National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation 1989 (We are all Cousin Eddy)

Welcome and Merry (Early) Christmas! It's time to review Christmas Vacation 1989! Does the crew get all the lights up in time? Does Andy fuck it all up? Yes.

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(don't worry, Andy isn't sitting in his room, waiting by his phone like it's the 90s, just fiddling with the long chord, watching "Friends" The One with the Holiday Armadillo...)

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
And welcome everybody to another Christmas themed, but it's still one of our regular

(00:20):
episodes of Fried Rice Podcast.
I'm your host, Andy Rice.
Let's get fried.
With me as always is Brennan.
Shibley up to Boston.
Hello everybody.
With me as always it is Michael.

(00:42):
He's never going to die and that's okay with me because he's my favorite zombie.
I guess that's my favorite.
My favorite zombie is Larson.
Hey everybody.
And again, I'm Andy Rice.
So welcome to another episode of Fried Rice Podcast.
We are trying to make these more streamlined, more accessible, more easy for you to, the

(01:05):
listener to enjoy.
It's sounding almost like a robot.
This is the AI version.
So let's get into it.
What are we smoking this week?
I bought half an ounce.
I saw that big jar this time.
Lemon, cherry, gelato, times or crossed with BX1.

(01:27):
Whatever the fuck BX1 is.
It's an indica hybrid.
It was 14 grams.
I think I'm down to half of that.
But it's been pretty dank so far.
I might be a little allergic to it, but that's okay.
In the pipe, because Brennan's not a bong man, what'd you bring?

(01:50):
I brought a donut shop.
It's a cross between a Holy Moly and Gelato 441.
That is the exact copy I have at home.
Donut shop.
Yeah.
It's pretty good.
I've been enjoying it.
It's a seven gram small nugs, so they're cheaper.
I don't know why they make small nugs cheaper, but I'm okay with it because I like small

(02:13):
nugs.
I like small nugs too.
They're going to be broken down anyways, so let's, you know.
I always put them in the grinder anyway.
I gotta break them in half to put them in the grinder.
What's up?
What's the difference?
What does it matter?
Yeah, I was like, fuck yeah, cheaper.
Cool, okay, I'll take it.
Packaging on that looks delicious.
Like the actual donuts look really great.
Awesome, and Mike's getting a little bit of the bong token, a little bit of the doing

(02:36):
what he can with his limited capacity over there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, I like smaller bongs if we're going to use bongs.
That's how I feel about it.
Yeah, we're going to get a smaller bong.
The message is loud and clear.
Andy's hospitality of providing a bong every time is it needs to be smaller, it needs to
be more for the people.
Yeah, I'll buy you a bong for your birthday.

(02:58):
Oh, wow.
Bong that I feel appropriate for us to use.
Keep an eye out for a while.
For the Andy Rice birthday extravaganza coming in February.
Yeah.
We'll have a time and location soon.
And then make sure you come out.
It's going to be in Laughlin.
He needs Ken's this year.
What?
Ken's.
No.
Ken dolls.
I'm talking about that when I mentioned the birthday stuff.

(03:21):
What is the other thing we're going to be having at the end of this?
What is that called?
Oh, yeah.
Fuck yeah.
I want to talk about that because we're going to try it for the first time today.
Yeah.
So this company I found online, just advertising on Facebook, it's called Cannadips and they
are infused like pouches.
They have a bunch of different kinds.

(03:42):
The ones I have right now are CBD infused and they're kind of just more for like mouth
fill than anything.
They're like Zin pouches but cannabis, non-nicotine, nothing like that.
These ones have CBD.
The ones I have at home have CBN and melatonin for sleep.
They put my ass down.
Yeah, but if you don't remember to take it out before you fall asleep, that can be bad.

(04:05):
Last night when I had one in I'm like sitting there and I'm like, all right, I got to take
this thing out because I forget it's in there.
And the nice thing about those ones is they actually have a snother top on the lid that
you can take off and it's like storage pouch for used pouches.
So it's like perfect for that.
Don't you want to throw those away?
Yeah, so I throw them away in the morning.

(04:26):
Oh, okay.
But you're just going to get up out of bed and go throw them away.
Yes, because I'm passing out.
I'm just flinging across the room picking up off the wall.
Yeah.
Oh, never.
But they're pretty good.
These ones are mango flavored, tropical mango.
I'm looking forward to that because I'm looking for something that's not I want to try those
because there's a little mellow you out through the day, but not put you to sleep and not

(04:52):
make you so high like dry.
The ones the other ones they had were that I tried the first time I got them were THC
was like THC or like a different letter after the end of it.
And like those were kind of interesting.
Like I couldn't really tell if they were really doing much because I got, you know, put one
in and keep it in for a little bit.
And then I would wait like I would do that in the morning and kind of not smoke and kind

(05:15):
of just wait and see how that felt.
And I mean, it felt like a mild kind of, you know, slight mind altering, but not very much.
Just a little bit just kind of take the edge off.
And they were great.
But they're those ones are expensive for what the cost to benefit is there.
Yeah, it's not there.
Okay.
No, it's not worth it.
Okay.
So you need to be has always been kind of a wild west science right now.

(05:38):
It is.
Like I think one time I had a water that was infused with CBD and it felt I think it made
me feel better.
But then it could have just been drinking a bottle of water makes everybody feel better.
I think these are these are more for if you're you know, if you already do nicotine pouches
or tobacco chewing tobacco and you want to swap to something healthier, these are healthier

(05:59):
more viable options.
They give you the mouth feel that you want that you desire.
But there's no addictive qualities to it.
So it could help you kind of wean yourself off of addictive nicotine.
This is hope you quit smoking as well.
No, not yet.
This is more for like when I'm home.
Okay.
Yeah, when I'm home, I don't like I won't smoke as much.
Okay.
I just thought the nicotine pouches.

(06:20):
Those were these I usually leave at home.
But when we have longer episodes, I need some nicotine at some point.
So hey, dude, you're one of the few smokers I know that doesn't go out and have a smoke
in between this.
It's amazing.
Yeah, it's pretty great.
Yeah, that's that's the both of them.
Well, there we go.
That's the secret.
All right.
Well, let's get into it.

(06:43):
The movie we're reviewing this week is a fucking classic.
It's National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation starring Chevy Chase.
It's a continuation of the vacation series, which started with Wally World went to Europe,
has a Christmas.
There's some Vegas in a reboot.
Is this one before or after?
Vegas, not before.

(07:05):
This was 89.
It's just going to be before.
It's Wally World, European, Christmas, Vegas.
Yeah.
And then not reboot because it's a continuation of because is it Chevy Chase's Clark Griswold,
isn't he?
Or wait, because it's Rusty.
It's grown up Rusty.
Is that who it is as Ed Helms plays grown up Rusty?

(07:26):
Yeah.
Which I'm OK with that.
It's another it's just another third.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because that's the third.
The Rusty we get is Big Bang Theory Rusty.
Yeah.
Which is the only time he ever did it.
Wasn't he in this one and European or was it this one in Vegas?
I think it's this one in Vegas.
I think they kept Johnny.
The same two kids and they changed them up.

(07:46):
It's amazing when you look at this movie who all's in it.
It's just insane.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
And what they've what they're up to now, because if you the guy that plays Eddie.
Oh, yeah, he's crazy.
He's crazy.
He's the same dude.
He's the same dude.
Randy Quaid.
He's insane.
His brother.
Yeah.
He just he goes on he goes on webcams and he like fucks his his wife while wearing masks

(08:10):
of other people.
Yeah.
I didn't know about that part.
Oh, no, he's insane, dude.
Oh, wait, you never saw that?
I didn't know about that.
You see?
No, he he's like, OK, I knew about like the aliens and stuff like that and like the different
like political stances he's taken.
That's fine.
He's allowed to have opinions.
I'm not OK with it's like he literally his whole thing now is he has like a web like

(08:30):
a webcam that you go to and he's got only fans.
He's got only fans where he fucks his wife.
And it's like sometimes it's like out in the woods and shit.
It's weird.
And he'll put on like a Bill Clinton mask and fuck his wife, dude, or something.
It's like and then he goes like the government's going to you know, like he's like an Alex
Jones if Alex Jones fucked his wife.
Where does Jones lost his mind?

(08:51):
Double the amount.
It's what Alex it's what Infowars is going to be now that the onion owns it.
He was just ahead of his time because that's only that's he was ahead of his time.
It's only fans.
Yeah, it's only fans.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, that got the judge clawed that all back yesterday.
Oh, why?
Nobody knows what's going to happen now with what Alex Jones has it back.
The satirical site, the onion purchased.

(09:13):
I saw that they purchased.
Yeah.
But now I guess it's getting rolled back.
It's all back.
So I don't know what's going on.
Nobody knows yet what's going on.
That would have been so great.
The onion having Alex.
I saw I saw someone.
I saw someone breaking it down on YouTube and the guys just like after the very end,
the onion executive after like after the winning the case, it's like, were you off to know?

(09:33):
Oh, nothing.
I just have a few emails to send.
And it's like he's going to send it out to all the followers of like some bullshit, right?
It's gonna be great.
But basically, it turned out that it looks like they didn't do a true auction on it.
So the bankruptcy judge is like, no, you can't do that.
You can't take less money because you like the people that are doing it.
Gotcha.
You know what I mean?
It's one of those things.
It's like, technically, some technicalities that were probably not used.

(09:57):
The fact that they had already been like Alex Jones and already villainous because it was
the Sandy Hook families that used their money, the money that he owed them to then like buy
the company from them.
And I guess that that could use somebody's judgment if you're just like the auctioneers
like, yeah, I'm going to give it to the victims of the people that you fucked over.

(10:17):
Exactly.
And you're not going to make as much money from it.
But there's a bankruptcy law, though, is the problem.
The money he makes goes to them anyway, though.
And what's crazy, I saw a lawyer break it down.
If he goes and makes another info wars and calls it something different, they're entitled
to that money to they get money until he pays off his one point two billion dollars.

(10:38):
They get all the money that he makes.
It's like to a certain degree, he gets a livable wage or whatever.
But yeah, they.
So he if he even becomes successful again, brings his followers, it doesn't matter.
They get a piece, which I like.
That's good.
Because you shouldn't.
What a fucking bad take.
The worst take maybe historically one of the worst takes the worst take of all.

(10:59):
One of it's like, oh, worst tragedy of all time in American history, maybe like, I mean,
what?
Pearl Harbor, 9-11 in our time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then you say it didn't happen.
What are those kids?
It's crisis actors.
Yeah, it was what a fucking monster, dude.
I felt like that day was more impactful in our lives than 9-11, even though like I vividly

(11:21):
remember 9-11, I just felt like that was I feel like it was much more real because it
was children because it was children.
They were young kids.
Like it was just like, and I mean, I don't really want to spend a lot of our Christmas
vacation movie time on Sandy Hook, but I didn't expect that to happen.
We get real.
It's also because I think it was targeted.
Yeah.

(11:42):
Is another is another aspect that changes things when a I mean, sure, 9-11 was targeted
the planes, but it's a whole bunch of it's a mass casualty situation.
A lot of nameless faceless people.
We saw them on the news, but it's a lot different when it's like we actively saw the standoff
like taking place on the news.
Yeah.

(12:02):
Just like you've all the.
All right.
Um, Christmas vacation.
So welcome to our comedy podcast.
Jesus Christ, dude.
These tangents are getting dark lately.
What is it?
The sad seasonal whatever depression season kicking in, man.

(12:25):
So this is a Christmas vacation.
What a delightful, cute opening animated intro.
Come on, guys, get the Christmas spirit.
You son of a bitches.
Stop thinking about school.
The transition.
I had to get myself in it, guys.
I'm a consummate performer.

(12:46):
I got to keep this train moving.
Or we can watch videos of trains.
We want to have a moment of train silence while we.
Why is it we are always the most off topic when the movie's great, when it's a good movie?
Like it's we can't talk about the movie when it's a good movie, but when it's a shit movie,
we can't shut up about it.

(13:07):
Singularity.
I just have nothing but straight bad facts to share about this awful movie.
But we do more research into it.
Christmas vacation starts off with a delightful tangent.
It is.
It's one of the best cartoons.
I would have liked to just watch that whole like a 30 minute cartoon.
The song has a different feeling for me because my wife will like constantly change her ringtone

(13:32):
to that song.
And it just it starts out that it's that time, you know, and it just it's it's
a ringtone.
So it's not very long and it keeps repeating over and over.
And she'll sit there and not answer her phone because she likes the song.
I just fucking answer the phone or silence it.
Like what are you doing?
My mom has a ringtone that goes ring, ring, ring.

(13:53):
And it just goes louder and louder and louder.
And she can't hear.
So she just lets it go on and on and on.
It makes me so insane.
My mom for a good 10 years had.
It's hard out here for a pimp from Hustle and Flow.
That's awesome.
She saw that movie or heard that song.

(14:13):
She's like, Andy, I don't know what it's called, but it's it's not out here for a
piece.
What is that song?
I love the beat.
I love it.
And I was just like, it's from a movie called Hustle and Flow.
Terrence Howard or, you know, and then she's like, yeah, and I gave and I found it on a
ringtone app and she loved it.

(14:35):
It's a 50 something year old woman running around hustling.
Yeah.
I don't know if she ever watched the movie.
Maybe I don't know.
But it's just like that was that was her life.
I agree with you would be a great animated special.
By the way, randomly kind of off topic.
I know the Halloween tree is a Halloween special I've never heard about, never seen

(15:00):
it.
But it's an animated short by Ray Bradbury, author of Fahrenheit 451 and other things.
He narrates it.
He's totally behind it.
And it's an acute little animated like it's these group of friends all getting ready for
Halloween and they they're all like, hey, can't wait to meet our friend like Mike.
It's like, can't wait to meet Mike.

(15:21):
Mike will be so cool tonight.
Whatever.
And they all get there.
Mike's not there and he goes to the hospital.
And so then they kind of go on this like spooky adventure in their costumes on Halloween night
in the 80s, like on this like cool adventure and the animation styles really pretty.
It looks like like a children's book brought to life.
So not a lot of fluid animation, but like a lot of like as the kids are walking, you'd

(15:44):
see like a hand painted kind of forest behind them or whatever.
Well, no, I wouldn't say South Park style.
This is its own thing, but it's beautiful.
It's pretty.
It's just random.
Sorry.
I never heard of it.
I don't know if you can find us now, but it's still stuck on it.
What week is it?
Yeah, yeah.
Sorry.

(16:04):
So we watched this cute little animated Santa getting all goofy and having his own Christmas
vacation moment because it's basically the Clark Gerswold Santa, which made me think
Chevy Chase if they had done a little bit earlier, if they had done the Santa Claus
with Chevy Chase instead of Tim Allen.
That would have been a rated R.

(16:25):
He's not he wasn't he had his moments of kid friendliness, but there was definitely
hidden adult jokes in there like all these movies, vacation movies.
They're somewhat kid friendly, but they're still very adult.
They're for sure.
This one's supposed this one feels the most kid friendly out of all those kids.

(16:47):
I know.
But there's no nudity.
There's there's a lot of implied.
Yes.
But but the other ones have straight up titties.
Yeah.
So like you're one scene in here that maybe is one of the most evil things I've ever seen
in a Christmas movie.
OK, well, we get to it.
Will you point it out?
Yeah, I will.
OK, good.
Because I know I'm curious.
I'm curious what you're talking credits wise.

(17:09):
Last week, we did Planes, Trains and Automobiles by directed and written by John Hughes.
This movie written by John Hughes.
This is our second huge movie in a row.
I didn't know that when I picked it.
But John Hughes wrote this one, which gives it like a cool vibe, I think.
Fun animated opening.
Nothing goes wrong.
It's great.
Young Big Bang Theory is in this that log truck that they go under when they're first

(17:31):
driving.
So we get the.
Well, I mean, the best opening ever to a vacation where he's he's driving in the trucks behind
him.
Here's the mechanics of this.
The truck behind him wants to pass.
OK.
And he goes and he does the dick move or they will.
He tries to pass.
He speeds up.
But the truck gets in front of him anyway and then starts to kind of break checkable

(17:51):
to be like, fuck you, Doug.
Now, as they're going at high speeds, this log truck is hauling fucking ass because not
only does it catch up to them from out of fucking nowhere, it matches speed with them.
So as Clark's trying to go like presumably 80 miles an hour behind the start, this guy

(18:12):
must be going 95, 100 mile an hour truck to get up there.
The logistics of it, I'm just saying, like if you physically had to be there, the truck
appeared because after the first time that the pickup truck passes him, he's like, oh
no, I'm going to pass them.
We want these people behind us.
And he gets in front of them and then he slows down.
And the next frame is when you get the big truck and the pickup truck behind them and

(18:36):
he's driving slow and they're both like, you know, I maybe OK.
So he was kind of being a dick in that sense that he had to be in front even though he
was going the slowest.
Yeah.
OK.
Got you.
OK.
So that's the thing that does fix my brain a little bit because it was broken on that
a little bit.
How did they get that tree out of there?

(18:58):
Yeah.
I mean, come on.
Not only do they walk out to the tree, they like couldn't have gotten the car out to where
they walk to.
They couldn't have tied the thing around the tree and pulled it out of the car.
They didn't have a chainsaw.
They didn't have nothing.
That's the most ridiculous thing.
They just said, fuck it.
All right.
Now, this is my first.
It's my first note and it won't be my last.

(19:20):
Boy, do I relate to that posh couple.
I would not enjoy living next to the griswold.
I'm just saying.
You did recognize her, though, right?
Oh, yeah.
It's Elaine from I don't know the guy, but it's Elaine from Seinfeld.
I relate to this couple so hard.
All they want is a peaceful, quiet existence in their nice home.

(19:43):
Like I love it.
They keep a clean home.
They buy like fancy stuff.
They keep themselves no children.
Oh, dude, they're the best.
They're not even like suit.
They're not even jerks to Clark.
They say nice stuff about him.
But like, OK, that's their own personal conversations.
Like people are going to talk shit about people.

(20:03):
OK, that's not a nice thing to do, but it's also not to your face.
It's not making fun of you.
Like they give them a little bit of hassle because he's chopping down a tree the size
of a fucking like way too big.
So what are you going to do?
And then he literally breaks their shit, you know, like like he's a dickhead.
Clark, this movie.
So anyway, I relate to them.
That's my first first note on that.

(20:25):
After Clark cuts open the tree and he gets sappy fingers.
That's great.
The bit where he's in bed with the magazine, he's like everything to try to get him off
of his wife just instinctively pulls it off because she's been through this before.
And he's got the.
Yeah, bro.
I feel like and of course, this isn't the first trope of this, but it's like doesn't

(20:47):
it kind of feel like Clark Griswold is the prototype for your Homer Simpson or your Peter
Peter Griffin, like where it's a it's a constant fuck up with a hot wife who forgives them
constantly.
A wife they don't deserve pretty much.
Yeah, except recently in the last few years, Family Guy has made it.

(21:13):
If you're paying attention, Lois is cheating on Peter.
Like that's a that's a fact.
There's been with just probably random people.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
it's not it's not a take, Mike.
Here's the thing.
The only say the only reason I say random people is because we don't know any of her

(21:34):
lovers.
It's just there's been a few.
There's a scene in particular I'm thinking of where Peter's doing something and she and
a man enter a hotel like together and they're like they're going to fuck.
And she's like sees Peter.
She like pushes the guy into the hotel to like go in there.
So like that's a I mean, they're 100.
She's 100 percent cheating on Peter.

(21:55):
And I think Seth MacFarlane is OK with that because he's like, of course, she's cheating
on him.
He's a fat fucking loser who's a fuck up all the time and like constantly makes her
life worse and she's a hot piece of piece of ass that like everybody wants.
So like, isn't there an episode where Marge cheats on Homer?
OK, now the Marge and Homer thing is sacred to me.

(22:17):
There is two instances where they cross the line.
There's Homer and his co-worker chick where they go on a work retreat and she like is
young and she's hot and she like is totally in the Homer for some reason.
She makes a shirt of like the two of them together is like a couple or whatever, and
she makes a pass at him like Jim in the office.

(22:39):
He says no, and he walks away, which is the right thing to do.
He did good Homer and he hasn't cheated on her since.
And I think they completely wrote that out of his character where he doesn't even all
the women as much anymore.
It's like now he's just a dumb, nice guy who loves his wife, which I like.
Marge, on the other hand, Marge took a bowling lesson from a French guy.

(23:01):
I think his name is Jacques and.
She was really into him.
She thought he was fucking hot as fuck, and he is a womanizer.
He likes to fuck like married women.
And so he put all the moves on her and she at the last minute resisted until I think
it was season 32, 31, where he makes an appearance again and her feelings return.

(23:25):
So that's a little bit suspects.
And then also, if you go into their past, depending on what iteration of like how they
met and how much either Homer, she cheated on someone else with Homer, which is how they
started their relationship or like she was dating that guy that becomes super rich later,

(23:48):
the nerdy one, the one that's like kind of modeled after Bill Gates a little bit, Arnie
Arnie something or whatever.
He's like, he's a nerd in high school and he asked her a problem.
And then I think she leaves prom to be with Homer.
Such a fucking bitch thing to do because like that guy was sweet.
He was like, well, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
He tried to sexually assault her.

(24:09):
Let me go back.
He was not sweet.
In my mind, I'm thinking of just the beginning, Arnie, not he tried to bif rape her from back
to the future.
So she rightfully left.
Yeah, she rightfully said, fuck you, you gross piece of shit and left.
Just wanted to correct that.
I don't want to be pro Arnie Ziffler or whatever his name is.
Back to the movie.

(24:32):
Sorry, guys.
Someone said something that got him on a date.
I don't remember.
I don't remember the point that was started.
Oh, sap fingers.
Somehow got us there.
The advent calendar is a great transition mechanic for this movie.
Yeah.
Every time it comes because it's not every day, which I like.

(24:53):
It's like we're skipping.
It's like the 18th is when we start and then it's like the 22nd and then it's Christmas
Eve and then it's Christmas Day.
We get this through just a little advent calendar guy opening up, which I really love advent
calendars.
And again, what's lovely about advent calendars, which I've absolutely loved, is you go on
Amazon dot com, right, to buy an advent calendar.

(25:13):
It doesn't matter.
There's no specific year because you're just opening up 25 days.
And what's beautiful is they go on half price like everything else the day after Christmas.
Yes.
So you just buy.
So I bought three last year.
I did.
I bought three the day after Christmas.
And some of them are cool.
I got my mom a little pop Funko Harry Potter one and she got like a ton of little mini

(25:38):
Hagrid's and Harry Potter's and she loves Harry Potter.
So like those are cute little things.
I actually got Nightmare Before Christmas last year.
My granddaughter's one.
Oh, that's the sock ones lately.
It's what she's been doing.
The ones that come with socks.
Oh, that's fun.
I don't need character socks and stuff.
I don't.
You know what?
I don't want people looking at my feet.
Yeah.
So less flash and dazzle.
I wear the socks, but I wear pants over them.
I don't wear those.

(25:59):
If I'm wearing shorts, I don't wear longer socks like that.
Yeah, I don't need character socks.
Yeah.
Unless my kids.
Unless like we go on a road trip and I let my kids pick my outfit for the car ride, you
know.
Oh, that's fun.
Let them pick the socks.
Do you have to get out in the gas station?
Yeah.
And walk in looking all ridiculous?
Oh, yeah.
Have they ever done anything super silly?
No, last time I went to California, we had gym shorts on.

(26:20):
I had Dragon Ball Z socks and a t-shirt.
My crocs.
Hell, yeah.
And we stayed at a casino I worked at before, which is a nicer casino in California.
And we got it was a Friday night and there was definitely like weddings and shit and
like everybody's dressed to the nines.
And I walk in with my kids who are wearing other Dragon Ball Z socks of mines up to their

(26:41):
thighs because they're my socks.
Yeah.
And they're just like looking at us like this.
What is this family coming in staying in this?
And we're like, man, we got a suite.
Like a two bedroom suite in this bitch.
Yeah.
They thought you were Malcolm in the middle, but you're Malcolm in the suite, bitch.
That was, yeah.

(27:01):
Shitter's full.
That's a fun little tradition.
You should keep that up forever.
Yeah, it's fun.
You should be an old man with your grown adult children.
They get to pick your outfit for this is when you don't have your say your con.
Like when you're so old and you can't pick your own outfit anymore, the car rides, they
pick it for you.
Like Mike's getting near that age.

(27:21):
It's their turn to wipe my ass at that point.
Yeah.
I'm not wiping your ass, Mike.
You have a family that loves you, but you can still do the podcast if you're drooling.
I'll just will will you in and we'll just we'll just blow smoke in your, in your general
direction.
He uses a Tasmanian devil mug at work.

(27:46):
Clark.
And I was like, so he's an outward group, like an outward goofball.
So like everyone else is regular mugs.
He embraces the fact that he's like he's a funny goofy guy.
He's one of us.
That's one of the things about this movie.
He is literally one of us.
Yeah.
He really is an everyday guy.
Didn't he have like a character tie at one point to.
Yeah.

(28:06):
Oh yeah.
I think he does.
Yeah.
Wait, doesn't he get?
Does he get called out on that one?
Yeah.
Where someone just like, it's like, oh yeah, with one of those stupid little sanitizers,
like I have one at home or whatever, doesn't he?
Yeah.
I had when I was back when I had to wear a tie for work, I had 50 characters.
My dad had a shit ton of them too.

(28:26):
I loved it.
My dad, when my dad.
Star Wars ties and shit.
I love my dad.
Every every property there is, I had a tie.
It's crazy.
The Grinch tie.
My dad had a Jurassic Park tie and I loved that tie.
I don't know when he ever wore it.
I think I stole it from him down the line.
Yeah.
But my dad still has all of his ties in his closet.
Finally, I realized like I'm never wearing a tie again.

(28:49):
When I made that decision that I am not putting a tie on again.
Ever ever done.
Man.
And not going to go to a wedding.
So I had to buy a freaking tie, but I couldn't have worn one of them.
Couldn't have worn it.
Yeah.
You had to buy a nice tie for a wedding.
We keep saying tie.
Something's triggering me and I don't know what it is.
Well, do we watch something sad with a tie rack recently where somebody makes a tie rack
and then.

(29:10):
We read a book.
Yeah.
You guys did.
The book we're reading is the tie rack.
Oh my God.
That stuck with me so hard.
It's so hard.
It's one of the hardest scenes.
It is very sad.
You just keep saying tie and I'm like, no, someone's coming from a broken family.
This tie rack is going to get destroyed.
Stinger.
Oh my God.
Stinger.
That's insane.
Oh yeah.

(29:31):
Stinger by Robert McCann.
Sorry.
I just kept hearing the word tie.
I forgot that we, forgot that that's what it was.
Well, the thing is dad and tie, which is what we were talking about.
Robert McCann is so detailed that you remember these things in vivid detail.
It's like you can't, he talk about memory hacking.
He puts, he hacks your brain and puts these perfect memories.
Yeah.
Oh, like what it is.

(29:51):
It's going to be so interesting when we do watch the show because.
I get the show looks.
Who knows?
Who knows?
Yeah.
But we're excited because it's also it's Robert McCann's first ever to film adaptation
or to any adaptation.
Yeah, worries be a little only because it's probably going to be the last two.
Cause he's like nine.
No, he's not.
He's old.
He's less old than Stephen King.

(30:14):
Have you read any reviews on the show?
No, no.
I'm staying away from it on purpose.
I'm trying to go blind.
I'm actually literally reading it.
I had never read Robert McCann before until Andy had me read this book.
And it's good.
Yeah.
So now I'm going to see the show and compare them.
Gotcha.
Okay.
And then I got to get you on another one of his books, the vampire one, they thirst.

(30:34):
Very good.
Best vampire story.
Well, I was just reading at the back of this book, there was a whole list of his books
and it was talking about, I guess all of his later stuff is one character.
Oh, yeah.
Matthew Corbett speaks the night bird.
That's a historical drama that I mean, it's historical fiction.
It's like a guy who goes to hunt down.

(30:55):
I book.
The thing is that I don't know about it is if it is supernatural or if it's not, but
he's going back to like, I know the first one, it's all about Salem witch trials.
Okay.
And he's going to stop them.
Is he a time traveler?
No, no.
He's like a guy that's, and the thing is I have the first book.
I've been meaning to read it, but it's like one of those things is like, I don't know

(31:18):
if I'm going to be able to get myself into the early 1900s or the late 1800s, whatever
this takes place or like whatever that Salem witch trials.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to transport myself there and be able to be like all.
Just watch Lucas Focus before.
Yeah.
There we go.
That's it.
Yeah, no, I'm excited for the show, but we get Bill Murray's brother plays Chevy Chase's

(31:41):
boss, which I liked.
That's a little bit of a crossover.
The underwear chick that's hot for Chevy Chase when he's shopping in the mall.
Okay.
That scene is the one.
She was talking about troubles.
Yeah.
He was hot for her.
She wasn't hot for him.
It was not her.
It was him.

(32:02):
It was a straight, maybe the worst portrayal of a scumbag who's supposed to be a fatherly
figure in any movie I've ever seen.
Yeah.
It was bad, Andy.
He was.
Now, I agree with you.
It was bad and his child was there.
Yeah.
Hey, dad.
Oh, hey.
But he does feel.

(32:23):
Yeah.
Flummoxed.
He feels bad about it afterwards.
Yeah.
When his son catches him.
But the whole problem with the scene is not even all that.
Okay.
Let's forgive all that.
Okay.
Him talking about her tits so much.
Yeah.
Okay.
My problem is, that's not even the problem.
His wife's tits are a thousand times better than hers.
Yeah.

(32:43):
It doesn't even make sense.
Yeah.
Well, I hate to say this.
I hate to say this old cliche, but even the hottest chick in the world has some guy tired
of fucking her somewhere.
No, not Beverly Vangeline.
I disagree with that as a fully notion, but it is one of those things that you can apply

(33:05):
with one of these situations where Chevy Chase, Clark Rizwold has a super fucking hot wife
who loves him and she's great and she's forgiving and she's perfect.
Honestly, she's too good for him in a thousand different ways.
And yet he sees just a young, attractive chick who's showing a little bit of cleavage and

(33:25):
he loses his mind like a fucking animal.
I agree.
I agree with you 100%.
But it's like one of those things where it's like you lose appreciation for what you have
sometimes unless.
But that's also been a part of Clark Rizwold's character.
We get it in every vacation movie.
Yeah, once again though, this is a Christmas movie.
Yeah.
They should have left that out.

(33:46):
They should have left that out of this movie.
They did not add anything to this movie.
Well, especially his conversation starting, oh, my wife, she's gone.
Yeah, he said she's dead.
Yeah.
It was bad.
It was one of the most egregious.
But the reason I.
How do you say that word?
Egregious.
Egregious examples.
No, no, I agree with you.
But here's the thing.

(34:07):
The reason I think she's hot for him, there's no way.
She's trying to sell.
No.
She's selling.
You don't have to pull your, but you don't have to hike your fucking skirt up and show
your leg and ass a little bit.
She's sex sells.
1989.
Sex sells.
She's sales.
She's making that sell.
She's getting that back.
OK, fine.
You're right.
I'm one of those guys that I'm one of those easy targets because I thought, oh, look,

(34:28):
she's into him.
Oh, look at me.
I'm falling for the scam and I'm supposed to be the guy seeing the scam play out.
Launching an ice missile through the via the gutters into the posh couple's house is very
funny, but at the same time, I'm like, what a fucking asshole.
That was an accident.
Yeah, that one wasn't.
You know what, Mike?
When you live next to shithead neighbors, let me let me let me tell you something.

(34:51):
Let me tell you a little story of little Andy here.
We moved into a neighborhood and we bought this beautiful home that had pool in the back
and we were lucky to live there for as many years as we did.
My parents worked so hard for us to live in that neighborhood and to live in that home.
It was middle class, but we loved it.
But our neighbor, our neighbor was this old man who spent all of his time sitting in his

(35:16):
garage in a chair watching the neighborhood go by.
Right.
And it's his fault that at some point we got rats because he was a hoarder and his entire
garage was just full of everything.
And these rats were there.
Trees were connected to our place.

(35:37):
And so they would breed over his place.
And every now and then we get like some like a rat or two over.
It's disgusting.
But then you know what he did every year?
He just he went he put about I'm not even kidding you.
I think that the tally was up to maybe 2000 American flags or about a thousand American
flags in his front yard for Fourth of July contest that they do around the neighborhood

(36:01):
to see who wins.
He won 15 years in a row or whatever.
And then he got real mad.
He told my dad about it.
He's just like, yeah, they they won't let me compete anymore.
They made me a judge and I don't want to be a judge.
I don't know all these flags just to be a judge.
So what he did was he put a 30 foot fucking flagpole right in the front yard, like with

(36:23):
lights coming down from the illuminated at night.
And it's a huge fucking flag.
So for the probably the last 10 years of me living there, I've just been able to be like,
yeah, I'm the one next to the flagpole.
What do you mean?
Oh, you'll know.
You'll just go down the street.
I'm the one left of the flagpole.
It was a very defining picture of that.

(36:45):
Yeah, again, posh posh couple just gets fucked over with that gutter missile.
Jesus Christ.
They did nothing to deserve that.
Nothing.
We're supposed to think they're enemies.
Why?
Because they work out.
We're matching clothing and love each other.
Yeah, assholes.
The oh, terrible reminded me very much of the chickens from Arrested Development, the chicken

(37:09):
noises the family makes.
It's a running bit that in Arrested Development, they all go like, you're a chicken.
And then they start doing instead of going cluck, cluck, cluck, they are whatever.
They go like they go like, oh, you do.
And everyone's just like, that's not what a chicken sounds like.
But then but then another family member has a completely different chicken.

(37:31):
So at one point, they're all calling one guy chicken.
And there's like five of them doing things that are different.
Chicken.
Oh, that's great.
So when I think of that, I think of the drum roll scene from Christmas vacation.
Give me a drum roll.
I'm just doing random stupid shit around him.
And he goes, joy to the world.

(37:53):
And then I love that.
That's one of the most iconic yet epic letdowns.
It's epic.
If it had worked, I would have also been sold on that moment and been totally fucking happy
with the results.
The fact that it didn't work is a letdown.
But at the same time, super epic buildup.
That's how fucking you write movies.
That's how you do movies.
And after after the letdown, that gives me so much anxiety when they start looking at

(38:18):
all of the power strips and just all of that.
I'm just like, oh, fuck, that house to catch on fire.
Like, yeah, they're going to die.
It's not OK.
I saw YouTube show it.
And you comes out.
Yeah, I know.
I can turn everything off.
It's gonna be so expensive.

(38:38):
So much money.
That's my last thought.
My first thought is this is a fucking fire hazard.
Like how am I supposed to sleep?
I just saw YouTube short.
It's a guy who's doing electrical work for an old lady.
He goes and he sees the board and he's holding up the thermal gun and he sees one of them
is like 200 degrees or whatever.

(38:58):
And he goes, hey, so who did the electrical work for your house?
She's like, oh, my nephew.
And he's like, when did his house burn down?
Oh, a couple of years ago.
Wait, how did you know his house burnt down?
I saw that one, too.
That was great.
And then also a little side note.
When I used to date a girl who's dead at a house in Long Beach or parents house in Long

(39:23):
Beach and we went to their Christmas, there's a very, very rich ride on the ocean like their
backyards or their front yards like a pier type of deal neighborhood in Long Beach that's
like fancy beyond belief.
And they do Christmas right.
You go up and you like you walk up and down.

(39:44):
It's a perfect like loop of, you know, probably like one mile total.
But like that someone did the Christmas vacation where they did all I think it's the same amount
of lights.
I think they did exactly what he said and they did it.
They had a little sign saying this is accurate.
They had a Clark hanging from the ladder.
Right.

(40:04):
Perfect.
And I saw also someone complain a video where the cops got called because someone had a
Clark hanging from a ladder.
They thought it was a real person.
They thought it was from the gutter hanging from a ladder.
I do like that about that scene in this movie where he files down the ladder.
It just looks like it was fine.
Oh shit, that could have been worse.
No one saw that.
Nothing happened.

(40:25):
And then also I saw just a Halloween thing that was similar.
They did the stranger things.
I don't know the reference yet, but it's some chick floating up in the air.
They found a way to make it look like it's floating and it was freaking people the fuck
out.
So they like told her to stop.
But anyway, just decorations people.

(40:47):
Mike the I wrote Mike on this note.
So let's see.
Why don't I put grandpa and the poster.
Oh, grandpa and the sexy poster is pretty funny.
I like that.
Mike, this the ad.
Oh, yeah, Mike, the addict scene.
This movie is basically slashed.

(41:09):
Thank you.
I have that written a hundred times.
It's all like reaching for the worm.
I love how he looks at the end.
That's how I imagine Brendan looks when he's on a road of vacation with his family.
Yeah, right.
It's about that.
Yeah.
For their Star Wars clothes and gym shorts.
Sure.
I put I love the posh couple.

(41:29):
No explanation.
I don't know other notes.
I don't know what that means when the light finally turned on and all that.
That was fun when he finally got the lights on.
Oh, they're just they're just like falling.
Oh, my God.
Like breaking their they're falling downstairs and shit.
The lights, nuclear auxiliary power gets turned on at the plant.
His meter just starts to go.

(41:52):
So good.
OK, wait, I just have to know, speaking all this family's perfect in this as part of it.
Part of this movie works makes it so great is everybody has these family, right?
You have a cousin Eddie.
Yes.
And no, I don't really talk to a lot of my cousins as much.
OK, do you have a cousin, Eddie?
I have most of my family resides in West Virginia.

(42:13):
So you have a lot of a lot of cousins.
So if you don't, like you said, you do and don't.
You don't.
Well, I don't talk with them very much.
So you don't have a cousin Eddie at Christmas time?
Not at Christmas.
OK, that's good.
You have a cousin Eddie.
We have an exchange.
We have you don't know who the cousin Eddie is.
It's you.
I stay home.
I don't go anywhere.

(42:34):
That's the drinking game of Christmas vacation.
That's funny.
No, I don't go anywhere.
People come to us.
Oh, yeah.
He's the clerk.
Yeah, I'm the clerk.
Except for I'm not flirting with the girl when I'm buying my wife Christmas presents.
Hell yeah.
Take a stand, brother.
Don't don't be that.
Don't be a creep.
No, I'm looking at the product like, all right, which one of these am I getting?

(42:55):
Yeah.
You can take a peek, but just don't make any.
Don't be like, oh, hey, nice to see my wife's dead.
Yeah, my wife's dead.
I'm buying this for her memory.
And he's like his brain to mouth function stopped working.
Oh, hello, titties.
I mean, breasts.
I mean, your titties.
I mean, you're so hot nipples.
Yeah, yeah.
It's nipples outside nipples outside.
I mean, it was pretty funny though.
The I'm going to buy them.

(43:15):
I just didn't.
I was going to buy them, but they wouldn't have gotten here on time.
So I'm just going to wait for the next paycheck.
But I am buying those little movies.
I'm going to buy them.
I'm going to buy them.
I'm going to buy them.
I'm going to buy them, but I'm going to wait for the next paycheck, but I am buying those
little moose eggnog cups that he drinks all the eggnog with.
I love them.
They're supposed to be the Wally World moose, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.

(43:35):
But I found like a bunch of a bunch of them on Amazon.
Oh, yeah.
But you know what?
It's close to Christmas and they're all close to sets of two or running 30 bucks.
Yeah.
He's wait.
Yeah.
I'll wait till January.
I'll wait till February and I'll be like, yeah.
The girl he gives to his boss.
Oh, the gift he gives to his boss is the same size and shape as every other gift the boss

(43:58):
gets, if you notice.
It's like a something and then a something.
And so they all bought the boss like the same like pre-manufactured, probably coffee and
bourbon mix set or whatever.
Yeah.
It's pretty funny.
The fucking sled scene.
I don't know why I forget about this scene every time I watch this movie.
The CGI was bad.

(44:19):
The green was like Mac and me.
It was so bad.
Yeah.
It was so bad.
Very, very reminiscent of Mac and me.
Yeah.
Putting putting the astroglide on and being able to like fucking zoomed out.
I mean, that was pretty funny, but insane.
I do like cousin Eddie finding the sled later and he just like, what the fuck?
Completely unnecessary almost titties, I think, is the pool scene.

(44:42):
Yeah, it's daydreaming scene.
Yeah.
He's thinking about the pool.
I think it was just kind of like they were like, oh, it's a national lampoon movie.
We got to do this.
Like, you know, it's national lampoon.
National lampoon was always known for pushing the envelope.
Did they do fast times at Ridgemont High?
I don't think they did fast times.
So were they referencing it in that scene, though?
No, I think that happened in the first vacation, didn't it?

(45:03):
Like he goes skinny dipping with the girl or like the girl that he's the girl he's constantly
passing on the road.
Yeah.
OK, you're right.
I relate to the posh, clean, innocent couple.
I forget what happens.
Yeah, but I'm just saying I really relate to them.
The fucking Pledge of Allegiance prayer is amazing.

(45:25):
They leave it to the oldest member.
She's like, I pledge allegiance and they all and then Eddie stands up and salutes or puts
his hand on her.
I love that.
Did you know that the Pledge of Allegiance is a lot newer than we think?
Like 19 something.
It's 19 something, which is crazy to think about.
And then again, oh, my oh, I put they're eating turkey.

(45:51):
It reminded me a lot of my mom's turkey.
It's so dry.
They cut it open.
Yeah.
Sorry, Mom.
Sorry, Mom.
I love you.
I love all the other foods you make, but turkey is not one of your strong suit.
I told this joke at the show I did last night, but it's like I went bowling with my mom recently.
She actually made a turkey bowling, which continues the tradition of making inedible

(46:12):
turkeys.
But she's great.
The mashed potatoes in the rolls enough.
I leave out Eddie, Eddie wanting the cat chair, the chair that the cat dies under.
He's like, this is a pretty good chair.
I could probably salvage this.
You think I can have it?
I think it's the most Eddie thing about this.

(46:34):
I feel so bad for the innocent, clean, normal, decent posh couple.
I forgot what that was.
Probably the shitter's full scene.
Oh, yeah.
When he's just pouring the shit out.
Merry Christmas.
Shitter's full.
Oh, I hate it.
The squirrel scene is really funny where he's all of that.
Eddie kidnapping Clark's boss.

(46:56):
Yeah, that's the best.
Is great.
And then comes back.
I don't necessarily buy the change of heart from the boss.
I don't know if that would really happen.
But fuck it.
It's a Christmas miracle.
Well the best scene is when he finally gets his bonus check that he was waiting on.
He opens it up then.
With the fucking thank you card.

(47:16):
Yeah, and what did you tell me the little thing was is that like, I know that wasn't
improvised.
No, no.
The insult that he, when he says all the slurs, the cuss words and everything, everybody,
the whole family was standing there with basically cue cards.
That's why he was looking around, you know, looking around using all the cue cards, having
them strategically placed for that purpose to make it more comedic.

(47:38):
And it was great.
Like they nailed it.
Like, yeah.
Smart way to do it.
Yeah, it's super funny when he's like letting loose all those insults.
Really, really, really, really great.
I think that's all I've got to say about it notes wise.
Overall, the vibe that I get of this, the feeling it gives me, it's a great Christmas
movie.

(47:59):
It's super funny.
It's heartwarming in some areas.
The acting is great.
It's silly.
It's I think it holds up lovely.
So I give it a B plus.
It's one of my favorite Christmas movies to watch every single year.
B plus, strong B plus.

(48:19):
How about you, Mike?
Solid B. The only thing I take away from it, it has to do more with the age of it.
It's more like I said, the scene with that scene.
Yeah.
It's one of those things that could just be taken out of the movie and it's a much better
movie.
I agree with you.
It's kind of an unnecessary scene.
Yeah, just unnecessary.
It's one of those scenes that you kind of forget about anyways.
I think the only reason they use that scene is to establish what he's daydreaming about

(48:43):
with the pool because it's the same girl.
And so it's like, you know, but both of those scenes could have been taken out.
Right.
They have no effect on the movie other than to get some tits in there for no reason.
For no reason.
If the director doesn't give us a B plus and it ends up being a B because of that, I'm
OK with that.
Yeah.
As a reason.
Oh, by the way, everybody at Pride Rice podcast, we like to until the end of the year, until

(49:07):
we fix this problem that we found out this fucking person we created for ourselves.
Our rating system is very simple.
It goes from B to F and then we add a W if it's a waste of time.
So B, a B plus in my case is the strongest we give this.
We're not actually saying this is less than a Mike just gave it basically an A. I gave

(49:28):
it an A plus.
Yeah, I I would I would have to sleep with one eye open if I graded this any any lower
than a B plus because it's my wife's favorite movie.
So there we go.
I give it a five out of five.
He's a man of the people.
Sketchy power strips.
Five out of five sketchy power strips.
People check your power strips.
I get into these and we get to where the point that make the points about they're generally

(49:53):
Andy's points about the misogyny and stuff.
Yeah.
And then he's like, no, I want it to be the best movie.
It's just hilarious how we switch roles.
Yeah.
Listen, Mike, I I need to be what I need to be when I need to be.
When I need to be.
I never really change.

(50:14):
I'm not the friend.
I'm not the friend you need or deserve.
I don't know how that expression goes when Batman says it, but I'm here.
So yeah, cool.
So this gets a B plus.
It's a B plus movie.
B plus five out of five million Christmas lights.

(50:36):
And with that, we are going to jump straight into our favorite segment of the show.
Well, I mean, it's somebody's favorite segment of the show, which is going to be recreational
recommendations.
Mike, can you give it to us this time?
Beboop.
I'm making a note to never ask Mike again.

(51:17):
Never ask Mike ever again.
It was great.
Well, yeah, actually, somebody heard yours and said, why?
Oh, Austin heard yours was like, why is it so sad?
Why is it such a sad Beboop?
Beboop.
Beboop.
And Mike's is aggressive Beboop.
So recreational Rex this week.

(51:38):
It's sad because Austin's not here doing it.
I know we miss him.
We miss Austin.
I am pretty much I don't got nothing.
I haven't really been.
I haven't really been watching anything.
What you're downloading the game that you just that you just got.
We were talking when we first sat down here.

(51:58):
Yeah.
On Game Pass.
Yeah.
I haven't played it yet.
Oh, no.
Yeah.
No, I haven't played it yet.
I'm excited.
No, I haven't.
Yeah.
So I'm not going to recommend it yet.
Yeah.
It's a new it's a new game.
I already played it the way you were talking about it.
Sounded excited.
He played the original.
This is going to be a different version of it.
It's OK.
We'll that's why I'm not probably next week.

(52:20):
I'll talk all about it.
Yeah.
But also if we are going to talk games epic game store, which I'm going to actually I'll
recommend I'll rec react.
I'll rec rec a platform, which is epic game store.
You have a if you have a PC, get yourself epic game store.
You just go to it once a week and you get the free game.

(52:43):
I was going to say I got all three.
I got epic, Gog and Amazon, Amazon.
Actually there's four though.
What's the oh, no, it's it's dog.
It's it's there's a bunch.
But the one that's but they also have free games.
Yeah.
The one that's free this this week.
Damn, I need to collect cars.
Yeah, cars on here.

(53:03):
That's fun.
Big Bang Racing.
This is on Amazon.
But then you always get this.
But the one that's free is a Pennsylvania Anniversary Edition.
So it's all the old school Castlevanias, including the ones that are.
Oh, dishonored.
Definitive Edition, too.
Yeah, there's so much.
So you go through and claim them all.

(53:25):
You just claim everything.
And if you have everything set up the way it is, that's easy.
And those change weekly.
Yeah.
We put in a you got to really be on it because like I missed out.
They gave away Suicide Squad killed Justice League for free one day.
Fuck it.
I missed it.
I think they've given away so much.
But yeah, cool.
That's what Epic Games Store.

(53:47):
Get yourself Castlevania.
How about you, Brendan?
Yeah, I mean, I guess on my spare time, I've just still been listening to the Game of Thrones
books and I'm like about to finish book three.
That one is.
I think it's a storm of storm of shadow storm of sport, storm of sorts.

(54:09):
So it's three and four that are parallel on the book.
All of them are kind of go together.
Well, no, there's a parallel, but aren't two of them parallel?
They're having the same time.
I think that's four and five.
Four and five.
I think that's four and five.
But I'm about to finish book three and a lot of things happen in book three.
A lot of big events, in my opinion.

(54:30):
And it's great.
It's been enjoyable.
I mean, I'm doing an audiobook version of it.
It's kind of it's a little jarring with with the reader kind of saying names differently
than they do on the show.
So it's kind of like it's a norris.
Yeah, like it's some things are slightly different.
So it's like you get used to it, but it kind of throws me off a little bit and then it

(54:51):
gets my mind sidetracked for a second.
But then I have to bring myself back into it because it's there's a lot going on.
Like they diverge from what you're watching already.
There's there's subtle differences.
There's some bigger ones like there's a lot more characters in the book.
That's one of the main things.
A lot more characters.
All of the just random background characters have names in the book.

(55:14):
And it's like, you know, just so many.
Because he goes like he does indexes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's so many even watching the show.
There's so many fucking.
Yeah.
There's a lot of characters.
Period.
I had to dumb it down for the show.
But the book is there's it's a lot like it's yeah.
It almost feels like the Bible, you know, Genesis and the Bible, like with all the names.

(55:35):
Oh, yeah.
You get him and then this person, this person, Jebediah, we got this person.
Yeah, it's insane.
It's a lot.
And his just the way he writes his descriptions of things like he'll go on for, you know,
good 10 minutes about just the environment, you know, just kind of painting a picture
in your head of the scenery, which is great.

(55:57):
Yeah.
It's great, but there's some scenes where it's like, all right, I didn't need that much
to like some of the sex scenes and stuff.
Listen, that's why we were talking earlier about Robert McCammon.
It's the exact same.
Yeah.
Because when I first started reading, I was like, geez, but but as you go, it gets better.
It gets better.
But when you start reading an author that's like that at the very beginning, you're like,
Jesus Christ, is anything ever going to happen?

(56:19):
But we spent three pages describing his manhood like what the hell.
We need to know which way it leans, I guess.
Once you get into it, then it helps you later in the character development.
Yeah.
I mean, the manhood description and things like that, the sexual descriptions, I could
use less.
That's him.
That's him.

(56:39):
I can use less of that.
Like, I'm OK.
Yeah.
Martin really wants you to know about the manhood.
Because he's it's it's like projection.
He wants his manhood to look like the manhood he's describing.
Yes.
He thinks the manhood is we're talking penises, people.
He wants the manhood to have a certain distinct silhouette in the sun.
It's like, oh, it's like my my manhood rose and the sun hit it at such an angle that I

(57:04):
knew the time was past noon.
He just uses it for what we would just take for granted.
He uses manhoods to his advantage in these books.
Yeah.
But I mean, maybe in a couple of weeks, it'll be three or four and five of my new favorites.
But we'll see.
Three so far has been my favorite book.
Oh, yeah.
So we got Game of Thrones Book Three from Brandon.

(57:26):
We have straight in a store, larger, epic game store launcher brand.
This has been one of the best rec recs of all time.
Michael.
OK.
And we did in an episode we recorded earlier today just for timeline purposes.
It's a Christmas episode.
We talked a little bit about this already.
But the only thing really extra I did this week is somehow I wrote myself into watching

(57:48):
four hours a box, which I haven't watched in years last night.
And that was last night in real time for us, which this will come out just in two weeks.
We did as bad as when we talked about it earlier.
Tyson Paul.
Yeah.
The Tyson Paul fight.
Watch the Tyson Paul fight and a couple other fights that preceded it, which the other fights
were great last night.
The Tyson Paul fight is what I want to get at.

(58:10):
People been telling me certain people that we live in a simulation.
I'm starting to believe that fight was as simulated as everything, anything I've ever
seen before.
That was almost choreographed.
I usually don't want to say, you know, this shit's fake, but that was some WWE shit.

(58:33):
It was like some straight up WWE shit.
That was pathetic.
It was like, and with the and with the way Netflix crashed and everybody had to watch
it on potatoes quality, it looked like they were PS2 graphics.
It looked like Punch Out.
Yeah.
It looked like Punch Out version of Mike Tyson.
And it looked like Jake Paul's been playing that game since he was a kid.

(58:55):
And he just knew how to he knew all the buttons.
Just jab, right?
Yeah.
Just stay outside of Mike Tyson's range and just jab, jab, jab, jab, throw 300 punches,
400 punches instead of Mike Tyson's like 100.
And then, you know, yeah.
And it was so what are you recommending exactly?
I'm recommending don't watch anything live on Netflix.

(59:18):
Maybe this is the first anti recommendation.
I give you the power of Bebo and you turn this into the most anti wreck wreck.
I was going to say or do because we were pretty, pretty good, pretty busy last night.
Like it kind of it was it was nice.
Ran all three of us.
It made you busy.
Yeah.
Listen, I'm sure it's going to come out and it's good.

(59:39):
The numbers are going to be insane.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Everybody's watching it.
The fact that they could it's on Netflix.
Yeah.
Everybody has Netflix.
Everybody has Netflix or knows somebody that knows somebody.
Whatever.
And every bar was playing it every day, which I don't know how that worked out.
I yeah, that probably was because that's generally not legal now, but they were just putting
right in ads and stuff.
So I don't really know.

(59:59):
Yeah.
They're probably just plugging in, you know, a fire stick or whatever and just playing.
Yeah.
That's what they did at the other store.
They were playing it on their TV in the lobby.
And I was like, it's all you can hear.
And I'm like, damn, dude, like your customers stand right here.
Yeah.
How are they going to we don't have any customers.
We don't have any.
OK.
Like, shit, we've been busy.

(01:00:19):
OK.
Sorry.
Well, they're in they're in old blood.
Their people can't afford a fire stick.
Yeah.
1999 will break them.
Their fire stick is a stick on fire that can help them light fires at the trash cans to
keep them warm.
They're not used to the smoke.
They're math.

(01:00:40):
Yeah.
Those are their fire sticks.
So great.
We have Epic Games Store Launcher, a third book from a series that came out 25 years
ago, it feels like.
And of course, the anti the first ever anti recommendation.
Don't watch anything live on Netflix.
Netflix, please sponsor us in the future.

(01:01:00):
We would love to be a part of your growing business.
I would do a live event.
I would absolutely do a live event.
So with all that said, we sadly come to a close of another beautiful and wonderful episode
of Fried Rice podcast.
If you've noticed, there's a lot less arguing, a lot less violence in the air.

(01:01:21):
I think Andy's learning the Christmas spirit.
It's the Christmas spirit.
That's what it is.
It'll come back next year.
Don't say it squeezes fat white ass down that chimney is going to find a jolly bunch of
assholes this side of the night.
That's right.
Who says that?
Clark.
That's a pretty good line.
Yeah.
That what you wanted.
I want to use that line.
I'm going to use that line.
Yeah, like it.
Well, I didn't use this for some reason in the Scrooge episode, which probably I should

(01:01:47):
have.
But thank you all for joining us.
Well, I'll use it at the end if I can remember how it goes.
But with us is always it has been Brennan Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Joy to the world.
Brennan is a frosty snowman.

(01:02:09):
Santa Claus is coming to town.
Did you just have a stroke?
I think he's in the midst of a stroke.
Right now, that was it.
I'm running out of songs and I'm breaking Shipley up to Boston.
Have a good night, everybody.

(01:02:30):
With us is always it is Michael.
He is kind of like our Santa Claus if we're just going with someone who by all rights
shouldn't exist.
And yet here he is with a white beard.
Larson.
Have a good night, everybody.
And I'm your host.
And I already forgot the thing that I was going to do just a moment ago.

(01:02:53):
So instead, I'm going to say, oh, oh, oh, thank you for joining us.
And to all a good night.
Wait, Merry Christmas.
What what is the little kid saying?
Screwed.
That's what I was trying to think.
What does little tiny Tim say at the end of Christmas Carol?
God bless us, everyone.
Oh, yeah.
Let's do one of those here.
So I'm going to go I'm going to you give us one of those, Brennan, at the very end.

(01:03:14):
OK, give us your tiny Tim.
You're being tiny Brennan, which is up here.
It's a little nug Brennan is tiny Brennan.
But yeah, voice to I don't know you do what you do you.
So with and I've been Andy Rice.
This has been Fried Rice podcast.
And as always, Merry Christmas, everyone, and all the good night.
God bless us, everyone.

(01:03:36):
Oh.
Awww.