man at the end of the movie.
He did, which I actually looks a lot worse because it looks like it has this extra gold

(38:54):
component that makes it so that turbo man's legs don't move.
And so it's more of like a figure piece than it is an action figure.
And as a kid.
And it's not in a box.
So it already lost its value.
So his dad.
So Sinbad's kid is going to get a loose, unmovable turbo man statue from his father when he's

(39:15):
like, this isn't what I wanted, Dad.
I wanted turbo man.
I want to.
I want a booster.
I wanted the booster.
Uh, Arnold.
That would have been funny.
At the end, the kids just like, Dad, I want a booster.
I never wanted turbo man.
I'm a booster.
Booster was easy.
You got a guy, you don't listen.
I'm a booster boy.

(39:35):
You are the worst.
You never listen.
Are the worst, Dad.
I'm a booster boy.
You should know that.
I'm not a turbo Ted or a turbo Ted.
I'm a booster boy.
You don't even know me, Dad.
Arnold opening the bomb package is a federal offense.
Yeah.

(39:56):
So, so even though Sinbad faked it was a bomb and threw the bomb next to Arnold's head,
and he hears the music box going off, once he opens that mail up, he's committing a felony
offense of opening, tampering with US mail.
So that's just another thing to add onto the thing.
Uh, oh, and then, uh, someone actually set a bomb in the mail, which is fucking psychotic.

(40:20):
This world is crazy.
It's like, what's this world coming to?
That's like, then we, then we get, uh, the tow truck that doesn't know how to tow truck
and tow trucks his tow truck.
He taxis him home and then tow trucks his truck away.
But I also don't think you guys got the scene of him and the tow truck lady talking.

(40:41):
So I assume the reason that they tow truck is, is truck away is because it was stripped
down to the fucking, there was nothing.
There was no engine, no tires, no doors, but this isn't, but that's not how she was taking
it to a chop shop.
I understand that, but that's not how tow trucks work.
This is what would happen.
Oh, you need to get home.
You live in chest wick or whatever.
I can't take you there.

(41:02):
You need to take a taxi there.
I'll take your, your car to the junkyard.
That's how it would work.
It wouldn't go, Oh, let me, let me give you a ride dragging around your truck, use all
that fuel and expense all the way home first and then go.
I've never had a tow, unless they were dropping my car off at my house.
He didn't, or she didn't, she took the truck with her.

(41:23):
That's what I'm saying is fuck.
That's not, doesn't make sense.
If you're dropping the car off at home, absolutely.
Cause I've had that done.
Yeah.
You're, but a tow truck is expensive, but also you guys didn't get the scene where there's
a moment where he's practicing what he's going to say to Jamie and his wife about the turbo
mandal to the tow truck lady.

(41:45):
And she's just like, I don't really buy it.
Uh, you need to show some emotion.
And then somebody like practices, but Jamie, you know, like, and it's funny.
And I was just like, that's, that's kind of fun.
Uh, I don't know why they cut that out.
It was a funny little scene.
But it also maybe undercuts his emotions a little bit later when he's being emotional
to Jamie telling him that he's sorry.

(42:06):
Yeah.
As you saw him just practice it in the car.
So he's a psychopath.
This guy is a sociopath, uh, punching the reindeer was fucking awesome.
And I love that they become drinking buddies after, oh, that's the part I was thinking
of after he punches the rain beer reindeer and he's poor beer to the thing.
He's drinking a beer.
He just, so he's just drinking a beer.

(42:27):
Talking to the reindeer and, and normally there's a moment of clarity that, that there's
something that happens in a movie.
That's a big call to, to like, like the, the, and the climax instead he's just drinking.
He goes, no, I'm not going to sit here.
I'm going to win Jamie back.
And he just stands up and goes kind of lame because he's a doer.
I know he's a doer.

(42:47):
He's a doer.
He's a doer.
You see that in the very beginning.
I would love to have it work for my company.
He's the number one, he's my number one employee.
Number one customer.
So many licensed characters at this parade.
You got everybody.
You have the crayons running around.
Crayola crayons, bro.

(43:09):
Phil Hartman needs to die.
And then I put his character.
I put that in bad taste because I hope no one thought that at the time because it was
like two years later.
I put, wait, the cop who was just a cop was everywhere.
And almost knocked out is now on the police float.

(43:30):
He's on the police float.
He's part of the police.
So he got burned.
He had on these like he's all bandaged.
Oh, that's funny.
So there's the announcers are probably the two best characters in the entire movie.
And I'll tell you why.
At first they're doing they're doing picture perfect.
This is what Macy Day parade announcers talk like.

(43:54):
Then if you pay attention to what they're saying for the rest of this, they're just
rolling with the punches as if they're news reporters for Turbo Man City.
So at one point that was supposed to be.
But part of this is that was supposed to be all pre-plan.
No, but they're but they're and then it was like the way.
But I don't think they don't think I don't know if they were part.

(44:16):
I don't know if they had a script.
I don't know if they know.
I don't think they had lines.
I think they I think the dudes were because they had my said, no, one of the things they
said is this was not in the script.
That was one of their lines.
I think either watching their reading a script.
But the thing is, I don't think the line where the guy goes, I guess this is the end of civilization

(44:39):
as we know it.
I want to believe that's not a scripted moment.
I feel like those two those two were just in the moment watching the this superhero,
super, super mobile fight.
And he's just like, I guess it's the end of the world is civilization.
As you know, it was just so I loved it.
They're really funny.

(44:59):
They're rolling with it.
So Turbo Man Arnold gets the Turbo Man suit because some guy called it sick.
The replacement hadn't shown up.
I mean, you guys are fucked at this time.
At this point, Turbo Man isn't making an appearance.
The floats about to leave.
Yeah, you're done.
You scrap it.
You've already told the announcers, oh, I'm so sorry, Turboman is can't make it.

(45:21):
He's late or whatever.
Then you are.
But OK, then Arnold shows up.
You see a muscular guy.
You're like, this has to be the dude fits him perfectly.
I mean, perfectly.
Wait, I got to stop you there.
Calibrate.
Yeah.
Do you know who was originally slated to start this?
It was not our sportsman.
John Cloughman.
No.
Oh, wait, I'm going to guess.
OK, we'll give you a couple of guesses.

(45:42):
Well, Sylvester Stallone.
You're not going to get it.
You're on the wrong track.
OK, we got it.
It's supposed to be muscular.
Gotcha.
Not even that much.
So that if I'm thinking what this what this movie would be good with would be a Tim Allen
type or Edward Norton, a Chris Rock type.
OK, a.
You're still not close.
Well, you're close on type, but not tight.
OK, hold on.

(46:03):
Skinnier.
Well, a comedian.
It's a comedian.
It's a state of.
Go the other way.
Heavier.
Heavier.
Much heavier.
Chris Farley.
Closer.
Very close.
Think of the time it was.
John Candy.
Exactly.
John Candy was supposed to star in this.
Can you imagine that fight with John Candy?
I just can't even imagine.
How would they even do that scene?
That's what scenes what made me think of it.
When you start talking about that scene, I'm like, how would they have done this if that

(46:24):
was John Candy.
Maybe he would have been Booster instead.
Oh, no.
They wouldn't have done that scene.
That was a really good one.
I mean, I think it's a good one.
It's a good one.
So, I'm not sure.
I mean, I think it's a good one.
I think it's a good one.
I think it's a good one.
Yeah.
Because, look, I know you said this is a bad movie.

(46:56):
It's not the best, but as far as,
but if we're going Christmas cheer.
I have a description for it.
Well, what's your description for it?
Let me find out, wrote it earlier,
I can't remember, so I wrote it earlier.
I've got a few more notes while you're looking for it.
So I think it's crazy, absolutely crazy
that whoever designed these suits

(47:17):
not only made a working fist that flies out and flies back.
The batting missiles, the jet pack that works so fucking good.
Like I could get.
Well, I liked when he was giving them all the notes
about the jet pack as they're putting it on.
He's like, yeah, and we fixed the problem

(47:37):
that he had yesterday.
Don't worry about that.
There was a little bit of brain.
They saw a little bit of brain activity this morning.
That's a good sign.
Yeah, because that was David Cross, wasn't it?
Oh, was it?
Yeah, I think it was.
I think it was, yeah.
And then I put, oh, okay.
So they built a real quick fire just,

(47:57):
and then why are those little bad dudes,
the little Power Ranger looking Teletubby guys,
why are they actually beating up Turbo Man?
So they're actors in costumes.
They're acting and they have a script
to beat up on Turbo Man until he throws them around
or whatever, but they're actually trying

(48:19):
to fuck up Arnold, these dudes.
I don't know, I didn't see it that way
because they were so small.
Yeah.
No, no.
It was kind of slapsy.
You hear them too.
They're like, get them guys.
And they're like, yeah, fuck, you know, mess them up.
They're like trying to fuck him up and he destroys them.
I think that's after they were,
so he started fighting them back.
Yeah.
And then it got real.

(48:39):
Well, I think he died when he crashed on the wall
and then he died again when he fell.
Yeah.
Then where did that group carry Arnold off to?
They just put him on his shoulders
and just walked off leaving his son and wife behind
with Ted.
Well, no, Ted just got.
Ted ran off.
Yeah.
Weird.
He got eggnog.
Run off by the way,
because he sees Arnold getting carried off.

(49:01):
He goes, son, we got to get out of here.
And then they, and they run away.
I feel like there had to have been another cut scene.
I think there's some scene we didn't see
where he was going to go,
I'm going to kill that motherfucker.
Yeah.
Basically.
I think there's a cut scene where he pulls up.
Yeah.
Where he's like on the shoulders
and he looks over at Phil and he goes,
I'm coming.
I'm going to kill you motherfucker.
I'm coming for you motherfucker.
You come next door to me.
I know where you live bitch.

(49:22):
And then, so what Brendan missed
when he watched it initially,
because they put it in the post credits,
but what I got to see,
because the director made the much wiser decision
to just keep it at the scene that it was part of,
which is the end scene.
And I think it would have been better with that scene
and the Santa singing.
That's the only two that really mattered, I think.
I liked the fur lady.

(49:43):
Well, that was okay.
I don't think it was a pro.
I think it was too inappropriate probably for the kids.
I didn't mind the Sinbad seven gun thing,
but it was a little bit long.
Maybe.
Yeah.
But yeah, the,
what was it just say the?
The end scene.
Oh, the end scene, which is,
so in the director's cut with the proper way is,

(50:04):
you get the star of the tree,
they kiss, and then she says to him,
she goes, wow, I just,
it blows my mind how much effort you did
to get our son that gift.
You just, you know, like you did so much,
I can't wait to see what you got me.
And you see him look to the camera

(50:26):
and open it and go up, you know, like it real, like,
ah, like, which is awesome.
Yeah.
And it flows way better than.
It flows better, yeah.
I can't even imagine the,
because they had to change the score then,
because the score of this, didn't feel like the end end
when he was putting the tree on,
it felt like there's still some things to come,

(50:46):
and then they did that, and then we got like a,
you know, like a more abrupt ending.
And what it looked like would have been a great set up
for a second one, and maybe they realized,
maybe that was what their thought process were,
was originally, is they were planning on doing
a second one, and then they went,
guess we're not gonna get a second one in this format.
Arnold's like, I got it.
Probably Arnold's like, I'm not doing this again.
I'm gonna be Mr. Freeze instead, or.
I'm gonna be Mr. Freeze instead.

(51:07):
And I found what I started with,
like in my written thing,
when you were saying about how I thought it,
I don't wanna say it's a bad movie,
but it's objectively a bad movie.
Like you were talking about how was Sinbad
and getting the reviews from critics,
critics would not have liked this movie.
One percent of right.
Yeah, it's one of those.

(51:27):
It's like.
They don't disagree with that.
So what I, like the message of the movie,
something about materialism
and the true meaning of Christmas, I guess,
but it gets lost faster.
It just gets lost under all the chaos
and Schwarzenegger's one ladders.
Is it a good movie?
No.
Is it entertaining?
It's like watching two drunk uncles fight
over the last slice of pumpkin pie.

(51:49):
You know you shouldn't like it,
but you can't look away.
It's like once you start watching this movie,
it kinda keeps you in it.
So I mean, bad movies are ones I turn off.
It's not that.
It's like, you can't not watch it
once you start watching it,
but having seen it once, do I need to see it again?

(52:10):
Not really.
It's like that, you know, it's like.
So you said something.
Oh, you said it's already.
It's scary.
Oh, okay.
When you brought up the commercialism of this,
which I guess I wasn't super focused on,
now that you've sort of opened my eyes a little bit,

(52:30):
I think this is our least Christmassy movie
on the entire Christmas thing that we've been watching.
This doesn't feel like Christmas to me anymore.
Feels more Black Friday, kind of.
It does feel like Black Friday.
It feels like a Black Friday.
We should have done this for our Black Friday movie
instead of what we're gonna do,
which is, I guess I could say it's Plane.

(52:53):
Well, it already had passed,
which was Plane's Trains and Automobiles,
which for our, it wasn't about the Black Friday-ness,
it was about the traveling for holidays,
which would happen, so suck it if you have a problem with that.
So what was your grade then?
This is a tough one to grade,
because like I said, not a good movie objectively,

(53:13):
but fun to watch, so you know, it's like,
but do I wanna see it again?
No.
Pretty much anything I don't wanna see again,
I have to give at least a D,
but this would be on the high part of that, like a B+.
D+.
I went with a C, because...
It's hard to grade this one.
Yeah, that's why, to me it was hard to grade.

(53:34):
Because it's like...
It's hard to watch as an adult.
Yeah. I'm giving it a high...
I think if I was a kid, I'd probably give this a B.
That's what I'm saying.
As a kid, I would love this one.
Oh, by the way, if this is your first time listening,
our scale, because we're retarded, is...
I can't say that word, I'm sorry.
Is B through W.
Because we're idiots.

(53:55):
Because we're idiots.
We're gonna change that in season four, don't worry.
This is the last part of it.
We're rounding out the year, we're giving Zach
his creation a little bit more love
before we give it a definitive, way better, cooler,
something to do with a rice pun rating system
that'll make fucking sense to people.

(54:15):
But yeah, so, Brendan.
Yeah, it's hard to grade this one,
especially having watched this movie as a kid,
loving it as a kid, and then still enjoying it later.
And it's like you watch it for certain aspects of it.
It's kind of like Kindergarten Cop.
Any of Arnold's kids' movies,
Last Action Hero, Kindergarten Cop,

(54:36):
I grew up with all of these.
Oh no, Last Action Hero's a much better movie.
Oh, it's much better, 100%.
That's a cool movie.
But Kindergarten Cop also isn't necessarily a kids' movie.
That feels like a...
Kids' adult movie, kind of.
It's a young adult movie, maybe.
Is it?
I thought it was rated PG-13 or even R.
It might be.
There might have been a lot of jokes
that I watched when I was a kid that I didn't get.
That you wouldn't get, yeah.
But as an adult watching it now, you get it better.

(54:58):
That's kind of the same with this.
There's some jokes in there that you don't get as a kid.
Well, like the deleted scene
you were talking about earlier was pretty adult.
Yeah, yeah.
Am I tripping?
Am I thinking of a different movie?
Kindergarten Cop.
Kid.
Yeah, I think maybe you're thinking
about the one with Hulk Hogan.
It was kind of the same movie.

(55:19):
When it was a nanny.
Yeah.
What was that movie?
It kind of the same movie.
Oh yeah, PG-13.
I think it was called Nanny.
Because there's violence in this.
I remember the...
Yeah, it's violent, for sure.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Much better movie, also.
Much better movie, yes.
Arnold looks great.
This might be one of Arnold's worst movies.
It might be, but I enjoyed it.
We can find out for sure.

(55:40):
I think overall, I think I gave it a C-minus.
A C-minus.
So we're looking at a combined.
Probably a C-minus is probably what it's gonna average.
C-minus, yeah.
Okay, so C-minus for Christmas minus.
Christmas minus.
For Jingle All the Way.
Thanks for joining us.

(56:02):
R3, two and a half, put those cookies down.
Put the cookie down.
Put the cookie down.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's three, little three, or two,
it's two out of five pet and Ted's next door.
His wife's pet and Ted next door.
There's nothing he can do about it.
Do about it.

(56:22):
You know what, just shout out to Phil Arman.
He was great.
He was a great comedic actor.
Yeah.
Not in this movie, but other than...
He played the role well, though.
He definitely added that element that you needed for...
He was a creep.
Yeah, he was like, your wife's gonna leave you.
She's gonna come for me once you're gone.
Made me feel bad, though, wanting to hate him.
That was the problem.
Yeah.

(56:43):
It's kind of a lot of my problem with it.
I felt bad for one day.
I feel like he's played that kind of character.
Yeah.
I did.
He's played that kind of character
in a lot of things, though.
Like, Small Soldiers.
He was kind of like everything.
Yeah.
Small Soldiers was kind of similar.
Kind of his character, yeah.
He's great at it, yeah.
Well, thanks for joining us.
Oh, ho, ho, Merry Christmas stuff.

(57:05):
And I'm not gonna get back into the mindset,
because this movie's so not Christmassy.
Yeah.
So, and that's been another.
You're saying this sucks all of a sudden.
What the hell?
And that's been another night of Christmas.
I've been your ho, ho, host, Andy Rice.

(57:28):
We've been fr, fr, fried.
It's been Christmas, and with me as always,
it is Brennan, his chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Brennan screaming from the pain.
Yes.

(57:49):
I come along with a fire extinguisher.
Merry Christmas, Brennan's balls.
Shipley up to Boston.
Put the joint down.
Put the joint down with me as always.
Ho, ho, ho.

(58:11):
It's Michael on Donner, on Blitzen, on.
Cellios.
On titties.
On slapstick.
On crank.
On heart attacks.

(58:31):
On Larson.
I'm not a bad guy, I'm just a busy guy.
He's the bad guy, duh.
And I'm your host, Andy Rice.
And I hope you've all been on the good list this year,
but if you've been on the naughty list, that's okay too.
Merry Christmas.

(58:53):
["A Christmas Song"]
["A Christmas Song"]

(59:26):
["A Christmas Song"]

(59:56):
["A Christmas Song"]